“Aww, we missed you too, sugarcube!” Applejack pats my back as I release her and Rarity from my hug.

Rarity claps her hooves, “Oh I cannot wait to get started!” She steps quickly into the hotel room as she calls back to Applejack and Rainbow Dash, “Help bring in our things, won’t you?”

While Applejack reacquires the bags she’d set down to hug me, Rainbow Dash rolls her eyes, hovering impatiently in the doorway with a bag in each hoof. It only took a quick glance to see that the majority of the luggage was marked with three sparkling diamonds.

Rainbow Dash swoops in to plop her’s down and land next to me as Applejack helps Rarity unpack. A little jolt goes down my spine as she bumps her cutie mark to mine. “Hey Twi,” she says, smirking at my reaction.

“Hi Rainbow!” I say, smiling and trying not to be flustered.

“Dashie!!” Pinkie cries, pouncing and wrapping her into a big hug.

“Yeah yeah,” Rainbow Dash squirms in her grip, “just can’t get enough Dash!”

“Hah! That makes for one of us!” Applejack calls over, taking out a blow dryer from one of Rarity’s bags. “Reckon’ you can keep her, Pinkie!” Applejack grins.

Pinkie’s face lights up at Applejack. “I can?!” she squeals, squeezing Rainbow tighter.

“Ok! Breathing! Need that!” Rainbow Dash taps Pinkie’s foreleg, and Pinkie releases her into a heap on the floor. Rainbow shoots Applejack a dirty look, who just chuckles.

I can’t help but giggle as well, hiding it with a hoof. My mind takes detailed mental note of the little blush that appears on Rainbow’s cheeks. My thoughts turn over her and Pinkie, I've been so distracted by the attention they give me that I haven't stopped to wonder what they have between them.

A train of thought for later, because Rarity glances over at us all seriously, and puts a hoof to her chest, “Now now ladies, we are on a mission!” Rarity thrusts her hoof into the air triumphantly. “One that cannot be denied!” she rears up, tossing her curls, “To be the most beautiful, fashionable, and dazzling group of mares in all the gala!”

Silence follows Rarity’s declaration for a moment.

“I’m pretty sure that’s your mission Rarity,” Applejack says, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh it’s so adorable you think you have a choice in the matter!” Rarity laughs, delicately patting Applejack’s cheek before sauntering off towards the mirrors.

Rarity pops open a large cosmetics case, turns on the lamp she’s clamped to the mirror, and says, “Let us begin!”

Soon enough I’m sitting in a swivel chair awaiting my turn, Applejack laying on the bed next to me.

Which means I have plenty of time to contemplate the night ahead of me. There are so many firsts all happening tonight. My first Gala, my first time presenting as a mare in the public eye.

My first time seeing Celestia since I started transitioning…

I really hope she likes the new me.

It’s not that I’m a completely different pony now, but in some respects it feels that way. Even if I think the changes are good, it still means that things won’t be the same between me and the Princess. I can’t help but be scared of that.

I hadn’t been as nervous until my mom brought those doubts into my mind, now I’m hoping they really are just doubts. The Princess wouldn’t let me down like that…

There’s one thing my mom definitely wasn’t wrong about, whatever happens tonight will be seen and talked about by practically everypony. It’s easy to say to my parents that I don’t care what strangers think of me, and in a macro sense, I really don’t.

But the moment to moment experience of being seen and judged by strangers is something different. There’s going to be all kinds of new social scripts I’ll need that I haven’t learned or practiced yet!

What if I have to correct somepony about my pronouns? How do you even do that?

I just really really want my debut as a mare to go well. I don’t want to fail.

I look over, watching Rarity attend to Fluttershy. I don’t want to get Fluttershy anxious before a big event, but maybe Rarity could give me some tips about being a mare in public?

Ugh, I should have studied this earlier! I was too occupied with coming out to my parents.

“Now what’re you scrunching your face all up about sugar cube?” Applejack’s voice catches me off guard.

I turn my head around, meeting her questioning look. “Oh! I was just… wondering if Rarity would teach me about the etiquette for being a mare at the Gala like this,” I smile sheepishly. “I'm realizing just how much I don’t know.”

