No Filter

by ReedHoarse

Rating: teen
Tags: Vignette Valencia, Juniper Montage, Comedy, Romance, Equestria Girls, Slice of Life, Wallflower Blush
Length: 14434

Wallflower struggles with conversation at the best of times. But when she meets the worst person in the world, Vignette Valencia, she finds her easier to talk to than anyone else.

Vignette Valencia is the worst person Wallflower Blush has ever met. She's vain, petty, materialistic. She's the kind of person that shouldn't exist outside of horror stories about social media influencers.

She's also easier to talk to than anyone else.

Struggling with conversation at the best of times, Wallflower finds Vignette's existence so baffling that it's impossible for her to be uncomfortable around her.

Winner of a committee prize in the 2022 Crackship Contest.

Huge thanks to VoxArachne for editing and prereading.

Published 2022-03-17 19:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-03-17 19:40:00 UTC

Felt Cute, Might Delete Later

“It was an accident,” said Wallflower.

“A #prankgonewrong,” said Vignette.

Neither Rarity nor Sunset’s expressions shifted. Rarity held up her phone and played the video queued up on it.

Smash

Wee-oo wee-oo wee-oo

Scream

Wallflower and Vignette stared at the screen.

“Like we said,” said Wallflower.

“Totally an accident,” said Vignette.

Rarity replayed the video.

Smash

Wee-oo wee-oo wee-oo

Scream

“I fail to see how this could have been an accident,” said Sunset.

Wallflower and Vignette exchanged a look.

“Well, I mean,” said Wallflower.

“I know how it looks,” said Vignette.

“But there were circumstances!”

“Exactly!” Vignette pointed to Wallflower. “Circumstances! There were vibes!”

Rarity grimaced. “Wallflower, darling, she didn’t pressure you into going along with this, did she?”

“Pressure me?” said Wallflower. “No, er, really if anything I pressured her.”

“Yeah but if we’re being fair I pressured you into pressuring me,” said Vignette.

“Yeah, it was sort of a,” she and Vignette pointed between each other, “two way peer-pressure feedback loop.”

Smash

Wee-oo wee-oo wee-oo

Scream

“In our defence,” said Vignette, before pausing and looking to Wallflower. “Wallflower, babes, finish that sentence for me pls.”

“How do you pronounce ‘please’ like that?” Wallflower asked.

“In our defence, Wallflower.”

“Er, in our defence… you guys brought us together!”

“Exactement! Really, if you think about it, this was just the logical conclusion of us meeting.”

“So, in a way it’s sorta, kinda, your fault?”

Some Weeks Ago

Wallflower Blush always arrived at least thirty minutes late to any given social event. This way she could avoid the unspeakable horror of being alone with another person.

On this occasion, she’d made sure to arrive forty-five minutes after the regularly scheduled time, to account for how often Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle turned up late. Even still, the only person she could see through the window at their usual table in the Sweet Snacks Café was Juniper Montage.

Wallflower didn’t break her stride as she walked past. She’d go around the block a few times, wait for the others to show up and-

She froze in place. Juniper had just made eye contact with her. Wallflower held her gaze. After several moments, she turned about stiffly, pretending Juniper hadn’t just watched her walk straight past the door.

“Hey Wallflower,” said Juniper, as Wallflower approached her table.

Wallflower pulled out the chair opposite her, scraping it along the floor.

“Hi Juniper,” she said. She could make this work, she just needed to make small talk until the others arrived. Hold out and wait for backup.

“How’s things?” Juniper asked

“Oh, er, you know. Good.”

“Great.”

In the silence that followed, Wallflower frantically ran back through the last few lines of conversation, trying to figure out where she’d gone wrong.

“Oh! And you?” she added, far too late after the fact for it to sound natural.

“Yeah, good,” said Juniper, either not noticing or being polite about it.

“Good.”

And there the conversation ended, nosediving directly into the ground seconds after take off. No survivors.

Wallflower had known Juniper little over a month. They’d had five of these Saturday Friendship Brunches, always with at least Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle, sometimes with a few of their friends. She’d never had to be alone with Juniper for more than ten minutes.

Her anxieties could handle most of Sunset’s friends. The Rainbooms were great at making her comfortable enough to speak, or in the case of Rainbow Dash, carrying entire conversations without Wallflower having to say a word.

And then there was Juniper Montage. Somehow Wallflower was so awkward that any conversation they attempted was dead on arrival. Wallflower had started actively avoiding her, being sure to leave brunch early to avoid the risk of travelling to their shared bus stop together. Wallflower did feel bad for disliking her. It wasn’t Juniper’s fault Wallflower was so awkward.

Wallflower pretended to study the menu.

“Are you getting anything?”

“Huh?” Wallflower looked up.

“Are you going to get anything? I mean, order anything? From the menu.”

“Oh. Probably. Maybe a tea.”

“Cool.”

Back to the menu. The menu was her barricade. If she was studying the menu, then the silence couldn’t be awkward.

Wallflower’s brain liked to play this hilarious prank on her where it interpreted every social interaction as a life or death situation. With how badly this was going, her instincts were screaming at her with confused instructions to either flee or attack Juniper just to end the awkwardness. Unfortunately stupid dumb social propriety meant she couldn’t just go completely feral and flip the table, eat a menu, or do anything to end this heavy, constricting silence. Instead they had to sit here and pretend like they were friends and didn’t have literally nothing to talk about.

It was a physical thing, the awkwardness, like a weight on her chest. She tried to take deep breaths in a way that wouldn’t be too noticeable. An itchy tingling started in her feet and crept its way up her legs. You’d think being green would mean a blush wouldn’t show up very well on your skin, but in Wallflower’s case she just ripened into a great big anxiety tomato.

“When, er, do you know when Sunset and Twilight are coming?” asked Wallflower, hoping she didn’t sound too desperate.

Juniper cocked her head. “Didn’t you read the group chat?”

Wallflower felt a familiar sense of dread. “N-no?”

“They’re not coming today.”

Somewhere in Wallflower’s mind glass shattered. She screamed and vomited and hurled furniture around the room.

A normal person would call the brunch off at this point, but undoubtedly Juniper would want to sit here making awkward small talk and Wallflower would be too awkward to say anything, and they’d sit here until Wallflower shrivelled up into a-

“But they didn’t want to cancel because there’s a new girl coming today,” continued Juniper, “we’re supposed to make her feel welcome and stuff. She apparently doesn’t really have any friends.”

Relief crashed into her. Two people she didn’t know wasn’t ideal, but it was a million times better than one, especially if that one was Juniper. She said a silent prayer of thanks to this mysterious third girl.

“Y-yeah? Who is she?” she asked.

“I don’t know her name, but she’s another person who, you know,” Juniper rubbed the back of her neck, “abused magic.”

Wallflower nodded. As far as she could tell Friendship Brunch was a kind of support group/punishment for those who’d done a bit of attempted murder on the Rainbooms. It was a nice thing to have, even if sometimes Sunset and her friends tended to treat her more like someone they were responsible for than an actual friend.

She suspected that a lot of why Friendship Brunch existed was the hope that if they put Wallflower and Juniper in the same place for long enough they would become friends. Well, it hadn’t worked in fifth grade when the teacher had forced her to play with another shy kid, and it hadn’t worked now.

Hm. She probably shouldn’t feel like not becoming friends with Juniper was some kind of spiteful victory she’d won over Sunset and her fifth grade teacher.

“Juniper Montage, right?”

Wallflower’s brain lit up with relief at the new voice. The girl that had appeared behind her had that aura about her that people got when they knew their clothes were the most expensive thing in the room. Her stance was confident, and her makeup perfect. Wallflower was going to have a lot of fun hating her.

She felt bad about pre-judging her, but to be fair Wallflower had spent the last few years hating everyone just on principle.

“Vignette Valencia,” the girl said, pronouncing each syllable with precision, “I’m sure you’ve heard of me.”

Juniper had her hand to her mouth, starstruck. “Wow, I actually have. How do you know my name?”

“Rare told me who I was meeting. I looked you up, two and a half thousand followers across two platforms is great, truly fantastique,” Vignette said the word ‘great’ like it was an insult, and ‘fantastic’ with a faux-Prench pronunciation, “but you should be using your movie-based content as a jumping off point for producing something more marketable.”

“Er,” Juniper’s lips moved in a futile attempt to speak before Vignette continued talking.

“Now, your style’s a little… dull but there’s always time to fix that, so let’s focus on your content, ‘kay?”

Wallflower was stunned. She really ought to be annoyed that Vignette was ignoring her, but she was just so brazen about it all Wallflower could do was watch in complete shock. She didn’t even stop to make small talk with Juniper, she’d just launched straight into criticising her.

Juniper managed to recover. “Sorry, I don’t think-”

“Hold that thought. Garçon!” She cut Juniper off with a hand in her face, raised her other arm and clicked her fingers, instantly summoning a waiter on roller skates. “I want your cutest sundae. I want it in a glass cup with no blemishes, on a black tray, and I want a maraschino cherry on top with the stalk still attached. I’ll also need ten strawberry halves, some sprinkles, a glass of water, and a latte. Here is my Snapgab account, note the follower count, tell it to your manager and let them know I won’t be paying. Thank you!”

Wallflower watched, mouth agape. Vignette was the kind of person you heard about but never ended up meeting in real life, and it was fascinating. Wallflower had always thought that the kind of people who would demand to not pay for food based on their Snapgab follower count all existed on the internet in a vacuum, not in the same real world that Wallflower occupied.

