A Shadow of Myself

"For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

Andrea could barely pay attention as she stood listening to Sunset Blessing eulogize. She didn't want to look forward; she didn't want to see the coffin being lowered into the hole she had dug just shortly before. Eighty-two years, that was how old her other self had been. Would that be how long she lived as well? Would Sunset Blessing stand on this ground again, giving a sermon over her grave in sixty years? Perhaps, but who knew for sure?

Her attention and everyone else's was temporarily diverted by the sounds of a middle-aged-to-slightly-elderly woman bawling her eyes out, crying for her Mama. Andrea would have scowled harder, but she had already reached maximum scowl some time ago. That was one of her other self's kids. Andrea had never learned any of their names or met any of them. Her other self had tried to tell her about them many times over the years, but she'd always refused to listen. These were offspring she would never have. She had no ties to them. They were all more than twice her age anyway, nearly three times.

Several other humans gathered around the distraught woman and tried to calm her. If Andrea had to take a guess, they were her other self's grandkids— who were still older than her by at least a decade or two. This was the first concern or compassion any of them had shown since they'd been here. They hadn't shed so much as a tear the whole time. Had they even really known the old pony that was being laid to rest? She was dead, and her grandkids barely seemed to care. Some family, some legacy. Was this what she would amount to? If it was, she didn't want to have any kids.

That was unfair. There were plenty of people here who were legitimately sad; her parents, Amicus, old friends of her other self, her other self's direct children, Sunset's kids, some other family members. Even Kristin looked upset and tried to hide the fact she was crying because she didn't want people to think she was as emotional as Amicus— even though she was and just bottled it all up instead of letting it flow freely like Amicus. There were plenty of people here who did care. Charlotte was hard to read, looking distracted. Sunset was probably going to be breaking things later. Maybe Charlotte would too.

There was no calming the woman, and several of those around her tried apologized to the assembled guests and started to lead the older woman away. She tried to resist them, but they were firm, and she relented. They all walked by Andrea, and the older woman looked up at that moment and took notice of Andrea.

"You look just like my mother did when I was a child," the old woman said, reaching out a hand.

One of the ones guiding her away lowered the arm back down. "She's just a younger cousin, Mom. She's not granny. Leave her be."

The older woman kept looking at her as they led her away. Andrea felt like she was ready to puke as Sunset Blessing resumed the eulogy.

"For since death came through a man, the resurrection of the dead comes also through a man. For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever," Sunset said in a loud voice.

Her other self hadn't even been religious; why was this pony even talking about God so much? This was supposed to be for her, not for Sunset Blessing. The preacher could take her religious crap and shove it. Couldn't she tell some happy memories or something instead? Remember some good times? The two of them might have bickered regularly, but they were sisters; there had to be some fond memories over the course of eight decades. Discussing those was what Andrea would want when she was buried, and she was sure that was no different than her other self. Unlike her sisters, she was not in denial about how similar she was to her other self, at least, she had been, while there was another self still there.

Sunset finished her prattling about God and took a deep breath. "Andrea was always my harshest critic within the family, aside from me. We snapped at each other, insulted one another, and always expected a confrontation when having a meal together. We also had very different views about many subjects, which led to even more fights. To say my sister and I didn't get along would be an understatement."

The red unicorn turned and looked down at the coffin. "When Andrea was forty-seven, a lifetime of work seemed to be coming together. She was in line for a major promotion at the FBI. She had raised a good family. She was respected and admired among her peers. She had worked hard and always done the right thing, and she was blessed for it."

The preacher switched her gaze to the gathered family. "Then ETS came, and life decided to remind her that it was rarely fair. She became a pony, and that promotion was denied her, and instead, she found herself unjustly demoted. Her husband didn't transform, and she and he found that the difference in species was too much. She got her mark early, so she didn't even have the option of rehumanization. So that was the end of twenty-three years of marriage. Then, when it seemed the FBI might reverse their decision about the demotion, I came to national attention, and she suddenly was once again unjustly deemed a security risk. At the age of forty-seven, all her hard work and effort was for naught."

This was not what Andrea meant by happy memories.

"We like to believe that God will reward the good and punish the wicked, but that is a promise for the afterlife. Our mortal lives have no such promise, and God isn't going to sweep in and make it fair, no matter how much you beg, pray, and conduct yourself in a biblical manner. Like Job, God will not spare us from the cruelty of life. It isn't common knowledge, but the last part of that book was added later by priests who didn't like the idea that Job never got his day, but that isn't how the story actually went. When I read the book of Job, I often think of my sister."

The preacher better turn this sermon around soon, or Andrea would have some harsh words for her.

Sunset took a few steps away from the grave. "So what did my sister do when faced with so much adversity? A lesser person would have gotten bitter and turned her back on the world, but not Andrea. Andrea doubled down in doing what was right. Not because she expected some reward, but because it was right. My sister said she is not a follower of Christ, but what does it mean to follow Christ? If you're living your life as Jesus did, are you not following in his example? My sister, a believer or not, was one after the Lord's own heart. Like the Samaritan in the parable, through her actions, she showed she was one worthy of God's love despite her lack of faith. I know my sister had a place prepared for her in Heaven, and she was welcomed by God and commended for living a life worthy of the Kingdom of God. Take comfort; God loves my sister like I do, like we all do, and he is now rewarding her for a life well-lived."

Sunset turned back to the grave and started to cry. "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

The unicorn wiped her eyes. "Amen."

All assembled repeated the final amen.

Sunset shook her head. "I'm going to miss you, Andrea. I love you. Rest in peace until we meet again." The preacher then walked away, briefly signaling for Sinker and two of Andrea's sons to start filling the grave with dirt.

Andrea watched as the three began shoveling dirt into the hole she had just recently finished digging, tears leaking from her eyes. Sinker was shoveling more dirt, despite being the only one without hands, but he was half the age of Andrea's sons, so it was understandable he could move faster. Maybe Sunset's sermon wasn't so bad after all. That was just Sunset trying to process her grief in the ways Sunset processed grief. Andrea wasn't sure if it helped with her own or not, she was still too upset to tell, but it hadn't made it any worse.

Kristin walked over to her and hugged her. "Andrea, if you want to take off and go somewhere for a while, to get away and clear your head. I can drive you. I don't care if you have me drive around aimlessly. Whatever you need."

Andrea wanted to laugh. Kristin said she was nothing like Amicus. Kristin was in so much denial. Andrea wouldn't point it out, though; she only accepted her sister's hug.

"Thank you, but I'm going to just go in the house and lie down for a bit. Taking a nap is healthier than every other option I can think of at the moment," Andrea answered. "You just take care of Amicus, Mom, Dad, and Charlotte, and keep them off my back for a while until I'm ready to talk to them. I can't deal with them right yet."

Kristin nodded as she released the hug. "Whatever you need, I'll take care of it. I'm also here if you need someone to talk to, even though I know you need time."

Andrea nodded. "Thanks, Krist. You're my favorite little sister." She looked around briefly and noted that her other little sister was nowhere in sight. Both Charlotte and Sunset Blessing had exited the area in record time. Sunset could be understood, but why Charlotte? It didn't matter, and she wasn't going to hold ducking out quickly against either of them. Right now, all the physical exhaustion from digging the grave was catching up to her and combining with the emotional exhaustion. She'd get some rest, take time to herself, and later she could apologize to Charlotte for snapping at her and physically intimidating her; that last part, in particular, had been out of line, and there was no excuse for it. Apologizing was the right thing to do. She wasn't in the correct mindset for that yet, so rest came first— if she could manage to sleep. Maybe she could convince Phobia to put her to sleep. The Dreamwarden was somewhere in the house.

She walked back to the house while everyone was still milling around the grave, talking to one another. There wasn't much concern about these younger relatives finding out who Andrea and her family were. The official line that the government had given was that they were younger cousins through Dry Soil's little sister, and they all stuck to that. Only Dry Soil, Hook Line, and Sunset Blessing seemed to know what had become of the younger aunt, and among those, only Sunset was still living. Chances were that younger aunt was dead from old age, so there was basically no chance anyone would show up to refute the claim. Still, Andrea hated lying about who she was, even if the rest of her family seemed to have less of a problem with it.

She walked through the front door and immediately drew her eyes to the large family picture in the foyer. There had been some ugly painting of a nineteenth-century couple with their dogs there years ago, but Sunset had replaced it with this picture. It lacked Andrea and her direct family, at least, the versions of them from their timeline, but it had everyone else, including Andrea's other self. It felt like the other Andrea was staring at her and judging. Did Andrea measure up?

"I wish I could have told you goodbye," Andrea whispered. Her other self had been sick for about two years, and everyone knew her time was coming, but it still felt so sudden when it happened. It seemed like a doctor could have come and said that she was dying tomorrow or within a week, not that she ate dinner like usual, went to bed, and never got back up.

Not that Andrea had been there for that much. She'd been taking summer classes. Those were abruptly canceled now, and she wasn't sure she wanted to go to the fall semester. She knew she should and probably would, but right now, it was hard to imagine doing.

