Light was banned completely from the chambers of Princess Luna, her curtains closed up tightly and windows, at long last, tinted to lower what light entered when it was wanted. The chamber still smelled faintly of incense, which was commonly burned in the braziers that provided light to the room at night and which added to a sweet aroma that made the environment that much more pleasant.
Bad Apple slept placidly upon the large, opulent bed, wearing nothing but his hide, his mane all out of place, legs splayed out casually, without a care of the world. All of a sudden the door opened up, letting bright light spill in across the bed and revealing a lime green unicorn mare with pale green mane and tail, wearing a maid outfit, “Good morning, mister Apple.”
Bad Apple snapped awake when the light hit him, his limbs gathered up under him, eyes instantly darting to the maid that spoke to him, “What? Apple? Who? Not me, that’s crazy talk. My name is… is…”
“Bad Apple. Yes, I know. You’re still in Canterlot palace. Her majesty is in conference with her sister. And by that I mean breakfast. I understand she let you sleep longer, but I have come in to make the bed and tidy up. Would it be possible for you to quickly use the facilities and clothe yourself so I may get to work?”
“Right, of course. Canterlot. My apologies. Usually if I wake up from a nap like that to somepony saying my name I have to throw out my alias rather quickly.” Bad Apple was up and about in a flash, his clothes conveniently folded up on the bedside table, “Hope you don’t mind if I enjoy my shower. I don’t get the chance as often as I’d like.”
“I have a job to do, mister Apple. It doesn’t matter how close you may be to her majesty, I take my work very seriously.” The maid stared hard at Bad Apple, watching him move towards the facilities.
“I’ll bet you’re upset that Golden Stare isn’t going for you. You’re like two of a kind.” Bad Apple chuckled lightly and got into the tub, turning on the warm water and giving himself a good soaking.
“He’s my uncle. And I’m married. He’s in the guard corps, internal palace security.” The maid ignored the shower and slowly partially closed the door.
“How did I know you were a relation of his? It’s all very tight knit in this town. I hope you don’t mind my comment. But that guy is always the one I seem to run into these days. I don’t even know why. He’s one of Celestia’s lackeys. But he’s always right there. It’s like he’s following me.” From within the partially-closed bathroom came the sounds of lathering and scrubbing.
“You tried to slip past him with questionable motives, and only got in because Princess Celestia wanted you to go in. To be honest, he doesn’t trust you, no matter how her majesty may feel about you. And truth to tell, having heard about your questionable sneaking around, I don’t completely trust you either, begging the pardon of her majesty should she find out.”
“You’re too hard on me. Or at least that’s what I would say if I was a nasty little grifter from Fillydelphia that wanted to sell you a watch or some 'completely legitimate' designer clothes and accessories with misspelled labels. Yes, I’m a tricky stallion. But doesn’t Luna’s gracious acceptance of my presence give me a pass at least a little bit?” There was more scrubbing and splashes of water within the bathroom.
“She is a very wise mare. But you have slippery words. Poor uncle Rosy was almost ready to give you a free pass into the Gala. Perhaps you managed to catch her majesty in a weak moment and used your skills to turn her head around for some nefarious, far-off purpose.” The maid’s horn glowed, carefully readjusting the sheets and fluffing the pillows.
“I never thought I would find it so flattering to be compared to some kind of evil genius. I don’t know how I can convince you I’m alright. So I’ll just ask, because I’m curious. Uncle? I’m not surprised at all. Good for him. They did make quite the handsome couple at the Gala. I haven’t seen many colt cuddler marriages but I know they’re technically legal.” The shower shut off, plenty of residual splashes and drips in evidence, as well as the pattering of shaken liquid.
“Legal and treated with respect here before the eyes of Princess Celestia. I greatly adore my uncles, and feel glad they may be together openly and honestly. But then, why am I trying to explain this? What could a wandering card sharp know about family?” The maid dropped the pillow and quickly looked around, “Meaning no offense to her majesty’s taste.”
“You know she’s not going to hear you, don’t you? And even if she did she’s not the kind to hold it against you. Even if she does, I don’t. I’m endlessly amused by those who dislike me for what they think I am. I get to see what my reputation has created.” Bad Apple stepped out of the bathroom. While his mane was a drooping, wet mess, at least his clothes were on. He was in his usual attire, a ruffle-chested white shirt, black vest and black coat, with a bit of black lace at his throat closing the neck of the shirt.
“It is only proper that one be kind and speaks with respect, particularly in her majesty’s chamber, to her majesty’s favorite. Whatever my own feeling, I am bound by propriety to do so. Thus, my words. And however I may feel, I know her majesty prefers you a particular way.” The maid’s horn glowed, enveloping Bad Apple’s mane. Steam seemed to rise off as the water was rapidly removed.
“Many thanks to you Mrs. Lime Sherbert.” Bad Apple turned to the bathroom once more and quickly applied a hoof full of pomade to his newly dry mane, slicking it back in his usual manner.
Lime staggered back a little, “What? How do you know my name?”
“You know mine. A gentlecolt always knows how to address a filly. Besides, I memorized the guard rotations and the servant movements. I’m very aware of my surroundings, my awakening notwithstanding.” Bad Apple gave his mane one last smoothing slick back, and then left the stunned maid with a polite nod.
Polite nods were evenly distributed along the path from the chamber to the lower levels of the palace. He was greeted with a bland, “Good morning mister Apple,” or, “Hello, Bad,” as he passed guards and servants, who were so used to his presence they hardly seemed to notice him.
He made his way down to the dining room, still set for breakfast, and holding both princesses. Celestia remained seated, lightly sipping a cup of tea, while Luna rose quickly and went to meet him, “Ah, you are at last awake. I was greatly afraid you would spend your time abed. You must not let your skills wane; you rely on them, in the wider world.”
“Lime Sherbert is ruthlessly efficient. She had me up and showered in minutes. At least she was decent enough to dry my hair so I could throw some pomade in there.” Bad Apple moved to the table and had a seat at it, bowing deeply to Celestia, “Good morning, your highness.”
“Good morning, mister Apple. I hope you SLEPT well.” Celestia regarded the earth pony with a cool eye, over her cup of tea.
“I did, in fact. It’s a comfortable bed, better than anything I usually get. To tell the truth… that was all I did. I swear. I was a good gentlecolt and decent pony.” Bad Apple turned to the table, where a plate of granola awaited, with a decanter of milk, two glasses of juice, and a side salad.
“Not that you have much to say for any other activities, sister. He has related that you refused him not his entrance, and you had ample opportunity to throw him from my chamber later that night.” Luna took a seat beside Bad Apple, and looked crossly at her sister.
Celestia maintained the cool gaze before breaking into a smile, “What? Can’t I give my little sister’s stallion friend a hard time? I thought you had a sense of humor, little sister.”
“T'was a cruel jest. He does not lie, and am I greatly distressed by that truth. Do you not think that I have needs of a natural mare? Though I am the highest of the gentlefillies, saving your own equal eminence, I do still have mine appetites.”
“Should I even be here for this conversation? This seems like the kind of family thing I shouldn’t be involved in.” Bad Apple poured some milk on his granola and slowly started eating it with great savor.
“You aren’t involved in it. You’re just the piece of meat we’re arguing about.” Celestia gave Bad Apple a leering glance before breaking out into high, mirthful laugh.
“Sister! Such words! Have not males achieved freedom from such sexism? May we not regard men as our equals without thinking of them as mere objects to be gazed 'pon?” Luna appeared properly scandalized, gaping in shock at her sister’s look.
“Again, Luna, a joke for the sake of your stallion. Not that he minds much. He’s a mild type anyhow.”
“Indeed. You are correct sister. He is a fair child, and more than he thinkest; no mere cod for my tackle, howe'er his dam may have stamped him.”
Celestia spluttered into her tea in the middle of Luna’s statement, while Bad Apple placidly ate on, as if nothing at all strange had been said, “Luna! And you were talking about MY language?”
“Oh, be not so prudish, sister. We are all adults at this table. And I speak not in generalities to beshrew the whole male race; I speak particularly of a single stallion, who is here before me and may raise objections if he so desires. However, he does not.”
“But he has to understand something to be able to object to it. It’s not fair to just say something like that as a throwaway line.”
“My mother had a fully-stocked library of classical works. I understand perfectly what she’s saying. I don’t object because I don’t generally object to being called a capable stallion. I hope it’s alright if I savor my appreciation, Princess.” Bad Apple kept on spooning granola into his mouth, nibbling at his side salad every so often.