She decided that Vignette was the best possible thing that could have happened today.

The waiter gave Wallflower and Juniper a look. Wallflower just shrugged, and pointed to the tea on the menu. Juniper ordered a coffee.

“Now, where was I?” continued Vignette, tapping her chin in an exaggerated fashion. “Oh yes, your HoofTube channel, I’ve done the research and nobody wants to hear actual reviews of movies nowadays, you should just react to other people’s movie reviews. And you should show your face more often, you’ll get hundreds of comments criticising your appearance, and hundreds criticising those critics, all of which will fuel the algorithm, and speaking of faces, your thumbnails-”

“Er, Vignette Valencia?” said Juniper, thoroughly dazed. “Vaguely hurtful remarks about my creative work aside, I don’t know if Sunset told you, but this is supposed to be sort of a, er, a self improvement ex-bad guy friendship support group thing?”

Wallflower preferred to call it Friendship Jail. Only in her own mind of course, which is where most of her speaking took place. She wouldn’t get away with calling it that in front of Sunset or Twilight.

“Of course I know that, June - that’s what I’m calling you now BT-dubs,” she took Juniper’s hand, who gave her a worried smile. “That’s why I’m trying to help you BYBB, you’re a fan of mine, so you know what that means. Say it with me! Be yourself…”

She clicked her fingers and pointed at Juniper.

“…but better?”

“Exactly! You see, I used to only be concerned with making me myself but better, but when the Rainbooms publicly defeated me, their follower count nearly tripled, and do you know what I realised? I realised I can help other people be their better selves, so I’m here to be your friend by giving you actionable advice on your e-celeb endeavours. You’re welcome!”

Just watching Vignette was an education in how to emphasise your points with body language. The only person Wallflower knew who gestured as much while talking was Trixie, who was to Vignette what a chainsaw was to a scalpel.

Juniper just stared at her. “Okay, well, this is Wallflower Blush, she-”

“One moment, June,” Vignette held up a hand to Juniper again as the waiter returned with their orders.

Wallflower was interested in how Juniper had been planning on introducing her there. ‘This is Wallflower, she…’ She what? Likes plants? Says on average fewer than a hundred words a day? Once erased enough years of someone’s life from their memory that it was arguably attempted murder?

When the waiter left, Wallflower cupped her tea and watched as Vignette placed her handbag on the table and set to work. She centred the sundae on the table, poked the cherry so it stood up straight, and set up a light next to it. She produced a few rose petals from a sealed plastic bag and scattered them artfully around the glass together with the strawberry halves and sprinkles, before taking an eyedropper and placing a few tiny drops of water onto the surface of the glass. Only then did she take pictures, first of the sundae itself, then of herself with the sundae.

Wallflower was completely rapt. Vignette didn’t hesitate, make excuses, or even explain what she was doing. She didn’t need to. She just acted with perfect confidence and no one could criticise her.

Was this feeling what people were supposed to get out of performance art? Just the knowledge that someone as absurd as Vignette actually existed was enough to make the world feel like a brighter place.

And she still hadn’t even acknowledged that Wallflower existed, so she could hate her without having to feel bad about it. She hadn’t had someone she could hate guilt-free since Sunset had decided not to be evil anymore, which Wallflower had thought was very inconsiderate of her.

“As I was saying,” continued Vignette, “I really think you have a solid foundation from which I can help you build and monetise your brand. Get to ten thousand followers and we can collab!” The last word was said in a sing-song voice.

Juniper shook her head. “Er. Okay, but thi- Sorry, ten thousand followers?”

Juniper’s eyes lit up. She sat straighter than before, drawn in by Vignette.

“Of course, June! I think, no, I’m certain we’ll get you there in no time at all!”

“Wow, you really think…” Juniper trailed off as she caught Wallflower’s eye. “No, sorry, this is Wallflower Blush, Wallflower, this is Vignette Valencia, you might have heard of her.”

“I don’t think I have,” Wallflower croaked.

Vignette spared her a nod. “Great to meet you.”

She’d already turned back to Juniper when Wallflower said, “You too.”

Juniper gave Wallflower an apologetic look. Wallflower raised her eyebrows and shrugged. She pulled her legs up onto her chair and cradled her tea in her hands close to her chest.

She had to wonder what would happen if she and Vignette were here by themselves. Would Vignette continue ignoring her? She didn’t seem like she did small talk. Maybe she’d actually just leave.

Interestingly Wallflower found that the idea of being alone with Vignette didn’t give her any anxiety at all. Apparently her brain found her too far removed from anything resembling a real human to reckon her into her social phobias.

“So, Vignette,” Juniper tried, “why don’t you tell us what happened with you and Sunset’s friends? If you’re comfortable with sharing, that is?”

“June! I thought you were a fan of mine!” Vignette put a hand to her chest in mock hurt. The movement was so sharp, wrist at an angle, fingers splayed. “You can read all about it in my blog post ‘My Experience With Magic And How I’m Working On Myself #selfimprovement #BYBB’ or watch my video about it, it’s the one with the no caps title ‘i’m sorry’, don’t confuse it with the one called ‘my apology’, and don’t watch the one titled ‘i messed up’, I no longer regret what I did to her. While the blog is more in-depth, I think the video is powerful stuff, not many people can look good while crying.”

Wallflower wanted, no, needed to see those videos. She could probably get away with pulling out her phone and watching them there and then, but she wasn’t Vignette, and such audacity was beyond her.

That was how the rest of brunch went, mostly Vignette monologuing at Juniper. Wallflower didn’t say another word the entire time. Even when Vignette said goodbye to them, she just smiled at her.

“Shall we go?”

Wallflower blinked, realising she was alone with Juniper again. She’d been so caught up in watching Vignette, she’d forgotten entirely about avoiding Juniper. While she thankfully didn’t take the same bus as her, they waited at the same bus stop. That was a five minute walk followed by up to ten minutes of waiting.

Alone with Juniper Montage.

That was unacceptable.

“Er, sure,” said Wallflower, having to clear her throat after such a long period of disuse. “I actually have to get some stuff from the convenience store.”

“Oh! So do I actually,” Juniper smiled at her.

No! her brain screamed, Nonono! Why?

“Oh. Cool.”

The two of them left the café and walked in silence. She immediately missed Vignette. Juniper’s presence was like an itch inside her skull. Her chest tightened, and she tried to hide her shallow, irregular breathing.

Two minutes to the store. However much time they spent in the store. Five, seven minutes to the bus stop. Up to ten minutes waiting there. She wouldn’t survive that long, she was certain. Maybe she could lose her in the store?

All there was for the rest of the walk to the store was the unbearable silence. Wallflower tried desperately to find anything to say, but the longer the silence stretched, the more scrambled her thoughts got, the words in her mind written in increasingly scratchy and illegible writing.

Say something, her brain hissed. Say anything!

No words came out.

It should only be two minutes to the store. Why was it taking so long?

She glanced at Juniper. Why did she look fine? Couldn’t she feel it, this awful clinging silence?

By the time they got to the store, she felt physically sick, her awareness of Juniper’s presence encompassing everything.

At the first opportunity, she got away from Juniper, fled the store, and went to a different bus stop.

Wallflower spent the following week just a little bit obsessed with Vignette Valencia. She was fascinated by how openly terrible she was.

She got into arguments with other internet celebrities seemingly at random, and made obvious sockpuppets when she was losing. She had an ongoing vendetta with a pizza place two states away that she’d never visited, and nobody could figure out why. She accused people of copying her posts regardless of which was posted first, and had her followers harass anyone who disagreed with her. When she did do something good like a charity event, she plastered her face all over it and spent the whole time promoting herself.

The wonderful thing about Vignette was that her entire life was documented. There were great big backlogs of her terrible content to scroll through, endless chapters of her awfulness. Wallflower had never seen someone get cancelled three times in a single month for three different things, but Vignette had managed it last May.

Naturally Vignette had her haters. Armies of them. She had that pseudo-bohemian style which, combined with her overt displays of wealth, drove people completely insane. One guy had made a five part video series about how terrible she was. Wallflower watched the whole thing.

But none of them got to hate Vignette up close and witness her terribleness first hand. Wallflower felt special in that regard.

The sleeve of Wallflower’s jumper had even been in the blurred background of Vignette’s picture of the sundae from the café. She felt like she was a tiny part of a piece of art that had been forgotten less than ten minutes after it was made. It was like a hibiscus, only blooming for a single day.

She smiled to herself at the thought of Vignette Valencia and her little selfie garden before quickly returning her expression to neutral.

It was Saturday again, and brunch was proving to be much the same as the previous week, with Sunset and Twilight still away saving the world from whatever horse-related business was going on. Juniper hadn’t brought up Wallflower ditching her the previous week, and Wallflower was fine with that.

“Bad. Bad. Bad,” said Vignette, scrolling through Juniper’s phone.

Juniper drummed her fingers on the table. “So I read your blog post. It kind of sounds like you had a similar thing to me, where you wanted people to like you and you got caught up in all the power?”

Juniper was speaking carefully to avoid being too pushy. Vignette just nodded, not looking up from the phone.

“Absolutely. Bad. Bad. Bad.”

Juniper glanced at Wallflower. Wallflower shrugged. She was having a great time watching Juniper attempt to engage Vignette.

“Right,” Juniper took a few seconds to continue. “Well, that whole experience made me feel pretty crappy. I actually still feel awful about it, er, do you maybe have any feelings you want to share about that?”

