A pastel swirl of colors and magic surrounded Celestia as she stepped into the astral realm. Her form coalesced into her spiritual body, and she opened her senses to the divine, delighted to find the presence of a new companion.
Twilight Sparkle had ascended.
After all these years, it had finally happened. Celestia had worried that the gift of the most recent book had been too much like meddling, but she had sent it to Twilight anyway with the distant hope that Twilight would complete Starswirl's ancient spell. The old stallion had never seemed able to get it quite right, and he'd spent years over the decades isolated in his room groaning and muttering to himself as he tried increasingly arcane components one after another.
Twilight had delved into it with a passion and finished the spell in one night. She was a miracle, and in her own strange way far surpassed Starswirl. Now, fate itself had announced it. Somehow, Twilight solved problem after problem using the magic of friendship, and by finishing Starswirl’s spell she'd created completely new magic. Twilight's friendship magic had improved the harmony of the of the world, and harmony itself, the mystical force of fate that guided all pony kind, had decided to reward her with divinity. She didn't know it yet, but she was a princess now.
It was Celestia's duty and joy to welcome Twilight to princess-hood and announce her new station. Carefully, Celestia stepped through the astral mist and found herself in front of Twilight, who looked unsurprisingly confused. Confusion was expected for such a sudden ascendance, and Twilight was noticeably disoriented at being thrust into the mystifying astral plane. She’d need guidance, and Celestia was ecstatic to be there for her in this moment.
Focusing on Twilight, Celestia smiled her warmest smile and summoned mirrors reflecting each one of the many victories Twilight had achieved along her journey to this wonderful place. Thousands of windows to the past appeared, circling the two of them in a holy cathedral of Twilight's past.
Twilight suddenly noticed Celestia, and quickly bowed with a blush. "Princess! I didn't see you coming. Where are we? What's going on?"
Celestia smiled gleefully, the pride dripping from her face. "Twilight, there is no need to bow. Not anymore. Look up, and be proud."
Twilight timidly raised her eyes and looked upon Celestia curiously, then her eyes noticed the swirling windows around them and danced rapidly from scene to scene.
Celestia admired Twilight's beauty, her poise, her awkward stance, and... what was that stain on her face? Some ectoplasmic substance dripped from between her eyes down the length of her snout. Celestia frowned, momentarily distracted. Anything on Twilight couldn't come to the astral plane, only things with life energy could exist here.
"Twilight, what's that on your face?"
Twilight crossed her eyes, then stuck her tongue on her nose to taste it. "Oh! I guess I didn't get cleaned up before I... what happened exactly to me?"
Celestia mentally shrugged. She wouldn't let a strange arcane anomaly ruin Twilight's moment. It was probably some spell residue from Twilight's new spell, anyways. New magic could be tricky. "You've achieved something nopony else has before you, and harmony itself saw fit to reward you."
Twilight's tongue licked the white stuff off her nose in a surprisingly quick and accurate slurp. Some still resided out of reach of her tongue, hanging just between her eyes. "Harmony rewarded me? I... don't understand, Princess."
Celestia was momentarily distracted by the surprisingly agile lick before she remembered that she needed to reveal the big surprise, "Twilight, you don't need to call me 'Princess' anymore. You're now one, too, after all."
Twilight crossed her eyes in confusion, focusing on the white stuff before a moment of panic. "Wait, what?"
Celestia smiled warmly at her once student. "Look around you. These are your victories, the moments that defined you as a hero of harmony, and the reasons you've been chosen. You're one of us now, Princess Twilight Sparkle." Saying the name made Celestia giddy.
Twilight looked closer at the moving images and her eyes went wide in surprise. She watched intently, searching from scene to scene with an increasing look of alarm and a panicked noise. "Uhh..."
Celestia frowned, this wasn't right. Something was wrong, but Celestia couldn't place it. Harmony had selected Twilight, that hadn't been wrong. Celestia had sent the book yesterday, had that somehow altered fate? The call had felt right, nearly identical to Cadence's ascension. Unable to fathom what could cause such a look of alarm on Twilight's face, Celestia followed Twilight's gaze to the mirrors.
Each one had a scene, one of Twilight's victories. She saw each of Twilight's friends, the defeat of Chrysalis, chasing off the dragon, the defeat of Nightmare Moon, and hundreds more. All that she had expected.
What she hadn't expected was how many of these memories had Twilight's head between the other pony's legs. Or under their tail. Or, in Discord's case, obscenely sucking on his grotesquely oversized elephant dick like a pool noodle sized lollipop.
