Majin Buuby ImTryingToLearnChaptersWhat the FUCK?!McEdgy and his McPlanMaybe this is not a dream....What the FUCK?!I was supposed to die. I had a terminal disease. One that had no treatment to even slow it down. So, the doctors offered me an escape; instead of delaying what was impossible to delay by any medical means, they offered to end my suffering. I accepted. I hated the suspense of waking every day, knowing it would be my last. I also hated the idea that all I had was a few days at most, even if I rejected their offer. So, I took their offer, a medically assisted suicide. They promised it would be painless, and that's all I wanted. A painless death. Maybe I was a coward for taking the easy way out; who knows? I didn't care. I had no family. Everyone I had ever loved had died a long time ago. So, I had no one to mourn me. My friends, I suppose, but in all honesty, a friend is not someone I would prolong my suffering for. So, I took the easy way out. And, the doctors did their thing. Or so I thought. I felt like I was dying while they were killing me, and like advertised, I felt no pain; for a brief moment, I felt like I was truly dying, and for an instant, I swear I did, but then, I felt a pull, a strong one. I wasn't sure what was happening. But after that pull, I felt better, tired but better. Perhaps that was the bliss before the end like the doctors had described. If I ever wake up, I will slap silly every single doctor in the hospital. They promised something and delivered something, far, far, far worse. An eternity in nothing but Darkness. I mean, one moment I was dying, and the next? I was surrounded by darkness with nothing but my boring thoughts to keep me company. "But... aren't you calling yourself boring?" Shut up, imaginary Wilson, I'm having a monologue! "Okay," As I was saying before, my clear proof of my mental state decaying interrupted. I was going to slap those doctors if I ever woke up. I mean, an eternity with nothing but my imagination? That was torture. Then again. Maybe Christianity was right. I opted for killing myself. Therefore, this is my punishment. If that was the case, well, I was royally fucked. Though, if that was the case, hell... was underwhelming. I mean, sure, being alone with nothing but Wilson is torture, but no hell like torture. If anything, it was going to the DMV without an appointment type of torture. "Soon, soon you will wake up!" Wait... I heard someone! People! I have so much to talk about... oh, wait. I can't talk. I want to cry, and if I could, I would. "And with you, I will rule this world and everypony!" Every... pony? That's an interesting goal, I suppose, quite specific, but a goal nonetheless. "Muahahahahahahha!" Evil laugh? Really... Maybe this voice was also one of my creations, like Wilson. At this point, I can't really tell. "King Sombra," someone new spoke, a new voice, it sounded scared almost. King Sombra? God, is my teenager self creating this shit? Edgy much. "What? Plebian?!" The stereotypical edgy villain growled. "The princesses are coming!" The scared one stuttered. That... doesn't sound threatening at all. If this is a product of my imagination, I need some work; this feels like a Barbie scenario. Oh god, was I imagining a barbie scenario? Or worse?! A Disney princess one!? "Good," The Edgy villain cackled in delight; I could almost feel him doing the evil rubbing hands things. Well, if this is a Disney scenario, Mr. Edgy was about to get his ass kicked. "Move the egg to the vault," Mr. McEdgy ordered with a growl, "We can't risk the egg getting hurt," The egg? Wait a minute, was I a fucking egg? Was that emasculating or cool? "Yes, my king," The guy that was obviously here out of his free will stuttered. "Time to meet the princesses," Mr. Edgy McNugget laughed, as I felt my entire world being turned around, over and over and... Oh, I was being rolled; that made sense. So, I was an egg. And I was being rolled. Ok, I decided, this is emasculating. Sadly, after being rolled to what I assumed was the vault in my imagination. I was once again in total darkness, without a single person around besides Wilson. "Hey," Shut up, Wilson! "Okay," "Nooooo" Wait, was that Mr. Edge? That's all I get?! Him screaming no?! Come on! First, interesting shit that happens in God knows how long, and all I get to hear is someone shouting no! like fucking team rocket!? "Something is happening," Wilson, I swear to God, I will imagine a fist to slap you with it... wait a minute, Wilson is right, I can feel something, it almost feels like being wrapped in something... odd. I don't know how I knew this, but I felt like I was trapped in not one but two veils of darkness. Don't ask me how I can feel that; I myself question my sanity because of that, but Wilson brings a very interesting theory, he thinks someone just put a blanket over me, or the egg... or... I need therapy. "No amount of therapy will fix this," Wilson, I warned you! "You what? -Generic punch sound- AUCH! HOW CAN YOU PUNCH ME? I'M A FIGMENT OF YOUR IMAGINATION!" "My sweet, sweet monster," McEdgy was back! Though his voice sounded almost strained. Ohhh, he was recovering from his humiliating defeat