Should Have Taken My Hoof

by ThePinkedWonder

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Random, Alternate Universe, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Firelight, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 2966

Starlight Glimmer rejected Twilight Sparkle's friendship offer and hoof. She went on to deeply regret it.

Unable to stop Starlight Glimmer's plan to stop the Sonic Rainboom, Twilight Sparkle and Spike pleaded desperately for her to stand down. In canon, Starlight relented at the last second and consequently reformed.

But what would have happened if Starlight gave a different reaction to Twilight's friendship offer and hoof?

Spoiler alert: it ended with one of them in roaring laughter.

EDIT: featured through 02/13/22 and 02/15/22!!

Published 2022-02-13 16:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-02-13 16:40:01 UTC

Didn't see that coming

High in the clouds of Equestria, its fate hung in precarious balance.

Princess Twilight and Spike were desperate. Very desperate. They had to find a way to persuade Starlight Glimmer to drop her vendetta on Twilight, not tear Starswirl the Bearded’s time-travel scroll, and allow the filly Rainbow Dash to perform a Sonic Rainboom. If they failed, a permanent change to its timeline could be irrevocably apocalyptic.

Plus, Twilight just couldn’t let the world end for good before she could publish her first romance novel.

“Starlight, don’t do this!” Twilight pleaded, standing on a cloud. “I know you hate me and my friends for foiling your…mission in your village. I’ll also admit that I can’t imagine how much it hurt when Sunburst left you for Princess Celestia’s school. Still, it doesn’t mean you can’t make more friends!”

“But what if a Cutie Mark takes them away from me too?” Starlight asked from another but connecting cloud, while levitating Starswirl’s scroll – half-torn – in turquoise magic. Tears welled in her eyes.

“Then make sure it doesn’t happen, but in ways that don’t require stealing Cutie Marks! You can do it! Just have faith!”

“Yeah, listen to Twilight!” Spike chimed in from Twilight’s back. “She’s the Princess of Friendship, so friendship is one of her specialties!”

“I’m not sure…” Starlight muttered, flinching back.

“But you are sure!” Twilight stepped closer and extended a hoof toward the conflicted villainess. “Please, take my hoof, Starlight. If you are that afraid of a friend abandoning you, I can ensure it won’t happen by being that friend myself. Spike, you want to be Starlight’s friend too, right?”

“Uh–”

“Spike says ‘yes.’ In fact, if you truly believe ponies, not just you, can lose friends due to Cutie Marks, why can’t you be the friend they can trust to never, ever, leave them? You could even join me in spreading friendship!”

“Hmm.” Starlight wiped away her tears and gazed upward. “You might be on to something. If all you said is true, I could be a friend to the friendless.” A glimmer flickered inside her pupils. “Yes! I’ll do it! As long as I, Starlight Glimmer, am breathing, nopony will be alone! If they are, I will find them, and I will be there for them!” She pointed upward in a pose, her lips in a confident, determined smile.

“You mean it?” Twilight and Spike asked simultaneously. Their eyes and grins oozed hope and relief.

“Nah.”

The surprisingly skilled actress slapped away Twilight’s friendship-offering hoof while ripping Starswirl’s scroll in half with her magic, her lips curling in a villainous smirk. The fooled alicorn and dragon gasped in dismay.

“You two are too easy.”

“No! What about everything you just said?!” Twilight asked.

“Oh, please!” Starlight answered with a dismissive wave of her hoof. “No pony can be there for every pony. Besides, in my vision of a Cutie Markless world, nopony will ever be alone due to Cutie Marks ruining friendships, for obvious reasons.”

“But did you forget the bare, lifeless future that Spike and I showed you?! The next one could be even worse!”

“As I said before, we only saw what could happen. However, if you are that worried, I’ll personally make sure nothing goes so wrong, kay? But first…”

The flying Rainbow Dash in the distance froze still, surrounded by an aura of turquoise magic. The magic released its grip on the bewildered filly a couple of seconds later.

With no last-minute heroics occurring, the powerful Cutie Mark-hating mare had won. Incredible. ”Now that I stopped the Sonic Rainboom for good this time, I can restart my plans in this timeline.” Starlight raised a hoof, the closest she could come to snapping fingers upon realizing something. “Since I already mastered Cutie Mark-stealing spells, I can take the time to form my dream chain of kite sto–”

A circular portal tore open from just above Twilight's, Spike's, and Starlight's heads, and sucked them inside. A dark-blue background resembling the night sky, with sparkly starlike white dots sprinkled in all directions, circled the trio as they fell through the bizarre realm between spacetime.

