My Little Millie and Moxxie

by Eskerata

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Adventure, Crossover, Applejack, Apple Bloom, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4549

Two Imps from Hell seek child-rearing advice from Applejack. A monster stalks the visitors, however, and it just might ruin their planned parenthood.

Millie and Moxxie are top-rated killers in their world. They don't know much about what it takes to be parents, though. Since Applejack's family has seen plenty of rough patches, maybe they can give the Imps the advice they need.
But first they have to defeat the Timber Wolf that wants them dead.

This is the third Helluva Boss/MLP story I have done that's ended up in the featured box 3/9-3/10!
Thanks for all the support, folks!

Published 2022-03-10 00:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-03-10 00:30:00 UTC

You Know That I Can't Love You More

Millie’s yellow reptilian eyes gleamed as she scarfed down another one of Applejack’s apples. “Ooh, sweet Satan, that’s good eatin’!”

The pony tipped her hat at the compliment. “Mighty nice of you to say so, Millie. The Apple family’s had a decades-long rep for farmin’ the best apples in Equestria.”

The red-skinned Imp wiped a trickle of apple juice from her chin. “My boss Blitzo told us about this place. His buddy Pinkie Pie baked him an apple pie that got the fillin’ from this farm. Once I and my hubby ate a slice, we just had to come here!”

“Twilight told us that some folks from out of town would pay us a visit.” said Applejack.

“Out of town’s a sweet way of puttin’ it,” replied Millie with a giggling snort. “We come from another reality, if that ain’t too obvious.”

Applejack grinned. “I guess that was gonna happen sooner or later. Equestria’s had all kinds of creatures near and far come to Ponyville these last few years. Rarity told me that some owl-like feller with four red eyes popped up in her shop.”

“Oh, that’s Blitzo’s main squeeze, Stolas.” Millie looked around. “Speakin’ of squeezes, where’s Moxxie?”

“Applebloom’s givin’ your man a tour of the farm. Somethin’ tells me that my apples are not the only reason why you two are here.”

Millie gestured towards the barn. “I was raised on a farm, too! I wanted to see how similar my old home and this place are.”

Applejack raised a brow. “You’re not just playin’ tourist, though.”

The Imp rubbed an elbow as she shyly smiled. “Yeahhh, I’m doin’ a little research, too. Pinkie told my boss about what your family’s history.”

Applejack nodded. “Life in this world ain’t always singin’ and smilin’. My family’s gone through the wringer more than a few times. What’s this research for?”

Millie put her hands behind her back and dragged her right hoof. “Well, me and my babe are thinkin’ about startin’ a family of our own. If you don’t mind, I wanted to get the low down on how you folks got as far as you have.”

Applebloom and Moxxie were surrounded by apple trees. Cicadas buzzed as the Imp breathed in the clean air. It took a while to get used to the absence of stinking brimstone and truck fumes. The strap to his guitar dug into his neck. Wiping the sweat from his brow, he adjusted the strap.

The filly sped up her trot. “We’re almost there, Moxxie. You’ll get a kick out of our pear and apple tree site.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt it. This farm’s a lot nicer than the last one I went to. Fewer monsters, for one thing.”

“We’re near the Everfree forest, which has nasty critters in it, but we ain’t had too many intruders lately.”

When they pushed away some thick bushes, Applebloom pointed a hoof at the merged pair of trees and said, “Here we are. Ain’t that family tree a sight?”

“Oh, my!” He walked around the unusually merged trees. “I don’t believe I’ve ever seen trees shaped into a giant heart.”

Applebloom smiled. “Believe it or not, we didn’t bend one branch of either tree with ropes or nothin’ like that. It’s all natural growth.”

“This is where your parents got married?”

“Yup! They planted a pear seed and an apple seed side by side the night they got hitched. Nearly a year later, Big Mac joined the family. A little while after that, Applejack and me showed up.”

Moxxie sat on a rock. Looking up at the winding trees, he asked. “Where are your parents? Are they in Ponyville?”

Applebloom’s ears dipped. “Oh, I guess nopony told you. My mom and daddy died when I was two.”

