---- My Fault ----
My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them.
Rainbow Dash shoved open the heavy hospital doors and danced around an angry-looking doctor that had his hooves outstretched to catch her. She only spared a backwards glance as she continued her mad gallop through the hallway. Even with only one working eye, her coordination was as good as ever. Another set of doors was knocked against the hard-tiled walls as she barreled through them. She flapped her uninjured wing frantically as she leapt over another pony, the tips of her feathers brushing against the wall before she hit the ground running. Only one thought resided in her mind, repeating itself over and over again in an echoing mantra. I hope she’s okay, she has to be okay. The wind howled in her ears as it did a few hours before, all other sounds being lost to her as she sprinted towards the final obstacle that kept her from her friend.
“Rarity!” Splinters of wood flew from the unfortunate door as her hooves collided with it. The pain that came from the bone-jarring impact was lost in the emotions that roiled, unbridled, through her soul. She limped over to the white bed and laid a cyan hoof on the pony that now occupied the space between its coverings. “Rarity.”
The snow-white mare was covered in bandages that were nearly the same color as her coat, the only opening in the wrappings being around her nose and eyes. The purple curls of the unicorn’s mane were in disarray, stray strands sticking out in every direction with specks of dirt still lodged inside the hair. Rarity’s chest rose and fell softly, creating a complex tempo when combined with the beeping machine that reflected her heart rate.
“Rainbow Dash, what are you doi—“ The doctor’s harsh voice was choked off as he stepped through the doorway and into the room. He walked up to her side and looked down sadly at the wounded mare. An understanding silence passed between them, seeming to stretch on for hours before it was interrupted by a nervous cough from the stallion. Rainbow Dash looked over to him and watched as his mouth opened and closed a few times, as if he wanted to speak but couldn’t find the right words. “I’ll just… leave you here then.” The doctor’s hoofsteps filled the silence as he walked away, becoming muted as the door, now laced with large cracks in the frame and wood, clicked shut behind him.
Rainbow reached up and brushed away a lock of shapeless hair that hung in her friend’s face, letting her hoof simply fall back onto the bed afterwards. “Rarity.” She murmured again, as if saying the name would undo the mess that she had created. Tears welled up in her eyes, blurring the outline of the motionless, save for the small movements of life, figure before her. “I’m so sorry, Rarity.” Small tears worked their way down the grooves of her face, darkening the fur of her coat before falling down to soak into the bed’s linen. “It’s all my fault.” She gritted her teeth against the sobs that tore at her throat, trembling slightly as they wracked her less-injured body. “I’m so sorry.”
A silvery light cast itself over the room, leaking in from the window and illuminating the places where the lamp that sat next to the bed could not. Rainbow stood and walked over to the window, pressing a hoof against the glass as she stared at the moon high in the sky, its beautiful glow reflecting in her eyes and glistening off of her tears. Memory caressed her vision as it pulled her into its folds, bringing to her mind the events that had led up to their entry into the hospital.
”Cmon, Rarity, you promised me that you’d come watch me fly!”
“Absolutely not, Rainbow Dash. Have you seen what the weather team has scheduled out there for tomorrow? High winds, can you imagine what that would do to my coiffure? Not to mention the horrid smell from the fields that they bring with them!” Rarity turned up her nose in a dramatic fashion and turned away from the cyan pegasus that stood in her doorway. “I’m sorry, Rainbow Dash, but it will have to wait for another day.” The tone of finality was completely ignored as the pegasus flew in front of the fashionista.
“But, Rarity, I modeled those dresses for you and everything. I need that wind for a part of my new routine!” Rainbow struck a pleading pose, hoping to play off of her friend’s sense for dramatics. “Please come watch me! Nopony else’s opinion would have years of experience behind it like yours!”
“I… uh… that is to say… Rainbow, I…” The unicorn bit her lip and Rainbow Dash had to suppress a smile as her tactic worked its magic. Without warning, the boutique-owner sighed. “Oh, I suppose I shall accompany you on this little soiree of yours tomorrow, if I must.”
“Aww yeah, thanks, Rarity! You won’t regret it!”
“Yeah… she won’t regret it, but I will.” A cold wind blew through the room as the door was opened, allowing a stern-looking nurse to step into the room and place a tray of food down on the table. Rainbow didn’t turn as the sounds of most hospital workings came from behind her, where her friend lay incapacitated. As the smell of sustenance made its way over to her, its sickening scents curling around her nose and making her eyes water, she decided to break the silence. “I’m not going to eat it; you might as well take it back.” She tossed her head halfheartedly as the mare behind her gasped.
“Why not, Rainbow Dash?” When the prismatic pony didn’t respond, the nurse walked closer and laid a hoof on her shoulder, which was then promptly knocked away. “You need to keep up your strength.”
“If she doesn’t eat, neither do I.” That seemed to take the words away from any argument the pony could put up, disarming her to the point of an incredulous silence. After a few seconds that seemed to stretch on for ages, she turned her head back and glared at the nurse out of the corner of her eye. “Could you please take it back?” From her limited viewpoint, she saw the stunned earth pony nod and turn away without a further word. The smell of food soon faded from detection, as did the sounds of the mare’s hooves in the hallway. She looked at the door and sighed sadly. “Thanks.”
She walked away from the window and stepped over to where Rarity lay. There was a small furrow in her brow as she muttered incoherently against the bandages that were wrapped around her jaw and mouth. Her cyan hoof brushed through the soft hair again, trembling slightly as the sobs worked their way back up into her heart. “I’m… so sorry, Rarity.” There she sat, running her hoof over her friend’s mane again and again, her body wracked with silent sobs as her tears shimmered like crystal in the silver light of the moon that soon gave way to the black emptiness of a dreamless sleep.
