Dreamwalker's Tale: An Anthology

by Voidwalker

Rating: mature
Tags: Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Sex, Anthology, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Romance, Princess Luna, Original Character, Spike
Length: 310800

A collection of snippets from Dreamwalker's life.

Reading the previous story is highly advised, as this will probably be quite the confusing experience otherwise. Each chapter will be a little peek into his life. They won't necessarily be in chronological order, but I recently made a blog post offering a timeline for those who are interested. There will be no 'upload schedule'. I write when I have something to write about, and I upload it as soon as it's ready.

The cover art was a commission done by the talented Camyllea.

A couple of warnings before you start reading:
This story is written in first person, but there seems to be no tag for that.
This story is rated mature and does contain adult themes and scenes, but you will be sorely disappointed if you go in expecting a decent clop story.
This story is written in English (duh), which is a foreign language for me. Sadly, I could not secure a proofreader thus far.
This story's continuity is... vague. It's somewhere after season four, before season five... mostly.
This story features certain ships and since some readers might dislike them, I'm going to quickly list them here: AppleDash, Tuna, FlutterPie and implications of Spike 'seeing' one (or more) of the CMCs and Rarity possibly courting Fancy Pants and Fleur de Lis.

Published 2022-03-02 22:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-09-26 11:43:15 UTC

Day 1,472: Family

It was Celestia's free day.

The mere fact of this statement being true never ceased to amaze me. We, collectively, had to drive a hard bargain for this. We piled each and every opinion we could find on top of each other to increase the pressure. Luna, Twilight, Cadance and me – the obvious first choices. Shining Armor, Twilight's parents, the other Elements of Harmony – second choices. And finally, we resorted to piling on everything we could think of. Including but not limited to her aides and seneschal.

Every time we waltzed into the throne room to reopen this discussion, our entourage grew in size. We had started this little project with the best intentions. She needed a break, but her sense of duty would not allow her to take it. Almost a year later, the throne room had become quite lively. At that point, there was no need anymore for any of us to utter a single word. She knew exactly why we were there. And I liked to believe that at some point, she had started looking forward to this.

So many ponies cared about her well-being. So many ponies close and dear to her wanted her to take a step back. To take a break once in a while. We were not about to dethrone her of course. But once she caved in and actually signaled her willingness to listen, to truly listen to us, she had to argue against so many voices drowning out her objections that the mere attempt became futile.

She had been willing to take one day off. Per month.

We attempted to force her to take one day off. Per week.

We met in the middle and compromised on one day per two weeks. She had tried to argue of course. She was constantly sneaking away anyway, under the guise of her transformation spell. Being Sunny Skies had already helped her a lot. Flying around in the sky, free to do whatever she wanted. Walking the streets of Canterlot, seeing her ponies mill about. But it was not enough – according to us. She tried to use her wily diplomatic skills on us, tried to make us ‘see reason’, but she argued against a sea of ponies at that point. She might have been able to persuade one, two, three, but before the fourth one of us could cave in, the others piped up and destroyed whatever progress she had made. There was no victory to be gained against the hive mind we had become.

Thus it became a recurring thing that Celestia had a free day.

I was obviously not about to complain. As her paramour, I was probably the one profiting the most from this. She still snuck out as Sunny every once in a while – just because she enjoyed it a lot, for a whole variety of reasons. But that one day was something I could plan with. Something I could make arrangements for. Setting up little dates, reservations in fancy restaurants, visits to Ponyville…

I had made no such plans for today however. I had endured a grueling week of guard training and I was just looking forward to spending some time with my love. It seemed to be one of those rare times where her days had been less taxing than mine.

“Ready?” I asked her as I fastened my saddlebag to my right side. It bore little weight, only carrying my one-of-a-kind, Rarity-fashioned purse.

Celestia's horn wreathed in a soft, golden glow and her entire body was encased in the same aura. It seemed to flow over her in ripples and shrunk her down. Her horn vanished completely into her skull, and a moment later, Sunny Skies smiled at me, a regular old pegasus. “Now I am.”

I chuckled, stepped up to her and kissed her. “Hmmm… I like that,” I mumbled and promptly dove in for a second kiss, and then a third. “It’s so much easier to do this when you’re my size.”

“I find no reason to complain about your creativity to circumvent this ‘issue’ so far,” she replied with a warm smile. She gave me a little peck on the cheek before sidling up to me. We exited her chambers and the day guards flanking the door did not even blink. By now, most of the guards knew about ‘Sunny Skies’ anyway. But they were sworn to secrecy to allow her a little bit more freedom. “So,” she started again while we were slowly walking along the hallways of Canterlot Castle, “how was your morning?”

We both giggled.

“How dare you defy the Great and Powerful!” the massive beast roared and ripped another building in half.

Luna and I just shared a quick look before we broke into roaring laughter. We threw ourselves on our backs, rolled on the ground and just laughed. We laughed at the absurdity of it all. We laughed despite the smoldering ruins of half of Ponyville. We laughed in the face of something that looked at us with such intense indignation.

Shapeless, faceless ponies were lying around, strewn between the wreckages. Unmoving. A dark sky above, without clouds, moon or stars. Only the empty black void. We could hear the terrified screams of fleeing ponies from somewhere. The few survivors of this massacre.

The beast sported massive claws drenched in blood. Its gaping maw featured rows upon rows of teeth, similar to a shark. It moved quickly on its six legs, despite its size. Indestructible scales covered its body, but they were barely visible beneath the thick, wool-like fur.

Props to the dreamer for this creation. That was a decent imagination.

“Watcha thinkin’?” I lazily asked Luna once we managed to compose ourselves a little. The beast seemed bewildered enough to just stop its rampage and stare at us. “Time to finish it off?”

Luna wiped away some tears and allowed herself a final bout of giggling before she stood back up on slightly wobbly legs. “Yes. While this has been most entertaining, I think it is enough.”

So I stood back up as well and we faced the beast. Seeing as we were apparently finally willing to face it, it unleashed a supposedly terrifying roar and smashed another building. “You will know fear once I’m done with you!” it bellowed.

“Oh. So you’ll let us live? Well, that’s awfully nice of you,” I answered with a smile.

“What? No! No, I will kill you!” it disagreed.

“Well I mean, you just said ‘we will know fear once you’re done with us’. That does imply we will live through this, doesn’t it?” I was not even asking the beast itself and instead turned my attention to Luna.

She nodded, affirming my assessment. “It seems it is confused. Or not all that intelligent. Maybe both.”

“I am—“ the beast started but was swiftly interrupted by me.

“Well, maybe it’s just cranky? You could try to hug it out with it.” Luna furrowed her brow in thought, pondering my advice.

The beast roared again, but I just held up a hoof in a ‘please wait a second’-gesture. It only enraged it further. “I will not suffer this—“ it started again but was interrupted by Luna this time.

“You may be right. It does seem rather cranky. And Twilight always lectures me on the importance of hugs, so we might as well test her theory,” she agreed.

“Well, you’re not exactly the right size for hugging it, are you?” I offered.

The beast watched the exchange in puzzlement. And further increasing rage. It did not even start complaining again in fear of being interrupted once more. It instead waited this one out. Luna focused her considerable willpower and changed a little detail about the dream. Like a slider on a scale, she began to grow in size. Until one massive Luna towered over the supposedly impressive beast.

The creature watched her grow and grow with increasing horror. Realization dawned on its face as Lunas hoof came down and pressed the beast against her leg, softly squishing its back. “There, there,” she cooed.

Not daring to move out of fear of being squashed, the beast just remained still… until it dissolved. No amount of imagination could keep this nightmare alive at this point. And with the creature turning to starlight and vanishing, Luna shrank down again.

I walked over to her and we looked around. “He’s here somewhere,” I noted.

She nodded, confirming my presumption. “Let us give this dream a little twist for the better.” Her hoof stomped onto the ground twice and she raised her voice to Royal Canterlot-level. “Thank you, everypony! This was a fantastic exercise. Everypony gets an hour of downtime. We will rebuild the stage and try again once you are all back.”

Her input was heard, and felt, and accepted. The dream shifted. Stars sparkled in a beautiful, if somewhat simplistic night sky. The moon was still missing. The pony-shapes started to rise, dusted themselves off and milled about. Some even gained faces now, smiling to each other, congratulating each other for a good performance.

That finally drew out our dreamer.

From beneath the rubble of a destroyed building, a small colt crawled his way to freedom. He had no cutie mark yet. A dark gray coat, a ruffled brown mane, he reminded me of somepony… but I could not tell who exactly. “This… this was all just a play?” he asked incredulously.

Luna put a hoof to her chest. “Goodness gracious, you are not supposed to be on set, little one,” she said, only to immediately rush over and dote on him. She checked for any signs of wounds. “No heavy pieces fell on you, did they?”

“N-No,” he mumbled and left his head hanging. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snuck on set.”

She ruffled his mane and lifted his head with a hoof under his chin. “Do not worry, little one. The only important thing is that you are unhurt.” She craned her neck a little in an exaggerated gesture, looking at his haunches. “No cutie mark yet? Were you looking for an opportunity to become an actor?”

I was fascinated. Luna was passionate about everything she did. Every word had meaning, every gesture had weight, and she always put her whole heart into all. She had this caring, loving gaze right now. Like a mother. It was a charm I could hardly resist myself, so the little colt stood no chance at all.

Somewhere in the deep, dark recesses of my mind, a little piece of me ached. I remembered a family I once had with her. I remembered our son Stardust. And I remembered seeing that same spark in her eyes when she watched him play around with his friends.

I shoved it away. Tried to ignore it, like I had done so many times before. But it was there, it would always be there. To remind me of what I had lost, in a way.

“I… I want to do what my father does,” the little colt replied with these big, hopeful eyes only a foal could have. Because surely a princess could help with that. His pleading tone freed me from my reverie.

“And what does your father do, little one?” Luna asked him as she stroked a hoof down his back to further ease his worries.

“He’s building stuff!” the colt piped up excitedly. “Tables and dressers and chairs and entire houses!”

And suddenly, I had a name: Stonewood. And a face. He was the resident carpenter of Ponyville. He had helped me furnish Twilight's castle at some point. That felt like it was ages ago. I took a closer look at the colt as I remembered this. He was young, but not that young. He must have been around already when I encountered Stonewood. Maybe another reason he had looked so tired at the time? Or was I only remembering him looking tired now?

Luna talked a little more to our dreamer while I started rebuilding the town. With the dreamer’s subconscious working in tandem with me, it took little effort to bring to life a couple of ponies restoring the ‘stage’. It would help the dream move along.

After a while, Luna came over to me. The colt ran off, grabbed a wooden plank and helped my ‘workers’ to restore the buildings. “You have a knack for foals,” I stated the obvious.

She smiled proudly. She was happy, and that made me happy in turn. “I know. I just love them.” The expression in her eyes shifted considerably while she regarded me. There was an almost mischievous twinkle. “You would know that though, would you not?”

I sighed and a bittersweet smile tugged at my lips. “I do,” I admitted.

She grinned and sidled up to me. “One day,” she half-promised.

I did not answer her. What was I supposed to say? We had discussed this at length on numerous occasions. I had told her everything I remembered about Stardust. About Arcana and Magnus as well. About our family. It had helped me come to terms with how things had changed. But at the same time, it might have put an idea in her head. A fascination of sorts. And it seemed to be quite the persistent idea indeed. Every now and again, she would bug me about this.

It had been years. Surely my relationship with her sister was stable enough to experiment a little, right? Statements like these still made my skin crawl a little. My resistance to the idea had admittedly diminished as I grew more comfortable with her again, but I had not brought this up with Celestia even once. And I did not intend to do so for a couple of years more. However, Luna was not exactly a patient mare. So I had to put up with her little jabs every so often.

I could endure this. I loved her, after all.

We returned to the dreamscape, exited the dream of that little colt. We walked side by side, searched for our next task, another nightmare, another greedy dreamscape creature, when I felt a shift. A real shift in the physical world. It tended to affect me in the dreamscape as well, giving me a short moment of vertigo. “Celestia is getting up,” I let Luna know. Celestia would start her morning routine. Get into the bathroom, take a shower, fix her mane, brush her coat, clear away any traces of imperfection the night might have left behind. I loved those imperfections.

She would then raise the sun from her balcony. She would always leave the doors open. Just so I could sneak up on her if, by some miracle, I would actually be awake and wanted to. It meant that cold night air flowed into the room. I would grab the blanket a little tighter, a subconscious whine escaping my throat because I missed her warmth at my side, and even here in the dreamscape, I would shiver for a moment.

Once the sun was up, she would close the balcony door, close the curtain as well and give me a kiss on my forehead. And I would feel it, although I was sleeping. Or working, rather. Training. Learning from her sister.

She would then leave her chambers to have breakfast with Luna and I would remain in the dreamscape alone. I had promised Luna not do to anything stupid. Like engaging enemies of our dreamers alone. But I could handle the occasional nightmare. Especially if they were still young, still forming.

I was proud of that. Luna was awake, had breakfast with her sister, chatted and enjoyed herself and I, I was the guardian of the night owls. Kindred spirits of mine. I watched over those who were sleeping into these first hours of the day, because they had burned a lot of lantern oil staying awake through the night.

It was a responsibility I cherished.

I would, as was the case most nights, be less thrilled to wake up alone in bed. But feeling her leave, feeling her kiss me… it at least eased that pain a little.

I looked at Celestia, a goofy smile formed on my lips as I remembered her kiss this morning. “It was… nice,” I finally answered and leaned in to steal another one of those. “Nothing out of the ordinary though. I woke up miserable, because you weren’t there, I zombie-walked over to the bathroom miserable, because you weren’t there, then barely enjoyed my breakfast, because you-“

I had difficulties retelling the events prior to our meeting with a straight face even before she jabbed my shoulder with a hoof. “Shush, you!” she chided me with a wide grin. I would have had to sidestep for a moment, losing a bit of my balance, if it weren’t for her wing draped over my back, holding me close and steady.

We exited the castle, but we did not leave the castle grounds. We had not talked about what we wanted to do today and I deemed it unnecessary. I just steered her to the right, in the direction of the castle gardens. There was a fun hedge maze, beautiful flowerbeds and the occasional statue of impressive craftsmanship. I had once jokingly asked her how many of these were villains, banished for a thousand years, waiting to return for Twilight to reform or banish them again. I still clearly remembered shuddering when she answered “Don’t ask questions you don’t want to hear the answers to,” accompanied by that serene smile of hers.

Despite that non-revelation, it was still a beautiful place for a stroll.

“So, how was yours?” I shot her question right back.

Gotcha.

The very moment I asked, she directed her gaze forward. That in itself was no indication. But the speed at which she had done so, that told me loads.

I smirked as I carefully poked her shoulder with a tendril of magic. “Tell me,” I asked. “Come on, Sunny… tell me of your great morning…”

“Will you stop it,” she pleaded as she failed to contain her giggle. “Fine! I worked! I’m irredeemable! Are you happy now?”

I just quietly laughed and shook my head. “No, of course not.” We both smiled and walked on in silence for a couple of minutes, enjoying the sun’s warmth, the beauty of this place. “So,” I picked the topic back up again, “how was it?”

She sighed. I already knew the general gist of it. She went to the dining hall to have breakfast with Luna. Luna would have told her about our nightly exploits. How my training went, how the dreamscape was, all that hot news. They would chitchat a little, maybe a prank or two would be involved, but inevitably, they would part again. Luna would return to her chambers to sleep for the day, and Celestia – because it was her free day – had time to kill until I was awake.

She must have returned to her study. There was paperwork to be done. There was always paperwork to be done. I did not like it much when she did so on her free days and she knew that perfectly well. But I could not change it. And neither could she, it seemed.

“I actually got a lot done,” she admitted. “I denied half a dozen proposals for tax law changes, supported the foundation of a fund and had a good laugh about another of Prince Blueblood's requests for my blessing.”

That actually sounded like a lot for what amounted to maybe two or three hours. In my eyes, that only provided further proof that most of the time, it did not matter as much how many hours were put into something. It was more about what mindset one was in when working. Of course, that name immediately made me grimace.

While it was not official-official, the tabloids had been doing their job. Which consisted of snooping around and being nosier than Luna and Rarity combined. By now, the better half of Equestria knew about Lunas and Twilight's romantic involvement. But of course, there were always those that did not believe what they were told. That was admittedly a good thing as far as tabloids went. I nevertheless had learned to despise Blueblood. Not only because I had heard quite enough from Rarity about him. (And Luna. And Twilight. And Cadance. And Celestia. At this point, I had even heard of him from Fancy Pants, for crying out loud.)

No, I had met the charming gentlecolt on a few occasions.

Celestia helped me stay out of the public eye as much as we could manage. I did not deal well with the spotlight. But there was the occasional event when she asked me to attend, when she wanted me by her side. And that was enough, it would always be enough for her to merely ask. I would brave the spotlight for her. I would stand at her side, legs heavy and frozen in place, and smile and wave.

A relationship is based on a mutual exchange. Concessions needed to be made on both sides. And I had decided that I could do this for her. Even if it meant encountering the press… or worse, Blueblood. I liked to believe that I had a decent upbringing. I usually bit my tongue instead of swearing. The worst swear words I knew made Rainbow Dash and Applejack laugh. But merely thinking about him, I wanted to direct a lot of them at him.

He had the gall of asking Celestia for her blessing, so that he may marry Twilight.

Because obviously, Twilight's opinion on the matter didn’t, well, matter. Neither did Lunas, it seemed.

“I want to—“ I started seethingly, but Sunny interrupted me.

“-kick his teeth in again, yes, I know. Please refrain from trying.” She gave me this forgiving smile, wordlessly asking for my patience. Blueblood was a fool, a dolt, a prick, but he was a noble as well. His family had money and influence and both had allowed him to look the way he did. He was larger than me, and probably stronger. But I had four years of night guard training behind me by now — I might actually be able to kick his flank now and the thought of testing that out was quite a charming one.

We stopped walking for a spell, so that I could close my eyes without tripping and take a deep breath. I had to take three before I felt calm enough again that we could resume our little stroll. “How did that— How did he end up being a prince anyway? I think I never asked.”

She smiled, with a spark of mirth dancing around in her eyes. “You don’t already know?”

I shook my head. “I’m trying not to search for it,” I replied. Maybe I already had that knowledge. Maybe somewhere in the back of my head, there were memories from other lifetimes where I had asked that question, where I had been given answers. Of course and as usual, there was no guarantee that the reasons would be the same each and every time. Maybe in one lifetime, Blueblood had been Celestias son. Maybe in another one, he was granted that title because of some heroic deed. It did not matter. I did not want it to matter.

She studied me for a moment, watched closely as I fought my own memories with a small amount of disdain. In the end, she squeezed me with her wing and gave me a warm smile. It distracted me enough and I replied in kind. “He has employed a lot of very smart ponies for many years,” she explained. “He spent quite a good portion of his family’s fortune on this endeavor. As far as I am aware, this all started with a couple of nobles remarking on mere visual similarities between him and myself. He became somewhat obsessed with the idea that he might in fact be related to me. Sadly, that turned out to be true.”

That surprised me. A lot. “Wait, he is? He actually is?”

She nodded. “While the visual similarities are only superficial, the ponies he employed managed to trace his lineage back hundreds of years. He is a direct descendant of Drab Tone. She was my seneschal back before Luna… vanished. She had to resign from her office once we married.”

“And you… uh… ‘direct descendant’ meaning…” I had almost laughed about how silly I was behaving. There should have been no need to beat around the bush.

But it made her giggle quietly, so I had no reason to complain too much. “There is magic for just about anything, you know that,” she reminded me. I immediately blushed, both due to the images in my head and the fact that she noticed me staring at her rump, or rather below it. “Is that curiosity I see?” she inquired with another giggle.

“Eh, n-no… I don’t think so,” I answered. To be honest though, I had no idea what I was thinking. How I felt about that. I was attracted to mares and mares only. But Celestia would still be my Celestia. It was confusing and right now, I did not want to occupy my mind with that train of thought. So I looked around instead and by chance spotted a beautiful blossom. A part of the hedge was in bloom. Petals of a soft pink hue with golden stems in the middle. I carefully detached it from the hedge, levitated it over to Sunny and quickly weaved it into her golden mane, just above her ear.

A rosy tint colored her cheeks as she held still, so that I may finish my work. She smiled happily. “Thank you. A valiant attempt as far as distractions go.”

I chuckled a little. “It might not be as beautiful as you, but it serves well to accentuate your good looks.” I stole a kiss from her and we resumed our stroll. “So he found out and you gave him the title?”

“In a roundabout way, yes,” she answered with a nod. “There were some dusty old laws he dug up that required as much.”

“But Twilight is in no real danger… right?” I could not help but worry nonetheless.

Celestia smiled. “There is a loophole that circumvents any need for my blessing or her acceptance of his proposal. But you do not have to worry about that. Twilight and I have been monitoring his progress on the matter and we expect him to become aware of it in about four or five years. Plans have already been made and put in place for that occasion. We are well aware and a lot of steps ahead of him.”

“You what?” I was mildly confused. Twilight had never mentioned anything like that… “Plans?”

Unaware of my confusion, she nodded with a satisfied smile. She almost seemed smug, actually. “This was his seventh request for my blessing. I have denied him once, and I have not granted him any further answers. If he persists despite that and push comes to shove, I will grant Twilight sovereignty as a reward for her accomplishments for Equestria. Similar to Cadance and the Crystal Empire, she would have her own empire to rule over. At that point, a marriage between Twilight and Luna would be more beneficial in the eyes of the nobles, as it would form a stronger bond between our nations.” She giggled and shook her head at the absurdity of her own words. This entire plan was so ridiculous. Just because one bullheaded noble didn’t get the memo. Maybe I should try to kick his flank after all.

But instead, for now at least, I just sighed. It immediately caught her attention. “Is something wrong?”

“I don’t know, it’s just… this was news to me,” I replied.

“Well there was little reason to tell you about it, love.” She leaned over and nuzzled me.

I sighed happily and smiled, even if it only lasted a moment before I returned to brooding. “Twilight hasn’t told me either,” I meekly noted. The implication was clear to read. We, that was Twilight and I, we shared. We shared just about anything. But I had heard nothing of this. She had not vented her frustrations to me. She had not complained to me, or plotted with me. She had not even name-dropped him.

“While I can only take a guess about her reasons, I presume that she did not want you to worry about her too much. You do have a tendency to worry and go overboard with that.” I managed a sheepish smile at her little jab. I was a worrywart, I could not deny that – despite my efforts to better myself.

I silently decided that I would talk to Twilight about this eventually. But today was Celestia's free day and I intended for us to enjoy it as much as we could. A sentiment she seemed to share as I had not noticed her steering us out of the Canterlot Castle gardens and onto the streets of Canterlot itself.

We spent the next couple of hours window shopping.

“I tried to learn the contrabass at one point,” Sunny mused as she stared into a shop's display featuring several instruments.

“Really? Sounds like it didn’t go well?” I inquired.

She gave a sigh and nodded. “Sadly it was not meant to be, yes. What do ponies say these days? ‘Practice for a thousand hours and you become a master’. While that might be true, I did not have the patience required back then.”

“I think it’s ‘ten thousand hours’, but yes. Hm. It’s hard to imagine you running out of patience.” I stopped at her side, leaned lightly against her and followed her gaze inside. Classical orchestra was something we both enjoyed greatly. It inspired me enough that I had taken up writing again at some point. Only small pieces, short stories and the like. I rarely had enough time to sit down and write and when I did, I usually preferred to relax or spend my time with her or my other friends. Writing, while fulfilling as an art form, as just another very lonely hobby. You could share your writing, share your ideas and stories, talk at length about the why and what, but the process of writing itself, of expressing those ideas, of more or less carefully choosing the words to convey your ideas… that was a solitary task. It was unfortunately also this task that I enjoyed most about it. To tell a story, with little regard as to whom I was telling it to.

“It quickly turned out that string instruments in general despise me, even though they are my favorite part of any performance,” she added and stirred me from my reverie.

“That’s a shame really. I would have loved to hear you perform.” As a late afterthought, I added a little eyebrow wiggle. I had heard – and appreciated – her musical performance on many occasions and they were marvelous indeed.

She rolled her eyes, but could not keep herself from smiling all the while. “Maybe I will grant you a private performance later on,” she whispered into my ear.

I felt a tingle all over my body, a slight shudder and I quickly tilted my head to capture her lips in a kiss before she could retreat. “I’d love that,” I replied once the kiss broke.

“What about you?” she asked and turned her attention back to the store.

“While I appreciate the string section a lot, I think I’m more of a drums type,” I remarked, thinking about what pieces I cherished and for what reasons.

“Drums,” she deadpanned.

I shrugged with a grin. “Yeah. Drums. I like ‘em.”

She shook her head, giggled, and draped her wing over my back again to softly steer me away from the window. “Have you ever tried to learn an instrument?”

“I don’t think I have,” I mused. “Can’t remember any instance, at least. No surprise there really, I mean… I’m overwhelmed at the complexity of playing a triangle. I love music, and I couldn’t live without it, but I lack any and all talent of making my own.”

I knew that I had offered her a perfect occasion as soon as the words had left my mouth. She immediately started to grin in that mischievous way of hers. “Oh I don’t know, you can make some very enjoyable sounds…”

Cheeky mare.

I nuzzled her. I was about to tell her how much I loved her flirting when a low grumble made both of us pause. Her stomach had just growled at us, vying for our attention. And hilariously enough, a second later, mine answered in kind. We shared a look before we both giggled. “Right,” I commented and looked up at the sky, noting the position of the sun. “We passed lunch and neither of us had anything besides breakfast.”

We both looked around and Sunny spotted a little corner café. “I would not mind a little break, maybe something to snack on and a nice tea,” she said and pointed towards the café.

While the café looked nice and all, I had a different idea. Restaurant row was not that far away. “Do you know masala chai?” I asked her.

She furrowed her brow and tried to remember, but ultimately shook her head. “No, I don’t think I have met her yet.”

I quietly laughed for a second or two. “No, no, it’s not a ‘who’, it’s a ‘what’,” I corrected.

Given the new context, her eyes lit up. I would have been quite surprised if she didn’t know about chai. “Oh, chai! Tea! Yes, I know, of course I know.” She seemed almost embarrassed. It was really endearing.

“So?” I merely asked.

She gave it some more thought and shrugged. “It is not my usual fare. There are many, many varieties of chai though. Asking me if I like chai is like asking me if I like black tea. But… I could go for some chai, yes. I just don’t think this café offers any.”

I smiled and was satisfied with the answer I got. “Great. That’s all I needed to know. Follow me, love.”

A short walk later, we were on restaurant row. But instead of choosing any of the very fancy – and very pricy – looking restaurants, I steered us to the right, into a dingy looking alleyway. At the end of it was Saffron Masala’s restaurant. Well technically it was her fathers, I believed. We entered the Tasty Treat and I immediately knew that this had been a good choice, if only for the way Sunny stared in awe at the décor.

“It. Is. Beautiful,” she breathed.

“Why thank you kindly,” Saffron greeted us with a bright, cheery smile. She stepped up to us, her wild brown mane barely tamed by being worn as a braid. “Table for two?”

I looked around and for some reason felt relief at seeing so many patrons around. While getting a table to ourselves would be no issue, I was still glad to see this restaurant booming like it was. “We’d love that,” I let her know and we followed her to an empty table, taking our seats.

Sunny still stared at everything, when Saffron brought us the menus. The Tasty Treat was one of the most colorful restaurants I had ever seen. Panels of purple, orange and golden fabric were lining the ceiling, the reddish brick walls were decorated with stylized depictions of elephants and framed photos of famous guests. Rarity and Pinkie Pie among them. A redwood floor, cozy two-seaters complementing the varied selection of chairs and stools… It was busy to look at, but in a nice way.

I especially adored those little paper craft lanterns hanging from the ceiling.

But of course, being a restaurant, the best part about the Tasty Treat was the smell. It was exotic and spicy.

I took in the sights myself while Sunny was bugging Saffron about her chai selection. At some point, I noted the attention shifting to me. My ears swiveled around, my own attention in turn on Saffron now. “I remember you,” she remarked with a knowing smile.

“You do?” Sunny interjected, her curiosity piqued.

“Oh yes,” Saffron confirmed. Her golden earrings jingled a little as she was half-heartedly trying to stifle her laughter. “He came in here asking for advice. He wanted to get a birthday present for his marefriend,” she remarked with a grin and a glance to the side. “What was it you asked? ‘Please tell me you know a tea, any tea, so weird that even a tea connoisseur wouldn’t have heard of it’.”

A part of me wanted to sink into the floor. Or rather the cushions of the two-seater we currently occupied. Not because that request embarrassed me, oh no. If she remembered that, than she probably also remembered—

“He came for the tea, he stayed for the food,” Saffron proudly proclaimed to Sunny. “Although he didn’t quite handle it as well as he expected.”

“I was… uhm…” Any defense I tried to put up melted at the sight of Sunny wordlessly pleading with me for a good story. On one hoof, I just knew that I would never hear the end of it if I were to tell her about that. On the other hoof, with Saffron present, there was no chance of her not hearing about it one way or another. “Haaah,” I breathed, giving myself up to my fate. “Restaurant row is known for its prices, amongst other things. But the Tasty Treat doesn’t only have great food, they have great prices as well, and they held an ‘all you can eat’-contest that day. A small entry fee and whoever won the contest by devouring the most in one hour would win a prize. One free round for one table. I thought I could easily win that and make it a date, I… really, clearly, remembered that I dealt well with spicy food. It just turned out that apparently, I had become quite a lot more… sensitive.”

“He was bawling his eyes out, the poor guy,” Saffron remarked with a warm smile. “I warned you about those chili cheese peppers.”

“Yes. Yes you did. But I didn't listen,” I admitted.

Saffron spent a couple more minutes at our table, regaling Sunny with some more juicy details about that day, until her presence was required elsewhere. She still served as the waiter of the Tasty Treat, after all.

As soon as she left, Sunny turned to me. “Don’t!” I hastily blurted out. “Not. A. Single. Word.”

She giggled quietly for a moment before she leaned over and kissed me. “It was a sweet thought. And that chai had been quite a positive surprise.”

“W-Well, I… thanks,” I mumbled a little dumbfounded.

I regained my composure after she finally stopped teasing me and we took a look at the menu. We were hungry, but we were not starving. Looking around when other patrons got their foods, it became quite apparent how generous the portion sizes were. We both chose to stick to the same appetizer. Fried pastries filled with spiced potatoes, red onions and peas. Not only did that sound tasty, I just loved the shape of samosas. They just looked funny, being triangular and almost hat-like.

Sunny got her chai, I got my pineapple juice and a few short minutes later, we happily nibbled away at our food. I loved this place. “We need to come here more often,” I remarked once I returned from another bout of bliss.

“Mhm,” she agreed as she grasped her fork with her wing and led another piece to her mouth, “Mmm~…”

“Yes. That.”

While silence might have fallen over our table, that did not mean the restaurant suddenly grew silent as well. As was normal with any restaurant, there was a constant background noise of other ponies chit chatting. Other customers arrived and left. Rarely was anypony in a hurry.

We were done with our meal at some point, but remained where we were for a little while longer. A small family had taken up the table next to us. I watched their little filly prance around in the room, curiously asking other customers what they were eating. And why. I smiled at that and even felt a little bit of pity for her when her parents, noticing her behavior, asked her not to bother the other ponies. Her ears splayed flat against her head and she nodded, but as soon as they looked away, she perked right back up again. While she did not ‘bother’ the other patrons anymore, she did walk around, eyes full of curiosity, taking in those vibrant colors, those photos and stylized depictions of elephants. She asked her mother what that was, but her response was a disappointing “just some animal”.

“Ksst.” What a strange sound. I turned my head and noticed that Sunny was lowering hers and repeated a quiet “ksssst” until she got that little fillies' attention. She pranced over to our table with an enthusiastic giggle. “That is an elephant,” Sunny explained.

“What’s an elephant?” For a moment, I could see a very, very young Twilight in her. Regarding a world full of wonders. Everything was worth knowing about. Everything was exciting. It was cute.

I followed their little conversation without actually listening much. Sunny talked about some faraway land, barren, yet still full of life. She talked about cypresses – apparently some kind of tree. And golden grass, high enough to hide a pony.

To that filly, it sounded like adventure.

“Peridot, come on, leave those nice ponies alone,” her mother once more chided her.

Sunny looked up to her mother. “Oh she’s no bother at all. She’s precious.”

At that moment, it hit me.

I marveled at that specific expression on Sunny's face. In her eyes. That tone in her voice. So soft, so warm… motherly. When Celestia spoke about Equestria, she always spoke as a mother. It was the same warmth. The same softness. And yet it was different. This right here and now was more… personal. Almost intimate.

Peridot, as the filly apparently was named, thanked Sunny and trotted over to sit by her mother’s side, just like she had requested. Sunny’s gaze had followed her longer than was necessary. And that expression lingered even after she managed to tear her gaze off. It remained even as she looked over to me, regarding me with a smile as blindingly radiant as her sun.

I had seen Luna care for ‘the little ones’. I knew what type of mother she was. Or would be. Could be?

But right here, right now…? “I want foals with you.”

For a fraction of a second, that smile only grew. There was a bottomless well of hope and love. I knew deep down in my heart that she wanted this as well. What I saw in her eyes in that moment was all of her being, screaming an overjoyed “Yes!” at me.

But as was inevitable with Celestia, clouds started to gather. And that moment passed. And her smile, albeit still radiant, dimmed down a little.

Foals aren’t easy. Nothing ever was, or would be. And without a single word spoken, and without a single thought finished, I could already list so many things that would need to be addressed in some fashion, at some point. I could list all those things and I was sure that she was thinking about them this very instant as well.

While there were illusion spells to hide her potential pregnancy, using that wouldn’t even make sense in the first place. At some point, ponies would start to wonder about that little filly – or colt – running around in the castle.

Shining Armor and Cadance had tried for years. And due to conversations I had not managed to flee from, I knew that they had tried a lot. And hard. It seemed alicorns just were not quite as fertile as regular ponies.

We were not even married yet. We had not even talked about marriage. The outrage that would provoke! Maybe it would even involve some nobles dusting off ancient law texts again, dragging me to court for spoiling a Princess or something.

And she was The Princess Celestia. She had a nation to care for. Either Luna and Twilight would need to considerably step up their game, or another solution would need to be found. I could hardly raise a little night owl all by myself with barely any involvement from her, that would just be horrible.

A singular instance of overenthusiasm right at the beginning of our involvement aside, we had used proper protection whenever necessary. I could be infertile for all I knew. And how would I know?

The list went on and on and on. I knew that. She knew it as well.

We gazed into each other’s eyes. There was a lot that needed to be said. A lot that needed to be talked about. A lot of concerns that needed to be addressed. And in the background, we heard Peridot giggle. We both looked over to the other table and watched her fold the paper menu into the rough shape of an elephant. Her mother was not exactly thrilled once she noticed, but did not have the heart to reprimand her daughter once she saw how proud the young filly was.

We returned our gazes to each other.

There was a lot.

Sunny leaned over to me, pulled me in with a wing that quickly encased me. “I love you,” she whispered and kissed me. And I felt it. I felt loved. Cared for. Needed. And the longer she kissed me on that second round, the needier her kiss started to feel.

I had enough presence of mind to levitate my purse out of my saddlebag, deposit half of its content on the table and stash it away again. That would probably have been enough to pay for every meal currently out here, but I did not care. My attention immediately returned to Sunny, like a drowning pony’s attention returning to that glimmer of hope, that speck of land nearby. “I want you,” I replied quietly. I was still conscious enough to realize that we were in a restaurant and that there was at least one filly present.

She noticed the bits on the table with a sidelong glance.

I dove in for a third kiss, knowing full well what was to come. The rest of our window shopping would have to wait for another day, it seemed. A shimmering golden glow enveloped us. I doubted that anypony would question it, that anypony had been attentive enough to notice my distinctly different color of magic when I had levitated my purse around, or my cutlery.

Teleporting right out of the restaurant might have been rude. But apparently, right now, that was the best we could do. At some point, I might return to the Tasty Treat to apologize properly. But right now, I could not be bothered.

We reappeared on her balcony at the castle, right outside her chambers. She stole another deep, greedy kiss from me before she pulled back and panted a little. “Were you serious?” she asked. She still held me close as she tried to catch her breath.

“Dead serious,” I answered without any hesitation whatsoever. A tiny voice in the back of my head lamented the wasted opportunity. After all, I could have told her that I was ‘dad serious’.

She immediately dove for another passionate kiss and opened the doors without effort. For a fraction of a second, I was sure she would have kicked them out of their hinges if they had dared to be uncooperative. I had not seen her this excited in quite some time.

As soon as we reached the bed, I put my hooves on her shoulders and pushed. She willingly fell away from me, onto the bed, and immediately turned onto her belly. Her tail swished from side to side in agitation and spread the scent of her arousal. I put my hooves on her flanks, pressed into her cutie marks and her tail swished one last time, staying to the side. Even though I had witnessed first-hoof how aggressive she was, I was still surprised to see her drenched already. I dove in without hesitation and buried my muzzle in her private parts and elicited a long, needy moan from her.

With how things were going, there was no need for a slow buildup. Heck, she would probably kick me if I tried. And just to confirm my suspicion, she managed to string a few words together between labored breaths. “Don’t, just… take me…”

I withdrew my muzzle, licked my lips and enjoyed her taste for just a moment, enjoyed the view as well. She looked back at me over her shoulder and there was fire in her eyes. I dared not deny her. I did not want to either. I just lined up behind her, my magic adjusting the angle a little, and pushed forward. Our moans intermingled in the air. I had not anticipated this. In one singular motion, I buried myself entirely in her, up to the hilt. I dared to stay still for a couple of seconds, placed a little trail of kisses along her neck, nibbled on her ear and elicited another, quieter whine from her throat. Sunny’s frame was a lot smaller than Celestia’s. That had its own advantages at times. But right now, I was not so sure if her tightness was one or not. It would certainly not help me last longer.

Then again, that wasn’t the point right now, was it?

I withdrew and she bit down on the blanket in preparation. A second later, I rammed into her again. It felt incredible. Her entire body seemed to wrap itself around me, drew me in, held me in, clawed at me to stay and whined when I withdrew, only to welcome me back with tightness and heat. I bit down on her neck at some point. Her yelp did not sound like pain, or rather, not only pain, and I was careful enough to measure my strength so as to not leave any visible mark.

“Faster,” she almost begged.

I can do ‘faster’.

I plunged into her with wild abandon, over and over again. No finesse, no techniques, just a simple, repetitive motion. But it was pure bliss. Her wings twitched, unfolded on their own accord. I leaned down, licked along her joint and to my surprise, she started to tremble. I was getting close, approaching my own climax fast, so I doubled down on my efforts. I had never expected her to be this excited about the prospect. But thinking about it? For a brief moment, I had this image right before my eyes. Her bulging belly. Me pressing an ear against it. Being overprotective. Doting on her. But whatever fantasy my mind tried to create, my attention almost immediately returned to that image of her inflated belly. It was beautiful.

Her scream was barely muffled by her biting down on that blanket. And I did not slow down for quite a while after I had reached my own climax. It almost felt like I was stuck, like… if I just kept going, maybe I could force my will upon reality, like it worked in the dreamscape.

Finally, however, I had to surrender.

I slumped down next to her, lying on my back, but my head tilted to look at her. Her pristine white coat was aglow with a heavy blush that was, to varying degrees, visible almost everywhere. Her gaze was still delirious, but accompanied by a wide grin. I shuffled a little bit closer and drew her muzzle to mine.

“You taste funny,” she replied, clearly still not quite straight in the head yet.

“You taste funny,” I shot back with a quiet chuckle before I belatedly added, “and I love it.”

“Hm… that would explain it,” she remarked and kissed me again anyway. We fell silent for a while. Minutes, maybe? Probably. Until she spoke up again. “Foals?” she just asked. I nodded. “As in… more than one?” she specified.

I grinned. “I want a little filly. She’s going to be daddy's little princess and I will spoil her rotten.” I quietly laughed.

That made her giggle. “I want a colt.”

I nodded once more. “I thought so. And that’s why. Foals. One filly, one colt. If you can’t decide, take both.” Somewhere in the back of my head, I was simply hoping for fillies, many, many fillies before she got her colt. We'll just have to try more, love.

“You keep saying that, yes,” she said with a happy sigh. “But usually, we are talking about which ice cream to buy or what tax proposal to accidentally burn in the fireplace.”

“And you tend to agree with me. And we tend to be happy with the outcome. Haven’t heard you complain all that much so far, hm?” I shot right back. I leaned over, but instead of kissing her on the lips again, I overreached, nibbled on her ear and elicited an endearing mixture between a sigh and a moan.

“Hmmm, yes… no reason to complain,” she hummed. I involuntarily tensed a little as I suddenly felt her primaries trailing along my side. I was ticklish as heck, but she knew all my spots. She knew how to avoid them as well, and did just that. The softest touch in the right spots and I could feel the buildup again. “You should go back to work, hm?” she teased in a sultry voice. “That is… if you still have anything in you? You did tell me about that grueling, exhausting week of yours that—“

While she had been busy teasing me, riling me up again, I had simply stood back up. And I was not about to let her challenge me like that without answering accordingly. She gave a startled yelp as soon as I plunged into her again — carefully, of course. I didn’t want to hurt her after all. But I found that I still had no need to worry about that. “If you can take it, I can give,” I purred into her ear and drove myself deeper bit by bit, almost agonizingly slow.

“I-If you can give it, I c-can take i-it,” she replied, her breath growing labored again.

I grinned. It felt like my face was about to split open any second now. “So be it,” I answered.

And that was that.

A second later, we both moaned again. A deep, primal sound mixed in the air. It would be heard for the better part of an hour or two, if only inside this room's walls…

I could barely move. But neither could she. We were laying there, our limbs entwined, belly to belly. The bed was a mess. Changing blanket and sheets wouldn’t quite cut it this time, not with that puddle that had formed beneath her rear.

For the moment though, we did not mind much.

While staying awake would eventually prove difficult, we were in the right mindset now. We were able to think straight. And discuss what needed to be discussed. “We should talk,” she started.

I stole a little peck from her lips and nodded. “We should,” I agreed. “I have some suggestions for filly names…”

She giggled quietly. “Hm, is that so? But I fear that is not what we should be discussing right now.” I gave her an overly dramatic pout and she giggled once again. “Well… maybe we can start with names.”

I had honestly not expected that to work…

Day 15,342: Fear

This was my vigil.

I was sitting here, with my rump firmly planted on the textureless floor of the dreamscape. It was neither cool, nor warm. A sea of stars lazily drifted around me. I swam in the night sky. A beautiful sight even after so many years. But I had no resources left to appreciate that beauty. I needed to focus on the task at hoof. A task I had spent… how long on, already? Two weeks? Three?

I sometimes woke up. It always felt horrible when that happened. Not just because it broke my vigil, but for other distressing reasons as well.

I sometimes heard her voice. Or rather, their voices. Celestia was with me most of the time. When she spoke to me, although I was asleep, I could still hear her. I was not aware of my surroundings per se while being asleep – I did not notice the doctors that came and went, for example. But I heard her when she spoke to me. And I was grateful for that. Small mercies.

I sat before three bubbles. Three specific dreams I guarded, out of the literal sea of dreams that floated all around me. But these three, I willed them to stay with me. I forbade them from dancing around. And I denied them every attempt at escape.

They were gray. They had been gray from the moment my vigil had started. A gray, boring, lazy swirl of colorless mist. The dreamer was not present to shape it into anything, to give it life and color and a story.

Those three dreams were the dreams of my children.

Aurora was on the left. No surprise there. She tended to keep to herself a lot, despite our best efforts to coax her out of her shell. Other ponies tended to exhaust her. She still enjoyed company on the odd occasion. But her true companions were books. In some regards, she was even worse than pre-Ponyville-Twilight. Celestia had tried her old trick on Aurora once. ‘Go out and make some friends’, she had asked her. But our daughter was not as easily swayed as a young Twilight. Twilight had adored Celestia. She would have done anything to appease her. To please her.

Over many years of Twilight growing up, it had become a concern to her. Something she told me at some point, but I could not remember when exactly. We had tried to go about things differently with Aurora. Learn from mistakes and all that. Even though it would be a little bit harsh to call those ‘mistakes’. Twilight did turn out just fine after all. Just a little clingy sometimes and maybe she put Celestia on a pedestal. She still occasionally did that. For better or worse, it had become an intrinsic part of her being.

My mind was deteriorating. And I could feel it. It was one of the scariest experiences I had had in my entire life. I could feel it slip, piece by piece, week after week. Sometimes even day after day. Remembering things was becoming harder. Repetition helped.

This was my vigil.

I remembered Aurora crying. Shortly after she was born, with Celestia looking so pale that I felt sick with worry. Was she okay? Would my wife make it? In retrospect, those were some stupid worries. She was an alicorn. Of course she would make it. It was not her first foal either. But I clearly remember how I thought that all this felt horribly wrong. It should have been a moment to rejoice. A moment of celebration and revelry. I got to see my daughter for the first time. But instead, I just gaped, stared at my wife and felt my stomach twist. That was, until Aurora cried. My gaze snapped down to her. That little bundle, flailing her tiny limbs about. Celestia lowered her head and cooed to our daughter. And it worked. She stared at her mother with these big, biiig eyes. And giggled. Such a precious sound. It made me fall in love with her instantly. Celestia looked up, over to me, and with no word spoken asked me to come closer. I did, although my legs felt stiff, my hooves laden with iron. But as soon as I arrived, my love extended her wing. I had not noticed how I trembled. She assured me that she was fine. That I had nothing to worry about. That I should look at our daughter. So I did, and my world became so much… richer.

I remembered Aurora scraping her knee for the first time she tried to ride that damn scooter Scootaloo had gifted her. She had tried to impress Scoots. Wasn’t it weird? How foals changed? And they did it so quickly too. One year, she was all extroverted. Having tons of friends. Everypony was a friend to her. And somehow, at some point, she just… stopped. Looked inwards and started to read like there would be no tomorrow. I had been there as fast as I could, doting over her. I cleaned up her knee, bandaged it, wiped away her tears, almost smothered her with how forcefully I hugged her to my chest. My little baby girl was hurt. I could not bear that. And I cared little for my wife giggling in the background. ‘Just a scrape’, she said. ‘She will be fine’, she said. Many more tumbles would follow, thanks to that damn scooter. But she loved that thing.

I remember her calling me ‘dad’ for the first time. It was such a strange sensation. I supposed it marked the moment she grew up. My all grown up daughter refused to call me ‘daddy’, because that sounded childish. But try as I might, I could not sort this memory. When had that happened? How old had she been?

This was my vigil.

And repetition helped.

I focused on the second dream. Stardust. He always had been the mortar keeping those three together. Such a nice gentlecolt he grew up to be. As a parent, you are not allowed to pick and choose. Playing favorites is dangerous. Children knew. They always knew. They somehow felt it. And we didn’t pick. We loved them, all of them, each in their own way. But goodness gracious, was I proud of who Stardust had become. Such a kind-hearted soul. Always willing to lend a hoof. Always polite.

But he was no pushover. He tried to smile, tried to make his jokes work, but he knew serious times when he encountered them. He knew how to handle a bully. He knew how to stand up for himself and others. That was most certainly his mother’s influence. After the whole incident with the banishment, Luna had a lot of growth to do herself. And she had grown considerably. She knew what she wanted and she forged on to get it, despite minor hiccups and obstacles. This almost ruthless determination was a quality. One our son inherited. And I was grateful for that.

Was it not at least a little bit amusing? Thinking of that whole deal as an ‘incident’? One thousand years. One thousand nights. One thousand songs. One thousand and one regrets.

Time heals all wounds, they say. Maybe there was more truth to that than I gave it credit for.

Stardust was a catalyst. If somepony wanted to better themselves, he would help. If somepony wanted to be silly and prank others, he would go along with most stupid ideas, but always keep an eye out so that nothing got too serious. If Aurora wanted that book so badly, he would scrape together his pocket money and get it. If Arcana wanted to learn that spell, he would be the one to go and plead with Twilight. Maybe it would be more accurate to call him an enabler?

He made things possible. And in doing so, he made sure that the things he allowed were safe. To a certain degree anyway. But he had inherited more than just Luna's good looks and sharp mind. A prankster has to clean up his mess. And making mistakes meant facing the consequences. He did that too.

I felt my brows lower. I almost glared at his dream. Dared him to fall asleep. Every single time we found our children entangled in another disaster, he was there. He had led the CMCs at some point. And their infamy had only grown. I was not sure if this latest disaster was of his making. It did not quite fit in with what I knew about my own son. The scale of this was too big. It was decidedly too dangerous. But he was with them. Obviously. My daughters would never leave him behind, and in turn, he would never leave them hanging.

After a couple more minutes of intense staring… nothing changed.

There had been a funny story to this spell. At some point, many years ago, Celestia had tried in her usual roundabout way to teach Twilight a lesson in acknowledging her own limitations. She had sent her twelve books to read. In one weekend. An impossible task, really. It was meant to be impossible. But Twilight’s gotta Twilight. She misunderstood the entire lesson. The thought of giving up never occurred to her. Celestia had challenged her. She apparently believed in her. That she somehow could do this. And Twilight would never dare to disappoint The Princess Celestia. So, out of those three days – Friday included -, she spent one on arcane research. No scholar alive would just nod and say ‘yeah, I get that’ without lying if he were to hear the tale of that day. It takes a studious, very smart unicorn to understand just how ridiculous Twilight's efforts – and successes – were. She fashioned not one, but two spells that day. Even though one was admittedly ‘just’ a variation of a pre-existing spell. But still. It was insane.

The first spell, she called ‘skim’. Very pragmatic naming convention. It allowed her to read at four or five times her regular speed. After some calculation, she quickly realized: With twelve books to go through, that would not be enough. And she did not have time for fine-tuning the spell. It was quite a strain on her mental capabilities and concentration as it was.

So she drafted the second one. Sleep was such an overrated thing, was it not? And with her nights freed up, she gained dozens of additional hours. On that Monday after the fact, she let Spike send back all twelve books, with a detailed report on their content and her thoughts about the matter. In addition, she sent her two new spells, with a report on their development, thanking Celestia for her trust in her most faithful student and for the challenge.

I vaguely remember how Celestia had told me of that moment the books and scrolls arrived in her study. Reading the reports, she had been caught between a desperate laughing fit and utter bewilderment.

A month later, she had sent forty-eight books for one weekend. With Twilight being Twilight: It did not end well. But that was an entirely different story.

The important part was: Twilight had fashioned that ‘harr-di-harr, I don’t need to sleep!’-spell. It had made sense at the time. To her slightly panicked mind anyway. It had made sense to accept this new creation into the compendium listing all possible spells that were stored in the Canterlot Royal Archives. It had made sense to keep a copy around. And yet, I knew that Twilight blamed herself. Right this moment. She was out there, together with Luna, hunting down our children. Our brilliant, determined, insufferable children.

One way or another, every parent eventually had to come to terms with the fact that children grew up. Said children would prefer if said parents would accept that a lot earlier, while said parents struggled with that revelation and would often prefer to postpone it as long as possible. My children were in their mid thirties, for crying out loud. But they would always be my children, of course. My gaze drifted to that third bubble.

This was my vigil.

And Arcana knew it.

She was by far the smartest of the bunch. She shared Aurora's love for books, but she tended to gobble up the entire non-fiction section, while Aurora just loved to read in general and made little distinction between what she read. For her, it was about the journey. About ideas and lateral thinking and… stories. How she had loved my bedtime stories.

Arcana could appreciate them as well of course. She had, in fact. But way sooner than Aurora had she started to deconstruct them. To find flaws in the narrative structure. To point out plot holes and character inconsistencies. She was a smart cookie, which should have been reason enough to be proud of her. And I was. Really… I was.

But I remembered that evening when Twilight sidled up to me, draped a wing across my back and smiled at our daughter. Time to sleep, she had let her know. She shut down the lantern, let darkness engulf the room and a second later, after wishing Arcana a good night and kissing her forehead, we headed out of her room. And I felt defeated. I was sad. I felt like I had lost something precious there.

Arcana had not been angry. Far from it. She still loved the wonder and awe I tried to put into these stories. But that night, she had grown frustrated for the first time. And somehow, I knew that it would have been the last time I had told her a bedtime story.

Twilight tried to console me. It was a normal part of growing up. It had to happen eventually. Maybe next night, she would read to her? Something about the periodic table. I had just nodded. And accepted defeat.

I loved Arcana with all my heart, but I could not deny reality. She had always shared a stronger bond with Twilight than with me. I was not caught up in self-deprecation enough to think that I was stupid. But she was smart. So much smarter than me. And with years passing by, her intellect only grew further. I vaguely remembered two or three instances where it had almost become intimidating. That… that was such a strange feeling. Not being able to measure up to your own children.

It’s a double-edged feeling, really. On one side, there’s pride. My children surpassed me, they were decent ponies, they were successful — when has there ever been a better reason to be proud? But on the other side…? Maybe those were just remnants of my insecurities rearing their ugly heads. This was no contest. There was no reason to feel bad about falling behind, was there?

Twilight did not have that issue. Despite Arcana’s vast intelligence, despite her voracious hunger for knowledge, she had never managed to surpass her mother. Funny enough: I was under the impression that Twilight had to actually work to stay that one step ahead. And that she actually did work for it.

Arcana had full access to the Royal Archives. Because of course she had. It was probably what allowed her to find Twilight's old spell. The one where she did not have to sleep for a couple of nights. But she apparently had modified it. She must have modified it. Quite extensively too. They were gone. They had vanished despite being warned not to do anything rash or stupid, all three of them, and now they were gone and I sat here and felt sick, felt my stomach twist, while I held my vigil over their dreams, waiting for them to fall asleep.

They knew what I was capable of, of course.

That’s the problem when fighting family. They knew all about your strengths and weaknesses and capabilities. If one of them would fall asleep for just a second, I would be here. I would be waiting for them. I would use my dream magic and keep them asleep. And I would find out where they were. And I would send a message to Luna so that Twilight and her could catch up to them and end this disaster before it could further spiral out of control.

But they knew that.

They knew they could not allow themselves to sleep, because they knew I was waiting here.

Twilight had not thought it possible to modify her spell to such an extent. Maybe that would be the first instance of Arcana surpassing Twilight. What bad timing, really. Any other instance and I might have gloated a little. Celebrated the day Twilight joined my club. The losers club, where we watched our children be better than us. Still with proud smiles though. Always with proud smiles.

I knew Twilight blamed herself.

And it hurt. Knowing that. I wanted to make her feel better, but I could not. My only hope was that Luna would stand by her side and do what I wanted to do. Help her carry that weight. Lighten her load.

“Luna has returned, love.” Celestia's voice was merely a faint echo in the dreamscape. But it reached me. And that was all that mattered.

I willed myself to wake up, and so I did.

I hated this so much.

My mind was deteriorating. I felt it slip away, piece by piece, week after week. But my body… my body was even worse. It failed me. Had started to fail me some time ago and it had gotten considerably worse. I felt that stupid hospital bed under me. My sheets were drenched in sweat again. Remaining in the dreamscape for extended periods of time, keeping vigil over our children’s dreams, was putting additional strain on my body.

The doctors had berated me about this irresponsible behavior on multiple occasions. Until my love had stepped in and had raised her voice on my behalf. I had smiled, full of warmth and love. The doctors, on the other hoof, had flinched away a little. That was only natural, really. Celestia was serene, she was patience incarnate. She did not raise her voice. Ever. Period.

My limbs ached.

No, scratch that. Everything ached.

I felt my heart drum in my chest, slow and thunderous and uncomfortable. My limbs were too heavy to lift. It took tremendous effort to crack my eyes open and the very second I did that, the ugly, white, sterile hospital light stabbed its needles into my brain. I hated every moment of this. I hated feeling weak. I hated feeling helpless. I hated feeling all this pain in my joints. I hated barely being able to think straight. I hated how hard it was to breathe. I tried to say something to let them know that I was awake, but my throat was so tight that I felt like I was being strangled. I hated that, too.

So I just used what little strength was remaining to slightly turn my head and look at her instead.

And I hated what I saw. I hated that look in my wife’s eyes. How her heart took a hit every time she noticed how much effort it took me to do something as little as tilt my head. I hated her seeing me like this. I hated that pain in her eyes. I did not want her to see me suffer like this.

A lump was forming in my throat. My gaze glazed over, tears welled up. I hated that, too. I could not even swallow without putting more effort in than I could spare right now.

A decrepit shell for a mind that was slowly falling apart.

Celestia had tried to keep secrets from me ever since we came here. She was not very good at it, despite her thousands of years of diplomacy and plotting. At some point near the start of our relationship, she had decided to let me in. To show me. How she felt. How she worked. How she played her games. Maybe it had been too hard to close that door again. Maybe she had unlearned how to lie to me.

The doctors gave me another month or so. Half a dozen spells tried to make it bearable. Dampen the pain, let me sleep a lot, all the good stuff.

I could not bear the thought of having her sit there for another month.

But I had little choice in the matter. So I instead tried to focus on our visitor. Luna stepped up behind her sister and set down beside her. As soon as she did, Celestia extended a wing and held her little sister close. For her own comfort as much as hers.

Luna tried to put up a brave front. But the former Element of Honesty was a lousy liar. Who would have thought. She sometimes visited me in the dreamscape. A week after our children had run off, I had asked her why she so rarely came to visit me in the hospital. There was no accusation. I was just curious. And I could understand her answer, really. She did not mind seeing me in the dreamscape. I looked considerably younger there. More importantly, I looked healthier. Because in the dreamscape, I looked how I felt. Or how I wanted to look like. And she wanted to remember me like this. It hurt her, seeing me broken down, lying in that bed, unable to get up on my own terms.

It hurt Celestia as well. But she was there by my side, bearing the pain. I would not be able to send her away. They were different, truly. Like day and night.

“Hi,” I managed to croak despite the immediate pain in my throat.

Luna stifled a sob. She tried – and failed – to muster a smile. “Hi,” she replied.

“You look good,” I managed. It was a blatant lie. Her wings were all messed up from flying for way too long without being properly cared for. Her coat was ruffled from difficult weather. Her eyes were bloodshot. From tears as much as sleep deprivation, I presumed. Only her mane and tail remained as serenely ethereal as always.

“You too,” she answered.

My attempt at laughing almost ended in a dry coughing fit. I instead managed to cough just once. The twisted sound was enough that my attempt was understood. This time, with more effort, she managed a shaky smile. Even if it did die seconds after.

I wanted to say something. How are they doing? It was a good choice of words, I thought. Short enough that I might actually get it out. And open enough to interpretation that they would understand that I meant both our children and their pursuers.

But the tightness in my throat increased and despite Celestia giving me little sips from a levitating glass of water, it would not loosen up again. It would not allow me to utter a single word more.

Dangit.

I looked over to Celestia. And without any need to ask, she understood. “How are things progressing?” she asked on my behalf.

Luna drew a deep breath. It was enough to smash all hope I had. She closed her eyes, slowly shook her head and leaned more heavily into her big sister. Without reopening her eyes, she started to explain. “They managed to escape again. Stardust covered their retreat, knowing full well that I would be the first to arrive this time.”

Last time, Twilight had dueled Arcana and Aurora. With both working surprisingly well in tandem, they had been able to stand up to Twilight and exhaust her. Only after they had escaped had Twilight found residual traces of magic indicating why both had been working so well together. Arcana had apparently drafted a spell to connect their minds. Sharing memories, sharing feelings, sharing thoughts… sharing knowledge of spells, magic reserve and reaction times. It could not have been the first time they had used it. The feeling would have been overwhelming. Must have been. So, somewhere along their journey, they had managed to create that spell, practice that spell and then used it to defend their course of action against Twilight's interference.

Had I mentioned how proud I was of my offspring? And how frustrating their brilliance was?

Twilight would not give up of course. They had managed to get a lead, but she would pursue them soon enough. With Luna in tow. And it seemed this time, they had adapted yet again. They knew us as well as we knew them. Luna was not exactly known for her subtlety. She would have brought down the force of a mountain if it was necessary to stop this madness.

But.

She obviously did not wish harm upon our children.

While Luna did tell little about the details of her encounter, I could imagine enough. Stardust was a clever colt. Stallion. He knew his mother. The only thing he needed to do was construct a situation in which he was in danger. It would keep Luna from pursuing Aurora and Arcana and if he integrated a little twist that would allow him to escape as soon as she jumped in to help him, he would be free to catch up with them. And Luna would be stuck, at least for a little while, dealing with whatever he had left behind to keep her occupied.

“What are they still missing?” Celestia asked.

This whole ordeal was a scavenger hunt. A very serious, very dangerous scavenger hunt. All three of them were following ancient prophecies and clues in dusty tomes. At the very center of this madness was an alchemical formula. A legendary concoction they had probably heard about from Zecora, seeing as the legend originated in the Zebrian homeland.

A pinch of phoenix ashes. Hard to get that stuff. A phoenix had a lifespan of thousands of years before they burned out. And they were rising from their ashes the next dawn, leaving no ash behind. That meant a) finding a very old phoenix, b) patiently waiting for it to fall apart without getting burned to a crisp, c) collecting a pinch of ash before dawn.

Problem was: A phoenix could willingly shed its old body. It could burst into ashes if it wanted to. Most did not, of course. Why would they? But Whisper, Fluttershy’s daughter, had inherited her mother’s ability to speak with animals and beasts. And Celestia just so happened to own a pet phoenix, Philomena. Of course we did not know if that was how they got the first ingredient. But it seemed more likely than them scouring the entire world for a random chance encounter with an old phoenix.

The second ingredient was Queen Jelly, sometimes called Royal Jelly. That should have been very hard to get as well. But once more, there was an easy way. I had warned Twilight about a changeling hive in the southeastern parts of the Everfree Forest. And Twilight being Twilight, it took only a couple of years until they were… well, they were never really ‘reformed’ in the true sense of the word. But Equestria and that single hive had come to an… agreement. Seeing as these days, we had established trade routes, the most difficult and dangerous part of this was probably the journey through the Everfree Forest.

I could not imagine the hive giving up something as precious as Queen Jelly without asking something ridiculous in return. But to be honest, given how they were behaving… I was not sure if our children would not simply… steal it.

I liked to think we raised them better than that. But they were clearly desperate and desperation did something to a pony’s mind and resolve.

The Royal Jelly would bind the phoenix ash. But for a proper blend, it would need to be heated in a very specific way. That’s where the third ingredient came in.

“Well,” started Luna after what felt like an eternity, “they got the Dragon Ember.”

And there it was. The first time I had heard of this, I had laughed. A recipe that needed the dragon Ember to heat up a bunch of ingredients. Sure, let’s walk into the hostile, barren dragon lands, brave the massive, greedy creatures inhabiting it and waltz straight up to the dragon lord herself, asking her to spew a bunch of flames on some magically hardened glass bottles.

This wasn’t about Ember, the dragon, of course.

I had never heard of this stuff before the recipe was discussed for the first time. Dragons apparently usually laid their eggs in smallish lava puddles to keep them warm enough. These were flat enough that a newly hatched dragon would not immediately drown. But once a dragon hatched, the eggshell remained. That stuff was infused with massive quantities of magic, which contributed to its resistance to heat. But with the dragon out of the shell, a part of this enchantment broke. The remnants of the eggshell shriveled up over the course of days and formed a little lump of strange material that continued to absorb heat from its surroundings.

That was Dragon Ember.

Its generation process meant that it was the most abundant ingredient. Dragons cared little for those little, rocklike things at the bottom of their lava puddles. Our problem started, once again, with Twilight being very successful at being Twilight. She had befriended the gosh-darn dragon lord. She had established diplomatic relationships with the dragon lands. We were trading for those Dragon Embers. Because they were a powerful resource in alchemy – who would have thought, right? They were invaluable for forges and smithies all over Equestria.

That stuff was pricey though. And its acquisition was highly regulated. You had to fill out forms, there was a whole ordeal of paperwork to be done. You could not just waltz into a street corner shop and buy some. That was the only reason why we assumed that they were going straight for the source. Which still meant braving the dragon lands. Sure, dragons were our friends now – sort of. Dragons were still dragons though. And not every dragon was such an avid believer in dragon lord Embers diplomatic endeavors. Also: Dragons were not the only inhabitants of those lands, but everything that lived there tended to be massive and cranky.

And even if they managed to deal with that, they had to find a lava puddle that contained some. Levitation spells usually require line of sight. Twilight once again proved exceptional in that regard. And of course, Arcana followed her example. Still — even Arcana needed to know that there was something to be grabbed at the pool's bottom to actually grab it.

So they had three out of four ingredients now. The circle of life and rebirth, the tenacity of willpower, the fire of life. They were still missing the soothing currents of eternity.

“They are still missing the Aqua Vitae,” Luna continued.

That’s what I said, I grumbled in my head.

“Twilight has returned to the Royal Archives in hopes of figuring out where the well is located before they do,” she concluded and fell silent.

Heating the jelly, blending in the ash, then cooling it down in that water, mixing just a single drop in. The recipe sounded like a fairytale come to life. I half-expected some ancient villain to return in the process of this, or maybe to be freed due to its successful conclusion. There was so much danger involved, everything about this just screamed: Don’t!

Aurora had found the legend. Probably by listening to Zecora for too long. Arcana had researched its origins until she found that formula. And Stardust was Stardust.

We listened. We had multiple discussions. We had discarded the idea.

And they had run off.

I felt exhausted. Admittedly, these days, I always felt exhausted. But I noticed my eyelids drooping. They grew heavier by the minute, slowly closing on their own accord. I wanted to thank Luna. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her. How much I appreciated her visiting me. Even despite how much it hurt her. There was a lot I wanted to tell her, and Celestia, and Twilight. And a lot I wanted to tell Arcana, Aurora and Stardust.

Stop it, you idiots! You will get yourselves killed if you don’t. Do you want your mothers to be heartbroken? Don’t they have to deal with enough grief as is? Just… come home, please. Let me see your faces. Let me feel your warmth. Please. Come home…

I reopened my eyes in the dreamscape.

I felt exhausted. Frustrated. I had tried to fight the tiredness, but to no avail, it seemed. Without lamenting my fate too much, I chose a nice spot nearby and sat down. Those dream creatures nearby felt my presence. They had grown wary of me. Ever since Luna had returned to her duty as the dreamscape's warden, she had built up a reputation with these beings. And once I joined her forces, a tiny smidgen of that respect rubbed off on me. It was enough that these creatures kept their distance. Enough for some peace and quiet.

I brought down my hoof on the dreamscape’s ‘floor’. Once, twice, thrice.

I commanded, and those dreams dared not deny me. Three bubbles closed in, until they once again lazily drifted before me in a neat line. Gray, swirling mist inside, unchanged, unchanging.

This was my vigil.

I was not sure how long I had stared at those dreams, hoping despite better knowledge to see them change. Maybe hours had passed. Maybe minutes, maybe days. What did it matter? It was my love’s voice again that dragged me out of my reverie. And distressingly enough, she sounded surprised. But there was another voice as well. One I was just as familiar with, but one I had not expected to hear here…

“Mom, listen to me,” Aurora's voice echoed throughout the dreamscape.

“Young lady, you will listen to me!” Celestia shot right back.

“No!” protested Aurora. “Mom, please! Just—“

I felt that prickly sensation again. By this point, it had become more than familiar. I was apparently quite sensitive to magic. Not that I was that great of a spell caster, but I could feel magic around me. And seeing how my life had involved living with three alicorns… yeah.

But why was she here?

I tried to figuratively run away from the revelation. If Aurora was here, it meant we had failed. They had finished their journey. They had managed to escape time and again. That should have been a reason to celebrate. They were home. Safe and sound.

But what if they weren’t?, a suddenly terrified voice in the back of my head dared to ask, What if she returned because something went horribly, horribly wrong…?!

I was terrified. But I needed to know. So I willed myself to wake up again.

Pain. Aching muscles. Tight throat. Yes, yes, complain all you want, but do it later!

I cracked my eyes open. Needles in my brain, yes, I know.

I saw light. And it was not the sterile hospital light I was somewhat used to. Celestia stood a couple of steps away from my bed, her wings flared in all their impressive glory, her horn wreathed in magic. A beam of golden light shot out from its tip, across the room towards the entrance. Despite Celestia's wings, I managed to catch glimpses of Aurora standing near the open door. Her horn was aglow as well, a beam of magic shooting straight ahead, meeting Celestia's magic halfway.

My love would not dare hurt our daughter. The only reasonable explanation for what I was seeing was… that she tried to buy us time. She tried to keep Aurora at a distance. I saw it confirmed as Aurora, probably not for the first time, tried to take a step forward. She grunted in effort but was pushed back as soon as Celestia increased her power output.

Something about this scene felt strange though. There was a thought nagging me, and I could not pinpoint it.

“Arcana, need help,” Aurora grunted through clenched teeth while Celestia's beam pushed her back further and further.

The tables turned once Arcana entered the fray. As soon as she showed up in the open doorway, her horn came to life and a third beam of light shot out, intertwining with Auroras effortlessly. Together, they pushed Celestia's magic back, even though Celestia herself stood her ground.

“I take over,” Arcana simply stated.

Aurora gave a nod and broke out, canceling her magic. Arcana immediately grunted as the full force of Celestia's power crashed against her resistance… but she managed to stand her ground — for now.

“I won’t be able to hold her off much longer, hurry!,” I heard Stardust yell from outside.

I felt a wave of relief wash over me. Despite everything that was happening, despite all this madness, they were here, alive, safe and sound… all three of them. They had endured. Thank Celestia. Well, actually…

Celestia tried to physically block Aurora from passing her by. She stepped to the side, but Aurora would not be stopped by something as mundane as a larger pony’s frame being in the way. There was a short glow emanating from some kind of necklace she wore around her neck, and I recognized a similar glow from a similar necklace around Arcanas neck. “Do it,” the latter agreed to whatever proposal Aurora had made.

Aurora charged her horn and looked her mother straight in the eye as she did so, but neither dared to say anything to the other. When all this was done, when the dust would settle, there would be time to talk. And there was no reason to pile harsh words on top of everything. It would be difficult enough as it was.

A second later, Aurora disappeared and immediately reappeared on the other side of my bed. A teleportation spell. She raised a hoof and carefully guided my head to the other side, denying me to follow the battle happening in a simple, small hospital room. It was ridiculous, really.

“Hey dad,” she greeted me.

I tried to answer, but my throat was still too tight and would not let me. I tried to smile and given how she replied with a shaky smile of her own, I liked to believe that I succeeded. She scanned the different technical devices surrounding my bed and grimaced before she intently refocused her gaze on me.

“I got something for you,” she whispered with a trembling voice. With all that magic crackling in the air, it was almost imperceptible. She opened her saddlebag and levitated a small vial out of it. It was made out of clay and corked until she removed the stopper.

I tried to shake my head. We had discussed this. Many times. With all parties involved growing more and more frustrated with each new attempt. But we had talked about it.

“Please,” she said, “please don’t do this to us. We can’t lose you. We’re not ready. I can’t lose you!”

She carefully, tenderly opened my mouth and poured the liquid in. It had the texture of melted gumdrops and faintly tasted of pepper. Strange, admittedly, but I had expected way worse. Yet I did nothing. It was there, swishing around in my mouth, and she realized that. She tried to make me swallow it, but she did not want to inflict any more pain on me, so she tried to be as cautious as she could – which led to zero progress being made.

“I can’t hold out much longer,” Arcana grunted from the other side, pouring whatever she had left into her attempts to keep Celestia occupied.

“She’s breaking through,” Stardust chimed in from the hallway outside.

And I saw Aurora tear up. I saw my little filly cry again, scraping her knee. I saw her cry again, in Celestia's hooves. I heard her giggle for the first time, staring in awe at her beautiful, exhausted mother. “Please, please, please, I can’t lose you!” she begged, grabbing me by my shoulders, all caution forgotten. She gave me a soft shake before she started to resign, before she broke down. She laid her head on my chest, her tears immediately drenching my coat, her quiet sobbing breaking my heavy heart. “Please, daddy… stay with me” she whispered.

Stay with me.

There was an intrinsic value to language. While it was quite lacking in many regards, it was still the best tool we had to communicate with each other. And because we wanted it so, certain phrases had power. Some of these phrases were universally accepted. I love you. Happy Birthday. My condolences. Other phrases gained power due to the events they were involved in.

Stay with me.

That phrase had haunted me throughout my entire life, it seemed. Haunted, or accompanied. Twilight had asked me to stay with her one fateful night. Best night ever. Celestia had asked me to stay with her while she was healing wounds that would have killed me. According to Twilight, I had actually died that day. Celestia had just… brought me back.

Stay with me.

She had called me ‘daddy’ again. That mare at my bedside, stupid enough to open fire on The Princess Celestia – her mother, no less – was gone. Left behind was only that little filly that loved my stupid bedside stories. That little filly that held on for dear life, riding my back while giggling merrily when I cantered down the castle hallways.

Stay with me.

Never had anything bad come from following that request, had it? I could not remember. My mind was clouded by too much… stuff. Too much of anything, of everything. While she was bawling her eyes out, hugging me hard enough for it to hurt, shaking like a leaf, I turned my head. I had noticed the lights returning to normal. And indeed, there was no fighting going on anymore. Arcana was standing still in an unnatural way. Paralyzed by a spell. And I finally understood.

I understood what had felt wrong about this scenario.

Celestia was one of the most powerful beings in this world. She knew more spells than Twilight. It was simply unthinkable that she did not have dozens upon dozens of options to end this encounter within seconds. She had chosen to let things play out like this.

My tongue moved a little. Stirring that liquid in my mouth, as if I had needed a reminder that it was still there.

My love looked at me. Watched me. Waited for me to make a decision. Because it was my decision to make. We had decided against the pursuit of this endeavor, but our children had persisted where we had given up. And here we were.

The doctors gave me another month or so. Another month in which Luna would avoid visiting me. At least here in the hospital. She would come by in the dreamscape of course. Another month in which Celestia would stand guard at my side. Every labored breath of mine a little needle plunged into a fresh wound. Every word my body denied me to speak was a reminder of how ugly dying could be. She would be there for me nonetheless, of course. She would always be there for me, until the bitter end. And bitter it was. I was breaking my little filly’s heart. Even Arcana, frozen in place, silently pleaded with me.

My gaze met Celestia's again.

I’m sorry, love. I’m just… I’m just not strong enough...

Tears welled up in my eyes. My vision blurred.

I’m so sorry…

She closed her eyes and lowered her head. She accepted the decision I was about to make, no matter what. I saw no disappointment in her posture. But for a brief moment, I thought I had seen the faint shadow of a very weak smile tugging at her lips.

It could mean a lot. It could mean nothing. It could mean the world.

I would find out.

I swallowed.

When I reopened my eyes, it was different. It – I – felt different. Everything felt different.

I was not greeted by the familiar aching in my joints or back muscles. No sterile white light was needling my eyes. My throat was dry, yes, but there was no tightness strangling me. And I was sure that if I tried to lift my hoof, I would be perfectly capable of doing so.

“Careful. You are still weak,” a familiar voice softly spoke.

I tilted my head a little. I was lying on a massive bed. It was soft. Silken sheets. Yet despite its size, there was little room left on it unoccupied. Partially due to my perspective, it was a strange sight to behold. So many ponies. This bed had never been this full. Twilight and Luna were lying to my left, next to each other. Arcana was nestled closely under Twilight's wing, and Stardust under Luna's. All were sound asleep. I turned my head to my right side. Celestia was lying close by, watching over me. Always watching over me. I did not quite appreciate the gap between the two of us, but I found it hard to complain too much, seeing as said gap was fully filled by Aurora. I was grateful for small mercies: Celestia's wing was large enough to cover both Aurora and me.

Aurora was asleep as well. I studied her face for a moment. Took note of her puffy eyes. Those dark tear stains still marring her coat. Yet despite the obvious signs of turmoil, right now, she seemed peaceful. There was even a small smile tugging at her lips.

I looked up to Celestia again and tried to read her expression. And I failed. Not because she tried to hide anything. Luckily, we had been past that for many years now. But despite her seemingly calm body language, her eyes betrayed her inner turmoil. She could force herself to be calm for the sake of others, but with everypony asleep right now… she had time to spare. Time to try and work through what she thought of all of this.

It was a good starting point.

What was I thinking of all this?

Harsh words would be had eventually. But that was a storm well-earned, deserved, and it would be accepted with courage and resolve. It would blow over eventually. We would make up, everything would be fine. That would leave behind the changes that were made on a more… basic level.

The legend of that formula had promised eternal youth. Now, I was not vain. We had initially searched for something that would ease things a little more than what the doctors could do. And I remembered one of the reasons Aurora had given me. We're not ready! They would never be. I would never be. Heck, nopony would ever be ready for that.

What to make of this.

I turned my head again, stared up at the ceiling. For some reason, that usually tended to help me think. With everypony else asleep, I had a sort of grace period. But I did not know how long that would last. And Celestia was here with me. Maybe that presented a chance I ought to use. “I will regret this, won’t I?” I finally dared to ask.

Celestia was silent for a minute or two, before she finally gave a quiet sigh. “Eventually, yes.”

I gave a short nod. Despite what might loom on the horizon, I was grateful for that piece of honesty. I always liked to know what I was getting myself into. “Will you be there?” I asked, even though I suspected the question had a highly rhetorical nature.

I could hear her smile as my wife answered in the same manner she had done after we had exchanged our wedding vows. “Always.”

Day 15,349: Stargazing

I looked up in unbroken, undiminished awe and enjoyed every minute. The night sky was beautiful. As it always had been. As it always would be. As beautiful as its mistress.

A light breeze passed over the crystal balcony of Twilight's castle. One balcony of a dozen or so. The only difference being their height and that this one was occupied by me. I quivered a little. It was cold out here and I really should have brought a blanket, at least. But I had not been that smart – or quick-witted – when fleeing. And now that I was lying down on my belly, the crystal floor beneath me had already accepted a portion of my body heat and I could really not be bothered to get up again and retrieve something to keep me warm.

This was not my first panic attack of course.

Over the course of the last week, I had a few of those. Some were short enough that I just froze in place and paled a little. Others, like this one, actually spurred me into action. There really were worse things than sitting on an empty balcony in the dead of night, out in the cold wind, gazing at those twinkling stars.

If Twilight or Luna were here, we could even make it romantic. Begone, sour mood, begone I say! For I have loved ones around me.

But even though I tried to lighten my own mood with my usual, unfunny brand of my humor, I had chosen poorly. It hit too close to home already. I scraped the topic I had tried to flee from in the first place. Then again, being here, alone, shivering in the cold… that was a prime opportunity, was it not? It gave me time and space to think. And I could explain all that trembling away with ‘I’m just cold’. It was the perfect cover up!

And just what had me in such a tizzy in the first place anyway?

Well. I admittedly had a good reason to panic for once. At least that was what I liked to believe. A week ago, I had drunk something I really, really shouldn’t have drunk. There had been the immediate fallout, mostly directed at our offspring for just running off, straight ahead into danger in a stupid attempt to follow up on some dusty old legend. They could have been hurt. We had decided against this endeavor and they went there anyway. After we had decided against it.

It was almost like they had a mind of their own. How pesky.

I felt myself smile. It was genuine, even though I knew some sadness creeped in eventually. Aurora had been heartbroken. And I could not bear seeing my precious little filly hurt. I had always been weak like that.

Of course there had been a second wave of fallout once their significant others arrived. They were in their thirties, they had lives and responsibilities and families, for goodness’ sake.

It took a day or two, three for those of us who were a little more on the grudgy side and actively wanted to stay mad at them a while longer. But eventually, things blew over. Grass would grow, everything would be fine. Except it wouldn’t. I had drunk that stuff. They had their epic adventure, running across Equestria… heck, running waaay beyond Equestrian borders for most of the time. All the while being chased by both Luna and Twilight. Who were very determined to stop them.

And I had drunk that stuff they had concocted.

I could feel it already. My mind started to race, my thoughts became twisted again. Soon, nothing would make sense, I would spin helplessly in circles, everything would be knots and I would want to scream in frustration.

She always had a sense for dramatic entrances. Their timing especially.

The door to the balcony opened. My gaze immediately snapped back down, my ears swiveled in that direction and stood at attention. The gap widened and without a second thought, Luna stepped onto the balcony. I noticed that blanket on her back. She had made it with Twilight when the latter had decided to study knitting or crochet or whatever it was. What little I could see of the color scheme told me it was the big one. We usually kept it around in the living room, for obvious reasons. Three or four ponies huddling together on that big sofa was just… dear Celestia, was it comfy. Pony-piles were the best.

Her eyes roamed the night sky first as she had exited the castle with her gaze turned up to the heavens. A genuine, satisfied smile told me all I needed to know about her admiration for her own work and domain. “It is quite beautiful,” I whispered.

Still, the night was quiet and she could hear me clear enough. She lowered her gaze and met mine. For a long moment, we just watched each other. Searched for intentions, searched for any signs that betrayed the state of mind of the other. She finally gave a short sigh. “I am sorry, I did not know you were out here. I will leave you to your own devices.”

I gave a little snort. “You’re awful at this,” I let her know.

She had started to turn back towards the door, but froze and turned her gaze back to me. “Excuse me?”

“Come on, kitten.” It was a pet name. One I cherished for how she tended to blush when I used it. That even darker tone in her cheeks made her more beautiful than she already was. But right now, I was somewhat somber and brooding and she… she was here to cheer me up, I presumed. “We had been in the dining hall not an hour ago,” I started to explain what needed no explanation. “It’s two stories up. In the west wing. Nopony ever uses the west wing. And you just happen to stumble out here. With the large blanket, too. You have many very endearing qualities, kitten. Subtlety… isn’t one of them.” I even managed to chuckle a little at that. She looked flustered and puffed her cheeks for a moment.

“I can be subtle!” she argued.

I smiled. “Thank you.”

Her expression softened considerably. We fell silent for a short while, each following our own thoughts around. “So… am I to return inside?” she finally asked.

I was tangled up. Still tangled up, tangled up again – it did not matter much. It was a mess. I lowered my head down to the floor, until my forehead met with the cold crystal. My horn prevented me from lying my head down completely though. Still, it was enough. The cold seeped into my mind. “Please don’t,” I mumbled and felt her watch the curious behavior I was demonstrating with mild amusement. “I need counsel.” It was the best I could do, really. Be honest about it.

I heard her hoofsteps draw closer, until she was standing right beside me. She sat down on her belly, our coats brushed and she levitated the blanket over our backs. The warmth her body radiated immediately started to battle the night’s cold for dominance over my body. I had my own favorite in that fight and leaned against her. A smile spread across my muzzle when I heard that quiet, happy sigh she voiced in reaction to that.

“I should tell you to ask your wife,” she replied belatedly.

“Hm,” I sort of half-agreed. “You probably should.”

Silence.

“You should ask your wife,” she told me. I could hear her smile playfully.

Silence.

With her close to me, I honestly did not want to talk anymore. But that was the issue. It had been the issue these last couple of days. As long as they were close by, as long as any of them was close by, everything was just dandy. And I did not want to talk about it and I did not want to think about it.

“Please,” she whispered, “we are… I am worried.” I sighed. I was pretty sure that ‘we’ was not her addressing herself with the royal ‘we’, but instead her speaking for… well, all of them. “Why are you not talking to my sister?”

“I am talking to her!” I protested weakly. I said ‘hello’, and ‘good night’, and ‘bon appetit’, and…

I could feel her look at me again. Stare at me, rather. She did not even need to say anything this time. “I… I know what she’s going to say,” I tried again. “I’m not ready to hear that. Not right now.”

That actually gave her pause, even if just for a moment. “And I am different?” she asked curiously.

“Like night and day,” I joked and chuckled at my own stupid quip. I did hear her stifle a giggle though, so everything worked out well enough.

“Very well, then,” she finally answered. “I am here for you. You seek counsel, and I shall provide. Ask.”

She really did make it sound easy, didn’t she? “You know what happened?”

“You mean…?” she replied, but I shook my head once I understood the direction.

“No. What happened an hour ago,” I corrected.

“Not exactly,” she admitted. “We had dinner. Everything appeared to be fine. You were helping Spike clean up the table and you two went to the kitchen to prepare dessert. I talked to Twilight about her latest calibrations of the teleportation stone. She started to wonder what took you two so long and excused herself. Next thing I know, she returned and looked… troubled. She told me you panicked and ran off.”

So Twilight had been the culprit. What a shame, really. I could never stay mad at her for long. “I cut myself.”

Luna nodded. “How?”

“I dunno. With a knife, duh,” I shot back needlessly defensive. “Some stupid melon slice slipped and I just… there wasn’t even that much blood.”

She remained patient and ignored my short burst of temperament. “So, why the panic attack, then?”

I took a deep breath. And exhaled slowly. “The wound immediately closed. I could see it. I don’t deal well with seeing blood. My own blood especially, for some reason. Remember that one time Pinkie accidentally pricked me with a needle and they all had a good laugh until the moment I just fainted? Because of a single drop of blood. It’s weird. I don’t have that problem with movies, you know. I love horror movies…”

“Ssshhh,” she shushed me. She leaned down and nuzzled me and it actually helped. It helped calm me down after I had not even realized how agitated I had grown. “I know. We tend to watch these movies together,” she softly whispered. Slowly, my heartbeat found its steady, normal rhythm again.

“I will never live that moment down. Or the dozens of others that fell into a similar vein,” I quietly whined.

But she ignored my attempts to change the topic. Honestly, it had not been a conscious attempt. I only noticed it myself after she refused to budge. “So the wound closed and you were reminded of your new… situation.”

After a good long while, I nodded. Took me some time to get myself sorted out to participate in our conversation again. “You know… Rainbow looks ancient these days. They all do. Heck, give it a couple more years and Scootaloo’s twins will be fully grown adults.”

“Ah,” she just said. No words of infinite wisdom. No deep, mystical understanding filtered through time. No universal truths. Just… ‘ah’. For a moment, I was not sure if I wanted to laugh or yell or cry. Or laugh extra loud while crying. Could one laugh like that? Was that even a thing?

“I was one of them,” I resumed. “I was old. And now I’m not anymore. We don’t even know the full extent of what that stuff even does. A-And, and… I mean… Royal Jelly? That’s, like, a week on hoof. Take a tour guide and you’ll be safe in the Everfree. Dragon Ember? It’s only a matter of time until we will have so much of that stuff that regulation processes will be loosened. Heck, there are businesses all over Equestria lining up and lobbying for that very thing already. Phoenix Ash? Right, hard to get, sure… but not exactly impossible. And Aqua Vitae? We know where the well is. There’s no gauntlet of deadly traps, no ancient guardian to contest, no curse to bear. Just a decrepit old well in the middle of nowhere, held together by magic that will probably protect it from collapsing for the next couple of thousands of years. Like… this entire formula takes four ingredients and due to… how things are… all of them are more or less available.”

She nodded. “That is true.”

“How are you staying so calm, then?” I almost accused her, growing agitated once more. “How are you not freaking out?! How am I supposed to just let them die…?!” Aaand we reached the moment where I inevitably broke down again. Tears spilled freely, panic gripped my heart with its steely claws, sobs shook my body. Yet despite the mess I was quickly turning into, I tried to push through. I tried to persist, tried to talk. Because if I did not finish it this time, how was I supposed to ever do it? “A-And it’s not just my friends… Applejack is like family to me! You’re supposed to help family! A-And why me, anyway? What about the thousands and thousands of ponies out there? Ponies that are way smarter than me. More deserving of this. Less terrified of it too… probably… m-maybe…” Her wing squeezed me a little bit. Just enough to let me know that she was still there. Still listening. “I’m so bucking scared, Luna.” My attempts to go on were thwarted by several hiccups and sobs, but after a while, I managed to just swallow it down for a moment longer. “This isn’t fair. This isn’t fair to anypony! Or heck, anycreature, for that matter. But we can’t just go around and hoof that stuff out like candy. Do you have any idea what would happen to this world if we did? I sure don’t. But I have a very vivid imagination. And it’s so utterly terrifying!” I had to pause again for a short while before continuing. “I asked my wife if I would regret this decision… and she said yes. Immediately.”

I really had thought I was fine with that. And I supposed I had been at that moment. But as the hours wore on and the revelations kept trickling in…

“You also asked if she would be by your side, did you not?” Luna interrupted before I got a chance to drive myself deeper into this frenzy.

So Celestia had talked to her about this. Of course she had. They were closer than they had ever been. I was somehow still surprised. “Yes?” I answered, unsure what to make of this.

Luna lowered her head again and placed it on top of mine. A familiar gesture. I liked it. It helped calm me down a little. “It is quite apparent that you already regret it. Or that you are at least conflicted. And given a chance, I know that she would be here. But you foolishly pushed her away in futile attempts to find solutions for problems you cannot hope to solve on your own.”

“Wow, harsh,” I croaked.

Her voice grew a lot softer when she answered. “You seek counsel. You do not seek comfort. If you were seeking comfort, you would have asked my sister. But you did not, so here we are.”

I always admired how steadfast she was. She knew exactly who she was. Always.

Despite my discontent, I had to admit that she was right. “I do need your advice,” I admitted meekly. “Or your opinion, or anything, really – anything that can get me out of this circle I’m running in.”

Luna hummed a little to herself, thinking about the conundrum at hoof. With her head still on top of mine, I felt the vibration. It was… nice. And made me smile.

“Now,” she started after some time had passed, “I don’t claim to know what the right thing to do in this situation is. And despite what she likes to convey to others, neither does my sister, I believe. We have two distinct issues at hoof: The ‘fairness of it all’, as you put it. And your very personal conflict with the consequences of immortality. Let us answer the latter first, as it is both the easier, and the more difficult issue.” Luna raised her head again and craned her neck so we could see into each other’s eyes. “Please do not misunderstand me as unnecessarily cruel or heartless, but… you will have to deal with that.”

I had expected that and yet, it still felt like being steamrolled. A gut punch, courtesy of Bucky McGillycuddy and Kicks McGee. Although I doubted that Applejack still had the same strength as she did back in the days. “That’s awful,” I answered, still preferring to stick to honesty.

With a sad expression in her eyes, she gave me a solemn nod. “It is,” she agreed. “And what follows will do little to help you here and now.” Nevertheless, she continued. “You will eventually learn. You will adapt in a way that is unique to you. The same way my sister and I adapted a long time ago. We all have our own ways of dealing with loss. You might be lucky, however, as Twilight has ascended not that long ago and might still search for her own way. I admit, I have not breached the topic with her yet. I will have to sometime soon though, with our friends – her friends – growing as old as they have.”

That almost gave me a heart attack. “Do you know something I don’t?” I hastily asked, almost panicking again.

“Calm down,” she insisted. “No, I do not. I-… it was a poor choice of words. Once you grow this old, ‘soon’ takes on a new meaning. I do not wish harm upon our friends and I hope they will be around for plenty more years of course. But eventually, we… we will have to face this. All of us will have to face this. But we will not have to face it alone.”

“We have each other,” I almost whispered. I leaned against her and it comforted me. I hoped for, asked for and received support. I could count on her. On them. The thought still terrified me though. The thought of losing them. I tried to imagine it. Because honestly, I couldn’t stop myself even if I had tried. Going to Applejack's funeral. Everypony would be present. Dash would be crying like she never had before, in her entire life. Give a few years, and Dash would follow the love of her life to… wherever. Fluttershy. Pinkie. Rarity.

But it would not stop there.

Eventually, our own children would grow old. Arcana, Stardust,… Aurora. Whisper and Ambrosia, the next generation would pass on as well. And after that. And after that. And after that.

Would that pain ever dull?

I was both hoping it would… and hoping it would not. It seemed so unfair if it ever would. As if their lives had been less precious. Less worthy.

“How?” I asked as my voice cracked. My question was barely audible. “How do you cope with that?”

Luna sighed and gave a little shrug. She looked up at the night sky. “I am the night, I change and yet remain. Over the centuries, I have found many ways, and lost as many. I wrote letters to my loved ones. I named stars after them. I painted them from memory. I talked to them long after they were gone. And in time, I will do so again. I will write to them again, and paint them again, and name my stars again. The night is not that different from the day, you see. Both follow a set rhythm. A celestial dance that waxes and wanes.”

For just a second, I considered asking her about Celestia's ways to deal with this. But I held my tongue. If I was going to ask that, then I would ask her directly. Everything else would feel wrong.

I gave her words some thought. And just as I expected, just as she had announced, they were not exactly helpful. Not immediately helpful anyway. I had to find my own way to cope with that. To cope with losing everypony close and dear to me, with very few exceptions. And it would be the wrong way to go about this by isolating myself from those who live considerably shorter lives. I could not just focus on Celestia, Luna, Twilight and Cadance and hope that that would be enough. Because in all likelihood, it would not.

Another deep sigh escaped my throat. While this shaped up to be a somewhat less productive conversation than I had hoped, it still helped in some way. I was warm. I was not panicking. And I was glad that she was here with me. I felt her love, and I returned it in kind.

Thoughts finally started to sort themselves away. For the time being, at least. I granted myself a few minutes to calm myself further and enjoy both the beauty above our heads as well as the beauty beside me.

“You are staring,” she remarked with an amused undertone.

“Tch, what is it with you two?” I mumbled and gave her a kiss on her neck. “I’m decidedly not staring. I am appreciating.” Her quiet giggle made me smile again. However, I followed that up with another sigh shortly after. I seemed to do that a lot this evening. “Alright. The other thing. Shoot.”

She nodded in affirmation, but remained silent for a couple of moments longer and when she finally spoke up, she did so with a tinge of uncertainty in her voice. “The legend is another beast entirely. I have talked about this extensively with my sister. A variety of options were considered. Among them the use of enchantment magic to remove all memories from all parties involved, ourselves included. But that would take time. A lot of it. And a lot of energy as well. We discussed the possibility of destroying critical clues and hints to further hamper any and all attempts to uncover the whole formula. But… it may be petty of us, but neither she nor I want to destroy what amounts to ancient relics and remnants of a past long gone that have endured despite time constantly gnawing away at them. We have discussed many possibilities indeed, but in the end, we ended up with a simple observation.”

“Destroying the well?” I ventured a guess. “Or relocating it into the caves beneath Canterlot?”

“Neither of those, no.” Luna hesitated. It was strange to see that, as hesitation was not something that came naturally to her. She took a deep breath. “We do not wish to destroy the formula.”

“So… you’re going to hide it then?” I asked. Maybe I had spoken too soon, too fast, as realization already started to dawn on me.

“No. We…” She hesitated again. “We currently do not intend to do anything about it. Nothing at all.”

That admission was not exactly something I had expected to hear. “… why?” I asked and furrowed my brow.

“First of all, whatever we could do now, we are in all likelihood able to do later on as well, if necessity arises. And whatever we would do now would have consequences. Consequences that we cannot foresee in their entirety right now. There are many great dangers in this world, and many great treasures buried and forgotten. Many corners, dark and overgrown, offering knowledge for those brave and determined enough. I do not wish to seem aloof, yet I have to say: Removing these clues, denying others the chance to search for this formula and gather its ingredients, would rob this world of ours of another wonder. While every treasure and every artifact secured in a museum or vault helps us make Equestria a safer place for our ponies to live in, it also diminishes its potential, it’s… allure.”

“There would be fewer adventures to be had,” I tried to put my own spin on it, just to see if I understood.

“Indeed,” she confirmed. “You agree with us then?”

“I…” I was honestly not sure what to say. I understood her reasoning. I even wanted to flat out agree with her. But I was… well, me. I had been a chicken half of my life. I strived for stability and security. I favored reliability. Sure, the occasional adventure was thrilling. Even more so when the one experiencing that adventure had little else of it in his day-to-day life. “I’m not sure,” I once more stuck with honesty. “I understand where you’re coming from. And I want to agree. But I’m not sure I can. Then again, I’m also not sure it matters much, to be honest. I’m new to this club – considering long-term consequences sounds more like a gig for you two. What I am sure of is this: Whatever you decide will probably be for the best. And if it isn’t, you’ll find ways to fix it. Send in the Twilight-shaped cavalry for example.”

“Does it have to be Twilight-shaped? I could use some action myself,” she shot back with a wry smile and we both had a good chuckle. “Does this ease your concerns then?”

Hm. Did it? “Well… it does help to know that you two thought about a lot of stuff already. Makes me feel like this is in good hooves. As for the other part… that will take time, I guess. I might have hoped for a wonder, but I sure didn’t expect one. But you even helped in that regard, I think. So… yeah. I guess it does.” When she leaned down again to nuzzle me, I quickly captured her lips in a brief, chaste kiss. “Thank you, kitten.” Ah, and there it was. She blushed just a little bit. Enough to darken her cheeks.

“You are welcome,” she answered after recomposing herself again. “May I be so bold to ask something in return?”

“Anything,” I replied with a quiet chuckle.

“Really now?” she immediately asked and her mischievous streak promptly flared up.

It felt like an especially bold round of truth or dare. My grin grew a little wider and I nodded. “Really.”

She hummed to herself and pondered her options. “I was about to ask you to be more careful with knives, but now, there is a whole variety of options opening up to me and I actually feel a little swamped.”

“Oh? I’m so very sorry,” I started to apologize in faux regret. “Of course I did not intend to make your life difficult. Please, you may ask one thing within reason. Does that make it any easier?”

She sported an almost devious smile now. “I can make a lot of outrageous demands sound very reasonable, you should now.” She leaned in and we kissed once more. There was a certain hunger to the way she kissed me. I considered the direction this took when she suddenly broke the kiss and instead of moving any further, she tilted her head down and brought our foreheads together. Our horns crossed and the contact sent a pleasant shiver down my spine. “As much as I would love to escalate this to utterly unreasonable heights – and depths –, I do want to ask something of you.”

I gave a quiet half-snort. “You know you can always ask me anything, Luna.”

She sighed. “Despite her efforts to put up a strong façade for all our sakes', my sister was hit by these events just as much as you were. She will not let me be there for her, stubbornly insisting that she is fine and does not need help.”

I understood. And despite the mood killer, I could not help but chuckle a little bit. “You already charged the stone, didn’t you?”

She smiled guiltily. “I was getting that blanket and the chamber was on the way anyway…”

Now I just laughed. “Cheeky mare.” I nuzzled her and drew her smell into my nostrils. A brisk midnight breeze. Cold clouds. Fresh rainfall. “I’m going to head out,” I bid my farewell and slowly stood up. I immediately regretted that action as my legs started to complain and the nightly breeze sucked all warmth from me. But I ignored it as best as I could. “We should do this more often,” I let her know.

“Helping each other through existential crises?” she asked with a lopsided smile.

“Nah. Stargazing,” I shot back.

I was already at the balcony door when I heard her speak up again, more mumbling to herself than really addressing me. “Oh. Is that what we were doing…?”

I was cold, my joints felt frozen stiff and I was exhausted on an emotional level that drained all life from my mind as well. I trudged through some nondescript hallways that, at this time of night, looked all the same. The guards did not protest as I entered Celestia's chamber.

I cautiously lifted the blanket and crawled under it, slowly making my way up to Celestia's sleeping form. Of course I inevitably woke her up. Luna had already told me that she was having a hard time. And I knew from many, many years of experience that whenever something really, truly bothered her, she tended to sleep lightly.

She stirred, but only a little to refold her wing, so that it was easier for me to hug her from behind. To this very day, it felt funny to me – me, the considerably smaller pony, being the big spoon for her.

“I missed you,” she whispered with a hoarse voice.

“I’m sorry,” I replied. “Spike lit the castle on fire, the train was running late, the conductor turned out to be the last remnant of king Sombra, he tried to take over the world train by train, had to uncover and thwart a Canterlot conspiracy to increase tea prices to ridiculous heights and finally, I had to fight through your entire guard to get here.”

I felt her stifle that giggle more than I heard it. “Sounds like a lot,” she whispered, followed by a dainty yawn. She nestled a little closer to me and gave a quiet, happy sigh. “But you are here now…”

I hugged her tight and gave her a kiss on her neck. “I am. Right where I belong.”

Day 48: Day 1

I was happy.

Despite my immense nervousness that made my stomach churn. Despite the apprehension that frazzled my every thought. “You know… I’m really, really glad you snuck out for me,” I voiced my jumbled thoughts and for a brief moment while I walked side by side with her, I leaned over and nuzzled Sunny.

She replied with a warm smile of her own, extending her wing over my back and trailing her primaries along my barrel. “You are quite welcome. The study was admittedly getting a little stuffy anyway. I needed a break.”

I was certain that she had just made that up on the spot. I had seen her dreams, I had seen memories replay in them, I had talked to her enough, I knew her. She loved that study. Its distinct scent, all those memories she harbored in regards to it. She worked there for the betterment of her ‘little ponies’. Every scratch of her quill on yet another parchment could – and often enough would – improve the life of somepony. It was tiresome work, sure. But at the end of the day, she knew she had once more contributed to Equestria’s flourishing.

I did not mind her white lie though. She needed an explanation more for herself than for my sake, to mollify her bad conscience. Without skipping a step, I leaned over and aimed at her cheek. She must have seen the movement and quickly put one and one together, meeting me halfway in a kiss. I grinned like a colt in a candy store.

Despite my initial decision to let this be a brief period of closeness, I could not bring myself to put a more decent looking distance between us. Some ponies were already milling about this early in the morning, and a few of them gave us looks ranging between incredulous and indignant. How dare we run around Canterlot streets looking like two drunken love-birds!

It was silly, really. Canterlot ponies could be quite silly at times.

We eventually left the city proper behind and slowed down. Our target was in sight and it only heightened my nervousness. We finally stopped at the entrance. The stadium was quiet for now. The massive gate stood open. I could see little, shadowed nooks and crannies almost everywhere under the bleachers, as well as an open, wide field inside with what looked like some kind of tower. But I tried to focus on Sunny. I made it a point by walking a few steps ahead and turning my back on the stadium. “Here we are,” I said and immediately dreaded how queasy my voice had sounded.

She stepped up to me and nuzzled me. “Don’t worry. You will be fine.”

I tried to focus on her voice. I tried to let her serenity infect me. I tried to take that calm she so willingly offered me and make it my own. But all I could think about was that growing lump of lead in my belly. That wobbly feeling in my knees. This will be horrible, my mind panicked. A disaster! It will be a disaster!, it screamed, running around in a very tight circle, limbs flailing comically.

I swallowed hard. “I hope so,” I tried.

Sunny took a step back to get a better look at me. She could probably see how little difference her effort had made. Great, and now I’m getting a bad conscience as well, I bemoaned myself. She sat down on her haunches and held up her hooves. I felt myself blush a little and looked around for potential witnesses as I suddenly grew increasingly self-conscious. But nopony was in sight. So with a little hesitation, I stepped forward and let her embrace me. Her coat was soft, her body warm, and her wings closed around me like a security blanket. I felt at least a part of my tension melt away. Why can’t we stay like this?, I asked myself as I tried to extend this moment as long as I could. “Listen,” she asked me, and I could not deny her. I turned my head – careful with that horn – and brought my ear to her chest. Her heartbeat was strong. A thunderous drum in her chest. But above all else, it was steady and calm. I gave a happy little sigh. I could stay like this all day.

Maybe we would do that someday. Just the two of us, take the entire day off, barely ever leave the bed and just snuggle. Snuggle away an entire day. That sounded like heaven right now.

“Now look at me,” she asked. I gave a quiet, unwilling groan, but complied anyway. Her beautiful eyes captured me without effort. “You will be fine,” she insisted. “Just promise me to be careful?”

The switch in demeanor was so sudden that it made me grin. She seemed almost worried herself now. Maybe I had been rubbing off on her the entire time. And with merely that thought alone, a switch was flipped. I had always found it easier to be strong and brave when others seemed to need that from me. “I promise,” I replied with utter conviction. “I should probably head in now. And you should probably return to work. Thank you for bringing me here. See you at dinner?”

She gave me that radiant smile. It returned with such force that just for a second, I felt a little duped. Her sudden switch should have been an obvious play, even for somepony as gullible as me. But I could not bring myself to be cross with her. After all, she had done this for me.

“Do I not get a goodbye kiss?” she asked and playfully raised an eyebrow.

I quietly laughed. “I have no idea how I managed to capture your heart, but sweet, sweet Celestia, am I grateful I did!”

She laughed merrily at that. A sound as clear as a bell and oh so pleasant to hear. Once she calmed down a little, I leaned in and kissed her. For just a brief moment, I allowed a part of my passion for her, my love for her, even a part of my nervousness, to bubble up to the surface. She allowed me to deepen the kiss with a happy sigh, but all too soon, we broke apart again. “See you at dinner,” she whispered. Her face sported a small blush.

I watched her stand up and leave. A couple of feet away, she spread her wings and with one mighty flap, she was airborne, circling higher and higher and finally aiming towards Canterlot Castle. I chuckled a little as I saw her do a backflip midway through.

I noticed that I did feel a lot less apprehensive now.

So, I turned around and started walking into the stadium. I had been decently early for this, so there would be enough time for me to—

“You know, you’re right,” a raspy voice from the side addressed me. “She’s way out of your league.”

And whoever that strangely familiar voice belonged to deemed it necessary to immediately annoy me. Lovely. I turned my head and peered into the shadows beyond the stadium's gates. And as if on cue, out she stepped. Turquoise coat, amber mane with golden stripes, amber eyes, wings. Two conflicting impulses battled in my mind.

On one hoof, I knew Lightning Dust. And I wanted to be happy to see her. My memories told me of her brash demeanor, sure, but she had learned so much, grown so much. At times, she was just as loyal as Rainbow Dash. On the other hoof however, I saw that look in her eyes and remembered where Lightning Dust had come from. Who she had been before Greenwood made her grow up. How she had been. And how my annoyance was probably the right response here.

“Lightning Dust,” I almost spat.

“Oh? So you’ve heard of me already. Nice.” She strode out like she owned the place, walked a slow circle around me as if to inspect the new recruit. “You probably heard how I broke a couple academy records at the Wonderbolts Academy before I left.”

I remained silent. There had been a lot I could have said. Should have said. Wanted to say. But I was not about to let her provoke me that easily. I would at least try to be civil here. Because I had a sense of foreboding that she was here as a recruit as well. She had been lurking there, witnessed who knows how much, and she certainly was not old enough to be a drill sergeant.

After she finished her circle, she stood before me and looked not all that impressed. I could understand why. I was far from physical peak performance, and my appearance was rather bland. “Listen, rookie – you look like a drag. Best thing to do here would be for you to turn around and run back to your marefriend. She seems to be the ‘endlessly patient’-type, she’ll understand. But you don’t belong here.”

I sighed. “You done?” Maybe I should have stayed silent. She was still trying to coax a reaction from me I presumed, and I had given her one. Just not the one she had expected. Or hoped for, it seemed. I admittedly could have tried to be more diplomatic about this. I knew that she could become a decent friend. Eventually. With a lot of hard work and effort put into it.

A lot.

But right now, I was annoyed. And I had made no effort to hide that from my voice. She saw herself as this incredible big shot, this undefeatable athlete that should be intimidating to others. But I did not care about her ‘achievements’. I cared little about those in general. If she was the next big shot? If she actually was this undefeatable athlete? Yay, go team! Because that’s what it all came down to: She was on ‘our’ side, and by that line of thinking, her strengths became our strengths. Being a guard wasn’t about glory or heroics, it was about team spirit. Closing ranks, working as one, keeping others safe.

We had… minor discrepancies in our philosophy, obviously.

She snorted. “You’re gonna be a pain in my flank, I can tell,” she spat. “Just remember, rookie: When you inevitably start dragging everypony down with you? Try not to flail in my direction, or you might end up with a hoof in your face.”

“Sure, I’m going to be the pain,” I mumbled.

“What was that?” she immediately demanded to know.

I almost lazily shook my head. “Nevermind. I know you can rock this show, Lightning. Just… don’t get me killed, hm?” She recoiled from that as if I had actually struck her. I used the opening I saw and trotted past her. Maybe she would finally start actually thinking about how I had known her name? Because I really did not look like the type of pony that would care much for Wonderbolt Academy records, now did I? And with that remark, the connection to Rainbow Dash should be obvious enough, even for her.

I had put a decent distance of a couple dozen feet between us already when I was suddenly struck by a random thought and stopped. I had allowed her to make a connection between Rainbow and me. It slowly dawned on me what a stupid decision that had been. She had been annoyed with my presence here on the training grounds earlier. Now, though? Now, she would probably hate my guts.

Great.

I dared to look over my shoulder and was confused by what I saw there. Lightning Dust still stood where I had left her, but she had turned around. She looked at me and for a split second, I could have sworn she looked uncertain? Concerned, maybe? But once she realized I was looking at her, her gaze hardened and her mood soured considerably. She took to the air, rose high enough to be out of earshot and flew past me.

Fine.

I turned back and continued walking across the massive training field. It was this year’s new class of recruits. First day of training. As far as I knew, all recruits had been given a time table with a couple of useful information. Where to be, when to be there, what to bring, how they could prepare further, stuff like that. It also told us the name of our instructor. Drill sergeant Wither Rose. I wasn’t sure what to make of that name, but I had a feeling I might learn soon enough.

I could see another passage leading away from the fields and into the building itself. Locker rooms, showers and some such, I presumed. I had no need for either of those, but I considered going there anyway for a moment. Because I could hear other ponies merrily chatting away. The occasional laugh echoed across the field. Hearing how lighthearted they seemed to be, I assumed that these were the recruits I would share my class with. The recruits I would learn the names of and get to know over the next couple of years.

They were already talking. Laughing, joking, forging connections. And Lightning Dust landed over there and trotted inside as well.

So not only did I feel incredibly late to the party despite showing up early now, I did not want to risk another encounter with her. And a small voice in the back of my head painted the image of me walking in there and suddenly everypony just turned to stare at me, with Lightning Dust in their midst, smiling smugly as she had already riled everypony up against me.

I could really live without that.

The anxiety got the better of me and I just stayed away. I tried to tell myself that this was no big deal. That I could learn enough about them later. That there would be enough opportunities to make new friends.

I tried. I did that a lot.

“Got lost?”

What was it with those random female voices creeping up on me today?

I had admittedly been walking on the field the entire time without thinking much about it, instead staring to that side entrance. I stopped a couple of feet away from the source of that voice. A jetblack earth pony mare with a dark gray mane and a black, thorny rose as a cutie mark. Only on my second round of observation did I notice the stern voice she had, that steely gaze of hers or, well, the gosh darn armor she was wearing.

I immediately stood at attention and saluted. Because I was an idiot.

She raised an eyebrow. “That’s not what we—… For goodness’ sake. You’re one of the newbies?”

I lowered my hoof and was relieved that apparently nopony aside from her had seen that. She was not exactly happy about me taking the time to look around for witnesses when she had asked me a direct question, however. “Rookie, I asked you a question!” she half-bellowed.

I flinched a little. Okay, a lot. Her sudden increase in volume had just been unexpected. “Yes, ma’am.”

I had expected her mood to drop even further, but like the professional she was, she instead just continued on without so much as a blink. “Name.”

“Dreamwalker.” She raised an eyebrow at me. “Dreamwalker, ma’am,” I corrected myself hastily.

She took a clipboard out of her saddlebag and looked it over. I only managed to get a quick glimpse of it and was not able to read anything — due to it being turned upside down and all —, but there was one abnormality I noticed. There was a table, with what I presumed to be the names of her recruits written down in the first column. A second column was probably reserved to tick off who had actually shown up and who was missing. The third column, though? And the fourth?

They were empty. Except for one spot in the third column. Right in line with my name, apparently. She stopped at that line, read what stood in that third column and looked up at me. I still failed to read her expression. “You’re Princess Luna’s whelp?” she asked.

I cringed but gave her a short nod. Maybe it was for the best to get this sorted out before the rest of the recruits showed up and learned about this. It would allow me to postpone this revelation until later, in hopes that I might have forged some decent connections before this would come up.

“Don’t expect any special treatment,” she let me know. “You are here to become part of the guard. It doesn’t matter to me what she has in mind for you later on.”

“Permission to speak freely, ma’am?” I asked.

She actually allowed me to see her faint smile for a brief moment. “We might get along after all. Permission granted.”

I sighed in relief. “I don’t expect special treatment, ma’am. Actually, I don’t want special treatment. As soon as the other recruits learn that I’m somehow different, I will have an infinitely harder time to get in with them.”

“If that was your goal, I have to wonder why you’re the only one standing in this field right now, instead of being in there,” she replied and gave a nod in the direction of the side entrance. I cringed again, but before I could answer, she shook her head. “Keeping secrets from each other can have unforeseen consequences. I will mold all of you into the appropriate shape, and that shape has no room to spare for such banalities.” My heart sank lower and lower with every word she spoke. She drew a fresh breath and I was expecting something along the lines of ‘I will tell them immediately’, but she surprised me instead. “You have one week, tops.”

The implications were clear as day. If something, anything, would require her to spill this before that deadline was up, she would without batting an eye. But as long as nothing came up, she wouldn’t. She gave a quiet, but pointed cough when I so much as stepped a single hoof closer. I froze up immediately and stepped back. “Sorry,” I mumbled, “I’m very grateful, ma’am.” And a little bit too used to show that by hugging, mayhaps.

“Don’t mention it. Seriously – don’t.”

I had no recollection of what to expect from guard training. As far as I knew, this was the first time I ever did that. Despite my lacking knowledge, I was certain that at some point, inevitably, there would be a lot of shouting involved. Mainly drill sergeant Wither Rose shouting at us. We were too slow, too fast, too weak, too whatever. She would pressure us. Break us down, to some degree. But right here, right now, I decided that I liked her. Maybe someday, once I was finished with my training, I could try to befriend her.

It was a nice thought.

Another part of my mind was busying itself with the time table. I had studied it extensively, which meant that I had no need to bring it along with me today. Every day featured some kind of physical exercise, of course. The table had been for the first week only. Several time blocks of one to two hours each day, broken up by more theoretical stuff. While the table had not been that specific, I suspected something along the lines of ‘how to care for your gear’ and ‘what to expect from a unicorn guard when you’re not a unicorn yourself’ or something.

I flinched when a whistle blew not that far away from me. Its piercing sound echoed in the stadium and drew the attention of the other recruits inside the building. It was the start signal and they began to filter out onto the field, soon enough joining me in a neat line before sergeant Wither Rose.

The time table had not looked all that different from school, I concluded. Something familiar which would hopefully allow me to feel a little steadier and secure with what was to come. Today, as the first day, was shorter. No theoretical lessons. The only entry had been ‘assessment’.

While sergeant Wither Rose still waited somewhat patiently for that line to finish forming, I used the opportunity to take a look at my fellow recruits. And I almost immediately regretted doing so. Pegasi, unicorns, earth ponies, maybe two dozen of them, both mares and stallions, and they all looked… well.

They looked like they belonged here, really.

I grimaced as Lightning Dust's words echoed in my head. These ponies were here because they had chosen to be here today. They wanted to be here. They saw this as a career or a duty or whatever, and they looked the part. Some were burly and obviously strong, others were lean and agile – Lightning Dust being part of the latter group. There was an earth pony stallion the size of Big Macintosh at the far end of the line, maybe even a smidge larger. At this point, the sergeant had begun yelling names after barely explaining that she was going to note down who was present. “Yes, ma’am” was of course the only answer given. I tried to memorize as much as I could. Stick names to faces, races, color schemes. But it was a lot of information in a brief period of time. The only ones that, for the time being, really stuck out to me were two pegasus brothers, Swift Turn and Cloud Rider. They stuck out because they did not quite take this as seriously as everypony else – much to the sergeants dismay, it seemed. She shot them a warning glare, which was enough for now.

Both brothers had coats the color of eggshells. One’s mane was cyan, with turquoise stripes – the other one had a turquoise mane, with cyan stripes. So… not confusing at all. The only real help in differentiating these two were their cutie marks. And at some point, some pony would start asking questions if I kept staring at other ponies' flanks. Swift Turn had a stylized breeze that took a ninety degree turn, while Cloud Rider had, indeed, just a fluffy white cloud on his flank. Despite this basically being white on white, it was not quite as bad to make out as that black rose on our sergeants flank.

I should stop staring at flanks.

“No slackers, good,” sergeant Wither Rose concluded and put the clipboard away again. She paced along our neat little line and inspected what she would have to work with for the next couple of years. “Eh. I’ve seen better. A lot better,” she started belittling us. “I can already guarantee that some of you won’t make it to the end. I can almost guarantee that some of you won’t even make it to the end of this month. And I can promise you that I will try my damn hardest to make sure that those of you who are unfit to be here will see reason fast, so that you won’t waste my time more than necessary.”

I was so incredibly glad that she did not choose that moment to pointedly stare at me. It would have been so cliché, really. She was yelling more than I thought necessary, seeing as we were all standing somewhat close by and none of us were hard of hearing, but hey – I just assumed this was part of the show. Or maybe even a first lesson: Don’t freak out when somepony yells at you. In battle, if by some misfortune you will ever see one, that happens a lot. Freaking out there will kill you.

Something like that.

“Today will be a short and simple affair,” she continued. “Since I don’t know yet what I’m working with, we have prepared a two-phase-test to find out. Phase one is a simple obstacle course. The entire group will be judged. Your goal is to reach the end as fast as possible. In this first phase, flying is not allowed. I repeat: Flying is not allowed. We’re not going to tie down your wings or something like that – let’s see who has decent self-control.”

I really couldn't help myself. I just looked over at Lightning Dust and I suspect I had the smuggest grin ever plastered on my face. Funny enough, she looked in my direction as well, as if she had sensed this, and oh sweet Celestia, was she looking annoyed. Not angry, per se – she was way too convinced of herself to even allow the thought that being earth-bound would actually hinder her all that much. But she was annoyed to Tartarus and back.

“Am I boring you?” sergeant Wither Rose yelled straight into Lightning Dust's ears. The entire line flinched. How could one single pony be this loud?

I honestly felt bad. Sure, I had not forced her to look over to me. It had been a coincidence that the sergeant was nearby to notice her looking away from her. It could have just as easily been me instead of her and I suspected that Lightning Dust would not feel all that bad if our situations were switched. And yet I felt bad for her. Almost like I had tricked her into getting trouble.

“Ma’am, no, ma’am!” Lightning hastily replied and forced her attention back to where it should have been.

“How—“ the sergeant started again, still yelling at the top of her lungs, straight into Lightning Dust's face.

I coughed.

To be honest, I could not have told what was wrong with me. I was not exactly looking forward to being yelled at myself. And I noticed with some almost morbid amusement how the two recruits to my sides involuntarily took half a step away from me.

In what felt like half a heartbeat, sergeant Wither Rose stood in front of me. “What was that?” she demanded to know.

“Ma’am, nothing, I just choked, ma’am,” I answered. For a fraction of a second, I was pondering adding a cheeky ‘maybe a fly’ or something along those lines, but a glance at her told me that she was furious enough as it was. It might have helped me with the other recruits, sure, but at what cost? “Maybe a fly, ma’am!” I croaked.

What the heck?!

Funny.

I wanted to smash a hoof against my skull. What was wrong with me?! I instead stood still, frozen in place by what was most likely fear.

One of those pegasus brothers stifled a chuckle. But he wasn’t quite successful enough. Something had been heard. Sergeant Wither Rose stared me down for a moment longer, before turning away and demanding silence from everypony. I highly suspected that I had gotten somewhat lucky, because my cough had sounded genuine. It had not been forced, or overly loud. Just a cough. With unfortunate timing.

It was hard to blame somepony for that, right? That would be like blaming somepony allergic to pollen for their allergy. There would obviously be consequences anyway. I just hoped she would not go back on her previous statement and disclose my status to the others early.

“In the second phase,” sergeant Wither Rose resumed, “you will each be tested individually. Unicorns will get a chance to show off their spells, pegasi will get a chance to fly, earth ponies will get a chance to prove their strength and endurance. There will be a one hour gap between both phases for recovery. Any questions?”

I was sure that there had been some more explanations or something, but I had only listened with half an ear, to be honest. I had made the mistake of actually looking over the obstacle course. While the sergeant did not seem to notice and I did not see anything one could not reasonably expect from an obstacle course, this morning’s apprehension and nervousness returned with a vengeance. I found it incredibly difficult to concentrate on anything other than what was lying straight ahead of us. The course was meant to test our capabilities. Nothing specific, just a general overview. As such, it was certainly not the longest thing I had ever seen. I vaguely remembered at some point building an obstacle course with the Cutie Mark Crusaders. I could not remember why, or what that specifically entailed – but I remembered it taking three days to set up and ten minutes to burn down.

I once more found myself standing in line, but the line’s direction had shifted.

It would not do me much good to lean to the side. Doing so would decidedly not allow me to see any farther than I had been able to previously. Yet I still found myself leaning to the side. I tried to look ahead. Tried to be smart about this. Work smarter, not harder, Twilight's voice guided me.

As far as I could tell, there were five obstacles. Or sections of this course, rather. After a short, initial sprint, we were supposed to make our way up a ramp. A steep incline. There was an impressive gap right after the ramp and then a tower of sorts. I had not seen anything that would allow us to get down from that tower, but obviously, there had to be something.

A short distance behind the tower was a wide syncline. Barbed wire was hanging low above it. It would force us even lower as we were meant to cross the pit – deeper down into what looked like a mud bath. There were some barrels standing near the syncline, but they were a few feet away. Enough that I wasn’t sure if they were part of the course.

Behind the mud pit was another short distance to run and then a chasm. Every time I had looked over there, it appeared to be deeper and deeper, even though I could not see properly into it because of the distance it was away. It was possible to jump that distance. Possible, but hard.

Beyond what I dubbed a ‘canyon’ was what would most certainly break any and all points I had made thus far, assuming I even made any points to begin with. A wide, open field. My worst enemy. It meant running, and a lot of that. I would not go so far to say that I was in bad shape, but I was most certainly more of a sprinter than an endurance runner. Oh well, it could not be helped.

And finally, there was something so far away that I could not make out any details. Some things were lying there, maybe half the size of a grown pony.

The shrill sound of a whistle ripped me out of my observations. Before my mind had processed what that meant, almost all of the recruits were already running ahead.

Lovely.

If this would become a recurring theme, then it was only a matter of time until someone would start calling me slowpoke. And as far as I was aware, nicknames had a nasty habit of sticking, especially in the guard. So I made the foolish decision to give it my all instead of carefully measuring how much I put into one of several sections. It at least allowed me to close the gap between the rest of the recruits and me.

Being last had its perks too, as it turned out. I saw what happened ahead of me and apparently, this course was a little more devious than I had initially anticipated. That became quite clear as I saw yet another pony – a pegasus, this time – fly through the air. Not by use of her wings, but because she was flung.

The ramp was a massive wooden construction. Horizontal planks formed the incline we were supposed to climb. But apparently, there were some mechanics inside that occasionally made a plank swing outwards. Or was it upwards?

I slowed down as soon as I saw that. The ponies were landing safely, of course – despite what it looked like, the training grounds were properly prepared to handle wingless recruits flying. The risk of injuries had to be minimalized, after all. I did not know if there were enchantments on the ramp or unicorns inside or how they did it. Just that nopony that fell for this trap had as hard a landing as one would expect.

“There’s a pattern to it,” I mumbled as soon as I noticed it. Maybe due to how much space the mechanics needed inside or maybe so that somepony could figure it out, but between those planks that could swing out was a gap of five that did not. It was always five. With me barely mumbling my discovery, nopony had heard of course. “There’s a pattern of five!” I announced a little bit louder. “There’s always five planks that don’t flip.”

Some of those ponies that had been yeeted from the ramp had simply landed and tried again, going for the brute force attempts. Some succeeded, others were flung off again. Few recruits remained that could hear me and fewer still that cared. But I noticed the massive earth pony stallion nearby eyeing the ramp with suspicion. “You sure?” he rumbled in a deep, but almost fatherly voice.

“I am,” I answered without hesitation. He once more made his way up the ramp at top speed. I followed close behind and was admittedly impressed by how much speed he could build up while running upwards. We reached the top of the ramp, he was barreling ahead of me and jumped. “Don’t jump!” he yelled back midair.

I immediately dug my hooves into the wood and tried to slow down. I barely managed to stop before I could hurtle into the gap. I saw him land with one heck of a mighty thud on the other side. I might even have heard the wooden planks crack under his hooves. But he quickly turned around and cursed something under his breath. “There’s no way down over here,” he noted.

I had already seen what he meant. The ‘tower’ on the other side was just another trap. The path down from the ramp was a very narrow ridge on the ramp's backside. “Now that’s just mean,” I commented on my discovery and looked over to him. “Can you jump back?”

“Not without taking a run-up,” he replied, eyeing his situation.

I had seen others jump. Some did not make it to the other side and I had lost track of them. Maybe they just fell down the gap and carried on? But others had made it as well, I was sure of that. Being smaller, maybe they had had enough space for a run-up? Or they used their wings to glide down? Gliding was not flying, right? Or did they jump? I looked down the gap. Twenty feet, maybe? Maybe more?

“Jump,” I told him. “I will slow your fall.”

He watched me cautiously. But then again, what did I have to gain from this? We were dead last already, all other recruits were ahead. So after a second, he just did that. Without another word, he jumped and I had to suddenly hurry to catch him midair, as I had expected another exchange of words. Luckily, I managed to grab hold of him. His weight was way too much for my levitation and he was struggling around, so it broke immediately. And I caught him immediately again. And it broke, and I caught him, and it broke, and I caught him, and it broke… and he was down. I felt tingly all over, quite sweaty and a bit tired. So I took just a moment to breathe before I made my way down the narrow ridge. I saw him smile at me, tip his nonexistent hat and run off after the others.

Once I was down, I made up my mind. I needed to be smarter about this if I did not want to fall behind too much. I would come in dead last, that much was a given at this point. But I wanted this gap to be as small as possible. So I had to make up on time.

I managed to reach the mud pit. It had the size of a swimming pool. And as soon as I dipped a hoof in, I retreated. It somehow felt colder than the surrounding air. It drew any and all warmth from my hoof. And to cross this section, I would need to wade through it. With my size, that meant being submerged up to half the height of my barrel, probably. I sure saw the big guy almost completely vanish. Size wasn’t all that great in certain situations.

“Think, think, think!” I prompted myself.

Barrels.

Without giving it a second thought, I started to run again – to the edge of the mud field. I felt like sergeant Wither Rose was burning me alive, but I had no time to spare to glance in her direction. If she was dissatisfied with what I was doing, she would let me know, surely?

The barrels were full of water. Perfect! I placed myself behind them, lined up and gave two of them a good kick. Then the next two, and the last two. Considering how large the mud pit was, the vast amounts of water pouring into it were almost insignificant. Almost. In certain sections, the water immediately mixed with the mud and I sunk into a less thick, brown mass that held less resistance than before. It was almost like swimming, instead of wading.

Still freaking cold, though…

“Would you idiot stop wasting time?! I told you you would drag us down!” Lightning Dust yelled at me.

Wait, what?

I saw her climb out of the mud on the other side. I had made my way halfway across already, but she? She should have been miles ahead of me. My eyes followed the trail she had left behind and I spotted some feathers left behind in the wire. Had she gotten her wing stuck? “Are you alright?” I asked. That wire did look dangerous. If she actually managed to get herself hurt, she should—

“Move your lazy ass already!” she just yelled and galloped off.

I could not help but notice that my little water trick had helped her, but I remained silent. I needed that energy right now. Once I reached the other shore, I climbed out and, well… my legs were stiff. It was cold, I was shaking, I felt like my hooves were numb. I tried to get rid of the mud, but I only managed to rub it in deeper until I stopped myself. Wait. You are an idiot! You're a unicorn, for Celestia’s sake! Due to the cold, my concentration was not exactly at peak performance either, but it was most certainly more effective at removing the sticky, ice cold mud than my hooves had been.

A couple of seconds later and I was running towards the canyon. The closer I got, the more I could make out that apparently, it was a bottomless hole. A deep, black nothingness, like a gaping maw. The immersion was a little bit broken by the fact that two ponies were currently trapped down there. About ten feet below the surface level. Another pit then — but one they had made fancy with some sort of illusion spell, I guessed. I had no idea as to why they were going for this much effort here, but not anywhere else and I was certainly not about to make riddling about that my priority.

Once I made it to the edge, I could identify Swift Turn and Cloud Rider down there. “You okay, guys?”

“We can’t find the damn way up!” one yelled.

“We’ve seen others tumble in here and get out again, the exit should be somewhere over here, but—” added the other.

I grinned. This was something I could deal with! Finally something I was good at. “Need a lift?”

“Isn’t that against the rules?” Swift Turn asked cautiously.

“I don’t think so,” I replied. “She said ‘no flying’. I mean… levitation isn’t flying, is it? It’s floating. Levitating. And you’re not even the ones doing it.”

“Why do you even help in the first place?” asked Cloud Rider. “You could get ahead and collect more points!”

To be honest, I had given up on caring about some ‘points’. I had resigned myself to finishing last and I was fine with that. There were admittedly certain things I wanted to avoid, yes, but the thought of turning this into a competition just seemed weird to me. “’The entire group will be judged’, remember? This is a group effort. We stand together, fight together,—“

“Fail together,” Swift Turn interjected with a nod and a snicker, understanding where I came from.

“Well, I would prefer ‘succeed together’, but yes,” I replied with a laugh. “Now hold still.” A moment later and I had both of them up on the edge again. “Mind giving me a hoof? I’m going to at least try to jump this,” I asked. Both looked in the direction they were supposed to run off to, but after a moment gave a shrug, nodded and turned to me.

I smiled. Maybe this would turn out halfway decent after all.

With a little run-up, I jumped and of course I came up short. Or rather, I would have failed, if it weren’t for both pegasi brothers grabbing one of my flailing forelegs. “You almost had it,” grunted Cloud Rider while they pulled me up.

“That’s one wicked jump,” I groaned. Once I was up, I sighed. “Phew. Thanks, guys. You should really hurry now, though. Sorry about the hold-up.”

Off they went. Pegasi tended to be fast. On average, they were smaller than earth ponies or unicorns, and they were built lighter. And while they were not allowed to fly, their wings could still give them an advantage when it came to acceleration.

At this point, I had problems. That first section had taken a lot out of me already. And while I had gotten rid of most of the mud, patches of it still clung to my skin and continued to draw warmth out of my body. I felt wet, I felt dirty, my legs were still a little bit stiff and my hooves a little bit numb – it was awkward, now that I tried to run again. But I tried. I tried to push past all that. I tried to give it my all, and ran across that damn field. Somehow, I half-expected there to be another trap. Some dummies jumping out of the ground as obstacles or maybe some catapult or something throwing stuff at me. But there was nothing. Literally nothing. Just a wide open field to run across. It was a miniature endurance test, I realized.

My favorite.

I was dead last again when I finally managed to reach the last section. Drawing closer and closer by passing over an open field had allowed me to take a look at what I had to expect from this last obstacle. Somewhat roundish weights were lying on the grass. Swift Turn and Cloud Rider had each taken one in their mouths by a little handle these things seemed to have and were oh so very slowly dragging them away. The obstacle course apparently only ended after a weight was deposited on a platform a couple dozen feet behind. Another miniature test, it seemed. For strength this time. The big guy probably had his fun with those last two sections, I mused with a smile.

Lucky for me – and unlucky for those other recruits – I had managed to not only reduce, but actually close the gap. I saw two other unicorns a few rows over struggling in their attempts to drag their weights. Furrowing my brow, I took a closer look at the weights and walked around one. Their form made them easy enough to drag, sure. But once I tried taking that handle in my mouth and gave it a solid pull, I quickly found out why these other two unicorns were struggling so much. These things had to be crafted out of solid metal.

I was already thinking about how I could ease this exercise when all of a sudden, the weight seemed to move on its own. I stumbled back a little and involuntarily sat down on my haunches. From behind the weight, two heads emerged. “We should hurry,” said Swift Turn with a grin.

“Yeah, they’re not gonna wait forever,” agreed Cloud Rider.

“Aw… you guys are the best,” I replied, but my gaze was drawn to the side. These other two unicorns struggled just as much as I did. Even harder than I did, in fact. “Help them. I can manage!”

Both passed a look between them and gave each other a nod before splitting up and pushing the weights of the other two unicorns. I allowed myself a brief moment of pride. This was something I had done. And it was a good thing.

“Stop daydreamin' already,” rumbled a voice I grew more and more familiar with the more I heard it.

Big Guy – I really should ask for his name at some point soon – was standing right behind my weight, where the pegasi brothers had been just a couple of seconds ago. “Got it,” I replied, grabbed the weight by the handle again and pulled with all my – less considerable – might. He pushed, careful not to roll this damn thing over me, and we put the weight over the finish line and onto the platform. Due to Big Guy helping me out, I did not even finish last. Now that felt weird.

I looked over, ready to help those unicorns out, but they were fine and crossed the line right after me. So I finally allowed myself to relax a little. I sat down and tried to calm my wildly beating heart. Tried to get my labored breath under control. Tried to blink those pesky stars away. This entire obstacle course could not have been more than… what… half an hour? An hour, tops. It was still early morning, for Celestia’s sake!

Was I really that bad?

I dared to glance around, to take a look at the other recruits and how they were faring. About one quarter of them seemed to be just fine. The kind of ‘I could do this all day’-fine that filled me with a little bit of envy. A second quarter was filled with ‘okay, that’s done, what’s next?’-fine. Ready to do stuff, but not quite ready to do that again. Lightning Dust was part of that second group, as were the pegasi brothers and Big Guy.

Really, that was just silly and needed to stop. Like, right now. “My name’s Dreamwalker,” I offered Big Guy a hoof.

He smiled. “Earth Breaker. A pleasure to met’cha.”

I grinned as a little bit of dialect wormed its way into his voice. It was a similar drawl to that I already knew from Applejack. Quite endearing. “I believe there’s a hammer that’s named after you,” I joked.

He replied with his own grin. “I’m actually named after that hammer. My father is in the guard.”

I honestly had no idea what those two things had to do with each other. He apparently tried to imply that his father wielded an earth breaker, but… I had seen guard weaponry. Massive hammers like those were decidedly not part of the usual equipment. In my effort not to offend him, I smiled and gave a nod and for the time being, he seemed fine with that.

So I looked over the rest of the recruits and was again relieved to see that at least the remaining half looked worn out to varying degrees. I was about to ask Big G—Earth Breaker something when that damn whistle sounded off again.

We reformed the neat line with haste and Sergeant Wither Rose trotted past us, only to make a one-eighty switch in direction, trotting up and down the line with what looked like a very, very dissatisfied expression plastered all over her face. Sooo… apparently we had screwed up? Or was this part of the show? Was this normal? I started to get nervous again.

She was rattling down who got points for what, subtraction of points for mistakes, some pointers on what could have been done better and she was doing that at almost breakneck speed. She was itching to get to the point that had her so irritated and I felt like there was a trap built specifically for me the very moment she stopped before the pegasi brothers. “Five points subtraction for breaking the rules given, for each of you two.”

There had been this moment, this very brief moment right before she said that. She glanced over a couple of spaces, over to me. Just out of the corner of her eyes. It was a trap. I knew that. Goodness gracious, I knew it. And I could not keep my mouth shut anyway. “Permission to speak, ma’am?” I piped up immediately.

“No,” she quite harshly quashed my request and trotted those few spaces over to stand – and presumably yell – right in front of me. “You are in enough trouble as is! I don’t want to hear a single word from you until I’m done with the rest of them, is that clear?”

I hesitated. It mattered little how long I hesitated. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to think at this point. I was supposed to comply. It was only the first day, sure, but she was my commanding officer, right? But I had hesitated too long.

“Did I make myself clear?” she yelled.

I flinched, but dared not step away from her. I was not even sure if I could have managed to do that, given a try. I felt frozen in place again. My thoughts were racing. My heartbeat felt erratic, I heard my blood rushing in my ears. I always reacted poorly to ponies yelling.

“Being honest isn’t always easy, sugar cube.” Applejack's voice echoed within the jumbled mess that was my head. I had always looked up to her. I had always trusted her. Maybe Applejack was to me what The Princess Celestia was to Twilight. Maybe. But never had she led me astray. “With all due respect – no, ma’am,” I answered with such a meek, tiny voice that I had difficulties hearing it myself. Sergeant Wither Rose’s glare could have killed smaller animals, I was certain. And every second now, she would start to yell. For a quite lengthy period of time too. I would be deaf or nearly deaf for a couple of hours at least.

That is, if I would let her.

“T-The rules as stated prior to entrance of the course s-said ‘no flying’,” I stammered through my defense. “N-Neither Swift Turn nor Cloud Rider flew, with wings or otherw-wise. They levitated. A-And they did not do so on their own. The rules as stated explicitly denied pegasi their a-advantage, but did not do so for unicorns. I-If points need to be subtracted, they should be subtracted from the one responsible f-for breaking the implied rules. M-Ma’am.”

Sergeant Wither Rose was seething at this point. She was glaring at me and it worked. I became quieter, until I fell completely silent. I shrank back into myself little by little, but I had at least managed to squeak out my explanation.

“You broke the rules on multiple occasions, you toppled the supplied drinking water and made a mess out of a section of the course and commanded two fellow recruits to interfere with the test of two other recruits!” she yelled again. Although, I had heard her louder before. Either that was a good sign – as far as any sign could be ‘good’ under the given circumstances — or I was already becoming a little bit deaf.

“I-I thought it was a group exercise, m-ma’am,” I meekly replied.

“You were not supposed to think, you were supposed to follow orders!” she barked.

I really should have kept my mouth shut. She had seemed to be willing to move on before, but now? Now she gleefully entered the minutes-long, one-sided yelling-contest I had tried to prevent.

It took approximately three seconds before my ears started ringing. And they would not stop doing that for some time…

Later that evening.

Despite its name, The Watchtower was not, in fact, a watchtower at all. It was a bar. But more importantly, it was not just any bar. It was a very specific bar. For any and all recruits coming from the training fields, The Last Round was the obvious choice. It was very visible, had great advertisement and was the closest bar nearby.

The Watchtower was decidedly not. It was in fact only the second closest bar. Which meant that it rarely saw recruits come in at all. So really, it was perfect.

I sat at my table all by my lonesome and ‘enjoyed’ being miserable. And cradling my mug. I very much enjoyed cradling my mug. The price they asked for Sweet Apple Acres cider up here in Canterlot was frankly ridiculous. Down in Ponyville, I could have gotten the entire barrel for that. But it was worth it. After being chewed out like that, I suddenly felt so aggressively homesick. I had wanted to throw it all away. Buck the night guard. Buck the other recruits. Buck the training. Buck Wither Rose especially.

How was I supposed to know? Her stupid rules had been a little bit lacking for my tastes. Despite Pinkie's hopes and dreams, I still wasn’t a mind reader.

It was still early. I just needed to look out one of the windows and check every so often. I needed to collect myself, somehow, because in an hour or two, I would sit down with Celestia and I would need to tell her how my first day was and I had no clue how to do that.

I didn't quite know what would help me, yet. The cider had been a first try, the obvious choice, and it did help a little. Just a little. It mostly quenched my thirst and that feeling of homesickness.

What I was certain would not help, was Lightning Dust showing up.

“Got kicked out?” she asked as she trotted over with a smug smile plastered on her face.

“You wish,” I snapped in defiance.

“You don’t?” she brashly snapped back and sat down without invitation. Because of course she would. She was just that kind of pony.

I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

She looked over to the bar and made some weird gesture with her hoof, apparently ordering something to drink. That really was just my luck today – in trying to avoid the bar where all the recruits would hang out, I stumbled into the one she frequented. “You’re friends with Rainbow Dash?”

Thud. For just a moment, I contemplated my life choices, while the wooden texture started to leave an imprint on my forehead. I had completely forgotten about this morning’s events. “Yeah.”

“Figured as much,” Lightning replied. “She’s just as annoying and weak as you are when it comes to others.”

Fine. Fine. She wanted a reaction so badly? She would get one. I was down in the dumps, sure, but I was not about to let her talk like that about one of my friends! “Ever had Sweet Apple Acres cider? Like, in your face? Including the mug?”

“Wo-ho-ho,” she chuckled and raised both hooves. “Easy there, hotshot. I suddenly feel so… intimidated,” she mocked. I really was about to follow through on my threat – because you should never make threats you are unwilling to follow up on – when she continued with something unexpected. “I just… I just wanted to ask how she is.”

I furrowed my brow and watched her cautiously. “Why would I tell you?”

Another mug landed on the table, but the waiter was gone before I could even catch a glimpse. Whatever Lightning was drinking, it smelled awful. “Because I asked nicely.” I raised an eyebrow at her. “Right. Fine. Because I asked and wasn’t rude about it for once.”

This was starting to be a weird conversation. I initially really had no interest in conversation at all, least of all with her, but the weirdness admittedly intrigued me. And she had a point. She had not been a jerk for several seconds. That must be an academy record!, a voice in my head yelled, dripping with sarcasm. “She’s fine.” Okay, that… might have been a little bit snappier than it really needed to be.

Lightning sighed. “Alright.” To my surprise, she stood up, disregarding her mug on the table, and placed a couple bits next to it. “Listen, some of those rookies are over at The Last Round. I’m pretty sure you know where that is. Those brothers, that big guy and a couple others are celebrating you like a god-damn hero or some bullshit. You should join them. Would do you good.”

And with that, she actually started to leave.

The others were celebrating? Me? The heck had I done? As far as I was aware, I had only made things worse for basically everypony. The entire obstacle course had to be redone at some point. I was confused, to say the least. But I tried to focus on one thing at a time, and right now, that was her.

I remembered how Lightning Dust could be. Who she could become, if given a chance.

I sighed deeply, tried to recompose myself somewhat and raised my voice a little. “Hey, jerkface.” She turned around with that indignant ‘excuse me?!’-face that almost made me laugh. “Sit down. You forgot your stupid drink.”

For just a moment, I noticed her scanning the other patrons. She was probably searching for familiar faces. Satisfied to find none, she actually came back and sat down and gripped her mug again.

“Rainbow had some rough weeks lately,” I began. “She’s still in the Wonderbolt Reserve, but she might switch over to full time weather duty.”

“Is she nuts?!” Lightning almost exploded. “She could fly circles around some of the best ‘Bolts that are on active duty!”

I chuckled a little. “Funny thing. She said the same. But, well. She would probably call it ‘being awesome’. She found herself a sweet marefriend. She wants to stick close to her. Considers putting down roots.” I felt my own smile grow more and more distant, and warmer. Thinking about home actually helped, it seemed.

“No mare is worth that,” Lightning spat.

Aaaand I was back to being angry. “Do you have to be such an asshole? You know jack shit about her or her marefriend. Have you ever been in love? Or loved somepony aside from yourself? Listen, I know you will always be brash. It's fine, really – Rainbow is like that as well. And I consider myself close friends with her anyway. When she talks about you, she mentions how you almost killed her friends. My friends. Not exactly your best moments. But she has forgiven you. You can hear that in her voice. It’s in the past. And Rainbow isn’t the kind of mare that holds grudges. But there’s the other side as well. Despite the shit you pulled, she still thinks you’re cool. And capable of great things if only you would get your shit together. She still believes in you. And sometimes talks about you. And you sit there, insulting two of my friends. I mean… what is your freaking problem?”

She initially looked taken aback. That expression morphed through several other stages over the course of me berating her. Indignation, fear, relief, pride, hope, and back to indignation. This time, I was the one doing all the provoking. I only realized this when I sat there, breathing heavily and watched her like a hawk waiting for the right moment to strike. I was ready to fight her… verbally, that is. I wanted to fight her. I was fed up with her constant bullshit.

But much to my surprise, she kept silent for a while. I could see gears turning. I could see her struggling with opposing impulses. And when she opened her mouth again, her voice sounded strained. “At some point I... I think I had a crush on her. Hard. I had tried to impress her, okay? Doesn’t matter much anymore though. I’m not a team player like you. I can’t-“

I snorted. It was no attempt to sabotage her on my part, but I couldn't help myself interrupting her. “I’m not a team player either,” I corrected. “I feel awkward around ponies. Talking to them exhausts me. But I try. And I like to support others. Seeing them succeed feels great. Because at that point, I know: They succeeded partially because of me. That tiny fraction of their victory is my victory. And that allows me to celebrate with them.”

“Yeah, sure, I can see that,” she pointedly stared at the empty table.

I sighed. She had a point. Again. I started to hate that. “It’s effort, is what I was trying to say. I like playing the support for others, but every time I do, I have to overcome myself. I don’t deal well with the spotlight. And you? You’re different, sure, but there are similarities. Your natural state of being is ‘jerk’. Doesn’t mean you can’t be a nice jerk. Or a helpful jerk.”

“You don’t curse much, do you?” she asked with a dry, quiet chuckle.

“No,” I admitted even quieter. “I don’t like it very much, but at times, it feels necessary.”

“Sweet Celestia, you’re such a wimp,” she replied without hesitation.

For a while, silence reigned at our table. We took sips of our mugs, staring into them like the pools of liquid would be able to tell us all we needed to know. “We could be friends, you know. Instead of this... bullshit, whatever this has been so far,” I restarted the conversation.

“Why would I want to be friends with a wimp like you?” she shot.

“’Cause I can’t imagine a jerk like you has a lot of friends otherwise,” I shot right back.

“You’re such a pain in the flank,” she mumbled and took another, bigger swig. “Knew it the moment I saw you.”

“Do they really celebrate me?” I asked curiously.

She chuckled again. “Sure do, idiots. Does that surprise you?” I once again looked into my almost emptied mug and nodded. “You help them out and when it comes around, you stick your head in the noose. Of course they love you. You let them walk all over you, idiot.” After a moment, she sighed. “Wanna see?”

I took another swig, emptying my mug and nodded again. She gulped down that third that had been left in hers in one go and after I deposited some more bits on the table, we left for The Last Round…

Several months later.

Every muscle was sore. I felt a distinct burning sensation in muscles I didn't even know I had. And somehow, this had become my new reality. It was certainly not the first late afternoon when I finally managed to go to my locker and end another day of training, only to feel exhausted beyond belief.

I heard hoofsteps behind me and recognized the distinct rhythm. “Hey, jerkface.”

“Hey wimp. Watchtower in five?” she asked, opening her own locker.

“You telling me you’re done showering in five? Explains the stench. I’m ready in fifteen.” Without turning around or missing a beat, I closed my locker and walked over to the showers, grinning when I heard her stifle a snicker.

“You’re such a pain in my flank,” she yelled after me.

“You wish!” I shot back and turned the water on.

Day 1,874: Inherent Weakness

“Ugh.” I hated waking up like this. I had not bothered cracking a single eye open yet, but already knew that it was way too early. Despite my eyes being closed, the light level was just too low for the sun to be up already. We celebrated last night. The final day was over, my training was done, I never had to return to that dreaded stadium ever again. To be fair, at this point, it was not dreaded quite as much anymore. I would not go so far as to say that I had grown to like it. Not by a long shot. But I had made several friends there, so… that was good. Even if one of them was one brash, very annoying, bothersome, loud-mouthed friend. That was still fine.

It being the last day obviously did not mean that anyone was going easy on our asses. Least of all sergeant Wither Rose. Quite the contrary, actually. I felt like she had it out for me all day. I pulled through anyway, but it meant that it was ‘just another taxing day’. Which in turn cut our celebration a little shorter than I would have liked.

All in all, this was basically just a very convoluted way of saying: We celebrated from early evening to less early evening, when I started yawning and getting easily distracted. Lucky me, my friends understood.

Because of this, I was asleep early, which might have contributed to my current predicament. I could not tell and quite frankly, I did not care. I wanted to go back to sleep. So I just turned around, defiantly kept my eyes firmly shut and tried to wriggle back into sleep’s sweet embrace.

What felt like several minutes were probably only a couple of seconds. Instead of finding a sweet embrace, I just found a slight discomfort. “Ugh,” I repeated once more. “Bucking kill me…”

I’d rather not, Luna’s amused voice sounded off in my head. But she was not here with me.

What’s wrong?, Twilight asked in that tone between worry and care. But she was not here either.

Language, love, Celestia’s voice softly chided me. And yet, she was missing in my bed.

I obviously knew that I had been sleeping alone. I had gone to bed alone and I highly suspected that, if by some miracle Twilight would have crawled into bed with me, I would have noticed. Maybe not the very instant she did it, but by now, I would have noticed. Heard her breathing, which tended to soothe my worries. Felt her warmth, which made all tension melt away from my body. Smelled her mane, as I tended to twist and turn at night until I had my muzzle buried in her hair.

And just like that, I felt cold. Cold despite the blanket still keeping my body heat in. And lonely. By some weird and unexplainable miracle, I had won the hearts of not one, but two incredible mares, and yet there were still nights like these, where I was sleeping alone. And it was ‘alone’ in more than just one sense of the word. I knew of course that Celestia could not just come to Ponyville willy-nilly. The castle staff would freak out. I knew just as well why Twilight was sleeping in her own room – because we were not an item. I had promised Luna that I would at least try to keep my distance from her marefriend until someday when I felt ready to tackle the issue of being madly in love with more than one pony. That day had not come just yet.

So about that ‘unexplainable’…

I sighed. I could already feel it. Felt it the very second that thought popped up again: That would be the thought to haunt me all day.

Some days were like this. I woke up and something happened. A particular smile Twilight gave me made my heart all fluttery and I would feel the aftershock of that flutter every once in a while throughout the day. Or some off-hoof comment from Spike would make me question something, and despite having a busy day, my mind would occasionally drift back to that remark.

Some weird and unexplainable miracle. Today’s theme, apparently. Well, fine. Let’s get into it.

A miracle, by definition, was beneficial in nature, but thought to be impossible. There was no reasonable explanation for how it had happened. In fact, neither was there an unreasonable one – aside from the whole ‘divine meddling’-thing. And truth be told, I could agree with that. I did not understand why. I certainly did not understand how, even though I had been present for the events leading up to this miracle. But seeing how happy Celestia was, how happy Twilight was, even Luna, and heck, even me, it most certainly was ‘beneficial in nature’.

‘Unexplainable’, then, was just redundant. What about the ‘weird’-part? Was it weird?

Well. I suppose.

It would probably stay weird for as long as I had no answers to the ‘how’ and ‘why’. But I was certainly not about to ask. What I had was good. I liked what I had, I appreciated it. I was, by all means, maybe even a little bit too clingy with what I had. I was not about to ruin it with my usual brand of doubts.

My discomfort grew a little bit.

It was enough to finally make me give up on any and all further attempts to stay in bed. The sun had yet to rise, but I lifted the blanket off of me and climbed out of bed. I was frustrated, to say the least. But everything would be better, would feel better, after a nice, long, hot shower. Surely. Right?

A few minutes later and the water drummed against the back of my head. The heat burned any and all thoughts away. While it prickled under my coat all over my body with a slight discomfort, it was not painful per se. It was nice, in a way.

Yet as soon as I stepped out of the shower, it all felt decidedly less nice. I was radiating heat into a room that suddenly felt strangely cold, compared to the shower. And I was pretty certain that the bathroom itself had heated up considerably, compared to the hallway that lay beyond the door.

In addition to that, my circulation was protesting heavily against my choice of morning routine. My knees felt weak and there was a thumping headache growing. “Ugh, fine, you little sissy…” I stepped back into the shower and turned it on again, lowering the temperature to a degree that made me shiver, despite it still being warm water.

Once I stepped out the second time, all symptoms were gone. At least I could be satisfied with that. I dried myself off, brushed my teeth and trotted out the bathroom, down the hallway and towards the kitchen. It had been quite some time since I last had the chance to prepare breakfast for Twilight and Spike.

I took a quick detour to look into the living room and just as I had expected, the window was open and Owlicious was gone. White Tip remained on the perch however. “You awake?” I quietly asked. He turned his beak in my direction and that was all the answer I needed. “Fancy some company?” I certainly did not have to ask twice. I owed Twilight a lot – not least of all for taking care of my feathered friend while I was off to become a guard. Of course I visited regularly, but that just was not enough to sufficiently care for a pet.

White Tip silently flew across the room and took his place on my back. His claws dug a little into my coat, searching for a good position to gain enough grip. It only took us a moment before he settled and I closed the living room door again. “I hope we didn’t bother you too much yesterday? We had a little party.” He dug his claws in just a little bit, and relaxed immediately. I liked to think that it meant ‘don’t worry, it’s alright’. “I’ll be around a lot more now, I promise. Do you like that?” This time, he gave a quiet caw. “Me too.”

Back in the kitchen, I looked out the window and considered my options. I could see the sky’s blue light up. I could make a salad. It would keep fresh long enough. If I were to make scrambled eggs or anything warm, it would cool down until she actually showed up. “I mean, I could still make—“ I was talking to myself, when inspiration struck. “Uhhh! Now there’s an idea.”

I started with White Tip. It was the easiest breakfast to prepare – a bowl of seeds and grains. Next up was Spike’s breakfast, which was still easy, but took a lot more time. By now, I knew how to grind down gemstones properly. And I knew that his tongue was sensitive enough that he appreciated the occasional little culinary challenge. So I made his usual bowl of cereal and mixed it in with a little bit of sapphire, emerald and just a tiny pinch of diamond. And I decidedly did not think about what all that was worth.

“You know,” I started talking to… White Tip, sure, let’s go with that. “I’ve seen these stupid posters in Canterlot, advertising… heck, I’m not even sure what they are advertising, actually. ‘One sapphire – a hundred bits’,” I tried a deep, serious voice. “’One emerald, seventy bits’, ‘one diamond, two hundred bits’, ‘seeing Spike smile? Priceless!’” I snickered a little at my own silliness and appreciated White Tip chiming in with a quiet caw or two, just so that I didn’t feel as awkward laughing at my own jokes. I put Spike’s bowl on the table, but left the milk to the side for now. He would probably be up soon enough, but he liked his cereal crunchy.

I made some preparations for what I had in mind for Twilight and once all these were done as well, I turned to my own meal. I once again considered my options, but in the end, a bowl of cereal actually sounded more than sufficient. I sat down at the table with my breakfast and already had a spoon dug into it when I turned my head and looked out the window. The sun was just dipping above the horizon. “Hey my love,” I quietly whispered. “Nice to see you. I hope you have a good morning. See you later.”

It took a surprising amount of effort to tear my gaze away from the window. Daydreaming about Celestia was quite the enticing prospect, sure, but eating soggy, wobbly cereal decidedly was not.

“I’ve never seen someone eat this cautiously. Or slowly. And I’ve seen both Derpy and Tank eat!”

I almost jumped from my stool in surprise. I felt like this voice had been a very sudden intrusion, but once my wildly beating heart slowed down a little and I managed to look around, I noticed that I must have missed quite a lot. Spike had apparently at some point entered the kitchen. But I had not heard the door open or close. I had not heard him toddle over to the table, had not noticed him inspecting his bowl and my preparations for Twilight, had not heard him take his seat.

“Where the heck did you come from?!” I wheezed out despite it being rather obvious.

He snickered. “Wow, you’ve been deep down, haven’t you?”

“Well… sorry… I was just… thinking, I guess. Good morning, Spike.” He had apparently already poured milk into his bowl and was now happily munching away, giving the occasional appreciative sigh.

“Sapphire, emerald and… hmmm…” he started to guess, eyeing his bowl critically. “Manganotantalite?“

I blinked once or twice. “Manga—what now?”

“Manganotantalite. It’s found in granite pegmatites,” he explained.

Well. He tried to explain. It really did not help me much. “You really do know your gemstones, don’t you?” I wondered. Of course he would, it was just… sometimes, it was easy to forget just how much Twilight had rubbed off on him. But they had been living together his entire life. “It’s diamond, actually,” I belatedly added.

“Woah, the pricey stuff… thanks,” he replied, munching down another spoonful. I did note that he called it the ‘pricey’ stuff, not the ‘good’ stuff. Diamond was okay, as far as I knew. There had yet to be a single gemstone or rare ore or whatever that he actually did not like at all. “So what were you thinking about?” he continued.

“Hm?” Eloquence. I got it.

“You said you were thinking about stuff. What stuff?”

“Oh. That.” I tried to stall for time by shoving another spoon into my own mouth and grimaced immediately. How long had I been sitting here? My cereal was soggy and wobbly and I had not daydreamed about Celestia. What a waste. I put down my spoon and looked over to him. “Well… have you ever thought about your breakfast? And I don’t mean ‘what do I want to eat today’. I mean, more like… you like your food crunchy, right?” He nodded, swinging the empty spoon around to convey ‘continue’. “But why? You like certain gemstones more than others – but why? Of course on a superficial level, the answer is easy enough. You like to bite down on something that offers resistance. Maybe a part of your mind knows that your teeth need to be used on such materials to keep them healthy. Maybe. And you like certain gemstones more because they taste better.” I took up my spoon again, levitating another soggy, disgusting something into my mouth. It was far from being a pleasure, but I was not about to waste food and it would not get any better the longer I left it unattended. “But what does ‘it tastes better’ even mean?” Spike was eyeing my bowl with a mixture of disgust and sympathy, but refrained from any attempts to tell me off. He knew better. “I prefer my cereal right at that narrow moment when it changes between crunchy and soft. Not soggy, but soft. The milk tastes like milk, but some of the sugar and honey has already mixed in with the milk and is giving it that distinctly sweet note. The cereal itself tastes less sweet as a result, because I compare it to the milk. But where the milk is just a liquid, to be swallowed, the cereal has texture. The crunchy bits have a rough surface, mostly due to undissolved sugar crystals, I think. The softer parts have a distinct taste of corn. My stomach obviously doesn’t really care all that much in which form the stuff arrives. Broken down to smaller pieces means less work, same goes for more liquids involved, but whatever happens after I swallow it down isn’t the important part. Why do I care for that precise point? Why do you care for ruby?”

Despite me doing all the talking at this point, I managed to eat the rest of my breakfast. Actually, the talking helped – it distracted me from my growing disgust with what I was shoving into my mouth. With the bowl empty, I continued on. “I don’t think ‘taste’ is something you inherit. It’s the whole ‘nature versus nurture’-debate all over again. My best guess is this: At some point, a thought must have occurred to me. Or some event must have spun that thought into existence. The thought that, broken down to its simplest form, ‘this is good’. Maybe crunchy cereal sliced the roof of my mouth at some point, so a softer version seemed more appealing. But make it too soft and your mind starts to wonder why your body even has teeth. And after that, the thought must have stuck. It is too insignificant to be of relevance, but somehow, it must have stuck. It must have been reinforced over and over, somehow, to ingrain itself into my mind. Because of its utter insignificance, I lost all memory of these events. But the preference remained. It’s like… forming a book tower, twelve books high, and then you just sort the lower eleven away, with the twelfth book somehow levitating in its old position. It’s there. You can see it’s there. But without any explanation, you have no idea how it’s there, or why it’s there. Same obviously goes for you. Or anycreature, for that matter. But here’s the thing: I can’t remember where I came from. But from the first day I arrived, I had preferences. They must have formed sometime before my arrival, then. Because I refuse to believe that taste is inherited. So, what about you then? You’re a dragon. You literally eat rocks. I can’t imagine that Twilight ever tried eating smashed sapphire. Even if she would ground it up to a fine powder, I still don’t think that sounds like a healthy idea. So there you two are, she’s buying you an assortment of gemstones and you taste test your way through. How the heck did you decide ‘I like this one more than that one’? There was no foundation for your decision to be based upon. I just… I would love to know what was going on in your head at that exact moment. I don’t think you can tell me. I don’t think you know. Because it’s the same conundrum as with those eleven books. They are gone, because of how insignificant everything really was. What remains is just ‘yeah, I like this’, without explanation. And somehow, that drives me mad. Sometimes.”

Spike looked down at his emptied bowl, then back up at me. “I think you’re the only pony I know who gets all philosophical about a bowl of soggy cereal. Not even Twilight does that.” I chuckled at that for a solid minute or so. I had no idea what I had expected from him. The wisdom of the universe, condensed into words I could comprehend. Yeah, surely not. “You’re right, though. I don’t remember. And I can’t tell you why I like what I like. I mean, I can tell you some things.”

His tone made clear that he was offering. It really was a sweet gesture. But it also told me that he had difficulties understanding the nature of my predicament. That was alright though. I still loved the little guy to bits. Even though, years later, he wasn’t exactly all that little anymore. Still smaller than me though, that was enough. “Thanks, but I don’t think that would help.”

He nodded and started to clean our bowls when the door opened. “Good morning!” Twilight greeted us with a disgustingly good mood I immediately envied. “Oof, you look sour. Rough night?”

She walked over and hugged me. “I guess,” I replied and reciprocated her embrace. For just a short moment, I allowed my eyelids to drift shut and melted a little into her. As usual, everything felt better when she was around. A little easier. A little more manageable. “Good morning,” I finally replied. “I’m glad to see you this chipper. Now do me a favor and sit down.”

I pulled back and grinned a little. Although she raised an eyebrow at me, she did as I had commanded with a smile and busied herself with greeting and hugging Spike, including ruffling his head fin. She ‘talked’ to White Tip as well, who at this point was just sitting on the table and watched the events unfold. All in all, it gave me enough time to finish her breakfast. I pulled the patty out of the deep fryer, assembled the whole thing and turned around. “Voila,” I proudly proclaimed. “A hayburger special!”

The thing admittedly involved zero hay. The patty was made from a bean and pea paste, with some pieces of vegetables thrown in for good measure. The rest of the burger was relatively standard. A piece of greasy goodness, home-made. Despite best efforts, I already knew that it would not be able to fill the same gap her guilty pleasure did. Because for some reason, anything home-made always tasted different from the ‘real thing’.

But it was an effort made and, seeing how her eyes lit up with anticipation and excitement, an effort appreciated.

“We’ve already finished, so you may dig in at your own pace,” I told her and put the dish down before her.

And hooo boy, did she dig in. It made me grin like an idiot. A particularly love-struck idiot. I just enjoyed seeing her eat like there was no tomorrow. It was unrestrained, it was honest, it knew no bounds. A few precious seconds where titles and expectations did not matter, only the greasy goodness was to be enjoyed to its fullest.

“You have a little something on your face, left side,” I commented, still smiling so wide that my cheeks ached. “No, no, my left,” I added once she tried to wipe it away. She tried again… and failed, somehow. “Okay, now you’re just deliberately being clumsy!”

Her giggle betrayed her. “Maybe you could wipe it away for me?” she suggested with a surprisingly confident, sultry tone. For a moment, just a brief moment, I was shocked.

“Alright,” Spike piped up. “That’s my cue to get started on my chores, see you later!” And without a second thought, he turned and made for the door. I could see him grin like a doofus when he closed it.

My attention returned to Twilight and how she had dared! Then I remembered who her marefriend was and that she tended to be a quick learner. I opened one of the higher cabinets and levitated that water-filled spray bottle in front of her face, giving the bottle a good pump. “Bad Twilight, no flirting!” I chided half-laughing.

She gave a startled little yelp before giggling to herself. I took the opportunity to store the bottle away again, close the cabinet and, at the same time, took a napkin and gave the left side a short wipe. She cast a quick spell to dry away any residual water and smiled at me. “That’s better. Now you look a lot less glum.”

“You’ve been hanging out with Pinkie lately?” I asked with a little chuckle.

“Well, we had some time yesterday. The girls did not immediately leave after you went to bed,” she teased, only to immediately switch the topic. “So – first day as a free pony again. What is your plan?”

“’Free’, right,” I replied with a lopsided smile. There was a night guard armor lying around under my bed. To keep it from collecting dust, I had put it in a suitcase. If it would become necessary, neither that suitcase nor the distance to my bedroom meant much, as Luna had enchanted it with one spell that was not part of the regular assortment for night guard armor. It was spell-bound to me. I just needed to concentrate, feel the spells thread around me and give it a mental tug and the armor would warp right onto me.

That was obviously good. This way, I could be ready for whatever came my way in an instant. But the downside had become clear over time – whenever I closed my eyes and just tried to drift off, I felt that thread being there. I did not mind, I told myself, but while those words did ring true, I still found myself grumbling at the thought of that thread from time to time.

I tried to push past that topic, but found it difficult to be more at ease with the new one. “I honestly don’t really know yet,” I admitted. “For the last five years, my days haven’t been ‘mine’, really. Get up, train, go home. Most days, I would try to spend some quality time with Celestia or one of you, but given how exhausted I often was, that only happened once in a while. Weekends were different, of course. A lot of sleeping and cuddling and recuperation. Pet days, dates, hobbies, basically everything resembling life needed to be crammed into those two days. Somehow. I mean, don’t get me wrong, we made it work. Most of the time, anyway. But now that my job is basically ‘work while sleeping’, my days are suddenly empty and I just… I’m not sure what to do with myself. There are a lot of possibilities, of course. I could go and pester AJ, help her with her farm work. Haven’t done that in ages. I could help out Fluttershy at her sanctuary. I could read. Goodness gracious, I could read. You have given me so many recommendations and I had time for… what? One book? Two, maybe? In five years? That’s a devastating result. I love to read. I could go and help Spike prepare the castle for those dignitaries that—“

“Stop,” she asked and I immediately shut up. Despite her soft-spoken nature, it never took much for her to get my attention. “So far, I have heard a lot of ‘I could help’, ‘I could work’ and ‘I have a bad conscience’. That is not what I was asking. What do you want to do?”

“I want to cuddle up to you,” I replied after a moment of thought.

She giggled and that sound alone made me smile a little. “I think we can do that,” she replied and with a few steps, she was right in front of me and pulled me in. For a fraction of a second, I was worried. I thought about Luna, what she might think about this, but once that passed, I felt myself relax again. I leaned against her, softly brushing my neck along hers, laying my head on her shoulder. I enjoyed her warmth. Our closeness. And I really wanted to stay like this, uncaring, unthinking, secure.

I love you. Those words were at the tip of my tongue. But this time, I had been prepared. It was one of those prime opportunities, after all. I had noticed them worming their way up. They were always trying to spill forth in situations like these. And I held them back, because despite that small ache in my heart, they would do no good now. So instead, to mollify my heart, I gripped her a little tighter. And a satisfied, deep sigh escaped my throat.

“So,” she spoke up again sometime… later… “What’s next?”

I chuckled. “Nothing. This is fine. We can do this. All day, every day.” We could. And I could die as a happy pony. I was rewarded by hearing another giggle from her. Of course this was not really an option. But she remained where she was, much to my satisfaction, so I actually gave her question some thought. “Well,” I resumed, “I had an idea for later, maybe in the afternoon. I would need to start on the preparations around late midday, I think, so there’s still a couple of hours to be filled. I… hm. This might sound horribly cheesy and I hope Luna doesn’t kick me again, but… I missed you. I woke up and I felt lonely and this is really nice right now…”

Due to how we were entangled, I could obviously not see her smile. She let me know by squeezing me for a moment. “That’s alright, we can—Wait. What do you mean, ‘she kicked you’? She’s not allowed to kick you!”

She sounded so outraged on my behalf, and it was such a sudden change that I could not help myself but quietly laugh for a brief moment. I could even imagine her forbidding Luna from kicking me, as well as Luna grumbling under her breath but ultimately accepting what was asked of her. Because at the end of the day, Twilight was the evil mastermind that had seduced us and we were her willing sla-

Alriiight, fantasy time’s over.

“Well, I mean, it was more like a… uh… a little love tap, really,” I flat out lied. “Remember two… uh… t-two months ago? When I accidentally…”

“Oh,” she interrupted. “When you could not sleep…”

“… and I came over…”

“… and you slept…”

“… and I woke up…”

“… and you did… that…”

“… it was an accident…”

“… I know, I know, of course…”

“… of course.”

“Right. That.”

“Right.”

Silence reigned over the room for a rather extended period of time. I still felt snug and comfortable in our rather tight embrace, but I could feel her burning up and I was sporting a heavy blush myself. Neither of us wanted to say more and I suspected that at this point, neither of us knew how to move on exactly.

So maybe it was a blessing in disguise when Spike opened the door and immediately stopped when he saw us. “I was gonna ask about where I should put the decorations, but heck no, I’m not gonna be involved with whatever that is!” He quickly pointed at us and just as quickly left the room again.

It was enough. It was the break we had needed. I pulled back from Twilight, ignoring my yearning.

“I’m going to talk to her,” Twilight decided.

“No! No, really, that’s not necessary,” I quickly tried to sway her.

“She kicked you! She should not kick you! You could have been hurt,” she insisted.

“It was in the dreamscape!” I tried to object.

“And what is that supposed to change? You still get hurt, it just does not manifest as physical bruises. This is like Applejack punching you all over again,” she huffed.

I cupped her chin with a hoof and made her look at me. That got her attention, at least. “Please don’t. I know what you’re thinking. And believe me, I love you all the more for trying to defend me, but… they were right. Both Luna and Applejack were right. I should have better self-control and they had every right to be angry with me. I’m not going to say anything about their choices to go about being angry, as I know your opinion on the matter, but please: This is something between them and me. And we sorted it out.”

“That does not mean I have to approve of it, violence is never a good answer,” she quietly grumbled.

“I know,” I just agreed, mollifying her somewhat. To top it all off, I leaned in and gave her a kiss at the base of her horn. I smiled when I saw her wings ruffle a little, the only visible sign of her enjoying the gesture. “So maybe only cuddling would be a bad idea. It would be way too easy to escalate that. But I could still catch up on my reading, if you would want to keep me company.”

“Gladly.”

We had settled in the living room just a few minutes later, armed with a steaming pot of some herbal tea, two mugs and, after some short deliberation, two books of our choosing.

Some weird and unexplainable miracle.

I sighed, but caught myself quick enough to do it silently. Twilight sat right beside me, our coats brushing against each other. Every now and then, she extended her wing and her primaries trailed along my back, making me shiver. I had the theory that these moments were bound to her book. It was too rare for it to happen after each paragraph, but maybe every finished chapter, that could work. She did read quite fast after all.

Despite my enjoyment of her proximity, I was facing another problem. Because apparently, those just never really stopped coming. My day’s theme of non-choice had resurfaced its ugly head. It had taken some time for me to realize though. By this point, I had tried to read this page three times. Maybe four. And not a single word had made it through. I instead found myself watching her. Taking in details. Ever since Luna and her had become an item, her wings tended to be pristinely cared for. Most of the time by Luna of course. On the odd and rare occasion, by me. Due to that, I was oddly familiar with her wings. So it was easy to spot a couple of misaligned feathers. The impulse was there. To just lean down and correct it. It would not even be inherently sensual. But it could be. And that was what gave me pause. What made me hesitate. I had promised Luna. And I had said it myself earlier: It was so easy for us to escalate things again. We both had significant others we did not want to hurt.

