Vinyl felt the rhythm pounding through her as much as she heard it, speakers throbbing and making the crowd pulse and bob and sway in time with it. Ponyville was a great place to live, Canterlot was a great place to get paid, but Manehattan?
Manehattan rocked.
Colored spotlights swung over the crowd as Vinyl’s controls danced across the board, flashes of discrete color occasionally popping out of the crowd as somepony bounced up high enough to be seen. A handful of dragons circled through the air along with pegasi, hippogriffs, and griffons, a few couples flying flirtatiously, dangerously close to each other.- not that there was that much more room in the air than in the pit. One group though? There was one group that nocreature wanted to get too close to.- the yaks.
There were about half a dozen of them in the audience, and they were some of Vinyl’s most loyal fans when they were in town. Standing taller than anyone except a handful of dragons, they swayed, jumped, and bumped their way through the crowd, pausing to horn bump when they got close enough.
Vinyl swung her sweaty mane back out of her face as it came time to switch to something new.
"MANEHATTAN! ARE YOU READY FOR SOMETHING NEW?" She bellowed into the mic, getting an approving roar in response. "THEN GET READY FOR A SMASH!"
Vinyl grinned as she noticed the yaks in the audience turning towards the stage. Floating a new record onto the deck, she flipped the switch and let the low, keeping drone of a yovidaphone play out, punctuated by the beats and twists she'd mixed into the tracks.
It was just moments before the audience was getting into it, swaying at first, then quickly getting into the rhythm as Vinyl's music started playing in.
Instrument of happiness, she thought to herself. She looked out over the audience, scanning for the yaks themselves, and was surprised to see she couldn't see them poking out above the rest of the crowd.
Vinyl grabbed her water bottle and took a quick swig from it to cool down a bit while she adjusted the levels magically. Her fingers were just twisting the cap back into place when part of the crowd started spreading. She looked out, puzzled, at what looked like a scuffle starting.
Damn it. Just what she needed.
Vinyl killed the music and brought up the house lights. Fortunately, security was already moving towards the hole forming in the audience. It looked like things were actually under control already. One of the yaks, a slightly smaller woman in a short black dress with owsticks around her horntips and wrists, was holding one of the guys (her date?) by the horn, yelling and gesturing with a free hand. The larger yak tugged himself free, but seemed content to follow the doorponies out when they got there to 'suggest' he leave.
That was for the best; Vinyl would not have liked their odds against the mobile mountain of muscle currently walking out, occasionally having to pause to keep his balance. She brought the lights back down, and grabbed the mic.
"Okay, folks, sorry to interrupt the fun - let's get this place jumping again! Just not the creature next to you, m'kay? This one's for the lady who stopped that mess!"
Vinyl switched the music back on, cutting from her new piece to one of her old standards to get the party hopping.
By the time it was over, everyone was moving again, the ejected yak not getting a second thought. Vinyl, however, made a note to try and figure out who her rescuer had been once her set was over.
She ended up going over her set time by about twenty minutes, not wanting to cut things off while the crowd was still jamming away the incident during her new piece. By the time she was done, Vinyl’s tank top was plastered to her rail-thin body like a second coat, soaked with sweat. She drained her last water bottle and grabbed a tube of vanilla lip balm, ducking down behind her laptop like she was cleaning it off to disguise herself dashing a quick layer of scented wax under her nostrils before she actually began her breakdown process. Once her gear was packed, Vinyl went to stow her duffel for the rest of the night - and to try and find that yak from before.
Outside the green room, a pale blue earth pony was waiting for her, his mohawk slicked up with product.
“Vinyl, great show, thanks for handling that little dust up in the show.”
“Come on, Clubber, I’m a pro!” Vinyl pointed out as he made out her check. “What happened out there anyway?”
"Damned if I know. He was drunk, probably thought you missed a note or something and took a swing. Glad his girlfriend stopped him from making more of a scene is all. I mean, that wasn't too bad, but if he'd gone full 'yak smash' out there?"
Vinyl scowled and rolled her eyes.
"Clubber, one of those yaks stopped that from happening too!"
"Woah, hey, I'm not saying they aren't welcome or anything! Just that a guy like that could do some real damage, and yaks aren't exactly shy about that, y'know?"
"I'll keep it in mind next time I'm scheduling a tour," she frowned, snatching her pay out of his hand. "Don't want anypony being worried about the clientelle I bring in."
