Dreamwalker's Tale: An Anthology

I looked up in unbroken, undiminished awe and enjoyed every minute. The night sky was beautiful. As it always had been. As it always would be. As beautiful as its mistress.

A light breeze passed over the crystal balcony of Twilight's castle. One balcony of a dozen or so. The only difference being their height and that this one was occupied by me. I quivered a little. It was cold out here and I really should have brought a blanket, at least. But I had not been that smart – or quick-witted – when fleeing. And now that I was lying down on my belly, the crystal floor beneath me had already accepted a portion of my body heat and I could really not be bothered to get up again and retrieve something to keep me warm.

This was not my first panic attack of course.

Over the course of the last week, I had a few of those. Some were short enough that I just froze in place and paled a little. Others, like this one, actually spurred me into action. There really were worse things than sitting on an empty balcony in the dead of night, out in the cold wind, gazing at those twinkling stars.

If Twilight or Luna were here, we could even make it romantic. Begone, sour mood, begone I say! For I have loved ones around me.

But even though I tried to lighten my own mood with my usual, unfunny brand of my humor, I had chosen poorly. It hit too close to home already. I scraped the topic I had tried to flee from in the first place. Then again, being here, alone, shivering in the cold… that was a prime opportunity, was it not? It gave me time and space to think. And I could explain all that trembling away with ‘I’m just cold’. It was the perfect cover up!

And just what had me in such a tizzy in the first place anyway?

Well. I admittedly had a good reason to panic for once. At least that was what I liked to believe. A week ago, I had drunk something I really, really shouldn’t have drunk. There had been the immediate fallout, mostly directed at our offspring for just running off, straight ahead into danger in a stupid attempt to follow up on some dusty old legend. They could have been hurt. We had decided against this endeavor and they went there anyway. After we had decided against it.

It was almost like they had a mind of their own. How pesky.

I felt myself smile. It was genuine, even though I knew some sadness creeped in eventually. Aurora had been heartbroken. And I could not bear seeing my precious little filly hurt. I had always been weak like that.

Of course there had been a second wave of fallout once their significant others arrived. They were in their thirties, they had lives and responsibilities and families, for goodness’ sake.

It took a day or two, three for those of us who were a little more on the grudgy side and actively wanted to stay mad at them a while longer. But eventually, things blew over. Grass would grow, everything would be fine. Except it wouldn’t. I had drunk that stuff. They had their epic adventure, running across Equestria… heck, running waaay beyond Equestrian borders for most of the time. All the while being chased by both Luna and Twilight. Who were very determined to stop them.

And I had drunk that stuff they had concocted.

I could feel it already. My mind started to race, my thoughts became twisted again. Soon, nothing would make sense, I would spin helplessly in circles, everything would be knots and I would want to scream in frustration.

She always had a sense for dramatic entrances. Their timing especially.

The door to the balcony opened. My gaze immediately snapped back down, my ears swiveled in that direction and stood at attention. The gap widened and without a second thought, Luna stepped onto the balcony. I noticed that blanket on her back. She had made it with Twilight when the latter had decided to study knitting or crochet or whatever it was. What little I could see of the color scheme told me it was the big one. We usually kept it around in the living room, for obvious reasons. Three or four ponies huddling together on that big sofa was just… dear Celestia, was it comfy. Pony-piles were the best.

Her eyes roamed the night sky first as she had exited the castle with her gaze turned up to the heavens. A genuine, satisfied smile told me all I needed to know about her admiration for her own work and domain. “It is quite beautiful,” I whispered.

Still, the night was quiet and she could hear me clear enough. She lowered her gaze and met mine. For a long moment, we just watched each other. Searched for intentions, searched for any signs that betrayed the state of mind of the other. She finally gave a short sigh. “I am sorry, I did not know you were out here. I will leave you to your own devices.”

I gave a little snort. “You’re awful at this,” I let her know.

She had started to turn back towards the door, but froze and turned her gaze back to me. “Excuse me?”

“Come on, kitten.” It was a pet name. One I cherished for how she tended to blush when I used it. That even darker tone in her cheeks made her more beautiful than she already was. But right now, I was somewhat somber and brooding and she… she was here to cheer me up, I presumed. “We had been in the dining hall not an hour ago,” I started to explain what needed no explanation. “It’s two stories up. In the west wing. Nopony ever uses the west wing. And you just happen to stumble out here. With the large blanket, too. You have many very endearing qualities, kitten. Subtlety… isn’t one of them.” I even managed to chuckle a little at that. She looked flustered and puffed her cheeks for a moment.

“I can be subtle!” she argued.

I smiled. “Thank you.”

Her expression softened considerably. We fell silent for a short while, each following our own thoughts around. “So… am I to return inside?” she finally asked.

I was tangled up. Still tangled up, tangled up again – it did not matter much. It was a mess. I lowered my head down to the floor, until my forehead met with the cold crystal. My horn prevented me from lying my head down completely though. Still, it was enough. The cold seeped into my mind. “Please don’t,” I mumbled and felt her watch the curious behavior I was demonstrating with mild amusement. “I need counsel.” It was the best I could do, really. Be honest about it.

I heard her hoofsteps draw closer, until she was standing right beside me. She sat down on her belly, our coats brushed and she levitated the blanket over our backs. The warmth her body radiated immediately started to battle the night’s cold for dominance over my body. I had my own favorite in that fight and leaned against her. A smile spread across my muzzle when I heard that quiet, happy sigh she voiced in reaction to that.

“I should tell you to ask your wife,” she replied belatedly.

“Hm,” I sort of half-agreed. “You probably should.”

Silence.

“You should ask your wife,” she told me. I could hear her smile playfully.

Silence.

With her close to me, I honestly did not want to talk anymore. But that was the issue. It had been the issue these last couple of days. As long as they were close by, as long as any of them was close by, everything was just dandy. And I did not want to talk about it and I did not want to think about it.

“Please,” she whispered, “we are… I am worried.” I sighed. I was pretty sure that ‘we’ was not her addressing herself with the royal ‘we’, but instead her speaking for… well, all of them. “Why are you not talking to my sister?”

“I am talking to her!” I protested weakly. I said ‘hello’, and ‘good night’, and ‘bon appetit’, and…

I could feel her look at me again. Stare at me, rather. She did not even need to say anything this time. “I… I know what she’s going to say,” I tried again. “I’m not ready to hear that. Not right now.”

That actually gave her pause, even if just for a moment. “And I am different?” she asked curiously.

“Like night and day,” I joked and chuckled at my own stupid quip. I did hear her stifle a giggle though, so everything worked out well enough.

“Very well, then,” she finally answered. “I am here for you. You seek counsel, and I shall provide. Ask.”

She really did make it sound easy, didn’t she? “You know what happened?”

“You mean…?” she replied, but I shook my head once I understood the direction.

“No. What happened an hour ago,” I corrected.

“Not exactly,” she admitted. “We had dinner. Everything appeared to be fine. You were helping Spike clean up the table and you two went to the kitchen to prepare dessert. I talked to Twilight about her latest calibrations of the teleportation stone. She started to wonder what took you two so long and excused herself. Next thing I know, she returned and looked… troubled. She told me you panicked and ran off.”

So Twilight had been the culprit. What a shame, really. I could never stay mad at her for long. “I cut myself.”

Luna nodded. “How?”

“I dunno. With a knife, duh,” I shot back needlessly defensive. “Some stupid melon slice slipped and I just… there wasn’t even that much blood.”

She remained patient and ignored my short burst of temperament. “So, why the panic attack, then?”

I took a deep breath. And exhaled slowly. “The wound immediately closed. I could see it. I don’t deal well with seeing blood. My own blood especially, for some reason. Remember that one time Pinkie accidentally pricked me with a needle and they all had a good laugh until the moment I just fainted? Because of a single drop of blood. It’s weird. I don’t have that problem with movies, you know. I love horror movies…”

“Ssshhh,” she shushed me. She leaned down and nuzzled me and it actually helped. It helped calm me down after I had not even realized how agitated I had grown. “I know. We tend to watch these movies together,” she softly whispered. Slowly, my heartbeat found its steady, normal rhythm again.

“I will never live that moment down. Or the dozens of others that fell into a similar vein,” I quietly whined.

But she ignored my attempts to change the topic. Honestly, it had not been a conscious attempt. I only noticed it myself after she refused to budge. “So the wound closed and you were reminded of your new… situation.”

After a good long while, I nodded. Took me some time to get myself sorted out to participate in our conversation again. “You know… Rainbow looks ancient these days. They all do. Heck, give it a couple more years and Scootaloo’s twins will be fully grown adults.”

“Ah,” she just said. No words of infinite wisdom. No deep, mystical understanding filtered through time. No universal truths. Just… ‘ah’. For a moment, I was not sure if I wanted to laugh or yell or cry. Or laugh extra loud while crying. Could one laugh like that? Was that even a thing?

“I was one of them,” I resumed. “I was old. And now I’m not anymore. We don’t even know the full extent of what that stuff even does. A-And, and… I mean… Royal Jelly? That’s, like, a week on hoof. Take a tour guide and you’ll be safe in the Everfree. Dragon Ember? It’s only a matter of time until we will have so much of that stuff that regulation processes will be loosened. Heck, there are businesses all over Equestria lining up and lobbying for that very thing already. Phoenix Ash? Right, hard to get, sure… but not exactly impossible. And Aqua Vitae? We know where the well is. There’s no gauntlet of deadly traps, no ancient guardian to contest, no curse to bear. Just a decrepit old well in the middle of nowhere, held together by magic that will probably protect it from collapsing for the next couple of thousands of years. Like… this entire formula takes four ingredients and due to… how things are… all of them are more or less available.”

She nodded. “That is true.”

“How are you staying so calm, then?” I almost accused her, growing agitated once more. “How are you not freaking out?! How am I supposed to just let them die…?!” Aaand we reached the moment where I inevitably broke down again. Tears spilled freely, panic gripped my heart with its steely claws, sobs shook my body. Yet despite the mess I was quickly turning into, I tried to push through. I tried to persist, tried to talk. Because if I did not finish it this time, how was I supposed to ever do it? “A-And it’s not just my friends… Applejack is like family to me! You’re supposed to help family! A-And why me, anyway? What about the thousands and thousands of ponies out there? Ponies that are way smarter than me. More deserving of this. Less terrified of it too… probably… m-maybe…” Her wing squeezed me a little bit. Just enough to let me know that she was still there. Still listening. “I’m so bucking scared, Luna.” My attempts to go on were thwarted by several hiccups and sobs, but after a while, I managed to just swallow it down for a moment longer. “This isn’t fair. This isn’t fair to anypony! Or heck, anycreature, for that matter. But we can’t just go around and hoof that stuff out like candy. Do you have any idea what would happen to this world if we did? I sure don’t. But I have a very vivid imagination. And it’s so utterly terrifying!” I had to pause again for a short while before continuing. “I asked my wife if I would regret this decision… and she said yes. Immediately.”

I really had thought I was fine with that. And I supposed I had been at that moment. But as the hours wore on and the revelations kept trickling in…

“You also asked if she would be by your side, did you not?” Luna interrupted before I got a chance to drive myself deeper into this frenzy.

So Celestia had talked to her about this. Of course she had. They were closer than they had ever been. I was somehow still surprised. “Yes?” I answered, unsure what to make of this.

Luna lowered her head again and placed it on top of mine. A familiar gesture. I liked it. It helped calm me down a little. “It is quite apparent that you already regret it. Or that you are at least conflicted. And given a chance, I know that she would be here. But you foolishly pushed her away in futile attempts to find solutions for problems you cannot hope to solve on your own.”

“Wow, harsh,” I croaked.

Her voice grew a lot softer when she answered. “You seek counsel. You do not seek comfort. If you were seeking comfort, you would have asked my sister. But you did not, so here we are.”

I always admired how steadfast she was. She knew exactly who she was. Always.

Despite my discontent, I had to admit that she was right. “I do need your advice,” I admitted meekly. “Or your opinion, or anything, really – anything that can get me out of this circle I’m running in.”

Luna hummed a little to herself, thinking about the conundrum at hoof. With her head still on top of mine, I felt the vibration. It was… nice. And made me smile.

“Now,” she started after some time had passed, “I don’t claim to know what the right thing to do in this situation is. And despite what she likes to convey to others, neither does my sister, I believe. We have two distinct issues at hoof: The ‘fairness of it all’, as you put it. And your very personal conflict with the consequences of immortality. Let us answer the latter first, as it is both the easier, and the more difficult issue.” Luna raised her head again and craned her neck so we could see into each other’s eyes. “Please do not misunderstand me as unnecessarily cruel or heartless, but… you will have to deal with that.”

I had expected that and yet, it still felt like being steamrolled. A gut punch, courtesy of Bucky McGillycuddy and Kicks McGee. Although I doubted that Applejack still had the same strength as she did back in the days. “That’s awful,” I answered, still preferring to stick to honesty.

With a sad expression in her eyes, she gave me a solemn nod. “It is,” she agreed. “And what follows will do little to help you here and now.” Nevertheless, she continued. “You will eventually learn. You will adapt in a way that is unique to you. The same way my sister and I adapted a long time ago. We all have our own ways of dealing with loss. You might be lucky, however, as Twilight has ascended not that long ago and might still search for her own way. I admit, I have not breached the topic with her yet. I will have to sometime soon though, with our friends – her friends – growing as old as they have.”

That almost gave me a heart attack. “Do you know something I don’t?” I hastily asked, almost panicking again.

“Calm down,” she insisted. “No, I do not. I-… it was a poor choice of words. Once you grow this old, ‘soon’ takes on a new meaning. I do not wish harm upon our friends and I hope they will be around for plenty more years of course. But eventually, we… we will have to face this. All of us will have to face this. But we will not have to face it alone.”

“We have each other,” I almost whispered. I leaned against her and it comforted me. I hoped for, asked for and received support. I could count on her. On them. The thought still terrified me though. The thought of losing them. I tried to imagine it. Because honestly, I couldn’t stop myself even if I had tried. Going to Applejack's funeral. Everypony would be present. Dash would be crying like she never had before, in her entire life. Give a few years, and Dash would follow the love of her life to… wherever. Fluttershy. Pinkie. Rarity.

But it would not stop there.

Eventually, our own children would grow old. Arcana, Stardust,… Aurora. Whisper and Ambrosia, the next generation would pass on as well. And after that. And after that. And after that.

Would that pain ever dull?

I was both hoping it would… and hoping it would not. It seemed so unfair if it ever would. As if their lives had been less precious. Less worthy.

“How?” I asked as my voice cracked. My question was barely audible. “How do you cope with that?”

Luna sighed and gave a little shrug. She looked up at the night sky. “I am the night, I change and yet remain. Over the centuries, I have found many ways, and lost as many. I wrote letters to my loved ones. I named stars after them. I painted them from memory. I talked to them long after they were gone. And in time, I will do so again. I will write to them again, and paint them again, and name my stars again. The night is not that different from the day, you see. Both follow a set rhythm. A celestial dance that waxes and wanes.”

For just a second, I considered asking her about Celestia's ways to deal with this. But I held my tongue. If I was going to ask that, then I would ask her directly. Everything else would feel wrong.