“Well all you’re up to is being by Celestia’s side as her student, right?” Applejack asks. “Why do ya have to change how you're acting just cause you’re a mare?”

“Well, it’s not that I want to be a stereotype. I just… I’ve always known there are certain ways mares have to navigate the world, because of how they’re treated. At least I think so. Right?” I look at her for assurance.

“I guess you could put it that way. Dunno, I try not to worry too much about all that.” Applejack says with a shrug.

“Mmm,” I groan low in my throat. This is why I wanted to talk to Rarity about it. “I know, but I have to. I want to make a good first impression as a mare in the public eye!”

“And you think acting the ‘right’ way is what’ll do that?” Applejack raises an eyebrow.

“And that way of phrasing it totally doesn’t frame my worries as disingenuous.” I say flatly.

“No need for sassin’ missy, all I’m saying is you’re not gonna get rejected just for not fitting their idea of a mare exactly. You just gotta be yourself.”

“Applejack— That is literally what happens to trans ponies all the time! Maybe not caring works for you, but unlike me, you don’t have to constantly prove who you are.” It comes out more bitter than I intended, and my ears lower in response.

“I’m just—“ Applejacks hackles raise, but then she looks at me and glances away, giving a small snort. “Fine, fair enough.” She pauses, thinking, “But ponies who’ll reject you just for that aren’t worth having around you.”

“I know you’re right… but I’m not just talking about awful transphobes, there are plenty of ponies who are just unfamiliar, that might not see me for who I want to be.” I hold my hooves up, searching for the words. “And I— I want to communicate— I want to express who I am to them, and I don’t feel like I have all the tools I need to do that.”

“Ah, now that’s making more sense to me.” Applejack presses her lips together, “Think you’re overcomplicating it though, there’s such a thing as acting natural.”

“I don’t have an intrinsic social self for casual interactions. I have to build it, out of experiences and mimicry and lessons.” Somewhere in the back of my mind, a mimicking memory of Pinkie’s words helpfully echoes ‘I think it’s the autism!’ As I continue, “A lot of my previous work has been tossed out now, and I need new materials to rebuild with.”

“I’ll level with you Twi, I can’t say I understand that,” Applejack admits, “But which sounds more appealin’, having to act like somepony you’re not whenever anypony’s looking, or being who you really are and letting ponies make what they will of it?”

I press my lips together, unsure. Presented that way, it sounds a lot like the choice I’d already made with my transition, and I know where I stand on that. But I also don’t think Applejack understands how fundamentally I rely on scripts and mimicry to survive in society on a basic level.

Applejack sees my expression, and gives a placating smile. “I swear I’m not just saying ‘be true to yourself’ again. Use whatever ‘mare tricks’ Rarity teaches you, but you just make sure that whatever you’re doing feels rightto you. Instead of trying to pick the things that’ll make you come off as a good mare, pick the things that show them the mare you want to be, show them Twilight Sparkle.” The edge of her smile turns up. “You’re worth seein’, believe me.”

“I—” I look away and take a breath. “Thank you Applejack, I’ll think about it. That does help me feel a bit less nervous.”

It really did help. My nerouses feel silly, even though I can’t help but feel them. I’m not even a binary trans mare for pony’s sake. I’m agender too! Yet I still worry about performing marehood in public.

I want to be the mare I am, I want to know how to be that mare. But the kind of mare I am isn’t codified in society, there’s no prescribed role for me to fill. I have to discover it for myself, and show it to ponies.

“I’m glad to hear it.” Applejack says, and smiles at me.

I smile back at her, and then to myself. It’s one of the many moments that make me happy I’m friends with ponies like Applejack. I’m pretty sure reciprocating is the proper thing to do, so I ask, “What about you?”

“What about me?” Applejack questions.

“I know the Gala really isn’t your kind of event, do you feel alright about it?”

“Did I somehow imply I wasn’t?” Applejack raises an eyebrow.

“No. I just–” I look away, feeling awkward. “I’m trying to be… reciprocal! You talked about my worries, so I thought…”

Applejack’s voice lightens at that. “Aw alright, I getcha.’ That’s real considerate of you. But this is business for me, nothing too hard.” She tilted her head in acknowledgement. “If I can drum up enough business for the family, that’s plenty enough enjoyment for me.”

