To My First Love

by MistyShadowz

Rating: everyone
Tags: Sad, Romance, Applejack, Other, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1466

A letter of apologies. A letter of regret. A letter of missed opportunities. And a letter of once missed love.

Applejack got out of bed, and stared at the other occupant of their two person bed. A little, unseen, smile crept up on her face.

She got up from bed, got herself some water and took out her pen and a notebook.

There were far too many thoughts and emotions going around her head, lately, she needed some place to jot them all down. She tore out a piece of paper from her farm log, and started writing.

Dear Riainbow Dash

This is Applejack's life and thoughts during one of my other stories: My Last Letter To You, Or more her reaction after they went their separate ways.

Published 2022-01-30 14:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-01-30 14:20:01 UTC

To My First Love

Dear Rainbow Dash

I've been havin' odd thoughts lately. I've been thinkin' 'bout old times, and about times I, well, miss. I don't know how to put it, I just feel like I've missed somethin' important in my life, you know? For the longest time, I thought it was just me missin' my folks... and Granny. I just figured it was me grievin'. So, 'cause of that, I brushed it off, like nothin'. I don't know if I did the right thing or not, but it doesn't feel like I did.

I've been feeling as though a part o' me just dies every time I think about it. I don't know what happened, and what led me here, thinkin' 'bout old times, with a wife and child to look after, but some where along the way, I messed up, or took a turn with consequences. I'll never leave my family for this thin' in my head, never, not once! But, I at least wanna get it over with. I wanna get back to the life I had vowed I'd give my wife, to the life I had been dreaming of since I was just a little girl, the life my folks planned out for me. But with these thoughts roamin' my mind, I... I just don't know if things can ever be the same, again. I mean, how can they? I've been thinkin' of a different girl, my wife doesn't even know about it and... and I don't know if I can stop thinking about it.

It feels like I've lost an opportunity I'd been searchin' for, a chance to live my best life. It feels like I just let somethin' die out in me. I want to find it, I want rebirth it. I want to go back to those old days, with you and I arguing like crazy, but meanin' well.

I remember all the fun times we shared, all the playful insults we used to throw at each other. All the dares we competed in together, all the competitions you challenged me to, only winning half of them. I remember it all so well, like I've been yearning for it to happen again. I think about all the times we laughed, and joked around, and I'd either be cryin' by the time I came back to the real world, or smilin' as though I had been relivin' those memories. Honestly, they've started becomin' a distant dream more than anythin'.

It's like I never really lived them with you, ever, and that I had just thought up all those races, and dares, and sleepovers, and parties with you. It's like I just made up that time we had way too much ice cream for a dare, we got a brain freeze. Or that time you actually beat me in a hand wrestlin' match. Or that time you woke me up while I was takin' a nap under one of the apple trees for a race.

Just imaginin' all that being nothing more than a dream I want to pursue but know I can't, hurts. It's hurts, and it just makes me want to tear myself apart for thinkin' like that! It makes me want to scream and cry at the same time! It makes me want to run away from everythin', find you, and tell you how I've been feelin', hope you'll take me back and forget everything else!

And I wish I could say I want you back as a friend, as someone to do dares with, to run around with, screamin' our lungs out, and think nothin' of it. I wish I could say all I see you is as a friend, a friend I want back in my life again, but I can't lie, I just can't. I don't want to just be friends, anymore, and I hate that I don't! I hate myself for even thinkin' about you in that way, thinkin' about all those memories we shared in a... with romance goggles on! (as Rarity put it) I just don't think I could live, peacefully, knowin' I either messed everythin' up with you, and don't get another chance, or worse, can't even be friends anymore!

Happy things are like a dream, a dream tormenting every breathing second, but the bad ones? They're much worse.

I remember our last fight, I remember as if it were yesterday, and I hate that I do! I remember screamin' horrible things at you, I could tell they hurt you, but did I care to ask? To stop? No! Hell no! I simply continued screamin' at you, as though you'd done somehin' unforgivable, and right now, I can't remember why we fought. But I can remember that to be my last fight with you. Well, your last fight with me; our last time spent together. It was the last time we talked, it was the last time... it was the last time I ever saw you.

I regret every word I uttered, I hate myself for what I did to you that night, I can't even remember what you said! I just remember my horrible actions, and how they... they effected you!

I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry! I never meant a single word I said then! I wish I could take it back, and that never happened! I wish I could mend our friendship, at least! I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry...

But, I can't tell you any of that, I don't want to ruin your life with whatever nonsense I've picked up over the years. I don't want you to hurt, just 'cause some old kid you knew back in high school, misses you and wants to say they're sorry. That ain't right o' me. I've got a family to look after, I've got a wife that loves me, a daughter that looks up to me, I can't let them down with this, they can never know. Ever.

Suppose, the poin' o'... poin' of this was for... was so I could say... I could tell you how much I miss you, and want you back. How much I want to apologise because... apologise for the way I treated ya. I was horrible to you, and you didn't deserve it, I know you didn't, and I know you still don't.

I'm sure I'm not gonna forget those... as you'd probably say... awesome memories, anytime soon, and I'm probably never going to forget you. But... ugh! I don't know what I'm sayin' no more! Just... please, tell me you're okay? Tell me I didn't hurt you that badly? Please, please tell me you're striving, and living? I don't know if I could live with myself knowin' I caused you pain... I just... I just don't think I'd ever manage it... if that was what happened.

What I'm tryin' to say, Dash, is that... is that even after all these, many, years. Even after we went our separate ways, and even after everything else that happened in my life... I can still say those words, on my own will.

I love you, Rainbow Dash, and I always have, even if I was too stubborn to notice it, right away.

But... I know we went our separate ways for a reason, and we aren't with one another 'cause we were destined with someone else. I have to move on, I know I do. I got a family to look after, and a wife, a daughter, what'd they think if they know? I can't let them know, I just can't. I can't burden them, burden you, burden anyone, ever, with anythin'!

I'll just wait, wait until the memories of you are... are long history, and... and I... I just don't remember any of it anymore! Don't think about it no more, don't think... about... you...

I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash.

She put the pen away, scrunched up the paper, and tossed it in the bin. She then laid her head on the counter, weeping into her hands, sorrowfully, yet with a slight tint of closure enveloping her. Her sobs died down, and small, unheard, snores were soon let out by the farmer.

The End!

Author's Note

Hey Folks!

I've finally gotten a new story out! Yay!:yay:
This is my very first story cantering Applejack, and Applejack alone... that I've published. I'll admit, I don't write Aj as much as I should, but it's just so much easier to write someone (Dash) who is so similar to you in personality.
Anywho! This was written in about half an hour, so feel free to mention any corrections on this below.
Leave your thoughts, corrections or overall opinions in this fic below, and I'll see y'all next time!

MSz Out!:rainbowdetermined2: