Scottaloo: Scootland's Greatest Warrior

by Scotishbro

Rating: teen
Tags: Sweetie Belle, Original Character, Apple Bloom, Comedy, Scootaloo, Profanity, Random, Violence, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe
Length: 2992

Bagpipes and Unicorns

Hear the soothing, but inspiring sound of the bagpipes, let it fill you with pride and courage! Scottaloo may be no unicorn, but she will not be deterred by her battle-brethren's harsh words. Her will to fight, and her unrivaled courage on the battlefield more than makes up for her lack of magical prowess! FEAR THE ORANGE RAGE!!!

Thank you for reading, and have a great day!

Published 2022-02-10 08:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-04-13 05:51:48 UTC

The Greatest Warrior Scootland Has Ever Seen

Author's Note

Fun fact: The national animal of Scotland is the Unicorn

You have to listen to this while reading. Its the law.

Source: Dude, trust me.

The Greatest Warrior Scootland Has Ever Seen

The morning dew rested on the beautiful rolling grasses of southern Scootland in a shimmering show of light not seen in ages. The sheep grazed peacefully, the birds chirped, and even the sun was peaking its golden gaze through the thick cloud cover every few seconds. Yes, today was a beautiful day to die indeed. Scootland was at war with the Pegasus of Grait, a bloody conflict that only recently sprouted up over what was cooler: The Unicorns of Scootland's ability to play the majestic bagpipes, or the Pegasus of Grait's ability to play the ugly sounding harp. While Scottaloo may not know why such a thing was so important, she wasn't about to disobey a direct order from the Queen herself. No, Scottaloo must prove her loyalty to the Crown, and to her courage as a warrior...

Scottaloo arose from the rocky alcove she had been sent to watch over. She thought of her brethren in arms, and how she could never really be accepted into their ranks. She may be a real Scootlander by heart, but she was Grait by blood. Scottaloo always feared a war between the two peoples would tear her asunder, but she knew where her loyalties lay, and so did the Queen. Most ponies wouldn't admit it, but Scottaloo was the greatest warrior at the Crowns disposal, and everypony knew what was up when an orange and purple Pegasus rolled up into town. She would prove herself to her peers, she would rise up and make her name known to those who would dare insult her authority, she would-

"Hey, Chickenloo! The Warcaptain needs you!" Scottaloo turn her head to see a unicorn stallion go from a grin to pure, unadulterated fear. Scottaloo wasn't known form her niceties, but now was not the time. She had to visit the Warcaptain, a one Sweetie Belle of the Royal Concierge. From what Scottaloo understood, the only reason she ever got the pretigious spot as Warcaptain was because her sister had designed a particulalry stunning outfit for Her Highness. Regardless of petty politics, orders were orders. Scottaloo raised her great Claymore, affectionately called Clay, and trotted off to see the Warcaptain.

The practice of the Royal Bagpipe Brigade filled the Warcamp with a joyous fervor. After all, they might not make it to the next morning, so why not enjoy what could very well be your last day in Scootland? Warcaptain Sweetie Belle of the Royal Concierge wasn't exactly one who you would normally call upon in a time of war, something she and everypony knew throughout the camp. Her sister, Rarity, had used her in a bid to get on the Queen's good side, despite Sweetie having absolutely no experience with tactics, let alone combat. Rarity said "Don't you play that Ogres and Oubliettes game with your little Apple Bloom friend all the time? That ought to be enough...". Sweetie feared mutiny, but little did she know a Scoot's pride was to great for that! Despite that, sharing Sweetie's fear was her close friend, Apple Bloom, an Earth Pony mare from a faraway land...

"Oh my Queen! What am I going to do, Apple Bloom?! Everypony in the Warcamp knows I'm just a maid! How am I supposed to lead an army?!" Sweetie Belle paced up and down the inside of the tent that was set up in the middle of the camp, staring at Apple Bloom with pleading eyes. Apple Bloom had found solace in an apple she had saved for the long trek they had embarked on in days past.