“Hm? Not really. Bad. Ba- ah, this one’s usable!”

She held the phone up to Juniper. Wallflower couldn’t see what she was showing her.

Juniper studied the phone. “Are you sure?”

“Of course, June! You clearly have an eye for photography, if not for fashion. Luckily the latter can be taught!”

Juniper grinned, waving off the compliment. “I mean, I’m only an amateur, nothing like you.”

“Well, of course not, but you’ll get there with time! Remember, BYBB, the internet is an opportunity for you to show off the best version of yourself with all the inconvenient parts cut out.”

Juniper’s eyes widened a fraction at that. Wallflower winced. That would be a sore spot for her after the whole magic mirror thing.

“Er. Sure,” said Juniper. “Say, could we just maybe talk about something el-”

“June, if you want to make it on the internet, you have to put the work in. Do you think I was born as successfulas I am today?”

“Er. Yeah, I mean. I dunno. I thought you sold candle wax as mascara or something?”

“Melted crayons, and you know why that worked? Because thirteen year olds can’t be convicted for false advertising.” Vignette put a hand on Juniper’s shoulder and smiled softly at her. “Do you see what I’m trying to say?”

Juniper grinned nervously. “Er. Break the law if you can get away with it?”

“Your words not mine! Now, your pictures. Bad. Bad. Bad.”

“Say, Wallflower,” said Juniper. She was clearly forcing this. “How have you been feeling? About everything?”

Wallflower jolted upright. At this point even she’d forgotten she was here. That was typical, only she could turn into a side character in her own internal monologue.

Juniper was trying to get Friendship Brunch back on track from its detour into Vignetteland. She supposed that was the one disadvantage of Vignette being here. Wallflower did have stuff she wanted to talk about. She still felt awful as anything for everything she’d done and talking about it usually helped. But, well, she wouldn’t be comfortable talking about it with just Juniper and Vignette here.

Maybe with only Vignette. It would be like talking to her plants. Totally unresponsive while she poured her heart out to them, thinking about more important things like soil nutrients and engagement analytics.

She thought of Vignette Valencia posting artfully lit pictures of soil along with a heart-eyes emoji and ‘absolutely LIVING for the nitrate in this!’

“Yeah, alright,” Wallflower said. “Not great. But you know.”

“Bad. Bad. You don’t say much, do you?”

It took a moment for Wallflower to realise Vignette was talking to her. She hadn’t looked up from the phone.

This wasn’t the first time somebody had said that to her. Usually it was said by people who on some level meant well. And it killed her every time.

But Vignette Valencia sure as hell didn’t mean well. She was just saying it to say it, a callous observation.

Wallflower usually nervously laughed it off. But that felt wrong, when this was the first time Vignette had voluntarily acknowledged her existence.

“I’m quiet and I like plants. That’s basically my whole personality. If I suddenly start talking, all I have is plants, and plants aren’t a personality.”

Wallflower was surprised at herself. She seemed to be saying things out loud.

Vignette lowered the phone before looking her up and down as though seeing her for the first time, which might not be too far from the truth.

“That is,” she said, “the worst thing I’ve ever heard anyone say.”

That was probably the best response she could expect from allowing her internal monologue to not stay internal.

“I find that hard to believe,” said Wallflower. “You’ve heard yourself, right?”

Okay, is this what she was doing now? Just saying words as they came into her head without scrutinising them first?

“OMG, are you coming at me?” said Vignette. “Is this your big moment where you start talking? Your IRL callout post?”

She mostly just sounded fascinated.

Wallflower shook her head. “God, I hope not. Like I said, that would do away with half my personality. Hopefully I’ll stop talking forever any second now.”

Vignette gave her coffee a look like there was something wrong with it and back to Wallflower, brow creased.

“I mean, I want to say that’s for the best, but in the interest of the BYBB philosophy I feel I ought to inform you that being quiet isn’t a personality either.”

“No, but if I never say anything out loud, there’s always the possibility that I’m as interesting as I sound in my own head. If I start speaking and I’m not interesting, then I have nothing.”

Vignette put a hand over her mouth. This wasn’t her usual precise, sharp gesturing, she was making naturalistic movements now.

“I take it back, that’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard anyone say. That is deeply upsetting. You’ve done what a thousand basement-dwelling trolls never could, and actually made me upset at something you’ve said.”

“I’m genuinely sorry,” said Wallflower truthfully. “Not even you deserve this.”

Vignette threw her hands up and let them fall back down. Her heavy makeup was built to emphasise expressions, but general bafflement hadn’t been accounted for in its design, making her face very interesting at the moment. This was apparently what Wallflower’s brain was focusing on instead of stopping her mouth.

“I don’t know what to say. You’re insulting me, but it’s so layered in self-deprecation that I can’t say anything back.”

“Can’t mock me if I’m mocking myself!” Wallflower was… was she finger gunning? This wasn’t a finger gun moment. No moment was a finger gun moment.

“I suppose?”

“I’m just saying, if I start talking and turn out to be as awful as you, then I don’t even get to feel that I’m at least morally superior to you.”

This is how she knew she wasn’t friends with Juniper, if Juniper were her friend she’d have stopped her talking by now.

“I think I finally understand the mindset of people who follow me just to dislike all my posts,” said Vignette. “Is that… gosh, are you one of those people?”

“Close enough,” said Wallflower. “I spend quite a lot of time hatescrolling. Hating everyone else is better than hating yourself, and it’s nice to have people you’re at least justified in hating.”

“How perfectly tragic yet entirely relatable. Is this what you did to the Rainbooms? Just made them really uncomfortable?”

“Oh yeah, I guess you don’t know, which is weird because I know basically everything about you. I mean, do you even know my name?”

There surely had to be a middle ground between not ever speaking and saying everything as it came into her head. She could not however seem to find it.

Vignette opened her mouth.

“Green… girl?” she guessed.

“Yes,” said Wallflower. “That is my name. Green Girl.”

“Ugh, okay, you’re going to say this is because I’m shallow and self absorbed, but I can’t be expected to learn the name of everyone I meet.”

“No, you did, I’m Green Girl. My mom held me the day I was born and said, yup, that sure is a green girl. If we call her that, then it won’t even matter if nobody bothers to learn her name.”

Vignette scoffed. “I am honestly feeling so attacked right now. What is your name?”

“I don’t think I’m going to tell you.”

“You are very stressful,” Vignette said, rubbing her temples.

“I told you, I need people I’m justified in hating, if you don’t know my name it’s another way that you’re terrible.”

Vignette just stared at her.

“I… think I need your phone number,” she said.

A little of her usual self-consciousness creeped its way into Wallflower and she put a defensive hand over her pocket.

“Why?”

“Why? What do you mean why?”

“Usually when someone asks me for my number it’s by accident. Or as a prank. Or because I tried to do something terrible to them.”

“I want your number because you’re oddly fascinating.”

Wallflower still hesitated.

“Are you sure you don’t just want it so you can block me?”

Vignette rolled her eyes. “It must be so exhausting going through life never expecting anything good to happen to you.”

“That would be something good happening to me.”

“Alright, simmer down, you little goblin. If you need me to have an ulterior motive, if I have your number I can tell Rare ‘Oh, I message whatshername all the time, she’s actually quite interesting once you get to know her!’ and she won’t murder me with a lightning whip.”

“She won’t what?”

“Murder me with a lightning whip. Most terrifying experience of my life, she just flew up into the air, summoned a lightning whip out of nothing, and obliterated my phone. I honestly thought I was gonna die. Though if we’re being fair, I did try to murder her first, so it basically cancels out. Anyway, don’t be lame. Number.”

Wallflower scratched her chin in pretend thought.

“I don’t know about giving my number to a stranger…”

“I’m not a stranger.”

“Oh yeah? Then what’s my name?”

Vignette gestured ineffectually. “Oh. My god. Here,” she retrieved a pen from her bag and wrote her number on a napkin. “Put that in your phone when you’re done being lame.”

Wallflower took the napkin and made a contact for Vignette.

“Blocked,” she said.

Juniper giggled and Vignette clenched her fist, her face all scrunched up.

“You!” she said before taking a deep breath and composing herself. “I can’t be here any longer. The vibes are rancid.”

She got up, mimed kissing Juniper on the cheek, and departed. As before, she left behind a noticeable void in the conversation, but more so this time after she and Wallflower had actually spoken.

She found she was quite giddy with adrenaline. She’d just been speaking for an extended period of time to a relative stranger, and aside from being the worst conversation anyone had ever had, it had gone pretty well. They’d kind of gotten along in a weird way.

Why couldn’t she talk like that to Juniper?

Vignette was easy to talk to because Wallflower had such a low opinion of her. It was similar with Sunset, it was easy to talk to her after everything Wallflower had done to her. But Vignette was even easier, and she wasn’t always watching her words around Wallflower like Sunset was, afraid of hurting her.

Meanwhile, Juniper was, well, a good person. From the way she told it, she wasn’t always that way, and she could be a little annoying, but she was mostly fine. Nice, by all measures. Paradoxically, she just couldn’t seem to befriend her as a result.

Either way, it was time to make her escape. Wallflower stood, her chair scraping against the floor the way Vignette’s never seemed to.

“I. Think I’ll head off too,” Wallflower’s voice caught in her throat, suddenly gunked up after Vignette’s departure.

“Er. Right,” Juniper remained seated. “Are you headed to the store again today?”

“Er. No?”

“Oh. Me neither.”

“Cool.”

