Why Don't You Score Keep At Trivia Trot Anymore?
“Trivia Trot,” Starlight Glimmer stared into the distance. Her eyes seemed to reflect no light. “That’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time.”
Her horn lit up as she took a sip of cocoa from her mug and slammed it back down on the table, causing Spike to jump in his chair.
“What- what happened?” he asked. “I mean, when I went, Twilight went a little… you know, Twilight, but it was mostly fine.”
Starlight took a deep breath.
“I’m surprised you don’t know. You remember when Twilight turned up at the door with all those ponies demanding you send letters to the other princesses?”
Spike raised an eyebrow. “That had something to do with Trivia Trot? I’m pretty sure we nearly started a war!”
Starlight nodded and took another sip of hot cocoa.
“I’ll tell my story, Spike. But only as a cautionary tale. Heed my words, the time you went might have been ‘mostly fine’, but that was a good day,” she paused. “If I can warn somepony else, maybe my experience might have meant something. But after today, I will never speak of it again.”
Spike gulped and nodded. He crossed his legs and leaned forward attentively.
“Trivia Trot… something about it brings out the monster in ponies. You see, Spike, beneath our horns, and wings, and cutie marks, we’re nothing but beasts. And never was that more apparent to me than the day I kept score at Trivia Trot.”
Starlight liked community events like Trivia Trot. Her life was a rollercoaster of world-shaking events and rubbing shoulders with the powerful and influential. Things like this kept her grounded. And after a student that she’d once counselled had kidnapped her and tried to destroy the world, a nice day out watching her friends play a silly trivia game was just what she needed.
It was her first time seeing the little room in which the event was held, and she found it quite cute, the front of the room whimsically dressed up in colourful drapes, in front of which stood a podium with four tables facing it. Each had a bell and a purple and turquoise tablecloth – a colour combination Starlight appreciated.
The tables also had scorecards folded over the edge, each of which in turn Twilight Sparkle was dabbing with a cloth.
“Remind me again what you’re doing?” asked Starlight.
“Just applying a little denatonium benzoate to the scorecards. It’s one of the most bitter substances known to equine,” she explained.
“Ah.”
Twilight hummed to herself.
Dab dab.
“Why?” asked Starlight.
“To prevent Rainbow Dash from trying to eat them.”
“Ah.”
Hum.
Dab dab.
“Twilight, there’s an obvious follow up question here.”
“Is it ‘can I take part’?” Twilight looked up from her work and smiled at her. “Because it should be.”
“No, I’m fine to just watch. Though I still can’t believe Sunburst comes all this way every week just to play a trivia game,” she looked about the room. Besides them, the room's other occupants were Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Sunburst, Maud, Mudbriar, Cranky Doodle Donkey, Matilda, and Granny Smith. There was also a small crowd of spectators gathering near the door.
Twilight elbowed her and wiggled her eyebrows. “That’s because it’s fun! You should join in.”
Starlight chuckled. “I’m just not all that competitive!”
Twilight raised her eyebrows in doubt. “Really.”
“Really! I can be obsessive over certain things, and I like to impress ponies, but I never feel the need to prove I’m better than anypony else! Remember my village?”
She nodded. “I still hear ‘To excel is to fail’ in my dreams.”
“Right, exactly. ‘You’re no better than your friends’ and all that. I’m fine with just watching my friends have fun.”
“Aww,” Twilight gave her a quick, but much appreciated nuzzle. “You could at least keep score! It’s real simple, you get a point for a correct answer, and lose a point for an incorrect one.”
“Hey sure, that could be fun,” Starlight looked over the room. So many of her best friends were here. “Maybe I’ll invite Trixie along next time, I’ll bet she’d love this!”
“That’s a great idea!” Twilight giggled. “I can crush that worthless nag for a third time!”
“Haha, ye- sorry, what?”
Twilight merrily pranced past her to the next table.
“What?” Starlight repeated, too stunned to move.
This was the first sign that something was wrong.
The next was after the teams were announced.
“That’s the third time in a row you two are together!” Twilight’s words were directed at Maud and Mudbriar, who occupied the table opposite her, “What’s the point of having randomly selected teams if you two just defy statistical probability!”
Her wings extended and she threw her hooves into the air in frustration. Sat next to her, Cranky Doodle Donkey irritably batted her wing out of his face.
If Maud and Mudbriar were bothered at all by Twilight’s words, it didn’t show. The two of them linked hooves.
“You can’t fight the power of love, Twilight,” said Maud.
“Aw!” Starlight squeed from her position next to the podium. “You two are the sweetest sometimes.”
“Pff, ‘power of love’,” Twilight leaned forward, resting her chin on a hoof. “I could fight the power of love. How many times has the power of love saved Equestria? Once? Twice at most. Rookie numbers.”
Starlight’s attention was caught by a chuckle from the table next to Twilight and Cranky Doodle’s. Sunburst sat with Matilda, his hooves steepled.
“What are you laughing at, Sunburst?” asked Twilight, narrowing her eyes at him.
“Oh, it’s nothing,” Sunburst pushed his glasses up his face. The lenses caught the light in just the right way that the gleam blocked Starlight’s view of his eyes. It was almost enough to make Sunburst look cool. “I was just thinking that if you could win Trivia Trot by shooting rainbow lasers at it, maybe you’d have a higher percentage of correct answers than me.”
There was an appreciative Oooh from Applejack and Rainbow Dash’s table across from him.
“Damn, dude,” said Rainbow Dash, “you’re finally getting the hang of trash talk. That almost even made sense!”
“Waddya think, Rainbow Dash,” said Applejack, “how late past his bedtime do you reckon he had to stay up to think of that one?”
The two of them giggled like a couple of school fillies and engaged in an impressive multi-step hoof bump.
Sunburst huffed a breath through his nose.
“I’ll have you know, I frequently stay up late studying ancient spells of immeasurable power.”
Sunburst tossed his mane back in a gesture he’d clearly learned from Trixie. It didn’t have quite the same effect with his straglly mop of hair as it did with Trixie’s own carefully maintained mane.
