A Shadow of Myself

Jennifer retook her place in front of the audience for the final time. "Sorry about that. Such complex illusions take a lot out of me. I might look young, but I'm not as young as I used to be. I've been doing this job now since before most of your parents were even born. Now, will everybody be brave as we find out what happened to Triss and Joss?"

"Something bad is going to happen to Joss," one of the colts whined.

"Not Joss and Triss both?" Jennifer asked.

"Triss is still around; my mommy said so, but she said she never heard of Joss," the colt replied. Several of the other kids nodded worriedly.

And Triss would rather the universe forget about him. The Dreamwardens want him scrubbed from history as well, but the world needs to know how we got to this point. History repeats itself if it is not told. In this new age of demi-gods, the lessons learned from what happened to Joss are more crucial than ever. she thought silently.

"Well, we will have to see. This is a tragedy, but it is an important one to know," she replied.

"There's no happy ending?" a little girl asked.

Jennifer considered her answer. "The story is still being written, and we are all part of it. It is up to us to ensure a happy ending, but first, we have to know the story up to this point."

"We are part of the story?" another boy asked in wonder.

Jennifer gestured around her. "I'll tell you a secret; we are all sitting in one of the places where one of the greatest battles the universe has ever seen will be fought from. Whether the story has a happy or sad ending will be determined right here. Maybe not by you, but by other brave heroes. Let's keep the area clean. You don't want to mess it up for them."

She watched them scramble to make sure they hadn't left any trash. Their stray litter didn't but letting the kids think it mattered made them believe their actions were important, that they had a part to play in what was happening. Perhaps they did. The future only revealed to her possibilities, not certainties. The story was still being written.

When they were finished cleaning up after themselves, she sat down. "It is time to finish the story. Last I spoke, Joss had just become Dreamwarden."

"Like Phobia Remedy," one of the kids said.

Jennifer nodded. It wasn't surprising that the kids living in Skytree immediately thought of the city's patron warden. "Yes, although she just retired. So, more like The Marshmallow."

"I like her. She's funny," a filly giggled.

Jennifer rolled her eyes. A few weeks before, The Marshmallow's news conference revealing her public identity had a mix of unintended slapstick as she somehow managed to knock down half the stage while coming out from behind the curtain and tripping on it, followed by what could only be called a self-deprecating stand-up comedy routine– with Phobia Remedy standing by looking like she was regretting her decision to retire even more with every word that came out of the fat pegasus's mouth. Politicians everywhere probably assumed The Marshmallow was a complete buffoon on par with Jar-Jar Binks. They were in for a rude awakening at some point. Never underestimate a Dreamwarden.

Jennifer held up her hands for dramatic effect as she brought her illusion back. It appeared at first to be the star-filled expanse of space again, but those in the know would recognize it instead as one of the visual manifestations of the dream realm.

"Joss threw himself into his new position as Dreamwarden, eager to help, eager to please," she explained as images of the salmon-colored dragon appeared and disappeared, each with him talking to aliens of every shape and size.

"However, his efforts, while initially welcomed, became spurned as time went on. His presence was too constant, and creatures felt like they were never given peace from him when they slept. There is such a thing as trying to be too helpful, and Joss did not know where to draw the line."

The scene shifted to Triss speaking with a despondent-looking Joss. "Triss tried to comfort and advise him to simply back off a little-"

Joss turned and hissed at Triss, who retreated, looking hurt at his treatment of her, but she came back and walked beside him as he turned away.

"Joss, clearly, you must see that this is what life should all be moving towards," Triss said to him. "You waste your talents not becoming something more. I can lead you to a higher ascension, and you could understand so much more than you do now."

Joss snarled at the great teacher that walked beside him. "What you're doing is trying to invalidate life with your ascending; why can't one with so much knowledge see that? Life is through struggle, growth. You would take away everything's struggle and have us all stagnate."

"There has to be a highest point that can be reached, and I have found it," Triss insisted. "Once I have reached the next plateau of my power, I will become something greater. All of us should aspire to become and finally reach a point that we can forever live in peace without struggle."

"My first plateau was good enough; I have no desire to push on further. This is filthy, Triss," Joss said as he pointed a claw accusingly at her chest.

Triss looked down at his claw and looked back up at him sadly. "No, this is the purest of all things. Haven't you, as Dreamwarden, seen the passage of time and how it can rip down all things? This is the chance to finally make us something that will endure without madness and corruption. You won't have to watch everything crumble ever again."

"All things must come to an end, Triss," Joss before flying off.