Wallflower was halfway home before she remembered she still hadn’t unblocked Vignette. Now that she was removed from the situation, she was nervous again. Did she want to text Vignette?

Vignette was terrible. Like, objectively awful.

But she was also one of the few people Wallflower felt comfortable speaking to.

And Wallflower was a little bit in love with her. She didn’t consider this to be notable. Wallflower developed a crush on just about everyone who she interacted with for longer than ten seconds who wasn’t named Juniper Montage. She usually just ignored it until it went away.

What was she supposed to do then, text her? Like some kind of functioning human? Vignette had explicitly said she wanted her to, even if only so Rarity wouldn’t be mad at her. What if she’d just been joking around and she texted back something like ‘lmao you actually thought I wanted to talk to you?’

What if she didn’t text back at all?

Wallflower stared at her phone in her lap. She unblocked her.

She opened a new message.

She typed, she deleted.

She selected a poop emoji and sent it.

She let out the breath she was holding. There. That wasn’t so bad.

She stared.

The bus arrived at her stop, and she put her phone in her pocket. A few paces down the street she took it out.

What if she didn’t figure out who it was from? She probably got messages all the time from random people. But there couldn’t be that many people with her personal number. And it had been just after she’d been talking to Wallflower.

At some point she walked through her front door and said hi to her parents. She was on her bed, lying on her side, laptop playing HoofTube videos. Her phone lay next to her.

A second text would look desperate. Did she care if she looked desperate? She surely couldn’t look any stranger to Vignette. But the whole point of sending the poop emoji was so that if Vignette rejected her she could convince herself she’d sent that as a joke.

That was going to be a hard ask after all the thought she was giving this.

She tapped her phone. She checked it wasn’t on ‘do not disturb’.

When she got out of the shower, the first thing she did was check her phone. She climbed into bed and scrolled through Snapgab.

Her phone buzzed.

VV [12:03]: green girl?

Wallflower’s heart pounded in excitement.

Me [12:03]: I have a name you know

VV [12:04]: i kno
VV [12:04]: its green girl

Me [12:04]: Blocked

VV [12:04]: im saving u in my phone as poop emoji

Wallflower kicked her legs. This was a successful human interaction! She had an in joke with a maybe friend.

Vignette followed this up some minutes later with a link. It was the Snapgab profile of a tall, skinny guy with fluffy hair. He was a pop star if Wallflower remembered correctly.

VV [12:05]: ur a little gremlin who spends all her time hatescrolling right?
VV [12:05]: talk crap about this guy w/ me so i feel better about myself

Wallflower checked his follower count. It was a few thousand more than Vignette’s. Holy crap, Vignette was so perfectly awful.

Me [12:06]: How tragic yet entirely relatable

VV [12:06]: -_-
VV [12:06]: love the energy but direct it @ featherbangs there

Me [12:07]: Idk id feel bad
Me [12:07]: He looks like hes about 12

VV [12:07]: lmao
VV [12:08]: u c that photo of him putting his middle finger up?
VV [12:08]: cringe

Me [12:09]: Oh no hes smoking too
Me [12:09]: Someone call his parents

VV [12:09]: check out the album at the award show

Me [12:09]: Do you think that’s his dads suit

VV [12:09]: he looks like hes borrowing his dads suit

They’d sent the last message at the same time. She rolled onto her back and clutched her phone to her chest.

She felt a warmth spreading through her. Seeing Vignette’s words on the screen reflecting her own created a sense of closeness she hadn’t felt in a long time.

She brought her phone back up to her face and continued typing.

That was how it went for the next week. Each night she and Vignette would message back and forth talking trash about Vignette’s rivals. She’d never considered the idea of hating people as a cooperative sport, but it was fun. She didn’t get to talk to anyone else like this.

It was maybe, possibly, probably not the nicest or most healthy thing to spend her time doing. But it wasn’t like she really meant any of the nasty things she thought or said to Vignette.

Anyway, talking trash with Vignette didn’t really count. She was punching up after all, at a bunch of successful internet celebrities. They weren’t people she knew, they were abstract others, like characters in a story.

But not Vignette. She was Wallflower’s terrible internet celebrity. It all felt very personal, even though Wallflower probably wasn’t the only person Vignette messaged like this, but the Vignette Valencia she texted wasn’t the Vignette Valencia on her Snapgab feed, and that made her feel special.

Sunset and her friends came back to school on Wednesday. At lunch Sunset told her about some horse god of horse chaos that had been horsing around and had needed stopping with horse magic and that had taken the better part of two weeks. The usual.

Then Rarity asked, “Soo, how’s Vignette Valencia been?”

She was clearly nervous about the question.

I think I might love her, thought Wallflower.

“She’s been alright.”

They all exchanged glances.

“She… hasn’t been mean to you or Juniper has she? You can tell us if she was,” said Sunset.

Wallflower struggled to contain her smile. They were doing the thing where they assumed that because she was shy, she was innocent.

“No. We’re, er, we get along,” she looked up at Rarity. Wallflower always looked up at people, no matter their size relative to her. “We’ve been messaging quite a bit. She’s quite interesting once you get to know her, so you don’t need to murder her with your lightning whip.”

“Don’t need to what now?” asked Rarity.

“Never mind. But yeah. We get along.”

She was met with looks of confusion.

“Well,” said Sunset. “Okay then.”

Thursday came, then Friday, then doubts.

So they’d been texting every night. What if that was their relationship, and they were just texting friends? What if they met in person again and she was suddenly unable to speak to her? What if Vignette just went back to ignoring her?

That… that would be fine. She could accept that. That was how it had been before, and she’d been fine. Yeah, she had a crush on her, but that’s just how it went with Wallflower, she got crushes on people who paid attention to her, then she rode it out and it went away after a week or so.

Of course Vignette was also the person she spoke to most now. And she felt more comfortable talking to her than anyone else. So yeah, she’d cry a whole bunch if Vignette started ignoring her again, but that was fine. If she repeated that enough it might even become true.

On Saturday Wallflower intended to turn up thirty minutes late. Maybe she should go early in case Vignette came early? She’d probably just end up alone with Juniper.

This was silly, she should just ask her.

Me [08:48]: OMG girlfriend you looking so hawt in these <3<3<3

Wallflower sent this to Vignette along with a link to an album of pictures of a completely different but equally generic social media influencer.

The reply was almost immediate.

VV [08:49]: ummm who tf are u? gtfo my dms or ill block u

She smiled down at her phone.

Me [08:53]: When you gonna be at friendship jail

VV [08:53]: friendship jail
VV [08:54]: amazing
VV [08:54]: idk like 10ish

Me [08:54]: k

She lay back on her bed. A whole hour before she saw Vignette. Her phone buzzed.

VV [08:55]: smh K-Lo is vagueing about me
VV [08:56]: wanna write a callout post about her
VV [08:56]: plssssss convince me not to

Me [08:57]: Do it

VV [08:57]: ur the worst friend

She didn’t know what to make of her calling Wallflower her friend. She referred to a lot of people as friends that Wallflower knew for a fact she hated, but she wanted to believe she meant it with Wallflower. It felt like they were friends, but her brain kept trying to convince her they couldn’t be.

Me [08:57]: Do it and send it to me before you post so I can make it worse

VV [08:57]: im out here tryna bybb and u wanna hold me back

Me [08:58]: Ofc I’m only in this to be closer to the drama you know that
Me [08:58]: I live to enable you
Me [08:58]: Now I want a incoherent 12 page rant about stuff she did 5 yrs ago on my desk by this evening

VV [08:59]: okay but she actually deserves it tho
VV [08:59]: don’t even tempt me

Me [08:59]: Vignette
Me [08:59]: I’m the green devil on your shoulder
Me [08:59]: I’m the forbidden fruit from the tree of knowledge

VV [08:59]: omg stfu

Me [08:59]: I will tempt you all the days of your life
Me [09:00]: Andif your not both cancelled this time tomorrow I’m gonna be very disappointed

VV [09:00]: y do i even message u

Having arrived at her usual time and successfully dodged awkward small talk, Wallflower was already at the Sweet Snacks Café with Sunset, Twilight, Rarity, and Juniper by the time ten o’clock came around. She’d been paying zero attention to the conversation, and instead spent the whole time glancing over at the door. When Vignette finally came, Wallflower’s stomach tried to escape her body in several directions at once.

“Hi everybody! How are you all?” Vignette’s tone was so different from when she was messaging Wallflower.

With no seats left at their table, Vignette took one from another table and put it down between Wallflower and Juniper.

“Kisses!” Vignette mimed kisses on Juniper’s cheeks.

“Green Girl,” she said, inclining her head to Wallflower.

Was that a knowing smile or just a normal smile? Wallflower tried to return it, but was fairly certain she only succeeded in looking vaguely constipated.

“Green Girl?” asked Rarity, regarding Vignette doubtfully.

“Oh, it’s just a little in-joke. We message all the time, she’s actually quite interesting once you get to know her!”

Wallflower saw this was a perfect opportunity to mess with her. Maybe even get her murdered with a lightning whip.

She was no actor, but if there was one thing Wallflower knew how to do, it was how to look nervous and awkward, especially while speaking. She raised her shoulders, ducked her head, and rubbed her neck.

“Vignette, I- I keep telling you, my name’s Wallflower,” she said in the most pitiful voice she could muster. “Please stop calling me Green Girl.”

This had the desired effect. Twilight, Sunset, and Rarity all looked at Vignette with suspicion. Wallflower snatched a glance at Vignette. The look on her face made Wallflower’s entire life, and she had to struggle to prevent her face from breaking out into a smile.

