If You Can't Beat 'Em...

by TheKMExperience

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Romance, Sex, Profanity
Length: 2073

Fool 'em...🤪

Animated pony influencers Blank Slate and Clear Canvas always knew how to entertain their human audience, paying the bills through wholesome, live-streaming role play fluff on the popular site, OnlyFreaks.

However, a certain trend has slipped its way into the internet and in the couple's list of requests and the people are demanding.
Too bad they weren't designed with genetalia...

WARNING:
This story contains:
~ Hugs
~ Kisses
~ Intimate gestures
~ An adorkable couple being adorkable
~ 100% accuracy to the show's lack of visible "assets"

And worst of all...boops.

Published 2022-02-16 20:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2022-02-16 20:40:02 UTC

Fool 'Em...

"No wigs?"

"Eenope."

"No props?"

"Nuh uh."

"No makeup?"

"Afraid not, my love."

On one calm evening in their humbly lavish apartment, internet unicorn couple Blank Slate and Clear Canvas prepped themselves up for another live stream for the human world to enjoy on the popular content site, OnlyFreaks. From simple romances, to over-the-top fantasy comedies, to just simple cuteness overload, the two never ran out of pure pony pandemonium.

"So, nothing to work with at all?" Slate asked. "Will the dashing stallion knight who saved the adowable princess and showered her with nose nuzzles live happily ever after?"

"Not tonight, we'll do that next week."

"Then, what are we doing tonight?"

"We're trying something new."

"How 'new' are we talking here?"

"You know how on OnlyFreaks, you can practically show anything?"

"Yeah?"

"I mean, anything?"

"Yeah...?"

"You see, we've been getting requests for it for some time and I was thinking we could try...you know, certain activities—"

"NO!"

"Aww, don't be like that, lovebug."

"Why do people want to watch horses bang anyways? You gotta be fucking kidding me!"

"Shh, don't say that out loud! You want us to get ratioed? We just keep that to ourselves, 'kay, sweetums?"

"We can't do it though."

"Not with that attitude. We can try—"

"We literally can't DO it."

"Why not?"

"Look at us, Canvy!"

Canvas cringed, averting her embarrassed eyes as Blank Slate exposed his blank crotch.

"I got no dick!" he groaned.

"Yell at the character designers, not me, Blanky!" the mare pouted. "We were made to entertain by any means necessary!"

"How can we possibly do it in this condition?"

"W-Well, we can fake it."

"Fake it? How can we fake it?

"Human women do it all the time. Just follow my lead." Canvas trotted toward her streaming desk, tidying up her mane before going live on her laptop. "Hey, motherbuckers of OnlyFreaks," she greeted with a wink. "Your animated pones Blank/Canvas here, bringing you something new and oh, so exciting. Isn't that right, cutie?"

"Y-Yeah, definitely," Slate rubbed the back of his head. "Very, very exciting."

"That's the spirit, sugar flank!"

SMACK! Canvas playfully smacked Slate across the haunches.

"Ow!" he winced, rubbing his bottom. "That spot is tender, babe."

"Last week, we had a wonderful journey with Princess Clear Skies and Blank the Bumbling—"

"Not my character's name!"

"This week, we're getting mature. We're currently streaming on an alternate account for all our steamy streams, I see we already seem to be raking in the watchers, thank you all so much for coming! Hang in there while we...set the mood."

With a snappy clap of her hooves, the lights dimmed around the pair. Under the near pitch black darkness, Canvas spread a large cozy purple blanket in clear view before the recording camera, topping it off with a small mound of elegant pillows.

"Hon, mind lighting some candles for us?"

"You have a match?"

"Ha, what year have you been drawn?" Canvas laughed, strolling over to a set of hot pink candles by the windowsill, flipping them each on from a tiny switch spreading them around the room as their apartment is bathed in a warm fluorescent glow.

"2022," Slate stated bluntly. "Same as you. You bought the candles."

"Hush your mouth and come to me, you sexy stud. Rawr!"

With an amused, yet regretful chuckle, the unwilling stallion approached his kooky co-star, she licked her lips in a seductive manner, lying straight to spread her legs wide to reveal her missing marehood.

"Come and get your slice of pie."

DING!

"Ooh, but first, thankies for the $5 donation, Nica!" the mare clapped her hooves in delight. "Now, get over here."

Now towering over his lady love, Slate was sure nothing as ridiculous as this plan or this story would ever be topped.

