A Morning With Rainbow Dash
Ahh…now this was the life.
Granted, it wasn’t exactly what you were expecting in this world of technicolor talking horses, literal gods, and no internet connection, but still; it could be worse.
You sigh as you sink lower into your cloud mattress, a goofy smile etched onto your face as you pull the soft blankets closer to you. You had worked as hard as you could to turn this old worn-out cottage into a nice home, and you think you did a pretty good job, all things considered. Sure, the ceilings may be a bit too low for your liking, and the lack of insulation was always a problem during the colder months, but even so, it was enough for you to get by without dying, so you considered that a plus, at least.
It had been an odd experience, suddenly being thrust into this land of ponies, but you’d adjusted quite well into their society. Granted, the whole ‘everyone is nude and you are not’ thing took a bit of getting used to, but after a bit, you learned to deal with it. It’s not like they really had anything to look at, anyway.
You’d also made quite a few friends during this time as well. There was obviously Twilight, the loveable little egghead who overreacted whenever a book in her library was out of place. Applejack, the strong Southern pony who helped out on a farm and somehow also had time off to have fun with her friends (although that might have to do with you working there. Plucking them off was much better than kicking or punching them like this was a game of Minecraft.). There was also Rarity, who had found a way to reverse-engineer a machine that could create clothes for humans. Pinkie Pie was a complete nut job who just broke the laws of everything around her for the fun of doing so. Fluttershy was a cute, shy little introvert who liked animals way more than actual ponies…and she was also your doctor. Yeah, it sounds really odd at first, but when you’re the only one of your species (that you know of) in this weird other dimension or planet or whatever, you guess this would probably check out.
And then there was Rainbow Dash.
Dash was…interesting, to say the least.
The two of you didn’t really get off on the right foot. Apparently you were just standing at the wrong place at the wrong time and then suddenly—
BAM!
KO’d by Mach Pony.
While you were busy laying in the ground trying to breathe in that precious air that this random pegasus pony knocked out of you, she decided that that was totally the right moment to start getting really angry with you about how you were in her way and had somehow made her crash into you by just existing.
And that was when you met her the first time. That didn’t count all the other times she ran into you.
You’d been told by the rest of her friends (who you just so happened to be acquainted with. Go figure.) that she had a tendency to crash quite often when she was doing tricks. Heck, that was even how some of them met! But even they knew that the amount of times that she had landed on you was a bit too coincidental, even for her.
But believe it or not, that wasn’t even the weirdest part.
No, the weirdest part was how she acted towards you.
Being friends with someone who had other friends naturally meant that you had to interact with Dash sooner or later, and the times that you happened to be in near vicinity of each other was like rolling a die since you had no idea how she would react.
Sometimes she’d ignore you, which was normally the best option. Sometimes she’d sarcastically remark about your looks or how you were some weird abomination that shouldn’t exist in this world, which…yeah, you couldn’t really argue with her there.
And sometimes…
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!
“Hey, you in there? I wanna hang!”
She literally wouldn’t leave you alone.
You sigh heavily, pulling off your blankets and leaving your literal slice of Heaven as you begrudgingly made your way out of the bedroom.
Let’s just get this over with.
So, with a sigh, you turn the knob and open the front door.
“What do you want, Rainbow—”
FWOOSH!
“…Dash.” You finish, blinking furiously and shaking your head wildly to get the hair out of your eyes. Your bed head was already terrible enough to deal with on its own, but getting it all frizzed up by a pony known for going fast?
Not exactly the best way to start your day.
“Hey, where’s your food? I’m hungry!” You hear the cyan intruder yell from the kitchen. Figures she’d be thinking about food. With how much she sleeps and works out, she must have the biggest stomach in all of Equestria…minus Pinkie, but she doesn’t count. Pinkie is an anomaly that the universe just can’t account for.
You close the front door and head into the kitchen. Wouldn’t want to let in any more hot air than there already was, after all.
Good timing, too, seeing as how Dash was basically tearing up the kitchen as she tried to find any speck of food you had left laying around the house.
“Yeah, I don’t have anything. Sorry.” You answer, shrugging nonchalantly.
“Wh-what? Why?!” She cried, looking at you like you just used her tortoise to gain infinite lives.
You give her a deadpan look. “Dash, you do realize I need money to pay for food, right?”
She purses her lips into a frown, seemingly concentrating really hard. “Yeah, but I thought you got a lot because you’re end…endand…en—”
“Endangered?”
“Yeah, that!” She smiles proudly, feeling very smart that she used an egghead word.
“Yeah, well, I do, except that there’s been someone who keeps eating my food every time they come over.” I give her a pointed glare.