“You little traitor,” Vignette hissed.

“I’m sorry!” said Wallflower, cringing. “I’m not great at standing up for myself but…”

Wallflower knew if she kept talking she wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face, but trailing off like that did the trick.

“Vignette,” said Rarity, scandalised. “What have you been doing to Wallflower?”

“Nothing!”

“Vignette.”

“For reals!” she whined. “I can’t believe you’re being fooled by her whole innocent act, deep down she’s all hateful and full of spite!”

Wallflower had to adjust herself to move an arm in front of her mouth.

Sunset shook her head. “Vignette, we brought you all together because we thought you could relate to each othe-”

“I know that! She’s just being a snake, here, look, we message all the time,” Vignette thrust her phone towards Sunset.

Oh crap. Wallflower did not want Sunset seeing those messages.

Sunset studied the phone. “You have her saved in your phone as the poop emoji?”

Vignette turned the phone back to her. She was speechless, her confidence gone entirely. Wallflower could no longer contain herself and burst out laughing.

Vignette looked like she was ready to physically attack Wallflower. “You!”

“You!” she replied. “Your face, you- oh, crap, I’m sorry, sorry sorrysorrysorry!”

Vignette grabbed her arm then dragged her in for a hug as she giggle-shrieked.

“See?” she said, squeezing her far too tight. Wallflower gasped for breath as she continued laughing uncontrollably. “We’re such.”

“Vignette!”

“Good.”

“Vignette, I can’t breathe!”

“Friends.”

Vignette released her, keeping a hand on her shoulder.

“I don’t know what I was expecting,” said Sunset. “But it wasn’t this.”

“So you two are actually friends?” asked Twilight.

“No,” said Wallflower. “She bullies me constantlyyyy, that’s a lie, I’m lying, I love her!”

“What you were expecting,” said Vignette, relaxing her grip on Wallflower’s shoulder, “was the nasty, mean, popular girl to bully poor, sweet, innocent Wallflower who I’m sure has never done anything wrong in her entire life, least of all anything that’s brought her here to Friendship Jail.”

This was so weird. She felt like she was actually friends with Vignette, not just awkwardly trying to survive the conversation. It felt hubristic. This sort of thing was for normal people, not people like her, she shouldn’t be able to joke around with friends and be loud in public spaces.

“We’re like, total besties,” said Wallflower, mimicking Vignette’s voice. “Hashtag!”

“Erm, er, oh, golly gosh! I hate everyone, but she’s mean, so I get to feel like I’m better than her,” said Vignette.

“I don’t sound like that,” said Wallflower.

“That’s fine, nobody knows what you sound like.”

Wallflower snorted. If anyone else had said that, she’d have gotten mad and cried.

“Is… is this a good thing?” asked Sunset.

“I don’t know,” said Rarity.

Sunset shook her head. “What have you three been up to while we’ve been away anyway?”

Vignette finally let go of Wallflower’s shoulder.

“I’ve been helping these two to BYBB,” she said.

Sunset glanced at the three of them.

“And how have you been doing that?” she asked, narrowing her eyes.

“Well, June’s up to five thousand followers,” Vignette pointed at Juniper.

“The internet is like a magic mirror where you can be your ideal self without having to actually achieve anything,” said Juniper.

“And Wallflower speaks now,” Vignette pointed the other hand to Wallflower.

“Mostly to Vignette about how much we hate other people,” said Wallflower.

“So yeah, you’re welcome!” she turned her fingers to the three at the other side of the table.

Sunset looked between the three of them, deflated into her chair, and rested her head on the table before groaning softly.

“It’s okay, Sunset,” said Wallflower. “I’ve decided that instead of improving as a person I’m just going to marry Vignette and we’ll endlessly feed into each others’ worst qualities.”

She seemed to be doing that thing again. Just letting her internal monologue become external.

“Wallflower, that’s a horrible thing to say,” said Rarity.

“It’s fine,” said Vignette, waving her off. “I’ll divorce her in like, two months tops.”

Wallflower put a hand to her chest, copying Vignette’s indignant pose.

“You’re divorcing me? Was it something I did?”

“It’s nothing personal, you just don’t fit my brand.”

Wallflower nodded sincerely. “I understand. The opinion of strangers on the internet comes first.”

“Thank you for understanding. At least we can still be friends. Not MyStable friends or anything, only IRL friends.”

Wallflower sighed. “It’ll have to do.”

They hugged.

“Well,” said Sunset. “At least friendship has happened. In the interest of trying to undo some of this damage, Vignette, why don’t you tell us about the incident at Equestria Land?”

Wallflower sat back in her chair. She was more relaxed than she usually was at Friendship Jail, but she was still agitated. Joking around with Vignette like that had stirred her emotions. The feelings she’d intended to let wilt were growing, their roots burrowing deep inside her.

Normally Wallflower would leave brunch early to avoid Juniper, but on this occasion that would mean less time with Vignette. This was a dilemma that Vignette solved for her.

“I’m free this afternoon,” Vignette said as they all packed up to leave. “Do you two want to come back to mine?”

“Sorry!” said Juniper, hands clasped together. “I’d love to, but I have a shift at the movie theatre.”

“Aw, shame! How about you, Green Girl?”

Her brain, ever the traitor, told her that Vignette was only inviting her to be polite because she wanted to invite Juniper. Besides, what if she was just as awkward around Vignette when it was just the two of them as she was with Juniper? She was, after all, actually starting to care what Vignette thought of her, a real fondness growing alongside her crush.

She did her best to put her fears aside, and followed Vignette out to her car.

The studio apartment looked like nobody had ever lived there. Wallflower wouldn’t have been surprised to find out they’d wandered into a show home. It was a little creepy just how clean it was.

“Chez Valencia,” said Vignette, kicking off her boots.

“It’s certainly… white,” Wallflower said lamely.

“It is white, isn’t it?”

“Do you actually use that couch?”

The couch in question was piled with various novelty pink and white pillows in a large enough quantity that sitting on it wasn’t practical.

“Only when I’m shooting.”

“Er, your art is nice,” she tried, looking at one wall covered with framed pictures, mostly white, of minimalist abstract art and phrases like ‘the present is a present’.

“Don’t lie, you’re not part of the demographic it’s designed to appeal to.”

“You have plants,” Wallflower observed. A ficus, a fern, and a large succulent on its own miniature table.

“Is this what people do when they hang out? Stand around saying things they see?”

“I don’t know. I sort of had the vague idea that’s what I’m supposed to do in someone else’s home?”

Vignette waved a dismissive hand. “Well stop it, it’s weird.”

“Okay.”

“What do people do when they hang out?”

“I dunno,” Wallflower started removing her sneakers. Typically this would be a simple task, but Vignette was watching her which greatly increased the difficulty.

There was a break in the conversation as Vignette just stood there with Wallflower working on her second sneaker. It was only brief, but the silence combined with her fumbling brought a lurch to her stomach.

“I talk to plants,” she blurted, Vignette’s houseplants being at the forefront of her mind.

Vignette blinked. “Okay?”

“I don’t know why I said that,” Wallflower’s whole body had tensed up. “My brain is terrified of awkward silences and it looked like there was going to be one, so I panicked.”

“But do you really talk to plants?”

Vignette regarded her with that half-horrified, half-fascinated expression she had when they’d first spoken.

“I have no friends.”

“Okay, but what do you talk to plants about?”

“You know. My problems. People I hate and how bad I feel for hating them.”

Vignette nodded slowly. “You’re sort of like a horror novel, I know that every page is going to bring some new, terrible revelation, but I’m so intrigued I keep reading.”

“At least I’m intriguing?”

“Now that’s the Vignette Valencia mindset!”

“God, am I turning into you?”

“You wish. I’m unique.”

She somehow managed to put more Prench pronunciation on ‘unique’ than the word already had.

“If you don’t use the couch, where do you sit?” she asked, her shoes finally off.

“My bed.”

Wallflower gave her a look that she really, really hoped was suggestive in a joking sort of way.

Vignette smirked. “You’re cute. Come on.”

Her bed was like the rest of the apartment. Huge, empty, white and light pink.

She tried to be relaxed and casual sitting there. When was the last time she’d had a friend she’d hung out with in their room? Probably Squeaky Clean in third grade who stopped being friends with her after she lost her glittery gel pen. Then Squeaky had gotten her own glittery gel pen and was too cool to let Wallflower borrow it.

Wait, did Squeaky steal her glittery gel pen? Holy crap, she did! Well screw her, Wallflower was friends with a popular girl now!

Wallflower inched closer to her as Vignette opened her laptop and tutted.

“K-Lo’s still on her BS,” she said.

Wallflower leaned over to the screen. Vignette did a double take looking at her.

“God, you are awkward, aren’t you,” Vignette said, and scooted up next to her.

Wallflower tensed. “Sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve hung out with anyone.”

“Honestly? Same. You’re like the only person who’s been here for something other than business or a collab.”

“Aw, we’re a couple of socially stunted weirdos,” she made a show of awkwardly patting Vignette on the shoulder. “What’s that nasty mean K-Lo doing to you then? Did you write that callout post like I told you to?”

“Ugh, I wish I did now. She’s making it so obvious she’s talking about me when she says some people are ruining the Snapgab community.”

Wallflower checked out the screen, a little less conscious of her proximity to Vignette.

“Wow, she’s not even being subtle.”

“Right? How should I respond?”

“You’re asking me?”

