Dreamwalker's Tale: An Anthology

Being a worrywart was taxing. Losing control was no real option here, as that would equal to being consumed by fears. Drowning in an endless sea of fear, but never quite dying. Only sinking deeper and deeper, with less and less light to spend hope. Feeling your lungs fill up. Suffocation without the sweet relief of everything going black. It was enough to drive any pony mad. And it had, in fact. Numerous times. Rarely did that cause incidents such as another villain threatening everything ponykind held dear, but it happened.

The only alternative was to keep trying. To stem against the tide that, on good days, retreated so far that one could even legitimately ask oneself: Was it over? Was it really over this time? It never was of course. Never would be. And soon enough, the high tide would return with force, uncaring and unyielding.

It is said that despite the horror this fact poses, eventually, one could adapt to basically almost anything. Ponies were capable of adapting even to torture. Luna had told me that at one point and I never asked why, or how she knew. In truth, I did not want to know. I could not see any benefit to anypony. I just trusted her word and moved on.

I obviously kept worrying. Because for some strange reason, that was something I was really good at. And over the years, I adapted to its exhausting nature. This day then was nothing out of the ordinary for me. I looked out the masterfully crafted palace window and only saw the equally masterfully crafted hoofrail of a small balcony, and beyond that, the impressive work of my love. A beautiful day. Blue sky, bright sunlight, the occasional fluffy white cloud dotted here and there. It was lovely, really.

I still heard my blood rush in my ears though. I still felt my heart thump away in my chest with wild abandon. I still swallowed and felt as if my throat had not seen water in days, despite the carafe standing on the nearby table being half empty. Because every time that happened, I took a sip from my mug. Just a little one. And I had to refill the carafe once already.

This was the day, I said to myself and looked around the room for the umpteenth time. A strange voice sounded off in my head, seemingly a weird mixture of both Twilight and Rarity, telling me that everything needed to be perfect.

That was a bunch of horseapples of course.

The room was devoid of other ponies — for now. When I initially had asked Celestia to give me a room to prepare for our meeting, she told me to come here and do just that. A nice, big, round table stood in the middle, crafted from some rather heavy wood. My first impulse had been to take four chairs, stack the remaining six on top of each other on a wall to the side and pair these four chairs off. It seemed only natural, did it not? One side of the table per couple. Twilight and Luna over there, and opposite, two chairs for Celestia and me.

It only took me a couple of minutes to realize that this could foster a ‘us versus them’-mentality. And really, that was the last thing I wanted to imply.

So back to square one.

My next attempt was better, but still lacking. I took all four chairs and arranged them at the table with equal distance to each other. One line became two axes, almost like a compass rose. North, south, east, west. It would be fair, I told myself. We would be equal.

And a couple of minutes after that, I silently cursed under my breath. What if any of us got distraught? Or needed comfort? Or was just happy and wanted to share that? With this seating arrangement, there would be no wing lovingly draped over anypony’s back. There would be no hugging. Because we were seated too far away from each other. Yes, it was fair. Yes, we were equal. But we would be cold and lonely as well.

This, I could not stand.

So back to square one once more.

My next idea had been to just move the freaking table to the side. Just four chairs in the middle, put them closer together. Seemed like a great idea at the time. I would have to ask Celestia later on to put the table back where it belonged. I had managed to push it maybe two feet before my legs buckled. That thing was just way too heavy for me to move.

Luckily, I realized another flaw before I grew too frustrated and started searching for another way to get rid of the table: The fact that sitting on four chairs arranged like that, with nothing between us, would most likely be awkward. Everypony just fidgeting with their hooves, no real way to truly relax, no ‘shield’, so to speak. That’s what a table really was, was it not? A shield. Something firm and tangible between you and whoever else sat on it. An enforced distance to keep you safe. The convenience it provided was a nice bonus, sure, but meeting tables were just that – shields.

That resulted in another failed attempt then and led to where I was now.

I had scavenged some nice and plush sitting pillows from a couple of other rooms nearby and had laid them out in a sitting circle near the balcony door. If any of us wanted space, they had the entire room. If we wanted fresh air, we could just open the door. And step out, if necessary. Stretching wings and all that. Heck, it would even be a decent emergency exit should somepony panic. An admittedly very bad emergency exit for me, being wingless and all, but that only accounted for one quarter of the attendees. And how likely was it that I was the one doing all the panicking and attempts of fleeing?

Right. Bad example. Very. Very likely. Damn.

It still was the best idea I had so far. And time was running out anyway. Maybe if I got a better idea, I would try to rearrange everything again. To be honest, at this point, even I realized how silly it was to fret over the seating arrangement like I had for the past hour or two. I forced my attention away from the pillows. A carafe of water was standing on the table, four mugs beside it. The room was nicely decorated with framed pictures and mural paintings and such, but I could not bring myself to care about it. Whenever I tried to take in the beauty of this room – and it probably was very beautiful – I just found that my attention immediately shifted elsewhere. Usually back to worrying.

At least I had one victory to be proud of: I had been brooding over our seating arrangement so much that I had successfully avoided thinking about the reason for our meeting.

It was The Talk.

Applejack would chuckle and roll her eyes in that exasperated manner she did whenever I went coo-coo again. Always with the romance stuff, she sighed in my head. As far as I was aware, she barely ever talked with Rainbow about anything concerning their relationship. And it worked. Somehow. Honestly, I did not understand how and I envied the fact that it did anyway. Did they just understand each other without any need for words? Did their entire relationship just work based on assumptions? Did they, maybe, just communicate their needs and wishes and fears nonverbally? It was possible after all. Difficult to imagine for somepony as wordy as me, but surely possible.

I felt my legs tremble again and sighed. It was not the first time today, and probably would not be the last time either. It was just the nerves of course, but knowing that helped little. I sat down in front of the balcony door, opened it to let a surprisingly cold breeze in and closed my eyes. I sometimes forgot how high up Canterlot was built. While I had difficulties putting it to words, I could smell the altitude. The breeze ruffled my mane, caressed my coat and eased my anxiety at least a little bit.

I tried to relax a little bit more, going down the only path my mind would let me at this point: I remembered how this had started, barely a week ago, when I visited the Crystal Empire.