She turned another page, fully engrossed in the content of her book. I saw a few diagrams and that was enough for me to know that this was not exactly my favorite kind of literature.

She had brushed her coat this morning. She obviously did that every morning, but it got this distinct sheen to it when she did it more than once. She rarely spent time on doing it more than once though. So why had she done so today? Was today special? Luna would not visit until tomorrow. Maybe she had just… felt like it?

I suddenly snapped back to reality when she audibly closed her book. I saw the bookmark sticking out when it levitated over to the table. She then turned and looked at me curiously. “Tell me,” she asked in her soft, warm voice.

“Tell you what?” I replied in confusion. And yet I consciously swallowed.

She sighed, but smiled nonetheless. “You have grimaced for the past ten minutes or so. And you keep staring at me. I don’t mind, I… kind of like the attention when it’s you, but… something is clearly bothering you. So please, talk to me.”

For a brief moment, my mind tried to stall answering by focusing on her faint blush and the fact that she had admitted to that. But she had grown more comfortable with herself, so this was a good thing, most definitely. Also, what the heck. When had she become this observant? This was clearly illegal. She had been reading! She had given no indication whatsoever that she actually noticed.

I puffed up my cheeks. Unfair. Her smile grew a little wider, but she said nothing and still waited for me to start talking. It left me nothing else to occupy myself with. And she knew that. Cheeky mare.

“Can I ask you something stupid?” I started.

“No,” she immediately denied, but she kept smiling. “But you may ask me anything and I might tell you that you are silly for asking that.”

Fair enough. “Do I…” I looked around. The living room. I was quite familiar with it. I was quite familiar with the kitchen and her bedroom and these hallways, even the dining room and a couple of other rooms. I was obviously familiar with places I frequented a lot. We did a lot of reading, or used to anyway. We had the occasional party, but that was rarely my idea. We took the occasional walk. It was always nice, but that, too, was rarely my idea. Last time, Rainbow had presented it by proposing ‘You guys really need to get out and touch grass, sheesh.’ Charming as always. Which brought me back to my current doubts. “Do I bore you?”

Credit where credit is due – her reaction was not overly dramatic. Rarity might have made a whole spiel out of it, although I doubted that this was worth fainting over, even for her. Twilight however was a more analytical mind. For a first round, she looked around and took in the details of this room. She followed the same trail I had just a couple of seconds prior and searched for what might have triggered this question. I was not sure if she found anything useful – I doubted it.

In a second round, she turned inwards, furrowing her brow as she scanned recent memories and conversations for clues. Finally, she settled for the obvious course of action. Asking. “You need to explain further before I can answer that.”

I nodded. “Right. So… well, actually, there’s not much to it. I don’t… do a lot. And I’m not getting at the whole ‘introvert versus extrovert’-discussion. I just mean the general… hm… range of interests, I think? Like… I love reading. Aaaand… I like to cook, occasionally, even though I’m probably never going to be as good as Spike, because he not only has more experience with it, he has talent – and I don’t. Ah! Before you say anything, this is not about self-deprecation. I think. I’m a couch potato, basically. And I know you… were one as well, once upon a time, but you’re really not anymore. And I’m just wondering if this is enough, if you—“

Maybe I should have asked her to let me finish. I doubted that would have made any difference though. She put a hoof to my mouth, silencing me. And before she answered, she leaned in and nuzzled me. “I think I understand now,” she started. “And no. You are most certainly not boring me. I have a very colorful circle of friends, in more than one regard. I can have my adventures with Rainbow, if I wanted to. I could have quiet time with her as well. Same goes for all of my friends. And yes, that includes you. Having quiet time, staying in, that is closer to your nature and comes more easily for you. The same way it is easier for Fluttershy. And just sitting down, indoors, for hours on end, ‘just reading’ – that is a prospect a lot harder to sell for somepony like Rainbow. But she does that. Sometimes, it is her own idea. More often than not, it is mine. But she rarely refuses and even when she does, that is alright. Same goes for Fluttershy. She has grown a lot over the years, but she still remains a pony that battles her anxieties when out in the open. Rarity makes it a point to ask her to the spa each week. I went to the fair with her last month. She was hesitant of course. She always is. But I did not have to drag her there against her will. And the same goes for you. It is rare that you come up with some outdoor activity idea, and that is fine. You rarely decline when somepony asks for your company though.”

“Yes, but, they have to ask,” I interrupted her. “I can’t offer. Because I don’t know… what to offer…”

She leaned over and reciprocated my earlier gesture by kissing me on the forehead. “That is alright. It is how you are, and we all like you how you are. Don’t worry.”

I swallowed that snort that quickly rose up upon hearing those last two words. Miss Twilynanas herself lectured me about ‘not worrying’, sure, sure… but she was right. Probably. Twilight tended to be right, and I trusted her.

She felt it, I suspected. She pulled back so that I might look her in the eyes. And I did. I did and I saw her sincerity in them. She believed every word she had said. And I wanted to agree. I wanted to just put this behind us and forget all about it. It was not that easy, of course. For some reason, worry and doubt always seemed to be just right around the corner for me. They were almost like companions. Always there. No matter if I wanted them to be.

I could not explain why I had such a hard time believing. Why I could not get rid of them. Why I had to bring stuff like this up every now and then. Maybe I had already found my answers this morning. Maybe, some days just… were like this. Maybe there was no deeper meaning to it, no reason beyond ‘it is how it is’. That would be frustrating, of course. But…

I closed my eyes. “Celestia, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference,” I mumbled. I kept my eyes closed. Felt inwards. Was there any difference? Had anything changed? I involuntarily had a picture of Celestia before my mind’s eye. It was a morning, sunlight was streaming in through a window. Golden light, caressing her beautiful form. She was lying on the bed, half covered by satin sheets. I remembered how her sun’s light interacted with her billowing mane. She lifted her head, looked at me. There had been no trace of her usual mask. No trace of Princess Celestia. She was just… Celestia. My Sunny. My love. And she was beautiful. And she was serenely calm. And she was mine. And I felt happy. I felt my heart flutter in my chest like a swarm of butterflies, just by looking at her. By seeing that warmth in her eyes. Love and care. She asked me to come back to bed, and I was not about to decline her invitation.

I tried to distance myself from that memory. As nice as it was, that was not what I had been looking for.

I still felt worried. I worried about not being enough. Not offering enough. Not contributing enough.

“It did not help, did it?” Twilight asked.

I felt almost ashamed to admit that — for just a brief moment — I had forgotten that she was still here with me, sitting right next to me. “No,” I answered. “But I think that might be okay. It’s more of a… emergency break, I guess.” And these worries and doubts were deeper seated than just a superficial panic. It was almost disheartening, thinking about how this might also be a part of my nature. Then again, I could not imagine being the only pony in Equestria who struggled against his nature, or a part of it. But that line of thought was like saying ‘there’s always somepony worse off somewhere’. It did not help much either, despite being true.

She tried to help me again. She leaned into me, nuzzled against me. “I like you.”

The softest, quietest words she had spoken today. And yet they felt like granite. Unyielding and unmoving, uncaring in the face of my doubts and worries. I trusted Twilight. I smiled, and answered her. “I like you too.”

We continued to read and with a little bit of effort on my part, I finally did manage to get back into it. Eventually though, the time to depart came around. We put our books down on the table, exchanged promises to make that a recurring event in the coming days – the reading, not the worrying – and I used the teleportation stone to get to Canterlot Castle.

I had a bunch of castle staff ponies to rile up, after all.

It was late afternoon. The sun had started sinking hours ago, but was still a good distance away from the horizon. I was sitting next to Soft Step, a freshly minted day guard and former member of my class before she switched to the day guard training halfway through. We called her 'bats' because of her exceptionally good hearing. She was currently stationed at the massive doors leading into the throne room. Day Court was not over yet, so the doors remained firmly closed.

“I don’t know,” I started to reply to her concerns, “I mean… what’s the worst that can happen? You tell him, and he rejects you. Admittedly, that’s a scary and shitty prospect, but at least you would know then, right? You could move on. If you don’t, you’ll just keep on freaking out every time you talk to him.”

I did most of the talking of course. There were certain expectations regarding the day guard. Guards in general. Since audiences with the Princess had been done for today hours ago, there was little reason to believe that a random passerby would notice a day guard talking — the audacity! —, but we still had to be careful. Castle staff could be surprisingly gossipy. Her fellow guard on the other side of the door was Night Crawler, and despite his name, he was not part of the night guard. Most of us loved to tease him about it. He was a quiet fellow, usually. Very stoic. Perfect to uphold the image of the day guard. And currently, he gave the occasional grunt or growl of frustration.

But we were very careful. We spoke quietly and always listened for those soft hoofsteps betraying anypony drawing closer.

“I’m just not sure if I’m ready to be rejected,” Soft Step whispered. It was still weird seeing her like this. We had little interaction while she was in my class. Only after her switch did that change. I had gotten to know her a lot better in the Watchtower, a bar nearby the training grounds. She was a sweet, hot pink earth pony mare with a tomboyish frame and curly lime hair. Now, thanks to the enchantments of her armor, she looked like a broadly built, white unicorn stallion. With a voice to match, no less.

“Well yeah, I mean come on, Softie. You have to jump eventually. Just wait for a moment when it feels like you could just explode, and then give yourself a little shove!” Because admitting to feelings of a romantic nature was just that easy… yes, yes, a master of seduction was talking.

Some weird and unexplainable miracle.

Ah. Great. There we were again.

“Wait, aren’t you the one who got chased around by Princess Cadance a few years back?” Soft Step suddenly remembered, much to my dismay. “I’m not sure I should take advice from you of all ponies.”

I grimaced. “Well, yes, but… I had been meddling in her domain, I guess, and maybe ruined some plans of hers or something. Really, that’s ages past. Listen, I can’t tell you what to do. I just… you’re nice. I would love to see you happy.”

“Aaaw,” she answered.

Whatever she was about to say next got stuck in her throat the very second we heard the telltale click of the massive double doors being unlocked. A second later, they swung open and a mass of chatting ponies poured out of the throne room. The stream quickly divided itself every time a new junction was met, as everypony had a different destination in mind. I recognized most of them. Celestia’s aides and advisors, some nobles and clerks as well. The doors were encased in a golden glow and even though I could not see Celestia just yet – and probably wouldn’t for a few more minutes – I could not help but smile and feel a warm flutter in my chest. She opened the inwards swinging doors further and I heard faint voices chatting, but could not make out any words spoken. Probably some last assignments and decisions she went over with a remaining clerk or two.

A few more minutes passed and I heard soft hoofsteps slowly drawing closer. Even though they were muffled by the thick carpet, they were louder than usual. Because the one responsible for those sounds was heavier than the average pony. I grinned and poked Soft Step in her side. “Tell him. Trust me. If I’m wrong, you can take it out on me,, I hastily whispered to her and stood up. A couple seconds later and Celestia emerged. She did not notice me standing right beside her guard and started to trot down the hallway, so I just naturally fell in beside her.

“Long day?” I asked.

Her usual, patient smile did not waver, nor did she miss a single step. Yet I could still tell that I had managed to surprise her. “It has been somewhat taxing, yes.”

“Well, that’s great to hear,” I rejoiced.

“Is it?” she asked, only ever so slightly raising an eyebrow.

“Yepp,” I immediately shot back. “What I have prepared would still be nice but way less effective otherwise. We’re staying in for the evening.”

“Hm. I do not mind, but I should at least inform my sister of such changes.”

“Already done. Sort of. Ehehehe…” I had really tried to contain myself, but the mere thought of an enraged Luna tearing through Canterlot was hilarious. It would not be that bad, of course. Luna was smart after all.

“Sort of?” Celestia echoed.

“See, the thing is… you might have been abducted,” I proposed with a lopsided smile. “And the abductor might have left behind a note in a very empty dining room. It's a good note though. Very classical. With too much glue used, and letters of different sizes cut straight from today’s newspapers.”

Ha! I saw that!

A grin had tugged at her lips for a fraction of a second. Despite her countenance.

“Well this is just an awful development. Whatever shall Equestria’s remaining ruler do in a situation as such?” she played along.

I indignantly puffed my cheeks on Twilight’s behalf. “Oh come now, you give Twilight way too little credit here! She could rule this entire nation without the both of you!”

I saw that too!

At this point, I was grinning from ear to ear. Her day apparently had been taxing, according to her own assessment, but she nevertheless was in a good mood. I liked seeing her in a good mood. Instantly made every day better. “But to answer your question,” I continued, “the note might lead her on a wild goose chase which will eventually end in Ponyville, of all things. Strange how these important events rarely seem to center around Las Pegasus or Manehattan, right? But then again, I suspect the ponies living there are quite content with that. Less attention, sure, but less need for weakly rebuilding as well.”

“Ponyville,” Celestia murmured. “I suspect she will find some helpful allies there, at least.”

“Maybe – but what if one of her allies, maybe her greatest ally of all, actually is the culprit!” I tried to sound adequately dramatic, but I was no Rarity by a long shot. I still managed decently enough, I thought. And Celestia seemed rather entertained by these shenanigans, so all was well.

We arrived at her chamber doors and the guards opened them without any hint on their faces whatsoever. Celestia just stood before the open door and took in what I had done to the room. It was not much, of course. Whatever I did had to be done in a few hours and needed to be reversible in just as much time. I thought the line of rose petals was a nice, romantic touch. Very cliché, but that was alright with me. It led to the bed… and to the bathroom. I had thought about putting down an ocean of candles, but quickly decided against that. Aside from the risk of burning down the castle, they would quickly heat up the room a lot and the dripping wax could make a mess of more sensitive surfaces.

“They should be dead,” I commented with a smirk.

That got her attention. “What do you mean?” she asked, but she still could not tear her eyes away from that line.

“The petals. Or rather, the roses,” I explained. “I mean, I basically desecrated their corpses, plucked them to pieces and strewed them about. If any of those bite, that’s decidedly not my fault. But it should be safe to enter.”

So maybe I had a tendency to make romantic gestures and then tear them down a little. So what? Celestia did not seem to mind much. She stepped forward and I gave a quick nod as a silent ‘thank you’ to both guards before entering after her. The doors closed immediately. “That must have been a lot of roses,” she remarked.

Since I was not about to tell her that I had blown two months worth of salary on flowers just to pick them apart with magic, I had to come up with something else. “Yes, it had been an epic battle indeed. But I won and secured your room for you.”

She smiled. And I was a little disappointed, because, well… we were by ourselves again and she still wore that smile. I did not say anything. She had a long day. I did not want to pile onto that. And to my great relief, I did not have to. She used her magic to float her tiara over to the stand it usually rested on and her regalia soon followed. She finally stepped out of her horseshoes and once all four hooves were firmly planted on the cool marble floor, she allowed herself a deep sigh.

“That bad, huh?” I asked and nuzzled her.

“Well,” she started, but could not bring herself to sugarcoat it. “… yes.”

I nodded, content with her honesty. Just a little tendril of my magic snuck up on her, crawled along her spine past her wing joints and up her neck to carefully turn her head. I was pretty sure she had understood the very moment my horn lit up, but she enjoyed the little game anyway. I guided her down to me and gave her a proper kiss. “Welcome home, love,” I whispered afterwards.

“Hmmm… I could get used to that,” Celestia replied with a genuine smile.

“Honestly, I’m still baffled that you haven’t, after all these years,” I answered with a chuckle.

“Five years can be but a blink of the eye,” she retorted.

Fair enough. “I’ve prepared a little something, love. I want to make you feel good. Tell me, are you hungry yet?”

She furrowed her brow for a moment before slightly shaking her head. “Not yet, I think.”

“Good. In that case, dinner can wait a little longer,” I concluded and led her over to the bed. “Please lie down.” I could see that mischievous twinkle in her eyes, but did not quite understand until she sat down on the bed, let herself fall onto her back and sprawled out, wings, legs, mane and tail in all directions. I chuckled again. “Now that is a sight I could get used to.” I was intimately familiar with her body. Every nook and cranny, every voluptuous curve. She laid herself bare with a playful smile gracing her lips and I had to take a deep breath to remain steadfast. She could be such a tease.

“So you have not yet? After all those years?” she quipped and just to make a point, her tail swished just a tiny bit.

I felt myself heat up, my cheeks burned already and a telltale twitch in my nether regions made me take a second deep breath. “Sure haven’t,” I replied and involuntarily licked my lips. That was an enticing prospect, but I had other plans. I shook my head. “You are a horrible tease, love. I meant for you to lie down on your belly and you perfectly knew that.”

She giggled. She giggled! I wanted to huff a little, but that was rendered impossible by my face-splitting grin. A moment later, she rolled over onto her belly and allowed me to climb up onto the bed with her. I took a position next to her. A match and some incense later, a nice, flowery smell started to permeate the room. It was supposedly helpful in meditation and relaxation. We would see about that.

“See,” I started to explain while standing up and carefully prodding parts of her neck, “I had been a pretty clever pony once. I had this friend of mine, she was very smart. But she was so smart at least in part because she read a lot. She was constantly reading. So much, in fact, that she always had a sore neck or a sore back or a sore rump or a sore something. All tensed up and knots everywhere and whatnot.” I started to massage some knots out of her neck and smiled as her eyes fluttered closed, accompanied by an appreciative hum. “But luckily,” I resumed, “we had this place in our town, this spa. And the two ponies operating it were such gentle, nice mares to talk to. And I did a lot of talking to them. I had to explain my situation, after all. I wanted to make it crystal clear that I meant no offense, that I would not become competition to their business and this was for private use only. I took some lessons. It wasn’t all that different, really. They got bits, albeit a bit more than for any usual treatment, and all they had to do for it was sit down with me and explain and show me how to help my friend. I knew that they knew a lot. And I mean a lot. But I was laser-focused. I knew what I needed and what I wanted.” I slowly made my way down to her back. Her neck had been a piece of work, indeed, but her back was even worse. What had she done today, for goodness’ sake? “In hindsight, that might have been a bad decision. You see, over time, I found my knowledge to help a little bit… lacking. Sure, it was still enough to provide… let’s call it ‘first aid’. It was enough to help, enough to start a nice evening, enough for a little list of things. But I knew there was more. I could do more. If only I had insisted on learning more back in those days. But then I remembered something.” I carefully extended her right wing and started preening. As usual, a first round with my mouth, just for intimacy’s sake, before I went over my work a second time with magic for completion’s sake. My story had to wait a couple of minutes while I worked my non-magic magic on her. Celestia did not seem to mind, she had fully relaxed and become putty in my hooves and the only sign that she did not sleep was the occasional deep sigh or quiet moan. Once I was done with her wings, I returned my attention to her back. Her lower back, now, as well as her shapely rump and her legs. “Where was I? Oh yes. I remembered something. I remembered that these two lovely mares were still there. I could just… you know… get back and ask for more. Of course I still would have to explain my predicament all over again, but that was fine. It had worked the first time around, so why wouldn’t it this time, right? And it did. And I took lessons again. And I learned a lot of new, neat little tricks along the way. And then I thought to myself: Everypony keeps raving on about how knowledge is power, right? And now I have all this knowledge. I should use it. What is it good for if I don’t use it? And so…”

I pulled back and admired my work. In truth, there was little I could actually see of my work, but I saw her. I saw how relaxed she was. How there seemed to be a persistent smile plastered on her face. How her wings gave the occasional little rustle, but refrained from folding themselves again. I stepped up and brought my lips to her sensitive ear and gave it a long, slow lick along its edge in a familiar gesture. “… here we are,” I whispered.

“Hmmm…” A moment later she even cracked an eye open to look at me. “I’m trying to decide.”

I smiled and put a trail of kisses and soft nips down along her neck. “About what?” I asked in between.

“If I let you proceed with whatever is waiting in the bathroom,” she murmured with a happy sigh after a long lick along the base of her neck. “Or if I pounce on you right here and now…”

My hoof carefully traced along the edge of her wing while I kissed her at its base. “Hm… you would regret that,” I promised. “And you don’t look all that ready to pounce to begin with…”

A startled yelp escaped my throat as she suddenly used her magic to pick me up without effort, turn me on my back and lay me down right in front of her. I felt my member twitch, already out of its sheath, as her hot breath hit it full force. “You should know better,” she whispered with a smoldering gaze. I wanted to answer, but that attempt died halfway through when she followed up on her threat and her muzzle closed around it, swallowing more and more of it with agonizingly low speed.

“I-… phew… Ce-… oh boy… come on, I-… uff… had a plan… please?”

She complied. And I immediately regretted asking her. I wanted to plunge back in right away, but… I had to restrain myself. I had to. I wanted to show off what I had learned from Aloe and Lotus in those last couple of weeks. I wanted to impress her. Or at least, I wanted to try.

I did that a lot, after all.

I had to catch my breath for a moment. The almost uncomfortable pressure in my loins only slowly subsided and did not fully vanish at all. That had escalated quickly. I was still lying there on my back, right in front of her, and she eyed me like predators eyed their prey. It made me feel vulnerable and strangely naked, but I did not mind at all – because it was her. I felt safe with her. Even if she would decide that, nah, she did not want to wait after all… it would have been fine. There would be other opportunities to attempt this. To repeat this.

“Right,” I finally picked up again. “Let’s take a bath, shall we?” I rolled over and stood back up again. Celestia followed me on that little trail of rose petals to the bathroom, where once again, everything had been prepared as much as I could prepare it. I turned the hot water for the massive tub on and mixed in the supplements I had laid out.

“And what do we do until the tub is filled?” she asked with that teasing tone that sent a shiver down my spine. And the pressure obviously immediately returned.

“We… uh… wait…?” I weakly offered. I saw her horn spring to life again and felt her magic wrap around my member, gently stroking along its length.

“So you really just want me to stand here, waiting…?” she teased further.

I was pretty sure she was just toying with me. There was no way she really, actually was this horny. I knew her. She had her urges of course. We all had them. But rarely had I seen her being this aggressive about it.

Hm. Then again, ‘rarely’ doesn’t mean ‘never’...

Alright, fine. Just what kind of day did she have…? I was admittedly amused — and turned on — by the image of her sitting on her throne all day, bored out of her mind, and how she distracted herself with naughty fantasies.

Her grip tightened and sped up just a little bit. But that little bit really was enough to tell me all I needed to know. I looked over to her, lust started to cloud my judgment. I wanted her so badly. And that stupid tub was so big that the water level seemed to crawl its way up, measured in hair’s width by hour. “Turn,” I said. It was not a question. If anything, it had been a command. And yet she happily obliged, turning around and, without further instruction needed, spread her legs just that little bit and lifted her tail to the side. She had been sitting on her rump the entire day, but honestly, I really did not mind as I buried my muzzle in between her haunches.

I heard a soft gasp from her as she maybe had not expected me to straight up go for it. But was it really any wonder? She kept stroking me, her magic did not falter once, and in that very moment, only picked up more speed. I gave a little grunt as I tried to control myself. And she slowed down a little. Just a little. But it was enough.

Her moans were music to my ears. Her breathing grew more labored by the minute. She was getting closer. She picked up on her magic ministrations again, increasing speed again.

“I’m close,” we both panted almost in unison.

A part of me was confused by that. Sure, she had had more control over me, she had slowed down a couple of times, while I had given her my all, but still… had she been this riled up all day? Why?

That part was small, however, and quickly overwhelmed by the sight of her kneeling down. An invitation I had no will to reject. I positioned myself behind her, lined up and thrust forward, plunging into her with ease. Our moans mingled in the air. There was no restraint left, neither on her part nor mine. It was raw, it was hard, and it was quick.

“I love you so much,” I panted, still buried inside her, still feeling the last contractions, both hers and mine.

She craned her neck and smiled. “I love you too.” She looked tired, but satisfied. For now, anyway. Maybe this unplanned little interruption was enough that I could move on with my original plans. Not that I minded much. Not with this kind of interruption.

At this point, the bath tub's overflow protection had probably swallowed more water than was in it. I turned the water off and we climbed in. Now we actually both needed a bath. Though to be honest, I did not mind getting all sweaty and sticky with her.

I demonstrated a few more new tricks I had learned. I could give a proper hooficure now, for example. And my personal favorite: There was a certain technique to massage a pony’s scalp specifically. Celestia seemed to enjoy that very much, just like the rest, but I… I loved it. And I was pretty sure she took note of that little fact while I told her about what I was doing, while I was doing it. This was not meant to be a self-serving advertisement though, so I did not linger on it for too long. I made my own observations on what she liked more and what she liked less. Hooficures were not her favorites. They ranged between ‘okay-ish’ and ‘nice for a short time’. As it turned out – due to the fact that she just straight up told me, the spoil-sport – my preening technique had improved. Something she was very fond of, since apparently, that was the part she enjoyed the most.

After the bath, we made our way back to the bedroom. While she was lying down, I quickly trotted over to the doors and let the guards know that it was time for dinner. I was lucky enough that both not only were in on this, but agreed to help as long as it did not disturb their duties too much. And flagging down a passing member of the staff to tell them to give the go ahead to the kitchen chefs was not that difficult.

“And what do we do now?” Celestia asked with a predatory smile. “Wait again?”

I chuckled and moved up to her, capturing her lips in a passionate, deep kiss. “Well, obviously we should, they could bring the food any minute now…”

“Hm yes, we should,” she replied in a sultry voice.

“Or, and hear me out on this,” I whispered, softly nibbling on her ear and eliciting a low moan from her, “or we are just quicker…”

She turned around and fixed me with a gaze so fiery that I shuddered in anticipation.

It turned out: We were not quicker.

The effort was made though. And when that knock was heard, I was so overwhelmingly appreciative of all those enchantments sealing this room. I quickly made myself decent – decent enough anyway – and trotted over to the door, opening it just enough to use my levitation magic to grip the handle of the little cart and pull it into the room. An admittedly overly hasty “thank you” to that poor sod delivering our dinner later and the door closed again, sealing us in once more. The food cart could wait, I decided without hesitation. I turned around, but found myself encased in a golden glow, only to pop out of existence and back in immediately, right behind her. Her eagerness made me chuckle, but quite frankly, I was not any better off.

It took this round and we might have seamlessly continued with another one right after before we finally settled on the bed again. “Sweet Celestia, you are incredible…”

She giggled between deep breaths. “Hm, was that the idiom now, or a statement about me?”

“Heh, why not both? You are sweet, you know,” I replied with another chuckle.

“Am I now?” she questioned.

I knew that she did not really expect an answer. It was one of those questions that did not need one. Did not care for one. But goodness me, did I still want her. My body would not allow me, of course. Not just because of the refractory period, but in general. I was exhausted.

Heh. Drained, so to speak…

I used my magic to once more gently turn her head and gave her another passionate, deep kiss. “See?” I whispered with a grin once we broke apart again.

Instead of answering anything, she indulged in that moment. I used the opportunity to bring the food cart over to the bed. Eating in bed would be messy for sure. But sheets could be changed and stains could be washed out. It was a rare occurrence and it would be fun, I hoped.

Due to us fooling around so much, the food had obviously gone cold by now, despite it sitting under metal domes. But that meant little with Celestia in the room. She quickly reheated our dishes and we started to dig in right away. Because for some strange reason, ‘reheated’ always meant ‘would not stay warm as long as the original dish did’. And it would be a shame not to appreciate the masterful cooking the palace chefs did in exactly the way they had meant for it to be appreciated in.

After dinner was done – with minimal mess, no less – we settled in for the evening. That meant books. Because reading was great and I loved the fact that I could share that with everypony near and dear to me. It was not until an hour later or so that I apparently made the mistake of moving my head in the wrong direction or something stupid like that. “Ahhh,” I quietly whined while bringing a hoof to the offending muscle. “Cramp,” I hissed. With all those lessons from Aloe and Lotus, one might have thought it would be easy to get rid of that. And really, it should have been. I was just being an idiot again and forgot everything that could be convenient at that moment.

Celestia instead closed her book – bookmark in place, of course – and took over my ministrations. Either she knew a thing or two about massages herself, or she was a quick learner. I did not ask, I was just glad that the pain quickly subsided. “You are pretty wound up yourself,” she remarked after she let her hoof trail along my neck, searching for more offending knots and aches.

“Had a rough night,” I admitted.

Some weird and unexplainable miracle.

Oh no you won’t. Not now. It’s a nice evening, the day’s almost over. Shoo!

“Anything in particular you might want to talk about?” she asked with that soothing calmness in her voice. I could tell her anything. I could tell her that I had decided to turn evil and dispose of her and she would probably talk me through how to do it and what to look out for.

Right, maybe not that one.

“Not really,” I replied with a hint of uncertainty in my voice that I did not like.

Of course she immediately picked up on that. But instead of asking, she just waited. Ever the patient one, she knew that I would either come around on my own terms or that I would settle this with myself somehow. And she was right. Just like with Twilight, she just tended to be right in a lot of situations.

Some weird and unexplainable miracle.

That thought felt almost pressuring. I already had an uncomfortable talk today. Was one really not enough?

Some weird and-

I got it, for crying out loud! Fine! It’s fine! I got it!

Great. Now I was internally yelling at myself.

I gave a deep sigh and looked up at her. She was still patiently waiting, a warm, welcoming smile on her lips. She had known it would not take long for me to break. Was I really that predictable? Or maybe… that weak? Was it weakness?

“Can I ask you something?” I started with the obviously useless question.

“Always, love,” she replied, nestling against me and draping a wing over my back.

Despite my love for her, this did not make it any easier. I looked up at her, tried to let her calm soothe me, tried to find courage in that warmth she always seemed to radiate when she looked at me. It helped a little bit. At least it gave me the strength I needed to actually say the words. “Why do you love me?” While I might have had enough strength to ask, that did not mean that I did not fear the answer. Which was stupid, really. I should know better. Heck, I did know better. She loved me. I could see that every time she looked at me. She would not just start asking herself that question now and discover that she did not, in fact, love me at all. Expecting that was stupid. I had no reason to be afraid.

Yet I was.

Enough that I could feel a small tremble run down my spine.

Celestia meanwhile furrowed her brow and studied me. Studied my body language, my facial expression, every page laid bare in my eyes. “I will not answer this question,” she replied after what felt like ages and amounted to… well, several minutes actually. She was careful in her answer, as she had been careful in her considerations.

“Wha—“ I already started to protest, but she cut me short.

“It would do nothing good, I believe,” she started to explain. “Whatever I would answer would only drive you down further into that place you seem to have sunk into. I could give you examples, but never a full, comprehensive list. And that would frustrate you. And each example given would be nourishment for your doubts. You would start to question not only yourself, or me, but the very bond connecting us. I have seen something considered ‘mere thoughts’ poison and kill true love before. And no – while I do love you dearly, I am not implying we have that kind of bond just yet. It might grow into such with time, but even then, something ‘as little’ as a stray thought can topple empires. And divide ponies. Do you trust me, love?”

“I—“ I started again, but she interrupted me again. A single syllable had been enough to tell her all she needed to know. I was about to object again, to insist on an answer. And I honestly did not even know why. She knew what she was talking about. She had loved more ponies than I knew the names of. She had lived more years than I ever would. She sounded very reasonable right now.

“Do you trust me?” she repeated. That warmth in her eyes was still there. Soothing me. Welcoming me. Almost pleading with me. But there was a firm sternness in her voice now that, for some strange reason, broke through to me.

I took a shuddering breath and nodded. “I trust you.” And it was a truth felt more than heard.

She nodded, and seemed almost relieved while doing so. “Thank you, love. Then know this: I do love you with all my heart.” I gave a nod in return. I knew. And I was grateful, it was just… hard not to question why. “May I ask you a question in return?”

I forced a smile upon my lips, although I already knew what she wanted to ask. “If this is about the wild goose chase, I can only tell you that I made arrangements with Twilight to keep Luna busy all night, by all means necessary, and I did not question her methods any further than that.”

She smiled and for just a moment, I could see that grin tug at her lips. “There is no reason to be afraid, love. I promise.”

I sighed. “And how would you know that? You want to know where this question came from.” She did not seem surprised at all, just confirming my suspicion. The direction our conversation took reminded me of my earlier talk with Twilight. In an uncomfortable way. “I don’t know if you have noticed, but… I ask ‘why’ and ‘how’ a lot. And on a lot of days, I envy Twilight’s control over her mind. Her focus. She can just… take it off of this topic and put it onto this topic, and for some reason, that works. For me, it doesn’t. My mind just… clings to these ideas and stray thoughts and… I don’t know… doubles down whenever I try to steer myself away from them. I realize that some of those aren’t exactly healthy or good for me. Or anypony, really. But I just… I can’t help myself.” In part, that was the crux, was it not? I could not help myself.

I was helpless. Defenseless against myself.

“Remember those early days?” I asked her. And again, she just nodded. “We met at what was left of Golden Oaks. I immediately liked you. I don’t… I don’t quite remember if I immediately saw through your disguise, but I do remember that I liked you. A lot. From day one. Twilight wrote her reports to you on a daily basis at that time, didn’t she? It took me ages to realize that. She never mentioned it. I had been around for a little more than a week or so and we met for the second time. You were there when I was at the park, watching the sunrise. We were at Sugarcube Corner. We raced back to the castle. We tumbled. I remember that I held you aloft with my magic and used small tendrils of it to prod you all over your body. I honestly just tried to figure out if you were ticklish at all. But seriously, that… that should have raised so many red flags. Yet you were just… hanging there, without a care in the world. In hindsight, I pressured some very inappropriate spots. And you didn’t say anything. That was our second meeting. Not our second year in a solid relationship, not even our second date, but our second meeting and I was... basically groping you? The third one at the lake. I was frustrated, you gave me some sage advice. Fourth one, I took you to Fluttershy’s place. I made you moan in front of her. And on some level, I had known what I was doing. And you were totally fine with that. You even shot me that bedroom gaze you sometimes use and it gets straight under my skin every time. And you used it then and there. In her house. On our fourth meeting. And while I believe you were only teasing me, the fact remains that you were teasing me like that. And then I just died like an idiot. And you came and brought me back. And we were at that lake again and I… my seed had formed a dried out crust on your coat, for goodness’ sake. And you allowed me not only to kiss you, but to make you climax. That’s just… it’s…”

“Do you think we moved too fast?” I had rambled on the entire time, riling myself up in the process until I suddenly stumbled and was not quite sure how to proceed. And she had used that opportunity for a single question that initially confused me more than anything. But a second or two later, after my mind had caught up with her tone of voice, I believed I had heard a trace of worry in it. Maybe even fear? Maybe I was not alone in being a worrywart after all.

“No,” I resolutely answered her and shook my head for emphasis. “No, I don’t. I mean… maybe. I don’t care. It’s not exactly the speed ‘normal couples’ would form at, but given the choice, I would not want to have it any other way. We could have done the entire courtship ritual or dating or whatever, stretch it out for a year or more, just for things to ‘feel appropriate’? I don’t see the point in that though. This doesn’t feel inappropriate. At no point did it feel like that. Ever. But that's just my side.” She seemed relieved again. “I just can’t stop asking. You are Celestia Lightbringer, you are Heaven’s Fury, you are Sol Invictus… and then there’s me. And all you know at that point is what Twilight wrote to you and what you could gather from our first, very brief meeting and just like that, you… fall for me? Me? It just doesn’t make any sense, does it?” My breathing had become ragged. My heart was wildly thumping away in my chest. I could not focus my gaze on anything at all, it merrily drifted around the room, scanning, searching, without processing.

“Love, look at me,” she quietly pleaded with me, but I barely even heard her. I felt the panic rise quickly, but I found myself unable to do anything against it.

All I could think about was the almost cosmic improbability of it all. And at this point, I was not even thinking about the fact that I had somehow managed to do the impossible… twice. Twilight had been head over hooves within a few days as well, had she not?

What if I just faked—

What if all this isn't rea—

I can’t breathe—

A golden glow caught my attention. On my left cheek. It slowly, with little force, turned my head. Then under my chin, raising my head. Until her eyes, suddenly so close, appeared right before me. “Look at me,” she asked again.

Again?

And I did. I looked at her. And I saw all those things I always saw in there. Warmth. Love. Tenderness. Care. She cared so much about me. So, so much. I saw appreciation. Trust. Dedication.

But why?!, an enraged voice in my head screamed at the top of its non-existent lungs, Why!

“Do you trust me?” her words cut through the haze.

My eyes glazed over. Tears threatened to spill. It had been such a lovely evening. Why, for goodness' sake. Why did I always had to mess up this badly? Why could I not just… enjoy the evening for once?

“Do you trust me?” she patiently repeated once more.

And once again, all the walls broke down. I did not understand why. I did not understand how there had been walls to begin with. Or what they had been separating. But I felt them crumble, and I felt burning hot tears stream down my face and I wanted to get away from here, but not from her, never from her, and I buried my face on her chest. “Always,” I managed to squeak out with my meek and trembling voice. Truth felt, but not understood. Did it matter?

She gave me a moment or two. I needed more than that. Way more. But she declined. She pushed me back, despite the desperate whinny I gave, and raised my head again. “I love you,” she said. Just like that. Like it was normal. Casually dropping something of this magnitude. “I love you,” she repeated and kissed some of my tears away. It made it worse, actually, as a fresh batch of tears was dispatched immediately.

Five years ago, a mess of a pony had arrived here. Somehow, from somewhere. And despite everything, I had managed to make a living, find a good place to be in, make some friends and capture the hearts of two beauty’s. And I was working on that third one.

Just how…?

But I was still a mess.

Maybe I would always be a mess. A disheartening thought for sure. But did it really matter? I could not tell. I felt my love kiss my tears away. Patiently. Lovingly. Caringly. No matter how much more I cried. And I felt weak and vulnerable and somehow… somehow it did not seem to matter. And I did not understand that.

I did not understand her.

Or any of this.

But I loved her.

And I trusted her.

Always.

Day 1,991: Reinforcement

It was a long night.

“I gaveth thee the directeth order to stayeth out of this!,” Luna bellowed straight into my face, seeing as we were standing muzzle to muzzle. Her wings were flared to their fullest and even shook in her anger, “Thee still hast issues following simple orders!”

“I saw this nightmare spawn and corrupt another guardian, but would you listen? Oh no, certainly not!,” I shot right back into her face, screaming at the top of my lungs. “You still don’t trust me!”

We glared at each other. And we both got lucky enough to realize just in time that we might be about to say things that could not be taken back that easily. In unison, we shut our mouths, jaws grinding, cheeks puffed, faces red.

It was certainly not our first clash. I would certainly not be our last. We both could be quick-tempered at times. Luna was a passionate mare. While it usually affected me less often and not as gravely as her, I had my limits. All ponies have limits. And we had quickly learned to establish routines for such circumstances.

She turned around and sat down on her haunches, crossing her forelegs in front of her chest. Her wings were still fully extended. I mirrored her movement, turned and sat down. A couple of seconds later, despite our situation, we closed that small gap between us. Back to back, coat on coat. I could feel the heat of her body seep into mine. She was almost burning.

For however long it took, we just sat there. This routine was still young. Fragile. To ingrain it further, we still needed to actively heed our own decisions. One of us had to make a first step. And Luna being Luna… she had learned a lot, grown a lot, but she was passionate. She knew how to hold a grudge. She was stubborn at times. I did not mind – I loved her anyway. So I did not mind as well, caving again. “I’m sorry,” I tried, but my voice felt hoarse and barely audible, so I repeated myself with a little bit more force while I cautiously tried to avoid sounding too forceful. “I should have listened to you. You’re doing this a lot longer than I am. I’m just a guard, and you have all the expertise and experience.”

She was silent for a short while longer. But I felt her shift against my back. Felt her wings retract slowly, probably with some effort on her part. She finally gave a quiet sigh. “Nay, it is I who should apologize. You are as much an advisor and an extra pair of eyes than you are a guard. But more importantly, you are a friend, trying to look out for me. I should not have refused to listen this stubbornly.”

For a moment, I smiled. Not only because it worked, because our routine had once more deescalated the situation. But because I could also hear a little piece of advice Fluttershy had given me some years back. Her voice was only in my head, of course, and I made sure that the dreamscape surrounding us would not catch that memory and throw it back at us as an echo.

I turned around and hugged Luna from behind. “I’m sorry.”

She gave another sigh and I could feel some more tension melt away from her body. “So am I.”

With the immediate issue resolved for now, I dared to take a look at my freshest batch of memories. And I grimaced when I remembered a particular scene. I involuntarily pulled back a little and started to very, very cautiously prod her left side.

“What are you doing?” she asked. Despite our attempts to make up, there was still a sharp undertone of annoyance.

I did not answer her and I could not have told why. I instead extended her wing with my magic, inspected bone and joints and feathers. “Are you hurt?” I finally asked, my voice laced with worry.

She pulled her wing and I dared not to reinforce my magic, instead opting to let the spell break. “Nay, we—” She sighed. “No, I am not. You know that we do not carry our wounds over.”

Some very uncomfortable memories were clawing at the walls of my mind upon hearing this. I remembered Applejack’s guardian beating me to a pulp. I remembered falling out of her dream and lying on the dreamscape. The wounds were gone, sure enough. But I remembered them. I remembered how it felt, having your jaw broken and dislocated. How it felt, seeing your own limb twisted in decidedly unnatural angles. How it felt, looking through tears and blood with one eye, because the other was swollen shut. “That’s not the point,” I answered her maybe a little bit too sharply, “He still hurt you. I saw that—… I saw you—…” I could not even finish that sentence.

She had been downed. The strike had come fast, hard and most importantly, unexpected. Luna had been doing this for centuries before I even showed up, true. That was probably why she seemed somewhat unfazed when she got back up again. But I could not not worry.

She gave another sigh and turned around to properly look at me. She watched me closely for a moment. I felt guilty beyond words, and maybe she saw that. I was her guard. The only one capable of following her into the dreamscape. Of helping her. I should have been… something. Faster? Stronger? Wittier? What was I good for if I could not even thwart an attack I clearly saw coming?

“I am fine,” she replied with a surprisingly insistent tone, before continuing a little softer and with the attempt of a smile. “It might have gotten nasty for a quick twist, but we managed in the end, did we not?”

I reciprocated her attempt to lighten the mood with my own attempt at a smile. “We always do, don’t we?”

She pulled me closer, encased me in her wings, and we hugged out whatever annoyance and frustration, exhaustion and anger was left. “We do,” she quietly answered.

It really had been a long night.

I woke up groggy and still felt somewhat fatigued even after my morning routine. I made breakfast for Twilight, Spike and myself and just sat down at the kitchen table. I had no idea for how long I was sitting there. When Spike entered, asking about my breakfast philosophies this morning, I could not answer him with anything worth discussing. I had wasted minutes, maybe even an hour, just sitting there, staring into nothingness, unthinking and unblinking. Well, I had blinked. Probably. Hopefully.

Breakfast turned out uneventful, but pleasant. I talked to Twilight and Spike about nothing in particular and yet we enjoyed each other’s company. I had made some plans for today. Nothing spectacular, just a little stroll around town with Derpy and Dinky, some catching up was in order. We had not seen each other in a couple of weeks, and that would not do. The afternoon and evening were still free, though. And this supposed ‘free time’ had been scheduled. There were still a couple of things I needed to think about. Decisions needed to be made. Mostly in regards to my relationships, because for some odd reason, that was such an integral part of my life that I constantly needed to make a great fuss over it. Applejack had probably been right all along – I attributed way too much importance to this. But I could not force myself to care less either. I feared certain things, and wanted certain other things, and usually, these two impulses clashed. I had been with Celestia for more than four years and the situation with Twilight was stable. It could probably go on like this for years to come. But I did not want it to remain as it was.

I was being selfish, and greedy, and I wanted more. I had to broach the subject somehow. Test the waters, see what they were all thinking. What was possible, and what was not.

Later, I chided myself as I heard a knock at the front doors.

It was the kind of knock one made when running against a closed door at walking speed. Or flying into it. “That’s my cue,” I let Twilight and Spike know and stood up. “Can I leave that up to you?” I asked Spike while I looked at the dishes.

“Sure thing. Say ‘hi’ to Dinky!” he replied in a chipper mood.

“Have fun!” Twilight chimed in with a smile.

I made my way to the door and opened it. By now, Derpy had stood back up again and was giving me such a warm, radiant smile that it was impossible not to reciprocate it. “Are you alright? You’re not hurt, are you?”

Her smile grew into a grin. “Don’t worry, it’s not my first time crashing into something. I slowed down enough.”

While my concerns did not just evaporate like that, her gentle voice still eased them. I craned my neck a little, but to my disappointment, I found nothing. So I just stepped outside, closed the door behind me and we started walking before I addressed this. “Dinky?”

I noticed how one of her eyes drifted a little off, as if she was carefully watching me. I knew it didn’t work like that, but the impression was there nonetheless. “Sorry. She’s off with some friends of hers.” I nodded and a moment later, she continued. “You really do like her a lot, don’t you?”

I chuckled a little. “Well… yeah? I mean. I’ve been over so many times and she’s always this chipper little bouncy ball. And you have visited us often enough as well. It’s so freaking adorable when she gets into another tiff with Spike. To be honest, it helps a lot that she likes to listen to my pointless stories…”

Derpy extended her wing with surprising speed and gave me a good, solid shove. I almost tumbled to the wayside. A startled yelp later, with my heart racing, I stared at her with big, wide eyes. “What was that for?” I whined.

“They aren’t pointless,” she insisted. “They are good stories. And she likes them. And she likes you. She looks up to you. You’re maybe the closest thing she ever had to a dad.”

For some reason, that made me blush furiously. “She’s a great filly,” I weakly mumbled, unsure what to say.

And Derpy just smiled. The sky was blue, the grass was green, water was wet and Derpy was happy. Everything was as it was meant to be. “You know, one day, you’ll make a very lucky mare even happier by being a very caring dad.”

“I’m just… uh… I don’t… can we maybe… I don’t know what to say to that,” I admitted after some embarrassing fumbling for words. I could feel my cheeks burning. Even my ears were hot at this point.

She giggled. “A ‘thank you’ will be enough.”

“Thank you,” I mumbled, still embarrassed, but also… proud? Maybe? I could hardly tell Derpy that, when she and her daughter were around, it almost felt like a family. Like some exercise with training wheels, because Dinky was already past the early years and in a phase where she maybe searched, maybe needed some stallion to jump in and be a role model.

It always felt nice until I started thinking about it, at which point it started to feel weird. I did not know how to handle that, so I usually just opted to avoid thinking about it too hard instead. Or at all.

“I will tell her you missed her, hm?” Derpy offered with a wink.

“Thank you.”

We had cleared Ponyville’s city proper and were walking along rarely used trails just outside of town. Gently sloping hills, a lot of grass, the occasional lone tree breaking up the monotonous if beautiful landscape. I had visited Canterlot enough times by now to know that this was something harder to come by when living in a city. An actual city, not just a rural farming village. While nature was far from ‘untamed’ in these regions just outside town, it was still more nature than one would get from taking a stroll outside of Canterlot. Because quite frankly, outside of Canterlot there wasn't much of interest. The downside of a city built on the side of a mountain: There was a lot of rock to stare at. Though Shining Armor had insisted that it was great for hiking...

I had heard from my friends that other cities like Manehattan were a little bit more complex, less one-note. Densely built city blocks reaching several, if not dozens of stories upwards with streets connecting everything like veins. Hectic traffic and loads of ponies. But it was broken up by parks. Some of them were as ‘wild’ as ponies dared to let them become. And outside the city proper, the ‘suburbs’ were less densely packed. Smaller houses, grassy areas, more trees. And beyond even that? Maybe it looked familiar beyond that. Familiar to this field we were strolling through right now. Maybe.

Quite frankly, I had no interest in finding out. Ever. I cared not for city life, or the city itself. Any city, really, including Canterlot. If home truly was where the heart was, then my home was with my friends, my marefriend, and in Ponyville.

“You had a rough night?” Derpy ventured a guess after we had been walking for a while.

It snapped me right back out of my reverie. “Hm? Oh. Eh… yeah. Sorry. I was a bit cranky, wasn’t I?”

She just shrugged it off. “Don’t worry, it wasn’t all that bad. You just looked a little agitated.”

Did I? How strange. Neither Twilight nor Spike had mentioned anything. “Well… we had a rough night, yeah. A lot of nightmares. Some of which got surprisingly snappy. At some point, I joked about it being connected to moon phases, hence the ‘lunacy’ of it all.”

Even Derpy grimaced at that. I had bucked up that hard. “Ouch,” she commented.

And I just admitted to it with a nod. “Yeah, it was… it wasn’t exactly one of my smarter moments. We got past that quickly once I sincerely apologized, but the night just wore on and on and it wouldn’t stop.” That actually made me think. I obviously did not know every pony in Equestria. Far from it. Most of the time, when we helped a dreamer out, I didn't even notice much about him beyond what was necessary to help. Names, for example, often weren’t. But had I ever entered Derpy’s dreams? I would remember that, I liked to believe. She was one of my close friends, after all. But no. As far as I could remember, I never had. How strange. “Say, did you have nightmares last night?”

The question was innocent enough. Especially given the context. And yet she suddenly blushed a little and her giggle decidedly did not sound innocent at all. “No, no nightmares, no siree!”

That elicited a chuckle from me. “Uh-huh. You had fun, then?”

She grinned a little and with a twinkle in her eyes, looked over at me. “We had, yupp.”

It took a couple of seconds before the implications really sank in. After being friends with her for a couple of years, her open-mindedness really should not surprise me any longer, and yet I felt my cheeks heat up again. It was even weirder, given that I was patrolling the dreamscape with Luna. When guarding ponies dreams, one inevitably learned a lot about their wishes, fears and aspirations. Because dreams were usually unguarded, honest and open. A pony might lust after her best friend’s decidedly straight and decidedly married wife. It would affect her dreams time and time again. And we saw. A pony might steal from his employer out of necessity and feel guilty and ashamed about it. He dreamed, and we saw.

Luna had been doing this for millennia. Rare was the occasion that something she saw in a dream truly surprised her. Sometimes, she got intrigued. But surprised? No.

I had not been peeking into other ponies' most private parts of their minds for nearly that long and even I sometimes felt like there should have been a certain edge to what I was witnessing, but it was dulled, blunted. Maybe this was different because it involved me. If so, it was not likely that this would ever change then. Luna was a public figure. She had seen herself get beheaded by those that despised her for whatever reason. She had seen herself get railed by her entire night guard for that apparently was a fantasy for some ponies. She had seen ponies fret over their attempts to court her, but never did they muster the courage to follow through. She had seen a lot in regards to her own person.

I, on the other hoof, was a nobody. The press sometimes tried to bother me because of my relationship with Celestia, but these days, they rarely made an effort to come all the way out to Ponyville only to be sent right back home. Especially since I had gotten media training and just did not give them anything to work with. And Ponyvillians, well, they were a dedicated, committed lot. We had our own newspaper, sure. But in a town this small, where everypony basically knew everypony, their writers would not dare.

So I was a nobody. And I would remain as such. And I would not have it any other way.

That of course meant that I would only show up in dreams of my friends. It had happened a couple of times and always felt weird. At some point, Rainbow had apparently feared I would be a decent rival when it came to fighting over Applejack’s love. To this very day, I had no idea how that thought had manifested in her mind in the first place. When working with dreams, discretion was the be-all and the end-all. I never had said a single word about this dream. And it ceased to return after a week or so.

With Derpy admitting to dream about me, that still felt different. I have had my suspicions that she liked me, but she never acted on it. And neither did I, of course. She was a lovely mare, and quite lovely to look at too, but that certainly was not meant to be.

“Enjoying the view?” she asked with a soft giggle and shook her behind a little.

Aaand I heated right back up and quickly tore my gaze away. “Sorry, sorry, that was… wow, that was rude.”

“It’s okay. It’s nice being admired sometimes,” she replied.

I furrowed my brow. There had actually been something I never really looked into. “Why me, though?” I asked. “There’s a lot of fine stallions in Ponyville. Even more fine mares, depending on your tastes.”

She giggled again and nodded. “I know. Well… you’re very sweet. And you’ve been nice to me.”

That most certainly did not help make this any less confusing. “Derpy, half the town adores you, and is nice to you.”

She grinned and her blush deepened. “I know.”

Oh boy.

So apparently… she was dreaming about half the town then. I most certainly should not investigate that any further. “Right, so… hm… right.” Eloquence.

“You’re not upset with me, are you?” And just like that, she sounded worried.

And just like that, I felt like I had kicked a puppy. Sheesh, how did she do that? “No! No, no, no. I’m not. I mean, it’s just a dream, you can’t really control it anyway. If anything, I’m flattered.” I truly was.

But Derpy slowed our little stroll down even further and we were now basically crawling on the trail at a snail’s pace. I did not mind, it was a beautiful day with a warm sun countered by a soft, fresh breeze. She looked at me in confusion. “What do you mean, ‘I can’t control it’? Am I not allowed to? Did I do something wrong?”

“What? No, that’s not what I meant, I—… what?” My confusion only piled higher. “So, wait. You're saying that you decided to dream about us doing… whatever we did?”

A faint blush returned to her face, but her smile remained unbroken. “Mhm.”

Riiight. That did change things. Did it? What things? And how? Goodness gracious, I was not sure what to think anymore. I obviously knew that lucid dreamers existed. Pinkie was one. She occasionally became aware of the nature of her dream and started to play around with it. That could be a good thing in a way, because lucid dreamers rarely fell prey to nightmares. But they were a rarity. Not rare enough that it was unlikely for Derpy to be one as well though. However, my interest was piqued. “So… what did we do?” I asked her.

That tint in her cheeks became a little more pronounced and she grinned knowingly. “Do you really want to know that?”

It only took me a second or so to realize. “Ooon second thought,” I replied and we both shared a laugh. To push past any potential awkwardness, I sidled up to her and hugged her for a moment before I pulled back to a more appropriate distance. “I’m just surprised. Lucid dreamers are rare, you know?”

“Oh, so I’m ‘special’ now, huh?” she teased and again and we shared a little laugh. “So you mean… not everypony can control their dreams?”

I furrowed my brow and looked at her for a moment. She seemed genuinely surprised about that. “Have you never talked to other ponies about their dreams?” It was hard to imagine. Something like this would eventually come up in casual conversation or smalltalk, would it not?

“Well, I know what I do in my dreams. I just thought it would be… you know… inappropriate to ask,” she answered.

For a brief moment, I was almost disturbed. Somehow, in my head, Derpy was this sweet, innocent mare. And she was, she truly, really was. But Dinky was not exactly the result of mitosis, was she? Derpy had never struck me as a sultry mare. I had never noticed her flirting with anypony. She did not emphasize parts of her body with makeup, dresses, accessories or certain ways of walking or flying.

Yet here she was, sweet, innocent Derpy, telling me about her apparently rather lewd and varied dreams. In a way, it was funny. And I was quietly chuckling about it for a moment. But something about her phrasing bugged me, kept me on topic. To be fair – she did not seem all that bothered about that. “So you fantasize about me. And others. With full control.”

It was more of a statement than an actual question. More importantly, it was a repetition of what we already had established. “Yes. I mean… as long as you don’t act on your fantasies in any way that can hurt anypony, you should be fine, right? As long as you keep that in mind, there is no wrong way to fantasize.”

That was actually a pretty smart maxim.

It became apparent that she had thought about this extensively over the years. “You know,” I piped up with a wide smile, “some ponies don’t give you enough credit for how smart you are.”

“Thank you!” she merrily replied. “So you don’t mind?”

I listened to the myriad of inner voices, but found none that objected. So I shook my head. “No. Whatever happens in your head is in your head - you’re right: It’s private. I’m just surprised by the amount of control you seem to have. Do you control every dream you have?”

She smiled in relief and we picked up the pace a little. “Well… no. I do these days, but it was different when I was a lot younger.”

“Filly-Derpy was probably as cute as a button,” I surmised with a smile. “Maybe cuter as Dinky?” I teased.

She immediately puffed her cheeks out. “You take that back! Nopony is cuter than Dinky!”

After jabbing me with a hoof a couple of times and almost losing her footing because of it, we laughed about our antics. And yet. That nagging feeling was still present in the back of my mind. It was not overly intrusive, it was just there. By now, we had made it halfway around Ponyville, with plenty of time remaining for us to frolic around if we so desired. “You don’t happen to know when that started, do you? The lucid dreams, I mean.”

“Oh, that was when I first got my cutie mark!” she happily replied.

And my jaw figuratively hit the floor.

A couple of seconds after I abruptly stopped, she noticed me missing by her side, so she doubled back. “Is everything alright?”

“I… you just said… wait.” I had to take a deep breath to compose myself. “I’m about to be awfully rude again, and I wanted to apologize beforehoof.” With a less than innocent grin, she turned a little and showed me her rump. “T-Thanks.” And I took my time. Her soft, light gray coat made it difficult to make out her cutie mark in all that bright sunshine, seeing as it was just a bunch of bubbles of varying sizes, colored in even lighter gray. I knew that there was an interesting interaction with water, which made her coat look darker while her cutie mark for some reason looked even lighter, almost whitish.

An assortment of bubbles.

“Derpy, what do you think your cutie mark means?” I asked, my voice maybe a little bit more tense than it really needed to be.

“I don’t know,” she shrugged in response and without any hesitation or care.

“You don’t know?”

“No. I mean… I initially thought I might be the queen of bubble baths,” she started to explain with an amused giggle. “Because I had taken one for hours and I love bubble baths and the next day, tadaaa, cutie mark. But as I grew older, I realized that couldn’t really be it, right? But honestly, I don’t really care all that much. As a filly, I was a little appalled by how so many fillies and colts treated each other because of their cutie marks – or because of them missing one. All that name-calling seemed so unnecessarily callous. Don’t get me wrong, it was still a nice party, I loved all the presents and that my friends were there. But at the end of the day, it was just a cutie mark, you know?” She suddenly grew increasingly self-aware and looked around in all directions and even deemed it necessary to lower her volume when she added, “Please don’t tell the Cutie Mark Crusaders. They can get pretty scary when it comes to that.”

I quietly laughed but reassured her with a nod. “They won’t hear a word from me,” I promised her. The sudden revelation was still incredible and my mind was still reeling from it, but Derpy was just so charming that I could not help but grin from ear to ear. I needed a little while to sort myself out. We just stood in the middle of nowhere, but she did not seem to mind much. At one point, she even lowered her head to the ground and grazed for a little bit. The outrage such a behavior would have caused in Canterlot! Feral ponies! Barbarians! Those backwater hillbillies! It made me smile, seeing her enjoy the day without a care in the world.

“I have a proposal for you,” I finally spoke up again and immediately regained her attention.

Her eyes lit up, but only seconds later, she became increasingly confused. “Don’t you want to propose to your marefriend first?”

And once more, she had successfully flabbergasted me again. She really did have a knack for that. “I… uh… not that kind of proposal,” I corrected, while my mind mostly raced around that ‘first’. But I chose to ignore that for now.

“Oh, phew, that’s good. It would have been awkward otherwise,” she explained with a grin.

“Although I presume my proposal will still sound… eh… it could easily be misunderstood,” I continued and waggled my eyebrows, just because the entire situation did not feel ridiculous enough yet. I had maneuvered myself into embarrassing situations over and over again over the years. Especially in the beginning. This time, I did not actually mind the prospect all that much. Because it could be funny, and she would not mind, and we could talk it out if necessary. There were no real consequences to be feared and that helped me to be a lot more easy-going with her.

“That sounds promising then! Tell me!” she demanded.

I shook my head. What a mare. “Let’s walk, shall we?” We continued our stroll around Ponyville at a brisker pace than before. After all, we did intend to reach our goal at some point. “So, I would like for you to invite me to your home,” I started with a small grin, trying to hide how much I enjoyed this banter.

“Mhm. Consider it done!” she answered with a wide smile, “Dreamwalker, would you like to come with me? To my place? Maybe for a coffee?” Her face lit up and she stuck out her tongue. I had no idea why, but it made me laugh. She was adorable.

I stifled my laughter and shook my head once more. “I’m not the coffee-type, you know that.”

Her smile grew into a grin as well. “Oh, right. But don’t worry, I have tea as well. And juice. Really good juice. And probably some other treats and sweets you could be interested in. Or we just leave the coffee out entirely and get right to the sweets instead.”

At this point, I had to fight hard not to break out laughing. Again. She was trying hard, and it was just so incredibly endearing. Her flirting was more funny than actually seductive, but it promised a good time nonetheless. At this point, the only reasonable explanation why she was still single was that she wanted to be. “Well, that’s a very kind offer. I’d love to get very familiar with all your juices and sweets,” I managed half-chuckling about the corniness of it all. “And after that, I’d love to sleep with you.”

She blushed heavily and giggled like a love-drunken filly. It was adorable. “That sounds like a lovely evening then. Can we go?”

Without a second thought, I nodded and steered straight towards Ponyville. That surprised her. And I laughed merrily while she tried to catch up to me, seeing as I had started to trot. “Wait, for real?” she asked in utter confusion once she was almost at my side. “What are we going to do?”

I smiled, but did not slow down. Quite contrary – now that she was with me, I was eager to test this out and therefore sped up a little more. “Well I told you it would sound suggestive. I do want to sleep with you, just not like that. But I need to stay close to you to cast my spell, and we should make ourselves comfortable, so I would suggest either your bed or your living room couch.”

“Bed,” she immediately answered. Almost hastily. I looked over to confirm my suspicions that indeed, she seemed quite eager herself. Maybe something she would use for her fantasies – I decided not to pry.

Derpy was in the bathroom, preparing herself for an impromptu afternoon nap and I sat on her bed and tried not to get nervous about this. My mind wandered just as much as my gaze. It was a nice bed. Soft, cozy, spacious… for one pony. It would be a snug fit for the two of us. I doubted that she minded much. I did not mind myself. A shelf with some literature above the headboard. I was vaguely familiar with those titles from Twilight’s library. Novels. Mystery, romance, and one that stuck out from the rest, being about high science fiction. Some paraphernalia scattered about. Framed pictures of – and from – Dinky on the walls. The color scheme was a little more pinkish than I had expected. I had never been in this room before, there just had been no reason to enter. It was lovely.

I could hear the faucet being turned off, but the door remained closed.

The implications of my discovery were huge. I needed to confirm them first, of course, but goodness gracious, if this actually were to work out…

Being ‘special’ was all nice and good. For a while. Until it stopped being all sunshine and rainbows and started to become a burden that, because you’re so ‘special’, weighs you down. I have had my fair share of being ‘special’ and the nights started to become stressful. In my mind, a decision had been made the moment the possibility arose: I could remain special enough with some support, I did not insist on being unique.

I heard the bathroom door’s lock click.

But first, the confirmation.

When Derpy entered her bedroom, she actually did not look any different than before – at least as far as I could tell. There was this saying about stallions' attention spans and how they always missed oh so important details, but I liked to believe I was at least halfway decently observant. Well, at least she did not ask me ‘how do I look’ or something cliché like that. Instead, she just walked over and sat on the bed, right beside me.

“I’m a little nervous,” she said.

I could not help but chuckle. “Don’t worry, it’s just me. Nothing’s going to happen, okay?”

“I know, I know, it’s just… it has been ages since I last shared my bed with anypony. Well aside from Dinky, that is.” She did seem a little uncertain at least, if not a smidge uncomfortable. And as long as I had to say anything about that, this would not do.

“Alright, tell me – how can I help?” I asked. “I mean to make you more comfortable. You could… uh… I don’t know… wear pajamas or something, if you have stuff like that?” Most ponies considered clothing unnecessary. Especially in Ponyville. That did not mean that none were bought though. I knew for a fact that Lyra, always the weird, albeit lovely one, wore clothes when sleeping.

“I don’t have that kind of clothes,” Derpy replied with a smile.

I did not pick up on the hint and just furrowed my brow. “Well if it makes you feel more comfortable, you can wear whatever you want. It’s your house after all and I’m basically on a raid here.”

I was a little confused when she suddenly started to giggle. She stood back up again and moved over to one of her dressers, opening the upper drawer and gesturing for me to take a look. So I followed her, looked in and immediately blushed. Satin, silk, lace, and some beautifully crafted socks that drew my gaze to them.

I decided to look anywhere but in that drawer.

“Are you still sure that I can wear whatever I feel like?” she teased with a hearty laugh.

“Ah, well… m-maybe not that. Any of that.” She nodded, still grinning wildly, and closed the drawer. “So… that explains why you own clothes and I’ve never seen any on you…”

“I like to wear them,” she nonchalantly said. “They make me feel beautiful.”

Her statement simply baffled me for a good moment. “Come on! You are beautiful, Derpy.”

She smiled at me, leaned against me for a brief moment and nuzzled my neck. “Thank you, that’s very kind of you to say.”

I tried to distract myself from how nice that felt by puzzling over that drawer. “So… the lower drawer…?” I started barely above a whisper, eyeing that dresser with caution.

“Toys,” she just bluntly admitted.

“Thought so.” Well. I just had to ask, didn’t I? I tried to come up with another topic, any other topic, but it was difficult, as my thoughts got jumbled.

Before I could actually find a way out of this ditch, Derpy sighed. “Alright. I think I’m ready now.”

“Just like that?” I asked curiously.

“Mhm. I just needed to calm down a little. It’s really easy with you. You have a calming aura.” I did?

She turned around and lay down, waiting for me to follow. As expected, the bed was spacious for one pony, but a considerably tighter fit for two. So I scooched closer to her until my belly made contact with her back. She had a penchant for large pillows, which was great in our current situation, as it would be enough for both of us. With Dinky probably returning for dinner, we had at least a couple of hours' time. I doubted we would need that much. “You good? Everything settled?” I asked.

“Can you hug me?” she asked right back and without hesitation, I embraced her. One deep, happy sigh later, she nodded. “Ready.”

My horn lit up and I brought us away from this waking world.

“Well that’s just awkward,” I commented with a chuckle and inspected myself. Or rather, the version of myself that existed in Derpy’s dream. “Is he… larger than me?” I asked, standing right in front of him. At this point, I was used to dream figments blankly staring ahead without blinking when they got no input from the dreamer’s subconscious. The mind usually just dissolved unneeded assets, but sometimes they remained as background dressing.

Derpy rose from her bed and smiled a little sheepishly. “Maybe a little bit.”

“Would you like me to be bigger then?” I asked without any judgment.

She nodded. “If you were my lover, I’d very much like that, yes.”

For a moment, curiosity tried to run rampant and make me look between his hindlegs, but there would be little to see at the moment, this fantasy apparently being put on hold and all. “I’m not even going to question what I’m wearing,” I mused aloud while I looked at a strange contraption of rope and rubber.

“That is for—“ she started and I immediately interrupted.

“And you’re not going to tell me either,” I insisted with an awkward, quiet chuckle.

“Sorry. It’s just really exciting. I don’t normally get to share this with a real pony,” she replied. "Do you want to see Twilight? She's in that closet over there."

I was so surprised to hear that, I forgot to think before speaking again. "Why is Twilight here...?" I had seen her upper drawer. I knew what Twilight could be wearing, and it was hard to get these images out of my head.

Derpy grinned with a deep blush coloring her cheeks. "I like to watch sometimes. Before we move on to—"

"Right, riiight, got it," I quickly interrupted again and chuckled. Her enthusiasm was infectious, I had to give her that. Looking around the room, I noticed how strangely familiar it looked. Almost identical to her regular bedroom. “You know, I’m getting mixed signals here. On one hoof, you have me wearing that thing, but on the other hoof, your bedroom doesn’t seem all that different.”

“Oh, it’s just a scene,” she answered with an almost dreamy gaze that made me wonder. “For the more intimate fantasies.”

My eyes drifted towards the closet she had pointed out. “The ones where I – or somepony else – don’t just rut your brains out?” I joked. And of course, she just nodded enthusiastically, with a wide smile on her lips. I found it surprisingly easy to fabricate a story about why Twilight would be hiding in her closet while I walked around with that thing strapped to my hips. Right. Time to change the topic. “I have to admit, I’m a little confused though. I know my spell. Heck, by now, I can cast it in my sleep. Literally. Spike tried to wake me up early on Twilight's last birthday. He wanted me to help him with breakfast preparations. It was his first dreamwalk. It was quite chaotic. That day was. But hilariously so.” I looked around, lifted a hoof and carefully placed it in the air. At least that was what Derpy saw anyway. I prodded the dream bubble and confirmed that we were, in fact, inside her dream. Which was fine and obvious and still made no sense. When I used my spell, we should have landed on the dreamscape itself. Outside of any dreams. Something had redirected our arrival.

My eyes drifted over to Derpy. Or somepony. “Alright, fine, whatever. I can work with this. Mind coming over?” I asked her. Derpy stood up, sidled up to me and even dared to put a wing over my back. The audacity. I just smiled at her and gave her a wink. It was fine, really, she was not breaking any boundaries. I took note that her wing, while it still felt nice, was decidedly different from Celestia's, Twilight's, or even Luna's. For one, it was a lot smaller. But there was something else I could not quite put to words. It seemed a little bit rougher. Firmer. Maybe because she used them a lot more?

I shook my head, refocused my attention on the task at hoof and, with our bodies being in touch, carefully pushed forward. There was a surprising amount of resistance. As if the dream was not willing to let us go. “Derpy? I want to show you something, but we need to leave your dream for a while for that. Is that okay with you?”

“Oh, yes, of course!” she answered, and yet, the resistance remained on almost the same level as before. Almost as if it was neither her consciousness, nor her subconsciousness that tried to trap us in here. I was not aware of other forces that might be responsible though. Even dreamscape creatures did not do stuff like this. Maybe they could, but why would they?

Finally, after an unexpectedly long while, the dream relented and gave us free.

We both tumbled onto the dreamscape. “Are you okay?” I quickly asked. But Derpy did not answer. She instead stared in awe and wonder. And I just grinned. I watched her closely. I wanted to remember every moment of this. It had become quite precious to me, seeing somepony react to the dreamscape for the first time.

“This is what you get to see every night?” she asked almost breathlessly.

I proudly puffed my chest out, even though I basically did nothing to justify this sudden pride. This was Luna's handiwork, after all. “Mhm!”

“It’s incredible… it’s so… beautiful…” I silently snickered a little. It really was a sight to behold. One that defied attempts to describe it, so it had become a little funny to me that most ponies, upon seeing this, resorted to the same or at least similar phrases and descriptions.

“Uh, pretty!” she suddenly exclaimed and almost jumped to her hooves.

It startled me a little, if I was honest. I followed her gaze and noticed how decidedly odd the dreams around us had started to behave. I knew the dreamscape. I had been here for years. Patrolling it alongside Luna. Ensuring the safety of everypony. Everycreature, actually.

Dreams were like soap bubbles. Always moving about in a lazy dance. Bouncing off each other like magnets repelling one another. There was no haste in their movement. Dreams whose dreamers were awake were gray and even more lazy, while active dreams were colorful displays, shimmering and twirling about.

The dreams around us shimmered with a variety of colors. All of them did. Even those with a core of lazy gray at their center. And they hummed. Like wind chimes. Soft melodies, carried by ethereal winds. Different melodies and rhythms. They clearly reacted to something. In a way I had never seen before.

“Wow,” I quietly breathed, now myself fascinated by this spectacle.

“They are singing,” she excitedly commented.

“They are,” I agreed. “They sing for you.”

“For me?”

“I believe so, yes.”

She turned her attention to those dreams surrounding us. I meanwhile noticed how the effect she had on those dreams seemed to be localized. There was a certain radius of effect to this, whatever ‘this’ actually was.

“Ohhh,” she quietly whispered. “I understand.”

“Wait – you do? Tell me. Please.” I tried to be cautious. The dreamscape was not as safe as I had believed for a time. And with the recently increased nightmare activity, I was doubly cautious. I certainly did not want to risk any chance encounters. But my curiosity was burning.

“They try to tell me,” she answered and pointed a hoof at one bubble floating nearby, humming in a quick drumbeat rhythm. “This one is sad, because he got rejected.”

“Rejected? From what? By whom?” I asked.

Derpy listened, but ultimately shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s just repeating. And it’s hard to make out with all the other ones being around.” Derpy fell silent for a moment. “Dreamwalker?”

“Hm?” I absentmindedly replied.

“What does this mean?” she asked with some hesitation.

And that tone of voice was enough to stir something in me. Whatever had occupied my thoughts was shoved aside. I could not, dared not to allow her to question whether this was good or not. “It means something absolutely incredible. It means that both Luna and I might have been idiots for a couple of years. But I don’t think we can be blamed, really. It means you have dream magic, Derpy.”

“A-And that means…?” she asked, still wary.

Well. That was a good question, was it not? I sighed. “I’m honestly not quite sure. First of all, it means that I’m not unique anymore. Don’t get me wrong, that’s not a bad thing. It means that there are, or at least might be, other ponies out there, possessing dream magic as well. Luna has been keeping watch over the dreamscape and all our ponies – and other creatures – for millennia. She fought hard battles to keep everyone safe and sound. But Equestria has grown considerably. We are entering a time of peace and prosperity. Never before have so many nations agreed to shake hands, hooves, claws and whatever else appendages are present. The griffons might bemoan this peace, but they are busy bees, rebuilding their old glory days. The dragons might grumble under their breath, but trade has enriched their lives already. For centuries, nations have grown. Populations have increased. And the dreamscape is getting fuller. More dreams for Luna to guard. More dreamscape creatures to battle. More nightmares to keep in check. After her return, the task seemed almost too daunting to take up again, but she remained steadfast. When my talent became clear, she had me train to become part of the night guard. And now I help her out as much as I can, but… we talked about this when we started our stroll. It’s a lot to do. She’s pushing overtime every other day, figuratively speaking, and it still isn’t enough. We just… we never thought about this. We never considered that in this day and age, other ponies might be born with access to dream magic. Considering temporary theories about cutie mark distribution, it makes sense. In retrospect, it makes perfect sense. More work in the dreamscape would be balanced by more of those who are capable of actually doing that work.”

Maybe I had been getting a little bit too excited. I was breathing heavily, despite no need for air in the first place. My mind was yet again reeling with the possibilities. And Derpy remained silent for a while, before she spoke up again in an alarmingly grave tone. “So that means… I’m not the queen of bubble baths?”

It was silly.

She was being silly.

And my laughter echoed far and wide, as she unexpectedly cracked me up. It took a while for me to calm down enough to hug her. Tightly. “Thank you,” I whispered in her ear before I pulled back and kissed her. Straight on. I was not thinking straight. I doubted I was thinking at all, at that moment. It was a spur of the moment action and luckily, I did not do anything I would need to regret later. Anything else, that is. It was more of a chaste kiss, born from delight and relief.

We were not alone anymore.

Help was underway. Maybe.

“Do I have to give up my job now?” she asked after a while. “To become a night guard? Like you?”

There it was again. This uncertainty that I did not like at all. But I fully understood what her predicament was. She loved her life, just the way it was right now. She loved Ponyville, she loved Dinky, she loved her job as a mailmare. “I’m not sure,” I replied, sticking as close to honesty as I could manage. “There’s a lot that needs to be researched first. The reason I needed to be trained as a guard was because I could enter the dreamscape at will and meddled in it too much to be ignored. I endangered others, and myself, by simply knowing too little about the forces at work. You, on the other hoof, have never even left your dream before. And judging by the way your dream tried to hold us in, I’m not even sure if you can leave your dream without help. Or proper training, that is. And lastly, I can’t imagine Luna would force you to do that. Not if you don’t endanger anypony – which you don’t. So there’s that.” I was quite relieved to see that my words helped to put her mind at ease again. Still. The idea of running around with Derpy in here was a nice fantasy. “It would be an option though,” I teased with a grin. “You’d look really good in armor, I bet.”

And now I had made her laugh. It was only fair. “And you would like that?”

“Can you keep a secret?” I answered with a wide grin, not even waiting for her reply. “There’s a lot to be admired about Luna's body. But she looks hottest, by far, with her entire battle armor on.” And true to my words, the thought of her swinging around that massive, silvery scythe made me shudder for reasons not connected to danger or fear. Then again, maybe ‘danger’ did play a little role in this after all? Looking back at who I had been infatuated with over the years, there was suddenly this red line running through. Celestia? Luna? Twilight? Heck, even Applejack could crush my ribs with a less careful love tab from her powerful hindlegs. Then again, where did that leave Pinkie and Fluttershy?

The stare and the cannon. Pardon – cannons. Stashed all over Equestria for emergency villain fights.

Right.

Derpy meanwhile giggled a little, apparently quite enjoying a mental image or other. “You know, I suspected something like that. What about Princess Celestia?”

I blinked and then my brow furrowed. “Nah,” I shook my head after only a brief moment of consideration. “I know that, back in the olden days, she stood beside Luna on the battlefield if there needed to be a battlefield. I even saw her armor once. All golden and shiny. But those days are long past, I think. She can be strong and firm if need be, but I prefer her to be soft. Caring. Vulnerable. And she’s one heck of a prankster. I thought Luna was bad, but goodness gracious, let me tell you otherwise. Luna, compared to her sister, is straightforward. She pranks you and you immediately know it. With Sunny, it can take weeks before you even realize. And Twilight is on a whole different level, she’s really just—Wait, I’m totally getting off-track here.”

Derpy laughed again and thereby broke her suspiciously innocent smile. “Oh, that’s fine, really. I love to listen.”

“Uh-huh. Yeah, no, nice try though,” I retorted with a grin. “Come on, we should probably wake up.”

She grimaced, but nodded anyway, so I once more charged my horn and brought us back to the waking world.

“That was fun,” I proclaimed quietly. A second later, the scent of her shampoo hit my nose. Some fruity mixture. It was quite nice. Seeing as we were basically cuddling in the afternoon, we had opted to nap without a blanket and yet, I could still feel my back being considerably cooler than my front. Almost made me wish for that blanket to cover us. Almost. “I need to head back to the castle. Twilight will be thrilled to hear of this. Maybe she can draft up a new spell, to find other ponies capable of dream magic. Sweet Celestia, she’ll be so glad. Luna was overworking herself and being stubborn about it. Maybe now she has the necessary lift to get her to stop and listen. And Spike! Spike could send her a letter as soon as I’m back. Just a couple of words, the research obviously needs to take place later. Hm. Research. Good point actually. Derpy, would you be willing to help us find out more about this?” Silence. “… Derpy?” As she remained silent, I tried to lift my hoof, pulling away from the embrace in which I was still holding her. That finally elicited a reaction.

“I’m pretending to be asleep,” she admitted and pulled my hoof back down.

I chuckled a little bit. “I noticed. Thing is though, I’m pretty sure that I know how my spell works. Meaning I know you are awake, because I am awake.”

“Maybe you aren’t awake, then?” she retorted. “Maybe this is a dream within a dream?”

I quietly laughed. “Please, no mind games. They always mess me up so badly.”

“This feels really nice,” she answered with a soft voice that suddenly sounded a lot more vulnerable. “And I feel like I might have needed that for a while? Would it be alright if we remained like this for a while longer?”

I gave a soft snort and pressed myself against her, tightening the embrace. “Sure.”

She sighed, and we fell silent again.

Maybe half an hour later or so, she was willing to let go of me. I had not been sure if she did not just doze off up to the point where she patted my hoof and merrily proclaimed this to be enough now. Oh how I envied her carefree nature at times.

We both stood up and looked at each other. “Your coat is ruffled,” she informed me with a smile.

“Your mane is a mess,” I replied with a grin. “A pretty mess, but a mess.”

She ran a single hoof through her mane once. It unsurprisingly did basically nothing. But that was fine — she was at home. “You are always welcome to come back and mess my mane up some more,” she let me know with a smirk.

I chuckled. “Right. I’ll keep that in mind. It is a nice mane to mess up, after all. Try that with Celestia’s mane, it’s just not the same. Ethereal thing keeps sorting itself out after a while.”

We made our way to the bedroom door and opened it the very same moment Dinky raised a hoof to knock.

She stared at us.

We stared at her.

We stared at each other.

Ruffled coat, messed up mane.

We stared back at her, and her eyes lit up in delight.

Oh boy.

Day 2,204: A (Ful-)Filling Night

Author's Note

This is the first time I feel a heads-up is required. This chapter contains:
a) a lot of awkward sex,
b) gender transformation spells,
c) 'male' on male.
I know a lot of people don't like that, so feel free to skip this chapter, you won't lose out on much, I suppose. I did not feel like a single chapter required tags.

For everyone who's still here: Hi, thank you, and I hope you enjoy it.

Day 2,204: A (Ful-)Filling Night

Luna was bored and I was having none of that.

I was admittedly not quite as engrossed as I had initially been myself. The stage play trudged on like a brave little soldier, but by now, the story was lacking in several regards. It was a retelling of some of Luna's exploits before her banishment, which marked the play as one that had been crafted in recent years. There were multiple possible sources of course. Both Celestia and Luna had opened up a little about events prior to her banishment, talking to press or writers on the odd occasion. And Twilight had restored a large portion of the old library at the Castle of the Two Sisters, copying several tomes and thereby making them available to the general public – after revision by Celestia and Luna, obviously.

The title and description had sounded intriguing. But whoever had written the play was lacking in understanding of the material he was given – or inexperienced. I loved stories. Even those I already knew could be repeated with a new twist. Because stories were alive, they learned and evolved and taught different lessons depending on who was telling them and who was listening to them. Due to this, I was obviously heavily biased and yet even I struggled to keep my focus on the stage.

My gaze instead drifted to my right, taking in all the little details about my paramour. Even though it was one of our more fancy dates, we had decided against clothing. But Luna wore her regalia, of course, as well as several little accessories. A pair of earrings, shaped like a crescent moon. A thin silver necklace with a tiny pendant. The pendant was currently shaped to resemble my cutie mark, but it could be switched out. For Twilight’s, for example.

Her wing gave a little, restless twitch. A surefire sign that yet another little detail about the play annoyed her.

I grinned when I noticed her looking over at me. She did not mind me staring at her. She instead quietly sighed. “I was a patron of the arts once,” she bemoaned with a short side glance to the stage.

“I know,” I replied, my grin dimming down to a soft smile. “They called you ‘Matron of the Arts’, and for a while, you were the happiest mare you could be.”

“Have I told you this story before?” she asked and a cheeky smile spread on her muzzle.

I cringed just a little bit. I usually tried to keep to my own memories, instead of relying on those bestowed upon me by flashes. Luna did not quite share my opinion on the matter. While everypony else seemed quite content with my decision and supported me as much as they could, Luna seemed to feel a constant need to oppose those other ponies and play devil’s advocate. To be the voice of the ‘other side’, if nopony else was willing to do this. She challenged me, time and again. She argued in favor of accepting these memories of previous lives. Of using them, learning from them. And I was not willing to go into this discussion again. Not here, not now.

Eager to switch the topic, I looked over to the stage once more. We were using the special alcove that was always reserved for royalty. It gave us a lot more privacy, being higher up and warded against ponies looking in or hearing us talk. We kept quiet anyway, because that was just polite – and to be honest, neither of us knew how much volume those runes could cancel out.

“Are you bored?” I asked as my gaze returned to her.

She always preferred the more direct approach. Looking to the stage for a moment herself, she sighed. “I dread to admit it, but yes.”

I hummed to myself for a moment, thinking of possibilities to make this more entertaining for her. It was my date, after all, and she should not need to suffer through this just because of my poor choice of stage play. A devious idea crossed my mind and a smile tugged at my lips. “Judging by how the story progresses, I’d say we have another half an hour or so until it’s over?” I surmised.

She gave a nod. “That seems about r—“

She froze immediately as she felt my magic crawl over her dark blue coat. I scooched a little closer to her and leaned against her. I sent little tendrils of magic along her back, caressing her larger frame. Her wings both twitched this time, growing even more restless.

“What are you doing…?” she whispered.

“Apologizing for my poor choice,” I answered her before I tilted my head a little and kissed her neck.

She closed her eyes and sighed. “You are not at fault. Neither of us could have known how tedious this would turn out,” she insisted. Yet despite that, I could feel her enjoying the attention. Feeling a little more daring, I gave her skin a little nip. “You seem to feel quite adventurous,” she remarked with a side glance, accompanied by a grin. “Do keep in mind that we are still in public, however.”

I only briefly pulled back to take a look. The other alcoves were mostly empty and those that were not would have difficulties spotting me behind Luna. I grinned and the anticipation made my heart flutter a little. And my stomach, too – this was quite exciting. “All they can see is you, so keeping up a decent façade is a ‘you’-problem right now, kitten.” I closed the gap again and kissed her neck once more, following an invisible trail. “And right now, I think I like the idea of making you squirm a little,” I breathed into her ear. To even reach that, I had to stretch my neck a little, but it worked out just fine. Her ear flicked and a faint tint darkened her cheeks while she stoically stared down to the stage. That smile betrayed her though. I nosed forward along her back, a little lick here, a tender kiss there, the occasional nip in between, while my magic snaked along her form and stroked a couple of her more sensitive spots.

Spoken in a strict sense, our relationship was only a couple of months old. However, that statement disregarded years of friendship and the entirety of my memories gained from flashes. With Luna constantly arguing on behalf of those, I had no qualms about using them to know my way around her body. We had half an hour to go, and I used a couple of minutes to gently and ever so slowly heat her up. Her breathing had become a little heavier, her tail swished on the odd occasion, yet she kept staring down, as if she was still following the play.

I had quickly found out that Luna was a lot kinkier than Twilight or Celestia. Probably due in no small part to her constant dreamwalking. She loved to experiment, and I knew for a fact that the risk of being caught was thrilling to her. Truth be told, my heart was beating rapidly as well – this was quite a kick.

I had barely noticed my own arousal up to the moment her own horn started to glow and her magic wrapped itself around my member. I inhaled sharply and had to close my eyes for a moment to control myself. I managed not to moan due to the unexpected attention, but she slowly started stroking and I knew that, with my current state of mind, it would not take much anyway. I needed to wriggle my way out of this one and I quickly scanned our surroundings to find a suitable solution. “They see you, kitten,” I noted with a bemused grin.

Her magic stopped immediately and she looked around. A couple of ponies in the other alcoves had indeed spotted the glow of her magic. In a semi-dark room where the only light source was supposed to be on stage, her magic aura was quite visible. And I still had the luxury of being relatively hidden behind her.

Being smaller than your lover had its advantages.

I dared to go a step further than before and snuck a single, thin tendril down her back, beyond her tail and along her marehood. I stifled a chuckle as she took a sharp breath in and tensed up. While I varied the pressure on her nether regions, she quickly understood that a good part of my current amusement resulted from her somewhat helpless situation. Of course she could just tell me to stop – but she did not want to. However neither could she reciprocate at the moment. She was at my mercy and I had little intention to show her any.

“You are a cruel little dem—“ she started, but forcefully shut her mouth as I redirected the tendril to part her labia.

“Don’t call me ‘little’, kitten,” I quietly whispered, followed by a chuckle.

I heard that shuddering breath escape her throat. She once again stared ahead, down to the stage, supposedly following the play, but I knew better. She had to focus, she had to reinforce her self-control to play along with this amusing charade. And maybe, just maybe, I was enjoying myself a little bit too much. I had all the power, and she had none. I could do what I wanted, and she had to suffer the consequences no matter what. It was an illusion of course. The entire scenario was. But I dared to indulge a little.

"Now purr for me, little kitten," I murmured into her ear and pushed a tendril into her. She once more took a deep breath but resisted my request. “You are going to regret this audacity,” she quietly whispered with a strained, yet husky voice.

“Oh I sure hope so,” I replied with a smug grin. “Oh woe is me, whatever shall I do…? But until then, you’re mine.” The alcove had a railing of course. A nice paneling with impressive detailing, a flowery motive or something – I could not make it out all that well in this almost-darkness. The important part was: Nopony would see if I were to lower myself down.

A single hot breath exhaled onto her teat was enough to make her visibly shudder. “Careful kitten, you don’t want them to suspect anything, now do you?” I teased and before she could answer anything, I gave her sensitive spot a good, long lick.

A strangled sound escaped her lips and her hindleg gave a little twitch of its own. In the back of my head, a voice piped up: Maybe this was getting out of hoof? Maybe I was overdoing it? It was admittedly a very reasonable sounding voice. One immediately drowned out by another one joking that I would actually quite like overdoing her. I split a second tendril off. It wrapped around her tail at first, teasing her dock, before that one as well ventured lower and effortlessly pushed past her sphincter.

I was rewarded with a low moan this time and the sight of Luna actually needing to clasp a hoof over her mouth. She shot a glare down at me, wordlessly accusing me ‘how dare you’, but her eyes rolled back a little when I doubled my effort and let those tendrils wriggle around inside her while I simultaneously kissed her teat again. A little grunt followed and her hip involuntarily bucked. She was close.

We only had a couple more minutes to go, I knew that. The climax was over – the one on stage, at least – and I heard scraps of dialogue indicating loose story threads being tied up. She still tried to keep up the façade, but I noticed that it had become quite hard for her to do so. By now, she relied more on ponies being interested in the resolution of the play than her self-control. Her entire body language spoke of her need.

And I denied her.

A small part of me berated me for my unnecessary cruelty. Another one was still drunk from this power trip. And a third one cautiously tried to argue that edging was something that could make a climax more enjoyable, if done correctly. Seeing as I had never done this before, that probably did not bode well. Every time I noticed her hips bucking, a shiver running down her legs, her wings twitching that little bit more agitated, I slowed down, withdrew the tendrils, stopped my kisses and licks, only to start all over once she had calmed down a little bit. Just a little bit.

Her every breath was a carefully measured, controlled occurrence by now. Deep inhales, slow exhales. She obviously could do nothing about that deep dark tint in her cheeks and ears, but that would not be noticeable from other alcoves.

I shamelessly abused my powers for a little while longer, until I suddenly heard a lot of ponies clapping their hooves in applause. The audience, I realized, The play is over. Luna played her part marvelously until the bitter end, waiting patiently for the actors to all appear on stage, bowing to the audience, then bowing to their Princess in attendance. She replied with a curt nod and expressed her approval before she was finally allowed to close the curtains of the alcove.

An effortless swish of her magic swept my own spell away as soon as we were out of sight and Luna turned towards me dangerously slowly. There was an inferno raging in her eyes and while I backpedaled a little bit in a mixture of fear and anticipation, my heart was thumping away merrily and butterflies were fluttering in my stomach. “Oh you’re so in for it now,” she promised while stalking closer to me. Despite the threat, I still grinned rather smugly as I noticed the slight tremble in her legs.

“Lu?” I sheepishly squeaked out, suddenly becoming quite aware of the fact that we still did not know about the limitations of those sound proofing wards.

It mattered little, as it turned out. She towered over me, a fierce gaze directed down at me, and within a second, her magic wreathed her horn in a cobalt blue glow and we vanished, only to reappear in her chambers. That glow did not vanish. Her next spell grabbed me with as little effort as a foal needed to pick up a toy and she threw me onto her bed. “Oof. I know you like it rough, but—“

She wouldn't even let me jest a little. She was over me again in an instant. It took me a second to realize why I was confused by that. The teleportation and the little roughhousing had probably something to do with that. I was staring up at her teats. With a grin, I charged my horn and brushed my magic over them, delighting in that now unrestrained shudder that ran through her entire body.

“We are long past the point where you get to decide anything,” Luna growled.

I was not sure what she meant by that until her magic gripped my member again, only to raise it up from my belly and a second later, my magic faltered and faded. My concentration utterly broke the moment her mouth engulfed me. She did not waste time either, swallowing more and more with each second.

“Oh Lu-hnnng—…” Now I had to work. I had no idea how she fit it in, my head swam in euphoria, straight thoughts were basically impossible and I loved every second of it. I felt my blood rush down, the head of my length flare and heard her struggle to breathe for a second before she did… something? She withdrew, only to swallow it again, and I was in no shape to raise my head and take a look, no matter how much I wanted to. Only three or four repetitions later, the option was taken from me entirely as she arched her back and firmly placed her rump on my muzzle. I was delighted. I eagerly brushed my tongue over her clit and elicited a moan from her that in turn vibrated throughout my own body. My hooves found their way to her haunches and I pressed down on her cutie marks, kneading her rump.

With how much I had riled her up before, I was not surprised how quickly she came. However, I had not expected her to squirt in my face. For some reason, that made me laugh and a second later, I almost choked on the liquid. Seeing as I was still in no shape to use my magic, I just tilted my head to each side and rubbed it along the sheets, before relishing the opportunity to just dive straight back in as the tremors still wracked her.

I could not make her climax again before my attention was drawn away. The built-up had been fast and my self-control was barely able to hold on for just a little while longer. “Lu, I’m close,” I moaned. I was pretty sure she had heard, but she certainly did not stop. Quite to the contrary, she seemed to double down on her efforts, bobbing her head faster. Feeling that burning sensation build up, the pressure mounting fast, I embraced her rump with my hooves, pulled her down with every ounce of force I could spare and buried my muzzle straight in her marehood. I thrust my tongue as deep into her as I could manage. A fraction of a second later, I felt the first waves of my own orgasm hit me hard and fast. I came into her mouth – or throat? – and despite my efforts to be cautious, I could not stop my hip from jerking forward with each wave as I involuntarily tried to get even deeper. As soon as I regained even a modicum of self-control, I immediately resumed greedily licking away at her insides. A whine escaped my throat as she withdrew her mouth and the coolness of the surrounding air hit my receding member. A whine that she most certainly felt more than she heard it.

Another drawn-out moan from her drove me mad. “Don’t stop,” she haggardly groaned.

With her being the sole focus of my efforts again, I was free to use my magic once more. A tendril reappeared wrapped around her dock, slid lower and pushed past her sphincter once more. She cried out in pleasure and only a couple of seconds later, her legs trembled and gave out as another orgasm wrecked her body. She had the presence of mind to let herself fall to the side instead of on top of me. While she was still convulsing, I scooched closer, grabbed her rump once more and carefully licked along her labia, avoiding her clit at this point so as to not overstimulate her. I did extend her orgasm as long as I could manage though, and only when she finally rode out the last wave did I relinquish.

I tried to reposition myself. I initially planned on snuggling up to her, but I felt too exhausted right now and only managed to lay my head on top of her flank with an amused grin. It did feel like a nice spot to lay my head though. Her rump made for a fine, plush pillow.

“Phew,” was all I could manage for a couple of minutes. Even Luna remained silent for a good while, both of us just busy catching our breaths and calming down somewhat.

Her efforts were finished the moment she gave a deep, satisfied sigh. “That was a great date,” she teased with a quiet giggle.

I chimed in with a chuckle of my own. “Why thank you. Everything meticulously planned from the start.”

“Including how I dominated you just now?” she teased with a grin I could not see, but hear.

“Everything,” I insisted and gave her flank a lazy kiss. “You’re usually quite dominant anyway, so that’s not exactly a surprise.”

“You do make it rather easy,” she mused. “Though I must admit, that only makes it more thrilling when you do decide to flip the table on me…” We were silent for a minute or two once more, until she continued. “You do have a mean streak, though. I did not know that.”

I laughed a little. “Well, I mean… you compare me to Fluttershy at times, right? Has she ever told you about ‘new Fluttershy’? If not, you should ask her someday.”

Luna giggled in response. “It’s always the quiet ones you have to watch out for…”

“And the nerdy ones are the kinkiest,” I replied and cautiously gave her flank a little slap with a hoof. Just enough force to count as a love tap, not enough to actually make her yelp.

“Twilight would not dare to deny that,” Luna giggled.

“And why would that be, hm?” I retorted. “Because she is the kinky one, or because she knows you?”

“Why not ask her yourself?” Luna offered.

“You know how she is,” I answered with a fond smile. “She gets all embarrassed and blushes and starts to stammer in her attempts to explain things objectively.”

“You’re one to talk,” she teased.

I could not disagree. Even though I liked to believe that I had less ambition to explain anything objectively. That really was more of a Twilight-thing. “I love how easily she gets flustered. Teasing her is so much fun.”

“It is,” Luna agreed in an enamored tone. “She does this little whinny right before she climaxes. It is so endearing.”

I laughed at that and nodded. She could not see it, but maybe she could feel the movement of my head on her flank and interpret it correctly. I could not be bothered to explain it to her. I instead lingered on the topic a little more. Strangely enough, it was fun, in a way. Talking with Luna about Twilight, right after we had sex, had never felt awkward or weird or wrong. Then again, talking openly with Luna about anything was quite easy. “After she’s done, in her afterglow, she sometimes hums to herself. I don’t even think she’s aware of that.”

Luna giggled and without further notice, started to hum a melody herself. “Like that? And no, I do not think she realized just yet.”

While that grin was still plastered on my face, the melody she had hummed was strange. “Hm. Do you think she… wait. She hums the same melody every time with you, right?”

“Yes. Why?”

“Because mine’s different,” I revealed with a chuckle. “That’s curious. I mean we apparently have our own melodies in her head. It’s actually quite cute.”

“I wonder what she would hum if we were to both share a bed with her,” Luna mused with no small amount of playfulness in her voice. “Maybe the melody of the one that pushed her over the edge? Or a mixture of both melodies?”

Her train of thought gave me pause for a moment. It almost sounded like she had thought about this before. “Luna?”

“Hm?” she lazily replied.

“Have you ever considered a threesome with Twilight and me?” My curiosity was piqued.

She laughed quietly. “Of course I have. You did not?”

Twilight was easily flustered, despite her willingness to experiment and her openness. Celestia did not want the others to know anything about her escapades and did not want to hear any of theirs either. Luna did not mind either way. I realized that me not thinking about it might have been the result of set boundaries and assumptions I had made about what those limitations implied. “I… no. No, I didn’t. I never thought it would be an option, so I never considered it.” Then again, there was a huge difference between fantasy and reality. Being turned on by the fantasy of being powerless, at somepony else’s mercy, did not mean that it would still be this thrilling and arousing once it became a reality. And it worked both ways: What aroused in reality could turn out to be quite boring when transformed into a fantasy. “Is that an option I need to consider?” I asked.

She was silent for a moment longer than I had expected, before simply asking, “Would you want it to be one?”

So I gave that some more thought, because she had basically asked me to. I obviously loved them both and I was pretty sure that they harmonized quite well on many levels — sex included. I imagined pleasuring Luna, licking her marehood, while simultaneously groping Twilight's rump. The first thing this image brought up — now that my arousal had been satisfied for the moment — was the issue of logistics. Twilight was larger than I was. Luna was larger than Twilight. Both had wings. That made sixteen appendages somewhere on that bed, attached to three bodies. I loved pony piles for their snuggle value. But pony piles for sex? That sounded… difficult? Complicated, at least.

I tried to switch it up, to conjure a new image. I plunged into Twilight at speed, enjoyed her ragged breaths, her moans. At the same time, with both hooves and muzzle free, I tried to get Luna off. Again, logistics were the first point of conflict I saw. The obvious solution was to fool around with each after the other, but not only did that feel like the need to choose a favorite — which I was decidedly against —, it also felt like missing the point of a threesome. Maybe I misunderstood the concept of it?

I shrugged and gave her my answer. “I don’t think I like that very much, to be honest. I feel like I would need to divide my attention. Preferably equally. And I’m not sure if I’m capable of that. I want to give my partner my all, and I can’t do that without neglecting the other one present. Which sucks. I mean, I suck at the whole ‘multitasking’-thing in general. Doesn’t feel like this would turn out well.”

She sounded almost relieved when she sighed. “Good. I actually share your sentiment there. The main difference is that I can multitask and that I have actual experience with this. I tried it a couple of times, but I quickly came to the same conclusion. I do not like sharing in general, to be honest, and I hate dividing my attention away from my partner.”

“You talked to Twilight about this, didn't you?” I suspected with a chuckle.

She giggled and we needed a moment to calm down again. “Actually, she was the one bringing this up to me” Luna corrected.

“Really now?” I asked in honest surprise. Twilight was eager to ‘experiment’, and she was quite insistent on correct labeling in that regard, but I had not expected her to be interested in this at all. Then again, she was still easing herself into the whole sexual side of things, using her experiments to tap into new areas and possibilities, exploring with both Luna and me.

“Told you,” Luna replied with a quiet laugh. “It is the nerdy ones.”

“Actually, that was my line,” I corrected her. “You were all gung-ho about the quiet ones. You know, this has me thinking though...” Twilight had brought it up. Out of curiosity, maybe? Or maybe she was fantasizing about it. Wouldn't that be interesting. "We could try, you know? For her sake. As a birthday present or something. Maybe it would work out if we agree to focus on her?"

She hummed in reply, which could mean all or nothing, and I did not mind the conversation dulling at that moment. I instead enjoyed it. Her rump was soft and warm, her coat brushed against mine, the room smelled like sex and her and me and for now, I liked that. My content sigh was quickly followed by Luna stirring a little bit. “You have another round or two in you, do you not?” she asked.

I still could not see her face, but I could hear her smirk. I raised an eyebrow in suspicion and I tilted my head a little to the side. The scent of her arousal hit my nostrils again, even stronger than before, and I saw her fur being dampened again. Just what had she been thinking about these last minutes? “Maybe,” I teased her.

I had to raise my head when she finally turned over to look at me. She only smiled as a reply to my discontent sigh, but any displeasure was quickly forgotten once she repositioned herself and captured me in a kiss that progressively deepened. I could feel her passion build up again, just as much as I could feel my own desire return. Once we pulled apart to catch some air, there was once more a spark in her eyes.

“Are you willing to try the next step?” she asked.

And my stomach immediately twisted into a knot and my mind screeched to a halt. I knew what she was talking about. Obviously. Despite her impatience, Luna was an experienced lover and would not just spring something this big out of nowhere on me or any of her paramours. We had talked at length about what we wanted to try out at some point, what was a no-go, what was a ‘maybe someday’. As usual, she knew quite well what she wanted, what she enjoyed and what she wanted to try with me. The important part in this was ‘with me’, as she probably had already seen and done almost anything anyway. Most of her ideas and wishes were indeed related to my natural submissive nature that, for some strange reason, almost entirely vanished when I shared my bed with Celestia. Strange how these things worked.

But Luna quite liked dominating me. And I felt safe enough with her to enjoy it as well. We had played around with blindfolds and restraints before and that had been fine. What she was referring to now was in a whole other league though. Something I was still quite uncertain about. “Tonight?” I hesitantly asked.

She leaned down with a warm smile, nuzzled me and gave me another peck on my lips. “You do not have to if you do not wish to. I am merely asking.”

I sighed. Honesty had served me well so far. Surely it would not betray me now. “I’m nervous,” I admitted. “And I’m conflicted about this. I don’t know what to expect and how it will turn out a-and… I don’t know. Thing is, I don’t think this will change. Ever. Not without any actual new input on the matter and the only option to get viable new input would be to… just try it out.”

She grinned a little. “So you… want to? Do not wish to?”

I chuckled quietly in reply. She had a point, did she not? I was stalling. I was giving her non-answers. Mulling things over in my head once more, I settled on a shrug and tried to force a smile on my lips, but it felt decidedly shaky. “If I ever were to consider this, then it would be with you, I think. I feel safe with you. So… hah… yeah, let’s.”

I just had to laugh at the excited squeal she gave. Like a very excited little filly. She leaned down and nibbled at my ear. My eyelids fluttered in response as I gave her an appreciative sigh. “I will try my best to not make you regret this,” she half-joked. “And remember: ‘Daisy’ and we stop, no matter what.”

I numbly nodded while a chaotic mixture of apprehension and anticipation flooded my system. “Just be… uhm… gentle?” I asked and felt foolish doing so. Goodness, my cheeks burned.

But Luna just smiled. Full of warmth and care. “I will.”

She stood up on the bed, the glow of her magic enveloped her horn again and a second later, stretched out to encase her entire body. I knew on a theoretical level that gender swap spells existed and I knew that in this day and age, they were somewhat more common. Common enough that several different versions existed, each tweaked to the user's personal preference. I loved Luna, and I wanted Luna. I did not want Lunar or Lune or whatever one might call a male version of her. Broader build, chiseled chin, muscular – I had absolutely no interest in that. Because of that, I liked to think that I was straight as an arrow. My interest lied with mares and mares only. But such clear-cut borders started to become a lot more blurry once magic got involved.

A second after the aura of her magic vanished, everything was done. Luna was standing over me, still being Luna. I was intimately familiar with her body. I loved her body. But now, it sported a rather impressive new addition dangling under her belly.

Then again, being stiff as it was due to her arousal, it did not do much dangling right now.

I liked to believe that I was pretty set in my sexuality. I knew what I was, how I was, what I preferred and what I disliked. Most of the time anyway. And this turned out to be one of those times that I just… was not. I saw her member twitch a little, leaking a small amount of fluid already that dripped down onto my belly. It felt incredibly strange, seeing that.

Of course her new appendage was larger than mine, seeing as her entire frame was larger. That really did not help ease my worries. And only a small part of those were centered around ‘how is that supposed to fit?!’ I knew that it was possible. Heck, I had done it myself, as the active part, so there was that. But goodness gracious, my nerves really made me work for my halfway normal breathing.

“Be at ease, Dream,” she whispered into my ear again. She rarely used the abbreviation. Due to this, it felt like a pet name in some ways. I wanted to say something, but did not know what and gave no indication, and any impulse died anyway as soon as she kissed me.

It helped. It really did.

I was familiar with her body. These were her lips. This was her tongue. She tasted the same. Her tongue was the same length, width, and had the same texture. My hoof found her cheek, stroked along her neck. Familiar proportions. A familiar flutter in my stomach. This is still Luna. My Luna.

She carefully grabbed me and pulled me a little bit more towards the edge of the bed. I was lying on my back, my tail spilled over the edge, and she kissed a little trail down my neck. My inner conflict intensified. I knew what was coming, on a theoretical level. But I did not understand. Despite all my efforts, I could not even tell what I was feeling. Was I afraid? Revolted? Excited?

I gasped as her tongue trailed along my erect member. I had not even noticed it emerging from its sheath again. She slowly worked her way down its length and down to my balls. It felt nice. Still familiar. And I knew why she grabbed my hindlegs with her hooves when she did. As she had said: “We do not know if you are a kicker. We will find out once we try.”

With her hooves occupied, her magic grabbed and prodded at my rump, slowly working its way inwards. A smaller spell quickly washed over me, a little bit of cleanup and preparation. And next thing I knew, she cautiously let her tongue trail from my balls to my sphincter.

For just a moment, that thought actually did trigger revulsion. Clear as day and easily identified. I tensed up, clenched down, felt things go awry and so did she. Without a word and practiced ease, she just retreated, kissing a little trail along my belly and licking at the flaring head of my member.

It quickly turned into a game of sorts. She lowered herself down, tried to ease me into it, and once I shut down, she retreated, only to return once I had calmed down. I had difficulties understanding her persistence. She had suggested we try this, but I did not remember her being overly eager to do so. I had seen her being a lot more enthusiastic about blindfolds and rope than this. It took a while for me to realize that with every repetition, it took me longer until I rejected this.

Until I just… didn’t.

A couple of seconds passed by and I suddenly broke out into a giggle. She immediately withdrew, looked at me and furrowed her brow in mild confusion. “Is everything alright?” she asked in concern.

“Yeah, I—… sorry, I just… I was just thinking ‘my ass is wet’,” I explained and had to fight not to start giggling again. “And for some reason, that was really funny to me… still is, actually…”

The explanation meanwhile seemed to ease her worry and a grin quickly grew on her lips. “Well, it is better to laugh than to worry.” She looked down and up again. “And yes, it is quite wet,” she confirmed with a grin. I giggled again and shook my head. Maybe I was going mad. Or this was just the surreal nature of this moment slowly sinking in. “Shall I continue?” she asked, her tone returning to that soft care she had exhibited earlier.

I took a deep breath to steady myself. “Yeah, sure. Go ahead.” It was hard to resist her eager gaze.

I closed my eyes for some reason. I was not entirely sure why. And I felt it prod me. It was slimy due to the lube Luna apparently had applied at some point, but at least it was not cold. Still. As soon as I felt that, I tensed up again. Just the thought, the mental image of that thing somehow supposedly fitting was absurd.

I felt the weight of Luna shift as she climbed up on top of me. Her longer back made it possible for her to lean down and kiss me while still standing before the bed. It had its advantages being smaller sometimes. Only after we broke the kiss did my head deign to inform me of where those lips and that tongue recently had been. It was a silly thought of course. Her spell had worked flawlessly. I had not noticed anything at all, and yet my mind was trying to make me feel disgusted.

I had not noticed anything. She knew what she was doing. I trusted her.

Disgust. Regret. Insecurity.

There was a war raging in my heart and my head alike. I tried to make a decision by pulling Luna down again, kissing her deep and hard. Trust. I trusted her.

There had been a time where I doubted if a gesture as simple as a kiss could actually convey any meaning at all. I still doubted that at times. There was always a reasonable, oftentimes more reasonable, alternative explanation. But whatever the reason might have been in this instance, important to me was only that Luna understood. I tried to give her an opportunity.

An opening to use. Very funny.

Without breaking the kiss, she pulled her hip back and used her magic to guide herself. I felt the flared head of her member prod against my sphincter again and I battled with what I had left to keep myself from tensing up again. This would be a very long night otherwise, or it would not work at all. Maybe it could not work. But she had suggested this and I wanted to try, at least. For her sake if nothing else. To distract myself a little bit more, I put every ounce of passion in that one kiss. It became almost desperate.

And rather suddenly, I broke that same kiss and my eyes shot wide open as she made it past. She grunted a little as I involuntarily tensed up. “Relax,” she whispered and caressed my neck with a hoof. She stared straight into my eyes. Sincerity. Love. Trust.

It still took a couple of seconds to follow through on that. I had to actively focus on my breathing, and to double down on these efforts, I closed my eyes again and pulled her down once more. Not to kiss her this time, but to nuzzle her. To smell her mane, feel her warmth, breed familiarity.

This, too, became a game of sorts as soon as she cautiously started to push deeper.

I had difficulties actually describing what I felt. Maybe because I felt this for the first time, and there was nothing I could compare it to. It was an utterly alien sensation, one I was sitting on the fence on about what I thought of it. The simplest way to describe it was: I was being filled. Quite literally, obviously. And beyond that, words failed me.

There was a certain discomfort. My ass was stretched to a degree I was decidedly not familiar with and all the lube in the world could not change the ache in muscles that simply were not used to this kind of activity.

“Are you still alright?” she asked, her voice laced with concern.

“I… hm…” We both had stopped moving. I still failed to wrap my brains around the thought of how that thing fit inside, but apparently it did. There was still a good length to go and I was not sure if I was dreading that, or looking forward to it, as despite my best efforts, the battle was still ongoing. “I’m not in pain?” I weakly offered.

She attempted a small smile. “Well, I sure hope so. That is a good start. Shall I continue?”

I wiggled a little and was surprised to hear her softly moan at that. The movement had felt… different. Neither good nor bad. Maybe this entire thing was just another instance of ‘acquired taste’? “I should be alright. I’ll let you know if that changes,” I promised. That moan had sounded rather hot, though. And maybe this was worth it just to see and hear her experience this.

She leaned down. Another kiss, another careful push. At some point, we reached the maximum. I did not know if it was the maximum she could push in, or if it was in all the way. I dared neither look nor ask. I instead had noticed my own breathing becoming heavier. My own member twitched between our bellies. And I had seen Luna's self-control being challenged. She slowly started to move. She withdrew from me and that… that really did feel weird. Still – it felt weird. Not good, not bad, but weird. I had started to get used to feeling full, and now I was emptied and it felt like a part of my body despised that even more than the intruder itself, clinging to it, clamping down on it.

She retreated only halfway or so before pushing back in, still quite slowly, and this time, something changed. The intruder had previously been exactly that. Something foreign that did not belong there. Now it felt like welcoming back something that did belong.

Over the course of the next few minutes, she built up a steady, slow rhythm. A haze lowered itself over my mind, making it harder and harder to observe my own feelings, to understand what I was thinking, how and why. I instead focused more and more on the sensations themselves. How her hip smacked against my rump. Oh sweet Luna, she actually is fully inside.

To improve her balance and the steadiness of her rhythm, she had to stand up again. If I wanted a kiss, I could have one at any time, I just needed to make that desire clear somehow. But she was there, towering over me again. I could see her work, I saw her restrain herself, and I shuddered as the thought hit me that yes, indeed, my kitten is bucking me…

That thought apparently hit a certain spot. Due to the haze, I had had difficulties noticing the build-up, but as soon as that thought hit me and that “I love you” left my throat as a needy whine and I saw her goofy grin as she replied in kind, I was overwhelmed and came. Which right now meant that I shot spurt after spurt onto my own chest, neck and in once instance, face.

Disgust. Regret. Inse-

I laughed instead. That sounded less frustrating.

“T-Tight,” Luna moaned with her eyes firmly shut as I came, only to push all the way in with more speed than before and give herself over to her own climax.

This time, I had at least something I could compare it to: I had buried my muzzle in her nether regions when she came time and time again. I loved teasing her, I loved extending her orgasm as long as possible. And I could feel those waves hit her, those tremors running up and down her body. I always cherished that.

But this, right now? It was similar, yet on an entirely different level. I could feel her member twitch with every spurt, but it was different. It somehow felt more intimate? Maybe because she was inside me, instead of it being ‘merely’ surface contact. I came to the conclusion that I might actually like this part, at least.

I was not quite so sure about the result, though. I felt her semen slosh around somehow and any thought concerning that fact fell back on being weird again.

I saw Luna struggling and I knew perfectly well why and how that felt. “Woah, come on, come over here,” I addressed her and pulled her down to me, right on top. I did not mind the additional weight much – we would not remain like this for a long time. It was just for those precious first seconds until her legs cooperated again.

She laid her head down on the bed sheets next to me, quietly but heavily breathing. “I have not done this in… a long, long time… I forgot a few details, it appears,” she whispered before she turned her head and kissed my ear. I noticed how utterly happy her smile was. “Are you alright?” I considered telling her that she was a little heavy, but refrained from doing so. I instead turned my muzzle to the side and kissed her nose. She giggled. “You have a little something there,” she reminded me.

I chimed in with a giggle and nodded. “Yeah, that, uh… we don’t talk about that.”

“We don’t?” she asked and started to pout.

“No, most certainly not,” I answered and giggled again.

“Aw… but you looked so… I believe ‘sexy’ is the term they use these days, is it not?”

I blushed. “It is.”

“You looked sexy when you came. I do not get to see that as often as I would like to,” she teased me further.

Instead of engaging her in a battle that I could not hope to win anyway, I sighed and used a little bit of magic to levitate a handkerchief over to at least clean up my face. “How are your legs doing?” I asked and she took that as a cue to stand back up and slowly, carefully, extract herself from me.

“Goodness, what a mess,” she commented with another giggle.

“Your mess, for once,” I replied. For reasons I did not understand quite yet, it became easier to joke around about all of this now that everything was said and done.

Luna crawled into bed next to me and lay down, muzzle to muzzle. “I love my mess.”

I quietly laughed for a brief moment. “Well that has meaning on so many levels…” Another deep breath and I tried to take stock. I had felt her member shrink. And I had even noticed a certain, strange sadness of sorts as she withdrew. Other than that though? My rump felt sore. Every muscle ached, my sphincter especially. The rest was just the usual aftermath – everything was either sweaty, or sticky, or both.

I finally noticed how she watched me. How she carefully read my body language, my facial expression. She studied the aftermath just as much as I did, with the sole difference being that we both studied my reaction to it. I was still first to ask, though. “So, how was it?”

“That is what I am supposed to ask you, no?” she replied with a smile.

“Hm. Probably. But I asked first,” I insisted with a grin.

“Well, you are very sensitive,” she started her assessment. “I think you have some decisions to make, some observations to evaluate, and if we ever do this again, maybe the mental component will be less of an obstacle then. Of course being a first timer would – and most likely did - contribute massively. But even with these two factors put aside, I still think you are quite sensitive.”

“Is that a bad thing?” I wondered.

“Not necessarily,” she answered with a short head shake. “Like most things, it has its benefits and drawbacks. I suspect that your sensibility is at least partially founded in our mind. I had a little experiment with Twilight maybe… five months into our relationship. I had noticed some strange behavior and got curious, so I asked her for a little test. I made her climax without even touching her, neither with hoof nor magic. I just had to imply and suggest and her mind did the heavy lifting for me. It is not quite as pronounced within you, but once again, you two share certain similarities.”

“Sooo~,” I started with an amused grin, “you’re not going to make me cum just by whispering sweet nothings into my ear?”

She smiled like a predator, raised her head a little and, without touching me, whispered into my ear. “Oh do believe me, it was a lot more than just ‘sweet nothings’.” She looked quite satisfied as she noticed a shudder running down my spine. “I believe it is now your turn.”

I remained silent for a good while longer as I still collected and sorted my thoughts on the matter. “At first it just felt weird,” I finally explained. “And I thought that was the red lining throughout. At one point, I was actually comparing this to other ‘acquired tastes’. Like… it’s not exactly the greatest thing in the world, but you could eventually grow to like it if you do it enough times. And maybe that still holds true, to be honest. There are… parts of this that I liked. And other parts that I… hm. I have certain aversions I don’t quite understand yet. Probably needs all that evaluating you mentioned. I like you dominating me and this is a new perspective on that… quite literally. But I think… if it was just that? If I wanted just that? I would stick to blindfolds and cuffs. I can see us doing this on the odd occasion, I… I think that would be okay. And as I said, there are parts about it that I like, so… who knows, maybe after I thought about it some more… I might find more that I like? Maybe?”

She leaned over and nuzzled me. “As long as you do not just convince yourself of this for my sake.”

“No. No, I don’t think that’s going to be a problem. I mean… you wanted to try this and we did and it was okay…ish. I’ve seen you more excited about other stuff. If I were to convince myself of anything for your sake, it would be something else,” I half-jokingly promised. “Besides. This? This is something I can promise you will never happen with anypony else, because quite frankly, there’s a lot of criteria that needs to be met. The fact that you are this experienced and that you were this patient and that I trust you this much… it was all necessary to even make this possible in the first place.”

“Thank you for your trust,” she said with a warm smile. We remained silent for a moment before she spoke up again. “To be honest, I suggested this less for my sake than yours.”

“You… wait… you did?” That confused me more than just a little bit. Had I ever given her reason to believe that I was into this? I tried to remember, but came up empty-hoofed.

“Yes. You are rather submissive in nature and I thought that you might like it. And while that did not turn out to be true, it was worth a try, was it not?” I honestly had difficulties understanding that logic. For me, it seemed like quite a jump to get from ‘being submissive’ to, well, that. Then again, despite her efforts to acclimate to modern times, she still was a mare of a different age in some regards. Maybe that played a role in this?

“It was,” I agreed, because after all – I could agree with that, at least. “And I’m grateful to have you to try these kinds of things out. And honestly, having you tower over me and seeing you cum like that was one of the hottest things in recent memory. That'll stick with me for a while.”

She quietly laughed. "I am glad to hear that." She hesitated for a moment and once more watched me closely again. “We could take another step, if you are up for it?”

I did not cringe this time. I squirmed. “That… is an entirely different can of worms,” I replied with a sigh.

“I feel like worms get a bad reputation in this day and age,” Luna replied with a furrowed brow. “Back in my days, they were considered quite useful. I wonder what changed.” I chuckled a little and her face lit up with a smile. “Again: You do not have to do anything. But if it makes you feel more comfortable, we can talk about it some more?”

I sighed. “I know, I know. See… I’m pretty sure about my sexuality. I think. For the most part. I like mares, and I don’t care about stallions. Now, what we did just now was… eh… we dipped our hooves into that gray, blurry area where things overlap. And now I know that I like mares, even if they have male equipment, but it’s a lot harder to deal with that. Like… the fact that you have a penis suddenly flips a switch in my head and now, I really need to like you a lot to go through with this. And truth be told, I don’t think it would work out on a permanent basis. ‘Every once in a while’ is alright, but let’s just say it would be… I don’t know… every second day or so? That would be waaay too much. But now you suggest changing my gender and yours and I’m… I just… I don’t know what to think of that. And this time, it’s less about the thing between your legs and more about the thing between mine. I don’t think I identify myself with the fact that I have a penis. It’s just there. And it does its thing and sometimes, that thing is rather enjoyable.”

“Well that is one way to put it,” she giggled. “But I believe you are about to start rambling.”

I thought about that for a moment. I was about to get tangled up in my own thoughts again, she was right. And thanks to her timely intervention, I actually found a halfway decent way to break it all down and simplify it. “Alright, I think I got it. Here we go.” I cleared my throat and smiled lopsided when she raised an eyebrow. “I am terrified of the possibility that I might… like this too much?”

That actually gave her pause. “That… is not what you said when we had talked about this last time,” was the first thing she remarked.

I nodded and shrugged it off. “I know. Had some time to mull it over, I guess.”

“Do you think of yourself as a stallion?” she asked me with no small amount of curiosity.

“No. I mean, yes? Sometimes. Rarely. I think of myself as Dreamwalker first and foremost. And on rare occasions, I think of myself as a stallion. Usually only if my gender is actually important. Which it just isn’t most of the time. It becomes important when I sleep with you – because at that point, there is actually a difference between having male parts or female parts. But snuggling up to you does not depend on my gender, does it? Kissing you is not different because of what I sport between my legs, is it? I mean, sure, as a mare, I would probably have different body proportions and such, but… just a couple of minutes ago, you were a mare with a penis, so… there’s that. And I’m just thinking: Having male parts during sex is great. But then again, it’s the only thing I know, right? You can’t really feel like the grass on the other side of the fence is greener when you can’t see the grass on the other side. But what if your spell pushed me to the other side and I can actually confirm that the grass is greener over there?”

“I see,” was the non-answer she gave me first. I did not mind. I could see the gears in her head turning and patiently waited. “Well, there are options, as far as I am aware, to permanently switch gender,” she finally answered.

And I raised my hooves defensively. “Oh heck no! No, no, no!” I hastily replied with a strained laugh. “Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful that you are so supportive and would even help me with something this huge, buuut… I don’t want to. I would love to say ‘I like where I am’, but we both know the truth, so… let’s stick with ‘I don’t want to’.”

“But you are afraid that you could ‘like it too much’,” she reiterated.

“Yes,” I answered honestly.

She chose her next words carefully, mulling them over several times. I could almost see her test them on the tip of her tongue before she allowed them to exit. “So you are intrigued, but afraid. And earlier, we clearly came to the conclusion that, if you were to try something that frightens you, it would be with me. Since you feel safe with me, I can help and guide you.” I started to object a couple of times, but remained speechless for some minutes, while her bemused smile only grew. “Let me repeat myself: I will not make you do anything you do not want yourself. But if you do want this, I will do my best to—“

“Make me not regret it?” I interrupted her with a half-smile.

“Make you enjoy it,” she corrected with a grin.

“Oh ho ho, look who’s stepping up her game,” I quipped. I leaned in and kissed her. It was chaste, compared to kisses we had exchanged prior this evening. And following more instinct than thought, I scooched closer, pulled her in with a hoof and deepened the kiss. She did not mind much and had no issues with my hoof trailing down from her mane, along her neck, over her shoulder and alongside her barrel. I still had not made my decision when my hoof dared switch to the inside of her haunches and for whatever reason, I was surprised to make contact with a dangling pair of balls. I had apparently expected them to just vanish at some point. That was not how transmutation spells worked and I should have known better. They were usually set for a certain timespan, at the time of casting. The fact that with the entire conversation taking place, it was still there… meant that either Luna had expected us to go for several rounds, or a lot longer, or she had planned to arrive at this exact point.

Cheeky.

I could just ask her to dispel it of course.

And while I considered my options, I had subconsciously started to fondle the weights, which I only really realized once she moaned into our kiss and looked up at me with once again rising desire in her eyes. My own gaze drifted down her body and I took a second to look at it. Not just the cursory glance I had taken earlier when my frazzled nerves allowed me nothing more. With her lying on her back and it lying on her belly, it suddenly did not look quite that intimidating anymore.

Or repulsive.

Well. That still remained to be seen.

My hoof trailed upwards and I began to rub along its length, even applying a magical grip to stroke it. To my amusement and surprise, it grew a little bit more, which might have explained the earlier sentiment about it looking less intimidating… it was actually quite large.

“It does not bite,” she whispered in a sultry voice.

I looked up at her, down her body, and back up again. I grimaced a little and finally settled on an apologetic smile. “I'm sorry kitten, but… I don’t feel quite comfortable with that thing anywhere near my face.” As soon as those words had left my mouth, I wanted to curse myself. That had been unnecessarily harsh.

But despite my fears of having hurt her feelings, she just giggled. “That is quite alright. Canterlot was not built in one day, I do not expect wonders. Maybe some other t-time.”

That little stammer surprised me, until I noticed that she had become rather flushed, that her breathing had quickened and that I had subconsciously increased both speed and tightness of my magic ministrations as well as my hoof. “Oops.” I slowed down and quietly laughed at the almost desperate whine she gave me. She opened her eyes again and looked at me with such need and longing that it made my heart flutter all over again.

“Do it,” I just said and finally made my decision.

She did not hesitate. She did not ask again. Her horn became aglow once more, a dozen magic tendrils snaking through the air. As soon as they hit my body, my entire skin became all tingly. Her magic started to encase me and just as I had expected, there was some minor pain involved as my body shifted and reconstructed itself. It was surprisingly gentle, considering the internal changes that must have happened.

Surprisingly quick as well.

As soon as the transformation was in place and done, Luna basically lunged at me, once more pushing me onto my back. Fierce and ferocious. She kissed and nipped and licked her way down my body, but her impatience was quite obvious. She did not linger much and had to put in effort not to chase right down. I nevertheless used the opportunity to feel myself out. See if anything changed, and how it felt. The obvious change was, well, obvious. Some familiar weight was missing. In its place, though? I once more felt rather dissatisfied with my lack of options to describe that feeling.

Buck it.

My horn came to life and I reestablished my grip on Luna's new appendage. Another needy whine told me that she had originally hoped to use this as an option to calm herself down a little. She retorted by trying to break my concentration by making me quite aware of the fact that I now had teats of my own. I most certainly was not used to having such sensitive areas anywhere near there, so her efforts were more than successful and my magic faded. I moaned without restraint and only jerked once I noticed that I had, in fact, kicked…

But she was fine. She's fine. I looked up and she just grinned, apparently having dodged the hoof. “We have a hot-blooded one,” she practically purred. Ahhh, there it was. There's my kitten. “I wonder if your sensitivity translates to all forms…” For a couple of seconds, I remembered us talking about transforming into a wide range of creatures, just for kicks and I gulped. I was torn between wanting that to be the case and really not wanting that. Before I could think about it any further though, she dove muzzle first between my haunches. I involuntarily threw my head back and cried out in pleasure. I flailed with my hooves, trying to grab something, anything, but could not. However, I did manage to trap her down there, closing my hindlegs around her head and pulling her further in, which… really did not help me recompose myself in the slightest.

It was once again an utterly alien and new sensation. It was electricity, shooting through my body. I did not know what she was doing. I had my suspicions, mostly based on what I usually did, but I could not identify single strokes of her tongue or her sucking at my clit, because everything was electricity and I was utterly overwhelmed and could not think.

The following minutes became a blur. I was swimming in a strange ocean of little sparks and lightning strikes. Unfamiliar with how an orgasm should feel in this state, I was unsure… not if I had reached one, but rather, how many…

I already felt like a mess when Luna withdrew. I had no strength to deny her that. But I so desperately wished I could. I wished I could keep this forever. Freeze this moment in time. I instead half-devoured her with my gaze, unable to speak a single word. I just rolled over onto my stomach and raised my tail to the side. I felt half-crazed. Like madness was enveloping me in the same way a proud mother would carefully hug her foal to her chest. Luna was over me in mere seconds and I yearned for her.

No preparation was needed any longer. I was drenched. She just pushed in in one fell swoop and we both cried out. I bit down on the sheets halfway through, pawed at them with my hooves, only for her to bite down on my neck with probably less care than she should have. “Don’t,” she growled, “I want to hear you!”

I gave the sheets free and heard my own needy moan when she withdrew with some strange feeling of distance. Like I was hearing somepony else enjoying themselves. Only to be plunged right back into my body the moment Luna did the same.

It was once again – maybe quite literally – the thought that counted. She was quite literally— “Buck me!” I cried out and she increased her speed. My throat felt dry, my breathing hitched every so often and my body had started to move on its own accord. I heard myself whimper without being aware of actually producing any such sound. I just felt that pressure mount, my unfocused gaze turning black as I forcefully shut my eyes and focused inwards, concentrated on that feeling, and then suddenly, everything went white.

When I returned to my senses, I felt Luna's weight on top of me again. I could not be bothered to comment on it. I did not care. I felt strangely full again, but different this time. Luna withdrew, much to my dismay. She once more was lying down beside me, her face flushed, her mane temporarily tangled, sporting a wide, smug grin. “Well,” she uttered, breathing heavily, “You are… one heck of a… firecracker… let me tell you…” She looked spent. Exhausted. And I felt both proud and strangely disappointed.

I grinned with an overwhelming satisfaction I could not quite explain yet. “That… that we can do a lot more often, as far as I’m concerned…” Sheesh, my poor voice. I must have moaned and cried a lot more than I remembered. If I was not going to be hoarse in a couple of minutes, I would be so by tomorrow.

“Rhetorical question, but… you enjoyed it, then?” Luna asked, that grin still remaining.

“Hoo boy, did I,” I replied with a smirk and lolled around on the bed. “Actually, that brings up an interesting question…”

“It does?”

I looked down at her barrel. Her now-less-than-new member still stood proud and still stiff and at attention. “What’s up with that?”

Luna followed my gaze down her own barrel and chuckled. “Oh. A minor quirk of the transmutation spell. This version is still a little bit flawed, but it has the advantage that, at the time of casting, the caster can define two conditions for the spell to end. But for as long as the spell is active, it, well, is active. Considering what I intended it to be used for, I thought that would not be an issue. After all, transmutation is more my sister’s expertise and I needed a spell I was capable of casting myself. I suspect it would have been horribly awkward to ask her for help with this…”

I nodded slowly. Truth be told, I had only half-listened and needed to focus to gather the rest after the fact. “Those conditions being?” I kept asking.

“Either we pass the two-hour-mark, or I climax five times. I thought that would be more than sufficient for a trial run. If it bothers you, I can dismiss the spell, of course,” she offered.

I had yet again difficulties just actually listening. Even Luna noticed me just unabashedly staring at it. I might have even licked my lips, I could not tell anymore. “Mhm… dismissing? Oh heck no.” I scooched over to her, captured her lips in another kiss and brazenly started to stroke her again. She seemed surprised at the passion I still displayed, so I felt I needed to make this perfectly clear. I nipped her bottom lip and elicited a surprised gasp from her. I kissed her cheek, up to her ear. “No dismissing,” I breathed hotly. “Three left, you get back here this instant! If I can walk tomorrow, you have failed! Did I make myself clear enough?”

When I withdrew, she could see that burning passion in my eyes. That longing to fill a pit that felt bottomless. I wanted her so much. I needed her.

The simple fact that I had commanded her, in a voice that made it quite clear that I would not suffer backtalk no less, did something for her as I witnessed her tremble a little in excitement. She gulped nervously for a moment and nodded. And her smile widened. Unbeknownst to me, she had finally found a pet name she truly felt comfortable with. One she thought fit me perfectly, even if it was form-dependent. A pet name I quickly grew to like as well, and that would follow me for many years to come.

“Yes, firecracker.”

Day 100: A Normal Day

Another night’s shift came to an end. “It becomes easier with practice,” Luna promised with a thin smile.

I knew I looked exhausted, because I felt exhausted and right now, I did not have the will to keep that from reflecting on my current body. “I know, I know,” I replied with a little, defeated sigh.

“Do not be glum, Dreamwalker. We are only at the beginning of our teachings. You will improve considerably before you know it,” she insisted. I had no strength to disagree, so I just nodded. “Farewell and Good Morning’s Blessings upon thee.”

I stepped up to her and hugged her. With one foreleg around me, she reciprocated and squeezed me a little bit. “I wish you a good morning as well, Luna.”

And with that, I woke up.

The transition sometimes felt awkward. On rare occasions, I had to battle small doses of vertigo or disorientation. Most of the time I just opened my eyes and it felt like waking up and everything was fine. Today was one of those rare occasions, however, and I felt like falling, until I hit the ground – which turned out to be my bed. I fell right into my body, without being able to tell as much, considering I had no real sense of sight. I just knew.

“Ugh,” I quietly sighed.

Part of the disorientation was the need to remember. What happened last night, where I was, what time it was, simple things like that. But I was not granted enough time to get my bearings. Her muzzle closed in on me. She lovingly nuzzled my mane and I felt safe and secure.

Twilight’s wing was still draped over me. Sometime throughout the night, I had buried my own muzzle in her chest’s fur. Her smell was delightful. Relaxing. She smelled like home. I brushed against her, inhaled more of it and enjoyed it, until she spoke up.

“Feeling better?” she asked. Her voice was quiet, barely audible. But in an otherwise silent room, nothing more was required.

I thought about last night again and a smile crept up on me. “Lots,” I let her know. “Thank you.” I nuzzled her back and after some careful consideration, finally raised my head enough to look her in the eyes. It also meant seeing the state of the day. Sunlight filtered in through the small gap in the curtain, drenching the entire room in a pleasant twilight. I properly laid my head down on the pillow next to her. We smiled at each other. “I tried to win. That was a grave mistake. You don’t try to win against Pinkie.”

Her smile grew into a small grin, but she remained silent. There was no need for words. We shared a very pleasant moment neither of us wanted to disrupt.

Since my training as a guard had started, I came to appreciate the weekends. In those first few weeks, I had little reason to care about what day it actually was. One was as good as the other, with little difference. Now, however? With the teleportation stone, I could return home every once in a while. But it was a treat, a rare one. Most days, I tried to spend the night at the barracks with the other recruits. To fit in. Make some friends. Whenever it got too much, I crawled back to the palace and used the guest room Luna had offered me. Considering how many times Twilight had fallen asleep in the Archives or her study, and adding all the times she actually went back home to spend some days with her parents, I might end up using my bed in the palace more than she did back in the days.

I noticed how I was about to drift away. My mind was wandering, aimlessly pecking at one topic or another, but I actually wanted to spend some time with Twilight. So I used a little bit of force to refocus, to concentrate on what was going on here, right now. “I love waking up next to you,” I mumbled and promptly got lost in her eyes, “Makes me feel less lost and alone.”

She lifted her wing. Just enough to bend it a little. To let her primaries trail along my side. My eyelids fluttered closed and I made no effort to keep that happy sigh in. A minute or two, I just enjoyed the intimate sensation, even grinning as I felt goosebumps crawl along my back. “I admit, I love your wings, too,” I whispered with a grin. “They feel great.”

I only opened my eyes when I heard her stifle a giggle. A faint tint in her cheeks. A smile graced her lips. “Are you going to spend the entire morning praising parts of me… again?” she asked with a teasing tone.

I considered that, taking it as a proposition. But I had plans for today. I would need to get up soon or I would be running late. Then again, from what I could tell, it was still somewhat early. “Would you like that?” I shot right back with a grin.

Her wing pulled me in, closing whatever little gap might have been between us. For something mostly consisting of feathers, it could exert a surprisingly strong grip. “I admit, it feels nice being complimented… by you especially,” she answered.

And Luna, was the heavy implication I added in my mind. I raised a hoof and placed it on her neck, slowly trailing down to her shoulder. She sighed with a satisfied smile, but never stopped letting her feathers caress me. I liked to believe that I knew her well. I most certainly knew a lot of her weak spots. And while sharing this closeness right now felt heavenly, that rarely listened to trickster part in me wanted to surprise her a little.

She gave a surprised little yelp when I started to tickle her for a moment. A bout of giggling followed suit. There was still a playful glint in her eyes once I stopped, but she primarily tried to convey her outrage right now. Without saying a word, she accused me. How could you? I trusted you! My grin widened. “You’re like a very sweet instrument. Takes a while to learn, but once you get the hang of it, you can make the most precious, most beautiful sounds…”

“Is that so?” she asked with a quiet laugh. “I am not sure if that still counts as a compliment…”

“Oh, believe me — it is,” I replied without hesitation. She smiled again and slowly brought her muzzle closer. She wanted to kiss my forehead. Just another intimate gesture. Just another expression of fondness, and love, and care. And I raised my head and met her halfway. She looked surprised. Of course she did. We were not meant to do that. But I found it hard to resist. And it felt so nice. My hoof had trailed down the side of her barrel on its own accord and a couple of seconds after our lips met, pressed down on that little spot above her dock. She pressed her eyes shut and broke the kiss for a quiet moan.

“See? Such a beautiful sound,” I whispered and tried to dive in for another kiss.

She put a hoof against my shoulder and pushed me away. Just the smallest gap, but it was more about the act itself than the actual distance. “We shouldn’t,” she reminded me.

I stopped for just a couple of seconds. Enough to break the spell, to climb out of that haze and grasp a clear thought. She was right. Of course she was right, she was Twilight Sparkle. “I know,” I sighed. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to—… to rile you up like that.”

She smiled. A regretful, sad little smile. “I know. Don’t worry, nothing happened.” Nothing a cold shower or a lonely hoof could not fix later on.

I would tell Celestia anyway, of course. She deserved to know. It was the only possible way I saw. The only way she could build trust in me, and maintain it. As much honesty as possible. She knew about every stray thought, about every little misstep, about everything. I was still confused, at times, how little it seemed to bother her on most occasions. In that regard, I was a lot closer to Luna. I could understand her possessiveness and jealousy a lot better. And maybe that was the reason why we managed to get along so well.

Twilight withdrew her wing and that saddened me more than I had expected. I sighed. “I ruined it, didn’t I?”

She pondered the question for a couple of seconds before her wing actually returned, accompanied by a warm smile. “No. No, you did not.” We hugged each other.

I was just glad she was still with me. I brushed my cheek against hers and reveled in her warmth. “Thank you.” We stayed in that close embrace for another couple of minutes, maybe. But the sun was rising, the time was mercilessly trickling away and I had plans. “I should probably get up,” I remarked without all that much enthusiasm.

She smiled warmly. “You probably should,” she confirmed and made no effort to release me.

“Are you going to make me fight for it?” I asked with a smile and nuzzled her again, “Because I’m not sure if I’m willing to fight for it…”

“Hm… quite the predicament, then,” she replied with a stifled giggle.

I lazily drew little circles on her back. “I haven’t asked about your plans for the weekend yesterday. You’ll be here tonight, right?”

She squeezed me one last time before her wing retreated and she pushed us a little bit apart. “I will. Rarity wanted to come over around midday, I’m trying to teach her a new spell. And I was planning on using the afternoon and evening to research a couple of options for fine-tuning the teleportation stone.”

I nodded and finally disentangled myself enough from her to actually climb out of the bed. “I’m not sure how my day will play out. I planned on baking with Pinkie today, but my afternoon and evening are free so far. Mostly because I wasn’t sure how much time that would take. You know, the occasional, kitchen-based catastrophe and inevitable clean-up can take a couple of hours. But… I thought it might be nice if we could spend some time as well. Aside from very pleasant morning pillow talk.”

She had that goofy ‘Princess of Friendship’-smile plastered on her face when she nodded with vigor. “That sounds lovely. The ‘spending time’ part, not the clean-up. Try not to make too much of a mess, will you?”

I chuckled. “Don’t worry, I won’t allow the Cakes to drag you into this again. I am perfectly capable of cleaning up after myself.”

She raised an eyebrow at that, but had enough mercy not to comment on it. We instead just fixed the bed in no time at all, pulled the curtains apart, opened the window and left the room for our respective bathrooms.

Breakfast was a short, if pleasant affair. Spike was talking to Owlicious, which… seemed to be a rather one-sided conversation. I had more luck talking to White Tip, who at least understood what I said. Most of the time anyway. Twilight was in good spirits and I liked to believe that I may have contributed to that – which in turn meant that I was happy as well. Sometimes, a simple smile really could make an entire day.

Maybe an hour after I finally had gotten out of bed, I left the castle. The moment I closed the door and turned towards the path, I saw a gray speck drawing closer. “Good morning, Derpy!” I greeted and trotted up to her.

She smiled like seeing me was the best thing of her entire morning. And despite my knowledge that she shared that smile with every other pony as well, it still warmed my heart. We met for a quick hug. “Morning! Did you come out just to collect Twilight's mail?”

I snorted. “Ehehe, no. But she’s awake and still in there, so there’s that. Oh, hey! I’m going to bake with Pinks today. If you’re lucky and come by Sugarcube Corner later on, maybe you could get a piece or slice or whatever. I’m not entirely sure what we’re going to make yet. Your shift should be done by afternoon, right?”

The promise of sweets always worked. Especially if it was not just Sugarcube Corner’s ‘usual fare’ — which was quite delectable already —, but something more personal. Derpy was always supportive. We could have made burnt flour bricks and she would at least try to cheer us up by praising their use as a blunt weapon for self-defense or something. But with Pinkie involved, any and all such horror scenarios became a lot less likely. “I’d love to!” she almost yelled in my face before she hugged me again. “Now I have extra energy to finish my round!” And with that, she trotted past me, up to the castle’s surprisingly modest mail box, stuffed a couple of letters in there and actually extended her wings, taking flight with the second attempt and zipped away.

With that much enthusiasm… maybe she was hoping for muffins?

Then again, I had half-lied to her, had I not? Pinkie had insisted that I would be the one deciding what we would bake today. And I had decided on one thing already. Of course we would probably not spend half a day on one cake. Probably. But adding a couple of muffins to the list was easy enough to do. I knew that Pinkie could whip up some muffins in her sleep. Quite literally, actually. Sleep-baking was the weirdest thing, but quite in line with Pinkie.

My first destination was Sweet Apple Acres, though, not Sugarcube Corner. While I was trotting down the dirt path, I rummaged through my memories. Those based on flashes. A couple of days ago, I had a weird one while sitting in the cafeteria with a couple of other recruits, enjoying the break from physical training more than the food itself. But a certain smell I could not place had triggered it and reminded me of an instance of me baking with Arcana. And arguing. A lot of arguing. Because my dearest daughter had deemed it necessary to strictly stick to the recipe while I – at this point years and years older than I was right now – had learned enough from Pinkie to just wing it.

The flash was centered on the argument, but the memory was clear enough that I had actually been able to transcribe the recipe. Most of the ingredients were simple enough and would be present in Sugarcube Corner. 200 grams of butter, 200 grams of sugar, 175 grams of starch, three tablespoons of milk, ten egg whites and eight egg yolks. Nothing too fancy so far. Oh and chocolate, of course. Lots of chocolate, for the frosting.

I was not future-me just yet, and I was not about to ‘wing it’ this time. I had a recipe and I was going to use it. However, that being said: I still wanted to deviate a little bit. Mixing the batter was simple enough, and I wanted to spice that up by mixing in apple pieces. I was not sure what that would do, but I was curious enough to give it a try. Worst case scenario I could imagine: The cake did not end up as a layered cake of sorts, but instead ended up as a more homogenous mass. It should be tasty anyway and more importantly, it should not be capable of setting the kitchen on fire.

It would have been easier to go to the market stall, of course. The Apples usually had one member of the family tend to the market stall, selling their produce. But I knew that Applejack was working in the orchards today, so that duty probably fell to Big Macintosh. I had no qualms with Big Mac at all, but for some reason, I did not really connect with him either – not in the same way Spike apparently did. And I did not mind the trek out to the orchard, or the opportunity to chit chat with a friend.

I crossed the threshold of Sweet Apple Acres when I first heard their faint voices. The occasional gust of wind carried them, but I was still too far away to make out any words. The closer I drew, however, the more I became aware of who was yelling at whom.

“You come back here this instant, you gosh darn vermin! Come back or I’ll tell Granny!” Applejack yelled.

“You would snitch on me?!” a shocked Rainbow replied.

“Don’t make me do it!” AJ threatened.

And a second later, I heard a loud splosh. What were these two doing? I sped up my walking pace a little, my ears swiveling around to hone in on the direction of their voices and soon enough, I could see a multihued mane stick out of a couple of branches. Applejack noticed my approach, but did not react much to it, instead opting to stay focused on her task at hoof: Balancing a long branch in her mouth to poke at Rainbow, who, for some reason, was clinging to the tree like a cat threatened with a filled bathtub.

I silently sidled up to Applejack and watched the pair go about their… uh… courtship ritual, probably.

“You come down here right this instant, missy, or I’ll get the hose!” Applejack threatened.

“You can’t make me!” Rainbow spat right back. “The water won’t pump this far!”

“Good morning, Applejack,” I greeted her.

“Mornin’, partner,” she replied without taking her eyes off of Rainbow.

“Good morning to you as well Rainbow,” I sent up.

“Hi,” Rainbow just threw down.

“So… do I want to know what’s going on? It’s not some kinky roleplay I stumbled into, is it?” I teased.

“No,” AJ answered while somehow simultaneously growling at Rainbow, “that featherbrain hurt Antonia and I want to calmly explain to her what went wrong…!”

I furrowed my brow, nodded and took a look around while they kept hissing at each other and bickering. I could confirm my suspicion once I noticed a nearby apple tree missing a piece of its protective bark. And it was actually not that hard to put one and one together. Some stupid challenge or another, and Rainbow using way too much force when bucking the tree. Applejack could easily smash skulls to a fine paste with a single kick of her powerful hindlegs. The only reason those trees were still standing was her carefully measuring her strength and her earth pony magic. She did not want to hurt the tree, so she didn’t. Rainbow, however, was not an earth pony. When she bucked a tree full force, there was no magic diverting the excess part of the kinetic energy.

“I’m honestly just surprised that lazy slowpoke is up already, I mean, doesn’t she usually wake up like… in the middle of the day?” I mused with a wicked grin, knowing full well what was about to come next.

“Say what?!” Rainbow immediately protested and swooped down within two seconds, landing right next to Applejack.

Applejack, on the other hoof, had a prime opportunity to do… something with Rainbow. Anything. But what I had said did not sit right with her, so she turned towards me as well, with a disgruntled look on her face. “That’s uncalled for!” AJ jumped to Rainbow's totally warranted defense. “She has been up with me for hours today, and several days in the last weeks! She works her flank off to help out and she does a mighty fine job doing it! You don’t get to call her names just because of a simple mistake with a simple fix!”

I grinned a little wider and gestured between the two of them. It took them a moment to realize and stare at each other, then back to me and they both groaned in unison. “Wait,” Rainbow spoke up first, “so… simple fix? You really meant that I wasn’t in trouble?”

“Of course I meant it, you silly goose!” Applejack answered with an exasperated sigh. “That could’ve happened to anypony. I just need to show you how to avoid it.”

“Happened to me twice,” I threw in for good measure, only to belatedly add with a shrug, “I’m a slow learner sometimes.”

“But… but…” Rainbow was confused. She looked over to me as if I could explain whatever was going on in her head, then she looked to Applejack. “But you were stalking towards me! Like some predator or something!”

Applejack winced a little. “I did not.”

“Did too!”

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

“Did—“

“How long have you two been doing this again?” I intervened before they could rile each other up again.

Both stopped for a moment to think before shrugging. “Couple of hours, as I said,” Applejack replied.

“Each day, every day,” Rainbow grumbled quietly. “We make breaks, sure, but those are shooort. I need naptime. But she always says ‘just one more row’ or something, and then it’s the next day!”

Ah. That again. I looked over to Applejack and raised my eyebrow in a very specific, hard to describe way that Twilight had taught me. It was a specific sign developed by her to short-circuit Applejack's usual arguments about the issue. “I might have some… minor back pains,” Applejack relented.

I gave a relieved sigh. I had not expected her to give in this quickly or easily. Rainbow, however, flared her nostrils and snorted. “I asked! You said no! You lied to me!” she accused Applejack, who at this point flinched away a little.

“I’m sorry, okay? We need to get this work done, it—“

“There’s always work!” Rainbow barged in. “And it always needs to get done! I don’t complain… too much… and I’m here, aren’t I? But you’re not much help if you ruin yourself!” Applejack mumbled something under her breath and Rainbow, who apparently had heard the comment, groaned in annoyance. “AJ, this is not a competition!” she insisted with a heavy sigh. “You could get hurt!” Both Applejack's and my eyes went wide and we stared at Rainbow. A couple of seconds later, her words registered in her own mind and her reaction was basically the same. Aside from the ‘staring at herself’-part. “Wow… I just said that, didn’t I?” Both Applejack and I nodded. “Huh.”

“Maybe you both need a break,” I suggested. “And I mean, like, a break-break. Take a day off or something. Go to the spa, get pampered. Or have a nice day in, cook together, have a picnic in the fields, just… do something else for a while.”

Applejack turned a little and rested her forehead on Rainbow's back, rubbing her face on her partner's coat while quietly groaning. “Ugh. Maybe that would be for the best.”

Rainbow's grin widened considerably as a particular thought struck her. “So… I get to have naptime?”

Applejack chuckled into her back. “I think I could actually use a nap myself.”

Rainbow was elated, to say the least. “Yessss,” she hissed.

“But we need to take a bath first,” Applejack insisted.

“Right, bath, sure. I can do that.” A multicolored blur zipped away in the direction of the farmhouse before anypony really had any chance to get another word in. Applejack, who had been leaning on Rainbow, struggled to keep her balance and might have tumbled forwards, but I charged my horn and fashioned a weak field of resistance where Rainbow should have been.

“You alright there?” I asked, stepped closer to her and looked her over. Now that I knew what to look for, it was a lot easier to spot. She was exhausted.

“I’m fine,” she sighed. “That featherbrain just left me standin' here, didn’t she?” she sighed again.

I chuckled a bit. “Well… she’s just very, uh… excited? Yeah, that's it. She’s very excited. About the prospect of taking a nap. With you. And maybe about taking a bath with you as well, I mean, who knows. Two ponies in one bath tub, that’s rather cozy… who knows what that might lead to.”

Now she chuckled herself and shook her head. “I tell you: You’re obsessed!” She straightened herself out and took a look around. “I’m going to have to leave a note for Big Mac. He’s not going to be happy about this.”

I smiled and bumped my shoulder against hers. “He’ll be fine. He wants you to be well, too, you know?”

She huffed a little, but did not object. She instead looked at me for a moment. “Say, what are you actually here for anyway? I suppose you didn’t just come by to send me to bed, did you?”

“Nope, that’s still Luna’s duty,” I remarked.

“It is?” Applejack immediately asked in surprise.

And I broke out in laughter. I tried to control myself a little, not letting it go on for too long. “No,” I finally answered. “But you’d be surprised how many ponies think that. For some reason, a lot of ponies attribute the mere act of getting sleepy and tired to her. Which is funny, in a way, seeing as her problem back then was that everypony slept through her beautiful night and disregarded it entirely. Anyway, I came here for some apples. Makes sense, right? This being an apple orchard and all that.”

She raised an eyebrow and chuckled. “Mhm, sure. And the market was obviously bought out of stock.”

I shrugged. “The market doesn’t have you.”

It was a small piece of honesty, delivered with nonchalance. Something she could appreciate. “Aw shucks, thank you kindly.”

“I originally thought that we might be able to chat for a little while,” I further explained. “but seeing as you keep softly swaying from side to side, I think you might actually need that bath and nap.”

“I am not swayin',” she insisted. While slightly swaying.

“Right. Sure.” I chuckled.

“Did not!” she insisted.

“AJ, I'm not Rainbow. I'm not even going to start that.”

We stared at each other for a moment, before she sighed. “Take some from the bushel over there if it’s the right kind. All the others are in the barn or at the market.”

I smiled and charged my horn. Two apples levitated over to my saddlebags and I took a bit out of my purse to levitate it over to her. Only then did I notice the little flaw in my plan. She had nothing to store the money. “I’m… uh… I’m going to give this to Big Mac?” I offered.

She chuckled and gave me a nod. “You do that. I have a featherbrain to catch.”

“Good luck with that.” I stepped up and hugged her. I could not help but notice the myriads of minor knots all over her neck, but I remained silent. With any luck, Rainbow would take good care of her, now that she knew what was going on.

And a few minutes later, with my massive bounty of two entire apples, I was on my way to Sugarcube Corner.

The exchange with Big Mac on the way there was unsurprisingly brief and simple. I showed him two apples, told him Applejack could not take the money at the moment and gave him the bit. For his part, the entire exchange was worth two nods and a single ‘eyupp’.

As soon as I entered Sugarcube Corner, the smell of cotton candy and cinnamon hit my nostrils. The first one was just fine, it was a bakery after all, but I really appreciated the second one. After stepping aside from the door so as to not block the entryway, I looked around. The entire room was packed, as was to be expected for a weekend day. Misses Cake delivered the orders and Mister Cake manned the counter, where a short line of customers was constantly kept moving. It was almost a work of art, seeing those two do their job, and do it so well. “Hello Misses Cake, hello Mister Cake!” I greeted them both.

Misses Cake trotted by with a tray balanced on her back and took a second to step up to me and hug me. “Hello, sweetie. Pinkie is in the kitchen, she seems very excited about your visit today,” she quietly told me. Due to the room being this full, the sheer background noise of so many customers ordering, talking, laughing and eating made it loud enough that her regular speech seemed like a faint whisper.

“Thanks! Well, I hoped she would be,” I replied with a chuckle and gave a curt nod.

While she trotted away to deliver those cupcakes on her back to the next table, I spotted Mister Cake shooting me a warm and welcoming, if somewhat strained smile. Better not to distract them too much, I told myself and walked alongside the constantly both shortening and growing line of customers, past the counter and into the kitchen. Where I found Pinkie in the middle of madness, unsurprisingly.

She zipped from counter to counter, stirred something in a bowl, added milk, stirred another bowl, added sugar, took a look at the oven, threw some eggs into the air and somehow managed to catch them, perfectly separating egg white and yolk, before pouring some thick batter into a little form.

Right in the middle of this entire dance, she shot me a wide grin and her usual “Hiya!”-greeting. Just to let me know that my arrival had not gone unnoticed. But I politely stepped to the side and watched her for a while longer. It was a sight to behold and definitely had a trancelike quality, as it was increasingly hard to look away. Her movement was fluent and smooth, every action carefully measured and preplanned. Not only did she know this place, she felt it.

I highly suspected earth pony magic being involved in all that. Special talents relating to food were quite common among earth ponies after all. But Pinkie’s talent was parties, at least according to her supple flank. Which I really should not be staring at. Which I should not be-

Right, that’s better.

I did notice her amused smirk though, which made me blush. Why, for Celestia’s sake, did she always have to notice everything? And on that note: She could be so gosh darn oblivious on other occasions. It drove me mad at times. There was a switch, not a slider. It was either on, or off, but nothing in between. I chuckled to myself as she threw another two trays into the oven. In the part of the kitchen that was closer to the entrance where I stood, a sea of perfected treats was waiting for Mister and Misses Cake to draw from.

“You got bored?” I finally asked when she put her apron aside for now.

“Weeell,” she started with a wide grin. “You were running a little late and I saw how many customers there are and I just knew that they would totally devour all of our chocolate chip muffins and our white chocolate strawberry and raspberry cupcakes and most of our cinnamon cookies, so I thought to myself: You know what, Pinkie? You’re a smart cookie! One that the Cakes would never sell! And you are fast, too.”

“And good-looking,” I threw in with a chuckle.

“Right?” she agreed with enthusiasm, wiggling her rump for emphasis, “And good-looking! Tasty looking, so to speak! And it would not take me long to make some more. And then I thought: Well, you’re still not here, and they are still there, and I am still me, so I could go make more, and then some more, and then—“

“I see,” I interrupted with another chuckle. She had walked over to me and stopped a couple of steps away. I reduced that distance to zero and hugged her. Some flour fluttered down and tickled my nose. The entire room was warm from the oven that apparently had been running ever since she had woken up this morning. And it smelled like so many different sweet treats that it was almost overwhelming. Her fluffy mane reminded me even more of cotton candy as it pressed against me as soon as she brushed her neck along mine.

“It’s nice to have you here,” she told me in a quieter, more restrained voice.

I smiled. “Tough morning?” I whispered into her sugary mane.

“Mhm,” she mumbled in return.

“Don’t worry,” I tried to ease her longing. “She’ll be back in a couple of days. And I’m pretty sure you will bake her the fanciest treat ever as a ‘welcome back but please never leave me for an entire week ever again’-treat.”

She giggled at that. “How did you guess the name?” Obviously, a short gasp followed. “You are a psychic after all!” she exclaimed.

“No, I’m still not a psychic,” I denied with a laugh. “I just… I like to believe I know you a little bit.”

“It’s the exact phrasing I used for the banner,” she insisted. "And totally what a psychic would say if he doesn't want others to know that he's a psychic!"

“Okay, maybe more than just ‘a little bit’,” I insisted. I ignored the latter part. There was no winning that.

She disentangled from our hug to intensely stare me in the eyes and after a couple of seconds sighed. “Fine. Keep your secrets. But I'm watching you, mister!” Her wide smile immediately returned when she slid up next to me and stared at the Realm of the Kitchen for a second, taking in what must be – for her – an alluring panorama. “So, wanna get started?”

I nodded. “Sure. Let me just get ready and you can pick the first thingy.” I levitated my saddlebags over into a corner, took up the second apron instead and walked over to one of the sinks to wash my hooves. Being a unicorn and walking around a lot, it was not strictly necessary for me, but the effort was made.

“Nu-uh!” Pinkie disagreed while I fastened the apron. “I told you: I am going to be your assistant today!”

“You know, about that,” I started. “Why are you so insistent on that anyway? I mean… I really don’t mind being told what to do. I’m usually a better support anyway. And this is more or less your domain. I’ve seen you work and hooo boy, it’s impressive. You know everything. Looks like it, anyway. Putting me in charge will significantly slow us down. I mean, It would do so even if I was only helping, because let’s face it, you’re just too good at this, but still… I think I just lost track.”

She giggled and walked over, bumping my shoulder with a hoof and leaving a floury white hoofprint behind. “That’s an easy question, silly! You can learn tons and tons of important stuff about somepony if you watch how they bake. Offering assistance with that does two things: It shortens those things that don’t need to be overly long to learn more, and it shows you how that pony leads. I cooked with Twilight. I originally wanted to bake with her too, but then Spike exploded the kitchen and—“

“He did what?” I interrupted with a chuckle.

“Oh, yes, flour can be nasty stuff, very temperamental,” she replied with a grin and a shrug. And somehow, a cold shudder ran down my spine. I had heard about flour explosions. Those were actually quite dangerous. But I had seen Spike this morning. He looked fine. No lasting injuries, no trauma I could notice traces of, nothing. “Don’t worry, that was a couple of months after they moved here,” Pinkie added as if she was reading my mind. Because I was the supposed psychic in the room, sure. But I was relieved to hear that this had been years ago. I could not tell with certainty why that was relieving, but hey.

So. She wanted to learn more about me. By watching me take charge and bake. I suspected that she expected something similar to Twilight in that regard. Organized and orderly bordering on the pathological and decent skills in leading. I was just slower. And less of a leader. But I could understand her approach and was getting curious about that myself now. It would be interesting, hearing what she learned about me from this little endeavor.

“Alright. Are you ready?” I asked her and she gave an eager nod. “Good. First of all, we’ll prepare the kitchen. We’ll need two working spaces with decent size. A measuring cup, a large bowl, a whisk and… oh, a knife for these two.” I levitated the two apples out of my saddlebags and over to us, so that Pinkie could take a good look at them. “Let’s start with that, shall we?”

“Yessiree!” Pinkie answered and we both got to work. Cleaning a space for us was not that hard to manage – the kitchen was a spacious area with lots of tables and Pinkie knew perfectly well where to find each and every tool. Seeing as we were on a good run already, I told her the ingredients and their exact amounts and we took a second step by measuring those and putting them aside for later use. I had wanted to show Pinkie that I was capable of separating eggs, but in hindsight, for that to happen, I probably should have told her that we need ten eggs and not list yolk and egg white separately. She just threw the entire package into the air and… did… something. The amount of motion blur involved was dizzying. Whatever exactly had happened between start and finish did not matter as much as the result that we now had everything in order, measured and waiting to be used.

“You already know what this is going to be, don’t you?” I asked just out of curiosity.

But to my surprise, Pinkie shook her head. “Nopers. There’s actually quite a lot you could make with these ingredients.”

Oh. Huh. I let my gaze drift over everything once more, but ultimately just shrugged. “Right, then let me tell you about baumkuchen. It’s a layered cake of sorts. First, we have to beat the egg white until it’s almost stiff, then carefully add the sugar. Since I saw you being a pro at this earlier, that’ll be your task. The measuring cup should do just fine for this. Meanwhile, I’m going to try to cream the butter and add a pinch of salt. Then I add two yolks, a bit of milk and a quarter of the starch. Mix it up and repeat until all the yolk, milk and starch is in there. After that, we take the whipped egg whites. A quarter of that gets mixed in with the batter to make it smoother and a little bit more liquid than it will be at that point. The rest we have to gently fold in. Should make the whole batter nice and fluffy.” Throughout my entire explanation, Pinkie had patiently waited and listened. It was actually quite nice. For some strange reason, a part of me had expected her to be more impatient than this. To move things along quicker. But she really did leave our speed of progress to me. “Alright. Let’s start with that, then.”

Pinkie was done with her task in no time at all. Which really was no surprise. “Would you mind if I whip something up on the side while you’re still busy?”

“Nah, not at all,” I replied with a smile and suddenly remembered my earlier encounter with Derpy. “Hey, speaking of which. I met Derpy this morning and she might come by after her shift is over. You don’t fancy making some muffins by any chance, do you?”

My grin only grew wider as Pinkie whistled with a smirk. “Boy, do I! One batch of muffins coming right up, got it!”

We worked in parallel in relative silence and I did not mind at all. On one hoof, it allowed me to concentrate on my task. Distractions were usually what made me screw up. On the other hoof, while I loved talking with Pinkie, I also cherished those quieter moments we shared every now and then, where co-existing in close proximity was just enough. With another little step done, we would occasionally look up. Look where the other was, what the other was doing. And twice throughout that, our eyes met and we grinned like a mixture between busy bees and a pair of overjoyed foals.

“Done!” we both yelled in unison and broke down giggling.

Since I had focused on my task, I had not noticed how much Pinkie had actually done in that time alone. It was hard to gauge, seeing as Mister and Misses Cake occasionally came in to take another tray outside. An empty space, however, was filled with another new batch of treats in no time. I gave up on trying and just shrugged. Pinkie was Pinkie and Pinkie was a kitchen devil. That was quite alright with me.

I presented the large bowl to her, with the creamy, beige batter inside. Little pieces of apple were visible here and there. “The next part is the really time-consuming and annoying one. We take a ladle and put one layer into the cake-pan. It shouldn’t be higher than a quarter of an inch. The oven is already preheated at 430 degrees Fahrenheit, so that should be fine. It goes in for, like, three to five minutes. Once it comes out, we add a new layer. Rinse and repeat until the bowl is empty. Usually it takes me around an hour or so.”

Pinkie nodded with a smile. “That gives us some time to recklessly gossip! And you can help me decorate my muffin.”

“Sure, I’d like to decorate your muffin.” There was a groaning silence for about five seconds before I registered what I had said and we both laughed uproariously. “Riiight. Anyway, let’s get started. You got the timer?”

“Sure do!” she said, pulling something out of her mane and setting it on the table.

Over the course of the next couple of minutes – and layers – we decorated a bunch of her most recent work and had quite a giggle here and there, drawing smiley faces with frosting or writing little messages to the paying customers. Pinkie wrote “I like your mane! You should wear it more often like that!” on a muffin. That might not look like much, but to be written on a muffin and for it to still be readable was physically impossible.

So right on brand for Pinkie then.

That actually gave me an idea though. “Say, do you mind if I ask a weird question?”

“Only if I can ask one in return,” she replied with a grin.

“Yeah, sure. You can always ask me anything anyway, you know that,” I said and immediately knew the mistake I had made. Not because the floodgates would open and thousands of questions would pour out in a constant stream, drowning me right here and now, no. She just needed to slowly raise a single eyebrow just a little bit, while her smile grew a little bit wider. I had said that to her, while I was asking for her permission to ask myself. I raised a hoof before she said anything. “Fine, fine, point taken!”

She grinned and hugged me. “I’m getting better at this whole ‘talk without talking’-thing! Fluttershy will be so proud of me!”

We both giggled. “Most likely, yes,” I agreed. After calming down a little, I refocused on some recent memories. I had seen Pinkie use her tail as a fifth leg to keep balance. I had seen her use her mane to hold the whisk and whip the egg whites. I had seen her bounce several feet into the air as if her legs contained coil springs instead of bones. And it all brought me back to a theory of mine. However, I was decently sure that Pinkie either did not know the answer herself or would not want to answer me. And I did not want to make her feel uncomfortable or put her in a tough spot. “So, you gals had your fair share of villains to defeat over the past years. Nightmare Moon, King Sombra, Queen Chrysalis, Lord Tirek… heh… has anyone ever noticed that we have a king, a queen and a couple of princesses, but ‘lord’ is technically a lower title than—… doesn’t matter, I’m getting sidetracked. What I wanted to ask is this: Have you ever heard of Discord?”

Pinkie leaned against a counter, produced a hat from her mane to pull halfway down her face and ‘smoked’ a chocolate stick while somehow puffing little rings of smoke out. “Oh, sure we’ve heard of discord. We don’t like such things ‘round these parts, fella.”

While I chuckled heartily due to the show she put on for me, I did notice her mane wobble slightly as I mentioned that name. “Right, sure, I noticed. But you see, it’s not just that. Discord is a person.”

Pinkie ate the stick and let her mane devour the hat again. “He is?”

I grinned a little wider. Hadn’t told you that he’s a ‘he’, Pinks… Admittedly, the name had certain gender implications. But still. “So you’ve never heard of him. None of you ever encountered him? I was just wondering, because I have a lot of memories from a lot of cycles and some things get changed each and every time, but they are usually minor discrepancies. The complete absence of a major obstacle is… strange? Then again, he is the physical embodiment of chaos, so there’s that.”

Pinkie smiled and shrugged. “Nope, sorry, never seen the guy.”

But have you heard of him, or encountered him? Maybe I was just being paranoid again. I knew Pinkie. She was unpredictable, true, but she never had any affinity for manipulation and subterfuge. I had a hard time imagining that she intentionally avoided my questions. Whatever the case might be, one thing I deemed certain: Pinkie would never do anything that would put her friends in danger. And since the entire populace of Ponyville counted towards that circle, I had nothing to worry about. “So, what’s your question?”

“Hm? Oh, right. Can we use that name?” she asked and confused me to no end.

“Wait, what?” Eloquence. “Who’s ‘we’? And what name? Discord?” Her tail waggled a little. Probably some sign for her Pinkie Sense, I tried to tell myself. Then again, Twilight never found out how that worked or what it actually was, did she? Bad Dreamwalker! Stop! Down that path lies only madness.

Pinkie stepped closer to me and put a hoof on my shoulder. The simple gesture was enough to rip me free from my darkening thoughts. I looked into her eyes and only saw honest worry and concern, love, care, and loads of sugary sweet warmth. “Are you alright?” she asked in a quiet voice.

I sighed. “Sorry. I’m fine, really. Nothing to worry about. Still, I don’t quite understand what you’re asking.”

She kept staring at me for a moment longer until she seemed satisfied and nodded. A second later, she perked right back up, hugged me and we applied another layer to the cake before she leaned against the counter again. “Well, I know it’s really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, reeeaaally early for that. But I was thinking, at some point, Twilight can cast that ‘you’re a stallion now!’-spell on Flutters or me. Oh I hope she casts it on Flutters! She’d be adorable! And then we could… ehrm… and we would… ehehehe…”

It felt somewhat strange, seeing Pinkie blush furiously. She usually was not this coy. But then again, maybe it was due to the Cakes coming in occasionally? Or maybe because Fluttershy was different for her. Either way, at least I now knew which name she was talking about.

Which immediately threw me into my next predicament.

Maybe it had been a mistake to tell them about their alternate versions. Different lives were probably different lives for a reason and the knowledge alone might have tainted thoughts of those ponies near and dear to me already.

“But ‘Whisper’ was the name chosen by a very different Fluttershy and a very different Pinkie Pie,” I objected. “Are you really sure that is what you want to go with? Just imitating somepony else?”

However, Pinkie could be quite persistent if she wanted to. “It’s not ‘imitating’, silly,” she replied and poked my shoulder with a hoof, “It’s another Flutters. And another Pinkie. And I trust myself. And it’s a really pretty name. And it fits so well with a foal we would make. And they had so much time to think of a name and they came up with this one. Maybe it’s not fair to take a shortcut. And I’m not even saying that we will. I just want to put it on the list of potential candidates. The not very long list. Where I want to put it right up at the top.”

She grinned and I sighed. For better or worse, she did seem quite smitten with the name. For now anyway. Her relationship with Fluttershy was a couple of weeks old. Not old enough to seriously consider foals by a long shot. Then again, I had seen the PPPPC - Pinkie Pie’s Party Planning Cave. I knew that she liked to be prepared and organized, despite what it might look like on a surface level. If I would allow for it, it would be noted down somewhere and it would resurface the day the discussion actually came up, whenever that might be.

But there was another point to be considered: Did I even have any right to deny her the request?

True enough, she would never have learned from different cycles were it not for me telling her. But Whisper, as a name for her daughter, was so common. So widespread. A part of me dared to ask: What if that was my fault? What if this, right here, had repeated over and over and over again? To the point that one Pinkie and one Fluttershy once thought of that name, and I was the one falling in love with it and spreading it around like butter on toast.

If, however, that fear would prove unfounded, then it would be most likely that, given how widespread the name appeared to be, they would have come up with it eventually. All on their own. In that case, it would just be what Pinkie had said: A shortcut.

But shortcuts were not necessarily a good thing.

They were not necessarily bad either.

I groaned. “I don’t know,” I sighed. “I don’t feel like I have any right to refuse. Because it was, at some point, originally your idea. Or an idea one of your incarnations had. But then you ask me for permission, and thereby, you give me the right to refuse, and that confuses the heck out of me and I don’t know.”

“I really like that name,” Pinkie quietly said.

It was that tone of voice that made me look up. Look at her and see that shimmer of silent hope in her eyes. And I realized that she was asking less for my permission and more for my blessing, in a way. Which did not make any of this any less confusing, to be honest. But it did warm my heart a little. And made the mere thought of refusing her appear utterly absurd.

So I stepped up to her and hugged her tight. “Of course you can. If you really want to — and if Fluttershy agrees — and if you actually remember the day this becomes relevant… you may.”

“Pffft, have you seen my PPPPC?” Pinkie asked with a quiet giggle.

I smiled. “I have. It’s nice.”

“That’s what Fluttershy said as well!” she gasped and we both shared another giggle.