“Sure. You love it when I’m awful, right? Makes you feel better about yourself?”

Wallflower put a hand to her chest. “I’m honoured. Er, I don’t know. Say you slept with her boyfriend.”

“I don’t think she has a boyfriend?”

“Exactly. You’ll look completely unhinged. You basically start drama for the views it gets you, right?”

“Mmhmm. All press is good press! I like how you think.” She typed away on her computer. “How did someone like you end up in Friendship Jail anyway?”

Wallflower hesitated. She thought about Sunset on her hands and knees.

Vignette wouldn’t judge her. Or, she supposed she might, but it wasn’t like Vignette hadn’t done something similar.

She swallowed and gave a short account of the incident with the memory stone. It was easier to talk about with Vignette than it was when she’d talked about it at Friendship Jail.

“Wow. That’s pretty messed up,” said Vignette after a while.

“Right?”

“I mean, I knew you were a basement-dwelling troglodyte, but that’s a lot. Like, almost evil.”

“Hey, I had extenuating circumstances! I was all full of bitterness after years of being ignored and stuff.”

“I’m not judging! Oh, K-Lo’s posted… calling me a crazy b, saying I’m everything wrong with Snapgab, yada yada.”

“Er, publicly threaten to publish your DMs with her. Anyway, you’re evil, you thought you were killing people for fame.”

Vignette gave her an appreciative look. “Love it, creates intrigue. And I don’t like to use the E-word, I’m driven. When you’re a girlboss like me, it’s called being driven.”

Wallflower looked doubtfully at her. “Driven?”

“Driven. Anyway, I’m working on it. BYBB. Besides, you removed specific memories of Sunset Shimmer. That’s some premeditated, personal evil right there. I was destroying random people who were in my way. That’s just good business, you know?”

“You’re so oblivious it’s almost sweet,” said Wallflower. “I just don’t think that makes me evil. I was kind of a wreck back then. A lot of bad stuff building inside, and feeling like I couldn’t relate to anyone.”

“No, I get that. Being driven as I am, I find it hard not to just use people, you know? I don’t want to say I’m better than everyone else but…”

“…but you’re going to say it?”

Vignette raised a finger.

“Look. I’m-” Her attention was caught by her computer again and she clapped. “Fantastique. K-Lo’s fans are harassing me.”

Wallflower watched as Vignette started blocking people en masse.

“Can I do the blocking?” she asked.

Vignette raised an eyebrow at her.

Wallflower smiled innocently. “It looks cathartic.”

Vignette passed the laptop to her. “Knock yourself out. Anyway, you’re the same as me. We do the whole hating on people thing together.”

Wallflower read the first message.

“Wow, I wouldn’t even think something this bad. Blocked!” She turned to Vignette. “It’s not really like that. I have a lot of, you know, left over bitterness, but I don’t really hate everyone or think I’m better than anyone else,” she read the next message. “Oh I am, am I? Blocked!”

The messages weren’t dissimilar to the kinds of things her brain liked to tell her people were saying about her behind her back.

“So you say, but you’re weirdly into blocking people,” said Vignette.

“Point, but they’re all strangers. And they started it. It’s like spraying for parasites. Like I said, cathartic. Blocked, blocked, blocked, and blocked.”

“I love that comparison. I guess I don’t really mean you’re evil. What I mean is it’s like, sure, you’re not supposed to think you’re better than other people, but then you see someone like,” she looked at the screen, “like ‘SimpForSu-Z69’, and you just have to be like, thank god I’m not them. You get that, and that’s why we’re friends.”

Wallflower slowed the blocking and chewed her lower lip.

“Would it be totally lame of me to ask if we really are friends? Not fake friends like you and the other internet stars?”

“Wallflower!” said Vignette, hooking her elbow round Wallflower’s arm and smiling at her. With Vignette looking at her like she was now, she could almost let herself believe they were friends. “That would absolutely be totally lame.”

Wallflower scowled at her. “Well too bad, I am lame and I’m asking it anyway.”

“Oh my god, STFU.” She rested her head on Wallflower’s. “Of course we are.”

For most people, somebody tenderly laying their head on theirs while explicitly stating that they’re friends would be enough to convince them. But Wallflower was Wallflower, and to be fair, Vignette was Vignette.

Wallflower slid her head free and gave her a look. “You can understand why I’m, you know, not entirely convinced?”

She stuck her tongue out. “Yes, yes, the whole constantly talking about people behind their backs thing. I don’t do that with you.”

“I bet you say that to all the girls you get into your bed.”

Did you just attempt to flirt?

No.

You did!

It was a joke.

She hates you now.

Uh huh.

Vignette’s head lulled back.

“U-G-H. Why does my fickle nature keep making everyone distrust me?” she whined.

Wallflower giggled. “I honestly couldn’t tell you.”

Vignette turned her head to look at Wallflower, and she was suddenly very aware of how okay she currently was. Her brain had barely had anything to say for the last while, and she was just comfortably hanging out with Vignette. Her roiling stomach and raging mind were still for once.

Then Vignette wrapped both her arms around her, and her pulse picked up.

“You’re my favourite person,” said Vignette. “Which is weird because I don’t get anything out of being friends with you.”

Wallflower was stiff, her hands still resting on the laptop keyboard. There was no particular reason she should be feeling so self-conscious all of a sudden. They’d hugged before, and they’d been lying here for some time.

“You,” Wallflower breathed. “You get to be friends with me.”

It wasn’t the usual awkwardness she felt. It was an almost pleasant nervousness, a sort of bubbling in her belly instead of a storm. An anticipation, maybe.

“I mean you don’t further my career at all,” said Vignette. “But I like you anyway. How messed up is that?”

“So messed up. I might have to stop being your friend if you start actually connecting with other humans and improving as a person.”

Vignette squeezed her and her heart leapt.

“So you believe I’m your friend now?” asked Vignette.

“Honestly, Vignette, I keep waiting for something bad to happen, like I’ll lose the ability to talk to you, or maybe you’ll reveal you brought me here as some elaborate prank. I’m not sure if I could handle it if that happened. You are, somehow, my best friend.”

“Better than your plants?”

Wallflower finally got enough of a signal through to her hands to get them to hook over the arm around her front, and Vignette didn’t immediately recoil in disgust.

“Maybe,” she said. “They’re less judgemental.”

“Oh, I’m judgmental?”

“And better conversationalists.”

“I’m sure the conversations that take place in your head are both fascinating and upsetting.”

“But they’re not as…”

Soft pretty cute warm.

Say none of those.

…

Say one of the other words that exist.

…

We do know other words, right?

…

Dear god, we don’t! Those are the only words!

…

Is saying nothing an option? It has to be an option, it’s what we’ve done our whole life.

“Wallflower?”

“Urghck.”

“Your plants aren’t as what as me?”

Pick the least bad one.

“…warm…”

“Warm.”

“Mm.”

Vignette rested her head on Wallflower’s.

“Are you trying to be sweet?” Vignette asked.

“Sorry, I’m not very good at it,” said Wallflower. “Out of practice.”

“Mm. You should stick to being bitter.”

“Be myself but bitter?”

Vignette snorted and Wallflower felt the motion of it as it passed through her body. Her entire awareness was filled with Vignette, much like it had been with Juniper at the store, but here it was exciting and soft instead of uncomfortable.

“You’re quite warm yourself, Green Girl.”

It wasn’t fair. The one time a crush of hers actually developed into something stronger and it was the most untouchable girl in existence.

She is literally touching you.

I must have… tricked her into liking me somehow.

It must be so exhausting going through life never expecting anything good to happen to you.

Shut up, Vignette.

Vignette’s phone pinged and she removed an arm from Wallflower to retrieve it, causing every member of the Council of Wallflowers that occupied her head to riot.

Vignette made a noise like a distressed cat. She gave her a final squeeze before letting go of her and rolling off the bed, instantly killing Wallflower.

“K-Lo’s still at it,” said Vignette, sitting down at her vanity. “I have to make a response video, which means putting on my crying makeup. Sorry.”

Wallflower sunk down into the bed, tense as she ran her hands through her hair and curled her toes, the feeling of anticipation no longer having a direction.

“You okay?” asked Vignette.

Wallflower looked up, meeting Vignette’s gaze in the mirror. Her skin prickled.

“Yeah, just, you know, stretching,” she said. “I’ll get back to blocking those people.”

Vignette hesitated. “TY. We’ll get lunch after this, ‘kay? I know this one place, it’s very in right now.”

“‘kay.”

The rest of the afternoon passed easily. They chatted, watched dumb videos, and continued antagonising K-Lo. They lay close together, and it all felt so natural, like how Wallflower imagined a friendship should be. At one point Wallflower caught herself trying to make herself feel anxious, just because she felt she should be.

They got takeaway from the ‘very in’ place, and Vignette artfully arranged hers on a plate so she could take a picture of it. It felt silly, but it was her job, it was how she made money. Wallflower was coming to appreciate that. She still made fun of her for it.

It was coming up to the evening. She had one arm around Vignette’s, leaning against her and only half paying attention to the movie playing on the laptop, so she felt it when Vignette tensed up.

“OMG. OMG,” she said.

“Hm?” asked Wallflower.

“K-Lo just published my DMs with her.”

Wallflower shuffled up to a sitting position. “Wait, hold on, she- I thought we were threatening to do that? I didn’t think there was actually anything in them?”

“Oh, there is. Mostly I admit to stuff she’s accused me of. Maybe insulted my followers once or twice.”

“So typical Vignette Valencia stuff?”