“Hey Sunburst,” said Twilight, “out of interest, how many of those spells can you actually do?”
Sunburst rubbed the back of his head, “Er...”
“Well maybe if you could do magic by answering questions correctly you’d have a better saving-Equestria percentage than me,” Twilight mimicked.
Sunburst growled at her.
Things were starting to get a little heated, and Starlight looked around at her friends in concern. “Okay, everypony, maybe let’s all calm down? It’s just a game remember!”
They all looked at her in confusion.
“Pshaw,” Applejack waved a dismissive hoof, “don’t think nothin’ of it, Starlight. It’s just the pregame trash talk.”
Starlight frowned. “Oh… okay. If you say so!”
“Yeah, this is nothing,” said Rainbow Dash. “We had to make rules to limit what we can say. One time, we all got really into it, like way too into it. It got mean, really personal stuff. Applejack wouldn’t talk to me for weeks afterwards.”
Rainbow Dash turned to Applejack, who’d covered her face with her hat.
“Er, sorry, again.”
Applejack just nodded.
There was an awkward tension in the room after that, and Starlight was glad when Granny Smith took to the podium at the front of the room.
“Good mornin’ everypony!” she said. “Now before we start, we have ourselves a clarification to Rule Nine: Previously, it stated that you may not threaten or coerce your opponents.”
Starlight looked up at her. “That’s a rule?”
“Unfortunately it’s necessary,” she levelled a disapproving look at Maud and Mudbriar.
“You two?” Starlight asked, incredulous.
Mudbriar made what Starlight thought of as his ‘technically’ gesture. “Some ponies don’t understand Maud’s jokes.”
“Yes,” said Maud. “Jokes.”
“In any case,” said Granny Smith, “Rule Nine now states that you may not threaten any other contestant, and that includes your team mates.”
All eyes turned to Rainbow Dash.
“What?” she said, crossing her forelegs in defiance. “I’m a Wonderbolt! We use insults and threats to motivate each other all the time.”
Cranky Doodle brayed. “You said if I didn’t start being useful I’d better hope I’m secretly the world’s first pegasus donkey!”
“Wow,” said Starlight.
Rainbow Dash threw her forelegs up, “Oh, come on, I didn’t mean it. And anyway, you quit the game, meaning I was disqualified for not having a teammate! So who’s the real victim here?”
“Me!” said Cranky Doodle.
Starlight was beginning to feel a little uneasy at all this. Her friends were acting… strange. Not like their usual selves.
She shook it off. It was just a little competitiveness, it probably only seemed strange to her because she wasn’t interested in competing.
Granny Smith raised a hoof. “With that out of the way, Twily-Doodle! Sun-Tilda! Apple-Dash! Maud-Briar! Is everypony ready?”
There was a cheer.
Okay, the team names were an adorable touch. That was the kind of thing Starlight was here for.
“Then let the games begin!” Granny Smith drew a card from the box in front of her. “The first category is… Architecture!”
Immediately, there was an air of anticipation in the room. Hooves hovered above bells. Sunburst, Twilight, and Maud shot wary glances at each other. Cranky Doodle lay with his chin on the table.
Starlight shuffled about where she stood. This could actually be interesting.
Architecture. Sunburst specialised in history, Maud in rocks, and Twilight was an all around polymath. It could go either way.
“How many bricks were used in the construction of the Great Pyramid of Somnambula?”
Starlight’s eyes immediately went to Maud. She didn’t move to hit her bell.
No answers from anypony else in the room. Twilight and Sunburst looked to be thinking.
Maud pulled Boulder from her pocket, muttered something, then hit the bell.
Ding!
“Two-point-six million.”
“That is correct,” Granny Smith said. “Starlight, go ahead and flip her scorecard up to ‘1’.”
Starlight smiled, trotted over to Maud-Briar’s table, and watched as the scorecard was snatched into the air by a purple aura.
“Rule Thirteen point Two! No help from pets!” Twilight shouted. “She got help from Boulder!”
“I did,” said Maud. “He was there. He’s friends with one of the bricks.”
Starlight frowned and reached out to the scorecard with her own magic. She was met with resistance.
Applejack scratched her head. “I thought Rule Thirteen point Two was that players could join at any time provided they start from zero?”
Twilight looked away from her. “It’s… also that.”
“Huh?”
Starlight surrounded Twilight’s magic with her own and pulled it towards her. After a moment’s resistance, it gave. The scorecard rapidly approached her, then bapped her lightly on the nose and hovered away again.
“Twilight!” she said, shooting an annoyed look at her. She wasn’t even looking at her.
“Look, I had to sneak the joining rule in with the proposal to ban help from pets,” Twilight said. “I couldn’t guarantee the motion would get through otherwise.”
Starlight flicked her ears back and teleported the scorecard down to her. It immediately disappeared, emerging next to Twilight.
Applejack’s brow creased. “I’ve been meanin’ to ask about that, actually. You can just… join the game at any time in a team with whoever you want? Don’t that make the rule that teams are assigned randomly, kinda-”
“Applejack, don’t,” Rainbow Dash put a hoof on her shoulder, “if you ask, she’ll explain. It won’t make any sense, but by the time she’s done talking you won’t care anymore. And for the record, I agree, Maud shouldn’t be able to get help from Boulder!”
Starlight decided she wasn’t going to get anywhere with this and sat back on her haunches.
Granny Smith squinted and scanned the room. “Who’s this Boulder y’all are talking about?”
Maud produced Boulder from her pocket again. “This is Boulder.”
“And he helped her,” said Twilight, jabbing her hoof Maudwards, “she even admits it!”
Granny Smith said nothing for a few seconds, studying Boulder from across the room. She then fixed Twilight with her best old lady stare. “Young lady, I may be a little past my prime, and my eyes ain’t exactly what they used to be, but even I can see that’s a rock.”
“He is,” said Maud.
“Y-yes!” said Twilight, glancing from Boulder to Granny, and looking far less sure of herself now. “A pet rock, though!”
Granny Smith continued to stare at Twilight.