We disentangled as the timer went off again and soon enough, the bowl was empty and the cake was cooling off on the counter for the next hour or so. “Once that is done,” I explained, “we cut a grid into the cake. We melt down the couverture chocolate in a water bath meanwhile. And then it gets messy.”

“Wheeeee!” Pinkie exclaimed excitedly. “I love it when kitchen work becomes messy, especially when it involves chocolate!”

I chuckled and nodded. “I expected as much. With the cake cooled and cut and the chocolate melted, we need to dunk every piece in. To give it a nice layer from all sides. We should put it down on baking paper or something, so that it can cool down again and the chocolate hardens. And then we’re actually done. Took half a day, but that should be the last step.” We went about preparing the next steps. I cut the cake and Pinkie melted the chocolate down. “Say, before we started, you said that you learn a lot about ponies, watching how they bake. What did you get from me? I’ll admit, I’m a little curious.”

She grinned while leaning against the table again. “Weeell… you’re a weird one. You can be ridiculously impatient with yourself, setting standards that can’t be reached. But you are ridiculously patient and lenient with everything and everypony else. You respect your tools to the point where you sometimes thank them, which I think is adorable. You prefer to work slowly, as to minimize mistakes. You could work faster, but you don’t appreciate your own time as much as you appreciate having made fewer mistakes. You’re really organized, which helps you a bunch, but on the same note: It’s a requirement, because you’re really forgetful. You consistently scrutinize your own work, double- and triple-checking everything. You’re bad at multitasking. But if you focus on something, you can sink into this headspace where everything becomes fluent motion and it makes you more efficient. You look almost relaxed when you’re in there. But almost anything can bring you out again, so it’s hard to maintain. I would think you work best when alone, but your affinity for organization actually helps you take charge of assistants. You trust them enough to do their own work by their own rules, but you give them clear goals of what has to be achieved. Come to think of it, with minor discrepancies, you’re like a mini-Twilight.”

I just stared at her flabbergasted. Nothing of what she had said really came as a surprise. But. The fact that she gleaned all of that from just watching me bake? That was ridiculous.

“That… is… wow. Okay. Just… wow.” I shook my head. “Impressive.”

Pinkie beamed at me. “Thank you!”

We finished our work a little while later. Pinkie’s muzzle had splotches of chocolate all over the place. She called it a ‘reserve’ for later and occasionally licked one of them away. Our baumkuchen was done. Each piece had a nice, thick coating and had cooled down, so we arranged them on a large plate like a pyramid, layering the pieces of layered cake.

“I hope I don’t interrupt anything?” a voice both familiar and unfamiliar asked, surprising both Pinkie and me.

Familiar, because I knew her quite well. Unfamiliar, because I had not expected Sunny to come by today. Especially not in the Cake’s kitchen. “Oh! Hey!” I immediately trotted over. She tried to warn me that I had flour on me, and chocolate, and syrup for some reason, but I disregarded all of that and embraced her. She giggled quietly once she heard my deep, happy sigh. “Lovely to see you here,” I mumbled, kissing her neck a couple of times before retreating enough to give her a proper kiss.

Her smile grew a little as she smacked her lips. “Dark chocolate?”

I turned and gestured towards the large plate. “We have milk chocolate as well. And white chocolate. Want some?”

Pinkie used the opening to step around the table and up to us as well. “Hi Sunny! I didn’t know you would come by, I would have prepared a little something otherwise…”

“Oh do not worry, Pinkie. The thought is very much appreciated. I just needed a break and somepony,” she emphasized with a side glance towards me, “was very insistent that I take one whenever I feel like I might need one.”

I just shrugged and laughed. “Must’ve been your sister. She can be sooo pushy, right?”

She raised an eyebrow, but quietly giggled anyway. “Yes, it must have been her. How silly of me to remember anything else.”

Once we turned our attention back to Pinkie, she was patiently waiting for us with a considerably smaller plate and a selection of a dozen pieces of cake on it. “There you go,” she said and hoofed the plate over. “I’m going to clean up a little.”

I took the plate in my levitation, but otherwise hesitated. I looked at Sunny, then at Pinkie. “Are you sure? I don’t want to… you know… just abandon you here. With work left to do, no less.”

But Pinkie just snorted in amusement. “Don’t worry, silly! I’m fine, this is nothing. You should see the kitchen after Rainbow’s birthday parties. This has been a lot of fun though, we should totally do that again soon!”

“We should,” I agreed and hugged her again. “Thanks, Pinks. Maybe we will see each other tomorrow?”

“Sure!” she chirped up. “I could come over for breakfast and bring some…” She quickly turned and hid her face. I noticed a hoof rummaging in her mane and heard some strange scraping sound as she did something on her muzzle. When she turned back, both Sunny and I giggled at the ridiculous fake mustache she had quickly drawn on her face. “… croissants?”

A decent Gustave Le Grand-impression, as far as I was concerned. “Sounds lovely. See you tomorrow then.”

Sunny and I left the kitchen and got lucky enough to actually get a table to ourselves. Not that I would have minded sharing a table all that much – not in Ponyville, anyway. I put down the plate and noticed with a chuckle how three of the twelve pieces of cake had already gone missing on their way from the kitchen to our table. “Strange. Look, it’s less than it was before, isn’t it? Have you noticed anything?” I asked Sunny with a grin.

She perfectly swallowed the last bite without attracting any attention to it and only that tiny smudge of milk chocolate on the very corner of her mouth betrayed her efforts. She clearly had not noticed it and I was not about to spoil that. “Nothing at all,” she replied. “But it had been awfully warm in that kitchen, maybe you just imagined there being more? Are you hungry, by any chance?”

I grinned, leaned over and gave her a longer kiss. I even dared to let some passion flow into it and she was all too happy to accept it. Once I pulled back, I grinned even wider. “Less so now.” And just for good measure, I picked up a piece and shoved it into my mouth. The chocolate coating immediately started to melt and filled my mouth with sugary sweetness. And to my delight, the cake beneath actually tasted faintly of apples. “Yes! It worked!”

“It?” Sunny asked. She just sat there like nothing had happened. Nothing at all. With six pieces remaining on the plate. I had no idea how she did that, but it was both hilarious and impressive.

“The recipe doesn’t include apples, adding those was a stray idea I had last night,” I explained. “But you can actually taste them. I wasn’t sure what they would do to the batter. Too much acidity or too much liquid or whatever, baking is weird and I’m not Pinkie Pie. But it worked out.”

She smiled her serene little smile and nodded. “You have every right to be proud, it looks delectable.” Three pieces remaining. Wow.

“Well, yes, it’s just a shame Pinkie was so stingy. Surely she could have spared a little more than that,” I fake-complained. “Maybe I should head back to the kitchen and talk to her?”

“Hm. Well, you could try?” Sunny suggested with a hard to spot smirk.

I took her up on the offer, levitated the plate up again and made my way to the counter. Two pieces on top when I started that arduous journey of a couple of steps, and expectantly empty once I reached it. At this point, I was certain that she somehow used her magic without me noticing. Which was an impressive feat by itself, given my sensibility to magic. There were no other possibilities I could think of either, as she was still sitting at the table. She patiently waited and grinned in my direction. Maybe she just teleported them straight from the plate into her mouth? Was that possible?

I put the plate down on the counter. “Thank you, Mister Cake. It was really tasty, as usual!” He looked a little bit confused, as he could not remember me ordering anything, but smiled and nodded anyway as his next customer addressed him.

I made my way back to our table. “It’s a little stuffed in here. Do you maybe want to take a walk with me?”

Her smile grew a little bit warmer. “I would love to. I have been sitting around all day, I would welcome the change.”

We bid our farewells to Misses Cake and left Sugarcube Corner, slowly walking around town without any real destination in mind. “Pinkie had a point though,” I addressed her. “I wasn’t expecting you. Don’t get me wrong, it’s always great to have you here. But I keep wondering if there might be a specific reason for that? Did you use the stone?”

“No, I flew,” she replied. She looked up into the sky and admired the weather team's work of keeping it clear and blue. “And there really is not. As I said before, I just needed a break. You would tell me if I were to inconvenience you, would you not?”

I sighed, but smiled nonetheless. I walked a little closer to her so that our coats brushed. “I didn’t want to imply anything, love. I was really just curious. And I’m actually flattered that you flew all the way out here to enjoy your break with me. Couldn’t have been easy to find me.”

She giggled softly. “The flight admittedly was part of my break. It does feel oh so nice to stretch my wings from time to time. And while you might have been somewhat secretive about your plans for today, the same cannot be said about Pinkie. Yes, I had to ask one or two ponies, but no tracking spell was required.”

I leaned over and placed a couple of little pecks on her neck. And to my delight, I was rewarded with a giggle from Sunny. “So, tell me,” I started a little bit of small talk, “how was your day so far? ‘Needing a break’ sounds rough?”

She shook her head. “Quite the contrary actually. It had been such a sluggish day that I closed court early. Of course there was paperwork waiting for me, there always is, but…” She fell silent for just a moment, mulling things over, before continuing even quieter. “I was bored.”

For some reason, that made me laugh. And that look she shot me was enough that I tried to reign myself in quickly. I even stopped walking and pulled her into an embrace, just to mollify her a little more. “Sorry, I was just surprised. I had not expected that. You know that’s perfectly fine, right?”

“It should not be,” she argued.

“Because your every waking minute and every living breath should be spent working towards the betterment of Equestria and the lives of each and every pony in it?” I asked with incredulity. “Come on, Sunny, we’ve been over this. You deserve to be happy just as much as everypony else and ‘being bored’ doesn’t exactly contribute to that.”

“But there is always something I can do. Something I could do. I should not be able to get bored,” she insisted with a tinge of frustration.

I sighed. Right now, she reminded me of Applejack and the endless stream of tasks that had to be done sooner rather than later. “Come on. You know better. Everypony gets bored. And last I checked, you were a pony.”

“There are ponies deeming that heresy,” she warned with a lopsided smile.

“Let them come, I say,” I replied with a shrug and a grin. “There are three princesses looking out for me.” I had to laugh at my own decidedly bad joke. It sounded so incredibly ridiculous. Mostly because for whatever reason, it actually was true.

Madness.

“Well, anyway – I love spending time with you, so let’s just do that and worry another day, shall we?” I suggested with a smile and kissed her. She had a hard time disagreeing with my proposal. “Let’s talk about baking. I just made a cake with Pinks from a memory that wasn’t even ‘mine’, per se, and I used a recipe from a memory that was actually mostly centered on me arguing with somepony. So there’s that. Weird story, but funny. I want to hear of some of your escapades. There must be a reason the cooks dared to ban you from the castle kitchen.”

“They did not ban me!” she insisted indignantly.

“Well, no, they ‘politely asked you to stay away’? Or what was it?” I pressed with a grin.

We walked through town, greeting the occasional passerby, and shared a couple of stories. I made a conscious effort to stick close to her, as it was rare to get so much uninterrupted time with her and I really enjoyed the intimate closeness. Something she noticed quickly, judging by her wing draping itself over my back. It made even clearer to any onlooker that I was hers and while nopony seemed to care – we did.

“Sorry!” the voice of a young filly yelled. “Sorry!” she repeated.

My ears swiveled around, honing in on the source of that voice and my head followed suit. I saw a light purple unicorn with a yellow mane barrel down the streets, frantically apologizing to everypony she almost knocked down and apparently searching for something in haste.

That light blond mane was unmistakably the same color as the mane of her mother. Before that filly could run past us, I used my spell to quickly scoop her up. Just for a second or two, before setting her down again. “Hey Dinky! What’s the rush?” I asked her.

As soon as she realized why she had suddenly stopped and who was talking to her, her eyes lit up in joy. Which in turn warmed my heart. It was such a nice view. To know, to see, that she cared about me. “Dreamwalker!” she squealed and ran over to hug my leg. After a moment, she pulled back and remembered that I had asked something. “I, uhm… I lost my mom.”

I had to choke down that amused snort as Dinky was clearly a little bit distressed by that. I instead ruffled her mane. “Don’t worry, we’ll find her.”

“You’ll help me?” she yelled a little overenthusiastically.

“Of course I will. If Derpy ever hears I didn’t, I’m never going to hear the end of it,” I said with a grin before lowering my head and whispering to her. “And I really like having you around, so that’s a bonus.” I picked her up with my levitation and put her on my back.

“Hello miss!” Dinky greeted Sunny with a radiant smile.

“Why hello there,” Sunny replied with an equally infectious smile.

“My name is Dinky Doo! Pleased to make your acqui… ac… nice to meet you!”

Sunny giggled a little. “My name is Sunny Skies. Nice to meet you, too.”

We continued on for a while, this time searching for Derpy. According to Dinky, she was with her mom at the market, so Derpy’s shift was most definitely over, meaning she had even less reason to fly around. That was both good news, and bad news. Good, because we did not need to look up at all. Bad, because Derpy was average height and the market, it being a weekend day and all, was packed.

I did miss Sunny’s wing over my back, but some things cannot be helped. We dipped into the stream of ponies and let ourselves drift around the market, keeping our eyes open for Derpy. We eventually heard her. “Dinky?!” she cried out. And sounded a little distressed herself. Which already told me that she had noticed her missing a little while ago and searched for her.

“Over here!” I yelled in an attempt to make myself heard over the crowd. “Where is she?” I asked Sunny and she pointed to the side. We made our way over there and exited the market square, finding Derpy soon after. “Hey, look who’s there,” I told Dinky.

“Hi mom!” she immediately yelled and waved at Derpy, who, with a massive sigh of relief, trotted over to us.

“I thought I lost you again!” Derpy said, her ears splayed back. After a moment looking her daughter over, she turned her attention to us. “Thank you so, so much!”

“Don’t worry, it really wasn’t that big of a deal,” I replied with a smile. “Hey, Dinky — do you want to see a magic trick?” I offered. Dinky did not need to consider that for long before enthusiastically nodding. Seeing that alone gave me whiplash. I looked over to Sunny. “Is it alright if you carry her for a second?”

“Oh, I can help! I can help!” Dinky proclaimed. She stood up on my back on rather wobbly legs, seeing as we were still moving about, and jumped over before Sunny had a chance to answer. I did not expect her to mind much, but asking was polite and this was somepony else’s foal, after all.

“Oh! Careful there!” Sunny exclaimed as she quickly spread her wings to keep Dinky from overshooting and falling off.

“Sorry, sorry, I don’t know what went wrong, I usually have a really good aim,” the little filly explained.

“Don't worry,” Sunny answered, “as long as you didn't hurt yourself, everything is fine.”

Dinky took a second to properly settle in on Sunny’s back before all three of them turned their attention to me. I closed my eyes and concentrated on my surroundings. I quickly noticed the yet unfamiliar magical tendril attached to me and gave it a quick pull. I immediately felt the additional weight settle on my body as my night guard armor appeared out of thin air. Both Derpy and Dinky gasped in surprise.

“Eh? Ehhh? Fancy, isn’t it?” I asked with a grin. I still had to get used to... everything. The armor's weight, the enhanced sight and hearing, my slightly altered voice... “Luna gave it to me yesterday. I’m not really supposed to wear it just yet, but she said it would be better to make myself acquainted with it sooner rather than later.”

“You have bat wings!” Dinky squealed in excitement. “And weird eyes… like… like a cat or something…”

“Ah, that, yes.” I had completely forgotten about the illusion enchantment. “I don’t really look much like myself anymore, do I? Well, I mean… that’s the point, but I forgot. Somehow, it feels less cool now,” I concluded with a chuckle.

“Well, you do look good in armor,” Derpy remarked with a grin and a faint blush.

I concentrated again to dismiss the armor back to the case under my bed while Sunny carefully lowered Dinky to the ground so that the filly could scamper over to her mother. As soon as that was done, she draped her wing across my back again and while I enjoyed that on each and every occasion, I did notice the peculiar timing. So did Derpy, it seemed, as her blush became a little bit more pronounced and she averted her eyes. “I’m sorry, I did not mean anything by that,” she quietly offered.

Sunny looked at me, then at her and sighed. “It is quite alright.” I felt like I had missed something. A part of the conversation perhaps. Maybe it was a pegasus-thing? Something about non-verbal communication via their wing movements? Neither of them seemed keen to explain anything though.

“Well, we should probably head back home anyway,” Derpy continued. “I have everything we need now, cutest filly included.” She leaned down and nuzzled Dinky, who giggled in reply. “Thank you again!”

They turned and were about to leave when I suddenly remembered something. “Oh, hey, Derpy!”

“Yes?”

“Maybe make a little detour to Sugarcube Corner,” I suggested. “While I won’t be there anymore, Pinks and I made some muffins, a special treat for you and you alone. They’re waiting there.”

Derpy’s face lit up, as did Dinky’s. “Will do!”

As they walked away, I looked after them for a moment. “She’s cute, isn’t she?” I noticed how Sunny’s wing gripped me a little bit more firmly and could not help but chuckle. “I’m talking about the filly, love.”

Her grip eased a little and she sighed. “She is.”

Her voice sounded way too neutral for my taste. She was controlling herself again. “Was that a sudden bout of jealousy?”

“I am afraid so,” she admitted. “I do not know what came over me. I am sorry.”

While she did not hang her head, I did see her ears twitch in an attempt to lie down flat against her skull and I was having none of that. I turned her muzzle with a little help of my magic and kissed her. “Don’t be. Nopony was hurt and everything is fine. It’s flattering in a way. And you don’t have to fear, you hear me? I’ll be with you for as long as you’ll have me.”

She sighed. “Thank you.”

I kissed her once more, just because I liked it and for good measure as well. To put emphasis on what I had said. “Say… your ‘break’ right now, how long will that be exactly? Because I know a certain princess lives nearby and she’d probably be thrilled to have you over for dinner. And as far as I’m aware, it’s been quite a while since you two last shared an informal meal just to spend some time. And… I would not be terribly sad if, by any chance, your break extended to this night as well. Given your castle staff won’t panic, of course.”

She considered my suggestion for a moment before that genuine smile returned to her alluring lips. “That… actually does sound lovely. And I do not think they panic that easily.”

… little did we know that the castle staff had already declared a state of emergency and Luna desperately battled panicky ponies, her own sleep deprivation and her own temper, as nopony actually seemed to listen when she tried to explain the situation to them…

Day 591: Make-Believe

Author's Note

Just a heads up: If you are utterly unfamiliar with pen & paper, some parts of the following chapter might confuse you.

Day 591: Make-Believe

I was calm, I was collected, I was prepared. And if I repeated that enough, maybe I would at some point start believing it, too. I instead sat at the solid wooden table in the living room, occupied one of five chairs and poured over my notes.

I loved preparation. It was a form of organization and organizing stuff always instilled a strange sense of satisfaction within me. In a way, it even helped me calm down a little, but as soon as I stopped reading notes and numbers alike, the nervousness returned with force. Just the usual pre-stage fright, nothing new so far. And nothing I should worry about, really. It was just a nice afternoon and evening I would be spending with a couple of friends. It would be fun. I knew that. But knowing that helped little, as usual.

“An armor class of… twenty six? Sweet Celestia, what was I thinking,” I mumbled to myself, took my pencil in my magic and erased some numbers, replacing them with something less ridiculous.

“That’s pretty high, yeah,” a suddenly intruding voice made me jump out of my skin.

My pencil flew… somewhere. Luckily, both the door and all windows were currently closed, so it was still within this room… somewhere. With a hoof over my rapidly, violently beating heart, I stared at Spike. “Dude, don’t… you almost killed me,” I wheezed.

The little dragon only chuckled and shook his head. “Nah, you’re fine.” He took another look at my notes and furrowed his brow, scratching along the scales of his neck in thought. “Oof… that’s gonna be rough. You sure you want to send that in? Sure they can handle it?”

After taking another deep breath to steady myself, I turned my attention to the bestiary sheet he was looking over. A foreboding grin tugged at my lips. “Oh, that. Honestly, I have no idea. The encounter is heavily skewed against them, but they are smart. I don’t expect them to engage all of that at once. That’d be stupid, and stupidity gets you killed. Everypony knows that.”

Spike laughed for a brief moment. “Big Mac charged a fully grown silver dragon last session.”

I could not help but laugh as well, given that revelation. “Really? Wow. What was he thinking? And… hm… did he survive?”

Spike grinned and nodded. “’Sir Belethor the Unyielding’ did, sure. His pride, however… the dragon found his bravery quite entertaining and decided to let him live.”

“What a generous creature. Then again, silver dragons are the paladins, aren’t they?” I asked with a smirk before I furrowed my brow. “Actually makes me think why he charged that thing in the first place.”

“Just a big misunderstanding,” Spike half-explained with a chuckle. “He was supposed to be a vital clue-giver, but for some reason, Big Mac thought he might be part of the entire conspiracy, being mind-controlled by Yadralak the Hideous.”

I did not know all that much about Spikes Ogres & Oubliettes-campaign. He was leading his own group and constructed his own storyline. Big Mac, as far as I could tell, was more or less the only regular player, with three more slots filled by various ponies. Braeburn had tried at one point, but while he did enjoy the game, it was just too much of a hassle to travel here from Appleloosa every time for ‘just a game’. Applejack had tried as well, but that quickly turned into a scheduling nightmare. Which was funny in its own way, seeing how Big Mac managed to do it, but his sister did not.

I had tried joining Spikes’ campaign as well, of course. But we quickly realized that this was not going to work out in our favor and we split amicably. Spike's campaign was heavily skewed towards combat. Thrilling combat encounters with carefully balanced creatures to defeat. Long, arduous dungeon crawls. He cherished grueling survival aspects as well, house-ruling a lot of the usual low effort convenience spells out of existence.

My own campaign put a lot more emphasis on player choice. I did not plan encounters of any sort with a determined solution in mind. Instead I constructed difficult situations without wasting so much as a single thought about the solution first, and then started to think about how they might solve this. A small change with a large impact. It allowed my players a lot more freedom in how they engaged with situations.

“You know,” I started to wonder with a smirk. “It would be so inconvenient if baddies wouldn’t choose names like that, wouldn’t it? Just imagine he calls himself ‘Yadralak the Glorious’. Or ‘Yadralak the Beautiful’.”

“But he really is hideous,” Spike objected with a chuckle. “All tentacle-y and slimy and with way too many maws and eyes.”

I smiled and shrugged. “Yeah, sure, but… with that description, he’s an aberration, isn’t he? They have alien mindsets. So… having eaten thousands of innocents could actually be something he considers ‘glorious’. Or maybe his species, if such a thing exists, values a large amount of tentacles as a surefire sign of sexual prowess, and thus, he deems himself ‘beautiful’? Because it sounds less cringe-y than ‘Yadralak the Desirable’.”

I chuckled as I saw him grimace at that last sentiment. But at the same time, he once again rubbed his claws along his scales and gave the input some thought. “I might steal that,” he finally concluded with a grin.

“You’re welcome,” I simply replied with a genuine smile and ruffled his head fin. “You’re prepared for tonight then?”

“Wasn’t much to do, honestly,” he answered with a shrug. “I mean, I’m not… you know… you. I don’t go all Twilinanas for each session. I have some fun stuff planned for the guys, and as for the rest… I can just wing that. You might wanna look over that gorgimeras breath weapon DC again though. Looks surprisingly high.”

I grimaced and took the offending sheet in my magic. “Thanks. Well, good luck with your party then,” I bid him farewell.

“Same to you. We’ll talk later?” After I nodded, Spike looked me over once more and seemed quite satisfied, finally leaving me to my own devices again. It was funny. I wanted to thank him again. For some reason, we had started this as a routine. I got nervous before each and every session, no matter what. He showed up and just talked to me. He sometimes just spewed his admiration for Rarity all over the place. Other times we talked about our dinner plans. And occasionally we talked about our campaigns, comparing our players, our monsters, our storylines, spit-balling funny ideas.

Because of the aforementioned scheduling nightmares, we currently had the luxury of game mastering parallel to each other. He occupied the dining hall, because he cherished the grandeur of the room and the slight echo it gave off whenever he used his rumbling villain voices, and I used the living room, because I loved the smell of books that permeated every piece of furniture in here. It made it feel cozy and comfortable.

We obviously both wanted our players to have fun. We just took distinctively different paths leading there. He wanted his group on the edge of their seats for most of the time. Every hit counting, every win only a hair’s width away from failure. I just wanted my group to relax and have a good time. To feel smart and accomplished. And to have a good laugh, if I actually managed to construct something funny.

“Yadralak doesn’t sound half-bad,” I pondered aloud. “Maybe I could ask him to lend me his villain…” I started to scan the sheet for any mistakes Spike might have found and tried to bridge those remaining minutes until my players would arrive.

A knock on the living room door signaled their arrival. For a fraction of a second, my heart thumped in my chest with wild abandon, before settling down again. I unfolded my game master screen and divided the table somewhat, with all my notes and pencils and dice vanishing behind it. “Come in.”

Just now did I realize the soft murmur of voices, even before the door cracked open. They must have been waiting in the hallway for a couple of minutes by now, talking among themselves? “Are you sure it’s okay for us to come in?” Fluttershy asked as soon as half her head was stuck inside the room.

“Come on, Fluttershy, he already said it’s okay!” Derpy insisted with a giggle and pushed the yellow pegasus into the room.

Both were closely followed by Twilight, the only one currently not smiling, because she was way too focused on studying her character sheet and the several floating books accompanying her. In a way, she was the best player I could ever ask for. She always came prepared, she knew all her spells and how they worked, all her class abilities, and she always had a plan and a fountain of creative ideas for each problem they encountered. However, it was not all sunshine and rainbows and the fact that I saw her levitate a bestiary again made me sigh for a moment. Sure, it was closed. Now.

I stood up from my chair and made my way over to them, meeting them near the table. “It’s so nice to see you again,” I greeted and hugged Fluttershy first, then Derpy and finally Twilight. The latter seemed to be surprised for a moment. It was enough of an interruption that she quickly scanned her surroundings and realized that she had drifted off into her own world again. She closed those books, smiled and hugged me again, all proper this time.

My gaze drifted over the three mares and my brow furrowed. “Is that lazy-flank running late again?” I asked nopony in particular.

“O-Oh, no, she isn’t,” Fluttershy timidly replied. “I met Rainbow on my way over. She said there was some sort of minor accident at the weather factory and she was called in to help out cleaning up. I don’t think she will be able to make it today. She said we can play without her though.”

“Oh,” I replied and tried – and failed – to hide my disappointment. I honestly did not like playing without everypony present very much. It was either the full crew, or none. But that was easier said than done, with real life constantly intervening. And I had been forced to learn how to compromise. “Well… the Tag Team of Tremendous Trouble won’t be gracing the front lines today, then,” I tried to joke about it.

Derpy grinned wickedly. “That only means I need to be twice as angry!”

“Hooo boy,” I replied with a chuckle.

“What?” Twilight suddenly exclaimed in disbelief.

“What? What is it?” I turned to look at her and grumbled internally as I saw her standing aside from my chair, staring at my notes. I quickly grabbed my GM-screen in my magic and laid it flat on top of those. “Twilight! Come on! You’re not supposed to read these!” I complained.

“I was just… I just wanted to give the bestiary back,” she explained with a shaky smile and levitated the book up for emphasis. “You know we can’t beat that, right?” she asked with a worried side glance at my now hidden notes.

I chuckled, took over her levitation of the book and set it on the table to the side. “You’re impossible,” I chided her.

Unsurprisingly, she grinned a little too wide. “Thank you!”

“That… was not a compliment, for once,” I insisted with a smile of my own and a head shake. I walked over and hugged her tight. “You’ll be fine,” I whispered into her ear before retreating. “And now get your shapely rump out of my area!” Twilight was the kind of player that got really invested into her character. To a degree that apparently, occasionally glancing at my notes — which was totally not cheating, according to her — was okay.

“We haven’t even sat down yet and they’re already back to flirting,” Derpy faux-complained with a wide grin, prodding Fluttershy in her side. The latter just blushed a little and nodded, but judging by her smile, she did not mind all that much.

“Right, good point,” I picked up. “Everypony, settle down.”

We usually had a specific seating arrangement. Rainbow and Fluttershy on one side, Twilight and Derpy on the other side. We had learned this was for the better since Twilight and Rainbow, given the chance, would constantly argue about stuff and at some point, Rainbow would start messing with Twilight, and everything became more distracting from there. So we just put them on opposing sides. Divide and conquer, or something like that.

Seeing how Rainbow was not present today, and none of them wanted to be seated on the other side all alone, we rearranged the chairs a little. I was now sitting opposite all three of them as I put my screen up again. “Right, everypony got their character sheets?”

“Yes!” Twilight enthusiastically replied, levitating a couple of sheets up. Because her character was a wizard – of course it was – and she actually needed all those extra sheets for all her spells.

“Everypony got their dice?” I continued to walk us through our usual pre-game-routine.

“Yes!” Twilight replied again, levitating a large dice bag before Fluttershy, who was currently sitting in the middle of them. That way, they could all use Twilight's dice bag. Because being quite enthusiastic and absolutely thorough, she had immediately gone overboard and bought something like twenty sets or so. Enough that both Fluttershy and Derpy decided that they did not quite need to buy their own dice, as Twilight was quite satisfied with sharing hers.

“Everypony got their pencils?” I asked in amusement and before they could answer, I levitated a small stack over the screen and put it next to the dice bag. They all armed themselves.

“Everypony got snacks?” I asked with a raised eyebrow and a grin. Because so far, the table sported dice and pencils and sheets of paper and some books, but not a single snack. And that would not do. That was basically a crime.

“Yes!” Twilight once again answered, sporting a smug grin this time, and with a pop and a fizzle, several small teleportation spells put onto the table what she had prepared in the kitchen. Or really, what she had asked Spike to prepare. I could not tell.

A small bowl filled with nuts, one filled with an assortment of seeds which immediately attracted both Owlicious and White Tip, a larger bowl filled with little chocolate chunks and… the largest bowl was filled with salad. Four small bowls, currently stacked, and four forks sat beside the large salad bowl.

I furrowed my brow in confusion. “Salad?”

Twilight just continued to grin. “Well… yes. I thought it would be a nice change of pace. And it is most certainly healthier than the junk food Rainbow constantly insists on.”

Well, yeah, because O&O and junk food go hoof in hoof, Twi… it’s tradition…

But I voiced none of that. First of all, she had this hopeful look in her eyes that I did not want to diminish. And secondly, the salad really did look tasty.

“I already miss Rainbow,” Derpy pouted and despite my efforts, that just… got me. I could not hold back and laughed. I even heard Fluttershy giggle a little.

As soon as I recomposed myself a smidge, I rubbed a hoof across my muzzle and focused my gaze on Twilight. She pouted. “Aw, don’t worry. We’ll eat the salad. And it does look delicious.” Twilight tended to play devil’s advocate when it came to healthy food and our game sessions. Fluttershy did not mind either way, but both Derpy and Rainbow – and me – were firmly convinced of greasy, unhealthy, heart-attack inducing goodness.

“Maybe we can offer carrot sticks or something next time,” I tried as a peace offering. “Something small that doesn’t take much effort to put together but stays fresh for a couple of hours. And I promise I will stand by your side defending it once Rainbow inevitably starts discussing its non-existent right to be on that table.”

“You promise?” Twilight asked, again with that spark of hope.

How was I supposed to make a joke now? Or to deny her? It was impossible, really. “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” With the motion done as well, she seemed rather content. “Alright, girls. I believe we’re ready to go then, yes?”

“Waaaiiit!” Derpy suddenly half-yelled, which made Fluttershy flinch away from her.

Derpy leaned down, almost vanishing below the table, and rummaged through her saddlebag. A couple of seconds later, she reemerged and put her little costume helmet on top of her head. I was not sure what exactly it was made out of. She had painted it in a metallic gray and the hemisphere sported two impressive ‘horns’ protruding upwards. I grinned and nodded in appreciation and quickly looked over. I had not seen any sign of her usual teleportation spell, but Twilight was suddenly wearing her Starswirl the Bearded-hat.

“Ready,” both Twilight and Derpy spoke in unison after sharing a look and a giggle.

“Fluttershy? Are you alright?” I asked, just to make sure.

The question alone made her smile. “I’m fine, thank you. I was just… surprised.”

Twilight rubbed her back a little. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too,” Derpy chimed in.

“Okay, with that all out of the way, let’s start,” I addressed the three of them. “Last session, you successfully stopped Lord Duas Facies from besieging the free city of Fetlock’s Rim and managed to negotiate a peace treaty between him and the city officials. It is an uneasy alliance for now, and you rightfully fear that, with so much weaponry and animosity on both sides, it might not hold for all that long – but you have signed on with the day guard for one month of servitude instead of going to the dungeons, so as soon as your commanding officer mentions a new order, you don’t have much choice. You are supposed to travel to White Blaze and you’re explicitly told to look out – and clear out, if possible – for any trouble along the dirt road. Given the urgency in his voice, you depart immediately and—“

“Uhm, there was no urgency,” Twilight interrupted with a furrowed brow.

I sighed, but smiled anyway. “I know. But with Rainbow not being here, we need to retcon a little bit. If there was no urgency, you guys wouldn’t depart without her. This way, we can just say she was partying hard and you have no idea where she slept last night. You can leave her a note, telling her the new order and direction and that she’s supposed to catch up to you.”

Twilight thought it through and nodded. “That would work. Sorry for interrupting.”

I chuckled. “Don’t worry, it’s fine. Are you two alright with that as well?” After both gave an affirmative nod, I continued. “With the prospect of six days of overland travel ahead of you, do you have any plans?”

“Boooooriiiing,” Derpy bemoaned her fate. But her wide smile told me that it was merely her character getting bored, as ‘travel without incident’ did not quite sound all that thrilling for an adrenaline junky like her barbarian.

I acknowledged her opinion on the matter with a grin before looking over at Fluttershy. “I would like to communicate with the birds,” she replied. “If we are to look out for trouble, surely they can help us out.”

I considered if this was an opportunity to feed them a couple of first hints, but quickly decided against it. Birds were basically everywhere, especially in a lightly wooded area as the one they were currently traveling through, but: They were not quite smart enough to discern unusual behavior of ponies. Then again, there was something I could bring up without spoiling anything. “I assume you talk to them in the morning, when meditating to strengthen your connection to the land?” She nodded with a rather dreamy smile. Fluttershy the druid was just Fluttershy with extra steps. “Alright. They can tell you of a couple of predators in the vicinity. Nothing you actually have to fear. There’s apparently a pack of wolves somewhere in the region. Actual, normal wolves though, no timberwolves. They know of a bear somewhere around here, but he tends to keep away from the street. And they tell you of a foreign structure, made of stone and with a wooden top that sometimes spews smoke and many different smells. On occasion, it’s the smell of burning flesh, which causes most of them to stay clear of the area.”

Twilight excitedly clopped her hooves together. “Uhhh, tavern! It’s such a classic…!” I chuckled a little. Fluttershy grimaced once the ‘burning flesh’ was mentioned, but as soon as Twilight concluded what that meant, she too made the connection to regular old cooking. “Any follow-ups?” I asked Fluttershy. She considered the information given for a moment, but ultimately shook her head. “Does Vortex have any plans?” I shifted my attention to Twilight, knowing full well that she obviously would have a small list of things in mind.

“Actually, yes,” she immediately replied. “The surrounding flora and fauna is not exactly the most exciting stuff I have ever seen, buuut… I was hoping that I could maybe search for something special anyway?”

Something special, huh? Twilight was nothing if not resourceful. I constantly had to keep that in mind, because whatever I gave her, she would find thrice as many possible applications for it than I had initially foreseen. In addition to that, at this point, it had to be something that was not unusual to birds. Otherwise I would disadvantage Fluttershy.

Vortex was a wizard. She had gotten into trouble with the guard because she endlessly researched old, decrepit ruins, often accidentally awakening slumbering old evils, and she was reckless in her studies. She made no distinction between different kinds of magic, which had led to her possessing some dark magic spells. Or some dark magic spells possessing her, that was still up for debate.

She had recently tried to stick her nose into alchemy though. Fetlock’s Rim had been a prime opportunity, having a decent number of Zebras among its populace. She had spent a considerable part of her current wealth on books, tools and ingredients.

“Make me a knowledge nature check,” I asked.

Twilight immediately grimaced. “Why nature? Can’t I make a regular arcana check?”

“Nope. You’re not trying to brew something quite yet, you’re hunting for ingredients,” I explained with a smirk. The last level up had been a while ago and in preparation for her new venture, she had put one rank into nature knowledge. One. That was perfectly fine for a beginner. For someone who just recently started out having an interest in a specific topic. But it was more satisfying to roll a dice and add higher numbers than lower ones. I could understand that perfectly well. But in a way, I tried to teach her something. Because despite her numerous qualities as a player, Twilight had one glaring weakness.

She metagamed the heck out of it at times.

I had obviously talked to her about it. Several times. And she had gotten considerably better. But it was a surprisingly slow progress, considering how fast she usually learned. Maybe this was such a chore for her because this time, she needed to learn not to fall back on her vast knowledge in the first place. Twilight Sparkle knew what plants were to be found in an environment like this, and thanks to a certain Zecora, she knew what those were useful for. Vortex the Gray, however, was a novice alchemist and had barely any clue yet.

She picked up her dice, rolled and grimaced. “Sixteen?”

Two impulses were clearly audible in her voice. Hope that this was enough to get at least something, and a sense of defeat because her other numbers, on other rolls, were a lot higher.

But that was the beauty of game mastering. There was no chart with set numbers. Well, maybe there was. Ogres & Oubliettes had, like, a dozen or so books full of rules. Maybe there was a chart somewhere. Game mastering was not about memorizing each and every line and page, knowing every rule and number by heart. Quite frankly: Most of the time, it was about illusions. I needed to look steadfast. They needed to believe that I knew what I was talking about. And as long as I could keep that up, everything was fine.

And if I could not, well… we were a closely knit circle of friends. It would be fine either way.

I knew that her current knowledge nature bonus was around plus five, so her roll had been average. However, they were traveling in one of the most common environments of Equestria, which gave me a perfect excuse to go with a considerably lower number.

It was biased, of course. I wanted to see her smile. And I knew that succeeding despite an average roll was more enjoyable than getting denied at this point. “In those first three days of travel, Vortex studies her new tomes carefully and continuously inspects her surroundings, trying to match the illustrations with what she is surrounded by. With time, it becomes easier for her to recognize simpler weeds and herbs, most of which would be a waste to gather and carry, as they are so commonly found in marketplaces all over Equestria.” Her shoulders sagged a little and with my smile widening, I struck. “However. At the end of the third day, when your group makes camp, you notice a beautiful blossom growing from the vines constricting a nearby tree. As you inspect it, with your books at hoof, you quickly find the right page and realize that you found a specimen of the noxious choking vine. Depending on your chosen method of preparation, it could be used to produce a suffocation powder, hindering breathing and speech, or as an inhaled sleeping agent. Only the blossom is useful for this process.”

I tried to show some restraint and I thought I managed decently well, but internally, I was laughing my ass off. Twilight was grinning and constantly shifted on her chair, scribbled some notes down and pondered… probably dozens of things at the same time. It was a gift well-received, and she looked so gosh darn adorable.

“Only the blossoms?” she asked for confirmation.

“Yepp,” I nodded. As soon as I had answered, a feeling of foreboding crept up my spine. I noticed how that mischievous sparkle took over her eyes and she slowly turned to Fluttershy.

“Buttercup, deary, would you mind helping me out over here?” Twilight perfectly intoned the haughty voice of Vortex.

“Well, at least she got my name right for once,” Fluttershy huffed quietly, making Derpy giggle. “Coming.”

I was astounded time and again to see Fluttershy act. She was a natural. Taking on other personas was in fact so easy for her that it might actually have contributed to the entire ‘new Fluttershy’-debacle a couple of years ago. And I distinctly remembered her telling me at one point that it usually made it easier for her to fight baddies — be it changelings or diamond dogs or whatever else was threatening Equestria and-or her friends this time — if she imagined that it was not Fluttershy fighting them at all, but instead some brave adventurer or hero or whatever.

I liked Buttercup. She had a certain, motherly quality to her, without being overbearing or infinitely patient. Of course I now knew what would come next and while Twilight explained the nature of her discovery, I had to ask myself: Did I really want Twilight to have a theoretically infinite supply of this?

The upside was easy enough to see: She would have more options at her disposal.

The downsides were easy to see as well: The more she already had, the less interesting new loot would become. The harder it would get to think of something fancy to hoof out to them. Not to mention the difficulties it provided for future encounter design.

Then again, with enough creativity, there was always a way around obstacles like these.

“… so, can I carefully separate a part of the vines from the tree?” Fluttershy asked.

“You can,” I admitted. “But: Since only the blossom is useful for alchemical purposes, you have a single dose to work with right now. You already know that these vines are a little peckish. They don’t bloom unless their requirements are fulfilled. While they don’t necessarily require you to lug around a tree for them to feed off of, they are quite sensitive to sunlight, preferring dim light and shadow. They don’t deal well with too much heat or cold, and they need a lot of water with a tad of acidity.”

Twilight stared at me as if I had rattled down the list of warnings for an unexpected pet. Once again, it was rather adorable to see and I chuckled a bit. “Sorry, Twi, but if you really want that infinite supply, you're going to work for it.”

She grimaced, but nodded anyway. “I will think about it. I have it for now, and if it turns out it is too much of a hassle, I can still discard it.”

“Sure you can,” I agreed. I looked over to Derpy. “You still fine?”

“Don’t worry, I’m having a blast. I don’t mind,” she reassured me.

I knew that Spike would have used those three days to let his players roll on the random encounter table. Just as much as I knew that my group would not enjoy this – and neither did I. The problem was not that Fluttershy would most certainly refuse to fight a bear or a pack of wolves or that she would maybe be upset with Twilight and Derpy for doing so without her. The problem was not that a bear or a pack of wolves posed little threat for an accomplished wizard such as Vortex the Gray or a dangerous, unstable warrior such as Ulfred One-Swing.

The problem was suspension of disbelief.

Random encounter tables usually had ten entries. Some even sported twenty. On a superficial level, this was done for ‘variety’. Because it was boring to fight a pack of wolves five days in a row, each day. In addition, at that point, even the most immersed player would probably start asking themselves, if not everypony else: That’s a lot of wolves… why’s there so many wolves here?

Now, don’t get me wrong, that could obviously lead to more interesting roleplay opportunities. A creative game master could make something up and actually answer that in a satisfactory way. And despite my insecurities, I deemed myself accomplished enough to be perfectly capable of doing just that. Maybe there was a rogue nature spirit fostering the unnaturally fast reproduction of wolves. Maybe some ancient ruin dedicated to a wolf god laid just a stone brick’s throw away, off to the side of the street.

The problem reared its ugly head due to this ‘variety’. So they encountered a cockatrice. And a bear. And a pack of wolves. And a timberwolf. And a manticore. And a hydra. And another timberwolf. And a deranged forest spirit. And—

It obviously begged the question how all these creatures lived there in the first place. How were so many creatures, such dangerous ones at that, living in such close proximity to each other without turning the place into a battlefield on a daily basis? Without slaughtering each other until only the most dangerous, most vile predator remained? How was it that all these dangers were only triggered when the player characters ventured through this territory?

It just was a stretch too far for my imagination. And I liked to believe I had a rather good one.

And if I started asking that myself, there was no doubt in my mind that Fluttershy did as well. And Twilight, too. The former might not voice her doubts, but the latter had no qualms about that. And there were only so many ancient wolf god ruins I could pull out of my hat before they became an annoying nuisance instead of a reason to get excited. Because no amount of loot could plaster over the boredom of too much repetition. So I let them travel for a couple of days instead, describing the landscape passing by and barely changing, except for the trees slowly growing denser, into the offshoots of an actual forest.

And after three days out of six, they reached the tavern Twilight had been looking forward to. None of them minded the light time skip. Twilight was certainly not all that much into the survival aspect of the roleplay, she usually just stated a bunch of spells she would use to keep it easy and simple. Need fresh drinking water? Create water. Need food? Goodberry. Need shelter from insects and smaller nocturnal predators? Campfire wall. There certainly was a reason her character sheets were this numerous.

Derpy enjoyed just being present, observing, spending time, sure. But I knew that, in a sense, she was waiting for her time to shine and I always tried to make a conscious effort to present a prime opportunity for each and every character to shine at least once per session.

And Fluttershy just filled in whatever gap my narration left with whatever her imagination deemed fitting.

The tavern however quickly turned out to be less of a place of civilization and recuperation. Instead, Fluttershy succeeded at a perception roll and noticed several shady looking figures standing guard at the windows of the tavern's ground floor. Some windows were not guarded – those with the curtain firmly drawn shut.

It was easy enough for Buttercup, being a pegasus, to fly up to the second story and take a look there. No guards were to be seen, but all the guest rooms appeared to be empty, some showing signs of fighting. All, except one.

“As you end your round by cautiously flying up to the last second story window, you notice a pair of strawberry-red eyes peek out from under the bed. Somepony is there, and they clearly saw you,” I explained.

“But I rolled so high to sneak!” Fluttershy meekly protested.

I just smiled. “I know, and you did really well, but that was one heck of an attentive young colt.”

“A-hah!” Twilight chimed in. “A colt. He is probably not in cahoots with these crooks downstairs!”

I chuckled and shook my head. “Twilight, please.” I turned my attention back to Fluttershy. “She’s right, though. These ponies seemed to be the grisled, battlewise type and the gap between bed and floor is only high enough for a very young pony. That is, if it’s a pony at all – so far, you just see eyes watching you.”

“I cautiously tap on the window and gesture for him to come closer,” Fluttershy explained. “A-And I want to, uhm, smile and make myself look as non-threatening as possible.”

I considered her course of action and was about to say something when Derpy cut in. “Are you sure you wanna do that?” she asked. “The way Dream had described the building, only the ground floor walls are made of stone and everything else is wood. And the building looks… what was it? ‘Well-maintained, but old’. I mean, we’ve seen signs of struggle all over the upper story. Seems to me like they missed him somehow, and if he moves now, there’s a risk of him stepping on a squeaky floorboard.”

I grinned and gave an appreciative as well as encouraging nod. She had done my job, and I really did not mind – she had done a good job as well. “That’s true.”

Fluttershy took that in for a moment and made her decision. “I put my hoof to the window and cast plant growth. I want tiny ranks to crawl over the glass and write something. I-If that’s okay?”

That obviously was not what the spell was meant for, but why would I ever discourage my player’s creativity in how they used the tools at their disposal? “Sure, go ahead. Remember that you need to speak to cast though.”

“No I don’t,” Fluttershy disagreed. “I took that feat last time we leveled up… you said it was okay.”

I smacked my forehead with a hoof, just for emphasis, and grinned. “Right, right. Sorry, I forgot. Sure, go ahead. What do you want to write?”

“The duration of the spell is ‘instantaneous’… that means I can only write one thing, right?” she asked. I knew the answer perfectly well, but I glanced to the side anyway. Twilight quickly answered, confirming her assumption, and looked rather satisfied with herself. “Then I’m going to write: Hello, little one. Fear not, for I am a friend. Are you hurt? Are these ponies downstairs bad ponies?”

“That’s a lot of text,” I stated. It was not so much a rejection as a mere observation. It made me think if the young colt would be able to read that in its entirety, from his position under the bed no less. “Well, he was rather observant before. Let’s give him another shot,” I decided and rolled for his perception again. As soon as I saw that twenty, I whistled a little. “Hooo boy, that young mister will be going places someday.” Fluttershy smiled happily. She always seemed so utterly invested in my NPCs, it was quite endearing. And it filled me with pride, to a certain degree, as I apparently presented her with personalities she wanted to invest in. Truth be told, that part was easiest with Fluttershy anyway, as she found it incredibly easy to care about just about anycreature. But it still felt nice, even with that knowledge in the back of my head trying to detract from it. “The glowing eyes remain still for a moment before they first wobble to the sides, and then up and down.”

“Not hurt, bad guys,” Twilight translated with a giggle, “I like him. I hope his parents are okay.”

“You’ll find out, I’m sure,” I replied with a grin.

The next half an hour or so, they retreated from the tavern to share information and plot their approach. Due to some incredibly good rolls, Fluttershy knew that the backdoor was surprisingly sturdy – and locked. The open windows were guarded and smashing one of the curtained windows would most likely alarm the baddies all over the place. They had taken notice of the large, massive chimney, but Ulfred refused to use that as a point of entrance, as his enormous battleaxe would not fit in there and he was quite offended by Vortex’ offer to make him smaller. The ensuing argument over the usage of magic was quickly shut down by a surprisingly assertive Buttercup. But then again, Buttercup was not Fluttershy.

“What weapons do they have?” Twilight asked, scanning over her list of spells in search for a magic solution.

“You don’t know,” I replied.

“We… what? We don’t? How?” she seemed baffled.

“Well… I described that you see these shady looking ponies guarding near the windows, but you never took a closer look at them,” I continued. “Partially because you rightfully feared that that might carry a risk of them seeing you in turn.”

“Oh. Uhm. Hm. Flutter- I mean, Buttercup? Could you?” she asked and Fluttershy nodded.

“Another stealth check, please,” I asked Fluttershy with a grin. She had to fail at some point. And I was looking forward to that. Because quite honestly, dealing with mistakes and failures was part of the fun. If everything went smoothly all the time, it would become stale and predictable and boring. I obviously did not play against my group. The entire ‘game master versus players’-mentality was highly toxic and a guaranteed ruin for every game. But I appreciated the occasional hiccup. I wanted them to succeed, sure, but I wanted to challenge them as well.

And Fluttershy rolled another bafflingly high number. “Oof, that mare is on fire today,” I stated with a furrowed brow, but still smiled. She blushed a little and I was glad that she did not apologize. Having luck with dice was a thing, after all. And I was not about to let distrust get a hoofhold in my mind. If she said she was rolling high, then she was rolling high.

It was just harder to believe sometimes. Especially for me. She had rolled incredibly well most of the time today. But Fluttershy would not cheat, I told myself and forcefully shifted my focus back to the scene. I had made my couple of secret rolls to determine how many guards she could foil before one spotted her and at this point, the unsurprising answer was: All of them.

“Okaaay, let me give you the rundown,” I started and picked up a pencil in my magic. I laid a large sheet of paper in the middle and started to draw the layout of the tavern's ground floor. Entrance, backdoor, windows, tables, counter, guards, stairs up, stairs down – everything Buttercup could spot through the windows. “So in total, you’re looking at two unarmored pegasi armed with wingblades, two heavily armored unicorns without obvious weaponry, an earth pony with light armor and switchblades strapped to his hooves and this guy.”

I proudly presented a miniature figurine to them and put it on the floor plan. Spike had helped me craft it for the last week or so, and we had a lot of fun painting it.

“That… that is a gorgimera,” Twilight whispered with wide eyes. “And if that is proportionate to the layout, than that thing is huge, and gorgimeras are not supposed to be huge, they are supposed to be large, and that means this thing has a bestiary template involved, maybe the dire-template, and that is so not okay, Dreamwalker! How are we supposed to deal with that? That is a challenge rating way above our power level!”

I could not help but laugh for a moment. “Twilight, careful,” I warned her, “your metagamer is showing again.” She snapped her mouth shut after huffing a little, crossed her forelegs in front of her chest and leaned back. It was adorable. “While you know what a gorgimera is, and what it’s supposed to look like, and what it can and cannot do, and what power level it has… I fail to remember Vortex the Gray making any knowledge checks yet. Maybe because Buttercup has not even returned from her recon mission yet. Maybe. And there’s other possibilities aside from the ‘dire’-template. Could be the ‘giant’-template as well. Or maybe I advanced it in racial hit dice? Or maybe I built a custom monster from scratch that just looks like a regular old gorgimera? You’ll find out soon enough. And believe you me, this thing has earned being this large.”

I giggled a little bit more as I saw how concerned that last statement made her, and how she regarded the miniature as if glaring at it would scrape it from existence.

With Twilight's little metagaming relapse under control, we continued playing. Buttercup returned to the group to once again share her findings, and they continued to plot their approach. I knew that, in some groups, this phase annoyed both players and game masters alike. Not so much for our group, though. I cherished those planning phases. While Ulfred One-Swing was not much of a thinker and rarely if ever contributed to the planning stage, Derpy did so with gusto. She always had some whacky, hilarious ideas. Twilight was usually responsible for reigning that in and testing said ideas for viability, eventually adapting them – or parts of them – into something actually usable, while Fluttershy played straight to her own nature and contributed her fears of all the small and not so small things that might go wrong, always veering on the side of caution. It had kept them alive on several occasions.

Hearing them plan was always an inspiration to me. Not only did I get to see them work hoof in hoof like a well-oiled machine and enjoying it, no, they provided me with additional ideas and hints as well. The gorgimera was rather massive and Twilight rightfully noted that it would not fit through any window or door. Which meant two things, first and foremost: One, they could try to keep at a distance, not engaging the gorgimera until that thing inevitably breached straight through a wall, and two, they must have had a way to get that thing inside.

In all my anticipation of actually using the miniature, I had not thought of that. How did that creature get inside? And how would it behave, being in such a confined space? While they kept plotting, I hurried to answer these questions at least in my head and came up with some hopefully enjoyable answers that would actually provide some really epic loot if they could manage to get it.

The fight started the moment Ulfred charged axe-first through the door.

“So much for keeping distance,” Vortex groaned. Though I was rather certain that it perfectly reflected Twilight's reaction as well.

Derpy just grinned sheepishly. “Sorry, but Ulfred isn’t really the ‘listening’-type, and you kind of forgot to tell him again what exactly he was supposed to do… so he just goes straight for the biggest threat.”

Twilight giggled in such a lighthearted manner that it raised all our spirits a little. “Oh don’t worry, it’s fine, we will manage somehow. We always do.”

“Alright, girls. The door is breached, the guards sport a heavy ‘what the heck?’-look on their faces and are most assuredly surprised now, the gorgimera slowly turns to face its adversary and I get a nice roll of initiative from you.” With a chuckle, I levitated my pencil over a little notepad and scribbled down what I rolled for the enemies. I quickly wrote down Twilight and Derpy as well, and looked up at Fluttershy, who had yet to say anything. "Flutters?”

“I-I… u-uhm…”

Twilight leaned over and looked at her dice, furrowing her brow. “She’s got a twenty,” she noted with a voice that was measured and carefully kept neutral. She regarded me with a look that I could read easily enough. She had taken notice of this surprising luck as well, but with how flustered Fluttershy appeared, it was unthinkable that she was intentionally cheating.

“Mind giving me that dice for a sec?” I asked and was quickly hoofed the dice by Twilight. “One of yours, right?” I asked again, took note of her nod and put it down on my hoof. I cautiously rolled it around a little, but felt nothing of note at first. I rolled it on the table a bunch to see for myself and indeed, most of the time, it rolled surprisingly high. “Hrm.” I regarded the offending dice for a moment, pondering possibilities. I finally looked up at Twilight again. “Was that dice in the bag the entire time since last session?” It was just a hunch, as Pinkie would say, but my gut sometimes knew stuff I had yet to realize.

“I think so?” Twilight replied, furrowing her brow as she tried to remember.

“N-No it wasn’t,” Fluttershy interrupted. We turned our attention to her and she shrank back a little.

I just had to glance to the side for a mere fraction of a second and Derpy understood, extending a wing and rubbing along Fluttershy’s back. “It’s alright,” she softly cooed.

“Derpy’s right,” I chimed in as well. “Whatever this is isn’t your fault and it’s not like this is the end of the world. So you took the dice with you somewhere?”

She relaxed a little. Due to Derpy's ministrations, Twilight's encouraging smile and my reassurance. “I-It’s yellow,” she squeaked at first, before clearing her throat and trying again. “It’s my favorite set.”

Twilight grinned. “I know. When I saw it, I thought: That would be perfect for Fluttershy! I just had to buy it.”

“Twi, peanut, we’re not here to discuss your out-of-control dice addiction,” I quipped and noted with a relieved chuckle how Fluttershy and Derpy giggled, while Twilight blushed – mostly due to the pet name – and grumbled something under her breath.

It seemed I had successfully broken the tension, as Fluttershy seemed to have an easier time talking now. “I borrowed them three days ago, if you remember?” she asked Twilight.

Once again, she tried to remember, but this time it was a rather brief moment. “Oh! Oh, right! You wanted to show them to Pinkie.”

Fluttershy nodded and my suspicion solidified more and more. “You didn’t happen to visit her at Sugarcube Corner, did you? In the kitchen, perhaps?”

Now Fluttershy had to rummage in her memory for a moment before nodding. “I think so. Why?”

At this point, I allowed myself a thin smile. “I think I know what’s up. Twilight, do you by any chance have any spell to test the relative density of a material? I believe you had some spell like that when researching the teleportation stone’s functionality, but I can’t remember if you actually learned that one.”

Twilight, always the brilliant one, quickly caught on. “Ah. Kitchen, heat, plastic. You think they are heavier on one side now?”

I nodded. “Exactly. It’s actually a popular method of creating somewhat unsuspicious cheating dice.” And of course Fluttershy immediately looked horrified. Which was why I raised a hoof and wordlessly bid her to wait before panicking. “I don’t think that was Pinkie's intention. Or yours. So don’t worry. As Derpy said – everything’s fine.” Twilight had scanned the dice meanwhile and sat it down again, nodding in my direction to confirm my suspicion. “Can you fix that?”

“I… hm… I think?” she replied, not exactly sounding convinced herself. “Worst case scenario, I should be able to remake them. But either way, there's nothing I can do right now, so maybe just stick to another dice set for now?”

Although she had addressed Fluttershy with that last part, I shook my head. “Nah, it’s fine. She can use it for the rest of the evening as far as I’m concerned. See it as a ‘blessing of the chaos deity Pinkius Piecus’,” I offered with a laugh and a wink in Twilight's direction. “That is, if you two are okay with that.”

“She’s on our side, so, sure,” Derpy was quick to agree.

Twilight considered it for a moment, but ultimately shrugged. “I’m fine with it.”

In a surprising demonstration of affection, Fluttershy somehow quickly grabbed both and pulled them in for a crushing bear hug. “Thank you, girls!” She became self-aware a moment later, releasing two happily grinning mares from her grasp and mumbling inaudible apologies.

“Riiight, so. Where were we?” I resumed our session. “Ah, yes. Initiative. Well, with the power of Pinkius Piecus on your side, what could go wrong, eh?”

A couple of hours later, the session had ended. Sunset came and went, night had fallen, and most snack bowls — the salad bowl included — were empty. A minute ago, I had bid my farewells to a yawning, but widely grinning Derpy and a very content Fluttershy. It would probably have been polite to bring them to the castle door, but I still had stuff to do and did not want to leave my workplace just yet.

Because at the end of the day, postprocessing was just as important as preparation.

“I had a lot of fun today,” Twilight's soft voice reached my ear. She walked around the table and… I put my screen flat on my notes again. Just to be safe. She pouted and we both shared a giggle over it.

“I’m glad to hear that,” I replied.

She stepped up to me and hugged me, and I was so glad to feel her coat against mine, to feel that light tickle as strands of her mane brushed past. Familiar warmth seeped into me and we embraced each other a lot longer than was strictly friendly. I cared little, as it just felt too nice to break apart.

She was more reasonable though. “Don’t overdo it, alright?” she asked me with a warm smile.

I looked at my hidden notes, then back to her and replied with a lopsided smile of my own. “Me? Nahhh, I would never…!”

She giggled again. “You are impossible.”

I furrowed my brow in faux contemplation. “Was that a compliment?”

She apparently felt quite playful. She turned around with a wink, flicked her tail across my muzzle and made her way over to the door. “Who knows,” she ominously stated while walking out. “If you need me, I’m in my study.”

I watched her leave and sighed happily. “But I always need you,” I whined into the now empty room, only to suddenly hear an “I heard that”-response from the hallway and her lighthearted giggle.

Cheeky mare.

I smiled so hard for so long that my cheeks started to ache. Despite that — and the fact that my mind really wanted me to focus on that moment her tail flicked across my muzzle —, I put my screen back up, only to fold it down and lay it aside so that I could work with as much candle light as possible, pouring over my notes and finishing up today’s session. Because a game master’s job just does not end when the players leave.

First of all, I sorted the character sheets of the baddies. One casualty, four escapees, one new pet. Given that I knew my players, this outcome was not all that surprising. I crossed out some lines on my notes. Things I had wanted to implement, but that just did not seem to fit once the moment came up. A few new remarks made here and there for stuff I had implemented on a whim. Some names for NPCs that prior to the session just had no names.

The young colt under the bed had turned out to be a bat pony colt. Equestria as a real place did not have bat ponies as a real race, but Ogres and Oubliettes sure liked to play up the superstition as fact. His name was now Lurker In Shadows, but his friends just called him Watcher. He had rolled incredibly well throughout the entire session and I would most certainly make him into a recurring NPC. Buttercup had basically adopted him on the spot, and that had been before I described him and she had truly fallen in love with the little pipsqueak. Vortex, being rather pragmatic, was against lugging a colt around, but I did not plan on him being a permanent companion on their travels. Rather, I was toying with the idea of making him show up every now and then. With such incredible perception rolls, he would probably constantly get himself into trouble, overhearing the wrong conversations, seeing the wrong ponies talk, stuff like that. I just had to be careful not to reduce him to a damsel in distress too much.

“So, how was it?” Spike's voice startled me once again. I jumped in my chair, but managed to avoid making a mess of everything.

“Sweet Celestia, how are you so sneaky,” I wheezed.

Spike just snickered. “Rolled a nat twenty.”

“I’ve seen surprisingly many of those tonight,” I replied with a smirk. “Fluttershy cheated all evening.”

“Woah… really?”

“Nah. I mean, yeah she did, but… not intentionally, at first,” I started to explain. “She took her favorite dice to show them to Pinks and apparently, they got too warm and their density was manipulated. Once we knew, we let her continue to roll with them for the evening and called it a ‘blessing from the chaos god ‘Pinkius Piecus’.”

Spiked stared at me for a moment longer before we both broke into laughter. “That’s hilarious!” he exclaimed.

“Right? I’m just a little sad about my boss encounter, they… well I wouldn’t say they ‘cheesed it’, but… well…”

He furrowed his brow and looked over the several stacks of notes and sheets, quickly giving up on trying to make sense of that. “So what happened?”

“Long story. Got a minute?” I asked with a smirk.

Just as I had anticipated — and hoped — he settled into the chair more comfortably. “Shoot.”

I nodded. “So, the gorgimera came out today, and let me tell you, it. Was. Glorious! You should have seen the look on Twilight's face. Oh, and Derpy’s face was precious, too. She was all like ‘I'm gonna get to kill that, right?’, all giddy excitement and stuff. But while they were planning their attack, they casually asked: Hey, how did that huge thing get in there, anyway? And I internally panicked, because I had not thought of that, so I came up with a solution: Figurine of wondrous power! The mercenary leader had a long, long backstory with that gorgimera, he defeated it a decade ago and one of his goons back then was a capable wizard who bound that beast into a tiny wooden figurine. Speak the right command word and it releases the beast, loyal to whoever spoke the command word. Fluttershy managed to get a hold of it. With the intention of releasing the poor beast from its servitude, of course, much to the dismay of Twilight's character. Because having a gorgimera at your command is quite a nice bonus. Anyway, since Rainbow couldn’t make it today, Derpy did not have her usual tag team partner and a single barbarian, while still fearsome, is less of a threat than two of those walking disasters. Had to wing it a little, quickly downgrading the threat those pegasi and unicorns posed. But it was fine, I think I managed decently. Point is, they managed to draw the battle out of the tavern, because they feared the continued fighting would maybe collapse the building and thereby not only risk the hostages in the cellar getting buried alive, but also the little colt they had spotted upstairs earlier. So they fight right beside the house and… haaaah…” I still had not decided what exactly I was thinking about that next part. “I’m thinking about maybe house-ruling group actions? Again?”

“That bad, huh?” Spike guessed with a snicker.

“Sort of. So they decided to take a group action that round. Vortex casts telekinesis, picks up Ulfred and flings him towards that massive chimney. Ulfred uses his powerful strike ability to smash the chimney. I actually had to look up the hardness of stone for that one. Massive damage, but not enough to destroy the thing. But I describe it cracking all over the place. And then Buttercup runs along the roof, switches from her wolf-form to a bear and rams the upper half of the chimney. Flat strength check, she obviously rolls high, because Pinkie, and the entire upper half topples. On top of my baddy. Twilight and I guesstimated the weight of that much stone, reduced it for the area that would actually hit him and let me tell you, that’s still a shitload of dice. So he’s utterly pancaked immediately, shortly after the fight even started. A couple of his goons are wounded, but nothing too severe. They see that, I roll for them freaking out and all of them do. They just run for the hills and a very confused gorgimera stands around until Buttercup picks up the figurine and the gorgimera is sucked into its wooden prison again. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it was epic. It was awesome. They were cheering from the top of their lungs! You know how Rainbow sometimes hovers mid-air because she’s just so excited? Yeah, imagine Twilight doing the same and hoof-bumping Derpy. It was ridiculous. And they had sooo much fun…”

I could see in Spike's eyes that he perfectly understood my pain. He put a claw on my shoulder as they sagged. “But you didn’t get to play him,” he stated the obvious.

I nodded in dismay. “Haaah. Yeah. I built him from scratch. Took me around three hours. I mean, I don’t want to actually defeat them, you know? Nothing to gain from that. Story would be over, that’s boring. But I wanted to show off a little. He had some really cool abilities I was looking forward to using.”

Spike furrowed his brow and mulled things over for a while. “Would a necromancer work?” he suggested.

I shook my head. “Sadly, no. The really juicy abilities are all linked to his mind and spellcasting, necromancy only animates the body without actually bringing the spirit back.”

“Well, except you have a powerful enough necromancer that doesn’t do that, but instead forms his soul into a ghost, right?” he explained further.

And that… was actually worth considering. “Huh.” My baddy becoming a ghost? Haunting the party for their audacity of killing him? A wicked grin spread on my muzzle. “You might actually be on to something. Thanks, Spike.”

He chuckled with a similar deviousness. “Always a pleasure to help torture poor players. I mean, we GMs must stick together, right? Otherwise, who knows what those insolent players would get up to!”

I chuckled. “’Insolent’? Well, somedragon’s been eating his daily dose of dictionary.”

Spike shrugged it off with a smile. “Had to step up my game. I don’t wanna look bad compared to you.”

That made me laugh again. I lunged and hugged the little guy. “Ah don’t worry, you’re great. Speaking of. How was your session? Yadralak the Hideous any good, or is he already dead?”

I was surprised to see the little guy blush a tad. “It’s, uh, Yadralak the Ambitioned now. Because according to some dusty old texts, that’s used as a synonym to ‘strongly desired’.”

“It is? Huh. Clever wordplay, nice one,” I praised and smiled a little more as I saw the tint in his cheeks deepen.

“And yeah, he’s still alive,” he continued. “The name actually completely threw them off the trail. They were beating up bards for half of the session.”

What made him chuckle in delight made me cringe a little. “Yikes. Poor bards.”

“Oh, no, no no no. Not ‘poor bards’. They mostly work with mind-affecting spells and stuff, and my group has notoriously bad will saving throws,” he explained and there was this mischievous twinkle in his eyes that quickly made me realize that he had probably used a lot of enchantment and illusions.

“You have to be careful with that one, though,” I urged him despite my amusement. “Your group isn’t quite as accustomed to mind games like that as mine is. Don’t frustrate them too much.”

“Nah, I won’t. It was fun for one session, but I think next session, I’ll give them a couple of hints,” he agreed.

I suddenly realized something and froze. “Ugh, crap.”

“What?”

“Hints,” I replied with a sigh. “My baddy was supposed to give them some hints in all that witty banter he had no chance of engaging in, because he died too quickly. In theory, he was just a leader of a hired mercenary band, and they were supposed to get a whiff of a conspiracy. Hm. Maybe I could retcon next session that they found a note or something…”

“Nah, don’t,” Spike disagreed. “There’s downsides to being ‘too efficient’, right? They didn’t get any hints this time. And maybe they won’t next time, either. At some point, the conspiracy either does what it was supposed to do and then they suddenly think ‘oh, hey, how did we not notice any of that?’, or the conspiracy deems them enough of an annoyance to send someone after them, right?”

“Hmmmm. Maybe. I’m going to make a note of that. I feel like I should sleep about that one.” And indeed, a note was made. However, even after I put the pencil down again, I kept increasingly blankly staring at the sheets of paper, my mind drifting off to nowhere in particular. Spike remained silent for what felt like several minutes, until he softly poked his claw into my side. “Hm?”

“I was asking if you’re done now,” he snickered.

“Oh. Uhm. Think so… yeah.” I collected all the books, all the notes, the GM-screen and formed a neat little pile that, in itself, was placed on top of one of the nearby bookshelves. “Any plans for the rest of the night?”

“Sleeping, probably,” he immediately replied with a quiet laugh. “At some point anyway. I, uh, was hoping you could distract Twilight so that I could sneak out?”

I was about to tell him that he could simply ask Twilight, but he had a point. As soon as he would do that, she would naturally ask where he was going. Because Twilight liked to know, and she liked to be in control. Even if it was only little things like that. And Spike, just from studying his face right now, was about to sneak out to meet with somepony special to him, and it probably was not Rarity. “You still haven’t told me who you’re seeing,” I noted without any urgency or nosiness.

“Yeah, I, uh… haven’t… so…?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah, sure. Totally. You go, I distract her, don’t worry.”

“Thanks!”

We hugged each other again and a moment later, I stood up from my chair. Several impulses tried to drag me in different directions and following half of them at once, I stretched my legs and my neck, arched my back and listened to what probably should have amounted to a concerning amount of pops and snaps. “Ahhh, that’s the stuff,” I whispered as a shudder ran down my spine.

“Dude, that’s creepy,” I heard Spike chuckle from the sidelines.

I just shot him a not-really-serious-glare. I could not keep it up anyway because I was grinning again soon after and we left the living room. On my way out, I grabbed a random book from the fiction section, levitating it close behind me. “Give me five minutes, maybe ten, and then you’ll be free to go and make kissy faces with whoever,” I teased and chuckled as I saw him blush again. So he really was making ‘kissy faces’… interesting.

Soon enough, I opened the door to Twilight’s study. Ever since she knew this place existed — something she had learned thanks to both Spike and me —, she had arranged her ‘official business’ to take place here. Aside from that, it was a decent alternative to her bedroom if the living room was occupied. So it was no surprise to find her lying before the lit fireplace. She was already reading and that spared me the sometimes weird feeling of déjà vu of seeing her sitting at her desk in such a similar manner to Celestia.

“Hey there,” I made my presence known while closing the door.

She looked over her shoulder and smiled at me. “No peanut?” she teased with a raised eyebrow.

“Nope. I only use that when I want to annoy or tease you,” I explained in my most serious, most sincere voice. “I mean, come on, if I was being serious, I would need a better pet name, right?”

“So you are not here to annoy or tease me, then?” she continued with a hint of incredulity, but still smiling.

And just because she was such a tease, I decided to reciprocate in kind. I walked over to her and lowered my head, placing a kiss on her lower back, right above her spine. “Me? Nah, I wouldn’t dare…!” I assured her, nipping her skin a little bit higher and slowly working my way up to her mane. She seemed to quite enjoy it, as her eyes were closed, that smile still persisted and she hummed a little. I veered a little to the side, working my way up her neck to her ear. “Neverrrrrrr…!” I whispered and sat down beside her, our coats brushing against each other.

When she opened her eyes again, she practically purred for a moment. “Hmmm… that was nice.”

I grinned. “Happy to hear that.” I leaned a little more against her and she did not seem to mind at all. “What are you reading?” I still knew and remembered that certain boundaries had to be honored as best as we could. And switching up the topic seemed a decent way to do that. Instead of directly answering, she levitated the book's cover over to me, so that I could read a surprisingly long title. “Ogres & Oubliettes: A Munchkin’s Guide – Or: How to Recognize and Unashamedly Abuse Weak and Wrong Behavior in both GMs and Players.” I furrowed my brow and looked at her. “Really?”

Twilight shrugged. “I found it in the comedy-section a couple of days ago, but I did not have any time to give it a go yet.”

I looked over my shoulder and quickly discarded the book I had brought onto her study’s desk, returning my attention to her and her choice of literature. “Well then, mind if I read along?”

Her smile grew a little warmer and her wing extended over my back. “I’m glad you asked.”

In the end, we were discussing the book more than actually reading it. But that was not so bad after all. I loved those conversations. Especially when she got a little flustered whenever the book, using its dripping and burning sarcasm, pointed out some behavior she recognized from herself. Never let it be said that I was not quick to reassure her of her status as a very good player. Just… not a perfect one. But neither was I a perfect game master. Nopony was ever perfect. Nothing was ever perfect.

And in the back of my mind, a little voice happily sang away.

We're not flawless

We're a work in progress

We've got dents and we've got quirks

But it's our flaws that make us work

Yeah, we're not flawless

We're a work in progress

So tell me what flaws you got, too

'Cause I still like what's flawed about you

Day 2,599: Nightmare

I was sweating buckets, but that satisfied smile on my face was rather persistent. A merciless summer sun was beating down on all three of us, but neither minded much. We cleared tree after tree, working slowly, but steadily. On any other day and any other activity, that fact would have alarmed me. Applejack was grounded, rational, she knew what she needed to do and was perfectly capable of restraining herself. Rainbow was, well, a little bit more aloof, but most importantly: She was an athlete. A successful one, at that. She knew the limitations of her body and although she constantly tried to widen those, she — more than any of us — knew the whiplash of actually risking an injury. The problem just arose once one put both of them together. Their competitiveness would surpass any rhyme or reason. In an effort to be ‘the best’, no matter what exactly was concerned, they would throw caution to the wind.

Maybe it helped that I was present today. Every once in a while, I audibly cleared my throat whenever they shot challenging glances at each other, or when one of them seemed to speed up her work noticeably. Then again, maybe it really was just the sun bearing down on us.

It mattered little. It still felt fulfilling. Both the possibility that I helped in that way, and the work itself. Honest, straightforward physical labor. We had made it past noon and I could already feel it in my very bones: I would sleep like a log tonight.

I paused for a moment. “Water break,” I announced and the other two stopped as well. We walked over to the cart. The bucket standing behind it, more precisely. And dipped our muzzles in one after the other, caring little for decorum. Despite standing around in the sun for hours, it still felt fresh, refreshing. “Ahhh, that hit the spot,” Rainbow said. I could only agree with a nod. And just like that, we went back to work. The relative silence was not uncomfortable, but we talked occasionally. Whenever we did, we inevitably slowed down a little.

I brushed my hoof across my brow, feeling how my coat soaked up the thin sheet of sweat, feeling how it coalesced into droplets, and finally flung them to the ground. “Ew,” I mumbled with a quiet chuckle.

“It’s only sweat, sugar, nothing disgustin' about honest sweat,” Applejack remarked from another tree two rows over.

“Well, you would know, I suppose,” I grinned and winked at her.

Applejack laughed, taking the little jab in stride. “I do. No honest worker here ‘cept me, commandin' two lazy-flanks.”

“Hey!” Rainbow immediately protested. “What did I do?!”

“Except bein' a pain in my flank all night with your constant tossin' and turnin'?” Applejack shot back.

“I really don’t need to know what you two get up to in the dead of night,” I interrupted their loving little spat.

“Well at least it won’t be as bucked up as yours,” Rainbow shot straight back.

I stopped.

I stopped grinning. Smiling, even. I might even have stopped breathing for a moment, I could not tell. Needling each other was nothing new. A little bit of sass, just regular old banter. But there had been something in her voice. Some underlying current. A tone I had never heard before.

Accusation.

And her smile felt all kinds of wrong. It did not reach her eyes.

I stood there for a good couple of seconds and was… shocked? Speechless. I did not know how to react to that. It slowly, agonizingly slowly dawned on me, that she was being serious. “W-What do you mean?” I heard myself cobbling together.

For some reason, it was Applejack who sighed. “Well great, Rainbow. Couldn’t have waited for the day's end? Until the work’s done?” she chided her partner. So she was in on this? Whatever ‘this’ even was? I turned my attention to her and found her eyes strangely bereft of the usual warmth and friendliness. “We don’t mean anythin' by it,” she started half-heartedly. So it was a ‘we’ now? “It’s just that… well… we’ve seen the looks you shoot at Twilight.”

“I… well…” I stopped talking. I closed my jaws and tried to think, but every straight thought seemed like such a chore, such an impossible task. “We… we’re just flirting,” I tried to defend myself in what probably did not exactly amount to a viable tactic.

“Yeah, that’s… kind of the point,” Rainbow threw in from the sidelines.

“You’re not exactly subtle about it,” Applejack reinforced with a nod. “And it’s just… you’re gonna hurt Twi. Eventually.”

“No, I won’t!” I immediately protested. But despite the energy and conviction carrying that statement, a part of me demanded amendment. “I mean… maybe I will. Probably. You can’t not hurt somepony you spend so much time with, it’s an inevitability. You can’t tell me you haven’t hurt Rainbow at some point, right? Or Fluttershy?” There was a growing sense of desperation that I noticed with a strange feeling of disconnect. Like I saw someone else fighting a battle they could not hope to win.

Applejack shook her head. “Sure I have. But this is different.”

I saw the opening. I saw in her eyes that she had made it available willingly. It was a trap. But I felt desperate and used it anyway. “Why?” I asked.

And the trap snapped shut. “Well, because they’re the bucking princesses, genius!” Rainbow spat. It was not quite a yell yet. But her voice carried a certain edge with it.

Applejack nodded. “You’re gonna break Princess Celestia's heart. And you’re gonna break Twi's heart as well.”

Dread. Dread seemed the right word for what was constricting my throat. The sun still glared at us. At me. But it had started to feel rather uncomfortably warm a long time ago. I was still sweating, but not because of the physical labor. We had stopped doing any work at all. “What… what do you want me to do…?” I finally dared to ask, my throat dry and my head spinning.

“Well, isn’t that obvious?” Applejack replied with a sigh. She walked over to me and despite my meek attempts to recede a couple of steps, she put a hoof on my shoulder. A cold touch. And in a condescending voice, she broke my heart a little further. “We want you to stop. Listen, you seem to be a… a decent pony,” she lied through gritted teeth, “and we did our best to be as toleratin' as possible. But we can’t have you runnin' around making googly eyes at all the mares. Either you come clean about cheatin', or we will do it for you. And since we’re on that note anyway, maybe consider stoppin' with the unnatural nonsense as well?”

“N-none-…?” I tried. I really did. But my voice broke off, and my eyes could not see, and I felt hot tears stream down my face and I only saw cold steel in green eyes. It was horrifying.

Again, she sighed. The same way an exasperated mother would sigh after having to explain the same thing over and over to her rather dense foal. “One stallion belongs to one mare. It’s not that hard to understand, is it? What you’re aiming for is wrong. It’s just… you know… unnatural.”

For some reason, that hurt even more. And for the first time in ages, I managed to rip my gaze free from Applejack’s eyes. I almost frantically searched for Rainbow, and found him standing a couple of trees away, lazily leaning against the tree’s bark and quietly eating an apple. “What?” he just asked. In a tone that was begging for me to give a wrong answer. Which… might very well have been ‘any’ answer.

My gaze returned to Applejack. She was waiting. And try as I might, I could not answer. My smothered voice would not allow me. My shallow breathing would not allow me. My head felt lighter and lighter, my heart rapidly, erratically beating in my chest. It hurt. It just hurt so much.

“This is not Applejack,” a sharp voice cut through everything. “And neither is this Rainbow Dash!”

I wanted to look for its source. But Applejack would not allow me. Her eyes kept me transfixed. Kept me staring at her. Even as the ground shook. Even as fissures ripped the orchard apart. Parts of the land were rising, others falling. I saw something blue out of the corner of my eyes.

“You know it to be true,” Applejack almost hissed. Her demeanor had changed once more. No consolation was to be found anymore, no matter how condescending, no matter how hurtful. There was just anger remaining, and traces of a growing hatred.

The pieces of land around me rose up. The small chunk of land I was standing on sank down, deeper and deeper into the abyss. Her voice haunted me, even in this growing, drowning dark. “Unnatur-“

For just a moment, I allowed myself to stop. Right before a window, so that the afternoon sun could shine brightly on me. Warmth seeped into my very being and my smile felt a little more reinforced than it already had been. There was a certain heaviness in my heart that I could not explain completely, but I opted to ignore it. I was a worrywart after all, random feelings of insecurity and discomfort were pretty standard for me. But I would not let that deter me.

A couple seconds more and I stretched my legs, arched my back like a cat and noticed with the everlasting smile on my face that satisfying pop of something in or along my neck. “Oof, that’s good,” I murmured and finally continued down the hallway. I passed by massive oil paintings and busts on pedestals, banners and tapestries. And doors. Most of them were unguarded, because most of the rooms behind them were less significant.

The door at the end of the hallway, though. That one was different. “Gentlecolts,” I greeted the two day guards with a smile. Their faces did not change expression as one of them unlocked the door and opened it. The gap was just enough to let me inside, and it closed right after me.

Strange. I could not remember these two. I obviously did not know every single guard, day or night, by face and-or name. But over time, I had gotten to know at least some of them.

I shrugged and put it behind me. There were plenty of possible explanations and this certainly was not important enough to fret over it.

Celestia was, though.

The moment I laid eyes on her, my mood soured. Something was up. I looked over my shoulder, confirmed that the door had been closed and I quickly reminded myself that it had been done silently. So far, nothing betrayed my presence, but… usually, she would have noticed anyway. She somehow always knew. Trying to surprise her had actually become a fun little game that I did not mind constantly losing. Maybe she had put a magical tracker on me or something.

What made me hesitate to announce myself was her state of being. She sat at her desk as usual, sure, but she was slumped over, the chair turned to the side and… she was crying. She held a letter in her hoof, from what I could tell, and was crying. Softly, silently weeping.

That heaviness I had felt and disregarded before bloomed into dread once more. What was going on? Whatever it was, it hurt her. And I felt righteous anger about that. Nopony was supposed to hurt her. I was supposed to at least make an effort to keep her safe. Was I not?

I found myself sneaking forward. Silently stepping my hooves on marble floor tiles, slowly creeping closer and closer. Until I was close enough to the table to stretch my neck. But I could not reach quite high enough to properly see what she was reading. And reading it, she was. Over and over and over, it seemed. Every couple of minutes, she turned the single page and read it again.

Why did she torture herself?

That’s Luna’s métier…

And that thought, I hated even more. No, it was not.

Once again, Celestia turned the page over, to start reading anew. This time, standing on my hindlegs, propping myself up against the massive, high table and stretching my neck to its fullest until everything ached within seconds — and ignoring that ache — I could at least see parts of what she was so focused on.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

The letter started with ‘dear sister of mine’. My mind was set ablaze. Theories swirled around, thoughts gave chase to each other. Another Nightmare Moon-incident? As hilariously stupid as that was, I still found myself checking the window, just to be sure. Still afternoon, with a nice, warm afternoon sun. For a fraction of a second, I considered if those tears might be tears of joy. They did not have to be associated with terrible news. But I quickly confirmed my initial reading of the room’s aura by merely looking at her facial expression. Even that little of what I could see from where I was confirmed without a doubt that she was distraught, if not heartbroken.

I refocused my attention on that stupid letter I quickly grew resentful of. How dare it upset, no, hurt my Sunny? But once again, that anger quickly turned to worry and concern, as I managed to glimpse another shred of the text. My name was there. Multiple times.

I did not know why. And no longer could I bear seeing her like this. “Love?” I asked, barely audible. Yet in a silent room, it was more than enough. She tensed up immediately, her hoof wobbled a little and she quickly stashed the letter in a drawer of her desk. One of those that could only be opened by her.

She slipped her mask on without effort. Despite me being the only other pony in the room, and that… that was all kinds of wrong. She never needed it with me. We had managed to work past that stage quickly. Why now? Why, of all times, did she see a need for it now? “How was your evening?” she asked in that serene voice I suddenly hated so much.

Because now, I was talking to Princess Celestia. Celestia, the All-Knowing. Celestia the Wise. Celestia the Immaculate. It hurt.

I needed to get to the bottom of this. I needed to know what Luna had written. But that letter was basically lost to me and the only other potential source of information was currently trying to hide from me. Maybe I could get her to open up. I still thought that I was rather decent at reading her by now. Her tone of voice had left little doubt: She did not want to waste more time than strictly necessary. Aiming true from the get-go.

How was my evening?

I barely remembered anything, but the more I dug into it, the clearer it became. A rare afternoon spent with Luna. She had somehow roped me into being her assistant in some pranks. I usually played either the bait, or the distraction. She had put on her illusion later on, so that we could have a nice, lovely dinner outside the castle walls. Fancy restaurant, good food, good wine. Maybe a bottle too much, but neither of us was really drunk. We were just a little bit more chipper than usual. We had returned to the castle, went straight to her bedroom. I could not remember us fooling around, since we had stuffed ourselves a little bit too much at dinner and after that afternoon, we were getting tired.

“It was—“ I started and suddenly remembered a detail. I remembered lying on her bed, feeling drowsy, when all of a sudden, all the candles in her room burst to life, illuminating her room in the most beautiful glow. The ceiling was a painting of a section of the night sky. The color used for the moon and stars had been specifically chosen to interact with any light source. It was a magnificent dance of light. Of color, too. I remembered noticing the emptiness beside me, and looking for Luna. I remembered finding her standing at the edge of the bed, with a nervous smile on her face.

… I remembered her proposing to me.

“—fine,” I belatedly finished my answer. I could not have described what I heard in my own voice on that last word. Neither could I tell what I felt at that moment. The puzzle pieces fell into place.

She had promised me!, I lashed out in the privacy of my head, throwing myself against the cage’s bars. A cage called ‘helplessness’. Yes, indeed, she had promised. That she would wait and keep quiet and let me talk to her sister first. And I come in here and find Sunny reading that letter. Whatever it was. And I saw my name in it. And it just… clicked. It all came together. And I hated her for a second or two, and I hated myself for a second or two or considerably longer.

Celestia rose from her chair. With her usual, serene smile on her face, she walked over to the carpet in front of the fireplace. So many fond memories of that place. They felt spoiled now. She sat down on it, sparked the fireplace to life with a single bolt of magic and looked at me again. Calm. Collected. Her eyes betrayed nothing. Because at the end of the day, it mattered little how well I thought I had become at reading her. Thousands of years of experience. If she did not want to let me in, I would not be let in. And I was utterly incapable of forcing my way in.

“Come,” she asked with a tone I could not interpret. “Sit with me. I could use some cheering up.”

I felt my legs move on their own accord. Every step was mechanical, alien. I came over to her. I sat down beside her. No matter how I arranged myself, there was always this little gap between us. And it annoyed me. It angered me. It felt wrong for it to be there, but I could not close it. Was it always there? Had it always been there? Why did I notice it only now?

I failed to cheer her up. It was inevitable. Try as I might, I could not spend her warmth and comfort. I was there, but what did that matter? Maybe it made it even worse. In time, I noticed her trembling. Her mask remained firmly in place. I saw tears spill from her eyes, silently, with her mask firmly in place. Something broke. I could not see it, or hear it, or even feel it. I just knew. Something inside her. And something inside me.

I wanted to scream, but I had no voice. No outlet for all that agony I felt. No will to bottle it up, but no way for it to go.

“Enough!” a sharp voice cut through everything.

Neither Celestia nor I minded. The world became a much darker place. In more than one sense. Outside, massive storm clouds quickly gathered and spread across the sky. They dissipated as fast as they had come, leaving behind a section of the night sky and the moon. I tried not to look at it. It was a hurtful reminder of my many, many failings.

I had hurt her one too many times. Maybe it would be best if I just…

Unnatur-

I dropped into darkness the moment the balcony door burst in, shards of glass flying across the room as something blue shot inside Celestia's study.

The first thing that clued me in that I was returning from darkness was my apparent capability of thinking about this. After that came pain. A lot of it. My joints ached. My muscles ached. My bones ached. But worst of all, my head throbbed with spikes of pain that returned every couple of seconds. I was inclined to say ‘with my heartbeat’, but then again, even given my current state, I knew perfectly well that a heart beating this slow would be quite deadly. And I sure as heck was not about to tell my throbbing headache to increase the frequency so that it could keep up with my heart rate, just so that a potential analogy would work.

My right side was burning up from the heat. Felt like being grilled. Then again, given how sensitive the senses that actually returned to my command were, maybe it was just the midday sun being friendly. My left side, on the other hoof, was damp and cold. I could feel little surface irregularities. Maybe tiny stones? Lumps of dirt? Tufts of grass?

There was a rancid smell emanating from somewhere close by. And I did not want to know the source of it. Nope.

And birds. I could hear birds. One songbird in particular currently drew all of my ire, as its incessant trill drilled right into my mind, mixing some external overstimulation into the ‘pain pot’ that was my head. May it burn, ignited by the fury of a thousand suns! Of course, that single bird did not have the decency to spontaneously burst into flame. And neither did it stop trilling. Ever.

For almost half a second, I was relieved when my eyesight returned. Funny enough, it took only half a second for my brain to process that right now, every bit of light was like burning hot needles stabbed into my skull. I really wished I would fall blind for a couple seconds after I had closed them with force.

So, to take inventory:

Head hurts (rest of body included, but less prominent).

Light hurts.

Sound hurts.

Ground hurts.

Thinking hurts.

Nice.

While I would have loved to curse a little, that would have necessitated thinking about a good curse, and I was not foolish enough not to learn from repeated experiences. And I had repeated them, and apparently kept repeating them, because my headache just kept rumbling on. Lovely.

It took me a while to figure out that this was not going to get any better by just trying to lie still and thinking about nothing. It would need to get a lot worse to even have a chance of improving.

So I forced my eyes open again, enduring the continued hot needle stabs, and I forced my aching legs to move, and my body to shift. I tried to stand up, but the immense vertigo meant that I was just flopping over onto the other side. Good try… good try.

I tried again with results that were not quite as disheartening at least. I had managed to stabilize myself sitting on my belly, with all legs splayed out in all directions for balance reasons. Probably.

My vision took a while to adjust. Colors constantly blurred and bled into one another, forms shifted and changed, and as a rare instance of synesthesia, every time that happened, the volume of sounds I could hear changed with it. It was quite nauseating, which made me think of the source of that rancid smell and that was decidedly not a direction I wanted to think about.

With what felt like tremendous effort, I finally managed to stand up. On four very, very wobbly legs. But hey, small victories and all that. “Buck my life,” I finally cursed. Not exactly original, but then again – I had never been enough of a ‘bad boy’ to actually learn decent curses and decent cursing.

With my vision slowly clearing up, I could see a lot of green, at first. With the occasional brown line mixed in. So trees then. A lot of them, standing close together. A forest. That was the direction of the birds as well. One in particular I would not have minded to throw a stone at. Not with the intention of actually hitting it, of course. I would not want to upset Fluttershy.

Fluttershy.

A familiar name. Right. An image formed in my head. Long, flowing pink mane. Yellow pegasus. Very cute smile. Depending on the time of day and her latest chores, she smelled like forest or wildlife. Great to snuggle. Made the cutest noises when caring for her animals. Or otherwise.

I felt my thoughts drift in a direction that was utterly preposterous. Especially right now, given the circumstances. I wanted to rub my template, not thinking about what that might do to my headache, but lucky me, I stopped as soon as my hoof made contact with my head.

Because it was sticky. Ew.

I slowly, apprehensively withdrew my hoof and almost fainted once I got a proper look at it. I had to quickly reposition my legs to keep myself upright. Blood. I was bleeding. My head was bleeding. Or rather, had been? I could see a surprisingly small patch of reddish dirt under me, where I had probably been lying.

Had something hit me on the head?

That might explain my current state of being – would it not?

“Oh…!” a surprised voice rang in my ears. “Are you alright?”

My still impaired mind nonetheless quickly connected the familiar voice to a name: Twilight Sparkle. And for some reason, a strange phrase seemed to already be connected to that name. It’s always about Twilight. I had no idea what that was even supposed to mean. But it did not matter. Twilight was here, and that meant help. Everything would be alright now.

“Sweet Celestia, am I glad to hear your voice,” I croaked out. “I think I got hit on the head?”

I turned to look at her, but as soon as I did, I stopped myself in growing confusion. She stood a couple of steps away and kept that distance. Why? She looked worried at my head, worried about the probably visible wound, but not worried about me. Why? Come to think of it, her entire body language was all wrong, like we… like we were…

No…

… strangers?

“T-This isn’t funny,” I desperately pressed those words out, despite how hoarse my voice felt.

“Well it sure is not, that looks like a nasty gash! It should be treated immediately,” she replied. Still worried, and still worried in all the wrong ways.

No, no, no… this can’t be happening…

“T-Twilight?” I asked, barely audible.

“Yes?”

I took a deep breath to steady my nerves. And then another two for good measure. “Do… do you remember me?” I dared to ask.

She grimaced. “Really, with a wound like this, it is not exactly the best time to talk!”

So she did!

Or she did not?

No… please no…

I started to talk to her. I tried so hard to get a straight answer from her. Did she or did she not remember me? Was this happening all over again? Was this a new iteration? Did I lose her, did I lose everything once more? I could not bear that thought, yet I had to. Because she escaped, evaded, denied me any answer. I kept bleeding, and I kept talking, and time passed, and she insisted, and I insisted, and I cared not if my blood loss would kill me, because I could not lose her again…

“Answer me!” I yelled at her at the top of my lungs, my entire body shaking. Hot tears streamed down my face and mixed in with the blood. A suddenly all too familiar feeling. My heart broke, seeing the hesitation in her eyes. Seeing that confusion. It all came full circle. Again and again.

I had hurt her. Maybe it would be best if I just-

Unnatur-

The light around us dimmed. I wanted nothing more than to slump down. Give up. I so desperately wanted to give up. Please, I begged whatever higher power was bored enough to listen, let there be an end to this madness… I can’t take it anymore…

A blue mist curled around Twilight's hooves. She cried out in frustration. I cared little. My mind dulled. My field of vision shrank down. My pain subsided. And everything fell apart, me included.

I wanted nothing more than to slump down. But that was not an option.

“Be strong,” Luna said. “I shall reward you personally and in abundance for your persistence later tonight.”

Her promise made me grin like a love drunk young colt. I wiggled a little in my armor, already knowing that it felt alien and would not stop feeling alien anytime soon. In addition to that, it was slightly uncomfortable. Not enough to always be in my mind, but just enough to always slightly annoy me, at least on a subconscious level. Despite all that, I stood at her side, greeting prim and proper ponies as they came up the stairs.

It was part of her duty to play the reception for this charity ball. Not all that dissimilar from the Grand Galloping Gala, she had to stand here for the first, rather lengthy part of the night, smiling and waving and greeting all those vain nobles. Maybe I was not being fair to them. I knew for a fact that some of them were decent ponies. Some even more than that. But goodness gracious, certain specimens made it almost impossible not to think of the majority of them as pompous wastes of space, filled with hot air. And bits, probably. Hot air and bits, so that they keep on the ground.

“I’ll take your word for it,” I replied almost inaudibly. She smirked for a second and that was enough for me to know that she had heard.

I had no real concept of just how large Canterlot — and therefore its populace — actually was. I mostly came here for training or to visit a couple of places and ponies. I rarely stayed for longer than a bunch of days at most. My heart, and home, was in Ponyville. And I had heard that it was deemed quite unhealthy to be separated from your heart for too long. Who would have thought.

As the minutes passed by — and so did the ponies —, I noticed the difference more and more. How they greeted her, and how they greeted me. That was, if they greeted me at all.

We might have stood side by side, but she was a Princess of Equestria. Addressing her first was proper protocol, of course. Adding to that, she was a good deal taller than me. Which was probably the reason why they thought they could get away with it. And honestly, they did – because I let them. I cared little for their greetings or respect. I did not need their respect. Neither did I need their acceptance, or even tolerance. I could do just fine without it, or them.

I was here to support Lu. She loved to tour the clubs and I would never deny her that joy. Seeing ponies party through her entire night, only to wobble home in early daylight to fall asleep with the rising sun, it warmed her heart knowing, seeing, that such ponies and customs existed in this day and age. But no matter how hard she might try, charity needed bits. Bits, as sad as it was to say it, made the world go ‘round. And while your average casual clubber had a bunch of bits to spare — mostly for entry fees and drinks and maybe a carriage home, that was not enough. Not by a long shot.

Charity needed bits. Nobles had bits. Charity needed nobles. And they did not part with them just because of all their collective good will, oh no. They wanted to be entertained, they wanted to be made feel important, they wanted to be seen and known and heard of. See how much good I do for you poor lot by donating… less than ten percent of my wealth, which I will have recovered within half a year.

The evening would be dull enough for her as it was. She had asked me to be there by her side, both to support her and to keep her from playing pranks out of sheer boredom. Which, in a way, was just another lane of support I could offer.

The problem started when, by happenstance, she finally noticed.

“Lady Valencia?” she spoke up. Her voice still carried the same tone she had used all evening, but I could see those tiny wrinkles on her forehead. She was not sure if this was an accident or a misunderstanding or what.

The wine red mare with the pearly white mane turned with a dignified smile. “Yes, your Highness?”

“You seem to have overlooked my companion,” Luna tried to be diplomatic. Well, it was better than outright telling her that she had ‘forgotten’ something.

Lady Valencia however merely looked around, her gaze only gracing me in the same manner she might have looked at a chair or a table, until it settled back on Luna. “I don’t think I have, your Highness.”

The situation was difficult. I had known the very moment the first one ignored me and just strode into the ball room anyway. Because Luna could be rather ill-tempered, but at the same time, this charity needed these stuck up ponies to happen in the first place. “It’s fine,” I quietly told Luna, as to not attract more attention from the line waiting behind her. The holdup would do that on its own in time.

She gave me an incredulous look in turn and quickly shook her head. “No, it is not,” she decided, ignoring my sigh and turned her attention to Lady Valencia. “You will address him properly and you will pay your respects properly,” she demanded.

Lady Valencia either had balls of steel, or did not know who she was messing with. Neither of these options did anything good. “With all due respect, your Highness, but why would I need to address a simple night guard?”

I cringed a little at that. Not giving in had been one thing. But she was rather protective of her guard. A fact that, given how proud most nobles were of how well-informed they claimed to be, the Lady surely knew of.

“Simple?” Luna echoed and, making a decision, now turned her entire body towards the insolent mare. “Were you not given proper invitations, Lady? Were you not informed of the meaning of this event, and its benefactors? Were you not told who to expect at the reception? So how is it that you claim him to be here in a role as a guard only, when in truth, he remains at my side as my betrothed? And how is it that you dare call the guards ‘simple’ when each and every member is a pony brave enough to undergo training in an effort to keep the likes of you safe and sound? So that you may enjoy your dainty little soirees without ever growing the need to defend yourself?”

Her breath had quickened considerably, her eyes trained on the ‘enemy’, and I could already see this escalate only further and further. It was a matter of ‘when’, not ‘if’, until the first blow would be struck. I tried to deescalate the situation as best as I could, seeing as it was highly unlikely that any noble would be the one to strike. I put a hoof to Luna's shoulders, gaining her attention for the moment. “Easy there kitten,” I whispered. “Be strong.” I tried to use the same tone of voice she had used just a couple of minutes prior, and maybe, just maybe, it would have had the desired effect.

But Lady Valencia just could not shut up.

“How easy that could have been a mistake on part of the scribe. And it should have been,” the Lady continued without the slightest hint of intimidation. “You expect us to bow to this commoner? You expect us to show respect to him? Whatever tricks this fraud uses to get the two of you into his bed is beyond my understanding, but ever since he showed up and ‘wooed’ you, talking to or about a Princess comes with a certain feeling of ickiness. I showed him, and will continue to show him, the same amount of respect he showed the reputable and decent ponies of Equestria, your Highness. Now with all due respect, am I allowed to continue?”

I could see Luna boiling right under her skin, seething with anger. “Nay, thou art not,” she pressed out through gritted teeth. I wanted to speak up. I wanted to tell her to be very, very careful with whatever she was about to say next. To make it something that she would not have to regret. I was perfectly willing to take the fall for her and tell her that these ponies were not worth getting riled up over. But then a voice chimed in and let me know that by extension, that would come back to bite me in the rump – because if I said something like that, with this many witnesses, it would pull into question Luna's choice to get involved with me in the first place.

And that stray thought was just enough to delay my reaction too far. Just enough that Luna spoke up first. “Turn,” she commanded. Not in the Royal Canterlot Voice, luckily, but quite loud and good to hear for everypony waiting in line.

“Beg your pardon?” Lady Valencia replied with visible confusion.

“Luna, don-“

“Turn,” Luna increased her volume again. “Thou art to vacate the premises of the castle grounds immediately and art nay longer welcometh here!” The Lady’s jaw figuratively hit the floor. But Luna was not done quite yet. “Guards.” All over the magnificent entrance hall, two dozen guards stood at attention. Two of them left their station and flew over. “Please be so kind as to show Lady Valencia the exit.”

The Lady was still aghast and speechless when the first guard gave her a comparatively gentle shove. “Move.” That at least was enough to jumpstart her brain again. She directed a rather intense glare at Luna, who effortlessly matched and overpowered hers, before directing it at me. I flinched once more, but there was little I could do now. She had brought this upon herself and I honestly did not care at all about her. I did care about Luna though. And I could already see the consequences.

Lady Valencia raised her head in undeserved pride and lost a couple of words on her way out. Something along the lines of ‘this is how we are treated now’, I barely listened. I was focused on watching the growing resentment in many faces. I listened to the murmurs of dissent. And finally, I watched ponies leave. It started with a bunch of them, and only got worse from there.

A few minutes later and the entrance hall was empty.

I stood close to Luna. As close as I could manage without crawling under her. My head swam with implications. Celestia would hear about this. The newspapers would be nothing but this tomorrow. And for weeks to come. Would the PR-team be able to turn this around? How?

“I do not share a bed with my sister,” Luna spat and her hoof came down with force, actually cracking the tile beneath the carpet. I shoved all my panicky thoughts to the side. I brushed against her barrel to remind her of my presence and sure enough, she extended a wing down. “I am sorry that I lost my temper,” she said, but her voice betrayed her. Even now, with the long-lasting consequences slowly dawning on her as well, she still felt justified.

I sighed. “A couple minutes more and you would not have been any wiser,” I lamented, but as soon as the words had left my mouth, I internally screamed and cursed.

I could feel her tense up. Slowly, she tilted her head, looked down at me. “How long has this been going on…?” she demanded to know.

“Luna, no,” I insisted. She tried to step forward, towards the exit where a clerk had control over all the invitations, over all the names, and I desperately stuck to her, clung to her. “Luna, please, stay with me,” I begged her.

I could feel her legs tremble as she fought internally. After a long moment, she clucked her tongue. “We should head inside,” she continued. “The ice cream will melt eventually.”

I knew perfectly well that the enchantments would keep the ice cream from melting for at least another couple of hours. Long after the charity ball would have ended. Long enough to become part of the royal sister’s breakfast. But I appreciated the opportunity she offered me. “You get the blueberry, I take the cinnamon, and we’ll see who gets brain freeze first.”

She nodded absentmindedly. Her first steps were a little wobbly, stilted, but I carefully guided her and we slowly made our way towards the main hall. Once we entered, it… did not become any easier. The entire hall was decorated, a miniature orchestra was performing to no audience and tables upon tables of food were waiting for guests who had decided that they had intimate stakes in their Princesses’ love lives.

My stomach dropped again.

It was a strange dynamic that we shared at this point in time. Like two drowning ponies, near the point of exhaustion, tired of treading water. One goes under, the other one pulls them up again. Then the one pulling goes under, exhausted, and the other one had barely managed to get enough strength together again to pull them up again.

It still felt like drowning though.

She guided me to the table, we took dainty little glass bowls, spoons and ice cream. I was certain that neither of us felt particularly hungry. Quite contrary, the thought of eating was nauseating – but we did it anyway.

Even if the PR-team could turn this around. Of what use was that? The displayed attitude only highlighted a deeper seated problem. How many other ponies thought the same? And the more direct consequences were quite depressing in their own right: This was a charity ball. No donations would be happening tonight, meaning no charity.

A part of me wanted to lament my fate with something along the lines of ‘if only I had never shown my face tonight’, but even with that: What good would that have done? It would only have postponed the problem. What happened tonight would have happened another night then. Or maybe at the wedding. If… there was going to be one, now.

And that thought hurt as well. How many times could a stomach drop before it started to feel rather ridiculous?

I felt as if the weight of an entire society was pressing down on me. Thousands of judging eyes, discontent and unfriendly. Equestria is not ready. Just a stray thought, but… I did not know what to do with it. Agree? Disagree? Disregard? Think about it?

I tended to avoid the spotlight. Because I knew myself well enough to know that I don’t deal well with it. So why exactly was I in this position in the first place? Ah yes. Love.

Love conquers all, Cadance had told me once. Does it, though?

“Not quite how I remember this evening,” Luna said in a somber voice. But despite the downbeat tone, there was something that caught my attention. “The ice cream is pretty good though.”

I turned my head and looked at her and noticed a visible change in her demeanor. She was not furious anymore. She did not seem to dread the coming day. And most of all, her disappointment seemed miniscule in comparison to earlier, and directed at something else entirely. How strange.

She sighed. “You kept playing with that ring the entire night… whenever you thought I did not look and would not notice. I wondered what made you hesitate… why you refrained from… well. I think I might have found an answer?”

A dream.

The realization hit me like a freight train. I was dreaming. Arising thereby, I was sleeping. And this Luna was my Luna, the real one. I had a good idea about why she was here, too. The empty charity ball main hall did not exactly speak of a pleasant dream. Then again, less nobles was hardly something I would usually consider a nightmare. But there were vague memories of other instances. Something with Applejack yelling at me? And me yelling at Twilight? And I felt my heart sink a little as I remembered seeing Celestia weep.

Even from what little I could remember, it gave me the impression that she had her work cut out for her tonight. And of course, my first instinct was to apologize. I knew she did not like that very much. So I tried to keep to the conversation that was already going. “You deserve better,” I quietly answered to no particular question and continued to eat my ice cream. It actually was really good. Good job, brain.

“And who says that?” she immediately wanted to know. Because Luna was the Princess of the Night. The Mistress of the Dreamscape. She knew ponies like nopony else. She knew their bravest wishes and their most depraved fantasies, their darkest secrets and their potentials. She had faith in ponies, in the good in their hearts. Despite better knowledge, as my own mind wanted to add. But every once in a while, she had doubts. It was normal. Unavoidable, really.

I sighed. “None of the nobles ever did,” I replied in honesty. “Neither did they ever say it, nor did they ever show or imply it.” She nodded, acknowledging that part. “It’s me.” Always was. Worst case scenario: Always will be. Truth be told, I was merely projecting. In this dream especially. I did not know why Celestia returned my love. Why Luna and Twilight did the same. It most assuredly was not for a lack of options. And because I did not understand it, my insecurities had a field day. Every day.

“I see a lot of potential within you,” Luna replied with a gentle voice. She softly leaned against me, pulled me in with a wing while we sat right before the ice cream table on the cold marble tiles. “You have a good heart. You have a lot of demons, too, and you struggle to keep them in check constantly. I know that feeling well. I was utterly defeated once… and we do not talk about that.” She winked at me and the ludicrousness of the situation helped.

Helped enough that I could chuckle for a brief moment. “Right. Not talking about that.”

She nodded, satisfied. “I talk to my sister a lot. You come up from time to time, of course, seeing as you are becoming a part of our lives. Years ago, when you two started out, she told me of her fear that you might only feel attracted to her because of her wounds. That you might feel a need to care for her, mend her, dote on her – not dissimilar as fair Fluttershy does with an injured animal. Back then, she demanded of you that you acknowledge that she is not ‘broken’. I give you that same promise unasked. I do not care for you because we share some similarities. It does help to relate, however. A common struggle is just another rope, binding us together – if we want. If we let it.”

I tried my hoof on a joke as well. “I know a couple of other things that bind us together. Actual rope, for example.”

She snickered. And that was all the reward I needed to smile. “Indeed, those are some lovely nights.” She became thoughtful once more, staring in her almost emptied ice cream bowl. Most of the ice in it had melted down already, so she basically stared into a blueberry puddle. Still a very tasty puddle though. “I feel a certain kinship to the Elements. It is hard to explain. I wielded half of them once. I was redeemed by them. Reformed, freed. In a way, it helped me reshape how I think. Knowing names for virtues to strive for. You picked Applejack as your role model. You try to be as honest as you can manage and you seem to do a fairly decent job so far. I see a vast ocean of kindness within you. You are loyal to those you call yours, even if it would be to your detriment. You rarely ask for anything, but are always willing to give.”

I mustered a weak smile. “That leaves magic and laughter,” I concluded.

“Well… I did not say that you perfectly embodied all of them, did I?” she replied with a lopsided smile. “Laughter especially is something you have to work for each time, each day. But maybe that is what I am here for.”

I chuckled and prodded her side with a hoof. “Yeah, because you’re hilaaarious…”

She raised an eyebrow at that. “Do you question me? Or even dare to challenge me?”

“I—Hm.” I shut up.

And she snickered and nodded in satisfaction. “Wise decision.” We refilled our bowls with another scoop, sat back down and munched on it some more before she restarted the conversation. “This has been a particularly cunning nightmare. It kept you hidden from me and separated us as soon as you were within reach. It gained strength from… either hurting you, or feeding off your fear. I am not certain which, as your dream shifted through several stages, but either seems fitting. You fear to hurt us. You fear loss. You even fear inconveniencing us.”

I looked around the empty ballroom and snorted. “Not sure if I would call this ‘inconvenience’.”

“But it is,” she insisted. “Do not forget that time has a different meaning for us. Opinions change like ebb and flow. Bits are just bits, at the end of the day. A symbol, as all currency is. And there will most likely always be a ‘next time’.”

“Easy for you to say,” I countered. “I tend to live in the ‘here and now’.”

“Because you fear the future?” she asked.

“Maybe.” That was what it all came down to, was it not? At the end of the day, it was all about fear. Always has been, always will be. I tried to be the best pony I could be. Sometimes, even I, despite all my insecurities, felt like I did a decent job at that. Felt like I was honest enough, loyal enough, kind enough, generous enough. I really do struggle with laughter, don’t I?

So the question became: How does one battle fear?

I remained silent for a while, before I levitated my once again emptied bowl up onto the table. I had enough ice cream for one dream. “You do know that I still have that ring, right?” I asked with a cautious grin.

“I know,” she answered with a warm, loving smile.

I smirked. “I’m just waiting for the right moment.”

“I know.”

Day 2,345: The Campaign

“I’ll be honest… I still don’t get it,” I restarted our conversation, thereby breaking the little lull it had fallen into. “You’ve been with us for the past year or so and we never figured that out? I mean, yeah, sure, you’re not exactly a regular on our patrols, but still… it feels like you should be able to manipulate dreams just like we can.”

The three of us walked along the winding path Luna had manifested for us. A star-strutted road amidst the beautiful night sky that was the dreamscape. She refrained from voicing her own thoughts on the matter for now, instead furrowing her brow and listening intently. Her ears swiveled around in Derpy’s direction.

But Derpy for her part did not quite engage my musings as I had hoped for. She instead just shrugged. “To be honest, I’m just glad you two dispersed the storm quickly enough. It would have felt really nasty, hitting the ground from this high up.”

Both Luna and I grimaced at that. She sounded upbeat. Like the incident did not bother her at all. Even in the moment, when she struggled against gale-force winds and her wings got bent in angles that made her wince… not once did she seem all that concerned.

A fact that bothered both Luna and me. It was a dream, sure. But there were still consequences. Hitting the ground from that altitude would have crippled her, if not outright kill her. Which in turn would have translated into massive exhaustion within the dreamscape and upon waking up.

“We still have a lot to learn about how dream magic works when it manifests in other ponies,” Luna finally spoke up and I suspected she did so partially to steer my darkening thoughts away from such subject matters. “For now, we are grateful to know that, if necessity arises, we can call on you to help us, Derpy. But we shall be vigilant about the limitations of our knowledge, as to not put you in peril again. To be frank, it reminds me of some other occasion wherein a pony with limited knowledge and best intentions meddled in the dreamscape for the good of others, unaware of dangers for himself and those he brought along…”

Her little jab obviously did not pass me unnoticed. I even tried to play along, whistling a little. “No idea what you’re talking about. Must be one of those millions of dusty old stories a mare of your age has in store…”

For a couple of seconds, she puffed her cheeks and her wings rustled, wanting to spread out in show of her indignation. “Why you little—“ she started, still sporting that good-natured smile of hers and she attempted to step closer to be a bit more intimidating.

It would probably have worked better were it not for a giggling Derpy walking between us. “You two are funny.”

We were both flustered for a second before I managed to squeak out a tiny “Thank you.”

“Maybe dream magic has to figure out how dream magic works as well?” Derpy offered her own thoughts. “You said it’s new, sort of. So it’s young. I always liked to think of magic as something alive. Because so many ponies complain about their magic not cooperating or others say their magic had a good day or something like that. Maybe dream magic is still young then? Still learning. And giving out abilities to ponies is like… taking baby steps. Dreams can tell me what ails the dreamer. But I can’t leave my own dream without help, and I can’t manipulate dreams while inside them. And that other guy… heh, sorry, I already forgot his name again. You said he can stabilize dreams that are about to burst. That’s like… you get control of a star. A single one. And another pony gets control of a different star. And then another pony gets control of two stars, because those two before worked out just fine. And at some point, you feel ready and give the entire night sky to a pretty princess.”

I chuckled in amusement. Oh indeed, she was quite pretty and I dared glance up at her. Luna had seemed a little uncomfortable while Derpy so casually talked about other ponies controlling parts of her domain. Probably came with the territory. But that last sentence really broke the unease and she flushed crimson. “Thank you,” she muttered while trying to look regal and prim and proper.

It only made me chuckle harder and earned me a warning glare from her.

Derpy’s theory had its merits. She obviously was no scholar, but her quirky way of seeing things had been right in some regards in the past. Twilight had once told me of an instance where her weird, funny way of describing the flow of time had sparked a deeper understanding of the general concept of time for Doctor Whooves. And he seemed like a pretty smart guy to begin with.

I was about to start a nice little discussion about that theory when I noticed something else. I stopped walking, which in turn made the other two stop shortly after and they looked at me curiously while I tried to sort out what I perceived. A shift in gravity… as if the ground itself had become uneven. A brush of something warm and soft on my belly and legs. With my dawning understanding, a smile spread across my muzzle. “Twilight turned around,” I let them know. “I think she’s waking up.”

Jealousy. For a fraction of a second, it was there, in Luna's eyes. But it vanished as soon as it had appeared. A proud smile graced her lips instead. “You are getting better,” she noted. Perceiving changes in the waking world had been part of my training, but admittedly a part I struggled with to this day. It was supposedly about ‘being ready for anything’. Luna could wake up willingly as soon as she felt the temperature drop because a window or door was opened. She could hear voices, even when they whispered, in her room. Surprising her while she was dreamwalking was nigh impossible. I suspected that it mainly served her to thwart the prank attempts of her older sister. This ability might have served her well in the olden days when attempts at her life had apparently been more common, but such things were unthinkable these days.

Sunny could be surprisingly playful and they constantly found new ways to bother each other. It was adorable.

Luna looked around us, as if taking stock of something, before giving herself a nod and smiling in my direction. “This night is almost over. Whatever little is left to do, I shall be able to manage alone,” she stated.

“I can keep you company,” Derpy intervened before she, as well, could be carted off.

Luna’s smile deepened. “A lovely offer I gladly accept.” She turned her attention to me once more. “You may leave, Dreamwalker. Give Twilight my regards and have a good morning. We shall see each other tomorrow?”

I walked up to her and knowing me, she lowered her head. We deigned to ignore Derpy’s “D'aww” from the sidelines while we kissed. “See you tomorrow, kitten,” I whispered and grinned in satisfaction as I noticed her blush. I walked over to Derpy and hugged her. “Thanks again for helping out today, Derpy.”

“Oh that’s alright, it was fun. It will be more fun to ruthlessly gossip about you once you are gone,” she teased with a smirk as soon as we separated again. Her ‘threat’ did not do much. I knew her too well at this point. Gossiping was something Rarity excelled at. But Derpy had little to no talent for it.

I still acknowledged the tease, though. “Oh no, how horrible. Maybe I should stay and prevent this disaster from happening, lest my good reputation with Luna shall be tarnished forevermore and I—“

I chose that point to wake up and let them stand there.

As I woke up, I still felt somewhat proud of my timing and wanted to quietly chuckle a little, but the mere thought quickly lodged itself in my throat, unwilling to proceed further up, as I noticed Twilight. She had turned around, just as I had noticed in the dreamscape, but snuggled close to me again so that her back pressed against my belly and I still held her. However, I quickly connected that tingly sensation I felt to my half-erect member. The one she was currently grinding her rump against.

I felt like I was grinning from ear to ear. That was one of the most satisfying ways of waking up. “Hmmm~… Twilight… what are you doing?” I quietly asked, before leaning down and kissing a little trail on her neck.

She sighed a little and stretched, so that I may have a larger playing field for my lips to explore, but she did not stop grinding. “I… am waking you up,” she replied in a whisper, followed by an amused giggle that made my heart flutter. I also noticed her being a little bit short on breath.

“Well,” I started and nibbled at her eartip, “I’m awake. So what are you doing now?” I let my hoof lazily brush alongside her barrel, down to her haunches and then switched sides, cautiously rubbing over her teats.

A sharp intake of breath, a little shudder and her eyes fluttered firmly shut. Her grinding became a little more pronounced, but her smile only grew. “Now I’m trying to make you feel good,” she replied belatedly.

I still grinned. Grinned like an idiot, I chided myself, but I had no intention of stopping. I did not delude myself about where this was heading. Waking up, warm and cozy, holding her tight, kissing her… kissing her…

A quiet whine escaped her mouth as I brought my hoof back up, only to tilt her head so that I could lean down and give her a proper kiss. She shifted a little to make it more comfortable for herself and for a brief moment, that continued contact between our bodies broke. It was enough to notice that my legs had been dampened, enough to realize how aroused she already was.

I pulled back from our increasingly hungry kiss and looked at her with a smirk. “I wonder what you dreamed about last night,” I mused with a grin.

“You don’t know?” she breathed huskily. “Here, let me show you…”

And just as quickly, she pulled me down for another kiss, pouring a surprising amount of desire into it. I wanted her, all of her, and with each passing moment, I wanted her more. A mathematical impossibility. It would have amused her.

“I want to make you feel good too,” I whispered and brought my hoof back down between her legs. It was a bit of a stretch, reaching even deeper, but I managed. And I was rewarded with another sharp breath and a load of oil spilled into that fire in her eyes. I focused on her clit, which quickly made it nigh impossible for her to continue her own ministrations. There was no lack of trying on her part, but she just could not find a steady rhythm again and her body wanted other things than she did, which led to a rather enticing sight: Her squirming beside me.

“Please,” she whispered with such an intense look in her eyes that my own breath hitched for a moment.

Feeling playful, I teased her with the promise of another kiss, but kept just out of reach, drawing a little bit back when she raised her head. “Say ‘pretty please’,” I demanded with a grin, applying a little bit more pressure on her nether regions.

A gasp followed, and a drawn-out moan. “Pretty please,” she finally managed to string together.

As soon as I made an effort, she sprang into motion as well, aligning herself with me. There was almost no resistance to speak of as I plunged into her. I pushed deeper and deeper, but tried to keep it slow. I would have assumed ‘much to her dismay’, but she did not quite look all that displeased. Quite the contrary. She bit down on her lower lip and tried to stifle her moans. And I could have none of that. I kissed her, playfully sucked her lower lip in and teased her with a little bit of tongue play. “Don’t,” I whispered once we parted again.

She gave a shaky nod in agreement and sighed as I reached as far as I could.

We were still lying on our sides. It was a bad position in terms of control and speed. But neither of those mattered at the moment. I held her close to me and I wanted her close to me. I was not about to let her get away any further. I withdrew little, and pushed back in, building up a slow rhythm. I did not mind, and neither did she. It was less of a wild ride, less mindless, pleasurable rutting and more… love-making, as cliché as that sounded even in the privacy of my head.

To be fair, it helped me out somewhat. She had started out on a significantly higher level of arousal than I had, but there was no doubt about it – I came a lot quicker than she did. A normal occurrence, as far as I was aware. But the slow and steady pace allowed me to better hold back. Postpone my own climax, while focusing my attention solely on her. I felt her legs clench around my hoof at times, felt her breath grow heavier, noticed our kiss growing deeper, almost desperate. Until she said what I had concluded mere moments before. “I’m close.”

Sex was less about thinking. For me anyway. It was more about ‘feeling my way around’, about intuition. A stray idea manifested and it felt like a good one. So I shifted a little again, withdrew further than I had before and broke our kiss, raising my head enough to really look at her. Her hair was messy. Damp in places. She had a delirious look in her eyes, a mixture of desire and longing. She was beautiful. And I wanted to see it. “Cum for me, Twilight.” And without waiting for a response, I pushed back in. As fast as the position would allow. I retreated immediately and did it all over again, all the while holding eye contact with her. Seeing what mere words did to her. Seeing how her mind reeled, how a simple demand somehow increased what she felt. “Cum for me!” I asked her again, and only a couple of thrusts later, she cried out.

I saw those first waves of pleasure roll in. They were powerful. Soon enough, she lost control and closed her eyes, giving herself over to those massive tremors shaking her body. Seeing her like this, but hearing her moan especially, it was more than I could bear myself. My hip bucked involuntarily and I climaxed shortly after her, grabbing her even tighter than I had already while a couple of thrusts I had little to no control over extended her orgasm.

I laid my head on her neck, breathing heavily. We both radiated such heat into the surrounding air that it was almost uncomfortable to be this close to her. Almost. I heard her breathing slow down little by little, while I regained control myself. I felt my erection slowly shrink, felt the mess we had made and weirdly enjoyed it. I raised my head again, allowing her to tilt hers. We looked at each other, still flushed faces, but grinning in satisfaction. “I love you,” we spoke a little offset and giggled.

I did not know why, or how. But I saw her smirk after a brief moment, felt her grind her rump again, just a little bit to test the waters, and felt my member grow again. As if I had never heard of refraction period being a thing. And I was pretty certain that I had not seen her cast anything. Then again, I was in no shape of mind to scrutinize what was happening.

We were both still in our afterglow, but she already resumed teasing me. Another kiss, followed by a happy sigh from her. A happy sigh. She was happy.

I wanted her. I wanted her as close as she was right now. I wanted to have sex with her. Right now, and forevermore. I wanted her to be happy. Like this, and any other kind of happiness as well. I had seen myself make her happy on numerous occasions over the years. That precious smile when we sat down in the living room, reading for hours on end, sharing the occasional passage, discussion some idiotic plan a protagonist had. When I tried to cook for her. Things as little as that smile she gave me when I held the door open for her. Or that happy grin when she did the same for me.

I wanted this. All of it. Now, and tomorrow, and for the rest of my life.

I had no idea why, now of all times, this appeared as such a profound revelation. But it spurred me into action. “Would you marry me?” I heard myself asking her. She stopped grinding immediately, and her eyes dilated in surprise. To be fair, I had successfully surprised myself as well.

“Are… are you proposing to me?” she asked quietly, almost hesitantly.

I wanted to think this through. I really wanted to. But there was no room for doubt in my mind right now. I saw her. I had seen her. I remembered. And I wanted all of it, forever if I could have that. If she would let me have it. Have her. “Yes,” I answered immediately, before my mind caught up and I could not help myself but add more. “I don’t… I don’t have a ring or necklace or anything yet. This is no fancy restaurant dinner at the end of a romantic stroll, I didn’t plan this out… I just…” It was not perfect. It was not planned.

But it was intimate. It was honest.

There was a sudden, surprising shift as she somehow turned. But not only did she turn herself, oh no. She turned me. On my back. With herself being perched on top like the winner of a wrestling match. My erection gave a little twitch inside her, as if to remind both of us that we were still connected and a little bit of caution might be in order, thank you very much.

But Twilight just giggled. And leaned down until we were muzzle to muzzle. She had that intense expression again. But there was more. I felt like she was searching for something. And whatever it was, I had nothing to hide. Not from her. Never from her.

A brief moment later and she kissed me again. I was not sure what to make of it at first. She had not answered me, had she? But I could not ignore the passion in her gesture, I could not keep myself from kissing her back with equal force, pulling her down even more. I noticed her wings unfurl and grinned. Only after we broke the kiss to get some precious air into our lungs did I dare to ask. “So… is that a ‘yes’?”

“Does it feel like a ‘no’, silly?” she replied with another giggle, “Yes, that is a ‘yes’! Yes… yes, yes, YES!” She squealed like a filly, all that joy bubbling over. It warmed my heart, made those butterflies in my stomach flutter around in chaotic agitation, but most importantly, it filled me with both relief and a sense of… completion.

She still giggled as I pulled her down again. I still wanted her so badly. Now maybe even more than before. But my attempts at reversing our roles were quickly thwarted by her as she pushed me back down onto my back with a smirk. “No,” she whispered resolutely. “I’m in charge now.”

I gulped, and with a spreading grin, nodded.

“You meant it?” she later asked.

I felt drained. Spent. Once more, we were lying on our sides, muzzle to muzzle, observing the other one. I had sunken into a place of contemplation. Trying to understand why most mares looked their best when messed up. I was pretty sure Rarity could explain it to me in a simple, yet profound way. But she was not here and I was not about to bring that up with her. She would only get nosy again.

Twilight had apparently been thinking about… yeah, well, that. Maybe I should have, too?

But I could not find anything worthwhile to think about. In that regard, at least for now, things appeared to be easy. Simple, obvious. “I did,” I answered and tried anyway. The law still was not in our favor. This ‘engagement’ could never exist on paper. It was something between us, and between us only. I did not need proper documentation for a promise to be true. To uphold a dedication that I took up.

Still. It would be nice, though…

“We can’t though,” she voiced as much, her brow furrowed. “Not in any official capacity anyway.”

I smiled and graced her lips with a comparatively chaste kiss. “I know. Does that bother you?”

She gave it some thought before answering, yet her answer remained ambivalent. “I don’t know. Does it bother you?”

I took a deep breath and sighed. “I’m not sure either. I don’t think it’s necessary. But in the same vein, I’m thinking: It would be nice, right? I try to care little about what strangers think. Emphasis on ‘try to’. But somehow… I don’t know… it feels like the difference between fanfiction and a novel. At some point, a writer can write so damn good, with such intriguing characters and plotlines and whatnot, and she could easily print it, right? So… at which point does it become ‘the real thing’? And don’t get me wrong, I mean: In the eyes of others. Because to most ponies, there’s a significant difference when you tell them: I am a writer! Or: I am a writer… of fanfiction! There’s a certain connotation to it. Expectations. Same with this. I want you in my life, for the rest of my life. Pretty please.” I smiled as soon as I saw her blush a little. She apparently remembered that moment from earlier quite well. I decided not to tease her too much, instead continuing on with my little rambling. “In the eyes of others, though, this will always ‘just be a promise’. To a non-descript ‘them’, it does not bear the same weight. And I don’t claim to fully understand why, yet, but it irks me. For some reason, I want them to know and acknowledge how serious I am about this.”

So, there was my answer, finally. Apparently, it did bother me. Quite a lot, it seemed.

Twilight remained silent for a while, chewed her bottom lip and furrowed her brow in thought. I tried to calm myself down and think about my own solutions to this predicament in the meantime. But sadly, I soon realized that there was a certain bottleneck to this entire situation: The law. That unyielding set of societal guidelines and rules. Somehow, I had never imagined that it would be a thorn in my side one day.

“We should talk to Rarity,” Twilight spoke up again.

Now it was my turn to furrow my brow. “Why her?”

“She is involved with Fancy and Fleur, right?” she asked and after I confirmed that with a nod, she continued. “She might have an interest in this in general. She knows her way around the upper class more than I do. In fact, she travels more than any of us and is more of a metropolitan than the rest of us are. She is well-connected, too. She might know some ponies who could help.” A goofy smile formed on her lips before she finished with, “And asking a friend for advice in a difficult situation should always be a top priority.”

I chuckled. “Sounds awfully like one of your friendship lessons.”

“That would be because it is,” she replied with a giggle. She leaned in, kissed my nose and actually left the bed. That caused a tinge of sadness for a second or two. I could have spent the entire day with her in bed, not getting up besides bathroom walks. I would have at least liked to spend more time with her here for now. At least a couple minutes, or an hour or two… “Come on, get up,” she tried to spur me into action and, seeing as I did nothing of the sort, levitated a pillow up with a grin and smacked me in the head with it.

That at least was enough to coax a reaction out of me, as I quickly picked up my own pillow and retaliated. However, Twilight — leader of the Elements of Harmony and master brain behind most brilliant plans to defend Equestria — fell prey to an embarrassing rookie mistake: She did not take her surroundings into consideration when choosing her battlefield.

She tried to make her way to the bedroom door, probably to get me out of this room. But to do so, she needed to pass by the bed one more time. And she got too close. I immediately tackled her to the ground, quickly switched my pillow behind her to soften her landing. “Gotcha,” I proudly proclaimed with her pinned under me.

“And what, pray tell, do you intend to do, now that you ‘got me’?” she asked with a somewhat sultry smirk.

I was not sure if it was intentional or not. I could nonetheless feel my blood rushing again while I fake-contemplated my answer. She stiffened a little in surprise as she felt a little prod at her right hindleg. “Really?” she asked in disbelief and quietly laughed, “How? I just… I am sore already…”

I chuckled in reply. “Well, I told you not to overdo it,” I retorted and climbed away, giving her free.

She stood up and for just a moment and grinned quite smugly. “Still absolutely worth it.” Twilight eyed my half-flaccid member and chewed her bottom lip again.

“See something you like?” I chuckled and wiggled my rear a little. I was just teasing her, of course. That is, until her horn suddenly sparked to life and I felt a tight grip of her magic stroking along its length. I gasped and my knees wobbled for a moment.

“I'll make this quick,” she promised, nay, challenged with a sly grin. I already panted again, but I was so not backing down. I grinned in reply and cherished seeing that fire dance in her eyes as I stalked towards her.

We made our way to separate bathrooms, followed our respective morning routines and enjoyed a quick, light breakfast thereafter. Spike was already about, chipping away at his daily chores and considering that we intended to visit Rarity, we disregarded the idea of taking White Tip or Owlicious with us. They were sleeping anyway.

The little stroll through Ponyville was a nice way to start the day, even if — by now — we were ‘starting’ at almost midday.

Once we reached Carousel Boutique, I stopped in front of the door and hesitated. “Now, don’t get me wrong,” I addressed Twilight, “I think there’s merit in your idea, it’s just… I’m not sure if we really should do this, like, immediately and not think it through some mo—“

And she rang the bell.

I sighed. “Welp.”

Twilight stepped up to me with a warm smile and hugged me. “You are just getting cold hooves again because things progress faster than you are used to. Don’t worry. It will be fine.”

Talking to a friend. I’ll be fine, I tried to reinforce her encouragement and gave a shaky nod.

“Comiiing,” Rarity’s voice sang from inside. Soon after, the door was opened and she regarded us with mild confusion, quickly checking both the door and the doorbell. “While I do cherish seeing you two, I have to wonder why you did not just enter? The shop is open…”

Twilight and I shared a look of mild confusion. That was actually a good question. Then again, she had only rang the doorbell because I had hesitated to enter. So, one silly decision followed another one. We quickly realized the goof and tried to get rid of the faint tint in our cheeks. “Right, we should have. Sorry to bother you,” I spoke up first before stepping up to Rarity and offering a hug. She took it in stride — the initial weirdness and the hug respectively — before greeting Twilight in the same manner.

And right after that, she shooed us inside and closed the door. “I take it this is more than just a friendly visit, then?” she asked while walking over to one of her ponyquins. A garment was fixed in place with a couple of needles. “It’s not about the Elements or another ruffian, that much I can already tell.”

“Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been here,” I ventured a guess and Rarity confirmed that with a nod while eying the garment critically.

“We would like to talk to you about something, if that is alright with you?” Twilight asked. She looked around and, just like I had before, probably noted several other ponyquins standing at attention, sporting other dresses and accessories. “If you have time, that is.”

We usually would have opened with a little bit of relaxing banter. How was your day? How is business doing? What about Sweetie Belle? What about Opal? But we had been to the spa just yesterday and the shop was still standing, so no further kitchen experiments by Sweetie.

“Time, hm, yes… there’s always the issue of everypony being so busy these days,” Rarity mused while fixing a couple of more needles in place. She huffed a little in frustration before leaving the dress be for now and turned her attention to us, studying us for a moment. I knew that she was quite adept at reading body language and I really did not want to know in detail what she was reading right now. Because even I had noticed Twilight walking a little funny from time to time, and I was nervous and hopeful, and she probably got all that and I had no idea what conclusions that would lead to.

“Well, as you can see,” she started again and gestured to the other ponyquins, “I am somewhat busy at the moment.”

There was an underlying tone that Twilight deciphered a lot quicker than I did. “We could help you out, of course,” Twilight quickly offered. “Whatever time you would lose, we could make up for. If that works for you.”

Rarity sported that multilayered smile that I sometimes dreaded, because it usually meant that she was scheming. “What a generous offer. However, I’m not entirely sure if you could help me. Say, Twilight, would you be willing to fit some dresses for me? I might need to work on the fabric as you model, but I promise that I will be utmost cautious with any dyes.” While Twilight grimaced slightly, probably imagining how hard it could be to get certain textile colors out of her coat, she nevertheless nodded. “Lovely, thank you darling.” Rarity shifted her attention to me. “And Dreamwalker, could you maybe test out if you can lift that roll of fabric over there? I might need you to carry a bunch of these down here from my workroom upstairs, and back up again of course.”

I turned as she gestured towards the fabric with a hoof and gulped a little, but tried to hide it. Fabric was heavy. It would not struggle against my attempts to levitate it, of course, but it was… heavy. However, I gave it a shot anyway. I was certainly not about to let this endeavor fail because of me. I focused, my magic wreathed my horn and the levitation field grabbed the fabric roll. As soon as I thought I had established a firm grip, I tried to lift it.

And it was heavy. Just as expected. However, I did manage to get it off the ground. It was a strain on my magic and I was really not looking forward to doing that over and over again, but it was possible and for right now, that was all that mattered. The rest was future-Dreamwalker’s problem. “I can do that,” I replied, turning back to her.

And she smiled like a cat that had successfully caught a mouse. Maybe Opal and her got along quite well after all and all those scratches were just love-markings or something.

Twilight caught on as well and was once again quicker to reply. “You are not exactly swamped with work right now, are you?” There was no real accusation in her tone. More like the soft chiding one would use on the prankster before the prank could be sprung.

Rarity smiled quite satisfied, utterly unbothered by Twilight's tone. “Not exactly, no,” she admitted and put the lid on that little box of needles. “Don’t get me wrong, it is not like I don’t have work to do. But there is admittedly nothing that cannot wait for a little bit. Now, however, I know that you two are somewhat desperate for my help and I admit, that both worries and intrigues me. Let’s head to the kitchen and sit down and I will make us a nice pot of tea.”

Rarity liked to play. It was just an intrinsic part of her nature. I had come to accept that, even though — at times — it bothered me. Luckily, those times were few and far between. She had her fun, no harm, no foul. We followed her into the kitchen and sat down at the cozy little wooden table. Four chairs were arranged around it — for her parents, her little sister and herself.

Meanwhile, Rarity fetched a pot, filled a little strainer with what looked like lemongrass and put it aside, filling a kettle with water and putting it on the stove before turning towards us. “You two seem to have had a lovely morning so far?” she asked with a knowing smirk.

Twilight blushed and refused to answer, so I took it upon myself to do it. “Sure did. It was lovely to wake up the way I did, and it only got better from there. What about you? Do you miss Canterlot already?” It was a prime opportunity to steer the coming conversation in the right direction. And as Rarity would undoubtedly have agreed: It would have been a waste not to use it.

Rarity sighed with a certain longing. “I do. I really do. But one has to care for and maintain her roots. I do belong here, despite what a lot of ponies might think and, in fact, say.”

“Somepony tried to get you to move to Canterlot again?” I asked amused.

“Not quite,” she replied, shaking her head, “Miss Chanel tried to convince me that Fillydelphia, of all places, would be perfect for me.”

“Of course you refused in a charming and polite manner that she might even have considered a compliment,” Twilight joined the conversation with a guess — and a knowing smile.

“Of course, darling,” Rarity agreed with a smile that bordered on a very unladylike grin. “I will be in Canterlot next week again. This time, I hope for the entire week without any incidents shortening my stay there.”

“Well, good luck with that,” I wished. And I honestly did. I knew perfectly well how aggravating it could be if things didn't work out according to plan. Especially if loved ones were involved and these changes of plans meant less time with them.

The kettle started to whistle and Rarity quickly set it aside, because apparently, this tea was not meant to be brewed with boiling water. She almost made a science out of it, not unlike Celestia. Then again, every time those two actually discussed the matter, it felt like Celestia in her mentor role talking to her student, but about tea instead of magic. Rarity at least claimed that she had learned a lot from The Princess Of Tea(™)).

“I could try to make sure of that,” Twilight offered with a lopsided grin. “I could go around looking for potential threats, and deal with them preemptively. I could cast some overbearing spells that would ensure you would stay unbothered throughout your stay…”

We all had a good laugh about her little self-deprecating jab. “Please don’t,” Rarity replied while pouring the water into the teapot. “I like to believe that we have learned a good deal from the last time you did that.”

Twilight smiled and nodded. “Still. I have to say though, that dam could have been a real disaster. So at least some good came from it… aside from the lessons learned.”

Rarity sat down the teapot on the table, followed by three mugs, before she took a chair. “Fair point. The negligence on display in the aftermath of that discovery was quite frankly astonishing.” She filled our mugs and levitated them before us. We thanked her and she took a first sip, before addressing us anew. “Now. You came here with a matter on your minds, and I appreciate the patience you displayed. Talk to me – what bothers you so much?”

“He proposed,” Twilight immediately blurted out as if it had been the only thing on her mind the entire time…

Props to Rarity for keeping her countenance. Just like the prim and proper lady, she—

“Eeeeeeee-!”

I sighed.

Rarity squealed like a filly. Something I had already heard today and at least a part of me was not quite as surprised to hear it again. She did not tackle Twilight to the ground — small mercies! —, but she did stand up again, walk around the table and hug Twilight fiercely until she gasped for air. “I am so happy for you!” she stated with a satisfaction in her voice that could probably only be properly understood by another gossip. I meant, another socialite.

Rarity squeezed Twilight for a second round before she returned to her chair and fixed me with a warning stare. I half-expected her entire ‘don’t you dare to hurt her’-spiel again, but she instead let the stare talk and went with “Well, it was about time.”

I quietly snorted and shook my head. “Next you tell me you had bets running.” There was suddenly a very loud silence in the room that I did not want to poke. At all. So I quickly switched topics instead. “Rrright. Anyway. With my engagement with Celestia already being an official thing, this obviously brings up some… issues.”

Rarity nodded and took another sip. I silently chuckled as I noted that both Twilight and I felt compelled to follow her example and took sips of our own tea. Something Rarity was probably keenly aware of. “Yes, I know of that particular predicament. I had honestly expected Princess Celestia and Princess Luna to make some changes by now.” Twilight, maybe feeling left out of that list, cleared her throat, but Rarity only smiled apologetically in her direction. “I am truly sorry, darling, but you still don’t quite bear the same influence over legislation as these two do.”

I could see that she wanted to object, but her mind found nothing to do so. Her shoulders slumped a little. “You’re right,” she admitted.

“Don’t beat yourself up over it. This takes time. It will come eventually.” And with a little bit of heartfelt encouragement, Twilight perked up again. It was heartwarming to see.

“We talked about this maybe a year ago,” I refocused on the discussion. “When I first dared to approach the whole ‘polyamory’-thing. I think Twilight was the one bringing it up?”

“Luna,” Twilight corrected. “They were talking about the laws. I had helped her research those, so we were both aware at that point.”

“Right, thank you.” I turned my attention back to Rarity. “Thing is, Celestia had apparently tried to change this. Multiple times throughout the centuries. So this isn’t exactly a thing specific to us, now. I’m not sure why she tried it before. She had never been in a relationship of this kind, so my best guess is that she was attempting to make it possible for somepony close and dear to her.”

Twilight smiled and nodded. “That does sound a lot like her, yes.”

“That being said, she failed,” I continued with a sigh. “Each and every time, her attempts were thwarted. Usually by too much push-back from the higher social echelons. They swayed the court, the court did not approve of her proposal, and that was that. The court, being situated in Canterlot, mostly consists of Canterlot ‘elite’. You know your way around those folks best. Back then, we were thinking that we could maybe try to sway the public opinion. Spearhead a campaign to push the topic into public perception. Make it a ‘known issue’, instead of something barely anypony ever talks about. And if that campaign would gather enough steam, we could try to apply pressure where it matters. Many nobles think themselves higher than the ‘common pony’, but notable exceptions aside, few of them are actually stupid. Shallow and superficial, maybe – but not stupid. They ‘need’ the support of ‘lower classes’, and with the right course and the right amount of pressure, we could maybe make it seem like they might be about to lose that if they don’t change their tune.”

“There is obviously more to it,” Twilight added, “but that is about the gist of it.”

Rarity was staring into her tea cup. A tea cup she cradled between her hooves. “And what exactly do you two expect from me? That I might tell you who to pressure?”

Twilight and I shared a look before I answered. “It’s actually even worse than it already sounds. Neither of us — and that includes all the Princesses and me — can be linked directly to this campaign. There would probably be a public outcry. Those defying these changes would have an easy time twisting this as some sort of self-serving act. Which, to be fair, it totally is. But that’s beside the point. We would not be the only ponies profiting from this. Many have just… resorted to deal with it. Adapt as best as they can. Many don’t hope for more, because attacking this issue seems like a monumental task. Something I can really relate to. You don’t just willy-nilly think about ‘changing the law’, because, well… it’s the law. This push needs to come from somewhere else. I had thought about, uh… how did Sunny phrase it? ‘Inspiring others to take up this fight’, so that we could support them in more subtle ways once the ball got rolling. But that’s just the issue. Nopony is willing to start this fight. At least nopony we know of in the last year or so. Honestly, with how Equestria is right now… I’m not even sure how much support this would get. And I don’t mean that in any bad way. Equestria is in a good spot. It has never been better, even. But that makes many ponies complacent. ‘Good is good enough’, so to speak. But it could be better. Maybe not for them, specifically. But for their neighbors. Or that distant cousin they rarely see and talk to. Or for a couple of strangers. Despite the good place Equestria is in, many still don’t tend to think much about strangers at all. Of course. It would be exhausting otherwise. But if somepony could… push this into public perception, make it known… maybe ‘better’ would be… well, better.”

I was surprised to see her eyes glazed over as Rarity lifted her head again. She denied these tears to spill and that worked out well enough, seeing as they were not that numerous. But they were there in the first place, and that confused me. “If it were not for your stage fright, maybe you would have made a fine public speaker one day, dear. Please excuse me for a moment, I need to fetch something.”

She left without waiting for a response and soon enough we heard her climbing the stairs to the upper story and rummaging around in her room. Meanwhile, I looked over to Twilight, who seemed as surprised as I was, much to my relief. “Did I say something wrong?”

She shook her head. “I don’t think so. You were about to start rambling again and I contemplated interrupting you, but I don’t think you said anything to upset her. I have a suspicion what this might be about, but I think we will know soon enough.”

I would have liked to know. But she did not want to tell me right now, and I tried hard to respect that and not ask for more. So I took another gulp instead, emptied my cup, and refilled both Twilight’s and Rarity’s. It was very good tea. But there was so little left in the pot.

Rarity soon returned to the kitchen, carrying with her a small, ornate wooden box. It looked like a jewelry casket. She sat it down in front of her, eyed her refilled cup and levitated the pot, refilling my empty cup despite my protest. “Six cups, dear. I know how much my tea pot contains.”

I sighed. “Thank you.” And happily took another sip. Really good tea. Funny how these things worked. A couple years ago, I cared little for tea in general. It was just another variation of drinking water. Maybe that was Sunny’s influence.

“Correct me if I err at some point,” Rarity restarted the conversation, “but neither of you has any concrete idea of how to go about this ‘campaign’ you refer to. You don’t know how to start, or even where to start. And you do want to start this, even if it means manipulating somepony else to do it for you and leading that pony along from there. Am I correct so far?”

Said like that, it really did sound awful, did it not? “Correct,” Twilight answered anyway, although I could see that even she felt a smidge uncomfortable with the phrasing.

“Well,” Rarity continued with a sigh. “I have several shops to keep track of, the occasional custom order, and with every seasonal change, there is a flood of new designs I have to get ready. Plus a little sister, a pet and a life full of friends and acquaintances. But being the incredibly lucky mare that I may call myself, I have a wonderful circle of friends to fall back on if need be. I shall be fine.”

Twilight and I traded glances of mild confusion again, until we understood what she was implying. And Twilight was quicker to answer. “No. Rarity, no. You said it yourself, you have more than enough to do as it is. We could never ask that of you!”

But the seamstress just smiled serenely. “You don’t have to, darling. You said it yourself: All you need is somepony willing to take up the fight. Somepony to get this ball rolling, so that you may, from that point forth, guide and support this endeavor. At this point, to be frank, you could not stop me anymore either. Now that I know that I would have the full support of at least three Princesses behind me. Four, I suspect, as soon as the fourth one hears about this.”

“You might be too close to us,” I voiced my initial concern. “We did consider asking you, but at the time, it seemed… unwise. It could easily provoke the same ‘self-serving’-accusations, with an additional layer of us ‘clearly’ off-loading the responsibilities to a close friend.”

“But,” Twilight interrupted and fixed me with her gaze, “we also came to the conclusion that it would probably not matter at all, as any support could — and probably will — be labeled as such. And our more subtle support could be traced back to us as well. There are certain risks with this. If we want it to succeed, and if we want it to progress quicker, we need to accept these. That obviously does not mean that we must run into every hurdle head first or that we should shoulder every risk. But we need to be aware of their existence, their likely inevitability and their potential consequences.”

“If we accept these risks as a given, then there’s barely any need for us to beat around the bush in the first place, is there?” I shot right back. I was not quite sure why, for Celestia’s sake, we were suddenly arguing. Especially since Twilight had tried to dissuade Rarity from taking up this fight in the first place and now she seemed to defend her right to do so.

“Because there is a difference. It’s not a switch, Dream,” Twilight retorted. “It’s not ‘either you have consequences or you don’t’. If we do this directly, the fallout will be more severe.”

At this point, we both stopped as we heard a metallic click from the side, which drew our attention. Rarity had opened the casket, and with careful motion, turned it around for us to see its contents. The inside of the box was lined with velvet. There was an indentation on both sides. On the left side was a horn ring, a fine silvery band sporting a cutie mark of three golden crowns. On the left side was a silver necklace sporting Fleur de Lis’ cutie mark.

I noticed out of the corner of my eye that we both looked up at Rarity with the same stumped expression. The seamstress however smiled with a loving warmth and touched her hoof to both pieces before closing the casket again. “They gave them to me on the same night. ‘I may tell them my decision whenever I see fit’, they said. I don’t think they expect me to make a choice. Ever. Quite honestly, I like to think that they rather prefer that I not choose at all. I considered wearing them both, but…” A sad smile tugged at her lips as she avoided looking at us. “I hate to admit: I was not quite brave enough for that. And it does feel wrong wearing only one.”

“I… I-I had not… I did not know,” I stumbled about my own words.

She looked up at me with a smirk. “Obviously. A lady never tells.”

“When?” Twilight managed to get past her own issues.

Seeing as the cat was out of the bag anyway, Rarity regaled us with the tale of a surprisingly romantic day. A day where Fancy Pants and Fleur de Lis both switched a couple of times, making it the best and most memorable day of Rarity’s life — according to her own retelling anyway. I could not help but think back to this morning, where I had told Twilight about a stroll and a restaurant being proper manners for a proposal. This… this was an entirely different league.

“So to answer your question… roughly three years ago?” Rarity concluded.

We sat in silence for a while. Rarity cradled the casket and occasionally lifted her mug to her lips to take another sip. And every time she did, we did as well. Until the tea was gone.

“This isn’t your redemption story,” I concluded, breaking the long silence.

She apparently immediately understood what I meant, but did not quite agree with me. Rarity tsked and shook her head. “And why not? And don’t you dare say ‘because you did nothing wrong’. We all have our weak spots. Weak days, weak moments. To falter and fall is only natural. We get back up, dust ourselves off and try again. Or at least, continue on. I kept this box hidden in my room, thinking about it almost every day at least once. I love them dearly. I love what they mean to me, what they do to me, and what we give each other, what we share. I know they don’t expect this to ever come up again. You said it yourself: Many, many ponies adapt to how things are and just… learn to deal with it. They settle. And I, dear, am an artiste. I am not meant to settle. I am meant to strive for more! Art is the expression of the self, of creativity and imagination, and those virtues don’t accept restriction and limitation. I should have never given up on that dream. I should have never settled for anything less than my hopes and visions. And do believe me when I say: I had visions of those dresses, of that wedding ceremony. It inspired an entire collection that I never dared to make public. Because I did not want to taint it with the banality of being a purchasable product. This is, and has been for quite some time now, my fight as much as yours. I am deeply grateful you came to me today. Grateful for that reminder. Grateful for you telling me that I do not have to fight this battle alone.”

At this point, Twilight could not stand the increasingly emotional tone any longer, could not stand seeing Rarity tear up again. She stood, walked over and hugged her friend tightly. “You are never alone. You never were,” she told her.

And Rarity smiled. “I know, darling. I might have known at all times, on some level. I just needed a reminder.”

“We all do, from time to time,” I interjected.

It took a moment for us to calm down. A moment for Twilight to take her seat again, and for us to sort out our jumbled thoughts. “How do we proceed from here?” I dared to ask.

Rarity smiled like the savvy businessmare that she was. Like someone with a plan. “We start with finding allies. You were right with your assumption that I am well-connected, but I must stress that most deeper connections I cherish are with ponies within our lovely community here. I know for a fact that Daisy, Lily and… tch, I always forget the third one’s name. Junebug! Ha! I know that the flower trio is, let’s call it ‘quite close’. I know that our lovely Derpy, Roseluck and the doctor are rather close as well. I obviously still have to make sure that I don’t work based on false assumptions. And even if they turn out to be true, I still have to get their approval. But gathering more examples will be vital. More voices for the choir. And Derpy especially would be a valuable asset in this campaign, as she has such a heartwarming attitude. She wins over ponies left, right and center without even trying much.”

I grinned widely as I could not deny that fact. “Maybe you should ask Pinkie as well,” I suggested.

Which immediately gave both Twilight and Rarity pause. “Wait… Fluttershy and her are…?”

“What? No! No. I just… I was just thinking, well… because you were talking about ‘winning ponies over’. Come to think of it, Fluttershy could be a great addition because of that as well, but I don’t think she would feel comfortable with that. But Pinkie certainly would. And she has great organizational expertise that you could use in an all official capacity. It’s like having your own mini-Twilight.”

“With less Twilinanas,” Rarity mused.

“But more Pinkieness,” I replied.

“Hey!” Twilight complained with a huff and both Rarity and I laughed for a moment.

“Don’t worry, we love you, darling,” Rarity tried to mollify her and squeezed her hoof. It worked a little bit. “You might have a decent point though. It could be a good idea to rope Pinkie into this as well. At some point, we will need support from those outside this specific constellation as well and starting out with such might be even better. However, I am well aware that this still confines us to Ponyville. If we want to apply pressure on a national scale, we need to extend our influence beyond a singular rural farming town. Getting a hoofhold in the bigger cities will be most important, and quite challenging, I believe. But… I am well-connected, and I am an artiste. There are certain expectations for the latter. So me leading this charge will likely surprise nopony in particular. A stupid and overdone stereotype I can work with. I know that both Chanel and Photo Finish are rather open-minded, but neither am I sure of their exact relationship status, nor am I sure that these are the kinds of ponies we want to drag into this from the get-go. They might be a little bit too eccentric for our course to be taken seriously. Initially, anyway. We might add them later on, if they are willing.”

“Your fiancés,” I interrupted her musing. “First of all: Don’t forget that you can’t, or at least shouldn’t, decide this on your own. And secondly, if they agree… as far as I’m aware, Fleur is still one of the highest paid, most sought-after models, is she not? And Fancy is in good standing with most of the influential Canterlot elite. Our biggest two ‘assets’ might actually already be at your side, so to speak.”

“My,” Rarity corrected with a smile.

“Hm?”

“They are ‘my’ biggest assets, if anything. Try to remember that you came here to—…” She furrowed her brow and looked me over once more, then did the same thing for Twilight. “You both came here to get a new gown done for the next Grand Galloping Gala, and a nice, fancy tuxedo, of course. A little early, but with a highly sought-after seamstress like me, a wise decision nonetheless.”

“I… uh… right. Tux. Sure.” I blinked and looked over to Twilight. She grinned while she watched Rarity with the same fascination she watched a rare natural occurrence with. Something to be studied and learned from.

“Twilight does have a good point,” Rarity continued. “There is no need to jeopardize this endeavor preemptively. Your early involvement might do just that.”

“Well, we still want to help, though,” I protested.

“And so you shall. In time,” Rarity insisted with a smile. “There will be pet play dates, spa dates, time for a nice afternoon tea. We are still close friends, are we not? And whatever might come up in our regular conversations may give hints to whatever problem came up and I will make sure nopony is all that upset if said problems might somehow turn out not to be all that considerable after all.”

The tone of her voice alone told me that she was playing again. And that she had fun doing so. Her phrasing already made my gears spin and I turned to Twilight. “You, uh… you get that, right? Hints and stuff?”

Twilight, who had fallen silent throughout a considerable portion of our conversation, grinned at me in a way as if we had already won the battle. “Oh yes, I am well-versed in ‘getting stuff’.”

I pouted. “Now you’re both just trolling me.”

But Twilight reached over the table, grabbed my hoof with hers and shot me the most loving, upbeat look I had seen on her all day – and that included this morning. “Maybe a little bit.”

She had hope. We had hope. We both turned to Rarity. “Thank you so, so much!” Twilight offered our friend.

Rarity smirked a little. “Well, I am the Element of Generosity, am I not…?”

Day 2,122: Curtain's Rise

This is not a stroll, I had to tell myself from time to time, just to keep myself from letting my guard down too much. We passed through the Everfree Forest once more. Due to the thick canopy overhead, the light all around us was dimmed down considerably. Not enough to actually interfere with our eyesight in a significant manner, but on the rare occasion, the moving shadows could play tricks on our minds.

But being on guard was considerably harder to do when all around me, ponies were merrily chatting away. Spike's voice, as the only male one, stuck out the most and occasionally I heard him tell another piece of story that actually made it through my thick skull and the haze I was drifting in. I enjoyed the company, and with all of them here, the trek was probably as safe as it could be. A forest was not supposed to fall deathly silent – because if it did, there was great danger lurking nearby. What we could hear was ‘the usual’. Chirping birds, some sounding rather angry. Rustling in the bushes that caught Fluttershy’s attention, her ears swiveling about and her mind probably trying to figure out which of the critters might be hiding there. Rarity stepped around the mud puddles with greatest care, either complaining to Fluttershy, or asking about the sanctuary, or listening to Spike. Applejack was discussing the next Apple Family Reunion with Rainbow, who in turn constantly tried to trim down AJ’s once again increasingly ridiculous plans. And Pinkie just hopped along, chatting with everypony and nopony, apparently including the occasional tree.

Maybe it was a stroll after all.

Which predator in his right mind would attempt to attack this group? Some of them, by now, might even be familiar with Applejack, seeing as her farmland bordered on the forest. A lot more surely were familiar with the rough pony shape, due to Zecora being a strong presence within these woods.

It was just another moment of pointlessly arguing with myself, just to allow myself to drift off once again, walking close to Twilight and probably smiling from ear to ear, while the voices of my loved ones filled them.

We reached the Castle of the Two Sisters around early midday. It still astonished me what magic was capable of doing. The entire courtyard had been transformed by now, and the influence of this transformation was spreading beyond the castle ruins itself. The growth had become a lot less stable and consistent in recent years, leading to blots and patches of grass colored in a lighter green than the surrounding forest. Trees that were considerably less gnarly and twisted. Less dangerous flora and treacherous terrain. Slowly but surely, a part of the Everfree was being pacified.

This new and less dangerous zone within the forest already had interesting consequences. Many non-predatory animals made this new zone their home or at least fled here whenever they were chased by a hungry predator. There were enough nooks and crannies to hide in and the Everfree predators were simply weirded out by this place and rarely continued their pursuit if the prey managed to get in.

Zecora regularly came here to study the spread, aiming for precision with her numbers, so that she could relay them to Twilight. And she in turn calculated and predicted. Everything was carefully monitored, but at the end of the day… we still knew little about what was happening here. Applejack sometimes came here to see after the four apple trees in the courtyard, just to make sure they were okay. And Fluttershy made the trip to care for those critters living here now. She even considered opening a second sanctuary, or extending the first one to this point… somehow. A stupidly large project for another time.

Rarity, always prepared of course, had a blanket with her and we enjoyed a little picnic in what once was an impressive castle garden. Considering how it was supposed to look like and what it actually looked like, it was impressive in its own right.

The warmth of the bright sunlight seeped into my coat. While the others were once again — or still — chatting away merrily, I felt myself become drowsy. I crossed my front legs, laid my head on top and dared to close my eyes. A quiet, happy sigh escaped my throat when Twilight tentatively put her wing over my back. My apparent approval seemed to do some good, as I felt her wing relax a little more and she even scooched closer to me. In turn, I leaned against her and it all just felt perfect. Their voices. The warmth. The drowsiness. Her wing. Her coat. The grass beneath me. The faint smell of apples.

This is heaven.

I completely lost track of time.

Only once I noticed the faint, teasing sensation of a primary trailing along my spine did I come back from whatever place my mind had ventured to. Her wing was missing, the voices had died down a lot, sounding a little farther away, and the only voice that remained close by was Twilight’s. Or rather, I could still hear her attempts to stifle her giggling.

I cracked my eyes open to see her playful smile as she once again put her primary on my neck and slowly led it down my back, observing my body’s reaction. Until she noticed me looking at her and the faintest tint colored her cheeks. “Welcome back, sleepyhead,” she greeted me.

“Not sure I’m awake,” I answered with a smile. “Still feels like a dream…” And with that being said, I had the audacity to just close my eyes again and hum in appreciation of her feathers caressing me.

She giggled again and I felt the shift, as she leaned down to whisper into my ear. “Break is over. There is work to be done here.”

Tease.

Before she could retreat, I quickly tilted my head and snatched a surprise kiss from her. And I grinned like a madpony once I saw her blush a little heavier than before. “Thank you,” I told her. She would have probably asked what I was thanking her for, had she been better composed. Truth be told, I was not entirely sure myself. For being there? For making me this relaxed? For waking me up in such a nice manner?

I stood up and stretched like a cat.

“See? That’s totally normal!” I heard Rainbow insist and, looking in the direction of her voice, saw her pointing a hoof at me.

A very skeptical looking Applejack raised an eyebrow. “You’re graspin' at straws, RD. You really want to use Dreamwalker of all ponies as an example for ‘being normal’?”

Rainbow furrowed her brow. “Well… I… still, other ponies do that too! All the time!”

“Maybe it’s more of a pegasus-thing?” Fluttershy meekly offered. “Because I sometimes do that as well.”

“Oh yeah!” Pinkie promptly chirped in. “I saw it so many times and it always looked sooo satisfying, so I tried it once as well!”

Applejack turned to Pinkie, slight worry on her face as she looked her over. “You tried ‘once’? You okay there, sugar cube?”

Pinkie grimaced, but still smiled somehow. “Well… I heard a pop and a crack and a knickknack and then I had a cramp for about an hour.”

Fluttershy giggled. “She ran around the house screaming ‘ow, ow, ow’. But she tried to be considerate and not disturb all the animals, so she ran very slowly, and screamed very quietly too. I had to massage her for almost two hours before she felt good again.”

“Yupp, the entire two hours were needed, absolutely!” Pinkie insisted with nopony even doubting the statement in the first place. Now, however…

They all just giggled while I made my way over, with Twilight by my side. “Yeah, I know those sudden ‘need a massage now’-cramps,” I contributed my piece while grinning in Pinkie's direction. “Twilight sometimes helps me out with those as well…”

Another round of laughter before any of us calmed down enough to actually turn our attention to the work we had come here for. “Now, while this was all very lovely so far,” Rarity opened with a ladylike smile. “And I do oh so enjoy this company, I think there might have been an ulterior motive to this entire trip.”

Both Twilight and I grinned a little at the subtle jab. This entire plan had started with ‘could you help us out with something?’ and everything fun was added to that plan after the fact — the picnic included. But those had been undoubtedly good additions. We shared a look and Twilight nodded, taking up the responsibility of explaining.

With Twilight being Twilight, it was all about books of course. The old castle’s library lay in tatters. Many of the powerful enchantments that once protected these books from the gnawing appetite of time had run out of energy or had been damaged or destroyed when the battle took place. Considering the extent of damage to the castle, the aggressiveness of the surrounding flora — and fauna, for that matter — and the humidity of the forest air, it was a decently sized miracle that even a single non-protected book still remained to be salvaged.

And a salvage trip, this most certainly was.

Twilight had taken time to come here before. And each and every time, she had taken books back with her. Usually as many as she dared to carry without reducing her maneuverability too much, in case an Everfree predator had some funny ideas about his diet today. But surprisingly, she had never taken stock of what was left to gather. How many more books were there that could be saved. And with so many ponies present – and our group being a considerably less attractive target for hunting —, we could attempt to bring a massive haul back to the Castle of Friendship.

So, with her fancy magic conjuring displays of the floorplan of the ruins into the air for all to see and orient themselves, she explained why we were here, how this was meant to be done, and which parts of the castle she had already searched or emptied. She hoofed out neat little lists to check things on, three in total, while keeping one for herself. One she gave to Fluttershy, one to Applejack and one to Spike.

That was my cue. That and the fact that she looked over to me. “We’re going in teams of two,” I took over. “Applejack, you’re with Pinkie. Rainbow, you go with Fluttershy. Rarity and Spike, Twilight and me. Everyone clear on everything? We meet back here in the courtyard around afternoon, we don’t want to be stuck in the Everfree Forest at night. That means we have a couple of hours. It might sound like a lot, but trust me – it’s not.”

They all had listened intently and gave the occasional nod to confirm their continued attention. But as soon as I asked them if they had any questions, Rainbow’s wing rose and tilted upwards. “Yeah, uh… not that I mind,” she said with a short side glance in Fluttershy’s direction. “But why am I going with Fluttershy?”

Twilight tried to hide her impulse to grimace and, in an attempt to help her distract them from that — because in the end, the two of us had talked about the groups and she had found my arguments to be reasonable, despite my way of offering them —, I quickly rose to answer that. “Because if we let you go with Pinkie, the castle will fall. Again. Due to sudden prank wars. And if we let you go with AJ, you won’t get any work done, doing kissy faces all the time.”

I chuckled the very second I saw her sheer outrage. She puffed her cheeks out just to refrain from immediately spouting anything too vile, but after taking a short breath, she nonetheless started to fire back. “What the hay’s that supposed to mean? I’m not lazy! And I don’t. Do. Mushy stuff!” She immediately shot Pinkie a withering, warning glare as she dared to giggle at that. Even Rarity’s smile grew a little wider, a little strained.

Spike, bless his little heart, had less restraint. “But you totally do? Like, all the time.”

Rainbow's head whipped around to focus her attention on the dragon, but as soon as she did, Rarity stepped up to Spike's side. “Careful, darling,” the seamstress warned Rainbow with a teasing smile, before batting her eyelashes at her.

Rainbow huffed and refocused on me. “Why can’t I go with Rarity or Spike then? Or any of you two?”

I quickly glanced at Twilight, but only confirmed that she was very, very glad not to be in the spotlight right now. So I continued on. “Well, Rarity and Spike have been working together for years now. Actually, years before I even showed up. Have you ever been gem-hunting with those two? It’s an impressive sight to behold. Like a well-oiled machine. As for Twilight and myself, well, do you really want to get bored by walking behind the nerdy book horse gushing about another tome of unfathomable weight?”

Rainbow grimaced and I grinned. The smell of victory was in the air, I could almost taste it. And then Applejack spoke up. “So this is about breakin' up the couples, so that they don’t get distracted? Because if so, then Rainbow’s question remains. Why not group Twilight with Spike, since they are all familiar with each other and such, and you go with Rarity?”

“Thaaank you,” Rainbow said with relief. Finally somepony who understood her, and was ‘on her side’. Applejack grinned and I started to realize that this might turn into a little battle of wits. Which would have been fine with me, really, but as I had said before: It was easy to overestimate just how much time we had at our disposal.

Luckily, Rarity came to my rescue. “I very much prefer working with my little Spikey-Wikey, Applejack. While he and Twilight might work together perfectly, Dreamwalker and I have a lot less practice with that. And quite frankly, I would not want to bore him to death with my nonsense about fashion, I know he cares little about it, while Spike has a very acute sense of color and texture.”

I silently thanked her with a warm smile and a nod. Applejack — and Rainbow, for that matter — seemed more distracted by something else, however. “Did… did you just call fashion ‘nonsense’?” Applejack asked with a disturbed expression.

“Maybe she’s a changeling,” Rainbow mused, while eying Rarity critically.

I chuckled and tried to get the conversation back on track. “Would you guys already stop stalling for time? Come on, you agreed to help out.”

Both shared a look before sighing. “Fine.” And immediately perked up again, because… well, at the end of the day, this had been more of a game than anything else. Applejack did not really mind going along with Pinkie — it was like a miniature Apple Family Reunion after all and once they took off in the direction of their marked section of the castle, they vividly started talking about exactly that. And Rainbow and Fluttershy were foalhood friends — they would never run out of things to talk about and ever since Fluttershy had grown a little more assertive, Rainbow felt less inclined to push her towards growth.

Rarity just smiled in our direction before nodding towards Spike and the two of them went off as well, leaving Twilight and me behind. As soon as all six of them were out of sight, I could hear Twilight breathe in relief behind me. I turned around with a quiet chuckle. “Well, we survived that one,” I offered.

She smiled in reply. “We sure did. I still think it was the right decision to split them up, but for a second, I wondered if they would go along with it or not…”

“Ah you know Rainbow,” I told her with a head shake. “She was just fooling around. They’re fine.” I refocused my own attention at the ruins around us and caught a quick glance at the floorplan Twilight was holding under her wing. “So. Do you want to get started?”

I loved the sight of the growing enthusiasm that widened her smile a little, and seemed to brighten it up as well. “Let’s.”

We worked for maybe half an hour in comfortable silence, each of us concentrated on the task at hoof. It was repetitive work, however, which tempted the thoughts to wander off. Take a book out of the shelf — or two dozen in Twilight's case — and open it up. Study if it immediately fell apart or only consisted of ashes anyway, if the writing was still legible, and if it met all criteria, try to find a title for the damn thing to put it onto the list. If it was destroyed anyway, due to fire, water or time, then there was little to be done aside from putting it down onto the ground, as to make clear that this was not to be put back onto the shelves. With this routine quickly found, we worked our way up and down the shelves, one layer at a time, until we moved on to the next shelf.

Some books fell into a gray area. The books hardcover might have been severely damaged, or parts of the pages might have been devoured by insects, the writing might have faded over time. But those damages were recoverable. And because of that, these books had absolute priority over any others. Continued exposure might turn those to the ‘lost’-pile and that was to be prevented. Books that were fine to begin with could stay here for a little longer, if necessary — and we quickly found enough books in our section alone to realize that it would be necessary.

“You had been rather quiet on our way over here,” Twilight started a little bit of small talk while walking down the aisle, followed by a floating arrangement of books. “Actually, let me rephrase that. You have been quiet most of the time so far. Is something on your mind?”

I stopped reading the first couple of pages — because I had yet another book on my hooves which refrained from having a title on the first page, or the cover, or its spine, or anywhere else as far as I could tell — and thought back. I had been quiet at the picnic because… well, I was asleep. But she was right. Even on the trek over here from Ponyville, I had barely talked. And it was not due to my attempts at vigilance. My mind had been drifting off constantly. And as soon as I felt a grin tug at my lips, I had a sneaking suspicion why. “Well, I was just daydreaming, I guess,” I replied and closed the book. While I could not find any title, the second half of it had markings of fire damage. It would accompany us back to Ponyville no matter its title.

Twilight meanwhile stuck her head around the corner to glance at me. “Daydreaming?” she echoed with curiosity. And as soon as she saw my grin and enthusiastic nod, she raised an eyebrow and smirked a little. “Anything good?”

I chuckled at her curiosity. “Sure was. Though I’m not sure it’s what you think it is. I had a wonderful morning with Sunny. We woke up, we cuddled a lot, and we had breakfast in bed. It was a little bit messy, but oh so glorious. She let me feed her, it was… nice.” Just a couple of months back, we had talked about opening up our relationship. Within a few weeks, all of us had come to an agreement, terms and conditions had been set and boundaries were made known to each other. Mistakes would be made, of course — that was an inevitability of life. But all of us felt like we were in a good spot right now. And it was still oh so very exciting to think about. Thinking that right now, I could kiss Twilight. I could push my desire for her onto her and it would be okay. We were free to do what we wanted to do, without it being another miserable failure of self-control that we had to report to our significant others with our tails tucked between our legs and a bad conscience.

A vital part of these set limitations was Sunny’s plea for privacy. She did not mind me getting involved with Twilight and Luna, but she did not want to hear anything about it for now. And she did not want me to share intimate details with them either. But… this, I decided, was not intimate. We did not have sex this morning, we did not pour our hearts to each other, neither of us had an emotional breakdown or anything like that. Just a relaxed, nice morning in bed. Sharing that should be fair game then.

And I knew for a fact that Twilight harbored some sort of feelings for Celestia. More than the idolization I had known about. Maybe these feelings were just a faint echo of a crush a student Twilight had on her teacher. Maybe it was a simple infatuation. She refused to tell me. Or Luna, or Celestia, for that matter. And we all had agreed: That was fine. ‘No’ was a legitimate answer.