The sun’s rays wormed their way into the room through the clear glass of the window, eventually crawling over the cyan pegasus’ face and rousing her from her rest. She stretched and snuggled her head against the sheet. “Hnng… Just five more minutes.” She rolled over and promptly fell from her precarious perch on the hospital chair. Her yelp of pain was wasted against the walls of the room, the white walls staring down at her with unseen eyes. “Ow, that hurt.” She stood up and rubbed a hoof against her flank where it had smashed into the floor.
The smell of food drifted up to her nose, coming from a tray of food that lay steaming on a small table. “I thought I told her to take it with her.” She stood up and walked over to the meal, which she saw as a mockery to her friend’s situation. “I told her that I eat when Rarity can eat aga—“ She silenced herself as she picked up a small, hoof-written note that was stuck to the coffee cup. “You said take that food with me, but you didn’t tell me I couldn’t bring more.” Rainbow read aloud in her usual fashion of reading. “Psh, figures. She really wants me to eat, huh?” She winced as her stomach grumbled loudly, indicating that it really wanted to eat as well. She pushed the table over to the other side of the room in the hope that the distance would cancel out the saliva-inducing scents that saturated the air.
She turned away from the tray of food that now rested by the far wall under the window and looked back at her friend. Rarity’s bandages had been changed, their surfaces lacking the small scuffs that Rainbow’s hooves had left on them last night. Rainbow walked over to the bed and sat down on the chair next to it, swaying unsteadily before allowing herself to relax, at least as far as she could in her situation. Her hoof found itself rubbing along the fresh cloth, adding new marks into their unblemished white. It was the same color as the dress that Rarity had worn to watch her perform. Rainbow blinked as the memory washed over her once again, covering her vision with its oblivious grasp.
”Hurry up, Rarity! We gotta catch the winds when they are still good!” Her hoof banged on the prettily-painted door of Carousel Boutique, from which the sounds of frantic shuffling and clothing being thrown around drifted under. “What are you even doing in there?”
A few more moments of frantic scuffling followed by a wordless growl of frustration passed before her friend answered. “I’m busy, Rainbow Dash! I know I promised to go with you, and I still will!” She added hastily as she predicted, correctly, that Rainbow was about to object. “But I have to find the right outfit! I had put it all together last night and then somepony, or rather somekitty, decided to attack and ruin it!” Another frustrated sound slipped from the fashionista’s lips. “And I can’t seem to find another matching set of clothes!”
Rainbow groaned loudly as a particularly fierce gust of wind blew over the town, making the trees creak and her feathers rustle. “Come on, Rarity, we’re missing the winds! Just throw something on and get out here already!” An affronted gasp preceded the door opening to reveal a pair of azure eyes.
“How could you suggest such a thing? That is the exact attitude that I abhor, Rainbow Dash!” The white unicorn tossed her tightly curled mane angrily before taking a few deep breaths in an apparent attempt to calm herself. “Rainbow Dash,” she began calmly, “I simply require a few more minutes to find my outfit. If you cannot wait that long then you must simply go without me." With that, the door to the boutique shut again and the sounds of frantic searching resumed from behind it.
“No way I’m gonna let you outa this one, Rarity! I’ll stay here as long as it takes!”
“As long as it takes…” Her whisper was barely audible as she fumbled her way back into the present, blinking repeatedly as she stared at her friend with misted eyes. “I’ll stay here, Rarity, as long as it takes.” She rubbed at the tears that tracked their way down her face and stood, stretching her sore muscles. A knock at the door made her stop mid-stretch. She felt an odd mixture of happiness and shame flood through her mind as she slowly walked over to the door. Small whispers leaked into the room through the crack underneath the wooden barrier.
“Do you guys think that they’re here? Maybe I should look at that book that the pony at the front desk had.” Twilight’s perpetually uncertain voice sounded lethargic, as if she had been awake the entire night before. “There’s no name plate here, I guess they haven’t been her long enough for it. Maybe we should go back.”
“Well, this is where that mare told us to go, so this must be the place.” Applejack’s voice, laced with a slight southern twang, fared no better than the librarian’s. “Why don’t we just knock on this here door, and if they don’t answer then we all go back down and ask again?”
“I don’t think they’ll like that, Applejack. I know my sweet Angel Bunny hates to be woken up when he’s sleeping.” Fluttershy’s breathy voice barely penetrated deep enough into the room to be heard by the cyan pony that stood next to the door. “I think that we… um… that we should come back later, if that’s all right with you guys.”
“Nah, Ah think that those two would love to see us. We’re their friends after all. And Ah’m not wantin’ to have to wait another day to see them because of ‘visiting hours’ being over.” The knock followed swiftly after the reassuring words, louder than the previous one. “C’mon out ya’ll! Your friends are here to see you!”
“Do you guys think they went down to the kitchen or the game room? I know when I’m feeling bad I just grab a cupcake or play a game with somepony and I feel all better!” Pinkie Pie’s voice, though it was sad and slightly flat, was filled with excitement at the thought of her favorite things.
“Ah don’t think so, Pinkie. You might like it but Ah don’t think Rarity or Rainbow would, or at least as much as you.” In her mind, Rainbow could picture the party-loving pony drooping a little, sparking the quickly spoken addition from Applejack. “Ah think we ought to knock again.”