Because Applejack is Applejack, she’d once shown Starlight her family tree. Most of the explanation was a blur, but Starlight had been impressed by just how many children Granny Smith had had. By this point, Granny had mothered, grandmothered, and aunted more ponies than Starlight could name. Her stare was honed and sharpened by decades of listening to the tall tales and nonsense of young ponies.
As such, Twilight looked away first.
“She, er, she,” her ears lowered as she sunk back into her seat, “she talks to it. Him.”
“To a rock.”
“Er.”
“I do,” said Maud, before leaning in close to Starlight’s ear. “Boulder’s apparent lack of sapience is a legal grey area I frequently abuse.”
Starlight looked up at her. Maud winked.
She’d get elaboration on that later.
“Is it normally like this?” Starlight asked her. “It’s the first question and everypony’s already arguing!”
“Trivia is a cutthroat battle to the death. Which is a metaphor. Or a joke. Whichever makes you more comfortable to believe,” this reminded Starlight of the rule against threats. “But if you’re not willing to fight tooth and hoof for every point then why bother participating.”
Starlight watched the argument over Boulder’s pet-hood continue.
“Fun?” she said.
“Now who’s telling jokes.”
Starlight laughed nervously, unsure what else to do with Maud’s words.
Sunburst had by now joined in the argument, “If he’s not a pet, he’s at least reference material, violating Eighteen point Three!”
Granny Smith turned her gaze to Sunburst, who immediately shrivelled. Twilight had folded under Granny’s stare, and no future ruler of Equestria was he.
“Young man.”
Sunburst gulped. “Yes, Granny?”
“It is the first question. And you’re already tryna tell me that a dang rock is reference material.”
“I, er, I…”
“Now in the interest of movin’ this along, I’m gonna say that Maud can’t use her rock however it is you think she’s using it for the rest of the game. But she and Mudbriar still get the point. Is that understood?”
“Yes, Granny,” said Sunburst and Twilight, heads and ears lowered.
The scorecard reappeared on the table, and Starlight finally got to flip it.
The next few questions passed without incident beyond a few raised voices. It was beginning to look like the excitement of the first question was an anomaly, and Maud had just been exaggerating. Sure, everypony continued to be competitive, but it was fun seeing her friends getting so into the game, and she had to admit the game itself was kind of exciting.
True to form, Apple-Dash answered the most questions, and even if it meant having the most wrong answers, they still made a formidable side. Sunburst was a lot more careful, mindful about maintaining his correct answer percentage, and Maud-Briar were a middle ground between the two. Matilda and Cranky Doodle seemed to mostly be there for the atmosphere, only occasionally chiming in. And Twilight…
Starlight glanced over the scores.
Twily-Doodle: 1
Sun-Tilda: 3
Apple-Dash: 2
Maud-Briar: 4
Twilight was doing surprisingly badly. Starlight had assumed she’d be great at this, she loved showing off her knowledge, and this was a lot like a test, and…
Starlight’s eyes widened.
Twilight Sparkle was basically failing a test.
Sure enough, Twilight had a huge grin on her face. It was a grin that was known all around Ponyville to herald great misfortune. Parents would warn their foals that if they ever saw Twilight Sparkle smiling like that, they should head straight home, lock the door, and wait for the commotion to pass. And under no circumstances accept any dolls from her.
Starlight had never got an explanation about that last part.
Still, with Twilight looking like that, it would be best to keep an eye on her.
“Next category… Spells So Old, Not Even Star Swirl the Bearded Remembers Them!”
“What?!” Rainbow Dash rose into the air. “How is that even a category?”
“Heh,” Sunburst pushed his glasses up his nose, again doing the thing where they caught the light. “All according to the plan.”
“How are your glasses doing that?” asked Starlight.
“Oh please,” said Rainbow Dash. “Don’t act like you somehow planned this.”
Sunburst’s glasses, far too big for his face despite the gigantic salary Cadance was paying him, had already fallen back down his nose, and he pushed them back up. They caught the light once more.
“Didn’t I?” he said.
“Oh wow,” said Starlight, a smile spreading on her face, “you enchanted them to do that! Sunburst, that’s so adorably dorky.”
Sunburst shot her a look and made a cutting gesture across his throat.
“Anyway, I did plan this,” he said. “While we’re not allowed to tamper with the question cards anymore, there’s no rule that says I can’t use my influence as Royal Crystaller to get the company that prints the cards to add in questions I know none of you know the answer to.”
The smile dropped from Starlight’s face. “That feels against the spirit of-”
“Darn it! Why didn’t I think of that?” said Twilight. “I bet the Horsebro execs would love to print cards endorsed by a princess.”
Granny Smith raised a foreleg. “Now if y’all’ll settle down, the question is… according to legend, how many spells did the Evil Sorceress teach to Clover the Clever?”
Sunburst confidently struck his bell.
It produced no sound.
He blinked. He hit it a few more times. No sound.
Starlight watched this in confusion. She wasn’t sure whether she should say something.
Ding!
The noise came from the Apple-Dash table.
Rainbow Dash shrugged. “I dunno. Two?”
“That is not correct,” said Granny Smith. “Anypony else?”
Sunburst hit his bell again. It didn’t ring.
Ding!
Twilight closed her eyes in smug confidence
“If it’s not two, it must be th-”
“Three!” shouted Sunburst. “Three, the answer’s three!”
Granny Smith fixed him with another disapproving look. “Young man, you have to hit your bell before answerin’.”
“I did! Sorry, I did, but it wasn’t ringing, I think there’s something wrong with it, look.”
He hit the bell.
Ding!
He looked at it in surprise.
“Well,” said Twilight as she leaned forward to grin at Sunburst, “answering without ringing your bell is grounds for dis-qual-ifi-”
Starlight saw the look on Twilight’s face and remembered the grin she’d had earlier. Had she… She hadn’t silenced Sunburst’s bell, had she?
“Granny Smith?” Starlight said. “Sunburst did hit his bell before answering, and it didn’t make a sound. For whatever reason.”
She gave Twilight an unimpressed look. Sure enough, she immediately looked away.
“He did?” asked Granny Smith.