That did not mean I could not tease her relentlessly about it though. “Pro tip: If you ever get the chance to treat Sunny, try strawberries. Most ponies prefer to dip them in warm chocolate, which, you know, it’s fine. Very sweet. But if you actually want to hit her where she doesn’t expect it from, dip them in warm honey. And mix a little vanilla into the honey. It’s messier, sure, but that look on her face… she was practically melting in my hooves,” I recounted with a dreamy grin. And I could not help but notice the silence surrounding me. Before, I could hear Twilight's soft hoofsteps on the marble tiles or the old carpet. I could hear her skim through the pages or hear the shuffling of books when she took them from the shelves. Now there was silence.

My grin only grew wider and I stepped around the bookshelf. I quickly found her right around the corner, her cheeks flush. She tried to hide it with a book in front of her face, pretending to read, but it was rather obvious that not one single word actually made it through into her mind. “You are mean,” she complained with a feeble voice.

My grin died down to a warm, loving smile as I stepped up to her, pushed the book aside and, with a hoof raising her chin, kissed her. “One day, you’re going to tell me. And I’m going to be very happy and supportive,” I promised her.

Her eyes spoke of refusal. Never would she tell me! Never! But her loving smile betrayed her and with a brief moment of hesitation, she placed a quick but grateful kiss on my lips. “Thank you.” Maybe she was thanking me for my implied and promised support. Or just for not asking. Or maybe for the tip that she undoubtedly had made a mental note of.

While I quickly decided to switch gear a little, I refused to stop teasing her just yet. She was about to return to work, I could see that, and I really, really should do the same, but goodness gracious, teasing her was way too much fun. “You know, this section is actually pretty far off from the others.”

She quickly glanced at the floorplan. It was unnecessary, I was sure of that. She knew that thing by heart. And she was not stalling for time either, she was just double-checking. Probably trying to decipher what I tried to tell her with that remark. And she found her answer when she looked up at me and noticed my smirk.

“You’d have to be pretty loud for the echo to reach any ear besides our own, right?” I continued and tried my best not to chuckle, despite seeing the faint tint rising in her cheeks again.

Most of the time, teasing her was so much fun because she felt utterly unprepared. She became flustered, stumbled over words and made a very endearing, very lovable, very desirable fool of herself. But she grew, like anypony else, and over the years had started to adapt to my incessant flirting. She firmly stood her ground, almost literally, and rose to the challenge. A knowing smirk of her own on her face and so many promises fueled by unseen fire in her eyes. She stepped up to me and whispered straight into my ear, her hot breath tickling it. "Are you just flirting… or are you propositioning?”

I felt tingly all over. I felt blood rush to my nethers. And I felt my grin grow even further, to the point that my cheeks started to ache a little. She was toying with me now, I knew that. And I knew what that meant, as well. There was work to be done, and it would get done. I knew her well enough to realize that. Still, the teasing and back and forth was fun anyway. “Is there a difference?” I quietly replied, giving her neck a little nip. “And even if there is, one leads so easily to the other… would it even matter?” Another nip and I could feel how she had to struggle for a moment to keep her composure.

She gave the tip of my ear an innocent little kiss before cranking her show up to eleven, sending the quietest, briefest moan straight down my ear, straight down my spine, according to that shudder that made me tremble in anticipation. My body was fully expecting a certain resolution at this point. One I knew would have to wait for a good while longer even before she made it clear. “No, I don’t think so,” she replied. “Because the answer is ‘no’ either way. Now back to work.”

I finally allowed myself to chuckle. I turned my head and looked her straight into her eyes, muzzle to muzzle, and still saw that desire burning in them. I was honestly really looking forward to tonight at this point. “Yes, my Princess,” I whispered and grinned once more as I saw her fight back goosebumps. I dove in quickly for a brief kiss before turning around and doing just as I had been told: I got back to work.

The erection admittedly did not help much with focusing my attention on books, but that sorted itself out within a couple of minutes and everything was fiiine.

Some more minutes passed in comfortable silence and we switched over to another massive shelf. This one was three quarters empty to begin with, it should be quick work. And seeing as it was not a freestanding shelf, but one put against the wall, we only had to deal with one side, too. Twilight started at one end, and I started at the other. In theory, we would meet in the middle and be done with this room.

However.

As far as light sources went, we had brought along four lanterns. For four teams. The reason was simple, really. Applejack and Pinkie were working in a section that had more holes in the roof than stone. Rainbow and Fluttershy were in a section that simply had no roof to speak of anyway. So, both of their groups did not need any light sources. Only Rarity, Spike, Twilight and I were working ‘indoors’. Those lanterns were lightweight enough that neither Rarity nor I had any problem letting them float behind us. Then again, Rarity’s levitation spell was probably stronger than mine anyway, seeing as she rarely seemed to struggle with those heavy rolls of fabric.

These lanterns gave off a warm, golden glow. And right now, a glint had caught my eyes. Something played with that warm golden light, reflected parts of it, sparkled in the semi-dark of this room and it quickly and unsurprisingly turned out to be yet another book.

One with a spine clad in gold, apparently.

“I found a Rarity-book,” I said a little louder so that Twilight could hear me despite the distance between us.

“What is a ‘Rarity-book’?” she asked.

“One overly ornate and fancy,” I replied and heard her stifle a giggle, while I stepped up to the section the book stood in. It immediately rose up to the section of books I liked right now, because it had a title. Imprinted on its spine, for better access and quick reference. A very cooperative book. A stark contrast to the ones surrounding it, as they were once again leatherbound and nondescript.

I read the title and grimaced. “Oof. Didn’t know they had a comedy-section.”

Twilight, drawn in by curiosity, slowly walked closer while still checking multiple floating books. Once she arrived, however, she turned her attention to me and the gold-clad book. “They had?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. This one’s called ‘The Joy of Watching Paint Dry’. Sounds promising, doesn’t it? Like something Pinkie would appreciate.”

Twilight grimaced. Twice. The title seemed offensively absurd, and the callback to a certain Pinkie-related incident was not exactly welcome either. “I don’t think she would. And neither do I.”

I nodded and without second thought, grabbed the book in my magic. Just because the hardcover seemed fine and the title was still readable did not mean the book was in prime condition. I obviously should have done things in order. My curiosity had drawn me here, but by simply walking over, I had skipped a few dozen books on the way that I should check first. And I assumed Twilight was about to say as much when I pulled and the book just refused to come clean from the shelf. Instead, something clicked and then clicked again, then something else clicked and a little mechanical something sprung into action. An entire section of the bookshelf sprang open by a few inches.

After a brief moment of shock for both of us, I snorted in amusement. “Oh, look. We found yet another secret passage. This one might lead to the kitchen, for midnight snacks, hm? Or what’s your bet?”

Twilight sighted. In relief, I assumed. Or maybe in mild annoyance, as I was clearly unwilling to even attempt resistance to the temptation of exploring this passage. “We don’t have time for this, Dream. This is not what we are here for.”

The battle was lost — for me anyway — the very instant my first thought started with ‘Yes, but—‘. I held my tongue a little while longer, but ultimately sighed. “There… could be hidden books at the end of this. You know that. We ought to take a look, at least. And while they didn’t exactly put deathtraps in here, time could have damaged certain parts of the mechanism. We should make sure it’s safe as well. For us, anypony else or Fluttershy’s critters.”

And she grimaced again. Because it was hard to say ‘no’ to any of that. For some strange reason, I even felt bad for pushing her into this. She really wanted to continue her work. She really wanted this trip to be a total success, with as little incidents and interference as possible.

After a longer moment staring at the slightly ajar bookshelf, she sighed. “Fine. But try to keep in mind that we’re here for the library, not for adventure time.”

There was a hint of annoyance in her voice that I did not like. So I stepped up to her and nuzzled her cheek before embracing her for a moment. “I’m sorry. You know, we could just… close that again and pretend it isn’t there?” I offered.

She actually considered it for a moment before sighing again. “That won’t work. But thank you. We just have to stay focused.”

I agreed and took a look around. There was a little bit of rubble we had to clear out before we could pull the bookshelf open further, but that was quickly dealt with and soon enough, a stony corridor appeared behind the secret wooden door. I floated my lantern inside so that we could take a look, but all we saw at first was a featureless long hallway. “No runes, tripwires, pressure plates, bones or anything,” I addressed the obvious.

Twilight nodded. “We should proceed with utmost caution anyway.”

We hesitated for a moment longer and I ventured a guess as to why. We were not alone. We could call for our friends and gather them here with us. But that thought did not hold up to any scrutiny. The castle was in shambles, true. But like we had established prior: They had built these passages and ‘traps’ to amuse themselves, not to actually endanger anypony. Nothing we could find in here was inherently designed to be dangerous. So gathering up all our friends not only seemed like a waste of time that was perfectly capable of capsizing her entire plan for today, but it also seemed like overkill.

We would be fine, we probably both told ourselves before stepping inside. Nothing happened.

We took that as a good sign, exchanged relieved smiles and slowly, cautiously, walked forward. The hallway seemed to be about a hundred feet long, just wide enough for two ponies walking close to each other. My lantern steadily floated ahead of us and started to illuminate a large door at the other end.

I had no time to react when it happened.

Some kind of energy field suddenly formed at the other end of the hallway, right in front of the door. It emitted a faint white glow and span across the entire corridor, side to side, top to bottom. Within a fraction of a second, it started to move down the hallway and before I could say or do anything, it reached us. Twilight was quicker than me, throwing a shield spell up. A dome of purple light was supposed to enclose the two of us, but despite her quick reflexes, the dome was not fully formed when the white energy field raced past us.

And once it reached the other end, it then just collapsed and vanished as quickly as it had appeared.

“What… was that?” I dared to ask after a couple of seconds. After I had waited for anything else to happen. Any trap to be sprung, for the floor to vanish or the ceiling to collapse, for spells to pelt us or… anything, really. But nothing happened.

“Let me quickly check,” Twilight murmured. Casting several spells at the same time was exhausting and few ponies even had the required mental faculties to begin with. However, Twilight was unwilling to give up the dome-like shield protecting us right now. So she cast her second spell and scanned me for any clues to the answer. And she apparently found some, judging by her furrowed brow and her mild look of confusion.

“What is it?” I asked with a little bit of impatience in my voice. Was I cursed? Poisoned? Enthralled?

“It was a detection spell,” she noted quietly.

I tried to calm down. Tried to put one and one together. A secret passage behind a bookshelf. A long corridor. A quick moving detection spell that only triggered after roughly two thirds of the way had been traveled already. Even a very quick pegasus would not be able to escape this hallway in time without being… what? Detected? As what? “What does it search for?” I continued asking.

“I’m not sure,” Twilight admitted. “It is unlike most other detection spells I have seen so far. But it carries the signature of Princess Celestia, so… I don’t think it is harmful. Maybe it is just some kind of alert? Notifying her if her sister tries to sneak in to read her journal or something?”

I looked from the entry to the door and back. A part of me wanted to turn around. There was active magic in this part of the castle. Active enchantments. That meant that a thousand years ago, when this castle had been demolished by a fierce battle between mighty sisters, these spells had been in better shape than any of the others. They had been stuffed with more energy. Been built more resilient. Or more energy efficient. Something about this hallway had been worth the additional trouble.

It just did not feel like a regular old secret passage for pranks and jokes.

I could see Twilight considering the same notion. And just like me, she probably considered another possibility as well: If this spell was indeed configured to alert Sunny… maybe it had just done that? Maybe Spike would burp up a letter from her, urging us not to move further? Then again, maybe Twilight's shield had worked just well enough to disperse the detection spell’s effect after all. Maybe it had been up fast enough.

There were too many unknown variables at play.

“We should—“ we both started unison and stopped. A brief moment and we smiled, nodding in agreement.

And we would have left, just like that. And maybe things would have turned out differently. But I just had to take another look in the direction of that door. It was tempting me. Even now, after giving us a quick fright, it was still there and promised me… something.

I sent my lantern just that little bit further, and suddenly, I could make out some details. “Wow,” I whispered before I realized what I was looking at. ‘Wow’ had just been my stupid way of acknowledging that I expected a simple, albeit large door and instead found an ornate, intricately designed one. There were scenes engraved in the wood. Symbols. Stylizations. “That’s… the same door as the one in the Canterlot Castle Vault,” I recognized. Twilight stopped and turned back around. It was harder to see through the purple bubble of the shield, but I was certain of my discovery. “Well, I mean… it’s not the same door, obviously. But the depictions on it are.”

A six-pointed star in the middle of the door, functioning as a keyhole of sorts. The star divided the door into six areas, two in the top section, two bottom sections, two sides. Each section had a circular indentation in which a colored crystal seemed to rest. And above the door, the depiction of an alicorn. Three gems were set inside the wall to either side of the door. A triangular ruby on top, a rhombus-shaped emerald in the middle and a purple garnet at the bottom.

I dared to open my own vault, asking my many memories gathered from flashes if any of this looked any familiar – aside from the vault in Canterlot. The same configuration of gemstones and symbols appearing twice was a little bit too much of a coincidence for me.

But I came up empty-hoofed. I knew that ruby had its purposes in forging, as well as emerald. And I vaguely remembered another Twilight giving me a lecture about the six-pointed star being associated with protection spells or something, but nothing of what I remembered was immediately helpful.

Twilight stood beside me, her brow furrowed, and she squinted. She faced the same ‘this protective bubble isn’t helping my eyesight’-predicament that I had to deal with. So, after a moment longer still, she tentatively lowered the hemisphere, ready to immediately recast it if required.

But nothing happened.

We both walked a little closer to the door, ready to do… something.

Once we stood right before it, Twilight decided that the lantern would not do anymore. She cast a light spell on her horn and illuminated the entire passageway. “It is the same configuration,” Twilight immediately noticed as well. “That is just uncanny… there has to be a reason for that.”

“The gems and symbols don’t tell you anything?” I asked, but she quickly shook her head. Well, it was worth a try.

“Wait, are those claw marks?” she asked.

That got my attention. We both stepped even closer, now barely three feet away from the damn thing and indeed, there they were. Scratches on the wood from something very, very sharp. But the bookshelf had not been moved in centuries. The dust and rubble right before it told as much. And the corridor had been empty. But there was a certain distinction in color between the doors wood… and the inside of those scratches. A difference that could only be explained by the doors outside layer being exposed to air, and the inside… not. I did not need to be Twilight to realize that those claw marks had to be a more recent addition.

Three, rarely four claws. One was different. Like an opposable thumb, almost. But now that we were searching for them, we both saw smaller ones as well. They were less deep and again — usually three, rarely four parallel lines in the wood.

Something desperately tried to claw its way inside. Literally.

“What do you think how old these are?” I quietly asked her.

“Less than ten years,” was her best guess right now. But it gave me a timeframe to work with. At least she did not expect it to be from last week or yesterday or something. That was a small relief.

“There’s something higher up as well,” she noted and carefully lifted herself off the ground with a few flaps of her wings. “Single lines, a lot more erratic and broken up. There’s… something stuck here…”

“Be careful,” I pleaded with her while a growing sense of foreboding tried to shoo me away from this place. Something was not right with this.

I saw Twilight pluck something from the upper part of the door with her telekinesis. Something very, very small that apparently took a lot of effort to pry free. Once she landed again, she showed me her find and it turned out to be a small white thingy that clearly broke away from a larger piece. “Maybe…” She looked up at the door again, then back down at the piece. “Could be from an antler?”

I felt my blood slowly run cold. Little claw marks, shallower… and deeper ones, more pronounced… and antlers…

Sickly yellow eyes full of mischief opened in the darkness of my imagination and a cruel chuckle echoed in my head. I shuddered. Twice.

Twilight did not notice though. She was too focused on the door itself. And before I could decide if I wanted to tell her or not, she tentatively put a hoof against the wood and pushed.

“It’s open…?” she dumbfoundedly noticed.

Why would something try with all claws to get inside when the door was open anyway? Maybe because it wasn’t… back when someone tried to enter.

“Twilight? Maybe we should turn around…?” I asked, but my voice was so feeble and quiet that she did not hear me. With each passing second, this felt more and more like a crime scene or a national secret and less like a fun adventure I had with one of my loves.

I saw her push the door open little by little. I saw her take a look inside. I saw her enter the damn thing and I could not do or say anything. I felt muted. And rooted to the spot. My lantern floated down, close to me. And in its comparatively dim, warm light, I noticed a thin layer of ash on the ground. The perfect gray to look unsuspiciously like the stonework around here. And just below that thin layer, an almost miniscule, circular area was blackened. Like a blast radius. A very, very small blast radius. And something was burned to ash. Very little ash. Another shudder. What have you done, love?

Twilight’s head emerged from the opened door. “Hey.”

“Gah!” I jumped. Literally. Twilight briefly screamed in surprise due to my surprise, and I lost control over the lantern. It fell to the ground, the glass panels broke to pieces, the remaining oil spilled and immediately caught fire right to Twilight's hooves. Luckily, she reacted quickly, dropped her light spell and used an ice spell to extinguish the flame.

And absolute darkness engulfed both of us.

For a couple of seconds, neither of us said anything. I did not even hear her breathe. Or myself, for that matter, quickly realizing that I was holding my breath. “I’m so, so sorry,” I whispered.

She sighed in relief. “It’s alright. I’m sorry, too. I did not mean to startle you. I was just wondering where you are and wanted to tell you that you need to see this. I, uh, got a little bit too excited, I guess.”

I could hear the faintest of giggles from her and despite everything, it made me relax at least a little bit. Right now, despite my own thoughts trying to dispute that fact, my mind was rather panicky and jumpy. I closed my eyes — for what little that did — and took a couple of deep, steadying breaths. I realized that I was working under a lot of assumptions. We found claw marks, sure. And ash and whatnot. But there could have been loads of possible explanations as to what happened here.

Loads, I told myself, Loads.

I took a step forward without thinking and almost slipped on still warm oil. “Ah, sh—” I bit my tongue before I could actually curse.

“What is wrong? Are you okay?” Twilight immediately asked.

“I’m fine, just… could you make light again?” I asked her while quickly removing the small piece of glass from my hoof that had lodged itself there.

“Oh, right. Give me one second.” And sure enough, a second later, her horn was aglow again.

It allowed me to see that I had stepped right into the middle of the broken lantern. I sighed again and put the only slightly dented metal frame to the side, so that I could retrieve it on our way out. The oil was an issue I had no solution for, but I could at least pick up most of the glass shards and put them to the side as well. It would certainly not do for Twilight to step into one.

I internally cursed myself a bunch more before my attention shifted to Twilight. She had this ‘don’t beat yourself up over it’-smile that she sometimes wore. I tried to smile in reply, but it felt all kinds of wrong so instead, I just sighed and stepped up to her for a quick hug. “Sorry about the lantern. I’m going to pay for that, obviously.”

“You really don’t have to,” she insisted. But we both knew there would be a new lantern around her castle soon enough.

“Right. Now, you were desperate to show me something incredible and astonishing and impressive and other fancy words to describe a thingy.”

She quietly laughed. “Yes, let me show you my thingy.”

I snorted in amusement, but did not dwell on the unplanned innuendo. Her confused look told me everything about her nonexistent intention. So I instead just followed her inside, with one last glance over my shoulder to that small, blackened area on the ground, now covered with lantern oil.

What awaited me inside was a library of sorts.

Three bookshelves lined the walls to either side and opposite the entrance. A chest was standing on the ground near one of them, a large frame of sorts near the other one, a small casket on top of the chest and in the middle of the room, on a little pedestal, was a glass bell containing something that wobbled around.

“It’s a treasury,” I guessed.

“Maybe. A vault, most definitely,” Twilight half-agreed.

“A lot of this stuff could be really, really, really dangerous,” I remarked.

And she agreed with a nod. “Yes. And with the protective magic of the door gone, we cannot afford to let anything of actual significance remain behind,” she insisted much to my dismay. That was not what I had been trying to say. At this point, I would have loved to turn around and head back. Close that damn bookshelf and let things be. What was the saying? Let sleeping dogs lie.

Twilight bumped my shoulder with hers and tried to lift my spirits with a bright smile. It worked a little bit. “Come on. The sooner we get an overview of this vault’s contents, the sooner we can leave.”

I smiled despite my sigh. This was a treasure trove of very old books and artifacts and whatnot. She was intrigued, to say the least. That part of her heart that was wholly dedicated to adventure, hungry for adrenaline and thrill, was beating rapidly at the prospect of what could be hidden in this very room. And she had fun. She was so obviously happy about this that I had a hard time begrudging being in this room, having discovered that passage.

“Alright,” I admitted defeat. “I’ve been told we’re here for work, so… let’s get to it.”

Despite being secured in this room, some of the books apparently had still taken quite the beating from time passing by. But the first row of titles I read — and I was grateful for small mercies, as every book in these shelves had a title on their spine — quickly made crystal clear what kind of books these were. “Uhm, Twi? I have an entire section dedicated to… I believe dark magic.”

“Don’t touch any of those,” she said without any hint of urgency.

I actually appreciated that. She did not look up. She just told me what she already knew I knew. Saying it out loud was a mere formality. Because I was not stupid enough to underestimate the deviousness of some creatures. I had heard of Rarity’s exploits with that wish-fulfillment-book. Books could have a mind of their own. So could spells. Which made spellbooks some of the most dangerous books in existence.

“I have an entire section about the Crystal Empire,” Twilight let me know, and I could hear the fascination in her voice, “There is everything in here. The crystalling, the crystal heart, the crystal palace, holidays, history… I mean, it is little compared to the Crystal Empire’s own library, but sweet Celestia, what I would have given to have these back in the days…”

I chuckled a little. She rarely used phrases like these and right now, she almost sounded mildly exasperated. Meanwhile, I continued past my bookshelf and stood in front of that weird frame. It was a standing mirror, maybe? A horseshoe-shaped frame rested on a two-step pedestal. The frame displayed several gemstones, but almost all of them were cracked and the mirror itself had only a few shards still sticking to its frame. The rest was just missing. I looked around on the ground, but there were no pieces lying anywhere. Which implied that this thing was brought here after its destruction.

I was about to tell Twilight about my find when another book caught my interest. Because it sported Luna's crescent moon above and below the title on its spine. “Uh, found another interesting one,” I proclaimed. “Title says ‘A Tyrant Falls: A Thorough Study On Shadow Magic by Princess Luna’. Hm. You think she remembers that one?”

Shadow magic. And a tyrant. So apparently, at some point, Luna had studied Sombra's magic.

“Wooow,” I heard Twilight whisper to herself. She probably had not listened to me. But that was fine, I was way too curious what she had dug up anyway. I quickly turned and walked over to her. A section of her bookshelf was emptied to make place for more less book-shaped things. In another box Twilight had just opened were indentations for six… well, I was not entirely sure what they were. Prism-shaped, light blue crystals with a golden tip and a golden socket. They were the size of a hoof at the base, maybe even a little bit larger.

“What’s that? Not that I want to sound too much like Pinkie, but my mind immediately blanked and resorted to ‘uhhh, shiny’.”

Twilight giggled and almost reverently touched one of the crystals. “Those are Keys of Unfettered Entrance. I read about them. I never thought I would see them. I had honestly always thought that it was ‘a Key of Unfettered Entrance’, not ‘several’. According to the texts I have read, they can open any door merely by touching them.”

“Makes sense to lock them away in a vault then,” I noted with a chuckle.

She smiled and nodded, carefully closing the casket again. She pulled another one down from a higher shelf and opened it, only to immediately snap it shut again before I could gain so much as a glimpse of its contents. I did note how the color drained from her face a little bit, though. “Less nice things, I assume?” I cautiously asked.

Twilight had to take a moment to recompose herself again before she levitated the casket to the side… and put a couple of very heavy books on top of it. “The entire thing is filled with dark crystals.”

“The ones Sombra uses?” I asked and she nodded. My gaze was drawn back to that casket and I could not help but wonder: Why were they here? Sure, locking dangerous things away made sense. The crystals themselves, as far as we could tell, were not inherently dangerous, but they could be used for nefarious means. So they were basically like any tool or weapon. But most other tools and weapons could be used for good as well and at least I did not know of any positive usage for these things. Why keep them around, then? Why not just destroy them? Because I knew perfectly well that destroying them was possible.

Maybe it was a waste of time thinking about that. Twilight had apparently decided that these things would follow her back to Ponyville, probably so that she could safely dispose of them. I turned my attention to the centerpiece of the room and stepped closer to the head-sized glass bell sitting on the pedestal there. A black-as-night mass was shifting and moving midair inside the contraption and I suspected that the glass was enchanted in more than one way. “I think… this thing might actually be alive,” I mused while circling around the pedestal. I might have been wrong in my conclusion, but it felt like this thing was following me, or at least observing me in some way.

Walking around it made me realize that there was a panel on the front. “Oh.”

Twilight meanwhile opened the casket on top of the heavier, larger chest and gave a little, disappointed noise. “There is a cargo manifest and everything,” she said. “It says there is supposed to be an artifact in here called a ‘memory stone’, but the chest is empty…”

“Maybe it proved too dangerous after all and they destroyed it,” I offered. “Or Luna used it in her battle or something. Listen, Twi: This thing apparently is called a ‘Tantabus’. The panel says it’s ‘a parasite that thrives on guilt’. Reminds me of the dreamscape creatures. Actually, this thing really does look a lot like them. I wonder if Luna brought one over, or if she captured this one.” I had expected a reaction. Any commentary at all. But as none came, I looked up again only to find her staring down into the larger chest. She had not listened. Again.

It's fine. Once we’ve been around, we can share what we found, I told myself. And just like before with the dark crystal casket, Twilight looked… well, less worried and more horrified.

“Twi?” No reaction. I cautiously stepped closer, right beside her. “Twilight?” Only then did I follow her glance down. And I suddenly understood her distress. Scaled necklaces made from darkened silver, triangular pendants with rubies in the center, wings with red highlights to either side on top, and heads with horns in side profile and a single red eye.

Just like before with the key of unfettered entrance, this was not merely the Alicorn Amulet.

There were two dozen of them.

“Crap.”

One had given a younger unicorn-Twilight a run for her money. Maybe actual-alicorn-Twilight could have stood up to the empowered Trixie. Maybe. But this was madness. How were there this many?

Think fast, I demanded of myself. Twilight was probably fighting a rising tide of panic right now and I needed to help her as best as I could, because quite frankly — I was not equipped to deal with any of the stuff in this room. I needed her to think straight and remain somewhat level-headed.

“Twilight, talk to me. What do we do?”

Silence.

I looked around the room, but anywhere I looked, new dangers seemed to spring forth. So I instead returned my attention to the chest in front of us, grabbed the chest's lid with my magic and slammed it shut with way more force than was needed.

Twilight both jumped and flinched at the same time. I successfully startled her out of her freeze. “What do we do?” I immediately asked her again, because I did not dare to afford her a second to maybe fall into the same pit again.

“I—… We—…” she started. Her eyes were constantly drawn back to that chest, so I stepped in between her and that thing.

“Good start,” I pushed. “We? We what, Twilight? Come on, focus. Please.” And then I remembered something that might help. “Maybe do that breathing technique from Cadance?” She closed her eyes, put her hoof to her chest and inhaled deeply. A couple of seconds passed and she exhaled slowly. “What do we do?” I repeated.

She was still pale and a little shaky, but she tried hard. Quite honestly, had she broken down right now, I would probably have followed her straight after. “Nopony knows of this room,” she started to sort herself out. “Except us, of course. There is… more dangerous stuff in here than we could safely carry through the Everfree Forest and we cannot afford to take any risk with any of this stuff. We close this room off again, I put a bunch of spells on the door that hopefully will keep it safe for a couple of hours, and then… we head back to Ponyville, I charge the stone and you inform Princess Celestia right away.”

I furrowed my brow. “Why me? I mean, sure, I can do that, but wouldn’t it be better if you talked to her about this yourself? You understand magic and its dangers better than I do.”

“Yes, but… I don’t think you need to understand that. This is her vault, right? And after the protective spells and after charging the stone, I will likely be very exhausted.”

For just a second, I imagined a very sleepy Twilight trying her hardest to stay awake while also trying to explain the dangers of the Alicorn Amulet. For the third time, because she already forgot about the previous two attempts. Maybe it really was for the better if I did this. She was right, after all – in theory, I had nothing else to do than just tell Sunny what we found and that it was sort of unguarded right now.

For a fraction of a moment, resistance brewed in my mind. If she really intended to go all out — which, given her shock at seeing the amulets, she probably did —, then I actually wanted to stay with her. Be at her side in case she needed me. Or needed anything, really. Maybe a glass of water.

But that would mean informing Princess Celestia by any other means available. And the fact of the matter was: We had no other options. Sending anypony else would mean to tell them of this discovery. Sending a letter through Spike was a possibility, but that letter would probably turn into several pages if Twilight tried to write it herself. I could try to write that letter, and then have Spike sent it it blindly… but what if anypony was present when Sunny read that thing?

There were risks involved with anything other than doing it myself. Unnecessary risks.

After mulling everything over, I nodded in agreement, but I once more found her attention fixed on something behind me. I slowly turned to look… at a book. A strangely familiar looking book. Leatherbound, with golden ornaments at the edges, and the front cover sported the stylized depiction of a golden unicorn, with a turquoise gemstone for an eye.

The Elements of Harmony. The title was faded, being written in ink instead of gold inlay.

“That is my horn writing,” Twilight whispered faintly.

“That’s… not… what?” While my confusion once more rooted me to the spot, I watched her step past me with stilted movement. She took the book in her aura and opened it on the first page. And worse than anything I could have expected, I saw familiar writing.

Hers.

And mine.

That’s— “—impossible…” I whispered aghast. How? What? How? Just… what is happening? I tried to crane my neck, since I still felt unable to move, but it did not help much. The problem was less the angle or perspective, no. It was the writing itself. I could see, I could recognize my own script. Certain flourishes I tended to use. Certain letters I wrote in a very specific way, because I thought they looked neat that way. And those little tells were there. They were all there.

And the same was true for Twilight's writing.

But I barely recognized some of those letters. Or symbols? Did I — we — cipher the text? Use some form of code? Then again, I was still unable to comprehend or accept that this was maybe my writing in the first place. Actually, the main bulk of the text on that first page appeared to be hers…

“Twilight, what… what does it say?”

“I can't tell you,” she replied. She sounded as unsettled as I felt.

“Tell me anyway,” I insisted, as I was sure that she just tried to protect me or something.

“Dream, this is a very old, very obscure form of Old Equestrian I have seen and studied once, many years back… translating it is difficult, and right now, I cannot even do that, because literally the first line in here, written by me, instructs myself to not do that!” she replied with increasing distress and volume. Those last words were almost a yell and for some reason, that finally broke me free. I walked over to her, took that damn book and put it back onto the shelf before pulling her towards me.

We both trembled. We were both frightened. What we had stumbled into was terrifying. And a minute or two later, I realized that neither of us would get any better as long as we remained here in this room. It felt cursed. Wrong. Threatening. Even to me — and I had a lot less connection to most of these artifacts than her.

“Let’s get out of here,” I whispered while running my hoof through her mane and down her back for the umpteenth time. She was still disturbed. I was still shaking like a leaf. She nodded, and slowly walked back to the door. At the last moment, I levitated that last book over to me, and stored it in my saddlebags. If Twilight noticed, she gave no indication. I honestly had a hard time explaining why I took it. I wanted proof of this room being real. And I wanted answers.

It is her vault after all, a nasty voice in my head commented. And it felt like that book weighed double.

I forgot to take the broken lantern with me. We instead quietly walked back the hallway after closing the door and after Twilight had shot it with more spells than I saw her perform in such a short succession ever. We made doubly sure that the bookshelf was back in place, that the secret passage was firmly locked again, and put a bunch of destroyed books and all the rubble back right in front of it, just for good measure.

Exiting the castle was a relief.

The sky was blue, the clouds were white and fluffy, the warm sunshine tried to melt our worries away and ease our tense bodies and with the world still spinning, things almost started to feel normal again. Almost. At least for me. Twilight seemed to have a much more difficult time calming herself down and despite my efforts, she remained frazzled. I could say little to help, so I stayed quiet. Stayed close to her and kept my hoof running through her mane, along her back.

It did not take long for the rest of them to come out as well. Twilight had messaged Spike. Spike had told Rarity. Rarity had collected our other friends from their respective areas. We aborted our mission in the late midday hours.

Twilight did not try to hide her distress from her friends. She had learned enough to know that it would not work out well, so instead she just asked them to understand that she could not tell, for safety reasons. They took her up on that, and had a much easier time accepting it once she told them that I would take care of things as soon as we returned home and that she could tell them everything after the fact.

The trek back home was a lot less relaxed and cheery. Twilight's mood — and to a much lesser extent mine, I supposed — radiated off of us, despite any attempts to recompose ourselves and close those gates. Pinkie obviously tried to cheer us up and blessed be her heart, she never gave up.

“I’m sorry about cutting things short and—“ Twilight started in front of the castle, but in a rarely seen moment of rudeness, Rarity interrupted her.

“Darling, I cannot start to fathom why you would try to bid farewell to us when it is so obvious that none of us will leave you alone right now. Be a dear and send Dreamwalker on his way already, and let us take care of you and the rest.”

I stepped up to Rarity and hugged her. “Thank you.”

“You are welcome, dear. Now shoo, off with you.”

Applejack chuckled. “Nah, don’t even try it,” she warned Twilight as she opened her mouth in what surely would have been an attempt to dispute Rarity’s point. “She’s right. Had to take off the entire day anyway, and from where I’m standin', there’s lots of hours left. Might as well spend some more time together, right?”

“I could make us some nice, calming chamomile tea,” Fluttershy offered with an irrefutable smile.

Twilight's gaze wandered from one to the other before admitting defeat. With a grateful smile, just like everyone had expected. Because after all, she did not want to be alone. But she did not want to be a drag on her friends either.

I walked by her side again when we entered the castle. “I’ll try to make this quick, for all our sakes,” I let her know quietly. “I’m sure Celestia will know what to do, so don’t worry yourself sick over it. I’m going to be back as soon as possible, alright? Keep your head straight and try to have some fun.”

She gave me an agonized little smile, but at least she tried. And as soon as the stone was charged for one more teleport to Canterlot, she looked utterly spent. Rainbow had to swoop in to catch her from falling to the side, heavily leaning against Twilight just to stabilize her. Maybe she would just sleep until the next morning came around. But as far as the hopeful smiles of my friends told me, that would be just as fine.

“You go do your thing, we keep things smooth and steady over here,” Applejack promised with a grin.

“Take good care of her,” I asked nonetheless. “See you soon, I hope,” I added, before touching the stone.

“Should’ve kept my eyes closed,” I lamented while standing beside the pedestal the teleportation stone was resting on. I might have leaned against it, even — I could not tell. My head was spinning and I tried to keep the contents of my stomach exactly there. Inside.

I pointedly stared at a specific spot on the floor and tried to force my slightly wobbly double- and triple-vision to clear. It ebbed away at the same pace my vertigo vanished, which made me believe that my efforts were somewhat in vain. Nevertheless, at least it had helped to wait until things sorted themselves out.

I straightened myself out once I felt like my legs would actually carry me and looked around. I was not sure what I had expected. The room was empty, as usual. Empty as it should have been. Maybe a paranoid part of me had expected Princess Celestia to be waiting here? Because of the detection spell, or maybe because of the very strange edition of ‘the Elements of Harmony’ I carried in my saddlebags.

But the room was empty, and I was alone, and I felt strangely detached. The farther I got away from the source of these problems, the less real they seemed to be. Real. Maybe it had been a good idea to take the book with me after all. There really was an entire chest full of Alicorn Amulets. And an entire section about dark magic. And a bunch more stuff anypony sane and sound would worry about a great deal.

But standing in the vault all alone gave me a minute or two to collect myself, have a think and realize that I could hardly barge in at this time of day. It was afternoon, day court would still be in session. The doors to the throne room would remain locked for me, my passage barred by the two guards outside. So I closed my eyes, concentrated until I found that little thread connected to me and gave it a good yank, because right now, I could not be bothered to do this carefully.

My night guard armor arrived with the grace of a toppling mountain. “Oof,” I commented as my legs buckled for a brief moment, but I quickly reestablished my hold and stood firm. I felt the illusion wash over me and within an instant, I was barely recognizable for anypony. Just another guard. A nightguard walking around the palace at day, however. One demanding access to a court in session, no less. But I was sure that wearing the uniform would at least help with dealing with the two front door guards. And it was not really a lie to call this an emergency, was it? Any adventuring pony — or other creature, for that matter — could stumble upon the barely hidden, barely secured vault at any second. And the mere thought of that made my stomach twist all over.

Maybe waste less time standing around, debating the consequences of bad manners, I chided myself. It was enough to spur me into action and make me move. I left the vault and addressed both guards outside with a nod, even if they did not visibly respond at all. It was common courtesy.

On many, many days, I liked walking along these hallways. The high, narrow, but frequent windows let in so much sunlight that it usually felt great to bask in the sun while more or less lazily strolling along. Today, I had less appreciation for these little details. I barely noted where I was to begin with, entirely focused on getting to my destination.

And soon enough, I stood before those massive double doors. And its guards.

Once again, Soft Step and Night Crawler were assigned this position. I recognized Softie from the way she almost seemed to lean on her spear. Beneath that pristine white coat of a male pegasus stallion was the hot pink, tomboyish frame and curly lime hair of a very sweet mare. A part of me was hoping to have an easy time getting what I wanted from her, but despite her being nice and sweet, she was no pushover. No guard ever was.

Night Crawler was… also there. It was one of the most consistent things one could say about him. He was there. Because he gave little else to work with, usually being rather reserved and taciturn. His occasional grunts could be interpreted as agreement or disagreement by those who knew him for a while — an elusive social circle I had yet to become a part of.

“Hey Softie,” I greeted her and nodded in Night’s direction.

With no potential witnesses in the immediate area, Soft Step allowed herself to relax enough to answer. “Hey Dream. What brings you here?”

“I need to get in and have a word with the Princess,” I replied, getting to the point straight away.

She grimaced a little. “Court is still in session… but you know that already. So you’re hoping I will let you pass anyway,” she quickly combined.

I sighed and gave a nod. “It’s an emergency,” I tried, but as soon as those words were spoken, Night Crawler gave a short grunt. Maybe a snort? I was not sure. It was enough for Soft Step to straighten a little, which made quite clear that he was certainly not in favor of letting me pass.

“Dream, come on. Can’t you just wait another hour or two?” she asked with hope in her voice.

I had asked that myself on my way here. And the answer had been disappointing. “I fear the answer is no,” I admitted. “We found something and… Softie, I’m being serious. This is dangerous. And the sooner it’s dealt with, the better. It’s enough of a threat to scare the bucking horseshoes off of me, alright? Enough for me to admit that I’m scared. If you guys make me wait for another hour or two, I can’t tell you how much sanity I will have left by then. I feel like hanging by a thread anyway.”

I noticed that tremor in my voice. It became more prevalent the longer I spoke and apparently, I was not alone in noticing it. Softie broke one of the most notoriously upheld rules of the dayguard. She stepped up to me and put an armor-clad hoof to my shoulder. “Are you alright?”

“I…” I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. Before my mind’s eye, I could see the Elements of Harmony opening again. I could see my own writing in that book again. Where it really had no right to be in. “I’m not sure. I really need to speak to her.”

She hesitated for a moment longer, but ultimately stepped back to her post and looked to the side, to her comrade. After a brief moment of consideration, he gave another indistinguishable grunt and Soft Step’s attention returned to me. “Don’t make me regret this, please?” she said while slowly pulling the door open.

“I’ll try,” I answered and with a grateful nod in both their directions stepped inside.

A couple of voices floated over to me, but I cared little for what they had to say. They were still talking about the state of things, business and taxes and whatnot. Sunny had already noticed me entering and judging by that slight wrinkle on her brow, she had recognized me immediately. Then again, how many other night guards would barge into court like that?

I tried to appear unbothered by those couple of withering glares as I slowly walked forward, inching closer to the throne. I stopped at the usual respectful distance, bowed low and waited. And they just kept talking. Somepony said something about a proposal of sorts, some other pony intervened with a few objections, and then another pony—

They were bickering. Like fat pigeons arguing over crumbs, they were bickering.

A part of me was seething. Quickly boiling to the point of nonacceptance. I had no idea if this display was ‘normal’ for court. Sunny rarely made it seem this bad. But then again, of course she would not. She loved all her little ponies. Even the bickering fat pigeons.

I. Need. Answers.

“Your Highness, an emergency requires your attention,” I dared to speak up. And all too suddenly, deathly silence reigned within these walls. I still bowed low, so I could feel those judging eyes more than I could see them. I was not welcome in this room. Some of these ponies might even consider repercussions for my intrusion.

A second passed by, then another, without Princess Celestia answering. And just like that, everypony present seemed to take that as their cue to continue on. I tried to stay calm. Closed my eyes again to take another deep breath. But all it did was to conjure up those things I had seen. The claw marks. The blackened blast radius on the ground, just beneath the fine layer of ash. I opened my eyes and dared to raise my head. I was technically required to bow until further notice. So me breaking protocol was just another big no-no. But this is an emergency!, I justified myself.

I pulled the book out of my saddlebag and let it float beside me. “Your Highness,” I repeated a little bit louder without meaning to do so. That unexpected increase in volume was just one of the reasons why I immediately shut up after the first two words. The intense stares from around me were a good second one.

The room fell silent again. I really was not making any friends today. Maybe it would have returned to busy commotion quicker than before, had she not reacted again. Truth be told, I had no idea what made her hesitate the first time. Did she expect me to interrupt her court just out of idle boredom?

“Please leave us alone until this is dealt with. I will call on you as soon as a continuation becomes possible,” she asked those around her. A couple of clerks with neutral expressions made some notes on their protocols, an aide or two shuffled off to the side rooms and albeit unwillingly and at times muttering in discontent, the majority of ponies present made their way for the exit.

“Please tell me there is a good reason for this,” Princess Celestia asked pleadingly once the door fell shut again and we were left alone.

“I wouldn’t have come in otherwise,” I replied and quickly caught myself before ending the sentence with ‘love’. This was neither the time, nor the place to address her with pet names and the like. But I refused to call her ‘Your Highness’ with every second sentence. Not when there were supposedly no witnesses around. Despite my efforts to keep my cool, however, I still grew a little feistier as I opened the book her gaze seemed to be glued to right now. “Mind telling me why I’m co-writing ‘the Elements of Harmony’ with Twilight though?”

I was surprised, downright baffled to see her horn come to life and she snatched the book right from my grasp. It closed on its way over to her side. “What did you read?” she asked. There was urgency in her voice.

Neither of us was apparently in the mood for games. “Nothing. Because I can’t. Didn’t even know I spoke weird Old Equestrian.”

The fact that I might have recognized the language alone seemed to worry her. “Did Twilight ignore the warning then?” She really was worried. Her words lingered in the air for a couple of seconds. I was stunned and she quickly realized what she had admitted to. She not only knew of this book. She knew its contents as well. Before I could regain control, she sighed heavily. “Where did you find this?”

I had been around for almost six years at this point. I knew her for almost the entire time. On very rare occasions, I had seen her tears and I had tried my damn best to comfort her. On more occasions than I cared to admit to, the reverse had been true. I had seen her laugh and made her laugh. I cherished every second of that. And despite my frequent doubts and my numerous issues, there were certain constants I almost fanatically believed in.

I trusted Celestia.

That was one of them. Not like the regular citizen idolizing their perfect leader. Not like the grumpy anarch muttering about their boogeyman. I trusted the flawed mare that she was. And in this very moment, I actually felt like I had to draw from that trust to give her a proper answer instead of some snarky comment and further attempts to escalate this into a full-blown argument.

I think we actually never had one of those…

“The old castle ruins,” I replied with a steady, even voice. “Twilight and I took our friends there to rescue as many books as possible. We discovered another secret passage that led to a small vault full of very, very dangerous stuff. I promised Twilight to inform you right away. Right now, she’s probably sleeping her extreme exhaustion off, because charging the stone and attempting to seal that chamber for as long as possible and as safely as possible took a lot out of her.” I tried to reign myself in with… mixed results. A part of me apparently was not above weighing in on her conscience. And any potential stress she might have caused Twilight would always bypass any armor she wore. It was a low blow and we both recognized that. “Sorry,” I tried belatedly, “that was uncalled for.”

It felt strange, seeing her struggle for words. And my snide remark about Twilight surely could not have been the source of her discomfort and unbalance. When Celestia rose, an instinct kicked in. One that our instructor, sergeant Wither Rose, had drilled into our heads during training. Respect your Princesses. I straightened and waited. Celestia noticed and for just a second or two, she allowed me to see a bemused smile tug at her lips.

“Don’t leave me,” I suddenly blurted out. Her smile faded. But it faded before it could turn sour. Before it turned sad or regretful. “You’re going to start talking about how you will deal with this, how you will fix this, right? If I’m right – please don’t. I don’t… I can’t…” I struggled, but my throat grew tighter with each breath. As if somepony was strangling me. I missed her stepping down from her throne, until the very moment her cold horseshoe came to a rest on my shoulder. I looked up at her and could not read her expression at all.

“You are clearly distressed,” she quietly said.

“I need this,” I replied, without being sure what I was talking about. I felt this need for closure. But closure on what, precisely?

She sighed. “Very well. I intend to let the court continue once we are done. We should not waste time.”

I nodded despite the motion feeling alien, and did not put up any resistance as her horn charged and a field of golden magic enveloped both of us.

Seconds later, we stood in a room that I somehow still had hoped to never see again. This ‘Tantabus’-thingy was still wiggling around beneath its glass bell, but aside from that, everything was silent and still. Celestia’s horn was still glowing, giving us enough light to see everything in detail. Somehow, her light spell had a different quality to it than Twilight's. That might have come with the domain though.

“I should have done this a long time ago,” she whispered before closing her eyes. With little effort, a teleportation spell shot out from her horn, wrapping itself around numerous objects in the room. A few dozen books from the Crystal Empire-section Twilight had discovered earlier, the empty casket of the memory stone, the casket containing the Keys of Unfettered Entrance… meanwhile, that strange version of the Elements of Harmony went back onto its shelf. And all the things she had teleported were neatly stacked just outside the chamber.

Once done, she refocused her attention and charged a new spell.

And I could feel it immediately. When Twilight cast spells of a certain power level or with a certain energy input, I usually felt that tingling sensation all over my body. I felt strong magic being cast nearby. But nothing compared to what I felt right now, and that made Celestia, my love, the scariest thing in the room right now. It felt like my skin was being peeled off…

“Sunny,” I croaked in a strangled voice, but she did not seem to hear me… or she disregarded my interference.

A small ball of blindingly bright light formed at the tip of her horn and with each passing second, that feeling only grew worse. I had no idea what kind of spell that was — if it even was a spell at all —, but the amount of sheer power in that pin-sized sphere was beyond my comprehension.

And then it clicked.

She was Heaven’s Fury. She was Sol Invictus. And she wanted this… all of this… to be gone. A bunch of powerful books that might or might not have their own twisted and cruel minds. A creature from the dreamscape, probably. A dozen powerful artifacts in a chest. The smith within my iterations of memories gave a small whimper as I realized. When destroying artifacts, it was usually safest to slowly and carefully unravel them. Release their energy in controlled paths and small bursts. But with the amount of energy she pumped into this tiny thing right now…

She is channeling the sun itself.

Light had certain qualities. And this light did seem like it could be daylight… or rather, sunlight. And it was getting warmer, was it not? Slower than it should have, with a freaking sun present, but that was just a very small piece of it, or maybe a very small miniature of one…

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

There will be no answers.

Only charred earth and molten stone.

“Sunny,” I tried to plead again, but once more, she did not seem to hear me. I had not noticed taking any steps, yet my rump touched against the wooden door, pressed against it as my body wanted to flee without waiting for input on the matter.

She’s shutting down.

She’s shutting you out again.

She’s Princess Celestia.

“Stop!,” I yelled at the top of my lungs. And this time, I got her attention. She held the charge of whatever she was doing, and glanced to the side, to me. “What is this?” I asked, wildly flailing my hooves around in a futile attempt at gesturing, “Any of this?! Why is it here? What does that mean? Who—“

I stopped myself. Bit down on my tongue until I could taste blood.

“We need to leave this room as soon as I am done,” she told me.

And I suddenly found more than just the strength to move. I was still terrified of that thing at the tip of her horn, but with trembling legs, I nevertheless stepped further into the room, slowly moved past her under her incredulous gaze and turned right before her. She was too tall to really stand muzzle to muzzle and I did not want to get closer to that ball of energy than I needed to, but… that was just it. I felt like I needed to stand right here.

“What are you doing?” she asked me. As if that had not been obvious.

“Disperse it,” I demanded.

“No.”

“Disperse it!” I reinforced. “I will not move an inch from this place!”

“Why are you being difficult now?” she asked and for a brief second, I could actually see her own temper flare up. Which only spoke volumes about how this entire scenario got under her skin as well.

“I want answers!,” I yelled at her.

“Why?” she suddenly yelled right back.

It should have disturbed me more than it actually did. It instead only poured oil into a greedy flame. It felt like my anger was unleashed… and yet I did not feel angry? I felt a powerful urge to move something, demand something, do something, but I had no concrete target. I was so incredibly angry with her, yet I was not. I felt betrayed, yet I trusted her completely. I felt torn apart, in a way.

I will always try to protect her. Even from accusations I level myself. And that somehow closed a circle. It came back to her. Her refusal to open up. To give straight answers. To tell, without being probed and asked. “Because I love you,” I replied and almost choked.

Celestia was taken aback. She looked like she had been readying herself for a shouting match. And that, she would clearly have won. If required, she could put her inhibitions behind her for however long it was required for. I could not.

But this was a sudden turn of direction. “What… does that have to do with this?” she demanded to know and gestured with a hoof around the room for emphasis.

My gaze followed her hoof, and I tried to ignore the occasional small shudder. Most of the things in this room were creeping me out. But that was beside the point. “This is a vault. Your vault. A part of your history. It’s… it’s hard to get to know you,” I meekly answered. It only served to confuse her further. “You are… you’re guarded. We’ve been together for years and I know that you… experience time differently. I know that you have difficulties letting your guard down. And don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen you work on that. I’ve seen these walls come crumbling down bit by bit. But whenever I ask you to tell me something about yourself, you… you deflect or… I don’t know, maybe it’s because of choice paralysis or something… this vault must have meant something, right? It’s still here. It seems to be the part of the castle that was protected the most. And these things have history. Stories to tell. A-And you collected them, did you not? There must have been reasons for that. Why keep dark crystals around? Why keep books about the Crystal Empire shut away? I want to understand that. All of it. Because at the end of it, I might understand you a little bit better. Or at least know a few new things about you. There is so much to know and so little opportunity…” This is a piece of you, and you're about to burn it away before I can get to know it.

This was not about her having less time for me than I would like to. At least I successfully told that to myself. Princess Celestia was a beloved ruler and a notorious requirement of this nation. I had known and accepted that. And I cherished every minute she actually could and did make time for me.

“You said you should have done this a lot sooner,” I hopelessly continued. “Then… why didn’t you? I want to know. And I… I want you to tell me. I don’t want to read it in a book or listen to somepony else drone on about something. Please, Sunny. Talk to me. What is this room? Please… trust me.”

Maybe that was it. Maybe that was the center of the issue. Trust. She obviously trusted me with a lot of things. But maybe not the things I would like her to trust me with. Or maybe not all the things? I trusted her with all my heart. With all my being. I did not mind her burning this room. I was sure it was for the better. But goodness gracious me, did I want her to trust me.

Maybe it was about all the stories that would be lost in a couple of seconds. A part of me, the previous writer, mourned those already.

Maybe. In the end, it came down to: I don’t know. It was a common, if frustrating conclusion for me after all.

Celestia regarded me for a good while and I had no idea what she was thinking. Only that, by the end of it, she had found some sort of resolution and whatever she decided, I would comply. Because I had made my case as best as I could — which was to say, not very good at all, but I had little hope of improving on that anytime soon — and now it was her turn to make a decision.

“What—“ she started, only to immediately interrupt herself. The miniature sun on the tip of her horn dimmed down and I felt such an incredible wave of relief once it fully dissipated. She kept her eyes closed for a moment longer, recomposing herself probably, taking a couple of deep breaths, before she opened her eyes. For a brief moment, I was not so sure that I had not hurt her somehow. “You ask me to trust you… and I will try. I do trust you.” Maybe even with this, she implied. Maybe. “What do you wish to know?”

Before picking any point of interest at all, I stepped closer still and hugged her. “Thank you,” I whispered. Because no matter what followed, this was already something good. Something worth gratitude.

She reciprocated, closing our embrace off with her wings and pressing me tightly to her body. I could feel how tense she was. She dreaded… something. Maybe the things in this room. Maybe what she would have to tell me. Maybe, maybe, maybe. She was here with me and we were seeing eye to eye again. For now, that was all that mattered to me.

Only a minute or two later did I retreat, and only then did she open her wings again to give me free. Yet I still refrained from satiating my curiosity. I guided her muzzle with my hoof and kissed her. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. I really shouldn’t have. I love you.”

She sighed, and gave me a kiss of her own. “It is quite alright. I lost my temper as well and that… has not happened in a long, long time. I am sorry for that, and I love you too.”

I thought back to that room full of bickering… what had I called them in the privacy of my own head? Ah yes. Fat pigeons. Well. She clearly had a rough day and I was not helping matters with bringing this into it. But hopefully, we had cleared the air at this point.

And clinging to that hope, I slowly turned my head and picked at random. I pointed at the large mirror frame with so few pieces of actual mirror remaining. Her gaze followed my gesture and she sighed a little. “The mirror was a portal to another world once. At least several texts I could unearth described artifacts like these and attributed this function to them. But I found it already broken and… I always wanted to restore it somehow, but never found the time or… any actual leads on how to do that.”

“So there’s more than one?” I asked, regarding the mirror with mild curiosity. Another world. I had little to no interest in that, but I could perfectly understand what somepony like her — or Twilight, for that matter — would fascinate about that.

“All the references I could find spoke of ‘mirrors’, which led me to assume as much, yes,” she answered. “At some point, I even considered giving it to Twilight in hopes that she might be able to understand it, or figure out a way to restore it, but ultimately… I came to realize that other worlds obviously pose other dangers as well. I am averse to taking risks by nature, especially if I cannot calculate how high these risks might be and what the consequences might look like.”

“Preaching to the choir,” I replied with a small smile. I looked at the mirror frame once more and only now noticed an unassuming looking staff leaning against it that I had not noticed before. “Say, that weird gnarled fork beside it isn’t part of the mirror, is it?”

The description actually made her smile a little as well. “That would be a ‘no’. That ‘weird gnarled fork’ is called the ‘Staff of Sacanas’. Despite my efforts, I never managed to find any credible source of information on who, or where, this ‘Sacanas’ actually is. It might be a person, or a place. Or something else entirely. The staff is incredibly dangerous in the wrong hooves, however. That is why it is here. It can absorb the powers of other beings.”

“Yikes. So… a staff-shaped Lord Tirek?”

Celestia shook her head. “Not quite. Tirek absorbs power to increase his own. He could absorb my magic and it would make him grow, among other things, but it would not allow him access to my domain or certain spells bound to my specific being. The Staff of Sacanas can absorb any amount of creatures’ magic and allow its wielder to access these powers. If the staff were to absorb my power, for example, the wielder would gain domain over the sun.”

“That… is actually even worse,” I quickly concluded, looking at that thing with newfound horror. “I get why you kept the mirror around for so long. But how did you get the staff, and why keep it?”

“I, ah… won it,” she tried to keep it short.

“You… ‘won’ it. You won a terrifying magical artifact. How? From whom?”

To my surprise, she hemmed and hawed a little before giving up. “At… poker...”

“You won this thing… at a poker game.”

“… with then dragon lord Torch.”

I snorted. It was just too absurd, imagining Princess Celestia sitting at a table with a mountain-sized dragon, playing poker of all things. Then again, I had not asked her when she had won it. Maybe back then, he was a lot closer to being pony-sized. Ember proved well enough that being dragon lord was not determined by size.

“How, exactly, did he think it was a good idea to play poker against you anyway?” I asked in jest. After all, Celestia was famous for her self-control.

She sighed and rubbed her muzzle with a hoof. “To be honest, he did not know any better back then. I had heard of him possessing the staff as part of his hoard and ventured into the dragon lands with the specific intent to meet him and acquire this piece. He had no experience with ponies before, knew little about us and had never even heard of me. But after this, he outlawed poker.”

I snorted again. “He outlawed poker…?”

At this point, Celestia even puffed her cheeks out a little bit. “You are making fun of this matter, but I assure you, I severely damaged what could have been a budding diplomatic relationship with dragons for many centuries to come!”

“Right. Sorry. So why did you keep the damn thing, if it’s this scary?” After all, she went that far to get it in the first place. And as soon as I saw that very specific expression on her face, I understood. “Right. Moving on,” I relented, and she seemed quite grateful for that. Because Celestia — the mare, not the Princess — was flawed. And thus, she had fears of her own. Things that kept her up at night. Nightmares that plagued her once she managed to fall asleep despite that.

So many villains, so many monsters, so many forces of nature out there. Out to get her little ponies. Out to harm and maim them, to hurt them. And she was standing tall and proud, their only protector against forces so overwhelming that no guard and no army could face them and hope to stand a chance. She was an alicorn. She was made from different stuff. But even alicorns could fail. Could fall.

What if, someday, the Windigos returned? What if Tirek found another source of magic, and came back to Equestria, vengeful and powerful and stronger than she was? Would it not have been convenient to have a little toy in the back of her hoof, capable of reigning those forces in? If the Staff of Sacanas was even capable of such feats was obviously up for debate. She never had a chance — or a need — to test that out. But the temptation was there. And maybe that was the point. Maybe that was why the staff remained inside this room, ready to be incinerated, instead of resting outside with the other stuff she clearly intended to spare.

To finally rid herself of this temptation and to acknowledge her full trust in the power of friendship. Because who could claim to trust fully if one trump card was always held behind the back.

“What about that Tantabus-thingy?” I asked.

“I… if that would be alright with you, I would rather not talk about that. Everything else, but not that.”

Her pleading tone gave me pause. She had offered me a hoof, and I was not about to rip her leg off. No reason to torment her. “That’s fine, sure. What abooouuut…” I turned and looked around the room once more, and this time my gaze got stuck on that small casket resting on the bookshelf. The one Twilight had immediately closed again. “Why do you keep dark crystals around?”

“It might seem counterproductive, but I can assure you, it is for safety reasons,” she started to explain. “Back when we defeated King Sombra, many ponies rejoiced and celebrated how their two leaders had vanquished yet another great evil of this world. Sadly, that is not quite how this story truly went down. King Sombra has a very specific bond with these crystals that we did not fully understand back then… nor do we understand it today. That book over there is the decades-long culmination of Luna's entire effort to study and understand his magic, and even she, at the end of it, had to admit that while she had learned a great deal about it, she did not know how to sever this bond. We had faced down Sombra on multiple occasions and defeated him on several battlefields. But we came to realize that he fought a war of attrition. One he apparently could not lose. Because no matter how brutal his defeat was, he always came back. His life force is bound to these crystals. The most important two discoveries Luna made were these: Firstly, as long as a single crystal remains in existence, Sombra will never be truly dead. He will reform eventually, time and again. It might take him centuries, or even millennia, but he will always return. And secondly, Luna was able to craft a ritual to measure the remaining time to his next reformation. The crystals in this casket were enchanted by said ritual and a trained enchanter can read the spell to know how much time is left.”

“But you keep a single crystal in Canterlot Castle… so these ones are basically ‘spares’ you don’t need anymore, and before you forget about them, it’s better to dispose of them…?” I guessed and she quickly confirmed my assumptions. “I didn’t know it worked like that. So that probably means we’ll never be truly rid of him, will we? Well, wait a second. You kept these crystals around for a thousand years, right? Because Luna vanished after you two defeated King Sombra. Research and progress never stop. Twilight is one heck of a smart cookie, and even if she can’t, maybe someday, somepony else can. You should keep Luna’s research. And maybe show it to Twilight, if you feel that is safe enough. Maybe she can figure a way out or create a new spell or something, to track those remaining crystals. Because if all of them got destroyed, that would permanently solve this issue. Heck, noticing his life insurance running out might even make him reconsider redemption someday.”

Celestia regarded the book in question with a nostalgic gaze before teleporting it outside, onto the rescue-pile. “You are right about the research. And I might consider that. However, I would not bet on him opening up to changing his ways anytime soon. We offered him quite a lot of chances and he refused each time.”

“Yes you did, and yes, he did, but did you two have a Fluttershy?” I asked in jest again, and grinned even more once she playfully rolled her eyes.

“I have a lot of faith in Fluttershy and her capabilities, but I am not so sure if this is the right approach.”

“She might surprise you. She stares down dragons, after all,” I argued.

“Sombra eats dragons for breakfast,” Celestia shot back. And were it not for that playful tone in her voice, I would have worried about her statement being a true observation. We instead had a good chuckle about it and moved on.

“Ah, yeah. The empty casket you teleported outside. Twilight said there’s some kind of documentation that claimed that a 'memory stone’ should have been inside?”

Celestia nodded. “Indeed. And I presume it should have been.”

“You presume?” I was mildly confused by that. Maybe she was not the only one with access to this vault? Maybe that was something Luna had dragged in at some point?

However, she blushed. Just the faintest hint of it, but her cheeks oh so slightly gained a tint. “It is the memory stone and… I fear I might have fallen victim to it at some time.”

That baffled me even more. “You don’t remember losing it?” And just as I had feared, she confirmed it with a nod. To be fair, it was easy enough to imagine what a ‘memory stone’ might be capable of. There was a lot of nasty stuff one creature with little qualms could do. But then again, it was but one potentially dangerous artifact out there. One of many. Maybe it would turn up again someday. Maybe it would not. At least it did not instill the same panic I felt when thinking about the Staff or Sacanas or an unyielding, undying King Sombra. I even dared to quip about it. “Eh. It’ll probably be fine. Might turn up again when you search your sofa for change.”

She smiled a little lopsided. “I don’t have a sofa.”

“There’s your issue: You forgot you have a sofa.” This time, she actually giggled a little. A nice sound. Soothing. I nuzzled her barrel and enjoyed her warmth for a brief moment before addressing the elephant in the room. “So… what about that chest then.”

“What is in it?” she asked. She didn't even know anymore.

“Well, nothing too important. Only, like, two dozen Alicorn Amulets.”

I closely watched her reaction to that and immediately saw her grimace. “That is a longer story,” she tried to deflect.

And I was not about to let her. “I have nothing better to do.”

“I do,” she replied without a second thought. And for a couple of tense seconds, the silence permeating the air grew thicker and thicker, until she sighed once more. “Fine.” She actually sat down on her haunches before the chest and cautiously opened it to take a look inside. I sat down beside her.

“As far as I know,” I started, looking up at her, “Twilight encountered a souped-up Trixie a couple of years ago. Wearing one of those. She even wrote you a nice letter about outsmarting her with the power of friendship. And never, not once, did you mention that this thing wasn’t the only one.”

“Because I thought I had managed to gather all that remained,” she defended her silence.

I carefully prodded her barrel with a hoof, only to lean in and kiss the point for good measure and to avoid any misleading implications. “So what’s up with those things?”

“They are weapons,” she started. But instead of continuing on, she regarded those amulets inside the chest with a strange mixture of regret and sadness. Only after I placed a hoof on her shoulder did she pick up again. “A long, long time ago, long before Equestria was founded, back in the days of the tribes living in separation, there was a coven of powerful witches. ‘Witchcraft’, as a label, has taken quite a journey over the centuries and means something different today. Back then, it was all about magic and autocracy. Witches were powerful, be it due to any kind of pony magic, alchemy or their understanding of magical craftsmanship. They constantly strived to further increase their power, searching for knowledge and new sources alike, and they refused to bow to anyone. Someone like that has a lot of enemies, and quickly gains more. That is why witches often formed covens. Rarely did they ‘like’ each other. But they had common goals. Defending themselves and surviving, amongst others.”

As she fell silent, I was left wanting. This story promised a lot more than what I had been granted so far. And it actually felt like there was more to it. Just the way she was looking at those things was so very different from Twilight's reaction. “So they built these things to defend themselves?”

She hesitated a little, but then shook her head. “No. They crafted them out of spite, and in hopes of retribution. This one specific coven invented and crafted them because of me.”

“Oh.” Not exactly my smartest comment, but I had minor difficulties processing that revelation. “They wanted you to join and you refused them?” I guessed.

And I was close to the truth, as it turned out. “Not quite. I… I did not refuse. Initially.”

Finally, I could understand that strange something I saw in her eyes. She was embarrassed. “You left them.” It was more of a statement than anything else. I just wanted to make her talk again.

“I did,” she confirmed with a nod. “Witches recruit those with promise, or those with power. And sometimes, they don’t ask nicely. Not all witches were witches by choice. I joined willingly in a… let us call it a ‘rebellious phase’. And yes, I had those. I learned a lot in those days. Especially about magic. It is one of the reasons why I am so far ahead of Luna. However, witchcraft has its price. Or rather… the unconditional pursuit of knowledge and power has its price. And one day, the coven forcefully recruited a new member. A young colt that had the potential to rise as one of the mightiest unicorns one day.” Several voices in my head were screaming ‘Starswirl! Starswirl! Starswirl!’ at me, but I did not bother to interrupt her. “It was the first time I witnessed just how… ruthless they could be. It opened my eyes to their true nature. And I reacted as well as one would expect from a high and mighty alicorn teenager. I took all their precious books, that young colt and fled for the hills. And for many years, I thought that was that. The colt was quite grateful. For the rescue as well as those books, as I had no actual use for them. I just wanted to deny the coven their further possession. Years later, I learned of a couple of incidents. They had apparently attempted to retrieve those books from said colt. A grown stallion and masterful wizard at that point. He had grown to become everything they had hoped for, and more. They were not able to defeat him and beat him into submission. And I had apparently taken quite a substantial amount of what made them strong with those books. They were furious. And a decade later, the first artificial alicorn approached me. His smile quickly turned into a sneer and he lunged at me with supernatural speed and strength. It might have been a quick victory for him, were it not for Luna. And a few years later, another alicorn showed up. And then another. The intervals decreased. Until two showed up at once. Then three.”

“They made an army,” I realized. “They made an entire army to get back at you. That’s… surprisingly petty for creatures that supposedly only care about power and knowledge.”

She sighed deeply. “Both my sister and I were alicorns. The only known alicorns in existence. We were power sources to them, at that point. They wanted to acquire what we had. And it took too many attempts at our lives to find out how these necklaces actually work. See, they did not wear them themselves. Neither did they hire goons, mercenaries or assassins to wear them. Their work was a lot more devious than that. These necklaces bestowed upon its usually unwilling wearer a powerful transformation spell that twists the mind into one of hatred and resentment. It perverts the existing personality into a caricature, into something almost comically evil. And they knew only one target for that hate and resentment: me. Even after we ripped the necklace off of one victim, he persisted. He fought like a madpony. And mad they truly were, all of them. After I learned that they were using innocents as their ‘soldiers’, I turned the tables on them. I told Luna some of what I had done and learned, and she promised me aid in my attempts to correct my mistakes. Or at least put an end to this misery. We hunted the coven down and… ended their days of crafting more necklaces. But there were still so many in circulation. So many had witnessed the power they granted and were lured in by false promises. So many alicorns still turned up to fight to the death. Fewer with the decades passing by. Fewer still, as we started to track down all amulets that we could find. My time with the coven had considerably strengthened my magic, but Luna had always been more talented in studying foreign and exotic magic. She concluded that these amulets would lose their power over time, as any spell and any artifact does. Maybe it was a foolish sentiment… but I kept some of them. The coven had crafted hundreds in those years, and what remains in this chest was supposed to be all there was left.”

Stories were powerful things. They could teach different lessons, depending on who was telling them, and who was listening. They could evolve over time. Grow and change, spawn new generations, wither and die. I was not sure what I had learned from her story quite yet. It would need to settle down in my mind, it would need to be processed properly. But I felt a deep gratitude for her sharing such a sensitive part of her past with me. So I leaned in once more, and embraced her. “Thank you.” She did not answer, only put a wing around me and held me close, while still staring into that chest. After a while, I retreated a little and gave room to that nagging thought that kept bothering me throughout her story. “What I don’t quite understand is: When Twilight encountered Trixie, she wasn’t an alicorn. She was incredibly powerful, sure, but no actual transformation had taken place. And neither did she hate you. She focused her entire resentment on Twilight. That is… because the magic in those enchantments weakened over time?”

“I assume as much, yes,” she agreed. “The power the amulet can grant is not enough for a full transformation anymore, and it does not have enough grip on the wearer’s mind to twist his thoughts in the exact way the coven intended. I had hoped that someday, they would lose their magic entirely and I could keep them as a memory of a distant past. And a reminder of past mistakes as well. But I had not expected this process to take this long.”

For the first time in a while, I dared to take a look into the chest again as well. And I tried hard to shove my fears aside, just looking at those amulets from a crafter’s point of view. Darkened silver, gemstone inlays… they were… well… pretty, I guessed. I could see some beauty in them, as edgy pieces of jewelry. But it was hard not to associate them with what they did and stood for. “Are you sure you want to get rid of all of them? You could still keep one around in Canterlot Castle, I guess.”

It was a weak, half-hearted offer, as my entire being was trying to yell ‘good riddance!’ to these things. And Celestia herself seemed to share that sentiment. “No. I am aware of past mistakes and I regret the lives lost due to my decisions, poor or otherwise. But I do not feel the same regret and guilt as I did for so many years, and… I hope I do not sound like a horrible pony saying this, but it feels liberating. I do not wish to tie myself down with this guilt once more.”

My mind immediately wandered to that massive farmer nightmare that had clung to Celestia for centuries. The one Twilight and our friends helped me to defeat. The one currently, slowly, transforming the surroundings of these very ruins. If Celestia knew of that, she had never made it clear. She had never commented on it, or even hinted at it. And at times, it had been easy to forget all about that. Celestia was Celestia. She wore her mask of perfection on the regular and even when she tried to let other ponies in, she had a difficult time doing so. That had made it incredibly hard to see any difference between her suffering those nightmares on a daily basis before we exorcized it, and now, after the fact. Luna had assured me once or twice that there was a difference, a significant one, but she was her sister. It was easy to spot for her, I assumed.

Now, however, she had told me. Or at least I liked to believe that this was what it meant. And I felt a little bit proud about it. “I’m glad to hear you don’t beat yourself up over it anymore. It is unfortunate. But mistakes make us who we are. They contribute to us being, well, us. And I quite like who you are.”

“Thank you,” she quietly whispered, before closing the chest. “Anything else you would like to know?”

As we stood back up, I looked around the room once more and now, knowing a lot of the history collected between these walls… it somehow still felt incredibly dangerous being in here, but at least now it was a bunch of known dangers. “Well, I don’t really care much about dark magic books, to be honest. There… is one more thing, but I can ask that outside. So… you may do your creepy miniature sun-thing now.”

“It is not a miniature sun,” she disputed. “It is more like… an infinitesimal piece of the sun’s surface that I conjure—this is not helping, is it?”

I gave her a little, feeble grin in response. “Not at all.”

“It is not creepy!” she insisted instead.

“Love, I feel magic. Standing right beside you meant I felt like my skin was peeled off.” Well, honestly, I would expect that to actually hurt a lot more than it was creepy, but that was beside the point.

“Well you insisted on coming along,” she muttered.

And her muttering was so surprisingly endearing to watch that I just had to hug her again. “And I’m still glad I did,” I let her know with an accompanying chuckle.

“If it is that bad, you might want to leave the room then,” she told me and despite my doubts that this would actually help in any way, I still complied with a nod and walked out the room. There was no purple barrier blocking the exit anymore. But those protective spells Twilight had cast were probably popped like soap bubbles once Celestia teleported inside.

I stood beside the rescue-pile of books and waited. A small glimmer of golden magic soon grew into a strong and bright light blasting the entire room once more, and a few moments later, Celestia emerged from the vault as well. She closed the wooden door and before I could ask if that would be enough, she concentrated and put the entire room in a very, very strong protective field.

And then I saw the door… well, basically evaporate. It did not so much ‘burn away’ as it just… vanished. And a little bit of ash started to flutter to the ground as soon as that ‘piece of the sun’ vanished. What was left behind was not much to begin with. The hewn stone walls were gone. As was the ceiling and the floor. And all bookshelves, chests and artifacts. There was a roughly sphere-shaped hole with molten walls. Semi-liquid rock dripped from the ceiling to the ground where it coalesced into small, slowly cooling puddles.

And Celestia seemed relieved.

It almost made me hesitate asking that final question. But I just… I had to. For my own sanity’s sake. “Discord.”

I stood very close to her again. Close enough to notice her tensing up again. She froze for just a couple of seconds before taking the leap. “What about him?”

So she knew of him. I wondered what had happened to him and… I still had a sneaking suspicion about that. “There were claw marks all over the door. And a thin layer of ash, covering a very small blast radius. What happened here?”

She sighed. “He broke free sooner than I anticipated. But I suppose such is the nature of chaos. Twilight was not ready to face him yet, so I had to act and I had to act quickly. He came here because it was the last place that he knew of as my home. He came for revenge, but found the castle in ruins already. I was not sure what he made of that. But he found this secret passage. A detection spell I had established notified me of his presence.”

“That energy field?” I interrupted her. “Twilight had not been sure what it was searching for.”

“Yes. It is designed to alert me to the presence of any creature entering the hallway without the guidance of a true alicorn.” Well. That made sense. More so that she had not been informed about us, then. Either Twilight's spell had worked, or the detection spell had simply noticed her being there. “I teleported here as soon as I was notified and found him trying to… get inside.”

“He didn’t know where the Elements were, did he?” I asked.

“I assume he suspected them inside,” Celestia confirmed what I had implied.

Now I had to face the very uncomfortable question if my love had murdered him in cold blood. It was not an easy question to ask. “Did you—“ I started.

“No,” she immediately interrupted. “Well, yes, in a way. I used something on him that is, in nature, very similar to that which just disintegrated that room. However, Discord is chaos incarnate. Imagine the concept of the day dying. Or the concept of love dying. He is as immortal as we are. I merely disembodied him. It will inconvenience him for quite some time, I suspect, and to be honest, I hope that he will use that time to take a look around. Learn and grow and… maybe time will help him shed his resentment of my sister and I.”

I thought back to that one time I had asked Pinkie about him, and her reaction to it, and her many quirks, and I decided that this had nothing to do with anything and left it at that. Because I trusted Pinkie. And the power of friendship, if necessary.

“One last thing then.”

“I thought that had been the last thing?” She inquired with a bemused smile.

“True, but… I remembered that book I came with. ‘The Elements of Harmony’, written in weird Old Equestrian by Twilight and myself, in which she explicitly instructs herself not to translate the text any further.” I let my words linger for a moment, waiting if she would pick up any of that and continue on her own free will, or if I had to push it farther. And I apparently had to. “That sounds a lot like time travel to me. But not the kind of time travel Twilight has experienced already. Because that is a closed loop, or so she told me. She did stuff that led to her time traveling, which in turn caused her to do stuff that leads to her time traveling. This book is different, isn’t it?”

Celestia took up the entire rescue-pile in her levitation and we slowly walked towards the other end of the hallway, despite the fact that we would probably teleport back to Canterlot in a few minutes anyway, once we were truly done here.

She took her time answering and chose her words carefully. “To be honest, a lot about this book eludes me as well. I know very little of its origins.”

I watched her closely and reached one of those very rare moments in which I was frustrated by my lack of capability to pierce her masks. Because in the end, I just had to trust her. I had to trust that she was telling me the truth, because I would never know otherwise. If she wanted to keep secrets from me, she would. Easy as that. “When did you get it? What’s inside that Twilight is not supposed to read?”

She struggled. Internally. I could see her arguing with herself, and in the center of it, there had to be something worth arguing over. “I got it long before Luna left my side,” she answered the first part. In a way, that was not all that surprising. It was the book about the Elements of Harmony. Those things that Luna and her had gathered from the Tree of Harmony to defeat Discord and whoever else. It was supposed to be old. But despite her lacking answer, I found little fault with it. The question had been inherently useless. What difference was it to me if that book was two thousand years old, or two thousand and two hundred? Or four thousand? Or a million years? It did not matter. As far as I was concerned, that thing could have been as old as time itself and it would have made zero difference.

She knew that, obviously. Which meant that what made her stomach ache so much was its content.

“The stars will aid in her escape,” Celestia cited from memory. “Have you ever wondered where this prophecy came from? I certainly have. That book you found was merely one version of this book, albeit a very different one. The first one, to be precise, as all other versions of it were copies of this original, excluding some commentary and a couple of chapters. The original version is the origin of this prophecy. The book was given to me, and for the life of me, I could not tell you by whom. I cannot seem to remember. Back when I got it, I read a lot of it and dismissed it as the fever dreams of a madpony. There was so much written in it that was unimaginable. A unified nation of all three tribes? With my sister and me ruling, no less? But as time moved on, I started to see the signs. I refrained from using it too much, but… I will admit that it did help me predict – and circumvent – certain disasters. Or benefit from certain blessings. Please do not read too much into this. The book and its predictions were never one hundred percent accurate, and they never were precise and detailed. They spoke of a unified nation under the rulership of two alicorns, not of Equestria under the rulership of Luna and Celestia. It spoke of the embodiment of chaos breaking free from its prison to exact revenge, not of Discord escaping the stone and clawing at an old vault door in the bowels of a castle ruin. Time and again, I have proven that book wrong. And I admit, it might have become something of a pet peeve at certain stages of my life. Usually when I once again struggled with the concept of free will versus predeterminism. But that book is not responsible for how I treated you in the past, or do so now.”

I had stopped walking at some point. I was just standing in the middle of a dimly lit corridor — lit at all thanks to that faint light spell on her horn — and was reeling from the implications of her revelation. I could very much understand that conflict between philosophies. I returned to this struggle time and again as well. And right now, I felt like tumbling down into that abyss all over again. Was that book all there was to it? What if this, my entire life, was a closed time loop after all? Just a very, very, very large loop. A lifelong loop.

Maybe one with minor variations as someone aware of this loop tried to correct something? Or tried to achieve something?

But I had families. Loved ones and friends and children. I had found happiness in each and every iteration my flashes of insight had shown to me.

If this really was ‘just’ a closed time loop with minor discrepancies leading to certain changes in my life… was that really a bad thing?

I was happy. I felt alive. I had been happy before, and I had felt alive before. There was no distinction in quality. One life was not inherently better than the other. This one was the current one, and that was all the difference. That was what mattered right now, was it not?

A part of me wanted more. Wanted to ask and push and claw all the answers from her mind. What was in that book? Now that it was destroyed, she was the only possible source. What else had that book been speaking of? What did it predict? What disasters were to come? How would our relationship turn out? Would I die of old age, or in an unfortunate accident a year from now?

If you could know the future, each and every event beforehoof, would you not be tempted to take it, to take all of it, every little scrap of information you could get? To use it? To prepare? To take control of your own life?

One could get obsessed with that. Quite easily.

Life was not about having control, strangely enough. And strange it was, seeing how having control, being in control, felt comforting for so many ponies. Me included.

I quickly realized that this entire internal discussion was taking way too long, Celestia’s expression was growing increasingly concerned and it would ultimately lead nowhere. It could not lead anywhere by its very nature.

Maybe Pinkie had a point and seeing your friends smile was enough. I certainly gained a new appreciation — and envy — for Rainbow's ability to sometimes not think.

“It doesn’t matter,” I decided and tried to pack as much resolution into my voice as I could, for her sake and mine.

“I am sorry that—“ she started and I recognized the wrong direction her thoughts were running to.

“No,” I interrupted her. “I mean the book. The book doesn’t matter. It changes nothing. Because quite frankly, I don’t want it to change anything. I have a good life, right here, right now. I have the best friends I could ever ask for. I somehow garnered the love of three incredible mares. I have a literal dream job. A couple of years ago, after I arrived here, Twilight was so keen on finding out what exactly had brought me here. Where I had come from. And for… let’s say a day or two, I shared that interest. It waned rather quickly. Because some answers only spoil what you have. There is a reason the saying ‘ignorance is bliss’ exists. And it’s not all bad not to know. I love you. And I trust you. I made that a pillar of my life. I trust you. Whatever was written in that book, I decide not to care about that. I don’t want to. I don’t want to know. I’m sorry I made such a fuss about it, I just… I couldn’t help myself. It’s really freaking easy to get lost in that impulse to demand answers, especially when you know that a viable source of answers is close at hoof. But I think I managed to get through that haze now and…” I looked back at what used to be a secret vault. The molten walls had cooled down considerably, even in that short amount of time. But some patches here and there were still faintly glowing. “I care about Twilight. She got spooked really badly. And now that that’s dealt with… I think I just want to continue. Move on and be safe in the knowledge that this stuff was turned to dust. All of it. It’s like… the Staff of Sacanas. It was tempting. Now it can’t anymore.”

Celestia watched me explain myself, and she probably had her own conclusions about things. If so, she did not share them. And I did not pry. She instead just leaned down, whispered a faint ‘thank you’ and kissed me. And I kissed her back with all my love for her, as if I had to make a point. I was with her. As long as she wanted me by her side, I would be there, through thick and thin.

We exited the passage a couple of minutes later, closing the bookshelf once more. My gaze wandered aimlessly around the room and a new idea sprang to life. “You want to return to Canterlot to open court again, right?” I asked and despite her lacking enthusiasm, she confirmed it anyway. There was work to be done, and it would get done. Now where had I heard that before today? “Do you mind taking me along? I need to talk to Luna.”

Celestia considered it for a brief moment. The additional expenditure of magic to teleport me alongside herself again was certainly not what made her think. No, she was mulling over something else. “My sister will likely expect me to greet her at her breakfast table soon, but with the amount of work that still remains, I won’t be able to make it in time. Would you like to keep her company in my stead?”

Ah. Bad conscience talking. It was easy to recognize – I did it enough myself. “Sure, I’d love to.”

She gave a curt nod, draped her wing over my back and charged her horn. The soft golden glow that had encased it earlier brightened considerably and in a blinding flash, we were gone.

I had somehow forgotten about the rescue-pile. But once we arrived at the castle — right in front of the throne room doors, to be precise — her first course of action was to instruct Soft Step and Night Crawler to flag down a couple of clerks and give them proper instructions. All the books and materials she had brought with her were to be archived. Anything that was not a book was supposed to wait on the archivist’s desk until further notice, she would gather those things up herself and stash them away in the vault. And of course, certain ponies were to be informed that day court would open back up again soon.

I patiently waited until she had given all her orders and allowed myself only a tiny smile in Soft Steps direction. I had managed to not make her regret her decision, I hoped. A part of me continued this line of thought in the direction that maybe, just maybe, it would be easier next time I suddenly needed to barge into court again.

Not that I was counting on that happening again, but there was always a chance, no matter how small.

Once she was done, Celestia turned to me and only now did I realize with a sinking heart that I would not get a farewell now. Well, not a proper one anyway. With ponies milling about and guards on all corners… heck, even if she would take me back inside the throne room, privacy was not a given. There were few places in the palace where that could truly be secured. So I had to talk to Princess Celestia and bid my goodbye to her. I tried to hide my disappointment.

“You know your way around?” she asked me.

And I attempted a smile. “Sure. Dinner hall should be that way. Don’t let them walk all over you, okay?” Protocol would have required a ‘Your Highness’ again, but honestly, it left a bad taste in my mouth every time I had to use it and I still remembered that from earlier. And I just hoped Night Crawler would not snitch on me, seeing as Soft Step was gone to execute orders.

“You know I won’t,” she replied with a faint smile and I could see her reign herself in. There had been a short impulse, a movement in her neck to lean down and nuzzle me, not dissimilar to her greeting Twilight back in her student days. But I was a night guard, as the weight of my armor reminded me, and that would have been inappropriate.

It was almost funny how we both awkwardly stood in front of the door. The only thing missing was me shuffling around with my hooves and her asking me if I might want to come in for a cup of tea. But this was not the kind of cheesy romance novel Rarity would have loved. So I instead gave her a curt nod and cut this developing disaster short. I turned and walked away.

And I immediately made plans to remedy this abhorrent display. But those would have to wait a little longer. I had a late rising Princess to catch.

The dinner hall was already occupied when I arrived. Celestia telling me stories about creepy artifacts had apparently taken longer than I had thought. Luna was sitting at the table, munching on a donut, and a servant was pouring her another cup of coffee. I could smell that vile concoction from the moment I entered.

“Ah, sis—“ she started and stopped herself.

“Not quite, sorry,” I excused myself not being Celestia and smiled lopsided. My armor was gone at this point, as I did not wish to repeat my previous mistake. “But if you’d like the company, I’d be more than glad to stay with you for a while.” By the time I finished, I had walked across the hall and stood close enough to her to give her a little peck. And a little flutter made my heart beat faster once I saw how her eyes lit up at that small gesture.

“You are very welcome to join me,” she said with a noticeable drop in volume. So I took a chair next to her, quickly scanned the diverse offers of breakfast items that had been prepared for her and noticed the couple of more dinner-like items on offer that were probably meant for Celestia. “I take it my sister will not join me this time, then?” she concluded.

I shot her an apologetic smile. “Sorry.”

“It is quite alright,” she replied, though her sigh spoke of barely hidden disappointment. “It is not the first time this week.

Somepony is apparently bothering her a great deal again, and she once more refuses to let me deal with that nuisance.”

“Well, to be fair, that’s really not all that surprising if you keep proposing to throw them out of windows,” I reminded her with a chuckle.

“It would only be fair!” she insisted with a mischievous grin. “They waste her time — and good mood! —, so I waste them.” We had a quiet laugh about the absurdity. “Tell me then. How has your day treated you?”

“Eh. Could’ve been better, to be honest,” I started to answer while chowing down on a piece of strawberry cake. “I might have had my first small spat with Celestia? Maybe? Can’t really tell yet. But please refrain from throwing me out of windows, I promise I try not to make it a regular occurrence. Have you slept well?”

“My rest has been decent, yes.” Her brow furrowed as her gaze drifted over to the windows. “And you might be safe for now. I do not think my sister would appreciate me smashing the dinner hall windows.”

I chuckled again. “Well, am I glad to be in this room.” Because hallway windows would have been an entirely different matter… probably. “To be honest, I came here with a matter in mind.”

She nodded. “I figured as much. And here I was hoping you would come for my sake alone…!” she complained in a tiny dramatic display of ‘woe is me’.

With a grin plastered on my face, I guided her muzzle down to me and kissed her before whispering, “Believe me, kitten, I’d come for you anytime…” I quite enjoyed the faint tint rising in her cheeks and that almost goofy smile tugging at her lips. I enjoyed the taste of coffee a lot less. But sacrifices had to be made.

“You may have successfully mollified me with such talk,” she replied in a whisper before straightening up again and continuing her breakfast as if nothing had happened. “Speak, then. What ails your mind?”

“Well… Twilight had an idea. It was a good one, too, as usual.” And so, I continued to tell her about our little excursion, the picnic, the whole plan to rescue as many books in one go as was physically possible — and the hopelessly idealistic assumption that we might be able to get all of them. I told her about the secret passage and the vault full of dangerous books and artifacts, but I did not go into detail what exactly we found inside. Only that it frightened both Twilight and me to no small degree and that we immediately aborted our plans, so that we might return to Ponyville as fast as possible. I ended with Celestia incinerating the entire room. “And I fear that’s the point where I have to admit that I might be responsible for delaying her participation in this fine feast today,” I concluded with another apologetic smile.

“Quite a busy day,” Luna replied, her brow still furrowed. “But you made it sound like you had a plan in mind.”

“Oh, I have. Let me ask you first, before I interfere with Equestria’s rulership again. Has Night Court been busy these past few days?”

“Nay. We had no visitors for a few days, but at least we know why this time, and it will sort itself out in the coming week.”

“Right, okay. Still sorry to hear that, but it might work in my favor. Twilight is currently at home, and all our friends are with her to keep her company. As you probably already gathered from my story, she’s completely exhausted herself to the point of collapse. I suspect that she’s sleeping right now and probably will continue to do so until morning, at least. And were it just that, I would return home and keep her company as well, but… I really feel like I should do something for Celestia. She seems quite stressed. She needs to relax a little.”

Luna quickly put one and one together and smiled. “You wish for me to take your place and watch over her,” she guessed.

“Yes. And maybe keep an eye on her dreams as well? But that’s not all, actually.” It was time for my ridiculous master plan to be revealed! Goodness, did I hope this was not too outrageous of an ask. “I was wondering… do you have a couple dozen night guards you don’t need right now? Preferably pegasi?”

The question was already enough of a hint for her to puzzle together what I was getting at. And I was quite relieved to see a warm smile spread across her face. “One of your friends, which I shall find in Twilight's homestead, would still possess the floorplan she made. And pegasi would only have to worry about the Everfree Forests fickle weather. They would not have to worry about ground-based threats and would lose less time walking the paths within when a direct beeline is a lot shorter.”

I nodded with a growing satisfaction. “They could probably finish what Twilight intended in one night.”

“So that by the time she would wake, she would find the books she craved on her doorstep,” Luna concluded with a grin. “I like the idea. Very much so. I am in favor of it and will see to it after breakfast.”

My hope fulfilled, I leaned over and hugged her as best as the mildly awkward seating arrangement allowed. “Thank you, Luna.” Once I let go of her again, I chuckled a little and added, “But I wouldn’t drop them on her doorstep. She’ll have your head for mistreating books. Again. I was pondering this on my way here and I was thinking that maybe you can use her dining hall as a temporary storage. It’s a rarely used room anyway. Oh and if Rarity and the others are still up for it, they might actually help you out with more than just a map. You could divide the tasks at hoof between two forces. Your guards go get the books and the rest sorts them out or something like that.”

“I will see what I can do, but Twilight's well-being obviously has priority,” she agreed with a caveat.

“Obviously,” I agreed as well. I shoved another piece of cake into my mouth and happily chewed away at the sweet, sugary goodness. Things turned around. Luna would be there and although it saddened me to not be able to do it myself, the important part really was that somepony looked after her and that she was fine. You can't have everything, after all.

With that part being sorted, I turned my attention to the next puzzle piece. Which meant addressing one of the kitchen staff members, as she started to clear the dinner table as soon as Luna had given her sign that she was done. “Miss? May I ask you for a favor?”

The beige pegasus mare stopped stacking plates and shot a quick side glance in Luna's direction. Only after the Princess gave her permission did she turn her focus back to me. “Sure.”

“Princess Celestia could not make it to dinner this evening and has a rather taxing day,” I started with stating the obvious. “Could you please relay a message to the kitchen staff? I am sure they will know once court ends and the Princess exits the throne room. I would like them to start preparing whatever they see fit for a late dinner once that happens. If they could send it up to her room, that would be perfect.”

There were three kinds of servants. The ones that ‘just worked here’ and did a job. They cared little about anything aside from what their job required of them. The ones that grumbled and gossiped. And the ones that truly cared. Right now, I needed that mare to be one of the latter group and I cared little why she cared, as long as she did. And seeing her smile turn a little bit more genuine filled me with hope once more. This time, she did not wordlessly ask Luna for permission. Quite frankly, it was not necessary. Celestia missed dinner every now and then, and on most of these days, she at least remembered to eat at all and let them serve her in her study. This was not out of the ordinary.

At this point, my hooves were tied. I had done what I could and had tried to make things right once more. All that remained was to wait.

“I will depart for Ponyville now,” Luna declared. “Well, I will gather some of my guards and then depart for Ponyville. I wish you a good evening and good luck with my sister.”

I stood up as well and quickly caught up to her. “Say ‘hello’ to my friends for me, will you? And maybe explain why I didn't come back today. I’m sure they will understand. I’ll probably return home tomorrow. And I hope you have a nice evening as well. Don’t do anything with or to Twilight I wouldn’t do as well,” I demanded with a cheeky grin.

Luna feigned mild indignation and put a hoof to her chest. “Why, pray tell, would I willingly limit myself this much when corrupting that poor, innocent mare is so much fun…?” she whispered and we both shared a good laugh on our way out.

“Poor and innocent, right, right. Well, you go have fun then. And once again, thank you, kitten.” Her little show broke apart as she grinned upon hearing that name. I craned my neck upwards and she met me halfway. Nopony bet an eye. Nopony seemed to care. I just sometimes wished… I just wished I could do this with Celestia as well. To kiss her as freely as I was ‘allowed’ to do with Luna. It was a strange dynamic that I still did not fully understand.

Maybe one day.

With Luna gone, I went to Celestia’s study, only to inform the guards that her presence was requested at her chambers. I suspected that she expected me to return home at the earliest point, seeing as I was worried about Twilight. So maybe it would come as a little surprise that I was still here. Either way, at that point, it would be her decision if she really, truly wanted to continue with paperwork late into the night, or if she wanted to find out what I had in mind for us.

The guards let me into her chambers after a short inspection, and I did what little preparation I could think of. The food would be a good starter, but that was already set in motion. A nice, relaxing massage afterwards, and to top it all off, a hot bath. She would sleep like a log, I would make sure of that.

I busied myself with a book from the nightstand to bridge the time until her arrival. And sure enough, a couple of hours later, the door was unlocked. By this point, she had already set the sun and that had been a perfect excuse for me to test my fire-making skills. A little rusty, but I still managed to spark one into existence with a couple of tries. So once Celestia entered her chamber, a nice, warm glow illuminated me standing on the carpet in front of it, waiting for her.

It was such a beautiful, many-layered smile that cracked her mask and broke through once she stepped inside and the door was closed again. So she was surprised. A small victory to start things off.

“Hey love. Thought you could use some relaxation after today.” And I could see just how right I was. Her left wing gave a little twitch, her shoulders sagged a bit and even her smile sported a thick layer of tiredness.

“This is lovely,” she whispered, despite no further changes in her room being obvious. Before we could properly greet each other, a knock from the door disrupted us. “I wonder who that is at this hour,” Celestia sighed and her voice carried a tiny hint of dread. Another clerk having to ask an absolutely important question, another aide needing a signature, maybe even another noble following her despite proper manners dictating the opposite.

“That should be the food,” I let her know, hoping it would ease her worries a little.

And indeed, she opened the door and after a small exchange with the staff member outside, she pulled a little trolley in. Even though all the different dishes were hidden beneath metal domes, there was still a faint smell of stewed vegetables that made her stomach grumble. My own stomach was fine, it still worked on that cake, I suspected, but I would keep her company and pick a few pieces anyway. Eating alone was a lot less enjoyable after all.

With the door closed again, she turned back around and I had used that time to levitate a pot of tea out, right beside my head where she could see the light from the fireplace illuminate its contents. “This is going to be a great evening, love. I even made us tea!”

“Heavens have mercy!” she muttered in feigned horror.

And a second later, we both laughed. Her laughter was such a beautiful sound. Clear like a bell. It broke any tensions back and I knew then that this evening would be a success.

Day 2,151 / 2,373 / 2,527 / 2,666 / 2,955: Dreams Come True

Day 2,151.

Her smile could literally change the world.

It was a simple observation, yet despite that, it felt like a fundamental revelation instead. Something so true and profound that it was meant to make the mind tremble. Her smile probably had changed the world. But this revelation was not about the past. It was about potential. About capability. And in a way, about innocence.

My gaze drifted across the room once more. Not for the first time this evening, and most certainly not for the last time either. I loved seeing my friends. I loved seeing them happy, and I loved seeing them surround me. Close to me. I had to merely raise a hoof and touch anypony’s shoulder and I was certain they too would smile at me. I felt whole.

Rainbow and Applejack were both sweaty messes, grinning like madponies while dancing the night away, their eyes locked in fierce combat. Neither would dare to buckle under the strain they put on themselves. The most intense dance off I had ever seen. In stark contrast, Rarity and Fluttershy were dancing very… ladylike. It was graceful and elegant, like the mating dance of butterflies.

Do butterflies even have mating dances…?

Watching them for even a couple of seconds quickly gave the impression that this had to be choreographed. Their steps followed invisible trails and intricate patterns, their body language spoke volumes without their lips opening from that persistent smile, and at times, they even kept their eyes closed without fumbling their steps once. The only viable alternative seemed to be that they had been doing nothing but this for years and years, practice making them perfect.

And yet I knew better. Somehow, this was just part of their nature. It was a very impressive and very pretty display.

And then there was Twilight. For just a second, I had to chuckle quietly. Just a little bit. She danced with Spike and Derpy and all three of them were appropriately silly. Our eyes locked for a second. And her smile carried a sense of satisfaction and exhaustion and love. And gratitude.

I don’t dance. Ever. At least that was what I had continued to say for years. And I was very, very adamant about this. I did not have walls of inhibition hindering me, oh no. I had bulwarks. Rainbow, being her pushy self as usual, tended to try to coax me ‘out of my shell’, as she put it. Same way she had tried with Fluttershy for years. And she failed miserably, every time. Because no matter how much I wanted to — and I rarely wanted to to begin with — I was simply unable to ‘just get over myself’ or ‘just do it’. I could not jump that gap, could not climb that wall and could not do whatever nice, simple metaphor asked of me. My inhibitions stood firm.

And then there was Pinkie.

Sweet, sweet Pinkie, whose smile could literally change the world.

“You’re doing great!” she praised me even now, beaming at me with such intensity and such innocence. Sad to say, but doubt was more or less my bread and butter on some days. At least, it sure felt like it. But looking at her, seeing her go wild and dance, seeing her try so hard, it was heart-warming. And she made it utterly impossible to defy her.

Thus, I was dancing.

And Twilight was grateful for all the wrong reasons. Or all the right ones? For once, nopony dared to mock her ‘moves’, not even as a little joke or jab. Because there I was, proving without a doubt that it could get worse, that her dancing could be worse, despite what everypony had assumed.

And my inhibitions were reduced to screaming, caged animals, gnawing at the bars, screeching in horror, and failing. Because somehow, Pinkie’s smile kept me going. Kept me on the dance floor, kept me dancing. Just for her. And that beautiful, impactful smile.

Nothing could last forever, obviously. Or so they say. I felt more than just exhaustion creep up my spine. “I think I’m done for good this time,” I said with an uncomfortably raised volume, just so that Pinkie would hear me over the blaring music.

“I’m proud of you!” she yelled back with a huge, face-splitting grin, before she lunged and hugged me. Her entire body radiated so much heat, it was unbearable. Her coat was damp as well. But none of that mattered right now. “Thank you,” she whispered a lot quieter once we were this close.

I was great at doubting. Scrutinizing. Questioning. But there was just simply no way to think that her words had been anything but honest truth. No sarcasm, wrapped in kindness. No little jab, just to be playful. Pinkie tended to wear her heart on her sleeve. And she was proud of me, because I had overcome myself. Even if it was just for this one evening, and for her.

Or rather, for them, as I reminded myself by looking up at one of the party banners.

Proudly announcing: Fluttershy is totally preggers! And we are sooo, sooo, soooooo happy!

The other one hung behind the counter, proclaiming:

From two to three might seem to be

Just a small step for you and me.

But we welcome a new pony

Into our midst with cheer and glee!

Somehow, she made all that text fit neatly without it looking overstuffed. Pinkie-magic, obviously.

“I think I’m going to get a drink. You want some, too?” I asked her, but she just shrugged with a grin.

“I’m fine! I’m gonna dance some more with Twilight, Spike and Derpy!”

I nodded. “Don’t overdo it. And have fun.” I watched her bounce away, over to those three and without a word spoken, she just fell in with the crowd, effortlessly adapting style and rhythm. That was a marvel in itself.

A moment later I managed to tear my gaze away from those four, finally making my way over to the refreshment table. I greedily filled the first cup with what I believed to be fruit punch and gulped it down in one swig. Only then did I notice the second bowl and, with dawning horror on my face, stared into my cup. “Holy cr-“

… and I started to cough violently as the alcohol burned its way down my throat. Half a minute later and I had myself back under control, although I was still wheezing a little. I carefully turned the first bowl so that the little ‘no, Fluttershy, not for you!’-sticker was clearly and unmistakably visible again. And I could have sworn that I had heard Rainbow snicker, so I made a mental note to get her back for that prank. Even if it might not have been one to begin with.

I sat down on a chair next to the table, now with a filled cup that contained a nonalcoholic punch, and just watched. And I quite enjoyed watching. The Cakes had been kind enough to once again lend us the entire ground floor of Sugarcube Corner for our little party and that familiarity with this place had certainly helped Pinkie to get me onto the dance floor in the first place.

My smile bloomed further as I saw Rainbow lean over to Fluttershy, semi-loudly ‘reminding’ her not to dance too much ‘in her condition’. We all had made jokes to that end throughout the entire evening.

‘Eat up, Fluttershy, you’re eating for two now!’

‘Should you really be eating that, though?’

‘You should drink more water, it’s healthy and good for somepony in our condition!’

We were just joking around of course, teasing her. And to be honest, she took it like a champ. Smiling with patience or even grinning in amusement. It had basically started right after the initial ‘oh my goodness, really?!’-screeching contest after the initial reveal had been over with Applejack remarking in a serious tone that we really should not scream in her face, excitement or not, as we could not say what that might do to her or her foal.

Applejack had been trying to be considerate. To be cautious. And involuntarily, she had provided the launching pad for so many stupid comments. Some of them were even funny.

I felt myself shake my head in amusement, that persistent grin still tugging at the corners of my mouth, trying to get them even higher up. It was a great evening. A great party. And really, I was happy for them. Oh so very happy. It almost felt like my many, many iterations, locked away in my head, were happily dancing with me. So many memories told me of little differences. Or tried to, at least, as I still attempted to keep their voices down and bar them entirely if they got too rowdy.

Differences in how this party usually played out. How the punch often was berry-flavored, but sometimes was not. How sometimes, Fluttershy was the one trying to get me to dance, and only in one or two pieces of memories did she succeed. There was a flood of these little bits and pieces. Carried by sheer elation. I felt as free and light and unburdened as I had not in a few years. It felt like everything was right in this world. And if it was not, it would be, given time.

It felt like hope.

“You look really happy,” a demure voice addressed me.

I blinked a couple of times and realized that I had apparently completely zoned out. Spike was dancing with Rarity now. Applejack stood at Sugarcube Corner’s counter and was talking with Twilight. No trace of Rainbow, but I could hear a faint clutter of something in the kitchen. Derpy was… well, basically just resting. She was lying on the floor, breathing heavily and grinning from ear to ear.

And Fluttershy and Pinkie stood right in front of me. “Eh… sorry, girls. I just… I don’t know. My mind wandered off, I guess,” I half-heartedly apologized.

“Oh, that’s fine! It was a good place!” Pinkie happily chirped up. “And I looove seeing my friends happy.”

“I know, I know, same here,” I replied with a chuckle.

“We’re not bothering you, are we?” Fluttershy asked, her usual polite self.

“Nah. Never,” I insisted and patted the chair next to me.

Pinkie vanished for the span of a blink, returned in a pink blur and offered a cup of punch to Fluttershy while holding her own with her mane. I briefly considered asking what bowl she had taken that punch from and involuntarily turned my head to look at the table. But the sticker was still clearly visible and Pinkie knew her parties better than anypony else, obviously.

And I wanted to spare Fluttershy. Despite the comments sometimes being funny, I could easily imagine them becoming subtly annoying. And we had gathered here to share in excitement and celebrate, not to frustrate her. No matter how little that might have been.

“Did you ask the doc what it’s going to be? Or can’t they tell this early?” I asked out of curiosity.

“Oh, don’t you know?” Pinkie answered before Fluttershy could. “They have fancy spells. At least here in Ponyville. They can tell you as soon as you know! Or, as soon as they know, I guess? It would be weird if they told you as soon as you know, without them knowing, right?”

Both Fluttershy and I shared a knowing smile while Pinkie seemed to further confuse herself.

“They usually tell you,” Fluttershy answered. “You actually have to ask them not to do that if you don’t want to know.”

I noticed that something about Pinkie’s reply stuck with me. It was not intentional on her part, of course, but that ‘oh, don’t you know’ remained in my head, spinning in circles. No. No, I did not know. I would have loved to know that from my first hoof experience… but I did not. Celestia and I had been trying for almost two years now…

“It’s going to be a filly,” Fluttershy added. And there was a hint of urgency in her voice that made me turn back from that darkening road I had started to walk down.

My smile returned. A smaller, softer version of it anyway. I had not even noticed it fading. “That’s great to hear. Let me guess… you’re still sticking with ‘Whisper’?”

I saw a little tint rising in her cheeks. “Well, if you don’t want us to, we could always—“

But I shook my head and she stopped. “Sorry, that might’ve come out wrong. It’s fine, really. You should choose the name you want, no matter what. I just… there’s days where I can’t shake the feeling that this is all a giant, self-fulfilling prophecy of something. I remember you two being happy together for entire lifespans. So I bring you together. I remember you two having a filly named Whisper. I tell you, and you think: Oh, yeah, that’s a pretty name, let’s use that! And at some point, the cycle might restart somehow, and I will have broken bits and pieces of this iteration, and it will only reinforce that you two are happy together, and that you have a daughter named Whisper… if you catch my drift?”

Fluttershy furrowed her brow and nodded. “I see. Well… I don’t know what to say to that. I can’t really take those fears away.”

I leaned over and hugged her. I was just glad. Glad that she was this kind, that she was her beautiful, lovely, welcoming self. And while hugging her, I felt a small amount of anxiety melt away. Just like that. And as before, while staring into Pinkie’s eyes, while witnessing her life-changing smile, I almost felt like I could glimpse the truth. Not any truth, but the truth. Some profound revelation about the very fabric of existence.

But it never developed further than that. It could have been frustrating, really. Maybe it should have been. But each and every time I reached this moment, and then inevitably fell back to reality, there was somepony dear to me nearby. And their proximity made it impossible to regret returning.

It might not have been the most appropriate right now, especially since I was still hugging Fluttershy, but I remembered having sex with Celestia and looking into her eyes, and for a couple of seconds, time just… stood still. I got lost in there, and I had this exact feeling. This feeling of glimpsing something greater. Something so fundamental… and then she kissed me. ‘To bring me back to her’, as she had put it. And I could not be cross with her.

This time, I actively tried to stay more aware of my surroundings. And I liked to think that it was due to that that I retreated from Fluttershy with a quiet ‘thank you’. One she appreciated nonetheless, being quite accustomed to dealing with quiet voices. Her own, usually.

“You looked really glum for a moment,” Pinkie suddenly spoke up. But her voice had changed. It was not her overexcited, bubbly self. Her voice was quieter now as well. More restrained. And carried a tinge of fatigue after hours of partying. And concern.

“Ah, it’s nothing,” I tried to deflect with a smile.

But she kept staring. And her stare intensified. Her gaze was drilling holes in my head, until she pierced all walls and inspected my very soul. I imagined this felt somewhat similar to Fluttershy’s stare, to which I had never been subjected, luckily. “I know my smiles,” she slowly, carefully replied, “this isn’t ‘nothing’!”

I sighed. Like a shark in the open sea, Pinkie had noticed blood in the water. There was no escaping now. “I don’t want to be the party pooper, Pinkie,” I pleaded with her.

But she shook her head. “You can only party poop if we let you!”

Something about the phrasing felt off. And I started to get confused and I really did not want to comment on this further. Especially as I could already tell that Fluttershy would back Pinkie up if I made it necessary. She had that mild look of curiosity and worry on her face. So, with my shoulders slumping a little, I fessed up. “It’s about Sunny. Don’t get me wrong, I am so, so happy for you two! I really am! But I can’t help but think about it… we’ve been trying for years now. Well, almost two, but that’s beside the point. I tried to… I don’t know… find something out, I guess. Why it’s not working? But you can’t exactly go to any old doc and ask him ‘hey, quick question, I know alicorns can have foals with regular old ponies, but how low are the chances of a successful impregnation again?’”

While Fluttershy hid her heavy blush behind her mane, Pinkie just merrily giggled away. “Yeah, that sounds silly. It would probably make him laugh, you should totally do that!”

She giggled a little more, but I had a hard time chiming in. I instead sighed again. “I went to the hospital a couple of months ago. Just to make sure I don’t shoot blanks, you know? But no, apparently everything’s as normal as it should be. I know she had foals before. I’m just… I don’t know… I’m not sure what to do.”

Pinkie rubbed her chin with a hoof, making a little, admittedly amusing show of her ‘thinker face’. “Weeell… you could try harder? Like, really, really hard, if you know what I mean?” She grinned suggestively and even winked at me. It was so incredibly silly that I could not help but snort.

“Right, because I haven’t tried really, really hard until now…”

“Well, have you tried reeeaaallyyy hard?” she asked.

At this point, I was chuckling. Partly because of Pinkie’s silliness, and partly because I had heard Fluttershy’s squeaky ‘eep’ as she tried to hide even further behind her mane. Her ears stuck out, though, and they were red. “Pinks, I’m not going to go into detail,” I started and had to quietly laugh for a moment as she immediately responded with a disappointed ‘aaaawww’, “but I’m inclined to bet that we tried more than you two did, and we have considerably less time together than you two. Your imagination may make of that what you wish.”

Pinkie giggled again. No restraint, no time for breathing, just seconds of unfiltered, infectious amusement that stretched into minutes, until I giggled alongside her. I admired Fluttershy’s composure. Or maybe she was not giggling with us because of whatever her mind was showing her right now.

“Well, weee tried very hard as well, I’ll have you know!” Pinkie insisted with a faux posh voice once she had composed herself somewhat, “Very hard indeed!”

“P-Pinkie, could you maybe… stop?” Fluttershy asked, her voice once again barely audible.

But Pinkie was surprisingly perceptive. Always had been. And her continued ‘exposure’ to Fluttershy had trained her for these quiet moments. Her head snapped around, she focused Fluttershy with an investigative stare before scooching over and tightly hugging her. “I’m sorry, buttercup,” she almost whispered. “I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“I-It’s alright,” Fluttershy replied. “I just… I wanted to stop you before you, uhm, tell him details… again…”

Both Pinkie and I shared a nervous chuckle. “Whoopsie,” she commented. “Won’t happen, I promise!”

Fluttershy reemerged from behind her mane, wearing a beautiful, almost serene smile and nuzzled Pinkie's cheek. “Thank you.” Her blush had almost entirely faded. A moment later, she turned her attention to me. “I wanted to visit Zecora in a few days. Maybe I could ask her if she knows of any, uhm, remedies that might help?”

I considered her kind offer. We were not exactly desperate. There had been precedent. I knew it was possible. It was just a matter of time. But I still vividly remembered how she looked at that filly in the Tasty Treat a couple of years back. Peridot was her name, was it not? I remembered that look, that… longing. And how I felt it in my own heart. How much I desired to make her a mother once more. How much I wanted to be a father to our foal. I heaved another heavy sigh and that seemingly small gesture told me everything about my own state of mind that I needed to know. No, I was not desperate. Neither was she. But apparently, it was silently, subtly gnawing at me.

“If it won’t bother you too much, I’d love to accept that offer,” I finally answered Fluttershy after some soul-searching.

And with the kindest smile, she nodded. “None at all.”

Day 2,373.

I had not been sure what to expect. Luna’s letter had been somewhat ominous and vague. Phrases like ‘we need to talk’ tended to put me on edge and I was pretty sure that was normal.

Anypony receiving a letter from their significant other containing such phrases would have been nervous, right?

The other circumstances of our meeting did not help at all. We were meeting in a corner café in Canterlot in the afternoon hours. A couple of hours before she usually would wake up. At a time when the streets were all hustle and bustle. And the café would have been quite full. A perfect setup to deter me from making a scene then.

And the cherry on top was that she wore her illusion spell. On one hoof, that should have been a given anyway. If she did not, she would have to deal with an entire crowd gathering.

Still. All things considered, I was quite nervous and I felt justified in being in such a frazzled state.

“Will you please sit down already?” she asked me. Probably not for the first time.

I blinked and nodded, even if the movement of my head felt a little stiff and stilted. I took the only other seat, opposite of her, and a quick glance to the side told me that it would take ages for any waiter to come by. Which, according to her expression, was just fine with her.

Maybe she’s a changeling, I mused while intensely staring at that cup of tea in front of her. A strong, black one. I could smell it. But Luna did not care for tea. She drank coffee. That awful, disgusting brew. She drank a lot of it. Three cups after waking up. Several more throughout the night, depending on how Night Court went.

You sound like Rainbow, I chided myself. She was of course not a changeling!

“I’m not a changeling,” she insisted, obviously reading my mind. Was that a changeling power? ”I sometimes worry if too much exposure to Rainbow Dash addles your mind,” she sighed accompanied by a warm, amused smile.

I sighed as well. “You don’t drink tea, kitten.” It was a statement. And a test. But I did see her blush a little. Just the faintest tint in her cheeks. It was the one reaction I expected to see when calling her that. And it was there. Which was all the more grounds for confusion. She was Luna, my Luna, but she drank tea. “Something’s seriously wrong,” I concluded.

She grumbled something under her breath. I could not make anything of that out, despite my ears straining to catch something, anything.

I took a deep breath, tried to steel my nerves and just took the jump, hoping I would not be pancaked. “You’re not dumping me, are you?” I dared to ask.

And while she seemed to be horrified that I would even think that, I felt a wave of relief wash over me. I had asked myself on my way over here. I had asked the obvious questions. Had I missed the signs? Had I not done my part to keep this relationship in good shape? Had I disappointed, hurt or pushed her away? I had reviewed my recent memories, searched for clues. We squabbled a lot. Well, not ‘a lot’-a lot. But certainly more than I did with Celestia or Twilight. But we always made sure to make up at the end, no matter what. In a way, I felt like we needed that. It was an option to vent, for both of us.

I could not find anything worth noting. Nothing that could clue me in to the meaning of this.

“We art not ‘dumping’ thee!” she insisted with a harsh tone. She even fell back into her old speech patterns for a moment. But something was clearly bothering her, this was unusual for us. This corner café, this time of day, this everything.

“Alright,” I replied, trying to convince both her and myself that it was, in fact, ‘alright’. “What’s this about then?” And I gestured to the many other ponies in this café, to the busy street, to… her cup of tea.

She took a moment to recompose herself before sighing. “We might have made a mistake with this setup, we-I admit. I thought the number of potential witnesses would keep either of us from making too extravagant displays.”

“Ha! I knew it!” I interrupted her and immediately fell silent with a quick ‘sorry’ after she shot me a warning glare.

She quickly scanned our surroundings to make sure that no additional ears aside from our own were listening before she started once more. “We have been dedicated to each other for almost a year now, and I cherished every single one of these days. I have not felt this loved in a long, long time and while you may not be the only one contributing to this feeling, you do a lot. For me. We-… I have been happy. Very much so. I will admit that I was less smitten with you initially, less so than my dear sister anyway, but you have grown on me quickly. And I love you.”

It's a proposal.

The thought kept circling in my head, despite it making absolutely no sense at all. But goodness gracious me, did it sound like one. For just a fraction of a second, I did not recognize the subtle break she had left, but once I did, I jumped at the opportunity with a big, fat smile. “I love you too,” I answered her. “In a way, I always have. And I’m quite certain that I always will. You may not be the only one, and I know that you struggle with that more than the others, but I will always be there for you.”

It was confusing to see her breathe a sigh of relief. Something really was gnawing at her. And the more I saw this, the signs of it, the less nervous I was, the more determined I became. I would find out what it was, and I would vanquish it!

She nodded after a brief moment, more to reinforce something to herself than anything else, and after avoiding eye contact for that short time, she looked up at me again. “There might have been a… slight oversight on our side. I mean, on my side.”

Did she just sound embarrassed? No. No, that could not be.

At least it had become apparent that she thought she had made a mistake. “I’m sure whatever it is, it’s nothing we can’t fix,” I offered with a smile, only to see her grimace. I was fumbling around in the dark and apparently, barely anything I tried to support her had the intended effect. Instead of putting her mind at ease, I made it worse. Maybe it would be for the better to let her talk until she was done.

“Roughly half a year ago, we started experimenting with transmutation spells,” Luna restarted the conversation back on track. I just nodded. “I once excelled in theoretical and exotic magic even beyond what my sister was capable of either casting or understanding,” she continued. “And it was easy for me. I have a talent for certain spells. Yet despite that, I do struggle with transmutation. It is more a strength of my sister than mine. Thus, I had to limit myself to spells I was able to cast. In my attempts not to rely on others, especially my sister, I might have dug into the Old Archives. Spells of that time were less refined, less complex and thus both easier to learn and easier to cast. They, uh… had a lot less security measures as well.”

She hemmed and hawed. And that got me worried more and more. I stretched a little to put a hoof over hers, just for the bodily contact to be there. Her eyes met mine and I tried my most reassuring smile. “I’m with you,” I told her in another attempt to reassure her. Maybe something had gone wrong? She did not seem panicky, which was sufficient to keep me from panicking. Because old, insecure spells sounded like a perfect ‘oh, I only have a month left to live’-setup, and that… no, that was something I was not thinking about.

At all.

Luna put one of her hooves over mine and I furrowed my brow in concern as I felt that slight tremble in them. She was building up to whatever ailed her. “The transmutation spells might have canceled out any and all contraceptive measure we had taken…”

I blinked. Once, twice. “Uh…” For some reason, my mind was just… it had just stopped. “What?”

I felt a smile slowly creeping up on my face and seeing that apparently made her smile as well. “I’m pregnant, firecracker.”

That… had to sink in for a second or ten.

All the while, that smile grew and grew, until my cheeks started to ache and it felt like it could rival Pinkie’s typical face-splitters.

“You’re—? Are you sure?” was my first coherent question.

She nodded. And I just… I ripped my hooves free, only to throw them into the air and flail wildly. “Wooohooooooo!” I screamed, immediately grabbing everypony’s attention and making quite a scene. I even jumped up, only to immediately grab the chair in my levitation, put it down and climb on top of it. “Hey everypony, I’m gonna be a dad!” I yelled in excitement before hastily climbing down and throwing myself at Luna. “I’m gonna be a dad!” I repeated before I started laughing and sobbing at the same time.

I vaguely heard some ponies stomp their hooves, some applaud, some holler. The applauding ones were probably just being polite, but apparently, some actually did care more about expressing joy for somepony else instead of caring for public perception.

Right now, I cared for neither. I did not care for the rest of the world right now, only for Luna and how I could not hug her any tighter, how happy I was and how I never ever ever ever again wanted to let go. “I’m gonna be a dad!,” I croaked out as soon as my voice would allow me. I nuzzled her cheek, her neck, her mane, every part I could feasibly reach without letting go of her.

And she held me, and she laughed a little, and she surely regretted not doing this at home.

It took several minutes for me to calm down to any level vaguely similar to ‘normal’. I had rearranged my chair to sit right next to her and could only occasionally take my eyes off of her belly. Where, unsurprisingly, nothing could be seen just yet.

I had peppered her with kisses at some point, until she asked me to stop as ponies started to politely cough and pointedly look away. And I still felt this urge to just be all over her. Kiss her. Cuddle her. Hold her. And scream some more, just to let everypony know how happy I was. I felt a certain kinship to Pinkie, and how she sometimes started to vibrate in place...

“I most certainly made a mistake with this setup,” she mumbled to herself, but her genuine smile betrayed her. And just to make that crystal clear, I guided her face with a hoof and kissed her, pouring all my joy and love and happiness into it. Only after I let her go did we both open our eyes again. “Not a big mistake, mind you, but—“ she started.

“I will kiss you until you refrain from calling this a mistake!” I interrupted her with a doomsday-threat and followed through immediately.

She giggled a little as soon as I pulled back again. “Oh woe is me, whatever shall I do…?” she whispered, leaning in until our foreheads touched and our horns crossed. It felt electrifying.

“I love you,” I whispered despite the decently loud background noise. “I love you so, so much…”

“I noticed,” she replied with a snicker. Another minute or so and she had composed herself enough to once more address something, as, apparently, that had not been the only thing on her mind. “There is something else, however. I… want our foal's name to be ‘Stardust’.”

I sighed and rested my chin on her shoulder. “I should have seen that one coming,” I mumbled.

Luna agreed with a nod. “Yes, you should have. You cannot show me all these memories, tell me of our family with such love and reverence and not expect me to fall in love with this little one. Our little one.”

“Lu, he won’t be—… He won’t necessarily grow up to be him. Don’t you think it might be a tad unfair to burden him with these expectations before he even got a chance to be his own pony?” I voiced my concerns.

“He or she,” Luna insisted.

“The doctor didn’t tell you?” I wondered.

“She wanted to, but I asked her not to,” Luna clarified. “I am… well aware of the potential downfalls of this idea. A name is more than just a word used to call others by. ‘Stardust’ is a beautiful name, and it would befit a colt just as much as a filly, and I am certain that we will both love him, or her, either way. If it turns out to be a colt, I will not hold him to any expectations. You fear that I might want him to become the little colt you know. But in the end, a mother always has ideas about her foals. What they might turn out to be, who they might become. My idea might just be a little bit more concrete. But I think I can manage that. As for you, you would bear that weight either way. His or her name won’t change that. These memories are with you at all times, no matter if you lock them away or not. They are there. They influence you. And you will have to deal with them one way or another. You know my opinion on this. These memories are gifts, and you should use them to your advantage. Or at least cherish them. This Stardust, our Stardust, will not be the same. Cannot be the same. But I never knew him like you do. And I never will. I want our foal to grow up and become a kind pony. I want him to be clever, and patient. And those are the expectations I bind to this name. And I think we can do that. And even if we cannot… expectations can change as well.”

I had listened intently. And to be honest, she had a couple of decent points. We could call our foal Smiley and it would change little. The name ‘Stardust’ felt important. Because my memories linked it with something important. Somepony important to me. But at the end of the day, I would have a foal. Another foal. And I would have to be careful either way. This was not all that different from my hypothetical situation of one day having foals with Celestia and-or Twilight. Don’t choose a favorite. Don’t compare. Don’t favor. Easier said than done, of course, but good advice nonetheless.

I sighed. “You’re not going to budge on this, are you?” I asked her with a half-smile.

“I do not think I shall,” she replied with a soft, almost soothing voice.

I raised my head, craned my neck a little further and kissed her cheek. “’Stardust’ it is, then.”

I saw her smile, and it made my heart flutter. I thought about our foal that she was carrying, and it made my heart flutter even more. I was about to tell her again how much I loved her when another pony stepped up to our table and offered us a menu. The sapphire-blue pegasus mare wore the cafés employee attire. She put the two menus down on the table after a moment and smiled at us. “My apologies that it took so long, it has been a busy day so far. And I wanted to congratulate you two.”

I grinned from ear to ear. “I’m gonna be a dad,” I remarked with more pride than my chest could contain.

Luna, meanwhile, rolled with her eyes despite her wide grin. “My apologies for, well, him. I think I might have broken his record.”

Day 2,527.

While I would have loved to call this ‘our weekly get-together’, the fact of the matter was: We did not manage to do this weekly. Or on a consistent basis, for that matter. Thus, it was more of an ‘occasional get-together’. Whenever our schedules actually aligned for once. While mine was not all that full on most days, Fluttershy had a sanctuary to care for, all her animal friends, the little outpost at the old castle ruins, a wife and a three months old filly. And Rarity, well. She had a dozen or so boutiques sprinkled all over Equestria, new fashion lines to design, gems to hunt, social gatherings to attend to, two unofficial fiancés and a somehow still surprisingly rambunctious little sister.

So this was truly more a break for those of us who needed it.

When I arrived at Café Hay, I immediately noticed Fluttershy already waiting at one of the outdoor tables. And to my amusement and slight worry, she looked like she would keel over any second now. I waved a hoof at Savoir Fare, the cafés waiter who by now knew all of us quite well and gestured to Fluttershy. He understood, gave me a nod and continued with his work, while I made my way over to the table.

“Wow, you look spent… makes me look forward to Stardust running around,” I said as a greeting while sitting down.

Fluttershy jumped a little. But just a little — because she was too exhausted to be truly startled. “They do less running than you would expect, at first… it is more the screaming,” she replied with a tired smile.

“And yet you seem somewhat content?” I asked out of curiosity.

“Oh, I am!” she quickly replied. “Whisper is just the cutest filly I have ever seen and Pinkie is really trying her best.”

I chuckled at that. “Wow, harsh,” I jokingly commented.

Somehow, the jest seemed to sail right over her head as she almost violently shook it. “Oh no, no! She’s doing great! She helps me wherever she can, despite having her own workload and e-everything…”

She yawned midway through, blushed and immediately apologized. While it was endearing, in a way, I could not help but worry a little. “Are you sure you’re okay? Maybe you two could use some additional help? I know for a fact that Apple Bloom or Sweetie Belle would help out in a heartbeat. All you have to do is ask. You know that, right? It’s not just the two of them either. Derpy or Dinky would jump in as well. Twilight would. Heck, I would. Might be good practice for Stardust.”

Fluttershy grimaced a little at that. “Please don’t ‘practice’ on our filly…?”

I cringed a little and nodded in agreement. “Yeah, sorry, that came out wrong.”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry.”

Savoir came around to our table shortly after. “What can I bring you two today?”

While Fluttershy considered her options for a moment, I kept our waiter busy. “I’ll have a daisy sandwich and a glass of water. Rarity will be joining us aaaanytime now, so I think a cup of coffee for her would be appreciated as well.”

And as soon as I mentioned that, Fluttershy both grimaced and delighted a little. “Coffee. That might be worth a try. I take one cup as well. And a glass of apple juice.”

Her stomach audibly grumbled. Both Savoir and I shared a knowing glance before I addressed the issue at hoof. “You had breakfast, right?” Instead of answering, however, Fluttershy just blushed a little and avoided eye contact. I sighed and looked over at Savoir. “A nice, filling salad should do fine for her. Maybe some buttered toast as a side dish.” Savoir nodded and excused himself, vanishing into the café again. “You really need to look after yourself, Fluttershy,” I insisted.

“That is what I have been trying to tell her for ages,” Rarity chimed in as she walked up to our table with an apologetic smile. “While I believe I could still claim this as ‘being fashionably late’, I must admit that I am just plain late. I am awfully sorry for that.”

“Oh don’t worry!” Fluttershy immediately tried to ease her bad conscience.

Rarity took her seat at the table and made sure her mane was perfect once more. She had apparently trotted a part of the way. “I took the liberty of ordering a cup of coffee for you,” I let her know and her grateful smile was enough for now.

“So,” she started after she had finished settling in. “Our dear Fluttershy ‘forgot’ to eat again, I take it?”

The pegasus in question quickly retreated behind her mane, so Rarity’s attention shifted to me and I just nodded with a sigh. “She’s apparently been quite busy with Whisper. And to an extent Pinkie, I guess. Could you maybe ask Sweetie Belle if she has time to help out a little?”

Rarity mulled the idea over before she suddenly remembered something with a little grimace. “Ah. I fear that might be less of an option, she is touring right now. But she will be back in a week or two.”

“Hrm. I might go to Sweet Apple Acres then, maybe AJ or Apple Bloom have time,” I mumbled to myself.

“Please don’t?” Fluttershy spoke up again. “Really, it’s not that big of an issue, I just—“

“Nonsense, darling,” Rarity interrupted her. “We don’t question your capabilities. But friends help friends, right? And we want to help you. And clearly, you could at least use one full night of sleep. When was the last time you had one of those?”

“Uhm… m-maybe… three months ago?”

Rarity's eyes widened. “Goodness… well, yes, this is clearly a state of emergency. We will help you, darling.”

And her tone made it perfectly clear that this was absolutely out of the question. So Fluttershy just resigned herself to her fate and maybe, just maybe, it was telling how little resistance she offered to that.

“So, Dreamwalker, how is Luna?” Rarity asked with a smile.

“Fourth month and getting hotter every day,” I replied with a chuckle. That quickly escalated into a short bout of laughter once I saw Rarity sputter a little.

“I—, well that—, I really did not need to know that,” she insisted.

V for victory. Even Fluttershy giggled for a moment. It was quiet. Barely audible. But I had heard it, and I appreciated it.

Before I could fluster Rarity some more, Savoir returned as her shining knight in armor, carrying a tray with our drinks and food on his back. He set the tray down on the mushroom-shaped table and distributed each order while greeting Rarity. “Welcome back, miss Rarity. I hope you had a nice day so far. What can I bring you today?”

The seamstress obviously appreciated the smell of coffee. As did Fluttershy. I tried to take shallow breaths. But her eyes wandered the table and she saw our food. Of course I had not ordered any meal for her, as I had no idea what she wanted, if she was even hungry to begin with, and so on.

“I’d like to have a daffodil salad,” she replied with a smile, but that quickly soured and before Savoir could turn, she spoke up again. “And could you add some pickles, maybe? Hm. I admit, I do feel a little hungry. Maybe a side dish… add two toasts to it, but with mayonnaise instead of butter, please?”

Always the professional, Savoir nodded. “I’ll bring your food shortly, miss. Enjoy your coffee while you wait.”

“I will,” she replied with her usual melodic voice.

Once Savoir had been gone for good again, there was a pregnant silence at the table.

I had noticed Fluttershy grinning a little and as soon as she saw that I noticed, she hid behind her mane. Which was telling, really. I pointedly stared at Rarity and with her attention back at the table, she locked eyes with me and raised an eyebrow. “Is something the matter, dear?”

“You’re weird,” I blurted out without much thinking. And of course, I immediately regretted my poor choice of words, as she put a hoof to her chest.

“Excuse me?” she accused.

“I, well… sorry, that was not what I—… are you feeling okay?” I course-corrected.

“Nothing I have to complain about and certainly nothing a good meal won’t fix, but thank you for your concern.” And just like that, she was tame again. And friendly and… slightly deflective? “How is Whisper doing so far? I am so sorry I could not manage to visit these past few days…”

Fluttershy was quick to answer. Too quick? Maybe I was being paranoid again. But they happily and merrily chatted away and I was interested in the topic at hoof. So far, a common fear we all had shared seemed to hold true — Whisper was quite the scaredy-pony. Maybe her mother subconsciously influenced her, maybe it was part of her nature — who knows. But luckily, Pinkie was right there with her to bestow upon the little filly the wisdom her own ma and grandma had granted her. Or at least she tried very hard to do just that.

A couple of minutes later, Savoir brought Rarity’s food out. A salad with a side dish of two toasts with mayonnaise. And maybe I would not have brought that back up again, had Rarity not suddenly started to be quite picky. She took a fork to the salad and enjoyed the first couple of bites, until something apparently did not quite hit the right spots and she started to sort out the… peas?

But she likes peas…, my thoughts pleaded with me to distrust my eyes.

So I waited for an opportunity. An opening, a tiny lull in the conversation to jump in. And soon enough, I found one. “Oh it was not all that bad. My friends are additional eyes and ears, looking out for her. The squirrels are especially helpful,” Fluttershy concluded that little sidetrack.

And while Rarity nodded and probably tried to imagine a densely packed mound of squirrels securing a small filly inside, I took my chance. “Something wrong with the peas? I thought you liked them?”

And that got her attention rather quickly. “I did!” she insisted. “I mean, I do!” she quickly corrected herself.

And just like that, an almost predatory grin dawned on my face. She had stumbled. There was weakness to latch onto, a crack in the perfect demeanor. And I could see that ‘bring it!’-expression of defiance on her face. She would not go down without a fight. “You know,” I started with a casual tone. “I couldn’t help but notice. And once I did, I remembered something. Last week, when we were all meeting over at Sweet Apple Acres? Didn’t you ask AJ to leave out peas in her stew as well? And you haven’t even touched your coffee yet. You’re just smelling it from time to time. And pickles. In a daffodil salad. And that prank jelly donut Rainbow slipped you a couple days back? You didn’t even bat an eye at that.”

“Well, I was not about to give her the satisfaction,” she weakly defended herself, ignoring all the other points to focus on the one thing she had an immediate response for.

It was all very telling. “Sure. Well, you were fine with me ordering a cup of coffee for you, so… go ahead, empty that one. I’ll gladly order another one for you.”

“I don’t think I will,” she shot back.

“I don’t think you can,” I retorted.

“Oh you will see!” she insisted, levitating the cup into the air.

And while Fluttershy had resorted to remaining silent throughout the entire exchange, this was the point where she felt it necessary to intervene. “Rarity?”

“Oh come now, darling! One cup surely will not be the end of me,” Rarity answered.

“No, it won’t, but… please?” Fluttershy continued. And even if one had a heart of stone, cold and uncaring when faced with her pleading tone… her entire body language shifted a little, and her eyes… goodness gracious, her eyes. She could have asked anything right now, and it would have been hard, if not impossible, to say ‘no’ to her.

And Rarity, for the most part, was a reasonable mare. She sighed deeply and sat the cup back down. “You are right. I should not let myself be goaded like that.” Her attention shifted to me and there was an undertone of accusation in her voice as she quietly reprimanded me. “And you knew perfectly well what you were doing, yet you insisted on doing it anyway.”

I blinked and sighed. “I’m sorry, I… apologize. To be honest, I had just noticed something was weird and I wanted to know.”

“Well, you should have just asked, like any normal pony would,” she kept going.

But I was not about to take all the blame here. “Right. Because clearly, you would have answered me truthfully and honestly, right? You would never deflect my idle curiosity, right? That’s why you shifted the topic so quickly. And if I would have to take a guess, I would probably bet that Fluttershy is in on this. She seemed rather keen to keep you engaged and the conversation rolling. Rolling away from this.” Adding to that: Where was the fun in plainly asking? Rarity herself loved her games, but I was not allowed to play them? As if!

“I… I’m sorry,” Fluttershy meekly offered. And I was not even sure who she was addressing, or what for.

Rarity huffed a little, eying the coffee for a moment. “I wish I could,” she mumbled, before raising her gaze again. “Well. It seems the cat is out of the bag anyway. Partly at least, and at this point, I have no intention of making this any harder on poor Fluttershy. I am expecting.”

A continuously growing part of me — the majority, at this point — had expected as much. Yet I remained silent for a moment, as I felt a need to process this. “You’re kidding me, right?”

Rarity sighed. “Dear, do I really strike you as that kind of prankster?”

Well. Given very specific circumstances, she did not strike me as a prankster at all. So there was that. “Fair enough.” I felt a little overwhelmed with the revelation, at least for a minute or two. I took a sip from my water and could not take my eyes off of her. “Sooo… I’m not sure if I’m supposed to congratulate you or not? Like… I would be really, really happy for you, but you kept it a secret until I basically dragged it out into the open and now I feel bad…”

She took a moment to mull that over before leaning over and giving me a short hug. “It is fine. You may be happy for me.”

I nodded and started to smile. “So you’re not about to…”

“Oh heavens no!” she quickly interrupted. “This is a product of love. And decent planning.”

I could not help but grimace a little at the probably unintentional jab. Stardust had most certainly not been planned. At all. But that was not the point. None she wanted to make as well, I was sure of that. “So… why keep it secret?”

Now it was her again who grimaced a little. “Decent planning, as I hinted. As soon as news gets out, certain balls will start rolling. And right now, I do not possess the required resources to stop these avalanches dead in their tracks. So I had to carefully plan around this. There are certain things I want to get done before that point. As soon as little Pristine becomes an official part of our lives, I want to be able to spend as much attention on her as she requires. Which, judging by Fluttershy’s state, will be ‘all and more’.”

Fluttershy just smiled tiredly and nodded, agreeing with the statement. Or she smiled because of that name. Sounded like a filly… maybe. I considered asking, but I still had a difficult time judging what Rarity was willing to share and what was one question asked too far. She could be rather tight-lipped when it came to personal affairs.

“So… who’s the father, if you don’t mind me asking?” I assumed that question would be fair game, seeing as there were two legitimate options. And I did notice Fluttershy stifling a giggle.

Rarity was less enthused by the question, though. “I do mind, actually. But I am sure you will understand. A lady does not tell, after all.”

I nodded. ‘No’ was a legitimate answer, after all. But just as I was about to entirely drop the topic, Fluttershy leaned over and half-whispered with a mischievous glint in her eyes. “It’s Fleur.”

“Fluttershy!” Rarity whined in her obviously very ladylike outrage.

“Is it now,” I hummed with a grin and chuckled once Rarity started to blush.

“That really is none of your business!” she insisted, still wordlessly trying to chide Fluttershy for her betrayal.

“Of course not, of course,” I relented with an amused smile. Oh it will be sooo much fun to tease her…!

There was a sudden bang that startled all three of us — with Fluttershy actually vanishing under the table. And then confetti slowly fluttered down over the general area of the cafés outside. Very, very colorful confetti. And Rarity sighed in defeat. “I knew I should have kept my mouth closed. She cannot not hear,” she mumbled, while a very, very excitedly grinning Pinkie appeared from… somewhere, probably. She was carrying her saddlebags and I noticed a very familiar looking banner hanging out from one of them. It was the Zecora-themed one with the rhymes proclaiming another foal coming into our midst. “Pinkie, darling, how long have you been standing there and how much did you hear?”

Pinkie's grin was so wide, it was almost frightening. She followed Rarity’s gaze to her saddlebag and quickly pushed the barely visible banner deeper inside. “I haven’t and nothing, but I’m ready when you are!” Pinkie proudly proclaimed while Fluttershy slowly reemerged from under the table at the sound of her wife’s voice.

Rarity looked over to Fluttershy, turned her attention to me and then shifted it back to Pinkie. Despite her sigh, she smiled. That kind of smile one wore when realizing that one was dealing with friends. Keeping secrets was tiring, bothersome, and usually futile. Talking to them, however, was much easier. And maybe, just maybe, they could even keep a secret for a while longer.

“Give me a week, Pinkie, and you may hang that up once more, yes?” Rarity offered.

And Pinkie saluted her. “Ma’am, yes, ma’am!” She quickly bounced over and gave Fluttershy an almost indecently passionate kiss before happily and merrily bouncing away. “See you later at home, buttercup!”

While Fluttershy still seemed to be stuck in her dreamlike haze, I could not help but furrow my brow in unison with Rarity, and we both spoke up at the same time, voicing the same concern.

“Was she not supposed to look after Whisper…?”

Day 2,666.

I whistled a little melody while I made my way through the hallways of Canterlot Castle. And I played an old, familiar game with myself. While passing the windows, I slowed down just a little, to a walking speed, and basked in the sun’s warmth. And once I passed the window, I sped up to a trot until I reached the next one. Somehow, I managed to align the rhythm of my melody with my shifting speed.

I passed by several doors, guards, and art. I greeted the guards with a nod, of course. I had manners, after all. And I did regard some of the artworks on display with interest. Being a creative type myself — if given the chance and opportunity, at least —, I was usually more drawn towards music, as that tended to get my own creative juices flowing. But I could appreciate the occasional painting or sculpture.

After several more minutes, I finally arrived at a much livelier part of the castle. The kitchen.

Servants came and went like busy ants in a colony. I tried to keep to the sidelines so that none would need to step around me, but eventually, I reached the door and immediately realized how little hope there was of me succeeding here without bothering anypony. The kitchen was brimming with activity. I even saw a flame shoot up a little further in, but since nopony freaked out, that was probably part of the cooking process. None of the chefs were idly standing around. Of course not. And none of their many assistants were, either. That left me with no other choice but to wait for another member of the kitchen staff returning from wherever and bothering them.

“Hey, uh, miss?” I addressed a mare with off-white coat, but she trotted right past me with a ‘sorry, busy’. I waited for another couple of minutes, tried my luck with another two staff members, but they reacted in a very similar manner. I was patient however. I was usually easily disheartened and dissuaded as well, but I had to stand my ground and keep trying, as this was not for me, but for Celestia. And I could bear making a clown of myself for a while longer for her.

Fate smiled upon me as a young stallion stepped up to me. “You’re Princess Celestia’s—… uhm…”

I offered him a hoof. “My name’s Dreamwalker. Nice to meet you. And thank you, thank you, thank you for stopping by. I’ve been trying to get somepony’s attention for the last twenty minutes or so, but they are all so excruciatingly busy.”

“Ah. Right. Well, the name's Quick Tap, nice to meet you as well. Can I help you with something, then?”

“Yes. See, there’s a… I’m honestly not entirely sure what exactly they’re called and I don’t want to embarrass myself further, so I’ll just say that there’s a chef in here who’s doing all the cakes and pastries and whatnot. The sweets. His name is Fruity Cake, I was told? He was supposed to prepare a banana split tart and I wanted to go get it, buuut… I don’t think it would be a wise idea to actually step into that madness. Everypony seems to know their place, with little room for somepony not belonging there.”

Quick Tap grinned and nodded. “Good observational skills, but I was told to expect nothing less from the night guard. I know him, so I could jump in and ask for you. Shouldn’t take too long.”

“That would be great, thank you!”

And with that, he was gone. He stepped back in line with the other ants and crawled inside the hill, where everything seemed chaotic to outsiders, while following a strict internal logic. And just as he had said, a few moments later, he stepped out again, unbothered and without causing chaos. It was magic.

“He said Day Court had ended early?” Quick Tap asked.

How was that an answer to my question, though? “Uh… I know?” I initially replied with no small amount of confusion, but quickly added, “I mean. Yes. Yes, it did. That’s the reason why I’m here. Court ending early was kind of a planned thing and we wanted to have a nice, relaxed afternoon, hadn’t had one of those in a while.”

Quick Tap nodded. “Well, he said a guard came by maybe half an hour ago and took it.”

That really was not helping my confused state. Why would another guard…? Then again, they would only do that if ordered to do it. So either Luna was playing a prank again, or Sunny had something in mind. Either way, there was little else Quick Tap could help me with, so I had no reason to keep him any longer. “Thank you for helping me out. I think I shall investigate the missing cake now,” I joked.

He chuckled a little at that. “Sure, you do that. Have a nice afternoon!”

“You too.” And with that, the ant crawled back into the ant street and its rhythm. It was impressive, like clockwork. I watched for maybe half a minute longer before I started to walk again, along the corridors and around edges, up stairs and past doors and guards. I had less of an eye for the artwork now, and while I still nodded, greeting the guards, I did not slow down for the sun's warmth.

My reasoning for going straight to Celestia’s study was simple. If Luna was playing a prank again, I stood no chance. And I really did not want to spring a trap that was meant for her sister. Last time I did that, I ended up with a singed coat, minor burns and a very panicky Luna trying to extinguish a small chemical fire. It would not have been anything but a minor annoyance to Celestia, but I just had to walk into that room despite noticing the night guards in front of a door that was supposed to be guarded by day guards.

If, however, Celestia had sent for the cake herself, then I would find her in there anyway, in addition to any potential reasons for her decision. So I did not hesitate and stepped up to the door. The usual inspection followed, one guard searching for weapons, before allowing me to enter. They sometimes skipped the search, as my face was somewhat known by now, but that entirely depended on who was stationed that time. The guard was large, after all.

As soon as I stepped inside and heard the door close behind me, I smiled at what I saw. “Well, this looks familiar,” I greeted her.

Celestia stood on that thick, plush carpet in front of the lit fireplace. Two very comfy looking pillows were laid on top of the carpet for good measure, and on a small tray nearby, the cake was waiting, pre-sliced and with two slices sitting on two plates. On that same tray, a steaming pot of tea and two equally steaming, already filled cups. And I noticed a faint smell of sunflowers in the air. It was warm and cozy and everything looked so damn inviting.

“I wanted to do something nice for you,” she opened with a warm smile. Her regalia was already off to the side, and she was just Celestia. My Sunny. Less regal, but still graceful. Less imposing, but full of love.

“Because you don’t do that for me otherwise, like, ever, right?” I teased with a grin and slowly walked towards her. As we met, she lowered her head and we shared a long, quite satisfying kiss. “Hey love. I missed you.”

She smiled. “It has been less than half a day,” she remarked.

I nodded. “I know. Your point being?”

That made her giggle a little, and I loved it. “Lie down on your belly, will you?”

“Yes, my Princess,” I complied in a faux posh voice. A horrible impression, but I could not be bothered to try again right now, instead plopping down on the pillow. I expected her to do the same so we could enjoy our tea and cake, but instead, she sat down on her haunches beside me. I was about to ask what she had in mind when she carefully placed her hooves on my shoulders and started with cautious, slow circling motions. “Uhhhh… that’s nice,” I whispered.

My mind drifted to Aloe and Lotus, but that did not make any sense. She clearly had taken lessons. Sometime. And that was certainly a riddle to solve later on. But right now, I tried to relax and lean into her efforts. Quite successfully as well, as I actually had to keep myself from falling asleep. And she seemed quite amused by watching me become putty in her hooves. “Enjoying yourself?” she asked after leaning down, whispering directly into my ear.

I moaned a little as she pressed her left hoof into another knot. “Very much so, yes,” I answered with a little delay.

The massage took maybe half an hour, maybe a little longer. I kind of lost track of time. But once she was done, she stood back up, only to rearrange her pillow right next to mine and lie down. I scooched over a little more and leaned against her. “That felt heavenly,” I praised.

“I am very happy to hear that. And I take it you are quite relaxed now?” she asked.

There was something in her voice that gave me pause. She was aiming for something. Getting at something. There was a point to all this, an ulterior motive. But she had done good work, I was indeed quite relaxed. And way too lazy, right now, to bother with puzzling over her game. I just nuzzled her and sighed in utter happiness. “Very much,” I answered.

“Good. In that case…” She leaned down once more, and placed a kiss on my head, then another one on my ear. “We did it.”

She let her words linger in the air. Like a fine wine one had to let breathe before tasting it. At least that is what I was told to do with wine, as I was no connoisseur. And the longer these three words lingered, the more I realized their magical nature. She was patiently waiting for the realization to dawn on me, as she often did, and when it happened and my head snapped around, she was already looking at me, watching my reaction, burning every moment into her memory.

We did it. Like an echo, her voice was stuck in my head. My vision became blurred as I teared up. “Finally!” I half-laughed, half-sobbed and threw myself at her. Which, given our relative positions, amounted to a hug. For a good long moment, I just stuck to her side. Hugged her. Nuzzled her neck. Breathed her scent in. Welcomed the warmth of her body. But it did not take long until that started to feel insufficient. My less than graceful attempts to get to her resulted in me rolling onto my back, awkwardly grabbing her chin and pulling her down. Sometimes, it had its downsides that she was so much larger than me. But we managed. We always did. And she followed my invitation willingly.

Let’s call it an invitation, sure.

And I kissed her. I clung to her once more and kissed her for all my love was worth. While still spilling tears of joy. While still repeating ‘Finally!’ in my head. Three years, three months and a couple of days after we first had decided to try. And we finally did it.

At some point, I let her go. She did not want to, so she stayed close, muzzle to muzzle. I could see her tears, the damp patched and trails they had left on her face. “You are beautiful,” I whispered.

And she quietly giggled. “You pick some of the strangest moments to make that known,” she replied and kissed me once more.

She was right, of course. She usually was. “Filly or colt?”

“Filly,” she giggled once more, a little less restraint, a little louder. Just out of sheer joy.

“We’re going to have a little filly…” And I chimed in. Because I wanted to. Because I felt like it. Because I needed to.

That moment stretched for however long it wanted to. We were just looking into each other’s eyes, occasionally kissing, occasionally spilling new tears, occasionally hugging. And we laughed. We were silly and giggled and laughed so much. I felt like I could burst with happiness.

“What do you think of ‘Aurora’? As a name?” she asked.

A part of me wanted to be confused. We had talked about names on so many occasions throughout the years that I could not with certainty tell if that one had ever come up or not. I certainly had not mentioned it. I had not told her anything about the other iterations of my life, or our life, rather. I had never told her of Aurora. Yet here she was, my beautiful love, proposing that exact name. Maybe Luna had told her? Maybe Twilight had written about it at some point. Maybe.

I did not care. Not right now, and maybe I never would. It was a beautiful name. Chosen by a beautiful mother, for a beautiful filly. “I love it,” I replied and kissed her once more. She smiled and accepted and we had made a decision. And my smile grew into a smirk. “You know… we’ll need to have sooo much sex now,” I started.

“Oh? Do we, now? And why would that be?” she asked with a playful smile.

“Well, there’s years and years of barely any sex happening ahead of us, most likely,” I answered in faux contemplation. “I’m already facing the predicament that Luna, being nine months in, is growing hotter and hotter each day and we just can’t, you know?”

Celestia grimaced a little. “I really do not need to hear that.”

I quietly chuckled apologetically. “Sorry. But, you know… you could make me shut up… just to be safe…”

I heard her shift a little and soon enough felt her primaries trail along my barrel. I saw that fire ignite in her eyes as she dove for another kiss. “I like that idea a lot,” she whispered.

Provided one did not overdo it, banana split tart made for a fantastic late dinner substitute…

Day 2,955.

I woke up in what felt like the middle of the night. The sun was not up, was not even rising yet, the sky still black as ink, speckled with stars and a couple of dark gray clouds. It took me a moment to realize what woke me up to begin with: The other bedside was empty.

“Twilight?” I asked in the empty, dark room. No answer followed. I furrowed my brow and contemplated going back to sleep. Her side was still warm. And I had not noticed her getting up, so she had been careful about it. Which meant this probably was not an abduction scenario. No villain resurfacing to get revenge, no strange magic or power ripping her from our bedroom.

Probably.

“Ahhh, buck me,” I quietly groaned into the silent room and disentangled myself from the blanket. There was a good chance she was in the bathroom, which meant braving the ‘cold’ of the castle interior for a couple of steps. Three doors down the hallway. A world-spanning odyssey. Still, it meant actually fully waking up and getting up and moving around. But I knew myself. I knew that that nagging voice would not let me rest again that easily, and moreover: I knew that, if by any chance, something actually did happen, I would never be able to forgive myself.

As soon as I left the bedroom, I furrowed my brow. No light anywhere. Even with the bathroom door closed, that teensy tiny smidge of light should have been noticeable. I walked over and tentatively opened the door anyway, just to confirm that the bathroom was empty at first glance, and dark. I closed the door again and felt a little stumped for a moment. There were several more bathrooms in the castle, sure, but why would she choose any other than the closest one?

Maybe she went down to the kitchen for a midnight snack or something?

I followed my new idea down to the kitchen area where I did find signs of recent activity, but those only served to increase my concerns. A slice of bread on a plate, an opened glass of peanut butter, the lid lying right next to it, but the knife was lying on the floor. And again, no light source.

She doesn’t need one, I reminded myself.

“Twilight?” I asked again, a little louder this time. But still no response. I stuck my head out of the kitchen door, into the hallway. “Twilight, this isn’t funny…” No answer.

What if…?

And there it was. One of my worst enemies. The unbeatable question.

I tried to resist. I tried to stem the incoming flood of worries and horror scenarios, but ultimately, the only thing that would have helped me succeed in this battle would have been Twilight showing up right now. Which did not happen.

“Ugh, fine,” I grumbled and made my way over to Spike's bedroom. I knocked once, faintly, before I remembered Spike being Spike and knocked again, a lot louder and more insistent.

A moment later, I could hear grumbling and shuffling and then the door creaked open to reveal a very sleepy looking dragon. “Dream? Uh… it’s… dark. What’s up?”

“Twilight’s missing,” I replied with a sigh.

“Again?” he asked while rubbing his eyes.

“It’s different,” I tried to convince him. “Checked the bathroom already, checked the kitchen. Bed was still warm, so she couldn’t have been gone for long. Seems like she made her way to the kitchen, was about to make herself some bread or something, but the peanut butter glass is still open and the knife is lying on the floor. I called for her, but no answer. I’m worried.”

He half-listened, which, given the time of day, was the best I could ask of him and sighed. “Of course you are,” he replied with a tired chuckle, as if someone had shared the astonishing revelation that the sky was, in fact, blue. “Right, so… castle search?”

I cringed a little. Did this really… was this really that much of a recurring thing that we had proper protocol for it? “If that would be alright with you? I’m really sorry, I just—“

“Nah, it’s fine,” he interrupted me and patted my shoulder. “I’m just glad you weren’t around when she started learning teleportation. I’m starting at the bottom.”

“I’ll take tops then. Thank you, Spike.” And despite my bad conscience, I did not waste any more time. I just made my way upstairs and started searching room by room, occasionally calling out for Twilight. We met in the middle again, so to speak, which was one floor higher than our bedroom had been. “Any luck so far?” I asked, but he shook his head. And by now, even he looked a little worried.

Maybe my state of mind was infectious.

There was a chance she had left the castle. Some weird errand or a sudden call from Luna or whatever. There could have been several other explanations. But they were unlikely, were they not?

“Found her.” Spike's voice reached me and I quickly cantered over to him. He stood in front of the opened bathroom door that was next to the dining hall. Light poured out and I had to wait a couple of seconds for my eyes to adjust before I could see Twilight… sitting in front of the toilet, half hanging on it for dear life.

“Sorry for worrying you so m—… much,” she croaked. “I heard you, but I just could not… answer…”

“You okay, Twi?” Spike asked, stepping inside and looking her over. “You look like Pinkie after the whole ‘baked bads’-thing.”

She tried a brave smile before immediately grimacing again. “I feel like it, too.”

I had followed Spike in and immediately noticed the acrid smell emanating from the toilet. A second later, it became apparent why, as Twilight heaved and puked. Again, it seemed. “Was it the peanut butter?” Spike asked.

“No,” Twilight replied. “I mean… maybe? It smelled so good, but tasted so awful…”

“Really? I ate some last evening, right after dinner. Seemed fine to me…?” he wondered. But then again, Spike's tastes were… strange. Probably had something to do with him being a dragon and all that.

“I felt sick and was about to—“ Twilight started, before dry heaving a couple of times. “Yes, thank you, body… that. I tried to teleport to the bathroom, but somehow, my magic got redirected and I landed in the dining hall.”

Now we were worried.

Having eaten something bad was one thing. But Twilight losing control of her magic was a downright scary prospect. I put a hoof on Spike's shoulder. “Spike, run over to Fluttershy. Tell her I’ll be taking Twilight to the hospital. We might need Zecora at some point.”

He hesitated for a moment before nodding. He stepped up to Twilight's slumped-over form and hugged her very, very cautiously. “I’ll be back as fast as I can,” he promised before shooting me a ‘take good care of her’-look and once I confirmed that with a dead-serious nod, he ran off. Literally.

“Right, so—“ I had wanted to tell her to get ready, as I was about to help her up, but her horn suddenly sparked to life.

“No, no, no!” she whined, and a second later, a bright purple flash blinded me.

“Twilight?!” I yelled in fear. If she lost control of her teleport… she was able to teleport to Canterlot. Maybe even further by now.

“Help,” I heard her miserable groan.

And despite that, I felt relief wash over me. She was still here. But it was quite obvious that we had to hurry. I followed her voice and found her in another bathroom on this floor, somehow entangled in the showers curtain. “What in Tartarus…?” I asked before trying to help her out.

“I don’t knooow,” she whined. “And I don’t understand it…”

Luckily, her entanglement looked way worse than it actually was. “Can you walk?”

She tried to stand and, well… that would not work out in our favor. Not when we had to walk the entire distance to the hospital. “I could—“

“No teleportation.”

She shut her mouth again and somehow looked even more miserable. I considered our options for a second before carefully lifting her in my levitation. She was way too heavy for me to carry her the entire way, but it would suffice to put her on my back. I was no Big Macintosh, and I would be slow, but it was the best option I could think of right now.

“But what if I have to vomit again?” she quietly asked.

I considered that for a brief moment before shrugging lightly. “Then you do that. Nothing a bath can’t solve.”

We went outside and I tried to find a balance. A new way of walking, how this changed weight distribution worked. I quickly figured it out… until we arrived at the stairs. Where it just as quickly turned out that stairs were a serious problem. But I managed to get her down by levitating her a couple of stairs, setting her down and recharging, before repeating that process again. A little overexertion later, and we had made it outside, where it was not exactly easy to carry her, but at least there were no damn stairs.

Whatever her stomach had had, it had been lost a while ago. Throughout our journey, she dry heaved a lot, and on several occasions had to ask me to stop entirely, just so her stomach could settle at least a little bit, before we resumed walking.

Arriving at the hospital felt like a relief in more than one sense. Nurse Redheart admitted us and after some explanation, Twilight was quickly carried off on a wheeled bed. I looked after her, trying to reinforce in my own thoughts that she would be fine, that these were professionals, that they knew what they were doing, that she was in good hooves now – until Redheart cautiously poked me with her clipboard. “There are several questions I need you to answer,” she repeated.

“Yes, right, sorry,” I apologized and turned to her.

She glanced at me and could probably tell that despite my best efforts, I had some trouble listening. “She will be fine, don’t worry. First thing they will do is put a dampener on her horn, that should deal with the random teleportation. We usually use those for unicorn foals with exceptionally strong magic, like Pumpkin Cake.”

That actually did help. To know that she would not just disappear in the blink of an eye was another relief. “Thank you. You, uh… you had questions?”

“Yes. I need to ask about her medical history,” Redheart resumed her anamnesis. “You mentioned her vomiting and dry heaving. Has she had problems like this in the last few days or weeks?”

“No,” I answered. “Nothing this severe. She had felt a little queasy the past week or so, but nothing that actually impacted her too much and it usually quickly faded.”

“So she felt sick in the morning?” she asked with a cautious smile.

“I… uh…” What?

Redheart quickly resumed her professional attitude and cleared her throat for good measure. “I will continue with my questions and we shall see what comes of this.”

“Right… thank you…” What was I even thanking her for?

A couple of minutes later, I was sitting down in the waiting area. I didn't quite understand what took them so long. If this was just a routine… but then again, maybe they were really, really thorough? My efforts to keep myself from panicking were bolstered considerably when the doors opened and just about everypony entered the waiting room. Applejack, Rainbow, Pinkie, Fluttershy, Rarity and Spike.

“What? What are you all doing here?” I asked dumbfounded.

Spike chuckled a little and scratched his neck. “That’s, uh, on me. I kinda ran into Rainbow on my way over to Fluttershy.”

“Yeah, literally,” Rainbow interjected with a raspy laugh.

“So I told her,” Spike continued with a shrug.

“And she then told me,” Applejack chimed in. “And it did not feel quite right not tellin' the other girls.”

I hugged Applejack. Tightly. And grabbed whoever was not quick enough to flee and pulled them in as well. It soon devolved into a pony group hug and we were all a little… glad about that. I realized that Spike had seemed less worried, which probably meant that he had talked to Redheart. Which would also explain why all the girls seemed less worried than I initially expected them to be, but still sighed in relief.

“Any news yet?” I asked Spike. He more or less confirmed my assumption by shaking his head. “Well… guess we’ll wait, then.”

The hospital waiting room was far from inviting. It was an area designed for waiting, gnawing at hooves and being nervous. Of course they tried to make it more comfortable with potted plants and nice, comfy chairs, but no matter how a chair was formed, it had no chance to be comfy if the pony sitting in it constantly shifted around and just could not keep still.

Minutes passed by. The night sky started to brighten up. Inky blackness waned and gave rise to a deep blue, passing over into lighter and lighter shades, until a new dawn. Fluttershy and Pinkie were silently watching at the window. Applejack tried to keep a rather impatient Rainbow occupied by playing a card game with her. Which had been provided by the hospital. And Rarity, gem that she was, just silently sat beside me and occasionally put her hoof over mine whenever my constant shifting and shuffling grew too agitated. Spike, however, paced. And no force in this world would be able to stop him. He paced in this room, and on the odd occasion outside of it.

And then, the doors opened and Twilight stepped in, followed by one of the doctors. She looked a little paler than I would have liked, but still way better than I remembered her from earlier. Maybe the difference was the light. She wore a simple, black ring around her horn and put up a fighter’s smile.

The doctor stepping up to her side addressed us. “Alicorn physiology, for obvious reasons, is a little researched field, but as far as we can tell, she is perfectly fine. Well, aside from—“

And Twilight interrupted her with a huge grin. “I’m eating for two now.”

And there it is.

I could not tell what came first. Relief, or joy. I tried to rush to her, but I was not the only pony doing just that. All the girls, and Spike, did the same and with the doctor quickly and carefully stepping to the side, we just immediately formed another group hug.

There was so much chaotic babbling. Rarity tried in vain to congratulate Twilight properly, Fluttershy was once more barely audible at all, Applejack just forged on past anything and anypony, Rainbow's voice broke while trying as well and Pinkie was spouting something about cakes. Or maybe the Cakes, I could not tell. In the midst of this madness, I managed to find the right muzzle and kiss her. And as I did, I could see the anxiety she had tried to hide slowly drain away. I could see that bottomless well of joy open up and fill everything up, I could see her eyes tearing up. “Arcana,” she whispered, and despite our friends all talking, I heard her loud and clear and nodded. Our little filly will be a jewel among jewels.

And with a chuckle, I tried to tilt my head enough to look at Rainbow and Applejack. “You know… I never expected you two to be the slowpokes one day. Everypony’s starting families – any plans?”

What had initially been meant as a tease quickly turned out as something else as suddenly, both shared a look and I could feel a lot of conversation happening rather quickly before both turned with smug grins. “Well… funny you should say that,” Applejack started.

“You did not…!” Rarity gasped.

“Everypony freeze!” Pinkie suddenly yelled and as if she had psychic powers, we actually kind of just did that. We watched her pull her party cannon out of her mane and… had she been wearing these saddlebags the entire time? She pulled a banner out of them. By this point, it was more than two years and three months old. And that time showed. She had fixed it multiple times. Carefully, lovingly repaired every tear and every patch and repainted every faded letter.

Pinkie’s eyes frantically switched focus between Twilight and me as well as Rainbow and Applejack. “This is an emergency! I need a second banner!”

And with everypony starting to laugh, the cannon went off and shot an entire party room’s worth of decoration over the entire waiting area. Including a banner hanging from the ceiling, neatly tied to the sterile hospital lamps, reading the same as it had done years prior:

From two to three might seem to be

Just a small step for you and me.

But we welcome a new pony

Into our midst with cheer and glee!

And because Pinkie was Pinkie, the second banner she somehow produced from her mane read:

Proudly announcing: Fluttershy Applejack is totally preggers! And we are sooo, sooo, soooooo happy!

Day 31: Hope

“Help me please…!”

I was most certainly not thinking straight. I blurted those words out as soon as I heard the door’s lock click and saw the tiniest of gaps open. My anxiety had gotten the better of me. Then again, there were a bunch of reasons why I was trembling like a leaf. The gap widened and Luna came into view, already furrowing her brow… and then visibly recoiling once she saw me. “I need your advice. Please,” I tried again. Only to add another ‘please’ for good measure, even if it was said in such a tiny, meek voice that I was not sure if she had even heard it.

On the fringes of my mind, I was vaguely aware that two night guards silently watched this poor display of self-control. They flanked the door as usual, unmoving and at least superficially uncaring.

Luna, however, half-turned to take a look out of one of the chamber's windows. The curtains were drawn open, now that the night had long fallen, but there was no beautiful night sky to be seen. Thick and heavy thunderclouds hung in the sky instead, forming a blanket over the entirety of Canterlot, and a lot of the surrounding land. The downpour had been scheduled, of course. Everypony in Canterlot had known days, if not weeks in advance, to stay indoors tonight. As the sun set, the rain started. And it would not end until sunrise… in two days. The initial downpour was the strongest, and it would turn into a more steady, softer pitter-patter later on.

Thing was though — I was not from Canterlot. I had known nothing of this. And despite me shaking and trembling, being drenched to the bone and freezing, dripping water onto precious carpets, I cared little.

It fit the mood, I supposed. My mood, anyway.

After she had confirmed her presumption, Luna turned her focus back to me and hesitated only for a second or two until she stepped aside. “Come in,” she… well, at this point, her voice carried less of a friendly invitation and more of a prompt. Almost a demand.

I was relieved anyway.

So, I stepped forward and trudged my lead-laden hooves into her chamber. I had not been in here. Well, I had — in other iterations. Other lifetimes. With other Luna's. The individual pieces of décor changed every time, but the general style rarely did. Paintings, sculptures, banners, a massive bed in the middle of the room, a couple of bookshelves, a sofa… the latter being the one point in the room where she subtly led me to. With a quick trot, she vanished for a second into the bathroom next door and seemed relieved that I had enough presence of mind not to plop myself down just like that. I had instead been standing right before it, waiting. Staring at it. Swimming in a chaos of jumbled thoughts and worries and fears.

She put a bunch of towels onto the sofa, and put another one or two over my back. “Take these,” she asked, and so I did. I did not want to be impolite after all. I did not want to ruin her furniture. I had been around for a month now and with things slowing down considerably after the initial rush, I started to feel things catching up to me.

I dried myself off as best as I could before I levitated the two towels off of me and turned around. I looked for any option to dispose of them, but my mind was just… unable to focus on something so simple. “Just put them down,” she offered. And so I did. Right in front of me, on the marble tiles.

She sat down on the sofa and patted the layers of towels a little distance away from her. I climbed up, sat down, and still shivered. Because running through Canterlot had somehow only helped the rain’s cold to seep deeper into my body. Because exhaustion started to catch up. Because I still worried. A lot.

She knew. Or maybe she was just good at guessing. Reading a room, or a pony. Honesty, loyalty, laughter. “Wait here,” she asked, and got up again. She vanished out of her chamber doors this time, so I would have to wait for… a longer time. Minutes, probably. I had come here in hopes of getting help. I could have talked to Twilight, of course. Well actually, I did. It just did not help much. Despite her best efforts, she could not help much.

So I had taken the last train to Canterlot. I knew Luna and tried not to. I tried not to rely on knowledge I had not gathered myself. Not in this life, anyway. I tried to restrain myself. Luna was ‘new’. We had interacted on a couple of occasions and she had been very generous with me, but I was not even sure if I could call her a friend already, at this early stage of our acquaintanceship.

I was so lost in thought that I didn't even notice time trickling by until she returned. The click of the closing door startled me a little as I felt all the enchantments protecting this room and its privacy fall into place again. I looked up and I must have looked quite spooked.

“We art sorry. We didst not mean to startle thee.” I blinked. Stared at her with a vast emptiness in my eyes, while my mind sluggishly translated. And then I felt myself nod once.

She came back to the sofa and hoofed me a cup. Steam rose from it, and right now, the promised warmth attracted me more than the smell of hot, liquid chocolate. I took the offered cup in my levitation and soon enough cradled it in my hooves. It burned. Maybe because I was still so cold. Maybe because the cup was so hot. Probably both.

Despite the allure the heat had, I still could not focus. My eyes drifted here and there, passively, almost dismissively absorbing all the little details about her chamber’s interior. And I could not help but notice how I kept avoiding eye contact with her, despite feeling her watching me.

There was a tension in the air that grew more noticeable as time went on. I had barged in here in the middle of the night, drenched and trembling, asking for help, and now, I just sat here. Caressed a cup and stared at everything and nothing.

I had come here, expecting Luna. But maybe, I had expected my Luna. That was decidedly unfair to her. But it also meant that I would not get what I came for. Not until I made sure that there was at least something to base these hopes off on. “Are—” I tried and noticed how quiet and hoarse my voice was. I cleared my throat and tried again. “Sorry. A-Are we friends?”

Surely not the question she had expected. She mulled it over for a moment before quietly sighing. “We art unsure of the answer. However, we wouldst liketh to beest friends with thee.”

“R-Right. Could we—… could you maybe—… uhm…” You’re not getting anywhere this way. Just blurt it out and let her do the sorting. She’ll understand. “Language?”

It took her less time to understand what I meant than it had taken me to psych myself up enough to utter a single, very impolite word. “We—I shall try to keep this in mind.”

“Thank you.” I stared into my hot chocolate again, as if the lazily swirling brown could answer me anything. She was not certain if we were friends already. But she wanted to be friends, and I wanted that as well. So was there anything stopping us? Well, yes — and no. The decision to become friends was one easily made at any point in time. But it took more than that to be friends. Time. Knowledge. Familiarity. Trust.

“I plundered my dear sister’s less-secret-than-she-thinks-it-is-stash, so I am quite certain it shan’t be poisonous,” Luna joked.

It took me a moment to realize that she was talking about the chocolate, but I admitted that smile tugging at my lips as soon as the impulse was there. “She’ll get you back for this, then,” I concluded and actually took a sip. The sugary sweetness coated my entire mouth within seconds. It was still quite hot, but not as scalding anymore. The first gulp brought a welcome warmth down my throat and into my guts. It felt like relighting a crucial fire.

“She will try,” Luna retorted with a smug grin.

I had enough memories of the epic proportions their ongoing prank wars could take on to steer clear of any and all involvement in that. It would not work forever, but I could certainly try.

“Thank you.” The fact that I had not thanked her yet had been a sudden revelation. And a reason for a bad conscience spike. And maybe, it was not just gratitude for the cup.

Another shiver ran down my spine and disturbed the surface of my drink as an offshoot made my leg tremble as well. I grimaced and looked up, looked over to her. Many of the memories of past lives voiced their ‘council’. Told me of intimacy I had decided not to pursue. Told me of safety and comfort I was not meant to get. But tonight, my will was weak. And maybe, giving in would not be as bad if I did it in a controlled manner? “Could… c-could I—…?” I asked. I asked without asking. I hoped. Tried to imply what I wanted. And judging by her slowly raising eyebrow, she at least acknowledged that I did not want to say something. That I did not want to finish the question myself. And despite my miserable appearance, she was not about to let me get away with that.

She’s not Twilight, I somehow had to remind myself. Trust her.

I scraped together all the courage I could muster and finished my question. “Could I maybe… come closer?”

She initially just tilted her head a little and regarded me for a minute or so. I felt strangely naked at that time and oh, what I would have given to see into her head. Whatever was going on in there, she finished it up and a small smile graced her lips. “You may.” And just like that, she opened her arms.

I tried to just scooch over. But I quickly realized that things would not be quite that easy. The first two layers of towels had absorbed most of the water, so I discarded them onto the pile on the floor, took the rest of the towels closer to her and sat down on them again. I carefully, almost cautiously, leaned against Luna. She slowly closed her embrace.

I was still cold. I could feel it, now more clearly than before, as I had her body heat for comparison. A moment of hesitation later, and she extended her wings, brought them to the front and closed me in even further. I dared to press into her and for just a second, another shiver made me tremble. This felt good in a worrying way. Familiar. So many memories tried to bubble to the surface, vying for my attention. But I refused. I denied. I tried to keep my attention here, at this moment, with her. It was hard to do so, as every breath, every inhale, carried her scent. Her very, very familiar scent. Brisk night winds, fresh rainfall, cold clouds. I half-buried my muzzle on her chest and dared to let go.

An entire day of buildup came crashing down in waves. Minutes passed and each time I thought I had made it through, another wave of trembles made me hug her tightly. It took a while to calm down. And even then, I wanted to stay here. Stay like this. Be this close to her again, now and forevermore. But I knew better. It was not meant to be.

I slowly pulled away from her, despite everything in me screaming to remain where I was. She understood, opened her cocoon and folded her wings back again, releasing me from her embrace. “Feeling better?” she asked. She obviously cared. A lot. Yet despite that, I could not help but smile at the almost pragmatic undertone in her voice.

