Bad Girls

by Gabriel LaVedier

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Diamond Tiara, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Silver Spoon
Length: 13473

Not so bad at all, really.

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon get such a bad rap. Almost every story I see shows them as abject villains. Or convenient "guilt-free" victims. In the last three stories I read about them before I lost my regular internet connection, all of them involved savage beatings, one had both of them beaten to death, one had Silver Spoon beaten to death by Diamond Tiara and the other was Silver ruthlessly beaten, and sexually assaulted.

These are foals folks. Foals. Really.

So here's something that I have intended to do for a long while. Stories about Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon (Though mostly slanted to Silver Spoon) that gives them at least some vindication. Please, enjoy. and try to cut them a little slack. They're FILLIES for Luna's sake.

Published 2012-09-14 02:34:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-14 22:35:32 UTC

Sugarlump Rump

Silver Spoon understood a little bit about what it was that put others off about her fillyfriend, Diamond Tiara. Even though they were no longer tween fillies but more properly pre-teen fillies, yet still laboring under the reputations of their earlier lives. Not that they were WHOLLY undeserved, but the statute of limitations surely should have run out already.

She looked at her fillyfriend, who was doing a bit of karaoke. She was singing with great passion and energy, and was even on key most of the time. “Be my bad girl, be my gal! Be my weekend lover but don't be my pal! You can be my bad girl but understand that I don't need you in my life again.” Cascade. Out of style, but the guiltiest of guilty pleasures. Diamond dropped a wink to Silver after the declaration of temporary affection and went back to the singing.

Silver fell back into one of the cushy chairs that were in their private party room. It surprised nopony that discovered it that Diamond Tiara had a room specifically for parties. It was the envy of party ponies, especially Pinkie Pie-Sparkle. It was a single-use room with well-provided outlets that could handle high-use electronics, a built-in extremely powerful speaker system that could pump out ludicrous amounts of bass, and easy to move furnishings that allowed for an endless array of party layouts. And what made it most infuriating, only two guests were ever permitted in there. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.

Silver leaned her head back, letting the thumping beat of the music and Diamond's competent singing swirl and meld into a pleasant background to her personal thoughts. There was so much to consider, so many thoughts, and much of it being the crushing weight of what others said. The whispers and jeers of their nearest peers, those either just less wealthy than them, or just more wealthy. And all of comparable levels of popularity. That made the thoughts pressing.

Diamond had always been derided for many reasons. Snobbishness, sniping, power positioning, even bullying. But she had reasons! She had... some reasons. She wasn't BAD. But she had some... issues with other ponies. All other ponies were held at leg's length, kept away from the core of who she was, to protect herself. She had reasons...

“Now Diamond, come along, then.” Filthy Rich looked down to his tiny daughter, who was shyly hiding behind his forelegs. The little filly was wearing a tiara, as her name implied, but nothing else, save strange devices on her hooves, which added an extra bit of volume to her clops.

“But daaaaddy!” The little pink filly sniffled and clopped dejectedly along. “This is, like, SOOO embarrassing.” She looked down at the blocky medical devices locked onto her hooves, which were correcting the odd curvature of the lower edges of her hooves.

“Be that as it may, Diamond, you still have to go to pre-pre-school. It's an important step to ensure proper education and good marks towards a good school. And a little networking never hurts. Try to make some friends, the parents should prove very useful.” Filthy smiled a bit as the gleaming white building came into view.

The structure looked very classical, designed in a pseudo-Hipposian-or-Equusian style that brought to mind a solid version of the architecture of Cloudsdale. Occupying the place of a frieze that would be on such a structure was a set of ornate brass letters. The displayed signage declared, “Canterlot Mountain School of Early Foal Development.”

Inside the place was lushly carpeted, with soft pastel colors all about to give the place a warm feel. The main room of the facility was a large open area with soft mats, and plenty of toys, all the most popular ones it seemed. There were a few foals in evidence, mostly by themselves.

The headmistress approached the newly-arrived ponies. She was an older mare, a white unicorn that had managed to maintain her golden mane and tail. She had a severe, uptight demeanor, and looked extremely unfriendly, despite her attempt at smiling in a welcoming manner. “Welcome, mister Rich. I am Dagny Francon, headmistress of this most prestigious pre-educational institution. Let me say that it is a great pleasure to see you here, and it will be my pleasure to mold your daughter, that she may succeed.”

While Filthy was being given Dagny's song and dance, Diamond slowly clopped away from her father, to look at the other foals. They were all from wealthy families, or so she had been told. She should have had plenty in common with them. But she didn't think that at all on looking at them. They looked... too perfect. Unnaturally perfect. Perfectly white teeth, perfectly curried coats and brushed manes, slim bodies, quick eyes. Those by themselves looked engaged with educational objects such as blocks; those together were whispering to one another, casting suspicious or vicious eyes on the rest, including the interloping Diamond.

There was only one outlier. A lone filly, not playing with any toys. She looked... lost. And scared. She was imperfect. Stylish glasses rested on her face, and her body was a trifle thick. Just normal foal pudge, but it set her apart from the slim foals. Diamond slowly trotted over, thankful the soft floor of the area muffled her steps. She looked at the other filly and licked her dry lips. “I'm Diamond Tiara.”

“I-I'm Silver Spoon.” The fear seemed to melt. She actually smiled. Silver slowly rose and approached Diamond.

“Look at that, tubby is doing her yearly exercise.” The voice was sharp, but quiet. It surely would never reach the adults, but the foals could hear well enough. It came from a knot of whispering foals. More specifically, it came from a golden unicorn filly with a flowing green mane. “And the new filly is actually talking to her. But I' not surprised. She's broken too.”

“Wh-what do you mean?” Diamond turned a wide-eyed look to the other filly, not seeing that Silver shrank away fearfully.

“Look at those things on your hooves. Imperfection. I learned that is wrong. Very wrong.” The filly looked haughtily upon Diamond, sniffing in a superior fashion.

“N-no... I'm not imperfect. They're... they're... fashionable! Yea, the latest thing from, um, Percheron! You're just jealous.” Diamond threw her snout up in the air and huffed softly.

“Yea right... okay, I believe you... but you're still talking to HER.” The unicorn pointed an accusing hoof at Silver.

“N-no I wasn't... I was... I was... um... making fun of her! Yea, I was.”

The unicorn narrowed her eyes. “Show me.”

Diamond's breath quickened, as she slowly turned to the quivering, huddled Silver. Her mouth was suddenly dry as a bone. Eyes settled on the quivering form before her. “A-and you're... heavy. You're a... a... sugar... lump... rump.”

“Sugar lump rump?” The whole little clique laughed while the leader shook her head. “Fine. You might be cool.”

“Looks like you're making friends here, sweetie. Excellent!” Filthy trotted up to his daughter and gingerly ruffled her mane.

“Yea, I am... I am...” She slowly walked away with her father. Before she left, she turned to Silver, who had begun to cry, and slowly mouthed the words, 'I'm sorry.'

They were not at the school for very long. Dagny tried to make them absorb certain ideas that came out of a large book she kept with her, but after that first day, there wasn't much on either of their minds except Diamond trying to imply she wasn't what she seemed. Much, much later Dagny had been taken away by Canterlot guards with no explanation and the facility closed. But that was long after they were there. And long after their move to a private school for wealthy foals just up the mountain of Canterlot.

Diamond had been schooled in the ways of cliques and popularity. She knew the ins and outs of it all, and used the knowledge to great effect at the lower levels. She had had her hoof straighteners removed and looked fairly nice, just right for a Codfish Aristocrat, as her father was called; a neuveau riche type that had no ties to landed gentry, no official commissions and had gained money through either some physical labor or through dealings with merchants.

Silver was still... not heavy but she was fuller figured than most others. She had also learned about cliques and popularity. But from the other side. The follower side. To cling like a remora to somepony that had a better status and could provide cover and let her be invisible. From day one, that pony had been Diamond Tiara.

She had not become instantly popular, and Diamond had not brought her immediately into the fold. But she HAD deflected comments and criticism onto other foals when they threatened to land on Silver's head, and had been assured, privately, that Diamond had never meant to hurt her. The initial insult became a kind of code. It was ludicrous, and saying it made it clear that it was not to be taken as a serious slur.

