A Shadow of Myself

There was comfort in faith. For fifty-eight years, Sunset had prayed to God, and most of that time, she found solace. The nature of her prayers had changed over the years. Once upon a time, her prayers would have consisted mainly of 'give me strength', 'give me guidance', 'help me', and, rather shamefully, 'punish the sinners'. Those days were long gone. Such prayers lived in the assumption that God would take action. God had already taken action, sending his son to die on the cross for their sins. What further action did the faithless masses want? Her faith and theology had evolved, and selfish prayers were no longer part of her routine.

No, now there were but two prayers, 'forgive me' and 'I'm sorry'. God answered but one prayer, the heartfelt plea for forgiveness. There were no shortage of things she felt regret about.

She sat in front of the altar of the chapel in the yard. Sunlight came in through the stained glass windows, striking specs of dust in the air which shimmered in the rainbow of light. A few empty pews sat behind her, and an unadorned cross hung up above the altar. Some people might call this chapel cramped, but it served her purpose as a private retreat where she could find peace. She still attended church, although her attendance was irregular. She still had a target on her back, and anywhere she frequently went could be targeted in turn. It was best to keep her visits to places outside the manor to a minimum and unpredictable for others' safety. She didn't worry too much about her lax attendance. God was everywhere, and wherever you could find peace and pray was his dwelling.

"SUNSET BLESSING! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU ARE TAKING OUR DAUGHTER AWAY TO EQUESTRIA!"

She sighed. Some people couldn't respect the dwelling of the Lord.

Wendy and Charles, the younger versions of her now-deceased parents, stormed into the chapel with Wendy leading the warpath. Sunset turned and faced them, trying to channel what calm she still could after having someone scream at her at the top of their lungs. She continued to say prayers in her head.

Lord, forgive me for causing them such distress. Lord, forgive me for getting mad at them for their understandable anger. Lord, forgive me for uprooting their lives once again.

There was always something else to ask forgiveness for.

She'd barely turned around when Wendy was sticking her finger in her face. Her eyes crossed to look at the finger, and then she looked back at the human.

"I take it you spoke with either Charlotte or Andrea. I assume they explained it to you," she said in an even voice.

"Charlotte just said her new magic put her in danger, and she had to get off the planet ASAP," Charles supplied, sounding calmer than his wife.

"I don't know if I'm happy she kept her mouth shut about the details or angry she went to you before I could think of the best way to present this," Sunset said warily. "Take a seat. Let me try to explain this without giving away sensitive information."

"I don't care how sensitive the information is. This is my daughter!" Wendy fumed.

Sunset glared at her. "I instructed you to sit and listen. Please do so, or I will put you on the bench myself and gag your mouths. I'm going to explain things, but I'm not going to be interrupted, talked over, or have anyone in my face. Now sit! You'll have time to ask questions after I'm done explaining."

Charles put an arm around Wendy and gestured to the closest bench. She looked ready to argue some more but ended up relenting.

"Damn tyrant," Wendy mumbled as she took her seat.

Sunset took a deep breath. "Now, let me say, this is not something I want to do; this is necessary. Charlotte has the biggest proverbial ax over her head that you could imagine. There are certain parties, which will remain unnamed in the interest of security, that have given us the ultimatum that Charlotte must leave this universe or be permanently transformed into something else that doesn't have the same magic, or they will kill her."

"People try to kill you all the time, but you're still here," Wendy cut in.

"This party is many orders of magnitude more dangerous than those idiots who try to get me. I cannot defend her against them. They have even said they are willing to wipe the entire city off the map if that's what it takes to end her," Sunset replied firmly. "You need to understand; this is an opponent we can't beat. I can defend against a lot, but not this. This is so far out of my league it is laughable— and no, running to the government or anyone else for help won't do a damn thing to stop them except increase the number of graves that need to be dug. If they say they will do whatever it takes to remove her from the field, it will happen."

"So you're running scared?" Wendy challenged.