“Oh, I really don’t think we should do that Applejack, I don’t want her to be mad at us for waking her up.” It was then that Rainbow steeled herself and moved to open the door that held her friends away from her, being greeted with the sight of four ponies staring at her with the expression of surprise painted all over their faces.
“Hey guys, good to se—“ Whatever else Rainbow had planned to say was cut off as the other four ponies wrapped their hooves around her while practically shouting her name to the world. After the attack had been ended by a less-than-happy nurse, the group backed away to allow her a small amount of her breathing space back. “Great to see you guys. I’m glad you could make it here.” Rainbow saw their eyes trace along the few bandages that were wrapped around her body. “Oh, don’t worry about these. I’m fine, but…” She trailed off, heat rising to her face as shame washed over her.
Twilight’s hoof touched her shoulder gently. “It’s okay, Rainbow.” A few moments of silence passed before the librarian spoke again. “Can we come in?”
Stepping aside, she gestured into the room. “Of course, Twilight. Come on in.” As the Unicorn, pegasus, and the two earth ponies walked past her, the rainbow-maned pegasus locked eyes with the nurse that had been in her room last night. She tried the ancient art of throwing daggers with her glare, but if her attack had any success, the pony with a white coat gave no indication other than a calm stare coupled with an almost-imperceptible smile.
“What’re you looking at, Dashie?” Rainbow Dash leapt up in fright as a pink wall of hair and pony appeared right in front of her face.
“Gah! Don’t do that, Pinkie! You scared me!” Setting her hooves back on the ground, she folded the light-blue wings that were stuck out in fright back against her side. “I was just looking at that nurse over there.”
Pinkie Pie’s head turned to look at whatever Rainbow Dash had been looking at. “What nurse?”
“Don’t you see her?” She stepped back into the hallway and pointed at where the nurse had been. “W-what? She… she was right there!”
“Oh! I bet you’re seeing ghosts!” Standing up on her back hooves, the pink pony waved her hooves mysteriously. “Ooooooh, look out Rainbooooow, they’re cooooming for yoooou.” Descending into laughter, Pinkie Pie hooked a hoof around the bewildered pegasus and rocked side to side.
Rainbow Dash’s mane waved through the air as she shook her head. “Pinkie Pie, you are so random. C’mon, let’s go see Rarity.” Casting one last look at where the nurse had stood staring, she led the still-giggling pony into the now-lit room where the other three clustered around the bed. The two joined the rest and instantly felt the oppressing weight of silence settle over them.
Surprisingly, Fluttershy was the first to speak, her soft voice seeming infinitely louder as it cut through the silence. “Is she… going to be okay?” Her innocent eyes looked to each of them before returning to Rarity. “Oh, Rarity, I hope you’re going to be okay.” A slight sniffle came from behind the sheet of pink hair that hid the butter-yellow pegasus’ face. Within seconds, Pinkie Pie was right there beside her, holding out a small square of garishly pink cloth embossed with her cutie mark and trying not to look like she was ready to use it herself. “Oh, thank you, Pinkie Pie.”
After blowing her nose quietly, the soft-spoken Element of Kindness handed the used handkerchief back to its owner, who promptly tossed it into the laundry bin. Twilight’s horn suddenly glowed, throwing the lavender hue over their confused expression briefly before it died away. “Uh, Twilight, mind telling us what that there light was?” Applejack’s question was met with a round of nods from the others, who were still staring at the unicorn that had her eyes closed. After a few moments of awkwardly shifting, Applejack tilted her head and nudged the librarian. “Uh, Twili—“
“I promised Spike that I would send him something once I saw Rarity. ‘The moment you see that she’s okay’ he told me. And the best way to lose a friend is to break a promise.” Twilight, proud in her usage of the lessons in friendship that they all had compiled together, opened her eyes and looked around with a proud smile. “And so I sent him a message.”
“But don’t you normally use a scroll for that? And,” the cyan pegasus continued, “where is that little dragon anyway? I would’ve figured that he would be here ahead of all of you.”
Smiling condescendingly, Twilight shook her head as she answered Rainbow Dash’s question. “Normally, yes, I do. However, with the aid of a messaging spell that I found in my studies the other day, I sent him a ‘letter’ in his head.” Twilight proved her point by sending another “letter” to each of their minds. Without warning, her voice filled their ears and blocked out all else. “And as for where my assistant is, he is probably throwing a fit in Canterlot right now. See, he tried to get back to Ponyville but the train system is undergoing maintenance so he has to wait until it’s finished in two days.”
“Oh, I hope he’s all right.” Fluttershy’s voice was shaky with the recent intrusion in the place that she believed to be most private. “But, um, Twilight, why didn’t you just use your magic to take him here?”
Twilight seemed to anticipate this question and stood with the air of an eager student ready to answer it. “Well, normally I can teleport anything a short distance because of the teleportation spell. However, if I take things long distances, I can’t take anything too far away in structure to ponies because I have to use a different spell depending on if I’m going far or not. Spike, being a dragon and all, is way too different for me to teleport all the way to Ponyville.”
The rest of them looked at her blankly for a few moments before Fluttershy, still obviously not understanding the reason why Spike wasn’t here, replied. “Oh, okay then.”
As the silence descended upon the ponies, they all took advantage of it by looking at their unconscious friend. “So, when do ya’ll think she’s gonna be let out of this place?” Applejack suddenly asked, looking to each of them with misty eyes before casting her gaze downward. “Cuz Ah know she’s gonna be let out of here.”