He muttered to himself as he flew away. "More power means nothing. Life is struggle; life is pain. Extend it? How dare she?! Does she not recognize my sorrow? Does she not see how stagnant I am? I hate this. An eternity of reminders I am not good enough. I could have endured a mortal life, but not this."

The scene shifted, and now they were back at Jeg'galla'gamp'pi, watching Joss calling put as he walked the empty streets.

"Joss sought answers again at the place of his birth; the place that had deemed his soulfriend worthy but not him, but no answers were given, only deafening silence, broken by his demands to know why Triss was worthy and not he. Joss never looked at his actions and character, only seeing he had power, and somehow that was not enough. We would call this immaturity. However, he was an immature ascended being who was also a Dreamwarden. Such immaturity combined with such power was a hazardous combination."

The scene shifted again to a tower on another and a long set of stairs leading to its entrance. Joss stood on the stairs, yelling up at the entrance.

"Joss grew more bitter, angrier-"

Triss came out of the entrance, looking sad but determined, and gestured for him to go.

"-and because of his actions, Triss was forced to cast him out of the Hall of the Teachers until he could find his way again."

The illusion changed to show Joss in a dark cave, breathing heavily and growling.

"And so, Joss retreated away from others and more into his self-pity."

"This is like the Tale of the Two Sisters, about Celestia and Luna," one of the kids said. "Joss is like Nightmare Moon!"

Jennifer shook her head sadly. "Oh, no, children, this is far worse, far more dark."

The scene didn't change as she continued. "Joss's self-hatred grew to the point that he wished to end his own life. However, he was a Dreamwarden, and to end your life as a Dreamwarden only makes you trapped forever in the dream realm. Death was no release. There was the option of the eternal dream– which was beyond the dream realm. We now know it to be the Story, the record of everything. Within this, he would cease to be Dreamwarden, but he would be forever trapped, reliving the lives of everyone there ever was. This was a trillion trillion deaths and a trillion trillion lives; it was not an end. It was not what he sought."

The scene shifted to the dream realm again, and Joss was looking out upon it.

"There is but one way to kill a Dreamwarden for good without banishment to another universe," Jennifer explained. "The Dreamwardens are the dream realm, so to kill a Dreamwarden, you must bring an end to the dream realm. To do so, you must put an end to all magical dreams. Joss only knew one way to do this, to end the lives of all magical beings. So that is what he set out to do…not for vengeance against those he believed rejected him, but because their deaths were the means to his end. Joss did not hate them. Hating them implied he cared. No, Joss only cared about one being, himself."

The illusion shifted back to the star and the previous Dreamwarden speaking to Joss.

"But the previous warden had imbued Joss with Oaths. A Dreamwarden technically has the power to snuff out the minds of all who dream, killing them, and the old warden was wise to recognize the danger. So he put an Oath on Joss, an unbreakable one that was in the core of Joss's being, never to use his power as Dreamwarden to do such an atrocity. This Oath has been passed down to every warden since then, protecting us from any that are mad. However, even the wise cannot foresee everything."

The scene shifted, this time to another planet, filled with advanced cities of what would be called sci-fi technology.

"Barred from using his power and determined to end himself, even if it meant ending everyone else, Joss found his answer in the Thinkers."

The illusion zoomed down to the planet, and the audience gasped as they beheld large bug-like resembling mantises walking the streets and tending to machinery.

"The Thinkers were a species who excelled in technology like none other before or since," Jennifer explained. "There was a society that lacked and feared magic. They looked out at the various other worlds, populated by untold magical civilizations, and their fear transformed into hate."

Through streets and past houses, the image around them until they entered a great dome filled with wires and lights. A mantis creature, covered in heavy armor, was working on a giant black metal ball.

"The greatest of the Thinkers, in his hate, made great weapons. These weapons were immune to magical attacks and could consume magic. Joss looked upon this, and he knew he had his answer."

Joss went down into the workshops of the Devourer's creator and stepped inside. A dozen alarms went off, instantly declaring his presence to the workshop owner, and Joss quickly found a weapon pointed in his face.

"You're one of those perversions, come to destroy my work. If it weren't for the fact it would destroy my work, I would unleash it upon you now," the scientist said as he held a long rod up to Joss's face.

Joss looked down upon the small armored creature. "Peace, Thinker, you and I share a goal. I, too, desire the end of the perversions. Do you know what I am? I'm the Dreamwarden, and I wish an end to and an end to magic."

"Why should I believe you?" The thinker said without lowering its rod.

Joss smiled. "Because I know how to perfect your creation. As it stands, it would only wander aimlessly and hope that it might stumble on a magical being. You understand too little about magic to give it a proper guidance system so it can seek out magical beings. Magic is everywhere, so it can't home in on what's important, the users."

The Thinker still did not lower his rod. "And why should I believe you would give me this knowledge?"

Joss hung his head. "Because I'm so very tired. You cannot slay me because I am tied to all magical minds. Please, help me bring a final end to me. I shall perfect your work, and I shall finally know true death."

The scene zoomed out, and the audience watched as a million Devourers were launched from the world of the Thinkers. Then the Devourers paused, and hung where they were. Jennifer sat waiting with the audience.

"Why did the story stop?" a colt asked. He yelped as the Devourers flared to life again, and instead of going deeper into space, they rained down destruction on the planet they had just been sent from until there was no world left, just floating rubble.

"Why did they do that?" a girl cried; a few other children were crying, shocked at the suddenness of all the explosions.

"The Thinkers thought they were without magic. The Thinkers were mistaken," Jennifer answered. "Joss had known they had it, for he had observed their dreams. Those dreams had led him to them to begin with. He let them destroy themselves and gave them no warning. All magic dreams had to end, even those who had trusted him."

The image zoomed out and they watched as planet by planet met the same fate. The kids started to tear up, so Jennifer moved on from the carnage.

Everything shifted, and they were back to Jeg'galla'gamp'pi. Joss stood at the case of the monolithic tower he and Triss had once entered to begin their journey, he was staring at the sky. Triss suddenly appeared behind him, rushed him, and struck him to the ground. She then began pound on him with her legs and clawing at him with bestial fury. Joss did not try to stop her. Eventually, her fury ran out, and she collapsed, weeping.

"Why? W-why would you do this? They loved us. You loved them," she whispered, face practically touching the ground.

"They loved you, and so do I," Joss answered as he stood up, blood dripping from his face from where she had clawed him. "They never loved me."

"I loved you. You were my soulfriend," Triss whispered. "You must have cared for them. You tried so hard to show your love. They never hated you. You simply smothered them in your efforts. If you had only backed off…."

"I never was worthy. I cannot bear the burden of this life. Even if they did love me, I would grow too weary," Joss said, sitting down beside her.

"You are so selfish," she cried.

"You're the one who made me ascended when I should never have been. This is your fault as much as mine," Joss replied. He didn't sound accusing, he just sounded tired. "You should retreat to the ethereal realm. You will be safe there. There are no dreams in the ethereal realm, so you won't prevent me from dying a true death."

"Why do you care if I live or die?" Triss growled. "Merely satisfying your selfish desire for death?"

Joss shook his head. "The Devourers will be here soon. Even you could not survive their direct assault. I do love you, my soulfriend, and want you to live."

"Live in an empty universe. You torture me! Is this your love!?" Triss shouted.

"Life will come again," Joss assured her. "You need to be there, to protect it. To triumph over the instrument of my despair."

"Do you have any idea how long it takes for life to rise from nothing?" Triss asked.

"I do, but you will wait for it. You are worthy. You can bear the endless ages. Save the universe. I merely wish to die. What happens after that…I hope goes well for you. Flee, soulfriend. Flee and live. Flee and fight another day…and never raise one who is unworthy again. No matter how lonely it gets."

"If I cannot trust my soulfriend, who else could I give such an honor?" Triss asked, wiping her face. "I shall find more to ascend, but they shall ascend of their own worth. I shall mourn you. I shall mourn all of you."

The sky lit up as the Devourers arrived, and Triss vanished. Joss looked back to the sky and smiled as flame rained down on Jeg'galla'gamp'pi. It kept raining down, and the kids cried as explosions sounded all around them.

Then it all came to an end. Jeg'galla''gamp'pi still stood, but Joss lay motionless on the ground as the illusion faded, and they returned to the grove of skytrees.

"And that was the tragedy of Triss and Joss," Jennifer concluded. "Triss never managed to save anyone, although life rose time and time again, only to perish time and time again. Now, she watches this world, and she hopes that this time will be different, for they are coming."

Several of the kids were crying and whimpering. Parents were glaring at her, as was Josie. She deserved it. She didn't take any pleasure in upsetting kids, but stories had to be told. Still, perhaps there was a way to soothe them.

She stood up. "This is the City of Skytree. Until recently, this was the home of Phobia Remedy, the Warden of Fear. Who here knows what Phobia Remedy would say about the Devourers?"

"T-that she's scarier?" one of the young girls ventured in a whimper.