He winced. “Oh dear, I didn’t know! I’m sorry!”

“Aw, It’s okay,” she replied, sitting next to him. “I miss them, but I never knew them as well as my older siblings did.”

“I’ve never known the pleasure of siblings. I’m an only child.” Moxxie took off his guitar and plunked at a few strings. “I sometimes wish I had a brother to play duets with. My cousins are great, but they have the musical talent of a septic pump.”

Applebloom snickered. “I like your sense of humor. You don’t sound a bit like your wife, though.”

“Well, I’m from a higher income family of writers and actors. Sensitive musical-theatre creative types.”

“I heard you talkin’ to my sister about your boss. What do you do for a livin’?”

Moxxie’s fingers stopped. Don’t tell her the truth, urged his conscience. Don’t tell this innocent pony that you and your coworkers kill terrible people. She’ll never trust you if you do.

“Uh . . . pest control. The company I work for kills rats and other vermin.”

Applebloom tilted her head as she studied the Imp. “That’s gotta be rough work. I can see why you two came to Ponyville for some rest.”

“Well, Millie’s probably asking your sister some questions about child-rearing. My wife and I have been trying to conceive for a while now.”

Her eyes lit up as she cheered, “Heyy! That’s great! When your child’s old enough, maybe you can come back for another visit! I have friends my age that’ll be happy to keep the kid company!”

Moxxie couldn’t help but smile. “I wish I could find this kind of easy kindness where I live.”

“It’s how I was raised, Moxxie. But I gotta tell you, though, that not everypony gets an even break in this world. My momma had to leave her Pear family behind to start her new life with my Apple Family. Her father hated her for that for years.”

“Even after she died?”

She snorted. “Grand Pear never even came to the funeral. Least that’s what Granny Smith says. It wasn’t till a few years ago that he returned to Ponyville and admitted he was wrong about his daughter.”

____________________________________________________________________________________

Applejack opened one of her family albums and pointed out a picture to Millie. “That’s Pear Butter and Bright Mac about a minute after the weddin’. Best parents I ever knew.”

Millie’s eyes widened. “Oh, they look adorable! She’s puttin’ on the same kind of brave face I had when I got hitched to Moxxie. Marriage is scary in any world, I guess.”

“Her daddy never approvin’ of the weddin’ didn’t help things, either. Grand Pear came to his senses eventually, though.”

“People sometimes change for the better if they put their minds to it,” observed Millie. “It took a while, but my folks eventually came to like my hubby.”

“My parents loved each other more any other couple I knew at the time. I inherited my daddy’s honest nature and my mom’s kindness.” Turning a page in the photo album, Applejack said, “Havin’ kids will teach you a lot about yourself. They’ll reflect every part of you that’s good and, well, not so good.”

“You have my attention,” Millie stated. “What are some of the traits you got from your kin that you ain’t too proud of? If you don’t mind my askin’.”

Applejack shrugged. “Well, my stubbornness, which drives my brother crazy, is somethin’ I got from dad. My mom would shout at other ponies when she got scared about her life. There was a time when the farm was in deep debt. The stress of runnin’ this place with little money, two fillies and a colt runnin’ around made her yell at us a lot back then. I’m like that sometimes.”

“Huh. I hadn’t thought of that,” pondered Millie as she rubbed her chin. “I’d better be careful around my kid, I guess.”

Applejack laughed quietly. “It ain’t all bad, Millie. Thing is, when your children show off the faults they pick up from you, it’ll make you change for the better.”

“I bet you had to grow up real fast after your folks passed away. Did Big Mac help?”

Turning another album page, she replied, “Yup! If it weren’t for him and Granny Smith’s support, I would have gone bananas a long time ago. Parentin’ is the hardest job in the world. It never stops and you never have enough time to do everythin’.”

“Good thing I like a good challenge, then. I was raised to be strong.”

“You’re definitely more assertive and outgoin’ than your husband, if you don’t mind my sayin’.”

Millie winked at Applejack. “Ooh, he may act like a timid wallflower, but he can fight just as hard as I can when he has to.”

