A/N: Yeah, a one shot. I wanted to mock Viel of Thoughts, but I didn't read past the first chapter... Not becaus I'm jealous or anything. But anyways, here's a fiction staring a blind Rainbow Dash and a poorly written Daring Do.
You know it was a boring day when Rainbow Dash was on a bench reading some kind of Daring Do comic from way back when. And, as you might already know, she was BLIND. So instead of actually reading it, she was just randomly flipping from page to page.
"Hey, Rainbow," came Lyra's voice. "What're you doing reading a comic when you can't see?"
"Well, the original story sucked," Rainbow explained, "so this is kind of an improvement."
Lyra looked at the comic, then back at Rainbow. "Want some tea?"
"Wha..." Rainbow looked at where Lyra might have been if she was a little over to the right. "No thanks. I don't even know where you got it."
"I'm just gonna leave it here, just in case," Lyra said, using magic to put the cup on the bench. "Right there. Just in case." She was silent for a few moments. "Right there. On the bench. In front of you. For you. Right th-"
"Will you please go?" Rainbow interrupted, putting on what she hoped what was an annoyed look, since she couldn't really see what she looked like. "I'm trying to flip pages here."
"Fine, fine," Lyra muttered, wheeling somewhere else.
A small sigh came from Rainbow and she went back to her comic. She prayed to the high heavens she had passed that one point in the comic where she lost all hope for Daring. The alien... And the brain... And the evil clone... It was just way too stupid for anybody to comprehend. Maybe if she was 5 she would have liked it, but she was an adult and had taste.
Just then, she felt something brush against her hoof. It felt like another one, but that was impossible. It didn't sound like anypony was near by. Just to make sure, she called out: "OK, who did that?... Anypony?"
The only reply she got was from what sounded like that one poking pony, but she couldn't be too sure.
Suddenly, something grabbed her hoof and before she could react (actually, she had ten whole minutes to react, but I digress), she was pulled forward and into something that felt like jam. After what felt two minutes, Rainbow's hooves hit the floor again.
"Hey... Hey, why are your eyes closed?" a voice asked. It sounded awfully familiar... "I mean, I pull you in here and you're gonna keep your eyes shut the entire time?"
Rainbow looked in the general direction of the sound. "I'm blind, for one thing," she told the awfully familiar voice, "and second, I have no idea where I am."
"Really? You're blind? Open your eyes then," the voice said in a commanding tone.
"I don't know why..." Rainbow tried to argue, but she opened her eyes before she got the entire sentence out. And, surprise of all surprises, she could actually see. The first thing she noticed was that everything was pretty damn sketchy. Literally, it looked like one of my drawings. The second thing she noticed was that the pony she was speaking to was Daring Do herself!... Also sketchy. "Daring?! H-how did this happen? Where is this?"
Daring smiled at the fact that Rainbow was obviously happy about her vision and answered, "One, I pulled you in by the hoof! Sec-"
"Wait... You pulled me in?" Rainbow was really confused. "How did you do that? Is this comic enchanted or something?"
"Nope," Daring replied simply. "I just pulled you in."
"So I'm high?"
"Nope, just pulled you in. What part didn't you understand?"
"I bet you anything that tea Lyra brought me was spiked... But I never drank it..."
"Look, let's just say that I pulled you in here," Daring said, doing some kind of "stop it" motion.
The rainbow maned mare nodded and the two stood in complete silence, the sketchy world-style continued to flicker like bad animation. She looked around and commented, "Ya know, the longer I stay here, the more I remember why this story was so stupid."
"If you're referring to the evil clone..." Daring began.
"Yes. Yes I am," Rainbow replied bluntly. "Although, if I remember correctly, this is a later part."
"Well, you're right," Daring confirmed. "Anyways, I wanna show you something. Come on."
And with that, the previously mentioned explorer went off somewhere and Rainbow followed her. It was a short walk, but... It was a short walk. And super 80's, to boot.
"OK, this is it!" Daring suddenly exclaimed, coming to a complete stop. Rainbow bumped into the back of her.
"What is it?" Rainbow asked, trying to look over Daring's shoulder.
"It's a magic frame!" Daring announced. Sure enough, there was some kind of magic comic-panel-looking frame floating in the middle of nowhere. She quickly ran behind it.
"I don't remember this from the story," Rainbow muttered, only very slightly amazed that the frame made Daring full color-ish and not so sketched. "What kind of civilization made this?"
"That's actually where the alien comes in," Daring said, disappointed in a way.
Rainbow facehoofed. "I knew that'd be coming back," she sighed. "And what's with the band over there?"
"Oh, they're just there for background music," Daring replied. "They're A-Hat."
"Which hat?"
"THIS hat!" Daring pointed proudly to her hat.
A loud smack came from another collision from Rainbow's hoof greeting her face.
Meanwhile, back in the real world, Lyra came to back where Rainbow was previously. She took one look at the tea and was disgusted.
"She didn't drink?" Lyra asked nopony. "Why that ungrateful... I offer it to her out of nowhere and she doesn't even drink it! She didn't want it, but that's besides the point... I need to crumple something!"
So she crumpled the closet thing she could find: Rainbow's comic. She MAGICKED it up and proceeded to make it into a ball. When it could be crumbled no more, she tossed it into the trash near by.
"That'll teach her..." Lyra mumbled to herself, starting to wheel away.
"Hey, that belongs in the recycling!" a random pony shouted from nowhere.
Back in the comic, Rainbow was still conversing with Daring about something.
"I know I've already said this, but the longer I'm here, I realize just how poorly this was written," Rainbow told the other pegasus flatly. "I thought you'd be, ya know... '20% cooler'..."