“See? He be both mild AND witty. Oh sister, you merely provide me reasons for adoring him. Such a scandal it would seem, should it become known, but I am most delighted.”
“As long as you’re happy, sister, that’s what matters most.” Celestia set down her teacup and glanced at Bad Apple, “And just what did you plan for today? Not looking to slink off and vanish again, are you? I don’t think you ever formally were released from my sister’s custody.”
“I have released him, as far as the legal bindings are concerned. He is free to move as he wishes, to the furthest shores in all the world, should he so choose.”
“My plans for the day are just to take a little walk about the city. It’s a nice, big place. I like it. Such beautiful architecture, interesting people, lots of sentient species and hybrids…”
“And plenty of rich nobles to steal from, and to cheat, yes?” Celestia raised a brow at Bad Apple and leaned closer.
“Sister…”
“Oh no, no need to rise in opposition to that one. I’ll give her that one. I’m me, no matter the affectations. I would do it. Nicking a few bits from those that can afford it for the sorts that cannot. But I suspect you would very much prefer I did not follow my natural inclinations.”
“For my sake, as before.”
“I promise… though I add, I will follow that only as long as things are normal. If I see an especially egregious situation, I will react as I must, for justice and for the sake of the innocent.”
“Such a noble pony. Ahhh, sirrah… I shall make you an honest stallion, one day.”
Bad Apple chuckled a bit, and pushed away from the table, “A delicious meal. I give my compliments to the kitchen staff. Until dinner, I will be around being innocent. Perhaps.” He kissed Luna on the cheek, his lips lingering for a long while before her stepped away and out of the door.
Luna touched her cheek and smiled, “Sister… you think me a fool, stricken by the ethers and made a madmare. But he be mine Endymion. And how well he herds the guilty to the chastening pen. Were his name but known to all the Principality, how they would praise him.”
“I don’t think you’re a fool, I think you’re in love. I admire that. I want you to be happy. But I’m also your big sister. And I want to keep you safe.”
“Sister… let us not mince words. We are goddesses of the night and day. What danger is there that could threaten my safety?”
“Yes. Physically, you are immune from harm. But your heart is vulnerable. I want to protect that heart. That’s why I act like a clucking mother hen.”
Luna looked down at the table and nodded a touch, “Aye… I understand. And I appreciate your concern. Between both of you I am well surrounded with feeling.”
Celestia looked towards the door which Bad Apple had used to leave, “Does he travel the city with his pack?”
“Nay… I do not believe so. I have seen the pack in mine home space when he was about during the day. T'is a lovely new guards corps rucksack; his old pack was destroyed in his great battle with the feline beast.”
Celestia stroked her chin lightly, “Thank you for telling me, sister…”
“Good day, mister Apple. Will you be leaving here permanently?” At the main gate to the palace stood Golden Stare and Rosy Cranberry. Golden glared at Bad Apple as he passed, his body standing up slightly more erectly, looking more imposing.
“No, no. Looks like you’ll keep your spy job for a little longer. Tell me, did Princess Celestia put you up to this, or are you going rogue? Because I don’t know how well she appreciates spies when they peer into her family affairs.”
Golden grunted as though stricken, gritting his teeth slightly. He looked quickly aside to see Rosy stifle a giggle behind his fetlock. “Well, I am a guard of this palace. It’s my duty to keep a sharp eye on all ponies that get near her majesty. Never you mind me and my employment. Just keep your snout clean and go do whatever it is you plan to do.”
“I plan to have a good time today, come back and after that it’s none of your business. Keep YOUR snout clean.” Bad Apple leaned slightly and looked at Rosy, “Oh, and congratulations. You make a handsome couple.”
“Th-thank you, mister Apple! That means a lot coming… from… you…” Rosy Cranberry started smiling cheerfully but lost the smile under Golden’s famous withering stare, a cranberry blush coming up on his cheeks as it naturally tended to.
Golden Stare cleared his throat and looked sternly at Bad Apple, “Yes. Thank you, sir.”
Bad Apple smiled and nodded his head, trotting off down the path to the city attached to Canterlot palace. Rosy shook his head a little and looked to his husband, “You could have been a little nicer about your kind words, sugar.”