“He’s tough when he has to be, huh? I can relate. Some of the enemies I and my friends have to fight can mess anycreature up bad if they wimp out. Bugbears, Timber Wolves, those kinda monsters.”

Millie reached into her pants pocket and pulled out a thin black box. “Moxxie can take anything life throws at him. But I bet he’ll be knocked for a loop with this anniversary present I just got.”

Applejack couldn’t help but grin when she saw what Millie pulled out of the box.

“Hey, Millie? I got an idea. How’s about you and your husband have dinner with us? If you like, you can show him that gift. I’d love to see his reaction.”

The Imp giggled. “I like your thinkin’!”

Moxxie was almost done tuning his guitar when he asked, “How hard was it for your family to stick together after your parents died?”

“Parentin’ ain’t easy on the best of days no matter who’s in charge,” said Applebloom. “I still hear my sister cry in her bedroom some nights.”

The Imp sighed and took his hands off the guitar. “At least you had good parents. One of my coworkers told me that her relatives just dumped her at an orphanage when she was five. To them , Loona was just a waste of their time.”

Applebloom frowned. “Oh, that’s awful!”

“Tell me about it. Stories like that make me wonder if I’m really cut out to be a dad.”

She patted his leg with a hoof. “If you’re worried about screwin’ up, don’t worry.” She smirked as she said, “Because you’re gonna blow it a hundred times in the first year of bein’ a daddy.”

“Uh, is that supposed to comfort me?” He asked, trying not to frown. “Because it’s not.”

Holding a hoof to her mouth, she blushed. “Oops! I ain’t tryin’ to depress you, Moxxie. I’m just sayin’ what Applejack told me years ago.”

“It’s okay. I’ve just have a lot on my mind.” He reached into his coat and pulled out a small white square box. “Our anniversary is coming up soon. I got her this present and I hope she likes it.”

When Moxxie lifted the box lid, Applebloom peeked inside. “Aww, she’ll love it!”

“Millie loves everything I give her. I’m the luckiest Imp in Hell for getting the toughest lady I know to fall for a softie like me.”

Applebloom snickered. “You should see the weirdo Fluttershy married, I . . .” She sniffed the air before her nose wrinkled. “Peeyoo! What is that stink?”

Moxxie’s hidden nostrils flared as he caught a whiff of what smelled like burning sewage. “I don’t recall eating chili, so it’s not me.”

In a nearby cluster of trees, a few limbs snapped and thudded against the ground. A deep growl rumbled in the dark woods.

“No!” whimpered Applebloom. “Why are they back after so long?”

Moxxie squinted as he saw twin green lights. “What is that?”

A wooden paw poked from the bushes. The growling got louder.

Applebloom backed away from the sight, never averting her wide-eyed gaze. “It’s a Timber Wolf!”

A four legged creature formed from tree limbs and vines jumped from the bushes. It was seven feet tall and three feet wide. Dark brown branches curved and bent around the entire body, forming muscle groups. Large green eyes glowed as it sniffed at the air.

“And I think it smells me,” surmised Moxxie. His pupils contracted. “Oh, crap, it smells me!”

She shivered as she added, “It smells me, too! Let’s just back away real slowly and . . .”

With a roar, the beast leapt toward the filly.

Screaming, Applebloom dropped flat on the ground, her hooves over her eyes.

“Get up, kid!” yelled Moxxie.

Shivering even harder, she got up and saw that the Imp was standing between her and the monster. He was holding the guitar by the neck with both hands, swinging it like a club.

“Applebloom! Get Millie! She can fight better than I can!”

When Moxxie heard the filly’s hoofbeats fade, he swung the guitar, smashing it into the Timber Wolf’s head.

In an explosion of acoustic-forming wood, Moxxie was left with just the guitar neck and dangling strings. The wolf shook off the blow and crept closer to its prey.

“Oh. Crumbs.”

Applejack and Millie sat on a bale of hay near the barn. Applejack scratched her head as she asked, “There’s a few things about your world that confuse me. Why do pigs have armor plating in your reality?”

“I dunno. Why don’t they have it in yours?” Millie turned to a distant cry. “Hey, isn’t that Applebloom?”