Eventually, imperceptibly, she had become part of a popular group. And outside of the school, she had become a friend to Diamond. Her father encouraged it, when he realized that Silver was the daughter of the Lode family of Ponyville and near environs, a wealthy mining family who had a wealth that was as recent as his own, and just slightly less. It was a good match, as the two clans could support one another in business matters, linked by their daughters' friendship.

The private school was where things took off. It was a chance for a whole situation. Diamond was eager to be the queen bee of the place, to finally have her control, which had been denied before. She did her best. But as it included several age groups, the older foals always took charge. Diamond never gave in completely, however, she wormed her way in or made them move along with caustic comments and cutting remarks. At her side, Silver backed her, all the way. She had no talent for character assassination, but could easily supply sneers and cheers, making Diamond all the more impressive.

“You're not so tough, are you? Ha! I thought so.” Diamond smiled her smug little smile as a group of older foals clopped away from her, having failed to get her ire up, receiving only scorn and mockery for their troubles.

“That was, like, so amazing, Diamond. You always know how to get those older kids to slink away.” Silver politely clapped her hooves together and smiled to her friend.

“Well yea, of course. I was, like, born to do it, you know? I feel so good... I wanna celebrate but I don't know how. Like, what could we do?”

“The older older kids hoof-bump.” Silver offered.

“Guh. That is, like, SOOO plain. BOOOOO-RIIIIING. Come ON, Silver. We need something way better than just a bump.”

Silver tapped her chin lightly, tongue sticking slightly from her mouth. “Bump... bump...”

“Sugar. Lump. Rump.” Diamond sprang to her hooves and immediately began to knock parts of her forelegs against Silver. "That's it! We just need to work on the moves...”

“D-diamond! Diamond! What are you doing?” Silver backed away a little bit, rubbing her forelimbs where the impacts had been a bit rough.

“Why should we just bump our hooves together? That's so plain. We should have some kind of fancy bumps and clops. It's a way to show we're special. That we're winners with style.”

“Oh... yea! Let's do that. Just... not so hard this time.” Silver smiled sheepishly and came closer once more, lifting her right foreleg. “We can start like this.”

“Hmmm, nah, both of them.” Diamond held out both of her forelegs, standing on her hind legs a little awkwardly. “We can tap them high. Then low.”

Silver copied the motion and went in as instructed, hooves clopping against Diamond's, first at around chest level, then lower, both leaning forwards, heads coming very close together. They held that position for a bit, leaving Silver blushing a bit. “Um... Now what?”

Diamond did her best to keep her face looking normal, but a tremendous smile wanted to burst out. “We say 'Bump Bump' as we do it. And then... then we... we tap our... knees! But our right knees.” Diamond fell to all fours but lifted up her right foreleg, bending it and pushing the knee out. “And say 'sugarlump'.”

“'Sugarlump'? Well, okay...” Silver tapped her knee two beats against Diamond's. “Is that all?”

“One more thing.” Diamond suddenly turned and stuck her hind end out towards Silver, just missing hitting her. “We finish with a nice, loud 'Rump.' Nothing is more 'In your loser face' than that. It shows we won and know it. Come on Silver, bump rumps with me.”

“Alright...” Though uncertain, and brimming with nervousness, Silver turned around and quickly thrust out her rear, impacting Diamond's solidly. She was still thicker than her friend, and shifted the filly on her hooves just slightly. “That was... great! I think this works.”

Diamond grinned and turned back around. "I told you. Now, we do it for real.”

The two fillies faced one another, getting up on their hind legs, and clopping their way through their new victory dance. “Bump! Bump! Sugarlump Rump!”

The private schooling ended after that point. Both the Rich family and the Lode family decided that, in order to properly temper their daughters, they ought to be educated in public schools. They could learn all about the ordinary folk they would someday work for them. They needed empathy. But they had been among the stuck-up elite for a while, and the lessons had been harsh, teaching them all about how to protect themselves from sniping and back-stabbing. To insult before being insulted.

They had grown all the closer, Diamond as the leader, and Silver as her support. She needed the glasses-wearing filly as much as Silver needed her. And while she never said it, it was almost like she did not need to say it. It came through in every thing she did and said. Especially on that day. The day Silver finally knew with whom she would spend the rest of her life.

It had been an ordinary day of half-focused-on learning, and casual gossip, as a pre-emptive strike against gossip that would not be forthcoming. But they couldn't understand that. They were operating in a space far outside what they had learned.

“I can't believe that we have to sit through all this stuff. Like, we TOTALLY learned all this at our old school. Why do we, like, need to repeat it all?” Diamond rolled her eyes and shook her head, looking towards Silver.

“I guess these foals aren't as smart as we are. We're, like, so far ahead of them. That's so cool.” Silver smiled smugly, then stopped in her tracks, suddenly turning to dig in her saddlebags. “Awww, I left some of my stuff back there. I need to go get it.”

“Alright. Don't take too long. We have appointments at the spa.”

“I'll be fast...” Silver turned on her heels and dashed back to the schoolyard, finding it mostly empty, save for some of the larger, more oafish students, the sort that probably were behind the lag in education. Private schools could flush such problems. Public schools had to minimize their impact.

“Hey nerd! What are you doing back here? You don't belong here.” A particularly imposing slab of filly muscle loomed over Silver, looking for all the world like a rugby player, or at least an understudy for one.

“I just came back for some things I forgot. M-miss Cheerilee can probably get it for me and I'll leave.” Silver staggered back slightly. Without Diamond she was helpless. Nothing but the pudgy filly all by herself.

“I think you need to pay a toll. Right?” The heavy filly looked to her fellow bully-sized foals, getting eager nods. “Rich filly like you should have some bits.”

“B-b-but... this is a schoolyard. I shouldn't have to pay. Please just let me through...”

“Oh... not going to pay? Come on, be smart. You're smart, aren't you, nerd?” The filly stamped forward, bumping rudely into Silver. Though the impact was relatively light, comparatively speaking, it knocked Silver right to the ground, and actually made her tumble a short way.

“Hey! Don't do that...” Silver fumbled for her glasses, having lost them during the tumble.

“Then give me my bits.”

“No...”

“Fine.” A huge hoof came down onto those glasses, smashing the frames and plastic with a loud crunch. “Ready to pay yet, nerd?”

“Please stop this.” Silver sobbed softly, more lost than ever before. The world had transformed into a plane of blurry blobs, nothing distinct, just a wavering collection of shapes.

“HEY! You can't do that!” The voice was distinctive. There was no mistaking Diamond when she yelled. Her fury could cut through anything.

“Who's gonna stop me, rich filly? You? You should pay the toll too. Be smarter than your nerd friend.”

“As if! Rich family members don't pay stupid things like this. And we don't just give up because somepony like you threatened.” There was some motion, the pink blob confronting the huge cream-colored blob. “Apologize to her. Right now.”

The big bully's laughter was grating and cruel, and was followed by a powerful snort. “No way. I'm gonna get my bits, or you and your friend are gonna wish you had paid.”

“No!” The pink blob was a blur, wheeling around, moving her limbs, the scene suddenly filled with a resounding thud, a meaty sound of hooves striking a wall of meat.

“Bad move!” There was a scuffle, a great tumult that involved many moving shapes and the pounding of hooves, together with more impacts.

“What is going on here?!” There was a bigger blob suddenly, magenta in color. Miss Cheerilee. “Diamond Tiara! Have you been fighting?”

“This big bully knocked down Silver and broke her glasses! I couldn't let her...”

“That's enough young filly. I don't care the reason. There is no fighting on school grounds. Just for that, you're getting detention.”

“But..!”

“No 'buts'! You march yourself into the classroom right now, young filly. And that goes for you too, all of you. Come on. Inside.” All the shapes moved towards the school-shaped blur, save Cheerilee. “Do you need any help to get home? Is there anypony I can call?”

“N-no. I... I want to stay. My parents will come here eventually. Please let me stay with Diamond. She was only trying to help.”