"Hey, I'm cool... It's just that somepony WAAAAY too experienced is writing this," Daring argued. The two looked at the fourth wall, then back to each other. "What were we looking at?"
"I have no idea," Rainbow replied with a half shrug. "So why do you need this frame, exactly?
"It's actually a long and complicated story that's never explained! You see-"
But that sentence was never finished. Out of nowhere, two generic looking biker ponies (weird comic) came out of nowhere.
"Hey, what are you doing with our magic frame?" one of the two shouted.
"Their magic frame?" Rainbow was horribly confused. "Daring, you said this belonged to aliens!"
"Um... Plot hole?" Daring suggested.
Next thing that happened, the second biker-pony ran over to the frame mirror and smashed it with his back legs.
"Bad idea!" he exclaimed in pain, falling to the ground.
Daring grabbed Rainbow by the hoof and pulled her closer.
"Let's book it," Daring whispered, going off with MAXIMUM WING POWER!
"Again! This is making me remember why this story sucked!" Rainbow shouted, now starting to sound like a broken record
The two biker ponies noticed the peagasi running off and they gave chase. The four ran down various hallways, the paper walls turning rubble-ish.
"Where is this anyways?" the first biker enquired his partner.
"Who cares!? Get your pipe wrench!" the second one growled. "They messed with our magic frame we didn't know we had in the first place!"
Eventually, Daring and Rainbow ran into a dead end with a hole in it.
"Well, we're screwed," Daring said flatly.
Rainbow's eye twitched. "YOU'RE DARING DO!!! YOU CAN EASILY HANDLE THIS!!!" she yelled, finally fed up with Daring's OOC-ness.
Daring was silent. Then, she spoke: "You're right! I'm fed up with being portrayed like this! You go through the hole-" she actually managed to pick Rainbow up and tossed her through the hole "-I'll handle these guys." And from out of nowhere, she picked up her own pipe wrench.
"Why did we wait to attack her?" the first biker asked.
"Let's just get her!" the second biker commanded, going at the explorer with his partner.
Seconds later, Rainbow opened her eyes... And saw nothing.
"I'm blind again..." Rainbow muttered. "But... Daring! What happened?"
She started to feel around and found out that she was in a trash can.
"Uh, Rainbow Dash? What are you doing in the garbage?" a voice asked.
"Bonbon?" Rainbow looked around. "What are you doing?"
"I heard that Lyra dumped your comic in the trash and I was just going to recycle it," Bonbon explained. "Again, what are you doing in the garbage. Ponies are staring..."
"Oh." Rainbow started digging around again. "I guess I'm here to retrieve my comic then... Is this it?"
"No, that's a flier."
"Oh... Is this it?"
"No, that would a medical paper with your and Twilight's name on it."
"How about this one?"
"That would be a receipt... For Rarity."
"This is getting me nowhere... How about this?"
"I don't wanna tell you what that is."
Rainbow quickly threw away whatever it was she was holding and picked up another piece of paper. She, for some reason which will never be explained, knew it was her comic and flew off.
She immediately flew to Twilight's, hoping to get an explanation. On the way, she was trying to unwrinkle the paper. Unfortunately, she forgot that it was a bad idea to fly when you can't see the sky in front of your own dang face and ended crashing face-first into a pole.
Eventually, Rainbow made it to Twilight's and explained the whole situation to her.
"Are you sure that tea Lyra gave you wasn't spiked?" Twilight asked. She still had that nervous twitch...
"It wasn't!" Rainbow argued. "I swear she pulled me in! It was all sketchy and stuff! And I could see!"
"You probably were high..." Twilight muttered. "Somepony probably trying to take away my FRIENDSHIP again..."
"Hey, Twi, could you do me a favour and see how the story ends?" Rainbow enquired, hoofing the comic over to Twilight. "Y'know, because I can't see and all."
Twilight nodded, grabbed the comic with MAGICK and started to skim through it. "Well, there's a pipe wrench fight... No dialogue balloons..." she murmured as she read through it. "Daring loses... And now she's gone..."
"She's dead?" Rainbow was shock (and awe). "Dang, what a weak ending!"
"Well, it sure beats the old ending," Twilight quipped. "A lot for the FRIENDSHIP, I'd say..."
"What does that have to do with-"
Rainbow shut up when she heard banging from behind her. Twilight and Dashie looked in said direction (well, Rainbow didn't look, but you get my point) and saw an amazing sight: Daring, half way between sketch and real-life, smacking herself against walls.
Twilight slowly looked at her pills. "How many did I take?" she whispered.
"Stop speaking quietly," Rainbow snapped at her friend before addressing Daring. "What are you doing?" How is this possible? WHAT IS GOING ON?!"
"Don't worry, this will never be explained!" Daring reassured the mutli-colored mare. "Just let me keeping hitting myself!"
One hour later...
"Almost there!" Daring exclaimed, banging her head against a wall. "Just gotta get this last eyelash!"
"This is going against the description on Wikiponia," Twilight said to Rainbow.
"I already said that," Rainbow said with a sigh. "You done yet?!"
"I think so!" Daring stood up on all four hooves.
"Soooooooo.... Now what?" Twilight asked, looking from Rainbow to Daring to the comic.
"I dunno. Wanna go catch a movie?" Daring suggested.
"As long as they kept the visually impaired in mind!" Rainbow exclaimed, heading for the door.
Daring and Twilight nodded and followed her out the door. The only thing left in the library, aside from everything else, was the comic... "Daring Do: Fortunate Son"...
A/N: I heard the fourth book was a complete bomb. I mean, come on, falling off a cliff on a tank and she lives?... Well, she does have wings, but what about the fridge?... I should shut up now.