"You're damned right I am," Sunset answered with a nod. "We're complying and going to Equestria. I'm going there and not coming back, and I am taking Charlotte with me. You are welcome to come with her, Andrea and Kristin if they want to come. Only Charlotte is a target, so if any of you wish to stay, I will make arrangements so that there is still a home available here, even with me gone. I have a short list of family members I am considering leaving Wabash Manor as well as all my money and ongoing royalties from book sales, and all of them would happily let you stay."

"Why would we leave Andrea and Kristin?" Wendy asked in confusion.

Sunset raised an eyebrow. "Because they're grown adults who can make their own choices and aren't personally in danger if Charlotte isn't here. Both are pursuing career paths that may not work out in Equestria. Cyber security and IT management? In Equestria, computers are a novelty, and there is no internet. They can stay in the manor as long as they like. It should be safe when I am not here to target."

Wendy looked on the verge of tears. "Now you are asking us to choose between our daughters?!"

"You, Andrea, and Kristin are free to travel back and forth through the portal. No one is getting cut off," Sunset assured them. "Andrea and Kristin are basically out of the nest already, and Charlotte was not far behind. It was unlikely they'd have all stayed in one place."

"We can go to the government ourselves to stop this," Wendy said bitterly.

Sunset shook her head. "Wild Growth is already dispatching my report to the Pentagon and White House. In it, I detail my threat assessment of Charlotte and have given the recommendation she be moved off-world for the safety of our planet. I expect they will take my recommendation."

"And Equestria is going to be fine with her being there instead? What if they refuse?" Charles asked in a skeptical tone.

That was an excellent and very concerning question. Luna didn't have all the memories Earth's Dreamwardens had, so she might not be as hostile to Charlotte. Plus, Sunset could hopefully leverage her position as Luna's student for a good word. She couldn't imagine Twilight objecting. Celestia, Cadance, and Flurry Heart we're ones she was unsure of. The nobles were also unlikely to be cooperative, and hopefully, they didn't need to find out. Celestia would be hesitant, as she tended to take a very protectionist policy. Flurry Heart managed domestic affairs in the Crystal Empire, which possibly made her lean protectionist, but she was younger, which possibly made her more amendable. Cadance was a complete wild card.

"We'll await the reply. I have already sent off the request by the Equestrian liaison," Sunset replied.

"And what if they refuse?" Wendy pressed.

"We're awaiting their reply," Sunset repeated. "I'm pretty sure I can get Luna and Twilight on board. With them assisting, I'm confident we can convince at least one of the other three."

"Can't you just change your recommendation?" Wendy asked.

Sunset shook her head. "Look, the government and military aren't who we're worried about. If they were, I wouldn't be as final in this decision. Sure, I would still heavily lean towards it, but against them, I could at least imagine a chance. It's a hopeless endeavor to fight against who we're up against."

"So, going back to the question, what if Equestria refuses to take her?" Charles asked.

Sunset bit her lip. "Then I have to do a transformation spell. It's illegal, so I'll be arrested, but that would be the last option. I'd do it if that were what it took to save your daughter."

It looked like Wendy was about to go off and say something she would regret, so Sunset cut her off.

"I know it is not ideal, but it is better than her ending up dead or responsible for destabilizing reality. Do you want her death on your conscience or the deaths of who knows how many on hers? She and I are similar enough that I can tell you what she'd say."

Wendy deflated. "That's not fair."

"Nothing in life is fair," Sunset snapped. "The universe doesn't care about fairness. It doesn't care about timing. There is no plan. I literally just put my sister in the ground and haven't had time to finish mourning, and I'm immediately hit with this shit. The universe doesn't care about anything. Stuff happens, you have to figure out how you'll respond to it, and you do your best to take the right actions. It isn't comforting, but that's the truth. I'm doing everything I can to help Charlotte. You might not like the options, but I'm not doing these things because I want to make you or her or anyone else miserable. Take a breather, try to calm down, and we'll talk about this later."

The chapel door opened, and Kristin walked in. "Sorry for interrupting everyone having a meltdown, or at least, I assume that's what's going on here, but your favorite pony from Equestria just showed up."

Sunset's ears perked. "Starlight is here?"