“I am. I think. Thank you!” By now, I assumed the sofa should be safe as most of the moisture had either been absorbed by the towels or dried off or now clung to Luna. Heh. I discarded the rest of the towels, as sitting on those was not exactly the most comfortable experience, and put a bit more distance between us. Enough to look at each other while talking.

She nodded, and her smile grew into a grin. I knew what she was trying to do before she even attempted it. Just because all of my memories made it quite clear: Luna, being Luna, would try to lighten the mood a little by making some random comment or joke. “So is this a good time now to ask about your mane?” she started. “Did dear Cadance get to you after all?”

I involuntarily reached with a hoof for my head, but held it halfway there with a conscious effort before dropping it again. After all, I knew perfectly well what she was talking about. “No. No, as far as I’m aware, she’s back in the Crystal Empire. She, uh… she made her point quite clear that day. She sure did shout loud enough. I hadn’t even known that Sunny had taught her the Royal Canterlot Voice.”

“It’s a necessity for all princesses,” Luna replied with a grin.

“Right. Yeah, well… I don’t know. It was a… hectic day. I was fleeing and she was yelling and Shining tried to calm her down and Twilight looked really torn, it was a mess. My continued meddling in her domain had apparently given her two straight weeks of migraine, or something. Maybe she was just exaggerating. I don’t know. I don’t understand her magic enough.” The Princess of Love was easy-going on most days. Quite affable. Really kind. Usually. But even after sorting through all my fractured memories of past iterations, it appeared that I had not been able to actually get her once. Not even once. We were acquainted. We were friendly with each other. Respectful. Helpful. A lot of things. But we were never truly close. Ever.

“Did you really throw Granny Smith at her?” Luna asked curiously.

I was shocked, to say the least. “What? No! No, heaven’s no, why would I ever do that?! Did Twilight tell you that?” And then I noticed that barely hidden smirk on her face and I could only do so much to keep myself from smacking my own forehead with a hoof. She was joking. And now that she saw me catching up, she allowed herself a satisfied giggle, which quickly grew into snickers and laughter. “You are awful,” I tried to reprimand her, but her laughter was just… it was refreshing. It was unbridled and honest and so infectious. So I chimed in eventually.

Once we had calmed down again, I felt… better. Less cold, less miserable, less hopeless and desperate. There were several voices in my head telling me to lean in and kiss her, just as a ‘thank you’, and that thought really weirded me out. I understood where it came from, of course. I had been married to Luna. For years. Many times. But still, just two weeks ago, I had made it perfectly clear to her — and myself, I had hoped — that it would not happen this time. At least, not now anyway. Or anytime soon, for that matter.

But that was just the issue at hoof with these memories. They were not ‘sentient’ in any way, shape or form. They just… were. They existed and influenced what I did and said and how I perceived things. Sometimes more directly than on other occasions.

I sighed. And finally noticed that Luna had stopped laughing as well and that she was once again watching me. And she seemed to be waiting, and despite my attempts to lie to myself, I knew perfectly well what she was waiting for. I still had not answered her question. Maybe this would have been a decent opportunity to let her taste her own medicine. Why should I answer a question she only implied, when she refused to do so?

But that was not how things worked between us. We were different ponies. Working in different ways. I cast my eyes down, as I did not feel like answering would get any easier while looking at her. “I shaved it off in a panic,” I told her. She remained silent. And I dared not to look up just yet. So I continued with a weak attempt at distraction. “But don’t worry. Rarity apparently has the uncanny ability to lose her mane or tail. Twilight knows a spell to grow it back. She knows it by heart by now.” I chuckled quietly, but the artificial sound soon died down. It just… it was not the same as honest laughter. “She offered to cast it as soon as I returned.”

“So she knows what is going on then,” Luna concluded.

“Y-Yes… I… tried to talk to her,” I admitted. “But it wasn’t… it didn’t… work. She’s not… this isn’t her expertise. It’s yours. And she was the one who convinced me to come here.”

“My expertise?” Luna echoed in surprise, now truly intrigued by whatever issue I had managed to stir up this time.

And that was it. That was the point where I had to make a decision. The point of no return. Either I would tell her. Open up to Luna, trust in her and try to get her help. Whatever shape that help might take. Or.

Or.

I could still backpedal. I could still make up some stupid and obvious excuse. She would let me. She would let me tell lies to her face and she would let me go. I could sleep in a guest room and take the first train home tomorrow. I could crawl back to Twilight, maybe lie to her as well about the issue being solved if she asked, and I could try to bury this entire thing. Because at the end of the day, there was a good chance that I made too much noise for nothing. That I was just freaking out, that I was blowing things out of proportions. What would ponies think if I kept doing that? It was a horribly offensive thought, but it was there nonetheless: Would I end up like Rarity?

I loved Rarity. As a friend, of course. I was quite amused by the thought of us being lovers, because I assumed it would take less than a day before we tried to strangle each other. But I loved her as a friend. I cherished our friendship, young as it was. But she was the drama queen. If she proclaimed something ‘the worst thing’ or the end of the world, it was probably a dye missing. Or a roll of fabric being almost empty. Or maybe Sweetie Belle’s next attempt at cooking. Then again, the latter had already proven to actually be quite dangerous.

I feared that image in my head. The point where I said something, and ponies just… smiled. Or shrugged. Or tried to belittle me, consciously or otherwise. Because for Rarity, these dramatics were fun. They were a choice. A lifestyle.

For me, they were horror. The culmination of bottomless fears.

And I had so many of those.

“Talk to me. Please.” Luna’s voice cut through my anxiety like a hot knife through butter.

I had not noticed said anxiety building up again. I had not noticed how I fidgeted with my hooves. I levitated the almost empty cup to the small table nearby, just for safety reasons, and dared to look at her. There was a silent plea in her eyes. A promise, too. You can trust me. And I wanted to. I wanted to trust her so badly. But trust was difficult. Sometimes, anyway. For me, anyway.

It took a lot of effort on my part. But I tried. I did that a lot. And I succeeded.

“I had a nightmare.” And with that single statement, the gate was cracked open. Not thrown off its hinges, not thrown wide open to march through, no. But it had a gap. It was a sufficient start. “I… this isn’t about accusations,” I quickly added. “You can’t be everywhere and help everypony, I know that. And you can’t play favorites either. There are just too many dreamers. I know. It’s about… the dream, it just…”

My mind threatened to get jumbled once more, and it probably would have. But Luna laid her hoof on my shoulder, and once I looked her in the eyes, I could see nothing but sincerity and willingness to help. It soothed my fraying nerves. “Take your time,” she told me. “And tell me about this nightmare.”

We were in Ponyville, walking alongside each other. Without her regalia, she was just Celestia. Just another mare taking a stroll with her special somepony. Ponyville’s inhabitants were a weird bunch, in a way. I supposed that everyone thought that about those living in his hometown. These ponies surrounding us were friends. Friends of mine, friends of the crown, friends of Celestia, friends to each other. With so much green all around us, so many colorful coats, the brightest blue above, white tufts of clouds, it was such a vivid scene, such a lovely day.

It was beautiful.

As was she. I could barely stop long enough to keep our route in mind on the odd occasion before falling back into that habit of just… admiring her. Appreciating her. And truly, it was not about her form either.

Rare was the occasion that she managed to get a day off. To get enough time for herself to actually come here and just take a walk with me. I felt warm, due to her sun, and herself. I felt secure, just by being close to her. I felt her love, as much as mine. Her smile was genuine, her admiration of this town and the ponies living in it was obvious.

And all the ponies around us reveled in her presence as much as I did. They, too, loved her. In different ways than I did, of course. But their love for her seemed just as boundless.

“I did good,” she said, taking in what she saw.

“You did,” I agreed. And just like that, her smile seemed to grow even brighter. The warmth she radiated even more intense. Not uncomfortable. Never that. But now, it seemed to reach even the darkest corners of each and every heart around her. Her light soothed all fears, her presence diminished all worries. Equestria would be a better place, for she willed it so.

Yet as we continued to stroll along the streets of my beloved hometown, I started to notice the change. “Is everything alright, love?”

“Everything is fine,” she reassured me.

And yet her light dimmed. The sun shone with undiminished splendor, and she radiated the same light and warmth and security she had before, but her own light dimmed. Little by little. Such tiny portions draining away that it was almost imperceptible. Almost unnoticeable.

Almost.

“Are you okay, love?” I asked. I wanted to feel worried. I wanted to feel concerned. But she would not let me. Her smile remained the same. Her warmth radiated off of her in waves of joy and gratefulness.

“I am,” she insisted. I knew she believed what she said. I knew she was honest with me. But I saw her give everything. Everything. And I saw all these ponies around us smiling. Grateful for her light, and her guidance, and her presence. Leeching off of her. And I felt myself smile despite what I saw. And I took what she selflessly offered. And I could not stop taking.

And then she fell. Just like that, she collapsed to the ground and I quickly rushed to her side. Many other ponies gathered around us in a crowd. None were concerned. None were worried. No smile ever faltered. Not even my own.

“Keep something!” I asked her. “Please, love! Keep something for yourself!”

Once upon a time, a star was born in a cosmic event. It shone so bright and hot, so full of potential. And she embodied this star. She was spending life. She was carefully guiding it. She nurtured all of us. Kept us safe. Thriving.

But not a star I held in my hooves now, but a flickering candle. And my heart raced with the thought that a strong breath or the faintest breeze could snuff my love out. Yet I could not stop smiling, even though I wanted to cry. And I could not worry, even though I wanted to despair.

“Keep something!” I yelled at her. I tried. I tried so hard to shove back what she offered. I tried to push into her what she so effortlessly pushed into me. I tried to reverse the flow of what seemed so natural and felt so wrong.

But my love smiled. And her smile never dimmed, even as her light did. She turned her head to look up to me. There was no sadness in her eyes. Just… gratefulness. “This is good,” she stated.

And that breeze I had feared came by.

And that candle I cradled bore no flame any longer.

And my love was gone.

With her light gone, I started to weep. I cried to the heavens for mercy, but none was shown, as no one listened. I despaired as I had wished. And I felt my mind on the brink of collapse. It was that very moment when it showed up. Perfectly chosen timing. It wore my face like a mask. It wore my coat’s color like paint. But there was nothing familiar in its eyes.

“You could have saved her, you know?” it led me to believe.

“How?” I cried.

“You could still save her, actually,” it pondered, regarding my love with some thought. “Or rather, we could.”

“How!” I demanded to know.

And it smiled. Like the wolf that had managed to coax the rabbit out of its burrow, it smiled. “I can help you.” And with that, it offered me its hoof. To help me stand up. To shake in agreement.

To make a deal.

My gaze dropped back down to my love. I still cradled her form. Still, my hoof was running through her mane, now limp and dull instead of her ethereal self. It hurt so much. And I wanted her back so badly. Would I not attempt the impossible for her? Was I not willing to fall for her, in any way required? I had read my fair share of romance novels. I preferred the happy endings and loathed the tragedies. But I had read those as well. Some, at least. And had I not found myself in some of these characters, protagonists and side characters alike? All those tales warning of the dangers of love. How loving too much could destroy a pony. And much more than just that one pony. How love could destroy nations. Worlds. Timelines. If pursued without restraint, love was a force capable of utter annihilation.

Had I not always suspected, even feared, I might be capable of such? I might at least be willing to attempt as much?

I carefully lowered her head down to the ground, before I bent over and kissed her cheek. “I can’t stay without you, love,” I whispered to her. It hurt. It just hurt too much. I asked for her forgiveness before the sin was even committed. “I will come back to you, one way or the other.”

It had waited. That smug grin still plastered all over its face, as it witnessed my farewell. I rose and turned to it, determination forming in my stomach, steeling my nerves. It knew what I wanted. Words were in vain. I took its offered hoof, and felt a rush of power I had not known before. It was dizzying. I reeled from the surge, but it kept me upright. And its smile widened.

It was that smile that gave me pause. I dared look at our hooves, now joined, connected by tendrils of black magic and tar-like liquid. It seeped into me. It crawled along my coat, on the outside… and the inside. I saw it color my veins. I felt it flow in my blood.

And I started to realize what a grave mistake I was about to commit. “No,” I whispered, and tried to pull away. “No, this is wrong,” I realized.

And with the realization came another revelation. This, I started to see, was a dream. But the creature in front of me was not part of it.

“Begone!” I yelled and used my free hoof to stomp onto the ground. The very fabric of the dream shook and rippled and the creature’s entire demeanor changed. I saw its anger and hatred and greed and that tiny sliver of fear. Fear of losing what it was about to achieve. Fear of being repelled so close to its goal. And I knew what I had to do. I raised my hoof, and as it was about to protest, or maybe lure me in with promises, I smashed my hoof down not with the power my body provided, but with that of my will.

And the dream collapsed.

“At that point, I woke up with a scream,” I admitted meekly. “Twilight came in and I just… I don’t know… I asked her to stay, only to immediately rush out myself. I went to the bathroom and puked my soul out and once I tried to wash out my mouth, I saw that my mane had gone all… wavy and… ethereal. So… I panicked, which, you know… still seems very reasonable in response to something like that… and I just shaved it off. I returned to Twilight and she was… uhm… just as appalled as you were. I spilled the entire story and we tried to work through it and I think that might have actually helped in ways, but… I mean… I tried to forget about it. Just a dream and all that. She threw a bunch of spells on me just to check for any piggybacking sentience or evil magic influence or anything and found none. And we talked half the day away and she’s now really behind on her studies because of me and Spike even tried and—“

I shut up the moment Luna once again laid her hoof on my shoulder. My breathing hitched. I closed my eyes and repeated my serenity prayer in a mumble. “Celestia, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” In my head, I put it on record, repeating it once or twice before opening my eyes again. And just as I had hoped, I felt calmer than before. Not ‘calm’, per se. But calmer.

“Sorry. I… I freak out easily. Guess you would have found that out on your own soon enough,” I tried to joke, but Luna just smiled.

“I already suspected as much,” she replied with a smile of her own. “You seem to share some traits with both fair Fluttershy and Twilight herself. I know such behavior from both.”

Well. Good point. I sighed. “I think I managed to lay a decent groundwork with Twilight today. We sorted a lot of stuff out. Right now, I suspect that nightmare is your primary concern, but I came here with a question and to be honest, that thing is just an afterthought to me right now.”

She was not exactly thrilled to hear that. After all, the creature had almost roped me into something dangerous. A nightmare could not leave the dreamscape just by dealing with a dreamer. If it would be that easy, the world would be constantly swarmed by these beings. But, a dreamer giving up control could, in a worst case scenario, be directed like a remote-controlled puppet. It would look like a sleepwalker to other ponies.

Most nightmares had a hard time keeping that ball rolling. Some quickly lost interest in that new world. Mostly due to its rigid nature. Everything was bound in some way. Air could not become lava. Wings could not cast spells. Breathing could not be disabled just because one wished to stop. The waking world was different in many ways and most of these differences were unknown to the inhabitants of the dreamscape.

Even more nightmares simply lost control of the dreamer. Only a few nightmares were ever strong enough to not require the dreamer’s willingness. And those rarely bothered with the waking world to begin with. But the rest needed that willingness to be there, and to stay intact. Due to how a mind creates dreams, however, they often found it difficult to keep a dreamer in this state while simultaneously ‘adventuring’ in the waking world. In addition, due to the frequently negative nature of nightmares, it was rather common for dreamers to realize this and fight the nightmare, at which point it would usually lose control as well.

All in all, it just meant that I was pretty sure that this was no actual threat. But I had been wrong before, and quite careless before. I could understand her concern about this.

“I cannot wait for your training to begin,” Luna said quietly, more directed at herself than me. “There will be a lot I have to teach you. But for now, I trust in Twilight's assessment. State your question then.”

I gave her a grateful smile before nodding. “Right. So… it’s been more than two weeks since we dealt with that farmer. I will admit that I was not with Sunny as much as I would want to, given her duties and her residence in Canterlot, but… I tried to keep an eye open whenever we were together. A-And I… I don’t know… it’s hard to tell? I wasn’t exactly expecting miracles, but I was expecting… well, something. Anything. But as far as I can tell, nothing seems to have changed. And I’m just… it has me worried, Luna. When I came here, to Canterlot, to meet with her and you helped me get into her study for the first time, that was right after and I did not expect anything noticeable. And that expectation was met, I guess? But the days after… I just… you’re around her a lot more. You’re her sister. And you’re the Keeper of Dreams. I thought that… if anypony would know for sure, it would be you, right? I promised Celestia that I was not with her just because she was hurt. And I stand by that. But I want to help her, and I need to know if we were successful. Did defeating that farmer change anything?”

I could see that small smile she tried to keep hidden. It spoke of relief. And that in turn put my mind at ease. At least a little bit more than it was before. Maybe the answer was good. Or easy. Or both. In the end, she mulled things over before starting with a sizable preamble. “The Elements of Harmony choose a bearer not to instill their virtue in them, but because of an already existing resonance,” she explained. “Rainbow Dash is the Element of Loyalty because she is loyal. Not the other way around. That does of course not mean that she cannot go against her element. She could abandon others if she so chooses. But that would be against her nature. Hers, not that of the Element. In time, if done in a grave way or often enough, her nature would adapt. And the Element would lose its connection with her. As far as I am aware, this has not happened so far, so I can only suspect the Element would choose a new bearer at that point.” I nodded, just to make clear that I was still attentive. “I say that, because I once bore the Element of Honesty. Quite frankly, even with more than enough practice, I still struggle when I need to lie. It feels uncomfortable, I rarely see the long-term use in it and despite my creative nature, I lack the necessary imagination for it. I am well capable of lying to others and convincing them of my words if it is actually necessary, but those lies break down as soon as it comes to my sister. She knows me best of course, and the longest. She would see through any and all attempts to deceive her. Maybe she would let it go anyway, just to give me privacy. But she would know. And in time, I assume, she would start to dig. She wants me to be happy as much as I want her to be happy. And I explain this to make clear why I am so hesitant to enter my sister’s dreams.”

It was a perspective I had not considered up to that point. Whatever Luna might witness in there — if it was disturbing her enough, worrying her enough, Celestia would know as soon as the next shared meal came around. And being the accomplished diplomat that she was, she could run rhetorical circles around her sister. If she wanted to know, she would. Luna could obviously refuse to tell her, but at that point, it could be seen as an invitation to just further escalate things, bringing divination magic and whatnot into the mix.

“I have done so in the past weeks,” she continued and thereby nullified my growing worries. “But I have to overcome my own insecurities and concerns every time I do. Before we continue, I must ask that you keep private whatever we shall discuss, even though this should be obvious. And I must ask if you have entered my sister’s dreams.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep my mouth shut,” I promised her and made the appropriate motions for a Pinkie Promise. Which only seemed to confuse her, but that mattered little to me. “And I haven’t entered her dreams, per se, but… I’ve seen them. Maybe it was the farmer’s influence, I don’t know. But when I touched her dream, I saw them. I saw her in a large hall, dealing with affairs of the state, and later on…” My throat threatened to clench shut. “She was singing. On a balcony. To… you.” I could see that Luna had to fight with her emotions as well. So apparently, we had both seen the same thing. Which meant that the dream continued. And that was a horrifying revelation. One that made no sense given her prior relieved smile. “How is that possible?” I dared to ask.

Luna sighed deeply. “We all have our routines, do we not? The way you put your toothbrush down. The way you fold your emptied milk carton. The way you cut your vegetables when cooking. Small things, daily routines you rarely if ever think about. Both body and mind are adaptable. They both try to make life easier on themselves. A body that is constantly hurt again and again will develop a higher pain tolerance. A mind that is living a comfortable life will develop routines to expend fewer active thoughts on miniscule details. It’s about preserving resources, about efficiency. Now, it might appear as a massive leap, but trust me, it is not, when I say: The same mechanics work for torture. It might sound cruel to say so, but over time, if subjected to it enough, both body and mind will try to find ways to adapt to it.” I did not like the direction this was going in. She could probably see it, the way I started to subtly shift around and fidget with my hooves again. So, she decided to cut the tangent shorter than she had planned. And I was very grateful for that. “My sister has grieved my loss for two-hundred years. A fresh wound in her mind, bleeding and hurting. Once you deal with bodies that are as durable as ours, and minds that are as old as ours, you start to think in different time spans. Given the right circumstances, years can seem so fleetingly short. For two hundred years, all manner of dreamscape creatures fought over her dream, I presume. Until one emerged victorious. And from that day forth, he had supreme reign over my sister’s nightmares. Farmers tend to be cunning and patient. It learned from what it witnessed. It adapted as well. It learned a lot about her. What hurt her, and how much, and what kind of pain it brought forth. With time, it twisted and adjusted her nightmares, filtered out what was less efficient, until it had formed the one nightmare that was most efficient for its purpose. From that point forth, there was little sense in further developing it. The potential improvement was not worth the investment. It stagnated, and was just content with feasting and growing. And her mind adapted.”

Luna raised her head and stared at the ceiling. Something I sometimes did when I teared up but did not want those tears to spill. I did not question it. I instead silently waited until her focus returned to me. “I know that it is difficult, if not impossible, to imagine this. To imagine how the worst nightmare you ever had would become your daily companion for each and every night, for weeks, years, centuries. It would become a part of you, as much as the way you lay down your toothbrush, or the way you cut your vegetables. The farmer might be gone, but her mind will take time to realize that. To adapt to these new conditions. To its regained freedom. I can assure you that I am trying my best to help that process along. I guide the dream, but I do not stop it. It would do nothing. She needs to sleep, and right now, her mind only knows one dream, only ever dares one dream. If I would stop it without waking her up, she would just restart it. But I can make subtle changes. Subtle enough for her mind not to be disrupted. For her dream not to question its internal logic and restart. You are right – she sings to me. Each and every night, in her dreams. And I dared to answer her a couple of nights ago, even if I had to do it in character.”

“In character? You mean—” I grimaced. Hard. “You answered her as Nightmare Moon?”

She sighed. “I did. I cursed her name and wished ill upon her. I spat on our sisterhood and cried for her blood in madness.”

“That sounds horrible.”

“It was. For me anyway.”

I took a moment to look at her. She had said she had done this a couple of days ago. Which meant that it was not a daily recurrence. Maybe the dream would notice that? Could this deviation be too much, too fast? Or maybe she hurt herself every time she did this, and was trying to minimize her own pain as well? As much as I thought about this, the result stayed the same: Right now, I had to trust in Luna’s judgment. “So you’re telling me she was fine with this?”

“Well, ‘fine’ might be a little bit much,” Luna conceded. “But despite my harsh words and the hatred in my voice, she smiled. We had fought, Dreamwalker. We had fought like no family should ever fight. She tried to stop me, but I… I tried to murder her. I tried to end the life of my own sister. And we both know that. Even in her dream, she knows that. Trying to put a veil over this would be one step too far. But for a thousand years, she had suffered the loss of a loved one. She had suffered loneliness like few other ponies will ever know. That she is still here, sane and loving and willing to prank me on occasion, is a testament to the immeasurable willpower she had. What I relieved her of in that dream was that loneliness. Yes, she had to suffer insults. But she could hear my voice. Yes, I wished her dead. But we were sisters once more. I do not know which night exactly it is that this dream stemmed from. I suspect one of the early ones. Either way, it must have been a crucial one. The farmer would not have chosen this specific memory to base the nightmare upon were it otherwise. And in that crucial night of her life, where she suffered loneliness the worst, I can make subtle arrangements to ease that. I can be there for her and—“

This time, I did not hesitate. She stopped herself in a futile attempt to recompose herself. And as soon as her failure became apparent, I scooched closer and offered to her what she in her kindness had offered me before. Given our size differences, I was less embracing her and holding her than she was just grabbing me like a pillow. But I did not mind, as long as it helped. I heard a couple of stifled sobs before she regained control, and a minute or two might have passed before she let go of me again. “Thank you,” she whispered.

I sat down a little distance away again and smiled, ignoring the damp patches on my shoulder. “Anytime, Lu.” For a fraction of a second, she blinked in surprise before a mixture of a sob and a laugh escaped her throat. “What’s so funny?” I asked in mild confusion.

But she shook her head and smiled. “I might tell you another time. Let us stay on topic. You want to know if the farmer’s defeat changed anything, and I tried to answer you. With that creature still being there, I could not do anything at all. I could not try to patiently and carefully steer her mind away from that night. And you are right — I do know my sister better than you most likely ever will. I have seen changes, yes. They are subtle. Very, very subtle. But I have seen them. The main issue is that this conditioning of her mind will take time to relent. It will not just disappear with a whip of our horns, or a stomp of our hooves. I cannot tell you how long this process might take. It will not be a flashy event one could count down to. It will be gradual. Maybe neither you, nor even I, will notice it fully as days pass by. But one day, we will most likely think about this again, this very night and this very conversation, and we will think about her, and we will realize how much has changed and how far she has come.”

It was a worrisome realization. There were a lot of ‘maybe’s in there. And an immortal being spoke of ‘requiring patience’. “Luna…?” I quietly asked.

“Yes, Dreamwalker?”

“What do I do now?”

The question lingered in the air far longer than I would have liked. We both understood the dilemma perfectly well. But there was no clear-cut solution to be found and neither of us wanted to voice that for some time. Luna finally broke the silence before it grew even more oppressive. “You will not like the answer,” she stated.

I felt what little hope I had left flee in all directions. Her previous explanations had made it perfectly clear already, but I had insisted on hoping despite its hopelessness. Until no straw was left to cling to. And she had the thankless task of cutting that last one. I had forced it upon her. Least I could do was try to carry that burden with her. “There’s nothing I can do,” I concluded, barely audible.

“There is nothing you can do,” she confirmed with a little delay. “Nothing you are not doing already. This is a very old and very deep wound we have to deal with. Be patient. Be prepared for relapses. Be with her, and be there for her. Spend time with her. I know for a fact that she seems quite smitten with you, as she cannot seem to shut up about you at breakfast.” A grin graced her lips as she spoke, but soon returned to a warm smile. “She clearly harbors deep feelings for you and you seem to love her just as much. I think it is a good sign already that she was willing to pursue her feelings at all. She has deprived herself of company for far too long. So you will continue to show her a good time and I will continue to guide her dreams, and in a few years we shall hopefully have this conversation again, and talk about all the ways things have improved.”

My hope was gone. That hope of coming here and receiving advice from her that was easy to follow up on. A step-by-step to-do-list. Or even better, an easy answer, given in a way that even I could not doubt it. Did defeating the farmer do anything? Oh, yes, she is absolutely fine now.

Right.

But.

Luna had given me a new hope. Maybe I had been expecting too much. Both from her advice, and from this monumental defeat. Because a flashy defeat of a major threat should always come hoof in hoof with immediate reward or improvement, right? Defeating Chrysalis had fixed an entire invasion. Defeating Discord had fixed all the chaos across the land. How had defeating this farmer not fixed Celestia?

Because things were not always that easy. Or straightforward. But she would be fine. Someday, that wound would be fully healed. It would probably leave a scar to be remembered by. Because even for an immortal being, I could not imagine eight hundred years of nightmares being forgotten. Ever.

But one day, she would be fine again.

And maybe I would be there by her side that day. We all would be. And we would radiate so much warmth and care and love that she would never run out, ever.

I liked my happy endings. Even if I had to work for them.

Day Unknown: Voidwalker

Maybe this is all just an exercise. If so, it is most likely one in futility. It might be a character study. A psychological analysis. I can’t be sure.

I had a revelation recently. Those are always strange. These moments when something just clicks, and it feels so profound. Strangely enough, in retrospect, it was a minor thing really. A name. Just a name. My name. I found it, and it feels right. Fitting, appropriate. Names hold power, they imply many things, they define us. I had not realized that I was searching for a name until I found it.

There are many things I merely assume. Suspect. So little is actually known, so little can actually be proven. I like to think that I created him. I like to think of myself as a Storyteller. There are hardships and obstacles, dour times and strife. But I try to make an effort to let my stories finish on a high note. If all you have is exhaustion and despair and doubt, letting your stories end on high notes has something refreshing to it. Some… almost revitalizing quality.

I like to think that I created him. As a wish-fulfillment of sorts. He is everything I want to be. Everything I ever dreamed of. Everything I wish for myself and my world. It fills me with such great envy that no words could ever truthfully relay its vastness, its bottomless depths. I dream of his stories, tell his stories, and end on high notes, for all I wish for him is good. So that I may possess it myself one day. It is the deepest, most selfish desire.

But a creature of sin I am, and I am well aware of that. I clad my sentience in flesh that disgusts me. Revolting as this body of mine may seem to me, it is what it is and I cannot shape it as I wish. It is the best tool I have to continue. And in the depths of my mind, I find new horrors each day, week after week, years following years and amassing to decades.

There is such cruelty in it. A mean-spirited presence capable of laughing in the face of despair of others. Capable of enjoying their torment and suffering, and even capable of causing it all by itself. Or rather, by myself. It is wrong to phrase it this impersonal, as the entire matter is very personal indeed. These urges are mine, as is this anger and envy. Seven sins, some say, exist. And we all suffer from them, to a certain extent. Don’t we?

Do we?

I don’t want to play the victim card. I am not a victim. Decidedly not. No, a part of me instead wishes to warn away all those close and dear, and the other part despises such weakness and keeps those warning words locked inside my tightening throat.

Beware, my friend, for a monster lurks behind that smile.

But they don’t listen. And they don’t see it for themselves. And he most certainly doesn’t know my name. Yet. And that tiny, weak part, tormented by itself, prays that he never will.

We are linked of course. He and I, we will never be free from each other. If I might end one of these days by some miracle — who will continue to tell his story? And if his story doesn’t continue — does he? But it is more difficult to turn those tables. I wish good upon him, fortune and wealth in many forms. And for such great envy and desire, I cannot end him, cannot stop telling his stories. Cannot even touch him, or bend a single hair on his coat.

I can force my will upon reality. I can meddle in the minds of those surrounding me, and him. But never will I be able to truly harm him. And why would I want to, anyway? Such delusions I have fallen prey to, hoping against hope that one day, I might have it. I might have what he does, what I built for him, and myself, and that I may share. And such vast envy do I harbor, such exhaustion resting in my bones, that I would be happy with the tiniest sliver of it. Gladly would I take it all, but if push comes to shove, a fraction of the whole would suffice. It would keep me at bay, at least. It would probably keep me… content. And maybe, just maybe, even happy.

Is it strange? To desire such a feeling with such burning intensity that it hurts yearning for it?

On many days I think that the cold emptiness of this place is all that I know, and all I can feel. I do have my own existence to care for, despite me barely caring at all. Not about it, anyway. I eat, and often enough without tasting or enjoying. I rest, and often enough without dreaming or recuperation. And I toil and waste away, both myself and the hours of my day.

I like to think I know loneliness. I like to think I know darkness. Yet doubt is my existence’s bread and butter, and the only thing I ever knew is this: I know that I don’t know anything for certain, ever. It is so easy to doubt yourself. And from that point forth, it becomes easy to doubt others. Until one day, you doubt your reality itself. And is this place I reside in not a curious one? Such strange laws and limitations. Others of my kind seem perfectly fine residing here, enjoying their continued existences all by themselves. They make it work. And I am both appalled, and angered. By their ignorance. And their happiness. And their ability to enjoy this place, which I cannot.

I reached the point of revelation when I consumed another mind’s story. It is just as well. A Storyteller needs input, from time to time, does it not? They call it inspiration. And maybe that title holds true. Maybe my mind digests what it has witnessed. Breaks it down to its smallest components, absorbs some, rebuilds others. And in time, when everything has settled, these once foreign pieces become part of me. Part of my own toolbox. Narrative pieces and twists to tell my own stories, to refine them and advance and evolve them.

There is a saying. You are what you eat. That has me worried, if I’m being honest. As a creature of doubt and envy and anger and despair, it was easy and started early, breaking down walls and limitations. Getting into contact with imagery that should not have been seen. Hearing what should not have been noticed. Absorbing ‘inspiration’ from stories that should not have been witnessed.

But does my philosophy agree with that? A story is not inherently evil or bad, neither is it good or helpful. A story is just that. A story. Meant to be told. And it gains its value, maybe even a moral or lesson, by all the different circumstances. Who tells it. Who listens. When, where and why is it told.

Given that belief, there should, in theory, be no such thing as a ‘bad influence’. And yet, I consumed a story and its very nature made me question this. It was a story of malice. Of anger and hatred and the horrible, terrifying things creatures can do to each other. And enjoy doing it. And I found myself laughing at their misfortune. And I found myself enjoying their suffering. And I started to realize what kind of creature I am. Not for the first time, and surely not the last time either. But this moment of clarity, it filled me with fear and worry.

Given my very own nature — is there a tint to the stories I tell?

Can something as disgusting and despicable as me — something that revels in its very abhorrent nature at times — even tell stories that end on a high note? Or even have a high note? Do I truly, fully understand what a high note even is? What hope is, and love, and that warm, fuzzy feeling when sharing in the company of true, true friends? When those songs reach my ears and my lips involuntarily part in a desperate attempt to participate, when my heart aches and my throat tightens and my eyes well up with tears, do I truly understand?

I want all that is good for him to have and enjoy, for the utmost selfish reasons. He doesn’t know I exist, I believe. He is not aware of just how much he should fear me. He doesn’t shudder and shy away from looking himself in the eyes in the mirror, because he doesn’t see me in there. Yet. He doesn’t wake in the middle of the night, screaming and thrashing, as we have met in the dreamscape once more. Yet.

But I do. Occasionally. How is that fair? I do see him in the mirror and avert my eyes from his, out of guilt and shame and despair. I wake each and every time with a deep sigh and a yearning for what is not meant for me, but crafted by me.

Or is it?

I am just a Storyteller, after all.

In the truest sense of the word, might I only tell what I witness? Instead of carefully crafting it? I was never drawn to call myself a Talesmith. I shun the title of author. Do I create? Or do I just regurgitate?

He calls himself Dreamwalker. My antithesis, my counterweight. I call him that as well. But where does this name even come from? Did I invent it? Did he? How can one tell, long after the fact, at which point exactly a perfect circle started?

I remain hidden. And a tiny, tortured voice still prays that this might be a state frozen in time. That he may never become aware of me. I share in his memories, but he doesn’t share in mine. I tell his story, but he doesn’t even know the depths of my depravity. It all sounds very dramatic, yet it doesn’t feel that way. It feels flat and dull, blunted to the point you couldn’t pierce skin with it no matter how hard you tried.

Maybe all of this is just a character study. A cruel joke someone keeps entertaining. I walk this cold emptiness alone, despite the laugh of my friends and the strength that they lend, and I shall find no forgiveness for what I am.

I call myself Voidwalker.

It seems edgy enough, doesn’t it? Fitting. Appropriate.

Each step is a stumble. And each breath wastes time and strength, and I grow weaker for it. The exhaustion makes me beg for me to tumble down to the ground, so that I may rest there and never stand up again and silently waste away. But until that last breath is finally, mercifully done, I shall continue, both to trudge on, and to tell his story to nopony in particular, just mumbling to myself… while walking the void.

Day 2,068: Fluidity

I was sitting on the balcony floor. I had initially put my hooves on the railing, but that grew uncomfortable at some point, so I just let them drop down. I wished I had wings at several points. So I could spread them wide, let them hang behind me, open and lazy and drooping with water. And from time to time, I could have held them up above me, like a ceiling, or an umbrella. It sounded so nice when rain hit an umbrella right above.

Luna was there. I did not know when exactly she had arrived, and she clearly preferred to watch for a moment. But I knew she was there. I could feel her gaze, her presence. Eventually, despite the rain's continuous pitter-patter, I could hear the door open. And there was warmth flooding out from that small gap, even if said gap only persisted for a short moment.

I did not like summer. For all my seemingly bottomless love and devotion and dedication for and to Celestia, I did not like summer. Or excessive sunlight. Or heat. And in the same vein, I did not like summer nights. I would have to live under a shower to finally get rid of being sticky and sweaty all the time. I could not sleep properly. The heat fried my brains and made my thoughts all wonky. I could not concentrate. Remembering things was harder, too. And differentiating between my own memories and those from previous cycles. And I got sunburn. Goodness gracious me, I got sunburn so easily. She had taken me to a lake once. It had been a lovely evening. An off-white cloud cover was blocking the sun, and the rest of the sky with it. We swam a lot. And when we were not, we laid under a tree. And to this day, she remained utterly in disbelief about how I had managed to get such a severe sunburn that it did not show the next day, oh no, it showed before we even left the lake.

There was only one circumstance I could think of right in this moment when I actually appreciated summer nights. And that… was when it was raining.

I could hear her hoofsteps nearby. She closed the door and walked over to me. No urgency whatsoever. Good. And after a couple of seconds, she sat down beside me. Close enough that I could feel the warmth her body radiated, but too far away for our coats to brush.

I had to follow the events with my ears alone. I was utterly unwilling to lower my head, or open my eyes. With my muzzle raised high, I let the rain pelt down on me. I was a night guard, sure. But I had been a storyteller as well. In too many cycles to ignore it. I found it incredibly hard to tell if I was talented with words. But I most certainly was experienced to a certain degree. I had the impulse, the drive to write. To tell stories. This time around, I was a night guard. And yet, inside her bedchamber, there was her desk and her chair, a firefly lantern and an inkwell. Closed, of course. I lived with Twilight — I inevitably would have learned how to treat my writing supplies if I had not known already.

And on that desk, there were several sheets of paper. Unfinished drafts of yet another short story. I had considered writing something longer. I had considered that time and time again. But curiously enough, I just never found the time.

But that did not matter. Not right now. The draft did not matter. The summer heat did not matter. I preferred the softer shades of moon- and starlight. And even that did not matter. The sky was clouded. Black and heavy towers of cloud stuff, forming a blanket. And it was raining. That. That mattered. Would Luna disapprove if I were to tell her that, despite me smiling due to her presence, despite me enjoying her presence, even that did not matter right now?

It was the rain.

I loved the rain.

The soft, almost tender impact of each and every droplet on my muzzle. On my mane, my hooves, my coat. The sound of it pelting the marble tiles that formed the balcony’s floor. How it sounded different from it impacting on the railing. Or the nearby windows.

The scent was enticing. It was an aspect I appreciated even more when I was in Ponyville. The scent of grass after rain was just one of the best experiences ever. Grass and soil and just… life. It was the scent of life. Of potential. One of the reasons I loved Luna so much. She smelled like fresh rainfall. It was intoxicating. I could have at least a tiny part of this whenever I wanted. All I needed to do was bury my muzzle in her mane.

Here and now, the scent was different. No soil or grass nearby. Instead, the heat of the day was washed out of the stone. The cold water impacted the castle, draining the excess warmth from it. Washing away the heat and the grime and the sweat and the day’s burdens. Yes. All the burdens, just down the metaphorical drain.

No tomorrow.

No worries.

No plans.

Just rain.

It was a peaceful experience. One I had little words for. If I focused on it enough, I could do so much more than just hear the different sounds of impact. I could do more than just feel how my face was pelted, or my back. I could feel the water on my hooves. A wetness distinctively different from taking a bath or even from stepping into a puddle. Rain brought me… clarity. It somehow soothed all the chaos, and straightened out what was a tangled mess.

I was not entirely sure if it was this clarity that put my mind into overdrive, despite being the calmest it ever was. Taking a shower was the poor stallion’s equivalent to this. To this very moment, right now. Sitting down on the ground, in the rain. And it was inspiring. Rainbow could tease me all day long. I had no explanation myself. But something about water was just a magnificent catalyst for my creativity.

Taking a shower was a decent option. A bath did that, too. But in a different way, somehow. Taking a bath usually felt like floating. Drifting through unimportant, nondescript space. Having no weight. Burdenless, again. A shower still connected me to the ground.

And sitting in the rain felt like a constant stream of revelations, both new and old.

Rain was strangely dependable. So many factors came into play, so many variables. And yet it was still always 'just' rain. The size of each droplet could vary greatly. The density of it too. Those clouds over our heads, they could be so many different shades, from fluffy white to the black of the void. They could take so many shapes. Towers high above, or mist-like vapors. Rain could be cold enough to freeze ponies to death, or, on rare occasions, just as warm as a pony’s body already was. So much variety. So much change. And yet it always remained the same. Rain was still rain. Sure, we scheduled it. We monitored and shepherded it. But as far as I knew, there was a limit to how much we could influence the minute details.

To be fair though, I had never asked Rainbow for clarification on that.

I had to consciously remind myself to breathe at times. It is supposedly impossible to ‘forget’ that. But every now and then, it sure did not feel like that. And those inhales were greedy. They felt needed and desired. And it was a strange feeling — to enjoy a single, conscious breath, despite each and every one of us taking hundreds or thousands each day.

Equestria was a lovely place. It was home. Here and now, sitting in the rain, I could almost grasp Celestia’s love for this land. Not just her ponies. Not just the nation. But the land itself. The idea of Equestria, and everything relating to that. It felt like standing in the middle of an ocean, and almost being able to see the shore in all directions. It was just enough to get the slightest hint to the vastness of it all.

Rain brought clarity.

And I could feel for her and for Equestria and I shared in her love. And ideas streamed by like water in a river. I thought about all the ponies down there in the city. Each and every life was precious. Each one an adventure in its own right. With obstacles and villains, with goals and dreams and wishes. A prelude, a climax… an end, inevitably.

Stories don’t end.

We just stop telling them.

To a certain extent, that was a creed of mine. And as hard a time as I had believing in anything, I had an unshakable faith in this. I believed that even something most ponies perceived as a horrible thing — death — was not necessarily the end of a story.

Then again, I obviously had a much easier time believing this, given my rather unusual circumstances. If I were to die — would I just start the next cycle? It seemed so obvious.

Clarity could take many forms. A lighthouse keeper could stare into the mist and see way beyond what his eyes allowed him, due to clarity of mind. And he would probably see different things than a pegasus breaking through the clouds and flying above them. Clouds that did not care if they were lazily drifting above Equestria, or hastily rushing along the winds above other nations, or even continents.

This clarity made me feel like I could grasp the concept of this world. A mere marble in the palm of my hoof. Small and vast at the same time. Full of life and potential. Full of stories. It made me feel both incredibly big, and unimaginably tiny in turn.

Truly knowing even a single pony was a monumental task. One I believed impossible to this very day. We could learn about each other. We could gain understanding. Knowing about somepony’s upbringing, about their daily routines, likes, dislikes, fears, dreams… it helped. It allows us to speculate about mechanics at work. About their psychology. How they ‘ticked’. But even after decades, even with soulmates, we are still just guessing. To varying degrees of success. We can minimize our error rate. By knowing more. Learning more. Closing the gap even further. But we can never truly know.

My thoughts meandered around. Lazily drifted in the same river as the ideas passed me by. Ideas for my draft, back in Luna’s bedroom. Ideas for a nice date with Twilight once I return home. Ideas for a new recipe I would like to try with Spike one day. And even more and more and more ideas, many of which of a vastly more esoteric nature. Ideas about pony psychology. About the betterment of Equestria. About the history of our world, and how its mechanics came to be.

A constant stream. No focus whatsoever. And yet it was so calm. Felt so refreshing. The constant pitter-patter in my head drowned out all the impulses and voices that tried to sow chaos, tried to reinstate the usual tangled mess. It was a reprieve of sorts. I would eventually have to return to the world I puzzled about like a bystander. I would have to return to Luna's side, in more ways than one. And to my friends. To my life. But right now, nothing mattered. Only the sound of the rain, and the clarity it brought.

The fact of the matter was though: As esoteric as this all felt — and truly, it felt like a small snippet of enlightenment — there were very real, very tangible consequences to sitting in the rain in the dead of night. It had not been so bad at first. Everything was fine once the numbness set in. But at some point, my body apparently remembered that being cold might not be the best state of being. So it started to shiver. And I suppressed the impulse to groan in annoyance.

I have been out here for an hour… or two… or… well I actually don’t know how long I’ve been out here. But you choose now to be difficult?

Would it have started earlier, or even later, it would have made no difference of course. I would have been frustrated anyway. Because freezing and shivering was something I could not ignore. Something more prominent than Luna sitting beside me.

“Should we return inside?” I heard her voice. She often had this impeccable timing.

For just a fraction of a second, it sounded so incredibly unfamiliar. Like a stranger. Well, maybe not a stranger. But like the voice of somepony I had not seen or heard from in many years. It was such a jarring sensation that I dared to crack my eyes open and look at her out of the corner of my eyes.

She is beautiful.

A plain statement. The sky is blue. Water is wet. And yet I feared I would lose myself, slowly drowning in her beauty. It would be a good death — if such a thing existed.

I teared my gaze away and closed my eyes again. I tried to refocus on the rain, on the feeling of it, the sound, the smell. But the shivering just did not stop. It became aggravating. “Not yet,” I finally replied. And I replied as much to her question as I did state it in defiance of my own impulses and urges. I would not give in just yet. I would bear the cold just that little bit longer.

It was really stupid. What difference would it make? The clarity was slipping away. Like sand or water. I could feel it. And I tried to refrain from getting desperate. I tried to let it go peacefully. With my dignity intact. Instead of clawing and grasping at it in a vain effort to prolong this state a few arduous seconds longer.

I tensed quite a bit when I suddenly felt her. She had closed the gap between us and her wing folded itself around me. She did not say a single word. Just her downy, feathery embrace. It was lovely. And more importantly, it was warm. And the shivering receded. Not fully, no. But it got better.

And I endured the cold because she was there. No, not ‘there’. Here. Here with me.

“Thank you,” I uttered. With more warmth and love than my half-frozen body should have been willing to spare. She could have insisted we go back inside. She could have tried to usher me back in. She could simply have teleported me inside. A single word from her would have been enough. This state of being, this state of mind, was rather fragile after all.

But she did not.

We sat there for a few more minutes. I even considered explaining at one point. But the more I thought about it, the less viable it seemed. Each and every attempt was doomed to fail. How? How could I explain what I felt and thought and became, with something so flawed and inadequate as words? I liked to call myself a storyteller at times. I had the drive to use words. And maybe that contributed to this conundrum. I believed I knew the limitations of language. Or some of it at least.

I could explain for all eternity and it would still be up to luck if she truly understood. Because one can only guess, but never truly know.

I leaned against her. Nestled against her side, and refocused my attention on these new sensations. On her body heat. On the softness of her coat. The water clinging to it. She was taller than me by a good deal. Not as much as Celestia, but still taller. Despite some minor inconveniences that entailed, it had its perks as well. She had a perfect size for me to lean against. The perfect size to hug me with her wing. Was it weird? To be grateful for that? To enjoy something so mundane to such an extent?

I sighed deeply. “I love you.” It was the culmination of details. I loved her scent. Like the cold night breeze that occasionally directed the rain right now. Like the damp and heavy clouds high above our heads. Like the very rainfall that I enjoyed. I loved the feeling of her coat on mine. I loved how willingly her body shared its heat with me. I loved how she felt. I loved hearing her slow, calm breathing despite the rain's constant pitter-patter. I simply loved her.

The rain was slowing down. It would stop in a couple of minutes. She had heard my mumble despite the rain. She craned her neck down and pressed her lips to mine. The tiniest hint of hesitation. It was as much a question as it was a response. I allowed it. Embraced it. Welcomed it. And returned the kiss in kind. It grew more passionate over the next couple of seconds, until we parted again. Making love in the rain sounded romantic for a second or two. And problematic, as soon as my mind actually took a closer look at the prospect. The idea was derailed and that somehow made me smile.

I loved the rain. And what it did for me. What it did to me. With me.

But it was quite an inconvenience when trying to make out with a loved one. Not at all as romantic as so many stories made it out to be. It was a wet mess. One could not properly see, or breathe, or taste, it interfered with just too many senses.

That perfectly explained why we both chuckled slightly when we parted.

There was a fire in her eyes that I knew all too well, despite our little relationship talk taking place less than three weeks ago. But patience was not one of Luna's strengths, and she moved fast if she wanted something. Or somepony.

I was not opposed to the idea. To the slightly impatient question in her eyes.

“I think we can go back inside now,” I replied with a lopsided smile.

I should probably ask her why she was not in Night Court, as she should have been at this time of night. But first, we had to make a mess of her bed. Very important business to attend to.

She ushered me back inside and I waited curiously to see just how impatient she was. Would she aim for the bathroom, to get us some towels? Or would she prefer to just dry us off a bit with a spell? My question was answered when she closed the door, trotted ahead for just a couple of steps before she turned around and pressed against me with carefully measured force, driving me backwards until my back hit the wall beside the door.

Or we just start here and now, I mused with a grin. With her usually ethereal and now drenched mane somewhat limply clinging to her neck, she was even more alluring than usual. And I had to admit: This warmed me up quicker than any towel or fireplace could have...

Day 2,214: The Prank

Two weeks earlier.

A trek through the Everfree Forest was a depressing matter. At least when done alone. The sight of gnarled and twisted trees all around me. The songs of birds always sounded that little bit scared or angry or hectic. The rustling of nearby bushes, possibly hiding one of the many options of ambush predators living here. And despite my slight aversion to direct sunlight — the thick canopy overhead, blocking out most of the daylight, certainly did not help either.

The Everfree was dark and gloomy. A fact easily forgotten when in the company of friends.

As usual, there were only a hoofful of reasons to go in here in the first place. I was certainly not adventuring. Or an adventurer in general. I did not need any flowers or tree bark or was running to aid a critter of some kind. And with those rarer reasons out of the way, usually only two remained: The old castle ruins or Zecora.

It was the door of the latter’s house I eventually found myself standing before. I could already hear her rummaging around inside. A sharp knock and the rummaging stopped, only for the door to open a few seconds later.

“Good morning, Zecora,” I greeted with a smile.

“Ah, Dreamwalker! What a pleasant surprise. Please, come in, but avert your eyes,” she replied. I was confused at first, until she widened the gap by opening the door further and I got a good glance at her home. “It… is a little messy, I can tell you that,” she continued with a sigh. “And I will have strong words with that devilish cat.”

A cat? A cat did… all of this? The room was a mess, alright. Shards of pottery on the floor, mixed in with residue of liquids and semi-liquids. Powders on the floor as well. And a sticky patch on the wall. That had to be one disgruntled cat. Or a large one. Either way — as far as I knew, Zecora did not have any pets, per se. This mess was the work of an intruder, then? Or maybe a ‘guest’. I knew that on rare occasions, she did something quite similar to Fluttershy: Care for those who need tending. Most critters made it to the edge of the forest, where Fluttershy could take care of them. Those who could not had two options and two options only: Taking care of it themselves, or visiting Zecora.

However, I was not about to sink deeper into this riddle. It became quite clear that I had visited at a bad time. But the trek out here was annoying in its own right and I wished to repeat it as few times as possible. Just a couple of quick words and I would be out of her mane again. “Right… are you sure you got time right now?”

“I can assure you, I listen well,” she insisted, despite at the same time scanning the room. “Goodness me, what an acrid smell…?”

She seemed distracted. She followed her nose around until she identified the patch responsible for the stench permeating the room. And after a quick mental mathematics, she figured out what that had been, only to then huff in frustration as she turned to look for something else, only to find that pot smashed as well. She still managed to scrape some dust from the floor and scatter it on top of the patch. It started to fizzle and bubble and the stench vanished. The sticky patch remained though.

I had watched her the entire time. Something she became aware of while walking around the room, inspecting it for further things that needed immediate attention. She stopped in her steps and probably realized that I was waiting for her to finish this business. She sat down with a sigh, right where she stood. “This will take quite some time… the smell, the powders, all that slime…” A deep sigh and she closed her eyes and shook her head for a moment.

“I wanted to order a potion of sorts,” I interrupted her thought process. “Maybe it would be best if I just told you about that and then I’ll be out of your mane?”

She was not exactly pleased with the condition of her room. With the necessity of my proposal. But after a moment of consideration, she hung her head in defeat and nodded. “This might be best for both of us. And once you leave, I can clean and cuss…!”

I smiled lopsided. Cleaning up after somepony else’s mess was a frustration I knew a thing or two about. Mostly thanks to Rainbow. That mare was a prankster extraordinaire, but she also almost always tried to shirk cleaning up after the fact. Usually Pinkie kept her in line, but Rainbow occasionally went on a pranking spree all on her own. “Alright, I’ll make this quick then. Just a heads-up, it’s a bit weird. I need a potion that has three effects. First, vomiting. Second, weakness. Third, sleep. Think you can mix something like that up?”

Her brow creased immediately. Which was to be expected with an order like that, honestly. “What in Tartarus do you want this for? You’d be writhing in misery on the floor.”

She quickly realized that I might not have myself in mind when it came to consumption. It was an obvious conclusion. It really was. It was also a false one. “I know,” I hastily replied. “But I’m willing to put up with that. So, uh… making the potion decently safe to consume would be another priority, I guess. Heh. Oh and if Twilight asks, or anypony else, really… I wasn’t here. I didn’t talk to you. And I certainly didn’t order anything.”

She watched me closely for a good minute. She tried to bore into my skull with her gaze. She tried to read my body language. And I most certainly felt like being presented on a silver platter. I was naked anyway, but feeling naked still made me anxious. Eventually, she seemed to reach the conclusion that I was responsible enough to be trusted with such a concoction. “You promise me of no ill intent… and I will mix this brew and have it sent.” There was a certain gravitas to her words. Both a plea, and a warning. This promise, if given, meant something.

Of course I would never promise anything lightly anyway. So I smiled and nodded. “I promise.”

I held her gaze for a moment longer before she stood back up again and sighed. She returned to slowly making her way across the room, inspecting the damage, while still partaking in our conversation. “And how quickly do you need this brew? It might be some time until—… is that glue?!” She groaned, raised her hoof and inspected the sticky substance clinging to both floor and hoof. I wondered how her rhyme had been supposed to end.

“I knew it’s a bit of an unusual order, that’s why I came by as early as possible. I’d say… two, maybe three weeks. Would that be sufficient?” To my relief, she nodded, while trying to get the glue scraped off. “Alright, I’ll, uh… I’ll come back later, then. No need to send it, I will just come visit you.”

It was unusual to see her this distracted. She simply nodded once more, still occupied with the glue, while I made my way to the door. I opened it and looked back once more. “I wish you luck with the mess,” I quietly stated. Quietly, because somehow, the thought of speaking up felt like a disturbance. Zecora did not reply. I stepped outside, closed the door as quietly as I could and took a couple of steps away from her tree home.

And then I stopped.

Good luck with the mess. Really? I was in a bit of a conflict with myself for a few seconds. Maybe a minute. Behind me, I could hear Zecora starting to rummage through her stuff again. And a quiet, almost inaudible curse. What was that damn song again?

A true, true friend helps a friend in need…

I groaned a little and turned back around. I opened the door without knocking, closed it behind me and under her slightly confused gaze, picked up a dustpan and brush, bucket and mop. Her grateful smile was enough to make it worth it. And we got to work.

Everything was coming together. And I was giddy with excitement. I just knew: This was going to be goood.

I had already knocked on her door. Thrice. But she took her time to answer it, and despite considering knocking a fourth time, I refrained from doing so. My nervous energy instead expressed itself in me prancing in place a little. Until finally, finally, finally, she opened the damn door.

“I want to prank Luna,” I immediately blurted out. And judging by the slightly painful ache in my cheeks, my grin threatened to split my head in two.

Moondancer stood there, rather unimpressed, before she groaned and slowly turned around. “You’re an idiot,” she flat out stated. She walked towards her kitchen, leaving the door slightly ajar.

I stood there for a moment, a little deflated, but my excitement would not die down this easily and built up again rather quickly. I followed her inside, closed the door and found her in her kitchen, as she was preparing a cup of coffee for herself. “Upper cupboard on the left,” she announced. My gaze was drawn there and I opened the little door, finding a stash of juice bottles. Grape and cherry. Nice.

“Thank you.” I opened one up and took a small sip. And for the first time since arriving, I took a moment to actually look at her. Her coat was ruffled, her mane unkempt. She yawned occasionally, even though she tried to hide it. I had woken her up. Oops.

When her coffee was ready, she took a seat at the kitchen table and gestured for me to do the same. Sitting down did not quite feel right, as I was still too nervous, but I wanted to be a good guest at least. So I sat down, took another sip and tried not to grin too much, lest I would annoy her only further.

And finally, her words clicked in my overzealous head. “Hey! I’m not!” I replied in outrage.

At least that got a little smile out of her. “That took some time,” she mumbled into her coffee cup, took another sip and after reveling in its effect, looked at me. “So. What’s this nonsense about?”

“And it’s not ‘nonsense’ either!” I insisted.

Moonie just smiled. “Sure it is. You want to prank Luna. That is stupid on so many levels. And you are about to drag me into this. You want my help. And you will likely get it, too. I just want to know what I am getting myself into this time.”

I felt quite insulted. What did she mean, this time? I had not gotten her into trouble. Ever. Right? Try as I might, I could not remember a single instance of actual trouble. A couple minor hiccups and incidents, sure. But surely she was not referring to those, right? It was just a dog-ear after all. And a few minutes past lunch break. And a single drop of honey, that could easily be wiped off. And—

That’s not the point, I had to remind myself.

And with my attempt to refocus, I noticed something else. “Wait. When it’s such a stupid idea, why are you on board anyway?” She grimaced a little and quickly mumbled something into her mug. And a faint tint colored her cheeks. Despite not understanding a single word, I grinned. “Didn’t quite catch that.”

“Because you are my friend, alright?” she suddenly snapped, before hiding behind her cup again.

My grin grew a little wider. “Aaaw, little old Moonie’s going soft on me,” I teased her, only to gulp a little as her withering gaze met mine.

“Ever had a coffee cup-induced concussion before? They are quite the experience,” she growled.

I chuckled and raised my hooves. “Fine, fine, I’ll let it go. Still. It’s not a stupid idea,” I kept insisting.

She raised a brow and shrugged. “If you say so. Let us call it a ‘Dreamwalker’-idea, then.”

I was not sure if that was meant as an insult or not. Moondancer was not inherently hostile of course. But she could sometimes be surprisingly snappy. “Alright, so. Luna and Celestia have had this prank war going on since basically forever. And no, I’m not stupid enough to actually enter that battlefield. I would not stand a chance, I’m aware of that. I just want to prank Luna, and Luna only, and this one time only. Because quite frankly, I’m not a prankster by nature and this idea won’t work twice. It’s just too hilarious to pass up. And it’s quite unique, too. I don’t think she’ll see that one coming. I honestly believe that I’ll get her with this. She will have her revenge of course, and I will bear that with as much dignity and grace as her retaliation will allow me, but that’s just the price I’ll have to pay to get one over on her. Just this once, I want to genuinely surprise her. And yes… I need your help.”

She rubbed her muzzle with a hoof and put her coffee cup down. “I already told you I’m in. So… maybe spare me the pitch? You use a lot of words to say little of substance. What is this about?”

I grimaced slightly. Again. My enthusiasm would not survive continued exposure to her morning grumpiness, I realized. It was time to hasten the process. “Right, no pitch then. We are going to fake a vacation, sort of. I will make it known that, in one week from today, I will visit you for a few days. Two or three days should be unsuspicious enough. Anything longer and they will start having questions. I’m not actually coming here though. I just need you to be ready. If Luna — or Twilight or anypony else — suddenly shows up at your doorstep and asks you about my whereabouts, I need you to lie. Fabricate something. I’m out for groceries. I’m off to organize a nice little restaurant plus orchestra-evening for us. Something like that. Anything that could explain why I’m not with you for the moment, and why I might not return for a few hours, and why it’s hard to track me down. The lie doesn’t have to be complicated. And it doesn’t need to hold up for long.”

I felt bad. Rightfully so, I assumed. The moment I mentioned a vacation, a few days exclusively spent with her, she seemed to perk up a little. Something I had not foreseen. Moondancer was a loner by nature. An introvert. Other ponies were exhausting. Trying. And she was insecure, usually fumbling her way through most conversations that did not have a clear, direct goal. I just simply had not expected her to enjoy the thought of that. Of me visiting her. Not just for a couple of hours, but for a few days, even.

And with my plan explained, her ears lay flat against her skull. She was awful at hiding her disappointment. Maybe she was not even aware of it herself. Despite her soured mood, she eventually nodded to signify her understanding. “You want me to lie. To a Princess of Equestria.” Despite her intonation, it was a question.

“Yes,” I simply replied.

“How sure are you that this will not backfire? That I will not be the scapegoat of your ‘prank’?” Her doubts and concerns were understandable of course. To her, Celestia and Luna were Princesses. Twilight less so, because she knew her personally. She was a friend of hers. And that was the point. Moondancer did not know Luna and Celestia like I did.

“One hundred percent,” I replied with utter conviction.

“One hundred?” she asked doubtfully.

“One hundred,” I insisted.

“How.”

I grinned. “Well. First off, there’s the chance that you won’t have to do anything. That nopony will show up anyway. Secondly, both Celestia and Luna have used accomplices in the past. Sometimes these accomplices didn’t even know of any pranks, or were unwilling and yet participated anyway. The important part is: This is a ‘war’ between them. And they take great care to avoid collateral damage.”

Moondancer was silent for maybe half a minute and simply watched me. Silently questioning my sanity. “One hundred percent?” she asked again.

I chuckled and nodded. “One hundred percent,” I repeated.

“I will hold you to that!” she threatened.

At that point, I cracked up and laughed. “Yeah, sure, go ahead. I’m that confident.” And I was. I truly was.

“Alright, fine. I will do it. Can I go to the bathroom now? Otherwise I am going to be late for work.” She stood up, gave her mug a rinsing and put it down to dry.

“You’re not going to ask what’s in it for you?” I asked after a moment of consideration… and hesitation. I had seen her disappointment. And it was something I did not like seeing.

The faint tint returned to her face as she groaned quietly. “No. And I already told you why. Don’t make me repeat it.”

I chuckled and stood up as well. When she tried to walk out of the kitchen, I sidestepped and blocked her path. “Well, let it be known that being a good friend comes with its own perks,” I announced with a grin and pulled her into a hug. “Once everything is done and dusted, I’ll come by again. I will tell you the whole story and how it went, and… maybe I can stay for a couple of days? For real, this time?”

She had accepted the hug with her usual lack of experience, but as soon as the offer was on the table, she tensed up a little. Only to melt right into me a second later. “I think I would like that.” Her voice was soft. Quiet. Vulnerable. And I knew I had done the right thing, offering it.

“Me too,” I answered equally quietly.

I heard her sighing deeply, right before she pulled away and gave me a little shove. “Now get your sorry rump out of my house, I still have to shower and eat. And thanks to you, I will have to run to the Archives.”

“Checking out my flank again? You know I could keep you company, right?” I teased.

And I was delighted to see her entire face light up. It took her a couple of seconds to overcome her shock and disbelief, but once she did, she levitated her cup into the air again, wiggling it around threateningly. “You lecherous fiend! Get. Out! Out, out, out!”

I laughed like a maniac while quickly retreating into the hallway and finally, out the door. I stood on the sidewalk for a moment or two, still chuckling to myself, and I did notice her looking out the window. Probably to make sure that I was truly gone. She even made a little ‘shoo!’-gesture.

I started to make my way back to the palace with the widest grin and I kept in mind that I would make a little detour to the Archives to inform the head librarian that Moondancer might be a few minutes late due to informal business with a princess. That should be enough of an explanation to deter further questions and get her out of this bind.

One week earlier.

Everything had been prepared to the best of both my knowledge and my capabilities. As experts of pranks, Celestia and Luna probably would have been able to pull this off within a few days. If not faster. But I was slow and I worked methodically. I poured over checklists again and again. Checklists Twilight would have been proud of.

No loose ends. None I could take care of, anyway. Moondancer hopefully knew what to do. Zecora hopefully had not been a blabbermouth. Spike hopefully did not suspect a thing. As far as I knew, he was not even supposed to be home today. A lucky coincidence.

I looked over my shoulder. The edge of the Everfree Forest was close by. With more than six years living here, and so, so many memories from other iterations contributing, this sight was not all that unusual. Certainly not unsettling. And yet I shuddered anyway. This… this was the point of my arrival. And as far as I could tell, it always had been, and probably always would be. I did not claim to understand why. This was just space. A space. A wide open field with no significance, as far as I could tell. Fluttershy’s cottage was within sight, sure, but even that was still a good distance away.

I shrugged. Both physically, and mentally. The latter in an attempt to free myself from my musings. It was just another form of procrastinating, I knew that. Because deep down, despite my continued anticipation, I really was not looking forward to the next required step.

I sat down and took the potion into my hooves. “I will hate this,” I murmured.

Her — or their — faces will be worth it, I told myself. I opened the potion, closed my eyes and drank all of it in one go. Just as Zecora had promised when I went to fetch the bottle, it tasted utterly awful. I closed the bottle again and quickly hid it in a small hole I had opened up. Now, with the bottle inside, I closed it. I would need to retrieve the bottle later. But I was not about to litter, as I had considered just throwing the bottle out of reach and sight. And I could not keep it around either, as both the bottle and potential saddlebags would have betrayed my carefully constructed scenario.

My stomach was upset. Quite upset with me and my life choices. Which it aimed to make quite apparent with a mighty rumbling. “I’m sorry,” I tried, but to no avail. The rumbling intensified until I started to feel the potion’s effects. The sudden dizziness made me struggle for balance, even though I was already sitting. There was a blur in front of my eyes that would not vanish, no matter how much I blinked. My limbs felt strangely heavy, prickly and numb at the same time. My neck was sore. I started to feel tired. And my stomach finally decided that enough was enough. With a curse half uttered, half drowned, I vomited onto the ground.

I. Hate. Every. Second. Of. This.

Even after my stomach was empty, I continued to retch. The tiredness seemed unimpressed with that, continuing to grow even further. To the point where I had difficulties staying awake. I tried to take a few steps away from that awful puddle, but my knees buckled and my legs gave out.

A job well done, Zecora. Maybe a little bit too well done…

All attempts to get back up again were in vain. I was lying on the ground, and no matter how hard I tried, I would not get back up. Sleep was closing in like a pack of hungry wolves, circling around the ever decreasing horizon of my consciousness.

Zecora had said that the potions effects were severe. They would come fast and they would leave fast as well. I was hoping she had not been exaggerating for that latter part. Because this state of being was just utter misery.

I gave up and closed my eyes, and as expected, sleep quickly took over.

The dreamscape welcomed me with open arms. A beautiful night sky, dotted with stars and constellations, decorated with dancing dream spheres. Despite no air being in this place and no requirement to breathe, I took a deep breath anyway. To steady my nerves and get my game face on. The next part depended on my qualities as an actor and despite knowing Rarity for years now and being under the impression that she was rubbing off on me — maybe even a little bit too much, at times —, I still was not sure about the quality of my acting.

Only one way to find out.

It was early afternoon. Luna was supposedly fast asleep, given no unforeseen emergencies. And the fact that the dreamscape was this pretty meant that she was around. So it was not all that hard to ‘accidentally bump into her’. Literally.

“Oh, sorry, I—” I mumbled apologetically before I looked at her. Or rather, ogled her. “L-Luna?”

She regarded me with a confused expression. “Dreamwalker? What is the meaning of this? Wherefore art thou asleep at this timeth of day?”

I had to struggle so freaking hard not to snicker. I had not expected her to relapse into her old speech patterns. She did that from time to time of course. Not expecting it here and now was an oversight on my part. But at least my continued silence seemed to contribute to her confusion and thus worked in my favor.

“I… I-I’m not… sure? So… so you know me? W-Where are we?” I stuttered.

There was a pregnant pause while she puzzled over my words, and her eyes went wide with a sudden realization. “No. No, no, no!” She quickly grabbed me by my shoulders, and the strength behind that gesture was even slightly painful. “What is the lasteth thing thee remember?”

“I… I’m not sure, I couldn’t… I couldn’t s-see straight, for some reason. I… I think I puked?” Her eyes went even wider. “I remember birds chirping? A-And green… uhm… wind? M-My legs wouldn’t carry me…”

“Sun and Moon, please, no,” she mumbled to herself. Her gaze drifted off into the distance before she refocused it onto me. “I bethink I might knoweth where thou art. I shall waketh thee up. T’is not safe where thou art. I shall cometh and receiveth thee — stayeth there!”

“Uh… okay?”

She did not wait. She did not utter a single word more. Within an instant, the dreamscape was gone and I was shunned out, back into my body. I uttered a miserable groan. My bones were heavy, my head was spinning, and the acrid smell of vomit was emanating from somewhere nearby. Zecora had said the potions effects would wear off quickly. She did not say just how quickly. And my conversation with Luna had admittedly been a lot shorter than I had expected.

Yet despite that, I had already won. In my book anyway. I had seen her face. Shock and disbelief and panic. Maybe this prank of mine was a little bit mean-spirited? Maybe a lot. There was a sudden bout of doubt. All this time, the last few weeks, I had focused so hard on the How. Maybe? Maybe I should have thought more about if I should do this?

The idea had seemed hilarious at first, sure. Heck, it still did. But maybe that was not a good thing. Maybe that was more of a condemning statement about my character? She was genuinely worried that she might have lost me.

Was it really ‘fun’ to make somepony think they might have lost a loved one?

The more I thought about it, the less enthusiastic I was about the whole deal. While doubt started to form regrets, I started to panic. Luna was very much capable of long-distance teleportation. She was not quite as experienced with it as Twilight was, and it exhausted her a great deal more than Twilight, but she would arrive any moment. And I was torn between abandoning this entire ‘hoax’ and sticking to the plan. Worse still, the latter was only an option because I had no plan of action for the former.

I was overwhelmed. By myself. Moondancer had been right all along. This entire idea was stupid. It had been from the start.

But before I could make up my mind, Luna arrived. A sudden increase in air pressure, a flash of silvery, soft light and she was standing a couple of feet away and frantically searched her surroundings until she noticed me. She rushed over immediately.

I knew that any second now, I would fall into choice paralysis. And once that happened, everything would spiral out of control. It would end with me having yet another breakdown. And with my loved ones comforting me. Again.

I was grateful to have them, of course. Grateful that they cared so much. Grateful that they were willing to put up with me. But sweet Celestia, I was so not willing to fall into that routine.

And yet, to avoid it, there was only one way forward. Stick to the plan. See it through. And bear the consequences afterwards.

So while she looked me over for superficial wounds, cuts and bruises, I raised my head and regarded the forest for a second, before turning my attention back to her. “Is that the Everfree?” She just nodded and I tried to stand up. My knees still buckled, but this time, they held. The potions effects were subsiding, at least. She conjured a waterskin from who-knows-where and I took a greedy gulp from it. It was worth it to get rid of the awful taste, if nothing else. And with that taken care of, I regarded her for a longer moment.

Her coat was ruffled. Her mane was even more of a mess. Ethereal, yes, but one could clearly tell the difference between her usual, regal appearance and this tangle of wavy strands. She looked like this after dancing away a free night in a club. I was no club-pony. The flickering lights, the absurd volume of the music, everypony yelling and the entire space crammed with bodies, heat, sweat, alcohol… one of my least favorite places ever. But I had accompanied Luna on two or three occasions. The first time because she had begged me. The second time because I had quickly learned what an experience it was.

Seeing her dance was entrancing. The movement of her body. Her wings. That excited shimmer in her eyes. She had even managed to rope me into dancing with her the second time. I was a natural disaster on the dancefloor, of course. But she did not mind. And it had allowed me to be so much closer to her. See her from up close. Watch her as she got lost in that own little world of hers that consisted entirely of sound.

She was beautiful.

Back on that dancefloor, and here, right now. If only there would have been less panicky worry in her eyes. But even that was heartwarming to some degree. She cared so much about me. I could have pulled this stupid prank on anypony. Literally anypony. But not for one second had I considered pulling it on Celestia. Or Twilight. Or any of my friends.

Maybe because Celestia would have seen through the entire charade in an instant. Maybe because Twilight’s panic reactions were legendary and should not be provoked lightly. Or at all.

It was a misconception on my part, of course. Something I wrangled with every now and then. Celestia loved me. I knew that. From the bottom of my heart, I knew that. I might not understand how, or why. But the fact remained. And I knew that Twilight loved me as well.

And I really should have known that Luna loved me just as much. I did know. But there was just this teeny-tiny voice that would not die. It fell quiet for long stretches. Weeks and months, at this point. But every now and then, it would chirp up again. And remind me how our involvement had started. Luna and Twilight had been in love long before I had arrived. I was an intruder. I was attempting to snatch Twilight away from her.

I did not, of course. Not just because of decency and manners. I wanted them to be happy. With each other. I loved them so much, and I wanted them to be as happy as they could be. And my memories told a clear-cut story there: They were happiest with each other.

I was an intruder. A trespasser. And Luna’s jealousy was just as legendary as Twilight's panic reactions.

She had agreed to a relationship with me. We had agreed upon this. To open up possibilities. Test the waters. Make a few ponies even happier. Without risking the wrath of her jealousy. We had tried, hoping it would work. And it had worked. We had grown to love each other.

It was the weirdest thing. I had already loved her. My memories were clear on that, too. I had loved Luna so many times, in so many lives. I had chosen her, and she had chosen me. But those memories were fractured. Parts. Bits and pieces. Never a full story.

I had loved many Lunas, but I tried to remind myself constantly that this one was ‘new’. A different Luna. And she deserved to be treated as such. Thus, I loved Luna, yet I did not love Luna. I had to get to know her first. And I did. And I learned to love her again. And all of it felt incredibly backwards.

Knowing the result, and willfully constructing the task to get there.

Was it just my doubts again? My constant self-deprecation? Was it just that, making me think that maybe, the way we got together was the reason why I chose Luna for this prank? Would that not make it even crueler?

… was I a bad pony?

I gulped. I really, really tried to refrain from tearing up. It was not fair. Not fair to her. I lunged forward as best as my unsteady hooves allowed and hugged her fiercely. I wanted to apologize, but my mind was a chaotic mess and could not form a single, coherent sentence. I breathed her scent in. Familiar. Loved. And pulled back just enough to kiss her. A fierce, passionate kiss. Full of longing. And maybe a tad more despair than I cared to acknowledge.

“I’m sorry,” I managed to croak out once I pulled back. I wanted to say more than that, but I still could not.

And that certainly was not helped by the fact that apparently, she took all this in and… formed her own narrative from her observations. She smiled warmly. “Don’t be. I think I understand.”

And she would, would she not? Celestia had felt slightly uncomfortable with my knowledge of her. I had talked about it with her once or twice. She was a pony very much in control of her life. She controlled every aspect of it. Who knew what about her, for example. Me dragging knowledge from previous iterations into this one was not an issue, per se. Just something that rubbed her the wrong way, on occasion. So I tried to avoid using it. Tried to avoid falling back onto knowledge I had not yet gathered.

Twilight was a lot more relaxed in that regard. She was curious about it. Curious about the nature of my being. Was it other timelines? Reincarnations? Alternate dimensions? Other worlds? The thought of other Twilights, other Lunas, other Celestias and more intrigued her. Always the scientist, always the scholar. She just saw a field of study. But her stance was clear once it became a question. Having that knowledge was one thing. Acting upon it was another matter entirely. And I should not do that.

Most of my friends shared either her sentiment, or that of Sunny.

And then there was Luna. Brazenly claiming that I should accept who I was. And that this entailed who I had been in the past. That these memories were my own. That there were not, in fact, dozens and dozens of Dreamwalkers, living their lives. But one. One who remembered, and moved on, and rebuilt, and rekindled. Luna had always been the one to encourage me to use these memories. To build upon their wisdom and knowledge. Even when it concerned her. Because at the end of the day, there were differences between lifetimes. Luna's favorite flower was the moonshine daisy. Or was it a blue rose? Or maybe she did not even like flowers to begin with. Details changed, after all. And yet she always encouraged the use of memories that might provide outdated information.

I had told her a lot about what I remembered. She probably knew more than everypony else, including even Twilight. It was so much easier to talk about this with her. And thus… maybe she really did understand.

And honestly, she did not seem too appalled by having been kissed. A small smirk graced her lips as she leaned in and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. “The important part is that we get you somewhere safe and then I need to look into a few things.”

She’s using New Equestrian now, good. Panic’s over, it seems.

I nodded, like the good stallion that I was, and on slightly wobbly legs moved to her side. She draped a wing over my back, to keep me steady. Or maybe to keep me close to her. Or both. Why not both.

And we started to walk towards Ponyville.

Despite my inner conflict, I kept the charade up and running. I asked if that was Fluttershy’s cottage. And then, before she could answer, who Fluttershy was. I asked if that was Ponyville, and waved to a few good friends I had known for years like I was seeing them for the first time, right before ‘suddenly remembering’ their names. I probably confused a lot of ponies that day. Most of them did not quite remember my initial arrival six years ago. To be fair, despite Ponyville's status as a village, the town had a rather active life. It was easier to forget weird things happening when ‘weird things happening’ was the normal state of being and a weekly occurrence.

We eventually arrived at the castle and Luna ushered me inside. Spike was coming towards us, with a big grin on his face and a small backpack on his back. So he was not gone quite yet. Oh well. He stopped and furrowed his brow when he noticed Luna. “Uh… Princess Luna? What’s going on?”

“You’re Spear, right?” I asked with a shy smile. “N-No, wait. Spike. It’s Spike.”

He just stared at me dumbfounded before slowly turning his gaze towards Luna, wordlessly asking what was going on again. “We seem to have run into a bit of a problem here. Nothing to worry about, however. You may run along and I will find Twilight and we shall work this out.”

He slowly nodded and looked back to me once more, a clear frown on his face and worry in his eyes. “Yeah, sure, you, uh… you do that. Twi’s in the main library.”

“Thank you, Spike,” Luna and I replied in unison. Luna giggled — I blushed.

A moment of hesitation later and Spike started moving again. Soon enough, he was gone and we were on our way to find Twilight. Just as Spike had announced, we entered the library and found her sitting in a mound of books. Because of course she was.

She looked up and a beautiful smile bloomed on her lips when she saw us. Full of warmth and love and genuine joy. “Luna! Dreamwalker!” Aaand just like that, her pretty smile wavered as her brow furrowed. “Wait. Are you not supposed to be in Canterlot with Moondancer? Did something happen?”

“Who’s Moondancer?” I asked with a slight tilt of my head.

The very moment that question left my mouth, Twilight turned to Luna with an increasingly confused expression. “He ran into me in the dreamscape. Quite literally. I found him at the edge of the Everfree Forest. Please keep an eye on him, I will try to teleport to Canterlot and ask Moondancer about his whereabouts.”

The implications were quite clear. Twilight struggled to contain her slight horror and nodded after she took a deep breath. After all: My flashes never showed me the end. In none of my memories did I ever see myself die. So I had no idea whatsoever how these iterations, circles, lifetimes or whatever they were ended. Or what happened for them to be restarted. How that was experienced by somepony other than myself.

“Wait,” Twilight spoke up as Luna already readied herself. “Let me teleport. I’m more adapted to the strain than you.” Which really was her nicest way of telling Luna that the Element of Magic had deeper reserves and she could stomach long-distance teleportation a lot better, and do it a lot more.

Something Luna begrudgingly accepted. “Fine, you go then. I will wait here with him. Moondancer should be in the Archives right now.”

Twilight nodded, put a bookmark in her latest tome and without further delay, teleported away. Luna sat down on her haunches and rubbed her muzzle with a hoof. “What a mess.”

“I… I’m sorry? I don’t… I still don’t quite understand what’s happening,” I offered.

“You remember Twilight?” she asked and once again watched me closely.

In my head, I conjured the images of Twilight. This plan had been well-prepared, after all. I imagined Twilight, sprawled out on her bed, her back legs slowly, enticingly parting. Her tail covering her modesty just enough, before slowly slipping away as well. It was enough to make my blood heat up and rush downstairs. Enough to make me blush quite heavily.

Luna giggled. “You do, then. Good. Well, it all depends on what Twilight finds out. The short version is this: Either you are ‘our’ Dreamwalker and are, for whatever reason, currently suffering a massive relapse or memory loss of some kind… or you are a new ‘Dreamwalker’ that has just arrived the eerily same way our Dreamwalker had arrived a few years ago. Neither possibility is especially appealing, as you surely can understand, but for obvious reasons, I am very much hoping for the former.”

“O-Oh,” I stuttered and fell silent, letting my shoulders sag and hanging my head. She gave me a little squeeze with her wing, but remained silent as well. After maybe a minute, I raised my head again to look at her. “Why? If… if I may ask?”

“Why would I prefer you to be him?” she asked for clarification. And I nodded. She took a few moments to mull her answer over before voicing it. “Well, I care about him a lot. That obviously does not mean that I do not care about you, or could not grow to care about you in the same manner, but despite possibilities, it would most likely never be the same. If, however, he — you — is merely ‘injured’ in some way, I am confident that we will find some sort of remedy, cure, spell or the like to reverse the effect.”

“Thank you,” I replied with a smile.

“What for?” She even seemed a little confused.

So I leaned into her and closed my eyes for a moment. “Well, you seem like a really nice pony. And… no matter what option holds true, you care either way. And I’m grateful for that.”

With a heavy sigh, she laid her head on top of mine. “You are welcome.”

We remained in that position for what felt like a few minutes, before a bright purple flash, a pop and the smell of ozone announced Twilight's return. “Moondancer says he arrived yesterday, as planned. They were planning on a quiet evening. I was at her house as well, after she allowed me in, and found a note from him telling her to dig through her dresser for something ‘fancier’. I think he’s about in Canterlot, arranging for a nice evening. So… that would mean he is…”

“… new,” Luna concluded with furrowed brows. Twilight nodded. “Well, now we have two, apparently. That is… interesting.” She lifted her wing from my back and refolded it on her own. Luna stood up and walked over to Twilight and cast some sort of spell. I saw her horn light up in her usual blue aura, but a second later, they were talking. And I did not hear a word. It was muffled to an extent that made it incomprehensible.

I knew that spell, of course. I knew it from Twilight. Spike had once described it as the ‘perfect librarian-spell’ and I found no fault with that description. It was a little jarring right now though. They were clearly talking about me as they constantly looked over. They were probably trying to figure out what to do with me now.

And the longer they took, the more nervous I became. I started to shift around on the ground and eventually stood up again. I wanted to walk in circles, just to have the movement to focus on, but before I could decide on that, the sound distortion bubble vanished.

“I am sorry for the exclusion,” Luna started. “We just had to quickly decide on a course of action.”

“That’s alright,” I replied with a sigh of relief. “What ‘course of action’ did you decide on?”

While Luna stopped right in front of me, I noticed that Twilight did not. She walked up to my side, and stood quite close. Close enough that I could almost feel her body heat. “Well,” Luna said quietly and a smirk grew on her lips. “You appear to be new around here. So we thought about a proper introduction and a more heartfelt welcome.”

“Oh? U-Uhm, okay, and wha—“ That was all I managed to get out before she leaned down and sealed my lips with her own. Her wing once more extended, and laid itself upon my neck, pulling me further in. She slightly tilted her head and her tongue darted across. There was a well-known, familiar fire in her eyes that made me shiver in anticipation. For some reason, Luna always, without fault, managed to inspire desire in me with as little as a glance, a flick of her tail, a brush of our coats. I loved and desired Celestia and Twilight just as much, if not more. But her effect on me was unmistakable, undeniable and infallible.

And I lost. I lost myself to her kiss, to my own desire. She had once again effortlessly sparked a raging inferno that threatened to consume me. And I wanted it to consume me. I pushed against her, raised a hoof to pull her in myself, deepening our kiss further, while I forgot all about the prank or my surroundings.

That was until I noticed Twilight's lips brush against my cutie mark. The sensation was not dissimilar to an electric shock. Furthermore, I felt her trail down my barrel, inwards. She was making a beeline for my sheath.

No. Wait. What? No, this is wrong!

I did not know what was going on. But I knew a few things with unerring certainty. Twilight would be too embarrassed to be this brazen. And Luna would never, ever, share. I tore myself free from her kiss, and her embrace. She tried to hold me in place with her wing, but my sudden and quite hectic movement was enough to free me. I stumbled a few steps back, careful not to hurt Twilight in my unplanned retreat.

And that was the moment I saw it.

Green eyes.

Just a fraction of a second. But it had been there. I had seen it. And ‘Twilight’ raised her head with a smug expression I found mirrored on Luna's face as well.

Queen.

My blood froze.

Somewhere in the back of my head, a tiny voice tried to yell about magical auras or something. But it was utterly drowned out by the sheer panic of my situation. The fun was over. No prank. This was a real situation, with a real threat attached, and I was way out of my league here if that ‘Luna’ really was a changeling queen.

Without hesitation or a second thought, I yanked at the arcane thread connecting me to my armor. It landed with additional weight on my back and for once, having that additional weight felt reassuring. I just wished I had a soul-bound weapon as well. Without letting either of these two get out of my sight, I scanned the room and sparked up my telekinesis, quickly grabbing the fireplace poker and bringing it to my side.

“Where are they?” I asked.

“We have no idea what you are talking about,” Luna said in an alluring tone.

“Are you feeling alright?” Twilight chimed in. “You seem a little… stressed. We could help you with that, you know?”

They exchanged a single glance. And while Luna stepped to the right, Twilight stepped to the left. It was the first step. They would circle around me. Try to get behind me. Attack me in a pincer move maneuver. I had heard of that before. I was alone, unprepared, outnumbered and soon enough, I would be flanked as well.

However, my training kicked in. And goodness gracious me, was I grateful for that. The door was right behind me, a few steps away. Changelings were capable of magic and flight. The castle was close to Ponyville. They could not risk being discovered, being seen out in the open. Too many witnesses would alert Celestia.

Heavens above, I hope Sunny is alright…

I pushed my fears to the wayside. Not now. While they started to circle around me just as I had expected, a plan formed. And was swiftly executed.

I swung the poker with all I had to give. A hit like that, straight to the skull, could have cracked said skull and killed whoever that skull belonged to. But they were alarmed and ready. And speed was not my strength. They probably saw the attack coming from a mile away.

I ‘tried’ to bash the smaller drone’s skull in and just as expected, a shield was thrown up before it could connect. A purple shield. Conjured by a purple aura. From a purple horn.

That tiny voice was screeching at the top of its non-existent lungs, but I did not listen. I was in battle. I could not afford the distraction. I used the momentum of the fire poker to let it loosely fly off in the direction of the queen. While the drone recoiled, the queen sidestepped the ‘attack’, and I quickly turned and made a break for the door.

I made it into the hallway and saw Spike, just about to close the main door. “Oh, hey Dreamwalker. Forgot my comics. You feeling bet—“

“Spike, run! Changelings!” I yelled and gave it my all, running at top speed. For what I could muster, that was decently fast. Of course, changelings were faster. But what did that matter if they just teleported.

I barreled through the door and tried to grab Spike on my way out. I tried to pull him with me. But just outside the door, I barreled full speed into ‘Luna’, who stood firm and unmoving like a mountain.

A second later, the three of us — minus Spike — were back in the main library.

“Wait!” ‘Twilight’ pleaded. “Please wait!”

Honestly, there was little I could do anyway. I had no idea where the poker had flown off to. In addition to that, that bright purple flash had blinded me for a second, and I felt incredibly nauseous after that teleport.

… which is exactly what would happen after Twilight teleports you…!, that angry voice in the back yelled.

And it finally clicked.

A purple shield. Even before that, when she had teleported to Canterlot. A purple flash.

I slowly sat down on my rump. And slowly turned my head to see Luna levitate the poker back to the fireplace. In a cobalt blue aura. The one thing one could count on was changeling magic being green.

While my head still spun and tried to process this development, my mouth decided that action was required. My head snapped around and I frantically moved over to Twilight. “Oh no, sweet Celestia no, are you alright?” I pulled her head down, turned it left, turned it right. I had seen the poker connect to her shield. There had been a shield.

There had been a shield. Calm down. She’s fine.

But clearly, that was not how it worked. It was not that easy. Not that simple.

Twilight pulled away. She pressed her hooves to my face to stop me from moving around too much. “I am alright. I am fine. Calm down. You did not hit me.”

When I said it to myself, it was worthless. When she said it… it somehow worked. It did not quench all my worries immediately. But it did soothe my frazzled nerves considerably. “I’m so, so sorry…!” I whispered, tilting both her head and mine down a little and putting our foreheads against each other with our horns crossed. I had to bite down on my tongue to refrain from constantly repeating that like a maniac.

And while a part of me tried to sort through all this mess, another one simply stated the facts. I had almost bashed her head in.

This truly had spiraled out of control. Utterly out of control. I trembled.

She hugged me. And despite how nice that felt, and despite how much I would always love that, I felt icky. Undeserving of such gestures. Right now, at least. So I pulled away. And for a moment, I faced Luna. I dared to look in her direction.

And much to my surprise, I saw no judgment. There was the faintest hint of a smile. But otherwise, she just sat there and kept silent for now, observing. I silently begged her to come over. And after a moment, she did. She sat down beside us, and with ease enveloped the two of us in her wings.

“What a mess indeed,” I choked out in an attempt at gallows humor. I felt Luna giggle, even though I did not hear it. “What… what was that? All of… I don’t… I’m so confused right now… everything went sideways so quickly…”

“I will agree that it is about time for some explanations,” Celestia chimed in.

All three of us froze. We slowly raised our heads, turned it to the side and watched her lift an invisibility spell.

Suffice it to say, I did not get any less confused.

“Sister?” Luna asked in utter bewilderment. “Since when have you been spying on us?! Has this been your idea?”

Celestia smiled and shook her head. Calm, warm, serene. As usual. “I can assure you it was not. Does this bear the hoofprint of my work, Luna?”

After just a second of hesitation, Luna sighed. “It does not. Then what exactly was all of this about?”

While she switched her gaze from one to the other, Celestia stepped closer to us and sat down as well. She leaned down and nuzzled my cheek. It was such a nice and soothing feeling. “It was a valiant attempt, love. Please. Explain what happened.”

I sighed deeply and looked at the three of them. Celestia was smiling. To encourage me. To bolster me. Twilight… was curious. She was neither afraid nor angry, just… slightly confused and curious. And Luna, well. She tried to play Celestia’s game. She tried to hide her reactions, her emotions, her thoughts. But she had always been a terrible liar. And I saw that faint smirk.

None of them were angry with me.

Should they be? Maybe they should be? They should probably be angry with me.

Heck, even if they would not — I was, most certainly.

With another sigh, I scraped together my thoughts and tried. “You two have this prank war going on. It’s… it’s a thing you share. I don’t want to take that away from you. I don’t want to, uhm… intrude upon that. I can’t really… I’m not funny. I don’t really ‘get’ pranks. I think. I mean, this proves it, I guess. I just… I wanted to contribute something? A few weeks ago, I had this really stupid idea. You would never see it coming. Because despite all your experience and all your knowledge and all your years, you never had to deal with somepony in my circumstances. I could try to get you with a trick that only I would be able to pull off. A trick you would never have seen before. So I planned a ‘prank’. Really should have consulted with Rainbow and Pinkie, in retrospect. I asked Zecora to brew me a potion that would mirror my miserable state when I arrived here. I asked Moondancer to provide an alibi for me in case you would go search for ‘me’. A-And I played up the whole ‘I don’t recognize anypony’-thing. A lot. I-I thought it would be… funny. A surprise. I didn’t… sweet Celestia, I almost bashed your head in…”

I fled. Sort of. As I choked out my words, I crawled over to her as quickly as I could and Twilight welcomed me into another embrace with waiting arms. I buried my muzzle in the crook of her neck for a couple of seconds and tried to just breathe. To steady myself. To calm down my raging heartbeat. “I’m sorry,” I repeated.

“Well, it worked almost flawlessly, I admit,” Luna spoke up. “You successfully had me fooled. Up to a certain point, that is. As far as I can tell, you only made two crucial mistakes that gave the play away.”

Only a minute later, after I had once again managed to calm down a little, did I pull back from Twilight and look over to Luna. “Which?”

She smiled a little lopsided. “Firstly, when I teleported to you on that field, I checked for your well-being.” I nodded, not quite understanding what her point was. “With all the spells I had at hoof.” I nodded again, still none the wiser. She sighed, but her grin grew a little wider. “I was the one implementing that arcane line, connecting you and your armor.” With that, it dawned on me. She found the line. And with that, she already knew that I could not have been a ‘new’ Dreamwalker. Once she saw me understand, she nodded. “And secondly, if you were a new arrival, Pinkie Pie should have shown up as soon as we entered Ponyville proper, right?”

I grimaced a little. “How do you know that?” The fact of the matter was that I had considered that. And I had simply resorted to counting on her not knowing. Because that had been easier than to rope Pinkie into this whole thing as well. Fluttershy and Pinkie had announced the former’s pregnancy roughly two months ago. Ever since, Pinkie had been quite busy. And she was in the middle of this phase she called ‘serious and caring Pinkie’, which was quite ridiculous, because Pinkie always cared. And serious Pinkie was both ridiculous and a sad prospect. Either way, I had just hoped Luna would not have adapted to Ponyville life enough to know about the usual Pinkie welcoming party.

Luna, for her part, just grinned. “You do realize that I lived here for a couple of years as well, right?”

I puffed out my cheeks a little. “You don’t. You come visit every so often, but you don’t live here.” She raised a brow and I sighed. “That came out wrong. But you know what I mean. I just… I misjudged that, I guess.” I wanted to tell her how much I would actually love for her to live here. With us. But this was not the right time, or place.

She leaned down and nuzzled me. “That is fine.”

I sighed deeply. Again. “So… what was this whole, uhm… the kiss and… that… what was that about?”

Twilight blushed a little. But I did notice that her eyes darted to the side, to Celestia. And that made me question as well: Just how long had she been around, and just how much had she seen?

“That is what we call a counter-prank,” Luna smugly replied. “We called your bluff and made a move of our own. Admittedly, the execution had been a little bit… crude.” Recoloring eyes. I wanted to smack my forehead with a hoof as I realized their genius ‘plan’. Luna had been distracting me with a kiss, so that I would not notice Twilight casting her spell to recolor her eyes. Recoloring was a fairly simple spell. Eyes, hair, coat. The real advantage of the spell was that it only lasted as long as the amount of magic provided allowed. A unicorn with a sufficient understanding of the spell could probably gauge the duration, and after the initial casting, no magic aura would be visible anymore. Furthermore, Twilight knew the extent of my magical sensibility. She could easily cast it in a way that would not trigger my usual awareness.

I turned to Twilight once more. “Don’t,” she just told me right away, with a small smile gracing her lips. So I held my tongue and did not say it.

Luna meanwhile turned her attention to her sister. “However, I have come to notice that none of this explains your presence.”

Celestia's smile widened a little. “It does not. Your sharp observational skills remain quite impressive, sister.”

Luna stuck her tongue out in a display of maturity, grace and defiance. “Tell us already, you old coot!”

Celestia shot her sister a warning glare before her expression settled into a content smile. At this point, she already knew all she wanted to know. “A certain shaman of the Everfree Forest was quite worried by an unusual potion request. She jumped through many hoops to contact me and inform me about said request. In turn, I asked her to inform me once the potion was ready. I placed an enchantment on the potion that would inform me as soon as it was used, and it would provide me with the information of where it was used. Said shaman was a dear and brewed an invisibility potion for me as well. You never know when you need these, after all.”

Celestia had been with me from the moment I drank the potion.

Luna had seen through the entire scenario from the moment she checked for injuries.

Twilight had known about it from the moment Luna told her in that sound bubble.

I somehow suddenly felt like an extra in my own prank. Then again… was that really a bad thing? Or rather: Did that really matter? I mulled these questions over and came to a simple conclusion. I decided that it did not. “Alright, so just to have it said properly at least once: This was a stupid idea, and I will leave the pranking to those who know what they are doing. I’m sorry for the mess I’ve caused and…” I looked over to Twilight and she simply nodded, sparing me another apology.

Luna was not done, however. And neither was Celestia. “To be fair, I have taken Twilight under my wing and trained her for years now,” Luna explained with a smirk. “We would not have been able to coordinate ourselves this quickly and efficiently otherwise. She is not a ‘natural prankster’ by any means, but she is a quite dedicated student.”

Celestia clearly perceived herself as being challenged by her sister’s bold statement and put an almost possessive wing around me. “Well, I have been thinking about taking on a student for myself recently. And as I said, despite some flaws in design, this prank had been a valiant attempt. I see a good deal of potential we could work with.” Oh no. Please don't. Please, love, don't...

I could feel the air growing thicker and tensions rising while Celestia and Luna stared at each other. I looked over to Twilight with pleading eyes and silently mouthed “Help!” With a grin, she charged her horn, leaned forward enough to touch a hoof to my shoulder and in a bright purple flash, we vanished.

“Urgh, I’ll never get used to that,” I complained as we both sat in front of Moondancer’s door. Twilight had already knocked and I tried to get my bearings again. The dizziness subsided quickly, but the vertigo took a while longer. I used the opportunity to lean over and kiss Twilight on her ear and cheek. “Thank you.”

The door was opened a moment later and Moondancer looked at us with a sigh, waiting for the inevitable.

“Please grant us refuge before the mighty celestial forces smite us,” I begged with an uneasy smile.

“One hundred percent, hm?” she stated.

I grimaced a little. “Ah, well, you see—” I quickly looked around, as if I could find some viable excuse lying on the floor, before I had a decent idea. “If you let us in, I’ll massage those knots out of your neck. And your back. And your everything.”

She raised a brow. “I don't have kno—“

Before she could spin her lie further, I quickly stepped forward and pressed a single hoof to a specific point on her neck. I knew the way she was sitting in her library when reading. I knew it, because Twilight did the exact same thing. And I knew that spot perfectly. It was tense. It always was.

She cringed a little and pulled back, smacking my hoof away. “Fine, fine!”

However, I did notice Twilight's rather quizzical look. “And I’ll massage your everything if you don’t ask about that.”

Twilight knew better than to ever assume that I would cheat on her. But even she was not above a little teasing every now and then. “My everything, you say?” she asked with a growing smile while she raised an eyebrow.

I grinned, leaned closer and whispered “everything” into her ear. And I was delighted as I saw her shudder a little.

After Twilight agreed with a nod, Moondancer stepped out of the way to let us in and closed the door behind us. “So. How did it go?”

I exchanged a glance with Twilight. Both of us grinned. “Worked like a charm,” she said.

Day 2,641: On the Practicality of Pet Names

“You already look so much better, dear. It fills me with a bit of envy, to be perfectly honest.” Rarity fluttered her eyelashes and her warm smile made me return one of my own.

I had to admit, I felt better already as well and we had barely started our spa treatment. I was not as much a fan of hooficures as she was, but I appreciated the feeling of cleanliness afterwards nonetheless and the massage, including a face mask, was just… oh, how would she put it? Simply divine.

Despite her not expecting such, I knew that she would very much appreciate a compliment in return. Because we shared the odd similarity. One of them being that we tended to give without asking for something in return. “Thank you. You look pretty good yourself. Though to be fair, it’s considerably harder to raise the bar when it comes to you. You always look good.”

Her ladylike smile turned into a giddy grin for a fraction of a second before she recomposed herself. “Why thank you, dear! Although I have to say…” She stopped walking for a moment and craned her neck to look at her own back and side. A sigh escaped her throat before she turned her head back. She shot me a wry smile before we moved on. “… I do feel unshapely.”

I considered my next steps carefully. I knew that she had her peculiarities and Rarity was strict when it came to manners. Nevertheless, she looked like she could use it, so I sidestepped a little and walked close enough that our coats almost brushed. She did seem to appreciate the gesture. “Well, little Pristine needs her space. But don’t worry. I understand that it might irk you a little to lose the shape you were so well-accustomed to, it was a nice shape after all.” And I got her grinning for a second again. “But once she’s here, you’ll probably return to it quickly. Plus, if I may be so bold: You still look gosh-darn attractive. Honestly, even more so than before.”

Now it was my turn to grin as she blushed a little and averted her eyes. “Thank you.” We reached our destination, entered and closed the door behind us. Aloe was already waiting patiently for us and said nothing as we put the towels on a nearby bench and eased ourselves into the mud baths. She wordlessly asked us if we needed anything, and Rarity made clear that we were fine. So she left us to our devices. “And how is Luna doing these days?” Rarity inquired.

Now it was my turn to grin and sigh. “Is it mean if I say ‘she looks like a balloon with legs’?” Despite her good manners, I got her. Even Rarity giggled a little for the briefest moment. Before she could decide to reprimand me for my choice of language, I continued. “Honestly, she’s the most attractive she’s ever been. Goddess, she’s hot. And round. Very, very round. Doc says Stardust could be here any day now. So if I suddenly vanish in a flash of light, you know what’s happening. Other than that, she’s obviously complaining a lot. I don’t mind. It’s just… every time I think about it, my heart starts to race. We’re going to have a little colt running around soon.”

She was happy for me. I could see that glint in her eyes that said as much. And indeed, my heart fluttered a little, and my mind was on fire, and I was so excited. Our conversation fell into a bit of a lull as we further relaxed into the warm mud and for a couple of minutes, we just stayed silent in our comfortable companionship.

Our little spa day was a rather spontaneous idea. We had originally planned to meet at her house, make some tea, read a little bit, maybe act out a scene or two. That was always fun. But she felt awful after a rough night and complained about Pristine kicking again, which might or might not have been her imagination, and I was not that much better off with Luna being this close to giving birth. My mind had been all over the place for the last few weeks and it showed.

So this was both a heaven-sent opportunity, and a necessity. For both of us.

It was only a matter of time until Rarity spoke up again, of course. We only had so much time with each other until our crammed schedules would tear us apart again. Life was busy. “Have you noticed my darling Fluttershy calling Pinkie ‘sugar cube’, by any chance?”

Her voice was quiet. Not quite a whisper, but barely above it. And it had this almost predatory quality that immediately told me everything I needed to know even before I cracked my eyes open again to glance in her direction. Her eyes were full of playfulness. Rarity the Gossip had awakened. I considered that for a moment, listened into my own mess of thoughts and found that I did not mind much. Rare was the opportunity that I indulged in gossip, but I had found over the years that, on these rare occasions, it could actually be quite fun.

So I shifted my posture a little bit so as to cross my hooves on the edge of the mud bath and placed my head on top of them. It gave me a good position to look at her. “Haven’t,” I replied with a shrug. “But honestly… ‘sugar cube’? That’s an AJ-thing. Can’t imagine that will stick.”

Rarity giggled. Both in joy over my participation as well as due to my assessment. And she agreed with a nod. “I hope as much. She did seem to test it out like an oddly flavored candy and her face told me that she was not certain she liked it. I have to say, I find it strangely endearing that even after all these years, she still occasionally tries to find a decent pet name for Pinkie.”

I chuckled and agreed. “Yeah. Some ponies just don’t… work like that? Like. Pinkie calls her buttercup, right? And she started that in the second or third week they were dating. And it’s not about creativity either. It just… it has to feel right.”

“Buttercup, yes,” Rarity confirmed, although she seemed a little zoned out. After blinking once, she returned to me and furrowed her brow. “Do you have any idea why? Why buttercup, that is?”

I tried to remember if I knew. If Pinkie had ever told me, if I had even ever asked. But I came up empty-hooved. “Nah, not really. Based on the color, maybe? Would be my best guess. And the flower looks very delicate, so that would fit as well.”

She mulled the input over and nodded in agreement. “That does seem about right, yes. And while I have to agree that it might not be about creativity per se, it is rather telling that our lovely Pinkie is the one coming up with quite a lot of pet names, is she not? What is it again she calls Rainbow?”

I smirked. She knew perfectly well, but she did not like using that specific name. “Dashie,” I lifted that burden from her. “And I don’t like using that one either.”

Rarity blushed faintly in reaction to my ‘I see what you’re doing’-grin. “You don’t?” she quickly asked to distract from further investigation.

“No. I mean, you could probably make an argument that it is ‘just’ an abbreviation, but there’s a whole lot of differences between pet names and abbreviations. It mostly comes down to intention, I feel. The way Pinkie says ‘Dashie’ is so full of… love. Admiration. Trust. There’s a lot that gets said whenever she uses it, and even what explicitly is said varies depending on intonation. It’s just so… hm. It’s intimate. Now don’t get me wrong, I like Rainbow. She’s fun to hang out with and her energy is just infectious. But I’m self-aware enough to realize that I’m not as close with her as Pinkie is, and I will most likely never be. They simply share a lot more common ground with each other. And that’s perfectly fine, but it also means that using ‘Dashie’ just feels like I’m stepping over a line.”

Rarity stifled a dainty giggle with a hoof held to her muzzle. “I agree whole-heartedly. And I must say, I find it amusing to once again notice common ground shared between us, of all ponies.”

I chimed in with a chuckle and slightly shook my head. “Yeah. Didn’t see that one coming either. But hey, I’m not complaining. It’s nice to get closer to you.”

She did one of her slow, conscious winks and I had to chuckle a little bit harder. “Just out of idle curiosity and because I cannot seem to remember: Have we ever had… you know?”

I smirked and let the silence linger for just a few seconds more. Until she inevitably started to blush a little again. The contrast with her pristine white coat was pretty. “I can’t remember us ever marrying. So no fancy wedding, no opulent reception, no dancing. I deem that last one a blessing for ponykind.” She giggled again and it was a nice sound to hear. Plus I really liked the fact that I could help her relax a little and take her mind off of things. That I distracted myself was a nice bonus. “That said, I remember us being, let’s call it ‘entangled’, a few times. And in at least two instances, there were little, adorable consequences to these entanglements.”

She watched me with mild astonishment. “Really now? Interesting.”

Interesting. Yes, that is what I would have called it as well. I grinned and shook my head. I could tell her about those times. About our relationships. The few times we had danced together had always ended up as overly dramatic, wild roller coasters. They were exhausting, exhilarating and a spectacle to behold. Even these fractured memories of them that remained in my mind like splinters were fun to reminisce about. But I knew that Rarity was too curious for her own good sometimes and with her being months into her own pregnancy, her mood swings had become a little bit more apparent. I did not wish to risk ruining her day with an imprudent comment. So I put us back on track as gently as I could manage. “Since we were on the topic of pet names,” I restarted with a lopsided smile. Because that had totally been what we talked about. “Rainbow calls Applejack ‘Jackie’. And funnily enough, it’s the same thing as with Pinkie calling her ‘Dashie’. It’s not an abbreviation as much as a pet name. She usually tries to let nopony hear it, but goodness gracious me, you should try to coax it out of her sometime. You can hear just how devoted to her she is.”

Rarity giggled again and nodded. “I know! It is so charming to see these two finally get along like that. Well, the occasional minor hurdle aside.” And just like that, her muzzle wrinkled and she grimaced as she remembered. “I just wish Applejack would show a little more of her devotion as well. They seem to be fine with how things are, but I cannot for the life of me imagine being called ‘featherbrain’ as a nice thing to hear.”

I cracked up. I had to put a hoof before my mouth just to reduce the volume of my own unexpected laughter a little bit. A pleasant shiver ran down my spine as a minor flash rippled through my memories. So, so, so many instances of Applejack calling her featherbrain. And so many more of her getting very, very defensive if somepony else dared to use that insult. Once I calmed down again, I shook my head with that splitting grin plastered on my face. “Couple-dynamics are weird. Have you ever tried calling Rainbow a featherbrain when Applejack is nearby?”

“I do not believe I have, but I know what you mean. I have seen you do it, actually. She gets very… lively about it. Very upset.” While I briefly chuckled again, Rarity mulled something over. She watched me meanwhile and her gaze took on a new intensity that made said chuckle die down a little faster. “Come to speak of ‘couple-dynamics’, what is it you call Luna gain?”

I almost immediately felt the heat shoot into my face and up my ears. I was still grinning like a madpony and I honestly had a hard time to explain why exactly I was flustered now. I constantly used that pet name to make Luna blush, with little regard as to who witnessed it. I just loved to see her cheeks flushed. “Kitten,” I quietly answered.

She knew that already, obviously. And she sported the same satisfied grin Opalescence had after something went according to her plans. “Right. That. How did that come to be, I wonder.”

It was a question. No matter how she intoned it, how she phrased it, it was very much a question. I could once again not remember with certainty if we ever had discussed this before, but then again – she wanted to play? So we would play. “It’s part contradiction, part description. Luna is a very dominant lover, and hoo boy, do I love that about her. It’s hard to challenge her, to get the upper hoof, but whenever I do, she’s really into it. And she purrs like a kitten.” I chuckled again as I saw Rarity’s face flush. Don’t pick fights you can’t win, Rares. And to top it all off, I returned the favor. “What about your special someponies? Any pet names?” I was not even asking for those she wished to share, oh no. She wanted to play. I was asking if there were any to begin with.

And as was to be expected, she regained her composure eventually and with a dangerous glint in her eyes, rose to the challenge. That blush did not recede, however. “I call Fancy Pants ‘hunk’,” she shot back with a smug grin.

I raised an eyebrow at her. “Hunk?” I echoed. It sounded… too simple for Rarity. Somehow I had expected something more flowery. Something more poetic. But I had a sneaking suspicion that this specific one was rarely heard outside of the bedroom.

“Well,” she started to elaborate with the utmost care for her self-control as to refrain from blushing even harder, “He is quite a charming sight, is he not?” My eyebrow rose a tiny bit higher and she grimaced a little bit. She was not up to par yet. I knew that. She knew that. Of course she could just forfeit. But she was not willing to do that either. We locked eyes and in a wordless exchange of promises, I assured her that whatever would be spoken in this room would not leave it. Only then did she sigh silently and managed to put a bold smile back on her game face. “Charming indeed. And I might add, oh so well-endowed. Honestly, have you seen that thing?”

She got me again. I broke out into uproarious laughter, much to her delight, and almost violently shook my head. “Can’t say I have!”

She nodded. Very ladylike. “Well let me tell you, it is intimidating.” The relaxed mood obviously helped her tongue loosen up a little as well. “It was honestly a little bit of an uncomfortable experience the first time around. But he is such a patient and lavish lover. And one gets used to it eventually.” I was still beyond my capacity for words. My cheeks were burning. Even the tips of my ears were burning. I had very vivid images in my head to deal with, of Rarity getting her brains rutted out by Fancy Pants who was sporting the equivalent of a fifth leg. I was not entirely sure if I was appalled, amused, aroused, or all of it. And Rarity saw an easy opening. She went straight for the kill. “Now Fleur, on the other hoof, given the involvement of certain, widespread spells, is a lot less generously endowed, for which I am honestly very grateful. It has the perfect size for a ménage-à-trois and fits so much better for—“

I was laughing harder again, any and all hope of ever recomposing myself lost to the wind when she suddenly cut herself short. It still took me a good minute or so to calm down enough to speak again, and I had to carefully brush away the tears. Carefully because I did not wish to smear mud into my eyes. But once I was good, I turned my attention to Rarity and noticed with no small amount of amusement how she was burning. Her entire coat – everything I could see above the mud – was flushed. Oh I had my suspicions what Fleurs smaller size was perfect for, especially paired with her generally larger frame and longer legs. However, it appeared that Rarity had managed to shoot herself in her own hoof. Her supposed kill strike had backfired and now she was not any better off than I had been a few seconds prior.

I grinned deviously. “Cat got your tongue?” I teased her. She wanted to go straight for the kill? Fine. I could do that too. “You know, I can only imagine what those shapely, long legs would be good for,” I further teased her and implied quite clearly that I did imagine exactly that. “Can’t help but think about how you would fit perfectly right under her, though. If it’s any consolation for your poor heart, Luna and I fooled around with those spells as well. I’m still not exactly a fan of taking her on when she’s the one subjected to it, even though I find certain aspects of it quite enjoyable, but goodness gracious me, I could have her rut me all night if we’re both switching. Actually, I think we had done it all night on a couple of occasions, now that I think about it.”

Her eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. I had not thought it possible, but the red in her coat intensified even further. She stared at me with her mouth hanging open and I could see her chest moving due to her heavier breathing. Well someone’s enjoying her imagination. It once again took me a minute, maybe even two, to calm down again. Enough so that I could concentrate enough to whisk a little tendril of magic across the mud baths and close her jaws for her. “Please, darling, no need to stare like that! We’re all well-behaved ladies here, are we not?” My best Rarity-impression seemed to both snap her out of it as well as further fluster her. She grimaced only slightly in indignation about the display, but at the same time she was still utterly incapable of using regular old speech to express as much.

V for victory, I cheered internally. And indeed, a few minutes later, Rarity conceded the victory. She did not say it, obviously. Her pride did not quite allow for that. But with a wide smile and an approving nod, she made it clear.

To say Aloe was utterly confused when she returned to retrieve us from our mud baths was an understatement. Rarity was still flushed red like a very bad Big Macintosh-impersonator. Aloe even checked the temperature of Rarity’s mud bath with a hoof while simultaneously apologizing for the apparent mistake, only to be even more confused once she noticed the mud bath being warm, yes, but far from hot or even scalding.

I deflected any and all inquiries to her state of being by gently nudging Aloe along the hallway, both verbally and in two instances with my muzzle. She was genuinely concerned for Rarity’s well-being of course. Not just because the seamstress was one of their best customers. Best-paying as well as most frequently visiting. No, she was a genuine friend of theirs. As was I. But no matter how much I insisted that Rarity was fine, Aloe was still worried and constantly looked back to check if the seamstress had not just keeled over in the middle of the hallway.

We were led to our final station of the day. The sauna. A few ladles of water onto the hot stones and steam quickly filled up the room. I insisted that Rarity was fine for the umpteenth time and actually had to nudge Aloe a step back to close the sauna door. When I turned and sat down on one of the benches, Rarity had apparently finally managed to get her composure back.

“Goodness me, I think I have never in my entire life been this utterly obliterated.” She still sounded shocked.

I chuckled briefly and shrugged. “What can I say? I’m shameless. Well actually, I’m not, I’m constantly struggling with inhibitions and fears and whatnot, but you know… gossiping with you is fun and I trust you enough to not share such details.”

“You have my word, of course!” she quickly confirmed in all seriousness.

Now, as much fun as it had been to utterly embarrass her, I knew that there was a not so small risk that she would want to either start a new round, giving in to her pride demanding a rematch immediately, or to further discuss my exploits with Luna. She now knew that I was willing to get the big guns out, which meant that a rematch would be longer and probably less fun. For me. And on the other hoof, I was already dealing with a minor case of bad conscience because I had told her what Luna and I got up to behind closed doors. Even though I knew perfectly well that Luna did not quite care about it. In fact, she would probably have approved of me freely discussing such matters with my friends just in case it might strengthen my spine enough to challenge her more often or it might spark some new ideas for things we could try out. We did experiment a lot, after all.

So neither option was all that appealing. It was time to get back on track once more. “Sunny and I mostly stick to the classic,” I restarted the conversation. And as soon as I had to think about her, I found myself smiling fondly. “She’s my love, and I am hers.”

Now Rarity was a lady. She was above such statements as ‘d’awww’ing. Even though I could see the urge plainly written in her warm smile. “You do call her ‘Sunny’ though, do you not? Is that not a pet name in its own right?”

I mulled it over briefly and ultimately shook my head. “I don’t think it is. ‘Sunny’ is merely the name she introduced herself with. It’s the name of her persona when she puts her disguise on. Not exactly subtle, I know. I actually asked her about that at one point and she merely stated that it had been good enough so far. I’m not sure what that says about ponies these days.”

We both shared a bit of brief giggling. “I would have expected you to go for something like ‘ray of sunshine’ or ‘my sun’, something more… on theme?”

I smiled lopsided. “I know. It’s what everypony expects. And that’s just it. It’s too obvious. And quite frankly, a bit boring. It sounds cliché.”

Rarity snorted. And she somehow made even that sound ladylike. “And calling each other ‘love’ is not cliché at all?”

“Well… I mean… okay, fair point, but! As I said, it’s a classic. Adding to that… it’s not that I don’t have confidence in my ability to come up with something else. I said it earlier. It’s not about creativity. Calling her ‘my love’ just feels right. When I say it, I mean it. I love her. And in that moment, I let a good deal of that love flow into a single word. And her eyes light up and she smiles at me. My heart flutters and I get all these warm and fuzzy feelings. Just like in those first days of our relationship. It’s a powerful word for us.” I felt my face heat up a little again as I noticed her faint giggle. I supposed she found my dreamy smile to be quite endearing. After all, I often felt just as smitten with my Sunny as I had in those turbulent first weeks. “Also,” I tried to deflect onto another point, “’ray of sunshine’ is such a mouthful. It’s cute, yeah, sure. But there’s a reason most pet names are short. Pinks, Flutters, Rares, Dashie, Jackie, hunk, love, kitten. All short. Because when dealing with a pet name, you don’t want it to be overly flowery and lengthy. You want to express your desire and your admiration, your devotion and trust, your love, with a single phrase, a single word. The shorter, the better.”

Rarity averted her eyes and looked at her hooves in front of her. Or maybe at the wooden bench. And her smile spoke once again of such deeply heart-felt fondness that I wondered what exactly she was thinking about. Or maybe it was a ‘who she was thinking about’. “I have to agree,” she said quietly. “In the early days of our relationship, I tried many different pet names for Fleur. Oh you should have seen me! I was such a love-drunk little filly again. Sitting hunched over a notebook in the dead of night, pouring over ideas and flowery prose. I wanted it to be perfect.”

I chuckled quietly. “Of course. You are Rarity, after all.”

She smiled and accepted it as a compliment. And I was glad for that. “Indeed. I loathe to admit, but it took me years to come to the simple realization that there is no perfection to be found with such names. A pony is so much more. All the physical traits. All the character traits. All the little rough edges. There is simply no way to condense something so complex and wonderful down into something so imperfect as a spoken word. But! It is very much possible to find a single word or short phrase that encapsulates not the person you address it with, but what you feel for this person. Just as you said. For that very reason, I call Fleur my little dove. Or dove, for short. She has such grace and elegance that rivals even my dear Fluttershy’s. And I do not mean her physical appearance alone. Grace of mind is so much harder to achieve. When I call her dove, I express my deepest admiration. And for some reason, despite me being prone to envy at times, I never envied her.”

I smiled warmly. She spoke with such love that it was hard not to be happy for her. “Well, why would you envy her when she lets you bask in her grace so freely? Honestly, when I nudged you towards those two, I never expected it to work out this good. But I had little to go by at the time and these few memories, broken as they were, indicated that it would work out. I’m just incredibly happy for you.” In the privacy of my head, I heard my inner Rainbow Dash gag repeatedly. The level of sappiness was excruciating for her. So to ease her pain somewhat, I allowed myself a little jab. “Aren’t doves, like, pigeons?”

It worked like a charm. My inner Rainbow hollered in laughter and Rarity wrinkled her muzzle as she grimaced and shot me a ‘how dare you’-glare. “No, dear. Doves are decidedly not pigeons. Doves are elegant, beautiful winged creatures that soar in the sky and remind us of peace and serenity. Pigeons are vile trash-rats that sprouted wings to harass good ponies even further!”

Her quite lively reaction surprised me for a moment. “Oh wow. Sore spot?”

She huffed and shook her head slightly before putting another ladle of water onto the rocks. “I have been spending a lot more time in Canterlot due to my involvement with Fancy and Fleur. It never occurred to me as much of a problem in any previous visits, but those were admittedly considerably shorter and my mind was usually focused solely on my business at hoof. Ponyville has doves, dear. Canterlot has pigeons. Flocks of pigeons.”

On the matter of winged creatures. I was far from being a hobby ornithologist. My main categories to differentiate between birds were ‘small’ and ‘large’. However, for what little I knew about the many different species of birds, I knew a few pieces that were sufficient to work with. “I sometimes call Luna ‘my little nightingale’. I use it rarely and it didn’t quite stick like ‘kitten’ did, because it’s a mouthful. But I still like it.”

“She sings?” Rarity asked curiously.

I nodded and felt myself smile dreamily again. “You better believe it! She does it rarely these days for many different reasons, but every once in a while, I can manage to convince her. Her voice is incredible.”

After she had vented her outrage and I was drifting off into pleasant memories of Luna singing a lullaby for me, we fell silent for a while. We relaxed. Whatever tension was left slowly melted away. We both sighed deeply at the same time and barely cracked an eye open to look at the other. We smiled and closed our eyes again. This, right now, was bliss.

“You know,” I quietly chirped up after a while, “Luna sometimes calls me ‘doe’.” With my eyes still closed, it was easy to imagine her face. How she looked at me and said it. So full of tender love. Luna was a little… rougher than Celestia or Twilight. The Mistress of the Night was very much all about passion. Our relationship placed more emphasis on the physical aspect as well as a direct result of that. But whenever she called me by that name, she was just as sensitive, loving and tender as Celestia or Twilight. I loved her quieter moments. Then again, that was hardly a surprise. I loved almost everything. About any of them.

“Doe?” Rarity echoed. “That seems like an odd choice to me. Do you know why?”

I felt myself blush again. And my smile gained in strength. “Because I’m brown, and soft, and innocent, and skittish.” I heard Rarity stifle another giggle and found it hard not to chime in. “Her words, not mine,” I belatedly clarified.

Rarity calmed down a few seconds later. “She does have a point, I must admit. I guess I just did not expect her to pick something so… hm…”

“Cute?” I offered.

I cracked a single eye open so I could see her smile widely. “Indeed,” she whispered.

With my eyes closed again, I sighed. “Well, she calls me cute as well, so there’s that. With her, I don’t mind, actually. But she usually refers to me as her ‘firecracker’.”

Rarity snorted again. “Really now? I have my suspicion as to where that might come from. Do tell.”

I chuckled quietly. Were we really about to start that again? “Well. I’m not entirely sure how, or why. But she drives me crazy. She has such an easy time making my blood boil, it’s really unfair. A single flick of her tail. A certain way she flips her mane. A look, a wink. How she walks. It’s ridiculous. From what I gleaned from Twilight, she doesn’t quite feel the same way. She very much desires Luna as well of course, but she doesn’t lose any and all self-control at the drop of a hat. I don’t know why she has that effect on me.” I shook my head a little to end the musing. It would lead nowhere anyway. I had trotted down that path enough times to know. “Anyway. First time we used those gender modification spells, we quickly found out that, when applied to me, it only heightens the effect. And hoo boy, did it do that. We actually tried a couple nights later again. Was the first time I didn’t stop. At all. We went about it for hours and in the end, we had to stop because she got exhausted. Rarity, I kid you not, I exhausted an alicorn.” I chuckled about the ridiculousness of the memory. “I couldn’t really feel anything anymore by the end of it. Everything was sore or ached or was numb, but I just… I didn’t want to stop. I had these images in my head that just kept me going. Once she could speak again, she commented on how she could not believe that I gave such a needy whine begging her for more as she stopped. I couldn’t lift a single hoof the entire next day. Like… I’m not even exaggerating. I slept through most of it, luckily. And I felt sore and worn out for two weeks after that. But goddess, was it worth it. One of my fondest memories.”

I dared open my eyes again, just because she had been silent for so long. And I was not too surprised to find her flushed once more, her breathing heavy and her eyes firmly closed. I considered offering her a hoof for a moment. Just to tease her even further, of course. But I quickly deemed it unnecessarily cruel and I was well aware of a potential risk that she might want to take me up on that offer. Just out of a spur of the moment. And I would not allow either of us to fall that easily. So I instead closed my eyes again, sporting the fattest grin I had all day. “You know me. I’m usually very… mild,” I picked up again, “I don’t really get drunk. I don’t smoke. I don’t party hard like you gals do sometimes. Heck, I gave Pinkie such a hard time to get me to dance at all. I’m boring, some might say. There’s just walls behind walls behind walls of inhibitions. I think that’s what confuses me about Luna's effect on me. She breaks through them like they were sheets of wet paper. And thus, after that first night with the spell, she coined ‘firecracker’ as her new favorite pet name for me. She rarely uses it in public and it never fails to make me blush horrendously. But I like it.”

Both Fancy Pants and Fleur were still in Canterlot. Which really was a shame, I felt. And I suspected highly, judging by her soft panting, that Rarity agreed whole-heartedly. But I knew she had a little box of toys beneath her bed and I suspected to know what her afternoon would look like. Either that or a long, cold shower. But the latter was less fun, was it now?

I was surprised when she spoke up not that long after I had fallen silent again. “May I ask something, dear?”

Ohhh, dangerous question. Given the context, her question could be about just about anything. And I still had to tread carefully. I had riled her up a lot, only partially unintentionally. If she was now going to ask for ‘help’, that would pose an issue. But Rarity was a lady, I reminded myself. I was pretty sure that any ladylike behavior was abandoned as soon as she was alone with her paramours, but we were not in her bedroom and I was not one of them. So I risked it. “Sure.”

And Rarity did not disappoint me. She kept us on track. “I have noticed on several occasions over the years that you sometimes call Twilight ‘peanut’.” Despite the question looming on the horizon, I still sighed in relief. This I could deal with. “And her reaction to it is usually quite telling. About the intimacy of it. However, while I had managed to fabricate an explanation for ‘firecracker’ that was not that far off from the truth in the end, I come up short concerning this one.”

I chuckled briefly and nodded. “Yeah, I can see why.”

She clearly waited for a story. For more. For a hint, a riddle, anything. But realizing that nothing would come, she simply asked. “But you are not going to tell me, are you?”

I hummed to myself, tangled up in a very pleasant memory. Luna did not mind me talking to others about our escapades. Twilight however was a lot more restrained in that regard. “Nope,” I replied. “I’m not allowed to.”

“You… you are not allowed?” she asked incredulously.

“That’s what I said,” I confirmed. “I had to make a Pinkie Promise to take that story to the grave with me.”

“What a shame,” she whispered in reply and sighed.

We fell silent again. Only a few minutes later, Aloe came by to tell us that our time was up. There was a little bit of post processing, but eventually we exited the spa into another beautiful, sunny day. I felt clean. I felt relaxed. My spirits were high. And from the looks of it, Rarity felt the same.

“Well, that was great,” I announced and stretched a little. “Seeing as we originally intended for the entire day to be ours, I would offer to read with you, buuut… I have a feeling you might want to head home and have a nice afternoon all for yourself? Should I maybe come by later this evening? We could still spend some time then.”

Rarity had enough self-control to keep herself from blushing yet again, but she averted her eyes and tried to keep that smile from spreading into a full-blown grin. “How very considerate of you. However…” She kept quiet for a few seconds. And I could see her struggle for words. She was chewing her bottom lip, that was always a good indicator that she was conflicted about something.

“Just tell me,” I nudged her quietly, both verbally and with a little bump to her shoulder.

She looked up and smiled a little shakily. “May I be so bold as to ask a favor of you then?”

“Sure, shoot.”

“Can I… c-could I maybe… use the teleportation stone?”

It quickly dawned on me what her intention was. Get to Canterlot, exit the castle, walk, like, three blocks or something and buck down the doors to Fancy Pants’ and Fleur's house. I grinned. “No problem.” I gestured with a nod to follow me and we walked towards the castle. I did notice that even after all the postprocessing, she kept her tail low. “That bad, huh?” I quietly dared to ask.

“You have no idea. I might feel a little bit like a firecracker myself right now,” she almost inaudibly whispered back.

I smirked. “Alright. Let’s get you set up with something bigger than what your box has to offer.” Even though the faintest tint once again colored her cheeks, I did notice with satisfaction the slight spring in her step as we quickly closed in on the castle.

She would totally feel that tomorrow…

Day 2,569: Allure of the Forbidden

I stopped at yet another shop window and regarded the items on display with disinterest. Sashes, scarfs, satchels and saddlebags. They were masterfully crafted, colorful and positioned in a way that one could really see all the minor details their creator had implemented. I still cared little. My eyes were instead drawn to the reflection of the mare that came to a stop beside me. Her purple eyes danced across the display very much in the same superficial fashion mine had done before they settled on my reflection. And her playful smile returned.

“Would it help if I mentioned that we have free dental?” she joked.

I snorted and shook my head. I had not seen that one coming. “Cadance, I’m not moving to the Crystal Empire. Besides, the Night Guard cares for their folks.” I honestly had no idea if we actually had ‘free dental’ ourselves, my dentist had never mentioned any issues. But that was beside the point anyway.

She was not about to let it go that easily, of course. She had pestered me about this for maybe half an hour. More or less the entire time ever since we exited the museum. I had to give her credit for persistence, at least. “I know, I know,” she replied with that very same smile still plastered on her muzzle. “All I’m saying is: If you ever want a change of scenery, if you want to get out of your trot, just say the word. You might make for a good cupid one day. And I wouldn’t mind bolstering my ranks with somepony Sunburst gets along with so well.”

The thought of the seemingly continuously befuddled scholar made me smile. We had hit it off quite well. We both knew a lot about magic theory, even though I could not quite compare to the vastness of his knowledge, and we both were rather weak when it came to its practical application. We both had an interest in history and its many artifacts and we were both more on the timid side.

I even looked around for him for a moment, even though I knew that he had already gone back to his room in the castle. No matter how well we got along, I would never gush about Starswirl the Bearded the same way he, Twilight or Shining did. The trio had been de-aged several decades as soon as we stepped hoof into the museum. They ran from display case to display case, excitedly exchanging their knowledge and stories and they squealed a little before they ran off to the next one.

And the adults smiled patiently and followed slowly. It was really weird to count myself as one of the adults for once. But I cherished the opportunity to have a nice little chat with Night Light and Twilight Velvet. The former regaled me with a story from the astronomer’s guild that must have taken place years ago. But I did not mind. He seemed to enjoy this particular retelling quite a lot and it seemed to be his favorite story, judging by the tired and exasperated groans of both Twilight’s mom and Cadance.

And Twilight Velvet was as tight-lipped as ever. That was not to say that she did not speak with me. Our conversation was just noticeably one-sided. She got to ask all the questions and I had to answer. Rare was the instance that I actually got a straight answer out of her. I still did not know what she actually wrote. I knew she was an author of some kind. But everypony just seemed to make a big deal out of it. This huge and nebulous mystery I was not allowed to unravel.

I would have reacted with my trademark shrug of indifference had this day not presented me with such a prime opportunity to finally get the answer, only to then present me with her iron wall of silence and misdirection. It was clear that she enjoyed it. Very much in the same fashion Rarity enjoyed her little games. And just as with Rarity, I could not help but ask myself: Did it really provide that much fun to play against someone who was barely able to defend himself? Or barely willing.

We walked a few streets further on our arduous journey home. The home of Twilight’s parents, anyway. Cadance and Shining were only visiting for a few days and had decided to stay there instead of accepting the offered guest rooms in the palace. I could understand why. Shining seemed to be very close to his family and I guessed he missed them a lot. And it was not that much of a deal for Cadance to just go along with his wishes.

We stopped in front of yet another shop window. Curiously enough, it was empty. The shop behind the window presented books on shelves, but it did not feel like a library or conventional bookshop. They were displayed like treasures. Each book got its own little spot on the shelves, sat on a pillow and carefully leaned against the wall. This is Canterlot, I reminded myself. Maybe it was just an ordinary bookshop and the presentation was supposed to legitimize an outrageous price tag. Presentation was crucial after all. Rarity said as much every now and then.

“And Shining would not mind having another friend around either,” Cadance continued her assault. “He is an avid player of Ogres and Oubliettes, you know?”

It bubbled in my throat and I tried to swallow it down. And I failed. My smile quickly grew into a grin and shortly after, I quietly laughed. And shook my head again. “Would you cut it out already?” I asked her while I tried — and failed again — to recompose myself. “You made your point the first couple of times. I’m grateful for the offer, but I’m not interested. I have everything I need right here.”

Everything I need. My gaze was involuntarily drawn away. Back the way we came from. Back to Twilight. I felt myself smile fondly. There she was. My little peanut. She flapped her wings a couple of times to reduce the distance between herself and her fleeing brother. A few quick shots from her horn evaporated on the shield he had conjured right behind his rear as he ran along the street and laughed like a madpony. She yelled something about how he would take that back. Whatever ‘that’ was. But she smiled so tenderly, even as she shot another salvo directly onto his behind. He yelped as his shield broke and one shot actually connected. And for a brief fraction of a second, her entire demeanor actually changed to genuine worry. Had she hurt him? Was he okay? And while she tried to dote over him, she failed to see that mischievous grin on his muzzle as he tackled her to the ground and started to relentlessly tickle her. She howled in laughter and tried to squirm away from him.

Somewhere in the back of my head, I realized that I was doing exactly the same as their parents did. They stood maybe two dozen feet away from the unruly scene and just watched the pair. With pride and love and joy.

Maybe we should have been more conscious about our surroundings. We were in the middle of Canterlot streets after all. On an afternoon no less. Enough ponies milled about all around us. Several watched the spectacle at least in passing, while others stopped and added to the audience.

But they did not care. And neither could I bring myself to do so. None of the passersby dared to complain. Because it was a Princess of Equestria being unruly, after all. Who would dare?

My mind was not put at ease. It had never left its current state of utmost serenity. I watched as she teleported above Shining and tried to tackle him in turn, but he was quick with his shields and she stuck to a half-dome above him with a pout. It was adorable. I chuckled quietly and watched her wings flap. She made the same gestures she would when making a snow angel.

She could be so silly sometimes. I loved her. I loved that about her.

The mental slip did not matter much. Either was true. My attention was only drawn away from them when I heard a faint, but quite content sigh at my side. I looked over and noticed Cadance. She had watched them as well, I was pretty sure. But right now, she looked at me. With a fond smile that was hard not to answer in kind.

“What? Something on my face?” I asked in jest and stuck my tongue out. “I’m allowed to ogle her!”

She giggled softly. “I know, I know. Would it surprise you to learn that you inspire me? That you give me hope on some less fortunate days?”

I furrowed my brow and my smile slowly drained away. “I—… yes. Yes, that would actually surprise me.”

“It comes with the domain that I see so much love,” she explained and shifted her attention back to the spectacle not too far down the street. “I see warmth in ponies’ hearts and the love they share. But I have to deal with the many instances of miscommunication as well. With incompatibilities. With the many pitfalls that devour relationships. None of us are ever safe from making mistakes, from hurting the ones we love. But with romantic love especially, there is something of an… evolution. Many different stages such a bond passes through over many years. And it is so exceptionally rare to see somepony like you. Somepony who, years and years into a relationship, still has these moments of being utterly smitten with his partner with the same vigor as in those precious first days and weeks.”

While she studied the sibling ‘fight’, I studied her. And while it was hard to get a proper read on her, I still only saw genuine joy and gratefulness. And of course I immediately felt undeserving. But that was not the point. I followed her gaze and watched Twilight again. I had not noticed it before, but Cadance was right. Seeing her goof around with Shining was exciting. Seeing her laugh and smile made my heart flutter and put an entire swarm of butterflies in my stomach. It made me smile. It made me want to kiss her so badly.

I poked Cadance’s shoulder with a hoof. “You’re welcome, I guess,” I mumbled quietly. I had no idea what else to say. It felt weird to think about how I inspired a princess. Cadance no less.

She smirked for a moment before she turned around. Twilight and Shining had apparently sorted out whatever they had fought about and dusted themselves off to continue on their way. Our way. So Cadance and I formed the head of our little retinue again. Night Light and Twilight Velvet covered our retreat and made sure we did not lose the kids on the way. Those playful little ones were such a hoofful after all.

“You know—“ Cadance started again and I immediately shook my head and interrupted her.

“No. And if you insist on it, I feel entitled to warn you: I will set Luna on you!” I grinned as I imagined my little kitten chewing Cadance out for trying to coax me away. Knowing Luna, it would be loud.

Cadane laughed and put a hoof to her chest. “Oh no! Not Luna! Whatever shall I do!”

I chuckled. “You’ll be less of a loudmouth once we get to it.”

She merely grinned in response. Maybe she dared me to try it. After a moment, she shook her head though and pointed to a little side alley. “Let’s go that way.” I shrugged and changed direction. “What I actually tried to say before somepony rudely interrupted me was: You know of this little theater in this alley?”

I looked around for a moment, but I failed to recognize any of the buildings surrounding me. The street sign offered the name of the alley of course, but I was just plain horrible at navigating with street names. I usually referred to familiar sights. And this part of town was one I rarely visited, if ever. “Can’t say I do.”

She nodded and we stopped in front of a little corkboard next to a surprisingly unassuming entrance. A few fliers were pinned there, and the theater's program. Clearly the newest addition to the board was a big, flashy advertisement, though. Cadance nodded towards it, so I shrugged, stepped up to her side and gave it a read.

The usual empty phrases made my eyes glaze over. I skipped them as best as I could to get the gist of it. Apparently they were a very small theater. Privately sponsored. Barely known. But good production values. And they announced the premiere of their latest piece. ‘The Ballad of Sunset Shimmer’.

Well isn’t that a surprise, I mused.

I knew the name, if barely. Sunset had been one of Celestia’s students. The one before Twilight. And… that was about all I knew. She rarely talked about her prior students and I rarely had reason to ask.

I looked down the alley, back to the entrance where we had come from. Twilight and Shining were coming in our direction, but they moved slowly and were still a good distance off. Cadance had known about the theater. And maybe about the premiere as well. A premiere that was advertised for the following evening. I looked at her and was not all that surprised to see that very specific playful twinkle in her eyes. I sighed, but smiled anyway. “You’re plotting something.”

She fake-gasped and put a hoof to her chest for emphasis. “Me? I would never.”

For a brief moment, she reminded me terribly of Rarity. I chuckled. “You know who Sunset Shimmer is?”

Cadance shook her head. “I know that she was a former student of Celestia and little else. Although, coming to think of it, she always gets terribly emotional when thinking about her.”

Terribly emotional, she said. So what was the plan here? What was her plan anyway? If I wanted to crack Sunny’s mask, I could find other ways. I did not need her help to do it. Or easier still, I could simply ask her to discard it. She barely wore it around me anyway. No, there had to be a different ulterior motive behind her suggestion.

She did want me to take Celestia to this premiere. I was quite certain of that much, at least. Because I knew that Sunny loved theater and while I rarely enjoyed a stage play as much as she did, I mostly gleaned my enjoyment from seeing her reaction to it.

“On a completely unrelated note,” Cadance piped up again with a chipper tone, “Do you happen to know if Twilight still writes these cute little friendship reports to auntie Tia?”

I furrowed my brow even more. Twilight? My eyes were drawn back to her and back to the pamphlet after that. Luna appreciates the theater, I remembered. Twilight did as well, but more or less on the same level I did. It was a nice little change of pace, but one she rarely favored given other options.

My eyes grew wide as a random thought struck me. She knows!

My head snapped around and I stared at her and lo and behold, she grinned smugly. Oh I was such a fool! She was The Princess of Love, how could she not know?!

To this very day, I still did not know what kind of feelings Twilight harbored for Celestia. I had poked and prodded her a few times, but she kept the lid on it and I did not want to pry. And it was the same on the other side as well. Celestia was clearly fond of Twilight. And ever since we had been to the Forbidden Jungle, I knew that she loved her as more than just her prime student or her surrogate daughter. But she stubbornly refused to act on it. My best guess was: Out of fear to lose her or to make it awkward. And no matter how much I tried to bolster her confidence, to reassure her of Twilight’s faith and devotion, she would not budge.

So Cadance had decided to take an interest in this as well?

I stared at the premiere advertisement again and subconsciously chewed my bottom lip. I could hear Twilight’s and Shining’s voices draw closer.

Terribly emotional, Cadance’s voice echoed in my head.

A previous student, lost or gone or whatever happened there. A missed opportunity. Her mask cracked. Her emotions running wild. Desires, regrets, hopes bubbling to the surface. And Twilight was nothing if not supportive, right? She was always there for her ‘mentor’, for her ‘Princess’.

I heard a relieved sigh as I grabbed the advertisement in my telekinesis and pulled it from the board. I neatly folded the sheet of paper and put it into my saddlebags. “You know,” I slowly turned to address Cadance, “I think I have never been on a double date. Celestia has become more comfortable with our weird little relationship constellation over the years and maybe we all grew a little complacent. She wanted each relationship to be separate to some degree. And we never truly talked about that again. Maybe a double date would be a nifty idea to test the waters. See how we deal with, well, seeing the others.”

Cadance smirked and nodded. “That is such a nice idea. I’m sure it will be a lovely evening.”

I laughed quietly. Even more so when she shot me a wink. “You are a devious minx!”

She raised her head proudly and puffed out her chest. “Why thank you!”

We both had a good laugh and continued on our way before the siblings behind us could truly catch up. After all, they apparently already bickered about the next thing and we did not wish to be involved in that. We were reasonable, responsible adults, after all. We kept our urges in check until we were home, where nopony would hear them scream…!

A few hours later.

“So you’re in?” I asked Luna with a grin so wide that my cheeks ached.

“Are you kidding me? Yes, I am in! I am so in! I have never been so in before!” she half-yelled in my face.

Her exuberance made me grin even wider. Somehow. Maybe Pinkie-smiles were infectious after all. I lunged forward and gave a surprised “Oof” as she unexpectedly did the same. We met in the middle and hugged each other for a good moment. “Oh I can’t wait for it. This will be sooo good,” I babbled.

“Do not count your chickens before they are hatched,” Luna warned me. But I could hear her smile from ear to ear as well. She was betting a lot on this just the same way I did. Just the same way Cadance did, I suspected. Was it not curious? How we all had to band together to once again overpower Celestia? Back then, it felt like we had recruited half of Equestria to convince her to take a day off. One day. In two weeks. Hopefully this time, we would need less to achieve more.

“So you talk Twilight into this and we’ll see each other tomorrow?” I asked again, just to be sure. The impulse to pull away from her and see her answer was there, but it had no chance to overpower my enjoyment of her soft, fluffy coat on my cheek. I nuzzled against her chest, greedily inhaled her scent and just felt whole for a moment and I was utterly unwilling to give that up any sooner than I had to.

I felt her nod. That would suffice. She tightened her embrace for a moment before she gave me free. That obviously did not serve to actually dislodge me and I continued to cling to her. I heard her giggle quietly. “If you wish for this plan of ours to commence, you ought to let go of me.”

“Nnno,” I defiantly mumbled. I angled my muzzle enough to place a couple of little kisses on her chest and felt adventurous enough to give her a little nip as well.

She giggled again and let her primaries trail along my back. Their soft touch made me shudder in delight. “We could obviously just stay here as well,” she mused aloud. “Sister would understand, I suppose. It is rare that I am the one missing our shared meals, but then again, I would merely have to mention that I received a most delectable little morsel as breakfast and wink at her to make her blush furiously and she would drop the topic like a hot potato.” I felt how she shifted slightly and leaned down. And I felt her hot breath on my ear a second later. Felt her tongue trace along the edge. Felt that little nip on its tip. I sighed and pressed harder against her. “Night Court rarely sees the same hustle and bustle as her beloved Day Court. I am inclined to think that they would not mind, maybe not even notice if I were to miss one night. Just to utterly exhaust my little firecracker…” She softly moaned right into my ear. I trembled a little and failed to stifle a needy whine. And just as I thought she could hardly be more of a tease, I felt her magic tightly wrap around my emerged member. I pressed my eyes shut as my hip involuntarily bucked a little. “Of course the whole plan would fall apart at that point,” Luna ruthlessly continued, “but I suppose there are going to be other opportunities. This will not be the last visit my niece undertakes. And my beloved sister is not exactly suffering loneliness either. She will be fine for another few weeks.”

You are cruel, kitten.

I sighed deeply. She was right. Cadance came by every so often. But ruling the Crystal Empire was serious business. It took a lot of her time. Visits for a couple of days, like this one, only came around every few months at best. Sometimes only once per year. And no, Celestia was not lonely anymore. But I had been the one arguing that, while everything was well and good, it could be better.

Was I really willing to postpone Sunny’s chance at even more happiness for maybe a year or possibly even more just because I was so incredibly horny right now?

“You’re a monster,” I complained quietly. Luna snickered, but she did not disagree. Her magic faded from my nethers, her hot breath retreated from my ear and I finally pulled away from her.

“If it is any consolation,” she offered, “not pouncing on you right now takes a great deal of effort. You have the most adorable pout and I feel in need of a cold shower myself. Sadly, I will not have the time for one. Breakfast calls, and my sister is waiting.”

I sighed and shot her a wry smile. “No consolation to be found there. I don’t like letting you go out there unsatisfied. Don’t grumble in Court too much, hm?”

She grinned. “I will try.”

I sighed and watched her retreat. She left her chamber and closed the door behind herself. But not before she shot me a final wink as a goodbye. And I did see her lick her lips ever so faintly as her hungry gaze traveled down my barrel.

I sat on the floor for a few more seconds and sighed into a silent and empty room. Her enticing warmth was gone and there was nothing for me left to do here. Well, aside from waiting until my erection was gone. I looked down at it and grumbled a little under my breath. “Come on. We have stuff to do.” Two minutes later, I left Luna’s chambers as well. I nodded my usual greeting towards the night guards posted at the door and quickly made my way over to Celestia’s chamber.

She was supposed to be at dinner. Or breakfast for her sister. Even though Luna was running a little late. That should give me a few moments to prepare and once I was searched by the guards in front of the door and had entered, I looked around and quickly realized: I had no idea what to prepare.

This was not her study. She had a tea set in here as well, of course. But this was not exactly the kind of ‘I need to convince her and I am willing to employ desperate measures’-scenario. So I merely retreated to her bed and lounged on it with the advertisement positioned on her bedside table.

I let myself fall onto my back and as my head landed in the middle of the bead, the impact sent a little gust up. And I inhaled her scent. Images flashed before my eyes. Her warm smile, her magnificent wings spread wide, her goofy, relaxed grin after preening, her incredible elegance when she lowered the sun in a little, private show for me. Those more innocent moments were followed by the rather obvious sign that I was still very much horny. How she laid down on her back and presented herself to me. How her wings encased me and pressed me more tightly against her beautiful form as I came inside her. Her eyes glazed over as I watched her mind drift off the moment the tremors took over her body.

When Celestia entered her chamber a few minutes later, I lolled around on the bed like a cat in season. As soon as I heard her fail to stifle a giggle, I stopped dead and blushed furiously as I quickly grew self-aware. “I-I… uhm… I-I’ve been waiting for you,” I mumbled.

She slowly discarded her regalia onto the ponyquin in the corner and occasionally shot me a mirthful grin. “Oh, I have seen that, yes.” Once she was naked, she came over and sat down on her belly beside me. “It was delightful to see you so… relaxed,” she teased and leaned in for a proper greeting.

I gladly kissed her, but to my surprise, she did not immediately retreat. She instead tilted her head ever so slightly and deepened our kiss further and I was all too happy to let that happen. However, my eyes shot open the moment I heard myself moan.

We were just kissing! Come on!, I chided myself.

Sunny seemed surprised as well and her smile grew into a knowing grin. “Is somepony a little pent up, maybe?”

I grimaced. Somehow, I did not trust my own voice right now. So I tried to refocus. I tried to stick to the plan. I tried to hold onto what Luna had told me. But as I remembered her hot breath on my ear, it was immeasurably harder to focus on what she had said over how she had done so.

I quickly grabbed the flier and levitated it in between us like a shield. “G-Go on a date with me?” I hastily blurted out.

She softly pushed the sheet of paper down just enough to glimpse over the edge and I could see both her mischievous playfulness and her eager desire promise me that this would only postpone the inevitable ever so slightly. She then proceeded to actually read the thing. “I do not believe I have ever heard of that theater. It must be a new one. And neither have I heard of this piece.”

Talk about theater. That’s safe, I told myself. My heart raced and my nethers throbbed and I tried to ignore both. “Well, it is the premiere. And if it’s a new theater, visiting the premiere might do some good for a few new thespians, right? I stumbled upon it this afternoon and I thought: Hey, maybe we could make it a double date? I know that Luna loves stage plays as well as you do. So we could all have a nice evening and talk about it afterwards a-and such… uhm…”

She slowly and carefully overpowered my magic and took hold of the flier. Once I gave up, she put it back down on the bedside table and thus, my shield was gone. And that hunger in her eyes had not diminished at all. I gulped and smiled shakily. “S-So, how was your day? Has Court been—“

I cut myself off once she shook her head with a less intimidating smile. “Court has been taxing, as usual, but I did manage to get a good deal done in my study afterwards. My sister has already sold me on the idea, love, so you do not need to attempt it as well.”

“Oh. Uhm, right. I could—“

As soon as I attempted the offer, she put a hoof to my muzzle to silence me once more. She softly shook her head and closed the distance between us. A soft kiss helped me relax a little. I sighed and felt… at ease. When I opened my eyes again, she smiled at me. “Don’t,” she asked. “It is rare enough that I may care for you in a manner like this. Let me. Please?”

I sank into her eyes for a moment. I shakily sighed once more and nodded ever so slightly. And with that, I rolled over onto my back. She scooched a little closer and I closed my eyes as she leaned down and placed her lips on my cheek. My jaw. My throat. It felt heavenly. My breath already trembled again, but I could not stop enjoying the sheer love and dedication she showed me. She took her time and slowly made her way down my barrel, her hooves and wings occasionally joined her efforts and every time an unexpected touch made me shiver, I moaned ever so quietly. I tried to take deep breaths every now and then, to calm down a little, to steady myself. But that was an uphill battle and I knew it.

I would not last long. And despite the realization, the thought did not bother me at all.

The next day.

I was not nearly as enthusiastic about stage plays as either Celestia or Luna. Funny enough, despite once upon a time being called the Matron of the Arts, even Luna did not get into theater as much as her sister. That being said, I quickly grew to like this particular one.

Building a royalty-only-box, usually in the upper stories, was more or less standard for most theaters and concert halls as far as I knew. In Canterlot anyway. And this theater apparently really was relatively new, I could smell it. The upholstery of the seats, the finish of the wooden railings, the immaculate carvings on the doors, everything felt new and fresh.

But what really sold me on this theater was how they dealt with unforeseen circumstances and mistakes, if one were to call it that. They had several VIP-boxes, sure. Plus the royalty-only-box. What the architect had not accounted for was a plus one.

The box was not small by any means. Nice and big and spacious, but it only featured a single seat on the left side and a single seat on the right side. Both featured the stylized cutie marks of the sisters, and there was a neat, heavy curtain on a pole that could be drawn shut to separate both parts of the box from each other if desired. But neither Twilight’s nor my attendance were accounted for. Or that of any other guest they might have brought along.

It got a little bit chaotic of course. Not only because nopony expected three princesses to show up without further notice, but that obviously kickstarted the entire whirlwind. A lot of stammering and stuttering later and they had acknowledged our intent, had finally accepted the gosh-darn bits — we were not thieves, after all! — and led us to the box. Only to then fall into chaos once again as they realized the situation.

I was not quite sure how many employees the theater had. But I guessed that most of them were swarming around us as they tried to figure something out on the fly. In the end, a quick-thinking mare ordered the other headless chickens to retrieve a couple of chairs from the VIP-boxes that would see no use this evening. She also ordered somepony to put a note on her desk to fix this issue in a more appropriate way as soon as the premiere was done.

They even brought us little side tables and drinks.

I could not stop grinning even several minutes after they had left. We had arrived half an hour early and there was still some time until the play started, so I had a moment to calm down. I knew for a fact that, had I been in the horseshoes of any of these poor sods, I would have died. Due to embarrassment or a sudden heart attack. Or both. But at the same time, I had to admit that it was a bit funny as long as I was not involved directly. And hey, they had managed to cobble together a really quick and decent solution. Those VIP-chairs were comfy and I could sit close enough to my love to softly lean against her.

Celestia had obviously weathered the storm with her usual serene smile. She denied apologies from those around her, she tried to calm them down and she attempted to help organize them. While the latter did not exactly turn out all that fruitful, her effort surely was appreciated nonetheless. Twilight on the other hoof would probably have been able to actually do something. She could have fashioned chairs out of nowhere. She could have conjured them, crafted them, summoned them. She could have organized the entire workforce in an orderly machine working like clockwork.

That is, if Luna would have let her.

Luna for her part seemed to share my amusement about the whole ordeal and watched these ponies do their job. And after everything was said and done, she ordered our drinks which seemed to further put the employees’ minds at ease. And she settled on the other side of the box with Twilight tightly embraced with a wing. When I raised an eyebrow at her for keeping Twilight this close to herself, she dared stick her tongue out in my direction.

I was not about to let her get away with it, so I lit my horn, sent a tendril of magic over to her and grabbed the tip of her tongue in my magic. She effortlessly pulled her tongue free and decided to keep it firmly inside now. And she did not even retaliate as I mimicked her gesture.

“Do I have to close the curtain on you two?” Celestia asked with a playful undertone.

“No,” both Luna and I replied in unison. We even went for the same sheepish-repentant tone and I had such a hard time not to laugh about that.

I felt my love shake her head slightly and decided to turn my attention to her. Not before exchanging a wink with Luna, of course. Our plan was on its way.

I nuzzled into the crook of my love’s neck and gave her a little peck. “We still have a few minutes before it starts,” I whispered so as to not disturb the conversation Luna and Twilight seemed to share in an equally quiet fashion. “Mind giving me a quick rundown? Who is Sunset Shimmer?”

There was the faintest hint of unease as she briefly shifted a little in her seat. But she quickly resettled and after another moment, she answered. “Sunset was a student of mine. My personal protégé in very much the same fashion Twilight became years later. When she entered her entrance exam, the jury was less than impressed with the magical talent she displayed. Her cutie mark was a sun intermingled with a symbol for balance. She interpreted her own talent as a specialty in manipulating light. And indeed, she was quite impressive with many spells that are based upon sunlight. However, the jury did not deem it enough to let her attend my school. That day, I felt a tug. It was just the softest, faintest touch. But in all my years I never felt something touch my sun. It took me a week to figure out what had happened. A week after her rejection until I stood in front of that door and asked her to become my personal pupil. I had never considered it possible for another pony to be born with access to celestial magic in all my years. But there she was. Given time, maybe she would have been able to move the sun one day.”

The further she regaled me with her tale, the more her voice grew thick and heavy. Emotions bubbled in her throat and the surface that covered them grew thinner by the minute. It worried me, if I was being honest. I knew the vast extent of her self-control. I knew the ease with which she could hide any and all emotions from prying eyes. Doubt inevitably creeped in. I wanted this plan to work, of course. But I started to feel that maybe, this was the wrong way to go about it. She sounded more like it would hurt her. But why had she agreed to come with me to this premiere then?

Because she’s a glutton for punishment, a nasty voice in my head offered.

Shut up, I replied and sighed. I could not deny that despite my wish to console her, my curiosity burned a hole in my brain. “What happened?” I nestled against her as best as I could. To offer support and comfort, to make her aware of my presence.

The play hasn’t even started yet.

“If only I knew,” she replied with a tired, sad sigh. “Sunset was a problematic young mare in many ways. She was incredibly smart. She rarely had to sit down and study something. She just understood. That made her arrogant in certain regards. But at the same time, she was socially inept. She distanced herself from the other students. She was ambitious and driven and confident. And reckless, as a result. One day, she simply did not show up for her lesson. I searched for her and could not find her. I cast a tracking spell that turned up with nothing. So I cast it again and extended the radius from that one tower to the entire castle. Nothing. I cast it again to search the whole of Canterlot and I still got nothing. In the following years, I employed ritualistic magic I had not used in centuries to extend the reach of the tracking spell further and further. But she was not in Canterlot’s surrounding area. She was not to be found in the whole of Equestria. Or beyond it. Five years after she had vanished, I cast it one final time. She is not in this world anymore. I employed several other divination spells and the results were confusing at best. It is as if she had never existed. When I took her on as my pupil, she was a young adult living by herself. I never learned if she had any family. Certainly none stepped forward when I made a call throughout Equestria.”

My eyes fell down to the thick and heavy red curtain that currently still obscured the stage from view. The Ballad of Sunset Shimmer. Her voice had made it abundantly clear that this was still an issue weighing down on her mind. Something she had never been able to close the book on. Maybe she hoped for some clues. “Have you told Twilight?” Maybe it was cheap to say that. Whenever some issue came up that looked unsolvable, it was always my first impulse to turn to Twilight. Because she just made the impossible possible. It was kind of her thing.

My love’s wing softly brushed down along my side. “Thank you.” For what? “She is not ready yet. I have considered telling her about it, but right now, she can do little I have not considered or done already. In a few years time, she might be able to break the limitations I was confronted with.”

I remained silent for a couple of minutes. The lights were dimmed down and eventually shut off. The stage was illuminated. But the curtain remained for now. “We are here to enjoy ourselves and have a good evening… right?” I dared to ask. I just had to know. I needed to know that she was not torturing herself. Again.

“You do not have to worry about me,” she replied. “I am fine.”

I sighed and nuzzled her. “That’s not what I asked, love,” I insisted.

She hesitated, but eventually complied. “We will have a nice evening, yes.”

That’s as good as it will get, I realized. I could feel the tension building up inside her. Anxiety due to the topic that would be presented on stage in—

Right now, apparently.

The curtain was drawn back.

Here goes nothing, I sighed internally. I tried to focus my attention on the stage, but found it incredibly hard to do so. My focus shifted back to her time and time again and I watched her mask slip and break as the play went on. Sunset was introduced as this brash, gruff mare that deemed herself better than others. Slight misrepresentations were inevitable when molding a performance to mimic real life. Most of them she could stomach just fine. A rare few lines of dialogue irked her enough that she grimaced. Celestia the Immaculate, Celestia the Ever-Patient, grimaced.

It was a good thing then that the writers of the play had apparently done their homework. The material was sufficiently researched and a — or some — very talented writer had managed to sprinkle little scenes of uplifting comedy throughout. And those were written well enough that even my love took a couple of easier breaths here and there and allowed herself the occasional smile.

But as the play went on, I could feel the buildup. The pressure rose, everything lined up and whatever the climax of the play would be, I suspected that it would tear down whatever walls of composure remained.

I hated to leave her like this.

But we had a plan.

Stick to the damn plan, I berated myself.

Celestia and Luna had at some point drawn the curtain and separated our double date into a regular one. I highly suspected that both of these theater enthusiasts did not appreciate the occasional question or remark Twilight and I made. And while Celestia seemed fine with mine and Luna seemed fine with Twilight’s, everything beyond that was unwelcome.

It was fine. It actually played in our favor. “Love?” I whispered. Her wing rustled ever so slightly. It was all I needed to know that she heard me. I looked up at her. Her composure failed her. Her eyes glazed over, tears threatened to well up. And I had to fight to get those next words out. “I… I have to excuse myself for a moment. Stupid juice has awful timing.”

She merely nodded and retracted her wing. And I pulled myself away from her side. I walked a few steps to the exit of the box and looked back and it almost broke my heart to see that little shiver. I swallowed that lump in my throat, but it stubbornly refused to budge. So I went around the curtain to the other side and carefully poked Twilight on her shoulder. Luna immediately noticed my presence and before Twilight turned, I nodded in her direction. It’s time, I told her. And she replied with a nod of her own and retracted her wing around Twilight.

“Hey, uh, sorry to bother. I really need to go to the bathroom quickly. But Celestia isn’t doing so well. Could you maybe keep her company for a moment? Just make sure she’s not alone, okay?”

Twilight did not mind the interruption. She was fascinated by this new information presented by the play, but she studied it more like a historian would study a contemporary script of dubious credibility. The moment I mentioned Celestia being unwell however, her entire demeanor changed. A switch had been flipped. Her smile vanished and in its place, concern rose. “Of course I will,” she quietly replied even before she exchanged any glances or words with Luna to make sure that she was fine with that.

It's just another sign that we’re doing the right thing, I tried to tell myself.

Twilight stood up and walked around the curtain in the front. I waited for a couple of seconds until I heard nothing but the voices of the actors on stage and finally made my way over to Luna’s side. I sat down, allowed myself a shiver and nestled against her in search of comfort. “That was hard,” I quietly whispered into her soft coat.

“We are doing the right thing,” she reassured me equally quietly.

Then why does it feel so wrong…? But I remained silent. My ears were trained to the left side, towards the curtain. I listened intently for any sounds from the other side. I expected to hear sobbing. And I knew that it would break my heart. That I could not do anything about it. That I should not.

But the other side remained silent as well.

And Luna tried her best to take my mind off of things. But her efforts were in vain. So maybe it was a good thing that her attention was split between my moderately miserable state and her desire to follow the play. It was fine. She should enjoy it as much as my presence could allow for it.

And my heart ached.

Maybe half an hour later, the actors went on stage and bowed. They bowed once towards the royalty box, once to the audience, and then once again towards us. Luna had at one point explained this specific order to me. The first bow was towards the Matron of the Arts if she was in attendance. But they even bowed towards the box when she was not there. The second bow was towards the general audience, and the third one towards the princesses. Celestia had established over her last millennium that she was the lesser of the two when gratitude needed to be expressed between royalty and the general public. It very much sounded like her.

Applause was given, the actors bowed once more and the stage lights dimmed down lightly while the other lights came back to life. I pulled away from Luna just enough to look at her. Do you think we should—?

She hesitated and we both stared at the curtain for a moment. Neither of us had heard anything throughout the entire third act. What would we find?

Lucky for me, Luna was not exactly a patient mare. Her hesitation stopped her for a few seconds, maybe half a minute, before she slowly and quietly lifted the curtain back. With every inch my dread grew and it culminated in such incredible relief once I saw them. Celestia sat on her chair, all regal and composed. A perfect picture of serenity. And right there nestled against her side was Twilight, enveloped in a pristine white wing. The only sign that turmoil had befallen my love at any point was the tightness with which she held Twilight to her side. But neither of them seemed to mind much.

It was a good sign. No reason to congratulate each other just yet, but it was a good sign.

The rest of the evening was a little bit of a dud though.

Neither of them asked about where I had been or why I was with Luna at the end of the play. We simply reunited, I went back to Sunny’s side and Twilight went back to Luna’s and we went on with our program. Our little excursion to the Tasty Treat for a late evening dinner was enjoyable as far as food was concerned and the service was immaculate as usual. But despite Luna and I hanging back a little in hopes of any indication whatsoever, Celestia and Twilight merely discussed the play and the quality of the acting, the props and at some point even the plushness of the upholstery. I was not sure anymore if we had been successful. Maybe they were just toying with us. Whatever the case might have been, we retreated back to the castle late in the night and bid our farewells to each other in the hallway before Celestia and I went to her chamber and the other two went to Luna’s.

I sighed deeply as the door closed. And I watched Celestia stretch her rear legs a little. “I could help with that,” I offered.

She half-turned and smiled wryly in my direction. “Thank you, love, but I fear I am not exactly in the mood.”

I quietly snorted and shook my head. “I figured as much, don’t worry. Not every time I offer you a massage is meant to end in sex.” Her playfulness returned for a brief moment as she smiled and raised an eyebrow at me. And I might have pouted a little. “What? It’s true! I would bet that less than half of them ever do—Oh you know what, forget it!” I poked her rear with a hoof after I walked over to her and saw her grin. “You get your beautiful plush rump into the bath. Soak a little, will you? I will fetch somepony from the kitchen and ask them to send us a couple of strawberry cheesecake slices. And I will massage you after your bath, and you will enjoy that, and we can retreat to bed and sleep after that. Sounds good to you?”

Her eyes lit up the very second I mentioned her current favorite comfort food. In all those years, it had always been something sweet. But what kind of dessert changed every so often. Once a year, more or less. Last year's favorite was blueberry muffins. This time, it was strawberry cheesecake. ‘A couple of slices’ was more or less code we used with each other. It meant two slices, one for each, and she would get half of mine as well. I cherished our little routines greatly.

She sighed and looked down at her right rear leg. “It… yes. It sounds lovely.”

I felt a little bit bolt and nodded with enthusiasm. “Great! Off to the bath then, atta girl!” And I gave her luscious flank a soft smack. She yelped quietly in surprise and I chuckled as I turned and made my way back to the door. Flagging down a member of the kitchen staff was actually not that easy at this hour, but I managed. And it left her more time to properly soak in a hot bath.

When I returned to her room, I quickly informed her that she had another half hour. I even waited outside for her, on the bed. Just to leave her some space if she needed it.

Celestia returned right on time as I thanked the servant at the door, pulled the trolley in and closed the door again. “Ah, great! Make yourself comfortable,” I asked and gestured towards the bed. I took the two plates in my levitation and brought them along behind me. And I quickly got to work. I placed one play right in front of her and the other one a little bit to the side before I sat down alongside her and started to work out all the kinks and knots she managed to collect.

A few minutes in and my guilty conscience became a little bit too much to bear. “I, uhm… I wanted to apologize,” I offered quietly.

“What for?” she replied while she hummed appreciatively. I could not tell if it was due to my massage or due to the last pieces of cake she busied herself with. The last pieces of my slice of cake. But I did not mind. I honestly had expected as much.

“I wasn’t—… I hadn’t—… I would have chosen something else. I did not realize how it would affect you.”

She piled the empty plates, put the forks on top and levitated it over to the bedside table. And a quiet sigh escaped her throat as she craned her neck to look at me. “And how could you have known? You made the offer and I gave you no indication that…”

She cut herself off. I waited for a few seconds, but quickly realized that she would not finish that sentence — no matter how much I wanted to hear the rest. I finished my massage within the next few minutes in relative silence before I settled at her side. She pulled me even closer with her wing. “Despite what you might think and despite how it might have looked like, I still had a wonderful evening. Thank you, love.”

I knew that. I had seen it plainly written on her face all evening. The latter half, that was. Her genuine smile when she talked with Twilight about little details. Her occasional glances in my direction, always full of loving warmth. It was the same warmth she regarded her beloved sister with.

Family.

I knew the value of that. I knew that she craved it as much as I did. Maybe it really was just my knowledge of our ulterior motives that made me feel bad about the theater. I shifted around a little to place myself behind her. It felt wrong to be the little spoon tonight. And she did not object to it either. While I slightly shifted around until I properly held her, she levitated the blanket on top of us.

“Have a good night, love,” I whispered and kissed her neck.

She hummed appreciatively. And we both drifted off.

Luna was already waiting for me in the dreamscape. “Twilight?” I asked.

She shook her head. “Not a single word. After we retreated to my chamber, I offered to stargaze with her for a little bit. She fell asleep on me not too long ago. Celestia?”

I sighed in defeat and shook my head as well. “Same. Admittedly, I sent her to take a bath and did not accompany her. Luna, I feel bad for this charade. I know we’re trying to do something good here, but I just… I don’t like seeing her hurt. And I hated leaving her like that.” I sighed deeply. “Anyway. I got her her favorite cake and massaged her, but she wasn’t all that talkative.”

We both stood in the midst of the sea of floating dreams for a while. Each of us silently followed their respective thoughts. Luna eventually spoke up again. “I have a proposal. However, with you constantly harping on about ‘privacy concerns’, I can almost guarantee that you will not like it.”

That was obviously already all the information I needed to know exactly what her idea was. And yes, of course I had issues with that. However, that did not mean that I was not willing to consider it. Because I needed some positive feedback at this point . Some form of reassurance that this had not been for naught. Maybe it was folly to hope that I would feel less bad about everything when it turned out that our plan had actually worked. But I could not not take that risk.

“Urgh. Fine. Let’s do it. Where do we start?” I relented.

Luna giggled like an excited little filly and clopped her hooves together. I actually had to chuckle as her mirth was just so infectious. She quickly summoned the first dream. “We start with my sister. If her subconscious responds to the evening’s events, her dream will reflect so early on. Her dreams sadly still revert to the usual later on.”

The usual. I hated that term. It was such a nice, inoffensive description of what happened to my love each and every night. Sure, it got better. Luna said so. Her nightmare slowly lost its bite. It slowly fainted. Night after night, year after year. Luna’s predictions had gotten better and better as well. She initially assumed it would take Celestia decades to get rid of that one night she kept dreaming about. That had been scaled back to a few years by now. But we were already a few years in and had a few more years to look forward to.

It was infuriating. And sad. So incredibly sad. I wished I could do something, anything, but Luna strictly forbade me from ever entering my love’s dream without her supervision. Because it took her a mere thought to shun me out of it. And she did not trust me to not interfere too much. I could not even argue against that point.

We entered Celestia’s dream simultaneously and were immediately greeted with a familiar sight. Canterlot Castle had many hallways such as this one. Nondescript long corridors, broken up by banners and artwork on the one side and high, narrow windows on the other side. The red carpet muffled hoofsteps and the occasional door led into neighboring rooms.

We made ourselves invisible. Only two ponies beside us were currently in this hallway. Celestia and Twilight. And it was easy to spot our success now.

Twilight was timid and shy. She sported a deep blush as her raspberry magic held a book aloft. Luna and I carefully trotted close enough to catch a glimpse of the title. ‘The Art of Seduction’.

“What an interesting choice in literature,” Celestia almost purred as she stepped alongside Twilight. “I see you make good use of my permit to enter the more… mature sections of the Archives.” Her wing extended ever so slightly and she let her primaries trail along Twilight’s back.

Twilight shivered in response and tightly pressed her lips together to forbid any noise from escaping. “Mhm,” she tersely replied.

Celestia sped up just a little bit. Enough to walk in front of Twilight. And of course her tail swished ever so slightly. Enticingly. “I know that you technically graduated a long time ago, Twilight,” Celestia started with an almost regretful sigh, “but maybe you are still interested in a more private lesson?” And just for emphasis, she shamelessly lifted her tail high up and to the side, putting herself on wide display.

Twilight’s eyes bulged and she unconsciously licked her lips. She even leaned forward ever so slightly and her nostrils flared. “I-I wouldn’t m-mind that at all, Princess…!”

Celestia stopped walking and Twilight inevitably bumped muzzle first into her nethers. She mumbled an apology while she licked her lips, but Celestia simply looked back at her with a familiar hunger in her eyes. “Now, now, Twilight. Don’t be coy.”

You’re staring, I realized. I squinted and tore my eyes away from the spectacle. We should have stopped a long time ago. The very moment we had seen the setup of the scene should have been enough to tell us, should it not? But somehow, I had fallen victim to my voyeuristic tendencies. I had not even known I had those!

What really baffled me was Luna’s reaction.

She kept watching.

I heard Celestia sigh in pleasure and knew that this really was far enough. I grabbed Luna and pulled us out of the dream and back into the dreamscape.

“Everything looks good on her end,” Luna simply stated as if nothing had happened.

I noticed how careful and deliberate you’ve chosen your words, kitten. Surely she had not been about to remark on a certain ‘end’ looking good. Right?

“Uh, kitten, can we maybe discuss how you stared at your sister’s erotic fantasy and didn’t so much as bat an eye?” I chuckled and shook my head. No wrong way to fantasize. An old motto of mine that came to mind. The dreamscape was more or less the place for wish-fulfillment. We were honest and free in our dreams. Which meant that from time to time, there was the occasional surprise waiting here.