A few other ponies from around the room begrudgingly agreed that they had in fact also seen Sunburst hit his bell without it making any noise. Starlight was a little disappointed none of them had said anything earlier.
Sunburst nodded vigorously. “And under Rule Twenty-Four point Two, when the matter’s in dispute the Question Master can rule that one contestant rang their bell before another!”
Granny Smith huffed. “Alright, if y’all say so. Sunburst gets the point.”
Starlight flipped his scorecard with her magic, and reached out a hoof to flip Apple-Dash’s card down a point to ‘1’ for their wrong answer, only to find it snatched away from her grasp.
“We didn’t lose a point!” cried Rainbow Dash, holding the scorecard high above her head and fluttering into the air. “Sunburst hit his bell before I did!”
Starlight cocked her head. “Oh, yeah, that’s- Rainbow Dash, why?!”
Rainbow Dash tore the number ‘1’ off the scorecard and shoved it in her mouth, before immediately spitting it out and sticking out her tongue.
“Dangit, Rainbow Dash!” said Applejack with no sympathy for her friend. “Twilight told you, she told you she was puttin’ that stuff on it! And I told you that just because you eat the dang thing, don’t mean we don’t lose the point!”
“And I was trying to say that I agree with you, Sunburst did hit his bell before you!” said Starlight.
“’oo ‘ere?” said Rainbow Dash, tongue still out.
“Yes!”
“Awethome!”
She held out a hoof to Applejack, who shrugged, and they engaged in a complex hoof bump with a great many steps that lasted at least twenty seconds.
Starlight left them to it and headed over to Twilight, who was trying her best not to meet Starlight’s eyes. From next to her, Cranky Doodle let out a snore, and Twilight glanced down at him, muttering something about making a rule against sleeping.
“Twilight,” said Starlight.
She looked up at her and smiled an innocent smile. “Yes, Starlight?”
“Funny how Sunburst’s bell stopped working like that.”
“Haha. Yeah.”
Starlight leaned in close to her, “That wasn’t very nice, Twilight. I know you can get a bit weird about quizzes and tests,” Twilight’s pupil’s went small at the word, “but if you do it again, I’ll have to tell Granny Smith.”
Twilight wrinkled her nose. “You don’t get it, Starlight! This is Trivia Trot! There isn’t a pony here who wouldn’t do the same to me given half a chance!”
Cranky Doodle snored gently next to them. Sunburst and Matilda chatted, and easy conversation and laughter could be heard from all parts of the room.
Maud had said something similar, but the atmosphere didn’t reflect what Twilight was saying at all.
“Pretty sure it’s just you, Twilight. Come on, just don’t do it again?”
Twilight slumped down and her chin met the tabletop, mimicking Cranky Doodle’s own pose. “Fine. But you’ll see, Starlight. You’ll see.”
Starlight shook her head. By the time she returned to her place next to the podium, Twilight and Sunburst were glaring at each other. Sunburst had apparently worked out what had happened.
She’d have to watch out. She didn’t want her friends falling out over a trivia game. This was starting to be a little less fun.
“Next category… Equestrian Historical Figures!”
Sunburst and Twilight immediately lost interest in one another and hovered their hooves.
Of course, thought Starlight, this was a subject both of them were experts in. There was a good chance this would come down to whoever could hit their bell fastest.
“According to the Equestrian Calendar, was Star Swirl the Bearded born on a leap year?”
Hooves twitched at bells then jerked back.
One second passed.
Two.
Three.
Starlight watched Sunburst and Twilight, their brows furrowed, eyes looking up. The rest of the room stayed silent.
What was taking them so long? If they didn’t know the answer, then they should surely just answer ‘no’. Unlike Grogarian leap years, Equestrian leap years occurred exactly once every four years, so there was a seventy-five percent chance that the year of Star Swirl’s birth wasn’t one, right?
Four.
Realisation dawned on her.
Of course, that was the best answer if you were guessing. But Sunburst had his correct answer percentage to maintain, he wouldn’t be so careless. And Twilight would never intentionally give a wrong answer on any kind of test if… if the right answer could be worked out!
Five.
They’d all attended Star Swirl’s ninety-eighth birthday earlier in the year. It had been two years since he and the Pillars had been freed. The Pillars became trapped in limbo in 24EE. Star Swirl was born in 68BE, which is divisible by four, meaning… Wait!
Six.
Before the Equestrian Era, they were still using the Grogarian Calendar! Which has three-hundred and sixty-five days in the year instead of the Equestrian Calendar’s three-hundred and thirty-six! Which means that until 0EE, Star Swirl would have been counting his age in Grogarian years, which threw the calculation off by… that’s sixty-five minus thirty-six, multiplied by… And that didn’t even account for the intercalary days used in both calendars!
Twilight and Sunburst had their faces scrunched up in thought. This would come down to whichever of them could do the calculation fastest in their head!
Seven.
Zap!
Before Starlight even noticed the paper and quill that appeared in the air next to Twilight, she was already writing.
Of course! Sunburst couldn’t summon objects to himself like Twilight could, and he had no chance of working it out faster if Twilight had paper!
Not to mention the intimidation factor, this would throw him off his game, make him stumble over his calculations! Twilight had this for sure!
Eight.
Sunburst’s face twisted into a snarl as he turned to the bell, raising his hoof. He knew he’d lost! He was gonna go for the seventy-five percent chance!
He hesitated, a look of conflict passing over his face.
Ding!
Twilight’s quill froze. Sunburst’s hoof hovered above the bell. Their eyes flicked to the source of the noise, pupils tiny.
“Now I don’t know if it was a leap year,” said Applejack. “I ain’t never been one for memorising dates or nothin’. But see, I reckon that seeing as leap years only come every four years, there’s a pretty good chance it wasn’t one.”
“Hey, yeah!” said Rainbow Dash. “Good thinking!”
“So that’s my answer, Granny, Star Swirl wasn’t born on a leap year!”
Sunburst and Twilight’s eyes moved to look at Granny Smith, bodies remaining still.
“That’s the correct answer.”
Rainbow Dash and Applejack whooped, and engaged in a physically improbable hoof bump that had an unreasonable number of steps, going on for the better part of a minute.