“There's a right way and a wrong way. She should have come to get me. You always get help from a grown pony.”

“She... she just wanted to help me.” Silver slowly stood and began to carefully pick her way to the school. She had risked harm. She cared so much.

Inside, Silver went straight to the figure sitting far away from a knot of others, heading for that distinctive pink shade. As she got close enough Diamond spoke. “Oh my gosh! Are you okay? Like, did she hurt you?”

“I'm f-fine. I just can't see anything.” Silver took a seat at one of the desks and lightly rubbed a hoof over it. “Thank you. For what you did. That was really, like, brave of you.”

A hoof fell gingerly onto her shoulder, a comforting rub following. “Hey... you're my sugarlump rump. I'll always stand up for you. Always.”

The present returned to Silver when she realized Diamond was calling to her. It was the instrumental middle portion of the song, a chance to actually speak. “Join me for the last chorus. I TOTALLY need you here.”

“Alright! Sounds like fun.” Silver was up and over immediately, eagerly watching the screen.

The instrumental faded into a second verse, then the final chorus. While Silver sang from the screen, Diamond did not. “Be my bad girl, be my gal! Be my weekend lover and be my pal! You can be my bad girl but understand that I need you back in my life again. Be my bad girl, be my gal, be my weekend lover and be my pal! You can be my bad girl, but more than that you can be my sugarlump rump. Be my sugarlump rump.” Diamond smiled cheekily, and grabbed Silver up in a tremendous embrace.

Silver would let everypony think what they wanted. They could all go to Tartarus for all she cared. Because she knew very well that Diamond was not what they thought. It was in the term. Whenever she said 'sugarlump rump' all Silver could hear was, 'I love you.'

A/N: For full disclosure, the song is a modification of “Bad Boy” by Cascada. Have fun listening to it.

Marriage of Convenience

Nopony would call it the wedding of the century or millennium. Hyperbole wasn't inappropriate, but everypony knew it would ring hollow given the royal wedding of Cadence. And if even peers did not trumpet their nuptials as stupendous, two codfish aristocrats of Ponyville certainly knew better than to say such a thing. Diamond Tiara tried, once or twice, including in the first draft of the invitations. Silver Spoon shook her head one time and they had a second draft done in ten minutes.

It was a much-anticipated wedding, surely. Others had been more notable, the weddings of citizens much more generally beloved by the community. But The Rich family and the Lode family had notoriety. And to combine such prestigious lines was something truly big, especially as it was well known that the girls would take the reins of their respective families' companies. That was enough to ensure a one hundred percent positive RSVP response, even from ponies they didn't expect to hear from, like the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Maturity had come to all, at last.

Because of all the prominence there was a small paparazzi presence promised, and delivered. The local gadflies were there, as well as one or two from the rags in Canterlot. Everypony, from guest to the press, swarmed Ponyville city hall, being glad-hoofed by a very enthusiastic Mayor Mare. Flashbulbs popped and pencils scratched across reporter's pads as the story was slowly crafted, line by line and shot by shot.

The real action was behind the scenes, where the brides-to-be were adhering to the Equestrian tradition of not seeing one another before the ceremony. The hall had been designed with minor major events, such as weddings for the notable, in mind. It was deep and broad, capable of segregating a couple on opposite sides of the place, allowing them to avoid contact until they got to the aisle.

Diamond Tiara was being tended to by a small army of mares. The iron-hard mare had grown up nicely. Her limbs were long and gracile, and every motion was elegant. She bounced her mane beneath her veil and admired herself in the mirror. Her white dress hugged her slim form near the chest and sleeves then exploded into a cacophony of lace, taffeta and crepe, leading down into a tremendous lower bell that swept the floor. Her rear hooves were shrouded but they were likely clad in a copy of what was on the front: high-heeled open-hoofed white shoes with fancy filigree punched into them. She grinned behind the veil at the attire. White. That certainly wasn't right. Hadn't been for years. Silver had been... rather aggressive about taking care of that years before. Not that she had been a slouch but she had not been the initiator... the first time.

It was distinctly different in the other room. Silver Spoon was taking care of herself. She didn't need a big army of assistants. After taking care of her mane that morning she came in to the hall's dressing room and put on her own gown. It was a Carousel Boutique original, more taffeta than anything else, with embellishments of silk and satin all over the outfit. It fit her body nicely, to her slight chagrin. She had not become as slim and long as her bride-to-be. She had grown up thick and solid, the Lode bloodline expressing itself in yet another generation of rock-solid bones and short profile for getting through mines with low ceilings. She resembled, in some sense, Mrs. Cup Cake. It wasn't BAD. But she felt very out of place beside her glamorous fiancee. Though yet again, it made them look like the Cakes, the picture of marital bliss.

She settled the veil slowly over her face and smiled. It was her day. And Diamond's day. But hers too. After waiting, planning, preparing for something that seemed like a dream it... still felt like a dream. She couldn't believe what was happening. She was getting married. A marriage well supported by both families, sure to solidly consolidate mountains of wealth and strengthen two slightly-disparate companies, allowing them to fill in gaps in services. She would become a big wheel in the grand machine, and tick along as had been intended all her life.

A knock roused her from her reverie and made Silver turn around. “I'm ready. Is it time yet?”

“Sorry. It's Featherweight.”

“Featherweight? Really? I thought you moved to Canterlot.”

“I did. Can I come in?”

“Sure.” Silver watched the door open to reveal Featherweight. The years had been kind to him. His gangly gawkiness had been replaced with a long and graceful look. It was very feminine, but some stallions could pull that off. What had not changed was the camera harness attached to him. He was also wearing a small brown hat with a 'Press' tag on it. “Well now... Featherweight. I didn't know what became of you. I thought you'd become a portrait photographer.”

The stallion stood proudly for a moment, almost seeming to be posing for his long-ago acquaintance. “Nope! My work on the Gabby Gums column really impressed prospective employers. I finally got hired by The Lantern. Sure, it's all puff pieces. But Namby Pamby is the editor over there and told me if I kept on the society beat steadily, I'd move up really quickly.”

Silver nodded, moving over to a chair. “The Lantern? Well, it's a step up from The Equestrian Investigator or the Monthly Planetary News. Congratulations. And the society page. I guess that's why you're here. This is sort of a big deal in this town. We're not so big or important around here but it's home.”

“Ha! We're not kids anymore. I thought you would have paid attention to what was going on around here. Thanks to all the activity around here the town is famous. Ponies are really taking notice of what's happening. And if important ponies do interesting things, everypony in Canterlot wants the scoop.” Featherweight snapped a shot of Silver in her wedding dress. “And it's a chance to come home.”

Silver laughed musically and blushed behind her veil. “It's great to see you again. So many of the foals from that time have moved off. We're just lucky a lot of them are still around, we have plenty of guests. Diamond really wanted to make sure the crowd was nice and big. It didn't matter much to me. I just wanted this to happen.”

“Diamond has always been like that I guess. Loved being in the spotlight. She seems to enjoy putting herself in the papers, with you along for the ride. I'm amazed you haven't had a scandal.”

“Not for lack of trying on the part of the cheaper papers. 'Rich Family Heiress does something mildly embarrassing' or 'Party-Loving Rich mare parties with friend.' It's almost sad that they can't do much more than that. But... it makes me proud of her. She's a good mare. A very good mare.” Silver sighed happily and looked slightly away from Featherweight, sinking into her thoughts as she often did.

“A very rich mare. Richest heiress in all of Ponyville. And in some of the mountain-base communities. You're not far off but she IS the wealthiest.” Featherweight snapped a photo of the unfocused bride.

“What?” There was something to that statement. Something oddly accusatory in it that made Silver snap quickly back to reality. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“I work the society beat. I keep track of this kind of thing. She's been stated to be the next head of Rich Holdings, to take on all the business. And you were going to handle Lode Mining and Processing. And both those are going to merge, then focus on solidifying the power base.”

“This sounds more like the business page. You're no Bull Market. Stick to fluff pieces about drunk peers and pet shows.” Silver snorted and jumped out of her seat. “I think we're done here.”