I’m not a hundred percent convinced, but I also trust Applejack to ask for help if she needed it nowadays. “Ok, I just hope it’s a good night for you too.”

“It will be.” She gives me a smirk, looking over my shoulder, “Now steel yourself, cause it looks like Rarity’s headed your way.”

I turn to see the mare in question approaching with a full complement of cosmetics, and an expression that could not at all be interpreted as sinister.

Here I go.

It’s only a subjective hour or so of Rarity’s close and careful aesthetic pampering, my eyes closed both to enable the makeup application and to spare me the absolute awkwardness of deciding where I’m supposed to look when Rarity is so close to me.

“Now, there we are~” Rarity coos, hooves over my shoulders. “You may open your eyes now, darling.”

I crack one eye open, confirming that I am indeed facing the mirror, and steel myself.

Then I flick my eyelids open and look.

Oh.

I’m really pretty.

W-wait what?! I blink furiously, my train of thought finally catching up with my reaction. I look again, but what I see in the mirror remains the same. I’m looking at my own little purple muzzle and thinking that I’m pretty, without reservation or caveat.

Stars. Stars. Is this what that feels like?

I stare, taking in every little detail of my appearance.

My eyes look soft and open, expressive with long dark eyelashes. My eyeshadow isn’t too heavy, but when I tilt my head I can see sparkles where glitter catches the light.

Rarity had long since figured out, if my name wasn’t already a huge hint, my affinity for sparkling things, and had yet to cease gifting me all things sparkly for my appearance, not that I was complaining.

My jawline looks softer, and it boggles my mind that makeup can do that, because I know for a fact the shape hasn’t changed.My cheeks too, softer and somehow integrated into the portrait of my face. Just a hint of soft blush graced them, the makeup I mean, not my own admittedly frequent blushing as of late.

It’s like magic.

I tentatively put a hoof up to the side of my face, Rarity doesn’t scold me, so it must not be messing up the makeup. I feel the familiar structure of my face, right where it should be, in all its ambivalent glory. I tilt my head and gently trace the hoof down my jaw, what I feel and see just slightly out of sync, and I think I can trace the subtle shading there that fools the eye.

It’s a bit like a magic eye picture. If I squint, I can still see all the little things about my appearance that bother me. But if I just look at myself, as a whole, I don’t see those. I see the complete picture, I see me.

“Well, what do you think, Twilight dear?” Rarity says, leaning in.

I make eye contact with her in the mirror. “Um,” I say, the corners of my eyes growing hot. “It’s good. Really really good.”

Rarity smiles warmly, but tuts at me, “Now now, don’t go ruining your makeup with tears, alright? You look absolutely fabulous.”

“R-right, thank you,” I say, taking a breath and trying to direct all the emotion welling up out from my eyes and into the rest of my body. Part of it blooms into a big, almost stunned grin. “Thank you so much Rarity!”

“Of course darling, this is what I live for! I couldn’t be happier to see you this way.” She tilts her head off to the side and exhales, “Oh, that way your eyes are sparkling, I simply cannot take it!” She puts a hoof up to her chest, the other resting along the side of my chair.

That puts my own blush on my cheeks. “R-Rarity,” I say.

“Is an artist not entitled to admire her work? I’d say both of our contributions to this collaboration are stunning!” Rarity says.

“Heh, gay,” A scratchy voice calls out from the side.

Rarity nonchalantly swirls her head over. “Oh hush Rainbow Dash,” she throws a withering glance in Rainbow’s direction, “Not all of us are massively flirty lesbians, I am a professional in beauty.” She turns her nose up and hmph’s!

Rarity turns back to me and smiles, her magic pulls off the cloth that protects my dress from stray makeup in one smooth flourish, before she gestures for me to step aside from the chair. “You’re all ready then!”

I get up, half watching myself in the mirror as I do. It’s continuously surreal to connect the movement I experience with the image I see in the mirror.
Looking away, I scan the room. Applejack is helping Fluttershy polish her hooves, Pinkie is drying her mane, and Rainbow Dash is draped over the back of a chair, mane in a towel and looking vaguely disgruntled.