By the time they finished, Sunburst and Twilight still hadn’t moved. Twilight had gone cross-eyed, a line of drool falling from her open mouth. The paper and quill compacted into a tiny ball in an instant, then set on fire. Sunburst’s glasses fell from his face, and he promptly tipped over sideways out of his seat, body completely rigid, foreleg still raised to strike the bell.
He hit the ground hard, and Matilda gasped in shock.
Starlight ran to him. “Granny Smith! Can we call a brief recess?”
“Hm? Sure, bathroom break, everypony!”
Ponies shuffled over to the other end of the room as Starlight tended to Sunburst. He moaned, rubbing his foreleg. His glasses lay cracked on the floor next to him.
“Sunburst, are you okay?” she hovered a hoof above him uncertainly.
He coughed.
“Starlight…” he struggled to focus on her without his glasses, “I’ll be alright.”
“Are you sure?”
“Leave him.”
Starlight looked up into the cold, uncaring eyes of Twilight Sparkle.
“Twilight!”
“Leave him. If he can’t stand on his own four hooves, he doesn’t deserve to be part of Trivia Trot.”
“He’s your friend!”
“She’s right,” Sunburst coughed, got shakily to his hooves, and levitated his broken glasses onto his face. “I have to see this through to the end. Without the help of anypony else.”
The enchantment on Sunburst’s glasses flickered on and off, busted. Starlight had never seen such intensity in his eyes. For all the time she’d known him, Sunburst had never seemed to have any kind of strong desires or ambitions beyond the mundane. He’d always been swept up in the wake of other ponies. But she could see now in his eyes, he wanted this more than anything.
Victory in a trivia game.
All Starlight could think to say was, “It’s a team game…”
Twilight and Sunburst snorted.
Then the tension broke completely as they burst out laughing.
“Oh my… that’s a good one, Starlight,” said Sunburst.
“It’s nice to remember we can still have fun, even now,” said Twilight.
Starlight was about to ask if this wasn’t fun for them, when Granny Smith called an end to the recess. Starlight took her place next to the podium. How much longer would this go on? And how much more competitive would her friends get?
The next few questions went by rapidly, with Twilight on the back hoof and playing catch up. By the time the astronomy category came up, Sunburst and Twilight were neck and neck, with eight points each, trailing behind Maud-Briar’s nine.
“What nebula, located in the Orio-”
DING!
“The Horsehead Nebula!”
Two dings. Two voices. Both perfectly in sync.
Sunburst and Twilight glared at each other.
Starlight hadn’t even seen their hooves move.
Granny Smith squinted at the card. “Well, that’s the right answer, and seein’ as you both answered at the same time…”
“I answered first!” Twilight’s forelegs slammed on either side of the tabletop, waking Cranky Doodle.
“No, I did!” Sunburst adjusted his broken glasses. “I heard my bell go off before yours!”
Starlight had grown used to exchanges like this at this point. She stopped paying attention to prevent herself from losing any more respect for her friends.
“Now, settle down you two,” said Granny Smith. “You both get the point.”
“Rule Twenty-Four point Two,” said Twilight. “The Question Master can rule that one contestant rang their bell before another!”
“Which was me!” said Sunburst.
Granny Smith tapped on the podium in frustration. “Well, far as I could tell, neither of you was faster than the other. My eyes ain’t what they were, see? So I think it would be best if-”
“Starlight!” said Sunburst.
Starlight remembered where she was. “Wah?”
“Of course,” Twilight pointed at Starlight. “Just like before, Starlight can tell us who hit their bell first!”
Starlight wanted no part in this. “I-”
“I don’t see why not, if one of y’all really did ring their bell before the other,” said Granny Smith. “Which was it, youngin’?”
Starlight looked up at the faces of her mentor and her oldest friend. Both had grins plastered on their faces.
For the first time in a while she had a good look at the two of them. Sunburst was dishevelled at the best of times, but he didn’t normally have such a crazed look in his eyes. His cape was creased, and the cracks on his glasses were steadily growing.
As for Twilight, the hairs of her mane and tail stuck out at odd angles, her mouth quivering as it strained to maintain the effort required to smile so unnaturally wide.
What was Trivia Trot doing to her friends? She couldn’t give this to either of them. She didn’t even want to be part of any of this anymore, and besides, as far as she could tell neither had been faster than the other.
“I don-”
“Starliiiiight,” said Twilight, “my best friend. My faithful student.”
Starlight shook her head. “Please don’t do this, Twilight.”
“I took you in at your lowest. Pardoned you for high treason.”
Starlight swallowed.
Before Starlight could reply, Sunburst spoke. “Starlight! Remember when we were foals? Remember Dragon Pit, Starlight? Remember how I was your first friend, your only friend when nopony else would be?”
Starlight could feel her heart thumping.
“You know, I’ve always thought of you as family,” Twilight said. “You’re like a daughter to me, Starlight. I know you’re mom wasn’t around when you were young…”
“Hold on, daughter?” asked Starlight.
“I practically raised you…”
“Twilight, we’re like the same age!”
“Yeah, Twilight, that’s a little condescending,” said Sunburst, nodding along. “Besides, if anypony in this room is Starlight’s family it’s me! We grew up together! I’ve always thought of you as a, a cool older sister!”
“I- I can’t just-,” Starlight squeezed her eyes shut. It was bittersweet to hear him say that. She really did think of him as a brother, but he was saying it just to get a point in a trivia game. “What happened to seeing this through to the end without anypony’s help?”
“Starlight, I hate to say it, but you’re not acting very friendly right now,” said Twilight, taking on her stern teacher voice.
Starlight looked up at her. “What- what are you saying?”
“Oh, I don’t know. It’s just, with the way you’re acting? A pony could fail her friendship studies, acting like you’re acting,” Twilight switched tack, sitting back in her seat, studying her forehoof. If it wasn’t already obvious she was feigning her disinterest, the state of her mane and twitching eye would have given her away.
“You can’t! I already graduated! Moons ago!”
“High treason, Starlight,” Twilight blew on her hoof. “I can rescind your graduation. And your pardon.”