“Wait! I'm not trying to be insulting or imply anything. But I'm saying... doesn't this remind you of anything?”

“Yes, it reminds me of my wedding day. A wedding day which I am not going to miss for your sake. You have your photos. I'll even make a statement. Leave.” Silver pushed Featherweight towards the door, putting her thick body to excellent use against the twig-like pegasus.

“Hey! I'm trying to say, this is a cliché and you know it! This is a farce and a con-job of the highest magnitude that has many social implications and I think you need to see it.” Featherweight struggled wildly, twisting and kicking his limbs about to try and find a place to secure himself and make a stand to stay.

Silver pushed him further, but slowed down after a time, eventually stopping as his words sunk in. She ceased her shoving and looked to the panting stallion, eyes narrowed behind her veil. “What are you talking about?”

“All this. All this is just a... a sparkly, ribbon-covered joke being played on you by forces you can't even imagine. You're being played by the rich and powerful. This is textbook romantic comedy and romantic drama stuff. You're entering a marriage arranged by powerful business-owners between a stuck-up rich mare and a follower. Sorry Silver but that's how you've always been. You just... you're buying into it. You're giving in to a basic plot. You're going to marry this awful mare, merge all that money, then the next thing you know you'll be shackled to a job you hate, perpetuating this cycle while you slowly get bitter and hateful towards her. You need to run off with the pony you're secretly seeing, the exciting one with no cash but lots of heart that really understands you. Sure you're not getting the giant mansion, but it will be honest and great. Come on Silver. Nopony else will tell you this. Go for it! Break free!” Featherweight got progressively more animated, going from slowly striding up to Silver, to stalking around her, punching the air and waving a hoof at the heavens.

Silver looked down at the ground, her posture almost seeming castigated by the grand declarations of Featherweight. Suddenly a hoof came up to strike the stallion across the face. “THAT'S for Diamond.” Another heavy smack came across in the other direction. “And that one is for saying I ever betrayed her.”

Though the Lode genes were strong, she herself was not. The hoof-strikes scarcely affected Featherweight, even despite his slimness. “Your anger is understandable. You're facing a nightmare. Having to confront that you set your whole life and your own happiness aside for money and manipulation. It's okay. But you don't have to... OOF!” The commiseration ended when Silver came to the side and lifted a kick into his gut.

“Listen to me, and you listen well...” Silver wasn't playing around. Her voice was hard and the eyes behind her glasses and veil were set in a hard glare. This ISN'T some stupid romantic comedy, or a drama or crazy conspiracy theory. This is a pony tale. And what's more, it's MINE! Know how it ends? I marry Diamond, and we live happily ever after. We do it in spite of the likes of you... in DEFIANCE of the likes of you.”

Featherweight coughed softly, groaning slowly as she rubbed his stomach. “W-what are you talking about? I... I've been in Canterlot... I've seen it all. It's like all the movies I've watched all my life. Betrayal, lies, slander, scandals... this is exactly that. Money, power and a mare with a really bad attitude. You've been groomed all your life for a job you're going to hate with a mare you blindly followed when your heart was elsewhere.”

The look that Silver was giving changed. It went from fury to... pity. “I'm so sorry that you're so broken you think movies and crazy ramblings are real life. I'm also sorry that there are places where they still might be. But you just... don't understand. Nopony understands. Diamond is... protecting me. She always had to get others. But it just became automatic. She did it to protect herself, and me. She loves me. And I love her, with all my heart. And the job... I don't hate it. I can't hate it. It's where my talent lies. A silver spoon, the processed and refined outcome of our mines. And Diamond makes jewelry which she can retail like a professional. Others look at us and see empty-headed society parasites. They don't know how brilliant we are. Shrewd and canny enough to keep these businesses going, and make them prosper as much as before. Our fathers wouldn't give them to us if they didn't think we could manage it.”

“But...” Featherweight looked lost, as if his whole world was crashing down around him.

“Diamond is my foalhood love. My only love. Not because I'm a follower or any other things like the gossips say. It's because she has always been there for me. She became what she is because of me. She was so honest... we're going to live happily ever after, the two of us. We're going to have a big mansion, raise peafowl together, and have lots of children. We're going to grow old together, sitting on the porch in rocking chairs watching grandfoals and great-grandfoals running around bothering the peahens and getting spooked by the peacocks. We'll wear out our years, together. Just like I always dreamed.” Silver sniffed softly and strode forward, pushing contemptuously past Featherweight. “My wedding is waiting for me. I pity you, Featherweight. That you can't see past the surface. Maybe you will someday. But not today.”

Featherweight watched her leave, face a mask of disbelief. He didn't bother to follow. He had his story. 'Unstable Bridezilla attacks reporter/photographer while ranting about her life.' He'd be able to sell it to Namby Pamby. She'd run it. It would sure make a nice change from all the useless fluff they were going to run on the wedding. He staggered out of the room with a snort. He should never have come back.

The wedding went off without a hitch. Despite the showiness and pomp of Diamond's dress, she opted to go first. She was waiting there at the head of the aisle with Mayor Mare, when Silver grandly strode down the aisle. Her pony tale come true. There was a smile on her face under the veil. Her encounter with Featherweight had actually raised her spirits even higher. She was doing this for all the right reasons. Her whole life had been planned and prepared from the start. It was working out exactly as intended. It had worked well so far. And as she looked at her smiling wife-to-be, she knew it would work out exactly as she had said.

Happily ever after.

The Day Without

The life of a pony was often extremely long and filled with a rich fullness that emerged from the freedom from fear, want and pain, to say nothing of the many friends and family members that filled that long life. But even with that length and richness, it was ever the lot of ponies to die at the end, saving the Princesses.

The grim reaper at last came to touch one of the grand matriarchs of the locally-powerful Rich-Lode family. All the money and glamor in Equestria, and all the family and love, could not stave off the cut of the reaper's scythe. The signs were there, with a progressive, degenerative nerve disorder giving a final countdown to her end. It did not make it any easier to take, when Silver Spoon finally gave up the ghost.

The funeral was arranged with great expediency by Silver's wife, with her usual aplomb and ruthless efficiency. The Rich-Lode family was drawn in from their slightly-scattered positions to the family land, which had long ago been formed by the merging of the two family properties and the construction of a single, grand manor to replace the two which had been demolished.

Silver would have the strange honor of being the first pony to occupy the Rich-Lode crypt, which rested below a beautiful marble mausoleum that had been embellished with silver bands and diamond inlays. It was set in the rear of the property, behind the previous private graveyard of cenotaphs and beautifully carved tombstones.

Her coffin was, naturally, a silver box, which rested on a bier in front of the open doors to the mausoleum. Chairs were arrayed in front of it, and were occupied by the family members. It was unusual indeed, for the normally self-aggrandizing and self-promoting Diamond Tiara. But the family understood. Her wife was special. She would never make a spectacle out of her death. After all, her whole life had been dedicated wholly and solely to protecting Silver Spoon.

Diamond Tiara strolled up the central aisle between the chairs, passing children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, a pained smiled plastered on her face as she made the effort to appear strong. “Grandmother, you need help?” Her grandson-in-law, Citrine Lode, stood up. He was a sandy yellow, small-bodied Diamond Dog, the current foredog of Lode Mining and Processing. He was one of the family members to live in the manor, given the nature and location of his job. He was there with his wife, first daughter of the first son of Silver.

A gentle smile spread across the old mare's face. She was as saggy and creaky as any old mare, but with long limbs and a much thinner, sere form. “No no, Citrine. But it's sweet of you to ask. You've always been good to us. I'm glad Electra married you.” She leaned in to rest her head against the Dog and receive a hug in return. After the family interlude she continued down to the coffin.

Her hoof hovered above the silver surface of the box, almost seeming afraid of contact. For the usually-unflappable old mare it was unusual. Yet again, it was not. The body in the box had been the love of her life, the reason she rose every morning with a smile, and the reason she went to bed every night with a sigh of delight. But eventually, she not only touched it, she pushed it open.

