The Real Reason Why Discord Got Petrified
Celestia and Luna Get Drunk and Play Video Games
By iAmSiNnEr
“Hic!” Celestia hiccuped. “L-luna, where are more bottles?”
“I-in the fridge,” Luna hiccuped. “W-we have, like, sixty nine more bottles.”
Outside the door, Raven listened in, before looking at Starswirl. “Should we call the guards?”
“Hm?” Starswirl looked up from the scroll he had been reading. “Nah, they don’t need the supervision. They’re the princesses now!”
“I- eh, fair enough.” Raven sighed. “I’m going to turn in first. Goodnight, O Bearded One.”
“Goodnight, Raven.” Starswirl teleported away as Raven trotted away.
Back in the room, Celestia yeeted a pillow at Luna. “Have at thee, monster! Hic!”
“No, you!” Luna whacked Celestia over the head with another pillow.
“I’m bored,” Celestia complained as she lifted her head from the cake she had faceplanted into. “Could we- hic! Could we get something fun to do?”
“W- hic! About video games?” Luna suggested. “Buck, I hate the hiccupi- hic! Cuping.”
“They’re not even invented yet,” Celestia scowled. “How do you suggest we get some—ohhhh.”
“Shall we, dear sister?”
“We shall, sister of mine.”
“Young mare, what’s that noise in your room?”
“MOM I WAS PLAYING PONYCRAFT AND TWO ALICORNS JUST TELEPORTED IN AND STOLE MY SWITCH, XBOX, COMPUTER, AND ALL MY GAME DISCS!”
“Don’t be ridiculous. The alicorns are a myth.”
“MOM I SWEAR! LOOK, MY STUFF IS GONE!”
The mother poked her head into the room. “Iris, you’re grounded for a month. All I see is a messy room and— where did your gaming equipment go?”
“SEE? I TOLD YOU!”
“You must have broken them and decided to lie to me about them after throwing them away. You’re grounded for three months!”
“MOM!”
Outside the window, the two alicorns unplugged the generator of the home.
“Why did it suddenly go dark?” The mother wondered.
“Hic!” Celestia tossed the generator to Luna. “Back home we go!”
A portal opened outside the house, making the two mares rush to the window in amazement as the two alicorns were sucked back to their time. “What in the—” The mother swore.
Suddenly, several dozen ponies clad in uniforms were teleported to their front yard. “PBI! OPEN UP! TIME TRAVEL MAGIC DETECTED!”
“Oh, for the life of me—”
There was a flash of light, and suddenly all the officers were gone, with only giant words written on the lawn with cake frosting.
I’ll take care of it.
- D
“Okay, so,” Luna slammed her head into the wall as she hiccuped again. “How do I stop the- hic! Hiccups, again?”
“Drink more?” Celestia suggested as she used her horn to break the top of the bottle open, before pouring its contents into her stomach. “Ahhhh. That’s the stuff.”
“Anyways,” Luna sorted through the discs they had. “What do you want to try? Mario, Mario Kart, Ponycraft, Anime Lover’s Universe, and MLP: the Simulation.”
Celestia burped as she plugged in their stolen equipment into the generator, before then plugging the generator into a wormhole that they created to generate energy. “Mario Kart. Sounds like go-karting to me.”
“Mario Kart it is!” Luna cheerfully inserted the disc into the system, careful not to break it.
Celestia picked up her controller, before frowning at the instructions displayed on the screen. “R…one?” She fiddled with the controller, before jumping when a pleasant ping sound came from the screen, indicating her controller had been connected. “Oh, that’s- hic! Swell!”
Suddenly, a flash of light and a familiar draconequus sat himself on the couch. Literally. A copy of Discord was pushing another Discord to sit on the couch, before the one standing up disappeared. “Hello, ladies! Is it game night?” his face looked disappointed. “Why didn’t you invite me?”
“Hic! Actually, it was - hic! Drinking night.” Celestia corrected. “You’re no fun with these kinds of occasions.”
“Aw,” Discord grumbled. “True, I suppose. I can’t get drunk, can I?”
“Nope!”
“Can I join?” Discord rubbed his hands in glee. “I wanna play Mario Kart!”
“Sure!” Luna tossed him a controller. “Set it up, and we’re good to go! Hic!”
Discord grinned as he summoned his own controller into existence, letting the one Luna tossed him drop to the floor. As it did so, it turned into cotton candy as it hit the ground. “I have my own.” His controller in question was made out of cotton candy and what looked to be suspended water.
“I don’t think that’s going to work—” Ping! “Oh.”
“And we’re good to go!” Discord settled onto the couch. “Let it begin!”
And as trumpets and fanfare blared, the three immortals began their legendary battle in Mario Kart.
“Blue shell the bastard, Celly!” Luna shouted as she twiddled her controller forcefully. “Get Discord outta first!”
“HAHAHAHA!” Discord laughed. “You’ll never catch me!”
“I’ve got a green shell!” Celestia yelled back. “Get out of the way!” She smashed the button with a hoof, sending a green shell flying at Discord’s avatar. Suddenly, the game glitched and the green shell barely missed Discord.
“Oh, come on!” Luna complained. “We almost had him!”
“It’s not yet over!” Celestia wrangled with the joystick. “I got a banana! Nevermind. It’s over.”
“Wait!” Luna cheered. “I got a speaker!” She pressed the button to stun Discord, but as she did so, Discord’s avatar suddenly teleported in front by a few metres, the stun barely missing Discord. As Luna cursed and dropped her controller, Discord shouted in victory as his avatar crossed the finish line.
“I WON!” Discord proclaimed. “I AM THE KING OF MARIO KART!”
“You, hic! Cheated!” Celestia yelled. “You glitched- hic! The game!”
“I STILL WIN!” Discord pranced around the room. “Sheesh, don’t be a sore loser, Celly. I’ll give you pancakes and cakes!”
“FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT FAT, AND I AM NOT- hic! ADDICTED TO CAKES!”
“Yeah, yeah,” Discord rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say. Anyways, up for another round—? What are you doing?” He shrank visibly as the two alicorns advanced on him.
“You cheated,” Luna said, her expression serious. “You- hic! Need to be punished.”
“Exactly,” Celestia agreed. “Goodbye, Discord.”
“Now, just wait a minute—”
The two sisters turned Discord to stone.
“Good riddance,” Celestia sat back down on the couch. “Anyways, back to gaming!”
“Time for Mario?” Luna asked. “Hic! Now Discord’s gone, we can play the two player system.”
“Sure!” Celestia grinned. “We can- hic! Have more fun that way!”
As the sisters gamed, Discord sighed inside his rocky prison.
“Ah, for Celestia’s sake. I shouldn’t have cheated.”
“No, you really shouldn’t have.” Discord looked to the side, where he saw his future self with a saucepan.
“You’re here to punish me for cheating and trapping us in stone?” he asked, his voice small.
“Yep!”
Future Discord slammed the saucepan into Discord's face.
Author's Note
why have I done this I think I'm drunk myself
