Twilight's Extreme Ultra Mega Chainsaw Zombie Pirate Laser Robot Explosion Adventure Deluxe 50000000000000

by Plymouthdodgewrecks

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Random
Length: 579

Fourth wall breaking and profanity galore as Twilight goes on something resembling an adventure.

So I think I was drunk when I wrote this. But I felt the need to post it.

Follow Twilight Sparkle as she does something that I'm honestly just writing as I go with no real plan. Fourth walls are broken everywhere, innocent children's characters are swearing left and right, and everyone's going completely insane.

Foot note: For those of you that watch the YouTuber Cr1tikal (A.K.A. penguinz0), this story is narrated in his voice.

Hand note: This will contain several references to various shows, movies, videos, books and games. Games especially.

Face note: This is by no means intended to be a good story. I posted this because I'm just the tiniest bit funnier when I'm drunk.

Abdomen note: I just felt the need to add another note. Now I think this description is as long as the tiny little prologue I wrote.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-14 19:55:02 UTC

Prologue The Size Of A Mouse

So I didn't know how to introduce this story, as all my introductions were generic ones that we see all the time. So, your job is to pretend that there's a big intro here that is all original and shit, and that what you're about to read is like a quarter of the way through.

...Twilight carefully set it on the table as she stopped shaking and turned to Spike.

"Some things are not meant to be seen..." she muttered as they walked out of the kitchen, Spike cautiously walking backward so as to make sure it didn't move again.

  Spike produced a large ruby from God-knows-where and began munching on it as he turned to Twilight and raised a finger.

"Oh, hey, Twilight," Spike said, his mouth full of crimson minerals. "I forgot to mention. Rainbow Dash called earlier and said she needed your help lifting something."

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "That's odd, usually when Rainbow needs something physical done, she has Applejack come over."

Spike started snickering like a 4th grader.

"Oh, stop laughing, you guttermind." she glared at Spike before looking into the camera. "Hey, the same goes for you, pal!"

She looked for her spell book that she always brought with her when she went out. It became something of a second Spike. Spike glanced at the book, and every time he looked at it, he was always amazed at how enormous and majestic it was.

"How'd you even afford that thing Twi?" Spike asked before smirking devilishly. "Oh yeah, that's right, you had to do that por-"

Before he finished his sentence, Twilight slapped him across the face. Which hurt immensely, considering she has hooves, for hell's sake.

"We've all done things we are not proud of, Spike," she stated firmly as she put the book in a saddle bag. "And besides, it was no better when you got that poster of Palomino Anderson and-"

"ONE TIME, TWILIGHT! ONE TIME!"

"Ugh, whatever," the unicorn sighed. "There's STILL some of that crap on the roof, you know."

Spike took the last bite of his ruby. "Anyway, Twilight, if you don't hurry to her house, this entire chapter's just gonna be us talking to each other. The plot depends on you leaving now."

Twilight nodded as she headed across Ponyville before finally reaching Dash's house. She went to open the door when she realized...Oh, snap, it was in the air.

"Ah, shit..." she muttered, a phrase which apparently made one of my proofreaders imagine Twilight as a teenaged guy.

She walked around and under the house, carefully inspecting every detail on Dash's masion. The refined cloud texture was such a detailed and beautiful addition to the house. The windows glistened off the sunlight dazzlingly. The careful curviture of the door handle made even the sloppiest of ponies treat it with care.

After looking over the house three times, she determined there was only one way to get in. It would involve extreme skill, patience and intelligence, and she would have to be as cunning as possible. Perhaps the most mind-bogglingly complicated plan Miss Twilight Sparkle had ever come up with. Her plan being...

BLOW IT THE FUCK UP.

So, I'll come back once she's done with her homemade fireworks. Apparently a 99.9% chance of them blowing her goddamn face off. I wanna see this. We'll continue this crappy ass journey as chapter 1 comes around. If there is one.