"What's your plan on our big finale?" he asked, lowering himself closer to her.

"Simple," Canvas chimed, pecking randomly at Slate's upper body between words as she lifted a pillow concealing a coconut. "I'm gonna crack it when things are at their hottest. I hear it's pretty refreshing, actually."

"Sweet Celestia..."

His clean crotch hovered over hers, Slate squealed in shock upon a frisky Canvas dragging him down with her hind legs, roughly pressing his pelvis into her own. "Oooh, your member is throbbing so HARD inside me!" she roared, locking eyes.

"Who labels their junk as a 'member' during sex, honestly?"

"We do now, so stay focused."

The hesitant unicorn lowered himself into a slow, steady thrust, looking deep at his mare's sneaky face, meekly uttering a painfully unenthused moan as they bump uglies.

"Ohhh, Blanky, put it all the way IN!" Canvas purred wildly, her bushy grey tail coiling upward to caress his flank.

"Do you, uh...like that?"

"I love, love, LOVE it!"

"Acting at its finest, ladies and gentlecolts."

"Shush your mouth, ya goof. Get down there."

"Down where?"

"Downtown!"

Her dainty hooves sliding up her partner's sides in a wavy trace, Canvas breathed heavily, grasping Slate's head to forcefully glide his face to her fluffy chest.

"Mmm-mm." he shook his head with a scrunched nose.

"Go on, it's just my floof."

"And it is a lovely floof, dear. I'm just not sure with—"

"GET IN MY FLOOF!" Canvas shoved Slate within her puffed out chest fluff. "Get some, baby, get some! Mmm, am I good? Am I good to you?"

"Hmm," Slate stopped in her vice-like grip to smell the mare's fuzz. "That lavender I smell?"

"With a hint of lilac." she hummed.

"Nice."

"Lower."

"I am not going lower!"

"Not like there's anything down there going to hurt you!"

"That's what they all say, I've seen Teeth!"

"Yes, you hot beast, you can ravage my clit! Ravage the shit outta it, it's all yours!"

"MMPH!"

The poor pony kicked and writhed about, struggling to breathe with a pair of surprisingly strong legs giving "it" to him.

"How are you feeling, love?" she whispered, grinding her crotch into his face in a quicker pace. "Lovebug?"

Slate goes limp.

"Blanky!"

Panicked, Canvas hopped up, releasing the stallion before turning him over. "Please don't tell me you can't handle dis ass!" she squeaked, attempting to smack Slate awake.

"I'm fine," he murmured, rubbing his eyes. "Canvy...who are we kidding?"

"I'm so so sorry, I...I-I got carried away!"

"It's okay. Here, follow my lead." Slate sat up with his hind hooves in a crisscross. His arms awaiting her, the mare shuffled to sit atop his lap between his legs. Curled up, she took a deep breath.

"Sorry, folks," she sighed, turning to the camera. "I guess sexy isn't really our thing. A shame, I know."

"You think?" Slate huffed. "It's alright, honey. We don't need to shove ourselves out of our comfort zones to please others, only us."

"I know, just wanted to feel more than 'cute' for once, you know?"

"Hey," the stallion brushed through her long mane. "You're sexy to me."

"Hmph."

"Guess what?"

"Hmm?"

"I still wuv you."

Canvas smiled, hugging closer. "I wuv you, too, my Blanky."

"Come here, you."

Canvas hooked a hoof around her beau's head, softly guiding him into a light, tender kiss, resting a delicate hoof to his masculine chin. A warm tingling cascading through their bodies prompted the pair's soaked lips to give way, giving them room to playfully wrestle tongues. Looking deep into his eyes, Slate broke the kiss, pressing his forehead into hers.

"What...happening," Canvas huffed softly against Slate's twitching ear, biting her lower lip. "What is this...feeling? It feels...good."

Slate rubbed her back further, now in a wide circular motion. "That feels good?"

"It feels so fucking good...you feel it, too?"

"I think? You're really warm, cozy."

"Hold on." Canvas pulled away, her sly smile intrigued her curious prey as she leaned under his chin.

"I-I'm feeling it n-ahhh..." Slate fumbled to catch himself upon the mare's moist lips tagging his neck, sending a tsunami of warmth across his fuzzy skin.

Canvas giggled, planting loving smooches up to his ear. "How 'bout now?"

"Mmhmm, feels fantastic." he seethed.