I trot slowly, circling away from the chair, and a giddy twinkling feeling builds in my chest. I breathe out slowly, but when that isn’t enough I stim it out, rearing up slightly and stamping my hooves up and down excitedly. “Mmm! Girls! We’re going to the Gala! Girls girls girls!” I squee, devolving into heady giggling.

“We sure are Sugarcube,” Applejack says, with a small deadpan smirk, “Glad you’re feeling better.” Fluttershy covers her mouth with a hoof and giggles goodnaturedly.

Pinkie pauses her hairdryer to go, “Woooo! Let that party spirit out Twi Twi!”

My giggling subsides, and I smile back, unable to be self conscious in this moment, with these ponies, “Thanks Pinkie!”

Rainbow snickers. “Wow, you’re all so stoked for a stuffy party!”

Applejack gives Rainbow a look, “Says the filly who hoof wrastled me for the ticket.”

“Eh,” Rainbow shrugs, “Might as well be a VIP Wonderbolts ticket to me, the party just kinda happens to be there. Oh, and you girls are there, so that’s pretty cool too I guess.”

“How flattering you find my presence ‘pretty cool,’” Rarity says flatly, “Now please do let me work on your mane, or we may never get to the Gala in the first place!”

Rainbow shies away, putting her hooves protectively over the towel on her head. “Ugh,” she groans, “I just don’t want you doing anything weird to it.”

“Like brushing it?” Rarity says.

Rainbow continues staring suspiciously at Rarity.

A pall of absolute horror falls over Rarity’s expression, “Rainbow Dash, please tell me you brush your mane.”

“Jeez, lighten up! I do! Sometimes!” Rainbow Dash puts her hooves up.

Rarity glares, weighing the pegasus for a moment, before pressing her lips together. “Fine, I choose to believe you. I’ll be magnanimous and go easy on your mane, alright?”

Rainbow looks like she swallowed a fly, “Magnum-what-now?”

I say, “Magnanimous. It means to be especially forgiving or generous, especially when one is in a position of power,” I rattle off the definition reflexively, then balk slightly when I see Rainbow smirking at me.

“Ah, thanks egghead,” Rainbow says, then rubs her chin for a moment, “Actually, thanks pretty egghead.”

I sputter, “Wha— buh— Mmm!” My voice is petulant as I turn away from my blush.

Before I even finish, Rainbow has turned back to Rarity and says, “Alright fine, let’s just get this over with, ok?”

Almost an hour later, I’m staring out the window at starlit streets. The slight bump of carriage wheels on Canterlot cobbles is a soothing rhythm. Which is good, because I feel hot and cold, a buzzing in my brain that refuses to categorize itself.

I’m sitting next to Fluttershy, so I distract myself by speaking up to her. “So… Are you nervous about the Gala too?”

“Oh, yes.” Fluttershy says matter of factly, then blinks, “I mean, a little bit.” She corrects, looking over at me. “I’m always a little nervous,” she admits.“Luckily, I won’t need to be around many ponies at all, it’ll just be me and all my nice new animal friends!” Fluttershy looks down, smiling brightly to herself for the first time during their carriage ride, “I can’t wait to meet them…”

I murmur my assent, but mostly I’m looking at my friend and thinking how wonderful it is to see her excited.

She looks back over to me, “I wish I knew what to say to help you, but you’re already being braver than I ever have…”

“Oh, Fluttershy. I wouldn’t even be here right now without you.”

“You were farther along than you thought, you just needed permission to take your thoughts seriously,” Fluttershy smiles.

It’s a smile that tells me I’m not going to get through her quiet self deprecation unless I argue with her, which would hardly be helpful right now. Setting aside a pang of frustration, I put on my own smile. “Well still, thank you. I’m sure it’ll go well. Definitely!”

Rainbow ears are swiveled over towards our conversation, and leans over from the opposite side of the carriage, “Twi, want me to hang around and watch your back?”

“What about impressing the Wonderbolts?” I say, brows knitting together.

“Eh, I’ll always have chances to impress the Wonderbolts, I’m just that good. But friends are one of a kind,” She gives a cocky grin, looking directly at me and catching my gaze.

“Oh. Um!” I say, ears flicking up and cheeks heating up. “I suppose! But…” I exhale, though it comes out as more of a wheeze. “I think it’ll be easier with just me and Celestia. I appreciate it though, really,” I look around the carriage at all my friends, before returning my gaze to Rainbow Dash and giving a smile, “Besides, we all have things we want to do at the Gala, and I want this night to be special for everypony.”

“Alright alright, but just find me if you need me, ok?” Rainbow says, oddly earnest.

“Ok,” I say.

Rainbow nods and looks to my left, “That goes for you too, ok Shy?”

“I already told you I’d be fine outside with the animals.” Fluttershy says and sighs fondly, “But if it’ll stop you worrying, ok.”

“Pfft, I don’t worry,” Dash waves it off with a hoof, “Super stars like me just gotta watch out for the little pony.”

“Of course,” Fluttershy says, giving a little giggle.

“My my,” Rarity titters over the clack of the carriage wheels, “Look at you, showing your gallant side”

“What'd ya mean? I’m always gallant!” Rainbow says, flicking her tail against the seat..

“Oh yes, always,” Rarity smirks. “When it comes to your type, that is.”

“Huh?” Rainbow tilts her head.

“Oh you know, cute little transfemmes with anxiety issues?” Rarity says, glancing at Rainbow coyly.

“Wha-buh– No!” Dash protests, voice cracking.

Applejack snorts, barely covering it up. Pinkie joins in with her giggling.

Beside me I notice Fluttershy’s blush bloom into place, her muzzle pressed together tight and glancing away. It’s almost enough to distract me from my own mix of embarrassment and gratification at Rarity’s comments.

Aware that I’m staring, I turn from Fluttershy. As I do, Rarity’s azure eyes catch mine, and she holds my gaze for a heartbeat. I feel like her eyes are communicating something to me, but I don’t for the life of me know what it is.

Then the heartbeat passes, and I’m looking ahead towards an indignant Rainbow Dash.

“You’re just jealous cause I get all the mares!” she says.

“You’re welcome to keep them, I’m perfectly happy awaiting my prince charming.”

“Yeah, you’re totally the token straight mare here, riiiiiiight.”

“Don’t start this again Rainbow Dash, a lady can have her preferences.” Rarity says, harrumphing for good measure.

“Well as long as I get all the extra mares, I guess that’s fine.” Rainbow says.

“Extra mares?! Can I have some? I love mares!” Pinkie exclaims.

Applejack sighs deeply, weariness echoing from her bones. “Pinkie Pie— I’m sure the number a’ mares will be perfectly normal for this kinda shindig.” She puts a hoof up to her forehead. “And you’ll have to ask 'em’ if you want to ‘have’ any of them.”

“I see I see!” Pinkie Pie nods studiously, the motion continuing a good while after her words have stopped.

Rainbow nudges Pinkie with a foreleg, and whispers something in her ear that makes them both giggle. Their snickering is interrupted as we all feel the carriage suddenly rumble to a stop.

I hold my breath for a long moment, and then the carriage door swings open. Spike is on the other side, stepping out of the way, and giving a precious little dramatic bow to show us the way out.

Beyond him, past crowds of ponies, is Canterlot Castle all lit up against the night sky.

Oh stars, it’s the Gala. We’re actually here. This is actually happening. The frizzy anticipation in my gut bubbles over into a thrumming that fills my whole body.

Rarity exits first, while I’m still staring at the castle. Her dainty hoofsteps taking her down onto the pathway. I don't think I see any part of her dress even touch the ground as she does so, goodness…

Rainbow follows after her, much more casually. I realize that I’m closest to the door on the rear bench, and so I’ll have to exit before Fluttershy or Applejack. I wait until Rainbow clears the way, and focus on exiting the vehicle normally and competently, hyperattentive about not messing up my dress. A hum of activity on all sides engulfs the little island of calm around our carriage, and the crisp evening air helps snap me out of my travel daze. A line of carriages trails off behind our own, and well dressed ponies mill about in groups along the wide thoroughfare leading to the castle gates, the movement of the crowd slowly pulsing towards the entrance like an equine river. Everything is buzzing with potential, and it arcs up through my hooves and fills me with frantic, giddy energy.