“Exactement. How do I escalate from this?”

Wallflower squeezed her arm. “Do you need to escalate?”

“I’m Vignette Valencia, I always escalate. Maybe I could edit together some fake messages…”

Wallflower let go of her and leaned against the headboard so she could get a better view of Vignette’s face. She wanted to see it as she went all Vignette Valencia, to see the artistic process behind her terribleness. She remembered something she’d seen on K-Lo’s profile.

“Doesn’t she live about ten minutes from here?” asked Wallflower.

Vignette glanced at her. “She does?”

“Yeah, in Cloudsdale Heights.”

“What are you suggesting?” The corner of Vignette’s mouth twitched up. “I should go over there and… what?”

Wallflower shrugged. “I don’t know, you’re the internet celebrity. Maybe one of those pranks that’s really just a crime?”

Vignette studied her. “I love how into this you are.”

Wallflower realised how she must look, staring intently at Vignette and… grinning. She hadn’t realised she was grinning.

“I guess I’m a fan of petty revenge,” she said.

“I’m also a fan of revenge,” said Vignette slowly.

“Then you should get revenge.”

“Well then tell me,” her eyes went half-lidded as she smiled, “how should I get my revenge?”

Vignette was watching her very carefully. She seemed to really want Wallflower’s input here. She didn’t have any idea what Vignette should do, but if Vignette wanted her opinion, she could give it.

“You could… egg her house?”

She scoffed. “What am I, fourteen?”

“Er… slash her tires?” said Wallflower doubtfully.

“I’m loving your energy, but it’s not very stylish. Come on, you’re like my biggest fan, what would you want to see me do?”

Ah, she was teasing her. What would she want to see Vignette do? Probably something really stupid.

“Wreck her car.”

Vignette’s eyebrows shot up. “Wreck her car?”

Wallflower pictured Vignette punching at a car like a crazy person and let her head rock from side to side absentmindedly. “Yeah, what’s she going to do after that?”

Vignette hesitated.

“Yeah. Yeah, I could do that. We film it, feed the algorithm, get a million views, and everybody thinks twice before trying to start crap with me.” She nodded, her mind made up. “I’ve never considered escalating things to property damage before. You’re like my muse of toxicity.”

Wallflower saw the look on Vignette’s face.

“Hold on, you’re not- are you serious?”

“Oh, I’m serious. I think I have a baseball bat somewhere!”

She hopped off the bed and began rummaging through a cupboard.

“Wait, maybe we shouldn’t actually-” Wallflower stopped. “Did you say a baseball bat?”

“Mmhmm,” Vignette said, face in the closet.

“You own a baseball bat?”

“I did some promotional posts for a sportswear company. They gave me stuff.”

Now that was an image she liked. She’d been imagining Vignette ineffectually pounding on a vehicle with her fists, which was great in a Vignette being pathetic sort of way, but if she was swinging around a baseball bat, that would be very… cool. Very driven of her. The Council of Wallflowers approved.

Wallflower shook the image off. “I feel like the friend thing to do here would be to, I dunno, stop you?”

“I get that enough from Rare and June,” she emerged from the closet, bat in hand. “They’re always tryna get me to be a better person, and it’s like, June! BYBB is my whole thing, but I can’t be good all the time all at once! Besides, won’t this prove I’m a terrible person to you or whatever.”

“Mm,” was all Wallflower managed to say. Vignette was posed, bat slung over one shoulder and looking like she was ready to break something for utterly stupid reasons. This was the sort of thing that made fancy ladies in olden times have to fan themselves lest they faint.

“Just picture it, I’m standing here, her car’s in front of me. I’ve just got done screaming incoherently at her.”

“Mm.”

“And you’re over there, filming the whole thing.”

“I’m coming with?” she breathed.

“Obvs! This was your idea, after all. Anyway, just when it looks like I’m not going to do it, bam!”

“Mm.”

Wallflower put a hand to her chest to still her heart.

“So?” said Vignette.

“So what?”

“I won’t do it if you tell me not to,” Vignette teased, wearing a very driven smile.

Their eyes locked. The incident at Equestria Land notwithstanding, this was a lot, even for Vignette.

Wallflower pictured Vignette swinging the bat again and dissent from any part of her brain that tried to tell her this was a bad idea was immediately quelled.

Besides, Vignette clearly wanted to do this, who was Wallflower to stop her?

“I’m not the boss of you,” Wallflower said.

Vignette strode over and hugged her head to her chest. “This is why I love you. You totally enable me.”

“I don’t, this is entirely your choice. I’m not part of this.”

You totally do. You totally are.

Yes, but I want to pretend to have the moral high ground.

“So you won’t come with me?”

“No. I’ll come. I mean, if you’re going to do it, it might as well be recorded.”

Vignette let her go and smiled down at her. “That’s my attitude to everything!”

“I can’t believe she lives up in Cloudsdale Heights,” said Vignette as they drove through the evening. “You know she had her entire career handed to her by her rich mom?”

Wallflower tapped the car’s dashboard. “Truly you are a champion of the common man.”

“Right? That, but without all the irony.”

Wallflower snorted. “You once had your followers harass some poor artist because he wouldn’t let you pay him in exposure.”

“Do you even know how famous he got after I did that?” She gestured even while driving. “That’s like, trickle-down economics or whatever.”

“I am… eighty percent sure that’s not what that is, and even if it is, that doesn’t make it okay.”

“What? He gets tons of commissions now, really at this point he owes me.”

Vignette’s face failed to show a hint of insincerity. There was something about her obliviously awful remarks like that got Wallflower all flustered.

“I love it when you get like this,” Wallflower said, unable to keep the sigh out of her voice.

Vignette’s eyes flicked over to her and waggled her eyebrows.

“We’re here by the way.”

They pulled up outside a huge detached house that had that unique modern design that every house in Cloudsdale Heights had, the one that you look at and it makes you go, yep, someone young and rich lives there. In the driveway sat the car, looking by itself more expensive than Wallflower’s house.

“Oh my god,” said Wallflower, shaking Vignette’s shoulder. “I’m so excited. What do we do? How does this work?”

Vignette tousled her hair. “Don’t worry, just follow me.”

Vignette shoved her phone into Wallflower’s hands and hopped out of the car with her bat, striding up to the house. Wallflower got out, stood outside the car, and realised she’d been so caught up in Vignette’s mystique she’d completely forgotten she had horrible, crippling anxiety.

The idea of just wandering up the path to some stranger’s home while her friend, what, shouted and… and smashed up her car set her stomach churning and turned her legs to jelly.

What on earth was she doing here? She was going to watch her friend commit a crime and film it. This was how society collapsed, people just turning up at each other’s houses and breaking things. It was all very well for Vignette, she was seemingly immune from the consequences of her actions, but Wallflower was a mortal.

On the other hand, Vignette wrecking a car with a baseball bat.

Vignette realised Wallflower wasn’t following her and turned back.

“You coming?”

“Er, I, I,” how could she explain to someone like her what she was feeling right now? Vignette didn’t hesitate about things, she was awful and wonderful and feared nothing.

“Scared?”

She nodded.

Vignette strode back to her and took her hand, leading her up the driveway.

She couldn’t say Vignette holding her hand instantly made everything fine, but it certainly made it better. After all, a cute girl was holding her hand. You couldn’t be wrong if a cute girl was holding your hand, her brain told her. That was just common sense. She didn’t know how many wars had been fought because a cute girl was holding someone’s hand, but it had to be more than none.

She imagined herself in front of a judge asking why she’d committed her many heinous deeds, and all she had to do was tell him a cute girl wanted her to do it, and he’d understand.

Vignette’s grip on her hand loosened as they arrived at the car. Wallflower panicked and grasped it back. Vignette stopped and looked her up and down.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want,” she said.

Wallflower met her eyes. They showed genuine concern for her.

Yup, this was insane. As wonderful as it would be to watch Vignette wreck a car with a baseball bat, this was too much for her.

She nodded.

“It’s- it’s fine, I’ll wait in the car,” she said.

Vignette looked from K-Lo’s car to hers.

“But you won’t be able to see from there?”

She shook her head. “That’s fine, go on ahead.”

Vignette’s brow creased. “But- What would be the point, then?”

Wallflower took a moment to process her words. She remembered the phone in her hands.

“Oh! Right. Of course, I guess you could hold your phone in one hand and your bat in the other?”

“What? No, Wallflower, I mean,” Vignette gestured ineffectually. “This was your idea?”

“What?” Wallflower blinked. She supposed it sort of had been. “Aren’t we here because you want to get revenge on K-Lo?”

“Revenge is nice, but really IDGAF about K-Lo?”

“Er,” Wallflower was becoming increasingly confused. “Whatever, for the drama then?”

“No, we’re here because you suggested going to her house?”

“I guess? That was, I dunno, an idle thought, I didn’t expect you to do it?”

Vignette looked incredulous. “You didn’t?”

Wallflower returned the look. “No! Not until you started encouraging me!”

“I started encouraging- you were encouraging me! You love it when I do stuff like this!”

“I mean, yeah,” Wallflower processed what Vignette had just said. “Sorry, were you going to go smash someone’s car with a baseball bat to impress me?”

“Yes! Didn’t you hear yourself when I brought up the baseball bat?”

“No, but, why are you trying to impress me?”

“I don’t know!” she whined. “You’re cool and I like you!”

“God, Vignette you don’t need to- I mean, it would be possibly the single hottest thing anyone’s ever done, but it’s not like I need to be more…”

…attracted to you.