Golden growled softly in his throat, watching Bad Apple recede, “I could. But I’m not going to let him off that easily. He needs to do a bit more to prove he deserves it.”
“You’re such a hard stallion to please.”
“You never had any trouble.” Golden smiled a bright, impish smile as his husband spluttered and blushed so deeply he was likely to catch fire.
Out in the city of Canterlot proper Bad Apple found, as ever, a thriving, active city. It was built into large terraces that descended down the high mountain onto which the palace was built, with some areas stretching around the huge waterfall that fell from the base of the palace. As the terraces went down the surroundings and company grew less and less posh, until it reached the very bottom, which was actually uninhabited. That was the historical district, which was very popular with tourists.
He remained atop the highest platform, the noble district. The hereditary and installed nobility had been bleeding power for ages, always losing out to the expanding middle class and increasing partitioning of political and social power to democratic processes. They were barely land managers at that point, with hereditary money that they invested in the private sector. They remained relevant by selling newspapers and going out to clubs and wearing the latest fashions, making them cronies of the expansive fashion industry.
As at the Gala, Bad Apple approached proper raiment, but was too old-fashioned to truly be one of them. As well, there was something in his bearing, something about the way his eyes shifted and his hooves twitched that made him a shady character. But only the most sensitive could tell he was malevolent. Most simply disdainfully ignored him, seeing him as a pretender to nobility or a too-eccentric lesser son of a real noble, the kind of colt normally hidden away from view in a garret.
Bad Apple didn’t care. He walked through the lovely surroundings, occasionally looking into shop windows, seeing the vast array of clothing available for fillies and the incredibly limited selection afforded to gentlecolts. They all looked nearly identical, differing only in color and mix of accoutrements. He couldn’t help but shake his head over that and wonder how legitimate business ponies became better thieves and scoundrels than real thieves and scoundrels.
Out of the corner of his eye, Bad Apple saw something unexpected. Some kind of hulking brute of a unicorn. A white-bodied, golden-maned monstrosity of a stallion, strolling through the district showing off the king of all haughty looks. He was showing contempt for other nobles, who all deferred to him and bowed out of his presence. The earth pony racked his brain for some memory of that monstrosity and came up with a reference from a letter he had received, about the Gala prior to the one at which he had met Luna. That was Blueblood, distant relation of Princess Celestia. He had had the good fortune to never meet him in the palace. Seeing him out and about made him glad of that. He seemed a miserable creature, worse than the letter had implied.
The brute of a unicorn trotted along the thoroughfare, past nodding nobles, awestruck tourists and no shortage of mares giving him lingering glances, at face and flanks. Yet, he did not deign to notice any of them. In the midst of all that ignoring and sashaying around he passed a small, pitiful figure sitting by a bowl. It was a very tiny filly, dark brown with a pinto spotting of white and black. She pushed the bowl toward Blueblood and practically stepped into his path, “Please, sir. Please give. Please, I’m poor. I need some…”
“Ugh! You filthy little urchin! Get away from me! You disgusting creature! Get out of my sight immediately!” Blueblood stamped his hoof down hard on the cobblestones near the small filly, making the young thing squeak and cower. And all around, none of the other nobles did anything but nod slightly and walk away.
That was unacceptable to Bad Apple. He would not let that creature get away with such a thing. He glanced quickly around and saw the perfect thing: a glazier’s shop that also held a glassblower and sculptor. He smoothly stepped inside and was confronted by the sight of numerous beautiful glass sculptures and stained glass works. Behind the counter he could see several ovens and a few unicorns working molten glass on pipes and on tables. A yellow unicorn stallion noticed him and came over, “Hello, sir. How may I help you?”
Bad Apple glanced around at the shelves of things and then turned to the stallion, “I’m going to need the best gift box you have, wrapping paper, ribbon and about one large sculpture worth of broken glass. You have to have some laying around, some cullet you can spare.” He put down a bag he had been holding under his coat, bits jangling, “I’m good for it.”
Celestia walked down the halls of the palace, being bowed to and saluted by passing guards and servants. Their bowing and nodding caused them to miss what was borne on her back, slightly sheltered by her wings: a well-made, slightly pre-battered guard rucksack, faintly marked with a crescent moon. Her walk took her to the upper reaches of the palace, into one of the rooms only accessible via her horn.
The room was very dark, shuttered windows allowing barely any light in. What little there was came in slanted beams in which dust motes danced. There was only a low table and a lantern over it, with the other objects in the room packed into dusty, obscured boxes.
Celestia poured the contents of the pack onto the table. Enchanted parchment; graphite stick with a bite guard; tins of pomade; clean shirt; toothpaste and brush; pouch of poison joke; pouch of poison joke remedy; poker chips; and a deck of cards.
Celestia pushed the rest of the items away and slid the cards out of the patched-up box. They were extremely well worn but still functional, with no indication on the backs of what any card might be despite their used condition. Celestia set them down in the middle of the table and focused on them, her horn glowing brightly and lighting up the room.
An aura of energy engulfed the cards, which shuddered lightly under the effect. As the light faded the cards began to move of their own accord, standing as one then shuffling off as individuals. “What’s going on..?” The seven of spades spoke with a voice not unlike Bad Apple’s own.
Celestia quickly lit the lantern, the reflective shade under it focusing the light down on the moving cards. She brought her face down close to them, erecting a magical barrier around the table and slowly bringing it closer, herding the cards tightly together, “Alright you… I want to know about Bad Apple. And you’re going to tell me everything.”
Bad Apple stepped out of the glazier’s shop, walking with a dainty gait, a beautifully wrapped package resting precariously on his back. He made his way deftly through the crowd, following the brutish form of Blueblood, who had not gotten all that far. He was stopping frequently to make cutting comments and nasty observations, and waiting for the laughter and agreement of nobles around him.
Bad Apple got just ahead of Blueblood and crossed carefully, if somewhat obliviously, in front of him. Thanks to exact steps and careful control of speed he made it halfway before he was heavily impacted. Blueblood never even bothered to turn or slow down. The package fell from his back and crashed heavily to the ground with a very obvious tinkling of broken glass. “My sculpture!”
“You! Miserable peasant! Low-grade noble! Whatever you are, you have the audacity to dare make me run into you? How dare you?” Blueblood put all his passion and energy into his anger, glaring daggers at Bad Apple. He gnashed his teeth in rage, the other nobles around him looking properly scandalized.
“How about you? Lummox! Oaf! Gargantua! You didn’t even slow down! This is all on you! I demand recompense for this fine sculpture now reduced to mere shattered shards in its box! Pay the price for your clumsiness! Give me the value of my loss.”
“What? Recompense? Value of your loss? You mean… pay you? Don’t be a fool! Don’t you know who I am?” Blueblood looked personally injured at the lack of recognition, his chest puffing out lightly.
“Yes. I told you. Oaf! Lummox! Behemoth! How dare you try to change the subject? Pay me my just due for this broken gift. Do it immediately! Do not think you can get away!” Bad Apple positioned himself before Blueblood and would not let him move.
“Out of my way you annoying interloper! Get away! I will not give you one solitary bit and that’s all! Now leave me be or I will be forced to… To… Well, I’ll just be forced! Let me past, you lowlife!” Blueblood attempted to force his way past Bad Apple, doing his best not to touch the other pony.
“Constable! Constable! Any constables? I need a constable!” Improbably, Bad Apple cried out for the law, focusing even more attention and eyes on him. It had the desired effect, however. Coming through the crowd he saw a unicorn mare, pink with a purple mane, wearing a blue uniform with brass buttons and a metal sun badge on her chest. “Constable! Here!”
“Alright, alright, back up everypony. What’s going on here?” She cast her eyes quickly around the scene, looking between the angry and spluttering Blueblood and much more calm Bad Apple.
“I was walking along, minding my own business when this creature rammed his bulk into me and knocked a package off my back. I had a glass sculpture in there, and it broke into a million pieces!” He approached the constable with a quick opening of his coat, “If it makes any difference, I’m a constable myself. Badam Pome, Everfree Nightwatch, Ponyville Adjacent patrol.” Attached to the inside of his coat was his silver crescent moon badge, gleaming brightly.
The constable had been considering the circumstances of the case, finding it very direct. The witness statements might be troublesome given the identity of one of the parties. When she saw the badge, however, that made things far easier. “Welcome to Canterlot, brother. Rose Iris, Canterlot upper-tier constable partrolmare. How tragic. Here for a visit, you do some shopping at our lovely stores and your purchase gets itself broken by a tragic accident.” She glared at Blueblood, “You’re not immune to the rule of law. You know I could report you to Palace Security.”
Blueblood paled, adjusting his tie and coughing softly. “O-oh! There’s no need for that. I’ll… I’ll pay.” Blueblood quickly took out a coin pouch with a bit of his magical power, “How much is it?”
“This was a beautiful piece of custom glassware. And now…” he nudged it lightly with a hoof, making the box tinkle from the shaking of broken glass, “Well, it’ll take time and cost. Two hundred bits will take care of it, and pay for all this hassle as well.”
“Go on, Blueblood. Pay the stallion. And don’t try to skimp out on it.” Rose carefully watched Blueblood as the pouch opened and four fifty-bit silver coins levitated into Bad Apple’s hoof. “Good. And that concludes this action. Gentlecolts, have a good day. Constable Pome, enjoy your stay in Canterlot.”
Blueblood snorted sharply but withheld comment, walking away from Bad Apple with dark glances. However, he dared not do anything to bring the constable back to the defense of her fellow. He simply slunk away with all the injured nobility he could muster, the other nobles following along with small whispers and amused smiles.
Bad Apple, for his part, waited for the nobles to depart before picking up the fallen box and tossing it in the nearest garbage bin. He then took his new bits and trotted back over to the poor, begging filly. With a smile he dropped the four coins into her bowl and winked, “A little donation from that big bully. Enjoy.”
The pinto filly gasped softly and looked at the silver coins in her bowl, touching them with a trembling hoof, “R-really? You mean I can keep this?”
“Oh yea, kid. That’s all yours.” Bad Apple chuckled a bit, “Better get on back home with those. There’s bad folk around.” He watched the little filly run off with the coins in her bowl, his heart light. Nothing like a good deed, the scam before notwithstanding.
“Ah, sister. I had missed your presence; I was greatly afraid you would miss dinner. Come, the kitchen staff have laid out the table.” Luna sidled up to her sister, standing beside her as both walked into the dining hall to reveal a sumptuous midday meal.
“Sorry to worry you, little sister. I was engaged in a personal project. Ahh, this meal look quite delicious. But we call it lunch these days.” She laughed lightly but then shook her head, “Call it as you wish. Whatever it is, it’s food.”
“Indeed. I only wish that we could share it with… but let that pass. I suspect you are growing weary of hearing his name so continually. But while he is here, what other subject need I speak on? It is so infrequent.” Luna sat down at the table, pulling a bowl of salad to her.
“Yes, I know it well. You are here, discharging your royal duties while he is out there doing… well, doing anything, really. And he admits to you, openly, that a lot of the time he’s out doing criminal activities of some sort.” Celestia brought up her own bowl of salad, her head dipping down to munch placidly on it.
“Ahh, but sister… he be too innocent in his knavery for him to be worthy of your concern. He hath ridden the wild mare, true, but never in our dungeon. And, to be more plain, I much suspect he hath not been in many others. Jades be hexed, he is a brave fair child.” Luna, after speaking her peace, dropped her head to her bowl, munching on her salad.
Celestia chewed lightly, considering if she ought to do what she was intending. She finally decided and lifted her head up. “Oh, sister? Is that so? Well then… I just interrogated fifty-two of his closest friends. Would you care to know just how many jades have hexed him?”
Later that day, as the shadows lengthened and the day came to a close, Bad Apple returned to the palace, strolling along with a light and casual step. He approached the front gate with a widening of his smile. “Evening, gentle colts. I didn’t think you were here all day. Must be a real damper to your personal lives. But I guess you get plenty of time to talk.”
“Never mind our personal lives. Go on and get back in the palace.” Golden Stare was in his normal form, standing tall and proud, looking straight ahead.
“Quite a reversal from before, isn’t it? I think he’s warming up to me.” Bad Apple winked to Rosy Cranberry, “Don’t worry. You know where my heart lies. He’s all yours.”
Rosy blushed deeply and fanned himself lightly. “Ahh, well… oh my… I…”
“Is it your job to make my husband flustered? Really, leave him alone.” Golden Stare turned his head at last and looked sternly to Bad Apple.
“D-dear… no. Leave him alone. It’s alright, sugar. I don’t mind. He’s just trying to have fun. He’s not trying to be hurtful. I know you don’t trust him. But I do. I trust Princess Luna.”
“Hmph.” Golden Stare tried to ignore the message. But he didn’t. He nodded lightly and looked down, “You’re right, dear. I’m sorry, mister Apple.”
“I never held it against you.” Bad Apple winked and trotted into the palace, “You’re good at your job. I know from being good at something. I like to think I’m good at what I do.” As he left, he could hear Rosy giggling and Golden going stiff with shock as he considered that.
Bad Apple entered the lower part of the palace, with Celestia and Luna atop the high staircase, speaking quietly to one another.
“Your information was very useful, my sister. I knew I knew not. But I think I always wanted to know.” Luna shook her head lightly, watching Bad Apple cross the entrance hall.
“Don’t let it get to you. You must have expected it. He’s a grown stallion. And has been all over the face of the principality for years, seeking whatever shelter and warmth and living he can find. You can’t fault him for it.” Celestia gently nudged her sister’s neck.
“Shall I repay him in kind? A horn from his eyes for every jade that crossed his presence?” Luna looked down on the cheery stallion, who had looked up to see her, “There are any number of guards in your service that might do me a turn. If he will not desire a princess then I will leave him to his queans.”
“Sister… how many were before you? And how many after?”
Luna sighed, “All. And none. And so few.”
“You can’t judge him for what he did before you were more than a legend written on the moon. A lonely stallion traveling in need of rest and food. Occasionally he would give some comfort to some lonely mare. And seek some affection.” Celestia watched Bad Apple approaching, “I can’t make you think how I would like. But I trust you’ll do the right thing.”
Luna approached Bad Apple regally, head high, posture straight. “Supper has been served in our dining chamber. And when that is concluded, I must converse with you in private.”
Later that night, after the moonrise, Luna and Bad Apply lay entangled in one another’s limbs. They shone faintly in the braziers’ light, breaths slowing as they lay close together. “Needs of a natural mare…” Luna closed her eyes and rested her head on the pillow closest to her, “I proclaim those needs met. By my troth, well met and merrily greeted.”
Bad Apple rested his head on Luna’s neck, face lightly teased by the whisper-soft touch of her flowing cosmic mane. His eyes rested on her, so far as he could see her, “You wanted to discuss something with me?”
Luna did not open her eyes, but still managed a rather distressed look. “Ah, you remembered. I had hoped it had passed from your mind. I promised my sister I would speak with you.”
“I thought I had gotten away with it. I had to con that nasty Blueblood to get some charity money out of him…”
“No, t'was not… how now? Blueblood? Ah, do as you will. He is but a distant relation and hardly worthy of concern. No… Celestia used her magic this day. A Come-to-Life spell which made your cards come to life to answer questions. They have been there with you, and seen all you have experienced. Including the mares. The mares that were close to you. Kind to you. Whom gave you… comfort when you were lonely and hungry and without a roof over your head.”
Bad Apple sighed, slowly trying to disentangle his limbs from Luna’s. “I’m sorry. I’ll go find a couch.”
Luna firmly held Bad Apple down against her. “Stay your limbs. Now is not the time for retreat. I blame you not for your bedding of these mares. I was but a legend sealed on the moon. This, too, was a sign of your kindness. You gave the kindness you received in equal heart and passion. And after you touched my heart, your way has been pure and your thoughts on me alone. And precautions were taken. That was most important of all.”
Bad Apple kissed Luna’s neck. “I am no scoundrel, no scalawag, no chamber pot. I knew it would be wrong of me to leave behind foals. I would have been settled to do my duty. And once I had you… could I be such a monster as to be unfaithful to a heart that wanted me close? Never.”
Luna sighed gently, “So wonderful. How I wish… how I wish that I could make you stay beside me. Here, in my presence, consort in name.”
Bad Apple pressed a kiss on Luna’s throat, and stroked one of her legs gently, “I told you when we first met. I have to move around and do good. You might as well try to catch the wind.”
“Aye. This was clear. And could I but snare you Aeolus himself would praise my mastery over each gentle zephyr. A dream. Naught but a dream. It suffices, for the nonce.” Luna kissed Bad Apple and smiled, “I have no matters tonight. Let us sleep. We may rightly say we have savored the pleasures of bed in two manners.”