"You're fantastic."

"No, you are."

"Kiss me again."

Yanking her special somepony into another passion-filled smooch, Canvas used her limp weight to pin him to the carpeted floor. Through the hurricane of passion, Slate attempted to analyze the stream's view count. "H-How many are watching now—"

"Shh..." Canvas turned his attention back to her half-lidded gaze with a firm hoof. "Just shut up and cuddle the fuck out of me."

"Mmm, yes, ma'am."

The two's lips locked tight into each other, a wave of warmth channeled between them triggering a plethora of sweet moans to clash within their connected, quivering muzzles.

"Babe," Canvas squealed as they break the kiss, melting into their embrace. "Do something for me?"

"Yes, hon?" Slate grunted, nuzzling deeper into the white floof forest.

"Boop me, mmm...please?"

"Want me to boop you?"

"Yes..."

"Hmmm, on the nose?"

"YES, YES!"

An ecstatic grin on his face, Slate leaned his neck back to meet the shining eyes of his lover, caressing a hoof up her shoulder to the cheek. Canvas uttered a breathless "Do it, do it, do it!" as her mate lightly pokes the tip of her scrunched nose.

"Oh, Slate!"

"Oh, Canvas!"

As the adventurous stallion's eager hooves caress and glide about to explore the mare's heaving body, a surprised gasp escaped Canvas' mouth once Slate grazed the center of her back. "Yes," she hummed cutely. "The sweet spot, there. Rub me there, lower..."

"Who's a cute li'l thang?"

"Ooooh, I'm a cute li'l thang."

"Who loves being spooned?"

"I-I love being fucking spooned!"

"Who does?"

"Me!

"Who does?!"

"ME, MEEEE!"

"Am I close?"

"You're almost there, where's your sweet spot?"

"I...I liked it when you kissed my neck."

"Ohh, I'll do more than just kiss it, Blanky! Hold me tight as you reach mine! Lower, dammit!"

Canvas panted wildly, lunging her face in to nibble lightly against Slate's spot as he teases hers, rubbing around the money shot.

"Canv-ohhh, baby!" a throaty moan escaped Slate's lips, neck going limp to the floor against her delicate nibbles.

"Am I close now?"

"Close, you're sooo close!"

"Touch me, babe!"

In sync, the two held nothing back as they ravaged each other's sweet spots; Slate firmly massaged a strong hoof into his lady's slender back while Canvas' coos vibrated onto the male's tough neck. Under all the passion, the two unicorns were too lost in each other to see their horns flickering and sparkling as sporadic as a near-empty lighter. Their titillating moans filled the room, their hearts yearning to reach their big finale as their glowing foreheads light the place.

"Blanky!" Canvas screamed. "I love you-ohhhhhh!"

"I love you, I love you so m-aaaaaaaahhh!"

At their breaking points, beams of magic had burst out their tips, exploding in a storm of sparkles that gracefully sprinkle upon the spent couple. Their horns crackled to a halt, the lovers rest into each other, falling back upon the pillow pile in each other's tender embrace.

Slate giggled, leaning up to swipe the coconut from under a cushion with his magic. "Still need the coconut?"

Canvas chuckled. "Maybe to actually drink this time."

Cracking it open, the two sweetly sip from their half of the refreshment. Right as the milky liquid dripped down Canvas' chin, the stream went haywire with DING after DING plaguing the screen.

"I don't know about you guys," she chuckled, staggering to her hooves. "But that felt pretty damn amazing to me. This is Blank/Canvas, s-signing off."

Finally ending the stream, the mare braced herself as she expanded the comments of the chat wall:

i_eat_hugs:
The first half with the lovemaking was kind of awkward and obvious, but the second half was so dang precious!

SNUGEEZ:
I want to be held like that so badly.

3ND MY P41N:
Alot of this, please! CUDDLE HER FROM BEHIND NEXT TIME!

ponylover345:
Need. MORE.

Among thousands more, on top of accumulating an increase in views and favorites.

"Wow," Slate paused, impressed at the response. "They actually liked us."

"Hon," Canvas cooed, scratching the stallion's chin teasingly. "I learned something today."

"That you don't have to rut each other's brains out to feel attractive?"

"That, and another thing."

"What's that?"

"Snugs sells." :heart:

Author's Note

So, whatcha think of my non-clop clopfic?
:rainbowlaugh::trixieshiftright::ajsmug::trollestia: