Dreamwalker's Tale: An Anthology

I am not a bad person, I told myself for the umpteenth time.

I stared into a vast and empty expanse, tortured merely by being alone with myself. Nothing to distract me from intrusive thoughts. And all of them were intrusive. It was not wrong to desire. To want peace and quiet and happiness. Nothing was wrong with wanting a proper life. With the perceived need to fit in and have friends and be normal for once.

What even was normalcy?

Surely it was normal to have an irascible streak. Everypony got angry at some point, right? The fabled, serene monks, always in balance with the cosmos and themselves, centered and truly unflappable, those were mere fabrications of Ogres & Oubliettes, wishful thinking of some game designer. Right?

It was normal to be envious. More so the less one had, I assumed. Just seeing how much others had. And how little they valued it. How they squandered opportunities. How they mistreated all they had. Property, relationships, their environment. Without batting an eye. Without thinking twice.

It was normal to yearn for company. Few creatures, I imagined, were truly built to be lone wolves. Which in itself was such a stupid expression, was it not? Lone wolves. Wolves were highly social creatures, were they not? They formed packs with intricate social behavior and hierarchies. Bears fit the bill way better. Maybe ‘lone bear’ did not have the required ring to it.

Another creature’s touch. It was such a small thing. A gentle hoof cupping my cheek. The brush of somepony’s coat on my skin. A hug. Just thinking about it threatened to choke me as my throat grew tighter. It was ridiculous. Laughable. How my eyes teared up thinking about a hug. Not to speak of anything more than that. What about a kiss? What about cuddling? What about plain old, ordinary vanilla sex? It was an escalation, sure. More and more and more and I tried hard not to be greedy. I had to try hard.

It was normal to be greedy, right? Life was difficult. Rarely fair. It often seemed to enjoy kicking those already on the ground. It could be downright brutal at times. Cruel, for sure. It had a wicked sense of pitch black humor. And if one got beaten down… we were supposed to stand back up again, weren’t we? To get another hit. To just take it. Tank it. One beating after another. Life must really enjoy that. There were good things sprinkled in there. Seeing a loved one smile with untainted happiness. Actively enjoying a nice day. Or even a singular moment — the scent a gust of wind carried. A light breeze rustling my hair. The feeling of sun on my skin.

And of course I shuddered. It was cold here. Cold and dark and empty. And I held that sob back.

It was normal to be greedy. Life gave so little, it seemed. It gave much in terms of opportunities, but always with drawbacks, always with the lingering threat of more violence. Care to win the lottery? Something unspoiled? Something truly good? That was rare. So it was normal to want that. To want to have more of that.

Life was like a drug dealer. Regular life was such a miserable experience that we yearned for that next kick. Everything to make us forget our own misery and how awful the world we live in could be. We put on our blinders and marched forward, following predetermined lines to a tee. Deviation was discouraged. Step out of line and life would beat you down again. Stay in line and a dull numbness would slowly eat away the time on your clock. The barrier between days slowly whittled down until Mondays and Tuesdays were indiscernible without consulting a calendar. Until weeks blended together and months passed by uneventfully and life slowly trickled away. What have you done in the last week? Month? Decade? Does any of it matter?

But we always had the next kick. The next morsel, a tiny crumb of luck, of joy, of happiness, a truly lived moment, something pure and good and no rat’s tail in sight. It was normal to want that. To want more of that.

I looked on. I watched. Followed his path. Gently nudged him when necessary. Gave him a hearty shove if he was being difficult again. This is for your own good, you ungrateful numbskull! I guided him to the best of my ability. Life demanded sacrifice. It demanded that we struggled and strived. That we earned those moments of happiness.

So I made him struggle. With himself. It was a relatively safe way to make things work out. It provided enough conflict for life to pass over him without batting an eye. It provided enough conflict in his life to earn these tiny morsels in spades. It almost felt like cheating. As if we had cracked some mysterious code and suddenly, life became… well, not easy. Just easier.

He went to bed. I swallowed hard and tried to calm my nerves. It would not do for me to get undone now of all times. I had to pull through.

His head hit the pillow. A faint smile graced his lips. He had a good day. And as everything calmed down and the day came to an end, he reminisced about that. And he was grateful. A good character trait. He closed his eyes. The faintest glow surrounded his horn as his magic slightly altered the course of his consciousness. He was ready and willing to join Luna on the dreamscape for another night of dreamwalking. They would work hard to patrol the realm, to keep everypony safe. No, not just everypony. Every dreamer.

I took a deep breath. Exhaled slowly. Ignored my frazzled nerves. And rerouted him.

Directly. To. Me.

The moment he arrived, he summoned his armor and weaponry. “What? What is this place? Where am I?” He looked around and — for the most part — saw nothing. Literal nothing. The void was not exactly a welcoming place. And it deserved its name.

Then he spotted me.

It hurt a little. Just a tiny twinge as his eyes grew wide… in fear. And he recoiled. Retreated half a step, then another. “You…” he uttered breathlessly. “Stay away from me!” he tried to demand. It did not sound like a proper demand. A plea, at best. Begging, at worst. He flailed his sword vaguely in my direction. It was supposed to be threatening. To keep me at bay. Even though I did not advance on him at all. But all it truly did was make both of us aware of how his weapon of choice flickered in and out of existence and occasionally vanished entirely.

This was the dreamscape. The void was part of it. Therefore, willpower meant everything in here. And faced with me, his concentration was… lacking.

I could not fault him for that. There was an echo in his mind. I had never managed to scrape it off. We rarely encountered each other. Even given his numerous cycles. But I was always there, at the end. It was to be expected that seeing me, he subconsciously associated this with the end.

It was hard not to feel for him. And it was not just pity I felt either. I was his god, was I not? The fact that he did not know that meant nothing. The sheer vastness of my power over his life was staggering. My will could become reality. I guided him on each and every step of his path. I was the beginning and the end.

And I was so, so miserable.

He was allowed to laugh. He was embarrassed when he danced with his love, but he still did it. For her sake. He joked around with his friends. He lazily rolled from one side onto the other when he shared a couch with Twilight. He tasted Spike's incredible cooking. He fell asleep with the scent of home in his nose, his mind addled from sheer contentment.

He was grateful, of course. A good character trait.

But it was normal to be envious. And greedy. And irascible. And many other things.

I am not a bad person, I told myself as I left him behind, trapped in this awful place like I had been.

Maybe one day, if I kept telling that to myself, I would even start believing it…

I woke up with a gasp.

The moment I did, she was right there with me. “Are you alright? Did you have a bad dream? Did something happen on your patrol?”

Sensory overload. Everything seemed to be loud for a brief moment — the sounds, the colors, everything. I could taste my own morning breath and it was slightly disgusting. I felt cold sweat mar my coat. My hooves tingled. I felt my ears splay flat against my skull. My disheveled mane clung to my long neck. My eyes scanned the room. Our bedroom in Canterlot Castle. Twilight's bed in her old room. She had joked about how tight we would have to pack ourselves in there to sleep. And how cozy that had been!

She was inches away from me. Looked at me with all the care in the world. With sincere worry about my well-being. I would have had a bad conscience were it not for the intoxicating scent of her body. My eyelids fluttered shut as my nostrils flared, as I greedily sucked in the air. I was vaguely aware that she had asked me… stuff. And that she probably still waited for answers.

Instead of giving any, I leaned forward.

“Careful with the horn,” she asked with a hint of amusement in her voice.

I felt the corners of my mouth curl upwards as I tilted my head slightly off to the side. And I brushed my cheek along her neck. Placed a kiss on it. I was allowed to do that. I nipped her skin in a playful urge. And hearing her faint giggle was a delight, a blessing, a morsel of pure joy.