Applejack hopped off the bale and trotted towards her sister. “Yeah. She don’t run that fast unless there’s trouble.”

Applebloom was gasping and sweating as she stopped next to them. “Sis! Millie! You gotta come quick!”

Millie ran over to the filly as she asked, “Where’s Moxxie?”

“He’s fightin’ a Timber Wolf at the family tree!”

Applejack pointed at her sister. “Get in the house and lock the door! Don’t even let Granny Smith out until I give the all-clear!” She ran towards the woods, crying, “Follow me, Millie!”

As they ran, Applejack looked behind her and shouted, “I’m faster! Get on my back!”

As Millie hopped on and wrapped her arms around the pony’s neck, she said, “This world has Timber Wolves, too? Big furry lupines?”

“Afraid not,” replied Applejack. “These guys are powered by some kinda chaos magic. They look like animal-shaped wooden sculptures, but they’re as dangerous as a bear!”

“Moxxie can handle enemies bigger than him,” she boasted.

“Maybe so, but he brought just a guitar with him, right? That ain’t gonna help.”

As they got close to the woods, they heard animal whimpering, branches snapping and Moxxie screaming, “Die, you stupid thing, die!”

“Everybody underestimates Imps, Honey,” remarked Millie. “Get me to that fight and you’ll learn a lot about my kind.”

When the two pushed through the foliage into the family tree’s clearing, they saw that Moxxie was riding the Timber Wolf like a bronco. He had wrapped a guitar string around the Wolves’s throat and was pulling it as hard as he could.

While the beast thrashed and scratched at the wire, Millie hopped off the pony’s back. “Babe! Keep that bastard distracted! I’ll frag its ass!”

“Millie! Watch it!” He cried as he pulled the wire tighter. “I don’t think this thing even breathes!”

Millie whipped out a butterfly knife. With a few wrist flicks, the sharp blade clicked into position. “I’m gonna see if it’s got a heart I can tear out!”

Applejack hurried to catch up to the Imp. “That ain’t gonna work! You have to . . . “

The Timber Wolf swung a paw out in a blind panic and hit Millie in the ribs. She screeched as she flew into a nearby bush.

Moxxie gasped as he saw her struggle to get up. Scowling at the creature, he snarled, “Okay, now I’m pissed!” Letting go of the wire, he scrambled up the neck and shoved his fingers into the Timber Wolves’s eyes.

The creature yowled in agony as it swung its head around, desperate to shake him off. Moxxie opened his mouth wide and sunk his sharp teeth into the Timber Wolves’ left ear. When the ear snapped off, he suddenly found himself flying upwards with a chunk of wood stuffing his mouth.

His body turned in mid-air. He saw that he was hurdling towards the family tree. Moxxie wondered, for a few seconds, if it would hurt if he died from crashing into the branches.

Then a light brown blur sent him away from the trees. Applejack caught him from her right side. When she landed, Moxxie slipped off her back and spit out the ear.

“As I was sayin’,” said Applejack, “You gotta separate the head to kill this beast. After that, you break apart the head. Otherwise, it’ll just pull itself together for another fight.”

Moxxie stared at the pony. “Sheesh, not even demons are this hard to kill!”

“Believe me, these things have caused a lot more damage than you know. I’ll keep this critter busy. Go get your wife.”

He nodded and ran towards the bush where Millie fell. He saw her arms waving around as she struggled to get upright.

“Oh, my dearest!” he cried as he grabbed her right hand. As he pulled her out of the foliage, he asked, “Are you all right, Millie?”

Pulling a twig from her black hair, she replied, “Yeah, I’m fine, babe. I’m just itchin’ to stab this monster like a marshmallow.”

“It’s not that simple, darling,” he said. “Applejack said that the head’s got to be severed and then destroyed.”

Grinning a gap-toothed grin, Millie chuckled. “And I thought we’d get bored in this reality. That weird tree sculpture gives me an idea.”

Applejack was having a hard time keeping the Timber Wolf away from the Imps, even though it was blind. The beast kept sniffing the air when it got near them. What held its interest? For the first time in her life, she wished these creatures could talk.