I gave her words some thought. And just as I expected, just as she had announced, they were not exactly helpful. Not immediately helpful anyway. I had to find my own way to cope with that. To cope with losing everypony close and dear to me, with very few exceptions. And it would be the wrong way to go about this by isolating myself from those who live considerably shorter lives. I could not just focus on Celestia, Luna, Twilight and Cadance and hope that that would be enough. Because in all likelihood, it would not.

Another deep sigh escaped my throat. While this shaped up to be a somewhat less productive conversation than I had hoped, it still helped in some way. I was warm. I was not panicking. And I was glad that she was here with me. I felt her love, and I returned it in kind.

Thoughts finally started to sort themselves away. For the time being, at least. I granted myself a few minutes to calm myself further and enjoy both the beauty above our heads as well as the beauty beside me.

“You are staring,” she remarked with an amused undertone.

“Tch, what is it with you two?” I mumbled and gave her a kiss on her neck. “I’m decidedly not staring. I am appreciating.” Her quiet giggle made me smile again. However, I followed that up with another sigh shortly after. I seemed to do that a lot this evening. “Alright. The other thing. Shoot.”

She nodded in affirmation, but remained silent for a couple of moments longer and when she finally spoke up, she did so with a tinge of uncertainty in her voice. “The legend is another beast entirely. I have talked about this extensively with my sister. A variety of options were considered. Among them the use of enchantment magic to remove all memories from all parties involved, ourselves included. But that would take time. A lot of it. And a lot of energy as well. We discussed the possibility of destroying critical clues and hints to further hamper any and all attempts to uncover the whole formula. But… it may be petty of us, but neither she nor I want to destroy what amounts to ancient relics and remnants of a past long gone that have endured despite time constantly gnawing away at them. We have discussed many possibilities indeed, but in the end, we ended up with a simple observation.”

“Destroying the well?” I ventured a guess. “Or relocating it into the caves beneath Canterlot?”

“Neither of those, no.” Luna hesitated. It was strange to see that, as hesitation was not something that came naturally to her. She took a deep breath. “We do not wish to destroy the formula.”

“So… you’re going to hide it then?” I asked. Maybe I had spoken too soon, too fast, as realization already started to dawn on me.

“No. We…” She hesitated again. “We currently do not intend to do anything about it. Nothing at all.”

That admission was not exactly something I had expected to hear. “… why?” I asked and furrowed my brow.

“First of all, whatever we could do now, we are in all likelihood able to do later on as well, if necessity arises. And whatever we would do now would have consequences. Consequences that we cannot foresee in their entirety right now. There are many great dangers in this world, and many great treasures buried and forgotten. Many corners, dark and overgrown, offering knowledge for those brave and determined enough. I do not wish to seem aloof, yet I have to say: Removing these clues, denying others the chance to search for this formula and gather its ingredients, would rob this world of ours of another wonder. While every treasure and every artifact secured in a museum or vault helps us make Equestria a safer place for our ponies to live in, it also diminishes its potential, it’s… allure.”

“There would be fewer adventures to be had,” I tried to put my own spin on it, just to see if I understood.

“Indeed,” she confirmed. “You agree with us then?”

“I…” I was honestly not sure what to say. I understood her reasoning. I even wanted to flat out agree with her. But I was… well, me. I had been a chicken half of my life. I strived for stability and security. I favored reliability. Sure, the occasional adventure was thrilling. Even more so when the one experiencing that adventure had little else of it in his day-to-day life. “I’m not sure,” I once more stuck with honesty. “I understand where you’re coming from. And I want to agree. But I’m not sure I can. Then again, I’m also not sure it matters much, to be honest. I’m new to this club – considering long-term consequences sounds more like a gig for you two. What I am sure of is this: Whatever you decide will probably be for the best. And if it isn’t, you’ll find ways to fix it. Send in the Twilight-shaped cavalry for example.”

“Does it have to be Twilight-shaped? I could use some action myself,” she shot back with a wry smile and we both had a good chuckle. “Does this ease your concerns then?”

