Dreamwalker's Tale: An Anthology

“Ugh.” I hated waking up like this. I had not bothered cracking a single eye open yet, but already knew that it was way too early. Despite my eyes being closed, the light level was just too low for the sun to be up already. We celebrated last night. The final day was over, my training was done, I never had to return to that dreaded stadium ever again. To be fair, at this point, it was not dreaded quite as much anymore. I would not go so far as to say that I had grown to like it. Not by a long shot. But I had made several friends there, so… that was good. Even if one of them was one brash, very annoying, bothersome, loud-mouthed friend. That was still fine.

It being the last day obviously did not mean that anyone was going easy on our asses. Least of all sergeant Wither Rose. Quite the contrary, actually. I felt like she had it out for me all day. I pulled through anyway, but it meant that it was ‘just another taxing day’. Which in turn cut our celebration a little shorter than I would have liked.

All in all, this was basically just a very convoluted way of saying: We celebrated from early evening to less early evening, when I started yawning and getting easily distracted. Lucky me, my friends understood.

Because of this, I was asleep early, which might have contributed to my current predicament. I could not tell and quite frankly, I did not care. I wanted to go back to sleep. So I just turned around, defiantly kept my eyes firmly shut and tried to wriggle back into sleep’s sweet embrace.

What felt like several minutes were probably only a couple of seconds. Instead of finding a sweet embrace, I just found a slight discomfort. “Ugh,” I repeated once more. “Bucking kill me…”

I’d rather not, Luna’s amused voice sounded off in my head. But she was not here with me.

What’s wrong?, Twilight asked in that tone between worry and care. But she was not here either.

Language, love, Celestia’s voice softly chided me. And yet, she was missing in my bed.

I obviously knew that I had been sleeping alone. I had gone to bed alone and I highly suspected that, if by some miracle Twilight would have crawled into bed with me, I would have noticed. Maybe not the very instant she did it, but by now, I would have noticed. Heard her breathing, which tended to soothe my worries. Felt her warmth, which made all tension melt away from my body. Smelled her mane, as I tended to twist and turn at night until I had my muzzle buried in her hair.

And just like that, I felt cold. Cold despite the blanket still keeping my body heat in. And lonely. By some weird and unexplainable miracle, I had won the hearts of not one, but two incredible mares, and yet there were still nights like these, where I was sleeping alone. And it was ‘alone’ in more than just one sense of the word. I knew of course that Celestia could not just come to Ponyville willy-nilly. The castle staff would freak out. I knew just as well why Twilight was sleeping in her own room – because we were not an item. I had promised Luna that I would at least try to keep my distance from her marefriend until someday when I felt ready to tackle the issue of being madly in love with more than one pony. That day had not come just yet.

So about that ‘unexplainable’…

I sighed. I could already feel it. Felt it the very second that thought popped up again: That would be the thought to haunt me all day.

Some days were like this. I woke up and something happened. A particular smile Twilight gave me made my heart all fluttery and I would feel the aftershock of that flutter every once in a while throughout the day. Or some off-hoof comment from Spike would make me question something, and despite having a busy day, my mind would occasionally drift back to that remark.

Some weird and unexplainable miracle. Today’s theme, apparently. Well, fine. Let’s get into it.

A miracle, by definition, was beneficial in nature, but thought to be impossible. There was no reasonable explanation for how it had happened. In fact, neither was there an unreasonable one – aside from the whole ‘divine meddling’-thing. And truth be told, I could agree with that. I did not understand why. I certainly did not understand how, even though I had been present for the events leading up to this miracle. But seeing how happy Celestia was, how happy Twilight was, even Luna, and heck, even me, it most certainly was ‘beneficial in nature’.

‘Unexplainable’, then, was just redundant. What about the ‘weird’-part? Was it weird?

Well. I suppose.

It would probably stay weird for as long as I had no answers to the ‘how’ and ‘why’. But I was certainly not about to ask. What I had was good. I liked what I had, I appreciated it. I was, by all means, maybe even a little bit too clingy with what I had. I was not about to ruin it with my usual brand of doubts.

My discomfort grew a little bit.

It was enough to finally make me give up on any and all further attempts to stay in bed. The sun had yet to rise, but I lifted the blanket off of me and climbed out of bed. I was frustrated, to say the least. But everything would be better, would feel better, after a nice, long, hot shower. Surely. Right?

A few minutes later and the water drummed against the back of my head. The heat burned any and all thoughts away. While it prickled under my coat all over my body with a slight discomfort, it was not painful per se. It was nice, in a way.

Yet as soon as I stepped out of the shower, it all felt decidedly less nice. I was radiating heat into a room that suddenly felt strangely cold, compared to the shower. And I was pretty certain that the bathroom itself had heated up considerably, compared to the hallway that lay beyond the door.

In addition to that, my circulation was protesting heavily against my choice of morning routine. My knees felt weak and there was a thumping headache growing. “Ugh, fine, you little sissy…” I stepped back into the shower and turned it on again, lowering the temperature to a degree that made me shiver, despite it still being warm water.

Once I stepped out the second time, all symptoms were gone. At least I could be satisfied with that. I dried myself off, brushed my teeth and trotted out the bathroom, down the hallway and towards the kitchen. It had been quite some time since I last had the chance to prepare breakfast for Twilight and Spike.

I took a quick detour to look into the living room and just as I had expected, the window was open and Owlicious was gone. White Tip remained on the perch however. “You awake?” I quietly asked. He turned his beak in my direction and that was all the answer I needed. “Fancy some company?” I certainly did not have to ask twice. I owed Twilight a lot – not least of all for taking care of my feathered friend while I was off to become a guard. Of course I visited regularly, but that just was not enough to sufficiently care for a pet.

White Tip silently flew across the room and took his place on my back. His claws dug a little into my coat, searching for a good position to gain enough grip. It only took us a moment before he settled and I closed the living room door again. “I hope we didn’t bother you too much yesterday? We had a little party.” He dug his claws in just a little bit, and relaxed immediately. I liked to think that it meant ‘don’t worry, it’s alright’. “I’ll be around a lot more now, I promise. Do you like that?” This time, he gave a quiet caw. “Me too.”

Back in the kitchen, I looked out the window and considered my options. I could see the sky’s blue light up. I could make a salad. It would keep fresh long enough. If I were to make scrambled eggs or anything warm, it would cool down until she actually showed up. “I mean, I could still make—“ I was talking to myself, when inspiration struck. “Uhhh! Now there’s an idea.”

I started with White Tip. It was the easiest breakfast to prepare – a bowl of seeds and grains. Next up was Spike’s breakfast, which was still easy, but took a lot more time. By now, I knew how to grind down gemstones properly. And I knew that his tongue was sensitive enough that he appreciated the occasional little culinary challenge. So I made his usual bowl of cereal and mixed it in with a little bit of sapphire, emerald and just a tiny pinch of diamond. And I decidedly did not think about what all that was worth.

“You know,” I started talking to… White Tip, sure, let’s go with that. “I’ve seen these stupid posters in Canterlot, advertising… heck, I’m not even sure what they are advertising, actually. ‘One sapphire – a hundred bits’,” I tried a deep, serious voice. “’One emerald, seventy bits’, ‘one diamond, two hundred bits’, ‘seeing Spike smile? Priceless!’” I snickered a little at my own silliness and appreciated White Tip chiming in with a quiet caw or two, just so that I didn’t feel as awkward laughing at my own jokes. I put Spike’s bowl on the table, but left the milk to the side for now. He would probably be up soon enough, but he liked his cereal crunchy.

I made some preparations for what I had in mind for Twilight and once all these were done as well, I turned to my own meal. I once again considered my options, but in the end, a bowl of cereal actually sounded more than sufficient. I sat down at the table with my breakfast and already had a spoon dug into it when I turned my head and looked out the window. The sun was just dipping above the horizon. “Hey my love,” I quietly whispered. “Nice to see you. I hope you have a good morning. See you later.”

