Pinkie's Polish Adventures

by Sanya

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Profanity, Random, Adventure, Pinkie Pie, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe
Length: 1076

Kurwa Moment

After learning that she's 95% Polish Pinkie moves to Poland to seek her place in life. Will she be able to do that find out for yourself.

Published 2022-02-13 01:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-02-13 01:40:01 UTC

Chapter 1 - Pinkie goes to Poland

"I'm 95% WHAT?!" Pinkie shouted her question at Twilight.

"You are 95% Polish Pinkie," Twilight calmly replied, "Well kind of, you are 25% Belarusian, but they are kind of a mix of Polish and Russian people, so I counted that as 95% Polish", Sporkle said as she was looking through her notes. "Aaand you are also... 5% Danish? It's not even a real country. I think I've made a mistake in my calculations somewhere...."

But Pinkie was already gone by the time Twilight finished talking.

"I'MPOLISHI'MPOLISHI'MPOLISH OMIGOSHOMIGOSH!" Ponk excited noises.

To say that Pinkie was excited would be an understatement. Although she didn't even know what that meant, so she just spent half an hour jumping around Ponyville pointlessly. Somehow she ended up in Ponyville's trainstation.

When she got to the trainstation she immediately jumped into a first train, since as you know every train leads you wherever you want them to go. But as she got on her seat, she noticed a familiar face...

"DISCORD!" pinkie shouted very loudly. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?"

"HEE HEE HEE HA" Discord laughed at Pinkie's question suspicously. "My 'dear' Pinkie Pie, as I have recently learned you are Polish, and me being Russian means that I have no other choice, but to kill you"

After those words hit Ponk's ears, she quickly deflated and became very sad.

"Don't be sad just yet," Discord tried to cheer her up a bit, "I'm not a ruthless murderer, that's just not my style, I want to play a game with you, instead of killing you outright."

"WE ARE GONNA BE PLAYING THE 'FIELD OF WONDERS' (which is just russian 'Wheel of Fortune' rip off )" Discord announced loudly, "Spin the wheel Yakubovich!"

As the wheel spun Pinkie quickly went back to her regular 'bouncy' self, and as the wheel came to the stop it landed on...

"CAR!!!" Discord announced in his nonexistent microphone, "Bring out the car ladies"

Just like Discord said, not even a second late 4 mares brought a car on their backs from the neighbouring railway carriage.

"Here you go Pinkie! You won the newest BMW x7 Toyota edition!"

The appeared out of nowhere audience cheered just as Discord was gifting Pinkie her brand new car, Some members of the crowd even threw some flowers at him.

"Thank you, thank you." Discord addressed all the cheering. "Pinkie, congratulations, you have won the 'FIELD OF WONDERS'! That means you are free to go!"

Audience started cheering even harder than before.

"YAY!" Pinkie cheered.

"That means you are free to go." said Discord.

So Pinkie exited the train and finally got to Poland. That's where her adventure really begun.

Chapter 2 - Ew Bydgoszcz Pt.1

"Finally, I've arrived to Poland! After all these hours, at least it's morning now. But where exactly am I???" Pinkie asked herself.

"You are in Bydgoszcz, son," replied a random person.

Upon hearing that name Pinkie almost died.

"Why is the fate so cruel to me? To send me in such a bad place. There aren't even any famous polish femboys :/ ."

After this discovery Ponk decided to do the only smart thing: go to the bar and get wasted.

Upon getting to her destination, she ordered the strongest and the most expensive bottle of water.

"Ew, even the water tastes like hair here." Ponkoo found out.

"Maybe that's because you got your mane into the bottle?" asked bartender.

"That's not the point!!" shouted talking pink pie.

"Are you even gonna pay for that?" he asked.

"Here you go, 1 zlota" she replied as she handed the coin.

However he rejected her offer and said. "We only accept euro here, miss."

"Then how am i gonna pay?" said the confused pony.

"Well there are 2 choices: either you go to jail or you can finish my shift,"

When he announced her only options the pony started her thinking box also known as her brain and began processing her options. On one hoof she could just kick that guy in the balls and run for her life, but that would be very immoral, wouldn't it? And on the other hoof she could just play this game and be a bartender for a few hours, sure it'd be a big waste of time, but at least she wouldn't fell bad about herself for kicking some random dude in the balls. And on the third imaginary hoof layed the third option, but she didn't even consider it, because what can be worse than a polish prison, especially located in the worst city in the entire country. She shivered every time the third option came up. But in the end, after a minute of thinking box activity, she finally thought of the answer.

"Fine I'll finish your shift for you" she finally answered.

"Great, that means I'd have more time to post racist shit on social media. Thanks again!" after saying that he basically disappeared, leaving Pinkie alone to work.

"Welp, shoulda kicked him in the balls."

First few hours for Ponk were't as bad as she thought, since it was just the start of the day. This period even worked as a kind of tutorial on how to operate here. Her experience from working at Sugarcube Corner helped her in this situation as well. She even got a bit fond of that job, since it was basically the same as Sugarcube Corner, but with alcohol.

As the time passed, a certain customer decided to show up, the inspector.

"Well, well, well, I cast thou a spell, what do we have here?" inspector said as he looked at the pink horse.

"Here at the bar we have a big selection of various beva-" Pinkie was interrupted.

"No, I'm not talking about your inventory, I'm talking about... YOU! What is an animal like you doing in here?"

"I'm working here"

"That'll be violation number one." he marked something in his notepad "Do you have a bar license?"

"No-o-o-o"

"Well that's 2 violations, I can send you to jail now."

"Nooooooooooooooooooooo"

And with that the bar inspector sent our beloved pink pony in jail. What's gonna happen to the actual bar owner? How Pinkie's gonna cope with being in the worst jail in the world? All of those questions and more are gonna be answered in the next chapter.

Coming wherever I decide to write that.