Hunter Killer 141

Y'know, some peoples reaction to a unicorn would be to fall to the ground twitching due to the impossibility. Others would be to squee at the top of their lungs. Some would laugh. I picked up my gun and attempted to shoot it in the face. Sadly, the unicorn had set up a protected shield around herself. Well, I'm pretty sure it was herself. The voice sounded female. As soon as I stopped to reload, she took back her pistol and shot my gun out of my hand. Then she grabbed my gun with magic and pointed it at me after she finished reloading it.

"Well. That failed. Badly."

"You're coming with me griffin. Celestia's gonna want to hear about this."

"Woah hold up! Who? What? Where?" The three most important questions when you've crash landed on an unknown planet. The unicorn answered back with military precision.

"Don't play dumb with me asshole. You know damn well your in Equestria."

"Equestria?" The word sounded funny to say. "Uh. Can I go over to my Navi-Com and Google Map that?" Yes, our Navi-Com uses Google Maps. Talon isn't exactly the most supplied group in Griffin.

The pony didn't even give a response. She just jabbed me with the gun and made me start walking. And walk we did! For a very, very long time. I'd like to say I spent the hours formulating an escape plan. In truth, I spent most of the time playing with my tail. It was very interesting. Sometimes it acted like it had a mind of it's own. I like my tail. Then, I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder. I quickly took off my armor and took a look. When I did, huge wings flew out. I did a slightly girly squee. Then I got poked in the ass by my gun and continued walking. I started carving through my armor with my talons about where my wings sprouted out. When I was finally happy with it, I put the jacket back on (seriously, that's my armor. A leather jacket laced with kevlar on the inside. Like I said, not very supplied.) and was delighted to see it fit over my wings perfectly. Even better, I didn't cut the jetpack off. Should be interesting to see what I can do with that.

Heh hey jackass! Come in jackass!

Reaper? Is that you?

How'd you guess?

Your the only asshole I know.

I feel unloved.

Well, you tried to kill me you. You may have even succeeded. This could be hell. Wait, you're here. This is definitely hell!

Oh shut up. This isn't hell. i just came from there. I've been assigned to you.

Any chance I can get rid of you?

None. Unless you can guess the password.

DevilMaster666

...How'd you guess that?

I play poker with Satan on Sunday. Now I'm going to dismiss you soon, but first...why?

Why? Because I had just received a call to make your death look like an accident. Griffin was going to wipe out ALL of Talon and replace everyone. I realized they meant me as well, and decided to do the job before they got a hold of me.

Well then...I guess you saved my life. For what it's worth, I'm sorry.

Well it's worth nothing.

Oh right. You're an asshole. I dismiss you.

A gun jabbed me in the ass. At this point I snapped. I flipped around, grabbed my gun, slammed the butt of it into the pony's face, then flipped the gun so it was pointing at the unicorn. This is the first time I got a good look at her. She was pink, with red hair. She had a tattoo of two footprints on her ass. I'm guessing the tattoo meant what she did, so she was a scout. Good.

"Now listen up. You're going to take me to your leader, or I'm going to shoot you. I don't know what's going on, but I'm guessing this Celestia does. If you so much as breathe the wrong way I will shoot you.And you are DEFINITELY going to stop bloody poking me! Savvy?"

"What are you, a pirate?" Okay. I'll give the unicorn a point, that was funny.

"No, I'm a mercenary trained in badassery, and I now have a body with natural weapons. To be honest, I could've killed you at any point in time during this trip. Now then. Your leader"

And so our walk continued, but with me poking HER in the ass. Which was waaaay more enjoyable then her poking me.

_________

After a long amount of walking, I decided to test out my wings. And by that, I mean I flipped onto my back and started chilling while holding myself aloft with my wing. I figured out that I could use a combination of my jetpack and my wings to stay in this awesome position and continue to jab my prisoner in the ass.

"Know what? I'm just gonna rock out."

"You are insufferable. Will you stop jabbing me in the flank?"

"Bitch fuck yo couch! You jabbed me in the ass! Fair's fair!"

"Bitch fuck yo couch? What are you a colt?" I casually put a round in her leg, effectively crippling it.

"Nope, I'm your captor. Don't forget it. Now then, how much farther are we?" I ignored her screams of pain. Turns out it took a bullet to get her to drop the military act. Who'da guessed? I whacked her with my gun. "I said how much farther!"

"You shot me! In the knee! I'll never be able to be a scout again! I'll no longer get to go on scouting parties or other adventures!"

"You could always be a guard! Now then. How much farther?"

"The mountain up there. Our capitol is on the other side." Fantastic.

"Awesome. Right then. I'll get you medical attention, and meet your leader." What? I'm not a heartless bastard! I'm not just gonna let someone loose their leg. Especially not a pony! They need four of those things!

"How do you expect to do thaaaaaaaaaat!" In mid-speech I picked up the pony like a puppy and started flying towards the mountain. Once I cleared the treeline, I decided to find out what wings plus jetpack could really do.

I positioned my wings so I looked like an arrow, then activated my jetpack. With the signature Talon battle cry of "LEEEEEEROOOOOOOOY JEEEEENKIIIIIINS" we flew at ludicrous speeds towards the mountain. Seriously, we covered at least 10 miles in ten seconds flat. Do the math. That's fast. Problem was, we couldn't really pull out. We could not stop in time. We could not pull up, and if we stayed on this course we would become a multicolored paincake. So I did the only logical thing.

I did a barrel roll.