It took a surprising amount of effort to tear my gaze away from the window. Daydreaming about Celestia was quite the enticing prospect, sure, but eating soggy, wobbly cereal decidedly was not.

“I’ve never seen someone eat this cautiously. Or slowly. And I’ve seen both Derpy and Tank eat!”

I almost jumped from my stool in surprise. I felt like this voice had been a very sudden intrusion, but once my wildly beating heart slowed down a little and I managed to look around, I noticed that I must have missed quite a lot. Spike had apparently at some point entered the kitchen. But I had not heard the door open or close. I had not heard him toddle over to the table, had not noticed him inspecting his bowl and my preparations for Twilight, had not heard him take his seat.

“Where the heck did you come from?!” I wheezed out despite it being rather obvious.

He snickered. “Wow, you’ve been deep down, haven’t you?”

“Well… sorry… I was just… thinking, I guess. Good morning, Spike.” He had apparently already poured milk into his bowl and was now happily munching away, giving the occasional appreciative sigh.

“Sapphire, emerald and… hmmm…” he started to guess, eyeing his bowl critically. “Manganotantalite?“

I blinked once or twice. “Manga—what now?”

“Manganotantalite. It’s found in granite pegmatites,” he explained.

Well. He tried to explain. It really did not help me much. “You really do know your gemstones, don’t you?” I wondered. Of course he would, it was just… sometimes, it was easy to forget just how much Twilight had rubbed off on him. But they had been living together his entire life. “It’s diamond, actually,” I belatedly added.

“Woah, the pricey stuff… thanks,” he replied, munching down another spoonful. I did note that he called it the ‘pricey’ stuff, not the ‘good’ stuff. Diamond was okay, as far as I knew. There had yet to be a single gemstone or rare ore or whatever that he actually did not like at all. “So what were you thinking about?” he continued.

“Hm?” Eloquence. I got it.

“You said you were thinking about stuff. What stuff?”

“Oh. That.” I tried to stall for time by shoving another spoon into my own mouth and grimaced immediately. How long had I been sitting here? My cereal was soggy and wobbly and I had not daydreamed about Celestia. What a waste. I put down my spoon and looked over to him. “Well… have you ever thought about your breakfast? And I don’t mean ‘what do I want to eat today’. I mean, more like… you like your food crunchy, right?” He nodded, swinging the empty spoon around to convey ‘continue’. “But why? You like certain gemstones more than others – but why? Of course on a superficial level, the answer is easy enough. You like to bite down on something that offers resistance. Maybe a part of your mind knows that your teeth need to be used on such materials to keep them healthy. Maybe. And you like certain gemstones more because they taste better.” I took up my spoon again, levitating another soggy, disgusting something into my mouth. It was far from being a pleasure, but I was not about to waste food and it would not get any better the longer I left it unattended. “But what does ‘it tastes better’ even mean?” Spike was eyeing my bowl with a mixture of disgust and sympathy, but refrained from any attempts to tell me off. He knew better. “I prefer my cereal right at that narrow moment when it changes between crunchy and soft. Not soggy, but soft. The milk tastes like milk, but some of the sugar and honey has already mixed in with the milk and is giving it that distinctly sweet note. The cereal itself tastes less sweet as a result, because I compare it to the milk. But where the milk is just a liquid, to be swallowed, the cereal has texture. The crunchy bits have a rough surface, mostly due to undissolved sugar crystals, I think. The softer parts have a distinct taste of corn. My stomach obviously doesn’t really care all that much in which form the stuff arrives. Broken down to smaller pieces means less work, same goes for more liquids involved, but whatever happens after I swallow it down isn’t the important part. Why do I care for that precise point? Why do you care for ruby?”

Despite me doing all the talking at this point, I managed to eat the rest of my breakfast. Actually, the talking helped – it distracted me from my growing disgust with what I was shoving into my mouth. With the bowl empty, I continued on. “I don’t think ‘taste’ is something you inherit. It’s the whole ‘nature versus nurture’-debate all over again. My best guess is this: At some point, a thought must have occurred to me. Or some event must have spun that thought into existence. The thought that, broken down to its simplest form, ‘this is good’. Maybe crunchy cereal sliced the roof of my mouth at some point, so a softer version seemed more appealing. But make it too soft and your mind starts to wonder why your body even has teeth. And after that, the thought must have stuck. It is too insignificant to be of relevance, but somehow, it must have stuck. It must have been reinforced over and over, somehow, to ingrain itself into my mind. Because of its utter insignificance, I lost all memory of these events. But the preference remained. It’s like… forming a book tower, twelve books high, and then you just sort the lower eleven away, with the twelfth book somehow levitating in its old position. It’s there. You can see it’s there. But without any explanation, you have no idea how it’s there, or why it’s there. Same obviously goes for you. Or anycreature, for that matter. But here’s the thing: I can’t remember where I came from. But from the first day I arrived, I had preferences. They must have formed sometime before my arrival, then. Because I refuse to believe that taste is inherited. So, what about you then? You’re a dragon. You literally eat rocks. I can’t imagine that Twilight ever tried eating smashed sapphire. Even if she would ground it up to a fine powder, I still don’t think that sounds like a healthy idea. So there you two are, she’s buying you an assortment of gemstones and you taste test your way through. How the heck did you decide ‘I like this one more than that one’? There was no foundation for your decision to be based upon. I just… I would love to know what was going on in your head at that exact moment. I don’t think you can tell me. I don’t think you know. Because it’s the same conundrum as with those eleven books. They are gone, because of how insignificant everything really was. What remains is just ‘yeah, I like this’, without explanation. And somehow, that drives me mad. Sometimes.”

Spike looked down at his emptied bowl, then back up at me. “I think you’re the only pony I know who gets all philosophical about a bowl of soggy cereal. Not even Twilight does that.” I chuckled at that for a solid minute or so. I had no idea what I had expected from him. The wisdom of the universe, condensed into words I could comprehend. Yeah, surely not. “You’re right, though. I don’t remember. And I can’t tell you why I like what I like. I mean, I can tell you some things.”

His tone made clear that he was offering. It really was a sweet gesture. But it also told me that he had difficulties understanding the nature of my predicament. That was alright though. I still loved the little guy to bits. Even though, years later, he wasn’t exactly all that little anymore. Still smaller than me though, that was enough. “Thanks, but I don’t think that would help.”

He nodded and started to clean our bowls when the door opened. “Good morning!” Twilight greeted us with a disgustingly good mood I immediately envied. “Oof, you look sour. Rough night?”

She walked over and hugged me. “I guess,” I replied and reciprocated her embrace. For just a short moment, I allowed my eyelids to drift shut and melted a little into her. As usual, everything felt better when she was around. A little easier. A little more manageable. “Good morning,” I finally replied. “I’m glad to see you this chipper. Now do me a favor and sit down.”

I pulled back and grinned a little. Although she raised an eyebrow at me, she did as I had commanded with a smile and busied herself with greeting and hugging Spike, including ruffling his head fin. She ‘talked’ to White Tip as well, who at this point was just sitting on the table and watched the events unfold. All in all, it gave me enough time to finish her breakfast. I pulled the patty out of the deep fryer, assembled the whole thing and turned around. “Voila,” I proudly proclaimed. “A hayburger special!”

The thing admittedly involved zero hay. The patty was made from a bean and pea paste, with some pieces of vegetables thrown in for good measure. The rest of the burger was relatively standard. A piece of greasy goodness, home-made. Despite best efforts, I already knew that it would not be able to fill the same gap her guilty pleasure did. Because for some reason, anything home-made always tasted different from the ‘real thing’.

But it was an effort made and, seeing how her eyes lit up with anticipation and excitement, an effort appreciated.

“We’ve already finished, so you may dig in at your own pace,” I told her and put the dish down before her.