She walked over to the picture and touched her other self's face. "Sleep well. If there's a Heaven, I guess I'll see you again in sixty years."

Turning away before she could get choked up, Andrea headed up the stairs.

She walked past Sunset's office and noticed the door was glowing. That was weird. Simply locking it should have been good enough if the unicorn was concerned about some of the guests trying to sneak into it. It wasn't like Sunset kept anything important in there anyway. All the critical things were down in the lab, under heavy guard. Putting a shield around her office seemed like unnecessary overkill. She was tempted to switch to crystal pony mode and take the shield down, just to spite the unicorn, but managed to keep some level of maturity and walk by instead.

Her room was near the end of the hall. She was almost there when she heard an odd sound, like a lot of paper being torn all at once.

She looked around for the source. "What the hell is—"

A large purple and grey swirly thing appeared right in front of her, and she stumbled backward, falling flat on her ass. She barely had time to register the wireless in her tailbone when something came out of the switching vortex.

Was that a red care bear wearing a fedora and an eye patch?

The bear looked around then looked at her. It then raised something and pointed it at her.

It wasn't just a red care bear wearing a fedora and eye patch; it was a red care bear wearing a fedora and eye patch who had a gun.

She tried to roll out of the way, but the bear was too close. He fired the gun, and she screamed in pain as the bullet struck her side. Two more shots quickly connected to her legs, leaving her wallowing in agony and unable to stand.

The gun had a silencer on it, but everything in the house was monitored with cameras. The guards were already on their way. She spotted the bear take cover as she heard other guns go off. Something popped out of his belly, and suddenly he had a shield and was firing at the guards from behind it.

Gritting her teeth and forcing herself to work through the pain, she reached up to her earrings to adjust them. This bear picked the wrong day to shoot her!

She managed to adjust the earrings, and the pain went away. Unfortunately, she found herself tangled in her clothes and was helplessly thrashing around in her full pony form. She prayed he was too busy with the guards to bother shooting at the twisting ball of clothes and that the guards were good enough shots they didn't hit her by accident. She hadn't thought about which mode she had set her earrings, only that she needed to change, but this was the best-case scenario. She was a smaller target than in her true form, and if she took a bullet again in this form, all it would take is another shift of the earrings to fix that. Her true form was the strongest and fastest, but it was also the most vulnerable. If she got shot as a centaur, that shot counted.

She finally managed to wiggle free of her clothes while somehow avoiding getting reshot. She then realized there were no more gunshots happening. She quickly looked around.

Two guards were lying dead at the end of the hallway, and the bear was examining Sunset's office door, running his hands over the glowing surface. More guards would be on their way soon, if not already. They were probably making sure they went in prepared this time instead of guns blazing without a plan. They could track the bear easily through the house. He wasn't getting away. Sunset was no doubt being alerted. When Sunset found out about the intruder who had shot her and two of the guards, that bear was as good as the dead.

The bear had his back to her and hadn't noticed she was up and well. He likely assumed she was out of commission after taking multiple gunshots and was in the process of dying. He was a confident little fuck.

She jumped and tackled him, knocking his gun to the floor and kicking it away. He snarled and tried to reach for her throat, but she had him pinned.

She gave him a wicked grin. "Not happening. You're lucky I caught you. That means you get to live. If Sunset had to fight to catch you, she'd kill you. Teach you to ruin my funeral!"

He stopped struggling and gave her a flat look. "I think your funeral can still be arranged."

Something struck her from underneath, hurling her backward against the wall. She was only momentarily stunned, though, and now glowing brightly, she jumped at him again before he could get to his gun. The bear cried out in shock, clearly not anticipating she would be able to rebound so quickly from whatever he had just done. It had to have been some form of magic; otherwise, she wouldn't be giving off her crystal pony glow. It might have worked on anyone else in the house, but she was the wrong type of pony to pull that on.

He wasn't as unprepared as he had been during her first attack on him, and pinning him proved to be impossible. He blasted her a few more times with his belly, but Andrea was ready for those and diffused his magic each time. He managed to keep her off him, and they were at a standstill in the fight.

"Enough of this!" the bear yelled and hit what looked like a watch he was wearing. Another swirling vortex opened, and he jumped through it. It immediately closed behind him.

Andrea slumped to the ground, out of breath and sore. What in the ever-loving hell was that? It seemed like a psychotic care bear. What madness was Sunset up to now? She was used to ponies trying to break into the house and the occasional human. She could even process the idea of a griffin, a dragon, robots, cyborgs, or other random monsters, even if no such attacks had ever happened, but this was some twisted version of a kid's cartoon.

