Our bloody cunt motherfucking epic tale begins with you appearing in the Everfree Forest inside a huge bloody cunting motherfucking tank. This tank was a lumbering monstrosity of technological terror. It was a modified version of a German Landkreuzer P. 1000 Ratte. This giant tank was extra thick and fat. Its two main guns were at least 50 feet long. These guns were loaded up with shells the size of a Tiger Tank. Behind the main guns it had four anti-aircraft guns. Your tank had numerous windows, despite the fact they were a structural weakness. Sticking out of each window were MG42 Machine Guns standing at the ready to shoot and kill everything in sight.
You called this tank ‘The Edgelord Tank’.
Your super awesome tank was powered by nanomachines and magic. It had the ability to give you hand jobs if needed. And it also had an ice cream machine. You were deep into the bowels of the tank. You are able to operate this giant technological abomination using something that looked like a grey Game Boy from the 90s. You, the human, lay on a pink love heart shaped bed. The master controls were in your hands. The walls of your bedroom were painted black, and you had numerous pictures of My Chemical Romance, Teletubbies, Mel Gibson in his mighty Brave Heart Form, and Justin Bieber to show how much of an edgelord you were.
A huge amount of trees had been crushed upon your arrival in Equestria. Your Edgelord Tank was primed and ready to do more edgy stuff for no raisin.
You stood at a crossroads. Get out of the tank and make friends with the adorable pastel ponies? Or go on a senseless rampage for no raisin?
You decided to go on a senseless rampage inside your Edgelord Tank because you were a fucking retarded edgelord. You were dressed in all black like an emo retard. You wanted to kill all the gay faggot ponies, and whatever. Humans are superior. Ponies are inferior.
So, with that, you drove forward, knocking down trees in your wake, and grinding them into a fine sawdust from the great and terrible weight of your monster tank. You are the most awesome human ever. The puny animals of the forest fled in terror at the sight of your giant war machine.
In the distance you could see Ponyville. You laughed maniacally. “Muahahahahaha... Muahahahahahaha... Muahahahahahaha!”
However, your laughter came to an abrupt stop, and you growled angrily when a particular eyesore caught your eye. It was the fucking gay Castle of Friendship. With a press of a button you unleashed two deadly shells upon the Castle, blowing it into smithereens.
“Fucking gay faggot castle!” you shouted.
Just then, Rainbow Dash came into your bedroom. The mare looked at you with bedroom eyes. “Hey there, dude! Welcome to Equestria.”
You smiled at Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash was the only pony you did not consider to be a gay faggot. “Hello there, Rainbow. I want to cum inside you!”
Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and took flight. The mare dived on top of you and took you into a deep, passionate kiss. Then, for some reason, you felt a strange stinging pain in your head. Rainbow Dash vanished from sight, and was replaced by Princess Twilight Sparkle standing next to your bed with her two front forelegs raised high in the air, while she stood on her back hind legs like a human. And for some reason, you felt soaking wet as you lay butt naked in bed.
“The power of Celestia's ass compels you!” she shouted, her horn glowing with a deep pink glow. Out of thin air, a bucketful of water came to fall over your chest.
“Ahhhh! Stop it, Twilight!” you protested.
She simply ignored you, and shouted again, ‘The power of Celestia's ass compels you!’ followed by blasting you with a heavy load of water.
“Twilight! Stop! I feel okay now!”
The mare dropped down onto her four hooves with a loud clop. “Are you cured of your edgelorditis?”
“Yes, Twilight. I'm no longer a retarded edgelord. Thanks again for curing me from this madness.”
Twilight leaned forward to leave a soft kiss on your cheek. This came accompanied by a wet smooching sound. You sighed happily from the feeling of her soft, slightly fuzzy lips against your cheek. The mare soon pulled back to reveal a pink blush was now upon her cheeks. “You’re welcome, my friend,” she said softly.
A worried look came upon your face. “I hope I didn’t cause too much damage.”
Twilight smiled sheepishly. “Well, you took a shit in the Carousel Boutique, and you threw your faeces at Rarity.”
You gasped in shock. “Oh, God! Really? Did I also drive around in a massive tank?”
“No, you suffered some delirium when Rarity kicked your head in for throwing your shit at her. She ended up killing you.”
“Understandable. I assume you were the one to bring me back to life?”
“No. That was Rarity. She realised you were suffering from edgelorditis.”
You sighed deeply. “I need to say sorry to her. I would never throw my shit at Rarity.”
Just then, Rarity came into the room. “No need to apologise, darling. You weren’t yourself.”
The beautiful mare Rarity came to sit down on your lap. The soft, spongy feeling of her two front hooves came to rest upon your shoulders; while her back hind legs came to rest on top of your legs. And most importantly, her plump backside came to rest directly on your crotch. Immediately, you found yourself sprouting an erection. Your massive cock rose up to be sandwiched between the plump cheeks of her ass. The warmth and softness of her fur against your wet skin felt absolutely marvellous. The mare looked at you with a most sexfully look in her eyes.
Cheekily, you raised your hands up and placed them on Rarity’s asscheeks. Subsequently, your hands sank into the plush bubbly softness of her ass like that of soft pizza dough.
“Milady, I am so sorry for being a retarded edgelord.”
“I forgive you, darling. I am sorry too for murdering you earlier.”
“That’s okay Rarity. No harm done.”
Twilight coughed, a hoof coming to her mouth. “I forgot to mention. You also threw your shit at me.”
You lowered your head in shame. “How many other ponies did I throw my shit at?”
Twilight gave you a sheepish smile. “Well… a lot of ponies.”
“Well, shit,” you turned to Rarity. “Can this sex wait for a bit? I need to say sorry to some ponies.”
Rarity simply nodded in understanding. You were in no mood for sexy time with ponies. You needed to do an apology tour.