And hooo boy, did she dig in. It made me grin like an idiot. A particularly love-struck idiot. I just enjoyed seeing her eat like there was no tomorrow. It was unrestrained, it was honest, it knew no bounds. A few precious seconds where titles and expectations did not matter, only the greasy goodness was to be enjoyed to its fullest.

“You have a little something on your face, left side,” I commented, still smiling so wide that my cheeks ached. “No, no, my left,” I added once she tried to wipe it away. She tried again… and failed, somehow. “Okay, now you’re just deliberately being clumsy!”

Her giggle betrayed her. “Maybe you could wipe it away for me?” she suggested with a surprisingly confident, sultry tone. For a moment, just a brief moment, I was shocked.

“Alright,” Spike piped up. “That’s my cue to get started on my chores, see you later!” And without a second thought, he turned and made for the door. I could see him grin like a doofus when he closed it.

My attention returned to Twilight and how she had dared! Then I remembered who her marefriend was and that she tended to be a quick learner. I opened one of the higher cabinets and levitated that water-filled spray bottle in front of her face, giving the bottle a good pump. “Bad Twilight, no flirting!” I chided half-laughing.

She gave a startled little yelp before giggling to herself. I took the opportunity to store the bottle away again, close the cabinet and, at the same time, took a napkin and gave the left side a short wipe. She cast a quick spell to dry away any residual water and smiled at me. “That’s better. Now you look a lot less glum.”

“You’ve been hanging out with Pinkie lately?” I asked with a little chuckle.

“Well, we had some time yesterday. The girls did not immediately leave after you went to bed,” she teased, only to immediately switch the topic. “So – first day as a free pony again. What is your plan?”

“’Free’, right,” I replied with a lopsided smile. There was a night guard armor lying around under my bed. To keep it from collecting dust, I had put it in a suitcase. If it would become necessary, neither that suitcase nor the distance to my bedroom meant much, as Luna had enchanted it with one spell that was not part of the regular assortment for night guard armor. It was spell-bound to me. I just needed to concentrate, feel the spells thread around me and give it a mental tug and the armor would warp right onto me.

That was obviously good. This way, I could be ready for whatever came my way in an instant. But the downside had become clear over time – whenever I closed my eyes and just tried to drift off, I felt that thread being there. I did not mind, I told myself, but while those words did ring true, I still found myself grumbling at the thought of that thread from time to time.

I tried to push past that topic, but found it difficult to be more at ease with the new one. “I honestly don’t really know yet,” I admitted. “For the last five years, my days haven’t been ‘mine’, really. Get up, train, go home. Most days, I would try to spend some quality time with Celestia or one of you, but given how exhausted I often was, that only happened once in a while. Weekends were different, of course. A lot of sleeping and cuddling and recuperation. Pet days, dates, hobbies, basically everything resembling life needed to be crammed into those two days. Somehow. I mean, don’t get me wrong, we made it work. Most of the time, anyway. But now that my job is basically ‘work while sleeping’, my days are suddenly empty and I just… I’m not sure what to do with myself. There are a lot of possibilities, of course. I could go and pester AJ, help her with her farm work. Haven’t done that in ages. I could help out Fluttershy at her sanctuary. I could read. Goodness gracious, I could read. You have given me so many recommendations and I had time for… what? One book? Two, maybe? In five years? That’s a devastating result. I love to read. I could go and help Spike prepare the castle for those dignitaries that—“

“Stop,” she asked and I immediately shut up. Despite her soft-spoken nature, it never took much for her to get my attention. “So far, I have heard a lot of ‘I could help’, ‘I could work’ and ‘I have a bad conscience’. That is not what I was asking. What do you want to do?”

“I want to cuddle up to you,” I replied after a moment of thought.

She giggled and that sound alone made me smile a little. “I think we can do that,” she replied and with a few steps, she was right in front of me and pulled me in. For a fraction of a second, I was worried. I thought about Luna, what she might think about this, but once that passed, I felt myself relax again. I leaned against her, softly brushing my neck along hers, laying my head on her shoulder. I enjoyed her warmth. Our closeness. And I really wanted to stay like this, uncaring, unthinking, secure.

I love you. Those words were at the tip of my tongue. But this time, I had been prepared. It was one of those prime opportunities, after all. I had noticed them worming their way up. They were always trying to spill forth in situations like these. And I held them back, because despite that small ache in my heart, they would do no good now. So instead, to mollify my heart, I gripped her a little tighter. And a satisfied, deep sigh escaped my throat.

“So,” she spoke up again sometime… later… “What’s next?”

I chuckled. “Nothing. This is fine. We can do this. All day, every day.” We could. And I could die as a happy pony. I was rewarded by hearing another giggle from her. Of course this was not really an option. But she remained where she was, much to my satisfaction, so I actually gave her question some thought. “Well,” I resumed, “I had an idea for later, maybe in the afternoon. I would need to start on the preparations around late midday, I think, so there’s still a couple of hours to be filled. I… hm. This might sound horribly cheesy and I hope Luna doesn’t kick me again, but… I missed you. I woke up and I felt lonely and this is really nice right now…”

Due to how we were entangled, I could obviously not see her smile. She let me know by squeezing me for a moment. “That’s alright, we can—Wait. What do you mean, ‘she kicked you’? She’s not allowed to kick you!”

She sounded so outraged on my behalf, and it was such a sudden change that I could not help myself but quietly laugh for a brief moment. I could even imagine her forbidding Luna from kicking me, as well as Luna grumbling under her breath but ultimately accepting what was asked of her. Because at the end of the day, Twilight was the evil mastermind that had seduced us and we were her willing sla-

Alriiight, fantasy time’s over.

“Well, I mean, it was more like a… uh… a little love tap, really,” I flat out lied. “Remember two… uh… t-two months ago? When I accidentally…”

“Oh,” she interrupted. “When you could not sleep…”

“… and I came over…”

“… and you slept…”

“… and I woke up…”

“… and you did… that…”

“… it was an accident…”

“… I know, I know, of course…”

“… of course.”

“Right. That.”

“Right.”

Silence reigned over the room for a rather extended period of time. I still felt snug and comfortable in our rather tight embrace, but I could feel her burning up and I was sporting a heavy blush myself. Neither of us wanted to say more and I suspected that at this point, neither of us knew how to move on exactly.

So maybe it was a blessing in disguise when Spike opened the door and immediately stopped when he saw us. “I was gonna ask about where I should put the decorations, but heck no, I’m not gonna be involved with whatever that is!” He quickly pointed at us and just as quickly left the room again.

It was enough. It was the break we had needed. I pulled back from Twilight, ignoring my yearning.

“I’m going to talk to her,” Twilight decided.

“No! No, really, that’s not necessary,” I quickly tried to sway her.

“She kicked you! She should not kick you! You could have been hurt,” she insisted.

“It was in the dreamscape!” I tried to object.

“And what is that supposed to change? You still get hurt, it just does not manifest as physical bruises. This is like Applejack punching you all over again,” she huffed.

I cupped her chin with a hoof and made her look at me. That got her attention, at least. “Please don’t. I know what you’re thinking. And believe me, I love you all the more for trying to defend me, but… they were right. Both Luna and Applejack were right. I should have better self-control and they had every right to be angry with me. I’m not going to say anything about their choices to go about being angry, as I know your opinion on the matter, but please: This is something between them and me. And we sorted it out.”

“That does not mean I have to approve of it, violence is never a good answer,” she quietly grumbled.

“I know,” I just agreed, mollifying her somewhat. To top it all off, I leaned in and gave her a kiss at the base of her horn. I smiled when I saw her wings ruffle a little, the only visible sign of her enjoying the gesture. “So maybe only cuddling would be a bad idea. It would be way too easy to escalate that. But I could still catch up on my reading, if you would want to keep me company.”

“Gladly.”

We had settled in the living room just a few minutes later, armed with a steaming pot of some herbal tea, two mugs and, after some short deliberation, two books of our choosing.

Some weird and unexplainable miracle.