“No, no, no, no, how bad will it be this time? A fire world where we’ll burn to death? Literally nothing, not even air, so we’ll suffocate? Or…*gulp*...worse: a world overrun by giant pony-eating quesadillas?!” Twilight slammed shut her eyes, and she eeked a short, high-pitched squeak.

The portal spat its passengers out its other side and onto the ground; Spike bounced off Twilight’s back from the impact. Twilight’s eyelids remained locked, her shivering form curling into a protective ball.

Spike crept to the petrified Princess. “Uh, Twi–”

“Please don’t eat me, alicorns are secretly poison–”

“TWILIGHT!”

“Eep!” Twilight’s eyelids snapped open. She uncurled herself and jumped to her hooves, pivoted her head back and forth, then stared at Spike. The fear and stress shooting from her face waned. “You’re not a giant pony-eating quesadilla.”

He briefly looked away, as if staring at an unseen audience. “You don’t say?”

“Hehe, oops.” Twilight grinned sheepishly, a weak blush glowing on her cheeks. “I let my cibophobia get the best of me again.”

Spike shook his head. His adoptive pony big sister’s cibophobia (yes it exists) never ceased to baffle him. “An alicorn scared of quesadillas. Even ‘Skyburn’s Believe It Or Not!’ found it hard to believe.” He gazed at the surrounding houses and shops. “Wow, things aren't nearly as bad as we thought it might be. Starlight, this is your hometown, isn't it?”

“It is. Starswirl’s scroll must have had enough magic to activate on its own one last time even after I tore it. Didn’t see that coming.” Starlight smirked triumphantly to her fellow time-travelers. “But I told you that a bad future wasn’t guaranteed! Ha!” She stood on her hind legs and waved her forelegs in victorious circles. She wasn’t the worst dancer in the world.

That not-so-honor went to Princess Twilight.

“Ha, ha, I was right! Ha, ha, you were wrong!” Starlight chanted as she danced.

“This time,” Twilight growled in a pout. The rage from being teased so excessively for being wrong boosted her magic by 10%. “I may be the better dancer, but if you keep dancing to mock me, so help me…”

Her point made, Starlight lowered back on all fours and surveyed her surroundings more intently. A puzzled frown inked on her face. “Hold it. I was so busy gloating, I didn’t notice that something isn’t right here. This place shouldn’t look exactly how it did when–”

“You’re finally back, Sugarplum!” a male voice called out.

Starlight’s pupils constricted. The corners of her lips drooped. “Oh no.”

“‘Sugarplum’?” Twilight and Spike asked together.

A grayish purple unicorn stallion with a striped aquamarine mane and tail, smiling almost creepily, strode to Starlight and rubbed her mane. He carried a large bag strapped to his back. “I almost thought you ran away, mokey-pokey, but I was just being silly.”

“Dad!” Starlight smacked the stallion’s hoof off her mane. “You’re embarrassing me!”

“Wait, he was addressing you, and he’s your dad?” Twilight asked.

“Yeah,” Starlight answered, moaning in acquiescence. “Or rather, this world’s version of him.”

“Aw, you finally made some new friends, and with an alicorn no less!” The smothering father wrapped a foreleg around Starlight and pulled her to him, who groaned from the action. “Anyway, I’m Firelight, and obviously you’ve met my little Glimglam.”

Spike muffled a chuckle. “‘Glimglam’,” he muttered under his breath.

“Don’t call me those names, especially not in public! Besides you, who would even think names like ‘Glimglam’ are good nicknames for me?!”

“Aw, you are just too precious when you pretend to hate my names, Punkie-wunk.”

“I do hate them!” Starlight broke away from Firelight’s foreleg, and glanced in one direction after another. “Anyway, what’s going on here? How is everything exactly how it was when I was a filly?”

“You never liked change, so I decided to preserve everything not just here, but in Equestria. Even better, my worldwide ‘silly filly’ detectors will be active starting tomorrow, so I will soon know where you are 24/7."

A sharp gasp escaped Starlight’s mouth. A bolt of raw utter shock struck through her body. “You’re kidding.”

“Nope!” Firelight playfully flicked Starlight’s ear. “I might have used a bit of force when my plans were…opposed, but for you, it was worth it!”