Clubber swore under his breath as Vinyl walked out to stow her kit. She took a deep breath of Manehattan's cool March air, the vanilla on her nose blunting the smell of exhaust, garbage, smoke, and booze.
Vinyl licked her lips and considered just driving back to the hotel now. Clubber might get the point if she did… and it would eliminate the temptation to go to the bar and order something she shouldn't.
But she still had fans in there, damn it. Fans who'd fought through traffic, scheduling, and Manehattan crowds to see her tonight.
And that yak to thank, if she'd stuck around.
"Buck it," Vinyl muttered, turning around to go back in, flicking her tail to fluff out her electric blue micro-skirt before heading out onto the floor.
Manehattan rocked, and Vinyl wasn't going to let her fans forget it.
Back inside, the crowd was still energized from the show, a low roar of hookups and hangouts making it necessary to shout to be heard. Vinyl pulled out her pre-written order and passed it to the griffoness behind the bar, pointing to the end of the bar where the other DJs and bands for the night had their merch tables. She took a few minutes to say hello, and was soon taking her seat with a couple of new records and t-shirts for the collection, waiting for her Virgin Mary and the shots for her own crew.
It was about fifteen, twenty minutes before things started to quiet down enough to hear yourself speak. A lot of the crowd had started home, and Vinyl was nursing her drink as fans came by for selfies and autographs - the adoration that made sure Vinyl never let them down if she could possibly help it. She'd completely forgotten about her temptation to check out early, only wanting to spend the waning hours of bar time enjoying the crowd.
"Miss Scratch?" A raspy woman's voice asked from a little above her. Vinyl turned, expecting a pegasus, only to be greeted by a massive pair of brown-furred tits held back by a lacy black dress.
The unicorn looked up - and up, and up, finally meeting the face of the yak she'd seen in the pit earlier.
"Yona wish to apologize for Jogul earlier," the young woman, who Vinyl judged to be at least seven feet of thick muscle and fur, said matter of factly. "Jogul touchy about ponies using yak things."
"Aw, shit, is that what it was?" Vinyl shook her head. "I didn't know that was a bad move, is he still around somewhere? I should say something myself."
"No, Jogul apparently decide to drive home. Yona knew she should have taken keys."
"Oof - you need to find him or something? He didn't look too steady on his hooves on the way out."
“Jogul make decision, Jogul have to handle it,” Yona shrugged..”That yak way. Besides, Jogul not that drunk, probably more dizzy from Yona bending him over.”
“That’s something I think I’d pay to see,” Vinyl snickered. “You bending him over.”
Yona’s face lit up red as she caught Vinyl’s meaning.
“Not what Yona meant!” She said, waving her hands. “Not tonight anyway,” she added under her breath. Vinyl laughed, leaning back in her seat. She gave Yona another once-over with a little distance this time.
Vinyl had a fondness for bigger girls (one Octavia was loathe to acknowledge, having benefited from it a teensy bit when they’d started dating). Yona spoke like she was plenty sober, and definitely tripped Vinyl’s triggers. Besides enjoying the eye candy, talking to her longer could help Vinyl work out what was wrong with her music that had pissed off Jogul. Now, if only… crap.
There was a wedding band on one of Yona’s fingers. And not everycreature was as understanding as Octavia. Tartarus, did yaks even do herds like ponies did? Well, she’d just have to stick to talking.
“So, was Jogul your ride home?” Vinyl asked her, taking a sip of her drink, letting the cayenne and hot sauce burn its way down her throat.
“Supposed to be,” Yona nodded. “Yona supposed to drive after show, hard for yak to get cab here. Yona walk instead.”
Vinyl’s first thought was that Yona couldn’t be serious. The second one was that, yes, there was something worse than having semen come up your nose, and that was a drink with cayenne and hot sauce in it.
On some level, she had probably known that already, but experiencing it personally drove the point home thoroughly.
“Walk?” She coughed, hand over her nose to keep from making more of a mess than she already had. Yona and the others at the bar were scrambling to get her some napkins, while Vinyl tried not to breathe through her nose and make the burning worse. After a few minutes, she was able to actually talk, she tried again.
“Walking? Through Manehattan, after closing?”