“Away. On the wind.” After breakfast Luna stood with Bad Apple on the balcony on which they had first met, “You are released, as I said. You may go as you wish. To the farthest shores in all the world. But… take this.” She levitated a necklace onto Bad Apple. It was a thin silver chain, with an ornate and somewhat chunky pendant. It was constructed of silver and ebony wood, made of discs with marks on it indicating months and days, and a hole in the center.
Bad Apple lifted it up to look at the beautiful face, enjoying the contrast between the bright metal and dark, polished wood, “Beautiful. What is it?”
“It be called a Nocturnal, or a Nocturlabe. In the times long ago, one would find a pole star in the center, turn the faces to a circumpolar star by day and month. It tells the time at night. A star dial, as a sundial is in day. But more than thus, knowing the time and date, one may know direction.” She levitated over a small book, bound between silver plates, “The stars to find, for all dates of the year. You will never be lost nor will you never know the direction.” Luna came forward to hug Bad Apple with her head and neck, “If I but could, I would compass this world with a silver thread. Until your errant steps lead you back… be well, be good, be yourself.”
Bad Apple held the book tightly under his jacket until he was well away from the palace and out of sight of covetous eyes. He opened the silver cover and flipped through the pages. Stars, dates, and time calculations. It was very thorough. He had to smile over that, seeing Luna’s attention to her precious astronomy. The year ended but the pages went on. Beyond were formulae for calculating time, date and direction to arrive at a rough indicator of how to find one particular point. Canterlot. No matter the date, no matter the latitude or longitude. Always a way to return.
He flipped through it to the last page, and found a small note written in a very antique script. “If I but could, I would compass this world with a silver thread, mine heart to yours. Trot as you will, far as you will, to the farthest shores in all the world. But follow the stars to be safe on your way. Follow the silver thread and come back to me.”
The End
Glossary and Cultural Notes
On Luna’s second person usage- Luna uses an archaic form of address, saying thou, thee, thine to social inferiors or as a sign of contempt and you and yours for equals or those close to her. As well, she does not use the Royal We among those with whom she is close.
Gentlefillies- An archaic form of address, formerly the counterpart to Gentlecolts. No longer used.
Fair- Handsome
Child- Wellborn youth (She is over 1000 years old; everypony is a youth to her.)
Cod- Stallion parts (The meaning behind the term Codpiece)
Tackle- “Equipment” (In her bawdy meaning, mare parts)
Dam- Formal term for the female half of breeding horses
Stamped- Shaped or formed, implying how he was both born and raised
Beshrew- Curse or slander
Sirrah- A means of speaking to a servant or social inferior. Sometimes things slip through
Endymion- In classical mythology, a shepherd with whom the moon fell in love; her reference to herding plays off of this
“Ridden the wild mare”- Been formally punished (The Wild Mare was a torture device) with bawdy suggestion that he has not been formally punished but has been on a wild mare anyhow, with further assurance he has not ridden any others
Jades- Worn-out horses, here used as a mild curse against other mares
Brave- Rare and bold
“A horn from his eyes”- Men who were cheated on, cuckolds, were said to grow horns on their foreheads which were said to be anchored in their eyes and make them sore.
“Do me a turn”- Do me a favor, with bawdy suggestion of intercourse as a favor
Queans- Morally questionable females, another snarl like “Jades” with a pun on how it sounds like “queen”
“By my troth… well greeted”- Luna is jokingly saying her needs were satiated and punning on a common greeting, doubling her greeting to emphasize how well her needs were met
Aeolus- Ancient god of the wind; Luna is implying if she could keep Bad Apple with her she would be ruler of even the tiniest breeze, referencing his own classification of himself as the wind
“Savored… two manners”- Literal and figurative sleeping.
Compass- Encircle
Errant- Both in the modern sense of “erring” (She thinks he should stay and not go) and in the archaic sense of going on an errand (As in Knight-errant; she acknowledges he goes on quests that help others)
Bad Apple’s con-job- Bad Apple runs a classic scam known as the Melon Drop (So called because it originally involved watermelons). The general form is exactly as he ran it, being “run into” by the mark resulting in the scammer dropping a gift box of broken glass. The scammer then demands compensation from the mark, who would normally be induced to pay, especially with witnesses about. Blueblood had just a little too much ego, requiring an extra later of bluff by calling in the law.