I sighed, but caught myself quick enough to do it silently. Twilight sat right beside me, our coats brushing against each other. Every now and then, she extended her wing and her primaries trailed along my back, making me shiver. I had the theory that these moments were bound to her book. It was too rare for it to happen after each paragraph, but maybe every finished chapter, that could work. She did read quite fast after all.

Despite my enjoyment of her proximity, I was facing another problem. Because apparently, those just never really stopped coming. My day’s theme of non-choice had resurfaced its ugly head. It had taken some time for me to realize though. By this point, I had tried to read this page three times. Maybe four. And not a single word had made it through. I instead found myself watching her. Taking in details. Ever since Luna and her had become an item, her wings tended to be pristinely cared for. Most of the time by Luna of course. On the odd and rare occasion, by me. Due to that, I was oddly familiar with her wings. So it was easy to spot a couple of misaligned feathers. The impulse was there. To just lean down and correct it. It would not even be inherently sensual. But it could be. And that was what gave me pause. What made me hesitate. I had promised Luna. And I had said it myself earlier: It was so easy for us to escalate things again. We both had significant others we did not want to hurt.

She turned another page, fully engrossed in the content of her book. I saw a few diagrams and that was enough for me to know that this was not exactly my favorite kind of literature.

She had brushed her coat this morning. She obviously did that every morning, but it got this distinct sheen to it when she did it more than once. She rarely spent time on doing it more than once though. So why had she done so today? Was today special? Luna would not visit until tomorrow. Maybe she had just… felt like it?

I suddenly snapped back to reality when she audibly closed her book. I saw the bookmark sticking out when it levitated over to the table. She then turned and looked at me curiously. “Tell me,” she asked in her soft, warm voice.

“Tell you what?” I replied in confusion. And yet I consciously swallowed.

She sighed, but smiled nonetheless. “You have grimaced for the past ten minutes or so. And you keep staring at me. I don’t mind, I… kind of like the attention when it’s you, but… something is clearly bothering you. So please, talk to me.”

For a brief moment, my mind tried to stall answering by focusing on her faint blush and the fact that she had admitted to that. But she had grown more comfortable with herself, so this was a good thing, most definitely. Also, what the heck. When had she become this observant? This was clearly illegal. She had been reading! She had given no indication whatsoever that she actually noticed.

I puffed up my cheeks. Unfair. Her smile grew a little wider, but she said nothing and still waited for me to start talking. It left me nothing else to occupy myself with. And she knew that. Cheeky mare.

“Can I ask you something stupid?” I started.

“No,” she immediately denied, but she kept smiling. “But you may ask me anything and I might tell you that you are silly for asking that.”

Fair enough. “Do I…” I looked around. The living room. I was quite familiar with it. I was quite familiar with the kitchen and her bedroom and these hallways, even the dining room and a couple of other rooms. I was obviously familiar with places I frequented a lot. We did a lot of reading, or used to anyway. We had the occasional party, but that was rarely my idea. We took the occasional walk. It was always nice, but that, too, was rarely my idea. Last time, Rainbow had presented it by proposing ‘You guys really need to get out and touch grass, sheesh.’ Charming as always. Which brought me back to my current doubts. “Do I bore you?”

Credit where credit is due – her reaction was not overly dramatic. Rarity might have made a whole spiel out of it, although I doubted that this was worth fainting over, even for her. Twilight however was a more analytical mind. For a first round, she looked around and took in the details of this room. She followed the same trail I had just a couple of seconds prior and searched for what might have triggered this question. I was not sure if she found anything useful – I doubted it.

In a second round, she turned inwards, furrowing her brow as she scanned recent memories and conversations for clues. Finally, she settled for the obvious course of action. Asking. “You need to explain further before I can answer that.”

I nodded. “Right. So… well, actually, there’s not much to it. I don’t… do a lot. And I’m not getting at the whole ‘introvert versus extrovert’-discussion. I just mean the general… hm… range of interests, I think? Like… I love reading. Aaaand… I like to cook, occasionally, even though I’m probably never going to be as good as Spike, because he not only has more experience with it, he has talent – and I don’t. Ah! Before you say anything, this is not about self-deprecation. I think. I’m a couch potato, basically. And I know you… were one as well, once upon a time, but you’re really not anymore. And I’m just wondering if this is enough, if you—“

Maybe I should have asked her to let me finish. I doubted that would have made any difference though. She put a hoof to my mouth, silencing me. And before she answered, she leaned in and nuzzled me. “I think I understand now,” she started. “And no. You are most certainly not boring me. I have a very colorful circle of friends, in more than one regard. I can have my adventures with Rainbow, if I wanted to. I could have quiet time with her as well. Same goes for all of my friends. And yes, that includes you. Having quiet time, staying in, that is closer to your nature and comes more easily for you. The same way it is easier for Fluttershy. And just sitting down, indoors, for hours on end, ‘just reading’ – that is a prospect a lot harder to sell for somepony like Rainbow. But she does that. Sometimes, it is her own idea. More often than not, it is mine. But she rarely refuses and even when she does, that is alright. Same goes for Fluttershy. She has grown a lot over the years, but she still remains a pony that battles her anxieties when out in the open. Rarity makes it a point to ask her to the spa each week. I went to the fair with her last month. She was hesitant of course. She always is. But I did not have to drag her there against her will. And the same goes for you. It is rare that you come up with some outdoor activity idea, and that is fine. You rarely decline when somepony asks for your company though.”

“Yes, but, they have to ask,” I interrupted her. “I can’t offer. Because I don’t know… what to offer…”

She leaned over and reciprocated my earlier gesture by kissing me on the forehead. “That is alright. It is how you are, and we all like you how you are. Don’t worry.”

I swallowed that snort that quickly rose up upon hearing those last two words. Miss Twilynanas herself lectured me about ‘not worrying’, sure, sure… but she was right. Probably. Twilight tended to be right, and I trusted her.

She felt it, I suspected. She pulled back so that I might look her in the eyes. And I did. I did and I saw her sincerity in them. She believed every word she had said. And I wanted to agree. I wanted to just put this behind us and forget all about it. It was not that easy, of course. For some reason, worry and doubt always seemed to be just right around the corner for me. They were almost like companions. Always there. No matter if I wanted them to be.

I could not explain why I had such a hard time believing. Why I could not get rid of them. Why I had to bring stuff like this up every now and then. Maybe I had already found my answers this morning. Maybe, some days just… were like this. Maybe there was no deeper meaning to it, no reason beyond ‘it is how it is’. That would be frustrating, of course. But…

I closed my eyes. “Celestia, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference,” I mumbled. I kept my eyes closed. Felt inwards. Was there any difference? Had anything changed? I involuntarily had a picture of Celestia before my mind’s eye. It was a morning, sunlight was streaming in through a window. Golden light, caressing her beautiful form. She was lying on the bed, half covered by satin sheets. I remembered how her sun’s light interacted with her billowing mane. She lifted her head, looked at me. There had been no trace of her usual mask. No trace of Princess Celestia. She was just… Celestia. My Sunny. My love. And she was beautiful. And she was serenely calm. And she was mine. And I felt happy. I felt my heart flutter in my chest like a swarm of butterflies, just by looking at her. By seeing that warmth in her eyes. Love and care. She asked me to come back to bed, and I was not about to decline her invitation.

I tried to distance myself from that memory. As nice as it was, that was not what I had been looking for.

I still felt worried. I worried about not being enough. Not offering enough. Not contributing enough.

“It did not help, did it?” Twilight asked.

I felt almost ashamed to admit that — for just a brief moment — I had forgotten that she was still here with me, sitting right next to me. “No,” I answered. “But I think that might be okay. It’s more of a… emergency break, I guess.” And these worries and doubts were deeper seated than just a superficial panic. It was almost disheartening, thinking about how this might also be a part of my nature. Then again, I could not imagine being the only pony in Equestria who struggled against his nature, or a part of it. But that line of thought was like saying ‘there’s always somepony worse off somewhere’. It did not help much either, despite being true.