"Um…no, I was being sarcastic; sorry that didn't come across. Your least favorite pony from Equestria is here."

Sunset quickly took in Kristin's gait, eyes, and demeanor. "Are you drunk?"

"As my other self would say, I plead the fifth."

"Amicus wouldn't— never mind. It's not my problem, and it's a good day to get drunk anyway. If only we all had the luxury of getting drunk. Let me go deal with that pink unicorn," Sunset said as she got up and marched to the chapel door.

As she was leaving, she heard Wendy and Charles fussing at Kristin for being drunk. Honestly, she didn't care. It had been a day from hell, and there had been alcohol available. Kristin wasn't responsible for anyone but herself, so she was welcome to drown her sorrows if she wanted to. Unfortunately, Sunset had a responsibility to everyone on the property, the city of Denver, and the whole damn world. Hell, those damn radicals were in the range of fire if things went badly with Charlotte, so she supposed she was fighting for their lives too. Things happened, and all you could do was try your best to do the right thing.

Heavenly Father, forgive me.

Andrea sat in the kitchen, picking over a salad, but she had no appetite. She'd been told she wasn't allowed in the latest meeting. That was just as well. She didn't want to see Luster Dawn, the pony who had botched Andrea's transformation on an epic level because the Equestrian thought leaving Sunset's necklace on Andrea through the spell was somehow a good idea. That's what people get for trying to be clever.

Her centaur form didn't bother her in and of itself. She'd be perfectly happy with it if it were something she was allowed to go out in public with and not cause a stir. She knew on some level that her comfort with her form was an inherent part of the spell, but she didn't care. What she cared about was feeling trapped, hiding who she was from the world. Luster Dawn had made the earrings, too, to try to fix and make up for her mistake, but the earrings were like a prison Andrea carried around with her.

And it is unlikely Equestria will be any better. Didn't they have some evil centaur? They'd think about that every time they saw me. Mix that with me having an Earth crystal pony form— and the magic absorption that comes with that, and it becomes easy to get the wrong idea about me. No freedom on Earth, no freedom on Equestria.

Perhaps she was being too pessimistic. It could be better than Earth. From what she'd heard, most Equestrians didn't know much about Earth. Earth was a mysterious place with strange customs and people. If, while in centaur form, she told the average Equestrian that she was from Earth, they'd probably accept it at face value that Earth had a small population of odd-looking crystal centaurs. Their planet had lots of sentient creature types; they were predisposed to think of that as the norm and assume the same about Earth— at least the average Equestrian was.

Why had I never considered just trying to bluff that I was some weird creature from Equestria? It worked both ways. Ponies are the most common travelers from Equestria, but there are occasional tourists, students, and diplomats from other creature types. Sure, they get stared at, but people accept it. Most Earthlings had heard the story about an evil centaur in Equestria, so it wasn't such a far-fetched idea. Too late to consider that now.

Her train of thought was interrupted as two mares and a half-grown filly came into the kitchen; the filly was crying. She recognized one of the mares from earlier, Lántiān. The other mare was clearly one of Phobia's and had heavily tattooed wings depicting various military themes. The filly had been one of the first to talk to Empathy.

Lántiān and the other mare stopped to look at Andrea as they came into the kitchen, apparently not expecting it to be occupied. The filly was too distraught to pay her any attention. After a brief pause, seemingly deciding not to worry about Andrea, Lántiān refocused on the filly.

"Take a seat, Madison, and don't worry about Andrea. She won't bother you. She's having a bad day too. She got shot," Lántiān calmly said, directing the filly towards the table.

Madison reluctantly took a seat and, still sniffling, wiped her eyes with one of her wings. Lántiān then went to the freezer and began searching in it as the other mare took a seat next to the filly and rubbed her back with a wing.

"What's up with her?" Andrea asked.

"My sister is a bitch," the tattooed mare said gruffly.

"Charlotte!" Lántiān snapped.

"For the thousandth time; call me Martinez!" the tattooed mare snapped back. "And are you disputing the bitchiness of my sister?"

Lántiān scowled as she pulled out a tub of ice cream and held it under a wing. "No, but you should not say disrespectful things about her mother in front of her or cuss in front of a filly."