The inside of the box was aged teak, a pleasant silver-gray color, with white lace trim in the lower portion. Silk lined the inside of the bottom, on which Silver's body rested. She had been placed in her favorite dress, a cream-and-gray pseudo-banishment-era thing that managed to hide the thickness of her squat body without using corsets or bodices. She was on her back, head down slightly, eyes closed. Her semi-ovular pointed-ended glasses were there, the same style she had had since she was a filly. There was an almost-beatific look on her face, her usual look when she was just sleeping. The mortician had done a spectacular job. She scarcely looked as old as she had been. More a grandmother than a great-grandmother.

The entire gathered assembly looked in at the body of one of the family matriarchs, bowing their heads reverently after looking, some of the younger ones peeking up for second looks. Once the looks were done and the heads bowed for a time, Diamond cleared her throat and drew every eye back to her. She looked... unusual nervous. It was not the usual look for the canny businessmare. But nothing was usual that day. The family only took it in stride as she gathered the nerve to speak.

“This is the day... the day we all thought would never come. Silver... always seemed like she would go on forever. We promised as much when we were married, so long ago. And even when we got old and creaky and grody, we were still those mares. And the fillies in grade school. I was her dame in diamond armor, and she was my silver princess. Even when we knew we were going to look like the filly fooler version of Mister and Mrs. Cake, or Snips and Snails, nothing changed. That was what made it so special, so wonderful. Even when everything changed, little by little... nothing changed.

“She was always my Sugarlump Rump. I invented that term when I was a little foal, pretending to insult her. She knew I didn't mean it... and then I meant it. Every time. When it stopped being a silly fake insult and started meaning “I love you and always will.” I never minded saying it, I did it freely, and just often enough. It never got old, never went stale, was always able to put a smile on her face.

“It was our thing and it became part of our day... if you don't want to hear these things about your mother and grandmother and great-grandmother please cover your ears. But it was true... every morning after we were married... I woke her up with a big, soft kiss on that sugarlump rump. I was always up first. I wanted a jump on the business day. So I kissed her, and she smiled because she thought it was cute. Even at the end... when she was sick... I still did it. And she smiled brighter. She said it made her feel alive, and normal. Like nothing was wrong. Just that little thing could make her happy. That was her. She was so easy to make happy, when you really knew her.

“I... don't know how to stop... if I stop this eulogy I'll have to close the lid on her. I'll have to let her go. And I don't want her to go. I can't. This wasn't the plan. Our whole lives were planned and decided a long time ago, and we loved every minute of it. But I always planned... to go first. It was supposed to be me. It was supposed to be me!” She turned to the coffin and cried out into the face of her dead wife. “It was supposed to be me going first! We planned it!” He hoof clopped loudly on the edge of the coffin as she pounded on it, tears flowing freely.

Citrine again came to the emotional aid of his grandmother. He gingerly moved her hooves away with one hand while he brought the lid down slowly and reverently. He brought Diamond around to the head of the coffin and softly patted her side. “Grandmother is alright?”

“I am perfectly well. Thank you. Thank you...” Diamond leaned against her grandson again and put on a small smile. “Pardon my... indelicacy. This is a very trying time. But you understand.” She smiled at the audience, who were wiping their own tears away.

There were a few different spiritual traditions among the four present generations. Diamond Dogs held that the souls of the dead would mineralize and become an enrichment of the earth they had harvested all their lives; the Zaldi present believed the good would walk on a road of gold forever in perfect happiness while the evil would walk on a road of lead forever tormented by Windigoes; Roa thought that souls resided in a moonlit paradise where nopony wandered and there were beautiful things all around; the average Equestrian believed in a pleasant afterlife of ill definition, a warm and gentle area of timeless delight. Diamond believed them all. Not because she hedged her bets or prevaricated to play all sides, but because she found it pleasant to imagine every lovely fate for her bride.

Each tradition also had their own rituals for the pre-internment. The Equestrian portion was in the eulogy and the coffin for burial. The few Roa were playing a soft dirge, as were the Zaldi, one of the Roa playing a slow hurdy-gurdy while two of the Zaldi added rhythm to it with a txalaparta. Citrine gave a deep, low howl, as did his children, and his wife, doing her best to sound right despite her pony throat.

The honors over, then came the grim task. Three of the family members came over. Citrine stood before the head of the coffin and reached behind himself to grasp a long bar. Jolly Rich-Lode, Diamond's youngest son, took up a position beside the rear right side. He was a unicorn, pale blue in color with a dark blue mane. At the other rear edge was another unicorn, a mare. She was a light pink color with a mulberry mane. Cherie Rich-Lode, wife of Silver's daughter Brassy. Citrine lifted on his end, effortlessly lifting half of the heavy box. While he did that Cherie and Jolly lit their horns and pulled on their respective corners, raising the coffin into the air. Once it was up, all three stepped forward into the mausoleum, and set the coffin on a silver bier, on the right side of the inner space. On the left was a marble bier studded with large, perfect diamonds. There was a red carpet running down the center between biers towards a sloped opening which led down into the crypt proper.

The door to the mausoleum was closed with a resounding thud, then securely locked. The three pallbearers moved back down to the rows of sitting ponies, who all looked expectantly at Diamond. She stroked at the namesake tiara on her brow and sighed gently. “Time to... go back to the manor. There's a luncheon set out for everypony in the party room. The... first time anypony but myself and Silver were invited in.”

The assembled gathering moved away towards the house, speaking to one another in low tones, a group moving the txalaparta. One figure lingered back, a young Diamond Pony of about ten. She was a sandy yellow color, with the normal elongated forearms with large hands, hooves at the ends of her legs and a lovely pony head on her shoulders. Her mane and tail, which was Diamond Dog-like but with longer fur, were of a pink tone. “Great-gramma Diamond, can we go play with the peabirds?”

The old mare laughed brightly and fuzzled the head of the little puppyfoal. “No, no Sandy dear. We need to go in for lunch. Just leave the poor things alone for now. You can play with them tomorrow, even if they always chase you around.”

“It's fun!” Sandy grinned at her great-grandmother and scampered off towards the manor. Diamond watched her go with a bemused grin. She would miss the little ones when she was gone.

The funeral reception lasted the whole day. The families that did not live in the manor left that evening to return to their homes which, in most cases, were not that far away. The ones left were very quiet, even the children. They understood that Diamond needed silence and contemplative solitude. They remained on the ground floor, leaving her alone on the fifth floor, which was mostly a landing and the bedroom the two mares had shared for decades.

Diamond slowly combed out her hair, which had long ago ceased to be two-toned. It was pure white, and still somewhat wavy. Beautiful. Silver had always said it was beautiful, even when it was losing its color. It was why she had never bothered to dye it. If it was beautiful enough for her wife, it was more than enough for Equestria in general.

She regarded the room in the mirror, which was a tremendous oval set in a fame of silver with diamond inlays. Their decorating style had grown into a rut, but one which amused and pleased them. The room was paneled in stained hardwoods, with a plush carpet. The walls were adorned with dozens of photographs, from their earliest dates to the births of their children, and marriages of said children, as well as grandchildren. It was practically a time capsule of the most vital moments in their lives. Almost overlooked in it all were pictures of the day they were given control of the business holdings which began very successful careers for them both.

The furniture was all antique, and had belonged to their parents. The large bed, with its multiple-metal filigreed headboard and sturdy iron canopy posts came from the Lode family, while the makeup vanity that Silver was at was all Rich. The chests, the armoire, the bureaus, they were all from the Rich and Lode families. Those objects not used in their own room had been distributed amongst the children.

Another lonely night loomed ahead. That was the thought in the back of Diamond's mind as she set down the silver-handled brush and looked at her wrinkled, withered face in the mirror. The difference was, she had seen her wife settled in a coffin and placed inside the lonely stone mausoleum in the back of the property. When she was still in the hooves and hands of the morticians it was not quite as stark. The bed wasn't quite as lonely. But with the ceremony over...

The opposite side of the bed seemed cold and bare, so much more than before. She reached out for the plump, cheerfully-wrinkled squat mare, and grasped nothing but air and empty blankets. A soft sigh flew out from her mouth and her eyes clamped shut tight. Just faintly from below, she could hear the sounds of the family from below, including a faint indication of cheery music, a common post-burial custom among all the traditions.

