Humanity and Ponykind

[] Chapter 2 []

I conversed with Princess Twilight, and she consented to take me in during my stay in Ponyville. There I was able to visit the beautiful Castle of Friendship, her place of residence, all at her behest.

Richard Mattheson, once he had been released from his temporary imprisonment, was free to walk about Ponyville. The place seemed similar to Earth, but the sights, sounds, and smells were all just a bit off. There were no loud sounds of the city in Ponyville, only the quaint noises of the flora, the fauna, and the townsfolk. Richard plunged a finger into his ear frequently, still unadapted to the serene quietness. In addition to the sounds there were the smells, and the place absolutely, positively reeked.

Richard knew this place was inhabited by anthropomorphic horses, and that there were bound to be divergent sensations akin to the vastly different lifestyles of the ponies, but divergent didn’t even begin to describe it, for it was like nothing he’d ever smelled before in his monotony of city-boy existence. Unlike the still pungent but storied and familiar smells of the big city, here instead were the smells of the open country and the rugged farmland, the muddy footpaths leading through town, and the botany stands waiting for those seeking flowers on the open street corners. Doubtless, the sanitation here was much less prominent than on modern-day Earth, making the fact that ponies are less susceptible to germs all the more apparent. Speaking of the ponies, the other smells came nowhere near close to the most apparent (and by far the most pungent) of them, which was that of the hamlet’s animal residents. Not only did the Ponies give off an understandable sort of ‘horse smell’ that made the human eye water and scrunched up the human nose, but the entire town was run amock with dogs, cats, pigs, and other wild creatures that knew not the hindrance of a cold processing plant. The lack of cleanliness meant that Richard’s attire quickly became filthy, his shoes and the cuffs of his dress pants caked with mud, not to mention the sweat from the overbearing rural heat and humid climate. It was thankful then that Twilight had led him through town at an urgent pace, not stopping whatsoever to tour the valleys and explore the rivers, at least not for the moment. Instead, she took him directly past the quaint hills of the countryside, right towards a tall, crystalline structure that stood prominent on the eastern outskirts of the town proper. They stopped right in front of its massive front doors, and Twilight gestured a proud hoof to the majesty of the structure, a place she claimed was her own - a respective castle for a respective princess.

Richard scanned the front of the castle, his small eyes slowly rotating upward from the base to the topmost tower. His mouth dropped open like a trapdoor.

“Is this castle made out of crystal?”

It was gigantic, resembling something like a mystical tree in a children’s storybook, and the sunlight gleamed and refracted off its surfaces into jubilant colors that bounced seamlessly into the horizon. For all of its majesty, however, it sincerely lacked any kind of practicality in the way of battle. There were no battlements, no parapets, and no turrets to speak of, least of all a drawbridge and an accompanying moat. Richard wondered how a peaceful hamlet like this had an unfortified and defenseless castle… and yet, the town had soldiers milling about in gleaming armor. It wasn’t easy to figure the answers out on guesswork alone, that much was certain.

“Really?” Twilight asked Richard, shifting her gave over to him with an eyebrow arch and an incredulous smile. “I mean, they’re not that common in Equestria, but I’d have thought there’d at least be a couple, based on what you told me about your homeworld.”

Richard had taken the time to tell Twilight he was from not just another place, but an entirely different celestial body. That had been a shocker for her, but she’d gotten over it quickly enough, and had instead resorted to asking lots of semi-aggravating questions.

“... Not really. Crystal’s not exactly a readily available building material on my planet, and by the time we humans even had the means to use crystal, we’d lost interest. Now we use things like concrete and cement for the most part, though some of our buildings use primarily glass.”

Twilight’s eyebrows rose sharply as she took this inference in.

“You have buildings made entirely of glass?!” she exclaimed sharply. “How could that be safe?! What if one fell?! Isn’t glass easily shattered?! What if-”

Richard waved a hand to ease her, but he accidentally touched Twilight’s relatively small face in the process. He immediately retracted the hand bracingly, akin to momentarily touching hot burning coals.

“Oh shit-, uh, sorry.” Richard said quickly, leaning down to Twilight. “You… you alright?”

Twilight blinked, as she mentally scrutinized the momentary sensation. She seemed lost in thought for a moment.

“Oh, uh… it’s- it’s alright!” she said suddenly, reciprocating the apology. Then she fell silent again, thinking, and Richard rubbed his arm awkwardly as she did. Then she looked up to him slowly, and Richard’s guilt multiplied.