"I don't know, why don't we ask the best warrior in camp? They probably know something about how to fight a war."

Sweetie Belle stopped in her tracks. "Apple Bloom, you are a genius." and ran towards the tent flap, opening it to ask a guard where the strongest warrior was. You see, the only issue with asking a camp full of big burly warriors about which of them was the strongest and most capable, is that they will all rise up, say something along the lines of 'I'm the greatest warrior!', and start to fight and bicker with each other over who was the best. Instead, a white mare bearing a medics clothing came over to answer Sweetie Belle's question. She stood tall, with an angry expression on her face, not to much unlike the warriors behind her.

"Oh, great, look what ya done! It took me 3 days o' care to get Tatties n' Neeps back to health! Thanks fer making my job harder 'Warcapin'!" She turned away in disgust, but Sweetie Belle stopped her. She had to know just who was best pony.

"Wait! I need help in here. I need a great warrior. You would seem to have an unbiased opinion, please, for the sake of everypony here..."

The nurse threw her mane back with a flick of her head. "Well, if you must know..." She moved to whisper into Sweetie's ear. "It's a lass by the name of Scottaloo. But don't tell anypony I said-"

"WHAT!?" A great, big unicorn stallion came from the crowd of now settled Scootish warriors. It would appear as though he was the winner of the scuffle that arose from Sweetie's rash words. The nurse had stepped back, not out of fear, but out of nessecity. "I, Haggis MacCallan, will not be disrespected in such a way! I demand a fight with Scottaloo! No Pegasus will take my rightful place as best pony!" He struck a stoic pose upon completing his sentence, making Sweetie cringe.

She reasoned that if anypony were to be the greatest, it would be one of these two ponies. "Very well, retrieve this Scottaloo and we can make a spectacle out of this. I'm sure it will raise morale!"

Many preparations had been made for the sparring battle. Many would say that Scottaloo was a major underdog in this fight. After all, Haggis MacCallan had come from a long line of great Scootish warriors dating back to the founding of Scootland over a thousand years ago. Even with that in mind, Scottaloo only stood to gain from such a battle, as even if she lost, she wouldn't be called a coward, just not the best pones. She would prove her mettle, and fight with courage, for she was Scottaloo, Scootlands greatest warrior!

A Scoot's Pride, a Scoot's Honor

A raincloud had found its way onto the little clearing made in the middle of the Warcamp, muddying the ground and generally making things miserable, a contrast to the elegant beauty shown not 30 minutes earlier. Both belligerents in the soon to take place fight, Scottaloo and Haggis MacCallan, were preparing for the no-bars sparring match to determine who was best pones. Most in the camp had put their bets on Haggis, for he was easily twice as big as Scottaloo was, and wielded a great warhammer passed down from generation to generation in his great lineage. The weapons had been enchanted so that while blows would be full force, they could not kill the one they struck, for this was just a sparring match after all. Scottaloo was not nervous however. She was pumped for the whooping soon to take place...

Sweetie Belle had overseen the construction of the ramshackle arena that had been made for the fight. It wasn't much, just a few slanted sticks in the ground marking the exterior portions of the battlegrounds. The rain had picked up, making it more difficult to do anything, but it should make the fight more interesting. Apple Bloom had taken liberties in collecting bets on the fight, an overwhelming majority of them in favor of the giant Haggis. They didn't bet money, however. Just the word of the soldiers. If it's one thing Sweetie had learned while in this company, it's that these warriors shared a bond unlike anything she had ever seen. They slept together, ate together, cried together, but most importantly, they stayed by each others sides. They showed a loyalty to each other that rivaled their allegiance to the Crown.

Once Apple Bloom was done collecting votes, Sweetie took her fashionable umbrella and unfurled it to protect them both from the downpour. With a great booming voice, she announced to the crowd the results: 75 in favor of Haggis, and only 1 in favor of Scottaloo. Surely, this could not bode well to her abilities, but Sweetie wasn't about to call off this little scuffle so close to its start, that would just be no fun.