A little smile played around on her lips. Her family was happy, and that was the most important thing. They would get on very well, and continue for a long while, exactly as had been intended. They would be fine without Silver. And without her as well.

She could not go on without Silver. Her plans had never included the idea of trying. It had always been a very simple and straightforward thing. She would die first, Silver would go on in her widow's weeds for a while before she finally succumbed to something quick and painless. That was the plan. The way it was supposed to be.

She had never learned to be without Silver. Never had to be. She had always been there. She had promised to be there for her forever. That was one of the things she had actually apologized for. When she realized the illness was going to take her, she had apologized for that. Another of the little things that had made Silver so... Silver.

Now all the plans were ruined. They had worked out so perfectly for well over half a century, very near to a full one. At the very end, tripping at the finish line. She thought it was perfect. Silver had been the sensible one, the calm one. Calm ponies were supposed to live longer. No stress, no worries. Diamond was honestly surprised she had made it so long.

She couldn't bear it. Not one more long, dark, lonely night. Not knowing she was there in the grave. Wrapped up in a box, out lonely in the empty mausoleum and crypt. She needed her protector. The silver princess was lost without her dame in diamond armor. She had said so. All the time. And every Nightmare Night they had the same costumes to show it off.

All the old romantic movies and books and radio dramas talked about lovers who went together. They were so connected and involved that they literally expired without one another. It made for a beautiful conclusion to beautiful stories. That always seemed so... real, possible.

Even though Silver had scolded her once for believing in such things, and making a comparison to Featherweight's inane babbling at their wedding, she still found it possible. And even desirable. She wasn't equipped to go on without Silver Spoon. The dame in diamond armor was useless without the silver princess. She had no purpose.

That was the rub. Even leading a modest corporate interest and being the prime matriarch in a large family, she had had one real purpose in her life. Ever since the day of inventing the 'sugar lump rump' her one goal in life had been to spare Silver from ever experiencing pain like that again. And she had been very successful in that. Her whole being had been consumed with her role as being Silver's shield.

She had nothing to shield anymore. No wife to guard and hold and cherish and adore. She was just an old, old mare, all alone in a house full of family, emeritus corporate head used as a figurehead in the present. She could just fade away and nothing much would change. It would almost be preferable.

She would never take her own life. That was foolishness. It was never the answer. But her will was strong. Her will to be with Silver again, in one of the afterlives... commingled minerals enriching the earth, walking the golden road, celebrating beneath the silver moon, or living in perfect bliss. Her will could take her there.

She laid her head down on the pillow. Resolute. She could will herself to death...

The morning sun rose, bright, clear and on time, as ever. It spread a loving warmth across the face of the land. Even over the mourning manor just outside of Ponyville proper, creating an almost cheerful light from the reflection off of the silver and diamonds on the mausoleum. It slanted through the windows on the fifth floor, falling across the pale cheek of Diamond Tiara. It warmed her still, silent body for a moment before her eyes fluttered open and she winced from the bright glare in her face. Another day. Her will was not that strong. She had another day to live.

A noise from her door grabbed her attention and turned her head. She glanced across and watched it open, allowing entrance to a motley collection of foals and puppyfoals, including Sandy. “Great-gramma! Great-gramma! Come on! You gotta come sit in the chair out front and watch us play with the peabirds!”

“The peacocks will get upset when you bother the peahens again. But who am I to deny you?” A smile spread across Diamond's lips, thinking about another day of what had become a routine. Sitting in the rocking chair, watching the younger grandchildren and the great-grandchildren playing on the lawn, bothering the peafowl. She had done it with Silver for ages. Exactly as they had planned.

The plan had changed. And yet it hadn't. She would just have to take on Silver's role. A big job. But she would manage. For love.

The Secret Life of Silver Spoon

A/N: Yes, it's a Thurber homage.

Thock-Pop-Thock-Pop-Thock-Pop

The sound was monotonous, though not without interruption at unexpected times. It made the strange percussion both simple and yet chaotically complex. Doctor Silver Spoon adjusted her glasses as she looked around the jungle, her canoe cutting through the swift-flowing river, the banks showing the marks of occupation. She was being propelled along by the steady rowing of two pony natives, earth ponies wearing reddish body paint and small circlets of dried vines and gemstones.

'Youngest professor of Ethnology ever to graduate from the Royal Canterlot University, writer of the best final thesis they had seen in years, always highly praised by professors, from doctoral adviser to those that had just interacted with me. And those lame brains at the Noble Society wouldn't even look at my application because I had no “standing.” They're just jealous. But I'll show them. I'll find the secret of this tribe others could never crack. Then they'll see.'

Doctor Spoon's bitter thoughts cast a shadow over her features, almost making her miss that they were coming to a well-constructed if simple quay. The whole location looked like someone transported the style sensibilities of conventional Equestria into the jungle and reconstructed it with local materials. The houses were thatched in the broad leaves of local trees, sealed with bituminous pitch from some source they had likely located while digging for the gems they all seemed to wear. The walls were something like adobe but made with the local dark river mud. There were even windows composed of well-fitted gems held together with strips of metal and sealed with the pitch.

“Fascinating...” The glasses went up again. She gingerly exited the craft and pulled out the thin stack of notes in a manilla folder. There was not much written about the tribe, known locally as a very civilized and advanced group. They had been just one of the few remaining unknown groups in the great rain forest, until reports came back of them wearing the particular gem-enhanced circlets, and rumors of them living and acting like more centralized Equestrians. Ethnologists swarmed, but all came back with hardly anything. The tribe simply refused to say much or even take them very far into their territory. It had become a saying that nopony would ever crack them. Until Doctor Spoon proclaimed that she could do it.

“What a laugh they had...” It had been thought of as a joke, a boast from a poseur, a newly-minted PhD grandstanding to try and move the committed of The Noble Society. But she would have the last laugh. She had been seen by the tribe members, given encouraging signs, and finally invited to the very heart of the tribal lands. All in a quick sweep. Perfect.

It was the coup of the century. An unqualified success that gave her standing and the right to gloat over the stuffy dorks in The Noble Society. They'd all be just incensed that she beat them at their game. The very idea made her giggle and eagerly hop behind her guide. She was being taken to see the family in charge of the tribe.

The two rowers led her down a winding path that had been studded with stones in a very good imitation of a cobblestone road. It cut through the jungle, moving upwards just slightly. Around a bend the destination came into view. It was a huge, elaborate tree house, both carved from several living trunks and also enhanced by several additions and modules, all made of local materials, as all the rest of the local buildings. It was a manor rendered in primitive materials.

“Oh my... most... impressive.” It was... stunning. Magnificent. Scientifically fascinating! A manor house, among the jungle trees, looking for all the world like something a rich family in Equestria proper would have.

“The chief will see you.” Though the accent was thick, the grammar was perfect. Another odd quirk found in those that spoke common Equestrian. They had been taught, and taught well. It added wonderfully to the mystery. The paper would be wonderful.

She was led through the doors of carved local trees and tightly wrapped vines inset with beautiful jewels. Within, chandeliers hung from the ceiling, while furniture made from more local materials were placed tastefully around. The floor was made of polished wood, carefully laid into a surface that was smooth underhoof and clopped pleasantly with each step.

There was a large staircase at the far end of the main room, and at the top was... a very friendly-looking earth pony, with a slicked mane. He looked like a very respectable businesspony, but rather than a suit of the standard make he wore one made of woven local fibers. “Ahh, you must be the doctor that my secretary mentioned. My word, you are much shorter than I expected. Shetland?” The voice was cultured, the sound of old money.

“No, um... chief. I am a prodigy. Doctor Silver Spoon. Graduated with special dispensations from The Royal Canterlot University.” Doctor Spoon looked quite confused by the turn of events. That was certainly not what she expected.

“Of course, of course... no wonder they allowed you to come here. This makes perfect sense...” The chief stroked his chin slowly and nodded his head.

“Excuse me, chief, but what do you mean?”