After slowing down for some time — it felt like an eternity —, the train finally stopped fully. I put my saddlebags on and exited like the rest of the passengers spilling onto the train station platform in a tide of pony bodies. There was a significant temperature difference between the trains insides and out here in the open. It was cold. And snow fell, as I noticed when a couple of snowflakes landed on my muzzle. Though no heavy curtain of white that inhibited sight, luckily.

I was distracted enough by the snowfall that I noticed the two guards stepping up to me only when one cleared his throat. After becoming part of the night guard, it felt only natural to scan their armors first and, seeing the rank, straighten out and salute.

Technically, it was unnecessary. Those two were part of the crystal guard, an entirely different organization from the night guard. Even the day guard was technically different. But it was a show of respect, from one guard to another. And sergeant Wither Rose had been nothing if not thorough with our training. Respect had been what she drilled into us first and foremost. Respect for higher ranks. Respect for comrades. Respect for her. Respect for the princesses. Respect for the enemy.

Neither guard reacted to my display. Which was fine. I just assumed it was appreciated nonetheless. And then Princess Cadance stepped forward, right between those two guards who stepped to the side without missing a beat and opened the perfect gap for her. It was a fine display. Probably something most ponies never thought about, and I had been part of that circle once.

“Welcome to the Crystal Empire, Dreamwalker,” she greeted me with a thin smile and a raised eyebrow. She gestured for me to follow her, turned and walked back towards the massive spire in the distance. The Crystal Palace. I quickly caught up and walked beside her, the guards once more accommodating us. “I’ll be honest with you — when I read your letter, that you wanted to visit me, I wasn’t sure what to expect. As far as I’m aware, this is your first visit, isn’t it?”

Despite us walking, I somehow still managed to fidget with my hooves. “Eh… heh… well… no, not really. Twilight took me here on vacation maybe half a year ago.”

Her eyebrow only crawled a little bit higher. “Did she now. Curious, she never told me.”

“That would be because I asked her not to,” I admitted.

She sighed. I had apparently only confirmed what she had expected anyway. “And why would you do that?”

“Well…” I vividly remembered our first meeting. It could have gone better, in retrospect. It could have gone worse as well. “I wasn’t sure if you’d be all that thrilled to see me after what happened a couple years back.”

Another sigh, accompanied by a nod. “I suspected as much. Listen, I… will admit that I was a little grumpy at the time, due to all your meddling.”

“Was?” I interrupted her.

She probably took note of that hopeful undertone and mustered a warm smile for me. “Was, yes. While Twilight was handling the situation quite well, I did notice that it put some unnecessary strain on her. She avoided talking about you if she could, although you are obviously dear to her. The same way you apparently avoided any contact with me at all. I want this unfortunate phase to be over, please. You have apologized enough and I believe you. In the same vein, I have to apologize for overreacting.”

“Shining Armor made you say that, didn’t he?” I guessed.

Just by the way she grimaced for a second, I knew I had hit a spot. “He might have contributed to us having this conversation in ways I will not disclose.”

“Fair enough. Remind me to do something nice for him next time he visits,” I replied with a chuckle.

“Oh, I will,” she shot back with her mood improving a little bit further.

Silence fell between us. It was not awkward or uncomfortable per se, but I felt like we had a need to talk. ‘We’ being both her and me. We had avoided each other for a couple of years and I had noticed the same things she apparently did. Twilight was carrying this around. It was not as much a burden or pain as it was a… an unfortunate inconvenience. “So you’re gonna take me as a prisoner, then? Or what’s up with the guards? Did you fear I might run away from you again and you brought help, just in case?”

Maybe I was leaning a little bit too far out the window with the tone I was choosing. But if we truly wanted to clear the table, we needed to build up some familiarity with each other. Being formal would not help. “I can assure you that there would be no ‘chase’ this time,” she answered with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes that somehow reminded me of Tia.

“You sound very sure of that.”

“I am,” she confirmed with a nod. “These are Crystal Empire Guards, Dreamwalker. You can’t just compare them to Princess Celestia’s day guard or Princess Luna’s night guard. That would be unfair to either of those the same way comparing a mob to actual soldiers is unfair.”

For just a moment, she had me speechless. I looked up at her and saw that smug grin just asking me to defy her, and a second later, I started laughing uproariously. She even chimed in with a dainty giggle of her own. “I promise you, Princess Cadance, if you ever let ‘Auntie Luna’ hear that, she will rip you a new one.” I could not stop laughing, broken up by the occasional chuckle to get some new air into my lungs, for a couple of minutes. I finally wiped away the tears from my face and shook my head. “You know, maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad idea. The Crystal Guard has a lot of old customs, does it not? Special armor, special weaponry, special training routines. Same goes for both day and night guard. Maybe you should organize some sort of event, a contest or something. An exchange, you know what I mean? So that we can learn from each other.”

She smiled a little wider. “Shining said something similar. Don’t worry, it’s already in the works. There’s just a lot of… logistics and legal mumbo-jumbo involved.”

We ascended some stairs and made our way along some hallways. The two guards escorting us had silently fallen away at some point and honestly, I had not noticed them leaving. For whatever that was worth: It impressed me a little.

We stopped in front of a single unassuming door. Two guards were positioned to either side. Princess Cadance greeted them with an upbeat voice and entered, gesturing for me to follow her in. The room was… “Not what I expected,” I commented without thinking. I stood behind the door that, encased in Princess Cadance’ magic, closed.

A room like this would have felt more natural in Canterlot Castle. Then again, maybe not even there. A wooden floor with some intricate pattern carved into it. A thick, soft rug in the center of the room. A fireplace. The walls were white, not made of crystal. The ceiling was, however, and sparkled as the day’s light fell through. It gave the entire room an almost magical aura. But what really broke the ‘Crystal Empire’-vibe was the rest of the interior. A solid wooden desk with paperwork on top of it. That would have felt right at home in Celestia’s study. A couch that looked suspiciously like one of Rarity’s fainting couches, just a smidge bigger. Some potted plants that looked like they were lovingly cared for, given their size.

“This looks like the office of a shrink,” I blurted out before I hastily added, “No offense.”

She snickered a little and shook her head. “None taken.” Princess Cadance sat down on that weird chair behind the desk. It was apparently resting on little wheels and a mechanic allowed it to spin. What a strange contraption. “Please, have a seat. And tell me what you did expect, I’m quite curious.”