at the hands of what I assume were two barbies with several college degrees; I wonder... when will Hasbro make a Barbie that says fuck to higher education. "Soon, you will be my ultimate slave, my trump card against those two!" Hold your ponies, you pony-loving bitch. Your what?! "He said slave," Wilson, for the love of God, it was a rhetorical question. "Oh... my bad," "My weapon! my tool! my slave!" Edgy roared. Hell no! I had no idea how long it has been since McEdgy came back, but every... fucking... day... he would repeat the same THING! "I'm not looking so bad now, aren't I?!" Wilson, I swear to... never mind, you have a point. "I do!?! I mean, of course, I do!" As I was saying. Every day, at every hour, the pony-loving bitch I had as my roommate would say how I was to be his supreme slave, his ultimate weapon. I was tired of hearing him plan his revenge and how he would defeat Celestia and Luna once he recovered his power. Names I felt were familiar to me in some way. "It's time!" Fuck you Edge Lord. "The veil that surrounds us is breaking," I blinked, wait... can I even blink, you know what, I will say I can, anyways, I blinked, as I indeed felt the veil of darkness that surrounded my first veil of darkness be removed. "Now, all I have to do... is hatch you, my little slave," Fuck my life. "Wake up!" I can't sleep, you moron; I'm just trying not to think! "I know, but look! something is changing!" What do you mean by... As if answering that question, rays of light invaded my once totally dark environment. Something indeed was changing but, what? "Wake up my slave, and destroy those who oppose me!" Oh, I had almost forgotten Edgy was a thing, is what I would say if he GAVE ME two minutes of alone time! I... was awake? One moment Edgy McMuffin was shouting at me. And the next, I was in a cave, staring at nothing in particular. I could see the cave, I could feel the cave under my hooves, I could... wait a minute. I could feel the cave under my WHAT?! "You are as monstrous as I imagined!" "Shove it, bitch, I'm dealing with something," I growled, going back to my initial panic. I could feel the cave under my WHAAAT?! "...What?" Edgy muttered. Why did I have hooves?! I looked at my feet, or rather hooves, pink hooves, and blinked as hard as I could, but no matter how many times I blinked, I still had hooves. Wait... AM I PINK?! Hooves pink, check. Chest pink, check. WHY WAS I PINK!? In a panic, I frantically whipped my head around, trying to find a mirror of some kind around the cave to see how I looked. However, instead of finding a mirror, I found my head had continued past the point of humanly possible things; by that, I mean, I had done a 360 turn with my head. "Holy Faust!" Something that seemed to scare Mr. Edgy, can't blame him for that one. However, I remained calm and composed... for about one second, "WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME!?" McEdgy and his McPlanFor a couple of minutes, all I did was look at my body with a tremendous amount of confusion, as McEdgy yelled at me, telling me stuff I was simply deciding to ignore for the moment being. I was, after all, too busy analyzing my body in great detail, from my new set of hooves to my chest, seeing that everything in my body was a light pink. Sadly enough, the weird shit didn't end there; my arms and chest had holes, small holes as big as a small marble, my arms had these holes to the side, while my chest had them above my pecs. "What the fuck?" I mused, staring at my arms going from my shoulders to my hooves over and over again, the color, the texture, everything vaguely reminding me of someone, but who? "STOP IGNORING ME!" The Edge lord I had been ignoring shouted like a kid throwing a tantrum, moving in front of me so that I would see him and no longer ignore him. "I'm busy---" I started my response in a very normal manner but stopped abruptly when I saw what was standing in front of me, a pony, one made of shadows. "What the fuck?!" In retrospect, his plans were now somewhat understandable. But beyond that, this had to be a nightmare I was having inside my coma. So the question now was, why was I imagining a pony? An edgy one at that? "A pony, made of shadows," I muttered, moving my... hand... hoof? Hoof to touch it. "What are you doing?"McEdgy demanded in a confused manner. "Touching you," I replied, watching in awe as my hoof passed through his shadowy form as if there was nothing in front of me, barely disturbing his form. I was basically touching air. "Stop doing THAT!" McEdgy bellowed in an unholy snarl. "You shut up," I shushed, shoving my hoof in his shadowy mouth, as I narrowed my eyes and moved closer to his unique body, trying to see how my imagination was making him work. He was, after all, more complete than Wilson. "You're a figment of my imagination; you have no right to complain," I added. "A figment of your imagination?" McEdgy gasped in indignation, moving out of my hoof range. "Yes," I nodded, trying to reach him once again with my hoof. "You arrogant demon!" McEdgy snarled as the very ground beneath him shooked, as he trembled in rage, his eyes shifting from a dim yellow to a bright crimson