“Oh no need for formalities, doctor. My name is Filthy Rich. Ah, but please do just call me mister Rich. You see... as you might imagine we are not from around here. My family and I had a bit of a mishap with our private airship. In retrospect I suppose we should have told somepony we would be here. We happened to be found by this most kind tribe. Now I know what some say about the upper crust. But we CAN be resourceful. A bit of organizational skill training, some rolling up my sleeves and showing I was worth the position and I was made the CEO of the tribe. Or the chief, I suppose.”

“That's very interesting, mister Rich. But what does that have to do with my being brought in here when other ethnologists were not?”

“Ahh yes... well now... they did not necessarily know you were a doctor of ethnology. You see, I was stranded here with my wife and young daughter. And I have mentioned many times that I wanted a companion for my daughter. And while the locals are very secretive and private, they knew that you might be exactly what I wanted. I hope you do not mind if your study trip is slightly interrupted by also being a companion.”

“Well, mister Rich, I know that you... well, I realize that things don't always go as planned in the field, but I don't know if...” Doctor Spoon began to prevaricate, tapping her hoof awkwardly on the floor.

“Daddy! Where did you go? I'm bored again! This music isn't entertaining anymore.” From the upper level cried out the voice of a young filly.

“Down here, sweetie! In fact, come down, there's somepony I'd like you to meet.”

“Fine! But then you had better...” The angry, snarling voice stopped when the young filly reached the top of the stairs and looked down towards Doctor Spoon. She was charming, pink and pretty, wearing the local attire of woven jungle fibers, but also had a tiara of silver and diamonds on her head. “Oh. O-oh...”

“Diamond Tiara, dear, this is Doctor Silver Spoon of the Royal Canterlot University. Doctor Spoon, this is my lovely daughter, Diamond Tiara. She would be for whom you provide companionship, should you choose to remain.”

She was staring at a wonder, her vision practically filled with a slow-motion, Gaussian-blur filly without a single flaw. Her breath quickened and mouth suddenly grew dry. “So lovely...”

Diamond Tiara smiled when she saw the flustered filly. Her normal response would be to press the advantage. But this filly... she was just so cute there was no option but to be very real. “Well well... Silver Spoon.”

“Yes...”

“Silver Spoon...”

“Yes.”

“Silver Spoon!”

“Ah! Y-yes?” Silver spoon shook her head and looked around her. Just where she had been before her focus drifted. The Canterlot Mountain Tennis Club, watching a low-level match between the champion, Ace, and some middle-ranked player being absolutely slaughtered. The ball gave a “thock” as it bounced off the racquet with a following “pop” off of the ground, the sound repeating as the match went on.

“Silver Spoon, were you... ignoring me?” Diamond Tiara did not have her usual sub-rage-filled expression of contempt. She looked genuinely hurt. Sorrowful even.

“No! No! Not at all! Never! Oh honey...” Silver leaned in against Diamond, the small crowd around them giving approving nods and smiles, both sets of parents sitting up a bit more proudly. “I love you. It's just, like, this thing is so boring, ya know?”

“Oh I know it. But you know, they say we have to be here.” Diamond rolled her eyes and nuzzled Silver softly, stroking a hoof down her back. “I'd SOOO rather be hanging out that that cute little boutique up the mountain.”

“Oh yea, totally. I love that place. You got that CUTE little dress for your Cuteceñera. I can't believe you just, like, gave it to me.” Silver adjusted her glasses, as a dark blush spread across her face.

“Well DUH! Of course I gave it to you. I can't wear it again since I was already in it. And who ELSE would get it but my fillyfriend? Nopony else DESERVES something that cute.” Silver sat up tall and swung her hoof in the air, a punching motion to emphasize her passionate statement.

Silver smiled sheepishly, back in her usual shrinking violet mode. She tucked her head under Diamond's chin, noting the surrounding ponies nodding again, one of them giving a stern look to another young filly, who scoffed and rolled her eyes. 'Not everypony can be so lucky...' she thought with a grin. “Do you want to go? I KNOW they'll let us go if we ask.”

“Yea, this is boring. We both know Ace is gonna win.” Diamond turned to her father and turned on the puppy dog eyes. “Daaaaddy. Can't Silver and I, like, go to that cute boutique? You know the one we like.”

Filthy Rich looked down with every intention to put up a fight. But one look at that adorable face sapped his resolve, leaving him smiling and ruffling her head. “Of course. We'll tell the Lodes where you went. It's perfectly safe going up in that direction. Have fun.”

“We will, daddy.” Diamond rose and motioned to Silver. “Come on, he said we can go.” Silver gave her parents a hug and then trotted off behind Diamond.

Getting to the boutique was extremely easy. Outside the club Diamond merely had to drop her father's name and a hansom was arranged with great speed. That conveyed the two fillies along the clean, well-tended streets populated with dapper stallions and proper mares, fine folk that took their location on the mountain of Canterlot very seriously. The cab finally stopped outside of a small, white shop with many fine dresses and decorated saddles in the window. The name above the door was given as, “Haughty Couture.”

Inside, the boutique was as opulently arrayed as the window implied. Dresses hung on equine forms, saddles sat displayed on shelves, and accessories of all kinds looked out appealingly from behind glass cases. The pre-made outfits hung on hangers, being looked through by a selection of beautiful mares and handsome stallions, those likely shopping for a surprise gift. Oddly, there was a new section in the store, as evidenced by fresh paint and shiny accoutrements, which displayed colorful ribbons of all description.

The two fillies broke into broad, gleeful smiles, giving high-pitched squeals of delight as the carnival of class came into view. Diamond ran right to the ribbons, holding them up by her tail and checking how they looked against her flanks. “Have you seen these? They're, like, THE latest thing. Fleur de Lis has totally been showing these off lately.”

“Ooh, pretty! I just need something to wear around. Ponyville is really small but I still need to look good.” Silver slid the hangers along, checking the dresses. The slide and clink of the hangers and rustle of dresses soon filled her mind, eyes just sliding over the attire.

Silver Spoon, world-famous filly of adventure and seeker of rare treasures, looked behind her, panting heavily after the flurry of activity. The death traps slid and clanked steadily, blades whirling or slashing out, rocks pushing out and spikes repeatedly stabbing the air.

“Let's see Daring do THAT!” She chuckled softly to herself and heaved a sigh, letting her heart rate drop back to a saner, more healthy level while also resting her screaming muscles. As skilled as she was she still was only a filly.

She fanned herself with her pith helmet and adjusted her glasses carefully. Beyond the hall of deadly things was a curving passage leading to what she presumed would be the treasure chamber. Such things tended to work like that. Settling the hat back on her head she trotted on, hoofsteps echoing around the stone passage.

A golden glow announced her arrival in the promised chamber. The flowing rivers of oil running through the walls, which she had lit at the entrance of the place, illuminated the room brightly. Statues, pottery and the remains of woven goods littered the room, the leavings of an ancient society, a boon to museums and scientists. But as in the best fiction, there was also a huge, showy diamond set in a thick, gaudy silver necklace attached to a heavy silver chain.

“Seems out of place for the civilization and the time... but who cares? It's mine now! And then... it'll belong to whichever museum feels like paying my hazard fee.” She picked it up from the central pedestal, admiring it in the flickering light of the flowing fire.

There came a sudden rumbling, the whole chamber trembling, the surrounding objects tumbling over and trembling across the shaking floor. Silver looked at the pedestal, checking for any kind of hidden switch, pressure plate or lever tripped by removing the necklace. Despite all her searching for the usual sign, there was nothing there. Just a smooth slab of rock.

All of a sudden the ceiling seemed to explode, chunks of stone falling around the room, though not destroying any of the fallen artifacts. Daylight streamed down from the hole, illuminating a strange apparatus. It looked like a giant, vaguely pony-shaped metal shell covered in spinning drill bits, with a humming thaumatomagnetic engine propelling it through the air.

The hulking metal brute hit the ground with a resounding thud, shaking up the room once more. Large spotlights snapped on with a subtle crackle of electricity, illuminating the stunned Silver Spoon. For the span of a few breaths nothing moved. Then there came the hiss of air and the scrape of metal on metal, the front of the device opening up.

