One Jazzy Mother#$%er
Anon has been in Equestria for most of his living years. Anon appeared in Equestria after Twilight was made into the Princess of Friendship at the age of 15 thanks to a drunk Twilight botching a teleportation spell. Anon appeared in front of an old married pony couple and grew up as their son for a half decade. Anon sitting in a hallway getting his mind right. Anon going over the sheet music in his head and warming up his fingers to play his medley of music. Anon in his mind was wondering if it’s still fun to play when this music hobby became a career and how all this came about.
Precisely 2 years ago Anon was playing smooth jazz at his new Coffee House called Anon’s Steamy Stop or A.S.S Cafe as Anon calls it. Anon plays a beautiful medley of notes and hears a voice in his head of a musical voice say, “That’s some good music you're playing.” Anon freaks out and flinches to the right and looks around to see who was up in his ear all of a sudden. The couple of ponies listening looked up at Anon and stared at him confused. Anon looking around thought to himself, “I better play it off.”
Anon immediately said in a stroke of genius, “Sorry, a bug flew into my ear.” Anon after that started up again and played one of his better pieces that makes the ponies relax and get comfortable.
Anon after the close up goes downstairs to his house that is under the A.S.S Cafe puts up his saxophone next to his other instruments. The musical voice comes back and asks, “You done freaking out?” Anon this time looks around trying to figure out where that voice is coming from. The voice says, “Up here dipshit.” Anon looks up and sees this weird looking guy with half his body floating above Anon.
Anon asked, “Who are you and where is the rest of your body?” The guy replied to that question in a vocal melody, “I’m Bob your very own personal Bard and I’m your spirit guide. Your family comes from a long line of runic bards and magic musicians.” Bob in an enthusiastic tone said, “How cool is that?” Anon retorted quickly, “I don’t know. What can I do with this magic?” Bob looking at Anon touched his forehead and explained that Anon has from his father the runic note bard line and from his mother seduction music bard line.
Bob looking at Anon says, “You have a mix of royalty runic note and seduction note whenever you play which means you can make people/ponies feel the emotions you want them to feel.” Anon, confused, replied, “But I thought I was good with instruments and had genius talent?” Bob retorted, “You do! It’s just you have magic mixed in with that talent which you can thank your ancestors' magic bloodline for.”
Anon asked Bob, “So you're my spirit guide? Why pick now of all time to show up?”
Bob looked away embarrassed and replied, “The world you were living in wasn’t supposed to get magic back till 2030 and This teleport to a different world with magic of all variety allowed me you spirit guide/God of Bards to absorb the magic all around you making me strong enough to talk to you and also appear.”
Anon after zoning out hears Bob say, “Hey that pony said you're on in two minutes ok.” Anon focuses up, shakes the nerves and walks out on stage with a couple of instruments on stands scattered on the stage. Bob sayes, “You’ve practiced this for months for this play, are you sure you’re ready?” Anon with a sweat going down his brow replies, “As ready as I can be.” With a snap of Anon's fingers the instruments start to glow and float and holograms of Anon in different colored tuxedos start playing a song.
Anon after the show was autographing ponies holding pictures of Anon. That's when Twilight, Celestia, Luna, and Flurry Heart walked up holding pictures of Anon. Anon going down the line starting with Twilight asked, “How’s the Princess of friendship?” Twilight beaming replied, “It’s great I’m the headmaster of a Friendship school now.” Anon, after signing, replied, “Nice, tell me if you need a music teacher.” Twilight blushing retorted, “Will do Anon.”
Anon moving over to Celestia said, “Sup, Celly Belly? Nice dress.” Celestia magically hands the picture with Anon on it with a sentence in the gray of the picture saying. The guards know you're coming. Anon signing it looks back up at Celestia with a gentle smile. Celestia replies after Anon looks back at her, “I thought it would be fun to take Twilight and Flurry Heart to see your concert and thank you, I finally got to use this dress that was made for special occasions.” Anon retorted, “I’m flattered you find my concert a special occasion.”