She tried to help me again. She leaned into me, nuzzled against me. “I like you.”

The softest, quietest words she had spoken today. And yet they felt like granite. Unyielding and unmoving, uncaring in the face of my doubts and worries. I trusted Twilight. I smiled, and answered her. “I like you too.”

We continued to read and with a little bit of effort on my part, I finally did manage to get back into it. Eventually though, the time to depart came around. We put our books down on the table, exchanged promises to make that a recurring event in the coming days – the reading, not the worrying – and I used the teleportation stone to get to Canterlot Castle.

I had a bunch of castle staff ponies to rile up, after all.

It was late afternoon. The sun had started sinking hours ago, but was still a good distance away from the horizon. I was sitting next to Soft Step, a freshly minted day guard and former member of my class before she switched to the day guard training halfway through. We called her 'bats' because of her exceptionally good hearing. She was currently stationed at the massive doors leading into the throne room. Day Court was not over yet, so the doors remained firmly closed.

“I don’t know,” I started to reply to her concerns, “I mean… what’s the worst that can happen? You tell him, and he rejects you. Admittedly, that’s a scary and shitty prospect, but at least you would know then, right? You could move on. If you don’t, you’ll just keep on freaking out every time you talk to him.”

I did most of the talking of course. There were certain expectations regarding the day guard. Guards in general. Since audiences with the Princess had been done for today hours ago, there was little reason to believe that a random passerby would notice a day guard talking — the audacity! —, but we still had to be careful. Castle staff could be surprisingly gossipy. Her fellow guard on the other side of the door was Night Crawler, and despite his name, he was not part of the night guard. Most of us loved to tease him about it. He was a quiet fellow, usually. Very stoic. Perfect to uphold the image of the day guard. And currently, he gave the occasional grunt or growl of frustration.

But we were very careful. We spoke quietly and always listened for those soft hoofsteps betraying anypony drawing closer.

“I’m just not sure if I’m ready to be rejected,” Soft Step whispered. It was still weird seeing her like this. We had little interaction while she was in my class. Only after her switch did that change. I had gotten to know her a lot better in the Watchtower, a bar nearby the training grounds. She was a sweet, hot pink earth pony mare with a tomboyish frame and curly lime hair. Now, thanks to the enchantments of her armor, she looked like a broadly built, white unicorn stallion. With a voice to match, no less.

“Well yeah, I mean come on, Softie. You have to jump eventually. Just wait for a moment when it feels like you could just explode, and then give yourself a little shove!” Because admitting to feelings of a romantic nature was just that easy… yes, yes, a master of seduction was talking.

Some weird and unexplainable miracle.

Ah. Great. There we were again.

“Wait, aren’t you the one who got chased around by Princess Cadance a few years back?” Soft Step suddenly remembered, much to my dismay. “I’m not sure I should take advice from you of all ponies.”

I grimaced. “Well, yes, but… I had been meddling in her domain, I guess, and maybe ruined some plans of hers or something. Really, that’s ages past. Listen, I can’t tell you what to do. I just… you’re nice. I would love to see you happy.”

“Aaaw,” she answered.

Whatever she was about to say next got stuck in her throat the very second we heard the telltale click of the massive double doors being unlocked. A second later, they swung open and a mass of chatting ponies poured out of the throne room. The stream quickly divided itself every time a new junction was met, as everypony had a different destination in mind. I recognized most of them. Celestia’s aides and advisors, some nobles and clerks as well. The doors were encased in a golden glow and even though I could not see Celestia just yet – and probably wouldn’t for a few more minutes – I could not help but smile and feel a warm flutter in my chest. She opened the inwards swinging doors further and I heard faint voices chatting, but could not make out any words spoken. Probably some last assignments and decisions she went over with a remaining clerk or two.

A few more minutes passed and I heard soft hoofsteps slowly drawing closer. Even though they were muffled by the thick carpet, they were louder than usual. Because the one responsible for those sounds was heavier than the average pony. I grinned and poked Soft Step in her side. “Tell him. Trust me. If I’m wrong, you can take it out on me,, I hastily whispered to her and stood up. A couple seconds later and Celestia emerged. She did not notice me standing right beside her guard and started to trot down the hallway, so I just naturally fell in beside her.

“Long day?” I asked.

Her usual, patient smile did not waver, nor did she miss a single step. Yet I could still tell that I had managed to surprise her. “It has been somewhat taxing, yes.”

“Well, that’s great to hear,” I rejoiced.

“Is it?” she asked, only ever so slightly raising an eyebrow.

“Yepp,” I immediately shot back. “What I have prepared would still be nice but way less effective otherwise. We’re staying in for the evening.”

“Hm. I do not mind, but I should at least inform my sister of such changes.”

“Already done. Sort of. Ehehehe…” I had really tried to contain myself, but the mere thought of an enraged Luna tearing through Canterlot was hilarious. It would not be that bad, of course. Luna was smart after all.

“Sort of?” Celestia echoed.

“See, the thing is… you might have been abducted,” I proposed with a lopsided smile. “And the abductor might have left behind a note in a very empty dining room. It's a good note though. Very classical. With too much glue used, and letters of different sizes cut straight from today’s newspapers.”

Ha! I saw that!

A grin had tugged at her lips for a fraction of a second. Despite her countenance.

“Well this is just an awful development. Whatever shall Equestria’s remaining ruler do in a situation as such?” she played along.

I indignantly puffed my cheeks on Twilight’s behalf. “Oh come now, you give Twilight way too little credit here! She could rule this entire nation without the both of you!”

I saw that too!

At this point, I was grinning from ear to ear. Her day apparently had been taxing, according to her own assessment, but she nevertheless was in a good mood. I liked seeing her in a good mood. Instantly made every day better. “But to answer your question,” I continued, “the note might lead her on a wild goose chase which will eventually end in Ponyville, of all things. Strange how these important events rarely seem to center around Las Pegasus or Manehattan, right? But then again, I suspect the ponies living there are quite content with that. Less attention, sure, but less need for weakly rebuilding as well.”

“Ponyville,” Celestia murmured. “I suspect she will find some helpful allies there, at least.”

“Maybe – but what if one of her allies, maybe her greatest ally of all, actually is the culprit!” I tried to sound adequately dramatic, but I was no Rarity by a long shot. I still managed decently enough, I thought. And Celestia seemed rather entertained by these shenanigans, so all was well.

We arrived at her chamber doors and the guards opened them without any hint on their faces whatsoever. Celestia just stood before the open door and took in what I had done to the room. It was not much, of course. Whatever I did had to be done in a few hours and needed to be reversible in just as much time. I thought the line of rose petals was a nice, romantic touch. Very cliché, but that was alright with me. It led to the bed… and to the bathroom. I had thought about putting down an ocean of candles, but quickly decided against that. Aside from the risk of burning down the castle, they would quickly heat up the room a lot and the dripping wax could make a mess of more sensitive surfaces.

“They should be dead,” I commented with a smirk.

That got her attention. “What do you mean?” she asked, but she still could not tear her eyes away from that line.

“The petals. Or rather, the roses,” I explained. “I mean, I basically desecrated their corpses, plucked them to pieces and strewed them about. If any of those bite, that’s decidedly not my fault. But it should be safe to enter.”

So maybe I had a tendency to make romantic gestures and then tear them down a little. So what? Celestia did not seem to mind much. She stepped forward and I gave a quick nod as a silent ‘thank you’ to both guards before entering after her. The doors closed immediately. “That must have been a lot of roses,” she remarked.

Since I was not about to tell her that I had blown two months worth of salary on flowers just to pick them apart with magic, I had to come up with something else. “Yes, it had been an epic battle indeed. But I won and secured your room for you.”

She smiled. And I was a little disappointed, because, well… we were by ourselves again and she still wore that smile. I did not say anything. She had a long day. I did not want to pile onto that. And to my great relief, I did not have to. She used her magic to float her tiara over to the stand it usually rested on and her regalia soon followed. She finally stepped out of her horseshoes and once all four hooves were firmly planted on the cool marble floor, she allowed herself a deep sigh.