Twilight Sparkle, sensing the orange pony’s unease, gently wrapped a hoof around her friend and pulled her into a hug. “I don’t know, AJ, but I know it has to be soon. Ponyville has some really talented unicorns in the hospital. They’ll get her on her hooves in no time.” She squeezed her hoof tighter around her friend, who smiled up at her gratefully.
“Thanks, Twi, I needed that.”
Without warning, Pinkie Pie, who had taken the lapse in conversation as a cue to explore the room, rolled over the cart that Rainbow had shoved out of sight. “Oh, is this what the hospital is feeding you, Dashie? Smells delicious!” Rainbow glanced down at the slightly jiggling green mass that was piled onto the plate. “But, why didn’t you eat any of it? Why wouldn’t you eat something that smells and looks so good?” Pinkie’s tone flowed from excitement to affront over the course of her speech, her accusing eyes squinting at her.
“I just… didn’t want any. I wasn’t hungry.” As if somepony had planned it, Rainbow’s gut chose that particular moment to let out a fierce grumble.
“Rainbow,” Twilight’s admonishing voice came off from her left, followed by the mare’s hoof nudging into her side, “you have to eat something. Even if it looks like… er… this.” Scrunching up her nose, Twilight flicked the food with the tip of her hoof, sending the surface of it into jiggling waves.
She backed away from the hoof and stared defiantly at her friend. “No, I don’t.”
“Rainbow, you can’t go forever without ea—“ A cyan hoof stomping into the floor cut off whatever the lavender pony was about to say.
“If she can, I can.” Leaving the other ponies to stare at who Rainbow had meant, she moved over to the window and stared unseeingly out of the window into the fading afternoon. “I can if she can.” Silence, awkward, stifling, and broken only by the sounds of hooves shifting slightly on the floor, descended upon the group of friends.
“RD, you gotta eat somethin’.” The sounds of hooves came up from behind her. “If ya starve yourself, what good does it do?”
She spun around and angrily knocked away the hoof that was laid on her shoulder. “It doesn’t do any good, I know! I don’t care! I’m not going to eat a single bite until Rarity can!” Kicking out with a hoof, she sent the cart rolling into the wall.
“Woah there, Rainbow, calm down!” Applejack overcame her initial surprise and dug herself in, putting the two of them face to face. “Just cuz you’re thinkin’ it’s your fault or somethin’ doesn’t mean you have to get all riled up at us!” Applejack shoved the cyan pegasus back a few steps before continuing. “We’re your friends, Rainbow. We wanna help you. Can’t ya see that?”
Rubbing at where the powerful farm pony’s hooves had pushed her, Rainbow directed a glare into the stubborn eyes of her friend. “You want to know why I’m not going to eat? Why I act like it’s my fault?” She sat down where she stood; looking to each of her friends faces before settling her gaze back on the one she had unleashed her frustration upon. “It’s because it is my fault. I put her here, in this place.” She felt a small tear work its way down her face, darkening her coat as it went. Her whisper was only just loud enough to be heard by the others. “I hurt her.”
“What do you mean, Rainbow?” Twilight Sparkle’s voice was mixed between curiosity and compassion. “How did you hurt her? What happened?”
“Rarity went to watch me try out my new routine… but it was too windy outside and then I… I…” She struggled for the words, her mouth working furiously as she tried to force them out. “I… I… was bl—“ At that moment, the door clicked as it opened to admit the head of the nurse that had been caring for the two inhabitants of the room.
“All right, ponies, it’s time for you all to go home. Visiting hours are over.” As one, the group looked to the window where Rainbow had been staring out of. The once-visible town of Ponyville was covered in an inky black that was only just illuminated by the hospital’s lights.
“Can’t they stay just a little longer?” Rainbow’s pleading voice was met with a prompt shake of the head.
“I’m sorry, Rainbow Dash, but they’ve really been over for nearly an hour. I could get in trouble if they stay any longer. I’m sorry everypony.” She added as the rest of them opened their mouths to protest or, in Fluttershy’s case, squeak uncomfortably.
“I'll tell you guys the rest later. See you.” Rainbow dejectedly waved a hoof at her friends that looked back at her with both curiosity and pity. Her hoof hung in the air for a few moments before she let it fall to the ground. “Bye, guys.” Sighing to herself, she moved to push the cart into the hallway, suddenly sick of the intoxicating aroma that drifted into the air from it. The nurse that had sent her friends away looked pointedly from the food to Dash’s face and then to her stomach, which chose that particular moment to grumble loudly from its lack of nourishment. Rainbow Dash suppressed a sigh as the cart was stopped with the pure-white hoof. “I don’t want any of it.”
“You have to eat something.” The nurse’s voice was imploring.
“I’m not hungry.” She winced as her stomach rumbled once again.
Smirking, the nurse pushed the cart further back into the room. “Oh yes you are.”
Pushing back just as hard, Rainbow spoke through gritted teeth. “I’m. Not. Going. To. Eat.” Jerking her head back to gesture at her fellow Element of Harmony, Rainbow gave a rhyme to her reason. “If. She. Can’t. I. Won’t. Either.” Suddenly the force that was holding her back disappeared and she fell forward onto the floor. Without warning, a pair of hooves grabbed her under the shoulders and hoisted her back onto her feet. She looked into the nurse’s eyes defiantly. “I’m not eating.”
Her head jerked to the side suddenly, black spots filling her vision and a high-pitched ring filling her ears. Shock overpowered her pain for a few moments as she brought up her own hoof to feel at the place where she had been slapped. Anger soon replaced the shock, driving her to return the blow in kind. For a few moments neither of them moved, each of them simply glaring at the other. Rainbow’s anger soon ebbed and was replaced with regret as she watched tears form in the nurse’s eyes. “Wha-What’s wrong with y—“ The nurse quickly stepped up to her and shoved her backward, letting out a loud sob as she did so.