“Girl, somecreature here will get you a ride before that,” the griffoness behind the bar agreed, along with several of the neighboring ponies, a couple even making offers themselves.
Yona just sort of looked between the small audience she’d suddenly garnered, and sort of gestured at her massive frame incredulously.
“Yeah, and that’s great around here,” Vinyl agreed, “but you’re not from around here if you said that. Parts of this town would still chew you up and spit you back out. I’ll take you home, my car can have headroom.”
“That really not necessary, Miss Scratch-”
“Hey - it’s Vinyl, or DJ-P0N3, okay? And I’m the reason you need a ride in the first place, so yeah, it is necessary. I’m at least paying for your cab, but like you said….”
“Hard to get one for yak,” Yona admitted, glancing up at her horns. “Thank you for offer, but-”
A lilac pegasus Vinyl recognized from Ponyville (Cloudchaser, she thought?) flew up behind Yona and whispered something into her ear. The yak’s eyes got wide, her mouth opened in a little ‘oh,’ and she nodded slowly.
“If Yona no trouble, Yona take offer,” she announced as Cloudchaser flew off to go hunt up her own company for the night. “Just not want to make DJ pony end night early?”
”Cloudchaser,” Vinyl thought to herself, ”if that was you, I am going to either kiss you or kill you when I get back to Ponyville. Let’s find out which one it is!”
“Honestly, I usually try to get out a bit before the end of the night anyway. I’ll explain in the car?”
Yona nodded as a few of the onlookers whistled, cheered drunkenly, or uttered good-natured curses about how ‘yak luck best.’
Vinyl led Yona out and back to her car, opening the door and climbing in to put the roof back.
“Convertibles are handy when you have tall passengers,” she grinned up at Yona, leaning over to run the passenger seat back as far as she could. “Is your husband going to be even more ticked off at me if I drive you up to the house? I could drop you off down the block if you wanted.”
Yona cocked her head, confused for a moment.
“Sandbar not - oh! Jogul not husband,” the yak laughed before she climbed into the car, pressing herself into the back of the seat as well as she could to buckle herself in. “Jogul just Yona’s friend from Yakyakistan! Yona staying at Establoblanco.”
Vinyl tried not to perk up too visibly as she started the car and pulled out of the parking lot.
“You’re still married though,” she noted, driving through the quieter streets of Manehattan heading towards the square..
“Yes, but Sandbar back in Ponyville. Sandbar… uhm… Sandbar have guests,” Yona explained awkwardly. “So Yona spending week in city!” She added, trying to sound cheerful about it… and mostly failing.
“Ponyville? Huh, don’t think I’ve seen you around town before,” Vinyl murmured, not liking how Yona’s tone changed. “Wait a second… you’re the yak who was going to Princess Twilight’s school, aren’t you!” Vinyl glanced over at her, trying to put the yak next to her together with the clumsy yak always wrapped in a shawl she did remember. “Damn, girl, you grew up nice!”
“Heh… thank you,” Yona blushed. “Yona liked shows in Ponyville, Jogul thought Manehattan shows good way to distract Yona.”
And there it was again.
“Hey, if you don’t want to talk about whatever’s happening, that’s cool. But if you do, I wouldn’t mind listening. I owe you for saving the show!”
“It good thing, really!” Yona protested, maybe a little too quickly. “Yona and Sandbar getting family! Just… not Yona’s family.”
“Heat week,” Vinyl realized. “So Sandbar…”
“Sandbar with friends, Yona just third wheel. Yona always know this needed for family, Sandbar doing good thing!”
“But it still kinda sucks, knowing you have to have some ponies help with starting your family?”
Yona crossed her hands in her lap and nodded a little.
“Not that Sandbar with friends,” she explained. “Just that Yona can’t do her part.”
Vinyl put a hand on Yona’s shoulder, having to reach up almost as far as she could to get it there.
“Hey, Yona. You’re gonna do your part. It’s not just being the pon- being the dam. It’s helping them grow up, and like I said? You grew up nice. You’ll be a great Mom - and the one your foal calls Mom.”
Yona smiled, reaching up to put her hand over Vinyl’s.
“Thanks. Yona sorry, Yona just made night sad, didn’t she?”
“Maybe a little, but don’t worry about it. My own Moms worried about that sometimes when I was growing up. It’s probably a little different for yaks, but I didn’t think Mom One was any less family than Mom Two. Mom One had my big brother, Mom Two had me,” she added quickly to explain it.
