“Why are you here?”
“I’m princess Twilight Sparkle!”
“You said that. But why are you here?”
Davenport was getting concerned. This strange pony showed up in a badly done Twilight Sparkle costume and just shouted she was Twilight. He knew she wasn’t but wasn’t sure who she was under all that make up.
“Muffins!”
“Muffins?” It snapped into place immediately. There was only one mare that would ask for muffins like that. Derpy.
“Yes! I want a plate of waffles! I am Princess Twilight Sparkle.”
“You just said muffins,” corrected Davenport with a sigh.
“Yes. A plate of muffins. I am Princess Twilight Sparkle.” The mare was standing completely still. It reminded Davenport of the pictures he’d seen of Luna when she gave orders. The way she stood, it felt like she had watched Luna many times.
“We don’t sell muffins here, De…Princess,” Davenport calmly explained. “We sell sofas and quills. That’s why it’s called Sofas and Quills.”
Derpy stared at him as if she was processing the entire concept. He figured he would have to answer the normal question. Why do you sell quills and sofas? What do they have to do with each other? Then he would calmly explain that sofas are stuffed with bird feathers to keep them soft and pliable. Of course not every feather he got was good enough to be a sofa feather. So the extra ones that were strong and rough seemed perfect to make quills with. It was pretty practical.
“I am Princess Twilight Sparkle!”
Davenport sighed. He should probably fetch a doctor. Derpy wasn’t normally this bad. Maybe something happened.
“Did you… umm crash lately Princess?”
“I… want… muffins?”
“Princess, I think it would be best if you tried out a sofa for a bit. You’ll feel great and cozy. It’s like a throne.” Davenport hoped it would at least keep her safe in the store. He could go get some help. Or the doctor. Or the real Twilight.
“Yes! I am Princess Twilight. And Princesses sit on thrones! Like Luna!”
“Yes…Princess Luna sits on a throne as well,” Davenport cheerfully agreed. “Now the royal throne sofas are in the back. Just follow me.”
He led the princess with the drooping paper tube horn and frazzled wig to the back. He found one of the older but grander sofas and presented it to Derpy.
“This is one of our finest models, please rest yourself Princess. I’m going to find those waffles you requested.” Davenport helped her lay down and made sure she was comfortable. Then he turned to find help.
“Bring your Princess muffins. I am Princess Twilight Sparkle!”
“Right, I meant muffins.” Davenport assured as he left. He walked to the front to turn the sign to closed but the door opened.
“Where is Princess Twilight?” A strange unicorn demanded as she barged in.
“I am not sure but I have sick friend and I really must-“
“I saw her walk in,” the frantic pony accused.
“That wasn’t the Princess that was-“
It was at that moment that Derpy heard them and screamed,”I am Princess Twilight Sparkle!”
Davenport felt his heart sink. The pony at the door looked at him suspiciously. “I thought you said Princess Twilight wasn’t in there?”
“She’s not.” The earth pony felt the unicorn’s eyes glower at him in scrutiny. Then her expression changed.
“Princess Twilight is your friend right?” She leaned in with a wink.
“I’d like to think so.” The sofa sellspony felt like he was on pretty good terms with the Princess of Friendship. She stopped by for her weekly purchase of quills.
“And you said your ‘friend’ is sick right?”
Davenport sighed. “Yes, that’s why I’m going to fetch the emergency wagon.”
“I’ll get it! You should watch her. We don’t want your ‘friend’ being sick at Princess Con.” The pony ran off before the stallion could explain. But at least the emergency wagon would get there fast. And he didn’t like the idea of leaving Derpy in his shop even if she had been feeling well.
He returned to his guest in the back. Derpy was writhing around the sofa, staining it with her purple makeup. He sighed. He could write the couch off as Derpy damage. It was insured against that.
“So Princess Con huh? That’s why you’re dressed like that.” Davenport said smartly. He started to check out the strange pegasus.
“I ..am…Princess Twilight …Sparkle…” the injured pony whimpered. She looked like she was getting weaker. Davenport had heard that if ponies are concussed, which he suspected knowing Derpy, they shouldn’t go to sleep.