red, as his shadowy body grew in size, covering the entire cave, save for the spot I was standing in. All while I looked at him, with a look that said, I've seen worse. I was a horror fan, so this was a 1 out 10, 1.5 if he had added suspense music before that actual scare. "Meh," I shrugged. "Could a figment of your imagination do this?!" McEdgy roared, lifting a boulder with his shadows claws, before hurling said boulder at me. The boulder in question was the size of a car, but this was a dream, so I didn't even bat an eye at the incoming projectile. "Meh," I shrugged, once again, seconds before the boulder collided with my body breaking into a thousand pieces, without doing any damage whatsoever; in fact, it kind of felt like he had thrown a pillow at me, a very soft one at that. "NOW BOW!" McEdgy growled. "You do realize that didn't hurt at all? Right?" I asked, kicking the tiny rocks his giant boulder had transformed into away. "YOU DARE?!" McEdgy, however, was not having any of it. I sighed; perhaps it would be best to just ignore him and enjoy my comatose reverie. "I'm hungry," I muttered while looking around, noticing how my stomach was growling in the process. "Are you hungry?" McEdgy asked with a tone that made me want to scream stranger danger like a child. I turned to look at him, nodding, before taking a step back, "Yes, yes I am," "I can give you food, in exchange for your servitude!" McEdgy shouted with a big smile. "So, you not only think me a whore, but a cheap one too?" I replied with a blank, expressionless face. My stomach growled in defiance. Apparently, my stomach was a cheap whore, good to know I guess. I caved in the end to his promises of food of all things. I accepted working for him; I mean, what's the worse than can happen? It's a dream; consequences be damned. Also, I was curious to know if eating in a dream would feel real in any form. "So what is my mission," I yawned, looking at my hooves, still trying to figure out why would I dream about ponies of all things. "You will capture the princess in the castle!" Edgy grinned in pure delight. I looked at him, and asked, "And the castle is?" "Outside," Edgy replied, deflating a little. "Of course, I assumed as much, but... where exactly, I mean, this is a cave, and I assume the castle won't be outside the moment I walk out of the cave, sooo..." I pressed. "Oh, right," Edgy sighed, rubbing his head. "You will need to take two lefts after exiting the cave; then, you'll have to walk two miles north. From there, the castle is impossible to miss; you'll see some signs on the way, so don't worry." I nodded, starting to make my way out of the cave. Maybe I would just simply ditch Edgy and his plan to capture the princess, and see how my head was rendering with this dream of mine. "Bring her alive!" Edgy cackled as I walked out of the cave. I sighed, wondering why I had accepted such an offer, with only the promise of a few donuts and cakes of all things; I mean, since when do I have a sweet tooth? "Well, time to capture a princess, as cliche as that sounds," I sighed once again, stepping out of the cave only to find a stark, harsh tundra outside blasting my pink face with snow. "Whyyyy!?" I whined; I hated this type of weather, WITH ALL MY HEART. But never mind that. It was time to find the princess and claim my donuts. "He said two lefts," I mused, looking at the never-ending picture of why in front of me. But... where? I mean, if I took the two lefts he said here, I would end up walking inside the cave again. "I guess I'm gonna have to wing it," I sighed. I was lost. Two hours walking. And I realized that much. Needless to say, I was keeping my calm, with a composed and relaxed demeanor, one expected of a man of my class. "WHERE THE FUCK AM I?!" I shouted. Ok, I had lied. But who can blame me? I had walked for quite a while and had yet to see any signs of civilization, which I assumed would be more ponies; thankfully enough, I didn't feel cold at all. I mean, if I could feel cold, I would probably be dead by now, but fortunately, this was a dream, and my uncovered body, save for my ass and legs that were covered in a pair of white pants, seems to be immune to the weather. "Maybe I should've taken those two lefts, just to follow the dream narrative," I sighed. Maybe this is not a dream....I walked for hours without stopping against the cold I didn't feel, shoveling the snow with my pink body like a tractor making a path. And, I was beginning to question my so-called dream. First, no dream had this much detail; second, usually, when I found I was in a dream, I would wake up, and third, and perhaps most importantly, I felt healthy, I felt... healthy. For as long as I can remember, all my dreams have always included my illness because, for me, there was no existence without pain. After all, an existence without pain was one I couldn't imagine, you can’t imagine what you don’t know. It’s like asking a blind person to imagine the color red, if they have never seen before, the concept for them would be abstract in essence. But, this so-called dream, although strange, filled with things like stupid stuff like ponies made out of shadows and never-ending snow, did not make me feel bad; on the contrary, I felt great, strong, energetic, it was... strange to me, it was new. But apart from that big point, everything felt real, the snow on my hooves, the cold air on my lungs, everything felt strangely real, and I really didn't know what to think, what to believe. If this was true, I would have to accept an idea, an unfathomable concept, which was reincarnation beyond religious bases. If I accepted this world, which by all rights seemed the closest thing to the definition of unreal, I would be accepting many things, things I was raised not to believe. No. Perhaps, what frightened me was not accepting this dream world, but what it entailed if I was not right. If I accepted this world, and it ended up being a lie fabricated by my mind, I would be accepting not a new chance at life but my madness itself. "What to believe?" I mused, looking up at the dark sky blanketed with stars and snow. Maybe it was all true, or maybe I was just mad. I sighed, looking down at the snow-covered ground, wondering, would it be so bad to accept this? Who cared if I was insane, a painless existence, whether it was real or not, was my dream. A dream which, before today, seemed impossible. Come to think of it, inside the egg I didn't feel any pain either, only my thoughts, which were accompanied by Wilson until my awakening. I wonder why I hadn't noticed it until now? Although to be fair, everything inside the egg felt like a genuine dream, unreal, foggy, confusing, slow, and weird, unlike what I had in front of me right now. "Maybe this is hell, or limbo in any case," I chuckled, wondering what type of punishment required the victim to have hooves. I sighed, looking around. Maybe, just maybe I had to stop looking at gift in the horse's mouth. Reality or not, this was a blessing, a break from my never-ending past. "I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO BREACH THE CASTLE FOR HOURS!" I blinked, as I heard someone scream from above, only to find McEdgy floating above me in anger. "I got lost," In more ways than one, for the last few hours, I have been questioning my mortality and what is to be real. "I gave you clear instructions!" McEdgy roared, his ghostly bad breath melting the snow beneath me. "Have you ever heard of something called a mint?" I mean, his breath smelled like rotten fish, how did I not notice that before. "YOU LITTLE... I HAVEN'T HAD A CHANCE TO BRUSH MY TEETH IN ONE THOUSAND YEARS!" Edgy roared once again, inflicting critical damage with his breath. "But you had time to fight the princesses?" I gagged, trying desperately to put clean air into my morning breath contaminated lungs. "THAT WAS A THOUSAND YEARS AGO!" McEdgy roared once again, this time, however, I was holding my breath, see? I learn. Wait a minute, did he say a thousand years? "Hold on," I stopped him, raising my hoof. "Yes?" McEdgy sighed. "You said one thousand years, but that doesn't add up," In my mind, if I recalled correctly, he had been bothering me for days to no end, and while I didn't know how many days exactly he had been bothering me, I was quite sure it hadn't been 365,000 days. "I'm quite sure, you plebian!" Edgy hissed. "Edgy, that doesn't make any sense," I shook my head. "Edgy?! MY NAME IS KING SOMBRA!" Edgy roared, somehow, even more, angrier than before. "King Sombra?" I snorted, "Like that p---" oh, ohhhhhhhhhhh. Wait, Celestia... Luna... Oh no. "Please tell she who I must capture is not the princess of Love or something," This couldn't be, of all the comatose dreams or realities to be reincarnated, it had to be this?! I only ever watched this as a joke, with the girl that used to share the hospital room with me, her name was Lauren F, I think, and she was really into the show, being team Twilight when we all know team Luna is the only valid team, and maybe Pinkie, just maybe. Nevermind that. The point is, I watched that show, years before actually asking the doctors to kill me. I barely remember any of it. I stopped watching it when the girl suddenly disappeared one night, and no one wanted to tell me shit about her. "Well, yes, you in fact have to ponynap the princess of love," Sombra nodded. I gagged. "What?" Sombra growled. "Nothing, just... processing a revelation," I replied, as the realization dawned on me. Dream or not, I was currently living the events of the show, more specifically the events where McEdgy or Sombra rather, returned. Only way to be sure though. "So you realized your place in my world," Sombra smiled with delight, as I forced myself not to gag at his cliche-like antics. "Yes, whatever tickles your pickle, now point me where the castle is, and I'll be there," I nodded if anything just to stroke his ego because right now I wanted to collect more information, see how real everything else was, like the Crystal Empire for one, before deciding if accepting this like a dream, or my new reality. "Good, good slaves are rewarded," Sombra laughed, his shadows forming a hand, one that pointed at where I assumed was the castle. I wonder why he didn't create a hoof with his shadows, I mean, he’s a pony, right? "Thanks," I smiled an obviously fake smile, one that he seemed to buy as I walked away.