“You have that same pride that everypony else has. That foolish pride, driven by guilt.” Shoving the cyan pegasus again, the nurse continued her assault of words. “You think that just because you hurt her, it means you have to hurt yourself!” Another shove nearly pushed her against the wall. “Just… because you think… that it’s your fault…” The white pony’s words soon descended into incoherency as her emotions overwhelmed her. Not knowing what to do, Rainbow simply stood and watched the crying pony.
Stifling her sobs, the nurse stood and brushed herself lightly before looking at Rainbow again. “Do you think she’d want you to starve yourself?”
Rainbow bristled at her as she stepped forward to defend herself. “Why do you even care? It’s not like it’s your friend dying because of you!”
A hoof slapped her again, making her sit down hard on the ground. “I have been there.” The nurse’s whisper barely carried to Rainbow’s ears. “I’ve hurt somepony and watched them die in my hooves. I know how it feels, but you can’t let yourself be consumed with guilt. Please, eat something. If not for me, for her.” With that, she spun around and stepped out into the hallway, allowing the door to slam shut behind her.
Ages seemed to pass before Rainbow finally pulled herself to her hooves and walked over to the cart that was sitting slightly off to one side. She pulled it over to the chair that she had spent so long in already and looked down at the unappetizing meal. Glancing over to Rarity, who lay with a discontented frown on her face, she sighed and resigned herself to eating the food. Although the green mush was tasteless, Rainbow could practically feel the strength flowing back into her body as the plate suddenly became barren of food. Then, as suddenly as it had come, the energy escaped her grasp and was replaced with a fatigue that she didn’t know was there. Having only enough time to lay her head down on the bed, she was soon enveloped in the world of dreams and the past.
A small drop of drool trailed down her face as she dozed in a cloud just above the boutique. Of course, she was only putting on the act of sleeping. In fact, the pegasus was completely alert of her surroundings. All right, Rarity… you’re not getting away from this. Just gotta wait till you come out of that house. Smiling mischievously against the cloud, Rainbow snored loudly. The sounds of frantic searching had long since faded away and been replaced by the sounds of something being sprayed freely. Where does she think we’re going? The Gala? Impatience flowed through her veins as she turned to watch the sun slowly make its way down to the horizon.
The click of an opening door made her freeze in her half-standing position. “Rainbow Dash?” A small stamp came from below, no doubt caused by Rarity’s hoof as she expressed her frustration. “Oh, the nerve! I told her that I would only be a few minutes, and now that I am here she wandered off! And I took out my nice dress too.” Suddenly finding herself able to move, Rainbow leapt from her aerial perch and landed lightly on the dirt below. After letting out a squeak, Rarity held a hoof to her head in her usual, dramatic fashion. “Oh, you startled me, Rainbow Dash. You know you shouldn’t keep a lady waiting.”
Looking to the sky, Rainbow rolled her eyes to the heavens. “Yeah, right.” Another glance at the sun prompted her to urgency. “C’mon, Rarity! We have to hurry to catch those winds!”
“Rainbow Dash, we cannot simply hurry along the road. We have to enjoy the sigh—“
The cyan pegasus cut her off with a prolonged groan. “Rarity, we don’t have time for this! Hurry up already!” As she set her hooves on Rarity’s flank to push her down the road, white smoke surrounded her and hid the world away from her eyes. “Rarity?” She nudged the body that had suddenly lost all of its warmth. Knock. “Rarity?!” There, standing where her friend had been merely moments before, was a headstone that rested on recently turned soil. The ground seemed to open up beneath her as the world fell away, leaving her to scream as she fell into the blackness.
“Rarity!” Her shout was met by only the blank walls of the hospital room, dying out quickly in the silence of the early morning. The blinds pulled back to reveal the hawk-sharp eyes of one of the hospital’s many caretakers of life, snapping back into place before she could find the answer to who was behind those liquid silver irises. Chest heaving, she threw off the blanket that had been lain over her, by one of those ponies that patrol the rooms at night. After a few moments of calming breaths, she lifted herself from the chair and stretched, groaning loudly as she worked out the soreness that had found its way into her muscles.
One of the many devices that were hooked to the white unicorn beside her beeped loudly, shocking Rainbow Dash into a panic-induced stillness. It kept sounding its noise again and again, a constant rhythm that didn’t vary in tone or duration. After a few moments, it stopped its peals. Then, with agonizing slowness, she turned her head to stare at her bandaged friend, whose breath, Rainbow noted with fear, was much slower than it had been the night before.
Rainbow Dash leapt over the bed and rushed into the hallways, looking around frantically for somepony to help her. “Nurse! Doctor! Somepony!” Within moments, she found herself crowded by numerous hospital staff all asking her what the problem was. “One of the things attached to my friend beeped!” Gesturing to the room, she felt heat rush to her face as she realized how foolish her reaction was.
“All right, I’ll come take a look.” One of the doctors stepped forward. “Go back to work everypony, I’ll handle this.” He brushed past her as he walked into the room, half-facing her as he directed a question to her over his shoulder. “Now, which device did you say made the noise again?” He turned away as she shook her head. “I’ll just have to check them all then.”