“…to like you more!”

“But this would be, IDK, special? Like I was doing something for you? I mean, we were having a moment earlier where we were talking about liking each other, and I interrupted it to do stupid internet stuff and I was worried you’d think you weren’t important to me! Like, how am I supposed to know how to show someone I care about them?”

“So you were going to do this to show you cared about me?”

“Mmhmm!”

Wallflower put the hand Vignette wasn’t holding over her mouth. She felt like she might cry. “That’s so sweet!”

“I thought so too!”

So Vignette was thinking the same thing as her? That crime was okay if you’re doing it to impress a girl? Wallflower was the cute girl! Vignette was going to do property damage! For Wallflower! This was the most romantic thing anyone had done for her, and not just because nobody had ever done anything romantic for her, this might actually be the single most romantic thing anyone had done for anyone ever.

It was almost stressful how strong her feelings for Vignette were in this moment. God did Vignette look silly, just standing there all confused. It was so endearing she wanted to cry. Vignette was just this perfect mess of a human and she was here with Wallflower.

“Vignette Valencia?”

Both their eyes widened as they turned to see K-Lo standing in her doorway. She had her phone out, evidently filming what was happening. Wallflower was suddenly very conscious of Vignette’s hand in hers.

“What are you doing at my house?” K-Lo asked, accusing. “With a- guys, she has a baseball bat, I told you she was crazy!”

Vignette looked down at the bat, then to Wallflower, and back to K-Lo.

One hand still holding Wallflower’s, she spun round in one smooth motion and drove the bat into the windscreen of K-Lo’s car.

There was silence and stillness in the moments that followed, the bat sitting amongst a spiderweb of cracks. Their eyes met, Vignette looking as shocked and confused as Wallflower felt. Her emotions were so blindingly loud that she could see nothing but Vignette, Vignette standing their looking so damn cool but also stupid, and she’d smashed a windscreen for her, and this whole thing was just a weird confused mess of pointless drama and wanton destruction carried out in Wallflower’s name, and she was beautiful and she was holding a baseball bat and she was holding her hand, and-

And as the car alarm started Wallflower kissed her. Vignette kissed her back. And that’s all there was in the whole world.

“You’re insane!” screamed K-Lo, selfishly ruining this awesome moment.

Wallflower remembered then that they’d just done a crime and had to be dragged back to the car as she froze up.

Vignette started the engine and they were driving off into the evening.

Wallflower just stared directly forward, hand over her heart. “Oh my god. Ooh my god. Why, why did you do that?”

“She had me on camera!” Vignette said. “I couldn’t just turn up at her house with a baseball bat and leave.”

“What if she calls the cops? Oh my god, am I going to jail?”

“You’re not going to jail.”

“Are you going to jail?”

“I can pay the damages, it’s NBD.”

“NBD?” Wallflower gestured wildly. “Vignette, nothing about this is NBD!”

“Do you have any idea how much attention this will get her? She’ll make a big stink about it on the socials, we’ll play up the drama over the next few days until it grows stale, then we’ll pretend to make up.”

Wallflower sank into her seat and clutched at her hair. “How are you this calm?”

“Oh, I’m not. Pretending things are perfect when they’re not is sort of what I do.”

“I kissed you!” she said.

“You did,” Vignette shook excitedly from side to side. “That was cool.”

“It was?”

“Duh.”

For a moment Wallflower stopped panicking. That was cool, apparently. Wallflower had to agree, kissing Vignette was cool. Did this mean she could kiss Vignette more?

Then she remembered everything else that had happened and screamed into her closed mouth.

“Sunset’s gonna be so disappointed in me,” she said.

“Oh crap,” Vignette glanced her way, “you don’t think Rare will kill me, do you?”

“Probably not? You were doing it with a friend, so it can’t be that bad, right?” said Wallflower, not convincing even herself.

“Right. Right, if they ask, this was a… friendship… bonding… thing.”

“Right. It just got out of hand.”

“A #prankgonewrong. Did K-Lo upload the video yet? Was she streaming? It sounded like she was streaming.”

Wallflower fumbled her phone out of her pocket.

“I… uh, yes. Oh crap, that’s me, that’s my face!”

There she was, at the scene of a crime. And there she was kissing Vignette.

Surely that made it all fine. Surely you couldn’t be wrong if a cute girl kissed you.

“Do I look good?” asked Vignette.

“That’s your concern right now?”

“Well, do I?”

“Yes! Of course! You always look good!”

Vignette threw a hand up in frustration. “I know, but do I look good in the video?”

“In the video is part of always!”

“Yes, but do I look cool? To you?”

“Are you asking if you impressed me?”

“Basically, yes.”

“Yes! That was- Vignette, you were holding my hand while you did property damage with a baseball bat, I don’t think anything could have done more for me!”

“Then it’s all fine then, isn’t it?”

“Vignette, that’s…”

That’s basically what I was just thinking.

Vignette grinned at her. “I just hope I don’t have to do that every time I want you to kiss me like that.”

Wallflower covered her face in her hands, pushed them back through her hair, then punched the dashboard.

“Vignette! The only thing stopping me from kissing you right now is the speed we’re travelling at!”

They swerved suddenly and parked up on the curb.

Vignette looked at her.

She looked at Vignette.

They all but jumped on each other.

“So you were trying to impress each other?” said Sunset. “That’s not a very good excuse.”

Wallflower was pretty sure that explaining to her that she got to kiss a cute girl, and that therefore she couldn’t be wrong, probably wouldn’t fly here. She still thought calling an emergency session of Friendship Brunch the very next day was a bit much.

Vignette was focused on Rarity, who was just staring at them, expression unreadable. She was looking increasingly uncomfortable until she made a tiny noise of fear and clutched at Wallflower’s arm.

“Wallflower, this is it. The lightning whip, she’s going to kill me.”

“Rarity, please don’t kill my girlfriend, she’s not used to her actions having consequences,” said Wallflower.

“I’m not! I’m like, poorly adjusted or whatever!”

Rarity had her mouth set in a line. She took a deep breath. Her face wobbled and broke out into tears. “That is the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard. Why don’t I have anyone who’ll break expensive things for me based on misunderstandings?”

She gets it, Wallflower thought.

“Rarity!” said Sunset.

Rarity sniffed. “I suppose we can’t just let you off the hook.”

Vignette whimpered.

“Exactly. I like PostCrush, you know,” said Sunset. “K-Lo didn’t deserve that.”

“You’re going to punish us because we messed with a band you like?” asked Vignette.

“You smashed someone’s windshield!” said Sunset.

Wallflower rubbed the back of her neck.

“I mean, well, Vignette’s paid the damages, and it didn’t have anything to do with magic or horses, and it’s not like there was a problem with our friendship, so,” her eyes fell from Sunset’s gaze to the ground. “Isn’t this sorta outside your jurisdiction?”

She could feel Sunset’s eyes on her.

“I suppose it is,” she said doubtfully.

“Can I say something?”

All eyes fell on Juniper Montage.

“They should come to the movies with me,” she said.

“Okay?” said Vignette.

“As their punishment.”

Sunset frowned. “How is that a punishment?”

“Well,” said Juniper, “can either of you honestly say you’d do it if you weren’t forced to?”

Vignette shrugged. “I mean, maybe?”

Wallflower looked away.

“Look, I don’t blame you. I used to be so whiny and entitled, but being whiny and entitled was sort of my whole personality, that and movies. So now that I’ve stopped being whiny and entitled, all I have are movies. And movies aren’t a personality.”

“Er…” What on earth was Wallflower supposed to say to something like that? That was the worst thing she’d ever heard anyone say.

“I get it. Wallflower, you have trouble talking to people and get all uncomfortable, especially around me because, you know. Movies aren’t a personality. Don’t look so surprised! I actually pay attention to the people around me, you know.”

Wallflower rubbed the back of her neck, feeling a little guilty.

Juniper continued. “But you’re a lot better with Vignette, you’re noticeably more comfortable around her. If she was there, it’d be fine, right?” She took a deep breath. “So let me be just a little bit whiny and entitled and ask you to actually make a freaking effort to meet me halfway and try and be my friend.”

Wallflower winced, but forced herself not to look away from her. Her every instinct told her to say no. Not even the social pressure from Sunset and her friends being here was enough to outweigh them.

But, well, Juniper was a good person. Nice, by all measures. She didn’t deserve the amount of flack Wallflower’s brain gave her.

Wallflower had overcome her fears to be friends with Vignette. There hadn’t been a lot to overcome with her because she was so Vignette, but she’d still had to at least try. And now she had a friend in her, like an actual human being.

Juniper could be the next step to that. She was acknowledging that things were a bit weird between them, and acknowledging that Wallflower would need Vignette’s help. Surely she could meet her halfway? And if she was Juniper’s friend, then she wouldn’t need to put so much effort into avoiding her.

It really felt like that last part should have been obvious.

Wallflower imagined herself climbing person by person, friend by friend towards being more of a functional human.

She swallowed. “Okay. I could, I could do that.”

“Great! And while I’m asking for things, there’s one more thing I need you to do.”

“Y-yeah?”

“You’re probably the only person in the world who can stop Vignette from just dominating the whole conversation. If we’re being weird and talking about how to be friends with each other, then I’d really, really like you to do that.”

“I can’t help that I’m the most interesting person in any room,” said Vignette.

Wallflower smiled at her. “I think I could do that.”

Author's Note

Inclusion of baseball bats 100% inspired by the works of Aragon.