A Message From The Equestrian Department Of Equine Resources

by FormNalvoid

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Random, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe
Length: 1659

Overpowered Princesses Are Bad PLOT POINTS

NOT A TROLL FIC.......... i think - The Equestrian Department Of Equine Resources brings you a message about stories where luna or celestia are overpowered and what would happen IF THEY WHERE! And how it ends in the destruction of our cute loveable poines. Remember only YOU can prevent Equine Genocide! (or wild fires)

Published 2012-09-15 10:14:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-04 08:28:03 UTC

A Clever Metaphor

++ BEGIN AUDIO LOG++
++CURRENT MILLENIAL DATE: M832/465++
++ENTRY NUMBER: 3287++
ENTRANT NAME: BLAZE++
++MOTTO FOR THE DAY: WE TRAVEL TOWARDS A BRIGHTER FUTURE++
++ALL DATA TO BE FORWARDED TO IMPERIAL HIGH COMMAND++
≤ΘΘΘ≥
"Welcome to the future, the current millennial date is M832 ADW. For over eight hundred thousand years the species of equine kind has expanded across the stars, conquering all before them. It has been over a million generations since we first realised our destiny as a species lay with the stars, and since we took our first steps into the gaping maw of intergalactic space. From our home world of Equine prime we spread to the stars, moving from system to system. Where we met acceptance we assimilated, drawing dozens of alien species into our doctrine and creed.
With expansion there came incredible leaps in technology, we were capable of things our ancestors could only dream of. Cryo-stasis allowed us to rest in peace and silence as the colonisation arks of our race drifted from star to star. When Cryo-stasis proved too slow for a race of such insatiable curiosity as ours we developed phase jumping, and where suddenly able to jump from system to system in mere hours.
Just like that the sheer urge to expand and prosper as a species had pushed our understanding of science centuries ahead. But the advances aren't just limited to expansion. The military, the economy, medical science and biological adaptation, all these and more benefitted.
A computer the size of car was capable of processing the entire data economy of a star system without slowing. The creation of synthetic stem-cells allowed the growing of new limbs for the crippled. We could prevent motor neurone disease, cancer, cystic fibrosis and muscular dystrophy. we eradicated disease entirely, and the average life span of an imperial citizen stretched to a century, its highest ever.
But it didn't stop there, not by a long shot.
Cross sub-species alteration was now possible, we had reached the threshold of godhood. Unicorns and pegausi were capable of switching species, of giving up their horns and wings and switching positions, even earth ponies could become a different sub-species of pony.
We even created the first synthetic Alicorns, the penultimate stage of our species evolutionary path, and from their ranks were formed our ruling elite, politicians, generals, spiritual leaders and chief scientists.
We created nanotrites, nanoscopic machines that could live in our blood and keep the pony body in perfect physical shape, allowing us to stay awake of days, and perform athletic feats beyond that of our predecessors. But it was in military application our knowledge reached its full potential, and transformed us from colonial settlers and explores into a fully fledged military force to be reckoned with. We built warships that ranged from simple war frigates and assault cruisers, to capital ships the size of moons, with the destructive capacity to level entire cities in one apocalyptic salvo. We built space stations of titanic proportions, that hung over our worlds and protected us from the evil that lay beyond our borders.
Defensive optical arrays were created, powered by fusion reactors hundreds of meters across that had the potential to disrupt the fusion reactions within the hearts of living stars and cause them to die eons before their set time. joining them were plasma cannons capable of melting a cruiser in a single burst of superheated energy.
Where we met resistance to our advance we crushed it, with the might of our fleets and navies and the strength of our armies. We bombarded them into submission. We destroyed their homes. Crushed their cities. Annihilated their worlds.
After almost ten thousand years of war and expansion we reached the edge of our galaxy, and when that happened not even our need to explore could break us through the wall that was intergalactic space, where the vistas of time and space conspired to isolate us to the tiny island of our galaxy in the unimaginably huge ocean of the universe.
But that wasn't the end to the wars; peace would still have to wait. Whilst our attentions had been turned to the threats without, who stood in the darkness waiting for the perfect moment to strike at our empire, we lost sight of the enemy within.
It was an ancient, nameless horror that lay within the heart of every imperial citizen. an enemy made manifest by our very existence.
But to understand that there's something else you need to know.
Magic.
Magic is an integral part of our species, an almost inexplicable energy that permeates our very bodies and souls. Though magic is generated by all ponies, through our innate connection to each other and the concept of harmony, only unicorns have the means capable to harness this semi-psychic energy, using their horns as conduits for this power. It is a gift that has allowed us to push beyond the physical boundaries of our own bodies.
But it was this very gift, our greatest asset, that was our worst enemy.
Our understanding of magic was already deep, and coupled with our new advances in science and genetics, specifically the ability to perform cross sub-species augmentation; we reached new levels of power on a new biological and genetic scale.
To put it simply, Equine kind stood on the brink of an evolutionary jump that had been millennia in the making, and had been ushered into living history by our own understanding of technology.
Our finest scientists predicted that once the jump was complete anypony would be capable of manipulating magic, unicorn or not. It was a magnificent concept to behold, a race of magic wielders that had the will and means to conquer not just the galaxy, but given time the universe.
It was almost too good to be true.
To celebrate the dawning of this new age, the empresses Celestia and Luna ordered the construction of an astropathic beacon, a magical light that would shine out into the spaces between this world and the realm of magic in order to connect those with the gift to the great choir, a gathering of unicorns a million strong, whose spells would burn day and night to fuel the fires of magic that burned in our hearts.
It was an edifice like no other, and upon completion it stood as the greatest building ever, rivalling even the imperial palace in sheer majesty and beauty.
Trillions came from all over the galaxy to witness its unveiling, and as the choir began to sing and the beacon sent out its ethereal glow, all knew that our empire was truly the greatest in all of eternity. But as the beacon reached full strength something went wrong.
We're not sure what, and to this day the answer still eludes us, but somehow the beacon came into contact with … something else, and brought it forth into our world.
With the cackle of unnatural laughter that sent an incomprehendable fear into the minds of the seven trillion onlookers, a gaping wound in the fabric of reality that separated us from the realm of magic opened up, and from it stepped forth Chrysalis.
She was our inner darkness given form.
As the crowds watched on in awe, Chrysalis smiled, revealing ivory fangs, and then threw her head back, giving off a psychic scream that caused trillions of unicorns across the length of the galaxy to simultaneously shriek in pain and claw at their own eyes as they beheld the might of this new entity before the scream tore away at their sanity.
What were left behind were nothing more then broken creatures devoid of their souls.
Across the length and breadth of the empire, on a million worlds, portals tore open holes in the fabric of reality and from them came the changelings. They where a demonic race of shape shifters that could take the form of any living creature, be they pony or alien and they descended on us with mad blood lust in their eyes.
Hundreds of worlds fell before them, mowed down like wheat before a scythe.
For millennia the changelings had watched us from beyond the barrier of reality. For millennia they had longed to consume our souls.