What the FUCK?!I was supposed to die. I had a terminal disease. One that had no treatment to even slow it down. So, the doctors offered me an escape; instead of delaying what was impossible to delay by any medical means, they offered to end my suffering. I accepted. I hated the suspense of waking every day, knowing it would be my last. I also hated the idea that all I had was a few days at most, even if I rejected their offer. So, I took their offer, a medically assisted suicide. They promised it would be painless, and that's all I wanted. A painless death. Maybe I was a coward for taking the easy way out; who knows? I didn't care. I had no family. Everyone I had ever loved had died a long time ago. So, I had no one to mourn me. My friends, I suppose, but in all honesty, a friend is not someone I would prolong my suffering for. So, I took the easy way out. And, the doctors did their thing. Or so I thought. I felt like I was dying while they were killing me, and like advertised, I felt no pain; for a brief moment, I felt like I was truly dying, and for an instant, I swear I did, but then, I felt a pull, a strong one. I wasn't sure what was happening. But after that pull, I felt better, tired but better. Perhaps that was the bliss before the end like the doctors had described. If I ever wake up, I will slap silly every single doctor in the hospital. They promised something and delivered something, far, far, far worse. An eternity in nothing but Darkness. I mean, one moment I was dying, and the next? I was surrounded by darkness with nothing but my boring thoughts to keep me company. "But... aren't you calling yourself boring?" Shut up, imaginary Wilson, I'm having a monologue! "Okay," As I was saying before, my clear proof of my mental state decaying interrupted. I was going to slap those doctors if I ever woke up. I mean, an eternity with nothing but my imagination? That was torture. Then again. Maybe Christianity was right. I opted for killing myself. Therefore, this is my punishment. If that was the case, well, I was royally fucked. Though, if that was the case, hell... was underwhelming. I mean, sure, being alone with nothing but Wilson is torture, but no hell like torture. If anything, it was going to the DMV without an appointment type of torture. "Soon, soon you will wake up!" Wait... I heard someone! People! I have so much to talk about... oh, wait. I can't talk. I want to cry, and if I could, I would. "And with you, I will rule this world and everypony!" Every... pony? That's an interesting goal, I suppose, quite specific, but a goal nonetheless. "Muahahahahahahha!" Evil laugh? Really... Maybe this voice was also one of my creations, like Wilson. At this point, I can't really tell. "King Sombra," someone new spoke, a new voice, it sounded scared almost. King Sombra? God, is my teenager self creating this shit? Edgy much. "What? Plebian?!" The stereotypical edgy villain growled. "The princesses are coming!" The scared one stuttered. That... doesn't sound threatening at all. If this is a product of my imagination, I need some work; this feels like a Barbie scenario. Oh god, was I imagining a barbie scenario? Or worse?! A Disney princess one!? "Good," The Edgy villain cackled in delight; I could almost feel him doing the evil rubbing hands things. Well, if this is a Disney scenario, Mr. Edgy was about to get his ass kicked. "Move the egg to the vault," Mr. McEdgy ordered with a growl, "We can't risk the egg getting hurt," The egg? Wait a minute, was I a fucking egg? Was that emasculating or cool? "Yes, my king," The guy that was obviously here out of his free will stuttered. "Time to meet the princesses," Mr. Edgy McNugget laughed, as I felt my entire world being turned around, over and over and... Oh, I was being rolled; that made sense. So, I was an egg. And I was being rolled. Ok, I decided, this is emasculating. Sadly, after being rolled to what I assumed was the vault in my imagination. I was once again in total darkness, without a single person around besides Wilson. "Hey," Shut up, Wilson! "Okay," "Nooooo" Wait, was that Mr. Edge? That's all I get?! Him screaming no?! Come on! First, interesting shit that happens in God knows how long, and all I get to hear is someone shouting no! like fucking team rocket!? "Something is happening," Wilson, I swear to God, I will imagine a fist to slap you with it... wait a minute, Wilson is right, I can feel something, it almost feels like being wrapped in something... odd. I don't know how I knew this, but I felt like I was trapped in not one but two veils of darkness. Don't ask me how I can feel that; I myself question my sanity because of that, but Wilson brings a very interesting theory, he thinks someone just put a blanket over me, or the egg... or... I need therapy. "No amount of therapy will fix this," Wilson, I warned you! "You what? -Generic punch sound- AUCH! HOW CAN YOU PUNCH ME? I'M A FIGMENT OF YOUR IMAGINATION!" "My sweet, sweet monster," McEdgy was back! Though his voice sounded almost strained. Ohhh, he was recovering from his humiliating defeat at the hands of what I assume were two barbies