A Shadow of Myself

Rainbow stared at the strange little red horse. The unicorn, Sunset Blessing, had her horn glowing and was conducting some sort of test on Starlight.

"Do I have to hold still much longer? My muscles are cramping," Starlight complained.

"You'll hold still until I'm done, horse," Sunset replied. "Don't shift around. It will make this take longer. I don't want to be standing here with a full view of your sex organ in my face."

Starlight stood straighter. "It is glorious, like me."

"Bleh," Sunset Blessing said in disgust.

"Did you want me to switch with you?" the older orange and white horse asked. "You've been at that for a while."

Sunset Blessing gently shook her head. "You're still recovering from examining the girl. Starlight would be cross with me if you wore yourself out. Just relax, Sunburst. You've done enough. You can help me review the results. You're more valuable for your brain than your horn."

"I'm glad you care about my feelings. More of you ponies should, but I don't even know that old horse," Starlight said.

"Different Starlight– a mare, his wife," Sunset Blessing said in an annoyed tone.

"A mare? With my name?" Starlight gasped. "She should be called something else. Starlight is a stallion's name, a mighty stallion name, and I had first claim to the name anyway. She needs to change it."

Rainbow sighed. "Starlight, we're on another world, another universe. They have different naming conventions."

Starlight stuck his nose up. "I still had the first claim to the name. There can only be one mighty and noble Starlight!"

"Our Starlight could kick your not-so-noble flank, so you aren't as mighty as you think," Sunset Blessing said, sounding more annoyed. "Hold still and be quiet! Dumb beast."

Starlight gave an angry snort but didn't reply.

"Are you finding anything that can take away our vampirism?" Rainbow asked.

"I don't have enough information for that," Sunset Blessing answered. "You look human, but you aren't, nor is he a horse, and I'm not talking about vampirism. Vampirism seems to be like a disease, a magic one. While transformation magic typically removes illnesses, that involves strictly biological issues. This is something more. I need more information. I don't want to inadvertently make things worse. There are important events in motion that don't involve you but that you could impact, and I must exercise caution."

Rainbow looked down and rubbed her hands together. "I don't want to be a problem." She looked up from her hands at the pony. "Charlotte said you were sixty years older than her. You are older, but you don't seem elderly. Does your kind live a long time?"

"She's actually older than me. Beings with a lot of magic age at a slower rate," the other pony, Sunburst, explained as he stroked his gray beard.

"And I slowed my aging before I became powerful by regularly transforming into a human," Sunset Blessing added.

"So Charlotte doesn't age as gracefully?" Rainbow asked.

The elder version of Charlotte shrugged. "She's strong for a human. She might not live as long as me, but she should live longer than an average human. I'm not exactly sure how long. I'm not even sure you and I mean the same thing when we talk about years, days, or any other measurement of time."

It hadn't even occurred to her time might not be measured the same. She'd watched the sun rise and set here, but it had been so long since she had seen either that she no longer knew if that was the timeframe she had been familiar with long ago.

"How long were we alone? You are a great mage. Can you tell?" Rainbow asked in a whisper.

The unicorn frowned. "I can't give you an exact figure. Your vampirism has been in place for a long time, but I could have told you it has been a long time without the use of magic. Even if that movie I saw is a perversion of what happened to you, it still needed someone to have seen what happened in order to write the script. That movie was released seventy-one years ago. Give it another year or two for scriptwriting and production, which means it has been at least seventy-three years. Since there was a cartoon show too that wasn't so dark; I'm willing to bet on that seventy-three-year figure."

"I would assume your year would have been close to Equestria's or Earth's," Sunburst surmised. "Planets need to have a certain range of size and speed of rotation to produce similar gravity, and your gravity seems like it was similar based on the fact Charlotte had no issues with yours, and you seem fine with ours. That means your years have to be close to one of ours, maybe a few days' variation, but nothing extreme. Days would be close as well in length. An hour or two variance at most."

Seventy-three years. They had failed seventy-three years ago. She didn't think she had been that old. It was hard to tell with her. She just woke up one day in the light of Spectra, and Spectra had instructed her about sunshine and happiness before asking her if she wanted to spread that light and joy to a world. She'd gladly accepted, and it plopped her down in the wasteland that would become Rainbow Land to do the will of the light of Spectra. She had worked hard and fast, and in less than a few years, she'd turned it into a beautiful place…then Princess had stolen the light of Spectra and turned her into a monster. Seventy-three years. She had spent almost her entire life as a vampire.

No, what she and Starlight had on that world was not life. It was merely existing. It was like their lives had been on hold for that time, waiting to continue. She could wait a little longer.

A tear leaked from her eye, and she wiped it away, then stopped and looked at her finger. She hoped this older Charlotte could fix her. People shouldn't cry blood.

"Do you think I'm cute?" she asked Sunset Blessing.

The unicorn stopped what she was doing to glare at her. "Do both you and this idiot horse need constant affirmation? I couldn't tell you. In pony form, I don't judge human looks well." The unicorn turned her attention back to Starlight. "And I neither care for horses nor things with a phallus, so I'm not judging your looks, you brute."