As her eyes adjusted from the bright hallways to the half-light that cloaked the room in partial darkness, she watched the blurry outline of the doctor as he flitted around the white mare. He went from one panel to the next, looking deeply at the readings of the device before moving on. Without warning, he froze in his examination and tapped one of the gauges. When it didn’t move, he frowned and felt along Rarity’s chest with the strange disk that all doctors seemed to wear around their necks. Rainbow watched with bated breath as the hoof made its way slowly across Rarity’s body, letting it out only when the doctor pulled it away and looked to her, his eyes holding a grim resignation in their depths.
His voice was heavy with sadness and pity as he spoke the words that unmercifully ripped into her chest and pulled out her heart, throwing it carelessly into the very depths of Tartarus. She felt the ground below her sway as her legs went limp, her entire world falling to pieces around her. The blackness eagerly rushed up to greet her as she fell, closing her off from the rest of the unfair world and the harsh reality of mortality.
”Rainbow Dash, I do not think flying in this horrid weather is a wise idea. I mean, just look at those trees over there! They are practically bent over backwards!” Rarity tugged futilely on Rainbow’s hoof, urging her to abandon her chance to pull off the best stunt that Equestria had ever seen. “Please, Rainbow Dash! Let’s just go inside and play a nice board game or model for a few dresses, hm?”
Pulling away from her friend, Rainbow Dash held down the flapping piece of paper with one hoof and trailed down the complex list of maneuvers with the other. “No way, Rarity! This is the exact kind of weather that I need for my trick. Just you wait, it’ll blow you away!” The aspiring Wonderbolt made the mistake of waving her hooves extravagantly and the piece of paper flew out into the wind. “Oh no you don’t!” Flapping her strong wings, she caught up to the fleeing blueprint in mere seconds. “Woah!” By a last second tilt of her primaries, the cyan pegasus managed to avoid crashing as the wind attempted to send her the same way as the paper had been going.
“It will only blow me away if this wind doesn't first!” Rarity held up a hoof against the wind and looked outward at the swirling debris that was carried on the gusts of the air. Out of nowhere, a Ponyville Confidential from who knows when covered the white pony’s face, cutting off whatever she had been about to say.
After her eyes had roamed over the ending of her sequence, the trademark Sonic Rainboom that only she could perform, she nodded and rolled up the blueprint, stuffing it in her saddlebag that sat with its flap waving in the wind. After she had closed and secured it, she turned to look at the sky, oblivious to all else around her as she took a deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. You can do this, Rainbow Dash. Keep it together. “All right, Rarity, get ready to be amazed!” Her knees bent and, for a brief moment, the world seemed to stop, time losing its meaning as the seconds stretched on into eternity. Then, like a rubber band being pulled too tightly, it all exploded in a blur of motion and the howling of wind rushing past. Something struck her face. Hard.
“Rainbow Dash!” Rarity’s voice, filled with panic, barely reached her as she pushed herself higher. “Rainbow Dash!” It was smaller now, almost as small as the world below her as she spun around to face the ground.
“In. Out. In. Out. You can do this, Rainbow.” Allowing herself a self-confident smirk that remained on her face for merely a few seconds, she angled herself downward.
“Rainbow Dash, snap out of it!” Another light blow collided with her face and filled her ears with a harsh ringing. “Wake up! We don’t have time for this!” Another hoof slapped across her cheek, more urgently than before and the ringing increased in volume. The cyan pegasus slowly opened her eyes, squinting against the harsh light as her mind worked to figure out where she was. Even though the pain faded away, the ringing remained and grew. Suddenly, as the gears fell into place inside her mind, the ringing grew to a piercing sound that stabbed into her head with pain rivaling hot steel.
Her screams of agony filled the hospital halls with their eerie peal. “No!" Suddenly the bed was in front of her as she stared down at the pony that she had been friends with for years upon end. “No! No! No! Rarity, no!” Something grabbed at her from behind, trying to take her away from the unicorn. “No! I have to save her!” She violently pulled away and pushed down on the chest of her friend. “I have to!”
“Rainbow Dash, there’s nothing you can do!” The pulling came again. “She’s gone! You can—“ His words were silenced as she spun and struck him in the face.
“Don’t say that! There has to be a way!” She looked up to his horn. “Use your magic! Save her with a spell or something!” When he didn’t move, she stepped closer. “What are you doing? Save her!” Silence was his only reply. “Please… save her!”
The doctor only shook his head sadly, speaking to her in the grief-ridden but comforting voice that was so common in ponies who work in hospitals. “I’m sorry, Rainbow Dash. She’s been gone for nearly a quarter of an hour. She left us after you fell unconscious.” He placed a heavy hoof on her shoulder, a regretful light in his eyes and tone. “If I could use magic to save her, I would. But I cannot. There is no such magic in existence. I’m sorry, she’s gone.”
She threw off the hoof and shoved the pony away, turning back to the bed. “No, you won’t leave me, Rarity!” She pressed down forcefully on the unmoving chest. “Not like this!” She pushed down again.
The Rainblow Spin, fueled further by the winds that howled in her ears, proved to be more difficult than she would have thought.
“Please, Rarity, don’t die!”
Her feathers were mostly bent and broken, some of them falling away as the air pulled them out of her skin with small pricks of pain. The world seemed to fall into nothingness as she plummeted.
“Please, don’t leave me!”
She twisted around to watch the blurs of color that were the hills around Ponyville, finding herself strangely contented. “I guess that’s something about dying… “ She smiled before continuing in a calm voice. “You don’t really feel sad or anything. You’re just… there.”
“Rarity, no!”
The trees rushed past her vision and she closed her eyes, allowing the world to become filled with blackness. “Wish I coulda been a Wonderbolt though.” She couldn't help but smile as she felt the first flash of pain from the impact, the expression suddenly fading when she noticed that the pain didn’t go away. “I thought if you were dead you didn’t hurt anymore…”
“Rarity, please no! Please!”