with several college degrees; I wonder... when will Hasbro make a Barbie that says fuck to higher education. "Soon, you will be my ultimate slave, my trump card against those two!" Hold your ponies, you pony-loving bitch. Your what?! "He said slave," Wilson, for the love of God, it was a rhetorical question. "Oh... my bad," "My weapon! my tool! my slave!" Edgy roared. Hell no! I had no idea how long it has been since McEdgy came back, but every... fucking... day... he would repeat the same THING! "I'm not looking so bad now, aren't I?!" Wilson, I swear to... never mind, you have a point. "I do!?! I mean, of course, I do!" As I was saying. Every day, at every hour, the pony-loving bitch I had as my roommate would say how I was to be his supreme slave, his ultimate weapon. I was tired of hearing him plan his revenge and how he would defeat Celestia and Luna once he recovered his power. Names I felt were familiar to me in some way. "It's time!" Fuck you Edge Lord. "The veil that surrounds us is breaking," I blinked, wait... can I even blink, you know what, I will say I can, anyways, I blinked, as I indeed felt the veil of darkness that surrounded my first veil of darkness be removed. "Now, all I have to do... is hatch you, my little slave," Fuck my life. "Wake up!" I can't sleep, you moron; I'm just trying not to think! "I know, but look! something is changing!" What do you mean by... As if answering that question, rays of light invaded my once totally dark environment. Something indeed was changing but, what? "Wake up my slave, and destroy those who oppose me!" Oh, I had almost forgotten Edgy was a thing, is what I would say if he GAVE ME two minutes of alone time! I... was awake? One moment Edgy McMuffin was shouting at me. And the next, I was in a cave, staring at nothing in particular. I could see the cave, I could feel the cave under my hooves, I could... wait a minute. I could feel the cave under my WHAT?! "You are as monstrous as I imagined!" "Shove it, bitch, I'm dealing with something," I growled, going back to my initial panic. I could feel the cave under my WHAAAT?! "...What?" Edgy muttered. Why did I have hooves?! I looked at my feet, or rather hooves, pink hooves, and blinked as hard as I could, but no matter how many times I blinked, I still had hooves. Wait... AM I PINK?! Hooves pink, check. Chest pink, check. WHY WAS I PINK!? In a panic, I frantically whipped my head around, trying to find a mirror of some kind around the cave to see how I looked. However, instead of finding a mirror, I found my head had continued past the point of humanly possible things; by that, I mean, I had done a 360 turn with my head. "Holy Faust!" Something that seemed to scare Mr. Edgy, can't blame him for that one. However, I remained calm and composed... for about one second, "WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME!?"
McEdgy and his McPlanFor a couple of minutes, all I did was look at my body with a tremendous amount of confusion, as McEdgy yelled at me, telling me stuff I was simply deciding to ignore for the moment being. I was, after all, too busy analyzing my body in great detail, from my new set of hooves to my chest, seeing that everything in my body was a light pink. Sadly enough, the weird shit didn't end there; my arms and chest had holes, small holes as big as a small marble, my arms had these holes to the side, while my chest had them above my pecs. "What the fuck?" I mused, staring at my arms going from my shoulders to my hooves over and over again, the color, the texture, everything vaguely reminding me of someone, but who? "STOP IGNORING ME!" The Edge lord I had been ignoring shouted like a kid throwing a tantrum, moving in front of me so that I would see him and no longer ignore him. "I'm busy---" I started my response in a very normal manner but stopped abruptly when I saw what was standing in front of me, a pony, one made of shadows. "What the fuck?!" In retrospect, his plans were now somewhat understandable. But beyond that, this had to be a nightmare I was having inside my coma. So the question now was, why was I imagining a pony? An edgy one at that? "A pony, made of shadows," I muttered, moving my... hand... hoof? Hoof to touch it. "What are you doing?"McEdgy demanded in a confused manner. "Touching you," I replied, watching in awe as my hoof passed through his shadowy form as if there was nothing in front of me, barely disturbing his form. I was basically touching air. "Stop doing THAT!" McEdgy bellowed in an unholy snarl. "You shut up," I shushed, shoving my hoof in his shadowy mouth, as I narrowed my eyes and moved closer to his unique body, trying to see how my imagination was making him work. He was, after all, more complete than Wilson. "You're a figment of my imagination; you have no right to complain," I added. "A figment of your imagination?" McEdgy gasped in indignation, moving out of my hoof range. "Yes," I nodded, trying to reach him once again with my hoof. "You arrogant demon!" McEdgy snarled as the very ground beneath him shooked, as he trembled in rage, his eyes shifting from a dim yellow to a bright crimson red, as his shadowy body grew in size, covering the