Charlotte or Martinez, or whatever her name was, continued to show she must have been raised in a barn by spitting on the floor, causing Lántiān to deepen her scowl of disapproval.

"I'm sure a filly her age has heard worse language and used it," Martinez said as if it were a statement of fact. "I wouldn't doubt Arachne has used worse language towards her."

That made Madison start crying again, and the filly covered her face with both her wings.

Lántiān walked over to the table and set the ice cream down in front of Madison and then looked at Martinez, then at the floor where the glob of spit was, and then back at Martinez.

Martinez actually cringed then got out of her seat. "Let me find something to clean that up before Grandma finds out I spit on her floor."

"You do that," Lántiān said with a nod and took a seat next to the filly, wrapping her wing around her.

Madison sniffled and uncovered her face. "Mom did say worse."

Lántiān sighed and looked at Andrea. "Her mother was harshly berating her. I didn't hear the details, but I saw the result. I never had the calmest relationship with either my biological or adopted mother, but our arguments were not so lopsided. This was bullying."

"Call it what it was; it was emotional abuse," Martinez snarled as she wiped up the spit. "And didn't you and Grandma literally sock each other in the face when you were a teen?"

"We did…" Lántiān said with a hint of shame. "However, I would say our blows were about equal, so you can't call it lopsided. That didn't make it right, but it wasn't an adult screaming at a helpless foal who cannot stand up for herself."

Andrea kept her face straight. The idea of anyone striking Sunset Blessing and getting away with it was about as foreign to her as it could get. Plus, Sunset was usually surprisingly good with kids, just like Charlotte, and it was hard to imagine her striking a filly. They must have had a very rocky relationship. No wonder Lántiān was the one foal of Sunset's that it took a funeral to get to a visit from.

Madison seemed to have calmed down some as she wiped her again. "It's okay. I messed up. I didn't do a good job. I should have done better."

"Better at what?" Andrea asked.

The filly bit her lip and didn't reply.

"I already asked her and didn't get a response either," Lántiān said with a shake of my head. "My best guess was Arachne ordered her to get information from your elephant friend. I asked her if that was what it was, but no confirmation. I doubt Madison will open up about it."

Andrea grunted. "Arachne was in here, asking questions. She dropped a bombshell bit of information about Charlotte while she was here."

Martinez's head shot up, and her ears flattened. "What'd she say about me?"

"Other Charlotte, my sister," Andrea clarified.

"Oh, that's better. Thought I was going to have yet another reason to kick Arachne's flank," Martinez said as she got up and tossed the rag she had been using in the sink. "Is she really some alternate version of Grandma? She seems a little… I don't know, bratty."

"She and Sunset share the same history until they were six years old, then it diverges, but technically they are the same person. She obviously hasn't had any kids, so she isn't your grandmother," Andrea answered. She had to go over this stuff with Andri's family, and she expected every extended family member was going to question them about it.

Martinez chuckled. "Close enough to her. Guess that makes you the younger great-aunt I never knew I had. I never really knew Great-Aunt Andrea. Think I met her like one or two times when I was a filly."

"Don't call me great-aunt. I'm younger than you," Andrea said as she watched Madison start eating ice cream and noticed the flavor, mint chocolate chip. "By the way, that's Charlotte's ice cream."

Lántiān raised an eyebrow. "Really? I assumed it was Ma'am's. It is her favorite flavor. It can be replaced; the filly deserves a treat."

She watched the filly eat and couldn't tell how much or how little she liked the flavor. Madison seemed almost robotic in how she took spoonfuls.

"So, you and Arachne are twins?" Andrea asked Martinez. "You seem very different from one another."

Martinez sighed. "Yeah, we're pretty different but similar in many ways. We both dealt with the same pressures growing up. It's rough, living in the shadow of so many famous and influential ponies. Everyone always wants to talk about our mother, aunt, or grandmother when talking about us— always with the comparisons, always failing to live up to them. Me, I joined the army so I could get away from it all. Arachne went in another direction. She started to get like this when we were teens and has only gotten worse over time."