She gestured around the room, as if saying ‘I will judge your state of mind by what you chose to sit upon’. But maybe that was just my subconsciousness projecting. I walked over to the couch and made myself comfortable on it, sitting belly down. I gave the room another swipe with my eyes and shrugged. “I’m not sure. A lot more pink, I guess?”

She smiled knowingly. “Well, pink is often associated with love, and I am the Princess of Love. Pink is additionally often associated with ‘all things girly’, and I guess I am the most ‘girly’ of all Princesses.” Made perfect sense, so I nodded. “However. You are right, this is an office. My office. Would you feel better staring at a pink interior for hours on end?” I shook my head. The notion was almost disturbing. She nodded. “See? Neither would I. I like pink, don’t get me wrong. But it is a very garish color. And not even my favorite. Adding to that, I’m not the only one supposed to feel at ease in this room. Whenever somepony needs advice, or help with a problem, I host these private meetings here. The interior is designed to be non-threatening. To make them feel at ease. It’s supposed to be homely.”

With that context, the choices made here actually made a lot more sense. “Well… that works, actually,” I admitted and she seemed quite satisfied with that remark, given her happy smile. That table alone, reminding me of Celestia’s study, was a nice anchor of sorts.

“Glad to hear that,” she confirmed. “Now. As far as I’m aware, you’re staying overnight, correct?” I nodded again. “Good. In that case, we will have plenty of time to get to know each other over dinner and later on. However, you wrote that you came seeking advice from me, and I am inclined to start with that.”

I half-closed my eyes, drew a deep breath and released it in a long sigh. I tried to avoid tensing up like I had done a couple of times on the train. “Right. Yes. I… uh… need your help. Please.”

I watched her carefully. And neither could I tell why exactly, nor could I see what I had expected. There was no sudden shift in demeanor, no fidgeting with her posture to assume ‘the shrink is now working’-position. No facial expression that betrayed that I was now talking to The Princess of Love, instead of ‘just’ Princess Cadance. In addition, she did not pressure me. She did not say anything at all. She was just sitting there, smiled invitingly and waited for me to talk at my own pace.

I was not sure if that was helping or not. So I turned my attention inwards instead and searched. Sorted my thoughts, or at least tried to. Every time I tried, it all got jumbled up again within minutes anyway. But I wanted to start from a clear space at least. There was just one thing I wanted to know beforehoof. “Say, your magic, how does it work? Do you just… I don’t know… see colored auras or something?”

It was a preamble. She knew that and she was willing to go along with it, to my relief. “Let’s make a comparison, that should make it clearer, I hope. Right now, you hear birds chirping, wind whistling, a couple of soft hoofsteps on the carpet and my voice.” Her ears swiveled around as she concentrated on sounds.

I closed my eyes and listened, truly listened. “Seems about right," I confirmed.

“But you usually hear those things passively. You hear them actively now, because you specifically concentrated on what you hear,” she explained. “My magic is similar to that. Love is all around us. Thin lines of commitment and devotion, connecting all creatures. I can see them if I want to, but to do so, I need to concentrate on it.”

I nodded and gave myself a little shove, right off the cliff. “Do it then.”

Whenever Twilight used the Elements of Harmony, her eyes began to glow white. There was nothing else in there, just pure, unyielding white. Raw power. As Cadance sat there, her muscles slightly tensed and her eyes glowed. Just a little bit. A teensy, tiny glow, barely noticeable. “Ah. I see,” she spoke and the glow vanished. Her smile remained as warm as before. She was still waiting for me to start talking.

I sighed. So she would not let me off the hook. She would not make this easier for me. I would not be able to circumvent saying it. “I’m in love with more than one pony, and I’m not sure what to do about it.”

“Love is complicated,” she replied with an unwavering smile. “Especially for those of us who are painfully aware of the consequences. In a way, it is unfortunate that so many of the ponies involved fall into this category. Ponies that worry too much, that overthink. Shining Armor had been like that as well, in the beginning, when I first got to know him.”

“You changed him?” I asked. Only a small part of that question was true curiosity. I knew I was stalling. And maybe, just maybe, I hoped that she actually did, and that she could do it again.

“No,” she smashed those hopes with a single word. “Time changes ponies. He outgrew this behavior. Tell me: Do you truly love them?”

I grimaced. I could not even tell why, there were just many impulses pulling me in several different directions, but most of them wanted me to grimace, so I did. “You don’t know?” I asked, once more stalling for time. I felt like she knew somehow.

“I do,” she countered. “But there is a distinct difference between what my magic can sense and what a pony might be aware of. That is actually a part of my magic as well – reminding ponies of what is there. Or, if necessary, what isn’t.”

I took another deep breath and mustered as much courage as I could and just started talking. No plans, no schemes – I would just see where this conversation would take us. “A couple of years back, Luna helped me get together with her sister. She snuck me into Celestia’s study. The day after, she accompanied me to the train station and we talked on the way. I don’t remember the exact context anymore. She asked me if I love her, I believe? Something along those lines. And it freaked me out. I was still struggling hard to come to terms with my ‘own’ memories and my flashes at the time. I tried to distance myself from my past lives. I tried to convince myself that those Dreamwalker’s weren’t me. They were different iterations of the same pony, living different lives in different worlds. They got their own families and loved ones. But despite my efforts, it wasn’t that easy. It never became easy and I struggle with these memories to this very day. I can’t in good conscience embrace these memories either, though. It would be unfair to anypony involved. So, back in the day, when Luna asked me… I panicked. I loved her, obviously. I wanted her. But I had made my choice, I tried to live my own life, I had become involved with her sister just the day prior. It was…”

“… a mess,” Princess Cadance interrupted with a sigh. Then again, the pony sitting in that odd chair was no princess any longer, was she? In this very room, with the door being closed, it felt more intimate. The entire room was designed to support this feeling. Like she was somepony who could be trusted.

“I had maneuvered myself into quite a predicament,” I continued. “I couldn’t reject her. I could never reject her. But I could not accept her either. So I pleaded with her. Begged her not to make me choose. And well, she didn’t. But then I entered night guard training, and parallel to that, she trained me for my actual position. She taught me a lot about the dreamscape. And it was… it was so much fun. Interesting, sure. Challenging as well. Tough and taxing at times. But I just loved spending this time with her. I loved seeing that passion in her eyes again. How she regarded the night sky. I’m well aware that she has a lot more experience with… well, basically everything. She has a lot more self-control. If she wants to control herself, that is. I felt it, over those months and years. We grew together again. And I loved that. Today, I proudly call her one of my best friends, without hesitation or doubt. But over the last couple of months, I… there has been a certain attraction at play. It’s frighteningly easy to flirt with her. And we had fun with that, still have. You know, she initially told me that she more or less just wanted to start something so she could avoid feeling left out. Because of Twilight. And that’s just the next can of worms. In all my memories and all my flashes and… just, everything. Twilight is central. She is… like… the lynchpin of my entire world for some reason. Always has been, always will be. And there had been enough nights where I felt so incredibly guilty about that, because I was lying in bed with Celestia, sleep eluded me, and I thought about home, about her. With Celestia lying beside me. And that’s just messed up. I love Twilight. And I love Luna. And I love Celestia. And I have been wracking my brains, trying to make sense of it. Twilight tends to say that she loves all her friends. And I believe her, she does. There’s so much love… or rather, kinds of love. Because a mother loves her child. And a brother loves his sibling. And a lover loves his partner. And a random pony loves his princess. And a farmer loves her land. These can’t all be the same. They can’t be. And it made me think. What if my love for them is just… different kinds of love? But that didn’t exactly help me out much. I love Applejack. If we’re being honest for a moment: It’s a shitty thing, admitting that you love some of your friends more than others. But I believe it’s somewhat normal. Natural. I hope, at least, or that’s already messed up on my part. And I love Applejack more than a lot of my other friends. I’m well aware that, to a certain degree, I idolize her like so many other ponies idolize Celestia. Yet she also feels like family. Familiar. Safe. Even the love I feel for my friends is so… diverse. And if the love shared between friends already has, like, a bazillion different subcategories or whatever… how am I supposed to understand any of what is going on with those three?”

Feeling exhausted, I slumped for a moment. My head lowered onto my crossed forelegs, I sighed deeply and closed my eyes in an attempt to recompose myself. I expected her to react. To say anything. To start lecturing me on one topic or another, but the room remained silent. When I cracked my eyes back open, she was still looking at me. A warm smile spread across her lips again. She waited. Patiently. I had bottled up a lot. She seemed to know somehow.

“I have had a lot of thought experiments over the years. There’s a distinction to be made between love and attraction. You can buck somepony’s brains out without caring much, just ‘scratching an itch’, as they say. You can just as well dote on somepony and comfort them and care for them and love them to bits without ever feeling the need to kiss them. I thought about that a lot. You’re not supposed to be attracted to your friends, I thought. But to this day, I remember quite clearly how much I enjoyed snuggling up to Pinkie and if things were different, I wouldn’t mind a roll in the hay with her. I can’t separate attraction from love. I’m just… unable to, on a fundamental level. But I love her, as my friend, and to me, she is very attractive. And in turn, that love I feel for her only enhances that attraction. There’s ‘friends with benefits’ of course. I’ve heard of that. And I just can’t imagine it. Despite my thought experiments, despite what I just said, I could not do that. Ever. I’m either in a relationship, or I’m not. And if I am, I give it my all. My heart, my blood, my tears, my soul. It sounds cheesy and overly dramatic, but saying it like that feels right.”

“You offer all of it to Celestia?” she asked. Her first words spoken in quite some time.

“I do,” I replied without hesitation. “If I decide something, I stick with it. If I commit, I truly commit.”

“I suppose that is part of what keeps you up at night, then,” she mused and I nodded in affirmation. “Because if you are this committed, how is it possible that a part of you wants to commit more, to somepony else?”

“It just doesn’t make any sense,” I added and heard my voice grow more desperate again. “It’s like… you know, Rainbow is a really smart mare. She constantly downplays that to ‘be more awesome’ and ‘look cool’, because she hasn’t caught on that being nerdy can be quite cool as well. But she’s actually really good with numbers. And then she brings her stupid catchphrase or whatever that is supposed to be. Give one hundred percent, but it needs to be twenty percent cooler or something. It’s one hundred percent. You can’t give more than that. You don’t have more than that. That’s not how math works.”

“But it might be how love works,” Cadance countered with a smaller smile, one filled with empathy and maybe, just maybe, a tiny trace of pity, “Tell me: Think about committing to Luna. Giving her all you have, just like you said before. Ignore, for just a moment, both Celestia and Twilight, if you can. Does that thought irk you?”

I tried. It was difficult to disregard what she asked me to disregard. It was a lot, after all. “No,” I answered truthfully.

She nodded. “Now, let’s reintroduce Celestia. You are committed to her. Imagine committing to Luna as well.”

There was no question asked. No further context given. And yet. I grimaced. “It sounds like a bomb waiting to go off. A conflict of interests seems inevitable. I don’t want to hurt them. I think that might actually be what I fear most. Getting hurt sucks, sure. But hurting them?”

She smiled. She smiled like she had successfully made a point, but I could not see it yet. “Well, what I did not hear was ‘it’s impossible’,” she offered.

“I—… well I mean—…” I fell silent. True enough, it did not feel impossible. But at the same time, it felt like it should be. This was not about semantics. Or numbers. Which made the whole topic even murkier. I would have preferred something more tangible, something clear and structured that I could grasp and understand. And I still felt desperate. I still saw no clear path to trot down. “What do I do?” I asked her and felt tears welling up.

Her smile became almost motherly. Caring. “You need to talk to them. This is not a burden you need to carry alone. Or even should, actually. It is not your decision to make. Talk to Celestia first. She will need the most time to think this through. Then talk it out with the rest of them. You have done an admirable job at being upfront and honest with both yourself and them, as far as I’m aware. And you need to continue that throughout.”

I nodded numbly. In truth, I had feared and expected this advice. ‘Talk to Celestia’. It was inevitable, but at the same time, I really did not want to. She knew of my feelings, and she never commented on them. I assumed she did not want to know. As long as I was true and loyal to her, everything was fine. And I was.

I feared the consequences of poking a stable system.

“Now, let’s go back to that beginning,” Cadance said after a moment and with no small amount of horror probably very much visible on my face, I realized that this had just been the beginning of our conversation. There was a lot more to discuss, in a lot more detail…

Twilight was the first to arrive and she startled me. With an audible pop, a flicker of raspberry light and the smell of ozone, she teleported straight onto the balcony in front of me.

“Gah!” I half-yelled and backpedaled a little. In reaction, her wings sprang open halfway.

“Sorry, sorry!” she apologized and folded her wings back down.

Without a second thought, I almost leaped forwards and hugged her tightly. “I’m so glad you’re here,” I quickly whispered and held her close to myself.

“I… uhm, I’m glad to be here?” she replied with an awkward little laugh, before she reciprocated the hug and put her wings around me for good measure. “Is everything alright?”

“Just nerves,” I mumbled. I could feel her shift. She was inspecting the room, maybe trying to figure out what had me nervous. If my assumption was correct, it would not take her long to realize the impending conversation was the reason. After all, I had been rather vague as to what I wanted to talk to them about. The only one really in the know was Celestia. Twilight and Luna only knew that I wanted to discuss ‘relationship stuff’ and might as well expect me to propose to Celestia. It had been a couple of really good and stable years. Maybe a proposal was in order, but that was something to be considered another day. Not today.

After a minute or two, I finally let go of Twilight. There was no trace of awkwardness. She smiled and seemed happy. “Feeling better?” she asked.

“Much. Thank you.” I stood up, led her into the room and pointed towards the seating arrangement. “I thought that would be comfortable?”

She nodded and looked around once more. “It should be, yes, it’s just… hm…”

“What is it?” I hesitantly asked. Had I forgotten something? I had probably forgotten something. What did I forget?!

“No tea and coffee?” she asked and looked at the carafe.

A carafe filled with water. With four mugs beside it. I was basically the only one constantly drinking pure water. For a fraction of a second, I felt incredibly selfish, before I remembered that I was, well, me and I just had been my usual, scatterbrained self. “Shoot,” I cursed. “I forgot.”

Twilight smiled and put a hoof to my cheek. “I will get it.” She pulled me closer and for just a couple of seconds, we stood there, forehead to forehead with our horns crossed. It was nice. Really nice. Then she withdrew and sauntered towards the door. “Should not take long.”

As soon as the door closed behind her, I mumbled some half-finished curse about myself, but tried to relax. Twilight was here. With Twilight present, everything usually felt easier and less overwhelming. I tried to grasp that feeling and wrap myself in it like a blanket.

Just a couple of minutes later and a knock at the door confused me. Without a word spoken by either me or the intruder, the door opened to reveal both Celestia and Luna. “… no, I will certainly not do that,” Celestia denied her sister's proposal with a gentle, amused smile.

“We still think it would be funny. He could use the cold bath anyway and the water would soften his landing,” Luna elaborated with a dark chuckle.

“I am not going to throw anypony out of any window,” Celestia insisted, but this time, her sister's enthusiasm actually made her giggle a little bit. Neither of them would do so if any guards – or other witnesses – were present, of course. But this room was in a rarely used and thus rarely visited part of the castle.

Both casually walked in, closed the door and walked over to me. Luna stopped a small distance away, but Celestia walked over and nuzzled me as a greeting. I returned the gesture in kind. “Hey love,” I whispered and stole a quick kiss.

“Are you ready?” she asked, a little bit of concern shining through.

“Heck no,” I replied with my nerves fluttering again. “But I’ll try anyway. Are you?”

Celestia raised her head and looked over her shoulder, back at her sister. Luna more or less successfully pretended not to listen in, finding great interest in the room's décor. When Celestia looked back, she wore a smile, albeit a shaky one. “I hope so.”

It felt reassuring in a way. Knowing that I was not the only one trying to keep his cool.

“No coffee?” Luna asked and I suddenly felt a need to faceplant on the table nearby. “I am awake before my time, and with my shortened night, you don’t even offer me coffee?” she reinforced her outrage.

I knew that she was only teasing me, but right now, with my nerves laying bare, I could not jump in and joke around with her like I would like to have. “I—“

“—was getting that,” Twilight's voice interrupted me from the door. She walked in with a floating tray behind her, holding a pot of tea and a pot of coffee.

I tried to express my deep gratitude for her saving me by beaming at her. “Thank you, Twilight.”

We sat down and for a moment, everything settled into a comfortable, familiar rhythm. Luna told us a story about her night, short as it had been. And she did not seem to grow tired of bringing that back up, teasing me. Twilight took over, talking about a probably interesting friendship problem that had come up, but I could hardly bring myself to listen. I was battling my inner demons, trying to start the topic somehow.

After emptying her coffee, Twilight sat the cup back down and poured tea into it.

“Now that is just unnatural,” Luna commented with disgust.

“A crime against the laws of nature,” Celestia agreed with a visible shudder. “And against tea.”

“I have some juice somewhere, if you really wanna mess them up,” I ‘whispered’ to Twilight with a grin.

A moment later, we all shared a good-natured laugh with each other. And to me, at least, it felt like the tension’s back had been broken. It was as good an opportunity as I would ever get. “Right, so. I asked all of you to come here to talk. We should probably do that before Luna decides to bug me further about those precious hours of sleep she’s missing.” She stuck her tongue out at me and we both smiled. Mine faltered after only a brief moment however. “I… on a theoretical level, I know that in this very room we’re currently sitting in, there’s nothing that I need to be afraid of. Theory doesn’t help me much though. I’m trying. I just… I guess I’m just asking you to be patient with me.”

Twilight just nodded. Luna straightened her posture and gave a nod as well. With that, I turned and looked to Celestia, once more silently asking for confirmation. She leaned down and nuzzled my cheek for just a brief moment. It was enough of a ‘go ahead’ for me. “I have been in a dedicated relationship with Celestia for some very enjoyable years now. And we’re happy. However… I think at this point, it’s more of an open secret than anything else…” I looked at Twilight. “I love you. And I love you in a way that is a lot more than just ‘friendly’.” Before my determination could falter, I ripped my gaze away from that cute blush coloring her cheeks and looked over at Luna. “Same goes for you. I love you too.” With what remained, I dared to look to Celestia. It was not unexpected to see that she had partially slipped her mask on. It actually did not hurt. I tried to figure out if I was disappointed, but instead I just leaned over and nuzzled her, before returning my attention to the rest. “I have talked with Celestia at length. This conversation would not take place without her blessing. And if anypony feels uncomfortable at any point, please do not hesitate to voice that.” I waited a moment for them to acknowledge what I had said, and only continued after that. “A couple of years back, Luna suggested a more… uhm… ‘open’ relationship. We would like to talk about that.”

“Ohhh,” Luna replied first. “So it is The Talk, I see.”

Whatever that was supposed to mean, I did not ask. She grinned and for the moment, that was enough. Nopony was fleeing to the balcony door in terror. A solid first step. And more importantly, Celestia was not shifting around uncomfortably – a solid and important second step. “I am not willing to risk my relationship with her. I just… I can’t. So she will have the final say in all of this, but as I mentioned… we wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for her. Are… are you two on board with the broad idea?” I looked at Luna fist, expecting this to be a quick and easy answer and was not disappointed.

“Well, I suggested it,” she replied with a shrug. “It would be weird were I to suddenly change my mind, no? However, I do share the sentiment: I will not endanger my relationship with Twilight for this.”

And with that, we looked to Twilight. I had tried. I had done whatever I could think of to avoid any situation that could possibly feel like being pressured or being ganged up on. Yet here we were, staring at her. However, despite that, she did not seem all that fazed by it and still smiled at us. “I would very much like it if we could make this work, yes,” she replied and that warm smile grew into a little grin.

I breathed a sigh of relief and nodded. “Good. Right. Then… we should try to figure out if it can work. And how. We should talk about expectations, wishes, conditions, boundaries, all that.”

“If I may?” Celestia spoke up.

To be honest, I was not all that surprised. We had talked at length, and she had a lot to think about. And a lot that needed to be shared right here and now. “Of course, go ahead,” I replied.

She looked over to Twilight and Luna. “I love you both dearly, and I wish for all of us to be as happy as we can be. And maybe this is a way for all of us to become happier than we are. However. I had enough time to think about this. And I came to the conclusion that I will very likely feel uncomfortable if I were to notice you be more… intimate with each other. I am not talking about flirting – we all do that all the time. I would ask for discretion in my presence, and restraint if necessary. I do not think that I have a tendency for jealousy as such, but I am more accustomed to a ‘regular’ relationship and this is… a new experience for me. This might be a ban I am willing to lift later on, but I need to ease myself into this. I really do not wish to hear about Twilight's ‘performance’ or my sister's exploits, and I assume you share my opinion on this matter, at least.”

“I do not mind,” Luna just shrugged.

It took Celestia a moment to process that. She blinked, and stared at her little sister like she had suddenly sprouted a second head. “… what?” It was rather unusual to see my love this unbalanced. She was not speechless per se, just… really out of her depth and a little overwhelmed. I had admittedly not expected Luna's nonchalance either.

“Oh please, sister,” Luna started. “You have always been the more prudish of us two. Maybe there is too much idolization of romance as a concept in your head, I cannot tell. But quite a few of our little ponies have become prudish themselves and I cannot say that I am surprised. For a thousand years they looked up to this pristine figurehead of state, impeccable and superior. A role model, some utopian ideal to strive for. Given that, I deem it a miracle that they accept herds at all these days.”

Twilight nuzzled Luna. I noticed how there was a lot more communication going on beyond that simple gesture. Luna silently sighed, gave a quick nod and relaxed a little.

“It is called ‘polyamorous relationship’ now,” Twilight supplied.

Luna furrowed her brow. “It is? Well that is just a mouthful. Be that as it may: I see creatures dream on a nightly basis. I am quite certain that there is little I do not know about that can be done in the bedroom – or outside of it. I have seen ‘depravity’ in all its forms and quite frankly, I do not really care anymore. There has been a social stigma on a lot of practices. Some of them are justified – most are not. Our society has evolved quickly, and the evolution of our minds and instincts cannot catch up. I do not mind hearing of your ‘exploits’, dear sister of mine. What I would gather from such tales is the satisfaction of knowing that you enjoy yourself, that you are happy, that you live.”

Celestia had become paler over time. It was hard to tell, since color draining from a pristine white coat did not exactly do all that much. But she had refrained from speaking up. She had not told Luna to stop. I could instead see all gears turning, her processing this and trying to fit it in with something. She finally shook her head and, after closing her eyes, gave a short sigh and reopened them to look at all three of us. “I am sorry, but I do not feel comfortable with that.”

“Don’t apologize,” I answered. “That’s why we’re here. Why we’re talking.”

“You will have to be more precise though, sister,” Luna said.

For a second or two, Celestia chewed her bottom lip. A strange and rare gesture. “I do not wish to hear of your exploits. Or Twilight's, for that matter. And I don't feel comfortable with the thought of you two hearing about mine either.”

The rest of us exchanged glances.

“Despite what it will feel like,” Cadance warned me. “Starting this conversation will actually be one of the easier parts. You will have to be cautious, Dreamwalker. As I said before, there is always a discrepancy between what a pony passively notices, and what a pony is actively aware of. At some point, they might tell you – without lying – that something is alright, while it really isn’t. You won’t be able to entirely avoid such situations, but it helps to be observant and aware of the possibility. Eventually, such situations come back to bite you if they weren’t addressed properly. In that regard, I don’t worry much about Luna. She knows herself well, especially after the whole… incident. If you hurt her, she will tell you. If she is angry, you will know. She’s a really bad liar and the thought of lying often escapes her in the first place. She does have a self-destructive tendency though.”

“I think I can handle Luna,” I replied with a smirk. “She’s rather straightforward. Almost blunt with her approaches.”

“Twilight is a little bit trickier. She has grown a lot, and learned a lot, but she still lacks experience. I’m not entirely sure if she would immediately notice being hurt, but Twilight always had one crucial weakness – she is an open book. Just like Luna, lying doesn’t come naturally to her. But other than Luna, she has no background of guarding herself against prying eyes.” I nodded. “Now, Celestia is difficult. If she doesn’t want you to know something, you won’t know. With her experience and rhetorical skills, she could run circles around you and you would be none the wiser. You will have to trust her. You will have to trust that she is honest with you and shares her thoughts and doubts with you.”

I remembered a conversation I had with her only a couple of weeks ago. She had grown worried that our relationship might become stale. It was such a silly worry, but I understood her perfectly well. And I took it seriously of course, because it was serious for her. She had shared that. And right now, that gave me hope. “I can do that,” I proclaimed to Cadance.