Spike whispered to Twilight, “Taking over or ruling towns must run in the family.”

“And I thought Flim and Flam taking over in one of the timelines was weird.”

“But now that you’re back, we should catch up and eat some milk and cookies that you love. I even have your blanky!”

Firelight floated a blanket from his bag with his magic, marked with a green kite design, and wrapped it around Starlight’s head. He smiled affectionately, but his “silly filly” unaffectionately growled.

Spike again held back a chuckle. Twilight joined him in laugh suppression.

“Dad!” Starlight slapped her blanket off her head. “I’m a grown mare! I don’t need that security blanket anymore!”

“Really?” Firelight’s lips sunk into a disappointed frown. “It’s almost a shame. You had some good times with it, and some bad ones when you wet the bed.” His smile grew back. “It only took until you were–”

The former bed-wetter’s face lit red. “DAD! Don’t tell them how old I was when I stopped wetting the bed!”

“You don’t want them to know? Oopsie. Oh, I almost forgot: I finally got around to copying and framing your foal pictures.” He pulled photos from his bag of Starlight as a foal, in diapers and her mouth coated in foal food, and showed them to the alicorn-dragon duo. “Look? Isn’t she just adorable?"

The previously mentioned duo exploded in raucous laughter.

“Daaaaaaaaad!!” Starlight whined, her face glowing redder and hotter.

“Oh, I know they aren’t some of the best ones, but I can go grab–”

“No to the power of no!” Starlight shoved a hoof in her father’s chest, her face’s color cooling to its normal lilac. “You have humiliated me enough, and you’re not even the dad I know!”

“Overreacting again, I see,” Firelight said shockingly cheerfully, peeking at Starlight’s photos. “You still haven’t gotten over that habit, Chipmunk-cheeks.”

“I don’t overreact! Grr!”

“Ha!” Spike mockingly said.

“Well, it was…*chuckle*...fun, but we’ll leave and let you two catch up.” Twilight floated Spike onto her back. “Spike, let’s go. I need to write a scroll with Starswirl’s modified time-travel spell.”

“But the scroll got torn up!”

“Yes, but I panicked so badly when Starlight threatened to tear Starswirl’s scroll, I forgot that I can memorize spells after only casting them once or twice. I have enough magic to recreate the spell from scratch.”

“Then take me with you!” Starlight dove to Twilight’s hooves and beggingly crossed her forelegs. “I didn’t memorize that spell so I can’t write or cast it from memory alone, and your version might not send me back with you automatically! I could be stuck here with him always knowing where I am!”

“How is that our problem?” Spike asked, his arms crossed. “You being stuck here would work in our favor.”

“But…” The desperate mare sighed in reluctant agreement. “Fair point. Okay, tell you both what: let me come, and I’ll promise to never steal a Cutie Mark again or attempt to stop any more Sonic Rainbooms!”

“You promise?” Twilight asked.

Starlight vigorously nodded. “Yes, I promise!”

“Hmm.” Twilight tapped her cheek, deep in consideration. “I decided. You can come with us, be our friend, and help me make Equestria a better place.” She smiled and lifted a hoof in the air. “With you by my side, my dream of a world full of friendship may soon become a reality!”

“You mean it?” Starlight asked, bearing a hopeful grin.

“Nah.”

Starlight’s grin deflated.

The other surprisingly good actress lowered her hoof to the ground, her smile souring. “I have Spike and my other friends to assist me in my dream. After I teleport Spike and me away, I’m going to cast an invisibility and anti-tracking spell on us and later teleport the map to a different place, so don’t get any ideas about following us.”

“Wait, seriously?” Spike asked with a gasp. “We’re actually gonna leave her despite how she’s literally begging at your hooves? This is a little…out of character for you, Twilight.”

“Perhaps, but she should have taken my hoof when I offered it.” Twilight turned her head to Spike and winked.

“Gotcha,” Spike whispered. He waved his hand toward Starlight. “Well, what Twilight says goes, so we’re outta here. 'Chipmunk-cheeks', have fun with your dad!’”

Spike and Twilight cracked giggles as they turned around.

“NO!” Starlight lunged forward, grabbed one of Twilight’s hind legs, and gripped it tightly with her forelegs. “Please, Princess Twilight, don’t leave me here! You can’t!”

“Did you hear something, Spike?”

“Nope. Nothing but hot air.”