Scottaloo had not expected Haggis to be as imposing of a figure as he was. Sure, they had seen each other while they were traveling, but being this close, and to have to battle him? Now that's a big deal. The ground was extremely muddy, a consequence of the rain that had rolled in interim her arriving. Scottaloo took a deep breath, muttered a small prayer to Clay, and stood to face the brute in combat...

The Royal Bagpipe Battalion let out a a series of catchy notes as Haggis swung open the door of the outhouse, his donkey sidekick hooving him his weapon of choice, a great warhmammer known as Beira. To Scottaloo, it seemed gaudy, but powerful. She had no doubt such a large stallion was capable of using its girth effectively. Haggis moved opposite of Scottaloo outside the ring. A few moments passed, the pair looking each other in the eyes in a futile attempt at scaring the other into submission. The duo were alerted to Warcaptain Sweetie Belle announcing the bets: 75-1, Haggis's favor. Not something Scottaloo was all to proud of, but it just served to further inspire her. She would win this fight, or go out in a blaze of glory.

"Here, here! Hello, Battle-Brethren, today, two of our finest warriors, Haggis MacCallan and Scottaloo, have decided to prove just who is the best! Both fighters have enchanted their respective weapons to a non-lethal state, any blows attributed to an opponent will instead disabled the limb that was struck. Both contestants will be judged fairly, so no magic or flying-" Haggis interrupted Sweetie's speech with "Even if Scottaloo is as capable o' flight as ya' average Dodo!" This caused a grimace to appear over Scottaloo's face, while pulling a holler out of everypony in the crowd. Sweetie Belle cleared her throat aggressively and continued. "As I was saying! Nopony shall have an unfair advantage such as magic or flying! This is a test of skill and tactics, not magical ability!" Sweetie calmed and lowered her voice to speak to the fighters directly. " When you are ready, approach the center and ready yourselves. Let the battle begin!"

The two obliged, taking their respective places. They stared at one another. They both saw the same thing: Determination.

"FIGHT!"

Scottaloo was immediately sent jumping backwards; Haggis had opened up with a massive swing of Beira, his miss causing him to slip in the mud a bit. Scottaloo galloped to Haggis's exposed side and struck his left forehoove, sending him tumbling, but not before he struck back with a nasty blow to the back of Scottaloo's head. It wasn't enough to knock her out, but it certainly made her a bit dizzy. The crowd cheered at the exchange, letting out banter towards both contestants.

Apple Bloom had decided to start her career in announcing as of recent, and this was a golden opportunity. "Oh! A brutal exchange of blows for the two fighters! Oh look! Scottaloo is still standing!"

Haggis stumbled to his hooves, all three that were still working anyway. The forth lay limp, limiting his movement greatly. He turned to Scottaloo, who seemed to have lost herself a bit after his counterattack. He hobbled over and swept her legs out from under her, raising his beautiful Beira up high, intending to smash it into Scottaloo. Instead, Scottaloo became free of her head trauma induced confusion, and rolled safely out of the hammers path, it instead thudding against the ground harmlessly, sending globules of mud flying in all directions. Scottaloo breathed heavily. Oh yeah. THIS was a good fight. She hadn't felt this pumped since she was a filly! Her eye's focused on Haggis in a deadly determination, filling her with a much needed vigor.

The fight with Haggis was turning out to be one of mythical proportions. The sheer amount of skill and strength on display wowed the crowds as moves thought impossible and dodges thought incapable. Haggis had been putting up a tough fight despite his bum leg, and Scottaloo had been meeting his blows with a well timed dodge or a skillful parry. Apple Bloom could barly keep up with the fight, every second being filled with the clangs of metal and the grunts of war. The crowd cheered loudly, and Sweetie's mouth fell agape. The bagpipes rang out in full force, a rolling boom of sound that wrapped the whole event in a nice bow. Scottaloo felt her body surprisingly growing stronger as the battle waged on, the world turning a blue and white haze as she jumped and kicked...

Apple Bloom practically had to yell out her calls to the crowd, as they were getting progressively louder and louder at the fight. "Wow! What a parry by Haggis! This is the fight of the century folks! I don't think-" It was then Apple Bloom noticed Scottaloo's eye's had begun to glow a brilliant blue and white color, making the crowd cease their cheering and lower into a bow. "It is... The Gaeleon!" Apple Bloom spat out in pure disbelief. She to bent into a bow, Sweetie following suit.

Ancient Scootish legends spoke of a great warrior clad in an orange coat bearing burning eyes of the nations colors, a warrior who would bring peace and prosperity to Scootland in its time of need. They called this great warrior the Gaeleon, a living, breathing representation of everything a great Scootish warrior ought to be. As it just so happened, Scottaloo was exhibiting all the traits stated in the legend, so by all means, Scottaloo was the Gaeleon! Haggis, upon seeing Scottaloo's fiery blue-white eyes, hesitate and slipped in his bewilderment...

Scottaloo had been keeping pace, but Haggis had slipped in the mud, a perfect opportunity. Scottaloo leapt up in the air, pulling Clay out of her mouth and into her hooves for more leverage, yelling a guttural screech as she slammed the blade right into Haggis's dumbfounded face. He was launched 20 feet in the other direction, smashing into a group of spectators. The crowd roared in excitement, storming the muddy field and parading Scottaloo around the camp while singing great praises of her battle. The rain had stopped, and the sun peaked through the clouds to look upon the wet ground, bringing fresh warmth to the whole scene...

Hours had past, the sun setting over the horizon as the ponies of the Warcamp gathered around the bonfire to celebrate this momentous occasion. Song and profanities filled the night, and Scottaloo sung with them, taking a break every once in awhile to take a swig of beer. Even Sweetie Belle and her friend, Apple Bloom had come over to enjoy the festivities. All was joyous when 3 equines had come over to talk to the trio...

Scottaloo took a long, hard swig of the beer she had. "You know, I thought you two would just be some pampered, stuck up city ponies with no sense for fun!"

Sweetie Belle had gotten herself near blackout drunk, Apple Bloom not fairing much better. "Whaaaat? Pffffft. Mee and Apple Bloom here ALWays go crazay at parters..." Sweetie slumped and fell onto her face, Apple Bloom picking her back up, giggling the whole way.

Scottaloo then noticed that Haggis had awoken from the beatdown Scottaloo had delivered him. He was being assisted by the nurse pony and his donkey sidekick. As he approached, the circle fell silent once more, all watching as the behemoth of a stallion stumbled over. When he reached a few paces in front of where Scottaloo had been sitting, he was let down by his assistants, where he gazed at Scottaloo with a blank expression, as if trying to contemplate his next words carefully.

He took a deep breath and uttered "Scottaloo. Today, I must admit defeat. You bested me, against all odds, and have proven your worth to me and everypony in this camp. I am proud to be a warrior under you, and I humbly offer my services to you." Haggis dropped into a painful bow, but Scottaloo stopped him before his stomach touched the ground.

"Haggis MacCallan, my friend, need not to sully your coat is mud, for today, you gave me the greatest fight in all of my life!" Scottaloo gave an infectious smile and offered the unicorn her mug, which was gladly taken and consumed. The circle erupted in cheers once again, the normal festivities continuing with three new members. The nurse and donkey came to introduce themselves to Scottaloo.

"Hello! my name is Surgical Precision!" The nurse took up Scottaloo's hoof and shook it vigorously. Next, the donkey exchanged pleasantries. "Hey, my name is Asstley, I hope this can be a fruitful relationship for all of us here!"

The group joined in on the singing, a classic Scootish chant coming on...

Hey-o
We have got each other
Hey-o
Brothers and sisters in arms
Hey-o...

FIN

Author's Note

I am really excited to write the upcoming chapters, and I hope y'all are excited to read them!

Thank you for reading, and have a great day!