entire cave, save for the spot I was standing in. All while I looked at him, with a look that said, I've seen worse. I was a horror fan, so this was a 1 out 10, 1.5 if he had added suspense music before that actual scare. "Meh," I shrugged. "Could a figment of your imagination do this?!" McEdgy roared, lifting a boulder with his shadows claws, before hurling said boulder at me. The boulder in question was the size of a car, but this was a dream, so I didn't even bat an eye at the incoming projectile. "Meh," I shrugged, once again, seconds before the boulder collided with my body breaking into a thousand pieces, without doing any damage whatsoever; in fact, it kind of felt like he had thrown a pillow at me, a very soft one at that. "NOW BOW!" McEdgy growled. "You do realize that didn't hurt at all? Right?" I asked, kicking the tiny rocks his giant boulder had transformed into away. "YOU DARE?!" McEdgy, however, was not having any of it. I sighed; perhaps it would be best to just ignore him and enjoy my comatose reverie. "I'm hungry," I muttered while looking around, noticing how my stomach was growling in the process. "Are you hungry?" McEdgy asked with a tone that made me want to scream stranger danger like a child. I turned to look at him, nodding, before taking a step back, "Yes, yes I am," "I can give you food, in exchange for your servitude!" McEdgy shouted with a big smile. "So, you not only think me a whore, but a cheap one too?" I replied with a blank, expressionless face. My stomach growled in defiance. Apparently, my stomach was a cheap whore, good to know I guess. I caved in the end to his promises of food of all things. I accepted working for him; I mean, what's the worse than can happen? It's a dream; consequences be damned. Also, I was curious to know if eating in a dream would feel real in any form. "So what is my mission," I yawned, looking at my hooves, still trying to figure out why would I dream about ponies of all things. "You will capture the princess in the castle!" Edgy grinned in pure delight. I looked at him, and asked, "And the castle is?" "Outside," Edgy replied, deflating a little. "Of course, I assumed as much, but... where exactly, I mean, this is a cave, and I assume the castle won't be outside the moment I walk out of the cave, sooo..." I pressed. "Oh, right," Edgy sighed, rubbing his head. "You will need to take two lefts after exiting the cave; then, you'll have to walk two miles north. From there, the castle is impossible to miss; you'll see some signs on the way, so don't worry." I nodded, starting to make my way out of the cave. Maybe I would just simply ditch Edgy and his plan to capture the princess, and see how my head was rendering with this dream of mine. "Bring her alive!" Edgy cackled as I walked out of the cave. I sighed, wondering why I had accepted such an offer, with only the promise of a few donuts and cakes of all things; I mean, since when do I have a sweet tooth? "Well, time to capture a princess, as cliche as that sounds," I sighed once again, stepping out of the cave only to find a stark, harsh tundra outside blasting my pink face with snow. "Whyyyy!?" I whined; I hated this type of weather, WITH ALL MY HEART. But never mind that. It was time to find the princess and claim my donuts. "He said two lefts," I mused, looking at the never-ending picture of why in front of me. But... where? I mean, if I took the two lefts he said here, I would end up walking inside the cave again. "I guess I'm gonna have to wing it," I sighed. I was lost. Two hours walking. And I realized that much. Needless to say, I was keeping my calm, with a composed and relaxed demeanor, one expected of a man of my class. "WHERE THE FUCK AM I?!" I shouted. Ok, I had lied. But who can blame me? I had walked for quite a while and had yet to see any signs of civilization, which I assumed would be more ponies; thankfully enough, I didn't feel cold at all. I mean, if I could feel cold, I would probably be dead by now, but fortunately, this was a dream, and my uncovered body, save for my ass and legs that were covered in a pair of white pants, seems to be immune to the weather. "Maybe I should've taken those two lefts, just to follow the dream narrative," I sighed.
Maybe this is not a dream....I walked for hours without stopping against the cold I didn't feel, shoveling the snow with my pink body like a tractor making a path. And, I was beginning to question my so-called dream. First, no dream had this much detail; second, usually, when I found I was in a dream, I would wake up, and third, and perhaps most importantly, I felt healthy, I felt... healthy. For as long as I can remember, all my dreams have always included my illness because, for me, there was no existence without pain. After all, an existence without pain was one I couldn't imagine, you can’t imagine what you don’t know. It’s like asking a blind person to imagine the color red, if they have never seen before, the concept for them would be abstract in essence. But, this so-called dream, although strange, filled with things like stupid stuff like ponies made out of shadows and never-ending snow, did not make me feel bad; on the