“That bad, huh?” I asked and nuzzled her.

“Well,” she started, but could not bring herself to sugarcoat it. “… yes.”

I nodded, content with her honesty. Just a little tendril of my magic snuck up on her, crawled along her spine past her wing joints and up her neck to carefully turn her head. I was pretty sure she had understood the very moment my horn lit up, but she enjoyed the little game anyway. I guided her down to me and gave her a proper kiss. “Welcome home, love,” I whispered afterwards.

“Hmmm… I could get used to that,” Celestia replied with a genuine smile.

“Honestly, I’m still baffled that you haven’t, after all these years,” I answered with a chuckle.

“Five years can be but a blink of the eye,” she retorted.

Fair enough. “I’ve prepared a little something, love. I want to make you feel good. Tell me, are you hungry yet?”

She furrowed her brow for a moment before slightly shaking her head. “Not yet, I think.”

“Good. In that case, dinner can wait a little longer,” I concluded and led her over to the bed. “Please lie down.” I could see that mischievous twinkle in her eyes, but did not quite understand until she sat down on the bed, let herself fall onto her back and sprawled out, wings, legs, mane and tail in all directions. I chuckled again. “Now that is a sight I could get used to.” I was intimately familiar with her body. Every nook and cranny, every voluptuous curve. She laid herself bare with a playful smile gracing her lips and I had to take a deep breath to remain steadfast. She could be such a tease.

“So you have not yet? After all those years?” she quipped and just to make a point, her tail swished just a tiny bit.

I felt myself heat up, my cheeks burned already and a telltale twitch in my nether regions made me take a second deep breath. “Sure haven’t,” I replied and involuntarily licked my lips. That was an enticing prospect, but I had other plans. I shook my head. “You are a horrible tease, love. I meant for you to lie down on your belly and you perfectly knew that.”

She giggled. She giggled! I wanted to huff a little, but that was rendered impossible by my face-splitting grin. A moment later, she rolled over onto her belly and allowed me to climb up onto the bed with her. I took a position next to her. A match and some incense later, a nice, flowery smell started to permeate the room. It was supposedly helpful in meditation and relaxation. We would see about that.

“See,” I started to explain while standing up and carefully prodding parts of her neck, “I had been a pretty clever pony once. I had this friend of mine, she was very smart. But she was so smart at least in part because she read a lot. She was constantly reading. So much, in fact, that she always had a sore neck or a sore back or a sore rump or a sore something. All tensed up and knots everywhere and whatnot.” I started to massage some knots out of her neck and smiled as her eyes fluttered closed, accompanied by an appreciative hum. “But luckily,” I resumed, “we had this place in our town, this spa. And the two ponies operating it were such gentle, nice mares to talk to. And I did a lot of talking to them. I had to explain my situation, after all. I wanted to make it crystal clear that I meant no offense, that I would not become competition to their business and this was for private use only. I took some lessons. It wasn’t all that different, really. They got bits, albeit a bit more than for any usual treatment, and all they had to do for it was sit down with me and explain and show me how to help my friend. I knew that they knew a lot. And I mean a lot. But I was laser-focused. I knew what I needed and what I wanted.” I slowly made my way down to her back. Her neck had been a piece of work, indeed, but her back was even worse. What had she done today, for goodness’ sake? “In hindsight, that might have been a bad decision. You see, over time, I found my knowledge to help a little bit… lacking. Sure, it was still enough to provide… let’s call it ‘first aid’. It was enough to help, enough to start a nice evening, enough for a little list of things. But I knew there was more. I could do more. If only I had insisted on learning more back in those days. But then I remembered something.” I carefully extended her right wing and started preening. As usual, a first round with my mouth, just for intimacy’s sake, before I went over my work a second time with magic for completion’s sake. My story had to wait a couple of minutes while I worked my non-magic magic on her. Celestia did not seem to mind, she had fully relaxed and become putty in my hooves and the only sign that she did not sleep was the occasional deep sigh or quiet moan. Once I was done with her wings, I returned my attention to her back. Her lower back, now, as well as her shapely rump and her legs. “Where was I? Oh yes. I remembered something. I remembered that these two lovely mares were still there. I could just… you know… get back and ask for more. Of course I still would have to explain my predicament all over again, but that was fine. It had worked the first time around, so why wouldn’t it this time, right? And it did. And I took lessons again. And I learned a lot of new, neat little tricks along the way. And then I thought to myself: Everypony keeps raving on about how knowledge is power, right? And now I have all this knowledge. I should use it. What is it good for if I don’t use it? And so…”

I pulled back and admired my work. In truth, there was little I could actually see of my work, but I saw her. I saw how relaxed she was. How there seemed to be a persistent smile plastered on her face. How her wings gave the occasional little rustle, but refrained from folding themselves again. I stepped up and brought my lips to her sensitive ear and gave it a long, slow lick along its edge in a familiar gesture. “… here we are,” I whispered.

“Hmmm…” A moment later she even cracked an eye open to look at me. “I’m trying to decide.”

I smiled and put a trail of kisses and soft nips down along her neck. “About what?” I asked in between.

“If I let you proceed with whatever is waiting in the bathroom,” she murmured with a happy sigh after a long lick along the base of her neck. “Or if I pounce on you right here and now…”

My hoof carefully traced along the edge of her wing while I kissed her at its base. “Hm… you would regret that,” I promised. “And you don’t look all that ready to pounce to begin with…”

A startled yelp escaped my throat as she suddenly used her magic to pick me up without effort, turn me on my back and lay me down right in front of her. I felt my member twitch, already out of its sheath, as her hot breath hit it full force. “You should know better,” she whispered with a smoldering gaze. I wanted to answer, but that attempt died halfway through when she followed up on her threat and her muzzle closed around it, swallowing more and more of it with agonizingly low speed.

“I-… phew… Ce-… oh boy… come on, I-… uff… had a plan… please?”

She complied. And I immediately regretted asking her. I wanted to plunge back in right away, but… I had to restrain myself. I had to. I wanted to show off what I had learned from Aloe and Lotus in those last couple of weeks. I wanted to impress her. Or at least, I wanted to try.

I did that a lot, after all.

I had to catch my breath for a moment. The almost uncomfortable pressure in my loins only slowly subsided and did not fully vanish at all. That had escalated quickly. I was still lying there on my back, right in front of her, and she eyed me like predators eyed their prey. It made me feel vulnerable and strangely naked, but I did not mind at all – because it was her. I felt safe with her. Even if she would decide that, nah, she did not want to wait after all… it would have been fine. There would be other opportunities to attempt this. To repeat this.

“Right,” I finally picked up again. “Let’s take a bath, shall we?” I rolled over and stood back up again. Celestia followed me on that little trail of rose petals to the bathroom, where once again, everything had been prepared as much as I could prepare it. I turned the hot water for the massive tub on and mixed in the supplements I had laid out.

“And what do we do until the tub is filled?” she asked with that teasing tone that sent a shiver down my spine. And the pressure obviously immediately returned.

“We… uh… wait…?” I weakly offered. I saw her horn spring to life again and felt her magic wrap around my member, gently stroking along its length.

“So you really just want me to stand here, waiting…?” she teased further.

I was pretty sure she was just toying with me. There was no way she really, actually was this horny. I knew her. She had her urges of course. We all had them. But rarely had I seen her being this aggressive about it.

Hm. Then again, ‘rarely’ doesn’t mean ‘never’...

Alright, fine. Just what kind of day did she have…? I was admittedly amused — and turned on — by the image of her sitting on her throne all day, bored out of her mind, and how she distracted herself with naughty fantasies.