“Come on, don’t be like that! Look, I’ll admit it: I was in the wrong, but just give me another chance! If you do, on top of what I already promised, I’ll do anything you say! I’ll work to get over my insecurity issues! I’ll even risk my life for you! Most of all, I’m sorry!”

Twilight turned her head back to the groveling unicorn. “Did you truly mean all that?”

“Yes! Mare’s honor!”

‘That was too easy,’ Twilight thought, but sternly spoke out loud, “Fine. You said the ‘S’ word during your mini-speech, so I will let you come with us–but under six conditions.”

“Deal!” Starlight responded with the hugest grin in Equestria’s history. “What are they?”

“One, stop hugging my leg. It’s weird.”

Starlight’s forelegs flew off Twilight’s hind leg in a blur, as she sprang back to her hooves.

“Two, you must apologize to my friends for taking their Cutie Marks.”

“I will!”

“Three, you must apologize and, if necessary, make amends to everypony in Our Town. By the way, you couldn’t think of a more fitting name than ‘Our Town’? Why not ‘Town of Equality’?”

“You got it, and I’m bad at thinking up names! I just went with the first one that popped in my head.”

“Oh. Well, I’ll give you credit for not naming it ‘Starlight Town’ or 'Glimmerville.’ Anyway, four, you must learn friendship under me as my student.”

“Done and done, Sensei!”

“‘Sensei’?” Twilight blinked in astonishment. “Uh, five…um…this is embarrassing, but you calling me ‘Sensei’ made me forget what my fifth condition was.” She turned her head to Spike. “Spike, how about you choose?”

Spike rubbed his chin. “Uh…she could feed us breakfast in bed for a week?”

“Eh, why not?” The deal-making alicorn faced Starlight again. “Okay, Starlight, five, you must feed Spike and me breakfast in bed for a week.”

“I’ll cook my specialties! You’ll love them!”

“Finally, six, and this is the most important one.” A seething scowl burned above Twilight’s eyes. “The next time you’re right and I’m wrong, don’t rub it in even further by dancing.”

“Terms accepted! Let’s go, right now! Dad, we’re leaving! Bye!”

Her permanent good-byes said, Starlight grabbed Twilight and Spike with her magic, and fled with the pair floating behind her.

Oh, and why did Firelight stay silent as Starlight groveled at a princess’s hooves? He had started gushing over Starlight’s foal pictures by himself to notice. He does that.

One scroll-recreating and Sonic Rainboom-allowing later, in the present time of the true timeline…

A portal opened in the Castle of Friendship’s throne room; Twilight, Spike, and the newly reformed Starlight dropped to the floor. The tear in space-time immediately sealed itself.

“That was a trip to remember,” Spike muttered, hopping off Twilight’s back.

“I know the Firelight we just met wasn’t your dad, Starlight, but was your real dad really that overbearing?”

“That, and then some.” Starlight hung her head down. “I might be the only pony their family embarrassed that badly.”

“You might be surprised,” Spike said with a smirk. “A while back, Twilight's brother shared pictures of the first time she got drunk and–”

Twilight slapped a hoof over Spike’s mouth, glowering down at him. “Spike? If you say one more word about that, I will tell our friends about your Rarity doll.”

He nodded in understanding.

“Good.” Twilight uncovered Spike’s mouth.

“And it’ll be totally worth it!” The dragon's smirk deepened to grow borderline evil; a type only a mischievous younger sibling can muster. “Starlight, the pictures showed…”

All across Equestria, the mortified moaning from an alicorn and roaring laughter from a unicorn echoed through the air.

However, that unicorn might not be laughing when she learns how super-picky her new teacher/sensei is about her breakfasts.

Author's Note

The story's version of Starlight might not like it, but I like "Glimglam" as a nickname for her.

Now, when you read "Spoiler alert: it ended with one of them in roaring laugher" in the story's long description, you probably thought Twilight was going to be the one laughing at the end, didn't you? Wrong-o!

In my headcanon, Firelight wasn't there much (if at all) for Starlight when she was younger. When he learned about her "deeds", he thought it was partly his fault, so he started smothering her to make up for not supporting her like he should have as her father. However, Firelight always "foaling" Starlight in over-the-top fashion, not as a far more recent event, was too good to not have fun with.:rainbowlaugh:

Lastly, when I was editing this story, I looked up if there were any names for phobias related to food and found "cibophobia." It is a fear of food, whether it's a specific food, types of food, or food in general.