And when you the reader thought this was going good well luna went full emo mode and curbstompted the changelings. LUNA the emo queen then formed a empire of emo ponys who cut themselfs. Under there great depressing might they converted the loyal solar poines into more emo ponys! Oh and they all wore black jackets with hoodies and tongue Rings! There emo devstation was so strong the author could not stop singing "Its a mad world" for 12 hours straight. But eventually all the emo ponys died from there lasrarations because emos dont need hospitals. Also cake the cake was the last pony thing left in the universe untill falling into a black hole" The author said putting the book down "WHAT WAS THAT" the reader yelled "That my friends is what happens if you make an overpowered celestia and luna." The author winked in an overdramatic way in the direction of the camrea.

THIS MESSEGE WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE EQUESTRIAN DEPARTMENT OF EQUINE RESORCES "Only You Can Prevent Bad Shipping!"

In the beginning there was an ending about an end where it BEGANNNNNNN

In the beginning there was nothing, just darkness. But then there was a giant explosion , this giant explosion made pony land the planets name was "Apathy" But sadly aldof hitler came and murdered fluttershy causeing the universe to implode again. In case your wondering this is a example of that theory that says the universe is like a heart and how its total bullshit! ( Im not joking google it bro....... trust me) Oh and if your to stupid to notice im making fun of the big bang theory........ and most modren science.