Her grip tightened and sped up just a little bit. But that little bit really was enough to tell me all I needed to know. I looked over to her, lust started to cloud my judgment. I wanted her so badly. And that stupid tub was so big that the water level seemed to crawl its way up, measured in hair’s width by hour. “Turn,” I said. It was not a question. If anything, it had been a command. And yet she happily obliged, turning around and, without further instruction needed, spread her legs just that little bit and lifted her tail to the side. She had been sitting on her rump the entire day, but honestly, I really did not mind as I buried my muzzle in between her haunches.

I heard a soft gasp from her as she maybe had not expected me to straight up go for it. But was it really any wonder? She kept stroking me, her magic did not falter once, and in that very moment, only picked up more speed. I gave a little grunt as I tried to control myself. And she slowed down a little. Just a little. But it was enough.

Her moans were music to my ears. Her breathing grew more labored by the minute. She was getting closer. She picked up on her magic ministrations again, increasing speed again.

“I’m close,” we both panted almost in unison.

A part of me was confused by that. Sure, she had had more control over me, she had slowed down a couple of times, while I had given her my all, but still… had she been this riled up all day? Why?

That part was small, however, and quickly overwhelmed by the sight of her kneeling down. An invitation I had no will to reject. I positioned myself behind her, lined up and thrust forward, plunging into her with ease. Our moans mingled in the air. There was no restraint left, neither on her part nor mine. It was raw, it was hard, and it was quick.

“I love you so much,” I panted, still buried inside her, still feeling the last contractions, both hers and mine.

She craned her neck and smiled. “I love you too.” She looked tired, but satisfied. For now, anyway. Maybe this unplanned little interruption was enough that I could move on with my original plans. Not that I minded much. Not with this kind of interruption.

At this point, the bath tub's overflow protection had probably swallowed more water than was in it. I turned the water off and we climbed in. Now we actually both needed a bath. Though to be honest, I did not mind getting all sweaty and sticky with her.

I demonstrated a few more new tricks I had learned. I could give a proper hooficure now, for example. And my personal favorite: There was a certain technique to massage a pony’s scalp specifically. Celestia seemed to enjoy that very much, just like the rest, but I… I loved it. And I was pretty sure she took note of that little fact while I told her about what I was doing, while I was doing it. This was not meant to be a self-serving advertisement though, so I did not linger on it for too long. I made my own observations on what she liked more and what she liked less. Hooficures were not her favorites. They ranged between ‘okay-ish’ and ‘nice for a short time’. As it turned out – due to the fact that she just straight up told me, the spoil-sport – my preening technique had improved. Something she was very fond of, since apparently, that was the part she enjoyed the most.

After the bath, we made our way back to the bedroom. While she was lying down, I quickly trotted over to the doors and let the guards know that it was time for dinner. I was lucky enough that both not only were in on this, but agreed to help as long as it did not disturb their duties too much. And flagging down a passing member of the staff to tell them to give the go ahead to the kitchen chefs was not that difficult.

“And what do we do now?” Celestia asked with a predatory smile. “Wait again?”

I chuckled and moved up to her, capturing her lips in a passionate, deep kiss. “Well, obviously we should, they could bring the food any minute now…”

“Hm yes, we should,” she replied in a sultry voice.

“Or, and hear me out on this,” I whispered, softly nibbling on her ear and eliciting a low moan from her, “or we are just quicker…”

She turned around and fixed me with a gaze so fiery that I shuddered in anticipation.

It turned out: We were not quicker.

The effort was made though. And when that knock was heard, I was so overwhelmingly appreciative of all those enchantments sealing this room. I quickly made myself decent – decent enough anyway – and trotted over to the door, opening it just enough to use my levitation magic to grip the handle of the little cart and pull it into the room. An admittedly overly hasty “thank you” to that poor sod delivering our dinner later and the door closed again, sealing us in once more. The food cart could wait, I decided without hesitation. I turned around, but found myself encased in a golden glow, only to pop out of existence and back in immediately, right behind her. Her eagerness made me chuckle, but quite frankly, I was not any better off.

It took this round and we might have seamlessly continued with another one right after before we finally settled on the bed again. “Sweet Celestia, you are incredible…”

She giggled between deep breaths. “Hm, was that the idiom now, or a statement about me?”

“Heh, why not both? You are sweet, you know,” I replied with another chuckle.

“Am I now?” she questioned.

I knew that she did not really expect an answer. It was one of those questions that did not need one. Did not care for one. But goodness me, did I still want her. My body would not allow me, of course. Not just because of the refractory period, but in general. I was exhausted.

Heh. Drained, so to speak…

I used my magic to once more gently turn her head and gave her another passionate, deep kiss. “See?” I whispered with a grin once we broke apart again.

Instead of answering anything, she indulged in that moment. I used the opportunity to bring the food cart over to the bed. Eating in bed would be messy for sure. But sheets could be changed and stains could be washed out. It was a rare occurrence and it would be fun, I hoped.

Due to us fooling around so much, the food had obviously gone cold by now, despite it sitting under metal domes. But that meant little with Celestia in the room. She quickly reheated our dishes and we started to dig in right away. Because for some strange reason, ‘reheated’ always meant ‘would not stay warm as long as the original dish did’. And it would be a shame not to appreciate the masterful cooking the palace chefs did in exactly the way they had meant for it to be appreciated in.

After dinner was done – with minimal mess, no less – we settled in for the evening. That meant books. Because reading was great and I loved the fact that I could share that with everypony near and dear to me. It was not until an hour later or so that I apparently made the mistake of moving my head in the wrong direction or something stupid like that. “Ahhh,” I quietly whined while bringing a hoof to the offending muscle. “Cramp,” I hissed. With all those lessons from Aloe and Lotus, one might have thought it would be easy to get rid of that. And really, it should have been. I was just being an idiot again and forgot everything that could be convenient at that moment.

Celestia instead closed her book – bookmark in place, of course – and took over my ministrations. Either she knew a thing or two about massages herself, or she was a quick learner. I did not ask, I was just glad that the pain quickly subsided. “You are pretty wound up yourself,” she remarked after she let her hoof trail along my neck, searching for more offending knots and aches.

“Had a rough night,” I admitted.

Some weird and unexplainable miracle.

Oh no you won’t. Not now. It’s a nice evening, the day’s almost over. Shoo!

“Anything in particular you might want to talk about?” she asked with that soothing calmness in her voice. I could tell her anything. I could tell her that I had decided to turn evil and dispose of her and she would probably talk me through how to do it and what to look out for.

Right, maybe not that one.

“Not really,” I replied with a hint of uncertainty in my voice that I did not like.

Of course she immediately picked up on that. But instead of asking, she just waited. Ever the patient one, she knew that I would either come around on my own terms or that I would settle this with myself somehow. And she was right. Just like with Twilight, she just tended to be right in a lot of situations.

Some weird and unexplainable miracle.

That thought felt almost pressuring. I already had an uncomfortable talk today. Was one really not enough?

Some weird and-

I got it, for crying out loud! Fine! It’s fine! I got it!

Great. Now I was internally yelling at myself.

I gave a deep sigh and looked up at her. She was still patiently waiting, a warm, welcoming smile on her lips. She had known it would not take long for me to break. Was I really that predictable? Or maybe… that weak? Was it weakness?

“Can I ask you something?” I started with the obviously useless question.

“Always, love,” she replied, nestling against me and draping a wing over my back.

Despite my love for her, this did not make it any easier. I looked up at her, tried to let her calm soothe me, tried to find courage in that warmth she always seemed to radiate when she looked at me. It helped a little bit. At least it gave me the strength I needed to actually say the words. “Why do you love me?” While I might have had enough strength to ask, that did not mean that I did not fear the answer. Which was stupid, really. I should know better. Heck, I did know better. She loved me. I could see that every time she looked at me. She would not just start asking herself that question now and discover that she did not, in fact, love me at all. Expecting that was stupid. I had no reason to be afraid.

Yet I was.

Enough that I could feel a small tremble run down my spine.