Anon moving to Luna grabs the picture from Luna’s magical grasp. Anon doing a double take saw the words I’m going to fuck you all night long on the picture in black ink. Anon, hiding his blush, and signing the picture asked, “So Lune, I love the star pattern you have going on with your dress. Really matches your hair.” Luna, all lovey Dovey replies, ``Well thank you though this dress was a last-minute idea of course.” Anon said, “Well, you look beautiful in it.”
Anon moves over to the now older Flurry Heart holding the paper in her hoof instead of using her magic and on the picture is a smaller picture that moves like a gif of Flurry’s ass bouncing on Anon's unexaggerated dick really fast. Anon, clearly frazzled, asked while signing Flurry Heart’s Picture of Anon, “How’s the new Princess of Love and her newly acquired Crystal Empire?” Flurry didn’t say anything, just giving a devious grin. Anon knowingly said, “Don’t do what I think you're going to do.” Flurry’s smile got bigger and replied, “We all want an answer to the things we wrote. So YES or no Anon?”
Anon sighing looked at the other Princesses and with a knowing look pointed to his picture at what he signed. All the Princesses looked down at the picture of Anon and in bold words with his autograph said, “Come to Lá posher, I book a dinner reservation there for us to talk.” Flurry Heart looked at her picture and it said, “My dick is bigger than that and I can prove it tonight if you want me to.” Flurry sent a mental image of where she’s spending the night which was Twilight's Castle and the magic crystal that can teleport Anon to her room.
Anon walked back to his dressing room after the small talk he had done, asking, “Bob, is this the perks of being a bard with the mix of two powerful blood lines?” Bob, appearing like a genie replied, “Yup and you’re going to want to be careful because Flurry Heart’s planning something big my fellow bard buddy.” Anon remembering her last plan to do aggressive cuddling with Anon, who was invited because to Flurry’s birthday by Twilight who asked him to be the band. Flurry turned 18 and got drunk and tried to fuck Anon after the party? Anon thought, “Maybe, she was a changed mare but what Bob said sounded like a no. Anon starts getting ready by putting on a fancy suit and tie with the fancy shoes. Anon takes a long glance in the penthouse suit mirror and smiles knowing how tonight is going to go.
Anon gets to the expensive restaurant only to see Princesses Twilight, Flurry Heart, Celestia, and Luna with makeup and beautiful dresses. Anon walks up to the table knowing they are all waiting on him.
Anon asks, “Have you girls been waiting long?” Celestia was about to answer that only to get interrupted by Flurry Heart replying in a joking tone, “Yes, you dare to keep a beautiful group of not just Princesses, but goddesses waiting. For shame Anon!” Anon rolling his eye’s respawned, “Well, if it’s any consolation you all are stunningly Beautiful and I brought you all gifts.” All the Princesses saw as Anon handed each a crystal rose with a unique effect to it. Anon looked at Twilight and said, “Twilight the Rose I got you. has a beautiful lavender glow and smell that doubles as a night light.” Anon looked at the Princesses and at the roses with a proud smile.
Twilight with a tear rolling down her cheek said, “Thank you, Anon.” Anon with a gentle smile replied, “You're welcome, Twilight.” Anon moving over to Flurry Heart's crystal rose explained that the rose she was given was aquamarine with a purple pearlescent to it and it was a rose that changed color to match the ponies' feelings and emotions and the rose can do the same for other ponies as long as the owner allowed it.
Flurry Heart, hearing this explanation and the effects of the rose, got up and made her way to Anon and hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. Flurry said, “Thank You, Anon.” Anon looked at Celestia and said, “You’re rose has a color changer to it as well but it’s more for relaxation and it’s fragrance when it changes to what you like most to get you through your tough day’s dealing with paperwork and snobby nobles that try to ruin your day.” Celestia replied with a gentle smile, “I will cherish this crystal rose always.”
Anon now moved his gaze to Luna and said, “Your rose is a little unique it has a dark blue color that will show white dots that glow like the stars in the night sky and when the moon is full the rose turns a beautiful glowing white and it releases a calming smell when you're feeling stressed.” Anon after explaining what the crystal roses and their effects that's when the Princesses ordered food. That’s when the princesses were quiet. Anon sitting in awkward silence unable to think of anything to talk about. Anon thought of a good idea.
Anon looked over to Twilight and asked, “Hey, Twilight can you do me a favor and shoot a talk spell at your rose, and think of talking to me.” Twilight shot the spell, and the rose started to glow and create a telepathic link to Anon. Twilight replied in the telepathic link, “Hello, Anon can you hear me?” Anon retorted, “Yep, Hear you loud and clear.”
Anon explained the rose talk function and that’s when food got to the table as everyone was eating Flurry asked, “What else can the roses do? Because it seems there are other hidden functions in the roses.” Anon took a bite to think of an easier way to explain the other functions on the roses. Anon after swallowing said, “The roses have a manual function tell you what the other functions are.” Flurry looked confused for a sec. Anon elaborating what he meant retorted, “The roses have user's manual in it.”
The princesses nodded their heads in approval at the multifunctionality of the roses. Anon finished his dinner which consisted of steamed veggies and a cooked fish with a lot of seasoning, looked up at the princesses and asked, “Am I paying or….” That’s when Princess Celestia replied, “I will pay for the meal if you get dessert.” Anon calling the pony waiter over and ordered dessert for the group knowing what each of the Princesses liked.
when the owner came by to ask, “Sorry to bother you, your highnesses but can we hear one of Anon songs?” Anon in an embarrassed state replied, “I don’t know if that's ok to do here?” The Owner retorted, “It’s ok I own this restaurant so please.” That’s when Anon stood up and went to the stage in the fancy restaurant where they had a piano and started to sing while hitting the notes to play a love song with a beautiful melody. The atmosphere in the restaurant shifted a bit to a more loving setting. The Princesses listened to it and felt a spark which made all of the rose's glow and bloom at the same time. That caught them off guard when it happened that they saw another function of the roses they received.
Anon too focused on playing/singing the love song and getting into it to see the roses bloom couldn’t stop what happened next. The Princesses out of no way teleported Anon to a bedroom immediately while singing and playing Anon opened his eyes and saw he was in his room above the A.S.S cafe with a bed big enough to hold the Princesses on it and in lingerie and sporting sexy grins that said, "come Hether!"
Anon did a double take on the roses and noticed they were in full bloom and remembered that he didn’t put that setting in the roses and realized Bob did some of the work on the roses setting. Anon tried to explain the full bloom setting but the Princesses hopped up on an aphrodisiac and mare enhancer effect that makes the aphrodisiac stronger and made it impossible for the Princesses to listen to reason started to tear Anon’s clothes apart and have their naughty way with him.
Bob looked down at the scene and said, “That was a special function to get you laid you jazzy mother@#$er!”
Anon woke up early to get his A.S.S cafe ready for the day opened the shop so his pony employees could get started. Anon saw Breakfast Sandwich or B.S. as Anon calls him walking with his gay lover Coffee Grinder to the cafe.
Anon waved and said, "Morning you two! Let's try to keep it quiet some ponies spent the night, and I don't think it's smart to be loud." Coffee Grinder looked smug and replied, "I thought you don't let anyone upstairs because it's you sacred palace as you have stated many times over." B.S. looking at Anon noticed the bags under his eye's replied, "Who's the lucky mare/stallion?"
Anon said, "The lucky mares are probably about to wake up and the last thing I need is you two trying to start something." Coffee Grinder surprised replied, "It's usually Breakfast that is screwing off and I get dragged along. What do you mean mares? Are you in a herd?" Anon still tired and chuckled retorted, "I got into a bit of some trouble after the concert and some owner wanted me to play after dinner and now, I have four mares in my new double wide king size bed and I’m not sure if I want to herd with them really. But besides that let’s get to work and open the Cafe.”
Coffee Grinder and Breakfast Sandwich responded excitedly, “You got it boss!”
Anon annoyed retorted, “Sssssshhhhh, I don’t want them waking up right now.”
After an hour of quiet work from the three and a couple of other employees (that the writer is too lazy, and sleep deprived to included) Anon gets on the piano and started to play some relaxing jazz melody only to see all four princesses come downstairs beaming looking radiant which shocked Breakfast Sandwich and Coffee Grinder who were making the coffee for a mare and a breakfast sandwich for a stallion that walked in a couple of minutes ago.
Anon made a projection of himself with magic to take over the music. Anon walking over to the princesses showed them to an open table and with magic sat each princess down before he sat looking at each of their smiling faces and feeling guilty for what Bob did. Anon said, "First off, I would like to apologize the roses must have malfunctioned because I never intended to force you Princesses and I tried to give you all even proportions of spunk, but I think the thing Celestia did towards the end of the night made it free rain literally of course." Princess Celestia giggled and replied, "I thought I should try it because it's been a while since I've done that glad to know I'm not rusty." Princess Luna retorted, "The night though long was nice, I was surprised how long you could go for and am pleased to have had such mishap last night, so I won't take your rose creation as a malfunction and more as a feature just doing its job to the fullest pun intended."
Anon looking at Twilight asked, "I would also like to ask you Twilight what was that part you were mumbling about starburst and screwing you like a catholic boy?" Twilight redder that a cherry replied, "I accidentally used a spell on you and saw some of your memories and what happened to you in your colt hood and made a passing joke on accident while I was mid climax." Anon laughed and retorted sharply, "That's what I thought because that was fucking hilarious. I was too busy shoving as much of me into you to hear that fully."
Anon looked at Flurry Heart and said, "You need to cool it on the daddy fetish it's ok in certain moments but if you call me that all the time what happens if you say that, and you were talking to your real dad and not me." Flurry Heart with a wicked grin replied, "And what if that was the whole point of this little night of good times?" Anon in a huff retorted quickly, "Then this might be the only little night you will get if you keep that shit up."
Anon had breakfast brought to the table along with coffee the way they like it for each of them and has they enjoyed a calm cafe morning with each other. Anon asked the question running through the princesses' minds, "So are we a herd now or...?" That's when the princesses looked at Flurry Heart and back at Anon.
Flurry Heart said smugly, "I told you girl didn’t I! I knew it would take a combined effort of all of us to get you to think of having a herd." Anon replied, "And what if this was a simple ploy for me to have a one night stand and an end game?" Flurry retorted immediately, "Not likely, we have known you for a long time. Plus you said it repeatedly to us you aren’t the type to bail out of a relationship and you would be stupid to pass up another chance to ride the flanks of four goddess."
Anon looked away in a blush and was caught in a spider's web unable to make a logical retort and said, "Fine, I'll herd with you princesses but no fighting over me got it." All the princesses nod their heads in agreement knowing that as long as they get Anon at least one night a week they could be happy for a long time.
Bob the spirit guide slowly transformed back into a future Anon who was the Music God said, "Not bad kid, not bad at all. You're already doing a better job than me finding love instead of being lonely."
Future Anon uses a magic note to go back to his time and sees a noticeable change to his house and how quiet it was and how the house was gloomy and now brimming with foal's and colt's running amuck trying to find all the thing they need for school/work and his wife's sitting at the table quietly sipping their coffee/tea enjoying the books they were reading. Anon in his regular clothes with four gifts behind his back as Anon walked up giving each of his wife's loving kisses handed each of them their gifts, they all looked at Anon.
Anon with a tear in his eye said, "Happy 60 Year Anniversary!" as each wife opened up their gift Celestia got a ring for her horn. Luna got a beautiful necklace that went with her peytral. Twilight way older now got a bracelet that resizes to the wearer. Flurry Heart got beautiful new earrings. The princesses looked at the gift's and after the kid left for school/work they jump onto Anon hugging him and crying tears of joy. Future Anon thinking how his Life though faced with hardship and the beautiful melody of hard work and dedication could not be happier than he is right now to have gone back to change his lonely, gloomy and boring fate and making it where he is loved by the mares he cares for. Anon on the ground being pelted with kisses and felt a tickle in his lower region and looking at Flurry’s eyes with lust and feeling her touch. The other Princesses locked the house down and Anon thought to himself said, “Well, here we go again.”
Author's Note
This one off is a little more interesting because I use to be in a jazz band and loved playing the drums but never made it far in the orchestra band I did stop after a couple of years of playing due to some complications in life.