She sat up, gritting her teeth against the pain, and looked down at what had broken her fall. There, with crimson rivulets of blood running down her coat, was a beautiful pony in a breathtaking dress. “Rarity?”
“Please don’t leave me here!” She sobbed as she pressed one last time. “Don’t go… Please… don’t go.”
She screamed it to the uncaring sky, her voice getting whipped away by the wind. “Rarity!”
She tossed her head back and stared at nothing, opening her mouth in a scream. “Rarity!”
A few years later…
“Rarity…” The pony bowed her head and let go of the small bouquet of purple roses, watching with sad eyes as the bundle of plants landed in front of the worn gravestone. Suddenly a wave of warmth washed over her, prompting her to look up into the bright sunrise. After a few seconds that were spent like years, she turned away from the grave and walked towards the wrought-iron gate that served as the entry into the cemetery. Just outside stood Soarin and Spitfire, both clad in suits that resembled hers.
Soarin was the first to speak. “You okay, Dash?”
“Yeah… It’s just…”
“What’s up, rookie?” Spitfire stepped closer and placed a hoof on her shoulder.
“I never got to tell her that…” She paused, watching the leaves blow in the gentle breeze that flowed around her hooves and between her feathers.
"Tell her what?" Soarin grunted as Spitfire punched him and shook her head.
The prismatic pegasus smiled to herself at the granite marker, looking away from it into the sky, where Rarity was waiting for her. "I never got to tell her how much... how much our friendship meant to me." A single tear, glimmering with rainbows as it caught the sun's light, fell onto the grave.
"How much she meant to me."
...But I Can't Bring her Back
---- My Fault: Epilogue ----
I do not bring forgiveness with me, nor forgetfulness. The only ones who can forgive are dead; the living have no right to forget.
The quiet city of Canterlot stretched below her as she flew through the night, the few windows that still had light streaming from them peeking up at her like the eyes of a giant monster from the nightmares of a filly or colt. The wind blocked out all sound as it rushed past her ears, filling them only with the sound of its passing. She didn’t shiver as the cold bit at her through the suit that she wore, only gritting her teeth and flying on. Spotting her destination, she pulled into a dive and landed easily on the cobblestone street.
“Hey, isn’t that one of my best customers, Rainbow Dash?” Off to her right, Pony Joe smiled out to her from inside his store. “You comin’ in this time or is it a to-go order?”
“You know me, I’m always dashing around.” After a shared chuckle, she shook her head. “But not today, it’s for here.” As she walked over to the door, his face lit up like one of the fireworks that they set off during the Gala.
“Come on in, Miss Rainbow! I’ll get you a table ready.” The stallion’s face disappeared from the window as she walked inside, her eyes cautiously roving the crowd of ponies that were all sitting in groups that were buzzing with chatter. Pony Joe stood over to one side, frantically wiping at a table with a wet cloth. “Just a minute, Rainbow. I’ll have this cleaned up in a jiffy.”
“Don’t rush, Pony Joe, I’ll be here a while. I’m waiting for someone anyway.” A small amount of embarrassment caused blood to rise to her face as she looked around at the ponies that were now staring at her. Ever since it had been established that one of the Wonderbolts ate regularly at a small donut shop, flocks of her fans had flooded into the tiny space to talk to her. Nowadays, the place had been turned into a popular hangout spot for ponies of all ages, fans of hers or not. After her table had been prepared, she sat down in the booth easily and smiled at the ponies who stared at her. It wasn’t a smile of happiness; it was a smile that begged to be left alone. Getting the message, the rest of the ponies in the store turned back to each other and the air buzzed with the restarted conversations.
“What’re you havin’ tonight, Rainbow? The usual?” Pony Joe took out a small notebook as he looked at her expectantly.
“You got it. Two chocolate donuts with a cider-mixed hot cocoa.” She smiled in anticipation of her food and drink.
“All right, two choco do’s and a cider cocoa. I’ll have those out here for you in a bit. And,” he leaned in closer to her, “if any of these ponies give you trouble, call for me. I’ll get them out of here quick.”
“Thanks, but I think they know to leave me alone tonight.” She smiled the same smile at him, urging him to do the same. As the stallion walked back into the kitchen, she was left alone with her thoughts to occupy her time. She pulled down the zipper that held her hoof in the blue-and-yellow suit she wore and studied the bracelet that she always wore under the blue cloth. It was a simple thing, with a few small gemstones here and there set into its silver surface. Remember her, for all of Eternity. Rarity. Her eyes traced along the graceful letters that wound around another like threads in one of the white unicorn’s dresses.
The arrival of food pulled her out of the folds of memory and set her down in the present, where she bit into one of the donuts and washed the sweet pastry down with a swig of warm cider-laced chocolate. She smiled up at Pony Joe, who was standing there expectantly. “Good as always, Joe.”
“Thank you kindly, Miss Rainbow. Now, I have to go see to some… er… business in the kitchen.” Turning around, Pony Joe stalked off, muttering about the “stupid bus boys can’t even wash the dishes right.”
Smiling to herself, she turned back to her food and took a large bite from the donut that she had already attacked. “Rainbow Dash?” The slightly scratchy voice caused her to nearly choke on the cider that she had just sipped from her tankard. A clawed hand smacked into her back, aiding in her confusion and succeeding in only making her choke harder. After her coughing had subsided, she turned to see a dragon smiling embarrassedly at her. “Sorry about that.”