The open front revealed, in a haze of kicked-up dust, a grinning pink filly. A beautiful carnation dress hugged her form, and a beautiful tiara sat on her head. She slowly slunk her way out of the control segment of the machine, sliding a hoof through her two-color mane. “Well, well, well... Silver Spoon. The great treasure hunter.”

“Diamond Tiara. Late to the party again, as usual.” Silver adjusted her glasses and licked her lips, which had suddenly gone dry. “And in another one of your contraptions. If I didn't know better I'd swear you weren't in this for the money, just from how much you spend on those things.”

“Oh come on, you KNOW it's never about the money. I have SOOO much already. It's the thrill of it. The grabbing and the fame. But... having a rival makes that kind of hard. You ALWAYS beat me to the good stuff, even when I start first. How do you do that?”

“You said it yourself. I'm the great treasure hunter. Old death traps and crumbling temples are nothing to me. And I don't even need to use fancy machines.”

“Hmph!” Diamond turned up her nose and snorted softly. “Well that's just great for you. I don't suppose you'll give me that so I can make a big deal out of it at my next party, will you?”

“Ha! It belongs in a museum! You know that, Diamond. That's always how it is.”

“Guh. Whatever. You and your museums. Fine. A museum. Give it to me so I can take it out there and get the credit for, you know, finding it and stuff.”

“Your machine may have gotten here to the treasure chamber, but I got here first. And got past all the traps. This is MY find. And I'm going to have another placard in another museum.”

“Fine! Be that way.” Diamond huffed and turned back to her machine, stepping slowly up into it. “I thought... even if we were rivals... that you... liked me.”

“Diamond... wait...” Silver looked down at the necklace in her hoof. “We could... donate it together, and split the finder's fee, plus my hazard fee. Do you have a spare seat in there?”

“Oh you can keep the bits. I just want to share a placard with you.” Diamond blew a flirty kiss and slowly stroked a padded space beside her, the driving space very like a bench. “And you know me... there's ALWAYS a space for you, Silver...”

“Th-thank you.” Silver adjusted her glasses shyly and stepped up into the machine, daintily taking a seat by Diamond, snuggled up good and close.

“So what are you going to do with your money? There's plenty of things to get, like cute little dresses, or some really nice art. Maybe jewels!”

Silver chuckled softly as the metal front began to close again. “No. Maybe something practical like a new couch set, or a table, or maybe just some food for my pet. Yea, I need to pick up some peacock chow...”

“Peacock chow...” Silver muttered to herself, still flipping through the racks and being generally unaware of her surroundings.

“She said peacock chow.” A group of fillies, a mix of unicorns and pegasi, tittered softly at the strange statement, the oldest one, a yellow unicorn, sneered. “What a freak. Talking about peacock chow...”

“Hey!” Diamond Tiara galloped up, fury bright in her eyes. “Don't you dare say that kind of thing about my fillyfriend!” She shook a hoof at the slightly-stunned gathering. “So what if she said that? She probably needs to tell her dad to buy more. She has a pet peacock. I'll bet none of YOU have a pet peacock, do you?” When no reply was forthcoming she took Silver into a protective hug and snorted. “That's what I thought. Now get out of here, you insulting pests.” She nuzzled the glasses-wearing filly comfortingly. “You okay, sugarlump rump?”

Silver sniffed softly and gave a nod, burying her head against Diamond's chest. “Y-yes.” She paused a moment and then softly added, “You saved me. Again. My princess in shining gems.”

“More like your dame in shining jewelry.” Diamond grinned smugly for a moment, basking in the praise. “Did you really just say, 'peacock chow'?”

“Um, yea. I was... remembering I need more of it. I'll have to visit Fluttershy, because she's the only one in Ponyville that has any.”

“You should, like, arrange for deliveries from Canterlot. It TOTALLY gives you cred to get packages from up in Canterlot. You don't have to tell anypony it's pet food. That's what I did with my... corrective hoofgear.”

Silver tittered quietly behind a hoof and nodded. “Did you see anything you liked?”

“I though about those ribbons but, that's, like, a whole new style I'd need to plan. I'd need a completely new ensemble to go with them. And that means daddy and his money have to be here. And since we'd TOTALLY need to match your daddy and money have to be here too.”

“Oh... yea! That's right. Guess we have to go back to the club and beg them to bring us back here. And give us money.” Silver jumped to her hooves and directed her body to the door.

“Oh no need for both of us to go. You stay around here and pick an outfit. I'll be back REALLY fast. I'll bet daddy wouldn't mind leaving that match.” Diamond planted a parting kiss on Silver's cheek, trotting swiftly out of the boutique.

“Is that your fillyfriend? She seems nice.” One of the workers, an older teen unicorn mare, trotted up, gaze holding on Diamond Tiara trying to get a cab. “Protects you from bullies, wants matching outfits, does all the work getting money. She's sure a keeper. Reminds me of a filly I used to date. She was kinda stuck-up but that was almost half her charm. Now she and I...”

The chattering. The endless, senseless chattering. She was always surrounded by it. This wasn't at all what she expected when she took on the task of being art director for a new production in the famous Royal Canterlot Theater, sometimes known as Urbi Et Orbi. And what was worse, she had no choice but to bear it. As the youngest art director ever in the long history of the facility, she had to prove herself. She could not give up or lose her patience, or she might never find work again.

But the actresses! The actors were fine, they tended to talk only when something was really needed, and since they didn't often have much to do with set design or anything similar they had little reason to speak with her. The actresses, however, were the shallowest, most overbearingly jaw-loose creatures she had ever seen. Other mares that she knew were nothing like that. She just couldn't explain it.

Silver gave a sigh and looked over her work. Sketchbooks filled with the set and costume designs from the more specific artists, a unified vision for the revival of a classic production. Re-imaginings were always big ticket things. The same old lines with new outfits and a new backdrop. Somehow that made the whole thing new enough for the audience, even if in some cases it left modern-ish ponies talking like Princess Luna.

Everything was looking good. The costumes had a fusion of post-Banishment upper class style with other more contemporary touches, including a Nightmare flair to the lead actress' costume. And as was befitting, the backgrounds were made to look like reasonably contemporary high society locales. Silver looked over the lead actress' costume again, noticing that there wasn't anything in the location of the face, just a big blank. She had not yet met the actress in question. Nor was she likely to. She hadn't designed it, she didn't have to make it. But still, knowing the specific dimensions and look of the actress would probably help her to tweak the design if appropriate

“Hello? Is anypony here?” The voice was sweet, melodious. Certainly, there was a slight rasp to it, just an edge, that added to the overall loveliness of the voice. The owner of the voice was revealed to be a filly, a vision in pink with a two-toned mane. “I was told the art director was in here.”

It took a moment of working her jaw and careful breathing for Silver to be able to speak again. “Yes, yes, that's me!” She adjusted her glasses sheepishly and coughed into her hoof. “H-how can I help you?”

The filly bounced her mane and struck a dramatic pose. “Isn't it obvious? I'm Diamond Tiara, the lead actress. Are you surprised to see a filly like me at Urbi Et Orbi? I've been acting since I was a tiny foal. Now I'm going to debut on the big stage. Besides, you're a little filly too, and you're here.”

“I'm sorry for not recognizing you. I've just been... really busy with all of this. I, um.. didn't even know what you looked like. Which is a shame. You're very pretty. Oh! And I say that because, umm, I think it will really enhance the costume design.”

“Let me see...” Diamond strolled to the book which had the costumes and looked at hers. “Oh I love it! It's just perfect for the role. But... do you think I can pull off a Nightmare style?”

“Oh yes, of course! You'll stand out beautifully against the backdrops... but... maybe it needs some more lace, black crepe, and your makeup is going to be the most important aspect of it all. Your beautiful face should be even more beautiful.”

Diamond smiled more brightly, bouncing her mane again and setting the book aside. She pressed up against Silver, who began to blush deeply. “You know... maybe we could talk about that somewhere... private. Someplace that's just you and me.”

“Just you and me...” Though Silver still blushed deeply, a contented smile spread across her face. “That's... it sounds strange but that's all I ever dreamed of...”