“Uhm… Richard?” she asked, curious and quiet.

“Yeah?” he responded likewise, wondering if he’d hurt her at all whilst mentally chastising himself. Nice going, ‘Dick’ Mattheson, what a way to go and blow your first actual friendship with someone. After she gets the scolding or unhappiness towards you out of the way, you better hope you remember how to not be an absolute tool, you-

“Could you… do that… again?”

He stared at Twilight, wondering if he’d heard her correctly. He stood there, dumbfounded and in shock.

“Er- wha?”

“I uh… felt something, a feeling of sorts.” Twilight explained, if a bit awkward. She rubbed a foreleg across her other foreleg shyly. “I… want you to touch my face again.”

“Twilight… are… are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“Oooookay,” Richard replied, reluctantly sticking out his right hand. “Please tell me if you feel pain, alright? I am… not a horse expert.”

“Alright, I promise,” Twilight replied firmly, with a serious gaze. “Now go ahead.”

Richard stuck out his hand and put it onto Twilight’s face. She shook a little.

“Uh… like this?”

“Uh…” she said, feeling it out. “Move it upward, right to my forehead.”

“...Alright.”

“Yeah.” she implored. “Now… try rubbing a little.”

Richard unwillingly began to stroke her forehead, cringing all the while. Twilight’s response was to close her eyes, gently and purposefully. Her face curled into a grin, her head moving towards his hand to get further contact with his hand, which was now shaking near-violently with circumspection. She let out a noise like ‘mmm!’, which threatened Richard’s eyebrows to achieve liftoff.

“I don’t know why…” she said slowly. “... but that feels… really good. Really, really good.”

At this comment, Richard’s hand immediately shot backward and away from Twilight’s forehead, his face contorted with horror. Twilight’s eyes opened again and, seeing Richard’s mortified expression, her grin faded away quickly.

“Why’d you stop?” she asked, clearly having enjoyed that.

Richard’s mouth opened and closed, but no sound came out. Inside, his mind was racing.

Was I petting her?! Should I be allowed to do that?! Isn’t that technically demeaning her, or is it affection instead?! What are the implications of a human and a pony being in a relationship?! Oh my god, what the hell have I done?!

After a tense few seconds of mental insanity, he finally spoke quickly, and with his words having little coercion.

“I- uh- let’s- just- uhm. D-Didn’t you say you were going to show me your… castle or s-something?”

Twilight snapped back to reality. She giggled haplessly, apparently having forgotten due to the moment that had just been exchanged.

“Oh. Right, ehehe. Sorry, I just… I got caught up in what we were doing.”

Richard frowned deliberately. Though his training had covered sapients whose physical bodies were closer to domesticated animals, Richard did not consider that apt at all for Twilight. Yes, she was a literal horse… but no, she is not a pet or some kind of lower lifeform! She may look like it, but she was an equal to him, at least that was what he thought. He forced himself to push the negative thoughts regarding what had just happened down into the recesses of his mind and instead chose to follow Twilight bracingly into her gleaming crystalline home.

The interior was just as massive as the exterior, with nominally fewer crystals used inside. Instead, the walls seemed to be colored and smoothed-out stone, with crystal used only as an accent to the doorways. Richard supposed that if it were pure crystal, the concentrated heat would be overwhelming, but at the moment he was more focused on the majesty of what he saw rather than the temperature. The hall was giant, like a veritable Buckingham palace in its own right, with doors and stairwells all along the walls of the vestibule they stood in. He did a sweeping 360 across the room’s breadth and gave an awestruck exhale.

“This… place is gorgeous, I’ve never seen anything like it. Although…” Richard reared up a hand to shield himself from the stray refracting rays that streamed into the room. “it’s… really bright in here.”

Twilight was beaming with pride. She bent a hoof and scraped the ground in a lowly manner, turning the other way and blushing.

“Aw, it’s nothing… Oh! You haven’t met Spike yet! Spike!”

A short, squat purple-and-green reptilian creature similar made his way into the main hall, walking on two legs rather than four with a determined ‘pitter-patter.’ He had spines rather than hair, slitted eyes, and a lizard-like tail.

“Oh, hey there, Twilight!” he greeted casually. “How’d everything in town? Did you find out what was going-”

Spike halted before Richard, who stood there, tall as a dickens. His eyes slowly scanned him from the bottom to the top. Richard looked down at him (Spike was quite small) and he waved a hand awkwardly.

“Uh, hi there… Spike. Nice to, ehm, meet you?”

Spike gawked at him and pointed an accusing claw at his fleshy, clothing-covered chest.

“W–W-Wuh… what is that thing?!” he exclaimed insensitively. “I-It’s a monster!”

Twilight, annoyed at her friend’s comment, scooted in front of Richard as if to defend him. Richard gave a slight flinch and then adjusted his glasses.

“That’s not a monster, Spike!” she rebuked. “That’s Richard, and he’s my friend!”

Richard blinked vacantly, pointing a wary finger at himself and gazing at Twilight incredulously.
‘ “I’m your friend?”

Twilight turned around and smiled at Richard, arching an eyebrow.

“Of course, Richard! Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well, uh…” Richard began to respond, but he could not find an answer that reasonably denied hers. “Uh… I guess that makes sense?”

Twilight cocked her head a little, confused as to Richard’s response.

“Whaddya mean ‘you guess’, Richard?” Twilight asked questioningly, wary with enthusiasm. “We’re friends, aren’t we?”

Spike watched this silently, still getting used to the sight that a human was. He slowly stopped jittering, but his eyes darted from Twilight to Richard. Richard nodded his head awkwardly and adjusted his glasses again.

“Yeah, I get what you mean, it’s just…”

Richard trailed off. Twilight eyed him now.

“Just what?”

Richard coughed.

“Well, it’s just that… we kinda met only a half-hour ago. I don’t even really know you that much, and here you’re saying we’re friends all of the sudden.”

Twilight still didn’t understand. She moved over to Richard and looked closer at him.

“I mean, it’s simple, isn’t it? I’m showing you into my castle, we’re talking and exchanging information…” she said, smiling again. “That means we’re friends! Don’t tell me friendships are weird in your world?”

Richard thought about this for a moment, scratching his hair. He fiddled with his glasses, that dang nervous habit of his. It was true, friendships were different on Earth compared to Equestria.

“Uh, yeah, got me there.” he said, with an awkward chuckle. “Usually, you don’t consider someone your friend for… something like that. Acquaintance maybe, or even an associate… but not a friend. Friendships are usually more… intimate. They even usually include a greater amount of giving and taking most of the time. They’re different like that on Earth.”

Earth. Twilight had heard him refer to that before, the mysterious world of Earth that he hailed from, supposedly. He hadn’t said much about himself, but it sounded like Earth was very different. Twilight couldn’t help but smile again.

“Well, Richard, let me be the first to tell you that here in Equestria, there are lots of friendly ponies who’d like to be your friend, regardless of obligations!”

Richard looked down upon her. Equestria, an unfamiliar name… was that the place he was in, Equestria?

“So… I presume you want to be my friend?”

Richard seemingly hadn’t warmed up to the idea of friendships being so casual and easy to formulate, but he would adjust in time.

“Of course! You’re a real nice guy, and I’ve never even seen a human before. I’d love to be your friend, Richard!”

Richard’s heartstrings twanged like an elastic band. He couldn’t believe that Twilight outright loved the idea of befriending him. Hadn’t he only just met her about 3/4ths of an hour ago? Not even his mother had been this eager, and here this pony princess who was probably way more important than he was (that he’d only met recently) wanted to be a friend… his friend. He didn’t know what to say, and his lack of coherence grew as he looked at Twilight, who was smiling in the most friendly, happy gesture he’d ever seen. His heart melted.

“So, you’re the leader of this town… thing- uh, Ponytown, right?” Richard asked quickly, changing the subject with visible holes in his sliding from topic to topic. “Are, uh, are you the leader of Equestria, too?”

Twilight chuckled at Richard’s evident lack of knowledge, but not in a spiteful or vindictive manner. Rather, the idea that Richard needed to be taught how the world worked made her very excited considering that’d often mean research and studying… and she could practically see the amazing session they would be having! There could be flashcards, book reviews, and written open-ended questions… but for now, that would have to wait until Richard was settled.

“That’s Ponyville, silly, and I’m not the ruler of Equestria either.” she informed him, giggling some. “That’s Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, they’re the ones who-”

Suddenly a thought struck Twilight, and her pupils dilated.

“Oh no!” she cried suddenly, “You haven’t met the Princesses yet, and you’re an ambassador too! Should I send a letter- or should we meet them in person?! Oh, here I am talking your ear off when we’re about to have the first diplomatic meeting between an inter-universal species in history, and stupid Twilight Sparkle is holding it up!”