“Huh… that make sense,” Yona admitted as Vinyl pulled into the parking lot under the Establoblanco, a hotel just a little ways from the still-bustling Square. “But uhm… if pegasus pony right, she tell Yona that Vinyl maybe want more than talking…?”
”Kiss, or kill, Cloudchaser. One or the other.”
Vinyl waved her hand dismissively.
“Hey, I don’t fool around if there’s someone to get hurt by it,” she explained. “I don’t want to be a problem for you and Sandbar, even if you were into mares.”
She pulled up by the entrance to the hotel proper and turned to look up at Yona - only to find the yak looking down at her with a shy smile on her face.
“Sandbar not only one who invites guests,” she pointed out, taking the glowstick rings off of her horns. “But Yona should mention… uhm… Yona a little different from most cows.”
”Okay CC, I think it’s kiss,” Vinyl decided, grinning up at her potential hostess.
“I mean, I don’t know if you’ve heard this about me, but… I kinda like different!”
Getting parked and back to the elevator didn’t take long, letting Vinyl talk with Yona about why her music had upset Jogul the way it did. The older unicorn was able to snuggle up against Yona a bit in the elevator, enjoying the feel of the yak’s silk dress against her as Yona wrapped an arm around Vinyl’s shoulder.
“So, basically, make sure everyone knows it’s a collaboration with Yigrid, not just samples I took at a show, and things should be okay?” Vinyl asked as they got off the elevator on the fifteenth floor.
“Usually. Ever since Hayllary took credit for Mount Neverest climb, yaks don’t like when ponies take credit for yak things. But DJ pony make everyone happy with music! That what matters with yovidaphone! Buuuuut, credit still good to have,” Yona admitted, pausing to unlock the door to her room. Inside, it was a good hotel room, though not as elaborate as some Vinyl had seen the inside of.
Never stayed in, mind. Even now she usually stuck to places a little lower class than the Establo, but she’d seen some of the nicer suites in town when Octavia was doing a show and one of them got lucky..
“Trust me, I know how important credit is,” Vinyl smiled, letting Yona go in ahead of her, taking the opportunity to get a good look at how the yak’s dress hugged her ample ass. “Thanks for the tips about handling that, I really just wanted to… I dunno, kind of celebrate the yaks who come to my shows?”
“DJ pony have good music for smash pit,” Yona grinned, putting her key card into a drawer. “Make yourself comfortable? Yona need to get dance shoes off.”
Vinyl was tempted to offer to help, but decided that a different approach would be better.
“I’ll do that. You want me to get anything out for you to drink?”
“Yona not made of bits,” the yak laughed, shaking her head. “Hotels expensive! But… maybe take a look in nightstand,” she added just before slipping into the bathroom.
Vinyl stripped off her tank-top and the lanyard she kept her car fob on. Her bare nipples stiffened in response to the chilly hotel room, the A/C cranked up to full blast. She laid down on the bed, and curiously took a look in the drawer Yona had mentioned. Seeing what was inside, Vinyl grinned and pumped her fist.
Oh yeah. Tonight was going to be fun.
Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Yona clapped her hands over her mouth and muffled an excited squeal. She just had to hope that Vinyl really was okay with ‘different.’
The yak stripped off her accessories from the show, taking a moment to make sure she freshened up a little before heading out. She also took the opportunity to undo her bra and take off her panties, leaving herself in just her dress when she went back out.
“Hey gorgeous,” Vinyl crooned from the bed, laying there in nothing but her skirt, rolling a purple foil condom packet between her fingers. “This what you were talking about when you said ‘different’?”
“Vinyl not mind?” Yona asked hopefully, one hand down to conceal the bulge in her dress.
“Nope. C’mere, let me take a look at the big sexy cow who blushes so pretty.”
Yona showed off that blush as she unzipped her dress and peeled it off, hesitating for a moment before fully revealing herself to Vinyl and laying down on the bed next to her, making the unicorn almost feel like a foal next to her.
“Okay, this just isn’t fair.” Vinyl pouted, nuzzling her face up between Yona’s massive f-cup tits, enjoying the feel of the warm mounds on either side of her muzzle as she nibbled at the tuft of fluff between them. “You get all of this, and a built-in strap-on, and all I get are these mosquito bites.”