“Aww, c’mon! I don’t come over that often!”
“You’ve literally set up your house above mine, and added your own cloud staircase to get to my attic.”
“That’s just for convenience!”
“Yeah, sure, and I can fly.”
“You can?!”
“No!” You groan loudly, rubbing your temples. Sometimes talking to her gives you a headache.
“Oh…” Dash looked down at the floor, disappointment in her voice.
“Listen, I get that you wanna hang out with me, and honestly, I wanna hang out with you too.” She seemed to perk up slightly at your comment. “But the more you keep coming over, the more ponies will get the wrong idea.”
“Wh-what?!” She turned away from you to hide her now blushing cheeks. “I-I mean…pffft! Me? Like you? Th-that’s so stupid!”
“Okay, first off, ouch, my pride. And second off…really? I may be a boy…or a man or stallion or whatever you wanna call me—”
“Monkey.”
“—but even I can tell that you’re playing hard to get cause you like me.”
“I DON’T LIKE YOU!” Dash cried out much louder than necessary. Her eyes went wide as she realized what she said. “N-not like that, I mean! I mean, sure, you’re a pretty cool guy, at least, for a stallion. N-not that stallions can’t be good at all, that is! You’re just better than the ones that I’ve met! And you’re also kinda hot, too…but it’s not like you’re that hot! You’ve just got a nice butt, that looks way better than other stallions…but I still don’t like you! Not like that, anyway! I mean, even if I did, I’d probably just try to pin you down and force you to like me. That way it’d be easier for me to f—”
“Dash?”
She looks up to you, her entire face burning as red as her mane. “Y-yeah?”
You put a hand on her muzzle to close her mouth, fingers wrapped around it like a…well, a muzzle.
“Shut.”
She gives you an unenthused glare, the heat going straight from her cheeks into the glare from her eyes.
Totally worth it, though.
Still, despite how hard she kept trying to hide it, even she couldn’t pull the wool over you that easily. You knew that she had a cute little crush on you, and as much as you’d love to argue with her all day, you knew she wasn’t going to give up her secret no matter how hard you tried. This was Rainbow Dash, after all. The only thing that could make her admit her feelings towards you would be…
Bingo.
“You know what? Fine.” You pull your hand away from her mouth as Dash raises an eyebrow at your sudden change in attitude. “You totally don’t have a crush on me. I give up. You’ve won, Dashie. I have been thoroughly beaten by the likes of the most awesome pony in Equestria yet again.” You fall onto your chair dramatically, doing your best Rarity impression, swooning with a hand over your forehead.
“What’re you doing?” Dash asks, completely bewildered.
“I’m admitting my defeat, Rainbow Dash! Can’t you see?” You fall to your knees in front of her, practically pleading to the prismatic pony. “I’m telling you how wrong I was, and I’m wanting to apologize for my actions. Is that so wrong?” You flop over on the ground, making her step back a little. “Will you forgive me?”
Her face was getting redder and redder again by the second, making her gulp audibly as you see her throat muscles tense as she swallows, eyes darting around the room and not onto your nicely toned backside that you were very obviously not wiggling ever so slightly to entice her.
“I-I…uhh…y-yeah, okay, I forgive ya, alright?!” She looks away, squeezing her eyes shut to forget the image of you shaking your butt in something more…appealing. “Just stop doing that, alright?!”
“Oh, thank you, Dashie!” You jump up and wrap her in your arms before she could fly away. You could feel the heat from her face spread rapidly across the rest of her body as she squirmed under your grasp.
“G-GET OFFA ME!” She squealed, using her wings to break your grip and escape. You give a small chuckle at how desperate she looks to leave, but you weren’t done teasing her just yet.
Time for the killing blow.
“Actually…” You smirk as you see her ears perk up, bringing her attention back to you. “Since you’re so confident that you could never crush on such a hunk of a man, like me,” You kiss your nonexistent muscles on your arm. “How about we go out tonight…on a date?”
The color in her once burning red face seems to drain immediately at the mere suggestion of the ‘D word’, her pupils now pinpricks as she realizes what she had inadvertently started by coming into your house to steal some food. “A d-d-date?” She gulps, her legs shaking slightly.
“Yeah! I mean, you obviously don’t have any romantic feelings for me whatsoever, right?” You wink at her very inconspicuously. “So there’s no reason to be nervous about it! It’s just the two of us…alone…on a Friday night…as friends. Nothing wrong with that, right? Unless…” You gasp, slapping a hand to your cheek in mock surprise.
“You’re chicken?”
Her eye twitches as you see her go through a million and one different emotions all in the span of about 5 seconds.