As Twilight began to hyperventilate, Spike hurried over and jostled her.

“Twilight, Twilight!” he exclaimed as he brought her to her senses. “Calm down! I’m sure there won’t be any records about you hypothetically holding up this… Richard guy.”

Richard nodded quickly in agreement.

“Everything you’ve been saying has been… really informative. Confusing, but informative, and I’m very… very grateful for everything you’ve been telling me. I’m… glad that you’re my friend, Twilight.”

Twilight slowed her roll, but she still seemed distressed. Her breathing slowed down, and she calmed.

“Thanks, Spike, and thank you, Richard.”

She thought for a moment, as Richard and Spike comforted her.

“Richard, can we get you a nickname?”

Richard jolted at the sudden request. He looked at Twilight pondering.

“A nickname? Is… is Richard not good enough?”

“No, no!” Twilight said quickly. “It’s just… it’s kind of formal, and it’s a mouthful. I was just thinking we might be able to come up with something short.”

Richard nodded carefully, and they set to thinking. After a moment, Twilight had a burst of inspiration.

“What about… Ren?”

“Ren?” Richard perused, giving the name a mental analysis. “Well, that’s not what I expected, but…”

He adjusted his glasses again, thinking it over.

“I guess it’s alright. It’s probably the coolest nickname I’ve had, actually.”

Twilight smiled happily, and Spike gave a bit of a smirk.

“Ren, huh? I guess that’s a neat name… I’m still keeping my eye on you, though… Ren.”

He did an ‘eyes on you’ gesture with Richard as the target. Richard suddenly wondered how much pain he’d be in if he’d accidentally poked his eyes out with those clawed fingers.

“Now, about these Princesses,” Richard said, changing the subject much stealthier this time. “What’s the deal with them?”

“Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are the rulers of Equestria, and they live up in Canterlot. (Richard swallowed a snicker, but sadly not a snickers bar) They’re essential to the power dynamic, and without them, we’d probably have greater difficulty in raising the sun and moon-”

“In raising the what?”

But at that very moment, a loud ringing echoed through the castle halls (and considering the length, it echoed pretty easily). Spike snapped to attention, and in a very servile manner, marched over down the hall to the front doors. Richard and Twilight looked in his direction.

“Who could that be?” Twilight asked no one in particular.

The sound of the grand front doors opening echoed after the ringing, chasing it away. Spike let out a gasp of surprise, prompting Richard and Twilight to follow after.

“Princess Celestia! W-We didn’t know you were coming!” They heard Spike say.

“That’s alright, Spike.” a heavenly voice replied cooly. “Alicorn Princesses have a way of knowing when they’re needed.”

After meeting Twilight, I soon gained the pleasure of meeting Princess Celestia. She was about as tall as I was and quite kind to me, and I shall scarcely forget all that she did for me, but at the moment she merely chose to introduce me to the surrounding area. With her and Twilight’s guidance, they showed me around the places of interest in Ponyville, and I found myself quite well-acquainted thereafter.

Richard hadn’t expected Princess Celestia to be as tall as he was, nor did he expect her to look as she did. Considering Twilight’s far more ordinary demeanor, he expected most of these supposed ‘Alicorn Princesses’ to be like Twilight in being casual and simple. Instead, Celestia seemed a goddess given flesh. He stood there, shaking a little, as he stood eye-to-eye with her. She was beautiful, radiant, and her hair was a literal rainbow. He was honestly speechless.

“You must be Richard Mattheson.” she began smoothly, “It is a pleasure to finally meet you in person. I had heard an unfamiliar creature had appeared in Ponyville, so naturally, I decided to investigate.”

“It’s great to see you, Princess, but you didn’t have to do that!” Twilight replied happily, “I’ve been handling the whole showing-Ren-around thing. We’ve been getting along great, right?”

She looked to Richard for confirmation. His eyes were still locked with Princess Celestia’s, and he had scarcely moved.

“Ren?” she asked, in her musical tone of voice. “So you already have a nickname for our guest.”

“I-I-I…” Richard stammered, his throat dry and his head empty. “H-Hello.”

Celestia smiled warmly at him, which helped to melt the tension and ease his cold feet. Then she laughed in a pleasant, gratifying kind of way.

“You’re such a card, Richard,” she said. “I can tell you’ll be making things interesting for us ponies here in Equestria.”

Richard stood there, in total shock. He didn’t know whether he should kneel before her or shake her hoof. Naturally, he handled it well.