The rest of my friends pile out of the carriage behind me and trot alongside the group, and Spike turns and looks at us all together. “Woah! You all look amazing!”

“Thank you Spike,” I smile gratefully over at him. Looking at the five mares around me, I can’t say I disagree. It really is special, being around my friends all dressed up beautifully, And getting to be a part of it too… I feel my cheeks heat up, and take a breath to focus myself.

The familiar castle gates are made strange by the lights and crowds, but my eyes lock onto them and I take a step forward into the lead. If I want this to be the best night ever, I’d have to make it that way. I turn my head back toward my friends, “Alright girls, are we ready?”

A chorus of agreements, cheers, and hollers echo back to me, and I start moving. We join the tributaries trailing into the thick of the crowd. Ahead of the little pocket of safety my friend’s presence created around the carriage, I find myself hyper aware of my approach.

I’m used to noble ponies, even crowds and official functionary types. But I’m not used to joining along with them, of having to be seen. I simply ignored everything that wasn’t directly relevant to me, it was easy. There was nothing about me that required justification. Everything about me used to be, well, safe.

Now though, I could trigger any number of unanticipated reactions through my presence alone! The dress I’m wearing, no matter how beautiful, makes me feel naked in front of these ponies. It’s impossible for me to tell which ponies are looking over the crowd in idle curiosity, and which ones are scrutinizing me specifically.

So instead I focus on getting deeper into the crowd, where the mass of ponies helps anonymize me. These days I usually try to be more open to ponies, but in this circumstance I allow myself to demote them into being erroneous stimuli, irrelevant and ready to be shut out.

Except of course the ponies and dragon traveling with me, whom I still give my whole attention, muddled as it may be in the thrum of the frantic environment. I only turn around enough to make sure we’re all still together.

Perfumes and colognes mix in the air as the castle looms and lights up the night around me. It grows until it fills the view, a world of its own, encompassing us. It’s there the crowd slows to a halting pace, as the meandering ponies are merged into an orderly procession.

The sudden feeling of fabric brushing against me gives me a start, until I turn to see the source is Pinkie bouncing in place behind me, who grins over at me. Her mouth moves, and I catch a vague smattering of excited syllables, the rest I can’t parse from the ambient noise. Without proper context, I take a guess at the proper response, nodding and smiling back at her. Judging from Pinkie’s expression, my guess must have been close enough, so I turn back towards our destination.

Hopefully the space I’m meeting Celestia in will be at least a tad quieter…

The waters underneath the drawbridge are surreal amidst the twinkling reflections as we cross, until we pass through the outer gate and lose sight of them. Emerging into the courtyard, the normally expansive space is blocked off into a narrow corridor of red rope.

My heart only speeds faster as we approach the entrance hall. Peering past the other guests, the blur of figures meandering around the massive doorway starts to resolve into individual shapes.

Even in a crowd like this, it’s impossible to miss her. Celestia stands above the crowd, poised at the top of the grand staircase. Her pearlescent coat is a reprieve and a beacon amidst the bustling chaos of the gala.

I whip my head back around towards my friends behind me. then back to Celestia, then back to my friends, tapping my hooves underneath me and letting out a hum of indecision.

Applejack sighs fondly, looking at me like I’m an overexcited puppy asking to go play.
“It’s alright sugar, we’ll be fine.” She smiles. “Go on ahead.”

I look to my other friends for approval, Rarity gives me an encouraging, “Do go on, dear.” And a shooing motion. While Rainbow just grins at me.

I try to retain some level of composure by suppressing the excited squeal threatening to come out, and instead say, “Thank you girls!” I turn, starting to move at a pace that is swift, but hopefully not too swift. “Have a great night too, I love you!” I call back, mind already switching toward Celestia.

Author's Note

It’s FINALLY here!! The chapter ended up being so long I’ve split it into chapter’s 4 and 5, the latter of which is also released today!