“Well somepony is in a good mood!” she murmured as she relaxed and leaned in as well. She rested her head on my shoulder. Such a simple gesture. But I cherished it. She leaned on me. Relied on me. Trusted me.

“I love you, peanut,” I said. From the bottom of my heart. I had watched her for so long. Seen her from afar, seen her happy and sad, angry and dismayed, I had seen her stumble and grow. I had seen it all and seen them all. And I had fallen in love with all of them. Somehow. It was baffling, was it not? But she, she stuck out, even amongst all the others. She was the center of it all. The crown jewel. The one I gravitated towards, always.

I heard her sigh. “I love you too.”

My heart skipped a beat or three. The floodgate-noise of my blood rushing in my ears slowly died down to a more bearable level, my senses settled and I could appreciate my surroundings even more. Her room was that of a textbook example nerd. I loved it here.

She giggled again. “You need a shower,” she mumbled into my coat.

I closed my eyes and focused entirely on that feeling. On her touch. I reveled in it. I could do this all day, I was sure. But I had noticed the stale air as well. It was used up from being a small room with two ponies sleeping in it, it even faintly smelled of sex from last evening.

Ah. That explains the soreness as well. I blinked briefly and chuckled. To cover it up, I actually answered her. “So do you.”

I regretted my words immediately as she withdrew from me. She looked me in the eyes and pouted. Pointedly. To get the message across. And she looked adorable.

I smiled sheepishly. “Sorry?”

A glint of amusement danced in her eyes as she shook her head, but then… then something changed. She stopped dead in her tracks, her brow furrowed and she looked at me. Really looked at me. The kind of gaze that made one feel strangely naked. “Are you sure you are alright?”

I tried not to swallow. Tried not to panic. Tried to remain calm and relaxed and suave, even though ‘suave’ was nothing he had ever been capable of, and neither was I. I shot her a wry smile and nodded. “I’m fine,” I replied in an echo of a memory. It was something he said a lot. Like, all the time. Especially when he was not fine. But the point was: It was familiar. Deeply ingrained in both their heads. “But you’re right,” I quickly shoved after. “I should take a shower.”

It was still early. The sun was barely up, but… well, the sun was up. It was certainly not what I wanted to do. I wanted to stay here and cuddle with her, maybe fall asleep again, doze off for an hour or so, start the day together, have breakfast together.

The only reason we were in Canterlot to begin with was to look after Celestia. Stardust was almost ten months old and Luna was currently still quite busy being a newly crowned mother, she could not care for her sister as much as she would have liked. And Sunny was in her last stages as well. Aurora could be born any day now.

The thought of that filled me with such pride and love, a potent cocktail. Accompanied by a surge of arousal — Sunny had become huge and for some reason, that really was such a turn-on for me. And she had become insatiable as her pregnancy progressed…

I shook my head, shot Twilight an apologetic smile and got out of bed. “Rest if you can,” I told her. “Once I’m done in the bathroom, I’m going to ask the kitchen staff for breakfast and we can see how Sunny is faring afterwards. Alright?”

She nodded. I leaned in and stole a kiss from her. Just a quick one. I wanted it to be longer. I so desperately wanted it to be longer, more intense, more of everything and anything, just more. But I restrained myself. There would be hundreds, if not thousands more. If I played my cards right. If I remained in control of myself.

I stared at her for a moment, a goofy smile plastered on my face, before I finally turned around with a happy sigh and made my way to the bathroom. Once inside, I stepped into the tub, turned the shower on and—

—quickly clasped a hoof over my mouth as I almost yelped. The initial water was a lot colder than I had anticipated. It quickly warmed up to lukewarm temperature, sure, but still. Now I was fully awake, at least.

And the shower felt heavenly. I once more closed my eyes and felt it. The myriads of droplets pelting my coat. The noise of the falling water. The drops splashing onto the ground like a liquid bombardment. I felt the weight of my soaked mane. I giggled because to me, it was funny how my soaked tail clung to my leg. I even tried to dislodge it and kicked back a couple of times, but my tail was stubborn. I grabbed the bar of soap and sighed in sheer admiration as I felt the pleasant tingling on the center of my forehead. Weaving magic was so easy, so natural.