Moxxie ran up behind Applejack. “Millie’s got a plan to stop this thing, but I need your help. You might not like what she’s got planned, though.”

“Well, spit it out! Timber Wolf eyes regenerate in a few minutes, so make it quick!”

“We need to lure it towards the family tree. If we can get the head wedged in the gap, it’ll get stuck in place so we can kill it.”

Applejack glowered at the Imp. “Are you kidding me?”

“Look, I didn’t bring my sniper rifle and Millie forgot to bring her axe! Her knife is going to have to do!”

Shaking her head, she grudgingly replied, “Fine! If this doesn’t work, we’ll have to run back to the farm.”

“Great! Millie’s on the other side of the tree. While I ride you on the way over there, I’ll lure it.”

Applejack bent down to let him on. “Lure with what?”

Waving a chunk of wood in his hand, he replied, “That thing wants its ear back, right?”

As Applejack ran towards Millie, the Imp shouted, “Yoo-hoo! Baggy-eyes! You want to hear in stereo again? Come grab this!”

Pawing the earth, struggling with its painful wounds, the Timber Wolf turned towards the hoof beats and the noise. Stumbling from the blindness, it struggled to follow Moxxie’s taunts. And his enticing scent.

“That’s it, gruesome!” Moxxie cried.

The Wolf picked up speed. A faint shimmer of green light formed in its eye sockets. Encouraged by its blurry eye sight, it kept up the chase.

Millie licked her lips, ignoring her aching ribs. The knife had a comforting heft in her hand, as it should. After all, she lost count as to how many human throats were cut with it.

It didn’t matter how much blood the Imp had spilled, as long as her new friend never knew about any of it. Applejack was a smart pony and knew what pain was, but she would never understand why Millie and her husband killed evil people.

The Timber Wolf ran even faster as its vision got just a bit clearer. The two smells, one more interesting than the other, were only a few feet ahead.

Millie hollered, “Come on, you big galoot! Come get your din-dins!”

Moxxie hopped off of Applejack and stood next to Millie. He grinned with thin slitted eyes. “Come to Daddy,” he growled.

The beast wondered what were the thick blurs around its head were when it slammed into hard wood. Stunned by the sudden jarring impact, it soon realized that its head was stuck between two trees.

Applejack’s ears flattened when she heard both Imps screech as they charged at the helpless wolf. Millie frantically chopped at the left side of the creature’s neck while Moxxie chewed through the right side.

It took a moment, but Applejack recalled what this gruesome sight reminded her of. When she was a filly, Her father took her to a circus. The lion pen caught her attention when an employee tossed in a few thick steaks. Bright Mac lifted her up onto his shoulders so she could see two lions ripping into the raw meat with thick claws and large sharp teeth. With a minimum of effort, the two huge felines, both apex predators, had devoured their meal in less than a minute.

These two Imps were considerably smaller than lions, but no less savage. She recalled what Millie said about her husband rising to handle trouble when he had to. Splinters had dug into his sharp claws as he shredded one wood tendon after another. Moxxie spit out mouthfuls of wood as he frantically gnawed further and further into his whimpering prey.

Millie was chopping through her half like a living chainsaw. Was she giggling? Her yellow eyes gleamed as she reveled in the slaughter. Scraps of wood flew into her hair, but she didn’t seem to notice.

In less than a minute, the head had popped off. “Hah!” yelled Moxxie triumphantly. “Laugh that off, Scooby!”

Millie picked up the head, watching the eye lights die with eager delight. “That’s for nearly breakin’ my ribs, you creep!”

“Uh, guys?” said Applejack. “Don’t forget what you gotta do now.”

Millie tossed the head near the pony. “Hey, we’ve had our fun!” she said brightly. “You sure you don’t wanna do the honors?”

Applejack looked down at the head. She had always loved animals, so the eerie semblance to a lupine’s head almost made her feel sorry for this creature.

And then she remembered what two Timber Wolves did to her family.

Millie and Moxxie held hands as Applejack smashed the head into tiny fragments. “Nothin’ like killin’ an enemy to get the blood flowin’,” chirped Millie. “Right, Applejack?”