“Vinyl still very pretty,” Yona reassured her, stroking her electric blue mane. “Save ‘strap-on’ for last though? Yona want to be Yona first.”
“Got it,” Vinyl nodded, working her way up in the bed to give the yak a kiss, setting the condom aside with her magic. “So, what does Yona want to do first?”
“Well, Yona kind of hungry after dancing so much,” the yak grinned. Vinyl gave her another playful kiss, then slid up to lean back against the headboard.
“Yona also need Vinyl to put these on horns,” Yona added, opening up the nightstand drawer and pulling out a pair of horn caps. Vinyl facepalmed, turning bright red beneath her fur before taking the two rubber caps and mounting them on Yona’s horns so she wouldn’t damage the headboard..
“That’s what you meant, not the condoms.”
“Well, Yona really mean both,” she teased, reaching up to make sure the caps were on solidly. “But ever since honeymoon, Yona be super careful. Headboards at the Bitz very expensive.”
Vinyl and Yona both laughed, and the unicorn pet Yona’s head gently.
“Now, I believe you were saying you were hungry?” She spread her legs, exposing the blue tuft of fur above the pink slit of her pussy. “Eat up!”
Yona grinned, and then gave Vinyl a kiss right beneath the blue tuft. She wrapped her arms around Vinyl’s legs, gripping her thighs in her powerful hands and spreading them wide to give herself plenty of room to get in there and give a long, powerful lick up the unicorn’s slit.
The yak made a low, rumbling noise in her throat, shifting her hips up to give Vinyl a good view of her plush ass and adorable tuft of a tail. Vinyl moaned and sank her fingers into Yona’s fur, grinding her hips up into her muzzle and gasping when Yona’s thick tongue found her clit.
Vinyl considered herself something of a connoisseur when it came to different tongues, having had ample opportunities to sample the variety nature had blessed the world with during her career. Dragons had slender, agile tongues that could snake into the deepest parts of her, curl around, and then find the most sensitive spots at the same time. Hippogriffs and griffons were, frankly, a little scary, having ample enthusiasm along with very sharp beaks that left Vinyl much more interested in their dextrous talons. Ponies had strength and size on their side, but she was rapidly discovering that… well….
Yak tongues definitely best!
Yona’s tongue had the strength of a pony’s and then some, letting her easily plunder Vinyl’s trembling pussy and scrape out her sour-sweet juices for the yak to devour. But at the same time, she could twist it around inside of Vinyl almost as well as a dragon’s, curling the end up into a tapered tip that probed around inside of her until Yona had found all of the unicorn’s weak points; her g-spot, her winking clit, even that little spot on the left that only Octy had ever figured out how to find before! Vinyl was stone-sober, but lust-drunk as she moaned and writhed against Yona’s eager explorations. Finding all the spots she wanted to hit, Yona was able to twist her tongue around so that it somehow hit all of them as she started to tongue-fuck Vinyl rapidly, making the DJ’s vision flash as one orgasm after another ripped through her body, her spasming muscles flexing visibly through her lean body.
Finally, her voice gave out, her throat sore from screaming that she could barely even hear above the pounding blood in her ears and pleasure in her loins, and Vinyl slumped back against the headboard, her eyes rolling back behind her glasses.
Vinyl didn’t think she’d passed out, but when she was able to put her brain back together enough to realize what was going on, she tipped her muzzle up to claim a hungry, grateful kiss from Yona, tasting herself on the yak’s breath, along with a sour-sweet milky flavor under it all. Vinyl’s horn glowed magenta as she reached down with it to massage Yona’s breasts, getting a low, lusty moan from the yak.
“Fuck you’re good,” Vinyl panted.
“Yona can tie cherry stem into triple knot!” She replied brightly.
“I’ll believe it! But I think it’s my turn to make Yona feel good, now.”
Vinyl rolled Yona onto her back, straddling the yak’s torso and smiling down at her. She slid back, feeling eight inches of flared yak-shaft against the small of her back and between her buttcheeks, and started to work her ass up and down, enjoying the feel of the yak’s anatomy against hers.
“Do you have a particular name for this?” Vinyl asked as she ripped open the condom and casually brought it back to roll it down to the base.
“Yona prefer clit,” the yak murmured bashfully.