“’Tis fine by me,” Luna stated. “This is obviously about each and every one of us.”

We once more looked over to Twilight. “I… I don’t need to hear that either,” she replied with a faint tint in her cheeks.

A curious reaction. Luna seemed to share that assessment, as she promptly asked, “But you would like to?”

The tint deepened somewhat and while Luna raised an eyebrow with a smirk, both Twilight and Celestia made efforts not to make eye contact. I quickly realized that this could derail us, and more importantly, that this could quickly turn uncomfortable. “That’s not the point right now,” I interrupted before Luna could pry further. “Both of you agree to this, and I don’t have any problem with showing restraint in that regard either. This is about accommodating all of us, as Luna has already pointed out.” Twilight gave me a relieved smile and nod. I got your back, peanut. Don't worry.

Luna tried to stare a little hole in Twilight's head, but after a couple of seconds more, she relented and with a ‘we will talk about this later, and I will enjoy it’-look on her face, she re-entered the conversation. “I think at this point, we made our priorities and preferences pretty clear?”

“Priorities?” I asked with mild confusion.

She nodded. “Yes. Your priority is my sister, and she will remain as such. To state the rather obvious: My sister's priority is you. Correct me if I err.”

Celestia looked back. She turned to me first. That almost fragile looking smile gained strength and grew warmer, until she gave me a quick nuzzle and turned to her sister. “No correction necessary.”

Luna nodded satisfied. “My priority lies with Twilight. And Twilight, I presume yours lies with me?”

I grinned. Maybe that was not the most appropriate reaction, but I grinned anyway. For some reason, Twilight was still inspecting the really nice decoration of this room, sporting a blush that, if anything, had grown more noticeable. I wondered what was going on in that smart head of hers and with a little side glance to Celestia, noticing her very faint blush as well, I had my suspicions.

“Mhm,” Twilight answered.

“What about the openness of it all?” Luna continued. It was strange how she seemed to have taken over leading the conversation. Then again, patience is a virtue she often struggled with and she always had been a feverish advocate of the ‘hooves on’-approach. Plus: It was quite likely that she knew, that she actually knew, what she was talking about.

“What do you mean by that?” Celestia asked with an audible sense of foreboding.

“Rest easy, sister,” Luna replied and shot her a reassuring smile. “I am not trying to imply anything. It is just a necessity of such talks to state everything as plain as possible and as clear as day, no matter how obvious it might seem. I am willing to share my life, heart and bed with both Twilight and Dreamwalker. Twilight and I had talked about possibilities before and she is not comfortable with me taking on other lovers. In the same vein, I am not comfortable with her doing that.”

At that, both Celestia's and my gaze were drawn to each other. I was not sure if I had expected to see worry or fear in them. She was determined instead. And I felt a smile tug at my lips. “Same goes for us,” I answered Luna, and my love smiled for me.

After a moment though, her brow furrowed as she remembered that she had thought about a lot more than she had actually shared so far. She turned her attention to both Twilight and Luna, and so did I. “What about marriage?” she asked.

While Luna just gave it some thought, both Twilight and I were stunned. She brought that up so casually.

“Are the old laws still in place?” Luna asked, still thinking to herself.

“They are,” her sister replied with carefully balanced neutrality. “I had made a push or two in the last century, but they were always rebuked by the higher echelons of society.”

“Narrow-minded inbreds,” Luna quietly cursed. “We shall see about that. The next time you try, just send them our way. It matters little for now, I suppose.” Both Twilight and I gulped audibly as our significant others looked at us. “Or does it?”

Bad Luna! Bad!, I wanted to chide her. This really was a bad time to tease us like that. Twilight was flabbergasted, stammering something barely audible, and I… well… I looked up to Celestia. I saw that warm, caring smile. Her beautiful eyes. Out of the corner of my eyes, I noticed that little flutter of her wings. Soon, I promised her without a word.

She leaned down, and we shared a kiss. “I like to think long-term,” Celestia restarted the conversation. “It made sense to at least address this before it became an issue.”

Luna nodded, turning her attention away from a furiously blushing Twilight and thereby drawing her muzzle out of Twilight's mane. “I agree, it is a good addition. Should the state of things remain as is, the easiest way would be to marry according to our priorities. Those might change, though I do not deem this likely.”

I noticed Celestia looking at me once more and so turned my attention to her again. And I suddenly felt like a mouse before a cat. There was that familiar, mischievous twinkle in her eyes. “What about foals?” she continued to put us on the spot.

“We have talked about adopting,” Luna answered. “But we have not decided yet. I am well aware that there are magical means by which this could be made possible, but to be frank: I harbor a dislike for them. Then again, if this new constellation does indeed work out, maybe it would not be necessary anyway.”

With the gazes of all three suddenly turning on me, I felt a load of anxiety bubbling up in my throat. “Eep.”

Luna snorted and chuckled. “Huh. Who would have thought? He really does sound like fair Fluttershy sometimes.”

I was not sure what was going on in Twilight's head. Her expression was hard to read and constantly shifted. Luna obviously enjoyed herself by teasing me to death, but right now, most importantly, I tried not to look to my left, where Celestia was sitting. I could feel her burning hot gaze drill into me. She was not just open to the idea, she was excited about it. We had tried for a foal for more than one and a half years already. We obviously did not go around telling everypony, so neither Luna nor Twilight knew. Which brought up the question of why she was bringing this topic up in the first place. Did she know something I did not? But as she had said herself: She liked to think long-term. Maybe she tried to preemptively discuss this before either of the other two got any funny ideas?

Whatever the case might have been, I felt like I was burning. Everything was hot and I considered stepping out onto the balcony, but Twilight saved me once again. Despite my efforts to circumvent any ‘us versus them’-mentality, it seemed I had failed. It was just that who was ‘us’ and who was ‘them’ constantly switched. Right now, Twilight and I saved each other’s hides from these insufferable two.

“Well, since we are already talking about ‘how open’ things should be,” she started before clearing her throat in an attempt to dismiss the last vestiges of embarrassment. “We should consider our public image. While keeping Dreamwalker out of the public eye despite his relationship with Princess Celestia has worked surprisingly well so far, I do not think we can expect that miracle to repeat if we were to enter this new relationship form.”