Guards poured into the hall, and one sat down and checked her to see if she was okay. She shook him off.

"I'm fine. Sore, but fine. Worry about the guys who got shot."

"You got shot too," the guard said firmly.

Andrea gestured towards her discarded and probably torn clothes. "You'll find the bullets twisted up in that somewhere. Changing forms expelled them, and he didn't hit me in my true form, so no damage was done."

The guard nodded. "Understood. I apologize. I forgot about how the physics of your forms work. We've never had them tested under such conditions. That was very impressive. Miss Blessing had mentioned she was considering bringing you on the security team. We could sure use someone like you."

Sunset Blessing hadn't mentioned that to her yet, and she didn't know how she felt about the idea. She knew she wasn't in the right frame of mind to consider it, so she just nodded again. That seemed to satisfy the guard, and he went off to assist the downed guards.

"Get all the V.I.P. members of the family to the guard station immediately and get all these other people off the property! I don't care if it seems like he is gone! Treat it as if the house is still under assault until I give the clear!"

Well, Sunset Blessing had arrived. Way too late to be helpful.

"Sunset, I swear, I had nothing to do with this!"

Andrea's ears twitched at her baby sister's voice, and she turned to see Charlotte hot on Sunset's tail, pleading with the unicorn to believe her that she wasn't involved. Had Charlotte gone nuts? Why would anyone think this had anything to do with Charlotte? Why was Sunset letting Charlotte follow her around like that when she'd just ordered the family to safety?

Charlotte spotted her and forgot about Sunset. "Andrea! Are you hurt? Please tell me you didn't get hurt again because of me!"

Andrea raised an eyebrow as her sister bent down and pulled her into a tight hug. "What does any of this have to do with you? You weren't even up here during the fight. Did something else happen? Were there more of those things?"

Charlotte released her. "I-"

Sunset stormed between them. "We're not discussing this out in the hall. Both of you, to my office, now. Andrea, I need you to start trying to recall every detail you can about that bear while it is still fresh in your memory. I'll question you in a few moments. Follow me."

She got up, feeling annoyed that the unicorn wasn't showing any concern for her having just been in a life and death fight. "I'm great, Sunset. Thanks for asking."

"I already saw your clothes and the guards picking out the bullets. I know how transformation magic works better than anyone, so don't pretend to be offended that I give you credit for your quick thinking and know you're okay. I'm sure it was frightening. We can all sit down and cry later, but right now, I need you to focus on recalling details. Please, follow my instructions without the lip," Sunset responded briskly as she lit her horn and lowered the shield on her office door.

Andrea got to her hooves and followed closely behind Sunset and Charlotte as they went into the office. When she walked in, she found the room looked ransacked, or at least someone had thrown down one of the bookcases and made a mess. However, whoever had done it had started stacking the books in neat piles.

Charlotte looked at the mess. "Oh no… do you think he's okay?"

Sunset slammed the door shut and put back up the shield that had surrounded the room. "My shield was still up. I leave an elephant alone in my office for two hours and come back to a mess. Now that I'm saying that out loud, I don't know why I'm surprised. Empathy! Are you still here, or are you hiding?"

There was the sound of movement from under Sunset's desk. "Apologies! I tried to read some of your books, but I was too short to reach the ones up high. I then thought to myself that I had been nourished, so my belly badge might work. I tried using it, and it did make a balloon to lift me up, but I'm just clumsy and knocked the shelf down. Please don't be mad, ma'ams! I was trying to pick up the mess! By the way, why do you have so many books with only squiggly lines in them and no pictures?"

Sunset groaned. "Come out of hiding. I'm not going to hurt you. We have bigger concerns than you being a terrible houseguest. A bear just shot two of my guards. Luckily, I think they'll live, but we need information now."

Whatever was hiding under the desk gasped. "Oh, dear! I'm very sorry! I hope they'll be alright."

Andrea blinked when an orange…something…came out of hiding. Was that an elephant? It had a trunk and big ears, but that was the only thing elephant-like about it.

The elephant-thing spotted her and waved. "Hello, different pony person I don't know."

Andrea looked at Sunset. "What did you do now?"

"It was actually me," Charlotte said in a low voice. "It turns out that my magic finally did something…ta-da."

Andrea stared at her sister, dumbfounded. Her sister's magic summoned care bears? What kind of fucking power was that? She had heard of some strange human magic before, but this took the cake.

What a way to spend her funeral day.