Luna merely shrugged. “What is there to talk about? I have seen my sister too many times in too many scenarios, Dream. You know that. We have been side by side for some of those in the last few years. I know you usually concentrate on the issue at hoof and give barely any attention to the dream itself, but surely you must have noticed how popular she is?”

I grimaced. “I noticed,” I tersely replied and I felt that little pang of jealousy. It was inevitable when being with a public figure such as her. Many dreamed of her. Of having what I had. And more. And it rarely failed to rub me the wrong way.

I started to feel uncomfortable with the topic and dropped it quickly. “Right. Do we still take a look into Twilight’s dream?”

Luna nodded. “We should. Just to make sure that the bridge will connect in the middle.”

I sighed. She said that with gravitas and purpose, but I could not shake the feeling that she was just curious. I watched her summon Twilight’s dream and we entered this one just as easily. And we were immediately drenched by rain. “I hate it,” I remarked with a frown. The rain was heavy. Thick droplets hammered down. It was loud, and icy cold.

It was dream-rain. Whenever it rained in a dream, the dreamer rarely imagined a soft pitter-patter or a faint drizzle, oh no. It was always a freaking cloudburst. And it was always cold.

We quickly teleported inside the castle entrance, since it was the only detailed feature nearby. Twilight stood right behind the door and read a book with a title I could not make out. The text within the book seemed unintelligible as well. Before I could even remark on the peculiarity of her reading here, a heavy knock on the door followed.

I considered if she had a nightmare, maybe, until she opened the door and a bedraggled, utterly drenched and shivering Celestia stood right outside. “H-Hello my f-faithf-ful student… I h-hope I do not disturb you t-this late?”

“Oh no, not at all! Goodness, just look at you!” Twilight ushered Celestia inside, closed the door and quickly summoned an entire stack of towels. And she immediately proceeded to rub her down.

I chuckled quietly and leaned over to Luna. “If she’s going to ask why there’s hay on the floor, I’m convinced that my imagination is more creative.”

Luna looked around and furrowed her brow. “But… there is no hay on the floor?”

I sighed and let my head hang. Right. Why would she get that reference?

“I’m still cold, Twilight,” Celestia announced with a shiver.

“Oh! Don’t worry, I can get more towels. And I can make a fire in the fireplace. And I could get Spike to make us some hot cocoa. And—“ Celestia slowly advanced on her. Twilight retreated until her rump hit the wall and she stared up at Celestia with wide eyes. “P-Princess?”

Celestia smiled like a wolf. “How many times have I told you not to use my title anymore, Twilight? We are equals now. And do not bother with the towels, I know exactly which kind of warmth I need. I crave.” And with that, she leaned in and pressed her lips to Twilight’s.

It was not exactly a surprise. The entire setup had basically screamed for this outcome. So I found myself less focused on the scene unfolding before me and more on Luna. And that distinct look in her eyes as she watched her sister kiss Twilight. And it was just that. She watched her sister kiss Twilight. She did not watch Twilight kiss her sister, even though that happened as well.

Was that longing in her eyes?

I sighed and once again played the undesirable part of the buzzkill. I pulled us out and back into the dreamscape. “Have you ever kissed her?” My mind was a mess. It usually was, and it only got messier from there. But I did not give myself enough time to fret over how to best address this at all. Because I knew that Luna would move on every second now and I wanted to know.

Luna furrowed her brow and nodded. “Of course.”

I raised an eyebrow. She tried to evade the topic. I could not imagine her actually being dense about this. “I mean Celestia.” She grimaced a little. Former element of honesty. Gotcha.

What I did not understand was the timing. Why now? If she had fantasies about that, I did not mind. But why did it only become so apparent now? We had patrolled the dreamscape for years, we had seen all kinds of debauchery and perversion and she had always remained unfazed.

Was it about Twilight? After all, she had initially agreed to try if ‘us’ could work to circumvent feeling left out. To handle her jealousy. Or maybe this was something older? Everypony had desired her sister before her banishment. Everypony. Her included?

Luna sighed after a longer pause. “You will keep this to yourself?” she asked.

The sheer sincerity and vulnerability on display was enough to lodge any quip in my throat. I nodded. “Of course.” You can trust me, kitten.

“I cannot say that I ever have,” she answered my question belatedly.

“And you sound disappointed about that,” I remarked.

She did not object. “After my return, I… I felt lost. This new time, this new day and age, everything was alien and foreign. But there she was. She helped me. She tried so hard for my sake. She offered me all the time she had, all the knowledge she had. Her shoulder to cry on, her books to read, her embrace for comfort. I lost count of how many nights I crawled into her bed and she held me until I stopped crying and shivering. Long before Twilight helped me acclimate even further, she was the one solid foundation I built my reintegration upon. And I was grateful. And maybe I was a little more grateful than I really should have been. I suppose it is a callback to a time before my fall. The few weeks and months before it, we shared so little. So little time. So little common ground. So little conversation. And it hurt so much. I missed her. And every night, I saw these ponies defile my sister. Her love for them was so pure, but they…” She sighed and fell silent.

I walked over to her side and nestled against her. I nuzzled her shoulder and stroked her back with a hoof. “It’s alright. The past is the past. And there’s no wrong way to fantasize.”

She shot me a wry smile. “Few would share such a… generous opinion.”

I snorted and shrugged. “Probably. Do they matter though? The many?”

She closed her eyes for a moment and sighed again. And she sat down on her haunches and pulled me in for a hug. “Not when I have you. And her. And Twilight.”

We sat there for however long it took. When I felt that she had sufficiently calmed down, I prodded her softly. “I remember what you said early on. That you care about her more than I probably ever will. That you want her to be happy and well just as much as I.” I craned my neck a little to look at their dreams. They still floated around nearby. They twirled and wobbled and I slowly realized that they danced with each other. It made me smile and gave me a devious little idea. “You know… we could meld their dreams.” It would ensure that neither of them forgot its contents. More importantly, it would most likely assure that Celestia would not dream the usual, because in a melded dream, all participants influenced the events.

Luna giggled light-heartedly. I was relieved to hear such a precious sound right now. “I like the idea. Let us do it!” So she got up again and we worked as a team. I kept the dreams close-by and steady and had an eye on any potential interlopers while she used her magic to slowly fuse both dreams.

And two became one.

We both stared at the dream. It would only hold this night. But with what we had seen already, we both doubted silently that it would take more than that.

“You are curious,” she noted with an amused smile.

“Oh, right, I’m curious. You totally aren’t,” I shot right back.

She grinned and we exchanged a bashful nod before we simultaneously placed a hoof against the bubble. We had invaded the most private parts of ponies close to us all night already. What difference would it make to pile one more layer on top?

We entered invisible again and found ourselves in one of the many bedrooms of Twilight’s castle. It might have been her bedroom. The bed looked slightly off though and all the paraphernalia littering her room was missing. But it was too detailed and decorated for the usual guest rooms.

Twilight grinned as she pushed me onto the bed. Me being a dream-version of myself. Dream-me let himself fall onto his back and grinned like a love-struck colt.

“Do I really look that goofy?” I quietly asked with a sigh.

Luna snickered beside me. “I actually find it very endearing.”

“Yeah but… she’s mounting me. I’m pretty sure this isn’t the right time to be ‘endearing’,” I grumbled a little.

Twilight kissed dream-me passionately while she stood on top. Our tongues mingled, her tail swished from side to side in excitement and the scent of her arousal quickly permeated the entire room. Funny enough, the way she envisioned her scent and therefore the way her dream replicated it was not the same as I remembered it.

Dreams are weird.

I laughed quietly and poked Luna in her side. “You’re drooling.”

“Can you blame me? The two ponies I desire most on full display like that, entangled in passion? You cannot tell me that the sights and sounds and scents do not lure you as much as they lure me.“ She grinned in reply and dared to walk a little closer to the action. She stood behind Twilight, slightly off to the side and watched Twilight lower herself onto dream-me’s member in one fell swoop. And she grimaced. “That… only works in dreams.”

Even I grimaced a little. It was possible, just… not that easily. Then again, we had no idea how much foreplay we had missed. Now, the interesting part was the fact that so far, Celestia was nowhere to be seen. “The merge was successful, right?” I asked just in case. And I decidedly ignored her previous question. Because honestly, I could feel a little tingle downstairs that I tried to ignore as best as I could.

Luna concentrated for a moment and nodded. “She’s here,” she replied.

Twilight and dream-me started to moan. And I pouted. “She’s never that loud with me,” I grumbled slightly.

Luna stumbled and looked over to me. “She is not? Huh.”

Oh now I pouted even harder. I had half a mind to make myself known to Twilight and ask what that was all about but before I could, Twilight cried out as her first orgasm rocked her body. “Breed meee!” she yelled.

Luna’s eyebrows rose as she looked over to me once more. I blushed furiously. “W-We… uh… we had recently talked about foals, but… nothing came of it so far.”

Luna giggled and watched as Twilight overflowed with dream-me apparently having untold reserves somewhere. “Maybe you should bring that up again? She looks quite eager.”

I felt myself stiffen and nodded. “Maybe I should,” I babbled as I watched Twilight’s belly bulge ever so slightly. “Goddess, this is hot,” I whispered. I wondered, though. Luna had gone to great lengths to ensure certain limitations were kept. Why was she aroused by this, instead of angered? Was her jealousy truly held in check just by the knowledge that this was ‘fake’? Because right now, at least in Twilight’s mind, it sure was not.

Before I could get too deep into that, Luna materialized literally out of thin air. Dream-Luna, that is. She stepped into being right behind Twilight and the real Luna quickly took a step to the side to not interfere with the dream. After all, the last thing we wanted was to get busted.

Dream-Luna walked up to the bed and therefore Twilight and dream-me. “Didst I not bid thee to shareth? Didst I not bid thee to waiteth for me?”

I chuckled and watched Luna blush a little. “She really likes it,” she explained.

It was rare to see her being shy about anything, so I cherished this moment even more. I finally dared to walk closer as well and stood at her side and we both watched as dream-Luna grabbed Twilight’s tail in her magic and lifted it to the side.

“It seems a little punishment is in order,” dream-Luna announced. She lit her horn and a spell washed over her body. I swallowed as I recognized what now stood proud and erect below her belly. It was… quite accurate as well.

“See something you like?” Luna teased me. I was about to make a snarky quip in reply when she lit her horn as well and gripped my own member and started to stroke it.

I gasped and bit down on my lower lip. Hard. “L-Luna!” I hissed, “C-Careful! I need my concentration to stay i-incog—… inv—... h-hidden!”

She leaned down and softly bit my ear before she whispered and let her hot breath tickle me. “Oh so you mean to say that this is a good exercise for your willpower then?”

“N-Not f-funny…!” I replied, quickly followed by a quiet moan as my knees buckled ever so slightly. I was both incredibly relieved and incredibly frustrated when her magic faded. I took a deep, deep breath and refocused my attention on… Twilight getting double-teamed by both of us. Dream-Luna pressed her newest addition into Twilight’s rump and every time she was at the halfway point, she grunted and pushed a little bit deeper. And Twilight cried out in pleasure over and over as dream-Luna slowly increased her speed.

“So we’re both really into that… huh,” I mumbled as I watched in fascination.

Luna giggled faintly and traced her tongue along my ear. “Oh yes, very much, my little firecracker.”

I tried hard to focus, but it got increasingly tougher with the excessive moaning of familiar voices and the all-encompassing smell of sex in the air. I loved those moans, I loved to hear them, I never got enough of them because I was greedy beyond belief and I wanted her, them, both of them so much right now. And I simply got drunk on that unique mixture of scents I had never experienced before.

And that was the moment when our last participant finally arrived.

The doors to the bedchamber were gripped in a soft, golden magic and were flung open. Celestia strode in despite seeing exactly what she was getting herself into. But at least she had the decency to close the doors behind her. “You three have been at it for hours,” she chided us. “It’s the dead of night, some ponies want to sleep!”

Twilight, dream-me and dream-Luna held still and looked even a little bit ashamed. “You’re just cranky because you feel left out,” dream-me boldly accused.

I grimaced a little. That was unnecessarily harsh. But apparently it was something Twilight, Celestia or both of them could imagine me saying.

Celestia puffed out her cheeks in indignation, but dream-Luna lit her horn and physically dragged her larger sister over to the bed. “I was in the middle of—“ she attempted to explain.

“—Twilight,” dream-me quipped.

Twilight blushed furiously, but both us and our dream-versions had a good chuckle about it. “That too,” dream-Luna continued with a wide grin and pressed a couple of inches deeper into Twilight’s rear, eliciting another deep, throaty moan. And I saw the unbridled desire in Twilight’s eyes as she moaned. As she stared Celestia directly in the eyes. I almost chuckled as I saw Celestia bite down on her lower lip in reply. “What I meant to say,“ dream-Luna continued, “was this: I was in the middle of administering some much needed punishment. If she is too loud, sister, how about you see to that?”

Celestia lowered her muzzle to look at dream-Luna’s bulging, throbbing erection. Or whatever part of it was not buried in Twilight’s rump. And an almost frighteningly wicked smile spread on her muzzle. “A marvelous idea, dear sister.”

Celestia’s horn lit up, she copied dream-Luna’s spell and an erection of impressive size dangled below her a moment later. All five of us gulped a little. Celestia climbed onto the bed and positioned herself in front of Twilight. “Open wide, my faithful student.”

Well at least she didn’t remark about an oral exam.

Twilight somehow blushed even more. “Yes, Princess!”

Wow, that sounded needy, I noted and watched as Twilight almost raced to meet Celestia. The very next moment, both dream-me and dream-Luna apparently saw no reason to hold back any longer and continued to mercilessly rail Twilight.

I dared to look to my side and saw even Luna sporting a deep blush. She had her tail tucked between her legs and with so much arousal filling the air anyway, it could have been hard to tell. But I simply saw how drenched she was, because I could see her inner thighs. A little dark trail indicated where her coat was already soaked. I could not hide my own desires all that well at all. Even less so than her. I wished I could just mount her here and now. But I felt my gaze drift back towards the scene on the bed. Twilight had become the new lynchpin of this entire… constellation. And indeed, everypony was quite vigorously pinning her.

We should probably go, I noted. It had taken considerably longer for me to realize that and there was no small amount of resistance to the idea. This entire scenario was so incredibly arousing. I never had much interest in threesomes or even something like this, but watching it unfold was beyond words.

Dream-Luna buried her entire length with each thrust, Celestia moaned in such a familiar way whenever Twilight gobbled up inch after inch of her length and dream-me continued to fill her up. I even noticed my dream-version craning his neck ever so slightly to tenderly lick at Celestia’s balls, only further increasing her pleasure.

And then Celestia lunged forward, pulled dream-Luna’s head with her magic closer and kissed her.

My jaw figuratively hit the floor. And I saw the same reaction, plus something extra, on Luna’s face.

“The dreams are melded… right?” I faintly whispered with a breathy voice.

“Yes.”

I nodded and gawked. “So… that really is her…?”

“Yes.”

I nodded again. I could not not stare. Celestia tilted her head slightly and engaged dream-Luna in a fierce and passionate tongue-play. “So she really is making out with—“

“Yes,” Luna interrupted hastily. As I looked over, I noticed her legs trembling ever so slightly. And she had a hoof between her thighs. “I told you it is always the quiet ones…!” she reminded me with a strained voice.

I knew that voice. She was not far off from, well, getting off. “Are… are we talking about Twilight… or Celestia?”

“Yes.”

I nodded. I almost felt like a bobblehead at this point. I had no smart replies. No quips. No nothing. I just stared at Celestia expressing such untold desire towards her sister while she rammed her oversized erection down Twilight’s greedily waiting throat. I watched myself pump into my little peanut’s womb and fill her up time and time again. It watched dream-Luna moan in such deeply felt satisfaction as Twilight’s sphincter contracted around her member every time Twilight came, every time dream-me came, every time Celestia thrust forward again. I heard the slick sounds from the bed, and from right beside me. It was just too much. It was overbearing, it was an overload, a sensory assault.

Buck reason.

She’s only capable of one answer anyway.

“You want to join, don’t you?” I asked Luna.

Day 6,121: A Lesson in Magic

A tuft of hair fell across my muzzle. My eyes crossed a little to further inspect the foreign piece of mane. It was such a lovely gradient. An unusual one as well. Most ponies had stripes in their manes and tails, but the gradient of Aurora’s mane was different. Her hair was bright yellow at her neck’s base, almost whitish, and went through orange to her blood-red tips. Her mane was fire. I had no idea how it grew like that or how it maintained that gradient.

She crawled on top of my head and stepped on something in my neck that protested with a jolt of pain. I grimaced and waited until she had found a better foothold. Carrying a filly of eight years on one’s head was not as much of a pleasant experience as some might believe. But I couldn't help but smile as she nibbled at my ear and softly giggled when I flicked it in reply.

“Can we go faster?” she asked as I continued to walk along the hallways. I rounded a corner and had a good, long stretch before me until we reached the staircase. I was intimately familiar with the layout of our castle — our destination was down the stairs, turn right, second door on the left. And I found that I did not mind a little sprint.

“Hold on tight, sunshine,” I warned her. She gleefully pressed herself against me and clung to me with her hooves as best as she could. I sped up quickly and galloped along the hallway in no time.

“Wheee!” I heard her yell excitedly.

I chuckled and gave it my all for one final push. Her unbridled laughter reminded me of that one time half a year ago when we visited Las Pegasus. I was no fan of the city. This one or any other. But we were there with the kids for a nice few days of entertainment. It really was wrong to call that ‘rest and relaxation’. And Aurora had loved that rollercoaster. She screamed her lungs out. Stardust was usually up for just about anything and he loved spending time with his half-sisters, but even he surrendered after the third round. Somepony had to watch Stardust and Arcana, so Twilight refrained from additional rounds as well. Honestly, I suspected she was a little dizzy as well. But Aurora had these big, pleading eyes when she asked for another round, and another round, and another one.

Once we finally left the rollercoaster behind, her voice was just straight up gone. And my knees took about two hours to stop wobbling. But knowing that she would most likely never forget that day was more than worth it.

“Daddy!” she yelled and snapped me back out of it.

I grimaced as I saw the staircase closer than I had been aware of. I dug my hooves into the carpet lining the floor and slowed down as best as I could without dislodging Aurora straight over my head.

I managed to slow down enough to use the remaining excess momentum to jump a few stairs down. And I hated that moment. I was a scaredy-cat at heart. How many times did I chide Stardust for running in the hallways? How many times did I lecture Aurora about not running on stairs and the consequences it could have if something went wrong? Yet here I was, jumping down stairs.

I landed safe and sound and sighed in relief. The remaining few stairs I took slow and steady and with a bit of a shaky breath. When we exited on the lower level, Aurora giggled in glee. “That was awesome!” she concluded. Was it now? My heart still raced. And only partially due to the exercise itself. I smiled and shook my head. Awesome. She spent too much time with Scootaloo again.

“You know, you’re getting a little heavy for this,” I remarked as I grabbed her in my levitation and set her down beside me. Her alabaster coat was a little ruffled, her mane was the usual adorable mess and she grinned from ear to ear. Just seeing how happy she was made my heart melt a little.

Especially once she pouted in that very endearing way of hers. “Aw, don’t say that! I could… I… hm…” She chewed her bottom lip as she tried to come up with a solution to an issue that was no issue at all, and furthermore had no solution. She grew up. It was an inevitability, really. “I could eat less of uncle Spike’s carrot pies?”

I laughed. “Oh boy, you must be desperate,” I replied, leaned down and nuzzled her mane. “You love them. And you shouldn’t forgo that.”

She grimaced ever so slightly. “But I don’t wanna grow up,” she mumbled. It was almost too quiet to hear. And maybe she did not expect me to hear it. For just a moment, I had to swallow and my throat felt strangely dry. There had been enough times when I struggled with this as well. They grew up so fast. Probably not exactly what she had meant, though.

I sat down on my haunches and opened my arms. She looked over and her smile immediately returned as she gladly threw herself into my offered hug. And I pressed her little body against mine. It still felt like it had been tiny not that long ago.

We hugged it out for maybe a minute, maybe two, until I sighed and tried to be a reasonable adult. “Come on, sunshine. We need to get moving again. Don’t want Arcana to chide us for being late again, do we?”

Aurora giggled, but nodded and pulled away from me. “I’m really trying to get her to be less of a stick-in-the-mud. But that’s surprisingly hard.”

I snorted and shook my head. And I ruffled her mane a little with a hoof, just for good measure. “I’m glad you two get along so well. Just don’t push her too much, okay?” After all, with both her and Stardust trying to coax Arcana out of her shell, it could easily get too much for her. And she had this tendency to isolate herself if that happened. On one hoof, that was a good thing. She already knew her limits and boundaries and she was strong enough to act accordingly. But she had a difficult time opening back up again once she had recuperated.

I shook my head and stood up again. The door was only a few dozen feet away. Aurora sidled up to me and we walked over. I opened the door, she slipped in and I followed after.

The position of a mild afternoon sun meant that the room was cozy, but not smoldering and light was streaming in through the windows without making it unbearably bright. Something Stardust was probably most grateful for, seeing as he was slumped over his desk and softly snored. I considered walking over to my little bundle of joy, but ultimately decided against it. He had a long night. I did not mind letting him rest a little.

I instead closed my eyes for a moment and inhaled the scent of this room. Our little den of knowledge, as Twilight called it. The smell of books permeated the entire castle, all the rooms and closets, all the hallways. But this room specifically added chalk and the unique scent of the slate on the wall beside the entrance. A clock above the door gave a faint ticking sound. I heard Aurora’s hoofsteps on the crystal floor recede as she walked over to her desk and took her chair. And then it became quiet.

I had never expected to be that passionate about teaching. A good teacher had to have certain qualities. Aside from a preferably intimate familiarity with the topic itself, patience was of the utmost importance. But in the end, it came down to the ability to adapt. Everypony learned in different ways. I only had my three foals as an example and even I could tell that. These extracurricular lessons had been Twilight’s idea, after Arcana had begged her to teach her magic for weeks and months. And once one was involved, the other two of course quickly followed suit.

Celestia and Luna rarely had the time to teach them. Not like this, anyway. So it really was Twilight’s and my ‘den’.

I opened my eyes again and walked over to my desk. Aurora had already levitated a random book from the massive shelves that lined both walls and had her muzzle buried in it. Within less than a minute after entering the classroom, she was fully engrossed in whatever that was.

Arcana was different. She sat on the middle chair, prim and proper and ready. Her attentive gaze followed me and I could not shake the feeling that she was a little tense. Like a coiled spring. I smiled at her and tried to show her just how much I loved my youngest. And I was happy with that faint smile I received in return. She was a very withdrawn filly by nature. I could relate to that to a certain extent and I was glad her siblings cared for her so much. Stardust especially could probably imagine more thrilling pastimes than more school lessons. Aurora I could handle by sprinkling in the occasional joke or little anecdote. My little sunshine very much adored me and I could do no wrong in her eyes. It was sometimes hard not to let that get to my head. And I knew that this idolization would fade one day.

The clock made a single tick that was ever so slightly louder than the other ones, signifying the start of a new hour. “Right. Everypony ready to start?” I asked. Arcana immediately gave a single, curt nod. Aurora lazily closed the book and put it to the side, but she still left it on her desk instead of putting it back on the shelf. So she had found another one she was interested in finishing. I looked over to Stardust and chuckled softly. “Stardust?” No reaction. “You’re doing great.” Aurora giggled quietly and my attention returned to my two fillies. “Alright. We’ve been talking a lot about schools of magic and arcane classification lately. Let’s see who remembers what and make it a little test, shall we?”

I tried to keep my composure and not laugh at least a little bit when I saw Arcana’s eyes light up. I had used the magic t-word. She nodded excitedly while Aurora was less restrained than me and giggled as she saw her half-sister shift in her seat in anticipation. Arcana was not about to let herself get distracted, though. She put her serious game face on and was ready.

I smiled and nodded. “Good. Briefly explain to me… hm, let’s start with divination spells.”

I could see Arcana’s mind racing. All those little cogs and gears churned, but Aurora was simply quicker this time. “Those are about reading the weave by opening your third eye,” she proudly explained.

I chuckled silently as she beamed at me. “That is correct.” Massively simplified, but correct. And I had asked for a brief explanation. Maybe I should have started with a different first question. Aurora had been enthralled by my story when we discussed divination in detail. The mere mental image of having a third eye was scary to her — in the same manner that telling ghost stories around a campfire was. In the end, even the ‘third eye’ was an oversimplification for what really happened when one read the strands of probability. Heck, even my knowledge and understanding of it was most likely a simplification of what Twilight could say about the topic. But my pupils were between the ages of eight and ten. It was a little bit early for Twilight to give them the ’real’ lecture on the topic.

While I loved seeing Aurora beam happily, her answering quicker than her half-sister had the unfortunate side effect that Arcana pouted. She tried to keep it in, to not let us see her dismay, but she was awful at hiding it as she decidedly stared a hole into her desk.

The fact that she avoided eye contact with everypony else in the room made it a little bit easier. I proudly nodded in Aurora’s direction to let her know that she had done good and then gave a little wink with my head in Arcana’s direction. Aurora quickly picked up on her dismay, looked back at me and nodded with a warm smile. And she leaned back in her seat.

I grinned and was so, so, so thankful that my fillies were this understanding and patient with each other. I knew that Twilight and Shining had had a similar bond in their youths. One that rarely saw strife or conflict. They stuck together like glue. But I also knew that this was not the norm. Applejack and Big Mac had bickered and fought a lot and even Pound and Pumpkin constantly seemed to be a hair’s drop away from strangling each other.

I stood back up and slowly walked over to Arcana’s desk. After I sat down in front of it, I lifted her chin with a hoof. There was a little bit of resistance, but she ultimately relented and looked at me. “There’s no reason to sulk, my little enchantress.” I showed her nothing but love and patience as I smiled and with every second that trickled by, I could see her resistance crumble a little bit further.

She eventually sighed and nodded. Only then did I give her free and leaned down to press a soft kiss on her forehead. I had a suspicion why she had been slower than Aurora. It was an issue that came up quite frequently with her and we would need to address it again, it seemed. But not letting her get too frustrated was more important right now. “Alright, next up: Enchantments,” I asked.

While I walked back to my desk, Arcana already piped up. “Enchantments are spells that affect the mind of a target or multiple targets. Enchantments do not work on non-sentient creatures. They grant varying degrees of influence on memories, thought patterns, emotions and in extreme cases control.”

The version she presented was shortened, which was good. But I could still hear that very specific tone she always used when she recited quotes from her books. I sat back down at my table and watched her for a moment. She smirked. She was back in the saddle and confident that her answer was right. And to be fair, she rarely failed a test. She very much came after her mother in that regard. “Very good,” I nodded and my smile only grew as she puffed her chest out in pride.

I kept my sigh internally as I knew what I had to do next. Construction of a trap for my youngest was easy enough. I knew her, after all. “What about conjuration?”

Quotation in three… two… one…

Arcana closed her eyes. A dreamy smile tugged at her lips. “According to the third addendum of Maredenkainen’s treatise on—“

“Stop.” It did not take much. She grimaced, her eyes shot open and she looked at me in confusion. Barely half a sentence in — what could possibly already have been wrong? Here we go again. I braced myself and smiled. “Come on, Arcana. In your own words, please.”

And she puffed her cheeks out for a moment. We held each other’s gaze for a little while, but she broke it eventually and groaned. She knew what was coming in much the same way I did. Because she was a smart cookie. The smartest in this room, most likely. “But why?!” she whined quietly. “Maredenkainen was a genius! She knew magic like few other ponies ever did! She was certainly a lot smarter than I am! Why should I use something that’s inferior?”

My smile persisted. Knowing this little dance was worth a lot. Our first clashes over this had been a little bit… rough. But by now, it had almost become a routine of sorts. “First off, please don’t talk yourself down like that, Arcana. Your version is not ‘inferior’. I firmly believe that one day, you may very well write your own treatise about magic if you so wish and generations after will regard you in much the same way you now think of her. If that is the path you chose for your life, that is. You have potential to surpass even Twilight one day.” She failed to stifle a disbelieving snort and quickly clasped her hooves in front of her muzzle. She idolized her mother just as much as Aurora idolized her father. I ignored the quiet sound as much as I ignored her blushing ever so slightly in embarrassment. Nothing had happened, after all. Nothing at all. “And secondly, we’ve talked about this before. If I wanted to hear a quote, I could just take the book and read it myself. I know that you have no issues understanding the phrasing and terminology of Maredenkainen’s treatise. But you need to be able to explain it. To adapt how you explain it, depending on who you are talking to. Because if you cannot make other ponies understand you, that knowledge will stay with you and only you. And what worth has knowledge if it is not shared? If it helps you break it down, think of it like this: You don’t take a test right now. You instead try to explain it to Aurora. She doesn’t quite get it, you see. Help her understand.”

Arcana huffed in frustration and mild irritation, but she eventually looked back to me and saw me gesture towards her half-sister. She turned and saw Aurora play along with my little experiment. Aurora had turned in her chair and regarded her with an encouraging smile. “Tell me,” she whispered softly. “I know you can do it.”

Arcana stared at her half-sister for a moment longer before she sighed and relented. “Conjuration describes a category of spells used to summon objects and creatures. They are therefore often called ‘summoning spells’. A conjuration spell is a form of transportation, as the conjured item or creature always has to come from somewhere.”

“Very good,” I praised her. Arcana sighed again, but nodded. And she turned back around to face me. Aurora regarded her for a moment longer and I could see the gears turning in her head. She would probably come up with something to perk her back up after class. “What about creation, then?”

It took my youngest a moment to get back into what she usually enjoyed so much. She closed her eyes, refocused and when she opened them back up again, her game face was back on. She was not about to let a ‘misstep’ hold her back. “Creation magic shares similarities with evocation. It describes an assortment of spells that use magic to transform energy into materials.”

I grinned and nodded again. “Since you already mentioned them, what about—“

“Evocation spells, also called ‘energy manipulation spells’, transform magic into various forms of energy. The most frequent uses are kinetic energy and thermal energy, resulting in the entire school being branded as ‘blast magic’ due to its highly destructive potential.”

I could not quite shake the feeling that she was not trying to make up for her misstep by being extra-thorough. Which was a problem, since I had clearly asked for a brief explanation and she sometimes had difficulties not presenting the full account of something. It was adorable in a way to see her struggle. “Illusion magic?”

“Illusion spells concern the creation of sensory misinformation.”

She stared me down. Or at least tried to. She almost dared me to complain about her answer. It was short, it was quick and it was quite likely in her own words. “So it would be an illusion if I were to let you hear thunder, right?”

She took the challenge in stride with a competitive smile gracing her lips. And that was the moment I knew she was fully back to form. “No. If you would target me with a spell and alter my perception to let me hear thunder, that would be an enchantment spell, as it clearly warps my mind.”

“But casting a spell into the sky to produce actual thunder would be evocation, right?” I continued my little charade.

She nodded resolutely. “Correct. It would be possible to cast the illusion of that sound on a fixed point of origin so that others can hear it. Illusory thunder would be hard to distinguish from real thunder. That is why most examples prefer to reference the more commonly used visual illusions.”

My heart swelled a little in pride and I grinned from ear to ear. “Very good, Arcana. Very good.” And she beamed. It was moments like this one when I felt whole and fulfilled in this role as a teacher. “Alright, two more to go. Necromancy.”

She acknowledged the home straight with a determined look and a cocky grin that would have made Rainbow proud. “The manipulation of life energy. Necromancy contains most so-called ‘dark magic’, but also contains most healing spells. Necromancy can supposedly create sentient beings.”

It was a good answer and I was just about to ask the second to last question, but that one word made me stumble mentally. It was just so unusual for Arcana. “Supposedly?” I asked.

I wanted to hug her tightly as I saw that bashful smile of hers as she averted her eyes and softly mumbled. “We have not been that far in our studies yet. Mom said she’d tell me about it someday.”

I put a hoof to my muzzle just to keep the snort in. It was such a weird Twilight-thing to tell her about necromancy, the school containing spells like life-drain and various forms of reanimation, some of them quite grisly affairs, but she drew the line at the crossover between creation and necromancy. Telling her about creating life was too much. Even though every single pregnancy ever was more or less a necromancy effect.

I would need to have a word with my peanut. While I did not mind that she set limitations on what she deemed age-appropriate for our daughter, she drew some strange lines. I needed to hear the reasoning behind this one. And if it was too weird, maybe I could convince her to redrew that line.

For now, I merely made a mental note and moved on. “Transmutation magic.”

Arcana was just glad for the change of topic. She looked back up and quickly got into the groove again. “Transmutation spells manipulate the state of being of the target. The target can be living or non-living and the extent of the desired effect greatly impacts the energy expenditure.”

I chuckled a little as I saw Aurora grimace out of the corner of my eyes. She was roughly ten months older than Arcana, but she would never think of using terminology like that. She was almost as smart as Arcana, but she saw little to no reason to make herself sound smart. And it was not about sounding smart for Arcana either. To her, it just came naturally. Big words had never scared but always intrigued her.

I once again confirmed her correct answer and saw her slump a little in her chair. She had put herself under pressure the entire time and now deflated like a pierced balloon. With an exhausted, but happy sigh. And she cradled her book with a wide grin. The same joyful grin I saw on her mom’s face every time she reorganized the library for the gazillionth time and stopped in the middle of it to fondly cradle a book or twelve like we had more foals than the ones running around the castle.

“Aaand one last question,” I dared to announce. Arcana’s eyes immediately shot wide open in utter horror and she quickly straightened up again. Her attention refocused on me and her game face was quickly reestablished. I failed to stifle my amused chuckle this time. She was just cute as a button. “I want a snowball. How do I get one?”

The question baffled both my fillies for a moment. I liked to work with practical examples. It helped visualize the conundrum at hoof as well as potential solutions. But for a studious little bookworm like Arcana, the less academic examples were usually harder to wrap her head around. And Aurora simply looked out the window for a brief moment to realize that yes, we were still in the middle of autumn with not a single snowflake to be seen.

“Via conjuration?” Arcana hesitantly asked.

I feigned to ponder her answer while I leaned back in my chair and hummed to myself for a second. “Hm, yes, I suppose that could work. You happen to have some snowballs lying around somewhere close by, then? Because after all, we both know that the amount of magic you need to pay for conjuration depends on the distance your conjured item or creature has to travel. Plus, I suppose you could conjure a snowball from a fresh snow layer and form it into a ball mid-summoning, but that increases the energy cost as well. And seeing how the closest snow layers are probably on Mount Canterhorn right now… I don’t know if that’s possible.”

While Arcana took note of each and every objection and I could already see how she tried to solve them as several problems presented to her, Aurora had caught on to my intention and searched for an alternative solution. “You could create one!” she announced.

And even though Arcana still mulled over the issues I had brought up, she found enough capacity to dismantle Aurora’s attempt. “That would not work either. Depending on the material, its composition, quality, density and several other factors, creation could be even more costly than conjuration.”

Twilight was a powerhouse. I could rarely tell if she had conjured that chair from the next room over, or if she had ‘simply’ created one from pure magic. We had a ridiculous amount of small salad bowls by now.

Neither of my daughters were strong enough to use creation magic just yet. Or conjuration. So it was no surprise that they did not know how much effort it took to create a snowball. And that was the point, after all. They had to critically engage with the topic on a theoretical level. They had to think about how things could work or might work. And it helped them better understand the base mechanics.

“What about an illusion?” Aurora offered with a cheeky grin.

“That’s not a solution at all!” Arcana objected immediately.

But Aurora’s grin widened a little. She had a knack for thinking outside the box. “Well he didn’t say that it had to be real! He just said he wanted a snowball.”

Arcana grimaced. What Aurora did often felt like cheating to her. And I could see why. But honestly, I was proud of my little sunshine for always coming up with a solution that surprised me. I had not even thought about an illusory snowball.

I knew that there was a risk that Arcana would want to discuss this. Again. And while they loved each other dearly, Arcana did not like cheaters. One of the few points they could actually argue about. And to prevent all that from happening right now, I mixed in a new piece. “What about my ice magic?”

I grinned like a shark. It was the exact reason Aurora immediately became very cautious. It was a trap. I did not make any effort to obscure that. But Aurora was stumped as to what the trap was. Arcana on the other hoof once again saw a challenge. Something to prove herself. “You don’t have ‘ice magic’,” she resolutely announced. “You are opening microscopic rifts to a section of the dreamscape called ‘the void’. And getting something as clearly defined as a snowball would require a heavy investment of both magic and willpower, draining your mental fortitude. It would also require prolonged exposure to a hostile dreamscape creature and is therefore neither worth the effort nor the risk.”

It was rare for me to talk about it. And I could not quite remember when I had done so last. But Arcana had absorbed all that knowledge, every scrap, like a sponge drained water. I smiled at her and she once again puffed her chest out.

I’ll show you hostility, a voice in the back of my head growled.

She’s eight, for crying out loud. Simmer down already. Only silence answered me.

I walked over to Arcana’s desk again and sat down next to her. And I offered her a hug. She climbed down from her chair and sat down in front of me so that I could pull her in and press her against me. She rarely sought bodily contact like this, but she knew that I needed it from time to time and she was fine with that. For the most part. So I hugged her and sighed happily. “I’m proud of you,” I whispered. I looked over to the other side and shot a wink at Aurora. I was proud of her as well. I was proud of all of them. But some just needed to hear it more often than others. Aurora grinned, stood up as well and joined our little hug a moment later, hugging her half-sister from the other side.

I noticed Twilight enter the room. The door handle was encased with her trademark raspberry magic, it swung open silently and she closed it without noise as well. I tilted my head ever so slightly to wordlessly ask her what she wanted, but seeing our little group hug, she gestured for me to continue with whatever this was. She looked at the clock and smiled.

So whatever had brought her here was time sensitive, but she had a few minutes to wait around.

“Dad, can I ask you something?” I heard Arcana’s slightly muffled voice as she mumbled into my coat.

“Sure.”

She hesitated for a moment. Which already told me that this was something that weighed down on her mind. Not just now. Knowing her, it probably had done so for a few days already. “Why is Miss Cheerilee not teaching us any of this?”

I furrowed my brow. “Have you asked her?”

“N-No,” she answered sheepishly.

As far as I knew, they loved their teacher. Much the same way almost all of the little ones adored her. Cheerilee just had a hoof with foals. So what exactly was the issue here? The real issue? I still tried to figure it out when Aurora, probably in an attempt to be helpful, blurted it out. “She’s scared because she thinks that Miss Cheerilee might think that she’s not smart enough!”

Oh.

Some might have considered it silly to fear that, of all things, given that she was most likely the most intelligent filly in the entire school. But I understood the feeling of not considering oneself as ‘enough’. Not strong enough. Not fast enough. Not intelligent enough. No matter how good, it was never enough.

Before I could address the main issue, I needed to do something else. I could feel Arcana squirm in place ever so slightly. As if she tried to crawl into me. Or maybe more importantly, away from Aurora. I sighed. “Sunshine, come on. Your sister confided that to you. You should not go around and blurt it out like that.”

“But… but you’re trying to help…?” Aurora argued meekly.

I put a hoof on the back of her head before she could scooch away further and leaned down to press a kiss on her forehead. “I am. And so are you. I know that. But if you had a problem and you told her and she immediately told me, would you feel good about that?”

She would. It had been a bad example. I knew it the moment I said it. But lucky me, Aurora caught on to what I tried to say. Because if we really reversed those roles, Arcana would not come to me to seek help to fix whatever ailed Aurora. Oh no. She would go straight to her mom. And Aurora was decidedly daddy’s little princess. She obviously loved Twilight like a second mother, but she was occasionally slightly intimidated by her as well. An issue that just never came up with me.

I saw understanding dawn in her eyes and she grimaced slightly as her gaze fell on her half-sister. “Arcana? I’m sorry.”

A few seconds passed by and Arcana finally nodded and accepted the apology. Which then ‘only’ left the other issue. I quickly shot an apologetic glance over to Twilight. None of them had noticed her presence yet and she still patiently waited in the corner next to the door. My little peanut smiled and gestured for me to continue. I nodded and felt playful enough to blow her a kiss before I returned my attention to Arcana. “As for Miss Cheerilee’s choices. What Twilight and I teach you here is advanced magical theory, my little enchantress. That’s not exactly part of general education. Not here in Ponyville, not even in Canterlot.”

“But I already know all the stuff she teaches us,” Arcana quietly whined.

“It’s a good exercise then, is it not?” I tried to argue.

“I don’t like feeling different.”

It had been so quiet that I almost had not caught it at all. So this was the root of the issue then. A class full of fillies and colts, learning algebra and Equestria’s history and whatnot. And she lived in a library to begin with and learned all this stuff ahead of time and was bored as a result. Well, maybe not even bored. But she saw the others around her struggle. And she had difficulties relating to that. Most fillies and colts in her class would probably fake-gag if she offered them to read a chapter of Maredenkainen’s Guide to Conjuration. It was about common ground.

I was glad that Twilight was here and listened. I could offer my own point of view on the matter, but truth be told: I had never struggled with the burden of intelligence quite in the same manner Arcana did. Twilight knew a thing or two about that, though. And Arcana trusted her mom fully.

“If you have difficulties with the other colts and fillies,” I started, “then try to work with what you have. Remember earlier when I asked you what knowledge is worth if you can’t share it? If they don’t understand something, offer to explain it. If they struggle with math, offer to teach them. You could invite them here. Learn an hour or two, then read some books or go play or ask Spike to stuff you with pastries. And if you’re worried about talking to them, bring Aurora along. She would gladly help you. Stardust as well. You know you can always rely on your siblings. Or us.”

I heard her sigh and felt her hot breath against my stomach as she buried her muzzle on my coat once more before she finally pulled away and looked up at me. I cupped her cheeks with my hooves and smiled at her. “There is so much to love about you, Arcana. Offer a hoof and they will come to see it, too.”

She hesitantly nodded a few seconds later and I ruffled her mane a little in reply.

“Can I ask something as well?” Aurora piped up now that the catastrophe seemed to have been averted.

“Sure, what is it?” I followed Aurora’s gaze towards Stardust, who still peacefully slept on his desk. A smile graced his lips and a little puddle of half-dried drool had formed under his muzzle. It very much reminded me of his mother and I bit down on my bottom lip to refrain from chuckling.

“Why is he allowed to sleep in class?” Aurora asked.

I looked at her and shrugged with a smile. “Because he was very tired after last night. I showed him the dreamscape and that took a lot out of him.”

The pursuit of knowledge knows no bounds. I sighed the moment I saw Arcana puff her cheeks indignantly. “Why does he get to see it and I don’t?!”

I tried to pull her in again, but she put her hooves against my belly and kept her distance. She was not having it. “Because Stardust is older than you. In time, I will take you along as well, I promise. Adding to that, he has his curiosity fully under control.”

“So do I!” Arcana argued and quickly shot a warning glare to Aurora when she giggled into her hoof.

“No, Arcana, you don’t. You recite facts about the comparative jaw strength of predators while a timberwolf is chasing you down.” I rubbed the bridge of my muzzle with a hoof. Yet another discussion we had on the odd occasion.

Arcana obviously immediately knew what I was talking about and puffed her cheeks out even more. “I was in control!” she insisted.

I sighed once again and put a hoof under her chin to raise her muzzle and smiled at her. “You slowed down because you could not remember which book had been the origin of that quote about shark jaws. Arcana, you got lucky Apple Bloom was nearby or you could have been seriously injured.” There was no judgment in my eyes and no accusation in my voice. Hearing the news about the attack had given me half a heart attack at the time, but that was a couple of weeks ago.

Despite that, she pouted like there was no tomorrow. When she tried to get away from my hoof, I held her a moment longer and tried to mollify her a little. “Listen. One day, you will make your entrance exam at Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, and you will ace it. You will have a very good shot to become her next personal protégé and follow in your mom’s hoofsteps. And if you choose to do so, I know that you will make her proud. Her and all of us. But you are eight, Arcana. There is still so much to learn, even for you. Don’t pressure yourself. Give it time. I know that you’re burning to see it with your own eyes. But the dreamscape can be a dangerous place. You will see it in time. And until then, there will be more than enough other topics to keep you occupied.”

It always felt a little bit strange to talk to her about life goals. Most fillies her age were occupied thinking about which games to play this afternoon, or what sweets to buy from their next pocket money. Both Stardust and Aurora were very much ‘normal’ in that regard. But Arcana was convinced that she had it all figured out already. Graduate as the best of the best, ace the exam, become the best pupil Equestria had ever seen, impress Celestia by racing through all of her lessons and then… well. And then. It got a lot fuzzier once she graduated from Celestia’s school. The world would be her oyster. But she was not all that keen on following the path her mother had taken after her graduation. Being sent to a rural town she knew nopony in? Facing down actual threats? Becoming the Princess of Friendship? She tried to emulate her so much, but becoming more social was where she drew the line.

The situation was… well, maybe not ‘resolved’ as such, but as good as it would get for now. And I saw Twilight take another look at the clock and this time, she seemed willing to make her presence known. She quietly cleared her throat so that she would not startle anypony. Aurora smiled widely and waved. And Arcana pulled away from me and quickly galloped over to her mom. “Oof,” Twilight said in jest as the little filly impacted against her. “Hey there,” she whispered down to her daughter and hugged her tightly.

I felt the tiniest pang of jealousy, but it faded as quickly as it had come.

While she still held Arcana, she looked around the room as if she would take it in for the first time today. “Are you done for today? I could use your help with something.”

I chuckled. Of course she knew exactly that I was done. She knew my schedule. I would have loved to say the same in regards to hers, but honestly, that thing was so packed on a regular basis that I had given up on that a long time ago.

After all the little ups and downs, I felt like a little tease was in order. And seeing Twilight always gave me ideas. “Alright, alright,” I announced, “all fillies and colts may wish to exit the premises immediately.” I stood back up and walked over to Twilight. And I captured her lips in a kiss, both to greet her and to coax the obvious reaction from our foals. And just for good measure, I added in a husky growl, “And you may want to do so quickly as I’m about to make a new filly.”

Even though she rolled with her eyes, I still loved to see that goofy smile on Twilight’s face and that faint blush in her cheeks. I successfully swallowed a chuckle down as I heard a suddenly reawakened Stardust gag and saw Arcana grimace. Stardust raced past us and tapped Arcana on her shoulder. “You’re it!” And off he was. Aurora giggled as she walked up to the door. “I’d rather have another brother,” she casually remarked as she strode out of the room. And once she was out, she yelled for Stardust to wait for him and sprinted off as well. Arcana remained for just a brief moment longer before she pulled away from Twilight. I noticed a lot of exchange between the two of them as they held each other’s gaze. Twilight eventually nodded and Arcana trotted outside as well. She reoriented herself and followed her siblings.

Twilight closed the door before she turned to me. “You are not up for another one,” she remarked.

I chuckled and smirked at her. “Is that you telling me that I’m unfit as a father, or is that you daring me?”

My sudden confidence gave her pause and her smile grew a little lopsided. “Would you really want another one?”

I laughed quietly and pulled her in for a tight embrace. She sighed happily and melted a little against me. I could feel the stress in her body. I noticed how her wings seemed a little fluttery and heard her groan quietly as I pressed my hoof into the usual spots along her back that always tensed up when she was stressing out again. She did not look like it. Yet. But she was a bit of a mess.

I leaned back just enough to kiss and nip a small trail along her neck until I reached her ear and nibbled on it. “With you?” I answered belatedly. “Always.”

I pressed my hoof against her flank and smiled as it elicited a mixture between a grunt and a moan. “That is not why I came,” she remarked.

“Obviously,” I shot right back. “But don’t worry. I think I have a pretty good idea why you will come. And how.” I softly bit down on her neck and was rewarded with another groan. Almost a moan. We’re getting there.

“Dreamwalker, please,” she quietly pleaded with me. “I have an important meeting in thirty-two minutes!”

I pulled back and smirked as I heard her disappointed sigh. And just as she was about to explain to me the importance of whatever urgent help she required, I lunged forward and kissed her. Fiercely, passionately. She hesitantly joined her tongue in a little dance with mine and a soft moan escaped her throat as my hooves traveled down her back. She really was tightly wound.

“Dream,” she begged as we pulled apart for air.

“Thirty-two minutes is perfect,” I replied.

“Thirty,” she quickly corrected.

I nodded. “That leaves us twenty.” I grabbed her in my telekinesis and laid her on her back on my desk. She did not protest too much.

Or at all.

Day 1: Having a Bad Time(-line)

Infinite possibilities. That sometimes sounded really nice. Like: The good guys always win. It sounds exhausting as well, because it means that there is just so much of everything. But in the end, there is an inherent issue with ‘infinite possibilities’. Nothing means anything anymore. And if we are truly speaking of infinity, then we are speaking of infinite failure, infinite defeat and infinite suffering as well.

There is this saying that we are all just stardust. That we are the universe, entertaining and amusing itself. To some, this saying is soothing. It seems to lift a heavy burden from their shoulders and allows them to breathe easier. To me? To me, it was always terrifying. The universe apparently has a wicked and twisted sense of humor. And the cruelest mechanic it ever created for itself was that one can reach something good through experiencing something bad. The cruelty of that mechanic lies in its inherent uncertainty. The bad times might just go on forever. They could, after all. It is perfectly possible. Or the good thing on the other side might not be worth what one had to go through. Or better still — that bad thing? It might be the last thing as well.

I am cursed to endlessly wander this Celestia-forsaken void. It is dark. It is cold. It is lonely. And he, oh well. He is cursed to forget and repeat, to end and start in an endless cycle, to truly experience infinite possibilities.

My name is Dreamwalker.

It is the first conscious thought I remembered. It was accompanied by the first conscious sensory input: Everything was spinning. Which was quite impressive, given that I laid on the ground. Still, it was too much for my empty stomach. It twisted itself into a knot and forced bile up my throat. I coughed, my body shook and I spewed what little liquid was brought up out of my muzzle and onto the ground.

I tried to open my eyes on instinct. With such awful vertigo, surely seeing something, focusing my eyes on a fixed point, would help. But as soon as I cracked them open, everything got that little bit worse. A flood of muted colors assaulted my brain. It felt like needles piercing my eyes. And why in Celestia’s dawn would I know how that felt…?

So I closed my eyes again. Pressed my lids firmly shut. And resigned myself to weather the storm. And after a couple of seconds — or minutes maybe, who could tell, really — I realized that my idiom might be more literal.

It rained.

It completely baffled me how I had failed to notice it earlier. The soft pitter-patter was quite noticeable now that I had realized its existence. With my eyes closed, my other senses sharpened. I felt the small droplets bombard my coat like siege weaponry. Every drop that hit my temple sent a little jolt of pain into my skull. Worse still were those that hit my horn.

Horn. Right. Unicorn.

I tried to distract myself by thinking. I tried to remember. It was clear that I had names to throw around. Sky, dawn, Celestia, Dreamwalker, unicorn, rain, bile. I could label things. That was already worth a lot. But my head was a jumbled mess otherwise. I smelled my vomit nearby, even though the rain had probably washed it away or at least diluted it significantly. Or maybe I smelled my own breath. My ears tried to train themselves on each and every sound, which — given the rain — was a bit of an issue as well. My stomach growled, both in hunger and still upset about all the vertigo. And to top it all off: I was freezing.

No wonder there, really. I laid in a muddy puddle. My entire left side was drenched by ice-cold rainwater. Blades of grass tickled my backside. My mane and tail were dripping, limp messes sprawled on the ground. I almost felt stuck. Glued to the floor.

All these continuous distractions made it so much harder to focus on any conscious thoughts. What was I doing out here? Where exactly was ‘here’ to begin with? Had I hit my head?

“I need to get up,” I croaked. And truly, my own voice startled me for a moment. It sounded hoarse, strained. Tired.

I pushed past all this as best as I could. I had faced worse. I was sure about that, even though I could not name anything specific. I could not remember anything. Just names. And a strange flood of bits and pieces, as disjointed scraps of vague memories flew by. I heard voices I could not label with a name. With my eyes closed, I even saw occasional blurry images rush by. Of places. Of ponies I might have known. Or was supposed to know? Most of them smiled. And for some reason, that was a relief as much as it caused my heart to ache.

“Come on,” I tried to psych myself up. “On three. One. Two. Two and a half. Two and three quarter.” I summoned whatever strength I had. It felt like grasping at straws. But it somehow worked anyway. I managed to roll onto my belly. Water and mud slid down my side. The feeling was disgusting and made me shudder. Then again, how could I tell? I was shivering the entire time anyway. “Three.”

As I hoisted myself up onto my legs, I felt a sense of pride and accomplishment. For about four seconds, until my legs buckled and simply gave out. I collapsed back down to the floor. At least there were a lot of muddy puddles to soften my landing. What a great relief. “Ew.”

Standing did not seem like much of an option right now. But! The mere attempt to stand up had done something for my nausea and vertigo. I opened my eyes again and did not immediately feel the need to vomit. The world even seemed to slow down somewhat. And I managed to focus my gaze on a point in the maybe-near distance.

I saw a lot of green.

It should not have been too much of a surprise, given that I laid in a wide field of grass, but that green over there was different. Darker. Not just because of the dark gray sky overhead, but darker in general. Broken up by bits and pieces of brown. It took me an embarrassingly long time to find the appropriate labels: Trees. Wood. Forest.

The Everfree.

I immediately grimaced. A flood of broken memories managed to tell me the basics: I had more than enough reason to be as far away from that dreadful place as possible. And yet I felt a certain… sorrow. I felt like I missed something. This isn’t right! Something should be here. There. Whatever. My eyes scanned the treeline. The canopies of these twisted and gnarled trees. What was I missing? What was I searching for?

A bird. A song.

Not a song, no. Just… noise. There was supposed to be this one bird, this very annoying one that I always heard when—

When what?

I had no answer. Maybe I came here regularly? It would make sense, right? After all, Fluttershy’s cottage was not too far away. She could probably even see me if she were to look out of her front window.

Fluttershy.

Another name. A face. Her pale golden coat. Cyan eyes. Gentle and warm. Full of patience. And kindness. Maybe she would be able to help me? Maybe she could help me piece together what had happened. Who I was. Why I was here.

Maybe she had a towel or four.

I needed to get up. I managed to crane my head around enough to even spot her cottage and truly, it was not that far away. I needed to get up and walk over there. Somehow. “On three.” I tried to trick myself as I summoned whatever strength was left in the nooks and crannies of my body. “Aaand… three!”

I stood again. And I could already feel the unwillingness of my legs crawl up to my knees again. “Oh no you won’t!” I firmly planted my legs a good distance apart from each other. It probably looked absolutely ridiculous, but at least it made it impossible for me to keel over. And if, by some miracle, somepony was actually out here and witnessed my poor display of bodily control, maybe they would take pity on me and come over to help me. After all, just about any and all residents of Ponyville were really lovely ponies, always helpful and cheery and—

Ponyville.

My thoughts stopped dead in their tracks and I once again carefully craned my neck. I could see the little rural village in the distance. Those houses looked really pretty. Cozy. I saw the town hall and carousel boutique. And I saw the crystal castle.

Twilight.

My throat tightened. I had no idea what was happening. Or why. But within seconds, tears filled up my eyes and spilled across my cheeks. Hot streams ran down to my chin, from where they dropped to the floor and mixed with rain and mud. I did not feel sad as such. No, I felt heartbroken. I felt lost. I felt cold beyond mere temperature. I felt loss.

I took a couple of shuddering breaths in a futile attempt to reign myself in. With my body being this cold, I already had to worry about catching a cold for good. And the hot tears only served to remind me of how much I could use a towel, a blanket, a hot chocolate or tea or a good fireplace. I would gladly have welcomed all of that, actually.

I waited for another… what was it? A minute? Two? Five? The vertigo and nausea might have receded slowly, but I still had difficulties gauging the passing of time. I felt more confident in my legs. And I wanted to turn around. To take a few, careful steps to test them out. And to get closer to that cottage. Fluttershy usually had open windows, I remembered. But she rarely locked her front door. Just in case some of her many animal friends needed emergency help. The bigger ones especially usually used the door. Like Harry.

Harry.

Harry was… no, not a dog. That was Winona.

Applejack.

Oh for crying out loud, this doesn’t get me anywhere useful right now! I huffed and tried to use that anger as fuel for my legs. And it would have worked, probably. But the very moment I attempted my first step, I heard something else.

I heard somepony humming. The melody was strangely off-kilter. I knew that voice. She could sing so beautifully. My ears swiveled around and focused themselves on her direction and my eyes quickly followed. Her pale mulberry coat, her dark blue mane with that one purple and raspberry streak. This time, my heart and throat were in perfect sync when they tightened. “Twilight,” I croaked so quietly that I honestly did not even hear it myself.

There was an overwhelming flood of memories. Of fondness and warmth and the expectation that now that she was here, with me, everything would work out. Everything would be sorted out. Everything would get better.

She noticed the dent my body had left in a particularly large puddle. Her brows furrowed and her beautiful violet eyes lifted. Our gazes finally met.

She looked surprised. And there was a bit of misery barely hidden behind that surprise. She was not especially keen on walking in the cold rain out in the open. I noticed those saddlebags slung across her back. Probably a trip to Zecora for some alchemical—

Zecora.

Yes, yes. Zebra, an alchemist, lives in the Everfree. I slowly got the hang of this remember-bits-and-pieces thing. But that was not important right now. She was. “Twilight,” I repeated a smidge louder. This time, I heard myself. Despite the rain. And I hoped she had heard me too.

“I am sorry, are you…” She stopped herself and looked back down at the vaguely pony-shaped dent in the ground. And then at my left side. Most of the mud was gone by now, of course. The rain never stopped. But I suspected she could still notice something that told her that yes, that was my favorite puddle to lie down in. Because she was smart like that. She was the smartest pony I knew. And I had always been attracted to intellig—

I violently shook my head to dislodge the thought. That was certainly not what was important right now. I took a few careful steps. Away from the cottage, yes, but what did the cottage matter now? I found her. I found Twilight. Everything would be fine now. There was no doubt in my mind about that.

“I need your help,” I started. Her expression morphed into worry. She saw every wibbly-wobbly step I took. I, however, barely noticed the tremor in my legs anymore. I was so laser-focused on her. I ingrained her facial features into my memory. And at the same time, I remembered her. I remembered her smile. The many, many different smiles she had. The smug one when she knew something better and was about to lecture me on the finer points on some topic. And I felt a smile of my own tug at my lips just from remembering that.

Or the happy one. Oh, I felt like I had seen that one a lot. And I had been the reason for it a lot as well. But not just me. All of our friends. Our friends. We had so many of them. Good friends. True and trusted. Bonds forged over years and years.

I remembered her cheeky smile. A rare one indeed. It had taken her quite some time to get comfortable enough to actually develop a persistent, recognizable smile for that. Nothing she did consciously, of course. Although that would have been a Twilight-thing to do. I remembered categorizing her many, many smiles with Pinkie at one point. Twilight had rolled with her eyes, but she had smiled. A happy one.

Suddenly I remembered another smile of hers. One reserved for a private setup. The ‘come get me’-smile. I remembered lying next to her. In the same bed. Under the same blanket. Soft moonlight filtered in through the gap in the curtains. It somehow made her even more beautiful. I remembered barely daring to breathe so as to not disturb this moment. She closed the gap… and kissed me. I vividly remembered that feeling of her warm, soft lips against mine. I remembered pulling her closer. How I dared to deepen that kiss. How I dared to let my hoof wander along her side. Over her pretty wings, which in turn rustled in barely contained excitement. I remembered how I wished that this moment would never, ever end and that I could kiss her for the rest of my life.

I kissed her.

Fractions of a second passed by before I realized the error. These memories, they were powerful stuff. I had completely lost myself in their alluring warmth. I had leaned in and pressed my lips to hers. And I kissed her. I tried not to panic as I withdrew from her. “I-I’m…” —sorry.

Say it.

Say it!

But I could not. Somehow, a voice in my head popped up instead. A heavy accent laced each and every word and I loved that voice and that accent so very much. Now, be honest, sugar cube. I did not know whose voice that was. A friend of mine, I suspected. But the very moment I heard those words, they became a mantra of mine. An irrefutable guideline for my life. I could not disobey this maxim.

And truth be told: I did not regret kissing Twilight. I could not. I could never.

But the timing of it all was just horrible.

I saw her grimace. She took a step back, then another. Her face hardened. Darkened. Wings. Castle. Crown. As my head rushed along to connect the dots, I was scared to ask. What was she thinking right now? Who did she think I was? What did she think I did that for?

“I know you!” I rushed ahead in an attempt to prevent the worst.

She barely nodded. “Oh I can imagine,” she spat. Literally. And only now did I remember the bile and smell and I felt even worse. “But I do not know you!”

I don’t care about your crown! I don’t care about your title! I’d very much prefer you without it. I just want you to—… to… I just want you!

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. Terror was freezing my throat, my voice… and eventually gripped my heart. I saw that ship sail by. And I did not even do so much as wave at it. No, I botched it. Botched it all. And I was doomed to witness every agonizing second as I failed. As I lost her.

I am losing her.

Again.

Again?

I swallowed hard as my eyes glazed over again. I wanted to stop her. I wanted to beg for her forgiveness. A second chance. To start over. Do it right this time. The way it was meant to happen. But whatever I wanted to say, she shook her head. I swallowed hard as her raspberry magic enveloped her horn. “Whatever you need ‘help’ with, I am not sure I am the right pony to help you.” She grimaced. “Or that I even want to.”

That last statement hit me like a cart. One of Applejack’s carts. Laden with full barrels. Twilight never gives up. It was an irrefutable truth in my mind. She did not give up on a friend, any friend, ever. She did not give up in the face of adversity. She did not let any problem ever go unsolved. Because that was just who she was.

But she was willing to give up on me.

She did not even know me yet.

“I-I’m—“

A pop. The smell of ozone hit my nostrils quicker than the popping noise, for some reason. The bright purple flash meant I was blinded for a few seconds. And left was… nothing. An empty space where she had stood.

“—s-sorry,” I choked out.

She was gone.

Twilight was gone.

I had botched it. I had lost her. How could I have allowed for that? How could I lose her? Everything would have been fine with Twilight.

I broke down. Quite literally. I saw no reason to keep standing and my legs ached anyway. I fell to the ground and welcomed the numbing cold as it immediately got to work sucking all the warmth out of my body again. I did not mind the water. Or the mud, or the cold, or the misery. Seemed like good company right now. The only company I had.

The floodgates never closed again, it seemed. I still felt her lips on mine. The sensation was now an intermingled experience, both reality and memory fusing together. It felt right and wrong and right again. I could not make heads or tails of this dichotomy. She was the one, was she not? There was a chain of events supposed to happen here. A very specific chain with a very specific outcome. But now that she left and I missed my chance and I botched it all, my memories suddenly took a left turn and tried to tell me of other scenarios.

How could my own mind betray me like that?

How could you?

And what use was it to mull this over? She was gone. Not just gone home, oh no. I saw her face right before she teleported away. It was a miracle that she had not slapped me. Twilight almost never resorted to physical violence. But she almost slapped me. I had seen the indignation in her eyes. That betrayal of trust she felt. Ponyville was supposed to be different. She was supposed to be safe here. Safe from all those leeches. And I had popped that bubble.

Or maybe I was just reading too much into that.

At this point, I honestly had little idea of what to trust and how to proceed. I was deeply grieved. I had lost something important. Somepony important to me. Would she be willing to talk to me again? Ever? How was I supposed to reach ‘ever’?

Despite my emotions still running high, I tried to think. I tried to clear my head, tried to figure out what to do.

“Uhm… mister?”

My silent sob lodged itself in my throat when I heard her voice. And I tentatively dared to hope. She was the kindest pony I knew. She would be able to help me. Surely she would be able to help me. I raised my head out of the mud and craned my neck to look in the direction of her voice. Her lovely, soft, melodic voice.

Fluttershy stood maybe a dozen feet away. She used one of her wings as an umbrella for her pale, rose-colored mane. The other one shielded a towel from the water. She was always so thoughtful. She always tried to accommodate others. She was always nice.

“Are you okay, mister?”

My first impulse was to snort. But I kept it in. She was sensitive and easily scared away. “No. No, I’m not.” I hated, hated, hated how defeated my voice sounded. How lost and miserable.

She quickly glanced over to the point where Twilight had vanished from, but she did not say anything about that. If she had witnessed it to begin with. Her gaze instead returned to me. “Would you, uhm… like to come inside? It is raining. I could make a cup of hot chamomile tea, if you like?”

Kindness incarnate. Her offer was the one ray of sunshine I needed right now. She had always been such a good friend. And she was a great listener, was she not? Maybe that would help sort all this out. Maybe she could give me some advice. Maybe even help me by talking to Twilight? Maybe she could explain to her my situation. I would need to explain it to her in the first place, obviously. But I was looking forward to that. A nice, hot cup of tea. Fluttershy made great tea. I knew that from memories. Weird, jumbled memories.

And I allowed myself a smile. I hoped it conveyed even a fraction of the deep gratefulness I felt.

We would spend some time together. We would talk. I would get to curse Angel’s name under my breath again and was strangely looking forward to that. And she would get to know me. Again.

Yes. The more I thought about it, the more appealing the idea became. Not everything was lost. I could fix this. I could at least try. I would try. After all… I did that a lot.

“Thank you, Fluttershy!”

Distant thunder rumbled. And Fluttershy took half a step back. It took me a second to realize that she retreated from me. “How—? H-How do you know my n-name…?” Her eyes were wide. Her wings tucked closely to her body. Her now limp, drenched mane hid half of her face. And I noticed her gaze quickly shifting to the point where Twilight had stood.

I could see her connecting all the wrong dots. And I panicked. Again.

No, no, no, no, no! I can’t lose you too!

“Fluttershy, please!” I begged her, “Listen to me!” But she shook her head. Almost violently. As if my words were poison. She stared at my non-crooked horn. At my holeless legs. At my wingless back.

How long had it been since the wedding in Canterlot?

“Fluttershy, please! I’m not a—“

She turned around quicker than my eyes could follow. The movement was a blur to the point where she zipped back to her cottage. The door was only slightly ajar. The gap was enough for her to slip in and ram it shut.

I stared at that distant door for a good, long while.

My bottom lip started to quiver. Fresh tears welled up. I wondered how many more of these I had in store. My blurry gaze dropped and I noticed the towel. It lay in a puddle, drenched with water and sticky with mud. Just like me.

“Puddle-buddies,” I croaked quietly. It was such a stupid thing to say. And for some reason, it was enough to break the dam again. This time, there was no dignity in it. No restraint whatsoever. I did not try to hold anything back. I just sobbed and cried and pretended that it was all just thunder and rainwater.

And I shut down, in a way. I buried my muzzle on the ground, under my hooves, and I simply expelled the rest of the world from my mind. It was completely steeped in misery. What was the point? The point in trying? The point in standing up again? What was the freaking point in hoping?

Misery seemed like all there was. Just pain and disappointment. Trying and hoping only made it worse. Attempts could be thwarted. Hopes could be crushed. Why not just lie down? And stay down? Why should I not just simply stay in this stupid puddle and wait for the rain to drown me?

It would be a hilariously daft ending. Drowned in a puddle. Drowned by rain. Maybe somepony with an appropriately dark humor would get a chuckle out of this.

How long until Fluttershy would get impatient? Unwilling to wait any longer for Twilight’s summon. Until she would fly out, over to the castle, to inform her friend of the impending invasion attempt or whatever story she spun for herself. How long until the Elements of Harmony would show up and blast me with rainbow lasers? Would it work? What was being a statue for a thousand years even like?

I wallowed in my self-pity for entirely far too long. I simply could not escape that pit of pain and despair. Not on my own. And I once again failed to gauge how much time had passed until somepony else strayed into my area. I heard the approaching hoofsteps due to the squelching sound they made in the mud. They were not timid like I would have expected from Fluttershy, but they were careful. Almost cautious.

A short while later, somepony sat down next to me. “Hi.”

I felt like this one word alone should burst. It had to be so full of energy, it should pop like fireworks. But my memories once again betrayed me, or tried to. My ears told a different story. It was a friendly greeting, sure enough, but none of the exuberance was to be found.

And I could not help but grimace. It was the next best thing after recoiling in horror, which really was not an option. I wished she would stand up again. I wished she would walk away. I could not afford to lose another one of my dear friends. My heart could not take it.

Please, please, please, Pinkie. Go away.

But Pinkie was nothing if not tenacious. “I thought I was the only one who likes to take a stroll in the rain,” she continued as I failed to give her a proper greeting.

I sighed silently. My first attempt to speak failed. My lips felt glued shut and I had to poke little holes in between them with the tip of my tongue. I smacked my lips together and tried not to mind the rainwater too much. “You—“ I started and immediately cut myself off. There was a little voice in the back of my head, softly issuing a warning. I had been about to tell her that no, she did not like strolls in the rain to begin with. I knew that. Because I knew her. But that little voice insisted: There were details. Little things that changed every time. Personal preferences being one of them.

I had no idea what that meant. That favorite colors might change over time, sure enough. Favorite foods, pastimes and hobbies, stuff like that. But what was this nagging voice getting at with ‘every time’?

I pushed the thought aside. It was not helpful right now. And I finished my sentence with something that had immediately come to mind as well the very moment she sat down beside me. “You are going to catch a cold.” Pinkie had a very adorable sneeze. Not as cute as Fluttershy’s, but maybe cute in a different way. That obviously did not change the fact that being sick sucked and that I did not wish for my friend to get sick in the first place.

“No I’m not, silly.” It somehow baffled me how easily she disagreed. With the persistent rain being this cold, the ground being muddy all over the place and her rump firmly planted in a puddle, how could she disagree?

I felt a sudden change as my upper body half was no longer assailed by the droplets from above. It was enough that I finally tilted my head and looked at her. And there was a tug at the corners of my lips for a second. She wore her ridiculous, rainbow-colored umbrella-thingy on her head and she leaned over me enough to shield me from the rain.

Baby-blue eyes and a coy smile greeted me. It was actually hard not to smile in return at that point. Hard, but not impossible.

“Why are you so glum?” she asked. Her eyes shone with the same innocent curiosity that her voice conveyed.

I sighed again. I knew Pinkie. Details might change, but I knew her. She would not let me be. “I lost two friends.” And my family, as a voice in the back of my head revealed. It only made my heart ache more. It was difficult to pretend those were raindrops when Pinkie shielded me with her umbrella. “I was supposed to do something here… but I can’t… I c-can’t remember correctly what and… and I botched it and now they… I’m not… I mean…” My thoughts got scrambled. The more I tried to explain my current predicament, the less sense anything made.

She watched me for a moment. And that moment stretched. I tried to calm myself down. I even closed my eyes and took a couple of deep, steadying breaths. With mixed results. Eventually, I looked up to her again. It was easier to get lost in her eyes. It was strangely soothing.

“Life doesn’t have a recipe. And even if it would, that doesn’t help much,” she eventually replied.

I was at the height of my eloquence as I answered. “What?”

Her little smile grew just a smidge larger. “Most ponies follow recipes when they make a pie. Everything’s written down. All the ingredients and their amounts and what to do in which order. But life doesn’t have a recipe. There’s all kinds of stuff and chaos and ponies mixing in weird ways all the time. And even if you had a recipe. Have you ever tried making a pie with a recipe? They never turn out the same!”

I knew that there was an invaluable piece of wisdom to be had here. That it could change the direction my life would take. The way I looked at things and dealt with them. But at this point, I simply did not feel ready for it. I was not ready to accept it.

So I kept quiet. And after a while, I tried to escape, in a way. I tried to ask her to just go home. “Please, I… I can’t lose y—“

She would not let me, however. Pinkie giggled softly and put a muddy hoof to my muzzle. I did not mind the mud as much as I did earlier. “You’re going to catch a cold. You’re coming with me. Up!” She did not even wait for my compliance. She withdrew enough that the rain splattered my face again and while I was blinking to get the water out of my eyes, she grabbed my foreleg and simply… yanked? There was a brief jolt of pain and an equally brief wave of vertigo, but when I opened my eyes again, I stood. So did she, right next to me. Her body radiated warmth and I tried not to bask in it too much. That became significantly harder when she closed that gap even more and we slowly walked towards Ponyville with our coats constantly brushing against one another.

She was warm and plushy and she smiled. It was not the over-the-top smile I knew from my memories. It was instead something more subdued. Something more… personal.

We did not talk on our way. We were simply content to walk side by side. And I felt her watch me as I took in the scenery. I recognized trees. Bushes. Streams. The bridge. Houses. So many houses of friends I had names for and sometimes even remembered the faces and voices of.

No other ponies crossed our path with the heavy curtain of the constant rain still assaulting the land. We arrived at Sugarcube Corner. The building was very much in-your-face with its theme. I did not mind. We stopped under the little roof overhang and got rid of at least some of the mud. My legs felt frozen and stiff. My entire body was completely drained of any warmth, even though we had walked over here. My hooves were numb and I still saw myself shivering, even though I did not feel it anymore.

We entered through the door. The ground floor was empty, as far as I could tell in the dark. Tables and chairs and benches without customers, a counter with nopony selling the goods and all the lamps were off. Pinkie grabbed me by my foreleg and blindly navigated the room with me in tow. “Careful, stairs,” she whispered. We went up a floor. And then another one. There was a single door leading from the hallway to what I remembered was her room. I remembered the Cakes now. And how they were surrogate parents for Pinkie, in a way. I remembered that they had two foals, Pound and Pumpkin. But that memory was contested within my own mind. Several different versions fought for supremacy. In some, no foals existed. In others, they did. Or there was just one. Or more than two. Or they had different names. It did not exactly get any less confusing.

So I resigned to my fate and just followed Pinkie into her room. She dragged me over to her bed. The stitched quilt had a repeating motif of balloons. It looked quite cozy. But I knew better. I was dripping wet and muddy, despite my best efforts.

“Don’t worry, I’m going to mop that up later,” she let me know. Maybe she had seen me stare at my hooves with a furrowed brow.

It took a few brief moments before I was once again assaulted. By a barrage of towels, this time. She had half her body buried in a closet, her shapely rump wiggled around merrily with her tail swishing from side to side as she threw more and more towels with astonishing accuracy at me. In the end, with her closet probably empty, she turned around, looked at the towel-monster I had become and giggled. And there it was. That never-ending energy. That smile that seemed to know no bad days.

I tried to smile. For her sake. It felt stilted. But I tried anyway.

She bounced over and took one of the towels. I followed her example and started to dry myself off and once I was done, half the towels went into a laundry basket next to the door. I didn't really get a chance to say much as she grabbed my shoulders, pushed me backwards and plopped my rump down on her bed.

“You wait right there. BRB!”

I had seen Rainbow leave her namesake in the sky when she flew fast enough. But I could not remember if I had ever seen Pinkie do the same. Just leaving pink behind, instead of rainbow streaks. “Bee are bee? What does that even mean?” I wondered aloud and heard her giggle from somewhere downstairs.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It smelled faintly sugary in here. And lived-in. Which was not a bad thing, quite the contrary. With the cold slowly receding as the room temperature was higher than my current body temperature, I came to realize that only a part of that cold was due to missing body heat. It was considerably easier not to feel as lonely when your hooves were numb and your legs did not stop shivering.

And with the warmth slowly creeping in, I was once again faced with the consequences of my disastrous failure.

I kept my lips firmly shut, pressed together into a thin line as the first sob desperately tried to escape. I tried to tell myself not to be such a wuss, but that helped unsurprisingly little. Pinkie once again returned as my savior, my knight in shining armor, just in time.

Shining Arm—

Shut up.

She offered me a cup. Steam rose from the dark, brown liquid. And a single marshmallow drowned in it.

Rari—

I said: Shut up!

“Thank y-you,” I replied and tried to keep the stutter out of my voice. But with my body finally getting some warmth back, that was easier said than done. All my muscles seem to spasm out just to generate some much-needed thermal energy.

“You’re welcome.” She sat down right next to me and cradled her own mug.

I took a sip and tried not to cough. The sugary goodness flooded my taste buds, it was chocolaty to the extreme. Or maybe my mouth was not used to chocolate yet. Either way: I had to take very, very small sips. I tried to focus on my sensory input. It was such a strange reverse to the prior situation. Think as little as possible, focus on everything else. My hooves prickled. It was right at the border of being painful. I held my cup in my levitation and wondered for the first time how I managed to do that. And just because I questioned it, I almost dropped my cup. I sighed a couple of times, quietly. And I did not realize how much I slumped against her until Pinkie giggled softly, because my mane tickled her neck.

“O-Oh… s-sorry…” I stuttered because of the cold. Surely.

I tried to straighten my posture, but she once again would not let me correct my mistakes. As soon as I tried to get away from her, she grabbed me with a hoof and pulled me back against her. “It’s fine!” she insisted. “You really are a worrywart, aren’t you?”

I gulped a little and sighed. “I guess.” According to my never-to-be-trusted memories, I had heard that title a lot. From many different ponies. So there had to be some truth to that, right?

We emptied our cups in relative silence, only broken up by occasional sighs and hums of contentment and appreciation. Our cups finally ended up on her bedside table and Pinkie smiled coyly again as she pulled the blanket back and crawled under it.

And I felt very uncomfortable all of a sudden. Like an intruder. I was not meant to be here. This was her room. She was tired, cold, whatever else, she wanted to sleep. I needed to get out. And I was about to get up when she spoke up in a surprisingly quiet voice. “Don’t make me drag you over.”

I stopped dead in my tracks and slowly turned until I could look at her. She softly patted what little space was left next to her. This bed was not meant for two ponies. Sure, it could fit two. If they snuggled up close.

My gaze drifted from that space to her. She expected me to join her. Why? Why, why, why? I wanted to ask so badly. A part of me was even crazy enough to suggest that this might be some kind of trap. But what would she gain from that? And it would have been easy to get lost in all those speculations. But the important point was: I knew Pinkie. She rarely let her hair down like that. She rarely let others see her be so… vulnerable. Come to think of it: She had been like this the entire time. Soft-spoken. Walking instead of bouncing. A coy smile instead of her earth-shattering, sky-splitting beam. But her mane was fluffy and plushy. Not limp at all.

I gave myself a solid, figurative shove off the ledge and crawled under the blanket beside her. We lay almost muzzle to muzzle. Her bed smelled like all kinds of sweets. Licorice, ew. But also chocolate. Powdered sugar. Caramel. Glazed apples. Several kinds of fruits. Uh, pineapple, nice.

A minute passed. Then two. Our combined body heat made the bed even cozier than it had been already. The pillows were soft. And so was the blanket. And the sheets. And her. And my heart ached so much. “Why?” I finally dared. “Is picking up strangers — literally from the ground — a hobby of yours?”

It was a bad joke. And it did not work. But she smiled anyway, just to appreciate the effort. “I usually pluck them from the trees around town, you know? But I was in the mood for a change and Dashie keeps praising floor-fries…”

I could not help myself. It started with a very unexpected snort and the weird sound only contributed to me chuckling after that. And funnily enough, Pinkie snorted as well and chimed in with her lovely giggle. It was nonsense. Nonsensical. All of this.

And as I laid there, with her close to me, chuckling and feeling tension melt away, I did not even realize that my laughter slowly morphed back into sobbing. As soon as I noticed, I shut up. “Sorry,” I mumbled.

She scooched just a smidge closer and brought a hoof up to my cheek. And I leaned into that tender touch as much as I could. And that ached flared up tenfold. “It’s fine,” she insisted yet again. How many times had she already told me the same thing over and over again?

“Why are you so kind to me?” I asked her. You don’t even know me!

But when had that ever mattered to Pinkie Pie? A stranger was just a new friend to be had.

“I want to see you smile.” Her answer was simple. Really simple. Very in line with Pinkie, as far as I knew her. And yet despite this, I wanted to scream a little and pull at my mane. That was not an answer at all, was it? “But you can’t truly smile until you stopped crying,” she added belatedly.

Now you’re just ridiculous, Pinks! I shook my head. “But I’m not crying,” I insisted.

And she smiled that very particular smile. That one full of empathy and maybe a bit of pity, when somepony realized something a lot sooner than somepony else. I did not quite like that one. “Yes you are, silly. But you cry like Applejack.” She stabbed my chest with a hoof. “On the inside.” She sighed. “And you thrash around and howl in pain.” My eyes once again glazed over. I refused, though. I simply refused to let them spill. I bit down hard on my bottom lip to teach it a lesson about quivering without my approval, but it did little more than hurt. And quiver.

And Pinkie simply pulled me in and nuzzled me. She closed what little gap had persisted between us. And I tilted my head forward and buried my muzzle on her chest as the walls came crumbling down again. Oh how little they had helped me. With every shuddering breath, I inhaled her sweet scent. She smelled of cinnamon. I loved cinnamon. Did she know? Maybe. She was Pinkie Pie, after all.

And I could not pretend it was the rain. I could not fault the weather for that damp patch on her coat, or the sheets. I could just dig deeper. Hide myself away from all sight and all ears as I failed to keep quiet. She held me tight throughout. “Don’t worry,” she whispered into my ear, “Auntie Pinkie takes care now.” I wanted to laugh, yet I could not. It was such a ridiculous thing. But very much fitting for her.

I felt safe with her. Secure. And for whatever reason, that made it worse. It made the tremors shaking my body worse. It made the volume of my sobs worse. It made the tears spilling forth without restraint worse. It made the ache in my heart worse. Like a festering wound that had been cut open again, everything had to get a lot worse.

And to top it all off, she started to hum and a brief moment later, softly sang.

“It's true some days are dark and lonely, and maybe you feel sad, but Pinkie will be there to show you that it isn't that bad!”

I could barely think straight. I could certainly not speak an entire sentence without stuttering like an idiot. But I could not keep quiet either. And I tried to follow up. “There is o-one thing that… m-makes me h-happy and m-makes my whole life… w-worthwhile…” And we finished in an awkward duet as she chimed in again. “And that's when I t-talk to my f-friends… and get them to smile…”

I want to see you smile, her previous words echoed in my head.

Smile for me, Pinkie. And I’ll try to smile for you.

A distant part of me wondered. Maybe Pinkie just did for ponies what Fluttershy did for animals. Nursing the wounded back to health. It mattered little as her hoof stroked through my mane and time trickled by unnoticed. I ran out eventually. No more tears in store. No more sobs hidden away in my throat. No more desperation and pain and fear. Oh so much fear. One could only experience so much terror before being tired and numb.

And I reached that point where I simply fell silent. The tremors had almost stopped as well. Only occasionally did I still shiver lightly. She tipped my shoulder and I understood without a word. I rolled over and scooched backwards, until my back was against her belly. She pulled the blanket up a little further and continued to hold me. The scent of cinnamon filled my nostrils and soothed my frazzled nerves.

The emotional fatigue and plain old bodily exhaustion finally combined to drag me into sleep and I slipped in with a final thought.

I love cinna—Pinkie.

I sat up straight in bed with a gasp usually reserved for drowning. My entire coat was matted with sweat, my breathing was going a mile a second and my heart was thumping in a panic. My head snapped around as I tried to reorient myself. Where was I? Who was I? When was I?

Large bed. Closet. Table with writing supplies. Window, curtains drawn closed. I could see a new moon outside. A few twinkling stars. The walls, the floor, everything was composed of crystal. The castle then?

“Are you alright?” a voice spoke up beside me.

My head snapped around with such speed that my neck actually hurt a little. I stared at Twilight wide-eyed. She saw my face and quickly dismissed what little drowsiness remained. “Breathe. Slowly. Follow my lead.” She sat up as well and inhaled.

Follow my lead.

I trusted Twilight. Without a doubt. I can do that. Right?

I inhaled and held my breath. And exhaled when she did. We repeated the process a few times. It helped massively and I eventually let myself fall back into the sheets. My head hit the pillow and I sighed deeply. Twilight laid down as well and scooched over. She laid her head on top of my chest and looked at me. I wanted to remark that I was sweaty, but on second thought: Either she already knew and did not care, or she had not noticed yet and would potentially retreat. I certainly did not like the latter option.

“Nightmare?” she asked calmly. I nodded without hesitation, even though I immediately started to question that. Had it truly been a nightmare? The memory was fleeting. It felt like another flash. One that had the unfortunate timing of arriving in the middle of the night. When I was sleeping instead of dreamwalking no less. But I had dreamed about Pinkie. That could not be too bad, could it?

“Want to talk about it?” she offered.

I considered it for a moment. But what was there to talk about? I looked at Twilight and I felt… safe. Safe and secure. I was with her, and everything was fine. Everything would be fine. I smiled and shook my head. “No. But thank you for offering. Sorry for waking you up.” I craned my neck and kissed her nose. The only spot I could reach in that position. She wrinkled her nose in response and giggled softly before she lifted her head. We had routines. We knew each other. We had been living with each other for years. She laid down on her side and I scooched right up against her back. And I spooned my lovely little peanut.

I sighed a final time before I let sleep reclaim my consciousness. And as I inhaled deeply, I smiled. Because my nostrils were filled with her scent. With the smell of paper and books and libraries, a tiny trace of dust and the metallic scent of her ink.

And the ghostly tinge of cinnamon.

Day 2,136: A Marathon, Not A Sprint

Celestia was a good deal larger than me. It was a simple fact. Hard not to notice as well. I was lying on my back and her head rested on my chest. Her eyes were closed, her breathing calm and steady and her lips were curved ever so slightly upwards, into the faintest ghost of a smile. I loved watching her sleep. Many ponies describe her as the epitome of serenity. And she was. She truly was. But this, this was different. No nobles were bothering her. No international crisis was looming on the horizon, daring to contest her diplomatic skills. Right now, she was sleeping. My thoughts strayed a little as I wondered what she dreamed about.

Her head was large, and therefore a little heavier than, say, Twilight’s. But it was far from being too heavy. And I quite liked it. Even when I closed my eyes, the weight reminded me that she was still there.

I watched her mane, too. At any given moment, it was this ethereal, billowing display of colors. Even when she slept. But contrary to popular belief, she could have morning hair. It did get tangled and messy like everypony else’s mane. It split and twisted and went in all directions. I was probably a little bit of a weirdo to find morning hair sexy, but that I could live with. She was the love of my life and there were few instances when I could not, for whatever reason, appreciate how gorgeous she was.

The size difference rarely bothered us. Sure, one had to be a little bit more creative when it came to kissing, cuddling, sex and the like. But we managed. And I rarely asked her to change into her Sunny Skies-persona. As a pegasus, she was my size. Maybe even an inch smaller. Sunny was the mare I got to know first. The name stuck. I still, to this day, called her Sunny when we were in private. ‘Celestia’ sounded more… official. Meant for the public. And ‘Tia’ was clearly reserved for Luna.

Sunny.

Her smile grew a little wider. And so did mine. It was an automatic response. A reflex, one might say. She seemed happy, and that, in turn, made me happy. Happier. That is how a decent relationship should work, right?

Her affinity for transmutation spells was probably the reason why the growth spell existed. I could still count how many times we had used it. The instances were rare and it was more of a bandaid than a treat. Yesterday had been rough for her. Rougher than usual. Rougher than her ‘rough days’. She did not tell me what happened. She would, eventually. I knew that. And I had the patience to wait. To let her reach that point at her own pace. I would be there for her. As always. But what she had needed yesterday was that feeling of security. A place to retreat to, where she could let her hair down and be as sad, as frustrated or annoyed as she wanted to be.

When we crawled into bed late at night, I offered to be the big spoon. It only seemed logical at that point. I knew from first-hoof experience how much safer one felt, being held like that. But while that would have sufficed on any other day, it was not enough yesterday. She was so incredibly hesitant to ask. Even though it was not a big deal for me. Never had been.

Growing to a size that was ever so slightly larger than her felt awkward. As if I had to relearn my entire limb coordination. And big-me was clumsy as heck. But it was not like I had to navigate narrow corridors in a porcelain shop or run a marathon. I just had to lie there and hold her tight. I could do that. Easily. Gladly. The spell only lasted about an hour anyway.

But she was still so hesitant to ask.

That, too, was very much like her. Give all you can give, but never ask anything in return. I knew her for long enough to expect as much. I was perfectly willing to compromise. To reach out to her, to offer. And the experienced diplomat that she was, she did not even need a single word to make her will clear: She forbade me from offering. She wanted to ask. She needed to ask this for herself. For her own well-being.

The spell had lasted an hour, as usual. Enough time for her to almost crawl back into me while I held her. Enough time for her to fall asleep, feeling safe and snug. I woke up briefly when the spell fizzled out and I shrank back down to my normal size. And in retrospect… I wished I had not fallen asleep again after that.

I had lost track of how many nights I had to contend with these nightmares again. The only certainty was that it was a few, but less than a week. I could tilt my head ever so slightly and look out of the window to see Luna’s beautiful, starry night sky. And even without possessing any celestial magic of my own, I could feel that it was almost time for Sunny to get up.

I swallowed the urge to sigh and closed my eyes. I kept my mind busy in an effort to not fall asleep again. Because I really, really, really did not wish to return to these dreams again.

Just as expected, Sunny stirred from her slumber a few minutes later. She shifted cautiously and that alone almost made me smile. She had bought it. She tried not to wake me up. I still let my lips curl upwards into a smile and gave a faint, appreciative hum when she placed the softest kiss on my chest.

Then she left. And I immediately regretted it. Her closeness was gone, her warmth was gone, the feeling of security was gone. My nostrils flared ever so slightly. I could still pick up her intoxicating scent. I could still feel the warmth of the sheets beside me, where she had laid. I dared to crack my eyes open ever so slightly to watch her walk towards the large glass door. I was willing to swear for a brief moment that she put a little extra swing into her hip. But she had bought it, did she not? She still thought I was sleeping. But I knew that gait. She tried to lure me out of bed. It worked on some days, to be fair. Maybe she did it just in case I woke up due to her missing beside me?

I quickly snapped my eyes shut again when she briefly looked over her shoulder, back in my direction. I was decently sure I had been quick enough. After all… I had been awake for a few hours. And she was probably still tired.

A moment passed, then another one. Until I finally heard the door being opened. She stepped outside and focused. The moon went down, tired from its journey across the sky, and was neatly tucked in by its mistress so it could rest. The stars dimmed down and disappeared one by one. And to the east, the sun rose past the horizon to begin its own journey of the day.

With her first task of the day done, she stepped back inside, closed the door and made her way over to the bathroom. She usually preferred to get up a couple of minutes early to do her bathroom routine before raising the sun, but after yesterday, I was not too surprised that she switched it up.

That of course gave me a couple of minutes to simply lie there and ask myself a couple of questions. Both to keep my mind busy and awake, and to maybe find a few answers. Not that I had not wasted all these past hours on thinking anyway. After all, I desperately wanted to stay by her side, but also wished to not wake her up. Which left me with few options in regards to activities to pass the time.

I never had any difficulties finding questions to mull over. Chief amongst them this time, however, was why I always seemed to choose this path above all others. She was right there. All I had to do was, quite literally, reach out. I could still do that. I could ask her to come over to the bed, sit down and talk to me. And she would. It would throw her daily routines into a little bit of chaos, but she would do it without hesitating. Talking to her was the rational thing to do. It was reasonable. I instead chose to fake being asleep. I chose to lie awake for hours throughout the night. And not for the first night either. Why?

The answer was as simple as it was stupid: I tried to protect her, in a way. I did not wish to burden her with my silly little issues. I did that frequently anyway, more than enough. I did not want her to worry about me. I wanted her to be happy. I wanted to see that smile, and not her concerned frown.

That was obviously not how it worked. And I knew it. Which was the aggravating part. I knew it did not work like that, and I decided to follow the stupid anyway. I could already feel the rising tide of frustration with myself. I had to swallow it down the moment I heard the faucet being turned off. She was done. She exited the bathroom. I heard the lock of the casket give a little click as it opened and closed. She put on her regalia. A last, heavy sigh and she was ready. Her hoofsteps were a lot more noticeable now, due to her horseshoes.

They were muffled when she stepped on the carpet by the bedside. I knew what was coming. A little farewell. A kiss. She leaned down, and I held still. Maybe too still. There was no set spot she usually kissed me on. Sometimes she chose my forehead. Sometimes my chest. Or my throat. Or my nose, if she felt particularly playful. But she kissed me on the lips.

She knew I was awake.

I sighed ever so slightly, but gave up the silly charade and reciprocated. She had been out of bed for less than half an hour and I missed her dearly already. I freed a hoof from beneath the blanket and guided her muzzle down ever so slightly. She willingly followed and the kiss endured for a couple more seconds. And I thought I could feel it. The gratefulness. The slight traces of worry. The happiness. The love. Things she might have wanted to convey nonverbally. If so, she did a great job.

When we finally parted, I opened my eyes. As did she. We held each other’s gaze. Was she alright? Yes, she was. Was I? I hesitated. It had taken her some effort to ask last night. Was I willing to make an effort? For her? Of course. Always. And at that point, she smiled. It was not Princess Celestia smiling at me, but my love, Sunny, who broke through the masquerade for a brief moment to let me know that she would be waiting, patient as always, until I had mustered the courage to tell her.

She quickly leaned down again, placed a very brief peck on my nose and with a hint of a giggle, she left for good.

I stared at the ceiling and sighed heavily. But I only dared to do so minutes after the heavy doors had closed. As if I feared Sunny would stand right outside, with her ear pressed against the wood. The mental image was silly enough to make me roll my eyes.

I finally got up as well, went into the bathroom, regretted every life choice along the way due to the cold marble tiles on the floor and the room's air sapping what little warmth of the bed had remained so far and then I was forced to confront another issue.

I was tired. I was so incredibly tired that I walked at half my usual speed, which was not impressive to begin with. I brushed my teeth at half my usual speed. I felt like I might have fallen asleep on the toilet. I splashed water in my face and all it did was to make me wet and a smidge more miserable.

As much as I hated to admit it, there was no way around it either: I needed sleep.

And because I most certainly did not have my mental faculties together, I came up with an appropriately stupid plan.

Luna’s quarter was right around the corner and halfway down the corridor. Even though it had taken me roughly double the normal time I required to reach this point, I still had more than enough spare time left to dawdle around. Neither Celestia nor Luna would allow for anypony to rush them when it came to their shared breakfast. Or dinner, in Luna’s case. They shared news, talked about their days and nights, pranked each other a little and joked around. It was that time of day where sisters could be sisters, and nothing else. As such, it took time.

I knew the castle staff. I knew the guard routines. I knew exactly when the shift would change. Luna would come here after dinner, she would retreat into her rooms to go to sleep and roughly ten to fifteen minutes later, the two night guards in front of her door would walk back to the barracks. Technically they were only allowed to do so after the next shift had arrived, but Luna was quite lenient with them and honestly, only a madpony would sneak into Luna’s quarter uninvited.

Then again, I was really, really tired. At some point, that mental state could be called madness, right?

I stood right around the corner, occasionally smiled awkwardly and belatedly when somepony from the castle staff walked by and berated myself for swaying slightly while standing still. It was supposed to tell me that I was in bad shape, and I did get the message. I just did not care much for it. I was here to do something about it, was I not? So why bother me with this nonsense. I would have loved to growl in frustration with my own body, but I tried to stay quiet and as hidden as I could be. I had to peek around the corner from time to time to make sure I would catch the right moment. And I was decently certain that the two guards had not noticed me at all.

I really needed somepony to knock some sense into me, didn’t I?

The thought perished as I saw Luna round the corner on the other end of the hallway. I peeked around the corner as stealthily as I could. She walked up to the guards. They talked to her. Probably just a status report. Yes, your highness. Nopony tried to enter your empty bedchamber while you were in Night Court. Yes, your highness. We stood here the entire time and were bored out of our minds. Yes, your highness. We did not notice anypony peeking around the corner over there for the past fifteen minutes. Well, truth be told, they neither looked in my direction, nor pointed a hoof here. Despite the grandeur of these high-vaulted hallways and the echo present in them, I could not make out a single word. And I tried.

Then Luna took a look around. First towards the direction she had come from, which alarmed me. But my reaction speed was somewhat impaired as well. I knew she would turn her head and look in my direction as well any second now. I pulled back behind my corner just in time as she did. My ears swiveled around, trained themselves on any sound coming from that corridor. I heard nothing.

She eventually thanked them and I heard the door open and close. When I dared to peek around the corner again, I was surprised to see the two guards leave. Luna had apparently dismissed them early. Maybe she had given them a task to do before their shift ended, because they walked in the direction she had come from, which was certainly not the direction of the barracks. The shortest way to the barracks would have been…

My direction.

I gulped and muttered a couple of mild curses under my breath. I really had not thought any of this through properly, had I? That of course also meant that the two guards from the next shift would come up behind me to take their post. I immediately snapped my head around and grimaced as I heard a pop in my neck and a brief jolt of pain ran straight into my brain.

The hallway was empty. Of course it was empty. The old shift had been dismissed early. The new shift was supposed to arrive in… what? Half an hour, maybe?

I sighed heavily. “Let’s get this over with.”

My hooves carried me around the corner. I kept my eyes trained on the other end of the hallway, just to make sure I would see the guards returning if they did. I could then pretend to casually walk by instead of following my actual plan. And since I saw nopony coming, I snuck up to her door, pressed my ear against it and listened for a couple of seconds. It usually took Luna a few minutes to discard her regalia, brush her teeth, wash up and crawl into bed. The moment her head hit the pillow though, she was asleep.

I had been fretting around that corner for a while, right?

I had been rather slow, sneaking up to this door, right?

My hooves felt leaden. I had no patience to wait any longer. But I still wanted to be stealthy. As stealthy as I could manage, given the circumstances. So instead of using my magic, which would give off a noticeable glow on the other side of the door were I to grab the handle with it, I used my hooves. And that actually required me to sit down in front of the door and fiddle around with the handle for a few seconds, because the initial two attempts had failed pitifully. I was so used to using my magic for just about anything that actually using my hooves felt alien at times.

Once the door sprung open the smallest gap, I quickly cast a last glance around. The hallway remained empty. Perfect. I snuck inside and silently closed the door.

Once the faintest click was heard, I silently sighed. I stood in a pitch-black room. Luna’s bedchamber had a balcony of course. Two, in fact. The big one where she raised and lowered the moon and could see her sister doing the same with the sun each dawn and sunset, and the smaller one on the opposite side, which she mostly used to sneak out of the castle or to enjoy the rain. With me, occasionally.

When it came to sleeping arrangements, Luna and I shared a lot of preferences. A dark room without any light whatsoever, plus complete and utter silence. I waited for a few seconds until my eyes had adapted to the inky darkness as best as they could. It was enough to make out shapes nearby. I knew the room well enough to navigate it blindly of course, but Luna was a little messier than Celestia and occasionally let her horseshoes lie around. Or a stray book or a present from someone who had visited Night Court.

I managed to sneak up to the bed without problems. I could see her lying there. I stood in front of the bed, stared at her and everything inside me yearned to be at her side. Quite literally. I expected to find sleep at her side. I expected to be safe from nightmares at her side. Even though that was a silly expectation to have. She was busy dreamwalking and she could not play favorites like that.

I shook myself out of my inner ramblings and carefully, slowly, cautiously crawled up onto the bed. It took some mental gymnastics to figure out how to slip under the blanket, but I eventually managed to get close to her. I really wanted to press myself against her. I wanted to be the little spoon. But I knew that the mere attempt would most certainly wake her up. Lying this close to her, without actual contact between our bodies, felt somewhat disappointing. I tried to tell myself that this was as good as it would get. And I tried to calm down. To lure myself to sleep. A minute passed by. Then two. And it started to work.

That is, until she suddenly shifted. Luna rolled onto her other side. I held my breath, but it took me only a couple of seconds to realize, to feel, that she was looking at me. She inhaled deeply. Held it in. And sighed heavily. “We need to talk.”

It was pitch-black. There was no way she could see me cringe, right?

I didn't even try to pretend I was asleep this time. Instead, I simply rolled over and scooched closer until my back hit her belly. She willingly accepted me into her embrace and the very moment her grip tightened around me, I felt a lot more stress melt away than I had been aware of being there. “After I slept… right?” I quietly dared to ask.

The silence seemed to stretch forever. She eventually tilted her head and nipped the tip of my ear. I flicked it and smiled. “Fine,” she relented.

We need to talk. Her words echoed in my head. In a way, I had known exactly what I was getting myself into, did I not? I had tried to outmaneuver myself. And it worked. I was here. In a situation where I would be forced to talk. And goodness gracious me, I was so overwhelmingly grateful for that. And I was afraid of it at the same time.

As usual.

“This night shall last forever, then,” I mumbled, quickly followed by a yawn.

“I would be willing to challenge my dear sister for her celestial domain again if it would help?” she offered.

A voice in the back of my head was alarmed by the seriousness of her tone, while another voice tried to reason that she was clearly joking and trying to lighten the mood. Neither voice fully reached me, as I continued to drift off to sleep. A smile spread on my lips as the thought of her willing to go this far for my sake vaguely settled in my mind. “That’s sweet,” I heard myself mumble.

Luna simply giggled, kissed my ear and wished me farewell.

When I woke up again, I felt a hundred times better. The room was still quite dark, of course. Those heavy curtains were drawn shut and they did not let any light through. But Luna had cast a little spell on the ceiling of the room, where a depiction of the night sky gave off the faintest, bluish glow. It was an artful masterpiece befitting of her.

Luna still held me. Her warmth still warmed me. In more than one sense. Yet I dreaded this talk she had threatened. Enough so that I tried to slip out from her grasp. I would sneak away from the bed and slip out of her room unnoticed and I would continue to avoid the entire topic forevermore!

As soon as I dared to shift away from her ever so slightly, her grip tightened a little. “And where do you think you are going?” I sighed. Both in relief and frustration. I gave up on my escape attempt and instead snuggled against her once more. I did very much prefer to be close to her right now.

Luna patiently waited. For about a minute. Patience really was not one of her strong suits. “You have nightmares,” she simply stated.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I countered. “I slept like a log.”

“Yes, you did. Because I made it so,” she chided me. Her issue was not with me sneaking into her room, unannounced or otherwise. Her issue was, as usual, with me trying to avoid confronting the problem at the root of it all. Because what Luna lacked in patience, she made up for in bravery.

“Oh,” was my initial, eloquent reply. I knew a thing or two about her repertoire. She had options to ensure my restful sleep. But all of them, each single one, required some measure of effort.

As the silence stretched on, Luna once again ran out of patience. “Dreamwalker, do not make me do this. Remember that Tia is the patient one. I will make you talk one way or another.”

My mind immediately raced into a panic. Not because she wanted to force the conversation, no. She name-dropped Sunny. She had no reason to do so, the threat in itself would have sufficed. But she did it anyway. And there was a reason for that, too. “She knows?” I dared to ask. I involuntarily cast my mind back a couple of hours. This morning, when Sunny had kissed me. She knew I was awake. And without a single word spoken, she had tried to encourage me to share whatever burdened my thoughts. Later on. I had managed to put it off. And I would continue to do so again and again. Because she allowed for it. Luna… did not.

“She knows,” Luna confirmed my fears. “Obviously. She can be more perceptive than even I am. She cares. And she hopes that you will open up to her. Eventually. At your own pace, in your own time.”

So she knew. And she would let me continue this charade anyway. Which left me with Luna. “And you don’t want to wait?”

“Let me put it like this:” she started and I could feel her shift a little. She brought her muzzle down and spoke quietly, right next to my ear. “My sister believes in you as your best self. Because she wants to encourage you to be your best self.”

“And you don’t?” I whispered back. It was considerably harder to focus with her this close, with her warm breath tickling my ear.

“I do, of course. But I accept that everything moves at its own pace. Including ponies. I know you. I can see what you could be, just like her. But I also acknowledge that you are not quite there yet. And that you may need a little push along the way every now and then. A little help, so to speak.”

A nudge. It was the term she had used a long time ago, when we first had talked about why she was so pushy with me sometimes, when her sister was not. Celestia always had this hooves-off approach when it came to encouragement, while Luna wanted to be more involved, and wanted to have a more active role. Luna gave nudges here and there. To stir up some action. Growth, ideally.

I sighed as I recognized that my current musings were little more than distractions. I was procrastinating. “It’s just a stupid nightmare,” I half-heartedly tried to wiggle my way out of this conversation.

“It clearly troubles you,” Luna disagreed, “so nothing about this is stupid.”

For all her empathy and warmth, Luna could at times share a lot more in common with a dog or even a wolf. Or maybe a shark? She had picked up a scent and she would follow it. To Tartarus with distractions and diversions. She would not give up.

I sighed again. And I gave up. I rolled onto my back and stared at the pretty display above our heads. I could see her watching me out of the corner of my eyes. Her mane was a little messy. It looked really pretty. Because I, on the other hoof, was easily distracted. So I closed my eyes and figuratively shoved myself off the cliff. “It’s a recurring one. And it's frustrating to boot.” I tried to remember it. Details from it. But nothing presented itself before my mental eye. “I wake up, soaked in sweat. I remember everything so vividly. Sharp and clear, like… as if I could still reach out with a hoof and touch it. It’s normal for dreams to dissolve over a few minutes after waking up. I know that. But this dream… it falls apart and vanishes within seconds. So there isn’t even a lot I could tell you about it. What do I do?” I opened my eyes again and looked straight at her. I was surprised to see her this happy. Almost proud.

She considered her answer for a while. But before she gave it, she charged her horn and lowered her head down. I closed my eyes again to concentrate on the sensation as her horn crossed with mine. Because— “I really, really like how it feels when your magic touches me.”

She snorted in surprise and giggled a little afterwards. It made me beam to hear that. “You do have a talent to make unusual compliments. Some of those, if not most, could raise some eyebrows if they were heard without prior context.”

Her amusement still laced her voice as she spoke, and I was more than willing to get in on the joke. So I mustered my worst-best filly-voice. “I swear, mister guardspony sir, her magic touched me! I can show you where on this self-made sock-puppet!”

Luna guffawed. I had managed to break her. Her unbridled laughter rang out in the otherwise silent room and filled it with joy and merriment for at least a minute or two. It eventually dimmed down to a snicker before she finally managed to reign herself in.

Time for a second round. “Please, sir, I don’t have to explain why they are that kind of socks!” This time, when Luna snorted and her barely restored self-control broke, I chimed in and laughed alongside her. It was such a heart-felt, honest, infectious sound. How could one remain in a bad mood with her nearby? “Sir, no! Don’t make me show other guardsponies where you touched me!”

At that point, Luna — still snickering like mad — lit her horn and bound my muzzle shut to keep me from stalling further. I chuckled and nuzzled her chest to show that I was done. She released her magical grip and I simply continued to nuzzle her until she rode out the last waves of amusement.

“That really has no right to be this funny,” she protested.

I nodded. “Shall we take a look if it still is? Could have been a one-time-thing, you know?”

She grinned, but shook her head. “Another time maybe.”

“So as far as strange compliments go,” I started and kissed her throat. My nostrils flared as I picked up her alluring scent. “You smell so, sooo nice. Is that one better or worse?”

She hummed in appreciation and stroked down my mane and back with a hoof. “I think it is roughly on the same level. But thank you.”

“You know, I wouldn’t mind getting a little frisky and— “ And the magic was back on. A few words I continued with the muffled sounds being all that came out until I relented.

I looked up to her and was met by a warm and loving gaze that, at the same time, had a certain steely strength to it. “Don’t,” she simply demanded. I sighed and nodded and she released me once more. “The spell I cast on you should help you remember. While it cannot bring back what is lost, it can lift the veil that usually makes memories of dreams blurry and hard to grasp. As for your question about what you are supposed to do, I think you already know the answer. You share. So tell me. What do you remember?”

I dreaded going back to that place. But I had successfully outmaneuvered myself and managed to put myself in this position where confronting my fears was the only viable path left to trod. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and tried once again to remember. And I took great solace in knowing that Luna was with me. That she was right by my side.

“It’s a desolate place,” I started. “It doesn’t look like it at first glance. I see trees. Shrubs. Rolling hills. Pastures and fields. Forests. The sun rises and warms the earth. The night brings rest and relaxation. It shouldn’t be that different from our world. But it feels… utterly bereft of hope. There are planes in the sky and trains on the tracks. Houses tightly packed together. Some rise high above, made from metal, concrete and steel. I have never been to any of the other large cities. I’ve never been to Manehattan or Baltimare. But I imagine it would look a lot like this, just from what Twilight and the others told me about it. This asphalt desert. Gray in gray, with just the occasional tree in between. Weeds trying to carve a niche for themselves as they grow from every nook and cranny. At the same time… there is light pollution. So many flashy advertisements. Blinking and glowing everywhere, day and night. These streets are full. I can’t make out faces. I don’t care about their faces. They look barren. Desolate. Hopeless. Some smile, but it never reaches their eyes. I am sometimes surrounded by friends. But my smile always feels weak. Fake and hollow. And the mere attempt to smile makes my heart ache. I feel… barely anything. And I wish I could weep. Weep because I should feel something. I should feel so much. So much regret. And anger. And sorrow. Instead I feel… tired. Mostly just tired. And cold. I can bury myself beneath covers and blankets and whatnot, to the point where I sweat buckets and I still feel cold. Because this cold has nothing to do with my body temperature. And I feel exhaustion in my very bones. It doesn’t diminish. It never goes away. No matter how much I sleep. I talk to others and it tires me out. I do my chores and it tires me out. I sleep and it tires me out. I wake up tired, exhausted. I start each day with so little energy that even small tasks seem daunting… and sometimes they are. Sometimes I truly need to postpone them. And I feel lazy because of it. And I berate myself for it. But no matter how harsh I drag myself to court over these things, nothing ever changes.”

I needed a break. Luna said nothing. Did nothing. She simply waited while I tried to reign in my trembling voice. While I tried to ignore the hot tears streaming down the sides of my face. Just a stupid nightmare, I kept telling myself. It’s just a stupid nightmare. I would wake up again. I always did. I would wake up, and be me, Dreamwalker. And everything would be fine. Kind of.

I continued with a shuddering breath. “I feel such a deep-seated contempt for this world. And for myself. I feel uprooted. Like I have no place to belong to. No purpose. Nothing has any meaning. Nothing I ever did, will do, or could do. Nothing anyone else ever did. I feel like I am forced to live in this world that cares as little for me and treats me with such contempt… like I do to it in return. I feel like I have lived in this world for years. Decades. And I feel the weight of every day and every hour bearing down on me. Suffocating me. It drains everything out of me. To the point where I want to cry out, but I have no voice. Where I want to weep, but I have no tears. Where I want to lash out, but I have no strength. And the mere thought of doing any of that, despite the impossibility of it all, already exhausts me again. Tires me out further and further. And it only gets worse. Time relentlessly marches on. Drags me along a path I don’t want. And I don’t have the strength to fight back. To rip myself free and be left behind.”

A brief moment. Maybe even less then a second. But I had heard that. I had heard her swallow hard. I opened my eyes, despite the tears doing their best to glue them shut. And despite my blurry vision, I saw how grief-stricken her gaze had become. Something I had said, something in all of this, had hurt her. Had struck a chord and reminded her of pain she herself had endured once upon a time. “Feeling lonely is nothing new for you,” she whispered. Because she did not trust her voice enough to not quiver, would she speak louder.

“No, it’s not,” I admitted freely. That was part of why this recurring nightmare frightened me so much. I saw the parallels. I too felt that cold from time to time. It was one of the reasons why I could be so clingy occasionally. Why my loved ones had to put up with me constantly crawling into them at any given opportunity. I too occasionally struggled with my purpose and my roots. With my many, many insecurities. But this other world. This other ‘me’ in those nightmares. Everything there was so much bleaker. So much darker. So much… worse.

“This is different, though,” I spoke up again. “When I wake up, I still feel that cold emptiness inside. It vanishes quickly, as I said earlier. Because I’m surrounded by my friends. My family. Because I have Sunny. And Twilight. And you. I’m constantly surrounded by love and care and tenderness on all sides and I feel grateful for that. I am so happy that I could burst into tears of joy. And admittedly, occasionally, I do.”

Luna furrowed her brow. “Oh. So that’s where that comes from.”

That remark made me stumble. And cringe. Hard. “I… I also usually try to avoid witnesses.”

She shot me a soft, sympathetic look. “I hate to say it, but you are clearly not very good at it.”

I cringed a little harder still, somehow. “Thanks. I always appreciate your honesty.” Luna giggled quietly for a few seconds before she shook her head and leaned in. I sighed and accepted the peace offer and met her halfway. It was a brief, chaste kiss. And I hated how salty it tasted. But when I tried to pull back early, she lit her horn and kept me in place. She clearly did not mind. And she would prefer if I simply accepted the tears for what they were. It still took effort, but I managed to wrangle some enjoyment from that kiss after all.

When she finally allowed me to pull back, I laid my head back on the pillow below. “Honestly, it creeps me out,” I picked the conversation back up. Though as soon as I had teased this part of my thoughts, I stopped and hesitated.

“Why?” She tried to help me along.

“It… it plants this really disgusting, nasty thought in my head that… some lives… that live… might not be worth living. And… I… I don’t know what to do with that.”

Luna nodded. At least she could empathize with my predicament. It was not a thought process that belonged in a pony’s head. Mine or anypony else’s. “Have you tried to influence this dream-life? I know that you are not a lucid dreamer, but you speak of it with a clarity that goes past what my spell should have allowed for. Have you tried to turn it for the better?”

I sighed and my shoulders, despite me lying on my back anyway, still somehow sagged. “I have. It didn’t work. And I think I know why, too. I usually rely heavily upon my friends. But over there, I just… I can’t. They don’t understand this version of me like you understand me. It sometimes feels like we’re speaking in different languages. And no, I’m not lucid over there. I’m never fully aware that it’s all just a bad dream. I sometimes hope it is. I wish for it to be a bad dream. I wish to wake up so badly all the time. But I think that is just an expression of desperation.”

Luna fell silent for a while after that. She mulled things over, I could see as much when her brow furrowed and her face shifted through several expressions while she started at a blank spot on the wall, or the ceiling. She tried to avoid looking at me when she was deep in thought, because I often got goosebumps when she stared straight through me like that. As if I wasn’t even there.

After who knows how many minutes, she finally sighed and returned to me. “You never make it boring.”

I tried to answer her wry smile with one of my own. “Or easy,” I added with forced flippancy.

“Or easy, yes,” she agreed. “We all have nightmares, Dreamwalker. But most nightmares are simpler, more tangible. The fear of not having enough bits for food. The fear of a ‘pony of shadows’. The fear of a headless pony or a zombie-pony. The fear of rejection. The fear of a changeling invasion. But you? You don’t go for small. You consistently go for the straight-up existential crisis.”

I was halfway there apologizing. I had drawn breath, I had opened my mouth, and then I had noticed her glare, warning me not to even dare to say how sorry I was. So I took a sharp turn and veered into another direction entirely. “So, does that mean the Princess of the Night has nightmares about changeling invasions then?”

“A changeling’s capability to wield deceit to such a degree is terrifying not for what it can do, but what it can make us do, wouldn’t you agree?” she answered.

I knew Luna. We all have our own little idiosyncrasies. She had difficulties openly acknowledging certain weaknesses. This answer was as close to a straight ‘yes’ as I would ever get. And really, it was good enough for me. “Sorry for the extra work,” I muttered.

She simply shook her head. “Do not apologize. It is a normal part of life.” She eyed me for a moment before she continued. “Do you wish to know why I would rather encounter ten Tireks than face one Nightmare Moon?” This was not about semantics, as I reminded myself. It was an example, quickly pulled from the air to make a point. So I nodded. “Because one of them is an ill-behaved grump, most likely burdened with father-issues, and the other—”

“—is a centaur?” I quickly cut in with a wide grin.

Luna smirked and briefly kissed me once more. And with every breath I took, it became easier to take the next one again. I grinned in joy and beamed at her as she retreated. And I did not mind how smug she looked. “Now there is a smile I would love to see more of.”

“Is talky-time over now?” I dared to ask. Because honestly, I was fed up with talking about something so dreary. And I had Luna in bed with me. I could easily imagine a lot of less depressing activities. “Can we have kissy-time now?”
Luna giggled in reply. “Under two conditions.”
Well, that sounded promising. “Shoot.”
“I will ponder your dream and see if I come up with a decent solution, or at least I want to witness it for myself the next time you encounter it, so I will need your permission to enter,” she named the first one. That, as far as I was concerned, was not too bad. I had embarrassed myself in front of her way worse than by anything she could witness within that dream. “Secondly… you will tell my sister at your earliest convenient time what ails you! She deserves to know as much, if not more, than I do.”
I grimaced. Of course I did, because I knew fully well that she was right. I should have come out to Celestia and talked with her about this issue from day one. But I did not. Because my head was weird. However, now that I had my pep talk with Luna and ‘kissy-time’ was on the table…? “Done and done!”
She laughed whole-heartedly in the face of my enthusiasm. “Good to know that I still know how to motivate you. Just remember, Dream: Battling your inner demons is nothing like defeating a villain in those comic books Spike is so fond of. They go down in a blaze of glorious battle, with witty one-liners and spewing curses against the hero. Your inner demons however, they rear their ugly head time and time again, and you will have to battle them over and over. It is very much a marathon, not a sprint. But you will have us right there by your side.”
She had this gift. This talent. To find the right words, at the right time, for the right pony. I could never tell if that was an honesty-thing, or a laughter-thing, or a loyalty-thing. But it most certainly was a Luna-thing. I noticed how my eyes teared up a little again. I did not mind. Her pledge to be there for me. To help me. It was good. It made me happy. And I dove for a kiss without hesitation.

The nightmare would return. Time and time again. And I would have to bear it. But at least I would always have the solace to know that eventually, I would wake up again, next to my loved ones, surrounded by my friends and family, and I would be able to move on with my (mostly) happy life.

Wake up.

Day 1,922: TLC

I tried very hard not to be grumpy with Luna as I stood in the hallway in front of my room. I swayed ever so slightly and trembled a little. My brain, as sleep-ridden as it was, insisted that it was not that cold out here. But the entire rest of my body really just wanted to pass through that door and crawl back under the blanket to cozy up to Sunny again. The soft sheets, her soft, smooth coat, her downy wing enveloping me. The mental image made me shiver.

“Are you alright?” Luna asked.

I blinked. Left eye first, right eye second. Then I shook my head slowly and looked at her. “Hm?”

She snorted amusedly and smiled. “I will retreat to my room for now and nap a little.”

Ah. Right. I smiled and briefly leaned in to brush my neck against hers. “Sunrise should be in half an hour, roughly. Nap until then. If everything goes to plan, you’ll be able to sleep properly for an hour or two afterwards.”

She sighed ever so slightly. I could feel it in her neck more than I heard it. “This will be a bit of a rough day,” she murmured.

I broke the contact and tilted my head to place a small line of kisses on her neck. “Probably,” I agreed, “but it’ll be worth it.”

She hummed ever so softly in appreciation and I noticed with a satisfied smile how her eyelids closed. Sadly, I did not have the means to continue this any further. She really should move on and take that nap – and I really should move on with my own plans as well.

Luna had been kind enough to play her part. The part I had asked her to play. I knew that it would not be easy to escape Sunny’s embrace unnoticed. I simply could not do that on my own. But Luna's ability to turn into mist not only helped her enter our room unnoticed, she also managed to sneak up to the bed and envelop me. She turned me into mist alongside, which marked the end of a very nice dream I had and was partially responsible for my initial grumpiness. I was really bad at coping with just about any interruption of my sleeping schedule. And as a night owl, getting up before sunrise was just the worst.

But today was an important day. A special day. And I had made plans.

She’s worth enduring this, I told myself as I nodded one last time and finally got a move on. The air in the hallways of Twilight’s castle sapped any remaining warmth from the bed out of my coat. I missed it dearly and mourned its loss. My first stop was the bathroom. For as little as I wanted to wake up, I needed at least a minimum of my mental faculties together. I was careful not to splash my muzzle with water, as that would mark the end of any sleep I would get this morning and I did plan on sleeping for another hour or so later on. However, I needed to brush my teeth. I was expecting somepony and the thought of talking to her with morning breath was certainly unappealing enough to ensure this stop was not skipped.

I made my way down to the entrance door afterwards and stood in front of it for a few seconds, pondering my new predicament. For as cold as the castle interior seemed right after exiting the bed and being awoken this rudely, I knew that it simply was not. It would be quite cold outside, though. If I opened that door, a gust of wind would rush in and freeze me on the spot.

And I was glad that, despite the overly dramatic image in my head, I still managed to convince myself to open the door.

“Eep!”

My mood improved immediately upon hearing that. “Sorry Shy, didn’t mean to startle you.”

Fluttershy still clutched her chest with a hoof and shielded herself with her wings, but upon hearing my voice, she at least lowered her ‘defensive wall’. Of feathers. Then again, I had seen Rainbow deflect an arrow with her wings. Somehow. Maybe there was more to this than I gave it credit for.

“I-It’s alright, you just surprised me. I was about to knock,” she explained.

I swallowed my initial comment about how I could tell, as I had seen her raised hoof before she quite literally jumped two steps back like a cat. It had been an impressive display of acrobatic prowess. But I did not want to embarrass her and despite it being a compliment in nature, well — I knew she had problems dealing with those on occasion. So instead, I simply stepped aside and let her in. I closed the door behind her and led her through the familiar hallways.

“You look very drowsy,” she dared to remark.

It made me smile. She felt comfortable enough with me for a little smalltalk. “That would be… because I am. Honestly, this is sooo not my time. Right now, I would love nothing more than to crawl right back under Sunny’s wing.” She giggled quietly as a faint blush rose to her cheeks. I had no idea what she was imagining, but I knew that Fluttershy had quite a vivid imagination. I decided not to pry. “Thank you for coming here this early. I know that it’s unusual even for you.”

She smiled and shrugged it off. “It’s no problem, really. I love to help. And I would have to get up in an hour or so anyway. Some of my animal friends are up quite early as well, and I’m currently dealing with a bit of an outbreak.”

“An outbreak?” My ears immediately turned towards her and my head followed suit. “Nothing serious, I hope?” She had not mentioned any issues. She had not requested help. Neither Twilight’s, nor mine. But for Fluttershy, not asking for help when help would be welcome was not out of the question.

She quickly shook her head though and tried to disperse my worries. “No, nothing serious. Just a common cold. A lot of bed rest and good soup will fix the issue in a couple of days.”

While I sighed in relief, we walked around a corner and I opened the door to the kitchen. She nodded as a silent thank you and entered before me. I turned a couple of lamps on, which I had strategically placed the evening before. “That’s everything you need?” I asked and pointed towards one of the kitchen counters. She carefully inspected the utensils, turned to me, smiled and gave a hearty nod. “Great. Then let’s get to work. I feel like I’m moving like molasses and we might be a little behind on the timer.”

Fluttershy quickly filled a kettle with water and set it on the stove while I busied myself with retrieving a couple of strawberries from the fridge and the glass of honey from a cupboard. And the little mini-stove from one of the cabinets. I placed a single tealight inside and lit it. I poured a bit of honey in a glass bowl and placed it on top, so that the honey would eventually be warm. Not hot. Never hot. But warm.

Next up was the vanilla. Luckily, despite being drowsy, I still remembered what I had to do in which order. I had ingrained it in my head the day before. And I was very, very grateful to be a unicorn. My clumsy hooves were nowhere near that knife as I scraped out a bit of fresh vanilla and mixed several pinches of it into the honey.

Only one task remaining. I looked over to Fluttershy. She worked on the chamomile tea, her face an expression of concentration. I had thought about making tea myself. Sunny loved it when I made tea. Not because it was any good, oh no. It very reliably tasted awful. She simply appreciated the effort. But this time was different. I wanted this tea to be good. I needed it to be good. And after Celestia herself with her millennia of experience, but still before all of the fancy restaurants and tea parlors in Canterlot, came Fluttershy’s tea. I had no idea why it was so different. Why it was so good. I had watched her make tea countless times by now and I had never been able to reproduce her quality by simple observation. There was something I could not see. I had joked about it being magic that helped her and that would have sounded a lot more reasonable if not for her cutie mark being plainly visible. And it was clearly centered around animals, not tea.

She put the kettle down. A pot of freshly brewed tea was waiting. A single saucer with a cup on top beside it, still empty. “Done,” she exclaimed with a happy smile.

It was infectious. I felt myself smile as well as I strode over and hugged her. She seemed a little surprised at first and tensed up a little, but quickly relaxed and melted into the embrace. “Thank you, Shy.”

“You’re welcome,” she mumbled in reply and for a moment or two, her wings closed around me. It was a pegasus-only-feature I had come to appreciate quite a lot. Hugging Pinkie was incredible. She was soft and plush and smelled like a bakery worth of goodies. But there was just something about a downy, feathery embrace that made it a little bit better.

Or maybe I was just so accustomed to it by now that I felt this way, seeing as all the loves of my life had wings.

When we parted again, I grinned at her and quickly leaned in to give her a peck on the cheek. “Thank you, Fluttershy!” I chuckled as she blushed a little.

Her gaze wandered around the kitchen in an effort to distract from the dreaded awkwardness. Even though there was none. And it landed on my own little workstation. The honey was good to go, the vanilla was mixed in, but the strawberries still rested a few inches away. “Do you still need some help?”

I followed her gaze and smiled. “I wouldn’t mind it, if you’re up for it. Told you, I’m slooow.” I heard her giggle quietly as I drew the word out further and further, as if I was caught in a slow-motion effect. So we got to work once more. It was a minor task, really. Just remove all the stems from the strawberries, wash them and put them in a small bowl. Once we were done, I thanked her again, took the tea set, the strawberry bowl and the mini-stove with the honey on top and made my way back to my room.

I was, for all intents and purposes, a weak unicorn. A fact that had bothered me surprisingly little over the years. I was unable to learn many fancy spells. Or even less fancy ones. I still could not light a fire with a few sparks of magic and had to resort to even more mundane means. But it was fine. I had an affinity for telekinesis. It cost me little to use it. But carrying the stove, the entire sea set, the strawberry bowl and then grasping the door handle was daunting.

The trick I quickly figured out was to move all the items in the same direction. I pushed the door handle down and my floating entourage went down a little as well. I pushed the door inwards and all my items floated towards the door. I just had to repeat the process in reverse once I had managed to sneak in.

To my utmost relief, Sunny still laid in bed. I put my vanilla-honey- and strawberry-setup on the nightstand and retrieved a metal dome I had stored away the day before to put over the entire thing. This way, the scent should not alert her. The tea I carried to the balcony and put it outside, just around the corner on the floor.

I snuck back in and wanted to crawl back into bed when I noticed that this time, she was looking at me. A graceful, intrigued smile tugged at her lips. I could not help but grin. “Good morning, love.”

Her smile widened a little. I pulled the blanket back just enough and she quickly pulled me in. “Good morning,” she replied and hugged me close to her chest. Being back at her side was relaxing. Her warmth immediately seeped into me, I nuzzled her soft coat and could not help but sigh deeply in content. This. This was great.

“Sunrise?” I mumbled into her coat.

“In a minute,” she replied. I could hear that playful undertone. She was probably running late. Not by much, obviously. She took her responsibilities very seriously. But a minute or two was not too bad. Few would ever notice. And I really did not mind snuggling with her.

That said, a minute was a minute. Not ten. Not five. Not even two.

She sighed heavily and got up. And she looked a little surprised when I got up as well. I grinned and said nothing, and she smiled and simply nodded. We both went towards the balcony, side by side. I had no idea when exactly she had woken up. Did she know about my little excursion to the balcony? Did she suspect anything?

We stepped outside and it was cold. Obviously. Sunny raised her horn, aglow with her warm golden light, and somewhere in Twilight’s castle – probably right beside Twilight in her bed – Luna did her thing and lowered the moon.

While Sunny concentrated on her celestial magic, I used the opportunity to fill the cup with tea and levitated it up to her eye level. With the sky slowly phasing through its incredibly beautiful display of colors and the light growing stronger by the minute, I had a good chance to see her happy smile as she noticed the floating teacup. She gladly took over my telekinetic hold of it and took a whiff. Her nostrils flared as she hummed in satisfaction. “It smells divine,” she said quietly.

Content with my work, I sat down beside her and leaned against her considerably larger frame. And a moment later, her large wing enveloped me like a blanket. It was familiar. It was endlessly cozy. And I loved every second of it. Especially since I could still see, and hear, how much she enjoyed the tea. And the sunrise. It was her favorite time of day. It was a beautiful spectacle.

She was beautiful.

“You know,” she calmly spoke up, “I could have sworn that just last evening, a thick layer of clouds covered the entire sky. And I am pretty sure that Rarity said something about a terribly rainy day.”

I tried very hard not to laugh. I could hear her bewilderment as she realized it, slowly. And I grinned from ear to ear. “Well… I owe Rainbow big time,” I replied with a chuckle. My body trembled ever so slightly as I tried to keep the laughter down, but I was pretty sure she noticed through her wing anyway. “She managed to rearrange the weather schedule with Mayor Mare and the local farmers so that the rain would come down over night, without flooding everything.”

Just so we could have a beautiful sunrise.

I looked up to her. Sunny's gaze was transfixed onto the horizon. Her sun slowly crawled its way up. The colorful display was in full swing. But more importantly for me was her smile. The tea. The free sky. And I liked to think: My presence, as well. It all combined to form a very, very good morning indeed. And I could see that twinkle in her eyes.

“… this was so worth it,” I mumbled. “This is such a breathtakingly beautiful sight.”

Her smile widened ever so slightly. “You are not talking about the sunrise, are you?”

I chuckled quietly. It was a rhetorical question. But at the same time, she knew me well. She knew how much I loved to compliment her. And this was a rhetorical question as much as it was an invitation. An offered opportunity. And I gladly took it. “For as pretty and awe-inspiring as your sunrises are, love… they don’t stand a chance against seeing you happy.”

Her smile gradually morphed into a playful grin as she finally tore her gaze away from the horizon. She looked into her teacup and nodded thoughtfully. “It is an exceptionally good tea.”

That finally broke my self-control and I laughed. And her quiet, but clear giggle chimed in shortly after. “Happy birthday, love,” I wished and guided her muzzle down with my magic to give her a proper kiss.

She gladly accepted both, but once we broke apart again, she still had that playful twinkle in her eyes. “You do know that it is not truly my birthday, right?”

I grinned and nodded. “Yupp. However, I had a talk with Luna and we decided that if you don’t choose one for yourself, we will. So here we are.”

She grinned and shook her head in amusement. “I see.”

Sunny emptied a second cup while we gazed upon the spectacle in the sky. Then we finally stood back up, took the tea pot and what little tea remained inside and returned to my room. I had already told her the day before that I had planned this entire day out and she was willing to follow my lead. That made it so much easier to lure her back to bed. A treat we rarely got to enjoy. On any given day, we would be at the castle in Canterlot. Aides would run up to her door because they needed her signature. Or had forgotten where she put some contract or form or whatever. There always seemed to be something, even on her off-days.

That was why I had considered it a stroke of genius to simply flee to Twilight’s castle for today. Canterlot could burn down in the ever-hungry flames of bureaucratic nightmares right now, for all I cared. We would have a party. We would celebrate her birthday. We would not be bothered by anypony from the castle staff. Or any guards. Or anypony else, for that matter.

“Am I allowed to know what the plan is?” she dared to ask as she climbed back into bed.

As soon as she laid down, I scooched closer and kissed her again. “You may know the next step,” I told her.

She nodded and waited expectantly for about half a minute before she smiled and asked. “And that would be?”

I grinned, kissed her nose and pulled her even closer. “You. Me. Cuddling. All morning. Or as long as we want.”

“Are you sure that this is my birthday, and not yours?” she asked with an amused tone.

I chuckled in reply. “You can’t tell me you don’t like this.”

She shuffled around a little to make herself more comfortable. I raised a hoof beneath the blanket covering us and slowly trailed it along her side. Her eyelids fluttered a little and she sighed happily. “No, I suppose I can not.”

“And you know what? I know just the thing to keep you hostage a little longer. And I’m pretty sure I can make you a very compliant hostage, too!” Sunny raised an eyebrow, but her smile told me she was intrigued to see where I was going with this. So I sparked my horn to life and lifted the small metal dome from the nightstand. I did not know if she had noticed it on our way back to bed. Honestly, with how perceptive she usually was, it would have baffled me to learn that she had not seen it. But she was so much better in restraining herself — and her curiosity — than I was. I grabbed a single strawberry, dipped it into the warm honey and carefully navigated it above the bed. After all, I still wanted to confine the mess I made to a minimum. And I slowly lowered the piece of fruit to her muzzle.

My heart skipped a beat as I saw how her eyes lit up. “To quote a good friend of mine: Atta girl!” I lowered the strawberry enough that, in one fell swoop, she lifted her head and caught the treat between her lips. She hummed quietly with her eyes closed as she relished the sweet goodness. And I felt that grin split my face as I saw her open her eyes again, how happy she was, how much she enjoyed this, how her eyes were fixed on that second strawberry I had quickly prepared. I fully intended to feed her the entire bowl. It was not that much. Maybe a dozen strawberries, maybe a couple more. But it was a nice early morning treat. It was her favorite.

“You spoil me,” she complained in an utterly unconvincing tone while simultaneously sporting the cutest pout I had ever seen on her face.

“That’s the plan, love,” I replied and kissed her. She tasted like honey and strawberry, with a hint of vanilla. Everything done right then. “Just relax and enjoy.”

Sometimes, time tended to become a blur. That was not necessarily a bad thing. It was snug and comfortable and I was happy. So was she, as far as I could tell. It was hard to tell how much time passed by. I might even have gotten another hour of sleep in — again: Hard to tell. We lazed around to our hearts content. We snuggled and cuddled and kissed and dozed whenever we felt like it. But eventually, the spell came to an end. More mundane necessities came up. Like a full bladder. Or her slight annoyance that a strand of her messy, albeit gorgeous morning mane constantly floated in front of her face.

“Am I still allowed to know the next step?” she inquired as she readied herself to get up.

I smirked a little. Just a little. She clearly had fun figuring out the rules by which I was playing this ‘game’. “Yes.” She nodded. I could already see the gears turning behind her furrowed brow as we exited the bed. We left my room behind, with the balcony door open to let in some fresh air and we were halfway down the corridor towards the bathroom when we heard a bell chime.

She immediately looked at me, suspecting another step of my plan coming to fruition. And she was right, of course. So I grinned and shrugged. “That would be the next step informing us that it is time to get ready. Which we were about to do anyway, so this is fortunate timing.”

“So the next step is the bathroom?” she surmised with a small pout.

It was too adorable to not spoil the surprise a little bit. “Well, no. We are obviously getting ready for breakfast. In the dining hall.”

And my heart fluttered ever so slightly when her pout, as cute as it was, turned into a smile again. “Obviously.”

We went to separate bathrooms and did our morning routines. I had the advantage of having done some of it earlier already, which gave me juuust enough time to slip back into my room and retrieve two small boxes. They were roughly six by six inches and weighted almost nothing. One of them was almost empty as well, containing nothing more than a few notes. But I had made sure that both of them were bound with a lovely little gold and white ribbon. They were birthday presents, afterall. Well, sort of.

When Sunny exited the bathroom, I was already waiting for her in front of the door. She quickly spotted the two boxes floating beside me and raised an eyebrow as an inquiry. “Well, considering we are about to meet your surprise birthday party guests, I assume you will be getting your presents,” I elegantly non-explained. At least I hoped it was elegant. I had no doubts that she noticed how I dodged the actual question, but that was fine. She did not press me for answers anyway.

A few hallways and a set of stairs later and we stood in front of the dining room door. “Ready?” I asked.

“Do I need to brace myself?” she asked back.

I saw her bemused look and chuckled a little. “No, not really. Don’t worry.” I opened the door and let her in first. The dining room was large. Positively huge. It was easy to feel small and lost in here, even for somepony as large as Celestia. One of the several reasons we rarely used this room.

“Auntie!” Cadance immediately shrieked. Much to Shining Armors dismay, as his ears quickly splayed flat against his skull. While the exuberant princess of the Crystal Empire jumped to her hooves to properly greet Sunny, the other guests were equally thrilled but less in-your-face. Twilight quickly followed Cadance, of course, but Luna and Shining remained a little behind and waited their turn.

I simply stayed close to the door, closed it behind me and observed.

“She doesn’t look that surprised. Did you tell her?” Spike asked. He stood right beside me and observed the scene playing out in front of us, just like me.

I chuckled and shook my head. “I didn’t spoil everything, no. But she’s too smart to not expect something, you know? The tea and the clear sky already clued her in that I did the rounds to rope a couple of other ponies into this party. I presume she simply guessed. But just look at her. It doesn’t matter that she’s not as surprised as we hoped she would be. Just look how happy she is.”

We watched as the others greeted Sunny and she in turn welcomed them to her party. Eventually, the turmoil died down. “Time to get this rolling again.”

Spike bumped his little scaly fist into my side. “Good luck.”

I grinned. And for some strange reason, my confidence did not waver when I told him: “Thanks, but I don’t need luck. I got this.” For once in my life, I really did believe that. I got this.

I closed the gap as I walked over to Sunny’s side again. “As you can see, we have a seating arrangement figured out. It’s a little peculiar, but there’s a reason for that. Now, if everypony would please sit down? I’m starving!”

The dining table was long, but relatively narrow. Celestia sat in the middle, with Luna and Twilight on her left and Cadance, Shining Armor and Spike on her right. And I sat across from her. The only one on the other side of the table. I felt a little bit on the spot, which would have served wonderfully to make me feel uncomfortable, but I was surrounded by friends. Loved ones. Family.

“Alright, everypony,” I started a little louder to get the attention of everypony, “I believe Spike the Brave and Glorious has been working his scaly little rump off in the kitchen.”

“Yes, because somepony asked me to!” Spike cut in with a chuckle.

I grinned. “Let’s see it then.”

He stormed off to the kitchen next door and the table quickly filled with platter after platter. A variety of pre-cut fruits, marmalades and syrups. And three stacked large plates of pancakes. The towers wobbled a little when he carried them in, so several magical auras sprang to life, all gripping at the towers to stabilize them while he carried them over to the table. With the third plate finally put down, he sat down next to Shining Armor and immediately forked two pancakes over. “Bon appetit, everyone!”

The pancake towers were fearsome foes. They yielded only after we besieged them for numerous rounds, and breaks were mandatory to avoid cramps, nausea and overstuffing. These breaks in turn were the perfect opportunity for everypony to spoil the birthday mare some more. With presents.

Twilight made the first move, before anypony else could. “So I have been told numerous times by several individuals that I am quite predictable when it comes to presents.”

“It’s a book,” Spike cut in with a snicker. He was completely unfazed by Twilight's glare. A glare that made Shining Armor shut up, though.

“I will have you know that I put a lot of thought into what I am giving and I am always respectful of what somepony wants, needs and appreciates,” she continued with a regal voice, her head held high and proud. Then the tiniest spark of mirth entered her eyes and tugged at her lips as she retrieved her present from a nearby table. “That being said, here, have a book.”

Sunny almost snorted. We all broke out into laughter and Twilight seemed very satisfied with the result of her little jest. I was especially proud of her for refraining from calling her Princess Celestia even once. She still did that occasionally. But right now, right here, she simply joked around with an equal. With a friend.

After Sunny had regained control, she opened Twilight's gift and indeed, found a book inside. But apparently not just any book. It was a memory album. Some pages contained actual photographs, others contained rough sketches or reconstructed diary entries. A blast from the past. I could see it hit Sunny in her very core. How her eyes glazed over with that thick sheen of nostalgia. A serene smile persisted on her lips as she slowly worked her way through the pages.

It was a very thoughtful present, I had to admit. A really good one. I had not known what everypony would give her, as I was confident that I still had the best present anyway. I still was.

But goodness gracious me, that was a good one too.

In our next pancake-extermination-break, Cadance jumped at the opportunity to present ‘Auntie’ with her gift. A wellness package for older mares, including anti-aging creams and anti-wrinkles makeup. Again, everypony had a good laugh. Especially after Cadance explained that she actually used some of that stuff herself and she tried so hard to defend it as being worth the bits. Not because it actually helped with aging or wrinkles, but because it felt good and moisturized her skin.

At that point, half of us were lying on the table due to uproarious and unbridled laughter. Even Cadance herself could not help but be swept away by the merriment. Every now and then, when she actually managed to catch her breath enough to utter a sentence or two, she tried again to explain herself. And several times, it only served to make us laugh again.

I didn't quite catch what Luna gave her sister in all that chaos. Something that the rest of us would have probably not fully understood anyway, because otherwise, she would have probably waited for us to witness it. And with the pancake towers almost defeated, Spike gave Sunny a card. I could not see what was inside. What he wrote. But he blushed when he gave it to her and fiddled with his claws. And I could see the reaction on her face. Love. Gratefulness. A look in her eyes similar to what a proud mother would have when she regarded her foal. She quickly swept him off his chair and hugged him tightly. And while Spike protested verbally, we all saw him hug her back just as tightly. Nopony commented on it, but we all smiled.

Eventually, all three plates were emptied. Somehow.

And I floated a single little box over to Sunny's side of the table. I put the almost empty one next to her empty plate and kept the other one for now. “You get mine later,” I said as she picked the box up in her magic. “When the time is right.”

“Oh?” She inspected the lightweight box from all sides and shot me a smirk. “How daring of you to hoof it over already.”

This day was special. And that made it strange. Not in a bad way. Just… strange. I felt such an inner… serenity. I felt at peace. I simply smiled at her. “I know I can trust you.”

She placed the box back down at the table. And left if there for later. For when the time would be right. And her gaze focused on me again. “And what is the next step?” she asked with a wide and happy smile.

I loved that smile so much. I wanted to keep it there for as long as possible. Forever would be awesome, my brain chirped up. I had no idea why my own inner voice suddenly sounded like Rainbow. Maybe I had spent too much time with her recently. “Well, now we are going for a walk. You know the saying, right? After dinner, rest a while, after breakfast walk a mile.”

“That’s now how that—” Twilight immediately tried to cut in.

“Shush!” I cut her off and grinned. “We’re all going for a nice little stroll now. That’s the point.”

My little peanut shot me a distinct ‘I will lecture you on the proper use of proverbs later’-look and nodded curtly. I grinned and noted with satisfaction how everypony — and Spike — got up and walked towards the door.

It took us roughly two minutes to reach the castle doors and we stepped outside. Due to last night's sudden and heavy rainstorm, the ground was a bit muddy. But that was the price we had to pay for a picture-perfect sunrise. A price I certainly had been willing to pay.

Lucky for us, the ground had already soaked up most of the water and we could navigate around the remaining puddles with relative ease. And while we walked, we mingled. Little groups formed and disbanded. Spike bugged Cadance about news from the Empire and she told him about their plans to invite him as a host for the next games. Shining told Twilight about how her mom went on and on about how she missed them. Sunny inquired if her little sister was feeling alright and if maybe she could help her somehow.

A couple of minutes later and Cadance lamented her fate as a princess to Twilight, who had a couple of issues with the thrill-seeking nature of her former foalsitter. Shining meanwhile reported to Sunny how the Empire’s guard was faring, despite him not being her guard captain any longer. And Cadance was bugging Luna about some sort of spell or something.

It was great.

I used the opportunity to do what I honestly loved to do most of the time anyway. I sunk into the background and simply observed. I watched and let my heart be refueled by every giggle and snicker, every chuckle and smile, every laugh and twinkle. We, as a group. Me, a part of it. I belonged.

Every now and then, I noticed Sunny looking around. Looking back at me. As if to check if I was still there. And I always was, obviously. And when our gazes met, she gave me a smile that was worth remembering forever. She oh so thoroughly enjoyed this day, each minute, each second of it. And she showed me. And I could not have been more grateful for it.

We eventually reached our destination. Despite me making a big deal out of us taking a walk, I had a destination in mind and the others had known. Sunny was the only one kept in the dark about it. As such, it was an amusing sight. We stood in front of the museum and she stared up at that big, pompous banner hanging high above across the entrance.

“They have a Starswirl-exhibition?!” Twilight almost-shrieked in excitement and her wings sprang open. “You never said anything about a Starswirl-exhibition!”

I snorted and laughed for a good moment as a baffled Luna tried to get Twilight’s wing out of her face. That had admittedly come out of left field. “Well to be fair, all you had to know was that we would go to the museum. I thought it would be a nice surprise for you as well.”

“Oh my gosh, this is so exciting!” Cadance promptly chimed in.

I had honestly not known that she was such a fan of Starswirl as well. But that only made this even better. “You know, keeping this under wraps was hard work,” I explained and noticed how Twilight huffed as soon as Spike agreed and chuckled.

“You two have been conspiring against me! Again!” Even though Twilight really tried hard to show us her outrage, it was hard to take it seriously when she was still literally vibrating from sheer excitement and anticipation.

“You’re welcome,” I replied. And I broke out into laughter again as soon as I noticed that Spike had said the same thing, at the same time. I walked a couple of steps over and gave him a high five. And Cadance was nice enough to quickly distract Twilight by nerding out over the famous unicorn.

“Is this really the best you could think of?” I heard Sunny's playful voice tease me right next to my ear. Her proximity alone sent a shiver down my spine and plastered a goofy smile on my face.

“Do you really have so little faith in my capabilities as a social engineer?” I shot back with a grin. “Trust me, this will be fun.” I turned and saw her smirk as she made her way towards the museum's entrance, with her little sister by her side. “Such a tease.”

“Blergh”, Spike commented on the scene.

“You shut up or I'll tell Twilight about your last date with Gabby,” I threatened my accomplice with a grin.

“His what with who?” a third voice suddenly chimed in.

Maybe I should have stayed a little more aware of our surroundings. Both Spike’s and my eyes went wide and we slowly turned towards Shining Armor. He waved a hoof awkwardly. “Yeah, so, I’m still here. My wife kind of left me behind. So what was that about Spike having dates? Does Twilight know?”

I looked back at Spike, who begged me with his big, pleading eyes to help him. And a devious grin grew on my lips. “Remember that time you asked me for advice and I told you to ask the Princess of Love but you refused because that would be totally embarrassing? How about you ask your buddy, the husband of the Princess of Love, instead?”

I lit my horn and slowly and carefully pushed Spike towards Shining. And I chuckled as I saw that horrified look on his face. Ahhh, nooo, betrayal!

Honestly, he would be fine. And Shining really was a better counselor than me. He had decades of experience being a stallion many mares fawned over, he was a goofy nerd just like Spike (or me, for that matter) and he was probably better at giving advice due to all of that. And his closeness with Cadance.

Yeah, he’ll be fine.

I quickly followed the other four into the museum and it did not take long for the two slowpokes behind me to catch up. While Spike and Shining eventually did start to get into the nitty-gritty of what was bothering my scaly buddy — much to my relief —, I quickly found the others in exactly the situation I expected to find them in. Cadance and Twilight were gushing over supposed artifacts of Starswirl the Bearded. They excitedly exchanged stories they read or heard about, corrected mistakes they found in the plaques and constantly returned to Celestia and Luna to tell them aaall about their idol.

And the two sisters, for their part, let them. They let them prance around and shriek in excitement. They let them tell them all these things these two knew already, or knew better anyway. And their smiles told a decently detailed story about how the older generation was glad to see the younger one this thrilled to experience a piece of the past.

That was until the moment something caught Luna’s eye. Starswirl's crystal ball. Twilight immediately flew into a lecture about how Starswirl had these issues with focus-based divination spells. Legendary issues, apparently. And how this crystal ball was linked to many of his failed attempts. Maybe the artifact was simply cursed.

Then Luna snickered.

And Twilight went quiet.

She studied Luna's face closely. She knew that expression. She knew that specific snicker. She recognized that Luna knew something. And at Luna's side, Celestia had a fond, nostalgic smile. Twilight sensed history. So did Cadance. And the two younger alicorns went quiet with expectant stares.

Eventually, Luna relented. And she started to tell the story of a glass ball that she had carefully prepared through hours of laborious work. Only to prank a dear friend of hers. A prank that somehow found its way into the annals of history. This revelation obviously opened the floodgates. Both Cadance and Twilight quickly realized the massive opportunity they had been presented with. Right in front of them were two contemporary witnesses. Neither Celestia nor Luna were talking about Starswirl the Bearded, legend of old. They were talking about Starswirl, a dear old friend they remembered fondly from a time long past. They knew his favorite color was a light, grayish purple. That he eventually became a grumpy old stallion with a hearty laugh, as he himself had ‘prophesied’ decades before. They knew that he had hated winter because he was not exactly fond of the damp cold it brought with it. Or the snowballs Luna would throw in his direction. It was such a pest to keep a shield spell up for months.

And for a couple of hours, Celestia and Luna were drifting in a sea of nostalgia. They reminisced about the past and remembered a dear friend. They told a new generation all about him, about his accomplishments. His dreams. His quirks. For a couple of hours, the sisters had two very enthusiastic pupils who were ready to learn anything they were willing to share. Surely that was a nice throwback for Celestia as well, seeing that look in Twilight’s eyes again.

I just followed and watched. And I was delighted with what I saw.

We exited the museum hours later in the late afternoon. Sunny quickly sidled up to me. “You were right,” she quietly spoke, “that was a lot of fun.”

I could still hear the fondness in her voice. That thinning sheen of nostalgia. We left the building and therefore, we left the past behind again. We stepped outside into another beautiful, sunny day. The birds were chirping and very much alive. The clouds were white and extra fluffy. A brisk wind carried the scent of flowers and grass. It simply felt like a good time to be alive. To be here. Now.

I smiled and looked up at her. “Told you.” And I quickly guided her down for a kiss. She gladly accepted and our entourage stayed quiet and gave us a moment. Honestly, I was pretty sure Luna used the opportunity to sneak in a kiss or two herself. As did Cadance, probably. Was I supposed to be sorry that Spike did not have his special somepony along? Hm. Then again, for that to come true, he would have to come clean with Twilight. He would have to actually tell us who he was with. Seeing him date Gabby was one thing. Seeing how he flirted with Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom or how he clung to Scoots’ back when they barreled down the streets was another thing. And then there were the letters from Ember.

Ahhh, sod it. Not my mess. If it even was a mess to begin with. After all, my own relationships were not exactly straightforward either. But they worked.

We returned to the castle at a leisurely pace. And just like on our way to the museum, everypony was just chatting. And I was once again content to be there. It almost felt like bathing. I was surrounded by warmth. It was comfortable. I felt like I was weightless. Floating. At ease.

Upon returning home, I shepherded everypony back into the dining hall. Spike and I went to the kitchen to retrieve a couple of gratin dishes, a few small cutting boards, a couple of knives and a heap of vegetables. Potatoes, carrots, pumpkin, onions, a bunch of herbs, some lettuce, a couple of sweet potatoes — basically whatever we had in store.

Unsurprisingly enough, the table was therefore once again packed to be brim.

“Are you telling me that you do not have dinner prepared? Did something go wrong?” my love teased me again.

I confidently smirked and shook my head. “Nope. We are going to make dinner now. Builds up the appetite and gives you another chance to talk. Not to mention the chance to prank a little. I assume it’s been a while since you last peeled a carrot?” I chuckled and stuck my tongue out at her.

The best part was her very, very brief moment of silence. I usually was not this confident. Teasing me usually was easier to achieve. But today was different. Today was special. And she knew that now. I had no idea what she made with that realization. I saw her stare at that small box that still waited for her beside her plate for a moment. But she was patient. She waited for the right time.

“No one will judge me for my carrot-peeling capabilities, right?” she asked nopony in particular.

And Luna jumped at the opportunity to mess a little with her sister. “Oh now that you mentioned it, I’m quite curious to see how you fare!”

We obviously had a carrot-peeling contest then. Spike won first place with ten out of ten points. Second place was Cadance with six out of ten. Shining Armor insisted that she got a bonus point for her dexterous and professional technique. Twilight insisted that she did not want to hear another word about Cadance’s carrot-techniques. At that point, everything devolved only further into innuendo. Obviously.

It went from eggplant-comparisons — Shining had the longest one, but mine had a thicker girth — to suggestive lettuce-origami and ended with a couple of very low-flying one-liners about the process as we were about to put everything together in the gratin dishes. It was silly. Everypony was so utterly silly. Luna clearly had a blast, snickering almost the whole time. And we could even rope Sunny into spouting one or two really, really bad jokes.

I helped Spike put the dishes into the oven. We filled plate after plate. And we sat down for dinner. And for the first time this entire day, I felt nervous. It creeped up on me slowly, stealthily. But every now and then, my eyes were drawn to that box beside Sunny’s plate. She had not touched it. I knew that the moment came closer and closer. And now I finally got nervous about it as my confidence, which had protected me throughout the entire day, finally cracked and crumbled.

As dinner slowly died down and most plates only offered crumbs and leftovers, I nodded to myself.

I looked up and waited. I simply waited. For a moment when she would look at me. She did it frequently, but now… now it felt like an eternity. Now my nervousness really flared up. Then the moment came. She looked over, and with an expression that was probably more serious than it was intended to be, I nodded. She looked at her box, then at me. And I nodded again. It is the right time. I told her, as much as I told it myself.

She slowly grasped the box and lifted it up. The ribbon was untied. The lid lifted. Her brow furrowed as she looked inside. There were five small notes. She obviously only saw the top one.

I had considered my approach for these notes. I initially wanted them to be very, very fancy. Something one would not mind framing and hanging on a wall. I even considered if I had the time and money to learn calligraphy for this. A few lessons would surely be enough to scribble a couple of sentences, right? But in the end, I decided against this approach and went with my regular old horn writing. The reason for this was quite simple.

While it was not fancy and certainly not worth framing or putting on a wall, it was very much me. Unmistakably me. Twilight constantly loved to tease me about the quality of my horn writing. Big, sprawling letters with too much space in between. She loved to say how it reminded her of how a colt in elementary school would write. But despite all her good-natured teasing, she had a point. I had not seen anypony else write this badly. Maybe I should have been embarrassed by it? But what mattered for this was the fact that it was unmistakable.

I obviously knew by heart what note spelled out which message. Look to your left, the first one read.

With her brow still furrowed, Sunny did what the note asked of her. Twilight and Luna were currently locked in an intense contest to see who could make the silliest face and force the other one to laugh the loudest. It was heart-warming to see Twilight being swept up by the good mood this easily. Especially once both of them noticed Sunny's attention and they proceeded to include her in their little contest. They made silly faces in an effort to crack her up. And I saw her lips curve upwards, I saw them tremble and quiver. While she did not guffaw, she did the next best thing. They succeeded. And at that point, her smile was not only an expression of gratefulness and love, but of mirth and closeness.

She looked back down into the box and put the first note on the table next to her plate, where the box had originally waited for her. Look to your right, the second one asked.

Cadance, Shining Armor and Spike were busy throwing names around. Names for a potential foal. Cadance had wanted one for a long while now. It seemed this topic, despite its nature and implications, was not worthy of Spike’s disgust. Instead he vividly participated in the discussion, favoring some names above others. Clearly the parents would have the last word, but his opinion was very much appreciated. As was Sunny’s as soon as they noticed her staring at them. And they asked for her opinion as well. For her advice. For suggestions.

Eventually, she returned her attention to the box. Sunny discarded the second note onto the table.

Look at the following two notes. Then turn the seating order around.

The first note was my rough first draft of the invitation I had Spike sent out initially. I came up with the entire idea for this day as the result of a nightmare. Which… was very much on brand for me. This first draft was… well, exactly that. A little rough around the edges. Surely not my finest work. I was simply asking if ponies were up for a party for Celestia. I did not even mention that it would be a birthday party. I did not mention where we would have said party. Or even when we would have it.

But I had belatedly marked down at the side of the note when exactly I had asked Spike to send it. Date and time. As well as the date and time of the responses. They had all agreed within the hour. Not within a week. Not after I provided further information. Not after I answered several questions. No. Even Cadance, Princess of Love, regent of the Crystal Empire, had simply confirmed her participation within the hour.

That had really stunned me. And I liked to believe that I saw a similar surprise on my love’s face as she noticed the little remarks at the side.

The second note was my brilliant attempt at planning a party. It was a stick-figure drawing of the dining hall table with several utterly unrecognizable pony-shapes on it. Even I could not tell who was supposed to be who. Which is why I ultimately resorted to scribbling their names above their heads. Spike, Shining Armor, Cadance, Celestia, Luna, Twilight. And me on the other side, opposite Celestia.

Wherever she had been at the time, Pinkie probably had a very, very uncomfortable feeling when I drew that.

After regarding the embarrassingly bad drawing with an amused smile, Sunny flipped it over and read what was written on its backside.

You will never be alone. Because your family loves you.

I saw her swallow a lump in her throat as her eyes threatened to fill with tears. I saw her fight for her self-control. She raised her muzzle and looked around again. Looked at her beloved little sister whispering something into the ear of her now blushing former student turned close friend. She saw Cadance write down a list of names, with those Celestia had suggested right at the top. She saw Spike smile at her, like he would probably still do in several millennia.

There was one last note in her box. Look at me.

I saw how she tried to steel herself. She was surrounded by friends and family. I kind of knew why she did not wish to cry openly. I avoided that as much as I could as well. Even in such a safe environment, it could still be a struggle to leave yourself open and make yourself vulnerable. She expected another assault on her infamous, legendary self-control.

How could I disappoint her, then?

I slowly lifted the other box up. I untied the ribbon before her eyes and slid the lid open. A single note was glued to the inside of the lid.

Will you stay with me?

Her eyes went wide. And I tilted the box just enough so she could see the two horn-rings in the bottom of the box. They featured our cutie marks, of course. Simple silver bands. I had crafted them myself. The cutie marks had been done by a professional, though. That was way above what I was capable of making.

Sunny took one of the notes and quickly scribbled something on it. I did not question where she had retrieved that pencil from. And I was surprised to see that the others had not noticed what was going on. Or they were simply kind enough to let it happen uninterrupted.

My attention quickly shifted back to Sunny though. I saw her tear up. How her sheer force of will kept those tears in. Eventually, she held her note up with her golden glow, and there was a single word on it. And she finally allowed tears of joy to roll down her cheeks.

Always.

Day 2,581: Puppetmaster

When I woke up, I was not quite sure if I felt like I was able to move mountains. What I was sure of was that I felt heavy enough to be a mountain. My situation was not helped by the circumstances I found myself in. Smooth satin sheets, filled with the accumulated body warmth of an entire night of rest. A thick, feathery blanket that covered me lovingly. And even without cracking my caked eyes open, I could sense that it was juuust dark enough still to drift back off to sleep.

Really, everything was against me. Oh woe is me.

I smiled and was ready to drift off again when a thought tickled my brain: That… was not a blanket.

I could obviously feel the larger body right behind me. Powerful hooves held me close. My back was comfortably warm. I felt incredibly… safe. I leaned my head down just a little until I blindly found fur with my snout and placed a grateful kiss on it. She was still asleep, I was certain of that, and she would be for another hour or so if I had a say in that.

But then I noticed something odd. I could not even tell why it was odd at first. Her coat was a little ruffled, as was to be expected after a long night. But it had a different… quality to it. A slight variation in what my subconscious had expected. Slight enough that I could not even find proper words for it. But this mental bug was enough to stir me. Enough to deny me sleep.

“Ugh, I hate myself,” I croaked almost silently. My voice was a mess.

I finally cracked my eyes open. Only a tiny slit.

Her wing was a beautiful dark blue.

Well. That ain’t right. What?

At that point, I might have subconsciously given up on sleeping through another couple of hours. The gears started to turn, my mind came awake with creaking and groaning and started to initialize the usual daily operations. Thinking was hard sometimes.

Now that my mental faculties slowly returned, I did finally notice other tidbits my senses fed me. The marvelous satin sheets were a Luna-thing, obviously. Celestia had some, but those were mostly gifts from other ponies and she rarely used them. She usually just snuck them into Luna’s dresser at the earliest convenience. And of course, her scent permeated the bed. The pillow my head still rested on. The sheets themselves. Her fur. That massive wing that covered me. Goddess, I was thankful for that wing. A room this huge was hard to keep warm throughout the night, especially in the colder times of the year. I could have woken up freezing a while ago without her.

Which begged the question though — where was our blanket anyway?

I probed around with my hindlegs. It was not hard to stretch them out a little, but I wanted to be careful. I did not wish to disturb Luna’s sleep. And lo and behold, I noticed a little tangled up bundle of cloth at the lower end of the bed. How had we managed to get it there, though? Or maybe we had forgotten to cover ourselves?

The room reeked of sex. So there was at least one obvious explanation as to what happened last night. But it did bother me that I had such a hard time remembering. I was pretty sure that this, me being here, waking up next to her, was all kinds of wrong. I was not supposed to be here. I had been with Twilight the prior morning. We boarded the train to Canterlot. It was about some… diplomatic… something-something. We wanted to switch. I would get to spend a couple of days with Sunny. I had missed her horribly the last few days. I could not really explain why, it just happened occasionally. One of the things one had to deal with when being involved with more than one pony. And Twilight wanted to visit Luna.

Twilight wanted to visit Luna.

She was supposed to be here.

Where was she?

And with that, the marching band arrived. It started slow, with massive drums going off in my temples. Despite my best efforts, a low, grumbling groan escaped my lips.

“Hmmm,” I heard from behind me. I mentally cursed myself and tried to keep quiet. But as was to be expected: As soon as I attempted to lay extra still, it only made it more obvious that I was awake. She shifted behind me ever so slightly, wiggled a little lower to bring her muzzle to my ear. I could feel her soft, deep breath. It tickled. And admittedly, despite my building headache, it was both soothing and exciting. “Seems I have caught myself a firecracker,” she whispered.

And just because she used my pet name, a shiver ran down my spine. Judging from her amused faint giggle, she was very satisfied with my reaction.

I shifted myself as well, turned on my back to better face her and still keep my backside warm. Her mane, ever ethereal and star-strutted, was a wavy mess behind her. Her coat was ruffled, her regalia was missing and she was so incredibly, irresistibly beautiful.

I only stared for a second. Maybe ten.

Then the secondary drums went off and I cringed. “Sweet Celestia, please kill me,” I mumbled as I brought a hoof to my temple and slowly massaged it.

“I would be very cross with her if she tried,” Luna replied with a smirk.

The drums eased up a little bit. Enough to shoot Luna a wry glance. “I can’t really remember—… I mean…” A party. No. A delegation? Something diplomatic. A… gala? Maybe? “I swear, that red wine is pure evil,” I muttered dissatisfied. Then my own words registered in my head. Red wine? I furrowed my brow and stared at the ceiling. “At least I think it was the red wine?”

Luna snickered a little. “I told you not to underestimate the fruity one. It packs a punch.”

I sighed. The inhale of fresh air, or whatever air currently filled this room, made me particularly aware of that thick fur on my tongue. A distinctly bad tasting fur. “Oh goodness… I think something died in my mouth overnight…” I took another deep inhale through my nose and looked at her. Alicorn physique was just unfair. She seemed perfectly fine. And I had seen her drink. Lots. “I’m pretty sure I heeded your warning and stayed away from the fruity one.”

An almost devious smile spread on her lips as she watched me. “Did you now?” She hummed in thought before she shrugged. “Only one way to find out.”

I knew her well enough to anticipate where this was going. And really, I did not approve. I raised my hooves in a defensive gesture. “You really don—“’t want to do this, I finished in my head.

Outside of my head, her lips sealed mine. I felt a little bit strange to be relieved just because I noticed that I was not the only one with bad morning breath. Something died in her mouth as well. But I had to admit, that was quickly forgotten once she deepened the kiss somewhat. I sighed heavily, and happily. And only a couple of seconds after did I feel bad. Because I must have tasted awful. So did she, true, but that was not the point. Completely different, really.

Luna simply smacked her lips and nodded with a grin. “As I thought. It was the fruity one.”

I could not help but snort and giggle a little. “You’re weird.”

She grinned in reply and lowered her muzzle closer to mine again, so we were only a few inches apart. “But you still love me, don’t you?”

I tried to kiss her, obviously. But every time I lifted my head up with a little bit of effort, she retreated just enough to tease me. After the third time, I simply gave up. “Very much, yes. I think your weirdness really adds to your appeal.”

This time I got her good. She laughed for a solid half minute before she dove down for another kiss. It again tasted awful, but it felt really good. She leaned a little bit more over me and I felt her hoof make contact with my side. A slow, tentative brush down to my flank and I could not help but smile into the kiss. Luna was rarely shy about what she wanted. But she could be. And she could be quite tender as well. If only I felt less hungover.

I broke the kiss with a heavy heart and shot her an apologetic smile. She understood, and smiled in turn. Everything was okay.

I finally propped myself up in bed. At least enough to survey the room properly. Last night apparently must have been quite a mess. Her horseshoes were strewn about, her peytral hung off the bedpost and her tiara was… nowhere to be seen. It made me snicker again. “Wow.”

Luna nuzzled my side while I took everything in. “You’ve been very carefree. And quite dominant. I love that side of you.”

I snorted and looked down at her. “So you’re planning to get me drunk more often? I’m not sure I approve of that. Actually, come to think of it, doesn’t alcohol… you know… interfere with… stuff?”

For a second, for just a second, she shot me a predatory grin so intimidating that I half-expected her to pounce on me immediately. Then her expression went back to her usual playfulness. “No, you do not have to worry about that. I know you rarely indulge. It makes it special, I think. As for your performance, do not worry about that either. You were quite eager. Ravenous, I might even call it.”

She knew exactly what she was doing. As usual. A blush spread to my cheeks. I could feel the heat radiating off my cheeks, even my ears. I could hear my blood rushing in my ears. It really did not help ease my headache, though. And I could not help but notice how she licked her lips when she caught sight of a certain something growing in anticipation. I rolled my eyes, but could not stop grinning. I was blessed to be loved by this little minx, as much as I was cursed with her.

“You do realize that this still poses a bit of a problem, right?” I tried to distract her.

She had a very sweet pout when she looked up. Hard to resist that one. “Well, she has not broken down my door just yet, so I am assuming everything is fine.”

I sighed again and chuckled quietly. “Right.” Sunny could drink a lot more than Luna. I didn't quite understand how, or why, but I could accept facts. Maybe it had something to do with her larger frame. Maybe it was just another alicorn physique quirk. Luna certainly drank more, and more frequently, than her sister. And she still went down earlier than her every time they actually tested this. Which happened once every millennia or so. Yesterday had not been one of these opportunities, oh no. Yesterday had merely been an unofficial, relaxed… gala… thingy.

“I need to find her. And talk to her. This wasn’t planned,” I concluded.

Luna pouted a little bit harder. “You would leave me? All alone and cold in this enormous bed?”

I chuckled and nodded. “I would. Worse still — I will. Because I’m a heartless monster.”

She grinned, effortlessly caught me with a hoof and dragged me back down right next to her. “No you are not.”

I did not resist at all. I merely looked up at her. Luna's mane fell down. Waved down, rather. It formed a little curtain to shield us from the glaring morning sun that tried to sneak its way past the heavy black curtains. I put a hoof to her cheek. A tender touch. “You are astonishingly beautiful.”

Her smile widened a little. “Are you trying to charm your way out? I do not think it works like that, but you may continue!”

I raised my head again. She tried to escape again. This time though, I saw it coming. My hoof traveled from her cheek to her neck and held her in place. She could have escaped anyway, obviously. She was a lot stronger than me. But she let me catch her. My eyes fluttered shut as our lips met again.

It is easy to throw big announcements around in these moments. When your heart is so full of warmth, close to another’s, when love permeates your entire being. I will love you forever. We will never grow apart. We will always have each other. Those and more. I loved these big statements when they showed up in romance novels and the like. Because they were statements of intent. Of commitment. I rarely used them myself, however. Because I was really good at overthinking things. And ‘forever’ is impossible for someone who will eventually age and die.

And because my brain would not let me use those nice, short statements, I usually came up with my own variation of them. Something my brain could accept as feasible.

“I will love you for as long as I can.”

I saw that hunger rise in her eyes. And I swallowed the urge to sigh. Maybe it was cruel to play with her like that? Not that I did it intentionally. “I need to talk to her.” I cringed a little. Well, actually, a lot. It was such a sudden one-eighty. A real mood breaker.

And yet she merely smiled. “Why?”

I sighed. Both because I was relieved that she was not cross with me, and because I knew that she knew the answer anyway. “Because this relationship works. It works because we talk. A lot. About everything. We make unanimous decisions, and we stick to them. For as much as I love being here, with you, right now… that wasn’t the plan. I’m not supposed to be here. It’s not what we agreed upon. Our time will be next week.”

She sighed and her smile faltered ever so slightly. A moment later she laid her head onto my chest.

“You don’t regret it… do you?” I dreaded the answer. Luna was a free-spirited being. Boundless and wild. I feared that ‘yes’ so much.

But once again, she eased my worries. “No. But I will admit that… it is hard, sometimes. Sticking to a schedule is difficult when your heart cries out.”

I smiled and propped my head up with a pillow underneath it. And I put my hoof in her mane and slowly stroked through its ethereal strands. She closed her eyes with a content sigh. “I know. I’m… I agree, you know? Sometimes. But compromise… is the solution where everypony has to give in a little bit. I want all of you to be as happy as you could be. I want to contribute to your happiness as much as I can. But I couldn’t… I can’t… choose. That’s a me-problem, obviously. All of you would be… it would be your right to decide to… make me choose.”

Luna sighed quietly and shook her head as best as her position allowed her to. “We would never do that. You know that.” She paused for a little bit and since no answer was forthcoming, she cracked an eye open and regarded me. “Right?” she belatedly added.

My chest, and therefore her head, rose as I inhaled deeply, and my nostrils flared when I slowly exhaled. “Right.” I was a worrywart. Always had been. It was in my nature to fear. To see problems before solutions. “I just… I don’t want you to just go along with all this just because you feel you need to. Or for my sake. I want you… to want this, too. If that makes sense.”

Luna shot me a wry smile and lifted her head off my chest. “I do want this.” Her tone, the conviction within, eased my mind a little once more. “Now go and find my sister dearest, before I decide to gobble you up.”

I grinned and gave her a peck on her nose. “I don’t mind if it’s you.” But I still exited the bed, because I was not an idiot. Usually. Sometimes.

The floor was a harsh contrast to the bed. It was hard, it was cold and it was not the soft, downy embrace of Luna's wing. I shivered a little, but made my way over to the door anyway. I stopped right at the gate and dared to look back over my shoulder, and as I expected — I was greeted with the sight of Luna lasciviously stretching out on the bed.

“No fair,” I muttered and had to put actual effort into tearing my gaze away. Goddess, she’s good…

The door opened and I risked a glance outside. No guards. Weird. Maybe Luna dismissed them? It would have been easy to just turn around and ask her. No, scratch that. It should have been easy. But it would not be. Because I knew her. And she would make a game out of it. She would make me work for it.

So instead, I simply slipped out and quietly closed the door.