Celestia meanwhile furrowed her brow and studied me. Studied my body language, my facial expression, every page laid bare in my eyes. “I will not answer this question,” she replied after what felt like ages and amounted to… well, several minutes actually. She was careful in her answer, as she had been careful in her considerations.

“Wha—“ I already started to protest, but she cut me short.

“It would do nothing good, I believe,” she started to explain. “Whatever I would answer would only drive you down further into that place you seem to have sunk into. I could give you examples, but never a full, comprehensive list. And that would frustrate you. And each example given would be nourishment for your doubts. You would start to question not only yourself, or me, but the very bond connecting us. I have seen something considered ‘mere thoughts’ poison and kill true love before. And no – while I do love you dearly, I am not implying we have that kind of bond just yet. It might grow into such with time, but even then, something ‘as little’ as a stray thought can topple empires. And divide ponies. Do you trust me, love?”

“I—“ I started again, but she interrupted me again. A single syllable had been enough to tell her all she needed to know. I was about to object again, to insist on an answer. And I honestly did not even know why. She knew what she was talking about. She had loved more ponies than I knew the names of. She had lived more years than I ever would. She sounded very reasonable right now.

“Do you trust me?” she repeated. That warmth in her eyes was still there. Soothing me. Welcoming me. Almost pleading with me. But there was a firm sternness in her voice now that, for some strange reason, broke through to me.

I took a shuddering breath and nodded. “I trust you.” And it was a truth felt more than heard.

She nodded, and seemed almost relieved while doing so. “Thank you, love. Then know this: I do love you with all my heart.” I gave a nod in return. I knew. And I was grateful, it was just… hard not to question why. “May I ask you a question in return?”

I forced a smile upon my lips, although I already knew what she wanted to ask. “If this is about the wild goose chase, I can only tell you that I made arrangements with Twilight to keep Luna busy all night, by all means necessary, and I did not question her methods any further than that.”

She smiled and for just a moment, I could see that grin tug at her lips. “There is no reason to be afraid, love. I promise.”

I sighed. “And how would you know that? You want to know where this question came from.” She did not seem surprised at all, just confirming my suspicion. The direction our conversation took reminded me of my earlier talk with Twilight. In an uncomfortable way. “I don’t know if you have noticed, but… I ask ‘why’ and ‘how’ a lot. And on a lot of days, I envy Twilight’s control over her mind. Her focus. She can just… take it off of this topic and put it onto this topic, and for some reason, that works. For me, it doesn’t. My mind just… clings to these ideas and stray thoughts and… I don’t know… doubles down whenever I try to steer myself away from them. I realize that some of those aren’t exactly healthy or good for me. Or anypony, really. But I just… I can’t help myself.” In part, that was the crux, was it not? I could not help myself.

I was helpless. Defenseless against myself.

“Remember those early days?” I asked her. And again, she just nodded. “We met at what was left of Golden Oaks. I immediately liked you. I don’t… I don’t quite remember if I immediately saw through your disguise, but I do remember that I liked you. A lot. From day one. Twilight wrote her reports to you on a daily basis at that time, didn’t she? It took me ages to realize that. She never mentioned it. I had been around for a little more than a week or so and we met for the second time. You were there when I was at the park, watching the sunrise. We were at Sugarcube Corner. We raced back to the castle. We tumbled. I remember that I held you aloft with my magic and used small tendrils of it to prod you all over your body. I honestly just tried to figure out if you were ticklish at all. But seriously, that… that should have raised so many red flags. Yet you were just… hanging there, without a care in the world. In hindsight, I pressured some very inappropriate spots. And you didn’t say anything. That was our second meeting. Not our second year in a solid relationship, not even our second date, but our second meeting and I was... basically groping you? The third one at the lake. I was frustrated, you gave me some sage advice. Fourth one, I took you to Fluttershy’s place. I made you moan in front of her. And on some level, I had known what I was doing. And you were totally fine with that. You even shot me that bedroom gaze you sometimes use and it gets straight under my skin every time. And you used it then and there. In her house. On our fourth meeting. And while I believe you were only teasing me, the fact remains that you were teasing me like that. And then I just died like an idiot. And you came and brought me back. And we were at that lake again and I… my seed had formed a dried out crust on your coat, for goodness’ sake. And you allowed me not only to kiss you, but to make you climax. That’s just… it’s…”

“Do you think we moved too fast?” I had rambled on the entire time, riling myself up in the process until I suddenly stumbled and was not quite sure how to proceed. And she had used that opportunity for a single question that initially confused me more than anything. But a second or two later, after my mind had caught up with her tone of voice, I believed I had heard a trace of worry in it. Maybe even fear? Maybe I was not alone in being a worrywart after all.

“No,” I resolutely answered her and shook my head for emphasis. “No, I don’t. I mean… maybe. I don’t care. It’s not exactly the speed ‘normal couples’ would form at, but given the choice, I would not want to have it any other way. We could have done the entire courtship ritual or dating or whatever, stretch it out for a year or more, just for things to ‘feel appropriate’? I don’t see the point in that though. This doesn’t feel inappropriate. At no point did it feel like that. Ever. But that's just my side.” She seemed relieved again. “I just can’t stop asking. You are Celestia Lightbringer, you are Heaven’s Fury, you are Sol Invictus… and then there’s me. And all you know at that point is what Twilight wrote to you and what you could gather from our first, very brief meeting and just like that, you… fall for me? Me? It just doesn’t make any sense, does it?” My breathing had become ragged. My heart was wildly thumping away in my chest. I could not focus my gaze on anything at all, it merrily drifted around the room, scanning, searching, without processing.

“Love, look at me,” she quietly pleaded with me, but I barely even heard her. I felt the panic rise quickly, but I found myself unable to do anything against it.

All I could think about was the almost cosmic improbability of it all. And at this point, I was not even thinking about the fact that I had somehow managed to do the impossible… twice. Twilight had been head over hooves within a few days as well, had she not?

What if I just faked—

What if all this isn't rea—

I can’t breathe—

A golden glow caught my attention. On my left cheek. It slowly, with little force, turned my head. Then under my chin, raising my head. Until her eyes, suddenly so close, appeared right before me. “Look at me,” she asked again.

Again?

And I did. I looked at her. And I saw all those things I always saw in there. Warmth. Love. Tenderness. Care. She cared so much about me. So, so much. I saw appreciation. Trust. Dedication.

But why?!, an enraged voice in my head screamed at the top of its non-existent lungs, Why!

“Do you trust me?” her words cut through the haze.

My eyes glazed over. Tears threatened to spill. It had been such a lovely evening. Why, for goodness' sake. Why did I always had to mess up this badly? Why could I not just… enjoy the evening for once?

“Do you trust me?” she patiently repeated once more.

And once again, all the walls broke down. I did not understand why. I did not understand how there had been walls to begin with. Or what they had been separating. But I felt them crumble, and I felt burning hot tears stream down my face and I wanted to get away from here, but not from her, never from her, and I buried my face on her chest. “Always,” I managed to squeak out with my meek and trembling voice. Truth felt, but not understood. Did it matter?

She gave me a moment or two. I needed more than that. Way more. But she declined. She pushed me back, despite the desperate whinny I gave, and raised my head again. “I love you,” she said. Just like that. Like it was normal. Casually dropping something of this magnitude. “I love you,” she repeated and kissed some of my tears away. It made it worse, actually, as a fresh batch of tears was dispatched immediately.

Five years ago, a mess of a pony had arrived here. Somehow, from somewhere. And despite everything, I had managed to make a living, find a good place to be in, make some friends and capture the hearts of two beauty’s. And I was working on that third one.

Just how…?

But I was still a mess.

Maybe I would always be a mess. A disheartening thought for sure. But did it really matter? I could not tell. I felt my love kiss my tears away. Patiently. Lovingly. Caringly. No matter how much more I cried. And I felt weak and vulnerable and somehow… somehow it did not seem to matter. And I did not understand that.

I did not understand her.

Or any of this.

But I loved her.

And I trusted her.

Always.