"Oh," Rainbow replied.

Starlight shook his head. "I changed my mind. The human is a more noble creature than this miniature devil horse."

"When can I see Charlotte again?" Rainbow asked. "Is she doing alright?"

Sunset stopped what she was doing with Starlight and hoisted a quill in her magic before writing on a parchment. "She's doing well enough. She complains about her injuries hurting as they heal. She is getting harassed by her parents non-stop. She needs to rest so we can get to that care bear world."

"We?" Rainbow asked.

"She and I, not you," Sunset clarified. "I skipped on going the last time, but things have changed. That world is dangerous, and she can't be left to find the scout team on her own. I can behave myself now that I know a dark mage is influencing the bears."

"You and your daughter both missed that," Sunburst said.

"We all make mistakes, even me, and even the wardens," Sunset snapped. "I'm assuming that the spell forced control, but the short time away from its source didn't give those bears I killed enough time to fully start thinking out of their programmed cycles. Lay that one on me, but it didn't matter. I wasn't concerned about those details at the time. I know better now and can stay my wrath."

"I could come, me and Starlight," Rainbow offered.

Sunset Blessing raised an eyebrow at her. "You just escaped a hellhole. Are you so eager to return to one?"

"Well, I didn't volunteer," Starlight said with a snort. "She just wants to follow that girl because the girl called her cute."

Rainbow balled up her fists. "No! That's not why!"

Starlight whinnied. "Oh, yes, it is. She was the first person you saw in ages, and she called you cute, and you suddenly became attached. It isn't a healthy attachment. You should let her go. Stay here. We have food. We have warmth. We have a whole universe to explore that isn't frozen and dead."

She looked her horse in the eyes. "We have a chance to help make a difference. There's another universe fighting to survive out there. We failed with ours. I can't live with myself if I don't make an effort to do something for this other one."

Starlight hesitated as if her words were making him rethink his decision not to get involved, but he ended up shaking his head. "Our magic was tied to Spectra. Spectra is gone. We aren't even in the same universe with it. We're useless."

She bit her lip gently, careful not to puncture it. There was a solution, but she didn't like it.

"Sunset Blessing, you said you were going to try to get synthetic blood for us. Have you ordered it yet?" she asked.

The unicorn nodded as she passed the parchment to Sunburst. "It should be here tomorrow. Would I be wrong in guessing you're reconsidering whether you want this vampire curse broken?"

Rainbow wrung her hands. She did want it broken, but there was a but.

"If the only way I'm going to be useful is if I don't stop being a…what I am…then I'd rather be useful," she answered. "Before we failed to save Spectra, I was a hero. I made a difference in people's lives. I still need to make a difference. I need it more than ever."

Sunset Blessing grimaced. "So…are you wanting to help people because you actually want to help them, or are you trying to soothe your conscience about having the blood of a universe on your hands."

"Sunset, that's too harsh! That's downright cruel!" Sunburst loudly protested.

"It's what she needs to hear," Sunset Blessing said in a calm tone. "Do you comprehend the guilt I carry around due to what happened in Riverview? I've been told many times that it wasn't all my fault. Even the most supportive of my friends can't bring themselves to say I had no blame for it. However, even if there were some legitimate arguments that I shouldn't feel guilty for it, it would change nothing regarding how I feel about it. I will never wash my soul of it. It will haunt me for the rest of my days. This girl needs to understand there is no panacea for her shame and guilt. No matter what she does, she will carry it to her grave."

The red unicorn turned and looked Rainbow in her blood-tear-filled eyes. "And that is a good thing. We shouldn't ever get over suffering and death. We should feel all that pain and let it be the chorus telling us that we need to do everything in our power to ensure it will never happen again. It's our promise, bound in blood. We can always move forward with our life, but we don't drop our burdens along the way. So, tell me, child, do you want to help to soothe your soul, or do you want to help because it is the right goddamned thing to do, and you refuse to see history repeat?"

Rainbow heard the challenge in the mare's tone. What she said wasn't pleasant, but she was right; it was necessary to hear it and put her desires in perspective.

"I was a hero because it was the right thing to do, even though I failed," Rainbow said slowly. "I'm not going to let my failure stop me from doing the right thing. I'm also not going to give up what power I have left to make a difference."

Sunset Blessing smiled. "You don't necessarily need power to make a difference, but surrendering your assets is almost always a bad idea. If the synthetic blood works, and we see no negative side effects, I will request that you be included."

Starlight snorted. "You've gone and inspired me. You're an evil little horse for doing that. I would be less than noble if I didn't try to help too. I want to help."

"Good, because I'm old and frail and hate having to walk long distances," Sunset Blessing said as she turned and headed to the door, leaving Sunburst to finish. Rainbow watched her walk out of the room and wondered if the unicorn had deliberately manipulated her.

"Does that tiny devil horse intend to ride me?" Starlight asked in shock. "The indignity!"