The hallway was bright. The narrow, but high windows let so much sunlight stream in that I had to blink a couple of times just to get used to the brightness. After I felt less blind, I looked around and noticed… nopony. Which was fine, really. I knew where I was heading and the less ponies I encountered, the better, actually. Because after a couple of steps, I became quite aware that I skipped a couple of steps in my usual morning routine. Like the entire ‘bathroom’-thing, and everything that included. Like brushing my teeth. Washing up. Combing my mane. Sorting out my messy coat. Goodness, I probably looked like a mess. A sleepy, moaning, shuffling mess. So basically a zombie pony, then. Great. Spike would love it.

I tried to be sneaky as I walked down the hallways. Which was really hard to do. I had to angle my hooves in a specific way when I placed them down on the floor so that they would not make any noise. Because with these gigantonormous hallways, any noise echoed. And I cringed every time I heard any sound I accidentally produced. And the noise was not even the worst part. The hallways were mostly empty. Sure, there were banners. Massive tapestries. Sculptures and oil paintings and decorative armor stands and whatnot. But a single pony of normal size – so, me, basically – could barely hide behind those, if at all. The only real option to hide from somepony in these hallways was to quickly and quietly slip through some of these doors that went off to the sides every now and then.

I knew the palace well enough to find my way around. I knew the way to the library. To the kitchen. To Luna’s, Sunny’s and Twilight's quarters. But there were dozens, if not hundreds of other rooms in the palace. Dining halls. Archives. Vaults. Guest rooms. And I was just guessing. I had no idea what most of these rooms even were and honestly, I did not care all that much either.

However, that did mean that I could not just slip into a room to hide. Because I had no idea what I would get myself into by doing that. Maybe I would scare the ever-loving crap out of some poor archivist. Or maybe I would awkwardly grin and wave goodbye when I suddenly found myself in the middle of the barracks, with dozens of guards sharing their breakfast at the table.

Yeah, no. If somepony would come around any corner at any point, my best shot was to play it cool and pretend everything was normal. I was not hungover, I was certainly not sneaking around the palace, I belonged here and I was not to be addressed by anypony for any reason. If I could convey that much by sheer force of will and attitude, it would be fine. Right?

To be fair, I encountered not a single pony on the entire way over anyway. Which really struck me as weird. Sure, it was morning. Late morning, to be a bit more precise. Which meant that the usual morning rush was already over. And I did know the palace well enough to use my little ‘sneaking track’, which circumvented most of the well-trodden hallways. That said, not running into a single pony while crossing over from the furthest reaches of the east wing to the furthest reaches of the west wing still felt strange.

Even more so since I found no guards in front of Sunnys room either.

“Maybe a terrible disease broke out,” I surmised, “and all the ponies of Canterlot are currently hardened survivors in the post-apocalypse, battling zombie ponies in makeshift battle tanks and we simply missed the entire spectacle because we slept in.” I chuckled a little. The idea was hilariously stupid.

I stepped in front of Sunnys door, raised a hoof and… hesitated.

I was supposed to be in there, right? Why would I knock? Actually, maybe I should have made a little detour to Twilight's room and checked up on her. Well, too late for that anyway, I was here now. Maybe on my way back, then. I grabbed the door handle with my magic and silently pushed it down. The door slid open just a small gap and I was surprised to see the room being somewhat dark. Sunny was an early riser, usually. Came with the whole ‘raising the sun’-thing. And she very much loved sunrises. So why were the curtains still drawn shut? Was she still asleep? Did she sleep in as well? That was not unusual for Luna, or me. But her?

I opened the door a little further and slipped inside. It was so much more noticeable from inside how much light broke through that small gap in the door. So I closed it silently.

I was right. The curtains were still drawn shut. And there was a large bundle under the blanket on the bed. A wicked grin spread on my lips. I would tease her to the end of time and back for this. Princess Celestia, Sol Invictus, my flawless Sunny… slept in.

I snuck closer to the bed and considered if I should simply slip under the cover and pretend to be asleep. Heck, maybe I actually would get another hour or two of sleep in. Or maybe it was worth it to wake her up and start the teasing already. Slipping in beside her without waking her up was really difficult to achieve anyway.

I stood in front of the bed and my eyes had adjusted more and more to the dim light when I finally noticed a little obstacle in my plan.

Celestia was sleeping, oh yes. And were it not for that blue and purple mane splayed over Sunny's neck, I could have had difficulties guessing who was currently claiming my spot.

“What the heck,” I uttered flabbergasted. Didn’t see that one coming.

Celestia was very much spooning Twilight. She held her tight to herself, her wing wrapped around the smaller alicorn, and the blanket was halfway up there as well. Sunny wore that dreamy, deeply satisfied smile that often grazed her features when she was having a nice dream. Her long neck stretched a little so that her nose was close to Twilight's head. With each soft inhale, she got another nose full of Twilight’s scent. And Twilight did not mind much. She looked quite content as well, actually.

This could all have been very, very innocent, really. It could have been. Just a couple of friends who had a bit too much yesterday and cuddled up in the wrong bed. But again — the entire room reeked of sex.

I stood there, frozen in place, and I expected a pang of jealousy that never came. They had been dancing around this issue for who knows how long at this point. A part of me was simply… relieved. Glad. Actually, no. Scratch that. A part of me was happy. Elated. They had apparently finally come clean. They had finally opened up to each other. They had finally addressed what they felt for each other, and how these feelings had developed and changed over the last years.

I wanted to hug them so badly. I wanted to kiss them, both of them, and congratulate them, and yell a ‘Finally!’ in my most annoyed-yet-relieved voice ever. I wanted to bake them a cake. With the icing on top spelling out ‘Finally!’ as well.

Okay, the cake idea was weird. But the mystery surrounding that thought was quickly solved when a very quiet, almost timid grumble echoed from my stomach. Breakfast. Right.

Now, despite me vibrating on the spot in sheer joy like Pinkie usually did, the actual current situation posed a bit of a problem.

There had been a gala last night. Not the usual formal event, but basically just a nice little get-together with a bunch of friendly ambassadors. Most of which, I assumed, were in their guest rooms nursing their own hangovers. Because I vaguely remembered everything going downhill fast. The ambassador from Yakyakistan was a very, very, very loud fella. Who became strangely timid and soft spoken once he was sufficiently drenched in rum. I remembered Luna drinking with a dragon ambassador. I also remembered Luna very pointedly warning me not to drink the stuff the dragon ambassador had brought along with him, as it would quite literally kill me.

At some point, the ambassadors had left, one by one, and just the four of us remained. We were all plastered by that point. Even Sunny. And after that… black.

I took a deep breath. It was meant to help me concentrate and figure out my next steps. What it actually did was to make me well aware of the very distinct scents of two of my loved ones lying very close to me in a messy condition that was very much enticing. I ignored the little tingle from downstairs as best as I could.

So. Positives: Twilight was fine. I would not need to check up on her, because I just did. Sunny was fine as well. And whatever would come from this, I was inclined to believe that a barrier had been broken down last night. A barrier that would not be fixed and returned to its place, no matter how hard Sunny might try.

Negatives: We were drunk. All of us. Including these two. As soon as Twilight would wake up, she would freak out. Also, Celestia would probably have a bad conscience.

I smirked as an idea struck. I liked it enough to glance around the room to see if executing it was even a possibility. For better or worse, I found everything I needed. A little sheet of paper that I folded in the middle to make a small standing card from it. I drew a heart on it. Just a heart. And placed it on Sunny’s nightstand. It would hopefully be enough to ease her worries and concerns. I had been here. I had seen it. I was not mad. I was very much in love with her, and in favor of this.

With that, I dared one last glance at the sleeping pair. Twilight sighed in her sleep, a persistent smile on her face as well. And in turn, Sunny squeezed her just a little bit. Enough that Twilight noticed and her smile widened a little. Gosh darn, they are so incredibly adorable together… why did it take them so long!

I could feel my cheeks ache due to my grin spanning from one ear to the other.

Then I finally retreated. Each step was carefully measured. No mistakes were allowed. Not a single sound was made. I went back to the door, opened it silently and slipped through the smallest gap as fast as I could without making any noise.

When the door was closed, I breathed a sigh of relief. I was out. And immediately after, my grin returned. I must have looked so stupid. I stood in front of a massive double door, my muzzle inches away from the intricately designed wood, and I grinned like a madpony. At a door.

I wallowed in that image for a minute or two. I had committed it to memory. Celestia holding Twilight close to her heart. Holding her tightly. Almost possessively. I did not mind the ache in my cheeks. Heck, I barely noticed it. When I finally turned away from the door and made my way down the hallway, I had a little extra spring in my step. And my headache was receding as well.

A very busy, no-nonsense voice in the back of my head immediately got to work, of course. We would have to have another relationship talk soon. Probably. Hopefully. Our dynamic was changing once more. A new connection was formed. “Oh please let it be a new connection,” I heard myself plead. If they unanimously decided that last night was a mistake, it was their right to do so. I would wail and deny and plead, because for some strange reason, I had way too much investment in their relationship, but ultimately… it was their choice.

On my way back to the east wing, I actually encountered a living pony. A very rare find these days. She was a maid, part of the castle staff. Earth pony, lime green coat, amber eyes. Really cute pigtail. “Good morning,” she greeted me. And she blushed a little and averted her gaze. Probably because I still looked like a mess. And I could not have cared less.

“Good morning to you too! Good morning indeed!” I replied with a brazen confidence in my voice that I rarely heard from myself. She giggled a little as I skipped by and a minute later, I rounded the corner and she was gone. At least her existence disproved my prior theory about the end of the world. Good. It really would not do now, would it? That would be bad timing. Really bad timing.

I found myself in front of Luna's doors soon after and after a brief argument with myself, I simply entered.

And I could not help but grin when I noticed that she was still in bed. “Have you been waiting for me?”

She rolled over to face me. But she did so in the most out-there way possible. Slow movements, so that I may take in every inch of her. And with an invitation like that, how could I not? Her alluring smile made my heart skip a beat.

“I had my suspicion that you would be back soon,” she admitted.

“You knew they left together,” I stated.

Her grin grew a little bit more predatory in nature. “Maybe. Maybe I recall offering something a little bit stronger to Twilight after she was tipsy already. I warned her though. Maybe I recall seeing them leave, with Twilight leaning heavily against my beloved sister, who I might have instructed to get Twilight to bed. And maybe, just maybe, I recall Twilight trying and failing to whisper some not-so-subtle suggestions to her.”

I laughed. Honestly, this mare was crazy. The good kind, obviously. But still crazy. A thousand years ago, she went to war with her own sister out of jealousy. Jealousy was a thing for her. We can never truly change what lies at our core. Neither the good, nor the bad. Jealousy was a part of what defined Luna. We all knew. We all took great care to work with it as best as we could. We loved her. And she clearly loved us. Enough to push her Twilight towards her sister.

“You… are a wild minx…!” I managed to squeeze out between deep breaths as I continued to laugh. I slowly regained control and closed in on the bed. And as soon as I was within reach, she rolled close to the edge, grabbed me and rolled back. I had learned early on to never underestimate alicorn strength. Despite the weird angle, she easily overpowered my instinctual urge to keep my balance. She dragged me across her own frame and rolled over with me landing under her. A position I knew well and cherished a lot.

“Hi there,” I offered with a wry grin.

“Hi there,” she shot back with a smirk. I could see that familiar hunger dance around behind her eyes, but she held back. And when she spoke up, her voice was soft. Almost concerned. “So, what did you find?”

I raised a hoof to her cheek and smiled as she nestled against it. “Whatever your great master plan might have been, it looked like it worked. They are both still sleeping, curtains closed, and the entire room smells of sex.”

“Yesss!” she exclaimed.

I chuckled and shook my head. “You’re weird. And very, very adorable when you care.”

“I always care!” she protested.

“I know,” I merely replied with a grin.

A faint blush rose to her cheeks as I held her gaze. “So. What do we plan on doing now?”

“Oh, now you want to involve me in your masterplan?” I chuckled and lifted my head up enough to steal a kiss from her lips. Then my heavy head fell back down onto the pillow. “We will need to help them. I tried to ease Sunny's worries preemptively and I hope that will do some good, but I can’t be sure until I see her awake. And we know Twilight. I think we both suspect that she will freak out as soon as she wakes up. Sunny will be there though, and she will hopefully be able to calm her down. The most important thing right now… is to give them some space. They have a lot they need to figure out. We’ll meet them at the breakfast table, okay? Then we can see what’s what. How they are doing. What they are planning. How we can help. And then, after we brought back some semblance of stability, then you may tease the ever-loving heck out of them. I know I sure will.”

She smiled down at me and for a long moment, she was still and silent. Almost like a sculpture. Then the corners of her mouth twitched upwards and she nodded in agreement. I immediately gasped when I suddenly felt her hoof trail along my stomach and over my sheath. Luna lowered her head beside mine. “Teasing does sound like a lot of fun,” she murmured into my ear and gave it a nibble.

The sound I produced in reaction to this ranged somewhere between a strangled laugh and a foolish giggle. “Well, a tease like you would know, I assume,” I managed to reply.

She raised her head enough to let me see that adorable pout on her snout. “I am not cruel. You can make me stop at any given moment, you just need to say the word…!”

I grinned like a love-struck colt when I pressed my lips firmly together. Not. A. Single. Word.

A wicked smile spread on her muzzle as she peppered my jaw with small little pecks, following an invisible line down my throat and beyond my chest. “I will make you talk, do not worry,” she murmured promisingly into my coat.

“Make me moan your name and I’ll return the favor thrice over,” I promised with a rapidly quickening breath.

Her eyes shot upwards, towards me. I could not see her entire face, but I could feel her grin. And I could barely hear her mumble when she slipped a little lower still. “Deal.”

They were fast asleep anyway, I told myself. It will take aaages until they have everything figured out.

This had not been our plan.

But it sure had been hers.

Day 1,942: Stress Relief

It was one of those days.

I furrowed my brow as I contemplated my dilemma. A part of me grumbled that I really should have known, but another voice held its ground claiming that, well, how could I have known? There were no signs indicating as much. I woke up after a relatively calm night shift with Luna, I had a decent breakfast alongside Spike and Twilight, I helped Twi sort the library from her latest study binge. Everything seemed fine. Until I remembered my schedule. I was not even late. Yet.

Yet here I stood. In front of the double doors. Those massive, daunting doors marking the exit of the castle. My hooves would not move. They were frozen to the ground. Every time I even dared to think about grabbing the door and opening it, my heart started to race. I knew what was out there, of course. Ponyville. My friends. A nice, warm, sunny day. Probably. Honestly, I had not looked out any window today. Maybe it was dark and gray? Maybe it rained?

I had yet to reach the stage when cold sweat broke out. When my limbs were not only frozen in place, but started to shiver and tremble in slowly building panic.

It’s just a door, for crying out loud. This should not be this hard!, I berated myself. Not for the first time either, but it had no effect. As usual.

I stood there for what? A minute? Maybe two? Three? Five? Time was difficult to gauge when all I had was… a door. An empty hallway behind me. No windows. Maybe windows could actually help? Maybe I should ask Twilight if we could install some windows beside the door? Yeah. Yeah, that sounded fine. I could totally ask Twilight.

I should ask Twilight.

Wrong direction. I knew that I was convincing myself of the wrong direction. Yet I found myself unable to stop. I felt it, too. I felt how my hooves unfroze. How I would be perfectly able to lift them, because the intended direction they would take was… back inside. Deeper into the belly of the beast. Deeper into the castle. Back to Twilight.

But that was not the plan. I had a plan. This was going to happen! I just needed to find a way do force myself to—

“Hey.”

I completely froze again. Goodness me, I even heard myself audibly gulp. “H-Hey,” I answered Spike.

He stepped up to my side and for a moment, just a fleeting moment, he held that position. Right beside me. “Are you o—“ But he never finished that question. I dreaded it. He was my friend. A really, really good friend. I did not wish to lie to him. But neither could I tell him the truth.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see him smile at me. That smile superseded the furrowed scaly brow that had been there before. It was a warm smile. Friendly. Trusting. Very… understanding. But how could he? Right? Then again, it was very much a Spike-smile.

“I’m just taking out the trash,” he explained. As if that was necessary. He stepped up to the door, grabbed it with his little claws and pulled. The massive crystal door creaked a little and slowly swung open. My entire concentration, my attention, my very being was transfixed on that slowly widening gap in a mixture of fear and… hopefully more than just that.

Familiar crystal stairs led down to a dirt path. It was such a hilarious contrast. The pomp and splendor of a crystal castle grown from magic right in the middle of a dirt road town. Gosh, how I loved that town and its residents.

It was a sunny day outside. A few tufts of white lazily drifted overhead. I could see them despite standing a couple of feet inside, still. Maybe Rainbow napped on one of them. Probably. She was currently in town, so there was a high likelihood that she was napping on a cloud, napping in one of AJs apple trees or bothering somepony with pranks, probably alongside Pinkie.

Thinking about my friends made me smile.

It made some of the tension evaporate, too.

Maybe half a minute later, I could not tell for sure, I found my hooves unfrozen. I heard a couple of birds chirping. It was awfully bright outside. The wind blew into the hallway and carried the scent of trees and grass and dirt. A little bee hummed by, curious about the new entry, but quickly decided against getting lost in here.

There’s nothing to fear.

I took a step.

Then another.

And it took five more to bring me outside. Only then did I remember Spike. I turned to look for him and found him still standing at the door. He once again stepped up to my side, taking in the surrounding area. “It’s a really nice day, isn’t it?”

My heart still fluttered. Even though it was probably not perceivable to the naked eye, I could still feel a slight tremor in my legs. I let my attention lose, let my eyes wander again. “It is,” I agreed. I sighed shakily. “It is,” I mumbled almost silently.

“Well, have a nice one. You, uh… you’ll say ‘hi’ to her? From me?”

His hesitance made me smile. I turned around and hugged him. “I will.” I was a little embarrassed to finally notice his empty claws. “Thank you, Spike.” Maybe he did understand. Somehow. I hugged him something fierce. Squished him as hard as I could. He did not even struggle.

He simply chuckled a little. “Don’t worry. Just, you know. Taking out the trash.”

A strangled laugh escaped my throat, which was quickly sealed again. I ruffled his head fin and nodded. “See you at dinner.” And I was off. I stepped down the stairs, and he stepped back inside and closed the door. Maybe I should make a detour on my return trip. Swing by Sugarcube Corner and get some gem-encrusted cupcakes for him. Ruby, sapphire, emerald. A nice little spread. To treat him. He was such a good friend, after all. And I was very grateful to have him.

I managed to distract myself with my plans for a while. But my mind was a little jumpy today and I could not claim to understand why or how I managed to get from one topic to the other. I closed in on my target destination when I found myself asking: Did I have to worry about napkins? Are there different napkins? Does using different napkins make any actual, well, difference? Is that even a thing — worrying about napkins?

“Juuu~huuu~!”

I stopped walking and blinked. For the first time in a couple of minutes, I actually looked around and tried to orient myself. I was in the middle of town, ponies trotted by, following their own business. Many wore smiles, some nodded, others waved in greetings. I had probably been horribly unfriendly so far. I waved back a couple of times, answered a few nods with my own. I tried to right what I had done wrong. But then again, they knew me. Maybe they knew that these days happened, sometimes. Surely everypony had such days, right? When they were busy, or too focused and did not really react to greetings and waves.

I was getting lost in minute details again. I shook my head slightly and looked for the source of that very familiar attempt to get my attention. Rarity stood maybe two dozen steps away, so I walked over to her.

“Back from dreamland?” she asked with a playful grin.

“Hey Rares. I, uh, yeah. Sorry ‘bout that.” I went in for a hug and she quickly reciprocated. And I had to admit, I probably hugged her a little longer than was strictly necessary. I melted into the embrace a little. She was warm. And a good friend. And she smelled of some new perfume, but it was subtle enough not to be overwhelming. Rarity always knew how to balance these things. Now, I did not have exactly the finest nose. All I could make out was some floral bouquet. “New perfume?” I asked while I still hung onto her.

“Aw, you noticed, darling!” she playfully retorted. I could hear her smile. And she brushed her neck along mine, as if to rub some perfume off onto me. “Do you like it?”

I chuckled quietly and sighed. This was normal. This was fine. I loved this. “Yeah. It doesn’t clog up my nose. It’s natural enough to make me think I’m standing in the middle of a flower forest or something. It’s nice.”

She broke our hug, retreated just a little and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. “That’s what a lady loves to hear. Thank you, dear!”

I grimaced only slightly. I was not so sure about that. When it came to ‘ladies’, this one especially, Spike was usually the one with the eloquence and finesse. And I was the bumbling fool. But I tried. After all, I did that a lot.

My eyes were finally drawn to the house we stood in front of and a sigh escaped my lips. “Say, Rarity, how did you manage to rope me into this again?”

Rarity sputtered a little in feigned shock. “Pch, please, darling! Do not lie to me, you love it! Just as much as I do.” And for added dramatics, she flung her beautifully coiffured mane back.

I could not help but snicker a little. Which in turn seemed to please her a lot, as her smile widened and became a little more earnest, warmer. “I’m not sure anypony can love this as much as you do.” The spa was ready. Ready and waiting for us. A couple of hours, probably the majority of what was left of this day, we would spend here. I really did not mind. I felt like I could use Aloe’s and Lotus’ capable hooves. And it was true enough that I had not seen the twins in a while. They were friends, after all. Friendships wanted to be cared for.

“Alright, let’s do this.”

“That’s the spirit!” she quickly chimed in and we stepped inside. After so many years of business in Ponyville, Aloe and Lotus had pretty much down what they wanted to offer, what was lucrative to offer, what they could offer. And as usual, the entire list on offer went out the window the moment ‘Miss Rarity’ stepped into the building. It was a show, really. A spectacle all on its own. Aloe currently manned the counter and her eyes lit up when she spotted us entering. When she spotted Rarity entering.

She was a heavyweight. No actual weight-related pun intended, by any means. But Rarity brought bits. A lot of bits. Lotus at some point told me that Rarity’s weekly visits were enough to pay for one full week of all expenses and all salaries. Meaning Rarity, just with her usual schedule, paid for a quarter of this spa. That was just ridiculous. Hilarious, too.

But she could afford it. The twins could use it. Everypony was happy. And at the end of the day, that was what really mattered. To any of us.

While Aloe squealed in delight and called for her sister and the three of them exchanged overly hyped greetings, I took a step back into the background and kept my quiet. I looked around to see that nothing really had changed since my last visit. At least no customers were currently waiting in the seating area. A weekday afternoon. They were probably still at work, or on their way home.

Eventually, the high-pitched enthusiasm subsided and I saw my chance to make my presence known. “Hey you two. It’s so nice to see you again.” I stepped up and hugged Aloe, then Lotus. They hugged me back and Lotus quickly led us into the backrooms. So Rarity must have ordered already.

Lotus brought us to the bathroom first. The walk-in tubs were at ground level. Four of them took most of the room and all were filled with steaming water. No other customers. Rarity surely had not paid extra just so that we had the spa fully to ourselves, right?

I dislodged the thought with a head shake and instead wandered over to the first tub. I did not bring any saddlebags along. Or anything else for that matter. And Lotus had told us that this was our starter. “I will fetch you for your mud baths afterwards in say, half an hour?” she asked Rarity.

While these two were busy figuring out the details, I stepped into the tub. The slow syncline was perfect to ease into the water. It nipped at my skin, prickled and tingled. Like an army of tiny little needles piercing through my coat. Despite the less than enticing sounding description, it felt heavenly.

“O-Oh, Dreamwalker, be careful, it’s… hot.” Lotus had only noticed my advance when she looked in my direction by mere happenstance. But I was already in the water, at the lowest point of the tub, too. She sounded… worried. But I was fine.

Really. I was. I felt myself smile in her direction in an effort to ease her concerns. “Don’t worry. The water’s great.”

Lotus shot a worried glance to Rarity, who in turn stepped up to the tub and cautiously put a hoof in. It was not scalding hot. She did not retract her hoof as if she had burned herself. Which was a relief for me, if I was honest. But she did shoot me a long, serious look.

“I-Is everything alright?” Lotus asked.

Rarity sighed and took her hoof out of my water. Her smile was quickly reestablished as she turned to Lotus. “Thank you, darling, you have been wonderful. We are perfectly fine. See you in a bit?”

Lotus quickly caught on and nodded. She did look in my direction again, which irked me. What were they exchanging? What was this about? I was not some braindead creature that needed to be spared the news that it had to be put down out of mercy!

Woah. Where did that come from?

I closed my eyes for a moment and sighed deeply. I was here. With a dear friend of mine. To have a good time. I would not waste this time thinking ridiculous thoughts. No sir. I was just a little… high-strung. So I dunked my head in.

The feeling of needles all over my skin intensified manyfold. They were in my ears, in my eyes, in my lips, in my temples, in my forehead, everywhere. And the sensation was enough. It burned away any stray thoughts. Any unwelcome thoughts. Basically: any thoughts.

Until there was only silence.

And the feeling of heat surrounding me on all sides. Holding me. To the point that I felt so much lighter. I loved water, just because it could do that. The needles subsided as my skin got used to the warmth. I further eased into the tub and relaxed.

I just wished I could hold my breath for longer.

When I resurfaced, I found Rarity in the tub next to mine. I waddled to the rim of my tub and leaned on it, just so that I could grin triumphantly in her direction. “See. It’s not ‘too hot’ at all, it’s perfect.”

She merely raised an eyebrow at me. “I cooled mine down a little.”

It was a simple statement. No judgment, no hint-hint, nothing. It still took the wind out of my sail. “Oh.” I was grateful that she did not elaborate or press the issue further. Instead, we simply fell silent for a while and enjoyed the warm water carrying a part of our weight. Half an hour was not that long, after all. Whenever I took a bath all on my own, I usually spent an hour in the water, plus half an hour with everything else surrounding it. Like preparing the bath, cleaning it afterwards, a bit of self-care and hygiene, all that stuff. Half an hour in the water actually felt quite short. But Aloe and Lotus knew what they were doing and I had never left the spa feeling anything other than fully relaxed and regenerated. So I trusted them. Even when Aloe came by to fetch us and get us to the mud baths and every voice inside my head bemoaned my fate of having to leave the tub.

I dutifully dried myself off with the towels we were presented with and followed Aloe. “I just wish we could’ve spent more time in the tub. It was really nice.”

Aloe shot a glance back to Rarity, then to me. Her smile never wavered. “Well, I am glad to hear that, but it would not have been… good. Trust me.”

I snorted and sighed in short order. “I know. And I do.”

A few minutes later, Aloe took her leave and left us alone to our own devices again. Only after she left did I notice that I had no idea how long we were going to stay here. She had not said anything about that. Rarity probably knew and I could ask her. Easily. Just ask. Ask.

“May I ask you something, darling?” she spoke up before I could.

I blinked a few times in confusion. For some reason, for a fraction of a second, I really had thought that that was my voice and I had asked that question. Which would have been fine, were it not for the unusual use of ‘darling’, which was exclusively a Rarity-thing, as far as I was concerned. “I—, uh, yeah. Sure. Go ahead.”

She regarded me silently for a couple of seconds. Her friendly smile kept the same radiant warmth it had before, but there was a certain… seriousness in her eyes. Eventually, she spoke up again. “We have been friends for a very long time. Good friends, I like to believe.”

Was I really to blame that every single alarm went off in my head? With an opening like that, what was I supposed to expect? Sure, she had a flair for the dramatic. Rarity lived and breathed drama. And that was fine. It was fun at times. It was an intrinsic part of her. And I liked her. A lot. But she knew when to cut it down, when to hold back, and there had been this seriousness in her eyes and oh my gosh what was this about?

Did I do something wrong?

I already feverishly tried to scour my recent memories. Any interaction between the two of us. Had I hurt her feelings? Had I messed up some strange business opportunity for her? Had I—

Wait! Rarity is Rarity. This doesn’t have to be about her. Maybe she’s trying to address something I did with one of my other friends?

It started the cycle all over again, just with a broader scope. When had I last seen Fluttershy? Had I said something hurtful to her? No, no. I vaguely remembered her smiling. But it was Fluttershy, she always smiled, right?

Maybe Rainbow? No. Rainbow would throw into my face whatever I did wrong.

Twilight. Twilight often did not even realize when she had been hurt. Not immediately anyway. Maybe this was about—

“Hm-rm.” Rarity’s version of a ‘polite but very insistent’-cough was enough to snap me out of it. For now.

I had not realized how my breathing had quickened. How my blood was rushing. My pupils were probably the size of pinpricks right now. “Ah, yes, sorry, I’m listening. Please. Continue.”

She sighed and slowly waded out of her mud bath. “I like to think that I am entitled to be a bit nosy when it comes to certain developments.” Certain whatnow? She dragged her muddy hooves across the floor and… entered my tub? I watched her with mild confusion and curiosity. What was this about? And a moment later, she stopped right in front of me. Her eyes, again. They were full of honest concern. But why? “Please be honest with me, dear. What is bothering you?”

“I’m not—… I don’t—… There’s noth—… huh?” Think first, speak later. I grimaced a little and shut my mouth. And due to all the raging, roaring chaos in my head, I simply stood there. And stared at her. Her familiar features, full of trust and compassion. It was just that… she was so much… closer than usual. It made it harder to concentrate? For some reason? Or maybe that was just my current scapegoat?

“Are you trying to tell me that you are not bothered? Not worried about anything major right now?” she asked with a voice that bespoke nothing if not endless patience.

I was grateful that she took up the necessity of putting words into an order that had a semblance of sense to it. So that I, in turn, could simply nod.

Rarity sighed. “Alright. Would you mind playing along in a little experiment, then?” I shook my head. And with a couple more steps, Rarity sidled up to my side. She lifted her hoof out of the mud and cleared it of any remaining, clingy patches with magic. “Close your eyes please.” While I hesitated at first, she was still patient with me. Enough so that I took a deep breath… and did it. And she laid her hoof over my eyes. And the world became darker still. “Just breathe. Focus on nothing in particular.” And I played along. I concentrated on my breath. It was there. A few seconds passed by. Nothing changed.

“How long should—“ I started, but in a rare display of rudeness, Rarity cut in.

“Until I say stop.”

I nodded again. And waited. And breathed. Whatever this ‘experiment’ was about, it was really ridiculous. Like worrying about gosh-darn napkins. I mean, really. Who did that? Actually, there were way more important matters anyway.

I can’t let her down.

“Exhale,” she whispered. Whispered. Why? On instinct, I did what she had asked me to before I even thought about it. And what came out was a noticeably shuddering breath. She removed her leg from my eyes and gave my shoulder a little bump with her own. “You can stop now.”

I reopened my eyes. Even the dimly lit room we were currently residing in felt strangely bright for a few seconds. And I felt my cheeks burn. I felt my shame burn in my face. I stared down into the mud, not daring to face her right now. Of course she would have none of that.

Rarity put her clean hoof under my shin and forced me to look at her. And there was nothing but warmth and love in those eyes. “You think too much, my dear. You worry a lot, and you get tangled up in that. And while I will freely admit that somepony like Rainbow could maybe profit from being even half as self-reflective as you are, you still occasionally get lost and miss the forest for the trees. No, you are not fine. Yes, something is bothering you. A lot. And as your friend, I am worried about you. I want to help you, if I can. But first I must know what we are dealing with.”

Her calm and even tone reminded me of the way Sunny spoke to me when I was panicking. It helped. It helped a lot. I closed my eyes again, on my own volition. For a second or two. Another sigh and I felt calmer, at least. “Could you… ehm… this is still a little…”

She noticed my blush probably as much as I did. And her playful smirk told me a long and detailed story about her immediate impulse to tease me about it. But she did not. Not fully, anyway. She sent me one of those incredible winks, with her eyelashes fluttering, and it almost made me gulp. “Of course, dear. I would not want to distract you while we talk.”

I sighed deeply when she left my mud bath and returned to her own. I liked to have my friends close. Like really, really close. But as always, everything depended on situational conditions. And her proximity had been a massive distraction, for some reason. It felt strangely intimate to share a mud bath with Rarity. I was not used to that.

“Ready when you are,” she said and brought me back to the present once again.

What had I gotten myself into… “Alright. Fine. We can talk. Sure. But… Rarity?”

“Yes, dear?”

I did not fail to notice that hopeful tone in her voice. She really did care a lot. But I knew her. There were certain limitations I needed to put in place first. “I’m… apparently on edge as is. So I would kindly ask you to not freak out? If that is, somehow, possible?”

She scoffed a little, but smiled anyway. “I can assure you, Dreamwalker, I am perfectly capable of restraining myself. Trust me.”

I do. I nodded. Here we go. Like a bandaid. Quick and painless, right? “I recently proposed to Sunny.”

Props to Rarity — I heard nothing. I could immediately see her jaws working. I could see how she sucked her lower lip in and bit down on it. Probably until it hurt. But she made no noise, she did not flip, she did nothing. She just stood there and took maybe half a minute before she nodded to herself and trusted herself enough to release her slightly abused lower lip again. “That is good news, is it not?” she asked.

It is. It absolutely is. I knew what question would prop up shortly. If I regretted doing it. And I did not. I didn't even want to hear that. I did not want that thought to exist in her head. So I quickly moved on to the actual issue. “It’s… it’s a funny thing. Did you know that, technically, I have more money than she does?”

Rarity blinked a couple of times in bewilderment. “You… do?”

I nodded. “Yes. Turns out princesses don’t really get… paid?”

She mulled the new information over and quickly seemed to arrive at the same point I had before: That somewhat made sense. Which led to the next obvious path. I felt silly, leading her down these narrow roads I had ventured down myself before. But I needed her to arrive at the same point where I was stuck, did I not? “It is a royal wedding though, is it not? Therefore, it should be paid out of the royal coffers, so to speak?”

I nodded with a slight discomfort. “Yes. I mean no. I mean… not really. The royal wedding will be paid for with tax money. And don’t get me started on my bad conscience about that. But we, uhm… we want something smaller, more private, first. Just… you know. Friends and family.”

Rarity hummed a moment in dawning understanding. “I see. So you are stressed because of the planning, then?”

“Yes. That and… I mean, finances are an issue as well,” I admitted. “I have never been very… I don’t waste my bits, don’t get me wrong. But I spend a lot. Mostly on birthday presents. Hearth's Warming presents. Little presents just because I feel like it. And food, I guess. The occasional cupcake for Spike. Taking Sunny out for dinner. Or Luna. Or Twi. A little treat for Rainbow, or Applejack, or you. You know. The usual. I don’t really pay rent. And while I contribute my share to keep the castle kitchen stocked, that’s not exactly a huge price tag. I have a bit saved up, I just… I told her I got this. And I’ve been crunching numbers a lot recently. And I’m not… entirely sure anymore if… I got this.”

I was not exactly a huge fan of that empathic smile Rarity displayed. She did not outright pity me, but she did feel for me. And I knew that because she obviously knew more about the topic than I did. “Weddings can be incredibly expensive, yes. Even a small ceremony requires a lot of planning, effort and bits. I assume I am the first one you told about this?” I nodded and braced for a long, drawn-out squeal, but Rarity kept her cool and remained in control. I could see her urge though. I could see that familiar spark in her eyes. Her inner drama queen was probably going nuts right now, running in circles and screaming at the top of her lungs to be unleashed. The mental image actually made me chuckle for a moment.

“This next question might seem a bit… radical,” Rarity pointedly warned me. “A tad extreme, even for somepony like me. But given the circumstances… well, how would our dear Rainbow put it? Extreme circumstances require extreme measures.” I swallowed and nodded. “Have you considered asking your friends for help?”

And she winked at me.

I stood still in, what? Shock? Disbelief? It clearly was a perfect ‘gotcha!’-moment. And truth be told, she got me good. Eventually, I unfroze again and groaned. “Come on, Rares! You know the issue. You wouldn’t be any different in my situation. I can’t just walk up to my friends and ask ‘hey, would you mind lending me a couple thousand bits?’ That’s ridiculous! It doesn’t feel right to ask for money!”

She nodded thoughtfully, in a clearly fake seriousness. She was playing around. Her dramatics were slowly bleeding into the conversation. And I was not sure if I was a fan of that. “I see. Well, I am so glad that we could clear up the misunderstanding and help you with your issue. You simply will not have to ask for it, then.”

My jaw hit the floor. Figuratively speaking, of course. And I was quick to shake my head almost violently. “No. Rarity — no! You can’t. That’s not what I meant!”

And there it was again. That ever-patient smile. Full of love and warmth. “Dear, please. According to herself, Twilight is naught but a humble librarian. Who, as I might add, actually refuses pay. And we already established that princesses apparently do not get paid for whatever ludicrous reason. Applejack is the hardest working pony we both know, but Celestia bless her heart, she still struggles to keep the farm afloat because she has the business sense of a brick. Rainbow spends as much bits on merchandise and trinkets as she gets from her job, and whatever is left over is usually used to help out Applejack. In a similar vein, Pinkie constantly sneaks medicine and bird feed into Fluttershy’s cabinets and storage rooms while still throwing parties for quite literally everypony in town at any given occasion. I have seen her shopping list, dear. She puts price tags to each bullet point. I would never have guessed the price of something as simple as confetti. You could buy two of my best dresses from that. And Fluttershy does not even have a proper business. She has an animal shelter that mostly survives on donations. And an animal sanctuary that copies that very same ‘business model’. Sure, her stint as a very successful model brings in bits to this day, but her expenses are enough to eat through most of that. Which leaves me. And without wanting to boast: I have a very successful business. One might rightfully call it booming. I have more bits to spare than I care to count.”

“I can’t take that offer,” I replied measly.

Rarity huffed and closed her eyes for a moment. To calm down from her little tirade. To recenter herself. To acknowledge that breaking through my stubbornness would not be that easy. Something along those lines, probably. When she opened her eyes again, they had not changed. Love. Warmth. Patience. Her smile returned in full force. “Dreamwalker, being generous does not mean giving all I have. It means to give more if you have more. You clearly are in turmoil. You could use a helping hoof. I would gladly offer as much. Please… let me help you?”

Her words hung in the air between us. And they would not go away. I had unknowingly started to chew around on my bottom lip. Why did she have to present me with such a ridiculous offer?

Ridiculously helpful.

Shut up.

Rarity’s smile took on a more playful glint when she added more. “Do not force me to drag Twilight into this. You know very well how she deals with a stubborn Applejack. She would be more than capable to deal with you.”

Her ‘threat’ came so out of left field that I snorted. I shook my head, still giggling a little about the ridiculousness of it all. “Right. Sure. Can’t have that, now can I?” My stomach felt queasy. This was not right. Everything within me cried out against my next words. But I had to admit from bitter experience: Sometimes my friends knew better what was best for me. “Fine. I’ll… I… accept. Your offer. Please, just… please help me.”

Rarity smirked. Triumphant as always. Because a lady always knew how to get things going her way. “See? Now was that so hard?” We held each other’s gazes for a couple of seconds before I slowly raised an eyebrow and she lifted both her front hooves out of the mud with an uneasy giggle.

A minute passed by, maybe two. I was quite preoccupied with this newfound information. This… help. But Rarity was not done just yet. “As for the royal wedding…?”

I smirked and looked over to her. There were stars dancing around in her eyes. Lustrous sparks of creative genius. “You’re obviously going to be asked to design the wedding dresses.”

She seemed quite satisfied with my answer. For about half a second, before a weird, amused grin replaced the smile on her lips. “Oh? Wearing a dress now, are we?”

That’s silly, Luna. You’re silly, my own voice echoed in my mind. A recent memory, if I was not mistaken.

Be that as it may, I shall stand my ground. You would look positively adorable in a dress. We could fix your mane up a little and—

I will end the spell if you don’t stop teasing me.

Fine… fine.

I could feel my cheeks heat up again. Hopefully the room was dimly lit enough so that Rarity could not—

I dared to glance over to her and sighed. She giggled behind her hoof. She could totally see. Well, at least there was not a chance that she knew what I occasionally got up to with Luna. Not. A. Chance.

I sighed and shook my head. “Dress. I mean the dress. Singular. And the suit, obviously. That I’m going to wear.”

Rarity grinned, despite her attempts to put a convincing pout on. “Spoilsport. But thank you, that is exactly what I wanted to hear! I have so many ideas already.”

“Can we… could we keep this to ourselves? For now?” Maybe I should have asked that before we even started with this entire topic. “I still… I want to do this. Myself. I know Twilight can organize a wedding in a heartbeat. I know Applejack can, too. Everypony, literally everypony, is more qualified than me. But it’s… you know… it’s my wedding. Ours.”

Rarity giggled daintily and nodded with enthusiasm. “Do not worry, dear. I won’t spoil the surprise. And I am sure you will figure out what you want in time. Just remember that you have friends. Friends you can ask for help at any point, who will listen and help as much as you want them to.”

I watched her for a moment. I watched her closely. But I saw nothing but honesty and sincerity. So I sighed and gave myself a little push. “Would... would you mind… listening to a couple of my ideas?”

She crossed her front legs on the rim of her mud bath and laid her head atop. “Gladly.”

We exited the spa a couple of hours later. And as usual, I felt good. I actually felt really good. Relaxed, regenerated, refueled. A little hungry, maybe. But that would be perfect. In maybe an hour or two, we would have dinner.

“A couple of last questions, if you may?” Rarity asked.

I smiled and nodded. “Sure.”

“How are you feeling? Better, I hope?” She watched me closely. Because for all my powers of super-critical self-reflection, I occasionally messed up and overlooked the obvious.

I did not lie. I did not hide anything. I answered her as honestly as I could. “Considerably better, yes. Thanks to you, and thank you.”

“Well, I am pretty sure Aloe and Lotus did their part as well,” Rarity argued with a very satisfied grin, “but I appreciate the compliment for what it is. Now, one more thing?”

I chuckled and nodded. “Go ahead.”

“Am I allowed to properly ‘freak out’ now? Because I have been holding that in for a couple of hours and quite frankly, I feel like I might burst any second now.”

My grin grew to the size that it threatened to split my head in half. I chuckled and shook my head. With a few steps, I was at her side, swung a leg around her and hugged her. “You may.” And I braced my ears.

“Eeeeeeeeeeeee~”

Day 462: Drag Down Versus Slow Down

Whitetail Woods had such a peaceful aura. And it was not like I was spouting such nonsense all the time. I was not a kindred spirit to Treehugger, I did not go about my business and claimed everything had an aura and spouted how ‘radical’ or ‘smooth’ it was.

The ‘aura’ I meant was something almost tangible. Like a blanket of pure peacefulness that emanated from each tree. On any other given day, I would have loved to just stroll through these woods, by my lonesome or with company, and just enjoy the feeling. My nerves easily frazzled. I was prone to panic attacks. I knew that. Everypony close to me knew that. So to know about a place like this, where even my nerves calmed down, was priceless.

However, I was not here to enjoy the scenery. Quite the contrary, I was here to ruin it. Or at least, practice for the moment I would. I had come here in the past… few… couple of… days? Probably?

Honestly, I had a hard time telling the past few days apart. Which certainly was not an entirely new revelation, but it once again made me stop and consider if maybe, just maybe, I was biting off more than I could chew. And as had happened each time before this, I shrugged it off with an almost violent head shake. I needed to stay focused, after all. What did Rainbow say? No pain, no gain. Or something like that. Had it even been Rainbow? Goodness, everything blurred together again.

I was getting ready to start the day. Well, to properly start the day. I had been up for maybe an hour. Or two. Rise early — I hated that —, eat breakfast alone, silently and quickly — and I hated that, too — and then come out here and start to warm up — which, as the final point, I obviously hated as well.

But my warm-up was done and I was ready to start. I looked to the nearby tree, just to make sure that my stuff was still there. Saddlebag, blanket, a waterskin. Neatly stacked against the bark, in a little hollow so that it would be better protected from the elements. Just in case it would start to rain or the wind would pick up. I did a horrible job at keeping up with the weather schedule.

And then I saw a moving speck of orange in the distance.

I would not have batted an eye, really. Could have been anything. But I knew better, somehow. There was a vague understanding in the back of my head that was quickly confirmed once she drew closer. This was Applejack. And I had no idea why she was all the way out here. But she came in my direction. More precisely, she made a beeline for me. Me specifically.

I had no idea what was wrong with me. Well, actually, I had several. But it basically all came down to: I was not quite right in the head. In these past few days… weeks… whatever, especially. Had I had my mental faculties all in better shape, I would have quickly deemed my idea stupid and unnecessary.

Applejack was strong. A pure-bred farmpony with hindquarters powerful enough to kick a rooted tree and send it flying. I idolized her a little bit, I knew that. But I did so not for her strength. I admired her honesty. Her work ethics. Just about anything that did not come down to physical features. Though I had to admit, those freckles got me a little bit, every time.

I knew she was a runner, too. She was strong, and quick, and surprisingly agile for a pony this strong. Which was probably an earth pony-thing.

The idea was simple, really.

I would run.

I would run away from her, use my considerable head-start to see how far I could get before she inevitably caught up to me. Because she would catch up to me. She was Applejack. And I was… well, me.

“Don’t you dare run!” I heard her yell. “Celestia be my witness, I will smack some sense into you!”

I grinned. The kind of stupid grin someone had when not thinking clearly, when not thinking things through to their ultimate end, or when not thinking at all. I wished I had my mental faculties in check. I should have realized how serious she sounded. That tone alone would have given me pause, should have told me to stand still and wait for her arrival. But no. I grinned, and I dug my hooves into the dirt, and I ran.

Because I was an idiot.

“Dreamwalker!” she yelled after me. “You come right back here this instant, you lousy bag of fleas!”

I dared to look back over my shoulder, still grinning. She ran after me, just as expected. But she did not look all that amused. Not at all. She looked a little bit pissed, to be honest. And again: That really should have given me pause. It was a slightly frightening prospect to actually anger Applejack. Getting on her nerves, frustrating her, annoying her, that was not the same as angering her.

I had done something wrong, and I did not even realize it.

For obvious reasons, she was quickly gaining on me. I heard the blood rush in my ears. I felt the powerful jolt of kinetic energy every time my hooves smacked into the dirt of the path, only to lose contact a moment later. I felt the wind brush past my completely overheated cheeks, sapping all the warmth out of them.

I always felt like shit before I ran. Because I dreaded the run, I dreaded the risk of hurting myself, I dreaded looking stupid, I dreaded the moment after. And I always felt like shit after I ran, because of the sheer exhaustion. And probably because I did not know how to run properly, though that had changed at least a little bit in recent… times.

But while I was running, I felt… well, still a little bit shitty, but less so than I would have expected. It always surprised me. Every time. I was not a runner. I was not an athlete at all. I was a gosh-darn couch potato. An armchair-adventurer. A hermit. I really liked to be indoors. I preferred it, very much so.

But Whitetail Woods was a peaceful, calming place. And here I could run without constantly thinking about how useless this was, or how silly I must look, or how wrong I did my running.

The thoughts distracted me. And I had probably missed some of Applejack's more colorful yells. My eyes were fixed on the path ahead again, because I still had that thought of how awful it would hurt to stumble and fall nagging in the back of my head.

“That’s it, I’ve had enough!” I heard her yell. And strangely enough, her voice got quieter. As if she was falling back. Maybe she actually stopped running? I dared to look over my shoulder again and saw her retrieve her rope. Already fashioned into a sling. A lasso.

My first thought was not what it should have been. No ‘oh, she’s serious, I should probably stop!’, no ‘did I really annoy her that much? This is usually reserved for dragging Rainbow around!’ Instead, my brain short-circuited again and produced a simple: Hey, that’s cheating!

The lasso swung through the air. And I did my best to track its course with my eyes. Stupid mistake, but then again very much fitting with my current state. In a vague attempt to escape the sling, I veered a little to the left. The next few seconds were a blur.

I was pretty sure that I stumbled. Maybe a root, or a rock, or an uneven part of the dirt path. And I fell. While running at top speed. Exactly what I had been dreading.

In those precious few seconds, I only had time to do one thing. Either react to the fall by at least trying to raise my front hooves in front of my muzzle to cushion the blow a little bit, at least. Or do something stupid.

I obviously decided on the latter and spent my time with a simple thought:

Huh.

Then I hit something very hard and everything went black.

It was a practice run. No, not even that. It was a test run.

I tried to remember that, tried to remind myself of that. Yet I still could not keep myself from giving it my all. A part of me thought that was very reasonable. After all, Rainbow wanted to see what I was capable of. Another part argued that this was quite stupid, because I would not be able to keep this level up for long. Or at all.

She almost lazily flew beside me, a little higher so that she could easily glide over anypony, should any pony even be around here. We had started this run in front of the castle, and we ended it there as well. And I was heaving breaths.

Rainbow landed beside me with a raspy chuckle and patted my back a little. Just a little. It was probably gross. I felt like my body ought to be slick from sweat. However, I could not apologize, and that was probably for the better. I needed to catch my breath first.

“Well,” she started and eyed me up with that cocky grin of hers. “Not too bad. Good legwork, actually. But your stamina is kinda shitty.”

The urge to smile was there. It tugged at the corners of my mouth. I had no idea why Rainbow just being Rainbow made me smile, but it did. And I was grateful for that. Also: A little bit of self-deprecating humor had never hurt anypony, right? So I pushed a grin onto my muzzle and replied: “Heard that before.”

She guffawed for a brief moment. I had caught her by surprise, good. Good. “Yeah, right. So, tell you what, I’m totally down for training you. I think that could work. Could be fun, actually.”

And a boulder rolled off. Both from my heart, and my shoulders. Which was funny, considering that with this simple statement, it became quite apparent that the real, grueling work would just start here, not end. I nodded eagerly despite this. “Great! Thank you, thank you, thank you!” And I hugged her. I knew how Rainbow was, and that she did not quite favor such displays in public. Made her look less cool, she claimed. But nopony was around. And I honestly did not really consider everything before my gratitude simply swept any rational thought out the window.

She froze a little for the first second or two, and I could feel her head swivel around to see if anypony was within sight. And only after she made sure she was still undeniably awesome did she sigh and hug me back. It was fine. I was actually glad she did it at all. Rainbow was more the subconsciously touchy type. If she was startled or started to think about who she was touching, and how and why and for how long, she became awkward really fast. A bit like me, actually. But as long as she did not think about it, she constantly sought physical contact. Leaning against ponies. Touching her hoof to their shoulder. She would have died of embarrassment if anypony would ever have told her how many times she was seen with her primaries lazily trailing along Applejack's back.

I still knew that there were limits, of course. And honestly, it was a matter of personal preference as well. For as much as I loved all of my friends with the same fervor, hugging a soft and slightly squishy Pinkie was so much more fun and satisfying than hugging the sleek and slender form of an athlete like Rainbow. Also, it would become awkward eventually if it went on for too long.

So I took a step back and smiled at her. An underwhelming attempt to express my gratitude.

“Thing is, though,” she continued as if nothing had happened, “I can only train you the one way I know how.”

My mind immediately sprang to the academy. I had been there multiple times in multiple cycles. The Wonderbolts trained their recruits there. And the mere thought made me grimace. “Wonderbolts drill?”

“Wonderbolts drill!” she echoed with a lot more enthusiasm than I had mustered. “I’m your trainer and you’re my… uh…”

“Pupil?” I offered.

“Yeah, sure, let’s go with that,” she nonchalantly replied with a shrug. And then a grin quickly grew on her muzzle, taking over any other emotion currently on display. It was the kind of almost shark-like grin that made me want to retreat half a step, minimum. She breathed in deeply. That was the signal. I knew what was coming. My ears went flat against my skull in an effort to protect themselves, I clenched my eyes shut and hoped, hoped that Rainbow would see the poor display before a single noise made it out of her throat.

But for all her magnificent talents, this specific kind of perceptiveness was not one of them.

“Alright, recruit! Stop lollygagging and get your ass into gear!”

And then I did it. Despite my best efforts to control myself, to keep in line, to play along… I took half a step back. Rainbow did not notice. But I did. And I knew what it meant. What it entailed. Rainbow inhaled deeply again, probably because I had not shown any other reaction, certainly none she wanted to see. And I knew I had to stop her. And I had to do it fast. “Don’t!”

It was a pathetic, half-choked gurgle that wormed its way out of my throat. A plea. I was begging her. And for as much as I wanted to sigh in defeat, I at least managed to keep that one in.

Rainbow simply stood there and looked at me. In confusion, mostly. “Don’t… what?” she asked. Calmly. Quietly. She could accommodate even for wimps like me, but she needed to become aware of the need to do so first.

I needed a minute to collect myself, maybe longer. I tried not to spend too much of that time berating myself, because I knew I needed my thoughts in order to talk her through this next, uncomfortable part. “Please don’t yell at me. This… this isn’t going to work. I don’t… I don’t react well to being yelled at.”

Rainbow furrowed her brow and looked at me like I was some kind of advanced puzzle box. She attempted to say something twice, but shut herself down each time before actual words manifested on her tongue. Only with the third attempt did she trust herself enough. “I mean, you’re not supposed to react well to it. I mean… what does that even mean?” The confusion broke her voice midway through. It could have been funny. But I was in no mood to joke around.

I sighed. For as uncomfortable as this was, I was still glad. Because I had no judgment to fear from Rainbow. Maybe she did not understand. Maybe she would not, despite all attempts to explain it. Maybe she simply could not understand it. It was possible, after all. But no matter how this went down in the end, I had no judgment to fear. I could see it in her eyes. She would stick with me either way. And I was grateful for that. In a manner that went far beyond any words I had to express it. “I like you,” I started with a wry smile. “And I would very much prefer to stay friends.”

It was not the straightforward answer Rainbow had hoped for. She took her time to digest it. To sort through what I possibly meant by that. And in the end, she looked at me again with less confusion. “What about Wither Rose?”

And there it was. I cringed a little and averted my eyes. I looked down at my slightly nervously shuffling hooves. I had made such a big deal out of this. And I really should not have. “I initially thought I could befriend her. It’s… what I told everypony. B-But I don’t think I can. Not anymore. The yelling is just… it’s just too much. Every time I see her, I hear her. And every time I think of her, I hear her, too. Can’t we just… I don’t know… run? Can’t you just run with me? Like friends?”

Rainbow subconsciously chewed her bottom lip while she considered all the possible options. Or some of them, at least. Considering all options was more of a Twilight-thing. Eventually, she came to a conclusion and a small smile returned to her muzzle and brightened her features a little. “Yeah, sure, I guess. We can certainly try, right?”

That got a chuckle out of me. I knew that she was one of the regulars at Spikes Ogres & Oubliettes-table. So to hear her use that phrase was funny, in a way. I briefly wondered how many times Spike had used it on her. Well, you can certainly try…

I was about to wake up. I could tell, somehow. And as the memory slowly sank back down to the bottom of the muddy pond that was my mind, a voice in the back of my head could not let the opportunity to tease me slip by.

Run like friends. Didn’t quite work out, did it?

I sighed. Or at least I thought I did. Rainbow had helped me a great deal. She motivated me. She kept me going. She had given me advice and easy to follow instructions. And the latter was the issue, probably. There was a high likelihood that I had reached my goal already. The initial one, anyway. But I just kept going. Because I had poor self-control sometimes, and now that the bare minimum was done, there was still room for improvement, right? Maybe I would not just be able to keep up, maybe I would be able to impress.

And was that not worth the effort? And the pain?

Rainbow had been very… reasonable. She had told me how to train. How often, how long, all that. Just in case she could not make it to our little sessions. Because she was a busy mare, after all. And I had started to train by myself. A lot more than she had advised, and a lot longer too. Because who needs self-control anyway, right?

“Howdy ‘n welcome back to the land of the livin’,” Applejack greeted me before I even opened my eyes.

As soon as I cracked them open, I groaned. My head spun. And hurt. A lot. “Ouch…”

“Yeah, I reckon that tumble back there is goin’ to hurt. You alright, sugar cube?”

I did not answer immediately, but instead looked around. I found myself lying on the sofa in the living room of the Apple family homestead. It was a quite familiar sofa, to be honest. And familiarity was good. It made me feel safe.

Applejack had drawn the curtains shut. A small sliver of light seeped through in between them anyway. The entire room was just… homely. What could easily have seemed like bric-a-brac to anypony else were memorabilia of years and years and years of a family living together. Apple Blooms first ‘flute’. She had quickly given up on carving. That thing did not even work. But it looked funny. And it reminded them of a time when she was smaller. Bic Mac's old harness. Ponies had joked about it. How it was up in the air who would outlive who. As a result, he had decided that it would certainly outlive him, at least, and put it up on the wall. As worn down as it was, there was little use in it anyway. Anypony else would have seen it as trash. But there was history to it.

History. His. Story. I chuckled silently.

My eyes finally went back to Applejack. She looked less pissed than I remembered, which was already a good thing to notice. Though I felt bad. Immediately. Not only because I now remembered how she had looked and sounded, but also because I had a little bit of a clearer head now. And I realized how foolish I had acted. And to top it all off, she looked worried. For my sake. Because what else would worry her right now?

I inhaled deeply and gave a long sigh. “I feel like you’ve run me over, but I know better. Otherwise, I’m… fine.” A few scrapes and scratches would not signify the end of the world. They burned a little and I felt a slight tinge of pain whenever I moved too much. But I could tell that she had carried me in here and immediately went to work on cleaning everything up, disinfecting it, and so on. One day, she would be one heck of a mom. If one did not consider her one to Apple Bloom already anyway.

“You’re fine?” she asked. I instantly became a little wary because of the disbelief in her tone. And since I did not fully trust myself or felt like I properly understood the situation, I merely nodded. “Dreamwalker, you’re not ‘fine’. And if you feel like I’ve run you over now, I reckon you might want to start talkin’ now, before I smack some sense into you!”

Even though she tried to keep the tone light and flighty and she shot me one of those rare, sly grins, I could tell she was frustrated. I had a hard time telling what ponies felt, occasionally, but even I was not blind. Problem was: I still felt like I was missing a crucial piece here. But this was Applejack. She was like family to me. She was family. Like a sister. And I did not wish to disappoint her. Ever, at all.

I could already feel my heartbeat quickening at the same rate my breathing did. I noticed with a strange disconnect how I scanned the room's exits in an attempt to gauge how long it would take me to flee. Luckily, I knew myself well enough, so I channeled that excess nervous energy into talking. Because that, while awfully awkward, usually worked out for the better.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I tried to defend myself. “I am fine! I was just preparing to go on a run and then you showed up and I thought it would be a good idea to implement you into my training and then you had a lasso and I tried to sidestep and—“

She put a hoof to my muzzle. And I stopped talking. “Breathe.” And I did. She withdrew her hoof and smiled at me. A warm smile. Warm and welcoming and soothing. And it helped a little. Then some of that hardness returned. “Now, if you can, please quit your fussin’ and just talk to me. This ain’t our first rodeo, is it? You know you can trust me. I won’t judge.”

“I’m…” I hesitated. It would be utterly stupid to reiterate that I was fine. Applejack was patient. A lot more than Rainbow. But even her patience would run out eventually. And I had a hard time being forthcoming, since, well… “I don’t know what this is about.”

Applejack furrowed her brow. To the point where she lifted her trademark hat a little to scratch her mane with a hoof. “You don’t?” she asked. I shook my head. And she sighed. “Reminds me of that harvest ages ago, when Big Mac had hurt himself. Twilight kept talkin’ to me, but I didn’t quite listen. I couldn’t even tell the days apart, to be honest.” She sighed again, although it was accompanied by a chuckle, and fixed me with a resolute stare. “I want an explanation. You remember Twilight, right? The friend you’re livin’ with? I want to know why she came to me to ask about you.”

My initial reaction was stunned silence. I was dumbstruck. She posed a really good question. Why did Twilight come to her? And for what? She ‘asked about me’, but that said nothing about the context. What did she actually want to know? But before I could even attempt to fix that chaos into a couple of useful questions, Applejack continued.

“I already tried to get that explanation yesterday.”

I furrowed my brow and tried to remember any such encounter. And sure enough, out of the muddy pool rose a vague memory of… something. I talked to her. Maybe. Yesterday, maybe. “Yeah, but—“

“And last time you came home from Canterlot.”

The teleportation stone needed to be charged. Despite how much I longed to be home at all times, I could only use it to actually get home on weekends. And truthfully, I did remember some sort of encounter with Applejack from last weekend. “Sure, but—“

“And the day before that one.”

“I-I’m pretty sure you just wanted to—“

She harrumphed. It was such a strange, rare gesture coming from her that it shut me up immediately. “Listen, I know how I get with these things, so I reckon I know a thing or two about what’s in your head right now. Quit fussin’, start talkin’. What’s going on? Why are you out there in Whitetail Woods? Why are you hidin’ from Twilight? Did you two argue? I hate pryin’ into other ponies’ personal businesses, so… please don’t make me.”

I sighed and rubbed the bridge of my muzzle with a hoof. I obviously did not want to force her hoof in any way, shape or form. But I apparently already had. And she was mentioning conversations I had barely any recollection of, if at all. At least she had provided some questions I could use as guidance. “It’s meant as a surprise. For Twilight. We didn’t fight, and I’m not… hiding. Not intentionally, anyway. I wanted to build myself up for the next Running of the Leaves. So that I can run alongside her.”

Applejack looked at me like I had suddenly sprouted a second head. “But… Twilight doesn’t even care about her placement in the run?”

“Neither do I,” I quickly assured. “I just want to be able to run alongside her.”

“I don’t get it. If you can’t run all that well, why don’t you just ask her to go slower?” And she made it sound easy, to be fair. It would have been, most likely. I could ask. Twilight would probably not think about it twice before agreeing. And the mere thought of her agreeing to that made my hair stand on end.

“I don’t want to drag—“ I started and quickly cut myself off. In an ultimately futile attempt to plaster over the issue, I corrected myself. “I don’t want to slow her down!” I could already see it. Applejack had heard my slip and she already puzzled things together. I grimaced, knowing that I would be unable to stop that. Why was it impossible to undo thoughts and spoken words without aggressive and often evil magic? “Listen, I almost got this. Just a couple more weekends and I’m up to par.”

The gears were turning. She stopped for a moment, just to regard me with a warm, empathic smile, and she hugged me. It was a brief contact, but a welcome one. My neck brushed against hers. My nostrils quickly filled with the scent that was so typical for Applejack as my nose got buried in her mane. Her hat tickled against my ear. And I felt close to her.

She withdrew and tried to build up a certain sternness in her features. “Let me tell you a story,” she started.

“But I’m the Storyteller,” I cut in with a quiet chuckle.

“Shush you, or I’m going to see if I can find a muzzle lying around,” she threatened with a sly smile.

“Kinky,” I retorted with a grin. She chuckled and punched my shoulder. It was probably not even a tenth of her strength, but I felt it anyway. I grimaced as little as I could manage and kept my smile in place. But the gesture had successfully made me shut up. For now.

“There was this time when Twilight, smart cookie that she is, tried to prevent some future havoc by disaster-proofin’ all of Ponyville,” she continued.

A wave of memories flooded my mind. Images, voices, a whole chaotic mess of them, the feeling of water against my skin, the sound of stone cracking and bursting, ponies screaming, laughing, proud shoulder-pats for everypony involved. I smirked. “I know that one,” I cut in again.

“Gosh darn, will you let me finish?!” she flared. Somehow, I could not take her temper seriously this time. I chuckled quietly, but nodded to signal my attention. Maybe it was her grin. She took a moment to recollect her thoughts, but ultimately sighed and shrugged. “Point of the story is, or would have been, that she gets a little obsessed with stuff every now and then. And you two get along like pig and mud because you’re similar. Issue is, I just don’t know what your inkwells are just yet.”

I smiled. Probably the kind of smile that would make Rainbow stick her tongue out in a display of disgust. Twilight was prepared. She had a set writing supply. Five sheets of paper, a wax seal with her cutie mark, three quills, a firefly lantern and three inkwells. Everything in perfect amounts and conditions. And when placed somewhere, everything was perfectly aligned. Applejack had demonstrated the power of these routines more than once. Simply nudging one of the inkwells was enough to get Twilight out of whatever stupor she had managed to dig herself into.

We both smiled our private little smiles as we indulged in fond memories. But eventually, Applejack freed herself and continued. “Every time she gets like that, she needs us, her friends, to drag her out again. That’s what friends are for. I’m your friend. And right now, I’m worried about you. Worried that you’re obsessin’ over this. Spike told me you returned to the castle late. You barely eat. You sleep badly.”

“Spike told you I don’t sleep well?” I asked in befuddlement. That Applejack had made her way to the castle, okay, sure. I could see that happening. Especially after Twilight basically set her on my tracks. That she would talk to Spike? Obvious. But how in the world would Spike be able to tell that—

“Twilight told me.”

Oh. Right. Makes much more sense.

Applejack sighed and shook her head. “You are not dragging her down, sugar cube. You are giving her a good and valid reason to slow down. It is her decision to do so. And remember, it’s a marathon, not a sprint, right?”

I cringed a little. It was advice I had given Rainbow at one point. It had been a funny day, really. Rainbow rather talked to me about relationship issues than to Rarity. And the obvious first advice I had for her was that, instead of talking to me, she should have been talking to Applejack. But hey. Easy mistake to make. I did that all the time as well.

“If you want to walk that path together,” Applejack continued with a softer voice, “you will both have to compromise. To adjust to each other. You were willin’ to put in a lot of effort for her sake. That’s good. But don’t you go ‘round makin’ decisions on her behalf. She has a right to decide for herself. And to tell the truth, I reckon she’d rather have you with her.”

I had been a complete and utter fool, hadn’t I? I sighed and hugged Applejack again. I felt like I needed something solid and reliable to cling to right now. And she was willing to deal with that.

I could feel that there was still tension in her body. There was still something on her plate. Some lingering issue she had not spoken about yet. “What is it?” I dared to ask in a whisper.

She shifted slightly in mild discomfort, but did not withdraw from the hug. “You asked me for this, so here it goes. Remember that she’s not your special somepony. She’s just a friend.”

I swallowed hard. And nodded numbly. She was right, of course. I had asked her to tell me this in case I would ever go overboard with something. And I had done just that. On one hoof, it was great that I could rely on her. On the other hoof, I felt awful once more that I had to rely on her.

I hugged her a little bit tighter and clenched my eyes shut. Just a friend, I tried to remind myself. Maybe someday, that would change. But for now, it was the set boundary that I had to accept. A fine line in the sand, not to be crossed.

Honestly, friend or not, it was still Twilight. I would have done all this nonsense for her either way. But the reminder certainly did not hurt.

“You’re a good friend, Applejack. Thank you. And sorry for the bother.”

She chuckled lightly, quietly. “Friends stick together, come Tartarus or high water.”

I smiled and wondered. It would be hilarious to see them one day square up to yet another villain, freed from a thousand-year-slumber, and they blast it with rainbow friendship lasers and only after the fact would they notice that Rainbow and Applejack, in a hurry to get ready, switched elements. Hilarious, but not exactly surprising.

I returned to the castle half an hour after sunset.

I had been eager to return, sure. But at the same time, I had dreaded it a little. Enough to hesitate. Enough to find new topics to talk about and new reasons not to leave the Apple family home. Apple Bloom returned and we talked for a bit before she left with Scootaloo. I talked to Granny a little bit while she was awake. I even tried to strike up a conversation with Big Mac. A true sign of desperation.

At the end of the day — quite literally —, Applejack shoved me out of the front door with a good-natured grin.

And now I was back. The imposingly tall crystal structure looming over the rural, small village never really had that effect on me. To me, it looked like home. Felt like home. I stepped past the massive entrance doors and my nostrils flared as I sucked in the very particular blend of aromas. It smelled like home, too. And it put my mind at ease, despite knowing that at least one awkward moment was yet to come.

I went to the living room first. This late, there was a good chance I could find Twilight in there. Spike too, probably. And as soon as I opened the door, those assumptions were confirmed. A fire merrily crackled away in the fireplace and filled the entire room with a flickering orange light, welcoming warmth and the scent of burning wood. It added nicely to the scent of paper, books and ink.

Twilight lay on one of the broad sofas. And she was reading. Of course.

Spike was with her and already asleep, from the looks of it. He laid against her barrel, under a blanket that covered both of them, with an open comic book draped over his belly and on top of the blanket. He snored quietly and occasionally tried to scratch his tummy through the comic book. Luckily without doing any damage to it.

I stood there for a minute, maybe two. I just stood in the entrance and watched. And I could feel my heart melt a little, bit by bit. I had not realized how badly I missed these moments in the past few weeks. To be part of them, especially. Twilight looked content. She probably read something specialized, technical, sciency. Her muzzle was frozen in an expression of concentration and continued understanding. It was cute.

Eventually, she grabbed her tea mug from a nearby stand and levitated it to her mouth. It was the one moment where she had to look up from her book. And she immediately spotted me standing in the open doorway. She had not even noticed some of the warmth leaving the room, although that was probably due to the blanket.

Let the awkwardness ensue, I sighed internally and mustered my best nonchalant smile. It failed immediately and turned nervous and guilt-ridden. “H-Hey. Sorry I’m late. But… I’m home now.”

The implications quickly dawned on her and that cautious smile gained strength at the same rate. Until she was positively beaming at me. Which my heart reacted to in turn by making me feel light and good and fuzzy.

And then Spike woke up. The little guy grumbled a little about his belly being itchy, and this time he woke up enough to realize why scratching the general area did nothing. He folded his comic book up, looked out the window and then noticed… something. Maybe the lessened warmth in the room, maybe faint air movement, maybe the light that came in from the hallway. Whatever it was, he looked over, saw me and grinned. I didn't even have to say anything at all. He just took one look at me and grinned. “Finally,” he muttered.

Well, to be fair: He knew this spiel from Twilight. He knew it well.

Spike freed himself from the blanket, put his comic book on top of a pile of other ones on his way to the door and stopped in front of me. “Glad you’re back,” he said, and we both went for a quick hug at the same time. Home was safe because home was predictable. “I’m off to bed, g’night!”

“Good night,” both Twilight and I replied. I still raised an eyebrow a little and watched him slouch off towards his bedroom. G’Night, eh? Somedragon’s been spending a bit too much time with a certain Apple, maybe? It was something to think about. Something to tease him with. Another day.

I turned back, finally crossed the threshold for good and closed the door to keep at least some of the fire’s warmth in. I still hesitated for a moment and stood close to the exit. That is, until Twilight’s horn sparked to life, grabbed the blanket and lifted the spot where Spike had just left.

I grinned like an overjoyed colt at Hearth’s Warming Eve and quickly trotted over. I crawled onto the sofa, under the blanket and tucked us in tightly. And her wing shifted a little to cover my back. “It is good to have you back,” she whispered.

I did not trust my treacherous tongue, so I simply smiled, nodded and leaned more heavily against her. Her warmth seeped through my coat and into my very bones in more than one sense. And I loved every second of it. I tried to steal a quick glance at her book, but as expected, it was something I knew nothing about and barely understood a quarter of. And that was fine.

Time became less relevant. Minutes passed by. Twilight read her book. I closed my eyes at her side and just enjoyed myself. The soft rustling of paper whenever she turned a page. Her soft breathing. The feeling of her coat against mine.

All the different sensory impressions that repeatedly told me the same thing. I’m home.

Eventually, I thought back. How the day had started. How these last couple of days blurred into one another. Becoming a guard was grueling. I was not cut out for this stuff. But as Luna had said, I only needed to survive the base training. It would get easier after that. And I tried to muster some tenacity for that.

I would probably have run through Whitetail Woods the entire day. Again. Were it not for Applejack intervening. And talking some sense into me. Without any smacking required, luckily.

Friends stick together, I heard her reiterate in my head. A small, yet powerful smile crossed my lips. “Twilight?”

“Hm?”

“Do you remember that cake Pinkie dragged to the competition by train a couple of years ago?” She looked a little puzzled. The description probably had not been specific enough. “The MMMM, or something? Multilayered mascarpone madness or something like that?”

Twilight giggled faintly as she remembered the exact treat I meant. “The Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness,” she corrected the name.

“Right. Yeah, that one. Do you have any idea how much that thing cost?”

Twilight furrowed her brow, but came up empty-hooved after a few moments. “No. I don’t think she ever told us. Why?”

The MMMM had been a massive cake. Three layers, or four? And despite not being a product that included apples — as much as I could tell —, Applejack had been quite smitten with its taste. Everypony had been. And it had taken several ponies, plus a griffon, plus a mule, to take it down. My grin widened a little as a plan slowly formed in my head. “I think I might order one for Applejack.”

No good deed goes unpunished.

Day 262: Stroll Down Memory Lane

It started with a kiss, long and longingly. An expression of desire and trust from one side, and love and devotion from the other.

Whenever somepony asked me if I liked adventures, I told them with a wry smile that I am more of an armchair adventurer. This kind of situation admittedly did not come up all that often, for which I was grateful. Because while Twilight carried that name with pride, I could never help but feel like it was marred with something less desirable, something dirty and uncouth. At least in the perception of others. And maybe Twilight carried it so gracefully because she was an actual adventurer as well?

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I could not let my nerves get frazzled. Not now.

What I did like to do: Exploring. But there is a distinct difference between an adventurer and an explorer, at least in my mind. An adventurer is your run-of-the-mill Daring Do. Or your awesome Rainbow Dash. They constantly poke their muzzles into corners of Equus where it most certainly does not belong and most likely is not welcome. They were thrill-seekers. Out there to get their fill of adrenaline, to feel the blood rushing in their ears as the hairs of their coats stood on end in the face of danger and mystique.

An explorer, in my mind, was a lot more subdued. It was not the thrill he sought, the adrenaline, the challenge. No, an explorer could quite easily live without those. He sought, first and foremost, knowledge. Explorers were scholars in their own right. They aimed to understand. To learn. Sometimes, knowledge was its own goal. Sometimes, broadening the horizon of contemporary understanding was enough. While other times, that furthered understanding was in itself a means to an end.

I was an explorer. I deeply cherished taking the occasional stroll. To walk down well-trodden paths and keep my eyes and ears and all other senses peeled. Because exploring did not mean to be on the forefront, to stumble into uncharted territories all the time. There was a lot to explore in familiar areas as well. At any time of any day, something changed. And any day, placed within a year, had seasons affect this further. And any year was part of an age that had its own little storyline. Time, I occasionally realized in awe, was the ultimate storyteller.

On this wonderfully lazy winter evening, I wanted to take a walk. A scenic route I had trodden many times and a path I deeply cherished from the bottom of my heart. I loved, deeply and passionately, what my eyes fell upon. This landscape was so utterly familiar, so many of its features ingrained in my memory, that setting hoof in it felt like… home.

Yet I knew there was something to explore. There always was. And it would be an amusing surprise to see when and where something new would show up.

While I had taken this path numerous times before, I did like to be a little playful occasionally. There were many points of interest, little stops along the path to let me rest and recuperate, to let me linger and just enjoy. They aligned into a pattern, weaved to form my path as clear in my mind as it was before my hooves. Yet every now and then, it was simply delightful to skip ahead a little. Or to linger on one of these spots for a bit longer. To switch things up just a tiny bit.

My eyes threatened to glaze over as I scanned this vista. “Breathtaking,” I heard myself mutter. And it was. And it made me smile.

I knew that my first stop was a little out of the way, off the beaten track. I did consider skipping it entirely this time, but truth be told: I could not tell if the mere thought of skipping ahead was a sign of my own impatience or not, and I did not dare to risk it. For all the patience I had in certain areas, I sometimes lacked it in others. I would take my time. This was worth it. And really, I did not have anything better to do. Because quite frankly, this was the best.

So I steeled my resolve and started my journey. My hooves touched the ground as tenderly as I could manage. Almost as if I was afraid to make any sound whatsoever, despite there being no need to sneak around here. The ground felt warm. Or maybe my hooves were just cold. They sank into short, smooth grass. I reveled in this feeling, leaned down and brushed my cheek against it. Felt every hair tickle me, felt instincts so primal that they easily could have frightened me, were I to give them enough space in my mind to do so.

I knew full well that I could not linger here forever, obviously. My journey had just started and there was much to be seen and done. So eventually, I collected myself and moved on. On towards the highest point in the area. On my way over, I glanced up. And I witnessed such a beautiful display of color that it made my heart sing.

Such an awkward phrase. Singing hearts. It sounded like a medical condition. But there was no better way to describe the flutter. That feeling of joy and happiness that flooded my mind. A bright cerulean, turquoise and light cobalt and pale magenta. The beauty of a new dawn, filled with so much promise and potential. I could not help but giggle. Not chuckle or snicker, no. A full-blown giggle, worthy of a filly. Maybe I should have been embarrassed? But I did not care enough to be. This was a moment of such intimate privacy that I could not care.

My mind drifted off and my eyes slowly fell down from the beautiful heavens to something more tangible. Something to be explored. The highest peak rose above it all, intimidating with its sheer cliffs and narrow ridges. I had conquered it many times before and I would do it again. The daunting incline tried to keep me away, tried to challenge me. And honestly, I was no mountaineer. But all it took was dedication. And patience. I once more conquered the pinprick peak and enjoyed the vista below. The winds sighed around me as I took a moment to relax. I closed my eyes, my nostrils flared and I took in the crisp air of the peak. A faint trace of morning dew and sunflower. It made me smile again.

But as the saying goes, there was no time like the present. And for all the patience I had or could hold myself to, the night only had so many hours and those craved to be used.

My next stop was a flat-vaulted basin. It stuck out from the surrounding area and its rim formed what almost looked like an oval caldera. It was my favorite region in the early stretches of my walk. I tended to linger here for a while, and I saw no reason not to do so this time as well. I took my time. I went all around. I nipped at the ground and enjoyed the rich flavor.

Grazing was something I did little of. A proper meal would always feel more filling and while I did not insist on extravagant meals like the ones Spike continuously spoiled us with, I had a hard time denying that his exquisite cuisine had raised the standards for food considerably. But this was not about getting a meal. I was not pulling and tearing at the grass, oh no. I was carefully tending to it. I traced my tongue along the blades and enjoyed the flavor without any harm done.

“What a delightful little morsel,” I whispered.

In many regards, and despite the armor I could summon at any given moment, I saw myself as a storyteller and not a guard. I hesitated to call myself an artist, though. Because that craft took such tremendous time to learn and master, to perfect a style, to swing a brush around with purpose and use colors I barely knew the names of. But here, right now, I was arrogant. I was self-centered. I felt like I was at the top of the world, and I felt like I wielded the tip of my tongue with the same finesse as an experienced artist might wield his brush.

Honestly, it felt powerful. It felt mighty.

And yet, despite the barely restrained dominance I had over this landscape, I still remained aware enough to keep myself in check. I still held myself to the virtue of patience and persistence and imagination. I, too, was painting a picture now, with little nips and licks and a smile gracing my muzzle as I did.

The wind moaned in my ears as they swiveled around to catch the sound.

When I moved on, I did so without a heavy heart. Contrary to what I expected. Instead, I felt reinvigorated. I felt alive and thrumming with energy. With an urge to take action, to proceed, to do stuff. Was that how Rainbow felt all the time? This incessant need to do things? I tried to imagine it. Tried to put myself into a spot where this was my new ‘normal’, but I simply could not. Apparently my imagination had limits. How disappointing.

My thoughts refocused when I arrived at the crest. I stood up high, above the landscape. Like foothills it stretched into the distance below me, the gentle slope leading away to my next destination. Walking downhill was something I appreciated. Something I liked. Though I could not tell why, exactly. It just kind of felt… nice.

While my hooves carried me forth gently, I showed my continued appreciation by tending to the ground and grass alike. The occasional gust of wind was heard, deep, long sighs in the middle of an open nowhere. It felt peaceful here. Calm. Even when I passed a little blight. A sore spot for my explorer’s eye. Without proper study, it was almost impossible to tell. Without prior knowledge, it was hard to notice the ever so slightly indented stripe on the ground. The grass in this area was buckled in places, squashed flat against the surface. Great care had gone into remedying this situation, but there was only so much that could be done. A great and heavy weight was constantly wearing down on this part. It was gone now, sure. But it would return soon enough.

I left the traces of that burden behind in the meadow. I knew that it needed to be carried. I just wished, sometimes, that I would be strong enough to shoulder at least parts of it, so that it would mar this beautiful place less.

I was not about to let my mood get dragged through the mud, though. Not when this stroll had already provided me with so much joy, such marvelous sights, and still held so much more to experience. When I reached my next destination, I slumped down a little. I caressed the ground beneath me to show my gratitude. I brushed my cheek against the surface and sighed in content. I knew this spot well. On the map that only existed in my head, it was marked for how special it was. The anticipation was already building, I could feel it in the air, I could feel it in my bones. And when I cautiously, tenderly dug my hooves into the soil, I felt a great sense of satisfaction, of connectedness, all the while a subdued tremor rattled the ground ever so slightly.

I can make the earth itself quake with a mere touch.

The thought was amusing. I could not not grin. It again played into that power fantasy. That version of myself that was only restrained because he wished to be. That version of me that could change that exact fact with a mere thought. Slide off the shackles and be free and wild and unyielding.

I could feel the ground itself shift beneath my hooves with anticipation.

Patience, I warned myself as I felt my grin stretch wider, into something almost predatory.

I wandered along the trail and my eyes were drawn to the right. There I saw the downy expanse of flat plains stretch far and wide. I had ventured there so many times and never grew tired of it. It was another little detour on my path. I lingered for a while longer, watching, weighing my options, questioning my reasons. I wondered about my hesitation to visit these familiar grounds. Maybe it was my own impatience with today’s stroll? Or the knowledge that eventually, I would get to take this walk again and then could make up for my neglect threefold.

Now that was an idea.

I passed and carried on and bore a devious grin, I suspected. We’ll meet again. Soon.

My path started to lead me down another slope. And the further down I dared myself into that gorgeous valley, the more apparent my next point of interest became, for from the peaceful fields below rose twin mounds, barely worth to be titled hills. I had conquered the steep incline at the very start to stand victorious upon the peak and I was willing to crown myself king of these mere hills as well.

The closer I drew towards them, the more the landscape around me shifted and changed. The winds picked up in needy gusts while the ground seemed to radiate the warmth of a bright summer’s day. Everything here was soft and lively and welcoming. Everything apart from the small little boulders atop the hills.

It was a delight to set hoof and muzzle to work and notice the winds pick up in response. The elements themselves shifted and contorted, pushed against silken restraints and worked in tandem. The wind moaned, the ground trembled, the heat increased and my smile spread to a grin. The familiarity of it all was like a blanket, covering me with a mantle of security, which in turn only bolstered my confidence. A well-trodden path was one I could stroll down with something almost resembling smugness. But this was not about me. This was about appreciation. It was about exploration. About maybe finding the new within the old. About re-connecting, mingling, merging.

I took my merry time to reacquaint myself with the valley. With all its little nooks and crannies, with the soft lines drawn within it. More than once I looked up and smiled, warm and content, while I appreciated this opportunity. While I appreciated simply being here. Doing this.

Exploration, both of the new and the old, was fun. Simple as that. This was fun. Quite a lot, actually.

“Dream…”

My head snapped up and I looked around, almost startled. Maybe. Maybe? Maybe I had just imagined hearing that. The soft whisper, carried by the now almost continuous gusts of wind, light and floaty. Maybe a Breezie was hiding in the grass somewhere close by. The thought made me giggle a little.

Only after the last remnants of my surprise had faded did a warm blush spread in my cheeks and light up my muzzle. And my ears, most likely, judging by the heat I felt radiating off of them. That sound really had gotten to me. It seeped through my coat, through blood and flesh and right into my bones. And it only served to fill me with impatience. It only made me want to proceed faster. It made my less sophisticated urges rattle on their cage’s bars.

But I was powerful, and mighty, and unyielding. I had to scour my memory to retrieve that feeling, that impression from earlier. I had to drag it out of there with effort, just to stand a chance. But my restraint remained intact.

And only after I checked myself, only after I made sure I could be trusted, did I turn my attention towards the path again. At long last, the end of my stroll drew near. For at the lowest point of that valley lay a cave full of wonders, as it was rich in all I could crave as an explorer. Rich in scents, earthy and earthly. Rich in flavors no ordinary meal would ever provide. Rich in texture beyond what the everyday experience could offer. I tried to be prudent despite my own delight urging me forward.

Impatience, now, would simply not do.

I stepped carefully and started my exploration once more with patience and restraint. Yet the more I discovered familiar sights and sounds, the more my fervor took over. It was a necessary break then to exit, to break away from the devotion with which I had tried to dig deeper and deeper in.

Outside, a storm had been brewing. Winds howled and whined and the earth itself shook in recurring quakes.

While I circled the entrance in an excruciating effort to calm myself, I resigned to focus my attention elsewhere. A boulder of small size near the entrance was more than worthy of all my attention, for its size, its shape, its everything enthralled me just as much as how the landscape reacted to my presence. If I could make my world tremble, if I had the power to make the winds howl my name, then it was worth exploring just how much power I truly held, was it not?

So I decided to alternate. I dug into the deep dark dampness of the cavern with gusto whenever I felt I could, and I retreated to my new little base camp at the little hardened knot above it when I had to come up for breath or due to sore muscles.

The storm got stronger and stronger, the anticipation building higher and higher. I knew that the potion would keep me focused and ready until the early morning hours. This night was all about this gorgeous vista. All about her.

While I sucked with a smile at the little knob and lazily traced the tip of my tongue across it, I entertained the image of how she would eventually get up to raise the sun and how I would chuckle at her funny gait. Later still, she would put on her regalia and I would still have that silly giggle about the lingering blush on her muzzle and the clear signs of exhaustion, paired with a deep sense of satisfaction and the feeling of being spent.

The fantasy made me want to sigh, so I flared my nostrils and inhaled deeply that rich scent of summer’s heat, morning dew and sunflower, underlined with a tangy, heady note of pure desire. Maybe, I realized, inhaling this potent concoction so deeply right now had not been the smartest move, as I felt all the inhibitions break down, all the self-imposed limitations fall away, and all patience crumble to dust.

“Happy Hearth’s Warming, love!” I uttered, my glazed-over gaze fixed onto that most precious of openings.

And I dove in.

The howling winds reached its peak strength, the notes produced no longer audible to pony ears. My landscape, my vista, my entire world shook with tremendous effort, but the silken restraints held tight. I lapped up greedily what I was offered, my eyes closed as I was fully transfixed onto my sense of sound, as I cherished every second of what I heard and committed it to memory as best as I could. Wave after wave crashed into me until finally, the earth itself ran out of energy and slumped back into itself.

The feeling was indescribable. Joy. Satisfaction. Longing fulfilled. What had taken me quite a while was undone in mere moments as I retraced my steps and found myself back at the start. I lifted the blindfold onto her forehead. Once murky ponds of magenta, filled with particles of pure bliss, slowly cleared up with warmth and returning awareness. I pressed against her, not out of neediness or my own urges, but simply because I wanted to be close. As close as I could get.

She caught her breath after a while. Regained some modicum of composure. And quite frankly, that was all I had been waiting for as I lifted my head from her neck and gazed deep into her eyes. “Again?”

A blush spread across her muzzle, tinting alabaster coat in shades of red. A smile as beautiful as it was hungry answered me. “Again!”

I grinned and drew the blindfold over her pretty eyes once more. And I readied myself to take a walk across familiar plains and slopes, conquering well-rounded hills and delving into magnificent caves. I just loved exploring. Maybe this time, I would find something new. Or maybe not. I did not care much either way, I would enjoy the exploration anyway.

It started with a kiss, long and longingly. An expression of desire and trust from one side, and love and devotion from the other.

Day 2,927: Out Of Character

As I trotted down the hallway, slowly but surely closing in on Celestia’s study, I could feel just about any and every bone in my body and the exhaustion they seemed to be filled with. Who needs bone marrow anyway? Despite my fatigue, I smiled. No, I positively beamed. At every guard I came by. At the sun whenever I passed yet another window. At the castle staff, accompanied with a jolly greeting, as they went on their way. A little flutter in my heart and my stomach, and I felt light.

It was a good day.

By now, it was afternoon. Day Court had closed an hour ago or so, and I knew where to find her. Sitting on her desk, buried behind unyielding mountains of paperwork. As usual.

I did not mind leaving her to it. She very much preferred working in concentrated silence. And my intention was simple enough, accordingly. I would just pop my head in, see if everything was fine, if she was okay, and then I would continue on my merry way back to her chamber. I had a book in mind that I wanted to fetch from the Royal Archive for some light reading, a suggestion Moondancer had made a few weeks back.

The fact that it had been a few weeks was both a good thing, and a bad thing. Good, because it had not been a year ago, or two. I slowly caught up, sort of. Bad, because I still was not done doing so. I did not read as much as I wanted, or as fast as I wanted. And despite everyone constantly telling me that literature wanted to be enjoyed, and that reading faster was not preferable to said enjoyment, I still drowned in book suggestions and tried desperately to wade through those muddy waters.

A good book to spend a few hours on. I would not get it done, but that was okay. Tomorrow was another day, with another couple of hours to beat into submission. And the day after that, and so on, and so forth. Easy does it.

When I reached the study door, I still grinned. “Good day, gentlecolts!” I greeted the guards.

They were part of the day guard. So of course, both appeared as stallions with white coats and golden armor, holding their spears. One was supposedly a pegasus, one an earth pony. But the latter gave me that slightly crooked smirk in response to my greeting which told me that I knew this one. “Swift Turn, is that you?”

His smirk grew into a grin. “Well somepony’s having a good day! What’s the deal, found another vertebra to finally build yourself a spine?”

His little barb could do nothing to dampen my mood. And to be fair, he probably would not have used it had he thought it could. “Uhhh, I don’t know. Big words for you. You sure you can handle those? I see you’ve been promoted, good on you. You’re now allowed to stand uselessly in front of this door. So much better than the other door. Which one was that again?” As he chuckled, I shot a quick glance to the side and took note of the reaction of his companion. Or rather, the lack thereof. So the other guard was not his brother Cloud Rider. Honestly, I had never fully understood why Swift had switched to the day guard. And I did not know for sure if his brother had followed him as he usually did.

“Don’t worry, that’s Rough Hide, he’s alright,” Swift eased my concerns.

I nodded and finally took a step forward. The day guard had a certain image to uphold. But there were no guests in this hallway, a quick look around even told me of the absence of castle staff. And there was no need to uphold said image to other guards, as far as my opinion was concerned. So instead of standing stiff and at attention, I drew him into a friendly hug and he quickly reciprocated.

“It’s good to see you. It’s been ages,” Swift muttered.

I chuckled as I withdrew. “Well, if you would guard this door more often, we would run into one another all the time. So basically, it’s all your fault, really.”

He chuckled as well and shook his head. “Sure, sure, whatever you say. So… are we going to see you in the Last Round anytime soon? You know, the gang still tries to get together occasionally. Everypony’s busy, but we make due.”

I sighed. It was involuntarily the first dip in mood and it came from an unexpected source. Seeing Swift again was nice. He was a good friend. But at the same time, I had been absent from many social gatherings and little get-togethers. Most of them still remained here in Canterlot, while I, well, I did not. But despite the illusion of a rigid, expressionless face that his armor enforced, I thought I could still see a hopeful glint in his eyes. I sighed yet again and mustered a smile as I made a decision on the matter. “Tell you what. It sounds stupid, but… I know this way, it will actually work. Send me a letter. Two, maybe three days in advance. And next time you guys meet up, I’m going to be there.”

His playful smirk morphed into a genuine, warm smile. “Works for me. Earth Breaker occasionally asks about you and honestly, I don’t know what to tell him. And I’m sure Lightning Dust will be thrilled to meet up with you again.”

I groaned. It was a reflex, really. “We could still tell her we’re at the Last Round and then meet up at the Watchtower in secret, right?” I joked.

Swift chuckled once more and shook his head. “She’d hunt us down, you know that.”

I sighed, though I could feel that warm smile on my lips. For as much as she was an annoyance, a massive, massive pain in the rear, I somehow grew to like her a little. Just a little though.

“So anyway, what’cha here for?” Swift asked.

I shrugged and nodded towards the door. “Just a quick check-up, I think. See if she’s alright. Anything I need to know?”

Swift furrowed his brow for a moment and then shrugged as well. “Nothing, really. She had her afternoon slice a little early, maybe?”

He usually was not stationed here. So the knowledge of when exactly Celestia usually ordered her slice of cake had to have come from Rough Hide. Who I did not know. But from his lack of participation in the entire conversation, his rigid posture and his stern expression, I could tell that he was somepony who took most things, duty above all, way too seriously. And to be fair, Sunny rarely deviated from established routines without reason. Many of her days were like clockwork.

It was a minor detail, but still something to keep in mind.

“Well, thanks,” I replied and turned my attention towards the door. I opened it as slowly as possible to avoid any creaks and groans. The doors in the castle were meticulously cared for, but that did not mean they were incapable of producing treacherous sounds.

I peeked inside and saw basically what I had expected to find. Sunny was—

No.

She wore her crown, her peytral. The horseshoes had come off, as a compromise. But everything else was still in place. She was Princess Celestia. And she was busy. Intently focused on the document in front of her, while three separate piles of other paperwork patiently waited for their turn.

I slipped inside and closed the door. And the hair on my coat bristled a little as I felt several protective charms snap back into place. I took a moment to observe my love. She did not just seem focused. I knew her focused-face. She tried to force herself to concentrate. So something was giving her difficulties.

Her eyes scanned the paper. And I came to realize: I stood here for maybe half a minute, just watching her, and her eyes still scanned the page. The one, singular page. I knew her reading speed. Sunny did not read quite as fast as Twilight, who usually breezed through pages at roughly five times the speed I could muster. And that was already assuming that it was not some highly scientific text with complicated lingo.

It was hard to tell, but I got the impression that she was reading the same page over and over and over again. So whatever ailed her was not just giving her some difficulties, it was an actual roadblock. It made her struggle.

Huh. That rarely happens.

“Suuunnyyy~,” I sang quietly.

I smiled as I saw her ears swivel. High and alert and turned towards me. But her eyes remained glued to the page and her brow furrowed slightly.

I took a few tentative steps forward. The balcony door was open and a cool breeze swept around my hooves. Now that I was not constantly passing by windows that allowed the afternoon sun to bake my coat, it actually made me shiver a little. “Sunny,” I whispered again. It was a strange reaction that I got this time. Her ears splayed flat against her head. Had I annoyed her? But how? Her brow furrowed further, and so did mine now. Something was not quite right.

I took another step forward. It was hard to see anything of her, really. The desk she used for her study was a thing of massive proportions. And despite easily towering to twice my height, even Princess Celestia sometimes seemed to get lost behind it as this tiny little filly overwhelmed by expectations. And the three mountains responsible for said expectations knew not of mercy.

“Celestia?” I asked as worry slowly crept into me. And into my voice, apparently.

Her eyes snapped up, following the quick motion of her head. She looked startled. And that, too, was concerning. Her mask did not slip easily. The princess was regal and patient and never betrayed any sign of nervousness or anger or sadness or any other negative emotion, no matter how high the tide might have risen internally. And she looked startled.

I decided not to point it out, since I did not know yet what I was dealing with here. So instead, I smirked a little. “That busy, huh?”

Her muzzle scrunched up. “How many times did I ignore you?”

I chuckled and shook my head. “Twice. But don’t worry, it’s fine.” I craned my neck a little to get a peek at what she was dealing with. It looked like a letter. Maybe from some noble, or from some foreign dignitary or what have you. I saw nothing obvious that gave any indication as to what gave her so much trouble. So further prodding was required. “Are the nobles giving you a hard time again?”

She followed my glance down to the letter and sighed. “No. It is the monthly report from our emissary in Griffonstone. Nothing that should give me a hard time.” She traced the tip of her tongue over her lips to wet them a little. I considered offering to bring her a glass of water, but I noticed that she had one. Right in front of her.

“You were with Luna?”

Oof. Alright. Loads to unpack there. I furrowed my brow again. We were entering a familiar dance, it seemed. I knew something bothered her. And she had caught on to the fact that I knew. She tried to distract me. But the fact that she immediately resorted to the big hitters was just another droplet in the ‘I should be worried’-barrel that was slowly filling up. However, I found no trace of accusation in her voice either.

I walked a few steps to the side of the table in an effort to get around it while I answered. “Well. What to make of that question? Are you worried, or maybe even disgruntled, that I would sneak out, even though it’s currently our time and I’ll have my time with her in a few days?”

For the first time since I had entered her study, my Sunny came out to play. A warm, genuine smile graced her lips as she softly shook her head, her ethereal mane billowing behind her a little. “No. Never. I am simply… worried for her. I wish to know about her well-being.”

“Didn’t you see her at breakfast?” I asked in reply.

She nodded. “I did. But that was this morning, and you saw her more recently.”

That’s a distraction, alright. But at the same time, I could tell that she really did care, and that she really did worry a little. She probably had noticed Luna being unusually quiet at breakfast or something. So I sat down on the floor for a moment and sighed as the memories swept past me. “Weeell,” I started with an unnecessary pause. “She’s… okay. Could be better, could be worse, honestly. I don’t know if she told you, but apparently she remembered her first real argument with Twilight yesterday and that kind of… broke her? When I came by to spend some time with Stardust, she was still barely holding herself together. And I might have pushed her a little so she became undone again. She cried about it, and then she got a little angry at me for betraying her like that, and she’s still scary when angry, and then she immediately switched gears again and wailed. It’s… it was…” I sighed deeply and rubbed my neck. ‘Exhausting’ was the word I hesitated to use. Because frankly, in my head that sounded like an insult and I would not willfully insult Luna. Ever. “It was a thing,” I finally settled. “The waterworks ran dry after about an hour or so. Stardust was a little confused, let’s say. In the midst of it, I had two ponies bawling their eyes out. But it’s fine. I managed. Honestly, I thought that with his birth, her mood swings would get better. But apparently that’ll still take some time. I also kept her from writing another apology to Twilight. Apparently she had done so yesterday. Around twenty. Per hour. For half a day. According to the one answer she got, Spike is a little cross with her. And Twilight is probably on her way here, I would assume.”

Whatever ailed Sunny, hearing about Luna’s distress did help to distract her from it. I had a hard time telling myself that this was good. “And Luna?”

My smile shifted a little and became lopsided. "She’s fine. After she exhausted herself, we curled up on her bed for a while and she finally fell asleep. Her last Night Court had apparently been a little bit weird due to the whole apology-saga, but I think sleeping it off will help and she should be fine to open Court tonight. With any luck, Twilight will arrive before she wakes up.”

Sunny nodded, satisfied with my answer. And then the lull followed. The silence that slowly permeated the entire room. It was the loudest silence I had witnessed in quite a while. Her gaze occasionally drifted over to me, only for her to force it back down onto the table and that dreaded letter. Report. Thingy.

I took another three steps and could finally see her in full. I did notice how she seemed hesitant for a moment, almost as if she wanted me to ask to stay where I was. But she did not.

Once I could see her in full, a new and completely different smile bloomed on my muzzle. Eight months in and she was huge. “Gosh, you’re beautiful,” I mumbled as I shamelessly stared at her massively inflated belly.

She sighed quietly. “You do not have to do that.”

I knew that tone by now. Luna was a mare of passion and her mood swings had been accordingly extreme. Sunny however was more in control. Mellow and subdued, almost. I took a couple steps to close the distance and cautiously laid a hoof on her belly. “I mean it. Every word. Every time I say it. And I’m not going to grow tired of saying it anytime soon.”

She still avoided looking at me. “Lying is not nice, Applejack should have taught you that.”

My smile only widened. I took another step, turned my head and leaned in. I brushed my cheek against her belly. It was warm. Hot, even. It had been considerably softer in the past, but now it stretched to hold the precious gift inside. “She did,” I finally replied as I turned my gaze upwards. “And I like to think that I follow her lessons to the best of my ability. Love, you are gorgeous.”

“I look like a balloon,” she replied barely above a whisper.

“You are pretty,” I continued my assault.

“You will run out eventually,” she dared.

“You are irresistible,” I remained steadfast.

“Please. I just don’t—“

“You are desirable.” She was right, of course. I would run out of things to say eventually. At which point I had no qualms to repeat myself. That was how it usually went. I removed myself from her. Just a little bit. And I sparked my horn to life and captured her cheek with a weak tendril of magic. I guided her muzzle to mine and kissed her. Soft, hesitant lips against mine. A little quiver as she sighed unsteadily.

What ails you, love? Tell me, so I can try to make it go away.

When I opened my eyes again, I noticed how she did the same. And I noticed those tiny embers in them. Embers were an indicator of hidden heat. Our kiss had been innocent, an expression of love, above all else. The wind outside had slowed down in the past few minutes. And I finally noticed a familiar scent. My eyes trailed down and I realized why she had almost asked me not to come closer. She sat on her chair, sure, but between its upholstery and her delicious rump was a towel, folded in the middle.

I swallowed. My throat felt strangely dry all of a sudden. And I found myself licking across my lips as well. A single strike, and some embers began to glow in my own heart as my gaze inevitably sought hers again.

I’m done with those games, I decided. “Tell me, love. What bothers you.”

“Nothing,” she insisted. “I just have a hard time focusing.”

Don’t lie. “Shall we return, then? To me telling you how much I desire you?” And for a fraction of a second, a sound made itself known. Stuck halfway down her throat, because she would not allow it any further. Strangled to death within the blink of an eye. But it had been there. And it had sounded like a whimper, almost.

Mood swings were sometimes hard to deal with because of their unpredictable nature. But her libido had behaved rather erratic in those past few weeks as well. It was hard not to take it personally when the sight of my excitement almost made her hurl. But then there were these… other times. And with a smile that grew more confident by the second, I once more raised my head as high as I could and guided her down. She could have resisted, yet she did not. That already told me another thing or two.

I did not hesitate much. My tongue traced along her lips and was granted entrance within the moment. I cupped her cheek with one hoof, but quickly guided it along her jaw and to her neck to further draw her in. A few decent hits, to spark embers into flickering red. A familiar dance ensued. Exciting despite how well-known it was.

And when we broke apart again, I could see a small little campfire lit up in her eyes.

“Please… you are not helping!” she insisted.

“Au contraire, ma cherie,” I replied with an admittedly terrible Prench accent. “I think I know now what keeps you distracted, and I think I am helping. Right now. If, however, you are sure that I am mistaken, just say the word and I shall stop.” I craned my neck just that little bit to reach her ear. Her very, very sensitive ears. I sent a hot breath against them as I asked: “Are you sure?”

Another half-strangled whimper. Another barely suppressed shiver. I saw her tail swish ever so slightly.

“I-I am…” she replied, but quickly cut herself off. Too late.

Not only did she sound everything but confident in that answer, she sounded desperate beneath a paper-thin veneer of a sense of duty. And that stutter was more telling than anything else, really. Princess Celestia did not stutter. Heck, not even Sunny did that. “Tu, tu, tu. We can’t have The Princess stammering like that, now can we, love?” I teased her a little bit. Just a little bit. But already, I could see how little patience she had for that. Her gaze was drawn back to the mountain of paperwork. It was a reasonable defense. I had to admit that. These things, for as much as I despised their existence, were important. Taxes and reports and letters and law proposals and whatnot. She was basically running an entire nation from this very chamber, this very desk and this very chair, via daily battles with these very mountains. And they grew. They always grew. All she could do to keep her little ponies happy was to work tirelessly. To chafe down as much as she could, to at least keep their growth stagnant. And every day when she managed to reduce them by more than they grew that day was a win for ponykind.

I sighed internally and gave her an out. “If you really think I should leave you to it, I will,” I offered in a more serious tone.

The moment I did, something snapped. Something changed and that desperation seemed to veer into panic. It was such a weird and alarming sight. Sunny did not panic. Ever. But with a blink of golden light, her peytral was discarded, her crown nowhere to be seen. It was a statement.

One that made me smile again.

I was about to ask her when she quickly cut in. “I could not focus on Day Court. I am pretty sure I called someone something rude at some point. I need to work, but I simply cannot. I crave your—… I… I need you.”

I looked at her and felt my right eyebrow crawl higher. “So… you want me to… make it quick? So you can return to work? Seriously?” Even though her expression was pained, she still nodded almost eagerly.

For the higher good. The thought almost made me laugh. Instead I snorted once, shook my head and regarded her once more. She was beautiful. I had meant every word I said, every time I said them. Thinking about her always made me smile. And in those last months, seeing her grow had been an interesting experience. The further her belly had swollen, the more I found myself wanting her. And that revelation still felt weird. But I did not deny it. She was, right now, the most beautiful she had ever been.

I chuckled quietly as I made my decision. “Stand up.” It was not a question, not a suggestion. It was an order. And she complied with a shaky breath. The chair was surrounded in a golden aura and levitated off the ground, to be placed a little to the side. And she stood at her desk, unsure what to do, unsure how to proceed. We would usually retreat to her chambers at this point, with good reason, too. They were soundproof, first and foremost. Instead, she closed the balcony door.

I found my gaze drifting to the chair again. And I really could not help it. Especially after seeing her so strangely insecure, wound up tight like a spring coil. I noticed how she watched me. Observed as I took a few steps away from her, and towards the chair. A casual first glance already told me a little story of dismay. There was a damp patch on the towel. Not soaking wet, mind you, but quite damp.

And out of a silly little thought, I sparked my horn, grabbed the towel and slowly, right under her gaze, lifted it to my muzzle. I closed my eyes, my nostrils flared and I took a deep breath. “Oh wow,” I mumbled quietly as the strength of it hit me in the head. Within seconds, it clouded my rational thought. Blanketed it with a layer of desire, of lust. “That’s just…” I took another whiff. “Intoxicating.” My ears swiveled around and focused on her direction. I could hear her stifle that gasp. I could feel her gaze burn my coat like the warm afternoon sun had done earlier.

I opened my eyes again, shot her a love-drunk, half-lidded stare and with a wide smile, parted my lips and extended my tongue. Slowly, its tip crawled towards the patch. Sunny’s gaze was fixated on that. She chewed her bottom lip. Her ears stood ramrod straight. Her tail swished and spread her wonderful scent further. It also allowed me to catch the occasional glimpse of her glistening folds.

Before my tongue made contact, I stopped. And lowered the towel, retrieved my tongue, shut my mouth. “You know,” I mused while I put the towel back down, “why take this when I can go straight for the source.”

Did sniffing a towel like a pervert and almost licking it count as foreplay? If so: Another interesting thing learned. If not, well. Then apparently, we did not have any this time. I turned around, walked over to her and grabbed her flanks. The moment my hooves made contact, she released a shuddering breath and her eyelids fluttered. She was so sensitive already.

And that endearing little campfire in her eyes? Right now, it was an inferno. Insatiable as it devoured entire veldts. Her gaze only spurred me on. Seeing what my presence, my touch, was capable of. Seeing what I could do to her. How I could affect her.

“Show me,” I ordered next.

Sunny flagged her tail, its ethereal beauty swept to the side to allow me free reign over her most private bits.

“You are gorgeous,” I repeated. And as if on cue, her clit winked at me. The timing made me chuckle a little. “Well hi there, little buddy. Haven’t seen you in a while. So glad to finally meet again.”

“Do you wa~aahhh!”

The moment she spoke up, I knew her patience — whatever little of that had remained intact — had run out. And I did not want to keep her in suspense any further. So I extended my tongue again and gave her entire slit a good, slow lick, right from the bottom to the top. I saw that jolt of electricity run down her legs and freeze them in place so her knees could not buckle.

And I hummed in satisfaction. Her scent, the warmth her rear radiated, her surprised exclamation and the deep, satisfied moan that followed immediately after, everything served to draw me in further. And her taste, by this point, was… how would she put it? Ah yes.

Simply divine.

I grabbed her flanks more firmly and started to massage them a little while I dove right back in. I could not help myself but tease her a little bit, at least, by tracing my path around her folds, avoiding her winking clit, but soon enough my own patience ran dry and I simply pushed my muzzle in between.

It was a delight, as always, to hear her.

I knew that everypony reacted differently to certain stimuli. For some, it was important to see the action happening. They installed mirrors and wanted to look into the eyes of their partner as much as they could. Others valued touch a lot more and could climax simply by getting a massage.

I valued hearing her the most. Her scent was intoxicating, her taste was so pleasing that I did not want to hold back anymore, but what got me going the most was hearing her moan and gasp, hearing her breath quicken and hitch and sometimes become a little erratic. After all these years, that had never gotten old. And for better or worse — considering where we were doing this —, she had learned not to hold back. For my sake. And I relished that.

I took her little nub in my mouth and gave it a good suck right after retreating from her folds for some much-needed air. She cried out with an almost shrill voice. The tip of my tongue traced little circles around it, occasionally brushed with varying degrees of pressure and intensity over it, with no rhyme or reason or pattern to it, and she loved every second. She had placed her forelegs on the desk and had been smart enough to carefully set the paperwork on a different side table. Because reorganizing that after she might accidentally brush it off the desk was awfully unnecessary.

My gaze drifted a little up and I grinned. While my mouth was still very busy with paying proper attention to her clit and my hooves still drew circles on her flanks and occasionally pressed down on her cutie mark, I had another tool in my repertoire that was currently unused.

A single, lean tendril of magic snaked its way from my horn along her side and then back down her spine. It made her shudder even more and once it reached her tail, I reformed it to massage her sphincter. Another gasp and I grinned. I managed to elicit a raspy, rough moan as I pressed my magic into her. Easy does it, always be careful.

Two hooves, magic, lips and tongue. Maybe I was a little strange in the head, but that was a lot to keep track of. But I managed. And I desperately wanted to, because it was for her. Now I just had to avoid falling into predictable routines.

The fact that I was this busy helped on another front, at least. I felt an almost painful stiffness beneath my own barrel, as blood throbbed and rushed and demanded care and attention that was thoroughly denied. This… was about her.

I grinned and switched it up a little. By grabbing her flanks again and pulling her into me just an inch or so, by greedily diving in between her folds again to extend my tongue as far into her as I could, and by simultaneously pressing a little bit more magic against and into her as well. I thickened the tendril ever so slightly while my tongue swirled against her contracting walls. They tried so desperately to squeeze down on me. To hold me in, to draw me in further.

I could tell she was getting close. The contractions became more frequent and less predictable, her breathing hitched more often, her moans reached the volume my mind already subconsciously associated with it and her legs, albeit held in place firmly, quaked and quivered as if under constant shock.

I once more shifted my attention to her clit and retreated with my magic. Instead, I grabbed her tail right at the dock. She gasped once more and tried — maybe? — to call my name. Maybe she had wanted to warn me. Maybe she had simply wanted to inform me. Either way, she did not get far. A broad, strong stroke right over my little ally, accompanied by my magic pulling at her tail with almost-painful force.

That she got a kick out of me pulling her tail right when she climaxed was something the pregnancy had taught us. I hoped that would stay consistent afterwards. It was honestly a lot of fun to do.

She screamed out in a guttural, primal manner, something incomprehensible that filled me with more pride and joy than my little heart could hold, so it spilled over into the rest of my body and gave me a little bit of extra strength to keep at it, to lap up what her body provided with gushing gusto and in quantity, and to prolong each wave running up and down her body to the best of my ability. It allowed me to ignore the slowly increasing soreness in my hooves and jaw and the burning in my lungs as she subconsciously pressed her rump backwards against me, as her magic grabbed me and shoved me further in.

This is heaven.

When my muzzle came away from her rear, it was positively drenched. Everything I could smell was her, everything I could taste was her, every movement of air was incredibly cold and stung a little and the urge to keep at it, to dive right back was overwhelming. Despite it, I stood still. And I could not have been happier. I grinned like a madpony and marveled at my work. “You. Are. Beautiful.”

Her ragged breaths betrayed a faint laugh. She looked over her shoulder, her face reddened from exertion, a happy, deeply satisfied smile gracing her lips. She clearly considered disagreeing, but ultimately gave up on that. She was too spent to argue. “I… feel like I should lie down for a moment,” she let me know with a wry smile.

I smirked and nodded. “Can you walk?” She shook her head. I made my way over to the couch. It had not been a feature in her study for the longest time, but with her pregnancy coming along and with us learning a thing or two from Luna’s, it had seemed like a smart addition. “I’m ready,” I told her. She lit her horn and teleported the short distance over. And as soon as she reappeared, I carefully grabbed her by her shoulders to keep her steady. It took a little bit of maneuvering to lay her down into a comfortable position. “Everything okay?”

She smiled at me. “I’m fine. Thank you.” She pulled me down and kissed me. It was back to normal. A loving, tender kiss. Even though I could still see the same ember in her eyes as before.

I thought about maybe getting a pillow or two, just to bolster her comfort a little. And apparently, I had spaced out doing that. Because I gave a startled little gasp when I felt her nose brush against my sheath. “Ah! No, no, no, no, no,” I hastily mumbled and took a step back. I had been rock-hard and wanting the entire time I cared for her, and that had been fine. Perfectly fine, really. It was about her. And for as much as I could appreciate the gesture… “I’m not going to run around with… that…”

“You won’t have to,” she purred in a voice that went straight to my head. And my loins, probably. “This is actually quite comfortable. And the position is… ideal.” As to prove her point, she stretched out a little, lying on her side. She looked marvelous.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It really was not fair. Why did everypony I loved knew exactly how to push my every button?

Part of the deal, buddy.

Oh. Right.

“What about the paperwork?” It was a mood killer of a question. I knew that. But again: It had to be asked. I had done my best to help her. Not only with her desire, but with her work. These opportunities were so rare, so few and far between. That I could actually help her with her job for once. No matter in what way. I knew what it meant to her. And she would probably lament this lapse in judgment tomorrow, when the mountains would have grown a bit again.

“Screw the paperwork,” I heard her mumble.

Sunny never mumbled. I chuckled and shook my head. This pregnancy really was weird. Wonderful, truly incredible. But also downright weird at times. And I knew perfectly well that right now, it was simply her afterglow talking.

How I wished I could just relent. The position really seemed perfect. I could walk right up to the edge of the couch, place my forehooves against the couch’s backrest and she would have free access. And she had already told me that it was comfortable for her. That was a huge bonus these days, as many positions were not anymore.

Certainly something to keep in mind, but still — somepony had to keep their head straight. So I leaned down and kissed her and ignored the revelation that those embers, without my contribution at all, had already grown into campfires again. And I broke the kiss before she could escalate it. Because I knew that right now, she would. Without second thought.

“How about this, then: I keep you company until your legs play nice again. You get back there and show those letters who’s boss. And once you’re done, we’ll meet up in your room, hm? I can prepare a little and order dinner and we’ll have the entire evening to ourselves.” It was an offer. A compromise, sort of. And I hoped she was reasonable enough to accept it.

Her immediate response was a pout, of course. And it was adorable. It made me lean down and kiss her again. Then her eyes trailed across the room to the side table her work currently rested upon and a shallow sigh escaped her lips. “Fine.” I nodded, but before I could say anything more, she added: “The entire night… is what you meant. Right?”

There was a daring, mischievous spark in her eyes. I gulped and grinned at the same time and nodded maybe a little bit too eagerly. “Right, of course.”

You’re going to be sore tomorrow, a voice in the back of my head mocked, Sore and sleep-deprived.

The next few minutes trickles by surprisingly fast. We talked a little about our dinner plans and I had a good half a dozen opportunities to laugh and chuckle due to all the sudden innuendo she effortlessly managed to weave into her proposals and suggestions. How she did that baffled me. That she did it at all surprised me. Eventually, though, her body had recuperated enough. It took her a moment to stand up and I helped along as best as I could. She discarded the towel as she placed her chair back where it belonged, but I did notice that she simply levitated a new one from one of the cabinets. Which seemed to be filled with towels now.

I was pretty sure it had offered a small selection of wine bottles previously.

“See you later,” I whispered as I kissed her goodbye. “Can’t wait for it.”

She let me go. I was already at the door when suddenly, a decent force hit my flank and made me yelp. Mostly in surprise. I stared back at her with wide eyes. “Did you just…?”

She sported such a devious grin. “Two hours. Clock is ticking.”

I collected my jaw from the floor and felt it again. That flutter in my chest that ranged somewhere between panicked excitement and excited panic. “R-Right.” Maybe that flutter was not just in my chest, as I tried my best to ignore that tingling sensation downstairs.

I left.

The moment the door closed behind me, I sat down, leaned against it with my back and let out a deep sigh. Only after that did I remember two guards positioned to either side. I turned my head to the right. Rough Hide’s muzzle, despite his utterly stoic expression, was as red as a tomato. With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I turned my head to the left. Swift was not any better off, but he silently snickered. Probably had been since I had opened the door.

“Don’t,” I warned him.

“Just a quick peek, eh?” he ignored my warning.

“Not. A. Word,” I tried again.

“Say, Dreamwalker, how did that turn out for ya?” He was on the verge of laughing. Of falling over and guffawing while rolling around on the floor, holding his belly. In full armor. While on shift.

I felt myself blush in sheer embarrassment. “She’s fine,” I declared taciturn.

He hesitated. Probably for my sake. I could see his inner conflict, how his grin threatened to split his head in half. Ultimately, I lost. “I bet,” he replied and the wall broke down. His laughter echoed up and down the hallway.

Fair enough, I admitted. I chuckled, I chuckled a little louder, and a few seconds later I could not help but laugh along. “You’re such an asshole!” I accused him while I still could not regain control of myself.

Eventually, after maybe a minute or two, we calmed down enough to wipe the tears away with a hoof and regain some semblance of composure. “You’re not going to make a fuss about this, are you?”

Swift snorted and shook his head. “Nah, what do you take me for? I’m just glad the princess is doing fine. Gotta admit though, I have no idea what she sees in you.”

I briefly laughed. “Well, that makes two of us.” My gaze drifted over to Rough Hide. I was worried, honestly. Maybe not teleporting to her chamber had been a lapse of judgment on my part. There were still enough nobles and castle staff and other ponies who did not quite approve of… well, a lot of what we did and were involved in. And I usually saw no need to stoke the flames.

“Don’t worry,” Swift read my mind, “he’s harmless. Told you before. He won’t go ruin the party. Right Rough?” He grunted in response. Might have been a ‘yes’. Or a ‘mhm’. Or anything else, really. I simply took Swift's word for it, as I saw few other options. “So, what’s the plan for the rest of the day?”

“Oh, you mean you didn’t hear?” I shot my snide remark.

Swift grinned in response. “Nope. You know, those doors are some thick and heavy doors, with some really sturdy walls to them. Takes a lot to hear anything out here, really. Still not as good as a soundproofing charm though.”

Don’t shoot if you can’t deal with the backlash, I reminded myself as I blushed furiously. “I… right. A-Anyway. I’m going to…” That was actually a good question. I had told Sunny I would ‘prepare’. But… prepare what, exactly? The bed was made. I highly doubted that we would get into the bath. Seeing how needy she had been, I doubted that there would be much foreplay later either. And now I did feel pent-up.

Two hours, her voice sultrily reminded me, Clock is ticking.

I swallowed. And blushed some more. “I’m going to get dinner ready and then… I… I don’t know. Trying not to go up the walls sounds fun?”

He chuckled. “Well… good luck with that.”

When the door to her bedchamber opened, I sprung to my hooves and out of the bed. I tried to be mindful and measured and all that, but in the end, I simply ran towards her. And with her long stride, she met me in the middle. I was about to say something when she immediately leaned down and captured me in a fiery kiss. Her wing swooped around and pressed me against her warm body. A shiver ran through and I could not tell if it was hers or mine. I briefly glanced up.

The inferno was back.

This is going to be a long night.

I would love every second of it. Of her. With her.

Brain, shut it. Lean back and enjoy, let her have this. We can get back to work later, when it’s our turn again.

“I’ve missed you,” I managed to squeak out between passionate, urgent kisses while she bodily pushed me back towards the bed. It was the only coherent sentence that would be spoken for a few hours…

Day 716: Party Planning Emergency

Out of all of my friends, both close and otherwise, Pinkie could be the scariest.

Fluttershy shot me a serene smile. The kind that both bolstered my confidence for a moment and told me that so far, I had done everything right. “You might want to run now.”

I chuckled nervously.

“Dreamwalker! I know you’re hiding in the market!” Pinkie's voice resounded with such force across the packed place that I inevitably imagined her being up in the air just by sheer force of volume.

“I should,” I agreed with Fluttershy and quickly hugged her. Some of the passerby’s gazes were drawn to me. They knew Pinkie. They knew me. Some smiled with amused pity in their eyes, others just grinned like I had it coming. None bore any true maliciousness. Their grins only widened when I ducked low to get cover from being spotted. All the ponies filling up the market would serve well to keep me hidden a while longer as I dodged and weaved my way across, past the vendor’s booths and their customers.

“Good luck,” somepony whispered as I passed by, “you’re gonna need it.”

I did not dare to stop and look around. I simply muttered a “Gee, thanks,” chuckled and moved on. I knew she was in here with me. Somewhere. I could almost feel her gaze burning a hole in my neck. One of the reasons why, every so often, I looked around. I did not stop, but I slowed down and looked around. I did not spot her telltale pink coat anywhere, not even as a blur zipping by.

I exited the market at the other end from where I had heard Pinkie. A few ponies still grinned at me, but most went about their day as usual. This was not out of the ordinary, after all. And they all knew the same thing I did: If Rainbow Dash, probably the fastest flier in all of Equestria, could not outfly a dirt-bound but determined Pinkie Pie — what chances did I have?

None, was the answer. They knew. I knew. I snuck away anyway.

I had seen Applejack angry. Really, truly angry. And it was intimidating. Despite my knowledge of anatomy and the resilience of tendon, bone and sinew, a tiny voice in my head still whispered that she was probably capable of bucking heads clean off. She could send rooted trees flying if she wanted, I knew that much. Rainbow was different in that regard. She lacked Applejack's overwhelming strength, but she made up for it in endurance and speed. Twilight, if tickled right, could literally burst into flames. In all my time here, I had never seen it. But I had heard the tales and found them a little funny, to be honest. One of the most powerful beings in Equestria and all true anger really did to her was… set her aflame. While my imagination struggled to suggest something else, something more intimidating, I still had not expected that.

I even saw Fluttershy angry at one point. She was the type that got really, really quiet. To the point where even her surroundings seemed to fall silent out of fear of repercussions. The wind stopped whistling, the bunnies stopped hopping, the birds stopped tweeting. She stood there, stock-still. Not a single tremor betrayed her internal battle for self-control. Fluttershy was the living embodiment of a soft shell with a hidden, steel-hard core.

But Pinkie? I had never in my lives seen Pinkie truly angry. She sometimes played along with anger when they were fighting. She snarled and growled. Right before giggling, because it sounded funny to her. She mimicked anger. She got frustrated. Or disappointed. Or ran out of patience. But in the end, I liked to believe that true anger was a completely foreign concept to Pinkie's mind. Most things she did for a reason. And that reason usually had something to do with fun. Hers. Others. To cause it. To save it. Even now, as she was yelling my name and probably tracking me down like a bloodhound, she put on a show. It was for the enjoyment of those watching, for her own excitement, and maybe even for mine.

But there was something about her that tickled the mind in all the wrong ways. The way her legs sometimes moved like actual coiled springs. The way she craned her neck and twisted it around in a manner that looked decidedly unhealthy. The way her smile stretched just that little bit too much for comfort when she was faking it. The way she clung to a ceiling. Somehow.

She tried to explain the latter away with suction cups, sure, but I had a feeling that those would not work in the same way for me. Or anypony else, for that matter.

We Ponyvillians had learned to save our own sanity with a simple statement. It almost felt like a superstitious tradition at this point. Something ponies muttered to keep ghosts and spirits at bay.

That’s just Pinkie Pie.

And if we wanted to help an outsider stay sane, we simply told them not to question Pinkie.

And that worked. Even for me.

When Pinkie yelled my name that first time, I ducked in sheer reflex. I had done nothing wrong! Nothing I knew of, anyway. And then I spotted Fluttershy making her way through the masses. Carefully, as to not touch anypony despite the market being packed with ponies. And she never lacked the grace to achieve that. I really wanted to ask for an explanation. Why Pinkie was after me. But there had been no time to even utter the question before she told me to run.

The day had started so peacefully, too. A sunny sky with only small tufts of white dotted around, it was decently warm without being hot, a cool breeze occasionally whisked away any unwelcome excess warmth, it was simply comfortable. And I really needed to get out again. Training had been tough this week and I needed to fight the urge to just lock myself in the castle, grab my Twilight of choice, lock ourselves further in — the library, maybe? To placate Twilight? — and just stay there without seeing so much as a sliver of actual daylight before training would call me back to Canterlot.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Especially given that the weather schedule in the newspaper said something about a planned rain storm tonight. I had spotted a couple of pegasi when I left the castle, but the cloud cover had grown considerably by now. For all my love of rain, I did not wish to walk in it today. Especially not with my saddlebags currently full with groceries. It had been one of Spike's tasks for the day, but it served well to give me an opportunity to leave the castle. That little nudge that I sometimes required to set hoof outside.

I was on my way back. The market and its bustle and noise had long since faded into the background. Houses erected to my left and right, the dirt path beneath me. And lots of bushes, which I eyed suspiciously. I knew Pinkie was a master of disguise. And I vaguely remembered her having a bush-disguise, too.

But she did not jump at me from any of them. I kept my distance and trotted at a quickened pace. Back to the palace, to safety. I could already see the promised land, those massive golden entrance doors.

I was about thirty feet away when Pinkie appeared. Because of course she did.

The way she did it baffled and confounded my mind. She pulled herself out of the scenery, but there was no opening, no rift, no portal. And she did it upside down, of course. Several feet off the ground. She flailed with her forehooves and fell once she managed to dislodge herself from wherever. I reacted quickly enough to catch her with my telekinesis and set her down gently. After turning her around.

And she grinned.

“Where did you—“ No!

“How did you even—“ Don’t!

I sighed and rubbed the bridge of my muzzle. “Hiya, Dreamwalker! Were you hiding from me?” Once I looked back up to her, I saw the fragility of her smile. How frighteningly brittle it seemed.

She tried to make it sound like we had just been playing a game. Hide and seek was one of her favorites, despite her always winning. But I knew better. I knew her better. I saw her bottom lip quiver ever so slightly. And really, that was all it took.

I sighed, surrendered myself to fate and took those few steps up the stairs to reach her. “I could never,” I let her know quietly as I went in for a hug. No really, Pinkie. I could never hide from you, even if I tried. That thought I kept to myself. I embraced her and instantly felt the anxiety melt from her muscles as she eased into the hug. It did not take long for her to reciprocate it and as usual, she managed to gracefully tip along the line between forceful, crushing bearhug and soft, tender embrace.

Hugging Pinkie always felt great. I could not help myself and sank a little further into her. Her bouncy mane tickled my muzzle. I sighed. She had a little extra plush in all the right places. Every breath carried the scent of oven warmth and sweets. Currently prevalent was a distinct note of cherry and caramel.

Stop!

My eyes shot open. I had not even noticed closing them. Somehow. My lips were fractions of an inch away from her neck. The urge to continue was there. Just a tiny nip, it echoed in my head in accordance with a faint memory from another life. A tiny nip and I could compare the delighted squeal she surely would give to the one from my fractured memory. Little love-bites on this exact spot really got her going, my memory told me.

Pinkie… simply giggled. “Found a nice one?”

She knew. Well, of course she knew. She was Pinkie, after all.

It always baffled me how little it disturbed her. How little she cared. These moments happened. Occasionally. They had become slightly rarer over the last two years, but they still happened. I had seen others struggle with the implications. I had seen Applejack shift her weight from one side to the other in slight discomfort when I called her ‘sis’ too early. It had been a stupid slip of the tongue. But what was I supposed to do? I knew her. She still felt like family to me. I had seen Twilight struggle as well. When she had overdone it again with another study session and I forced her to take a bath, then take a massage and then head to bed. And suddenly, I knew all her sore spots. I knew with perfect precision where all the knots in her back and neck were. Without any need to ask. Without any need to feel my way around. Because some were always the same, across space and time and lives. And it made her question so many things. It made me ask those same questions as well, no matter how tiresome it was to get little to no answers.

But Pinkie had never been like that.

I awkwardly disentangled myself from her. Just to prevent further incidents. To negate even the risk of doing something stupid. Because honesty was important in any relationship, and if I had given in, I would have needed to tell them. To tell Sunny, to tell Fluttershy. Drowning once more in my own guilt.

I took half a step back, just to be safe. And I rubbed my neck and avoided her gaze, even though I knew that it was not a big deal for her. “Yeah, I… I did,” I answered after what felt like an eternity.

“I’m happy it was a good one!” Pinkie chirped up. She suddenly shifted her weight onto her hindlegs and stood up. I looked at her and—

— did not question where she suddenly got these pom poms from. At all.

“Flash of insight! Flash of insight!” she chanted with a cheery grin.

I was embarrassed enough to quickly look around and felt slightly relieved to see that no witnesses were anywhere nearby. I still could not help but laugh awkwardly. “You know I’ve been thinking about abandoning that name. It’s never going to stick anyway.”

Pinkie got back on all fours, her pom poms limply hanging off her hooves. “Aw. But you can do this with it,” she said and waved one of her legs around, granting the pompom a new, short lease on life. “Why do you want to abandon it?”

It was hard to imagine that she somehow had not noticed it. But then again, such was the strange innocence of Pinkie Pie. Sometimes, she said things that were clearly innuendo of the highest order, and she said it without realizing a thing while everypony else snickered. Other times, she managed to make something utterly innocent sound like it was naughty without even trying and I could never tell if it was intentional or not. Just another lovable aspect of hers.

I sighed and resigned to explain it, despite the discomfort the memory brought along. “Remember Winona’s party three weeks ago?” She nodded eagerly. Of course she did. Pinkie never forgot a party. “Remember how Rainbow laughed her rump off almost the entire evening?” Another nod. “I had not been quite aware of it as I should have been, but apparently, I had been… uhm… flirting with Twilight… the entire evening. Rather awkwardly. Because how else would I do that.”

Pinkie's expression lit up. “Oh, so that’s what that was all about!”

I refrained from smacking my hoof into my face. If only barely. “Hm. Yes.” And I could already see the question bubbling in her mind: But what did that have to do with the label? “She, uhm… she made…” I shuddered for a moment. “She made FlashLight-jokes the entire time. And more or less continued with that in the past weeks, because she found it hilarious how I reacted to it. Every. Single. Time.” Even now, I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. And Rainbow was not even here to laugh at it. I knew she did not mean anything by it. As far as Rainbow was concerned, she was just teasing me. And I did not have the heart to tell her otherwise.

Pinkie snorted and giggled. And I had my doubts that she truly understood Rainbow's jokes. “That’s no problem! I can ask her to stop if you want?”

They were a prankster duo. And if anypony had the power to make Rainbow stop, it was Pinkie. But at the same time, that had failed in the past. I grimaced a little. I was already a wimp anyway. “She would only tease me more,” I replied.

“Why would she—“ Pinkie started, but I gave her a long, hard stare. And a few seconds later, her face showed signs of a deeper understanding. “Ohhh. Yeah, she’d totally do that, wouldn’t she?”

I did not know what to make of her grin. Maybe she would talk to Rainbow on my behalf anyway. A part of me — the cowardly one — hoped for that. I could not imagine her chiming in with Rainbow at the next best opportunity though, and that alone was a relief already.

Time to make a run for it, I decided. This entire topic had been a really good distraction. A little small talk between friends, some catching up, it had been great, really. “Well, it was lovely running into you, but I really need to get these into the kitchen,” I started and cautiously patted my bulging saddlebags. “Otherwise Spike will be cross and we will all horribly starve.”

I tried to sidestep Pinkie. Big mistake. Maybe she would not have caught on this quickly had I waited for a proper response and a regular goodbye. But the moment I tried to outmaneuver her, she recognized it as exactly that. And therefore probably remembered her initial mission. And with a blink of an eye, she was right in front of me again. With a frighteningly wide grin plastered on her face. “No can do!” she answered in her best Applejack-impression. “We have a Party Planning Emergency ™ on our hooves!”

“We?” I meekly squeaked.

“Yeppers! And surely you agreed that a Party Planning Emergency ™ has priority?”

There was no getting out of this, was there? Well, it was worth a try. I sighed and surrendered. Again. And despite myself, I gave her cheek a quick nuzzle. “It sure is,” I signed my fate.

“Don’t worry! I promise it’ll be quick!”

I had a feeling I knew where this conversation was headed. To be honest, I had a feeling what this was all about the very moment I heard her scream my name at the top of her lungs at the market. “I doubt that,” I murmured, but did not resist.

She put a hoof into her wobbly mane, rummaged around in it for a second — when had those pom poms vanished, anyway? — and retrieved a clipboard and a pencil. “When is your birthday?”

Several images flashed before my mind's eye. Memories from other lifetimes. Broken pieces. Sometimes still images, sometimes little short movies. Sometimes just her voice, asking this very same question over and over and over again. There we go… again. I sighed and tried hard to keep smiling, for her sake. “I don’t have one.”

“Don’t be silly, silly! Of course you do! Everypony does!” she insisted with confidence.

“Well, I don’t remember mine,” I corrected.

The gasp that followed immediately after was a Pinkie-level one. The kind of gasp that drew more air into lungs than your average hot air balloon could hold. “Aw, you poor little Dreamy-Weamy!” Before I could react, she grabbed me and pulled me in with a dizzying speed and force. She squashed me against her chest fluff hard enough that it was difficult to breathe for a moment. And yet I somehow enjoyed this moment very much. More than I should have, probably. “We need to find one for you!” she resolutely decided.

Now that’s going to go as well as a floating brick. “Pinkie, I… I don’t really… like… birthdays?” My volume had steadily decreased the more I became aware of the dire consequences the utterance of this statement could wreak.

She gasped. Again. An epic-level gasp, even for Pinkie. And I quickly jumped into the void of silence to save… something. “Mine! I don’t like my birthday! Others are fine, I very much enjoy them! And this isn’t about your parties either, I love your parties, you know that!” I dared to remove my face from her chest and looked at her. Maybe it was a trick of the light, but she seemed a little blue to me. “Pinkie? Are you sure you’re okay?” She nodded faintly. “Don’t get light-headed on me! Please. Breathe!”

And just like that, she exhaled and waved my concerns off with a hoof. “I’m not worried! You’d totally catch me if I fainted.”

I grimaced slightly. “I would try, sure. And I would probably end up buried beneath you.” Because for some reason, using my actual magic to catch somepony was something that only occurred to me as an option once I thought about it. And catching something — or somepony — usually left little time for active thinking.

Pinkie merely giggled. I wondered briefly what scenario currently played out in her head. “That sounds like fun, we should try that sometime!” Before I could disagree, she furrowed her brow and moved on with a more serious expression. By Pinkie-standards. “Why don’t you like your birthday?”

This time, I raised my hoof and dragged it across my face, slowly. It’ll be quick, she said, I echoed in my head. I knew it wouldn’t be. “I… hm…” I felt those saddlebags drag me down. As if I was treading water and they wished to drown me. I looked over my shoulder at them, then back at the castle. The cloud cover was almost finished. A gray blanket up in the sky. Without the sun warming our coats, the occasional gust of wind became a lot more chilling.

My gaze wandered back down to meet hers. No, this would not be quick. “Come on,” I said as I stood up and opened the door, “let’s talk inside.” Pinkie followed me in and towards the library. I quickly poked my head in in hopes of finding Twilight, but she was nowhere to be seen. Which made it likely that she was either down in her lab in the cellar or up in her study. “Take a seat, I’ll be with you in a second.”

“You’re not going to run again, are you?” she asked surprisingly cautiously.

I turned to face her and without a moment of hesitation, hugged her once again. “I told you, I could never hide from you.” I gave her a little extra squeeze for good measure.

While Pinkie seemed mollified, I went to the kitchen and expected to find Spike there. He wasn’t. “Huh.” I had been gone for an hour, maybe two. Maybe he was still doing his chores somewhere else around the castle. Or he was lounging in his room with a bunch of comic books. Or he was with Twilight. Whatever the case, the kitchen was mine for now. I unclasped my saddlebags and levitated them onto the countertop. I would not dare to try and sort this stuff away. Spike had the kitchen sorted, this was very much his domain and my attempts to gauge what belonged where could only go sideways. I only sorted the things away that needed cooling, and that was that.

I briefly considered going back to Pinkie. She was waiting for me after all, and keeping her waiting for too long would not be nice. For several reasons. But at the same time, I needed a breather. A moment to mentally prepare myself for what was to come. And it gave me a good opportunity to do something for her that I had not done in a while.

I usually did not have Pinkie over as a guest. No, usually, we had her over. And that was a significant difference. Because as soon as others got involved, Spike was part of that group. And he took pride in caring for guests. He asked if somepony wanted snacks. He made the drinks. He kept everyone satisfied.

With Spike not being here, though, I was free to make a hot chocolate. Just the way I knew Pinkie liked it. Or at least how many Pinkies had liked them in many different cycles. With a tiny pinch of chili powder and exactly two marshmallows. One went in when it was still steaming hot, so it could properly melt. The other went in when it had cooled down just a little, so it could be on the verge of melting when presented. And a few colorful sprinkles on top, just for looks.

A few minutes of careful preparation. A few minutes of being utterly distracted from the looming conversation by focusing entirely on the task at hoof. Once it was done, I took a step back and regarded a simple porcelain cup on a saucer like it was a masterpiece crafted over the years.

“It’ll do.”

While it surely did not sound like it, that was high praise, coming from me in regards to something I had done.

I grabbed the saucer in my telekinesis and carried it with me into the library. Owlicious and White Tip were sleeping peacefully on the perch of the former near the window. Pinkie sat on the couch. I considered lighting the fireplace for a moment, but fumbling around with flint and steel seemed like a bother right now and we did not actually need it, neither the light nor the warmth.

“There you go,” I said and levitated the saucer over to her. And I smiled. Because it never failed to make me smile when Pinkie's eyes lit up like that. She took it gratefully, I sat down beside her on the couch and waited. And she relished the treat.

I had seen Pinkie wolf down entire cakes in the blink of an eye. Another physics-defying thing that sometimes tickled the same parts of my brain as it had hers back when Twilight had tried to study Pinkie’s Pinkie sense. But here and now, she took it slow. She sipped. Her eyes closed. I could tell the moment she noticed the chili, because her smile briefly veered into a smirk.

I knew I stared at her. I marveled. But what difference did that really make? I would have died of embarrassment had somepony stared at me like that. No matter the reason. But Pinkie did not mind. Did not care, it seemed. She was in her own little world, and she was content. Once done and with the cup empty, she set it down on a side table.

“Good?” I asked, despite knowing the answer.

She overdramatically smacked her lips and grinned. “Really good!” And she beamed at me.

You have seen her like this a thousand times, a distant voice echoed in my head. I tried not to let it spoil my mood. Right now, I was happy. Because I had made her happy. And the less I thought about how dependent I was on how I could affect others around me and how unhealthy that probably was, the better.

It was rare to see her sit this still. But despite what some ponies thought, Pinkie could be very perceptive. She knew her friends. And she knew how to accommodate them. Being with Fluttershy for almost two years now probably had helped a lot, too. She’s one lucky mare.

Eventually though, I could not ignore the fact any longer that Pinkie patiently stared at me with expectation written all over her face. And I knew that Pinkie’s patience had limits.

I sighed. “Right. So. Birthday troubles.” She nodded. “It’s… the culmination of a lot of things, really. When I presented that custom-made poster to Rainbow last year, she screeched. She didn’t even mind that her voice cracked, which she’s usually embarrassed about. When I gave Applejack my attempt at a traditional Apple pie, she chuckled and hugged me. When I gave Fluttershy that scarf, she blushed. I… I don’t feel like I ever give… an adequate reaction. I don’t do… any of that. And I know that from my memories as well as other opportunities, like Hearth’s Warming. I don’t blush. I don’t yell. I don’t freak out. I don’t do whatever Rarity does. I have to consciously remind myself that showing appreciation is important. That showing signs of my enjoyment of these gifts is something you care about and might even need. And it’s hard. Because at that point, I start thinking about it. And I start modulating things. Because at that point, I want to give you the best feeling I could give, and that doesn’t necessarily mirror my own feelings anymore.” My throat was getting a little tighter. I decided to ignore it. “I just sit there and unpack things and… goodness gracious, I sometimes have more fun solving the knots you guys use for the ribbons. And most of you don’t even reuse them. That’s not to say that I don’t like my presents. I’m just… you always care. And it shows. All of you. It does. But I guess… I don’t know. I don’t need much. I have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in and thanks to Spike all the food I could ask for, with an impressive quality to match. And with these gosh-darn memories always in the back of my head, I’d rather have something to eat or experience or… remember, than something that… you know… stands there. And looks nice. And collects dust. Because that I can’t take with me. At all. But those memories might stay with me. But I also know that giving what basically amounts to consumables can be dissatisfying. Is dissatisfying for many ponies. And I don’t… I don’t really need to even talk about the concept of not giving gifts at all, do I? And to top it all off, I don’t really like the attention. I don’t like to be the center of attention. Which a birthday really is structured around. I’ve been… We have been through this. This exact talk. Many times. And at some point, eventually, I always tell you the same. That over the years, with these reasons, it simply left a bad taste in my mouth, I think. I like birthdays just fine if it’s the birthday of somepony else. I like making gifts. I like wrapping them up nicely. I like seeing them enjoy it. I like giving them my attention.”

I stopped myself before I could drift off into rambling mode. And I took an unsteady, uneven breath. Pinkie had listened intently. She had not interrupted me once, she had not moved, she looked like a statue for a moment, not even blinking or breathing.

Have I broken her? Please don’t say I have…!

I touched a hoof to her shoulder and she blinked. A smile returned to her lips and she laid her hoof over mine. Everything was fine. She was fine. I sighed in relief.

Despite this, she remained quiet for a few minutes more. Then a grin started to bloom on her muzzle. The usual ‘I have a great idea!’-grin Pinkie had. “Weeell,” she started in a drawn-out manner and gestured with her hoof, “since you don’t remember your birthday, and it would be wrong to celebrate your birthday on just any day when it might not even be your real birthday… we’re going to celebrate something else instead!”

I should have known that she would not let it go that easily. She never did, after all. “And what would that be?” I asked and cocked my head slightly.

Pinkie shrugged with absolute nonchalance. “Birthdays are meant for us, you know? You got that all wrong and backwards.” She shot me a sly smile. “We get an opportunity to celebrate that we have you. And we have had you since you arrived here.”

I was a tad confused. Delighted, but also confused. She tried her best to bend backwards and make birthdays sound like something more appealing, which might have even worked. But at the same time, she told me we would not be celebrating my birthday. “So we’re going to celebrate… what, exactly? My arrival day?”

The way she suddenly beamed at me told me everything I needed to know. Hook, line and sinker. Well played, Pinkie.

“And now I don’t have to say it, because you named it first!” she squealed in delight and jumped over to hug me. I caught her in time and tumbled backwards and held her tight just in case we would fall off the couch. We did not. I still held her tight. She did not mind.

“That’s great!” she exclaimed while we were almost muzzle to muzzle. “Now I have a date and can fill up a few slots in my file and I can finally prepare for your Arrival Day party!”

“I don’t—“

She launched into the air, somehow, and zipped towards the door. “No time, preparations to be done, see you later!” I sighed, but could not not smile at the same time. A second later, the door to the library was flung open once again. “And thanks for the hot chocolate!”

“You’re wel—“ She was gone again, of course. “… —come.” I let my head drop back onto the couch and laughed. Quietly, because I did not wish to wake Owlicious or White Tip. But I laughed. And I found myself strangely looking forward to this ‘Arrival Day party’. Maybe simply because it was a Pinkie-party. Or maybe out of sheer curiosity.

A few days later.

I had not expected a party invitation for today. Because the day I arrived was two years ago, tomorrow. And with everypony as busy as they usually were, I highly doubted that we would celebrate deep into the night. But I was conflicted if I should tell Pinkie. It was a simple mistake to make and it was probably hard to keep track of it. Or rather, to extrapolate which day exactly it had been after such a long time.

I still pondered this issue when I walked into the main library. My friends waited, but while I was greeted with the occasional smile or nod, most continued with their casual conversation amongst each other. Pinkie excused herself from Fluttershy with a nuzzle and came over.

Meanwhile, I stared up at the banner hanging from the ceiling. In colorful letters, it proudly displayed: Happy 1st Arrival Day!

I furrowed my brow slightly. “Uh… Pinkie? I… think you miscounted?”

“Don’t be silly, silly!” she replied and pulled me into a tight, soft hug. “Pinkie Pie never makes mistakes when it comes to parties.” She let go of me and rummaged around in her mane, carefully pulling something out. Not fully, just a bit to let me see what she had there. It took me a moment to realize that it was the corner of another banner. “Your first AD-party is a little late, but that’s okay, your second one will be right on time!”

Two days of partying. It slowly dawned on me what I was in for while Pinkie grabbed me by the leg and pulled me along towards my friends. I swallowed. “Oh boy.”

Day 4,065: Diversion

“They are three years old, Spike,” I told him as if that would answer everything.

He regarded me with the same mixture of mild bewilderment and intrigue as the daily crossword puzzle in our newspaper. “… so?”

We both took a sip from our respective drinks and smiled about our synchronized timing. I relished the sweetness, the flavor of cherry with a hint of lemon sourness and just the faintest aftertaste of alcohol. It was a mild drink, after all. Then I shrugged. “Some didn’t find a foalsitter in time. Rarity couldn’t just haul Pristine off to Canterlot now, could she? And Whisper can throw quite the tantrum if Fluttershy were even willing to hoof her over to somepony else.”

Spike groaned. He did it quietly, for which I was grateful, but I still felt bad. I looked around and noticed the few other patrons. None batted an eye. None cared. None even noticed, probably. We sat at the bar of the Lucky Clover, Berry was chatting away the lazy early evening hours with another guest of her refined establishment and no one here cared overly if Spike had difficulties dealing with me.

It had been a decent day so far. I woke up to the soft pitter-patter of rain against my window. While I despised waking up alone, I really had no reason to complain too much, seeing as it only happened every one in a while. And the rain further served to mollify my morning-persona. A good, hearty breakfast with Spike and I went off to the library to keep myself busy. Or so I thought.

It obviously did not work out as well as I had hoped. Every attempt to distract myself with reading failed. Until eventually, Spike took pity on me and decided that I needed some fresh air and a few other voices in my ear. A walk around town was admittedly nice and we kept chatting away about nonsense until eventually, our legs grew a little tired. We had the choice between a nice, calm park bench by the lake, with birds chirping in the background and only the occasional passerby. Or the Lucky Clover.

I liked Berry. Thinking about her was inspirational in a way. She had had such a rough time. Not just ‘a patch’ in her life, but years and years of… difficulties. Yet here she was. Damaged, maybe. But recovered, and recovering. It bespoke a strength that I found particularly admirable.

And Spike had once again decided that I needed other ponies around and therefore, the lake simply would not do.

“I know that,” he insisted and thereby forced me to stay on track, “and that wasn’t the question.”

His gaze bore into my skull. I could feel it, even though I intently stared at my glass. I swallowed that sigh in my throat. “They wanted to have a girls-get-together. Twilight invited me to come along, but… I don’t know. It didn’t feel right. They wanted this for so long. It’s really been a while since the gang came together like this. Sure, they have all the kids with them, but… you know… that’s fine…? It feels like parenthood is easing up on us anyway. Like… we’re slowly drifting into calmer waters after weathering the storm. I’m sure it’s just a breather before the teenage years come around and trouble will be brewing again. But honestly, I’m looking forward to consistent sleep again. For all the dissatisfaction I felt waking up alone, I have to admit that I really needed that full night. Not dreamwalking, not working, just… sleeping.”

He stared at me for a while longer before his gaze shifted attention to his drink again. He pondered taking a sip for a moment and decided against it before mumbling the dreaded phrase. “So you’re kinda glad they left you behind?”

There was an immediate response, almost like a reflex. Reluctance. “They didn’t ‘leave me behind’. They invited me, I politely declined and they left for a day trip without me. It’s not a big deal!” The fact alone that I got this defensive within a matter of a second was enough. He did not even need to point that out. He just smirked. And I sighed. “Sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about,” he claimed with a smile and softly punched my shoulder. The gesture coaxed a smile from my own lips in return. “Everyone needs a break every now and then. Some time to recuperate. You’re awful at doing that. Looking after yourself, I mean. So I’m just glad I can help, really.”

I snorted in amusement and took a decent swig from my glass. “So that’s what this is? You looking after me?”

Spike laughed. Due to his size, it was a decent bellow that reverberated throughout my body. Almost felt like a massage, which was a weird comparison that made me chuckle silently. “Well, I’ve been told alcohol helps ease nerves.”

He was not wrong about that. I did feel more at ease, despite only having one glass with barely any in it. Or maybe it was the setting that calmed me down. Or the company. Or all of it.

Whatever it was, it made me smile. A strong, fond smile. “You’re the best, buddy.”

He grinned confidently. “You know it.” We sipped again, synchronized, and chuckled about it.

Neither of us minded much when Berry Punch came over. “It’s time,” she said quietly. Or at least as quietly as the ambient noise let her without drowning out her words. So this spontaneous visit was not about refilling our drinks or offering new ones.

Berry had issues. We knew that. Everypony in town knew that. And everypony tried to show support and help her in subtle ways. A favor she returned in kind. She knew I did not feel comfortable with crowds. As the hours went by, the Lucky Clover became livelier. More ponies showed up. More patrons. I looked behind us and noticed how several of the formerly empty tables had filled with them. I noticed how the bar itself had a few more customers sitting and sipping their drinks. It was not rowdy. It never got rowdy until the late, late evening hours. But it felt packed. Crammed.

Talking to Spike was nice. Nice enough to ignore the rising tide of conversational noise. Nice enough to simply blend all that out. There were no other ponies. Despite this behavior, I still agreed with Spike that getting out and coming to places like this was necessary from time to time. I just had a difficult time doing it by myself.

“Thanks, Berry,” I replied. I folded the napkin in front of me and gave Berry her pencil back. I had scribbled down some vague ideas for Twilight's next Hearth's Warming Eve present and intended to take them home with me to work on it later. I turned my attention to Spike.

He shrugged. “Throwaway.”

I nodded, we grabbed our drinks and emptied whatever was left in there in one fell swoop. Spike handled his liqueur way better than I did mine. A series of quiet coughs later I noticed him grinning. “Don’t!” I warned him, but he snickered anyway. “It’s just the sweetness. If it hits you all at once, it’s a tad much,” I tried to defend myself against accusations that had never been voiced. Spike did not stop snickering. He merely nodded in fake agreement. I grimaced and punched his shoulder, which only served to make him snicker a little bit louder. “Oh forget it! Let’s just go,” I relented.

I forked over a couple of bits for our drinks and a hefty extra. Because I liked Berry. And she was always nice to us. We came here, sat around for hours and only ordered two drinks. Two drinks we sipped on for ages. Sure, we came by at hours when business was running slow and we therefore did not really take up precious seats, but it still felt right. The tip was enough to account for five times as many drinks.

We stepped outside. First thing I noticed was the dark sky. A few clouds drifted around here and there, but for the most part, it was an open display of Luna’s beauty. We had missed sunset. Twinkling stars captured my attention for a minute or two before some strange noise pulled me back down to the ground. “What was that?”

Spike apparently had heard it too. “I don’t know. Sounded weird. Let’s go take a look?”

I nodded and we went off. We threaded the needle, weaving our way through tighter alleys and along unofficial trails. The closer we got to the commotion, the clearer it became that there was trouble brewing. What we heard… were ponies yelling.

And running.

And screaming.

Our steps quickened.

Spike walked in front of me and stopped abruptly before he walked onto the proper street. I bumped into his backside, tried and failed to get a glimpse of whatever had made him stop while he peeked around the corner. I looked the other way and saw that the streets had been cleared almost entirely. The few ponies I could still see were trying to get away. Fast.

“What’s going on?” I whispered forcefully. Another monster attack was the obvious suspect.

“Who are these guys?!” Spike asked himself quietly.

I gave him a little shove and peeked around the corner of the house we were hiding behind. Within a few seconds, my blood froze and my mind came to a screeching halt. Only for my heart to speed up. I felt strangely sober now.

Storm guards. What the heck? “What are they doing here?!” I watched as a pack of four held a stallion down and forced him to take a good look at a… wanted poster or something? They used as much force to keep him in place as he made them, but were not overly cruel or inflicted more pain and force than necessary. Which told me: They were after something.

“D-Derpy… that’s D-Derpy,” I heard the guy stutter, his eyes wide in fear.

Or after somepony.

“You know these guys?” Spike asked.

I quickly pulled back behind the corner — and pulled Spike with me. “They are trouble. Big trouble.” My mind was racing. What to do? The presence of storm guards could only be explained decently in a few ways. Maybe some kind of portal. Which meant a theoretically infinite number of reinforcements. Or airships. Which meant a limited number of reinforcements, but still more than Ponyville could handle with our usual main defenders currently absent. And it meant an unknown amount of technologically advanced weaponry I had limited to no knowledge about.

I concluded that it would not serve me well to summon my armor and get into the thick of it. I was the only guard in Ponyville. This could not end well, it would only paint a target on my flank.

Our usual main defenders, a voice in the back of my head echoed.

I dared to peek around the corner again. The stallion pointed in a direction. Our direction. Not at us specifically, but down the road. Towards Derpy’s house. I grimaced as I noticed the unfortunate timing. The storm guards might have seen me.

And Spike, once I noticed that his head poked around the corner as well. Dangit!

That left us very little time. It mattered little if they had seen us or if they decided to come down the road. This was most likely not the only group in town. “Cut me,” I ordered Spike.

He looked at me like I had gone mad. And hesitated. While I did not mind the former, the latter was a problem. I grabbed his claws in my telekinesis and placed them on my forehoof. “I need blood, not too deep!”

“But what—“

“Spike!” I snapped at him.

A brief jolt of pain ran up my leg as he quickly scratched over my hoof. I put the napkin against the wall of the house and started to scribble. ‘Attack! Storm Guards are’ was all I managed before a sudden jolt of green flame seemingly burned the napkin to ash. A wisp of smoke traveled away and told me otherwise. I whirled around and was about to chide Spike that I had not been done and ready, but he pushed me behind his back. It quickly became apparent why.

They stood there, all four of them, and Spike built himself up as the fearsome defender that he could be.

Black and heavy metal armor covered several sensitive areas of their body. A plushy collar of white fur protected their necks. Two of them wore rhomboid black metal shields and what appeared to be lances. One had no obvious weapon and the fourth one held two jagged daggers.

“Spike, don’t mess around,” I whispered quietly. I did not know if they would dare to seriously hurt him. I only knew that the probability of my friend getting injured — or worse — rose considerably the more resistance he offered.

The storm guard troop started to surround us wordlessly — at least as far as they could, given that we stuck to the alleyway. Spike did not let any of them out of sight. “You know what you have to do,” he cryptically claimed.

And then all Tartarus broke loose.

With a mighty roar, Spike sprung into action. He lunged forward, grabbed the Storm Guard with the two daggers and threw him into the wall of a house on the other side of the street. At the same time, his tail lashed out and swept one of the shield-bearers from his legs. The other two however were quick to react. I was torn between intervening, fighting alongside my friend, and retreating.

Because I knew Spike could win this.

And I knew it would mean nothing.

The guy without obvious weapons already took a few steps back and blew a horn. I was not quick enough to grab it. The signal would attract more of them. And Spike would get overwhelmed eventually.

Derpy.

I grimaced. “Don’t get killed!” I demanded from him, turned around and ran. I heard the fighting in the increasing distance behind me as, probably, more guards joined in.

I knew the way to Derpy's house by heart. I had been there so many times in the last decade that she sometimes joked I should just have a toothbrush in her bathroom.

I had no idea what they wanted from her. I could make a couple of reasonable assumptions, but I had no true evidence. I frantically looked around as I barreled down the streets of Ponyville and I finally noticed it. Right in front of Twilight's castle, high up in the air and anchored to the ground with a few thick looking chains. A Storm Empire airship.

How had these sneaky bastards made it all the way here without being spotted by a random pegasus or a patrol or anyone else?!

Open door policy, a snarky voice in the back of my head answered unbidden. We don’t really have ‘border patrols’, do we? Our lovely Sunny employs the same policy for Equestria as Twilight does for her castle. Too many guards make the neighbors twitchy.

I ignored the biting remark as best as I could and transformed the annoyance I felt into added energy in my hooves. They carried me towards my destination at breakneck speed, yet the closer I came, the more I heard the same sounds — those of fighting and yelling, fleeing and screaming — from other parts of the town.

This was a small-scale invasion, then.

As soon as Derpy's house came into view, I noticed a couple of other ponies running at top speed in the same direction. Were the situation not as dire as it seemed, it would have been a heartwarming moment, really. I recognized a few faces, but not all of them. Yet they all tried to warn Derpy.

At least that’s what you assume.

I lit my horn brightly to get their attention and signaled them to scatter. And luckily, enough of them recognized me in return and followed my command. They swerved widely and barreled away in different directions while I barely slowed down on the last few feet before I hit the door. Literally.

I caught my breath as quickly as I could manage and hastily slipped inside.

What I found should not have surprised me as much as it did. Derpy sat on her couch, fully engrossed in a book. A small lamp on a side table spent enough light. A bowl with peeled and pre-cut carrot sticks sat on the table before the couch, half empty. The air faintly smelled of hot cocoa and spicy tea. I saw no pot, but an empty cup. Knowing Derpy, the pot probably rested in the kitchen next door, still on the shut off stove so the rest heat could keep it warm a little longer.

When I barged in like I did, she looked up and seemed utterly confused. “Dreamwalker? Uh… hi?”

“Derpy, hide!” I commanded and immediately got to work. While I did not exactly have a plan as such, I at least had an idea. Which I assumed was already more than any of the other ponies that had made their way over here had.

I briskly walked over into the dark kitchen and flipped the light switch. A quick application of telekinesis later and the kitchen door was locked. A small part of me took great satisfaction from seeing the kettle on the stove, but I dared not to linger too long. I walked over to the living room again and flipped the main lights on in addition to her small little lamp.

Derpy grimaced due to the sudden and unexpected flood of light. I did not fail to notice how she had not moved an inch. Because of course she did not. She was confused. And I was not giving her any answers. Instead I behaved most curiously.

With the lights in the kitchen and living room on, I checked the broom closet for windows. There were none, so there was no point in flipping the lights on. I did switch on the lights in the hallway, though. And shut them off again after a moment of contemplation. That would only have invited strange questions that were most likely hard to answer. It would not help my case.

When I returned to the living room, I quickly pondered if I should head upstairs. But there was only the bathroom and the bedrooms up there. I tried to remember if I had seen light coming from upstairs when I ran here, but could not quite tell. It had been a bit of a blur.

“Dreamwalker, you’re scaring me.” Her voice wavered very slightly.

My mind picked up on it immediately anyway. I shook my head to free myself from that daze I had sunk into and looked at her. The book was still lying in front of her, open and yet discarded. Her whole body was tense. Her wings rustled slightly. She was all kinds of nervous. My gaze briefly drifted towards the door, then scanned the entire room for decent hiding places.

I knew the interior. No cupboards or closets large enough. The closets upstairs might do, but a gut feeling told me that it would be best if she hid here, not upstairs. Because they would surely search upstairs. In great detail.

I remembered the chest the same moment I laid eyes on it. It was large. Huge, even. Made from bast. It would be quite uncomfortable to stay in there for a prolonged time, but it was a decent quick fix. And a quick fix was all we needed, I hoped.

“Get in there!”

She stood up and stomped her hoof down onto the floor. The noise itself made me cringe. “No!” she replied resolutely. “Please, can’t you answer me?” Derpy pleaded.

We don’t have time. Just shove her in!

I grimaced. She was my friend. A good friend, too. I would not—

She deserved better.

I closed my eyes for a moment and sighed. “A few years ago, Luna and I went to mount Aris and captured Tempest Shadow. Remember that?” She nodded, although it was obvious that she had no idea what that had to do with anything. All Tartarus broke loose out there and she had no idea. She just spent a nice, quiet evening at home, with a few snacks and a good book. Well — until recently, I had spent a nice evening at a bar with my buddy. I hope he’s okay. I swallowed and forced myself to move on. “I thought the Storm King would give up on his invasion plans after losing his prized general. But then the whole misery with the Friendship Festival happened and honestly, it seems he had already invested too much into this to give up on it. There’s an airship floating by the castle and storm guards are combing through the town as we speak. They are searching for you. You specifically. They have your face on wanted posters or something.”

As expected, Derpy only got more nervous. “What? B-But… why me?”

I had asked that myself on my way here. I had no satisfying answer. None that was satisfying to me, at least. “Well you did kind of foil his plans at the Friendship Festival a few years ago…” It had been a bold move. To sneak a single airship under the cover of rogue clouds across all of Equestria, right to the nations beating heart in Canterlot, and then try to not only disrupt the celebration, but to capture all princesses in one go. A bold move, but ultimately a foolish one as well. One might think that, after everything that happened with Nightmare Moon, Lord Tirek, Queen Chrysalis and King Sombra, that these villains might take notice and learn a thing or two about who not to mess with.

Maybe it was pride that made them try and try and try again. Maybe it was sheer arrogance. Obviously they would succeed where all the others had failed. Or maybe it was the allure of the unattainable. Conquering Equestria seemed impossible. So everyone felt enticed even more to try.

Whatever it was, it mattered little now.

Derpy was scared. She knew little about the nature of this enemy. Only that I had barged in here as if the world was coming to an end. Really, the slight tremor I saw in her legs was my fault. I should have been more aware of what I was communicating with my behavior.

“But… but that was an accident!” she objected.

I sighed and walked over to her. And I pulled her into a hug. She trembled a little and I tried my best to calm her down. I stroked a hoof through her strawy mane and down her back. I held her tight. And I tried to calm down in hopes that any calmness I might manage to capture could be conveyed to her as well. “And it was a lucky one for sure,” I agreed. “But I doubt that he knows that. Don’t worry though. I was with Spike before I came here. He managed to get a message out to Twilight. They should arrive any minute now, we just need to play for time. And I have an idea.”

“And for that you need me to climb into my chest?” she asked with uncertainty in her voice.

I chuckled. When said aloud, it did sound ridiculous. Like something out of a comedy. “Eyupp.”

A brief, soft and quiet giggle followed. It was a marvel how Derpy always managed to pick herself up again so quickly. The world could literally dance along the edge of total annihilation. She would find something to smile about. It was incredible. And this? This was not even such a dire scenario. This was just Ponyville's regular Tuesday.

We walked over to the chest, opened it up and emptied a few bits and pieces she had stored inside. I levitated most of the junk onto the table, some other pieces over to shelves and a neat little pile next to the stairs that lead up. It helped sell the whole ‘currently moving’-spiel I was aiming for. Or at least I hoped it would.

Derpy had more than enough space inside. “You comfy?” I asked. She nodded and I closed the chest. And put an assortment of books on top. It did not make the chest smaller, but it hopefully made it look less like an impromptu hiding spot.

I walked over to the couch. Now began the really tense and trying part. I had to wait. Maybe nothing would happen. Maybe no one would come. Only one way to find out. I settled on the couch, grabbed a carrot stick and hesitated. I was so incredibly nervous that the smell alone made my stomach churn. The thought of biting down on it, chewing, swallowing, it was all a little much and I felt sick. So I levitated it over to the chest and, with some generous application of telekinesis towards both the books and the chest's lid, snuck the snack inside. A barely audible giggle made me feel a little bit better.

And then they came.

No knocking announced them. Neither friendly, nor forceful. No, the door simply broke down. Small splinters of wood from the doorframe flew into the room when they broke the lock. It made me genuinely jump. A group of four storm guards entered the living room, their bulky bodies seemed to fill more space than the room could offer. Or maybe it was the expectation of failure that made me suffocate a little.

Channel your inner Rarity. Come on, you’ve learned a lot from her, for better or worse.

I grabbed the book and held it in front of me like a shield. A very lousy shield. None of the soldiers immediately went for an attack, which was good. A possibility I had not even accounted for. I just stared at them out of wide eyes while they took stock of what they could see in the living room.

“Where is she?” one of them asked.

“W-Who?” I managed a convincing stutter.

“Don’t waste our time, pony! The one who lives here!” the apparent leader growled.

“T-This is my h-house?” I offered.

“Then where’s your wife? Daughter? Aunt? What do we care, where is Derpy?!” he snarled. “This is her house!”

I retreated half a step from the couch, the book still held up in levitation like a shield. They did not advance on me. They did not feel threatened in the slightest, it seemed. That said, one of them was sent with a simple sign to check the hallway and another checked the kitchen. They quickly returned, finding both rooms empty. “O-Oh, u-uhm… it m-makes sense that the other ponies told you that, she lived here for ages, until recently, actually, b-but she’s moved out half a week ago.”

The leader of the group looked around the room once more. The lights were on. The snacks in the bowl. The book I held up. He tried to read the title, but I apparently held it upside down. He eventually noticed the framed pictures of Derpy with her friends and family. Me being one of the former, of course.

“Moved out…” he echoed in a voice that not only made clear that he did not buy it, but at the same time threatened me with very painful consequences should I choose to lie to him further.

But what choice did I have?

I had seen a single airship. Enough to stir up trouble, sure. But not enough to overwhelm Ponyville. Not enough to occupy the town, given it was defenseless. Sure as Tartarus not enough to have sufficient numbers on board to defeat Twilight. As such, this was another sneaky maneuver. It had to be. They were here for a smash and grab. And it had become obvious what they intended to grab. I could not just let them leave with Derpy. Celestia knew what they would do to her.

So I shyly rubbed my foreleg with the other one and retreated another half-step. Because these were very intimidating big guys threatening me in my own living room. I tried to become smaller. It made perfect sense. “Y-Yes? S-She hasn’t gotten all of her things out yet, it’s been a bit of a c-chaotic week… we tried to live together for a while, but that d-didn’t work out as we had h-hoped, then parasprites ate the westside of her new h-house and the repairs took longer due to the scheduled rain two days a-ago and yesterday s-she—“

“Enough!” yelled the leader.

My mouth snapped shut immediately and my eyes widened a little further. I retreated a full step.

“What in Tartarus?” came another voice. An unexpected, yet familiar one. It made me grimace so hard.

Stay in the chest, stay in the chest, stay in the chest, please, Derpy, stay in the gosh-darn chest!, I prayed. My eyes were drawn towards the stairs. Dinky stood on the lower ones and regarded the intruders with a mixture of awe and confusion. She had no idea who or what these guys were. And I, shame on me, had absolutely forgotten all about her.

She had been upstairs the entire time. And the ruckus this glorified walking punching bag made drew her ire. Or her curiosity. It was hard to tell with teenagers.

“Sorry, honey,” I started quickly in an attempt to wrestle back control over the situation. I just had to hope that she would pick up on it and play along. Dinky was a smart filly. “We seem to have some foreign guests who surely didn’t mean to wake you up…” I gestured for Dinky to come over to me. Those brutes would not let her go back upstairs. That much was obvious. They eyed the stairs themselves as if they were traitors, deserving of being burned.

Dinky remained on the stairs for a couple of tense seconds longer, bewildered and confused, before she sighed, shrugged and trotted over. “It’s okay, dad. I shouldn’t have fallen asleep while doing homework anyway.”

I sighed deeply — internally. When she came to my side, I hugged her. Both to hug her, and to pull her as close to me as I could. The intruders had not cared about the chest at all so far, but they eyed Dinky in a manner that made my skin crawl and my hair stand on end.

“That’s your daughter?” the leader asked in apparent disbelief. “You think us idiots, pony?”

Well, yes, of course.

I ignored the snarky voice and went for a more diplomatic approach. Even if it was not more diplomatic by a large margin, frankly. “You never heard of adoption, you uncouth brute?!” I spat. I put as much vitriol into those two words as I could muster. And I sent a silent thank you in Rarity's direction. Wherever she was right now, I owed her one.

My sudden shift in attitude caused some interesting reactions. Amusing, even.

“They do both have horns,” one of the soldiers noted.

“What does ‘uncouth’ mean? And what’s a parasprite?” another asked quietly. No one answered him.

“I wish I had been adopted,” the third murmured.

All good reactions. Good for me, that is. The leader was seething, that was visible to me. But I had to draw this out. So I decided to answer the last one. “Well, Equestria had some interesting recent changes in law. I’m sure you could get full citizenship if you applied? And adoption is always an option, you know?”

“Silence!” the leader bellowed to shut me down. He advanced on me a couple of steps and I shoved Dinky behind me out of honest worry about her safety. “None of us would associate with weakling ponies like you!”

Associate. Uhhh. Big word for such a small head.

I grimaced. Please shut up. This is difficult enough as it is. As no answer followed, I focused my attention on the leader of the soldiers again. “T-This is a c-common misconception, y-you know? The g-griffons thought so t-too… and the d-dragons… and the y-yaks… but we’re not so weak, you know? But you’ll learn that in time, the others did, too.” I tried to put up a little pride for him to see. Just enough to lure him into talking. Into a verbal assault, to aim for the annihilation of whatever confidence I had.

And it seemed to work. He advanced another few steps and now stood right before me. A looming, towering presence. His full bulk blocked the sight of his underlings. His armor gleamed, polished to perfection and only besmirched by… tiny little splatters of…

I forbid myself from drawing the obvious conclusion. It was just little splotches anyway. Nothing to get upset about, right? And it was dry. Maybe old. Maybe from somewhere else. As if that mattered.

“Oh?” he growled quietly and leaned down to let me get a proper look at his teeth. “So what? You’re gonna teach me now, little pony?”

He was eager to hear any form of ‘yes’. Eager to stop talking and let actions speak. A thing I had to circumvent as best as I could for as long as I could. “N-No,” I replied and tried to backpedal a little further. There was a wall though. So I at least tried to keep Dinky between me and the wall. “I am weak, b-but we managed to send a signal a-and…” I thought I heard something. So did he, it seemed, as his expression shifted slightly to something resembling alarm. “A-and you guys are totally screwed if you don’t retreat immediately!”

He did not like me talking back. He raised up to his full height and raised a fist, ready to strike. And he probably would have. I already braced for impact. I intended to take the first hit and try to talk again, hoping that his strength was not enough to knock me out immediately. But then he hesitated. Because he heard the noise again. And so did I.

A faint thunder.

Boom, it went again. Boom. Faint, but drawing closer. The thunder rolled in in quicker succession. It — she — came closer.

I had won.

I allowed myself a satisfied grin and smirked at him. “Told you. Cavalry has arrived, you guys are toast.”

He considered beating the ever-loving crap out of me for a second longer before he turned heel. Apparently he was a pragmatic type. He barked orders to his soldiers to retreat to the airship and as soon as he stomped out of the house, he barked further orders to other groups of soldiers. Apparently they had surrounded the building and now they scrambled to get some sort of defense in place.

