Shame

Ruiz awoke to a crash of thunder, bolting upright and immediately regretting it. The shock had him fall back down onto the bed until the pain subsided. When his nerves finally calmed enough that he could read what was going on around him, he was greeted with the gentle thrum of raindrops against the window pane. He saw flashes of lightning, heard loud booms of thunder, and in some instances, he could feel the building shake.

The door opened, and two sets of hooves came in. He pried his eyes open and turned his head, much easier than last night, to see Meteor and Maria walking in. Now that she was out of bed and uncovered, Ruiz saw the worst of Maria's injuries; her chest was completely wrapped up and her back legs, especially around her hips, were covered in bruises.

"See? He's already awake," said Meteor, closing the door. Ruiz hadn't been paying too close of attention last night, and hadn't noticed similar bruises to a lesser degree on her legs. She turned to the side and showed a tray on her back. "We brought you some breakfast."

Ruiz sat up, slower this time than how he had awoken, and it was much easier. He wondered if he could possibly stand all the way up if he really tried, but for now, just sitting up was good enough.

Maria sat next to him and placed the tray on his lap. She looked uncomfortable, which was wholly understandable, given what had gone down recently. He didn't know if it had been yesterday, meaning the surgery hadn't lasted very long, or the day before, meaning he'd been out cold for at least twenty-six hours, so he didn't know how long she'd taken to recover already. All he knew was that those bruises probably made it hard to sit.

He did his best not to look at her as he ate his breakfast: scrambled eggs and cinnamon toast. He thought that staring at her would only make her more uncomfortable. Perhaps she blamed him for what happened. He had been the one to start that fight, after all. He had to wonder whether or not she'd ever killed a sentient creature before, as this may have been the first time, and that was always a harrowing experience.

"It's a lovely day," smiled Meteor, gesturing to the window. "It hasn't rained for over a month. We needed this infusion of moisture." Maria nodded in response, looking out the window at the streaks that distorted the town and clouded any distant objects.

Ruiz finished his meal, and Meteor collected his tray, taking it back downstairs, leaving the two of them alone. He had to tell her. Perhaps not all at once, especially with her being particularly vulnerable right now, but he had to do something. Her expression made her look like she was dead inside.

"H-how are your injuries?" he managed to say after a few deep breaths. She shrugged, not taking her eyes off the window. "Did you make it back home to see your family yet?" She shook her head. He might have expected that. Not knowing how long it had been, it was likely that she'd stayed by his side the whole time.

He moved toward her, his intent to place a hoof on her shoulder, but noting the bandage covering it, opted out. No matter his intent in doing so, he didn't want to apply unnecessary pressure to a spot that was in pain. Even if he was trying to comfort her, he didn't want to hurt her.

He tossed off his sheet, and that immediately drew her attention. She moved away a few centimetres, and her breathing became faster, as if she was suddenly frightened of what was coming after her. She did her best to calm down, but it was pretty clear that he had upset her. He thought about it for a moment, and remembering what she had been through before he'd arrived, came up with a clear indication of why she wouldn't talk to him. Perhaps now was not the time to confess his feelings, as she'd compare him to the gryphons, being in such close proximity.

He scooted away from her out of respect. She didn't want to be close to him right now, solely because he was male, and they hadn't been particularly kind to her of late. The best he could do would probably be to cover up again, but he had other plans. He turned to the side and gently lowered his back hooves to the floor. Maria watched, her fear now mixed with concern, a much more preferable emotion. She may have been afraid that he was going to jump on her, but at least she didn't want to see him hurt. It was something, at least.

He took it slow, one hoof at a time, moving deliberately and keeping his hooves spread out as he stood up. The throbbing pain in his legs actually felt pretty good. Bolting upright had been agonizing in every way. This hurt almost as much, but at least he was out of bed. With any luck, he'd be able to walk all the way back to the farm as soon as the rain stopped.

He took a step forward. He had to learn how to walk again, no matter the pain. He set in mind his goal: the door. If he could make it at least that far, he could return to his bed.

Another step. He turned to Maria, whose expression had not changed. Remembering all that he had seen when he was close to death, ruminating on the conversation and his own ideals, he knew what he had to do.

Two more steps toward the door. He wanted her. He wanted to tell her how he felt, but she wasn't ready. Instead, he would show her. He would pull himself up onto his hooves and take all of the weight off her shoulders while she recovered. He needed to be strong enough to act as a support for her. But first, he had to support himself. He had to stand up and walk.

Finally, after two and a half grueling minutes, he'd walked all the way from his bed to the door on the far side of the room. His body felt as though it was on fire, but he felt great. Perhaps after a short rest, he could walk all the way down to the end of the hallway. If he really tried, he might even go downstairs for dinner without any help.

Even so, he knew that his body had limits. Even if he was pushing them now, he couldn't do so forever. He now had to walk all the way back to bed, and this time, Maria would be staring him in the face the whole way. He was sure that he could just lie down here, and she'd come carry him over, but then what was he? Just a burden for her to take care of. It would then have been easier on her to just sit in bed and do nothing. If he collapsed now, it would just look like he walked away from her, just so she'd come pick him up. He wasn't that sort of goat. He would walk all the way back to bed on his own.