Luna was about to speak up, but Celestia — knowing how her sister thought — preempted her. “We cannot, and will not, manipulate the press to our advantage, sister. I have fought too hard to establish freedom of speech to see it swim down the stream because of selfish reasons.”

Luna grumbled a little, but shook her head after a moment and spoke up anyway. “We will of course respect your work, sister. Dreamwalker has gone through media training twice now and while he remains utterly uncomfortable with the spotlight, I think in these circumstances, we would be able to share the burden between us four, no? Maybe we should instead see this as an opportunity. We could spearhead this as a movement to support your push against prejudice and intolerance, sister. I do not want to market our relationship, but we will hardly be able to keep it secret anyway. And quite frankly, the thought of stalking around, watching every word I say and every move I make, does not appeal to me.”

Celestia remained silent for a moment longer until she suddenly giggled. “Oh goodness me. My aides and advisors, and the entire press team will be thrilled to hear of all the work we are producing for them right now.”

I could not help but chuckle as well. Neither could Twilight, it seemed. The mundanity of that was just too surreal. For some reason, public opinion had a lot less weight on our minds than it probably should have.

“Well it is about time they stop sitting on their rumps and leech off the treasury,” Luna got worked up. “We employ them, do we not?”

I knew that the press team had all their hooves full. On a daily basis. The image of the palace needed to be maintained and there was always something, it seemed. Another villainous incident, another smear campaign, another staff member that was just that teensy bit too talkative. But those were probably minor annoyances compared to the massive bomb we prepared to drop on them.

“We should not change the law,” I threw my less favorable thought in. Both Twilight and Luna suddenly stopped and stared at me. Celestia caught on quickly however. “Thing is: We can spearhead this, sure. I’m not thrilled by the prospect, to be honest. But I wasn’t thrilled about the attention when I started dating Celestia. I did it anyway, because she’s worth it. And this is worth it as well. But If we use this and then change the law, it will look—“

“—like we did this for ourselves,” Twilight finished.

I nodded. “If we really want to keep up appearances, the push to change the law must come from a different party. Someone not affiliated with us, to circumvent any accusations of bias.”

“These accusations will be leveled anyway, but it would help our position considerably,” Celestia agreed.

Twilight sighed. “I do not want to hinder progress or anything, but can we maybe postpone the political intrigue? I know this is important, but I would rather return to being teased about marriage and foals right now. This was meant to be about us, first and foremost.” In a way, it was both funny and heartwarming to see how Luna and Celestia both extended a wing to drape over Twilight's back. They looked at each other before Luna smirked, raised her wing a little and put Celestia's wing on Twilight's back before resting her own one on top. Twilight had followed the little exchange and while a faint tint returned to her cheeks, she did relax a little and smiled quite satisfied. “So if I understand correctly, we are going for a kitchen table-style, then?”

“It appears so, yes. To be honest, anything else would be quite silly,” Luna agreed.

“Excuse me,” Celestia chimed in. “I feel a little left out. What kind of style?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I, uh, heard the idioms about the kitchen sink. What’s wrong with the table?”

Twilight grinned sheepishly. “Oh, uhm, right. Sorry. There is nothing wrong with the kitchen table, quite the contrary. It is a term used to describe a certain style of relationship. A polyamorous relationship, to be specific.” And she was in full-on lecture mode. She was cute. “’Kitchen table style’ refers to the involved parties being close to each other, sharing not necessarily a household, but sympathy and life, not dissimilar to a family. Seeing as our relationships are already evolved to the point of very close friendships, forming non-crossing parallel lines would not make much sense and I was really afraid we might run into the issue that someone would prefer a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’-style. I don’t know if I would be able to deal with that. Luckily, I do not have to! So all is good.”

I exchanged a look with Celestia and was relieved to see that I was not the only one present who was a little… surprised? Celestia regarded first her former student and then her sister for a while before she spoke up on, as it quickly turned out, both our behalves. “How do you two know so much about this topic?” After all, Twilight had just demonstrated her knowledge in a quite impressive manner, as I was sure that those few sentences were backed up by a lot of knowledge. In the same vein, Luna had led the conversation for a while, had she not? And she had seemed so sure of herself while doing it. Then again… “Nevermind,” Celestia added as her sister started to grin. “I think I know how you know.” With that, she turned her curious gaze to Twilight.

Luna leaned over and nuzzled Twilight. “It is fine, love. Nothing to fear, just as Dreamwalker said.”

For just a brief moment, I was confused. Why would Twilight need encouragement? Why here, and now? Twilight closed her eyes and did that breathing technique Princess Cadance taught her, releasing her breath slowly and steadily. When she reopened her eyes, she looked at us with a sort of apologetic smile. “So, as you have heard previously, Luna and I have had conversations of this nature before. She actually took a year and a half before she brought it up for the first time.” I looked over to Luna and stifled a chuckle, seeing how proud she puffed her chest out. A whole year and a half! “This has obviously given me a lot of time to make myself familiar with the subject and research it properly, to gain a firm grasp on the matter,” Twilight continued.

A lot of time indeed. You've been researching this for more than four years, haven't you, peanut?

Her horn was wreathed in magic and a second later, two books appeared before Celestia and me. Well, not books, as I quickly realized. Just a decently sized stack of paper, bound by little metal rings.

“Dear Princess Celestia?” Celestia asked with a surprised giggle as she read the first page.

Twilight blushed hard and looked down to her hooves. “I got really, really nervous researching and writing this. Phrasing it like a letter to you helped.”

I was pretty sure that she was the most adorable pony in existence right now. I skimmed through some of those pages and quickly realized that this had indeed been a research project of many years. Probably one she only pursued whenever a breakthrough offered itself or when she had excess time at her hooves, but given the time span, that still amounted to a lot of pages. “That crate you received last month…?” I asked.

And without missing a beat, Twilight's smile grew. “Research material from Cadance. She was very helpful on so many occasions!”

I had been traveling to the Crystal Empire not even a week ago. To get some advice directly from the one pony I deemed most qualified to give said advice. And she had said nothing about this. Nothing at all. However, in retrospect, it at least explained her knowing smirk when we bid our farewells at the train station.

Maybe that had finally been her revenge for my meddling in her domain.