For lack of a better solution
“To say that the ponies of Equestria were superstitious would be something of an understatement.
In the magical land of Equestria there exist magical creatures that can turn one to stone with a single glance. There exist flowers which inflict upon any soul unfortunate enough to brush against them an ironic ailment tailored specifically to the victim. There exist actual giant bugs which can impersonate your loved ones and steal your emotions.
Then there’s Pinkie Pie, who defies any and all explanation.
It could be argued that the mundane was more unusual than anything which deemed itself fit to invade the lives of Equestria’s citizenry. As such, the suspicion ponies held regarding seemingly dreary events seemed quite fitting at times.
It could be said that strange occurrences were so frequent, particularly in the town of Ponyville, that it was almost unnecessary to regard the strange and arcane with anything aside from mild annoyance. “It must be Tuesday” became somewhat commonly uttered sentiment when such instances did occur, likely in reference to the frequency with which climactic events occurred, as well as the certainty with which any danger would pass within the afternoon.
And so it was that, somewhat understandably, when the general population became aware that the 22nd day of the 2nd month of the 2022nd year would fall upon a Tuesday, a general consensus had formed that something momentous would occur on that fateful day.
Of course, theories varied wildly as to what precisely would occur. Would the divine Faust return from the beyond and usher in a new age of providence? Would Equestria’s greatest villains escape their eternal prison and rend forth untold destruction across the land? Or would the “humans,” who some ponies believed to be the ancient progenitor species of intelligent life, return from the outer reaches of the cosmos to aid in the ascension of ponykind to their place among the stars?
In preparation for the date in question, a sort of fervor had overtaken Equestria. Canned foods were hoarded, vacation days were taken, commemorative hats and t-shirts were sold. Truly, it was the end of days.
Indeed, this was no ordinary Tuesday. This was a most foul day, one for certain cursed to forever live in infamy within the annals of history. This was:
The Tuesday.”
“And that’s all it says.” finished Sunny Starscout, setting the ancient book down on her desk.
Hitch raised an eyebrow. “That’s it? It sounds kinda ambiguous.”
“Most writing from this time period is like that, just vague ramblings about the end of the world, but very little concrete information about what exactly happened.” Sunny flipped around the last few pages of the book once more, giving the tome a once over. “There is one thing written on the last page, but it doesn’t really help much,” Sunny said with a pout.
Hitch peeked over his friend’s shoulder to get a glance at the book, reading aloud, “’Goddammit Lyra.’” He shook his head. “What the heck is a Lyra?”
A long time ago...
Bonbon was tired. She hadn’t gotten a decent night’s rest in over a week, and she was fairly certain that Lyra hadn’t slept at all in that time. Nonstop for the last week or so Lyra had become enraptured with Tuesday Truth Theory, and had been proofing their home against virtually any threat she could imagine. The basement had been cleaned out entirely and converted into a bunker, complete with top-of-the-line telecommunications systems, military-grade magic-resistant armor reinforcement, and 8 years worth of canned goods.
She had also installed a satellite dish on their home to monitor deep-space radio waves, taken an accelerated 2 day course in dynamic physioarcana and mana theory, and drank enough coffee to taste God.
It was at last the night of the 21st, and Bonbon was seriously considering taking Lyra to the hospital. The two of them were currently out on the rooftop balcony Lyra had built that morning, Bonbon was sitting in a monobloc chair while Lyra frantically alternated between looking through her telescope, monitoring a seismograph, waving a funny looking device around that made a whirring noise, and drinking more coffee.
The mint green unicorn looked as out of sorts as anypony ever could, to a point which would be considered comical in certain situations, but to Bonbon was only concerning. Lyra currently donned a full, bright orange hazmat suit with a tinfoil hat covering hear head. She was wearing a number of different charms and talismans made of bone, feather, gold, silver, and various other equally disturbing and valuable materials. She had a utility belt of sorts packed with garlic, nightshade, stakes, a crossbow, various powders and tonics, holy water, a grappling hook and a blowtorch.
Lyra stopped suddenly, turned to Bonbon and passed her a small bottle which seemed to be filled with pony teeth.
“Do not lose this,” Lyra told her with all the seriousness of a doctor performing open heart surgery. She then spun back around and went directly back to staring at the sky.
Bonbon cautiously set the bottle down and glanced at her watch. 11:55 PM. If anything was going to happen it ought to happen already and maybe she could get on with her life. Across the street she could hear other ponies partying and celebrating The Tuesday. While plenty of ponies had some sort of crackpot theory about what would happen tomorrow, most of them assumed that it would be resolved by Princess Twilight in about 11 minutes, and would have little or no lasting effect.
Lyra however…
“Argh! This is driving me crazy! That’s it, I’m calling the executives.” Lyra hopped up and shouted loudly, “To the kitchen!”
Bonbon followed, at this point more out of curiosity than anything else. When she entered the kitchen she began to watch unimpressed as Lyra slowly approached the giant ominous beacon that floated in front of their refrigerator. It resembled a large orange diamond with golden filigree snaking around the angles like intricate metalwork. Below where it hovered a circle of purple flame whirled in a circle (on the hardwood floors mind you) flickering occasionally.
Bonbon had passed by the beacon every time she opened the fridge for the past few days and hadn’t thought much of it, but Lyra seemed pretty focused on it for whatever reason.
Lyra swiped the salt shaker from the table and quickly drew a large circle around the flames. She then pulled a black book from her bag and flipped it open.
“L’GRTHK, MOHR PLHK’KA! HRFAN, CKUHT, KRYUPH’PA!”* Lyra’s voice grew deeper and more distorted the more she read. With the final word she slammed the book shut, somehow turning off the lights in the kitchen and the beacon froze, floating dead still in the air.
The beacon lit up and projected a display showing a bunch of bored looking men in suits gathered around a bland board room. One of them was loudly presenting something to the rest of them.
“Then we give Sunny this rival who’s jet black with a red mane right? She drives a motorcycle and was actually created in a lab to be the ultimate life form. We’ll call her: Shady Moonscout.”
“Hey! You!” Lyra shouted at the screen.
Everyone in the room turned to look at Lyra.
“Oh shit, it’s the talent. Wait, is this one important? Do we have one that wears a fume hood?”
“It’s Lyra!” shouted Lyra.
“The fans like her sir, but since the show is over I would say it doesn’t matter.”
“If the show is over then why is she here? Can we hang up on her?”
Lyra froze. “What do you mean over?”
“You had the big finale! Good guys, bad guys and explosions as far as the eye can see! Even a big time-skip to wrap things up. You’re done.”
“Come to think of it, did we remember to cut the power over there? No reason to keep the lights on if we’re not filming.” He picked up a phone. “Tell Joey to cut the pony power. No we don’t need it, not yet. We’re working on something but we can just get it back on in a year.” he then hung up the phone.
Suddenly the screen shut off. Also all the lights in their home shut off. The floating beacon fell to the floor with a thud and Bonbon though about how all the food in the fridge would surely end up going bad.
Lyra tried to cast a light spell from her horn but suddenly found herself unable to. She then slowly became aware of how badly she had messed up.
She could her ponies yelling from outside now, it sounded like everypony was having the same problem. Lyra looked at Bonbon with a goofy grin.
“Before you say anything, let’s wait 11 minutes and see if this gets fixed.”
*translation: I demand to speak to the manager
Author's Note
I wanted to post it on 2/22/22 at 22:22 so here it is.