Hm. Did it? “Well… it does help to know that you two thought about a lot of stuff already. Makes me feel like this is in good hooves. As for the other part… that will take time, I guess. I might have hoped for a wonder, but I sure didn’t expect one. But you even helped in that regard, I think. So… yeah. I guess it does.” When she leaned down again to nuzzle me, I quickly captured her lips in a brief, chaste kiss. “Thank you, kitten.” Ah, and there it was. She blushed just a little bit. Enough to darken her cheeks.

“You are welcome,” she answered after recomposing herself again. “May I be so bold to ask something in return?”

“Anything,” I replied with a quiet chuckle.

“Really now?” she immediately asked and her mischievous streak promptly flared up.

It felt like an especially bold round of truth or dare. My grin grew a little wider and I nodded. “Really.”

She hummed to herself and pondered her options. “I was about to ask you to be more careful with knives, but now, there is a whole variety of options opening up to me and I actually feel a little swamped.”

“Oh? I’m so very sorry,” I started to apologize in faux regret. “Of course I did not intend to make your life difficult. Please, you may ask one thing within reason. Does that make it any easier?”

She sported an almost devious smile now. “I can make a lot of outrageous demands sound very reasonable, you should now.” She leaned in and we kissed once more. There was a certain hunger to the way she kissed me. I considered the direction this took when she suddenly broke the kiss and instead of moving any further, she tilted her head down and brought our foreheads together. Our horns crossed and the contact sent a pleasant shiver down my spine. “As much as I would love to escalate this to utterly unreasonable heights – and depths –, I do want to ask something of you.”

I gave a quiet half-snort. “You know you can always ask me anything, Luna.”

She sighed. “Despite her efforts to put up a strong façade for all our sakes', my sister was hit by these events just as much as you were. She will not let me be there for her, stubbornly insisting that she is fine and does not need help.”

I understood. And despite the mood killer, I could not help but chuckle a little bit. “You already charged the stone, didn’t you?”

She smiled guiltily. “I was getting that blanket and the chamber was on the way anyway…”

Now I just laughed. “Cheeky mare.” I nuzzled her and drew her smell into my nostrils. A brisk midnight breeze. Cold clouds. Fresh rainfall. “I’m going to head out,” I bid my farewell and slowly stood up. I immediately regretted that action as my legs started to complain and the nightly breeze sucked all warmth from me. But I ignored it as best as I could. “We should do this more often,” I let her know.

“Helping each other through existential crises?” she asked with a lopsided smile.

“Nah. Stargazing,” I shot back.

I was already at the balcony door when I heard her speak up again, more mumbling to herself than really addressing me. “Oh. Is that what we were doing…?”

I was cold, my joints felt frozen stiff and I was exhausted on an emotional level that drained all life from my mind as well. I trudged through some nondescript hallways that, at this time of night, looked all the same. The guards did not protest as I entered Celestia's chamber.

I cautiously lifted the blanket and crawled under it, slowly making my way up to Celestia's sleeping form. Of course I inevitably woke her up. Luna had already told me that she was having a hard time. And I knew from many, many years of experience that whenever something really, truly bothered her, she tended to sleep lightly.

She stirred, but only a little to refold her wing, so that it was easier for me to hug her from behind. To this very day, it felt funny to me – me, the considerably smaller pony, being the big spoon for her.

“I missed you,” she whispered with a hoarse voice.

“I’m sorry,” I replied. “Spike lit the castle on fire, the train was running late, the conductor turned out to be the last remnant of king Sombra, he tried to take over the world train by train, had to uncover and thwart a Canterlot conspiracy to increase tea prices to ridiculous heights and finally, I had to fight through your entire guard to get here.”

I felt her stifle that giggle more than I heard it. “Sounds like a lot,” she whispered, followed by a dainty yawn. She nestled a little closer to me and gave a quiet, happy sigh. “But you are here now…”

I hugged her tight and gave her a kiss on her neck. “I am. Right where I belong.”