Ladies and gentlemen; we’ve got her.
“FINE!” She finally roars at you, jumping up into the air and flapping her wings furiously. “You wanna go on a date so bad? I’ll give you a date! In fact, I’m gonna date you so hard that you won’t even be able to think about seeing any other mare without thinking about how awesome I was at dating you! Mark my words!”
It takes you all the effort you can to not burst out into the biggest grin, instead giving her a cute little smirk. “I’ll take your word for it, then.”
She gives a low growl through clenched teeth at your reaction. She may have been losing her cool, but this was a competition, now.
And Rainbow Dash would never back out of a competition.
“6:00. Sugarcube Corner. I’m paying.”
And with that, she rocketed out of the room and into the sky, already concocting plans of what she was going to do to blow you away.
And you wouldn’t miss it for the world.
Was this too much?
You give yourself a quick once-over: a nice collared shirt based off of the high class undershirts that the higher-ups in Canterlot wear, according to Rarity, a pair of blue jeans that were a bit rarer to come by, but were still somewhat in the realm of reality, and some raggedy old tennis shoes from when you got teleported here.
Honestly, for a guy who literally got teleported without warning into this parallel universe/alternate dimension, you cleaned up pretty nicely.
But was it too much?
You knew you didn’t need to go all out with roses and a suit and booking a restaurant that was way over your pay rate. Dash would probably see that as over dramatic and really cringy. She wasn’t the type that liked huge displays of affection. You knew that.
But at the same time, this was Rainbow Dash: fastest flyer in Equestria, future Wonderbolt, and some pony who expects the best out of everyone and everything…when she felt like it, at least. And from her reaction to your teasing, you could see that she was very determined to make this date work. If she wanted you to go all out, then you should’ve already had everything planned a week in advance. That’s just how she worked. Unfortunately, you hadn’t really planned on her actually saying yes, thinking it was all some big misunderstanding…
And now here you are, in the only nice outfit you owned, about to go on a date with one of your best friends.
You sigh.
Welp, let’s hope this goes well, or else you’ll be writing a friendship letter on how not to improve a relationship with another species.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!
You jump at the sudden pounding on your front door, startling you out of your thoughts. You wipe some of the sweat off of your face, dust yourself off, and make your way to the front door.
Time to get this date started.
You open the door—
“Sup, Dash? You ready for the most awesome date ev—”
—and your brain shuts down at the sight you see before you.
Your friend—one of your very best friends—stood right before you.
And she looked gorgeous.
She had done up her mane and tail, ditching that whole wind-swept speedster style with a more…feminine look. Each strand seemed like it was meticulously combed to make it seem like an actual rainbow after a storm, from the lightest red to the darkest purple, individually placed to perfection. Her tail had been curled as well, the colors swirling down from the start to the end. She even had makeup on, her eyelashes glistening in the slowly setting sun, her eyeshadow that was just the tiniest bit lighter than her beautiful eyes, which refused to look at you, and swear you could smell perfume.
But what really caught you was her dress.
At first, it didn’t look anything too special: it was nearly completely white, almost like a cloud. But on closer inspection, you realized it was much more complicated than that. It took a little bit to notice, but if you looked at it just right, when the sun bounced off the fabric, you could see an astounding amount of color dancing around in such intricate patterns that you could sit there for a lifetime and never see the same design twice. The way it wove through the light in all different directions…it reminded you of the Northern Lights back home. The sight nearly brought a tear to your eye.
“S-so…w-what do ya think?”
You shake yourself out of your trance, realizing that you’d been staring. You clear your throat, turning away from her as you blush.
“You look…very nice tonight, Rainbow.”
Wow. That was probably the cringiest compliment that you could’ve come up with. You’re surprised Dash can even stand it, both figuratively and literally.
“Th-thanks…” She mutters quietly.
An awkward silence fills the air, the wind and sounds of nature being the only thing that let you know that this was not some weird fantasy dreamt up in your psyche; this was reality. And in reality, you gotta nut up or shut up.
And you never did learn how to shut up.
“Soooooo…” You run the back of your neck, trying your best to play it cool despite how uncomfortable you feel. “You ready to go, then?”
“Y-yeah, let’s go!” She cries, trying to hype herself up. You grin at the sight. Even when on a date with the guy she has a crush on, she would still be Rainbow Dash: the rough-and-tumble tomboy that always stayed with you no matter what.
She really was a good friend.