A storm is coming.

I could feel it. A giddiness in my veins. A prickly sensation right beneath my skin. I could almost smell the ozone. But no matter how spectacular this would be, I had quite a few important tasks to care for and no time to watch with a bowl of carrot sticks. Wasn’t even my bowl anyway.

I grabbed Dinky with my magic around her barrel and lifted the teenager up. “H-Hey!”

I ignored her objection and hugged her for a brief moment. “You did great, pipsqueak!”

She giggled in reply. I was the only one allowed to call her that. Given the teenage mood swings she sometimes had, this was a miracle all by itself. I quickly carried her over to the chest, levitated the books up into the air and opened the lid. “She’s fine,” I immediately told Derpy as she looked up. “And we want to keep it that way.” I put Dinky into the chest. Her mom hugged her tightly to herself.

I looked around the room. They had not searched the entire house. They had not found Derpy. But they were about to get into genuine combat. So far, their entire mission was going sideways, threatening to end in failure, if not a huge disaster. How likely was it that some cunning officer tried to be sneaky? The one I had spoken to especially? I was pretty sure that I had given away my entire spiel there at the end by dropping all pretense.

Better not to be found at all, I told myself, shrugged and climbed into the chest as well. It was a tad cozy for two and a half ponies in there. The lid barely closed. And it was uncomfortable. Very much so, especially for Derpy. I decided I would offer her a spa visit once this thing was over, but I crammed myself in there anyway.

Boom.

“Is that a sonic rainboom?” Dinky asked.

I grinned from ear to ear. “Eyupp.” Maybe it was, maybe it was not. As far as I knew, a sonic rainboom could only be heard once, which did not quite fit with what we currently heard. But maybe Rainbow did some fancy maneuvering or whatever. We had no surefire way to tell. “Rainbow arrives first because she’s the fastest, and she will kick their flanks into next week before the others arrive and join in.”

We waited. Ten seconds passed. Thirty. Two minutes. “Why are we still in here?” Derpy asked quietly.

“I suspect they are still monitoring the house,” I whispered back. “I don’t want you two to get caught. And I don’t want to get caught either.”

That seemed to make enough sense that she nodded. Another minute passed and we suddenly heard one of the storm guards outside yell “fire!” A second later, the deafening roar of a cannon sounded and our world shook and trembled. I clamped down on Dinky and Derpy, braced my back and tried to get them under me as best as I could. The impact of whatever ammunition they used seemed to rip straight through the entire house.

Had they aimed for the house? Was it just a ricochet shot from whatever battle Rainbow had started?

I heard the upper stories being obliterated. I heard the walls crack and burst, heard wood splinter, heard rubble fly everywhere. Dust was heavy in the air and small pieces of debris rained down onto the floor all around us. And on the chest, of course. Then the ceiling groaned under the weight of the rubble. Under the weight of the collapsed, destroyed upper story.

And parts of it gave way.

“Hold on tight,” I hissed and Derpy put her wings around Dinky as best as she could, given the tiny space we had to maneuver.

The filly screamed in a panic as more and more of the ceiling came crashing down around us. Eventually, I felt pieces of debris impact on the top of the chest and therefore my back. Judging by the sounds of it, the entire house collapsed.

My heart was racing. The blood rushing in my ears was so loud that I barely heard Dinky's terrified scream anymore. Her mother, though. Derpy did not scream. She held her little one tight. Her eyes firmly closed. And despite the dire situation, she seemed… almost relaxed.

“Oof,” I groaned as another heavy piece hit the chest. I felt that sharp sensation as something pierced the skin on my back. Pain ran up my spine, but I resisted the urge to shy away from it as best as I could. I tried to stem against the chest top instead. It would not do if I were to squish these two under me.

A few more seconds later, the noise finally started to subside. The cracking and crumbling was still audible, but it slowed down. It got quieter. Until only the occasional crack could be heard.

“I need out, I need air!” Dinky started to mumble. She was still very much panicked. She pawed at the chests walls, tried to get away from her mother, tried to worm her way out from under me, but there was simply no room to escape to. She coiled and contorted herself more and more until I realized that she would eventually hurt herself this way.

So I put what strength I had into my legs and lifted the lid of the chest again. I felt disgust as my mind was swamped with pain and the feeling of skin tearing and something sticky running along my side.

“Are you okay?” Derpy asked as I grunted.

“I think that last piece had a nail in it or something,” I replied.

I managed to lift the rubble on top of the chest enough that there was a gap. Derpy held Dinky tightly, but lifted her up so that she could breathe and see.

We could all see now.

The living room was a mess. What we had heard was indeed matched by what we saw now. Most of the walls of the ground floor still stood, but the vast majority of the upper level was just… gone. Partially reduced to rubble that coated everything we could see in the living room and partially spewed onto the other houses and surrounding streets as if someone had popped a very disappointing pinata.

We heard a very angry sounding “Yeeehaw!” from outside. Close by to the house, actually. And a couple of seconds later, something both soft and hard heavily impacted on the front door. Just once.

Then Rainbow flew in through the non-existent ceiling. “Sweet Celestia, wow, what? Everypony alright in here?”

Derpy spoke up before I could answer. “They drew blood!” she yelled.

“What?!” Rainbow yelled right back in sheer outrage.

I was too rattled and confused. Had I not managed to avoid any physical altercation?

“He’ll be fine, I’ll take care of him,” Derpy promised. “But could you please let them know that I’m not okay with this? Also, they destroyed my house!”

“Oh, I will!” Rainbow answered, followed by an angry snort. And just like that, she was gone again. She flapped her wings once, and a gust of wind blew a cloud of dust up.

I coughed a few seconds, as did the other two. “Sorry about your house,” I wheezed. On a rational level, I knew that I was not at fault there. I had not manned that cannon. I had not aimed it at this house. I probably could not have avoided this outcome.

Or could I?

I sighed. It was always the same.

Derpy simply smiled however, and stroked a hoof down Dinky's back to help her calm down further. “It’s fine,” she replied, “after all, that’s only the sixth time I have to rebuild. Some others had to rebuild over a dozen times in the last two decades, so I’m already getting off easy here.” Her smile soured a little as her gaze wandered around her formerly pristine and cozy living room and eventually landed on the partially intact staircase. “I’m just glad Dinky wasn’t upstairs anymore.”

I ruffled Dinky's mane. She had herself back under control and did not try to flee. Claustrophobia, I suspected. How and why, I could not tell. Something to keep in mind for later, should such a situation ever arise again. Hopefully, it would not.

“Alright, seems like the fighting has relocated more towards the castle,” Derpy noted. “Time to get you fixed up. Twilight would be cross with me if I delivered you bruised and beaten. That would only prove that you cannot be left unattended, not even for half a day.”

That got an honest to earth chuckle out of me. I dutifully climbed out of the chest, helped the other two out as well, cleared the couch from rubble, dust and debris as much as I could while Derpy fetched her first aid kit from the kitchen and then I sat down so she could fix me up.

The disinfectant burned like the flames of Tartarus. Because I was kind of a wimp.

While Derpy worked her magic, my mind turned to another matter entirely and my thoughts quickly coaxed a sigh out of me. “You don’t happen to have a couple of decent Hearth's Warming Eve present ideas for Twilight, do you? I fear I might have spoiled all my recent ones when I sent them her way on a napkin…”

Day 2,933: The End is never The End is never The End is never—... The End

I am not a bad person, I told myself for the umpteenth time.

I stared into a vast and empty expanse, tortured merely by being alone with myself. Nothing to distract me from intrusive thoughts. And all of them were intrusive. It was not wrong to desire. To want peace and quiet and happiness. Nothing was wrong with wanting a proper life. With the perceived need to fit in and have friends and be normal for once.

What even was normalcy?

Surely it was normal to have an irascible streak. Everypony got angry at some point, right? The fabled, serene monks, always in balance with the cosmos and themselves, centered and truly unflappable, those were mere fabrications of Ogres & Oubliettes, wishful thinking of some game designer. Right?

It was normal to be envious. More so the less one had, I assumed. Just seeing how much others had. And how little they valued it. How they squandered opportunities. How they mistreated all they had. Property, relationships, their environment. Without batting an eye. Without thinking twice.

It was normal to yearn for company. Few creatures, I imagined, were truly built to be lone wolves. Which in itself was such a stupid expression, was it not? Lone wolves. Wolves were highly social creatures, were they not? They formed packs with intricate social behavior and hierarchies. Bears fit the bill way better. Maybe ‘lone bear’ did not have the required ring to it.

Another creature’s touch. It was such a small thing. A gentle hoof cupping my cheek. The brush of somepony’s coat on my skin. A hug. Just thinking about it threatened to choke me as my throat grew tighter. It was ridiculous. Laughable. How my eyes teared up thinking about a hug. Not to speak of anything more than that. What about a kiss? What about cuddling? What about plain old, ordinary vanilla sex? It was an escalation, sure. More and more and more and I tried hard not to be greedy. I had to try hard.

It was normal to be greedy, right? Life was difficult. Rarely fair. It often seemed to enjoy kicking those already on the ground. It could be downright brutal at times. Cruel, for sure. It had a wicked sense of pitch black humor. And if one got beaten down… we were supposed to stand back up again, weren’t we? To get another hit. To just take it. Tank it. One beating after another. Life must really enjoy that. There were good things sprinkled in there. Seeing a loved one smile with untainted happiness. Actively enjoying a nice day. Or even a singular moment — the scent a gust of wind carried. A light breeze rustling my hair. The feeling of sun on my skin.

And of course I shuddered. It was cold here. Cold and dark and empty. And I held that sob back.

It was normal to be greedy. Life gave so little, it seemed. It gave much in terms of opportunities, but always with drawbacks, always with the lingering threat of more violence. Care to win the lottery? Something unspoiled? Something truly good? That was rare. So it was normal to want that. To want to have more of that.

Life was like a drug dealer. Regular life was such a miserable experience that we yearned for that next kick. Everything to make us forget our own misery and how awful the world we live in could be. We put on our blinders and marched forward, following predetermined lines to a tee. Deviation was discouraged. Step out of line and life would beat you down again. Stay in line and a dull numbness would slowly eat away the time on your clock. The barrier between days slowly whittled down until Mondays and Tuesdays were indiscernible without consulting a calendar. Until weeks blended together and months passed by uneventfully and life slowly trickled away. What have you done in the last week? Month? Decade? Does any of it matter?

But we always had the next kick. The next morsel, a tiny crumb of luck, of joy, of happiness, a truly lived moment, something pure and good and no rat’s tail in sight. It was normal to want that. To want more of that.

I looked on. I watched. Followed his path. Gently nudged him when necessary. Gave him a hearty shove if he was being difficult again. This is for your own good, you ungrateful numbskull! I guided him to the best of my ability. Life demanded sacrifice. It demanded that we struggled and strived. That we earned those moments of happiness.

So I made him struggle. With himself. It was a relatively safe way to make things work out. It provided enough conflict for life to pass over him without batting an eye. It provided enough conflict in his life to earn these tiny morsels in spades. It almost felt like cheating. As if we had cracked some mysterious code and suddenly, life became… well, not easy. Just easier.

He went to bed. I swallowed hard and tried to calm my nerves. It would not do for me to get undone now of all times. I had to pull through.

His head hit the pillow. A faint smile graced his lips. He had a good day. And as everything calmed down and the day came to an end, he reminisced about that. And he was grateful. A good character trait. He closed his eyes. The faintest glow surrounded his horn as his magic slightly altered the course of his consciousness. He was ready and willing to join Luna on the dreamscape for another night of dreamwalking. They would work hard to patrol the realm, to keep everypony safe. No, not just everypony. Every dreamer.

I took a deep breath. Exhaled slowly. Ignored my frazzled nerves. And rerouted him.

Directly. To. Me.

The moment he arrived, he summoned his armor and weaponry. “What? What is this place? Where am I?” He looked around and — for the most part — saw nothing. Literal nothing. The void was not exactly a welcoming place. And it deserved its name.

Then he spotted me.

It hurt a little. Just a tiny twinge as his eyes grew wide… in fear. And he recoiled. Retreated half a step, then another. “You…” he uttered breathlessly. “Stay away from me!” he tried to demand. It did not sound like a proper demand. A plea, at best. Begging, at worst. He flailed his sword vaguely in my direction. It was supposed to be threatening. To keep me at bay. Even though I did not advance on him at all. But all it truly did was make both of us aware of how his weapon of choice flickered in and out of existence and occasionally vanished entirely.

This was the dreamscape. The void was part of it. Therefore, willpower meant everything in here. And faced with me, his concentration was… lacking.

I could not fault him for that. There was an echo in his mind. I had never managed to scrape it off. We rarely encountered each other. Even given his numerous cycles. But I was always there, at the end. It was to be expected that seeing me, he subconsciously associated this with the end.

It was hard not to feel for him. And it was not just pity I felt either. I was his god, was I not? The fact that he did not know that meant nothing. The sheer vastness of my power over his life was staggering. My will could become reality. I guided him on each and every step of his path. I was the beginning and the end.

And I was so, so miserable.

He was allowed to laugh. He was embarrassed when he danced with his love, but he still did it. For her sake. He joked around with his friends. He lazily rolled from one side onto the other when he shared a couch with Twilight. He tasted Spike's incredible cooking. He fell asleep with the scent of home in his nose, his mind addled from sheer contentment.

He was grateful, of course. A good character trait.

But it was normal to be envious. And greedy. And irascible. And many other things.

I am not a bad person, I told myself as I left him behind, trapped in this awful place like I had been.

Maybe one day, if I kept telling that to myself, I would even start believing it…

I woke up with a gasp.

The moment I did, she was right there with me. “Are you alright? Did you have a bad dream? Did something happen on your patrol?”

Sensory overload. Everything seemed to be loud for a brief moment — the sounds, the colors, everything. I could taste my own morning breath and it was slightly disgusting. I felt cold sweat mar my coat. My hooves tingled. I felt my ears splay flat against my skull. My disheveled mane clung to my long neck. My eyes scanned the room. Our bedroom in Canterlot Castle. Twilight's bed in her old room. She had joked about how tight we would have to pack ourselves in there to sleep. And how cozy that had been!

She was inches away from me. Looked at me with all the care in the world. With sincere worry about my well-being. I would have had a bad conscience were it not for the intoxicating scent of her body. My eyelids fluttered shut as my nostrils flared, as I greedily sucked in the air. I was vaguely aware that she had asked me… stuff. And that she probably still waited for answers.

Instead of giving any, I leaned forward.

“Careful with the horn,” she asked with a hint of amusement in her voice.

I felt the corners of my mouth curl upwards as I tilted my head slightly off to the side. And I brushed my cheek along her neck. Placed a kiss on it. I was allowed to do that. I nipped her skin in a playful urge. And hearing her faint giggle was a delight, a blessing, a morsel of pure joy.

“Well somepony is in a good mood!” she murmured as she relaxed and leaned in as well. She rested her head on my shoulder. Such a simple gesture. But I cherished it. She leaned on me. Relied on me. Trusted me.

“I love you, peanut,” I said. From the bottom of my heart. I had watched her for so long. Seen her from afar, seen her happy and sad, angry and dismayed, I had seen her stumble and grow. I had seen it all and seen them all. And I had fallen in love with all of them. Somehow. It was baffling, was it not? But she, she stuck out, even amongst all the others. She was the center of it all. The crown jewel. The one I gravitated towards, always.

I heard her sigh. “I love you too.”

My heart skipped a beat or three. The floodgate-noise of my blood rushing in my ears slowly died down to a more bearable level, my senses settled and I could appreciate my surroundings even more. Her room was that of a textbook example nerd. I loved it here.

She giggled again. “You need a shower,” she mumbled into my coat.

I closed my eyes and focused entirely on that feeling. On her touch. I reveled in it. I could do this all day, I was sure. But I had noticed the stale air as well. It was used up from being a small room with two ponies sleeping in it, it even faintly smelled of sex from last evening.

Ah. That explains the soreness as well. I blinked briefly and chuckled. To cover it up, I actually answered her. “So do you.”

I regretted my words immediately as she withdrew from me. She looked me in the eyes and pouted. Pointedly. To get the message across. And she looked adorable.

I smiled sheepishly. “Sorry?”

A glint of amusement danced in her eyes as she shook her head, but then… then something changed. She stopped dead in her tracks, her brow furrowed and she looked at me. Really looked at me. The kind of gaze that made one feel strangely naked. “Are you sure you are alright?”

I tried not to swallow. Tried not to panic. Tried to remain calm and relaxed and suave, even though ‘suave’ was nothing he had ever been capable of, and neither was I. I shot her a wry smile and nodded. “I’m fine,” I replied in an echo of a memory. It was something he said a lot. Like, all the time. Especially when he was not fine. But the point was: It was familiar. Deeply ingrained in both their heads. “But you’re right,” I quickly shoved after. “I should take a shower.”

It was still early. The sun was barely up, but… well, the sun was up. It was certainly not what I wanted to do. I wanted to stay here and cuddle with her, maybe fall asleep again, doze off for an hour or so, start the day together, have breakfast together.

The only reason we were in Canterlot to begin with was to look after Celestia. Stardust was almost ten months old and Luna was currently still quite busy being a newly crowned mother, she could not care for her sister as much as she would have liked. And Sunny was in her last stages as well. Aurora could be born any day now.

The thought of that filled me with such pride and love, a potent cocktail. Accompanied by a surge of arousal — Sunny had become huge and for some reason, that really was such a turn-on for me. And she had become insatiable as her pregnancy progressed…

I shook my head, shot Twilight an apologetic smile and got out of bed. “Rest if you can,” I told her. “Once I’m done in the bathroom, I’m going to ask the kitchen staff for breakfast and we can see how Sunny is faring afterwards. Alright?”

She nodded. I leaned in and stole a kiss from her. Just a quick one. I wanted it to be longer. I so desperately wanted it to be longer, more intense, more of everything and anything, just more. But I restrained myself. There would be hundreds, if not thousands more. If I played my cards right. If I remained in control of myself.

I stared at her for a moment, a goofy smile plastered on my face, before I finally turned around with a happy sigh and made my way to the bathroom. Once inside, I stepped into the tub, turned the shower on and—

—quickly clasped a hoof over my mouth as I almost yelped. The initial water was a lot colder than I had anticipated. It quickly warmed up to lukewarm temperature, sure, but still. Now I was fully awake, at least.

And the shower felt heavenly. I once more closed my eyes and felt it. The myriads of droplets pelting my coat. The noise of the falling water. The drops splashing onto the ground like a liquid bombardment. I felt the weight of my soaked mane. I giggled because to me, it was funny how my soaked tail clung to my leg. I even tried to dislodge it and kicked back a couple of times, but my tail was stubborn. I grabbed the bar of soap and sighed in sheer admiration as I felt the pleasant tingling on the center of my forehead. Weaving magic was so easy, so natural.

I rinsed myself off and stayed in the shower three times longer than had been necessary. Just for the sheer joy of it. I knew I had to be careful. I had to maintain a certain image. Acting goofy for one day, that might have been alright. But I had to dial it down a notch to stay on the safe side of things.

And it certainly was not helping that I could feel his despair. There were no bars he could rattle on. The void offered literally nothing. But the connection was still there, of course. He was the best of me. Part of me. To a certain extent, he was me. A better version of me, maybe. I did not wish any harm upon him. Ever. And it hurt to feel his confusion and desperation.

I violently shook my head. The shower had lost its splendor, somehow. I switched the water off and grabbed a towel. The bathroom offered a brush as well. And while brushing myself felt really nice, I had plenty of memories of my loved ones brushing me and that felt even nicer. By a mile.

Patience. We’ll get there in time, I told myself. That would be an issue, I could already tell. Greed and patience did not mix well. Like water and oil. Maybe I need milk…? And that was the point where the analogy fell apart.

I exited the bathroom and was surprised to almost literally walk into Luna. Although I still enjoyed seeing her. “Oh, hey! You’re still up?” I asked and smiled from ear to ear. She was so incredibly pretty. Even with her coat slightly ruffled and those bags under her eyes, she was just a marvel.

My admiration quickly soured as she shot me a strange glance. Then the dreaded revelation hit me: She knows.

And another thing hit me at that very moment — her energy blast.

I regained consciousness with a groan. Even before my eyes adjusted, I could already tell how dire the situation had turned. Because my groan echoed in a very specific way. Hollow. As if I stood in an enormous room. And as expected, I saw… nothing.

I was back.

“No… no, no, no, no, no!” I did not so much panic as I just… despaired. I grabbed my hair and goodness me, I would have loved to rip it out. I lacked the physical strength to do so. And maybe that was for the better. Or maybe not, as I resigned to an alternate way of expressing my dismay. I scratched myself. And if I were to put a little bit more pressure in, I would draw blood. Maybe that would be for the best. Maybe that would help somehow. It would certainly distract me from my misery, would it not?

Then I suddenly felt their presence.

They were on the outer rim. Somehow. The void was not a place as such, not a space as such, had no physical limitations as such. But they were right outside. And then they entered. I knew. I could feel them. Twilight and Luna. They were here. Both of them.

And it terrified me.

I heard echoes of their voices. The void carried just enough over to me to make me understand. Because while not sentient as such, it did have a malicious will. It wanted me to hear this.

“He had been plagued by nightmares recently,” Luna explained with a sigh.

“More than the usual ones, I assume?” Twilight inquired.

“Yes. They were particularly vivid. He described a place like this, and a creature within that terrified him.” Terrified, Luna said. I terrified him. Well, that was not exactly news to me. But it still hurt to hear it. “I placed an alarm spell on him when he slept. It was meant to inform me in case of a mental intrusion.”

Of course you did, I groaned internally. I really wanted to grab a tuft of hair and just… pull. I flailed my limbs around, gestured in most certainly unfriendly ways towards the void, but I refrained from yelling. Because it would make them hear me. Probably.

Why?, I cried out silently. This is my story, is it not?! You were meant to obey me! You cannot just shake off control and go your merry way and do whatever you like! I am your creator! Yet as always, the void did not answer. It did not care. It was not sentient. I could throw as many temper-tantrums in here as I liked. I knew because I had done so in the past. Many, many times. A caged god, unwilling, tired of this bullshit, tired of seeing the repeating patterns of life, tired of the rampant unfairness, tired of knowing and understanding and guiding. I was so, so, so done with this, all of this, just k—

“Who are you?”

Luna's question snapped me out of it. I slowly turned around and stared at her. I wore his face as a mask. It felt strangely ill-fitting now. “Who are you?” I tried to play dumb.

Twilight seemed unsure. But Luna, oh my lovely kitten, she remained steadfast. She knew this place. To some extent, anyway. “What is your name?”

Seeing them here. Here of all places. Right before me. Mere feet away. It was too much to bear. It was such a cruel tease that it slipped right under my skin. And out came the anger. “He was happy, was he not?” I half-yelled in my defense. “He had everything! Everything!” I involuntarily started to pace in front of them. “I gave him everything! I made him who he is!”

“What is your name?” Luna asked again.

I shook my head in denia-in rage. “No! I was there! I ensured his safety! I made him stronger, but never too strong! I played the system, for his benefit! I made him endure! When he struggled to go on, I helped him up! When he failed to see the path, I guided his hoof to the right choices and around hurdles!” I stopped dead in my tracks and stared at them. Glared at them. Twilight shrunk back behind Luna, but my kitten was crafted from a different cloth. Her wings flared ever so slightly. Her legs braced on the ground. Her head ducked a little lower. Her eyes hard as steel. Ready for anything. Bring it, he seemed to dare me.

I recoiled.

I loved her. I did not wish to fight her. Now, or ever. “It is my time now!” I pleaded. “I deserve this!”

Luna remained battle-ready. “What is your name?” she asked yet again.

I shook my head. “N-No, I—… Luna, please! Kitten! Please, you know my name!” I scrambled for anything to cling to. Anything that offered a way out of this. “You get travel sickness from riding trains. You didn’t even know that until you accompanied me! Your favorite flower is the Moonshine Daisy. You love scrambled eggs for breakfast. We watch horror movies together. You feel the Elements are overrated and overused. There’s a fifty-fifty chance for you to get super-sleepy or really horny when you get preened. You swore fealty to coffee, even though it’s the vilest brew ever created.”

It became easier with every snippet. Until I shot them at staccato-speed. I knew her. I knew so much about her. But Luna merely grimaced as I started to ramble on and on, as I spewed more pieces of information, quicker and quicker. Until she raised a hoof and smashed it down onto the ground with force. There was no ground, obviously. Yet I still felt the reverberations. “What is your name?” she insisted.

In my rising panic, I frantically looked around. But as per usual, the void offered nothing. And my eyes got stuck on a bunch of mulberry feathers peeking out from behind Luna. “Peanut, please, help me out here! Come on. Honey instead of syrup on your pancakes. You love strawberries. Deep down, you’re a hopeless romantic. You had your first kiss with Cadance because you were curious and she deemed it safer than letting you try it out with anypony else. You—“

She stepped out of Luna’s shadow and I cut myself off. I stood rooted to the spot and I did not dare move a muscle out of fear that my legs would just start to jitter and eventually buckle and give up. But I had hope. Right? There was hope that she understood. That she would help me. She loved to help creatures of all kinds. Even strangers. And I was not even that.

“I do not know what is going on here,” she started and I immediately got a sinking feeling in my stomach, “but there are two things I know for sure: Stardust needs his father right now, as much as Celestia needs her husband.”

I ignored the hot streams on my cheeks as best as I could. I ignored the blurry vision and focused on her and her alone. “I can be exactly that. I can fill those roles!” Just let me. I want to.

But Twilight took a step back. Away from me. “But you do admit to not being him,” she stated. And it really was a statement. No longer was there any doubt in her mind, any question to be asked. Twilight shot Luna a look. Something got communicated between the two of them. Something along the lines of ‘I’m done here, do what you must’.

I was sure my shoulders would have sagged in defeat were it not for the tension keeping my entire body coiled like a spring. Luna took a single step towards me, her wings unfurled a bit further. There was compassion in her eyes. Empathy. Heck, maybe it was pity. Who was I to tell? “What is your name?” she asked. Not with a steel-cold voice, not with merciless hardness in her eyes. No. There was a strange softness to it that cut so much deeper than any outright assault could have.

And I was afraid.

There were no fancy words for it. My entire life had been one of fear. I cried out of fear. Thrashed in fear. Lashed out in fear. Hid in fear. Retreated from friends and family and society as a whole in fear. Secluded myself from hostile forces I called ‘life’ and ‘world’ in fear. And I ran. In a way that did not require legs. I ran until everything I was afraid of disappeared. But never did I run fast enough, or far enough.

Because I was always there.

It was ‘normal’ to be angry, yes? Well it shouldn’t be.

It was ‘normal’ to be envious, right? What was normalcy, even?

It was ‘normal’ to be greedy, surely. Because there was so much unpleasantness, and so little hope.

But I was always with me. The one thing I could never get rid of. I could never run away from. Fear had wormed its way so deep into my heart that there was no hope of ever getting it out. And it ate. It ate until nothing else was left. Until anger was just a byproduct of fear. Until greed was just an expression of fear. Until I was too tired to wake up or walk or talk or live a ‘normal’ life. Fear was everywhere. Fear was everything.

I hated myself.

I hated what I was. Where I was. Who I was.

“I am Dreamwa—“

But Luna shook her head. “What is your name?” she asked. Her voice was barely above a whisper. Maybe she could see the pain she caused. The rampant fear. Yet apparently, she still deemed it necessary to continue.

I sometimes wondered.

There were others out there. Others in pain. Others who were afraid. Or angry. Or tired. Others who refused to ignore how bad things were. I wondered how they did it. How they scraped by. Maybe even thrived, somehow. I wondered if they truly knew fear. And if maybe I was just too weak.

I should never have made it this far.

I should have been sorted out as a faulty, broken thing incapable of survival.

Why was I still here?

“Please,” I uttered in her direction. I had no idea if she could even hear me. If my throat had produced any discernible sound. But I could not bring myself to raise my voice. “Please don’t.”

I heard her hoofsteps. She came closer. I did not dare raise my head. I stared at the ground. At my hooves. My hooves, his hooves, the same really. I wished so desperately for that to be the same. “Who are you?” she asked quietly. Softly.

“I am Voidwalker,” I answered. It was a lie, of course. Not the name I was born with, but the name I chose. It seemed rather fitting, given the circumstances. And yet I made fun of Tempest Shadow for her overly dramatic and edgy choice. Was Voidwalker any better?

At the same time, a second voice emanated from my throat. “I am Dreamwalker,” he said.

And in that moment of perfect alignment, Luna lunged forward. Her horn lit brightly in cobalt blue, she grabbed him and pulled him away from me, out of me, pulled us apart. Luna and Dreamwalker tumbled to the ground somewhere off to the side.

And I felt empty inside again.

I felt the despair creep in again.

I felt the tears stream down my face as desperation became insurmountable again. And I broke. I could not hold it. I could not restrain myself forever. Not now, not with… this. My knees buckled and I collapsed to the ground. I buried my head beneath my hooves. I did not wish for them to see me like this. No one was ever supposed to see me like this.

“I shielded him every step of the way,” I hiccupped in between violent sobs. “I protected and guided him. Everything he has, he has because of me.”

It was Twilight's hoof I felt on my trembling shoulder. “And you could have been his friend. I am sure he will be grateful nonetheless, because that is just the kind of pony that he is, but you… you chose to take what is not yours.”

But it is!, I wanted to cry out. All of it! This is my story! Yet nothing escaped my throat but another strangled sob. I shook my head. “All I ever wanted was to not feel cold and alone and empty. I wanted to be happy for once. Is that too much to ask?”

Twilight did not answer. She helped Luna prop Dreamwalker up on his wobbly legs. My kitten looked over at me. “For what it is worth: I am deeply sorry.”

And they turned around. And started to walk away. Out of the void they did not belong in. And there was no doubt in my mind that it would let them leave. Just like that.

The dread came fast. I wanted to lunge for them, but could not move. I wanted to walk, but my legs refused. I would have crawled, if my body would have obeyed any command. “No! Please! Don’t leave me here! Please, show mercy! Kill me! Please!” They stopped for just a second. None of them turned around. And then they simply… vanished. And I collapsed back to the ground. “No… kill me please…”

The dreamscape knows no time. It is everlasting and fleeting like a heartbeat. One second could be a century, it did not matter.

And I had no idea how long I was here.

I did not dare a peek. I knew I could risk it. I could observe. I could guide again. Influence his life. Nudge him towards choices. Continue as before. Insert elements, build a storyline. But my heart was still bleeding so profusely. I remembered feeling my own body and not being repulsed by it. I remembered sharing a way too small bed with a loved one, waking up next to her, looking into her beautiful violet eyes. I remembered the feeling of water splashing on my back, my mane clinging to my neck. The brush smoothly gliding along my barrel.

I had no words for how much it hurt.

But I was decently sure that there was only so much pain one could endure before a mind simply… broke. Unraveled. I wondered if madness would be more bearable than this. The mad do not know that they are mad, do they?

My pondering was interrupted by a sudden appearance.

Her I had expected least of all. “Sunny?”

She smiled at me. Fondly. A smile I knew all too well, I had seen it so many, many times. “Luna told me what happened.”

I grimaced. Of course she did. Why else would she be here otherwise? I sat down, my shoulders sagged and I sighed. “I never really stood a chance, did I?” The narrative demanded that I fail. And despite their immense power, not even storytellers could hope to truly overpower or outsmart the narrative. It was not our tool. It was the other way around. Stories were eternal. They were always told, and would always be told.

I shook my head. “I never intended to hurt him. To betray or steal from him. I just… I carried the weight of this existence for far too long. And I simply cannot bear this any longer. The darkness. The cold. The emptiness. The… loneliness.”

I despised my own weakness as I teared up yet again. What a pathetic display, I chided myself. What’s this supposed to achieve? Make her throw a pity party? Sure, that’s gonna solve all your problems…

“I just wanted to be happy,” I managed to croak out.

Sunny walked over, sat down next to me and… hugged me.

A hug.

Such a stupidly simple thing.

How could one fear a hug?

And yet I trembled like a leaf.

Her legs held me tight. Strong, powerful legs. No cold regalia, just her warm alabaster coat. I could feel the muscle beneath her skin. I heard her heartbeat. I heard the rustle of feathers as she extended her wings and closed them around me like a cocoon. And I clung to her for dear life. Trembling and sobbing and wailing. Again. Until everything felt numb.

It seemed to take eternity and then some before I calmed down. And my dear beloved waited patiently. She probably even made it look elegant. Comforting with grace.

Before those thoughts could be corrupted and turn bitter, she quietly raised her voice. “Look.” And she opened her pristinely white wings. Just enough to allow me to do as she asked.

I did. And I could not believe what I saw. There was a star in the void. A single star. A tiny speck of light, twinkling away as if it belonged here. “W-What…? How?”

Sunny leaned down and nuzzled me. I swallowed another sob. “There might be hope,” she told me. “I need to go, but I promise you: I will return.”

My first instinct was to cling to her tighter. “Don’t! Don’t leave me!” I did not dare repeat my plea, the one I had hurled after Twilight and Luna in a frantic hurry. How had I ever managed to be so monstrous, to ask something like that of them? Of those I loved most? While wearing his face no less?

Sunny continued to nuzzle me. And it helped. It calmed me down. Staring at the impossible star also helped. “I will return, you have my word,” she promised. With such sincerity that there really could be no doubt about it. And I reluctantly let go. She stood up and hugged me one more time before fading away. With a smile on her lips. A genuine, warm smile. Despite everything.

I turned around and almost feared the star would have vanished along with her, but no. No, it remained.

So I sat down.

And stared at it.

And I let my mind go numb.

The dreamscape knows no time.

And I am not a bad person.

Day 1: Never The End

The moment I reached consciousness was the very moment I wished I had not done so. These valuable first seconds were filled with a sensory overload the likes of which I assumed I had never experienced before. Worse still, everything blended together and mixed in ways it was not supposed to.

I could hear a bird chirping somewhere in the distance. Or maybe it was a lot closer than I thought, because I could not tell an inch apart from a mile right now. All I knew was that I felt an intense, burning hatred for that bird. Not birds in general, no, this one, this specific one. Its ‘song’ drilled into my head and it just would not shut up. It did not stop, it did not waver, it just chirped and chirped and I could feel its song bore into my brain.

When I tried to open my eyes, I found them oddly resistant to the idea. They were caked over, a crust of I-don’t-want-to-know. I pushed through the resistance and immediately regretted my life choices. Again, I could feel the light. Because it flooded into my eyes like boiling water, it hurt my mind in a way I had not deemed possible.

I quickly pressed them shut again while I slowly regained a sense of my own body. A long spine. Four legs. Hooves. I ignored the spasms as best as I could.

I lay on the floor. The ground, rather. On dirt. I could feel individual crumbs of dirt, clay or stones pressing into my coat, sticking to it in an uncomfortable way. Meanwhile my coat was getting a nice glaze. Cooked in my own sweat, it felt like, with the sun bearing down on me relentlessly.

There was a puddle of… questionable origin nearby. The acrid smell told me a story of an empty stomach that was only capable of relieving itself of acid.

Not everything was awful though.

I could smell grass nearby. Dirt. The faint remnants of rain, probably from yesterday. And for as prickly as the soil beneath me initially felt, the soft dirt was not all that bad once I got a little bit more used to it.

I tried to stand up. It seemed obvious and natural, but the moment I attempted to gain control over my legs, these twitching, trembling appendages made perfectly clear that they were under no obligation to obey. “Crap,” I croaked and was almost shocked to hear my own voice. It sounded rough, hoarse. Less of a mystery once I remembered the puddle. I could still taste the acid on my tongue, it was mildly disgusting.

With little other choice, I attempted to open my eyes again. Slowly. Just a tiny crack, because I already knew what I had to expect. It helped as the light flooded in once more. Bright daylight. A sunny day no less, hence the perceived oven heat. Though on second impression, it was not as hot as I initially thought. Still uncomfortable, but not ‘Oh sweet Celestia, I am going to burn’-hot.

Celestia.

I blinked in surprise. Well, that was an interesting name. And it gave my mind something to cling to. Something to mull over. I knew that name. I even vaguely remembered a face? Maybe? She was a pony, right?

But what about my own name?

Easy. Dreamwalker. Done.

Good. What about others? Because I could not shake the feeling that something was missing. A lot, actually. So I rummaged around in my own head, searching for something I had forgotten. Like walking down endless rows in a warehouse, checking the inventory for blank spots. And they somehow became more obvious when I focused on what I actually knew.

I could name things. Soil, dirt, grass, those were easy. Bird. Song. Forest. A collection of trees. Evergreen Forest. A particularly nasty piece of work. And exactly the forest I lay before. Well, still a couple dozen feet away from its edge, but close enough to stare at its twisted and gnarled trees. And that gosh-darn bird was somewhere in there.

Sky. Cloud. Hooves. Horn.

Oooh! A horn. Unicorn. Yes. I immediately focused on it as best as I could. I closed my eyes again and tried to feel out that protrusion on my forehead. The result was a little underwhelming. Since it was not a jointed appendage I could move at will, it did not do anything by itself. But I remembered telekinesis. An easy spell. Everypony could do that, right? Well, every unicorn.

I tried to grab a nearby stick on the ground. No idea what I wanted to do with it, but I tried to grab it and pull it closer. I saw a faint, light brown-yellowish aura encase the wood. It wobbled. Then it wobbled more violently and… broke.

Yikes. Not gonna try that on anything important.

The distraction had helped. Not just with getting my bearings, but also with bridging the gap until the constant twitching in my legs slowed down. I still felt like crap. Weak. Unfocused. Tired. Mostly weak. But I told myself that it was important to get up. Without actually knowing why.

My first attempt to stand up — not counting the hilariously embarrassing display earlier — was an utter failure again. I managed to roll onto my belly, who protested with a violent and noisy gurgle, and then I overshot my target and flopped onto my other side.

Great. Good progress. Ten out of ten, would roll over like a good puppy again. I grimaced. Which by itself felt strangely natural. How odd.

It was difficult to tell the passing of time. At some point the sun would set, sure. But there were a lot of hours between sunrise and sunset. I had no idea at which point I came to my senses, and how much time had passed between that and now. Felt like an hour, maybe two. Could be two minutes just as well.

Before a third-first attempt of standing up, I gave myself a break. I tried to focus on my mental state again. Tried to name things again. The Everfree Forest was not just any old forest, it was a landmark. Meaning there was a land. Equestria. Yes, that one. Thanks. Even with closed eyes, I still rolled them in mild annoyance with myself.

The Everfree Forest in Equestria. And as I tried my best to find a connection to something else there, a sudden... thing popped up in my mind. Less of a thought, not really an idea. More like a feeling.

Home.

I had no mental image of it. No understanding of size, location, distance, anything. But I knew for a fact that there was a village nearby. A town, maybe. At the edge of the Everfree Forest. And it was home. And that, somehow, finally clued me in to the most important part, to the gaping hole in my head:

I had no idea how I got here.

And despite knowing my name, I knew almost nothing else about myself.

Faced with this sudden revelation, I naturally started to panic. Who was I? Where did I come from? Why was I here? Had I been attacked? Hit over the head with a brick? Was I an amnesiac? Maybe a lunatic fled from a hospital? Was I dangerous to others? Did I have family? Friends? Wives? Foals? A bird with white-tipped feathers?

I blinked. That was oddly specific. But the sudden intrusion helped to keep my panic in check, so I tried to follow that line of thought. Ponies, I was pretty sure, did not just pop into existence. I had to come from somewhere, meaning there was somepony out there who knew me, probably searched for me, and hopefully cared about me. Somepony who could clue me in as to what happened.

It was just a matter of finding them. Can’t be that hard, right? I rolled my eyes again.

I wanted to go home. There was a deep, unfathomably deep longing to just… go home. Maybe that was the reason I was out here in the first place? Maybe I really was an escaped psych-ward patient. Whatever the case may be, I remembered that village-town-city-thingy. Ponyville. It was home. I needed to go there. With legs. Working, cooperating legs. Come on, guys. You want to walk, I know it! So I tried again.

And something about that just… clicked. I tried. I tried a lot. I failed a lot, too. But I tried and tried again and again. It was my schtick, maybe? Or at least something I used to tell myself a lot.

I rolled onto my belly again and did not overshoot it this time. Neat. Then I cautiously pressed my hooves onto the ground. They tingled for a few seconds, as if unfamiliar with the prospect of actually carrying weight. But once that settled down, I pushed. I pushed myself up, off the ground. It felt like a herculean task. Like Atlas moving the world.

Who the heck is Atlas?, I briefly wondered. Probably an earth pony.

And I wanted to scream in triumph when my legs snapped into place and they suddenly felt less weak and useless, less like wobbly noodles stuck to a balloon.

I. Stood.

I sighed in relief instead. My voice, my throat, they were grateful for my self-restraint. The vertigo was awful, but that was something a quadruped was particularly well-equipped to deal with. I braced myself, with my hooves spaced further apart. It looked silly, I assumed. But it kept me stable and upright.

I stood and I had therefore conquered my first major hurdle. Neat.

… now what?

I looked at the forest nearby and felt an ominous fear creep up my spine, raising all hair on my coat in the process. This forest was dark. Deep. Dangerous. Full of monsters and chaotic magic. One could not even trust the flowers.

I turned around. With tremendous effort, only ever raising one hoof at a time. I could spot Ponyville in the distance. A collection of small houses with strangely familiar shapes. My legs started to jitter again as a splitting headache suddenly washed over me. My knees threatened to buckle, but I kept myself up, albeit barely.

I saw them. Faces. Names. Colors. Cutie marks. Rainbow Dash. Berrytwist? Derpy. Fluttershy. Minuette. Applejack. Roseluck. It did not stop. It picked up speed instead, one after another, quicker and quicker they flew past my mental eye. A flood of information surged into my brain. It felt like needles were slowly twisted into it. And I could do nothing. Nothing to help, nothing to stop it, nothing but brace myself and stand there and endure these flashbacks or whatever they were.

Once that was over, I heaved several deep breaths. I trembled. My entire body did. This… this flood, it took a lot out of me. A lot of energy, from what little I even had. But I remembered now. I remembered so much more than I had before. I remembered hobbies I shared with friends. And those were my friends. I loved playing horseshoes with Applejack. Even though she always won. She was a good sport about it. Unlike Rainbow, who rarely passed up an opportunity to gloat. But at the end of the day, Rainbow tried to inspire others, she wanted them to be their best selves, she wanted them to push themselves to greater heights.

I remembered endless strolls through wide fields and rolling hills, accompanied by Derpy and her daughter. Who had a face in my memory, but lacked a name. My shoulders sagged, accompanied by a sigh. So it was not a perfect recollection. There were still parts missing.

At least seeing my very colorful friends helped me realize that there were important things about a pony's body. And for the first time, I actually cared to look at myself. The feeling of alienation was almost entirely gone, this body was mine and mine alone, but I still felt slightly… off.

And looking at myself did not exactly impress me. My coat was brown. Not mouthwatering-rich-chocolate-brown. Not fertile-soil-brown. It was the kind of plain brown one would find when buying a starter set of crayons or pencils. A nondescript brown-brown. At least the rather bland color explained why I had struggled so much — and still did, to a certain extent — with the direct sunlight. While not dark gray or black, it was a darker color.

My mane and tail were the same shade of brown, just darker. When I compared my appearance to my friends, when I tried to imagine myself standing next to the well-toned, orange-coated, adorable southern accent-slinging Applejack with her cute red ribbon and her stylish hat? Or next to Rainbow, with her prismatic mane and room-filling ego? Even I would not look at myself twice. Maybe I would not even take notice of my presence at first glance to begin with. And yet somehow, that thought did not really irk me as much as I had expected it would.

So blending into the background was something I preferred, it seemed. Giving the spotlight to those who could handle it. Or in Rainbow's case, who craved it. I chuckled as I saw her cocky grin before my mind's eye. I could not wait to see her again. Would she be happy to see me again? Did she miss me? Had I even been lost?

Cutie marks were important as well, of course. It was the deepest, most important, most honest expression of the self. A representation of inherent magic and talent. Of purpose. And mine was a wibbly-wobbly line of blueish something with what appeared to be… stars?... in it. Maybe. It was hard to tell. A mirror would serve me well, but I lacked one. And my neck protested any attempts to stare at my own flank for any longer.

Well, why wait? I had a town with a name, connected to the feeling of home, and a couple of friends waiting there. Sure, every step was slow as heck, but I would get there eventually.

“Easy does it,” I mimicked something Applejack had told me again and again. I could not recall the context, but her voice was present in a lot of my rather vague and disjointed memories. And she sounded like a teacher to me. Or at least somepony whose advice I held in high regard.

I had managed a whole lot of… twelve steps or so, when I suddenly heard something new.

Singing.

At first I thought it came from that strange, half-buried cottage over yonder. But my ears swiveled around until they managed to free themselves of my continued disorientation. I had no idea why I even associated that cottage with song.

But the singing was… beautiful. It tickled my brain. And I spotted the onset early enough this time to fully brace myself. The flood was not that huge this time. Either because I managed to prepare myself, or some other condition kept it brief. But I felt like I had been here before. I had been through this entire charade before. The twisting limbs, the vomiting, the light-is-needles-thing. And I had heard her sing before.

“Twilight?” I asked. My heart beat faster. I felt like it wanted to crawl out of my mouth and drop into my knees at the same time. I got sweaty, hot and cold and jittery, elated and nervous. Twilight, I thought. It really was all I thought. On repeat. I quickly turned around, I tried to anyway. With a little bit too much enthusiasm. As I immediately collapsed to the ground again. And it really felt like I had been hit over the head once more. My head swam in pain and chaos, everything became blurry and unfocused again and the name I had such a solid grasp on just seconds ago slipped through my hooves.

“No! No no no no no, don’t go away,” I weakly pleaded, but it was too late. Whatever piece of my life I had remembered, it was gone again. Sunken down into the abyss where the rest of my memories hopefully waited until I figured out how to retrieve them.

I sighed. And I wanted to give up. I really did. But there was singing, and it got louder, and I could finally make out words.

“Come on everypony, smile, smile, smile, Fill my heart up with sunshine, sunshine!”

My throat grew tight and I inevitably smiled. “All I really need’s a smile, smile, smile, from these happy friends of mine,” I continued alongside the quirky voice.

She stopped. Why did she stop?

I only briefly wondered, right before a shadow fell upon me. “Hi there!”

I cautiously blinked and looked up. Cerulean. Baby-blue eyes. A bouncy, poofy mane. An everlasting smile, albeit currently upside-down. I could not help but chuckle. “Hi there yourself.”

“Do you need help?” she asked. As she did, she looked me over and I felt strangely… naked. Then she looked back over her shoulder, in the direction where I had come from, and she probably stared right at the puddle, and maybe the spots of flattened grass where I had rolled around in futile attempts to get up.

It was embarrassing. Or rather, it should have been. But somehow, with her, it did not feel like it. I could already tell that I was the kind of pony that would always try. Try a lot, fail a lot, try again. But try alone. Because I did not want to bother others. I did not wish to impose upon them. I did not wish to drag them into my issues. I was not a team player. I was not hyperactive. I was calm. And quiet. And reserved. And she, she was loud and colorful and in-your-face and excitable.

Several minor revelations about her and myself later, I found that I had no issue accepting her help. So I nodded. “I, ehrm, yes. I could use some help.”

She offered me a hoof. I had no idea why I expected her to just grab me in her telekinesis, lift me up, turn me over and put me down again. She was an earth pony. She did not have active spellcasting like that. I accepted her hoof and was surprised and at the same time not surprised at all by the sheer strength I could feel beneath that careful layer of mindfulness.

And right when I thought I had things figured out, the vertigo came back with a vengeance. Before I could utter a single syllable, I stumbled. She grabbed me and instead of letting me fall onto my rump, she pulled me towards herself, so I tumbled against her. And stayed upright, in a tight hug.

My knees almost gave out. My head got used to the sensation of splitting headaches, somehow, as the third flood washed over my mind. Her embrace was familiar. In this and many different ways. A friend's hug. A lover's embrace. Not just coincidence. I felt the warmth of her body and it was so much more welcoming than the sun's heat bearing down on us. I felt her coat brush on mine. I sunk into her, relaxed. My nostrils flared as I picked up her scent. Oven heat. Sugary delights. Strawberries. Cherries? Cinnamon?

With my mind still in a haze, I mumbled: “Mmmm… I love cinnamon…” And I licked her. As if she was a gosh-darn Hearth's Warming Eve candy cane. I had no idea what I expected. Or why I did it. But the faint taste of strawberry shampoo brought me back to my senses. Because that stuff was not meant to be eaten.

“I-I’m so sorry!” I sputtered and tried to recoil.

The latter was surprisingly hard to do. She merely giggled due to the sensation, and giggled again as I tried to apologize and retreat. She hugged me, and she did not let go. She did not even let me flee an inch. “It’s fine! I want to lick stuff because it smells good all the time!”

I could not help myself. It was just… such an odd thing to say. Such an utterly weird explanation. I chuckled, but it quickly grew into a quiet laugh, and finally into louder guffaws. And she laughed right alongside me. It was a nice sound. Earnest and genuine. The word ‘pure’ came to mind. But at the same time, my mind drew a clear line, a distinction that ‘pure’ was not equal to ‘innocent’, even though her eyes seemed innocent.

Once I calmed down, I tried to retreat again and this time, she let me. “I’m still sorry though. As far as I can remember, you’re not supposed to go around licking ponies.”

She giggled. “That would be a fun world!”

I was not entirely convinced of her estimation, but neither did I see any reason to argue. “And how many ponies have you licked ‘because they smelled good’?” I asked in jest.

The transformation was astonishing. Within mere fractions of seconds, her expression morphed from superficially innocent joy to smoldering, sultry bedroom eyes, adorned by a smile that could only be understood as delighted anticipation. And this was not the kind of well-practiced sultry gaze Rarity could conjure up. This was raw, unbridled passion. “Wouldn’t you like to know…” she answered.

I was speechless. And quite frankly, intimidated. And turned on. Somehow all of that, at the same time. And just as quickly as this change had occurred did it vanish. She stared at me for a moment, as if to gauge something, and then giggled with a snort mixed in. “You should have seen the look on your face!”

I gulped and chuckled uneasily. “Heh, yeah, I can imagine.” I could not. “S-So, uhm…” I looked her up and down. Her mane and tail were of a darker shade of the same raspberry color as her coat. I failed to recollect why I associated that with magic. What I noticed as well however, was her voluptuous body shape. I did not intend to stare. And maybe I managed not to. But what good did that if my face flushed like a tomato anyway.

And yet, again, she merely giggled and just ignored my many, many missteps. “I’m Pinkie!” she instead offered her name and a hoof.

I bonked my hoof against hers and snickered. “I’m Dreamwalker. Nice to meet you.” It just slipped out. ‘Nice to meet you’, it was such a formulaic response, so deeply ingrained in my brain. But I knew her already. I had failed to remember her name up until now, sure, but I knew that mare. I knew her desire for copious amounts of sugar. I knew that she was a lot of fun to be around. I knew of her rampant insecurities and imposter syndrome silently gnawing away at her. I knew of that bakery she worked and lived in. I knew of the very, very pink interior design of her bedroom. I knew that in the eternal war between coffee and tea, she was the leader of the impartial hot cocoa-fraction. I knew of her sisters, her parents, her love for ear scratches if done right, I knew of—

Wait.

“Uhm, Pinkie, d-do you mind if I just… test something out?” I asked. She shrugged and nodded and smiled. Innocently. No. Purely. There was a difference. But with her permission given and not a single question asked as to what I wanted to try, I stepped closer to her again and lifted a hoof. Because I remembered that twig and she was certainly important to me. I moved slowly, to give her ample opportunity to back away at any point. But she did not. And I scratched her ear. With the edge of my hoof, right at the base.

Her eyes fluttered shut. “O-Ooohhh, that’s goooood…!” she murmured.

So if that piece of easily verifiable information worked out, then maybe it was safe to assume they all did. But how would that work? How could I know her without knowing her? She clearly did not know me. This was an introduction scene. A first encounter. Exchange of names and all that. How did I know that her sister Maud currently worked on her rocktorate? Or that limestone had massive anger management issues? Or how all the Pies were fiercely protective towards Marble, and I fully understood why? How could I know her favorite dish, flower, color, song, when I met her for the first time?

Worse still: What about the others? What about Applejack? Rainbow? Derpy? Rarity?

What about home?

My hoof trailed off and slowly lowered itself down as I battled a sinking feeling in my stomach. She picked up on the mood change immediately. “Don’t worry. I have cherry-cinnamon-rolls at home. A fresh batch, baked them this morning!”

It clearly was an invitation. More importantly, it was my favorite. I only remembered now, even without any flood. But I loved cherries. And cinnamon. “How? How did you know?” I asked her.

Pinkie giggled again and shrugged. “I woke up and my right eye twitched. Then my legs got all itchy and my tail wobbled.”

Ah yes, the infamous Pinkie sense. I shot her a lopsided smile. “And what did that tell you?”

“Well there were several other signs before I got out of bed,” she mused in thought, “but it basically told me to get something with cherries and cinnamon ready and to head out to the forest road later in the morning.”

It was a relief and a bummer at the same time. So she did not know me at all. She just followed instructions from a barely understood phenomenon. Somepony should study that at some point.

Twi…

I blinked. For a fraction of a second, I felt like there was something. Just out of reach. Some… understanding. Something important. But as soon as I focused on it, it was gone again. Frustrating.

“I’m a little wobbly on my legs,” I told Pinkie. “Would it be too much to ask if I could accompany you to Ponyville?”

She snorted again and shook her head. “Nopers! It would be silly not to ask, silly. I prepared your breakfast after all. And your room.”

“M-My room?” I sputtered.

“Yeppers! Already asked Mister and Misses Cake and they were fine with it as long as-… well, that’s details, for later.” She winked at me.

It brought up a good point. Ponyville felt like home. But did I actually have a home? Like, an actual building? An address? A room with a bed? And here my memory failed me again. So her offer was currently the best I had. “Thank you.”

I tried to think about Mister and Misses Cake. I had faces. Names. But little else. And the harder I tried to pry into that locked box of memories, the stranger things got. My mind was diverted elsewhere and through mysterious channels I did not comprehend, I landed back with Pinkie. With a memory of us… cuddling? A tight embrace on her way-too-small bed. With the sensation of stickiness in certain regions.

The implications made me blush again and I decided to better get going before I somehow made things worse.

“You’re doing that a lot,” she commented as we walked towards town.

“What?”

She grinned knowingly. “You look at me and then you get red. Well, not red really, more like maroon…?”

I quickly shook my head. “Yeah, sorry about that. I’m just… I think I hit my head pretty badly and my mind’s a jumbled mess. I remember all kinds of things and I’m not sure if half of them ever happened or hold true.”

“The scratchies were nice,” she noted.

I blinked and slowed down. “I’m… glad to hear that? I mean… I don’t see the connection?”

“There’s things you can’t understand,” she elaborated. I nodded to signify my understanding so far. “These things may be part of you. So you should trust yourself. Or they are not part of you, but come from someplace else. If so, do they feel all eeevil? If not, maybe it’s someone else trying to guide and help you. So you should probably trust them. And if it leads you to bad places, then you know. And you can probably still change your mind.”

The world was an unfathomably complex network, comprised of thousands of lesser, but not less complex systems and mechanics. Pinkie made it seem easy. She broke it down into base components. Good. Bad. Fun. Not fun. It was baffling how in tune with herself she was. It was one thing to trust one's own gut feeling. But she did not just trust it. What she did went way beyond trust.

It was admirable, I decided. And there really was a lot to admire about her.

And I was staring again. I only noticed when I heard her giggle. “S-Sorry.”

“You apologize a lot,” she wondered. “Is that fun?”

“Well, no, not particularly,” I answered.

“Then why do it?” she shot straight back.

“I…” … was at a loss for words. Again. “Some things can’t be fun, but are still necessary.”

She mulled that over and shrugged. “Maybe. But you can make apologizing fun, I bet.”

I laughed again. It felt strangely freeing to do that in her presence. And I did notice out of the corner of my eye how her eyes lit up when I laughed. Her way of dealing with life was just so unique and… quirky. “I’m sure you can make anything fun!” I replied with gusto.

“You’re damn right I can!” she proudly announced and wiggled her eyebrows.

It was silly. She was silly. And I loved it. We both shared another laugh. I had almost forgotten about anything else. I had certainly spent less attention towards our surroundings. As such, I was surprised when a timid pale-golden pegasus with a pink mane walked up to us. From the direction of that overgrown cottage no less. I should have seen her coming, quite literally, for a while already.

“Oh, hey Fluttershy!” I greeted her with excitement. Only after the words had slipped out did I realize that I had not been able to combine that appearance with that name before. But it somehow clicked now. And worse still, she immediately demonstrated why I should be more careful with the usage of these tidbits of information I got from my faulty memories.

“O-Oh, uhm, h-hello? Do I know you? Did we meet already?” And before I could even hope to get a word in, I saw panic rising in her eyes. “Oh no! Did we meet and I forgot about it? I can’t seem to remember your name! Or your face. Or… anything about you.” She got quieter and quieter with every sentence, until I could barely make out a word she said. And she retreated behind her flowing, curtain-like mane.

Her reaction made me fly into a panic of my own as I mentally scrambled to find a way to salvage my first meeting with somepony who I considered a dear and beloved friend. Luckily, Pinkie came to my rescue. Even though I did not understand why. “I told him about you,” she lied. “He’s new to town and my Pinkie sense told me to go greet him, because he gets lost easily and he was almost walking into the forest. And on our way back I told him aaaaall about Ponyville and my fun friends!”

Pinkie's overly excited explanation did seem to calm Fluttershy down. Everything made sense now. She sighed in relief, a proper introduction followed, then a brief and superficial conversation, and shortly after Fluttershy told us that she was on her way to Zecora and wished us goodbye.

Whoever Zecora was.

We both watched Fluttershy walk away. And there it was again. That prickly sensation that I was missing pieces. She was a pegasus. Why did she not fly away? But that was a question best left for another day. Maybe I could ask Pinkie later on. For now, I merely turned to her. “Thank you,” I offered.

Pinkie meanwhile dropped the over-excited mask back down to a more moderate level of genuine happiness, a more sustainable level. “You didn’t answer,” she noted.

“Answer what?” I replied in confusion.

“I said you were new to town and Fluttershy asked if you were going to stay. You didn’t answer that.”

She was right. It took me a moment to recap the brief conversation in my mind, but she was right. The conversation had developed in a different direction and the question just got lost in the mix. But it was obvious now that Pinkie cared about the answer. At least it was an easy answer to give. “Ponyville is my home. I… I have a lot of questions that need answers sooner or later, but I know that much. Ponyville is my home, and you are my friend.”

She seemed relieved. A vigorous nod made her wobbly mane bounce up and down, which in turn made her giggle. And with a new spring in her step, she skipped a couple of them ahead. “That’s great! We’re gonna have so much fun! Although I gotta say, that is not how you look at friends!” She merrily giggled, snorted and laughed as she bounced away, wiggling her hip in the process.

I grimaced. I tried not to stare. And grimaced some more because I did it anyway. Such a tease. But it was all in good fun, was it not? All in good fun.

As I picked up the pace and followed her to my new home, I briefly glanced back over my shoulder. Down the path we had come. Towards the edge of the Everfree Forest. If I concentrated hard enough, I felt like I could still hear it. A faint whistling. It was probably just an echo of my memories. But when I thought about it, I felt this deep hole in my heart. Something was missing.

I sighed. I had too many mysteries to deal with. “Baby steps,” I told myself and turned around again. And I fixed my gaze on a shapely pink rump. With a competitive grin plastered on my face, I sped up and ran after her, chasing her down through the streets of Ponyville. Literally chasing her tail.

That would be an interesting first introduction to most of my past and future friends…

Day 738: Subjective Reality

I trudged along like the steadfast little soldier I was supposed to be. Every hoofstep fell on the thick, soft carpet lining the hallways of Canterlot Castle, muffling the sound it would have made otherwise. I had a destination in mind, but no urgency to get there faster. Every now and again, I passed by another massive window, the evening sun shining through into the hallway. It was a weird sensation, this recurring shift between walking in the sun’s warmth and passing through those gaps in between windows.

I had cared for my armor and put it away, as I was supposed to do after training. It was well-maintained, because I was nothing if not meticulous. Somehow though, I still felt like I was wearing it. I felt its presence, its weight pushing me down.

Every. Muscle. Ached.

I noticed that I had subconsciously started to slow down whenever I was walking under Celestia’s sun. Whenever I passed by another window. The warmth seeped into me, plastered my coat and soothed my aching muscles. And then I moved past the window, past the sun and past the warmth and I sped up a little. Just a little, to reach the next window a fraction of a second faster.

I wondered how strange I must have looked at that moment.

Suddenly growing self-conscious was nothing new for me, so I barely reacted to it. I just took a quick look around, but the hallway was almost empty. I could see a few day guards down the corridor, flanking another door, but other than that? I was alone. It was fine.

Even if there had been witnesses, I doubted I could have brought myself to care. I was spent. Drained. Exhausted. And I desperately wanted to go home.

A left turn, a couple dozen feet more, a right turn and my destination was in sight. Two more day guards flanked the doors to Celestia's study. “Hey guys,” I greeted them lazily as I raised a hoof to knock. They knew my face by now. While they might not have approved of me, or cared about me at all, it was enough for them to not stop me. Then again… that might not have been fair. I had to repeat to Pinkie to this very day every now and again, swear to her, that I could not read minds. Maybe these guards liked me. Maybe they cared who I was. Or how I was. I was just assuming again.

I sighed, but said nothing. They sure said nothing as well, it was part of their job after all. Be impressive, be silent, stand at attention.

“Come in,” piped Celestia up. It was her usual, practiced business-voice.

I opened the door, stepped past the threshold and stopped. She was not alone, to my surprise. Two other guards, day guards, stood before her desk. They had apparently just finished a report or something and waited for her reply. I realized I had left the door open, so I took another step into the room, closed it and waited near the entrance until whatever this was was finished.

Celestia did not break character. Even when she looked up at the newcomer – me –, she did not even smile. Well, that was not true. She smiled of course. She always did. But it was her usual smile. Her serene Princess-smile. I understood its necessity, but I did not like it very much.

“Thank you, Captain. That would be all,” she addressed the two guards. They gave a curt nod and turned and headed for the exit. One of them looked at me. For just a second or two, he looked at me. And there was a disdain in that look that made me flinch a little. Neither of those two slowed down. They reached the door in perfect unison and left the room quietly.

The door closed again and with the lock in place, the layers upon layers of protective spells re-established themselves. I liked her study. It felt safe. I also liked the memories I had of this place. Of the times I shared this room with her. Of the first time in here. We were lying before that fireplace. I had prepared tea for her. Only weeks later did she muster enough courage to tell me that while she appreciated the gesture, my tea was awful. We had a good laugh that day.

I had massaged her. Preened her. We had talked. And we had sex. I liked my memories of that evening. They were my memories.

“Reminiscing again?” she asked me. There was a mirthful undercurrent in her voice. I could hear her smiling.

I looked over to her and confirmed my suspicion. And I could not help but smile in return. I loved her. I loved that smile. It was honest and unfiltered and it was mine. “A little,” I admitted. But then the clouds returned and I looked over my shoulder, back to the closed door. As if that would answer my question. Or Questions? I wasn’t even sure what I was asking that door. But I returned my gaze to her and I felt my brow furrow. “Who were those two?” I asked, but quickly corrected myself. “Actually, the one on the left. Who was that?”

I had presented her with a little puzzle box, it seemed. There was a certain glint in her eyes whenever I did that. A conundrum of sorts she could take a look at. She prodded and studied and took a guess about its many possible solutions. She could not help herself, it was her nature.

“His name is Iron Grip,” she finally replied, willing to engage in this puzzle.

She did not mention any rank. It was the first thing that I noticed. Which already led me to believe that this was not about me being a recruit for the night guard, or me being special in any way. This was apparently something of a more personal nature.

On any other day, I would have loved to do this little dance with her. She would give me little hints, lead me along until I finally figured it out. And she would satisfy her own curiosity, seeing how I would react, how I put the pieces together and what I would make of it all. But I felt exhausted. Tired. So I preferred to take a shortcut. “What’s his problem with me?”

She was not disappointed, it seemed. No surprise, really – she had looked me over when I entered. She probably had already guessed that I was in no mood to puzzle over this. “While he has not come forth in any way, I presume he harbors deeper feelings beyond loyalty for me.”

There it was again. I felt my armor on my back. Its massive, almost unbearable weight seemed to push me down to the floor. The leather straps, meant to hold it in place, restricted my breathing. I involuntarily let my head hang lower. “Oh.” And I felt a little bit more exhausted than I already had.

It was really ungrateful. I was ungrateful. Despite our relationship, I had not been as much in the public eye as I could have been. Should have been really. All thanks to her and her sister and their attempts to accommodate me. They did not keep me hidden per se. We did not keep our relationship a secret. With a public figure like Celestia, that was all but impossible. But she did not drag me to every public appearance she had to attend. I usually waited for her at the palace, once she returned. So that I could help her relax afterwards, to flush any remaining frustration out of her system, or listen to her excited retelling of some funny event.

“Are you jealous?” she asked. It was a rhetorical question of course. She already knew the answer.

“No,” I replied dutifully. I dared to look up to her. She sat at her desk, behind mountains of paperwork. I saw her shoulders slump a little. Saw her sigh silently.

“Guilty, then,” she stated matter-of-factly.

I sighed. Although I hesitated, we both knew that I would not start lying to her here, now. “I guess,” I replied.

She nodded and furrowed her brow in thought. She finally put down that feather she had been levitating the entire time and stood up from her chair. She walked around the table, over to the fireplace and lit it with a spark of magic, patting the carpet beside her.

That was not what I had intended.

I nevertheless walked over and plopped myself down and I happily leaned against her side. I cherished this closeness each and every time. I felt privileged. Not because she was a princess. Never because of that. But because she was Sunny. My Sunny. “I missed you,” I mumbled and nuzzled along her neck and into her mane. Morning dew and summer’s heath. I loved her smell.

For a sweet, short moment, she laid her head on top of mine and gave an appreciative sigh of her own. “I missed you as well.” We remained silent for a little while until she started what had at this point become inevitable. “There are many that love me.”

I knew that. The most unobservant foal in all of Equestria would know that. “Most of those love Princess Celestia though,” I weakly objected.

She did not disagree. She did not have to. “Indeed. Some of those love what they perceive as my ‘lifestyle’. They love the wealth I have, the power I wield, the influence my position gives me-“

“Your immaculate body,” I interjected in a weak attempt at humor. And maybe a little bit of flattery.

It worked. She paused for a moment, stifled a quiet giggle and a fainted blush rose to her cheeks. She could have controlled herself. I would never have heard any of that, or seen any of that. But she let me. And I loved that. “Immaculate, is it?” she teased and extended her wing.

Her primaries trailed along my spine, from my dock up to my mane. I deeply enjoyed the sensation and shuddered. “Oh yes,” I quietly mumbled. Immaculate indeed. My eyelids fluttered shut and a little whine escaped my throat when she retracted her feathers. A smile tugged at my lips as I heard her quiet giggle again. “Tease,” I accused her.

She did not mind much. She just smiled, and after another moment returned to our topic, much to my dismay. “Yet despite most of those ponies loving the idea of me more than the real me, there are those few who do see beyond all that pomp and splendor.”

I laid my head on the carpet. “I know,” I replied, accompanied by a sigh.

“But here I am, with you by my side,” she made her final push.

“I’m… trying,” I answered without raising my head again. “This isn’t about questioning your judgment. I can tell that you’re happy. And I am happy as well and that should mean that everything is just fine. But those voices keep nagging me. Telling me that I am not worthy of you. Telling me that I stole chances from others. They question me if somepony else might be able to make you more happy than I can, and if that might not be reason enough to—"

I sighed and shook my head to exile the thoughts I had been battling. "I want you to be happy. The happiest ‘you’ that you can be.” Even if that means that there is no ‘us’ anymore. The implication weighed heavily on my mind. We had this talk and many similar ones before. I had these discussions with Celestia. I had them with Luna. I had them with Twilight. Goodness gracious, I had them with a lot of my friends as well. Talking to Applejack was usually the best way to set myself straight again fast. She was not about to let myself talk myself down like that and if necessary, she would smack those self-deprecating thoughts right out of my head.

Literally, if necessary. Which had only happened twice so far. Yay, go me.

This was about self-worth. And I did not exactly have a high opinion of myself. Initially, after my arrival, I had been so focused on ‘fixing’ everything — and everypony —, that I had barely noticed how broken I was in places. Thinking about myself in the way I did was neither healthy nor normal. I knew that. Now. But it had taken time to accept this. And I had yet to find a way to ‘fix’ this. To fix myself. I was told to be patient. That time would heal all wounds. But I was doubtful.

We remained quiet for some time again. She finally broke that silence, lowered her head and used a little bit of her magic to guide my head upwards again. “I love you,” she said barely above a whisper. She looked into my eyes, so that I could see how earnest she was. Her words carried weight, but it was a good kind of weight. One I welcomed into my heart with open arms. One deep sigh later, I felt a smile creep up on me, tugging at the corners of my mouth. “I love you too.”

Satisfied with what she saw and what she had heard, she leaned in and I met her halfway. Kissing her was something I would never grow tired of. Despite the unfathomable amount of years she had lived, despite the countless romances she had experienced, her kisses always felt… well, almost innocent in a way. Pure.

She broke the kiss. For just a moment, I pondered following up on that. Drawing her in, pulling her back down to me, maybe letting things escalate beyond just kissing. But I had seen those mountains of paperwork. I had seen her tired yet determined expression. And I still felt oh so very tired.

There would be other evenings.

I procrastinated just a little bit by leaning against her again and I sighed and remained silent. She did not mind much. I assumed that this break was a welcome one for her. She would soon enough dive head-first into those mountains again in hopes of conquering them by the end of the day.

“What brought you to me?” she finally asked. I had started to wonder who of us would cave in first. Who would ruin the sanctity of this moment.

I took a deep breath. “I need your help,” I started. “Could you… could you charge the stone for me? Again?”

I continued to stare at the fire as I did not dare to meet her gaze. But I could feel her regard me with worry. “That would be the fourth night this week,” she replied.

It was neither a ‘yes’ nor a ‘no’. Lucky me, however: Only a rather small part of me had dared to hope for a quick and easy answer. And even that part wasn’t all that surprised. I was still searching for an adequate answer, for anything to reply, when she continued. “Is there anything you want to talk about?” she offered. And it was an offer. Despite almost two years of training, we had yet to reach the stage where she pleaded for me to tell her what was going on. I was almost proud of that. I had not failed completely so far.

But there was worry in her voice. The stone recharged its teleportation ability passively, absorbing magic from its surroundings. It was enough for a ‘free’ teleport once per two weeks. It had originally been once per month, but Twilight continued to fine-tune the artifact. Still, in those last two weeks I had used it excessively. I knew that, she knew that, Luna and Twilight knew that.

None of them had pushed for answers too hard as of yet.

“I…” Bad start, try again. “Yes.”

And then I immediately fell silent again. But Celestia was smart. “But you do not want to talk to me about it,” she guessed.

My ears splayed flat against my skull. “I don’t want to disappoint you,” I replied. If she would ask, I would tell her. She knew that. But I did not want to tell her. So I was more or less asking her not to ask.

“You are not disappointing me,” she answered and nuzzled me. “There are certain things I prefer to discuss with my aides, or seneschals, or Luna.”

That made me chuckle a little bit. “Yeah, and Luna comes straight to me and discusses them with me.”

“Well, such is the nature of ponies,” she mused with a smile. “… and cheeky little sisters, apparently.”

I raised my head, stretched my neck enough that I could reach her jawline and gave her a series of little kisses along it, until she tilted her head for a proper kiss. “She has been bothering you again, hasn’t she?” I asked, although I already knew the answer.

“She means well,” was Celestia's diplomatic non-answer.

“I could… try and tell her to stop?” I offered.

We both shared a serious look before we started smiling at each other. “And it would do little,” Celestia stated.

“And it would do little,” I agreed. I sighed and looked at the fireplace once more. “Still though. I might try anyway. At this point, she’s not doing anypony any favors with her persistence. I’m going to talk to Twilight about this, maybe she’s got a smart idea.”

It took me a couple of seconds to realize that she did not answer. Or react in any way. I looked up at her once I started to feel that prickly sensation of magic being cast in my vicinity. And indeed, Celestia's horn was wreathed in a golden aura. The glow faded seconds later and she opened her eyes again. “The stone should be charged now,” she let me know.

“Thank you, love.” And to show her just how much I appreciated her, I pulled her head down, took her sensitive ear between my teeth and softly nipped it once, only to immediately trail my tongue over it as soon as I heard her barely stifled moan.

“Maybe I should reconsider helping you,” she ‘grumbled’ once I gave her free.

“Maybe you should,” I agreed. “That way, I would be around you longer, giving me more chances to do things like this…” I breathed hotly against her ear and placed yet another kiss on its edge. It was a delight to see it flick and to notice that blush rise again.

“Good point,” she replied with a nod. “The stone is charged, off you go!”

Her horn came aglow once more, her levitation gripped me and effortlessly lifted me off the ground. I floated towards the doors. “Oi!” I half-heartedly complained.

Once she sat me down, I turned and saw her standing up. She dusted herself off when I trotted back over to her. “I meant what I said,” I insisted as I reached up to her again. “I am grateful for your help. For you in general. I might not understand why you agreed to be with me, but… you make me happy. Very much so. And I love you.”

She sported a playful smile when she stole a kiss from me. “You don’t have to understand, I suppose. You just have to accept that you will not get rid of me anytime soon.”

“Oh woe is me,” I half-heartedly faked some theatrics.

“Careful love, your inner Rarity is showing,” she joked.

“Good luck with the paperwork. I’ll miss you tonight.”

“I will miss you too,” she answered with a sigh. We nuzzled each other's necks for a moment and enjoyed the other’s warmth until I retreated and headed for the exit. As usual, I looked back halfway and almost tripped over my own hooves when I noticed her hips swaying more than was strictly necessary as she made her way back to her chair and work.

She knew, I realized, and she incessantly teased me. So that I may never forget what I was missing out on by leaving her alone for another night. I felt that stupid grin on my face, but could not do anything about it. I really was the luckiest stallion in all of Equestria, wasn’t I?

The teleportation stone was held in a vault. Only the princesses – and I – had permission to access the vault and use it. For now anyway. Twilight, always the busy bee, had plans to expand this into an entire network of teleportation devices all over Equestria to bring all of ponykind closer together.

She truly was a visionary.

Of course there had been certain… quirks. Like that one time the stone seemingly randomly teleported me on top of Mount Canterhorn. Or that one time Luna appeared up in the stratosphere for some reason. But by now, using it was safe. And with Twilight running the numbers and calibrating it, using the stone was getting easier and easier as well.

The only flaw we recognized so far was one we were not able to fix now. We had used a stone. A regular, literal stone. We had been so excited about the prospect of its function, about the theory behind it all, about testing our ideas, that we had spared little thought on appearances. A magic mirror might have been great. Or a magic door. Or maybe even a necklace or something.

It looked a little bit out of place, this hoof-sized, gray rock lying on a pedestal in the middle of a pompous room. Marble columns, marble tiled floor, stained glass window, a velvet cushion underneath it, several magical wards and runes all over the walls and ceiling and in the center of all that… a rock.

Well.

Next time.

The guards let me in and closed those doors behind me again. I trotted over without much thought, touched the darn thing and imagined Ponyville. Twilight's castle, a similar shaped and sized rock sitting on a crystal pedestal near the friendship map.

I felt a little sick for a couple of seconds. That was the only indication of the spell doing its work, which was marvelous. Every time Twilight teleported me, I wanted to throw up. It never happened when Celestia or Luna did that and luckily, Luna had helped significantly with the stone’s creation process.

Once I opened my eyes again, I was indeed standing in the very room I had envisioned.

There were no signs of Twilight or Spike in the room. Considering the time of day, they were probably busy with dinner and despite the fact that I had not eaten yet, I wasn’t hungry either. I took a shower and headed straight for bed – that actually sounded great.

But on my way through the crystal hallways, I somehow got everything mixed up in my head. I opened a door and walked in without closing it, only then realizing that I was heading straight for my bed without even noticing that I had skipped my trip to the bathroom.

But… but bed…!

It looked so enticing. Luring me in with its promises of rest and relaxation, the sweet, sweet release of sleep…

I slowly stepped up to it, my hoof traced over the blanket in an almost nostalgic gesture and with a dramatic “Ugh”, I raised myself up and let myself fall forward on top of it.

“That bad, huh?” came an amused voice behind me shortly after.

“Hi, Twilight,” I mumbled into the blanket. I felt heavy. Despite that – or maybe because of it – I noticed the shift on the bed as she sat down beside me.

“Oof, you could use a shower,” she noted.

For a fraction of a second, I wanted to be offended. I wasn’t smelling that bad… okay, fine, I was smelling. Bad. Probably. Maybe. But I could not bring myself to argue anyway. “I know,” I just replied weakly, almost in a whine. It was the fourth consecutive night I had returned home after all. “Luna ‘round?” I continued to mumble into the blanket.

“No,” she replied and almost sounded… hm. What was that? Sad? Concerned? “Rarity and Fluttershy invited her for a ‘girl’s night out’ and subsequent sleepover.” Ah yes. Troubled. She sounded troubled.

“That’s nice,” I nevertheless answered and could hear her blow a raspberry. It made me smile. I cracked my right eye open again, squinted in her direction and could see her smile down at me. “Did I disrupt dinner?”

“No, don’t worry,” she attempted to reassure me. “We just finished. Spike is now reading some new comic book he got from Luna. Have you had dinner already?”

“Mhm,” I blatantly lied.

Please don’t lie to me, Twilight's voice echoed in my head. She had sounded so desperate. Heartbroken. That had not been a flash. By now, I was decently experienced in distinguishing between those and ‘real’ memories. Shortly after my arrival, she had asked that of me. She had asked me and I had agreed. Seeing how little I thought I was able to offer, how little good I could do, how little I could contribute to the happiness of those dear to me… I was adamant about my word being worth something. I had to make it worth something.

Thus, I could not lie to her.

Ever.

Because I was awful at striking a balance.

I sighed deeply, I turned my head and looked at her. She was waiting. Patiently. But she knew and she was waiting for me to correct my mistake. “I haven’t had dinner yet,” I admitted. “But I’m not particularly hungry either. I just… I wanted to come home, I needed to… haaah… I don’t know…”

She leaned down and nuzzled me. It felt nice. So very different from Celestia, yet still very nice. I could not help but notice how she wrinkled her nose though, once she withdrew. “That bad, huh?” I asked.

She blushed a little, but nodded. “Long day?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe. Hm. Can I ask something of you?” With what felt like gargantuan effort, I rolled over onto my side to better face her.

“Sure,” she replied without hesitation.

“I initially just wanted to take a shower, crawl into bed and sleep,” I explained. “But I’ve done that the last three days and another couple of days last week and it’s not really getting better, it seems. Would you mind taking a bath with me? In the large bathroom, maybe?”

Despite Celestia telling me that it was okay and that she understood, and despite Luna telling me something similar, I still tried to keep a certain distance to Twilight most of the time. Being close to her was just fine. But in the last two years, there had been three or four instances where ‘being close’ had been too much and without thinking much about it, I had leaned in and done things I really should not have done. Like kissing her. Nipping her neck on that one very sensitive spot I knew about. Stroking a hoof lazily along her back and over her cutie mark. Things even very close friends really should not do.

It was still second nature for me. Despite all my attempts to differentiate between old memories and new ones, between flashes and this life, my ties to Twilight were just too strong. I was in a dedicated relationship with Celestia. I loved her with all my heart. But despite ‘all my heart’ loving her, there somehow still was a part of it that loved Twilight just as much. By now, I had come to terms with the fact that it would always be there. Celestia was my love, but Twilight was the center of my world. Somehow. And she would remain as such forevermore.

With Luna's occasional spikes in jealousy and her somewhat possessive nature, we had to be doubly careful. Another fact that probably contributed to me being one heck of a lucky stallion – we sat down and talked things through and I got their understanding. Mistakes were inevitably made and every time we talked it out. No sudden bombs that dramatically ended all happiness or something like that.

But we had to trust each other. We had to confide in each other. We had to be honest with each other.

And we had to be careful, lest the mistakes might unnecessarily spike in frequency.

Twilight nodded after giving it some thought. “The large bathroom should be enough that we don’t exactly have to pile on each other, it should be fine.”

I was grateful and nodded. “Thank you.”

I earned another hard-fought victory by successfully standing up again. Seriously, my hooves felt like lead at this point. I dragged them across the floor, sometimes barely lifting them at all and I already knew that taking a nice, hot bath would do nothing to help me with that situation. Quite the contrary, it would make it all worse. I would be half-asleep when exiting the bathroom and I would be fast asleep before entering my bedroom. Or something along those lines.

But that was a problem for future-Dreamwalker.

I followed her past several banners proudly displaying her cutie mark, past shelves lined with books and into another room. The large bathroom did not have a bathtub per se. It was more a terrace-like depression in the back-half of the room that could be flooded entirely. At its deepest point, I would have needed to swim. Twilight could still stand there, if barely. It was one of the most decadent, unnecessary luxuries of this entire castle, at least in my opinion, and I loved it.

There was a lot I could live without. I did not need much space to begin with. My bed did not need to be large. I did not give a flying haystack about how many windows my home had, or how large they were, or if they had pretty stained glass pictures in them. When it came to luxuries, an opulent bathroom was my top priority. A large shower. A large bathtub. Hot water. And that was enough.

The downside with this ‘tub’ was the time it took to fill up, of course. We sat at the edge and stared at the rising water level. “Why water?” she asked after a good long while.

“Hm?” I had not noticed, but apparently I had dozed somehow.

“Well, at this point we have established that you take ages in the bathroom,” she quipped with a smile. “But I noticed that this is especially true whenever you take a shower or a bath. And most of the time, when you return from those, you are… full of new ideas. I don’t get it.”

That made me chuckle. I exhaled, raised my head and looked at the ceiling, as if that would somehow help. “Honestly,” I started, “I can’t tell you. I have no idea why that is. My body feels light, and so do my thoughts. Everything just… drifts around aimlessly. It usually starts with stuff that is on my mind right now, and randomly drifts from there to… anywhere else really. It’s kind of unpredictable where I end up. Sometimes I stumble into a new train of thought that keeps me around for a while, and at other times I just continue to drift for the entire duration. And I don’t feel any… I don’t feel any need. I don’t need to solve any problem. I don’t need to worry. I don’t need to live up to expectations. There’s just no need of any kind whatsoever. So when I drift, I drift as freely as I can be. And I guess that somehow helps creative juices to flow? I tried to talk to Rarity about this once. How her creativity works, how she gets her inspiration, how she works past dead ends. I think we might have meant to say the same thing in a way, but it felt like we were speaking different languages doing so.”

She regarded me with curiosity and that studious gaze she tended to get whenever she was getting insight into a new topic. “Well she is a seamstress,” she finally replied, still furrowing her brow.

“I like to think creativity is the language,” I objected. “And being a writer, or being a seamstress, or singing or whatever is just the chosen method to express that. But I might be wrong about that, admittedly.” We fell quiet again as each of us chased around their own thoughts. Until I piped up again. “The water should be ready.” It certainly was deep enough. The rest could be filled with us inside, as to circumvent flooding the entire room. Twilight applied some oils or something to the steaming water and immediately a nice, relaxing smell made its presence known. A herbal mixture with a hint of… oranges, maybe?

We walked in and I immediately sighed as the warmth seeped into my very bones, just like the sun’s warmth had done previously. I gave myself over to the water and let it carry me, carefully turning on my back and stretching my legs outwards. I once again wondered for just a short moment how strange this must have looked from outside.

Twilight did not comment on it. She instead swam little circles around me and smiled to herself. Up until I splashed her with water, grinning. “Ruuude,” she accused me, but giggled all the same.

I just drifted for a couple of minutes. Just like I had tried to describe previously. It came as no surprise that my mind wandered to what ailed me these past days. Weeks, at this point. “Mind if I go all philosophical on your pretty rump?” I jokingly asked.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see her blush a little. “Sure, you are welcome to try,” she shot back.

That would do. I looked back up at the ceiling, tried to fish something out of that swirling chaos and neatly packaged it into words. “Everything is a matter of perspective and everything is relative,” I started my initial assessment. “And I mean quite literally everything. I am Dreamwalker. I am a pony. I am male. I have a cutie mark. I am a unicorn. I am a recruit of the night guard. Short statements. Short truths, supposedly. But there’s so much information missing that it’s hard to declare anything ‘truth’. Another recruit in my class, Pepper Belle… she’s colorblind. In her eyes – quite literally – red and blue are indistinguishable. Makes you think, doesn’t it? Her entire reality is missing a color or two. Because her eyes were built wrong or something. Another recruit, Soft Step, has such amazing, exceptional hearing that most of us just refer to her by her nickname, Bats. There’s this entire debate about nature versus nurture. I think both play important roles in who we are and grow up to be. Or I’d like to think that, because… there’s information missing. Every conscious thought is a product of what we perceive with the senses we have. We are a sentience, inhabiting a shell made of matter, living in a world made of matter. But in the end, matter can be broken down into energy. On a base level, everything is energy, isn’t it? Or maybe energy isn’t even the base, maybe there’s something even below that. And our shells, our bodies, are so flawed. Remember what you told me about how Rainbow learns? She sees all this stuff and barely anything of it reaches her consciousness. So much information that feeds into her subconsciousness instead, forming the grounds on which her intuition makes its ‘own’ decisions. Fluttershy once told me how bees see the world. Because they had told her and she had difficulties understanding it. I don’t remember the exact context. I think she was trying to lecture me, or something? Point is: Bees can see stuff we can’t. Because their eyes are built differently. So there’s a lot of stuff that is just there, but we cannot perceive it. And even if we were to perceive it, it might end up in our subconsciousness. That makes sense of course. Layers and layers of filters. Our minds wouldn’t be able to operate properly, given the full extent of information we gather. But it makes me think: How much is there that just gets lost? How much we don’t even know about?”

When I fell silent drifting about in the water, I stared at the ceiling and chewed my lower lip. She did not disrupt that flow of thoughts I had going on. She watched me. Studied me. And patiently waited for me to move on. “We use words to communicate with each other. I say ‘green’, and you know what I mean. You have an immediate response in your head, telling you of that color, showing you that color. But there is no certainty in that, is there? What I say might not be what I wanted to say. And what you hear might not be what I wanted you to hear. Or what I said. Heck, my understanding of the concept of ‘green’ might not even be the same as yours. I see grass and you could see something else and we just assume the other one sees the same thing. Because we are built similarly. And with how flawed our shells are, with how much information gets lost on the intake already, it’s not that much of a stretch to think about how much might get lost with the output either, is it? I think, so I am. But what I am I cannot communicate, because communication is flawed. One mind cannot truly touch, or know, the other. To truly know, it would mean becoming the other and that would end you. Because you can’t return from that, since you don’t know your original self anymore. So in the end, we are all just isolated specks of sentience, drifting in a shifting mass of energy, some of it stored in the form of matter, some not, with only assumptions about how the world is, how we are and what we experience. And no certainty to be found or gained anywhere. Everything is thought, and even thought is unreliable. Because… am I thinking what I am thinking because some external, higher force is making me think it? Am I thinking because of my nature, because some ancestor was shy or determined or freakishly honest and now I have those traits? Am I thinking because my immeasurably flawed perception of my surroundings has fostered certain expectations? If you disconnect my sentience from my body and my memories, take away the physical world, my organs responsible for my perception, and all expectations nurtured by years of living… would I still be thinking? What would I be thinking about? Would there be truth in it? What even is ‘truth’, at this point?”

I raised my hooves out of the water and waited for a couple of seconds until the dripping slowed down, then I brought them to my face and dragged them across it. I felt tired. Exhausted. Even here, now, drifting in warm water. The usual relaxation eluded me. “There is no such thing as ‘reality’. Everything is just as real as I accept it to be. I admittedly was raised… at least I assume as much. I was probably raised to accept a lot of things. I was raised to accept that green is the color of grass, and that my green grass is the same green grass everypony else sees. It makes it easier to… accept things as real. But I made the mistake of opening this box, asking these questions, and I can’t… ‘unask’ them. I can’t close that box again. I questioned reality and reality just shrugged. ‘That sounds like a ‘you’-problem, buddy’, it seemed to say. And I don’t have any answers. Just the uneasy feeling that in a relative world, where perspective is everything, it becomes infinitely more difficult to find meaning in anything. Why am I here? What am I supposed to do? Is there a reason for all this? I loved the fact that I have a cutie mark. It was supposed to help me find my place. Implying that I have a place. Implying that there is a plan. Order in this chaos. But now…? I don’t know. I just… I don’t know. That's all I can think of. All I ever return to. The only answer I have to all of those questions: I. Don’t. Know.”

A frustrated groan escaped my throat and my limbs went slack again, splashing a little bit of water around when they hit the surface. “Twilight, what do I do?”

The fact of the matter was: I was desperate for help. I had maneuvered myself into a conundrum I could not solve myself. I could not even fully grasp what the nature of this conundrum was. But Twilight was smart. I used three words, and she heard nine. I made one statement, and she understood seven. Probably not how it worked, but I liked to think of it that way.

She remained silent for a good long while, thinking about this herself. I sometimes tilted my head a little and watched her furrow her brow. “Friendship is magic,” were the first three words she replied with. It made me chuckle a little. She had said it with pathos, with the same gravitas she used when facing down another villain. And my reaction was expected. She smiled in that deeply satisfied way she usually did when solving a puzzle. “That became something of a catchphrase for me over the years,” she admitted. It seemed like she felt a little uneasy about that. “It’s true. I have seen what friendship can do. I… have also weaponized it to some degree. Turning villains to stone is not exactly what I would call ‘friendly’. It might be the better option, but there can be no argument that the Elements of Harmony are a weapon. Meant for defense only, but a weapon nonetheless. But this phrase, it… I also say it as a reminder for myself.”

That got my attention. Not that she had not had my full attention anyway, but now I twisted, turned around and stood in the water, watching her. Watching how she shifted uncomfortably. How her wings gave a nervous twitch every so often. The Element of Magic, the Princess of Friendship… constantly needed to remind herself that yes, indeed, friendship was magic. Curious.

“My mind cannot be stopped,” she resumed. I wanted to chuckle at that, but thought better of it. This was serious. More importantly, it seemed that talking about this wasn’t as easy for her as I had anticipated. “I can slow it down. I can distract myself. But it can never, ever, stop. Rainbow once described to me how she spent hours lazily lying around on a cloud over Sweet Apple Acres, she drifted with the wind and thought about nothing. And I could barely understand that. But what I understood was enough to feel a deep, almost desperate longing. I wanted to experience that. Just once. Once in my lifetime, I wanted to not think. But I can’t. My curiosity drives me to seek out new topics, new knowledge, new spells. Sometimes, it does not allow me to sleep. Sometimes, it does not allow me to enjoy my meal… or to remember even having a meal in the first place. I have been researching my entire life, one way or another. I have stood on the edges of those questions more than enough times as well, staring down into that abyss. It is easy to get lost down there.”

It started as pure, untainted sadness. But as she talked, it became almost desperate. Here I stood, listened to her and thought that maybe, just maybe, she understood. She felt it. She got me. And all of a sudden, despite my struggles, I wanted nothing more than for her to not understand. To not get it. Because I knew how it felt to understand that and I wanted nothing less than for her to feel that way. But that sentiment came way too late, did it not? She was telling me right now how she had been there before. Probably years before I ever opened that box in my idiocy.

But she smiled. She was enjoying her food. Or sunshine. Meeting her friends. Reading a good book. Complaining about a bad one. I had seen all those things… had I not? So how. How? If I was too late anyway, I might as well ask. “What do you do?” I hated how small my voice sounded. How fragile.

She looked up at me, those wrinkles on her brow evened out and a smile tugged at her lips. “I share,” she simply replied. “I challenge Rainbow to a race that I will inevitably lose. I talk to Applejack until she tries to help, sometimes by stuffing enough pie down my throat that I can barely move home on my own. I snuggle close to Luna and let her comfort me. I let Pinkie throw a ‘we just wanted to have a party’-party. Despite my doubts and thoughts, those things feel real. I want them to be real. And I make a decision. I decide for them to be real. Because if my mind is the master of reality, why would I choose for things to be real that punish and hurt me? Why would I not choose to accept what makes me happy? I…” She blushed and I knew why the moment I saw the color tinting her cheeks. She was preparing to be incredibly sappy. It made me smile just in anticipation. “I follow my heart.”

Oof. Rainbow would have loved to hear that line…

“I love you,” I blurted out.

A moment of silence. We both blinked. I felt the heat rising up. I was probably glowing like an oven at that point. Twilight, however, just smiled. “In a purely platonic, friendly way, right?” she offered with a knowing smile.

Cheeky mare. I chuckled a little bit and nodded. “Yeah, sure, let’s go with that. That way, Luna won’t try to rip my head off, right?”

“She would not dare,” Twilight answered.

“She would,” I simply disagreed.

“I would not let her,” she insisted.

“Aw. You would fight the Princess of the Night for me?” I teased.

I had to laugh when her blush deepened and she mumbled a shy little “Maybe…?” I waded over to her and nestled against her. It felt nice. “You smell a lot better,” she quietly remarked.

I had to laugh once more. “You broke the moment,” I faux-complained and withdrew from her, but not before mumbling a little “… but thank you.”

We fell silent once again until I noticed how she watched me. Almost expectantly. “What?” I had been a writer once, as far as the flashes had told me. Sometimes, I impress myself with my eloquence…

“Well I thought you would start talking about what troubles you at some point,” she replied with a patient smile. Most definitely proof that Celestia had rubbed off on her.

“What, my existential crisis isn’t enough for the Princess of Friendship?” I teased.

“Oh, it would be,” she answered with the same smile. “Except we all have our routines, don’t we? And you, you tend to talk about something that troubles you to get yourself into the right mindset, before you talk about the actual problem.”

Was I really that predictable? Well… even if I was, it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. “Two for the price of one. Looks like a good deal to me, doesn’t it?” I half-joked. But her unwavering smile made it quite clear – she wanted to know. If I kept dodging, she would start pushing. A familiar little dance. The reason why we were here in the first place. I had maneuvered myself into this situation willingly and knowingly so she could coax it out of me if I were to chicken out. But I was determined not to, so I swallowed that lump that formed in my throat and tried. “I had a flash.”

That had not been any horrifying revelation of course. I have had flashes of insight since I arrived here more than two years ago. Some were useful, some less so. By now, I had made the conscious decision to treat them with care and I tried to ignore them as best as I could, preferring to learn things myself instead of relying on the knowledge previous incarnations had gathered.

Still. These last two weeks had been rough. We both knew that. So it was no surprise that she seemed worried. “When?”

Rhetoric question again. But she had to ask that. For clarification’s sake. “Two weeks ago, give or take.”

She nodded. “What happened?”

And that… was actually a really good question. I didn’t exactly know myself. “I’m not sure. I think I might have seen the end. There was a black void. I stood there, opposite a strange creature. It was tall, standing on two legs. Clothed. Celestia, Luna and the Elements were there as well. I felt like a spectator, drifting around the scene. Which is unusual. I’m normally in first person and see events unfold through my own eyes. This strange perspective allowed me to see that I was under some kind of force, I think. I moved a hoof and that creature moved a hand. We were about to touch when you called for me. I hesitated, but I guess my will wasn’t strong enough. You realized that and you tried to help. You used the elements. There was a… a shimmering wall of rainbow-colored light, thin as paper, rising up between that creature and me. But that… enchantment or whatever it was, it was still there and active. We both touched the wall and… I don’t know. It exploded? Maybe? A bright, white light flooded everything. Last thing I heard was a bird chirping. And I had this really uneasy feeling, like… like I had heard that bird before. Over and over and over.” And indeed, one of my earliest memories upon my arrival was a bird chirping somewhere in the treeline of the Everfree Forest, the place of my arrival.

“I don’t know what it means,” I admitted, but hastily continued. “And I don’t want to know. I don’t care. But… it made me think. This stupid, bucking bird…” I wanted to apologize for cursing like that, but I could not bring myself to do so. Not this time. I felt lost again. “In that vision… I wasn’t that old, you know? There were no… no wounds. No signs of—” I could not bring myself to say it.

“You fear to lose us again.” Her voice was thick with emotion. We both decided to close the distance again to seek comfort with each other.

“I can’t lose you again,” I whispered while embracing her. It felt like I was holding onto her for dear life. And maybe I was? Maybe I was.

This was obviously not just about Twilight. It was about Celestia too. About Luna. And Derpy. About Aloe and Lotus, Applejack, Pinkie, about all my friends.

There was an obvious perspective here: Nothing was sacred, nothing was ever safe. Life could end. At any moment. Everything I had could burst into flames. Everypony dear to me could be ripped from me. Option one, for the self-destructive type that I sometimes tended to be: Care about nothing, avoid deep connections, preempt the pain of loss. That tended to work just as good as one could imagine: It failed every time. Option two, which thereby became the only viable option: Take what I could get, cherish it as long as I had the privilege of having it and bear the pain once it came. And it would inevitably come. Because nothing lasts forever. Not even princesses.

They might be immortal and nigh-on invulnerable. But at some point, the heat-death of the universe would get them. Or all existence would collapse in on itself. Or time would stop. Something would inevitably happen, I was sure of that. Somehow.

The options – or lack thereof – were so painfully obvious that she did not feel the need to plainly state them. And I was grateful for that. Because I really did not want to hear about inevitable pain and I knew myself well enough to realize that that would be the part lingering in my mind.

After what felt like a little eternity of bliss, Twilight withdrew to look me in the eyes. “Have you talked about this with Princess Celestia?”

Oh Twilight… always with the Princess… “No,” I admitted. “I’m not… I don’t know... how. I don’t know how to breach the subject.”

She looked around and smiled playfully before she returned her gaze to me. “Take a bath?” she offered.

It drew a quiet chuckle out of me. “It’s different with you. You know that.” It was the honest truth. What it was not, was a compliment. Per se. But she blushed a little anyway. I always found it endearing how she liked to feel special to me. And I was grateful that I could make her feel that way.

“You could try?” she persisted.

“We don’t have a bath tub this huge,” I countered.

She raised an eyebrow at me. “Well, you’re both free to use this one then.”

“She’s really bus-”

Her hoof sealed my mouth. I would have shut up without it, just because that determined look in her eyes had returned. “Stop making excuses,” she chided me. “Princess Celestia is worried about you as much as I am. Maybe even more. I am glad you came to me for help, and I want to help you as much as I can. But she deserves it, does she not?”

She lowered her hoof after a moment and I sighed. “She does,” I meekly replied. It was not the first time I ran to Twilight with my problems, although it would have been faster to talk to Celestia. Twilight was my go-to problem solver. My best friend. My study buddy. But she was right. I ought to let Celestia in more than I had done so far. Before my refusal to do so actually started to hurt her.

“I love her,” I stated. I could not even have told why I felt it necessary to say it.

“I know,” Twilight replied. “And I am pretty sure she knows as well. You are just in a… weird situation.” She remained silent for a moment before she spoke up again. “Are you going to talk to her?”

I nodded after a moment of hesitation. “Tomorrow. I still need sleep though. Thinking straight becomes increasingly difficult, if I’m being honest.”

She smiled again. “Good. Then let’s get out of the water. I’ll quickly fix you something to eat before bed.”

“I don’t—” I started, only to be immediately interrupted.

“You will eat something before you fall asleep on me,” she insisted in a tone that would not suffer backtalk. “You will be grateful tomorrow morning when training resumes, believe me.”

“And how would you know?” I asked in a weak attempt to tease her a little.

“I talk to Fluttershy,” she replied.

That confused me to no end. “What? How does that have to do with anything…?”

Instead of answering, she threw a towel in my face…

Day 2,052: The birds, the bees, the flowers, the trees - a revenge story

Being a worrywart was taxing. Losing control was no real option here, as that would equal to being consumed by fears. Drowning in an endless sea of fear, but never quite dying. Only sinking deeper and deeper, with less and less light to spend hope. Feeling your lungs fill up. Suffocation without the sweet relief of everything going black. It was enough to drive any pony mad. And it had, in fact. Numerous times. Rarely did that cause incidents such as another villain threatening everything ponykind held dear, but it happened.

The only alternative was to keep trying. To stem against the tide that, on good days, retreated so far that one could even legitimately ask oneself: Was it over? Was it really over this time? It never was of course. Never would be. And soon enough, the high tide would return with force, uncaring and unyielding.

It is said that despite the horror this fact poses, eventually, one could adapt to basically almost anything. Ponies were capable of adapting even to torture. Luna had told me that at one point and I never asked why, or how she knew. In truth, I did not want to know. I could not see any benefit to anypony. I just trusted her word and moved on.

I obviously kept worrying. Because for some strange reason, that was something I was really good at. And over the years, I adapted to its exhausting nature. This day then was nothing out of the ordinary for me. I looked out the masterfully crafted palace window and only saw the equally masterfully crafted hoofrail of a small balcony, and beyond that, the impressive work of my love. A beautiful day. Blue sky, bright sunlight, the occasional fluffy white cloud dotted here and there. It was lovely, really.

I still heard my blood rush in my ears though. I still felt my heart thump away in my chest with wild abandon. I still swallowed and felt as if my throat had not seen water in days, despite the carafe standing on the nearby table being half empty. Because every time that happened, I took a sip from my mug. Just a little one. And I had to refill the carafe once already.

This was the day, I said to myself and looked around the room for the umpteenth time. A strange voice sounded off in my head, seemingly a weird mixture of both Twilight and Rarity, telling me that everything needed to be perfect.

That was a bunch of horseapples of course.

The room was devoid of other ponies — for now. When I initially had asked Celestia to give me a room to prepare for our meeting, she told me to come here and do just that. A nice, big, round table stood in the middle, crafted from some rather heavy wood. My first impulse had been to take four chairs, stack the remaining six on top of each other on a wall to the side and pair these four chairs off. It seemed only natural, did it not? One side of the table per couple. Twilight and Luna over there, and opposite, two chairs for Celestia and me.

It only took me a couple of minutes to realize that this could foster a ‘us versus them’-mentality. And really, that was the last thing I wanted to imply.

So back to square one.

My next attempt was better, but still lacking. I took all four chairs and arranged them at the table with equal distance to each other. One line became two axes, almost like a compass rose. North, south, east, west. It would be fair, I told myself. We would be equal.

And a couple of minutes after that, I silently cursed under my breath. What if any of us got distraught? Or needed comfort? Or was just happy and wanted to share that? With this seating arrangement, there would be no wing lovingly draped over anypony’s back. There would be no hugging. Because we were seated too far away from each other. Yes, it was fair. Yes, we were equal. But we would be cold and lonely as well.

This, I could not stand.

So back to square one once more.

My next idea had been to just move the freaking table to the side. Just four chairs in the middle, put them closer together. Seemed like a great idea at the time. I would have to ask Celestia later on to put the table back where it belonged. I had managed to push it maybe two feet before my legs buckled. That thing was just way too heavy for me to move.

Luckily, I realized another flaw before I grew too frustrated and started searching for another way to get rid of the table: The fact that sitting on four chairs arranged like that, with nothing between us, would most likely be awkward. Everypony just fidgeting with their hooves, no real way to truly relax, no ‘shield’, so to speak. That’s what a table really was, was it not? A shield. Something firm and tangible between you and whoever else sat on it. An enforced distance to keep you safe. The convenience it provided was a nice bonus, sure, but meeting tables were just that – shields.

That resulted in another failed attempt then and led to where I was now.

I had scavenged some nice and plush sitting pillows from a couple of other rooms nearby and had laid them out in a sitting circle near the balcony door. If any of us wanted space, they had the entire room. If we wanted fresh air, we could just open the door. And step out, if necessary. Stretching wings and all that. Heck, it would even be a decent emergency exit should somepony panic. An admittedly very bad emergency exit for me, being wingless and all, but that only accounted for one quarter of the attendees. And how likely was it that I was the one doing all the panicking and attempts of fleeing?

Right. Bad example. Very. Very likely. Damn.

It still was the best idea I had so far. And time was running out anyway. Maybe if I got a better idea, I would try to rearrange everything again. To be honest, at this point, even I realized how silly it was to fret over the seating arrangement like I had for the past hour or two. I forced my attention away from the pillows. A carafe of water was standing on the table, four mugs beside it. The room was nicely decorated with framed pictures and mural paintings and such, but I could not bring myself to care about it. Whenever I tried to take in the beauty of this room – and it probably was very beautiful – I just found that my attention immediately shifted elsewhere. Usually back to worrying.

At least I had one victory to be proud of: I had been brooding over our seating arrangement so much that I had successfully avoided thinking about the reason for our meeting.

It was The Talk.

Applejack would chuckle and roll her eyes in that exasperated manner she did whenever I went coo-coo again. Always with the romance stuff, she sighed in my head. As far as I was aware, she barely ever talked with Rainbow about anything concerning their relationship. And it worked. Somehow. Honestly, I did not understand how and I envied the fact that it did anyway. Did they just understand each other without any need for words? Did their entire relationship just work based on assumptions? Did they, maybe, just communicate their needs and wishes and fears nonverbally? It was possible after all. Difficult to imagine for somepony as wordy as me, but surely possible.

I felt my legs tremble again and sighed. It was not the first time today, and probably would not be the last time either. It was just the nerves of course, but knowing that helped little. I sat down in front of the balcony door, opened it to let a surprisingly cold breeze in and closed my eyes. I sometimes forgot how high up Canterlot was built. While I had difficulties putting it to words, I could smell the altitude. The breeze ruffled my mane, caressed my coat and eased my anxiety at least a little bit.

I tried to relax a little bit more, going down the only path my mind would let me at this point: I remembered how this had started, barely a week ago, when I visited the Crystal Empire.

After slowing down for some time — it felt like an eternity —, the train finally stopped fully. I put my saddlebags on and exited like the rest of the passengers spilling onto the train station platform in a tide of pony bodies. There was a significant temperature difference between the trains insides and out here in the open. It was cold. And snow fell, as I noticed when a couple of snowflakes landed on my muzzle. Though no heavy curtain of white that inhibited sight, luckily.

I was distracted enough by the snowfall that I noticed the two guards stepping up to me only when one cleared his throat. After becoming part of the night guard, it felt only natural to scan their armors first and, seeing the rank, straighten out and salute.

Technically, it was unnecessary. Those two were part of the crystal guard, an entirely different organization from the night guard. Even the day guard was technically different. But it was a show of respect, from one guard to another. And sergeant Wither Rose had been nothing if not thorough with our training. Respect had been what she drilled into us first and foremost. Respect for higher ranks. Respect for comrades. Respect for her. Respect for the princesses. Respect for the enemy.

Neither guard reacted to my display. Which was fine. I just assumed it was appreciated nonetheless. And then Princess Cadance stepped forward, right between those two guards who stepped to the side without missing a beat and opened the perfect gap for her. It was a fine display. Probably something most ponies never thought about, and I had been part of that circle once.

“Welcome to the Crystal Empire, Dreamwalker,” she greeted me with a thin smile and a raised eyebrow. She gestured for me to follow her, turned and walked back towards the massive spire in the distance. The Crystal Palace. I quickly caught up and walked beside her, the guards once more accommodating us. “I’ll be honest with you — when I read your letter, that you wanted to visit me, I wasn’t sure what to expect. As far as I’m aware, this is your first visit, isn’t it?”

Despite us walking, I somehow still managed to fidget with my hooves. “Eh… heh… well… no, not really. Twilight took me here on vacation maybe half a year ago.”

Her eyebrow only crawled a little bit higher. “Did she now. Curious, she never told me.”

“That would be because I asked her not to,” I admitted.

She sighed. I had apparently only confirmed what she had expected anyway. “And why would you do that?”

“Well…” I vividly remembered our first meeting. It could have gone better, in retrospect. It could have gone worse as well. “I wasn’t sure if you’d be all that thrilled to see me after what happened a couple years back.”

Another sigh, accompanied by a nod. “I suspected as much. Listen, I… will admit that I was a little grumpy at the time, due to all your meddling.”

“Was?” I interrupted her.

She probably took note of that hopeful undertone and mustered a warm smile for me. “Was, yes. While Twilight was handling the situation quite well, I did notice that it put some unnecessary strain on her. She avoided talking about you if she could, although you are obviously dear to her. The same way you apparently avoided any contact with me at all. I want this unfortunate phase to be over, please. You have apologized enough and I believe you. In the same vein, I have to apologize for overreacting.”

“Shining Armor made you say that, didn’t he?” I guessed.

Just by the way she grimaced for a second, I knew I had hit a spot. “He might have contributed to us having this conversation in ways I will not disclose.”

“Fair enough. Remind me to do something nice for him next time he visits,” I replied with a chuckle.

“Oh, I will,” she shot back with her mood improving a little bit further.

Silence fell between us. It was not awkward or uncomfortable per se, but I felt like we had a need to talk. ‘We’ being both her and me. We had avoided each other for a couple of years and I had noticed the same things she apparently did. Twilight was carrying this around. It was not as much a burden or pain as it was a… an unfortunate inconvenience. “So you’re gonna take me as a prisoner, then? Or what’s up with the guards? Did you fear I might run away from you again and you brought help, just in case?”

Maybe I was leaning a little bit too far out the window with the tone I was choosing. But if we truly wanted to clear the table, we needed to build up some familiarity with each other. Being formal would not help. “I can assure you that there would be no ‘chase’ this time,” she answered with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes that somehow reminded me of Tia.

“You sound very sure of that.”

“I am,” she confirmed with a nod. “These are Crystal Empire Guards, Dreamwalker. You can’t just compare them to Princess Celestia’s day guard or Princess Luna’s night guard. That would be unfair to either of those the same way comparing a mob to actual soldiers is unfair.”

For just a moment, she had me speechless. I looked up at her and saw that smug grin just asking me to defy her, and a second later, I started laughing uproariously. She even chimed in with a dainty giggle of her own. “I promise you, Princess Cadance, if you ever let ‘Auntie Luna’ hear that, she will rip you a new one.” I could not stop laughing, broken up by the occasional chuckle to get some new air into my lungs, for a couple of minutes. I finally wiped away the tears from my face and shook my head. “You know, maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad idea. The Crystal Guard has a lot of old customs, does it not? Special armor, special weaponry, special training routines. Same goes for both day and night guard. Maybe you should organize some sort of event, a contest or something. An exchange, you know what I mean? So that we can learn from each other.”

She smiled a little wider. “Shining said something similar. Don’t worry, it’s already in the works. There’s just a lot of… logistics and legal mumbo-jumbo involved.”

We ascended some stairs and made our way along some hallways. The two guards escorting us had silently fallen away at some point and honestly, I had not noticed them leaving. For whatever that was worth: It impressed me a little.

We stopped in front of a single unassuming door. Two guards were positioned to either side. Princess Cadance greeted them with an upbeat voice and entered, gesturing for me to follow her in. The room was… “Not what I expected,” I commented without thinking. I stood behind the door that, encased in Princess Cadance’ magic, closed.

A room like this would have felt more natural in Canterlot Castle. Then again, maybe not even there. A wooden floor with some intricate pattern carved into it. A thick, soft rug in the center of the room. A fireplace. The walls were white, not made of crystal. The ceiling was, however, and sparkled as the day’s light fell through. It gave the entire room an almost magical aura. But what really broke the ‘Crystal Empire’-vibe was the rest of the interior. A solid wooden desk with paperwork on top of it. That would have felt right at home in Celestia’s study. A couch that looked suspiciously like one of Rarity’s fainting couches, just a smidge bigger. Some potted plants that looked like they were lovingly cared for, given their size.

“This looks like the office of a shrink,” I blurted out before I hastily added, “No offense.”

She snickered a little and shook her head. “None taken.” Princess Cadance sat down on that weird chair behind the desk. It was apparently resting on little wheels and a mechanic allowed it to spin. What a strange contraption. “Please, have a seat. And tell me what you did expect, I’m quite curious.”

She gestured around the room, as if saying ‘I will judge your state of mind by what you chose to sit upon’. But maybe that was just my subconsciousness projecting. I walked over to the couch and made myself comfortable on it, sitting belly down. I gave the room another swipe with my eyes and shrugged. “I’m not sure. A lot more pink, I guess?”

She smiled knowingly. “Well, pink is often associated with love, and I am the Princess of Love. Pink is additionally often associated with ‘all things girly’, and I guess I am the most ‘girly’ of all Princesses.” Made perfect sense, so I nodded. “However. You are right, this is an office. My office. Would you feel better staring at a pink interior for hours on end?” I shook my head. The notion was almost disturbing. She nodded. “See? Neither would I. I like pink, don’t get me wrong. But it is a very garish color. And not even my favorite. Adding to that, I’m not the only one supposed to feel at ease in this room. Whenever somepony needs advice, or help with a problem, I host these private meetings here. The interior is designed to be non-threatening. To make them feel at ease. It’s supposed to be homely.”

With that context, the choices made here actually made a lot more sense. “Well… that works, actually,” I admitted and she seemed quite satisfied with that remark, given her happy smile. That table alone, reminding me of Celestia’s study, was a nice anchor of sorts.

“Glad to hear that,” she confirmed. “Now. As far as I’m aware, you’re staying overnight, correct?” I nodded again. “Good. In that case, we will have plenty of time to get to know each other over dinner and later on. However, you wrote that you came seeking advice from me, and I am inclined to start with that.”

I half-closed my eyes, drew a deep breath and released it in a long sigh. I tried to avoid tensing up like I had done a couple of times on the train. “Right. Yes. I… uh… need your help. Please.”

I watched her carefully. And neither could I tell why exactly, nor could I see what I had expected. There was no sudden shift in demeanor, no fidgeting with her posture to assume ‘the shrink is now working’-position. No facial expression that betrayed that I was now talking to The Princess of Love, instead of ‘just’ Princess Cadance. In addition, she did not pressure me. She did not say anything at all. She was just sitting there, smiled invitingly and waited for me to talk at my own pace.

I was not sure if that was helping or not. So I turned my attention inwards instead and searched. Sorted my thoughts, or at least tried to. Every time I tried, it all got jumbled up again within minutes anyway. But I wanted to start from a clear space at least. There was just one thing I wanted to know beforehoof. “Say, your magic, how does it work? Do you just… I don’t know… see colored auras or something?”

It was a preamble. She knew that and she was willing to go along with it, to my relief. “Let’s make a comparison, that should make it clearer, I hope. Right now, you hear birds chirping, wind whistling, a couple of soft hoofsteps on the carpet and my voice.” Her ears swiveled around as she concentrated on sounds.

I closed my eyes and listened, truly listened. “Seems about right," I confirmed.

“But you usually hear those things passively. You hear them actively now, because you specifically concentrated on what you hear,” she explained. “My magic is similar to that. Love is all around us. Thin lines of commitment and devotion, connecting all creatures. I can see them if I want to, but to do so, I need to concentrate on it.”

I nodded and gave myself a little shove, right off the cliff. “Do it then.”

Whenever Twilight used the Elements of Harmony, her eyes began to glow white. There was nothing else in there, just pure, unyielding white. Raw power. As Cadance sat there, her muscles slightly tensed and her eyes glowed. Just a little bit. A teensy, tiny glow, barely noticeable. “Ah. I see,” she spoke and the glow vanished. Her smile remained as warm as before. She was still waiting for me to start talking.

I sighed. So she would not let me off the hook. She would not make this easier for me. I would not be able to circumvent saying it. “I’m in love with more than one pony, and I’m not sure what to do about it.”

“Love is complicated,” she replied with an unwavering smile. “Especially for those of us who are painfully aware of the consequences. In a way, it is unfortunate that so many of the ponies involved fall into this category. Ponies that worry too much, that overthink. Shining Armor had been like that as well, in the beginning, when I first got to know him.”

“You changed him?” I asked. Only a small part of that question was true curiosity. I knew I was stalling. And maybe, just maybe, I hoped that she actually did, and that she could do it again.

“No,” she smashed those hopes with a single word. “Time changes ponies. He outgrew this behavior. Tell me: Do you truly love them?”

I grimaced. I could not even tell why, there were just many impulses pulling me in several different directions, but most of them wanted me to grimace, so I did. “You don’t know?” I asked, once more stalling for time. I felt like she knew somehow.

“I do,” she countered. “But there is a distinct difference between what my magic can sense and what a pony might be aware of. That is actually a part of my magic as well – reminding ponies of what is there. Or, if necessary, what isn’t.”

I took another deep breath and mustered as much courage as I could and just started talking. No plans, no schemes – I would just see where this conversation would take us. “A couple of years back, Luna helped me get together with her sister. She snuck me into Celestia’s study. The day after, she accompanied me to the train station and we talked on the way. I don’t remember the exact context anymore. She asked me if I love her, I believe? Something along those lines. And it freaked me out. I was still struggling hard to come to terms with my ‘own’ memories and my flashes at the time. I tried to distance myself from my past lives. I tried to convince myself that those Dreamwalker’s weren’t me. They were different iterations of the same pony, living different lives in different worlds. They got their own families and loved ones. But despite my efforts, it wasn’t that easy. It never became easy and I struggle with these memories to this very day. I can’t in good conscience embrace these memories either, though. It would be unfair to anypony involved. So, back in the day, when Luna asked me… I panicked. I loved her, obviously. I wanted her. But I had made my choice, I tried to live my own life, I had become involved with her sister just the day prior. It was…”

“… a mess,” Princess Cadance interrupted with a sigh. Then again, the pony sitting in that odd chair was no princess any longer, was she? In this very room, with the door being closed, it felt more intimate. The entire room was designed to support this feeling. Like she was somepony who could be trusted.

“I had maneuvered myself into quite a predicament,” I continued. “I couldn’t reject her. I could never reject her. But I could not accept her either. So I pleaded with her. Begged her not to make me choose. And well, she didn’t. But then I entered night guard training, and parallel to that, she trained me for my actual position. She taught me a lot about the dreamscape. And it was… it was so much fun. Interesting, sure. Challenging as well. Tough and taxing at times. But I just loved spending this time with her. I loved seeing that passion in her eyes again. How she regarded the night sky. I’m well aware that she has a lot more experience with… well, basically everything. She has a lot more self-control. If she wants to control herself, that is. I felt it, over those months and years. We grew together again. And I loved that. Today, I proudly call her one of my best friends, without hesitation or doubt. But over the last couple of months, I… there has been a certain attraction at play. It’s frighteningly easy to flirt with her. And we had fun with that, still have. You know, she initially told me that she more or less just wanted to start something so she could avoid feeling left out. Because of Twilight. And that’s just the next can of worms. In all my memories and all my flashes and… just, everything. Twilight is central. She is… like… the lynchpin of my entire world for some reason. Always has been, always will be. And there had been enough nights where I felt so incredibly guilty about that, because I was lying in bed with Celestia, sleep eluded me, and I thought about home, about her. With Celestia lying beside me. And that’s just messed up. I love Twilight. And I love Luna. And I love Celestia. And I have been wracking my brains, trying to make sense of it. Twilight tends to say that she loves all her friends. And I believe her, she does. There’s so much love… or rather, kinds of love. Because a mother loves her child. And a brother loves his sibling. And a lover loves his partner. And a random pony loves his princess. And a farmer loves her land. These can’t all be the same. They can’t be. And it made me think. What if my love for them is just… different kinds of love? But that didn’t exactly help me out much. I love Applejack. If we’re being honest for a moment: It’s a shitty thing, admitting that you love some of your friends more than others. But I believe it’s somewhat normal. Natural. I hope, at least, or that’s already messed up on my part. And I love Applejack more than a lot of my other friends. I’m well aware that, to a certain degree, I idolize her like so many other ponies idolize Celestia. Yet she also feels like family. Familiar. Safe. Even the love I feel for my friends is so… diverse. And if the love shared between friends already has, like, a bazillion different subcategories or whatever… how am I supposed to understand any of what is going on with those three?”

Feeling exhausted, I slumped for a moment. My head lowered onto my crossed forelegs, I sighed deeply and closed my eyes in an attempt to recompose myself. I expected her to react. To say anything. To start lecturing me on one topic or another, but the room remained silent. When I cracked my eyes back open, she was still looking at me. A warm smile spread across her lips again. She waited. Patiently. I had bottled up a lot. She seemed to know somehow.

“I have had a lot of thought experiments over the years. There’s a distinction to be made between love and attraction. You can buck somepony’s brains out without caring much, just ‘scratching an itch’, as they say. You can just as well dote on somepony and comfort them and care for them and love them to bits without ever feeling the need to kiss them. I thought about that a lot. You’re not supposed to be attracted to your friends, I thought. But to this day, I remember quite clearly how much I enjoyed snuggling up to Pinkie and if things were different, I wouldn’t mind a roll in the hay with her. I can’t separate attraction from love. I’m just… unable to, on a fundamental level. But I love her, as my friend, and to me, she is very attractive. And in turn, that love I feel for her only enhances that attraction. There’s ‘friends with benefits’ of course. I’ve heard of that. And I just can’t imagine it. Despite my thought experiments, despite what I just said, I could not do that. Ever. I’m either in a relationship, or I’m not. And if I am, I give it my all. My heart, my blood, my tears, my soul. It sounds cheesy and overly dramatic, but saying it like that feels right.”

“You offer all of it to Celestia?” she asked. Her first words spoken in quite some time.

“I do,” I replied without hesitation. “If I decide something, I stick with it. If I commit, I truly commit.”

“I suppose that is part of what keeps you up at night, then,” she mused and I nodded in affirmation. “Because if you are this committed, how is it possible that a part of you wants to commit more, to somepony else?”

“It just doesn’t make any sense,” I added and heard my voice grow more desperate again. “It’s like… you know, Rainbow is a really smart mare. She constantly downplays that to ‘be more awesome’ and ‘look cool’, because she hasn’t caught on that being nerdy can be quite cool as well. But she’s actually really good with numbers. And then she brings her stupid catchphrase or whatever that is supposed to be. Give one hundred percent, but it needs to be twenty percent cooler or something. It’s one hundred percent. You can’t give more than that. You don’t have more than that. That’s not how math works.”

“But it might be how love works,” Cadance countered with a smaller smile, one filled with empathy and maybe, just maybe, a tiny trace of pity, “Tell me: Think about committing to Luna. Giving her all you have, just like you said before. Ignore, for just a moment, both Celestia and Twilight, if you can. Does that thought irk you?”

I tried. It was difficult to disregard what she asked me to disregard. It was a lot, after all. “No,” I answered truthfully.

She nodded. “Now, let’s reintroduce Celestia. You are committed to her. Imagine committing to Luna as well.”

There was no question asked. No further context given. And yet. I grimaced. “It sounds like a bomb waiting to go off. A conflict of interests seems inevitable. I don’t want to hurt them. I think that might actually be what I fear most. Getting hurt sucks, sure. But hurting them?”

She smiled. She smiled like she had successfully made a point, but I could not see it yet. “Well, what I did not hear was ‘it’s impossible’,” she offered.

“I—… well I mean—…” I fell silent. True enough, it did not feel impossible. But at the same time, it felt like it should be. This was not about semantics. Or numbers. Which made the whole topic even murkier. I would have preferred something more tangible, something clear and structured that I could grasp and understand. And I still felt desperate. I still saw no clear path to trot down. “What do I do?” I asked her and felt tears welling up.

Her smile became almost motherly. Caring. “You need to talk to them. This is not a burden you need to carry alone. Or even should, actually. It is not your decision to make. Talk to Celestia first. She will need the most time to think this through. Then talk it out with the rest of them. You have done an admirable job at being upfront and honest with both yourself and them, as far as I’m aware. And you need to continue that throughout.”

I nodded numbly. In truth, I had feared and expected this advice. ‘Talk to Celestia’. It was inevitable, but at the same time, I really did not want to. She knew of my feelings, and she never commented on them. I assumed she did not want to know. As long as I was true and loyal to her, everything was fine. And I was.

I feared the consequences of poking a stable system.

“Now, let’s go back to that beginning,” Cadance said after a moment and with no small amount of horror probably very much visible on my face, I realized that this had just been the beginning of our conversation. There was a lot more to discuss, in a lot more detail…

Twilight was the first to arrive and she startled me. With an audible pop, a flicker of raspberry light and the smell of ozone, she teleported straight onto the balcony in front of me.

“Gah!” I half-yelled and backpedaled a little. In reaction, her wings sprang open halfway.

“Sorry, sorry!” she apologized and folded her wings back down.

Without a second thought, I almost leaped forwards and hugged her tightly. “I’m so glad you’re here,” I quickly whispered and held her close to myself.

“I… uhm, I’m glad to be here?” she replied with an awkward little laugh, before she reciprocated the hug and put her wings around me for good measure. “Is everything alright?”

“Just nerves,” I mumbled. I could feel her shift. She was inspecting the room, maybe trying to figure out what had me nervous. If my assumption was correct, it would not take her long to realize the impending conversation was the reason. After all, I had been rather vague as to what I wanted to talk to them about. The only one really in the know was Celestia. Twilight and Luna only knew that I wanted to discuss ‘relationship stuff’ and might as well expect me to propose to Celestia. It had been a couple of really good and stable years. Maybe a proposal was in order, but that was something to be considered another day. Not today.

After a minute or two, I finally let go of Twilight. There was no trace of awkwardness. She smiled and seemed happy. “Feeling better?” she asked.

“Much. Thank you.” I stood up, led her into the room and pointed towards the seating arrangement. “I thought that would be comfortable?”

She nodded and looked around once more. “It should be, yes, it’s just… hm…”

“What is it?” I hesitantly asked. Had I forgotten something? I had probably forgotten something. What did I forget?!

“No tea and coffee?” she asked and looked at the carafe.

A carafe filled with water. With four mugs beside it. I was basically the only one constantly drinking pure water. For a fraction of a second, I felt incredibly selfish, before I remembered that I was, well, me and I just had been my usual, scatterbrained self. “Shoot,” I cursed. “I forgot.”

Twilight smiled and put a hoof to my cheek. “I will get it.” She pulled me closer and for just a couple of seconds, we stood there, forehead to forehead with our horns crossed. It was nice. Really nice. Then she withdrew and sauntered towards the door. “Should not take long.”

As soon as the door closed behind her, I mumbled some half-finished curse about myself, but tried to relax. Twilight was here. With Twilight present, everything usually felt easier and less overwhelming. I tried to grasp that feeling and wrap myself in it like a blanket.

Just a couple of minutes later and a knock at the door confused me. Without a word spoken by either me or the intruder, the door opened to reveal both Celestia and Luna. “… no, I will certainly not do that,” Celestia denied her sister's proposal with a gentle, amused smile.

“We still think it would be funny. He could use the cold bath anyway and the water would soften his landing,” Luna elaborated with a dark chuckle.

“I am not going to throw anypony out of any window,” Celestia insisted, but this time, her sister's enthusiasm actually made her giggle a little bit. Neither of them would do so if any guards – or other witnesses – were present, of course. But this room was in a rarely used and thus rarely visited part of the castle.

Both casually walked in, closed the door and walked over to me. Luna stopped a small distance away, but Celestia walked over and nuzzled me as a greeting. I returned the gesture in kind. “Hey love,” I whispered and stole a quick kiss.

“Are you ready?” she asked, a little bit of concern shining through.

“Heck no,” I replied with my nerves fluttering again. “But I’ll try anyway. Are you?”

Celestia raised her head and looked over her shoulder, back at her sister. Luna more or less successfully pretended not to listen in, finding great interest in the room's décor. When Celestia looked back, she wore a smile, albeit a shaky one. “I hope so.”

It felt reassuring in a way. Knowing that I was not the only one trying to keep his cool.

“No coffee?” Luna asked and I suddenly felt a need to faceplant on the table nearby. “I am awake before my time, and with my shortened night, you don’t even offer me coffee?” she reinforced her outrage.

I knew that she was only teasing me, but right now, with my nerves laying bare, I could not jump in and joke around with her like I would like to have. “I—“

“—was getting that,” Twilight's voice interrupted me from the door. She walked in with a floating tray behind her, holding a pot of tea and a pot of coffee.

I tried to express my deep gratitude for her saving me by beaming at her. “Thank you, Twilight.”

We sat down and for a moment, everything settled into a comfortable, familiar rhythm. Luna told us a story about her night, short as it had been. And she did not seem to grow tired of bringing that back up, teasing me. Twilight took over, talking about a probably interesting friendship problem that had come up, but I could hardly bring myself to listen. I was battling my inner demons, trying to start the topic somehow.

After emptying her coffee, Twilight sat the cup back down and poured tea into it.

“Now that is just unnatural,” Luna commented with disgust.

“A crime against the laws of nature,” Celestia agreed with a visible shudder. “And against tea.”

“I have some juice somewhere, if you really wanna mess them up,” I ‘whispered’ to Twilight with a grin.

A moment later, we all shared a good-natured laugh with each other. And to me, at least, it felt like the tension’s back had been broken. It was as good an opportunity as I would ever get. “Right, so. I asked all of you to come here to talk. We should probably do that before Luna decides to bug me further about those precious hours of sleep she’s missing.” She stuck her tongue out at me and we both smiled. Mine faltered after only a brief moment however. “I… on a theoretical level, I know that in this very room we’re currently sitting in, there’s nothing that I need to be afraid of. Theory doesn’t help me much though. I’m trying. I just… I guess I’m just asking you to be patient with me.”

Twilight just nodded. Luna straightened her posture and gave a nod as well. With that, I turned and looked to Celestia, once more silently asking for confirmation. She leaned down and nuzzled my cheek for just a brief moment. It was enough of a ‘go ahead’ for me. “I have been in a dedicated relationship with Celestia for some very enjoyable years now. And we’re happy. However… I think at this point, it’s more of an open secret than anything else…” I looked at Twilight. “I love you. And I love you in a way that is a lot more than just ‘friendly’.” Before my determination could falter, I ripped my gaze away from that cute blush coloring her cheeks and looked over at Luna. “Same goes for you. I love you too.” With what remained, I dared to look to Celestia. It was not unexpected to see that she had partially slipped her mask on. It actually did not hurt. I tried to figure out if I was disappointed, but instead I just leaned over and nuzzled her, before returning my attention to the rest. “I have talked with Celestia at length. This conversation would not take place without her blessing. And if anypony feels uncomfortable at any point, please do not hesitate to voice that.” I waited a moment for them to acknowledge what I had said, and only continued after that. “A couple of years back, Luna suggested a more… uhm… ‘open’ relationship. We would like to talk about that.”

“Ohhh,” Luna replied first. “So it is The Talk, I see.”

Whatever that was supposed to mean, I did not ask. She grinned and for the moment, that was enough. Nopony was fleeing to the balcony door in terror. A solid first step. And more importantly, Celestia was not shifting around uncomfortably – a solid and important second step. “I am not willing to risk my relationship with her. I just… I can’t. So she will have the final say in all of this, but as I mentioned… we wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for her. Are… are you two on board with the broad idea?” I looked at Luna fist, expecting this to be a quick and easy answer and was not disappointed.

“Well, I suggested it,” she replied with a shrug. “It would be weird were I to suddenly change my mind, no? However, I do share the sentiment: I will not endanger my relationship with Twilight for this.”

And with that, we looked to Twilight. I had tried. I had done whatever I could think of to avoid any situation that could possibly feel like being pressured or being ganged up on. Yet here we were, staring at her. However, despite that, she did not seem all that fazed by it and still smiled at us. “I would very much like it if we could make this work, yes,” she replied and that warm smile grew into a little grin.

I breathed a sigh of relief and nodded. “Good. Right. Then… we should try to figure out if it can work. And how. We should talk about expectations, wishes, conditions, boundaries, all that.”

“If I may?” Celestia spoke up.

To be honest, I was not all that surprised. We had talked at length, and she had a lot to think about. And a lot that needed to be shared right here and now. “Of course, go ahead,” I replied.

She looked over to Twilight and Luna. “I love you both dearly, and I wish for all of us to be as happy as we can be. And maybe this is a way for all of us to become happier than we are. However. I had enough time to think about this. And I came to the conclusion that I will very likely feel uncomfortable if I were to notice you be more… intimate with each other. I am not talking about flirting – we all do that all the time. I would ask for discretion in my presence, and restraint if necessary. I do not think that I have a tendency for jealousy as such, but I am more accustomed to a ‘regular’ relationship and this is… a new experience for me. This might be a ban I am willing to lift later on, but I need to ease myself into this. I really do not wish to hear about Twilight's ‘performance’ or my sister's exploits, and I assume you share my opinion on this matter, at least.”

“I do not mind,” Luna just shrugged.

It took Celestia a moment to process that. She blinked, and stared at her little sister like she had suddenly sprouted a second head. “… what?” It was rather unusual to see my love this unbalanced. She was not speechless per se, just… really out of her depth and a little overwhelmed. I had admittedly not expected Luna's nonchalance either.

“Oh please, sister,” Luna started. “You have always been the more prudish of us two. Maybe there is too much idolization of romance as a concept in your head, I cannot tell. But quite a few of our little ponies have become prudish themselves and I cannot say that I am surprised. For a thousand years they looked up to this pristine figurehead of state, impeccable and superior. A role model, some utopian ideal to strive for. Given that, I deem it a miracle that they accept herds at all these days.”

Twilight nuzzled Luna. I noticed how there was a lot more communication going on beyond that simple gesture. Luna silently sighed, gave a quick nod and relaxed a little.

“It is called ‘polyamorous relationship’ now,” Twilight supplied.

Luna furrowed her brow. “It is? Well that is just a mouthful. Be that as it may: I see creatures dream on a nightly basis. I am quite certain that there is little I do not know about that can be done in the bedroom – or outside of it. I have seen ‘depravity’ in all its forms and quite frankly, I do not really care anymore. There has been a social stigma on a lot of practices. Some of them are justified – most are not. Our society has evolved quickly, and the evolution of our minds and instincts cannot catch up. I do not mind hearing of your ‘exploits’, dear sister of mine. What I would gather from such tales is the satisfaction of knowing that you enjoy yourself, that you are happy, that you live.”

Celestia had become paler over time. It was hard to tell, since color draining from a pristine white coat did not exactly do all that much. But she had refrained from speaking up. She had not told Luna to stop. I could instead see all gears turning, her processing this and trying to fit it in with something. She finally shook her head and, after closing her eyes, gave a short sigh and reopened them to look at all three of us. “I am sorry, but I do not feel comfortable with that.”

“Don’t apologize,” I answered. “That’s why we’re here. Why we’re talking.”

“You will have to be more precise though, sister,” Luna said.

For a second or two, Celestia chewed her bottom lip. A strange and rare gesture. “I do not wish to hear of your exploits. Or Twilight's, for that matter. And I don't feel comfortable with the thought of you two hearing about mine either.”

The rest of us exchanged glances.

“Despite what it will feel like,” Cadance warned me. “Starting this conversation will actually be one of the easier parts. You will have to be cautious, Dreamwalker. As I said before, there is always a discrepancy between what a pony passively notices, and what a pony is actively aware of. At some point, they might tell you – without lying – that something is alright, while it really isn’t. You won’t be able to entirely avoid such situations, but it helps to be observant and aware of the possibility. Eventually, such situations come back to bite you if they weren’t addressed properly. In that regard, I don’t worry much about Luna. She knows herself well, especially after the whole… incident. If you hurt her, she will tell you. If she is angry, you will know. She’s a really bad liar and the thought of lying often escapes her in the first place. She does have a self-destructive tendency though.”

“I think I can handle Luna,” I replied with a smirk. “She’s rather straightforward. Almost blunt with her approaches.”

“Twilight is a little bit trickier. She has grown a lot, and learned a lot, but she still lacks experience. I’m not entirely sure if she would immediately notice being hurt, but Twilight always had one crucial weakness – she is an open book. Just like Luna, lying doesn’t come naturally to her. But other than Luna, she has no background of guarding herself against prying eyes.” I nodded. “Now, Celestia is difficult. If she doesn’t want you to know something, you won’t know. With her experience and rhetorical skills, she could run circles around you and you would be none the wiser. You will have to trust her. You will have to trust that she is honest with you and shares her thoughts and doubts with you.”

I remembered a conversation I had with her only a couple of weeks ago. She had grown worried that our relationship might become stale. It was such a silly worry, but I understood her perfectly well. And I took it seriously of course, because it was serious for her. She had shared that. And right now, that gave me hope. “I can do that,” I proclaimed to Cadance.

“’Tis fine by me,” Luna stated. “This is obviously about each and every one of us.”

We once more looked over to Twilight. “I… I don’t need to hear that either,” she replied with a faint tint in her cheeks.

A curious reaction. Luna seemed to share that assessment, as she promptly asked, “But you would like to?”

The tint deepened somewhat and while Luna raised an eyebrow with a smirk, both Twilight and Celestia made efforts not to make eye contact. I quickly realized that this could derail us, and more importantly, that this could quickly turn uncomfortable. “That’s not the point right now,” I interrupted before Luna could pry further. “Both of you agree to this, and I don’t have any problem with showing restraint in that regard either. This is about accommodating all of us, as Luna has already pointed out.” Twilight gave me a relieved smile and nod. I got your back, peanut. Don't worry.

Luna tried to stare a little hole in Twilight's head, but after a couple of seconds more, she relented and with a ‘we will talk about this later, and I will enjoy it’-look on her face, she re-entered the conversation. “I think at this point, we made our priorities and preferences pretty clear?”

“Priorities?” I asked with mild confusion.

She nodded. “Yes. Your priority is my sister, and she will remain as such. To state the rather obvious: My sister's priority is you. Correct me if I err.”

Celestia looked back. She turned to me first. That almost fragile looking smile gained strength and grew warmer, until she gave me a quick nuzzle and turned to her sister. “No correction necessary.”

Luna nodded satisfied. “My priority lies with Twilight. And Twilight, I presume yours lies with me?”

I grinned. Maybe that was not the most appropriate reaction, but I grinned anyway. For some reason, Twilight was still inspecting the really nice decoration of this room, sporting a blush that, if anything, had grown more noticeable. I wondered what was going on in that smart head of hers and with a little side glance to Celestia, noticing her very faint blush as well, I had my suspicions.

“Mhm,” Twilight answered.

“What about the openness of it all?” Luna continued. It was strange how she seemed to have taken over leading the conversation. Then again, patience is a virtue she often struggled with and she always had been a feverish advocate of the ‘hooves on’-approach. Plus: It was quite likely that she knew, that she actually knew, what she was talking about.

“What do you mean by that?” Celestia asked with an audible sense of foreboding.

“Rest easy, sister,” Luna replied and shot her a reassuring smile. “I am not trying to imply anything. It is just a necessity of such talks to state everything as plain as possible and as clear as day, no matter how obvious it might seem. I am willing to share my life, heart and bed with both Twilight and Dreamwalker. Twilight and I had talked about possibilities before and she is not comfortable with me taking on other lovers. In the same vein, I am not comfortable with her doing that.”

At that, both Celestia's and my gaze were drawn to each other. I was not sure if I had expected to see worry or fear in them. She was determined instead. And I felt a smile tug at my lips. “Same goes for us,” I answered Luna, and my love smiled for me.

After a moment though, her brow furrowed as she remembered that she had thought about a lot more than she had actually shared so far. She turned her attention to both Twilight and Luna, and so did I. “What about marriage?” she asked.

While Luna just gave it some thought, both Twilight and I were stunned. She brought that up so casually.

“Are the old laws still in place?” Luna asked, still thinking to herself.

“They are,” her sister replied with carefully balanced neutrality. “I had made a push or two in the last century, but they were always rebuked by the higher echelons of society.”

“Narrow-minded inbreds,” Luna quietly cursed. “We shall see about that. The next time you try, just send them our way. It matters little for now, I suppose.” Both Twilight and I gulped audibly as our significant others looked at us. “Or does it?”

Bad Luna! Bad!, I wanted to chide her. This really was a bad time to tease us like that. Twilight was flabbergasted, stammering something barely audible, and I… well… I looked up to Celestia. I saw that warm, caring smile. Her beautiful eyes. Out of the corner of my eyes, I noticed that little flutter of her wings. Soon, I promised her without a word.

She leaned down, and we shared a kiss. “I like to think long-term,” Celestia restarted the conversation. “It made sense to at least address this before it became an issue.”

Luna nodded, turning her attention away from a furiously blushing Twilight and thereby drawing her muzzle out of Twilight's mane. “I agree, it is a good addition. Should the state of things remain as is, the easiest way would be to marry according to our priorities. Those might change, though I do not deem this likely.”

I noticed Celestia looking at me once more and so turned my attention to her again. And I suddenly felt like a mouse before a cat. There was that familiar, mischievous twinkle in her eyes. “What about foals?” she continued to put us on the spot.

“We have talked about adopting,” Luna answered. “But we have not decided yet. I am well aware that there are magical means by which this could be made possible, but to be frank: I harbor a dislike for them. Then again, if this new constellation does indeed work out, maybe it would not be necessary anyway.”

With the gazes of all three suddenly turning on me, I felt a load of anxiety bubbling up in my throat. “Eep.”

Luna snorted and chuckled. “Huh. Who would have thought? He really does sound like fair Fluttershy sometimes.”

I was not sure what was going on in Twilight's head. Her expression was hard to read and constantly shifted. Luna obviously enjoyed herself by teasing me to death, but right now, most importantly, I tried not to look to my left, where Celestia was sitting. I could feel her burning hot gaze drill into me. She was not just open to the idea, she was excited about it. We had tried for a foal for more than one and a half years already. We obviously did not go around telling everypony, so neither Luna nor Twilight knew. Which brought up the question of why she was bringing this topic up in the first place. Did she know something I did not? But as she had said herself: She liked to think long-term. Maybe she tried to preemptively discuss this before either of the other two got any funny ideas?

Whatever the case might have been, I felt like I was burning. Everything was hot and I considered stepping out onto the balcony, but Twilight saved me once again. Despite my efforts to circumvent any ‘us versus them’-mentality, it seemed I had failed. It was just that who was ‘us’ and who was ‘them’ constantly switched. Right now, Twilight and I saved each other’s hides from these insufferable two.

“Well, since we are already talking about ‘how open’ things should be,” she started before clearing her throat in an attempt to dismiss the last vestiges of embarrassment. “We should consider our public image. While keeping Dreamwalker out of the public eye despite his relationship with Princess Celestia has worked surprisingly well so far, I do not think we can expect that miracle to repeat if we were to enter this new relationship form.”

Luna was about to speak up, but Celestia — knowing how her sister thought — preempted her. “We cannot, and will not, manipulate the press to our advantage, sister. I have fought too hard to establish freedom of speech to see it swim down the stream because of selfish reasons.”

Luna grumbled a little, but shook her head after a moment and spoke up anyway. “We will of course respect your work, sister. Dreamwalker has gone through media training twice now and while he remains utterly uncomfortable with the spotlight, I think in these circumstances, we would be able to share the burden between us four, no? Maybe we should instead see this as an opportunity. We could spearhead this as a movement to support your push against prejudice and intolerance, sister. I do not want to market our relationship, but we will hardly be able to keep it secret anyway. And quite frankly, the thought of stalking around, watching every word I say and every move I make, does not appeal to me.”

Celestia remained silent for a moment longer until she suddenly giggled. “Oh goodness me. My aides and advisors, and the entire press team will be thrilled to hear of all the work we are producing for them right now.”

I could not help but chuckle as well. Neither could Twilight, it seemed. The mundanity of that was just too surreal. For some reason, public opinion had a lot less weight on our minds than it probably should have.

“Well it is about time they stop sitting on their rumps and leech off the treasury,” Luna got worked up. “We employ them, do we not?”

I knew that the press team had all their hooves full. On a daily basis. The image of the palace needed to be maintained and there was always something, it seemed. Another villainous incident, another smear campaign, another staff member that was just that teensy bit too talkative. But those were probably minor annoyances compared to the massive bomb we prepared to drop on them.

“We should not change the law,” I threw my less favorable thought in. Both Twilight and Luna suddenly stopped and stared at me. Celestia caught on quickly however. “Thing is: We can spearhead this, sure. I’m not thrilled by the prospect, to be honest. But I wasn’t thrilled about the attention when I started dating Celestia. I did it anyway, because she’s worth it. And this is worth it as well. But If we use this and then change the law, it will look—“

“—like we did this for ourselves,” Twilight finished.

I nodded. “If we really want to keep up appearances, the push to change the law must come from a different party. Someone not affiliated with us, to circumvent any accusations of bias.”

“These accusations will be leveled anyway, but it would help our position considerably,” Celestia agreed.

Twilight sighed. “I do not want to hinder progress or anything, but can we maybe postpone the political intrigue? I know this is important, but I would rather return to being teased about marriage and foals right now. This was meant to be about us, first and foremost.” In a way, it was both funny and heartwarming to see how Luna and Celestia both extended a wing to drape over Twilight's back. They looked at each other before Luna smirked, raised her wing a little and put Celestia's wing on Twilight's back before resting her own one on top. Twilight had followed the little exchange and while a faint tint returned to her cheeks, she did relax a little and smiled quite satisfied. “So if I understand correctly, we are going for a kitchen table-style, then?”

“It appears so, yes. To be honest, anything else would be quite silly,” Luna agreed.

“Excuse me,” Celestia chimed in. “I feel a little left out. What kind of style?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I, uh, heard the idioms about the kitchen sink. What’s wrong with the table?”

Twilight grinned sheepishly. “Oh, uhm, right. Sorry. There is nothing wrong with the kitchen table, quite the contrary. It is a term used to describe a certain style of relationship. A polyamorous relationship, to be specific.” And she was in full-on lecture mode. She was cute. “’Kitchen table style’ refers to the involved parties being close to each other, sharing not necessarily a household, but sympathy and life, not dissimilar to a family. Seeing as our relationships are already evolved to the point of very close friendships, forming non-crossing parallel lines would not make much sense and I was really afraid we might run into the issue that someone would prefer a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’-style. I don’t know if I would be able to deal with that. Luckily, I do not have to! So all is good.”

I exchanged a look with Celestia and was relieved to see that I was not the only one present who was a little… surprised? Celestia regarded first her former student and then her sister for a while before she spoke up on, as it quickly turned out, both our behalves. “How do you two know so much about this topic?” After all, Twilight had just demonstrated her knowledge in a quite impressive manner, as I was sure that those few sentences were backed up by a lot of knowledge. In the same vein, Luna had led the conversation for a while, had she not? And she had seemed so sure of herself while doing it. Then again… “Nevermind,” Celestia added as her sister started to grin. “I think I know how you know.” With that, she turned her curious gaze to Twilight.

Luna leaned over and nuzzled Twilight. “It is fine, love. Nothing to fear, just as Dreamwalker said.”

For just a brief moment, I was confused. Why would Twilight need encouragement? Why here, and now? Twilight closed her eyes and did that breathing technique Princess Cadance taught her, releasing her breath slowly and steadily. When she reopened her eyes, she looked at us with a sort of apologetic smile. “So, as you have heard previously, Luna and I have had conversations of this nature before. She actually took a year and a half before she brought it up for the first time.” I looked over to Luna and stifled a chuckle, seeing how proud she puffed her chest out. A whole year and a half! “This has obviously given me a lot of time to make myself familiar with the subject and research it properly, to gain a firm grasp on the matter,” Twilight continued.

A lot of time indeed. You've been researching this for more than four years, haven't you, peanut?

Her horn was wreathed in magic and a second later, two books appeared before Celestia and me. Well, not books, as I quickly realized. Just a decently sized stack of paper, bound by little metal rings.

“Dear Princess Celestia?” Celestia asked with a surprised giggle as she read the first page.

Twilight blushed hard and looked down to her hooves. “I got really, really nervous researching and writing this. Phrasing it like a letter to you helped.”

I was pretty sure that she was the most adorable pony in existence right now. I skimmed through some of those pages and quickly realized that this had indeed been a research project of many years. Probably one she only pursued whenever a breakthrough offered itself or when she had excess time at her hooves, but given the time span, that still amounted to a lot of pages. “That crate you received last month…?” I asked.

And without missing a beat, Twilight's smile grew. “Research material from Cadance. She was very helpful on so many occasions!”

I had been traveling to the Crystal Empire not even a week ago. To get some advice directly from the one pony I deemed most qualified to give said advice. And she had said nothing about this. Nothing at all. However, in retrospect, it at least explained her knowing smirk when we bid our farewells at the train station.

Maybe that had finally been her revenge for my meddling in her domain.

Day 2,350: Family Dinner

Tonight was a special evening. I was inclined to say: an occasion like this only came around once every blue moon, but luckily, these opportunities were not that rare either. Still, they did not happen as often as I liked. And while I got nervous quite easily and rather fast, this was an exceptional case in that regard as well.

I felt sick to my stomach.

It was not just a few butterflies making their way around in there, oh no. It was an entire swarm, flying every which way, bumping into walls and each other, flapping their fragile little wings in a panic.

The only thing that made it better, more bearable — and considerably so — was the fact that I was not alone in my suffering. Twilight stood in the dining hall, right before the fancy crystal dinner table. I walked up to her side and lightly brushed my tail over her cutie mark. She seemed deep in thought, her gears grinding and rattling, as per usual. But my touch pulled her back and a fond smile rose on her muzzle. She sighed quietly and leaned against me. It was a prime opportunity to nuzzle her and I most certainly did not let it slip past me unused.

Seeing her fret helped me do it less myself. Because now she needed me. She needed me to help her, to counterbalance her overbearing mind. “Checklist?” I quietly asked.

“Yes please!” she almost begged in reply.

I chuckled and nodded. “Go on then.”

Twilight closed her eyes. I wanted to do the same so badly. Her scent lingered in my nostrils, the beautiful, enticing, irresistible bouquet of ink and paper, of boundless knowledge, encapsulated in ancient tomes. The faint scent of that lavender shampoo Rarity had given her a few days ago. I wanted to sigh deeply and just lie down with her. Right here on the crystal floor of the dining hall, if I had to. But! She needed me. So I kept my focus straight.

“In batches of three,” she announced for efficiency's sake. “Table, chairs, tablecloth.”

My gaze trailed across the massive crystal dining table. Not for the first time. A set of five chairs stood ready, one at the head of the table for Spike, four immediately adjacent to it. They had comfy sitting pillows and everything. Sunny and I would sit next to Spike on either side, with Twilight and Luna on the outer ‘ends’ next to us. The tablecloth was immaculate. A pale yellow, not unlike a modest dress Rarity had made for Twilight once upon a time. “Check, check and on fire.”

“What?!” Her eyes snapped open and she stared at the table in abject horror. Only to notice that the tablecloth was, in fact, not on fire. She groaned, sighed deeply and shot me a disgruntled glare. “Dream, please, that’s not funny…!” she complained.

I leaned over and kissed her cheek as an apology. “Funny? No. But you were so caught up in your thoughts that I deemed it safer to cut straight through. We may continue without any more pranks, I promise.”

She watched me for a moment, then sighed and accepted my reasoning with another quieter sigh. She closed her eyes again and focused on her mental checklist once more. “Plates, cutlery, candles.”

By this point, I had no idea how many sets of tableware we had. I knew that for some unfathomable reason, some were considered ‘fancy’ and others were not. And I could never distinguish the two. Therefore, the fact that five plates were present at all was already sufficient for me. And they had all the required utensils right beside them. Plus a candleholder with three unlit, plain white candles. “Check, check and check.”

Twilight nodded, clearly appreciative of my current professionalism. “Salad as garnish, carrot soup as starter, vegetable casserole as main course.”

I thought about what we had done in the last hour or so. I could still hear the occasional clutter and mutter from the kitchen where Spike was busy with the last steps. “Vegetables for the salad are washed, peeled, cut and mixed. Spike was working on salad dressing and should be done by now. Carrot soup was done half an hour ago and is waiting on the stove. Casserole was done right before we came out here and should be in the oven right now. So check, check and check.”

Twilight considered potential downfalls in our current setup, options to ‘fix’ risks and missteps. She nodded. “Glasses, drinks and napkins.”

I looked over the table once more. Luna loved herself some dark, hot coffee, especially so early in her day after waking up. Therefore, despite it being evening for the rest of us, a steaming pot was waiting for her. Sunny meanwhile was an avid aficionado of tea culture, but while she appreciated my efforts whenever I made tea, we all knew that my tea was dreadful. Luckily, Twilight had learned a lot from her — and about her. Therefore, a second steaming pot stood at the ready.

Which left the other two carafes. One was filled with plain water for me and if anypony else wanted a palate cleanser. I assumed water would do just fine for that. The other one was filled with cider for Spike and anypony else who wished for something with a little kick.

And finally, Spike had outdone himself by somehow folding the plain napkins into a swan. “Check, check and swan.”

Twilight stumbled only briefly before she giggled quietly. “They are amazing, are they not?”

She still had her eyes closed, but I assumed she had no difficulties picturing them in perfect detail anyway. It was just how her mind operated. “They are,” I agreed. “He really outdid himself. Again. I wonder how he picks this stuff up so quickly.”

“Well, he is still a very young dragon, despite almost surpassing you in size, and in early mental development, dragons especially have—“ She cut herself off when I nibbled on her neck. A soft shudder ran through her body and made me grin from ear to ear. “That has to be the most pleasant way to stop me from rambling,” she murmured with another sigh.

“I thought so too. Funny how that works, right?” I nuzzled her again and even though she sighed wistfully, she knew that we were not finished yet. So we continued down her checklist, mark after mark, until we were sure that we were ready.

As ready as we could be, anyway.

A minute later, we heard a dull knock from the hallway. We exchanged glances and while she remained behind to help Spike out with first steps of cleaning up the kitchen, I already trotted over to the castle door. I stopped in front of it, took a deep breath and—

—choked on air when Twilight suddenly teleported beside me. She arrived in her usual flash of raspberry light, with a faint pop and the smell of ozone lingering in the air. I put a hoof over my chest and tried to calm down my raging heart.

“Sorry,” she mumbled with a faint blush.

We both straightened our posture, plastered expressions of determination on our faces and opened the doors. And said expressions immediately melted away as we beheld our guests. Celestia and Luna stood tall and proud, but I couldn't help but stare. It was so rare to see them out in the open, in public, without their regalia. It made them seem naked, which sent an entirely different signal down my spine. And they looked just… magnificent. Nothing out of the ordinary, in theory. Their coats were brushed, their manes wafted in ethereal winds and yet. And yet.

I knew I was not the only one struck speechless, because I could not hear Twilight utter any greetings either. The spell was only broken after Luna put one and one together, started to grin like a cat on the prowl and teased us with a low: “Cat got your tongues?”

I was pretty sure we both blushed a little. “Welcome home,” Twilight said.

It was such a simple greeting. But really, it was beautiful. It said so much more than I could have said with a thousand words. Home. They were at home here. They were always welcome. They were family. We were family.

Twilight and I stepped out of the way to let them in and we managed to close the doors before hugs and nuzzles were exchanged. And maybe, just maybe, I clung to Sunny a little longer. Because she was always calm, and she radiated that calmness outwards like an aura. And even though this was nothing like a first date or anything like that, I still felt like I could use some of that calmness.

We led them to the dining hall, flanking them like guards escorting guests of the palace. And we already started babbling about this and that. Small talk. How their days had been. If Luna's dreamscape travel had been a calm one. If Day Court went smoothly or if Twilight had to ruffle a few feathers again. How Ponyville was doing. And as soon as we arrived in the dining hall, we naturally included Spike in our conversations.

I had been so incredibly nervous. But it took less than two minutes after their arrival and this felt like the best time of my life. As if nothing could go wrong. Because even if something did, we would laugh and deal with it. Simple as that.

And that feeling was so incredible to me. So precious. I cherished every moment to the best of my abilities.

We all sat down, excluding Spike, who went back to the kitchen to retrieve the salad and the carrot soup. He always took massive pride in his abilities as a chef and we never tired of praising him for it. First and foremost because his food was simply divine, as Rarity agreed on every possible occasion. So he put on a bit of an air of professionalism as he carried the bowl and the pot out and announced them with fancy names. He did just a good job that I could not even tell if those truly were the names of the recipes, or if he made those names up on the spot.

Twilight could have easily taken over at this point. It would have been faster, too. She could simply grab the ladle in her telekinesis and distribute equal amounts of soup to every bowl on every plate without spilling a single drop. She could repeat the same with the salad. But she did neither, because again: Spike loved these moments, when we sat there, eagerly awaiting our food with hungry eyes, and watched him do his thing. So he grabbed one bowl at a time, filled it up, gave it back, and so on. Until we were all sorted.

We filled our glasses with our drinks of choice and raised them to the air, four magic auras and one claw coming together. “To us,” Sunny started.

“To a lovely evening,” Luna offered.

“To awesome food!” Spike said. When everypony giggled, he shrugged and grinned wider. “What? I’ve been making that stuff for two hours now and it smells delicious, I’m starving!”

“It does smell delicious,” Twilight agreed. She quickly thought of a toast of her own. “To friendship.”

“How original,” Luna teased with a smirk and giggled when Twilight stuck out her tongue.

I looked at them. At each one in turn. It felt like my heart was swelling with every moment. Swelling with such deep gratitude that no words could do it justice. Gratitude, yes. And happiness. Sheer joy. “To family,” I toasted.

“Hear, hear,” Sunny replied quietly and sent a warm smile in my direction.

The glasses clinked together, and the dinner started.

Spike leaned back in his chair and tenderly caressed his belly. “Oof. Worth it.”

“You don’t have a bellyache already, do you?” Twilight asked in mild worry.

He grinned and shook his head. “Nah. But I might get one later on.” He fell silent for a brief moment, mulled something over and then suddenly snickered. “I’m a sausage!”

He made it sound like a profound and earth-shattering revelation. And we all just stared at him in mild bemusement. “Meaning?” Twilight dared to ask. We all knew that he was working up to the payoff of a joke.

“I’m stuffed!” he replied and laughed. I chuckled alongside him, Luna snickered, Sunny at least smiled and Twilight gave a quiet groan and eyeroll, even though she smiled as well.

“Well, if you are a sausage, then I am a pie.” She looked around the table and Luna already snickered again.

“What does that mean?” Spike asked quizzically.

“I am also stuffed, but I am sweeter!” she triumphantly exclaimed and giggled. Sunny chimed in and due to the good-natured basis of all our jokes and ribbing, Spike laughed unbridled.

“I can be sweet!” he still insisted after a moment.

I saw an opportunity to jump to my buddy’s aid and cut in. “No one doubts that you can be. You’re usually just too cool of a sausage to be sweet. Doesn’t mix well, does it?”

Spike seemed more than satisfied with that perspective. However, I noticed quite fast how Luna smirked. And it was that very specific smirk that already told me something was up. “That sounds naughty,” she stated with a wicked grin. “Now I want to be a food item as well!” At that point, she expectantly looked at everyone else and I understood her machinations. A little dinner table game, all in good fun. Well, I was up for that if the others were.

Sunny studied her sister briefly before she offered her suggestion. “A cookie maybe? Because you are so very sweet and little?”

And just as Sunny had hoped for, Luna pouted. In the most adorable way she could, of course. “You are a three-layer cake then?” she shot back.

Sunny gasped in fake-indignation and even put a hoof to her very comfy looking chest. “Excuse me?!” It did not get any better when Twilight failed to properly muffle her giggling. Sunnys head snapped around and she focused her death glare on Twilight, who immediately started to blush in embarrassment.

And a couple of seconds later, the whole table erupted into amused laughter.

Love. I loved these evenings. Loved spending time with them, each one of them. Loved this silly banter. Loved being silly with them at all. For just a brief moment, I closed my eyes and listened to their voices, to their laughter. It felt… wholesome.

And I also became aware of an opportunity I might have here. “Okay, okay, let’s settle this, then,” I started and quickly caught the attention of everyone at the table. I turned my attention to Sunny. She waited patiently, with a warm smile on her lips. It was not fair, really. She knew me too well. She already knew that I was building up to a compliment, not a joke. “Sunny, you are comfort food. You make it seem effortless when you just go about your day and make everypony’s day a smidge better. Just that tiny bit brighter and warmer and easier. You calm down frayed nerves, you give confidence, you offer shelter. You make everyone feel better, about themselves and everything else.”

She graciously accepted the compliment by tipping her head ever so slightly. So I turned to Luna, who straightened her posture and awaited my judgment with bated breath. I looked at her, saw her expectant gaze and cocked an eyebrow. “Luna, you’re spicy food. And honestly, I don’t think I need to explain why.”

Of course she would not let me get away with that so easily. “Oh, please, do go on!” she urged me with a sly smile. “That I want to hear. No, need to hear.”

The urge to sigh was there, but I chuckled instead and shook my head slightly. She was just impossible. “Fine,” I relented. “You are exotic. No matter how many times one has the opportunity to experience your company, it never gets stale or boring, it doesn’t even get predictable most of the time. There’s always something going on with you, you’re never quite the same, you always have some tricks or random ideas up your sleeve and, well…” While I could feel the heat creep into my cheeks, I was decently sure that no blush was visible. Yet. “You’re smoking hot. Get it? Like spicy food.”

Twilight was about to cut in, probably to state that spiciness and heat had no intrinsic relation as cold food could still be spicy and bland food could still be hot. But on one hoof: I already knew that my analogy was not perfect. And on the other hoof: Not the point, peanut!

Luckily a cobalt blue ring of magic formed around her muzzle and kept it shut. I nodded towards Luna in silent gratitude and she, well, she giggled merrily with a faint blush in her cheeks. She seemed so happy with my words. Almost as if she was about to purr in sheer satisfaction. Not that the others at the table did not already know why I nicknamed her my kitten anyway. But it would have been an amusing demonstration.

Before I could turn my head, Twilight already drew the obvious conclusion and spoke up first. “And what am I? Still a pie?”

I looked at her. Really looked at her. We had been living together for over six and a half years now. Through thick and thin. More than half a decade and I could still look at her and feel excitement bubble up in my throat. And warmth in my heart and belly. She was Twilight. It was such a silly sentiment with meaning only for me. Nopony else could ever hope to understand the deeper meaning, the layers upon layers of statements buried within those simple three words.

She was Twilight.

“You’re bread,” I said with a wry smile. Because I could already tell what she would think of that.

Her ears splayed back against her skull. “Aw. What? Why?” She looked to Sunny, as if searching for an explanation, or maybe an ally to support her. She looked to Luna as well, hoping for someone to defend her. “I’m not that bland!” she ultimately defended herself. Sunny and Luna smiled warmly. They already understood. Why was it almost impossible to surprise them? Ever?

Because thousands and thousands of years of experience? Probably dozens, if not hundreds of lovers?

Ah. Right. That.

I did not let it dampen my mood, though. I smiled and pressed on regardless. “No. No, you’re not bland,” I reassured Twilight. I was so glad that she sat right beside me. It allowed me to put my hoof over hers. “You’re versatile, peanut. You are compatible with almost everything. You are a necessity, a solid base for each and every day. You are needed for survival. You are part of the minimum requirement. The base of everything else. Bread is just another thing we take for granted in our everyday lives, but if you really think about it, it’s an essential, an unsung hero of our cuisines.”

Twilight averted her gaze. Strike one. A noticeable tint rose to her cheeks and colored even the bridge of her muzzle and the tips of her ears. Strike two. And for several long seconds, she was speechless. Even after half a minute, she had failed to articulate any response to that. Strike three! Victory!

I grinned from ear to ear. I was happy that I had managed to compliment her well. I looked at the others. Spike snickered behind his claw, Sunny subtly nodded in approval and Luna…

Luna licked her lips.

Oh boy. Here we go again.

“With a description like that,” she started with yet another sly smirk, “I think I could go for a slice right now… or maybe gobble up the entire loaf, starting from the backside. Nibbling my way through the warm crust and into the soft interior…”

I noticed how her horn lit up. It was a faint aura. Whatever she was doing was subtle. It affected only a tiny area, employed only a miniscule amount of force. That made it considerably harder to see where her magic currently was deployed, but I had a sneaking suspicion. Especially considering Twilight's blush did not recede at all, but seemed to only intensify as more seconds trickled by. Her breathing quickened a little, she still held her gaze firmly focused on the empty plate in front of her and sitting right next to her, I could see her press her rear legs together and rub them against each other.

Just thinking about what Luna might be doing with Twilight right now, right here at the table, right next to me, it was thrilling. It made me inhale deeply in an attempt to stave off my own impulses and rising desires. And I was probably better off doing that now, before the air would fill with the scent of her arousal.

I looked at Luna, but my lovely kitten was completely enthralled watching Twilight squirm and concentrated on manipulating her magic. So I swerved a little to the left and Sunny’s and my gaze met. I was more than surprised to see an ember glow in her eyes as well. “And what food would you like to go for, love?” she asked in a superficially innocent tone of voice. “A dessert, maybe?”

I knew my love well enough to recognize some of her tricks. She was just toying around with me, to see if she could get me riled up, if she could get under my skin. And the sad part was: She could. Always. She had such an easy time doing it. She probably made it into a sport in her head, to see just how quickly she could coax the desired reaction out of me.

I leaned on the table, put my hooves together and leaned my chin on the newly formed bridge. “You know what the greatest thing about food is?” I asked, but I did not wait for a response and instead gave it myself. “You can mix and match as much as you desire.” I blew her a kiss for emphasis.

At that point, Spike cut in with hesitance. “Uh… are we still talking about food, or…?”

I quickly looked to the side to see Twilight trying very hard to focus. Her lips moved in silent counting. And if she was at the stage where she needed to focus on counting, then Luna was really trying to get her. So, turning my attention back to Spike, I chuckled. “Don’t worry, we’re not going to have an orgy in the middle of the dining room. Most of us are not that depraved,” I said and pointedly looked towards Luna with that last sentence.

Luna, shameless as ever, smirked confidently and raised an eyebrow. The magic on her horn grew a tiny bit stronger. “Most of us?” she asked.

I stared at her. She stared right back. It was almost like a dare, a test of courage. I was not a dominant personality, but Luna, hoo boy, she was. Staring into her eyes like that, it felt like I was sitting right in front of a manticore. A quick move, any move, and she would just pounce. And Luna enjoyed these little battles whenever they happened. “Yes, kitten,” I answered without taking my eyes off of her, “most of us. But don’t worry, it’s not a bad thing. I’m really into your… spiciness. And I’m sure others appreciate it just as much. Right, Twilight?” With that, a deal was made. The manticore agreed to spare me, and I hoof-delivered a suitable replacement on a silver platter.

“Uh… guys?” Spike spoke up again, but before he could say more, Twilight suddenly gasped like a drowning pony breaking through the water’s surface.

“I-I f-forgot the, uhm, stove!” she quickly stuttered. She barely managed to keep her wings from springing open and within a fraction of a second, her horn lit up and with a bright raspberry flash, she was gone.

Left behind was only a damp spot on her sitting pillow, of course.

The attention of everyone else expectantly turned to Luna, who grinned sheepishly for a second. She might have overdone it just a tiny bit this time, but she was still far from apologizing for anything. “It was such a lovely dinner, Spike! Thank you! I will just… go and help her… with her stove.” She grinned almost wickedly and her horn lit up properly before she vanished as well.

“They are totally doing it right now, aren’t they?” Spike asked with a grimace. There were certain things he did not want to know about his surrogate mother, sister, and whatever else Twilight was to him.

The issue was — he had asked and I answered before thinking about if I should answer. “Oh, absolutely,” I replied with a chuckle, before I realized and my laughter became a tad more awkward. “Sorry.”

He shrugged it off quickly and instead stared at the two of us who remained at the table with him. And I could almost see the gears turning in his head. How we had shamelessly flirted as well earlier. “You two want to vanish as well?” he asked with a sigh.

There was only a brief, silent communication between Sunny and me before she answered. “Do not worry, Spike. We will not leave you alone here. We will have a nice evening, just as we planned. We can and will join them and enjoy our evening hours later on, I think, when those two young fools have spent all their valuable energy already and they leave themselves open and utterly defenseless against our well-coordinated onslaught.” A devious grin rose to prominence as Sunny held her head high, proud and regal. “A pincer maneuver is what I propose, and they shall weep tears of joy as we subjugate them to the fullest extent, not just a plain perfect victory, but a crushing defeat.”

And she laughed. It was a raspy, wicked sound. Something one might expect as the high point in a monologue from Queen Chrysalis or King Sombra, but most assuredly not from Sunny. Both Spike and I stared at her in surprise and awe.

When she fell silent again, she looked to both of us, searching for responses. “So? How was it?”

I snapped out of it first and chuckled. “Worthy of a true drama queen. Rarity would be proud to act with you. Heck, she could probably still learn a lot from you.” My chuckle dimmed down to a warm, fond smile. “Sweet heavens, I love you so much.”

“Aw. I love you too,” she replied and blew me a kiss.

Sunny smiled happily and then turned her attention to Spike. He shook himself free — quite literally — and then uttered a very Spike-like first reaction. “Woah.” He shook his head once more and stared at Sunny. “I always forget that you can be really scary if you want to! That was so cool!”

Sunny giggled and bowed to her appreciative audience as much as the table would allow while we applauded. Once the commotion died down again, she looked at the table and set her sights on stacking the empty plates and bowls. “So, let us sort out this table and then settle down by the fireplace where it should be more comfortable. After all, I was recently told that I am comfort food,” she explained and shot me a wry smile. “Thus I shall acquiesce my destiny.”

I stood up, grabbed a couple of stacked towers and we made our way towards the kitchen, side by side. Spike overtook us with the large and empty salad bowl and seeing as he was out of sight and earshot, I pulled Sunny down with a tendril of magic and kissed her fiercely. The warmth of her lips, the brief, ecstatic dance of our tongues, the taste of cider from her last glass — my heart skipped a few beats and a pleasant flutter re-established itself in my stomach.

“Later,” I foretold, hoping that a fraction of the passion I felt made it into my word.

“Is that a promise?” she replied with a filly-ish giggle.

I could feel my grin grow into sharklike proportions. “If you want to. Otherwise, it’s a threat. You can’t stop me.”

It would be a nice evening, I was sure of that. We would talk a lot more, we would probably flirt a lot more too. I hoped that we could keep it a lot subtler, as I really did not want to alienate Spike. I wanted this to be an evening for all of us. The entire family. Well, the closest circle, anyway. Maybe a board game would help. We all loved those.

But eventually, we would go upstairs. And I was looking forward to that. And to every moment before it.

I loved evenings like this.