I rinsed myself off and stayed in the shower three times longer than had been necessary. Just for the sheer joy of it. I knew I had to be careful. I had to maintain a certain image. Acting goofy for one day, that might have been alright. But I had to dial it down a notch to stay on the safe side of things.

And it certainly was not helping that I could feel his despair. There were no bars he could rattle on. The void offered literally nothing. But the connection was still there, of course. He was the best of me. Part of me. To a certain extent, he was me. A better version of me, maybe. I did not wish any harm upon him. Ever. And it hurt to feel his confusion and desperation.

I violently shook my head. The shower had lost its splendor, somehow. I switched the water off and grabbed a towel. The bathroom offered a brush as well. And while brushing myself felt really nice, I had plenty of memories of my loved ones brushing me and that felt even nicer. By a mile.

Patience. We’ll get there in time, I told myself. That would be an issue, I could already tell. Greed and patience did not mix well. Like water and oil. Maybe I need milk…? And that was the point where the analogy fell apart.

I exited the bathroom and was surprised to almost literally walk into Luna. Although I still enjoyed seeing her. “Oh, hey! You’re still up?” I asked and smiled from ear to ear. She was so incredibly pretty. Even with her coat slightly ruffled and those bags under her eyes, she was just a marvel.

My admiration quickly soured as she shot me a strange glance. Then the dreaded revelation hit me: She knows.

And another thing hit me at that very moment — her energy blast.

I regained consciousness with a groan. Even before my eyes adjusted, I could already tell how dire the situation had turned. Because my groan echoed in a very specific way. Hollow. As if I stood in an enormous room. And as expected, I saw… nothing.

I was back.

“No… no, no, no, no, no!” I did not so much panic as I just… despaired. I grabbed my hair and goodness me, I would have loved to rip it out. I lacked the physical strength to do so. And maybe that was for the better. Or maybe not, as I resigned to an alternate way of expressing my dismay. I scratched myself. And if I were to put a little bit more pressure in, I would draw blood. Maybe that would be for the best. Maybe that would help somehow. It would certainly distract me from my misery, would it not?

Then I suddenly felt their presence.

They were on the outer rim. Somehow. The void was not a place as such, not a space as such, had no physical limitations as such. But they were right outside. And then they entered. I knew. I could feel them. Twilight and Luna. They were here. Both of them.

And it terrified me.

I heard echoes of their voices. The void carried just enough over to me to make me understand. Because while not sentient as such, it did have a malicious will. It wanted me to hear this.

“He had been plagued by nightmares recently,” Luna explained with a sigh.

“More than the usual ones, I assume?” Twilight inquired.

“Yes. They were particularly vivid. He described a place like this, and a creature within that terrified him.” Terrified, Luna said. I terrified him. Well, that was not exactly news to me. But it still hurt to hear it. “I placed an alarm spell on him when he slept. It was meant to inform me in case of a mental intrusion.”

Of course you did, I groaned internally. I really wanted to grab a tuft of hair and just… pull. I flailed my limbs around, gestured in most certainly unfriendly ways towards the void, but I refrained from yelling. Because it would make them hear me. Probably.

Why?, I cried out silently. This is my story, is it not?! You were meant to obey me! You cannot just shake off control and go your merry way and do whatever you like! I am your creator! Yet as always, the void did not answer. It did not care. It was not sentient. I could throw as many temper-tantrums in here as I liked. I knew because I had done so in the past. Many, many times. A caged god, unwilling, tired of this bullshit, tired of seeing the repeating patterns of life, tired of the rampant unfairness, tired of knowing and understanding and guiding. I was so, so, so done with this, all of this, just k—

“Who are you?”

Luna's question snapped me out of it. I slowly turned around and stared at her. I wore his face as a mask. It felt strangely ill-fitting now. “Who are you?” I tried to play dumb.

Twilight seemed unsure. But Luna, oh my lovely kitten, she remained steadfast. She knew this place. To some extent, anyway. “What is your name?”

Seeing them here. Here of all places. Right before me. Mere feet away. It was too much to bear. It was such a cruel tease that it slipped right under my skin. And out came the anger. “He was happy, was he not?” I half-yelled in my defense. “He had everything! Everything!” I involuntarily started to pace in front of them. “I gave him everything! I made him who he is!”

“What is your name?” Luna asked again.

I shook my head in denia-in rage. “No! I was there! I ensured his safety! I made him stronger, but never too strong! I played the system, for his benefit! I made him endure! When he struggled to go on, I helped him up! When he failed to see the path, I guided his hoof to the right choices and around hurdles!” I stopped dead in my tracks and stared at them. Glared at them. Twilight shrunk back behind Luna, but my kitten was crafted from a different cloth. Her wings flared ever so slightly. Her legs braced on the ground. Her head ducked a little lower. Her eyes hard as steel. Ready for anything. Bring it, he seemed to dare me.

I recoiled.

I loved her. I did not wish to fight her. Now, or ever. “It is my time now!” I pleaded. “I deserve this!”

Luna remained battle-ready. “What is your name?” she asked yet again.

I shook my head. “N-No, I—… Luna, please! Kitten! Please, you know my name!” I scrambled for anything to cling to. Anything that offered a way out of this. “You get travel sickness from riding trains. You didn’t even know that until you accompanied me! Your favorite flower is the Moonshine Daisy. You love scrambled eggs for breakfast. We watch horror movies together. You feel the Elements are overrated and overused. There’s a fifty-fifty chance for you to get super-sleepy or really horny when you get preened. You swore fealty to coffee, even though it’s the vilest brew ever created.”

It became easier with every snippet. Until I shot them at staccato-speed. I knew her. I knew so much about her. But Luna merely grimaced as I started to ramble on and on, as I spewed more pieces of information, quicker and quicker. Until she raised a hoof and smashed it down onto the ground with force. There was no ground, obviously. Yet I still felt the reverberations. “What is your name?” she insisted.

In my rising panic, I frantically looked around. But as per usual, the void offered nothing. And my eyes got stuck on a bunch of mulberry feathers peeking out from behind Luna. “Peanut, please, help me out here! Come on. Honey instead of syrup on your pancakes. You love strawberries. Deep down, you’re a hopeless romantic. You had your first kiss with Cadance because you were curious and she deemed it safer than letting you try it out with anypony else. You—“

She stepped out of Luna’s shadow and I cut myself off. I stood rooted to the spot and I did not dare move a muscle out of fear that my legs would just start to jitter and eventually buckle and give up. But I had hope. Right? There was hope that she understood. That she would help me. She loved to help creatures of all kinds. Even strangers. And I was not even that.

“I do not know what is going on here,” she started and I immediately got a sinking feeling in my stomach, “but there are two things I know for sure: Stardust needs his father right now, as much as Celestia needs her husband.”

I ignored the hot streams on my cheeks as best as I could. I ignored the blurry vision and focused on her and her alone. “I can be exactly that. I can fill those roles!” Just let me. I want to.

But Twilight took a step back. Away from me. “But you do admit to not being him,” she stated. And it really was a statement. No longer was there any doubt in her mind, any question to be asked. Twilight shot Luna a look. Something got communicated between the two of them. Something along the lines of ‘I’m done here, do what you must’.

I was sure my shoulders would have sagged in defeat were it not for the tension keeping my entire body coiled like a spring. Luna took a single step towards me, her wings unfurled a bit further. There was compassion in her eyes. Empathy. Heck, maybe it was pity. Who was I to tell? “What is your name?” she asked. Not with a steel-cold voice, not with merciless hardness in her eyes. No. There was a strange softness to it that cut so much deeper than any outright assault could have.

And I was afraid.

There were no fancy words for it. My entire life had been one of fear. I cried out of fear. Thrashed in fear. Lashed out in fear. Hid in fear. Retreated from friends and family and society as a whole in fear. Secluded myself from hostile forces I called ‘life’ and ‘world’ in fear. And I ran. In a way that did not require legs. I ran until everything I was afraid of disappeared. But never did I run fast enough, or far enough.

Because I was always there.

It was ‘normal’ to be angry, yes? Well it shouldn’t be.

It was ‘normal’ to be envious, right? What was normalcy, even?

It was ‘normal’ to be greedy, surely. Because there was so much unpleasantness, and so little hope.

But I was always with me. The one thing I could never get rid of. I could never run away from. Fear had wormed its way so deep into my heart that there was no hope of ever getting it out. And it ate. It ate until nothing else was left. Until anger was just a byproduct of fear. Until greed was just an expression of fear. Until I was too tired to wake up or walk or talk or live a ‘normal’ life. Fear was everywhere. Fear was everything.

I hated myself.

I hated what I was. Where I was. Who I was.

“I am Dreamwa—“

But Luna shook her head. “What is your name?” she asked. Her voice was barely above a whisper. Maybe she could see the pain she caused. The rampant fear. Yet apparently, she still deemed it necessary to continue.

I sometimes wondered.

There were others out there. Others in pain. Others who were afraid. Or angry. Or tired. Others who refused to ignore how bad things were. I wondered how they did it. How they scraped by. Maybe even thrived, somehow. I wondered if they truly knew fear. And if maybe I was just too weak.

I should never have made it this far.

I should have been sorted out as a faulty, broken thing incapable of survival.

Why was I still here?

“Please,” I uttered in her direction. I had no idea if she could even hear me. If my throat had produced any discernible sound. But I could not bring myself to raise my voice. “Please don’t.”

I heard her hoofsteps. She came closer. I did not dare raise my head. I stared at the ground. At my hooves. My hooves, his hooves, the same really. I wished so desperately for that to be the same. “Who are you?” she asked quietly. Softly.

“I am Voidwalker,” I answered. It was a lie, of course. Not the name I was born with, but the name I chose. It seemed rather fitting, given the circumstances. And yet I made fun of Tempest Shadow for her overly dramatic and edgy choice. Was Voidwalker any better?

At the same time, a second voice emanated from my throat. “I am Dreamwalker,” he said.

And in that moment of perfect alignment, Luna lunged forward. Her horn lit brightly in cobalt blue, she grabbed him and pulled him away from me, out of me, pulled us apart. Luna and Dreamwalker tumbled to the ground somewhere off to the side.

And I felt empty inside again.

I felt the despair creep in again.

I felt the tears stream down my face as desperation became insurmountable again. And I broke. I could not hold it. I could not restrain myself forever. Not now, not with… this. My knees buckled and I collapsed to the ground. I buried my head beneath my hooves. I did not wish for them to see me like this. No one was ever supposed to see me like this.

“I shielded him every step of the way,” I hiccupped in between violent sobs. “I protected and guided him. Everything he has, he has because of me.”

It was Twilight's hoof I felt on my trembling shoulder. “And you could have been his friend. I am sure he will be grateful nonetheless, because that is just the kind of pony that he is, but you… you chose to take what is not yours.”

But it is!, I wanted to cry out. All of it! This is my story! Yet nothing escaped my throat but another strangled sob. I shook my head. “All I ever wanted was to not feel cold and alone and empty. I wanted to be happy for once. Is that too much to ask?”

Twilight did not answer. She helped Luna prop Dreamwalker up on his wobbly legs. My kitten looked over at me. “For what it is worth: I am deeply sorry.”

And they turned around. And started to walk away. Out of the void they did not belong in. And there was no doubt in my mind that it would let them leave. Just like that.

The dread came fast. I wanted to lunge for them, but could not move. I wanted to walk, but my legs refused. I would have crawled, if my body would have obeyed any command. “No! Please! Don’t leave me here! Please, show mercy! Kill me! Please!” They stopped for just a second. None of them turned around. And then they simply… vanished. And I collapsed back to the ground. “No… kill me please…”

The dreamscape knows no time. It is everlasting and fleeting like a heartbeat. One second could be a century, it did not matter.

And I had no idea how long I was here.

I did not dare a peek. I knew I could risk it. I could observe. I could guide again. Influence his life. Nudge him towards choices. Continue as before. Insert elements, build a storyline. But my heart was still bleeding so profusely. I remembered feeling my own body and not being repulsed by it. I remembered sharing a way too small bed with a loved one, waking up next to her, looking into her beautiful violet eyes. I remembered the feeling of water splashing on my back, my mane clinging to my neck. The brush smoothly gliding along my barrel.

I had no words for how much it hurt.

But I was decently sure that there was only so much pain one could endure before a mind simply… broke. Unraveled. I wondered if madness would be more bearable than this. The mad do not know that they are mad, do they?

My pondering was interrupted by a sudden appearance.

Her I had expected least of all. “Sunny?”

She smiled at me. Fondly. A smile I knew all too well, I had seen it so many, many times. “Luna told me what happened.”

I grimaced. Of course she did. Why else would she be here otherwise? I sat down, my shoulders sagged and I sighed. “I never really stood a chance, did I?” The narrative demanded that I fail. And despite their immense power, not even storytellers could hope to truly overpower or outsmart the narrative. It was not our tool. It was the other way around. Stories were eternal. They were always told, and would always be told.

I shook my head. “I never intended to hurt him. To betray or steal from him. I just… I carried the weight of this existence for far too long. And I simply cannot bear this any longer. The darkness. The cold. The emptiness. The… loneliness.”

I despised my own weakness as I teared up yet again. What a pathetic display, I chided myself. What’s this supposed to achieve? Make her throw a pity party? Sure, that’s gonna solve all your problems…

“I just wanted to be happy,” I managed to croak out.

Sunny walked over, sat down next to me and… hugged me.

A hug.

Such a stupidly simple thing.

How could one fear a hug?

And yet I trembled like a leaf.

Her legs held me tight. Strong, powerful legs. No cold regalia, just her warm alabaster coat. I could feel the muscle beneath her skin. I heard her heartbeat. I heard the rustle of feathers as she extended her wings and closed them around me like a cocoon. And I clung to her for dear life. Trembling and sobbing and wailing. Again. Until everything felt numb.

It seemed to take eternity and then some before I calmed down. And my dear beloved waited patiently. She probably even made it look elegant. Comforting with grace.

Before those thoughts could be corrupted and turn bitter, she quietly raised her voice. “Look.” And she opened her pristinely white wings. Just enough to allow me to do as she asked.

I did. And I could not believe what I saw. There was a star in the void. A single star. A tiny speck of light, twinkling away as if it belonged here. “W-What…? How?”

Sunny leaned down and nuzzled me. I swallowed another sob. “There might be hope,” she told me. “I need to go, but I promise you: I will return.”

My first instinct was to cling to her tighter. “Don’t! Don’t leave me!” I did not dare repeat my plea, the one I had hurled after Twilight and Luna in a frantic hurry. How had I ever managed to be so monstrous, to ask something like that of them? Of those I loved most? While wearing his face no less?

Sunny continued to nuzzle me. And it helped. It calmed me down. Staring at the impossible star also helped. “I will return, you have my word,” she promised. With such sincerity that there really could be no doubt about it. And I reluctantly let go. She stood up and hugged me one more time before fading away. With a smile on her lips. A genuine, warm smile. Despite everything.

I turned around and almost feared the star would have vanished along with her, but no. No, it remained.

So I sat down.

And stared at it.

And I let my mind go numb.

The dreamscape knows no time.

And I am not a bad person.