You make your way down the path towards the village proper. It was a bit of a bother to walk such a long distance to get there, but you had your reasons. For one, it was much closer to Fluttershy’s cottage than the hospital, which seemed odd at first until you realized that the hospital probably only dealt with ponies and pony anatomy, and being near a vet who took care of animals would be better in case you were ever mortally wounded or something (which happens quite a bit in this town, now that you think about it). Also, being close with someone like Dash meant a lot more physical fitness than you were used to, with her always challenging you to races and hoof wrestling and stuff, so getting a bit of workout in helped you slowly build your strength so you could one day beat her. Also also, being a big human in a town of small horses kinda made it hard to not be very intimidating, so staying on the outside was probably for the best.
As you walk, Dash stays by your side, trotting silently next to you, since flying in a dress wasn’t exactly the smartest idea in the world. Then again, flying in something that you could easily see into when you’re on a date would be kind of…uncomfortable. But like, that would be for a society like yours that actually cared about nudity and made it taboo, which I guess is why she’s not flying…or it may be because it may rip the dress…or maybe you’re thinking way too much into the idea of your friend wearing clothes since she doesn’t wear them normally…
Whatever. Now’s not the time to think about that. Maybe you should try and break the silence before you both suddenly turn into mimes.
“You nervous, Dash?” You try to joke, looking down at the blue pegasus. She seemed very deep in thought, and was looking more at the ground than in front of her.
“Dash?” You try again, a bit of worry creeping into your voice.
“Hmm?” Dash starts a little, realizing you were talking to her. “Yeah, what’s up?”
You slow to a stop and get down on one knee (you’ll deal with Rarity complaining about messing up her handiwork later) and look Dash in the eye. “You okay?” You ask sincerely.
Her cheeks flush a bit from your stare, but she tries her best smile, even though you could tell that she was kind of faking it. “Yeah, I’m fine! What’s it to ya?” She asks annoyedly.
“Hey, don’t get mad at me!” You scold her slightly, making her ears droop a bit. “I’m just wondering if my date is feeling alright.”
Her cheeks blush a bit redder as she turns away, her mouth in a grimace. “Like I said, I’m fine…” She barely gets out through grit teeth.
You sigh in frustration. She’s been doing that for quite a bit as of late, and while you mostly chalked it up to her slow crush on you, she still hadn’t admitted that she had yet, and if she couldn’t tell you yet, then you’d just have to wait until she wanted to. So, while you hated to do it, you dusted your pant leg off and kept going into town, with Dash not far behind.
The streets weren’t all that busy, being near the end of the day and all, but there were still a few wandering around the marketplace getting some last minute items before the stalls closed.
And lucky you, you just so happened to run into a pony who just might be able to solve your problem.
“Well, howdy, y’all!” Applejack called, putting the last of her unsold apple products onto her cart as you approached. “What’re you two doin’ all dressed up ‘n’ all? Did Dash finally ask ya out?”
“Shh! Quiet down, would ya?!” Said pony practically squeals, checking to see if anyone heard. “I’m trying to keep an image here!”
“Yeah, and you walking ‘round in a dress with the human totally won’t be mistaken for somethin’ else.” AJ deadpans, rolling her eyes.
“I asked her out, thank you very much.” You proclaim proudly. “I’m not as naïve as I look.”
“And did she admit to likin’ ya?”
“…”
“That’s what I thought.”
Ouch, your pride.
“Ugh, can we get going already?!” Dash pleaded, trying her best to avoid the curious looks of the ponies nearby. “We’re gonna be late, and I didn’t pay Pinkie to just sit around waiting for us to get there.”
“Alright, alright! Hold yourself, we’ll be there soon enough.” You turn back to Applejack, leaning down and whispering in her ear, “No, she hasn’t, and I think it’s really getting to her.”
Applejack glanced over to see if Dash was paying any attention, then whispered back, “Yeah, I getcha. Girl wouldn’t admit nothin’ ‘less we forced her to. Ain’t no way yer gonna get anythin’ out in the open.”
“Well, she could…with a little bit of help…” You give a glance at the apple cart.
“Now what in tarnation are ya…oh…” Her eyes follow yours as a gives you a little smirk. “Oh, you cheeky little—”
“Hello?! Can we get going already?! I’m ready for some cake, and if we don’t leave soon, then Pinkie’s gonna eat all the leftovers!” Dash whines, hopping in place, ready to take off and a moment’s notice.
You sigh as you relay your plan to Applejack silently, who nods and gets herself latched up to her cart. “Well, it was nice seein’ you two! Hope y’all have a nice night now! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”
Aww, she’s so swee-wait, what?
“GreatthanksbyeAJ!” You couldn’t even respond to the country mare before you were taken by the hand and practically dragged across the market by a rainbow blur.
You really hoped you had misheard her.