contrary, I felt great, strong, energetic, it was... strange to me, it was new. But apart from that big point, everything felt real, the snow on my hooves, the cold air on my lungs, everything felt strangely real, and I really didn't know what to think, what to believe. If this was true, I would have to accept an idea, an unfathomable concept, which was reincarnation beyond religious bases. If I accepted this world, which by all rights seemed the closest thing to the definition of unreal, I would be accepting many things, things I was raised not to believe. No. Perhaps, what frightened me was not accepting this dream world, but what it entailed if I was not right. If I accepted this world, and it ended up being a lie fabricated by my mind, I would be accepting not a new chance at life but my madness itself. "What to believe?" I mused, looking up at the dark sky blanketed with stars and snow. Maybe it was all true, or maybe I was just mad. I sighed, looking down at the snow-covered ground, wondering, would it be so bad to accept this? Who cared if I was insane, a painless existence, whether it was real or not, was my dream. A dream which, before today, seemed impossible. Come to think of it, inside the egg I didn't feel any pain either, only my thoughts, which were accompanied by Wilson until my awakening. I wonder why I hadn't noticed it until now? Although to be fair, everything inside the egg felt like a genuine dream, unreal, foggy, confusing, slow, and weird, unlike what I had in front of me right now. "Maybe this is hell, or limbo in any case," I chuckled, wondering what type of punishment required the victim to have hooves. I sighed, looking around. Maybe, just maybe I had to stop looking at gift in the horse's mouth. Reality or not, this was a blessing, a break from my never-ending past. "I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO BREACH THE CASTLE FOR HOURS!" I blinked, as I heard someone scream from above, only to find McEdgy floating above me in anger. "I got lost," In more ways than one, for the last few hours, I have been questioning my mortality and what is to be real. "I gave you clear instructions!" McEdgy roared, his ghostly bad breath melting the snow beneath me. "Have you ever heard of something called a mint?" I mean, his breath smelled like rotten fish, how did I not notice that before. "YOU LITTLE... I HAVEN'T HAD A CHANCE TO BRUSH MY TEETH IN ONE THOUSAND YEARS!" Edgy roared once again, inflicting critical damage with his breath. "But you had time to fight the princesses?" I gagged, trying desperately to put clean air into my morning breath contaminated lungs. "THAT WAS A THOUSAND YEARS AGO!" McEdgy roared once again, this time, however, I was holding my breath, see? I learn. Wait a minute, did he say a thousand years? "Hold on," I stopped him, raising my hoof. "Yes?" McEdgy sighed. "You said one thousand years, but that doesn't add up," In my mind, if I recalled correctly, he had been bothering me for days to no end, and while I didn't know how many days exactly he had been bothering me, I was quite sure it hadn't been 365,000 days. "I'm quite sure, you plebian!" Edgy hissed. "Edgy, that doesn't make any sense," I shook my head. "Edgy?! MY NAME IS KING SOMBRA!" Edgy roared, somehow, even more, angrier than before. "King Sombra?" I snorted, "Like that p---" oh, ohhhhhhhhhhh. Wait, Celestia... Luna... Oh no. "Please tell she who I must capture is not the princess of Love or something," This couldn't be, of all the comatose dreams or realities to be reincarnated, it had to be this?! I only ever watched this as a joke, with the girl that used to share the hospital room with me, her name was Lauren F, I think, and she was really into the show, being team Twilight when we all know team Luna is the only valid team, and maybe Pinkie, just maybe. Nevermind that. The point is, I watched that show, years before actually asking the doctors to kill me. I barely remember any of it. I stopped watching it when the girl suddenly disappeared one night, and no one wanted to tell me shit about her. "Well, yes, you in fact have to ponynap the princess of love," Sombra nodded. I gagged. "What?" Sombra growled. "Nothing, just... processing a revelation," I replied, as the realization dawned on me. Dream or not, I was currently living the events of the show, more specifically the events where McEdgy or Sombra rather, returned. Only way to be sure though. "So you realized your place in my world," Sombra smiled with delight, as I forced myself not to gag at his cliche-like antics. "Yes, whatever tickles your pickle, now point me where the castle is, and I'll be there," I nodded if anything just to stroke his ego because right now I wanted to collect more information, see how real everything else was, like the Crystal Empire for one, before deciding if accepting this like a dream, or my new reality. "Good, good slaves are rewarded," Sombra laughed, his shadows forming a hand, one that pointed at where I assumed was the castle. I wonder why he didn't create a hoof with his shadows, I mean, he’s a pony, right? "Thanks," I smiled an obviously fake smile, one that he seemed to buy as I walked away.