Kicking the wood pieces in all directions, Applejack replied, “Mom and Dad are gone because of these fu . . . monsters. I don’t understand why they came back after so long.”

Moxxie looked away as he picked splinters out of his teeth. “I think they smelled me. Millie caught that thing’s interest, too. I’m sorry, Applejack. If I had known that would happen, I would have never . . .”

Applejack held up a hoof. “Shh! You don’t have to apologize for nothin’. Ain’t no way you could have known this would happen.” She sniffed, a tear pillowed in one eye as she recalled the worst day of her life.

Millie sat next to her and patted a shoulder. “It’s been a rough day. Let’s get out of here, okay? Applebloom’s probably worried sick about you.”

As they walked away from the family tree, Applejack replied, “She’s worried about all of us. She has a good heart. So do both of you.”

Millie grinned. “Thank you kindly!”

“I am a little curious about somethin’, though.”

“What’s that?” asked Moxxie.

Applejack looked at him with a raised brow. “You mentioned your sniper rifle and Millie’s axe. I have never seen your kind of skilled fightin’ outside of an action movie. What kind of jobs do you folks have?”

Moxxie swallowed. Millie studied the sky as if a house was falling from it.

After fiddling with his coat, the Imp sighed and admitted, “We kill evil people, Applejack. Serial killers, dictators, that sort of thing.”

Applejack stopped in her tracks. Staring at the ground, she took a deep breath and let it go. “That’s more honesty than I was ready for, but I can’t say I’m surprised.”

Millie tapped her fingertips together as she bit her lower lip. “I . . . hope you don’t think poorly about us now. You gotta understand, Imps come from Hell. Justice only comes out of a barrel of a gun over there.”

“And you still want to have children?” asked the pony.

“More than anything,” replied Moxxie. “Love is hard to find in that harsh realm, but Millie and I will show whatever children we have all the love and care we can muster.”

Applejack nodded. “Millie was right about you. She said you knew how to fight when you needed to. You guys work great together. I’m sure you’ll be terrific parents. There are two things I want you guys to promise me, however.”

“What?” asked Millie.

“Don’t bring trouble to my family or this world. Also, don’t tell Applebloom what you do. She’s way too young to understand.”

Moxxie said, “I told her I work in pest control.”

Millie snickered as she covered her mouth. “Pfft!”

Applejack shrugged. “Yeah, that’ll work. Let’s go home. We all need patching up before dinner.”

After they removed all the splinters and bandaged up their wounds, the Imps and the Apple family sat down for dinner. Granny Smith gave Moxxie the recipes of all the food they devoured at his request. Millie held Applebloom in thrall as she described how they defeated the Timber Wolf.

After dessert was eaten and the overall mood of the day was relaxed in spite of the stinging wounds, Moxxie stood up at the table. “Folks? This has been a great day for myself and my wife.” Pointing at a bandage on his face, he added, “Injuries not withstanding.”

Everyone chuckled. He continued, “I wanted to find just the right moment to give my Millie my wedding anniversary present.” He pulled out the white box and pulled off the top. He walked over to where Millie was sitting and held up a bracelet lined with apple shaped red gems. “You know that I can’t love you more,” he said as he clipped the jewelry around her right wrist.

Applebloom blew her nose into her napkin. “Aww!”

Granny Smith said, “I recall Bright Mac sayin’ somethin’ similar to Pear Butter!”

“Several times, too,” added Big Mac.

Sneaking a glance at Applejack, who winked back at her, Millie pulled out a black box. “I love it, baby. You are going to be wild about my present, I bet.”

He opened the box. And blinked. He pulled out a six inch piece of white plastic, staring at it intently. Then he began to breath heavily as his hands shivered.

Applebloom nudged her sister. “I don’t get it. Did she give him a pen or somethin’?”

Tears streamed from his eyes as they hugged.

Applejack answered, “That’s a pregnancy test, sis.”

Moxxie sobbed with joy. “Two lines! You’ve got two lines!”

“Happy anniversary,” Millie said as she smooched him on the forehead. “Daddy.”

Author's Note

Nine months later....