“Sorry about the strap-on comment earlier,” Vinyl murmured, leaning down to kiss Yona again, then sidling back to press the tip of Yona’s clit up against her well-tongued pussy. Her hands slid up, catching Yona’s nipples between her fingers.
“It’s okay,” Yona rumbled, fighting the instinct to thrust up, instead helping Vinyl find the best spots to play with out of the very broad selection her tits provided. “Yona happy Vinyl cares. Sandbar only other one who ever ask.”
“Well, I’ll just have to introduce you to some better company next time I’m in town.” Vinyl grinned and pressed herself back, moaning deeply as Yona’s clit stretched her out.
“Perfect size,” Vinyl moaned, pressing back until her hips were pressed to Yona’s, latex-clad clit buried deep inside of her. “My turn to dance now!” She grinned down at her lover.
She started to lift her hips, twisting them as she did, leaning back to put on a show of her slender body and the way Yona’s clit slid in and out of her body. When she lifted her hips, Vinyl squeezed down tight, clinging to every blessed inch before relaxing and slamming down against Yona’s hips again, panting as the yak’s gently curved shaft slid along her clit, the little pink nub flashing out into the open every time she sank back down.
Yona leaned up, her bigger body easily letting her kiss Vinyl as the pony rode her like a bucking bull. For a night that had started out going to a show to distract herself from Sandbar starting their family without her there, it was ending just about perfectly. She’d been a fan of the DJ wrapped around her clit for years, but never imagined getting this chance.
There was just one more thing she could add tonight.
“Vinyl want… full… experience?” Yona panted, her eyes gazing into Vinyl’s through thick purple lenses. The unicorn grinned, pausing to put her glasses on the nightstand.
“Baby, drop that bass!” She whispered into Yona’s ear.
Yona rolled over in the bed, pressing Vinyl down into the mattress until the unicorn could practically see the top of the mattress above her face.
“Yona smash!” The yak grinned - and then she did exactly that.
The powerful muscles in those thighs and that ass flexed, and Yona’s weight pounded into Vinyl like a freight train, knocking the wind out of her. She pulled back, and almost like a syringe, her clit pulling out of Vinyl seemed to draw air into her lungs just in time for it to be pounded back out.
Yona quickly found a rhythm that left the unicorn beneath her slack jawed and out of breath, but not so badly crushed that she felt like she was in any sort of danger. Instead, she felt more like a living fleshlight, Yona’s perfect clit molding Vinyl into the perfect fit with each thrust. All Vinyl could do was cling to Yona’s fur, moaning breathlessly, trying to keep her own efforts in line with the yak’s.
Finally, with the bed thumping against the wall and creaking with each thrust, Yona let out a series of hot, throaty grunts and came, the condom inside of Vinyl filling like a balloon and swelling up inside her. Vinyl clenched down, one last orgasm of her own finishing out the night as Yona twisted to lay down next to Vinyl, instead of on top of her. With a wet, snapping ‘pop,’ the condom came off of Yona’s clit, the open end dangling out of Vinyl’s pussy, the full one resting very comfortably inside.
“Vinyl want to try something a little weird?” Yona murmured.
“As long as Vinyl doesn’t need to move,” Vinyl laughed weakly.
Yona moved down, sliding her muzzle up between Vinyl’s thighs - and took the open end of the condom into her mouth, her tongue hard at work. A few moments later, and the condom was tied off, heavy and pleasantly warm inside the DJ. With a final kiss to Vinyl’s clit, Yona slid back up with a goofy grin.
“Yona said she could triple knot it!”
Vinyl laughed along with the yak, rolling over to wrap her arms around her as well as she could.
“Is it okay if I stay tonight?” She asked. “If it’s not, that’s cool, don’t know your rules.”
“Only rule is to give details when Yona get home,” she reassured her older bedmate. “Yona like to snuggle.”
“Good,” Vinyl smiled, turning out the lights and cuddling into Yona’s fur, squeezing down a bit around the rubber inside of her, deciding she liked the feeling. After all, it wasn’t like she could get pregnant by a yak - if it leaked, Vinyl decided, she was okay with that.
Soon, the two of them were contently exhausted, enjoying a night a little less alone than they’d had the night before.
Author's Note
Had to post this under the wire, but wrote most of it on my phone - I think I fixed any typos, but if anybody spots something, let me know so I look like less of an idiot than I am? 