“T-Thank you, uh, your majesty?”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! Richard internally screamed.
Or… maybe he didn’t. Princess Celestia gave a pleasant chuckle. Her laugh was like the dewdrops on sunshine.

“So, if I may be the first to ask, how was it that you made it here? As far as what I have been able to hear, you appeared following a sudden burst of energy.”

Richard somehow found his footing and launched into a bare-bones explanation of how he got here.

“I used it, and I kinda just got plopped down into Ponyville… and simultaneously caused a fracas.”

Celestia chuckled lightly, whilst Twilight worked out this new information, her gears turning rapidly. Celestia continued with the conversation while Twilight contemplated.

“I understand that you are new to our world, and are unfamiliar with my little ponies. That is why I would hope my former student would be up to the task of showing you around.”

Twilight perked up suddenly.

“That’s a great idea, Princess! C’mon, Ren! I haven’t even shown you Ponyville yet!”

“Wait, can I at least sit down for a little bit-!”

Magic radiated around his briefcase-less hand (he still carried his things with him, and they had been returned to him following his release), and it was yoinked in the direction of Ponyville. Twilight led along down the dirt road they had come from, the warm spring sun and the crystal-blue sky adding to the perfect scenery. There he went with Spike and Princess Celestia in tow, jaunting along through town at a leisurely pace. Once they got into town they saw all kinds of Ponies, ones Richard had never met, who surprisingly stopped trotting and waved at him kindly. All the hostilities seemed to have vanished. Then, he was pulled up to a group of 5 ponies who were sitting outside a cafe. They noticed them and headed over to them.

“Hey, Twilight! Hi, Spike! Hi, Princess!” the pink one greeted with spunk, before goggling at Richard. She gasped. “Omigoshomigoshomigosh! A new friend!!”

The pink one attempted to run off but was stopped by the blue one.

“Hang on, Pinkie… at least get to know this… thing before you go throwing it a party.”

“Oh, right!” the one called ‘Pinkie’ said in response. “If I can get to know a friend, then I can throw them an even better, super-duper DUPER party!”

She bounded around Richard, who warily swiveled his head to keep up. He was getting dizzy from trying to follow her direction.

“Eugh… can you please slow down?”

“Nope!”

The rest of them moved up, where Princess Celestia pointed a hoof.

“This is Mr. Richard Mattheson. He is a new creature called a ‘human’, and he will be staying with us for a while. I hope you don’t mind keeping him company during his tenure here in Equestria.”

“Of course not, yer majesty!” said an orange one, donned with a rancher hat. “Howdy thar, Ree… Rrr… Richard was it? Mighty fine ter meet yeh!”

“Uh… likewise,” he said, shaking her hoof. “Uh, I can’t say I’m too familiar with any of your friends, Twilight.”

Twilight waved a hoof to the rest of them.

“These are my friends, Ren! (“Ren?!” asked some of the other ponies) That’s Pinkie Pie-” the one called Pinkie let out a noise like ‘squeeee’, “Rainbow Dash-” The blue one with a rainbow mane crossed her hooves cooly. “Applejack-” the orange one tipped her hat. How she did that without fingers, Richard didn’t know. “Rarity-” a one as white as Celestia but with a plum mane sent a hoof through her hair flourishingly. “And Fluttershy!” one that was daisy-yellow with a pink mane blushed and hid her head.

Richard adjusted his glasses, and let out a shaky ‘heh’.

“Well, uhm… it’s nice to meet all of you.”

But Twilight just beamed.

“There’s more where that came from! We’ve got to show you the whole town!”

Suddenly, Pinkie rocketed right in front of Twilight with a crazed look on her face.

“Twilight!” she cried, “You’ll let us come with Ricky, right?!”

Ricky?! Richard thought, wondering how she’d even come out with that apt nickname. How many nicknames am I going to get?

“Of course! Anypony can come along!” Twilight announced, grabbing his hand magically again and pulling him along, an entire crowd of ponies in tow. “Come on, Ren! We still haven’t gone into the market yet!”

“Oh, what I have gotten myself into?” Richard asked himself worrisomely, as he was tugged along by a mob of happy ponies.

“Is it cake?” asked Pinkie enthusiastically, “I love getting into cake! It’s always super-duper yummy!”

“It was a rhetorical question, Pinkie, but I guess cake is nice.”

“You betcha, and I make help bake the yummiest cakes in Ponyville! You should trot by sometime!”

Richard’s posture became a bit lower. It was going to be a long day…