“Hey there, Spike.” The purple-and-green dragon, now only a few inches shy of being taller than her, sat down in the booth across from her and tapped his claws against the table uncertainly. Using the silence to her advantage, she snagged another bit of food and drink as well as zipping her suit closed around the bracelet. After a few moments, the silence irked her enough to speak again. “So, how’s it going with you?”
As soon as the dragon opened his mouth to speak, Pony Joe practically galloped over to their table and stopped just short of smashing into them. “Is that Twilight Sparkle’s assistant in my place?” Taking out a slightly larger notebook for his bigger orders, the stallion stood at the ready. “What’ll you be having tonight, Spike?”
The dragon, taken aback by the abrupt eagerness of the store’s owner, backed away slightly before answering. “I-I’ll just have a donut. Okay two.” He added after Pony Joe deflated slightly.
“All right, two donuts comin’ right up.” The orange stallion walked away, still a little disheartened at such a small order from the dragon that usually at most of his storeroom’s supplies in the form of pastries, not to mention a few of his gemstones that he had meant to give to other mares that he had his eye on.
“So… Spike, you were going to tell me how it’s been for you?” Rainbow leaned in and nudged the dragon with a hoof.
“Oh, yeah. Well, not much has been going on.” The dragon waved a claw as if he were bored with the castle life. “Wake up, help Twilight with organizing notes, talk to some nobles, go to sleep, and then repeat. Thanks Joe, put it on my tab.” Spike had added as the proprietor of the store set the plate of food before him. “Looks good.” Digging into the food with gusto, Spike gestured to her between bites. “What about you?” Crumbs sprayed from his mouth as he spoke. “Sorry.”
Calmly brushing some of the destroyed pastries from her suit’s front, she shrugged. “Not much on my side either. Well, it’s probably more exciting than yours for sure. I can’t but help feel a little sorry for you, having to hang out with that egghead Twilight all the time.” She smiled and nudged him with a hoof again, emphasizing the fact that she was joking. “But seriously, I’m just flying around with the Wonderbolts and performing all the time.”
“You make it sound so boring.”
She shrugged again, blowing a small lock of hair out of her face. “I guess I just got used to it. It’s cool and all, but sometimes I just want to go back to being a pony with that nearly impossible dream. Now that I’m here, I just feel… empty.” She shook her head and sipped at her cider, which had gratefully been spared from the showers of crumbs.
“I guess I can relate… a little. At least, the being empty part.” Instantly, the cheerful mood that they had established took a turn for the darker, the lights and even the din of conversation slightly away into the darkness that had suddenly surrounded the two friends. After a few moments of awkward shifting, Spike spoke again. “I’m sorry, Dash. I just miss her.”
“I know. I do too.” They sat in silence, staring at their food that had suddenly lost its sweet taste. “I think you miss her more though.” She rubbed at a spot on her cheek were the faint scar of a claw’s cut remained. “I’m pretty sure you miss her more.”
Grimacing at the ugly mark, Spike sighed. “I’m still sorry about that, Dash.”
“Don’t be. I deserved it.” She hung her head. “I still do.” Another silence, longer than the one that preceded it, stretched with the air of a rubber band being pulled too far. It quivered as they both revisited the day Spike had come back to Ponyville. “I’m sorry, Spike. If only you could know exactly how much.”
A claw brushed up against the scar, gently tracing along its length. “I still shouldn’t have hurt you.”
“I know why you did it, Spike. You lost the pony you love. That is a perfect reason for hurting somepony. To be honest, I’m surprised you didn’t kill me, you were that angry.”
“I don’t know why I didn’t either.” The claw pulled away and tapped against the table slowly, as if its owner was enveloped in thought. “I have a hunch though. I think it’s because even though I hated you, I knew that Rarity wouldn’t want me to hurt you.” A small tear fell onto the tabletop next to the claw. “But I did anyway.”
A cyan hoof brushed across the scaly face that wore an expression of regret. “Don’t cry, Spike.”
A claw caught her hoof and gripped it tightly, bordering on the point of pain. “You know, I still hate you a little for it. I try and try to forgive you but I can’t.” He released her and covered his eyes with his claws. “I just can’t.”
“I understand.” Rainbow felt compelled to reach for him again, but given his reaction she held herself back.
“No, you don’t.” He moaned into his claws and looked up at her with tear-filled eyes. “Do you want to know why I was mad? Why I still can’t forgive you?” She remained silent as he rubbed away his tears and took a deep breath. “It’s because I never got to know if she loved me or not. I never got to tell her that I loved her.” He descended into silent sobs and, not knowing how to act, Rainbow patted one of his arms with a hoof. “And now I’ll never know.” In the quiet that followed, the rest of the shop’s patrons were shepherded out by Pony Joe, who then placed two mugs of cocoa on the table without a word.
Rainbow stared at the mug for a few moments before speaking. “Hey, Spike?”
“Yeah?” The dragon grasped the hot drink and took a long sip.
The cyan pegasus mimicked his action. “Don’t worry about her loving you or not.”
The hot cocoa spilt onto the tabletop as the mug was slammed down against it. “Why shouldn’t I?”
“Because I know she loved you too. She always did.”
“Really? Are you sure?”
Wrapping her hooves around the dragon, she finally allowed for her tears to flow free. “Yeah, I’m sure.” Pulling away, she gestured to the mugs that sat on the table. “Let’s not let the free drinks go to waste.” Grabbing the tankard, she held it up in the air and clanked it against Spike’s.
Their voices, one female and the other male, spoke as one. “To Rarity.”