Jennifer laughed. "Not quite. Phobia Remedy would say it is okay to be afraid. People were afraid of her, but she was the one always afraid. But you know what? Phobia Remedy never ran away. Phobia Remedy never let her fear control her. Phobia Remedy would look up at the sky and say, there is something scary up there, but I won't run and hide. To be brave requires something to be afraid of. We shall be brave. We shall face what is coming, and we will win! We, the people of Earth, are the heroes of this story. We are more prepared than anyone else has ever been, and when those Devourers dare come to try to hurt us, we will break them. So, when the time comes, you'll show them how brave you are, and they will be so overwhelmed that they will explode before they ever even get close to Earth. Children, you, your parents, your siblings, your friends and neighbors, and people you never met all around the world are the heroes of this story. Give it a happy ending! You'll tell them, not this planet! Can I hear you? What are you going to say?"

"NOT THIS PLANET!" the kids yelled out in chorus. The adults joined in as well.

She smiled and bowed her head. "Be sure to tell everyone you know, and thank you for being brave enough to hear my story. The Devourers aren't going to know what hit them."

The kids were cheering for themselves as she walked away.

I hope your promises ring true. the voice in her head said.

Me too. she answered it.

Josie walked up to her and held out a phone with her wing. "Rebecca wants to talk to you. Keep the phone; I need to get going. She just told me I'm needed off-world. She has a strange sense of humor– said she needed me to help fight care bears."

"Have fun with that," Jennifer said with a grin as she took the phone. She stopped smiling as she put it up to her ear. "Have something to say, Marshmallow?"

"You made kids cry!" the pony on the other end of the line yelled.

She blinked. "I'm sorry about that, but I'm kind of surprised you opened with that complaint."

"Why surprised? I'm very protective of kids. I know you upset Josie too. Protecting kids is kind of her thing. It's why she puts up with me," The Marshmallow fumed, then sighed. "At least you managed to turn it around at the end. I'm still very steamed, you mean meanie head!"

"I never know how much of your demeanor is an act to hide a more sinister motive," Jennifer replied flatly. She looked around. Josie really had high-tailed it out of there, sneaky pony.

"I don't know myself sometimes," The Marshmallow confessed. "I wish I lived in simpler times, ones where I didn't have to keep any hidden agenda and just worry about making people smile. I'm a happy person. I don't like what's coming, and I don't like having to be one of the ones to make decisions on how to make sure the coming battle goes off without a hitch."

"The story should have been told a long time ago," Jennifer asserted.

"I'm not going to agree or disagree. You said it, and the damage has been done. They'll repeat it. No use crying about spilled milk," The Marshmallow said and could be heard fluttering her lips. "My biggest concern is we need the people to trust us, and you just shoved a great big stick of doubt up everybody's butt by saying this is all because of a Dreamwarden. The people know that we carry parts of the memories and personalities of all the Dreamwardens that came before, and you just put a big spotlight on the worst of the worst of us. Not being scary is important; it is why I'm leading the wardens at this time and not Phobia. I'm a smiling face where Phobia is Miss Nightmares. I mean, who wouldn't trust me? I'm too cute and harmless! I wouldn't hurt a fly! Now you reminded them I have a little of Joss in me, and they'll doubt."

"It sounds like you are still crying about it," Jennifer said. "What do you want? Are you going to punish me?"

"I said it was no use, not that I wouldn't do it. You are upsetting my tummy. I need a big chocolate cake after this, with cream cheese filling," The Marshmallow answered. "I'm not going to punish you, but I'm going to make a request, a hard request."

"Not to say the story anymore?"

"No. I'm asking you not to evacuate to Equestria when the opportunity comes," The Marshmallow answered in a near whisper. "I'm not asking anything that I'm not asking of myself. I'm staying and seeing this through, no matter what happens. I want you to help rally the people's spirits. Most aren't going to get to evacuate. There are too many; Equestria can't take billions of refugees. Most are going to be here, and they're going to be frightened. I'm going to do all I can to help lift their spirits, but I need all the help I can get. Will you help me, Storyteller? I'll make sure you get the biggest stage anyone has ever been given to do what you can."

Jennifer chewed on her lip. "That is basically asking me to commit suicide."

"Only if we lose," The Marshmallow reminded her. "I'm not Sha'am, or Phobia, or Arbiter, or even Yinyu. None of them would beg; they'd make demands. I'm a clumsy pegasus who can barely fly right– one who likes to dance, design pretty buildings, listen to music, eat sweets, cuddle with my hubby, and make people laugh. We Dreamwardens collectively decided that's what the world needs in our darkest hour. The world needs encouragement. I need your help, please."

Jennifer looked up at the branches. The wardens had asked for her help a long time ago and she said they were to never do that again. They said only if they really needed it. They were asking her now.

"I'll do it, but we better win."

"I certainly hope we do."