Starlight’s mouth hung open. She couldn’t believe it was Twilight saying this. Like, okay, that line about being her daughter was a bit weird, but she liked to think there was some truth to it. Twilight and Spike were family to Starlight. Even if Twilight was bluffing, joking, or whatever you’d call this, it hurt that she’d even go there. For a trivia game.
Starlight’s lips quivered as she struggled to keep it together.
“You know, Starlight,” Starlight had to blink away tears to see Sunburst clearly as he spoke, “this Trivia Trot means a lot to me. A lot. If I lost, I don’t know what I’d do. I might even… oh, I don’t know. I might move away…”
Starlight shook her head, desperately squeaking out. “No…”
“…and not write to you.”
“No!” her voice was a horrified whisper as she collapsed back onto her haunches.
Starlight lowered her head. This was too much. Maybe she could just mind control them both… No! Bad Starlight! Rule One, not Rule One of Trivia Trot, but Starlight’s personal Rule One, was don’t mind control your friends!
“Twilight Sparkle. Sunburst. You shouldn’t treat your friend like this.”
Starlight looked up at her saviour and sniffed. “Maud!”
Maud looked at her with a Maud expression. “Starlight’s decision should be unbiased.”
Starlight dared to smile. Reliable Maud, her steadfast friend, ever responsible and-
“I’ve also always thought of you as a sister,” Maud continued.
Starlight hesitated, narrowing her eyes at her. “You… have?”
“Yes. Give the point to Twilight.”
“What? Maud!” Starlight let out a groan of despair.
“With Cranky Doodle Donkey on her team, she has less chance of beating me and Mudbriar than Sunburst does with Matilda.”
“You can’t be serious!”
“If you don’t, I might have to reveal my true opinion on kites.”
Starlight’s breath caught in her throat. “Your true… You’re bluffing!”
Maud looked her right in the eye, expression unchanging. Not that either of these things was different to what Maud normally did, but Maudish body language relied a lot on context.
“Am I?”
Starlight let out a piteous whine. She had to be bluffing, she had to be! Kites were like, their thing, she and Maud spent hours together flying kites, exchanging few words and just being comfortable in each others company. She wouldn’t, she couldn’t…
“This is so messed up,” she heard Rainbow Dash whisper behind her.
Starlight screamed.
Her horn lit up, and everypony gasped as a translucent version of the room and everypony in it was overlayed the actual room.
Twilight’s eyes widened. “Starlight, is this-”
“Deerstalker’s Retrospective!” Starlight announced.
She held her concentration as the scene from a few minutes ago played out in front of them in slow motion. Twilight and Sunburst’s hooves approached their bells. She reduced the speed to a crawl, advancing through the scene one millisecond at a time.
The hooves hit the bells at exactly the same time.
Sunburst and Twilight both groaned. They were joined by the rest of the room.
“All that and it really was a draw?” Cranky Doodle crossed his forelegs.
“I think that settles it,” said Granny Smith. “Both of you get the point.”
Twilight hit one hoof against the other, “Unless…”
“Oh for peat’s sake.”
“Rule Twenty-Four point Three: We can decide it with a game of Rock Rock Rock.”
Sunburst turned and met her eye. He raised his hoof. She raised hers.
Rock Rock Rock. A game where each contestant uses their hoof to throw either, rock, rock, or rock. Rock beats rock, rock beats rock, and of course, rock beats rock. If both players throw the same thing, it’s a draw.
Reportedly dragons and griffons found the game very confusing.
“I don’t like that game,” said Maud. “The name is deceptive. There are no rocks involved.”
“I know, Maud,” said Mudbriar, putting a foreleg round her. “I know.”
“It’s just dishonest.”
“I know.”
Sunburst and Twilight paid them no mind.
“Rock, rock, rock, throw!”
Sunburst threw rock.
Twilight threw rock.
“Point goes to Twilight,” said Granny Smith above the screams of delight and horror.
Starlight breathed a sigh of relief as she flipped Twilight’s scorecard. She wasn’t forced to choose between her friends. She caught Sunburst’s eye and tried smiling at him. He raised his muzzle and closed his eyes. She lowered her head.
The next few questions passed in a blur for Starlight. She was too distracted by what Sunburst and Twilight – and Maud, Maud for Celestia’s sake! – had said to pay attention to the quiz, only looking up to flip the scorecards.
“Alright!” said Granny Smith. “Now for the final category! Politics!”
Twilight’s cheer was loud enough that Starlight was brought back to the room. She looked over the scores.
Twily-Doodle: 11
Sun-Tilda: 11
Apple-Dash: 10
Maud-Briar: 11
Wow. Close.
Starlight wanted to put the whole stupid game out of her mind and get lost in her own thoughts until it ended, but she couldn’t help but be a little intrigued for the final question.
Also she lived with Twilight, and she wanted to know whether she should go stay with Trixie for the night. Twilight would be awful if she lost. Actually, she’d be equally insufferable if she won. Trixie’s it would be.
She scanned over the faces of her friends. Each one of them looked ready and willing to do terrible things to every other pony in the room.
Celestia, she couldn’t let Trixie know about Trivia Trot. She’d leap at the chance to prove she was better than Twilight, and her default level of competitiveness trumped that of everypony in this room. If she got caught up in the trivia madness…
It didn’t bare thinking of.
At least it was almost over, one question to decide the contest. Then they could all go back to being friends. She hoped.
Hooves hovered above bells as Granny Smith cleared her throat.
“Excluding Princess Flurry Heart, who are the four alicorn princesses of Equestria, and what are they princess of?”
Ding!
D-di-ding!
The outcome was inevitable. Everypony knew the answer, so the only factor was speed. Rainbow Dash was first to hit her bell, trailed by the remaining three teams. There was a moan from every table but Apple-Dash’s.
Starlight let out a huff of relief. With this, it would be eleven points each. A draw was probably the best outcome. They’d all be disappointed, but with how heated things had been, this might be the only way to prevent a small riot.
Rainbow Dash stretched her wings in satisfaction.
“There’s Celestia, Princess of the Sun, Luna’s Princess of the Moon, Twilight, obviously, Princess of Friendship, and Cadance is Princess of Love,” she sat back and smiled.
“Oh, come on!” said Twilight, throwing her hooves in the air. “That was the final question?”
“Well that’s an anti-climax,” said Sunburst as he rested his chin on the table.
Starlight wiped the sweat from her brow and lit her horn up to turn Apple-Dash’s scorecard, realising that it was no longer possible to make ‘11’ using their card since Rainbow Dash had tried to eat their ‘1’.
Rainbow Dash and Applejack geared up to perform what would doubtless be a hoof bump for the ages.
“Wrong answer,” said Granny Smith. “Anypony else?”
It took a few moments for everypony to register what was said.
Dingdingdingdingdin- crash!
Twilight slammed her hoof against her bell repeatedly until she plunged her leg directly through the table.
“Ha!” Twilight leaned across her table as far as her neck extended. She pulled at the leg that appeared to be stuck in the table, trying not to wince at the pain. “Sorry to win on a technicality, Rainbow Dash – well, actually I’m not sorry, but Rule Four: Answers must be specific and exact! Princess Celestia is Princess of the Sun, Princess Luna is Princess of the Moon, Princess Twilight Sparkle is Princess of Friendship, and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza is Princess of Love!”
“No fair!” Sunburst cried. “I wasn’t paying attention!”
Twilight chuckled, casually resting her chin on a hoof, pretending, rather unsuccessfully, that one of her legs was not still stuck in the table. “Sorry Sunburst, better luck next time. Starlight, if you’d get my scorecard?”
Sunburst lightly slammed his forehooves against the tabletop in the most violent gesture Starlight had ever seen from him.
“Wrong answer,” said Granny Smith. “Anypony else?”
“What?”
The room filled with muttering.
Legs shaking, Starlight flipped Twilight’s score, lowering it by one. Thankfully Twilight was in too much shock to give her any disappointed looks.
But still…
Starlight’s brow furrowed. That answer was correct wasn’t it? Did Celestia and Luna have second names she didn’t know about?
Ding!
Everypony looked to the source of the noise. It was Mudbriar.
“Technically? Cadance is not the Princess of Love. She’s the Princess of the Crystal Empire.”
Sunburst snorted. “Come on, Mudbriar, everypony knows she’s the Princess of Love,” he hesitated. “Right?”
All heads turned to Granny Smith.
“Mudbriar is correct.”
The room exploded into sound.
“What!? Everypony knows she’s the Princess of Love!”
“She is, isn’t she?”
“Now settle down, everypony,” said Granny Smith, waving her hoof in a placating gesture. “That’s the answer according to the card. She’s not the Princess of Love.”
“She is the Princess of Love!” Twilight tried to leap onto the table, cartwheeled through the air around her stuck leg, and pulled the whole table over as she slammed into the floor. She finally yanked her leg free and got to her hooves. “She is! I should know! She’s my sister-in-law!”
Sunburst actually slammed the table this time. “And I’m the crystaller for her child! I work in her palace! She’s the Princess of Love!”
“Not to mention I’m a fellow princess! Princesses of Sun and Moon, and Friendship and Love!”
“Rule Fourteen!” cried Sunburst.
“Of course! Disputing answers! All other participants contest the answer, so we can get the answer from an authority on the subject!” she looked to Granny Smith, stretching her wings to assert dominance. “And I’m an authority if anypony is.”
“Sorry, Twilight, but you’re also a contestant,” said Granny Smith with a sigh. “I ain’t acceptin’ you as an authority.”
Twilight snarled.
“Fine. Come on, everypony, I’ll get Spike to contact Cadance!” she grinned up at Granny Smith. “Will she be a sufficient authority?”
Granny Smith rested her head on her hoof. “Alright, just mind you hurry along now. I’ve got my afternoon nap to get to.”
Starlight was concerned this was getting out of hoof.
“Um,” her voice wavered under the intensity of the gazes that turned her way. “D-does this really matter that much, that, that we should bother Cadance?”
“Yes!” shouted Sunburst breaking the table in two with his hooves. Starlight took a step back.
“Starlight,” said Twilight, pointing an accusing hoof at her. “You’re already on thin ice, young lady. Watch yourself.”
Starlight gulped. “I told you, I’m- I’m not your daugh-”
“Starlight,” Sunburst cut in, “Twilight and I are very disappointed in you at the moment, so don’t push it.”
Starlight gaped at him. “I’m definitely not your daughter!”
Twilight had lost interest in the two of them and fluttered to the door. “Come on, everypony! To the castle!”
A few minutes later the contestants and their small crowd of spectators were gathered outside the Castle of Friendship staring down Spike as they impatiently awaited Cadance’s reply. A few more ponies from around town had begun to gather around them. While foals were encouraged to stay away from Twilight when she was up to something, among the adults of Ponyville Twilight-watching was a popular pastime.
Spike nervously scratched the back of his head. “So, what’s all this about, Twili- Fwoomph!”
A jet of green flame burst forth from Spike’s mouth.
“What does it say, what does it say!” said Twilight hopping from hoof to hoof.
“Er, Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle, how are things in Ponyville? Exciting news! Flurry Heart said her first wo-”
“Skip to the part where she answers the question, Spike!” snarled Twilight.
“Alright, alright!” Spike skimmed down the page. “Huh. She says she’s not the Princess of Love…”
“What?!”
Cries of outrage erupted from the crowd.
“Told you,” said Mudbriar.
Spike continued, “Er, she says she’s not really princess of a concept like you, she’s Princess of the Crystal Empire, though some ponies like to call her the Crystal Princess. Wow, I could have sworn she was.”
The crowd burst into angry discussion again.
“This is ridiculous!” said Sunburst.
“I think I read in a comic that she was…” said Spike.
“I told you,” said Mudbriar again. He and Maud blinked aggressively at Twilight and Sunburst.
“But her name,” said Sunburst pawing the ground in frustration, “it’s Fillitalian for my love!”
“Yes,” said Mudbriar with infinite patience.
“Her cutie mark’s a heart!” said Twilight.
“A crystal heart, yes.”
“Her magic is love related!” said Sunburst.
“Yes.”
“All of her major trials as a princess have been love related!” said Twilight. “She and my brother used the power of love to save Equestria!”
“Yes.”
“She’s the only married princess!” said Sunburst.
“Yes.”
“Look, we have Princesses of the Sun and Moon,” said Twilight, “and Princesses of Friendship and-”
“And the Crystal Empire, yes. I’m not sure why you’re telling me these things.”
There was an uproar.
“It shouldn’t matter that no official text says she’s the Princess of Love!” said Sunburst. “Everypony knows she is, and it makes more sense for her to be the Princess of Love than for her not to be!”
“That’s not how the quiz works,” said Maud. She blinked twice in rapid succession at Sunburst.
“Everypony calm down!” Twilight rose into the air. “We can fix this! Starlight!”
It took a moment for Starlight to realise she was being called upon. Everypony was looking at her. She took a step back.
“Me?”
“Yes! You! Starlight,” Twilight lowered herself so her face was pressed up against Starlight's. She was breathing heavily and smiling. “Now’s your chance to redeem yourself!”
She muttered something under her breath that Starlight thought might be ‘for a second time’, but that would be far too hurtful for her to process at this point, so she chose to believe it wasn’t.
“What- what do you want me to do?” Starlight pawed the ground.
Twilight’s smile extended beyond the bounds of her face. “You still remember that time travel spell?”
“The time tra- Twilight, no!”
“Starlight!” Twilight used her stern teacher voice again. It might have worked if it wasn’t such an absurd request.
“I’m not travelling back in time just to make Cadance the Princess of Love so you can win a trivia game!”
“Starlight,” Sunburst lowered his head, “I thought we were friends…”
Starlight’s heart broke just a little for the fiftieth time that day.
“So did I,” Twilight shook her head and turned away from her.
“Twilight…” Starlight felt tears welling up in her eyes.
It was ridiculous. There was no way she could do this, right? It could destroy the world! But two of the most important ponies in the world to her wanted her to. Was friendship worth destroying the world over?
“Twilight!” Sunburst’s voice jolted Starlight from her reverie. “We might not be able to change the past, but Celestia can! There’s a precedent in damnatio memoriae, she technically has the legal power to strip nobles of their titles retroactively!”
Twilight’s wings went rigid, then rose in exultation. “Of course! We’ll just ask Celestia to retroactively change Cadance’s title! Spike, take a letter!”
Starlight might have questioned why Sunburst wanted this when either way he lost, but the last few minutes had been too much of an emotional rollercoaster for her to be paying much attention at this point. Besides, they’d clearly abandoned logic long ago.
A few anxious minutes later, Spike belched out another letter.
“She says no. She also asks if your doing alright?”
There was a series of aw’s and come on’s. Starlight looked around, and found that the crowd had multiplied in size. Twilight stood in the middle of it all, breathing heavily, her face twisted, and her hooves clutching the sides of her head.
“Spiiiiiike!” Twilight rose above the crowd once more. “Get me Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity! I’m going to need all the Elements of Harmony!”
“Twilight, why-”
“And write to our allies in Griffonstone, Yakyakistan, the Dragon Lands, and the Changeling Hive! It’s time we saw where their loyalties truly lie.”
Starlight blinked. She made on last desperate plea. “Twilight, you’re not going to drag other nations into a game, are you?”
“Not just the other nations. Somepony get me Discord.”
Twilight extended all six limbs and addressed the crowd.
“Everypony! Diplomacy has failed! We’re going to have to take what we want by force,” she paused, took a deep breath, and raised her chin. “Tonight we take Canterlot!”
Twilight’s voice boomed out with such force it rattled Starlight’s teeth and shook her bones.
The crowd cheered, swept up in the moment. Pitchforks and torches manifested as they are wont to do in such situations, and Starlight thought she heard one pony calling for Celestia’s head. She watched the mob set off down the road out of Ponyville.
This, this was what Trivia Trot brought out in ponies. It wasn’t even about winning anymore, Sunburst had made that clear. The madness swept over them all, bringing to the fore the barely restrained savagery that lies dormant in the hearts of all ponies.
As she watched her friends walk away from her, watched Sunburst walk away from her, she got a familiar feeling. A certain knowledge that competing was wrong, that showing off your talent was evil, that the only way for ponies to stay friends was for everypony to always be the same-
She caught herself.
No! Bad Starlight!
This was the power of Trivia Trot, to bring out the worst in everypony. She couldn’t get caught up in it.
She headed in the direction of Trixie’s wagon. She’d hide out there for the next few days.
“Huh. So that’s what that was about,” said Spike. “Glad I didn’t send those letters to the other creatures. I kinda did the same thing as you and hid in my room until it was over.”
Starlight smiled distantly. “You’re a good kid, Spike.”
“Heh. For the record, I think of you as family too, Starlight. And I’m not just saying that because I want something from you.”
“Aw! Spike!”
The two of them hugged.
“So… who won in the end?” said Spike after they broke.
“Hm?”
“Who won that Trivia Trot after all that? Did Twilight get Cadance’s title changed? I mean, if she did I’m pretty sure that means it was a draw, right?”
Starlight shook her head, “I don’t know. I never bothered to find out, I’ve decided that I’m putting the whole experience behind me. I’m free of Trivia Trot.”
“Aw, rats. That’s gonna bother me. Well, I guess you could say you think the answers to those questions are trivi-!”
Zap!
“Starliiiight!”
The room became occupied by a confused mess of purple legs and feathers.
Starlight looked up in horror at the manic face of Twilight Sparkle.
“Starlight! I’m two points down with three questions to go, I need your help!”
“No…”
The door to the room exploded open.
“Starlight!” Sunburst stumbled in through the door. “If we were ever friends, you won’t listen to her!”
“No!”
Author's Note
Why would a people that controls both the day/night cycle and the seasons need a leap year? Sometimes Celestia likes to go to bed early, and Luna refuses to stay up later to make up the lost time. This adds up, and every four years they add a day that makes up the deficit. It isn’t a perfect system.