Celestia kept her composure. No, wait. She didn’t, "What the buck?"
Twilight focused on her with panicked eyes, and blushed. "Those would be, ah, looks like my memories all right."
Celestia refused to look away from Twilight's eyes, afraid to see one of the thousands of intimately obscene moments on full display. Her voice was weak, and she spoke without thinking, "Your letter said that you defeated Discord with friendship magic…"
Twilight shrugged, her blush fading as she found her mental footing. "Blowjobs are the most direct and effective application of Friendship."
Celestia was having a slow, horrifying realization "So all those times your letters said you learned a friendship lesson, or solved a friendship problem?"
"They weren't all blowjobs." Twilight smiled confidently, reassuring Celestia.
Celestia took a breath. She could do this. They could move on and focus on the non-blowjob moments, "Okay, w..."
Twilight continued on, interrupting her. "A lot of it was cunnilingus—since you can't easily give a blowjob to a mare. Well, I do have a few spells for it, but most ponies don't like it when you suddenly change their genitals or swap their bodies, or grow them spiritual limbs."
Celestia choked on her words, coughing uncontrollably as she struggled to breathe the not-air in the ether.
Twilight continued. "Not to mention the instances that really don't fall into either category. I'd have to just classify those as oral sex in a general sense. For example, the parasprites, Chrysalis, or that thing with the hydra. Now that was a challenge to categorize!"
Celestia stared, mouth agape as she fumbled to speak, "The hydra?"
Twilight nodded vigorously, seemingly excited. "The hydra was one of my favorite! It had five different sets of genitals, each one completely unique. I’m still not sure if it was technically male or female, but I am sure it was fun! Once I got the hang of it, at least. Ooh! Especially the squiggly, squirmy thing that split open. I think it was some kind of ovipositor. It fit nicely around my tongue and had this soft texture that was..."
Celestia shook her head. "No! No, this is all wrong!"
Twilight raised an eyebrow, suddenly defensive. "It might have been weird, but it's very rude to call the hydra's reproductive organs 'wrong'. It was born with them and they do their job well. Very well, might I add."
She didn’t want to think about that, so Celestia did not think about that. She certainly couldn’t see it out of the corner of her eye, and yes, it might have been some kind of ovipositor. Twilight sure looked happy in that window. And the one next to it.
"Not that! I mean, this! All of this. How did you... when did you... what was the..." Celestia couldn't think through her question. There was another mirror, this one with the town pets. Oh no. Was that a griffon?
Twilight's eyes lowered, and her ears drooped as Celestia struggled to find the words, or even to think straight. She could see Twilight deflating, not in the memories but in the now. She had to say something.
Celestia's frantic questions settled on, "How did this start?"
Twilight nervously kicked her hoof against the ethereal pathway, "Remember? You told me to. I thought it was weird, but you gave me pretty explicit instructions."
That was impossible. "I don't remember that at all."
Twilight nodded to a memory window, one from a few years ago where she was in a library and frantically writing a note. "I was trying to tell you about a coded message I found in one of Starswirl's books, hidden behind a rhyme. I thought it was inappropriate that he'd hidden such a lewd message in a fairy tale, and I wrote a letter to you explaining that Starswirl's coded message was an impending disaster. I was a bit of a prude back then, and thought that if a bunch of foals figured it out that it would be the end of civilization as we knew it! You answered my letter by telling me to make some friends. It was very specific, considering the message I was worried about was ‘How to make friends by giving oral sex."
She may have skimmed that part of the letter. Celestia shivered in unfortunate enlightenment as she realized that this was entirely her fault. Twilight Sparkle had always been quiet, reserved, and blindingly loyal to her. She never would have questioned what she thought was a direct order from Celestia. There was no excuse, but she tried anyways, "I thought that was about my sister’s return."
Twilight tilted her head curiously. "It was. It worked incredibly well on your sister, and that’s what convinced me that it was more than a strange whim on your part. Nightmare Moon was a thousand years pent up. She was pretty desperate and I'd spent the day practicing on the girls and researching proper technique, so it didn’t take all that much to convince her."
Celestia balked. Too many things didn’t make sense. "How did you get five different mares to let you perform cunnilingus on them on the day you met them? I mean, I've always appreciated you Twilight, but you used to be incredibly socially awkward."
Twilight shrugged. "I just told them that the princess had ordered me to perform oral sex on them.”