"Anything, in particular, happen to make her so…you know?" Andrea asked.

Martinez frowned. "When we were fillies, we constantly trained on how to fight so we could defend ourselves. We trained daily from a young age, and we got good, really good, good enough that either of us could take down any of Mom's bodyguards like they were nothing, or even several of them in a single fight. We developed a sense of pride in it. It was something we were good at that ponies couldn't compare with our mom or the others. I still do. I did a long stint in the Army Special Forces due to my fighting prowess before eventually semi-retiring to be a combat instructor. Arachne might not look like it these days, but she's still one of the most dangerous hoof-to-hoof fighters alive, even if she doesn't demonstrate it or mention it anymore. She's just as good as me, possibly better."

"I'd never guess it. She looks too prissy for that, like your mom," Andrea confessed.

"Don't let her makeup and dresses fool you. She can kill you with her bare hooves before you know what is happening," Martinez said with a frown. "Anyway, one day, Arachne finally overcame the one bodyguard we never were able to beat, Tempest Shadow. Tempest was our trainer, and she was Mom's personal bodyguard for years before finally retiring just a few years ago. She's about as good as it gets, but she made an error in judgment after Arachne beat her. She decided Arachne needed to be humbled. She underestimated Arachne's pride."

Madison spoke up at last, apparently never hearing much about her mother's foalhood. "What did she do to Mom?"

Charlotte snorted. "Wild Growth was visiting that day, and she agreed when Tempest asked her to participate in the exercise. Tempest ordered Arachne to knock down Wild Growth however she could, no holding back. Arachne expected she'd need a stronger blow to knock down our aunt— after all, she's Wild Growth. So she did a full-on dive bomb to hit Wild Growth with a blow that would have killed anyone else. Arachne knew it wouldn't kill our aunt, she's too tough, but she thought it would stagger her and throw her off balance enough to be knocked over. Wild Growth didn't even attempt to dodge or brace for the blow. After it connected, there was a cracking sound. Wild Growth continued to stand there like nothing had happened, and Arachne was writhing in pain after fracturing her hoof on Wild's face."

Andrea whistled. "That's humbling."

Martinez nodded sadly. "It was more than that; it was humiliating. The injury was easy enough for our brother and the unicorn medic to patch-up, but the damage to her pride was far worse. It told Arachne that our special thing was basically nothing compared to those ponies we lived in the shadow of. Arachne thought she was at least this great fighter, and she is one of the greatest, but Arachne got it in her head that she wasn't good enough because her skills didn't matter compared to the capabilities of the big three. It was another thing where she didn't measure up. It infuriated her, and she started trying to find new ways of crafting her own legacy. It became an obsession."

"That was mean of them to do to my mom," Madison asserted, ears flattened.

Martinez hung her head. "As someone now in charge of training recruits, I understand Tempest's mindset better. Tempest was never a gentle teacher. She cared about us, but that only made her harder on us. She didn't want anyone ever to be able to harm us, so she trained us to be the best. She didn't want us to get too prideful and think no one could defeat us. That could lead to us throwing ourselves into a situation when the best thing to do would be to run away, but she made an error in judgment humiliating Arachne like that."

Andrea sat and thought about it. She wasn't unfamiliar with living in someone else's shadow. She'd spent half of her life living side-by-side with a different version of herself, who had a history and many accomplishments. However, Andri's shadow paled compared to those spread by those big three, and Charlotte sat right in the middle of one of those shadows. Maybe that was why Charlotte denied how similar she was to her other self. It was an attempt to get out of the shadow, to not need to be compared and found wanting.

She looked at Madison. What about those who didn't care about the accomplishments of others and only wanted to be loved? Would Madison grow up bitter and resentful? There was an unforeseen cost to legendary greatness, some cruel reverse karma, a poison that infected those who followed after, which could impact multiple generations.

Her resolve about following her little sister to Equestria wavered as she considered she was putting herself in Charlotte's shadow, but then she hardened her resolve. She'd go to Equestria with her sister. She might find herself spending her life in her little sister's shadow, but she would not let that poison her feelings.