Celestia grimaced as too many things suddenly did make sense.
“Rarity was the only one who seemed upset at first, but she changed her mind pretty quickly. The rest of them were a little confused but happy to help. It wasn’t just them, either. The girls were only the beginning. Pinkie threw me a party that night, and I experimented on quite a few more mares and some stallions before I went to my room to read up on new techniques. I got better with each book you sent for me to research."
Celestia tried to defend her actions, "But I only ever sent you magic books!"
Twilight nodded. "Most mages, it turns out, are into blowjobs. For whatever reason, mages like having somepony else wear their tail as a mane and generally let you know what they’d like by the way they write their spells. Starswirl's hobby of writing hidden messages about oral sex in his magic books and stories actually had become something of a tradition over the years. The more I learned about the history of it, the more I realized how important of a skillset to master it really was. If so many great mages throughout history spent so much time on it, I decided that I should too."
Celestia sat down, unable to stand anymore. She looked around the ethereal space, slowly accepting that the little purple mare swallowing miles of cock and munching fields of carpet in the thousands of mirrors was her student. That mare in the reflections was Twilight Sparkle, and she had ascended. That thought raised another, more immediately pressing question.
"Twilight, my, ah, student... what were you doing before you came here?"
Twilight smiled. "I'd just finished that spell you sent me."
Relief flooded Celestia. It was all a little odd, but ultimately Twilight had accomplished a true compliment to harmony. She'd ascended for perfecting a new magic spell, a seemingly impossible one that had hounded mages for eons. "Oh, thank the stars!"
Twilight kept talking, "Then I used it to summon Starswirl from the past."
Celestia blinked. That wasn't what the spell was supposed to do.
"Then I gave him what he described as the 'best blowjob across time and space'. After that, I was here."
Celestia covered her face with her hooves, horrified at what she had to tell Twilight. She was duty bound to welcome her new demigoddess, but she couldn't make herself do it. "Twilight, I can't..."
Twilight looked concerned. "What's the problem, Princess?"
Celestia uncovered one of her eyes, staring at the mare. She couldn't say it. This couldn't be happening. Of course, it might not be. In fact, the whole situation was so improbable that she had a realization.
"Luna! Get your crescent covered ass out here! This isn't funny."
Twilight furrowed her brow in confusion. "I've never heard you swear before. Are you okay?"
Celestia ignored her, standing tall and stomping on the star path, scattering ethereal essence with her hooves. "I'm serious Luna, this is way too far."
Twilight looked around the ether, gazing beyond her cathedral of memories. "Is Luna supposed to be here, too?"
Silence reigned for a short few moments as Twilight searched the stars and Celestia waited with held breath. Slowly, Celestia turned to Twilight with a defeated look in her eyes. "Twilight Sparkle, I..."
Luna wasn't coming. This wasn't a dream, and all those visions were real. The ghostly fluid oozing down Twilight's forehead was semen. Starswirl's spunk, specifically. Her once mentor and one of the greatest mages ever to exist had traveled through time and space to bust a nut on her faithful student and decreed her the best head of all time. Harmony itself had agreed with his estimation.
"... I don't think I can handle this."
Twilight focused intently, then smiled wide. "I know just what will cheer you up!"
Celestia lay curled on the path, mindlessly surrounded in the field of stars. Twilight's mirrors were long gone, but Twilight herself was humming happily in Celestia's hooves, curled up with her.
The Aether was calm, a divine serenity having fallen over the realm as Celestia slowly caught her breath while Twilight had lovingly pampered her. As the divine realm had come slowly back into focus, Twilight had been quick to preen Celestia's wings. She'd said it was vitally important after care and Celestia was finding that she wholeheartedly agreed. Harmony was making a whole lot more sense now that she'd been relaxed.
In a contented haze, Celestia stretched out in a languid pool of feathers, fur, and surprisingly comfortable moisture. Harmony willed it, who was she to judge?
"Twilight Sparkle, I welcome you to your immortal post as the Princess of Oral Sex."
Twilight hummed happily, admiring her own new wings as she spread them against Celestia's. "That is kind of a mouthful. Maybe for now we'll call me the Princess of Blowjobs? Or we could just say the Princess of Friendship?"
Celestia’s face was serene. "Of course. Just like Cadence is the Princess of 'Love'."
Author's Note
This is from a discord discussion. I'm sure it's been done before, but I couldn't find it so you're welcome anyways.