“Derpy! You need to wake up now. Stay awake. I got some muffins if you want them.” He felt a rush of panic as the patient’s eyes pointed decidedly in wrong directions. But then remembered that was normal. For her.
“Oh…Muffins? Princess Twilight needs muffins for her library.” The little pegasus squeaked out. She tried sitting up but Davenport pressed her back on the sofa.
“Help is coming Derpy. I just sent somepony to get the emergency wagon.” The sale pony found himself just stroking her mane hoping the stimulation would both calm her and keep her awake.
The outside door clanged again and Davenport looked up. He patted Derpy’s shoulder and rushed to the front. The emergency wagon must have been on patrol. He didn’t think it could get here that quickly.
“The patient is back-“ the stallion stopped as he beheld his patron. “P-P-Princess Luna? What are you doing here?”
The Princess of Dreams stared down at him with suspicious eyes. He couldn’t think of anything he could have done to get such a look. The knot in his throat made it hard to breathe. This Princess could turn her enemies inside out with a flick of her horn. Or at least that’s what he heard.
“I am looking for Princess Twilight. I was told that she was here. She and I were searching for my mate but if she is ill I shall tend to her.” The Alicorn stood as tall as she could in front of the weaker, smaller earth pony.
“Oh Princess, she’s-“
“I’m Princess Twilight Sparkle!” Screamed the delusional mare in the back.
“That is not Princess Twilight’s voice!” Luna’s tone became irate. “Are you attempting to gain customers with this ploy? Trying to corral the masses of Princess fans?!”
“What?! No. It’s a misunderstanding. It’s just a friend who’s not feeling well.” Davenport was sweating now. Luna’s muzzle was inches from his. Her eyes squinted at the shrinking pony and were filled with malice.
“I dislike deception! Show yourself, fake Princess Twilight Sparkle!” Luna’s voice rose to godly decibels with her command.
A small form appeared in the back. The fake horn had slid further down the pegasus’s head and half her make up was gone. Probably all over the sofa Davenport groaned.
“I am Princess Twilight Sparkle!” Derpy shouted and held herself with the same regal air as Luna expertly commanded.
“You are not Twilight,” Luna said with a softened tone. “You are Derpy Hooves and my girlfriend.”
Davenport’s jaw dropped. Luna was dating Derpy? Dating? He had heard of the “snuggle Princess” incident. Derpy had told a large crowd that she and Luna had slept together. But Luna had explained it was only sleep. The bewildered stallion suspected Derpy had been right.
Luna immediately rushed to Derpy’s side and picked the pegasus up in her mighty fore hooves. Concern and fear blemished the Princess' noble face. Derpy instinctually leaned into her girlfriend’s chest. “I am …Princess Twilight…Sparkle..” she cooed.
“What has happened, my love?” Luna cried. “I turned my back for but a second and you were gone. How did you get into such a state?”
“I am …Princess Twilight Sparkle,” Derpy declared sadly looking down.
“That’s all she’s been saying…and wanting muffins,” Davenport informed, hoping to sound helpful.
“We must call the emergency wagon immediately!” Luna boomed. She looked at Davenport with the scolding look a mother gives a foal.
“I did. They should be on their way.” Davenport wiped another layer of sweat off his forehead. This was not the attention he wanted.
“If they are not present now, then I shall fetch them myself!” Luna gently placed her mare down on one of the chaises nearby. Davenport cringed knowing it was one of the high end models. Derpy wasted no time wiping more of the purple makeup on it. “Rest there must, my love. I shall fetch help.”
Luna placed a light kiss on her mare and ran back out of the shop. Her mighty wings took flight while Davenport wondered why she didn’t just take Derpy herself. He watched as the Princess of the night soared away at staggering speed.
Davenport turned back to his guest. Derpy looked like she was uncomfortable. He placed one of the fine pillows under her neck in case there was damage. At least it was nice that some pony had found her appealing.
Luna dating Derpy. Davenport couldn’t fathom how such a thing had come about. He had known the clumsy mare since she came to Ponyville and smashed through his front window. He was pretty sure it was her first day there. And here she was dating the Princess of Dreams. What a strange world.
The door opened again and Davenport turned expecting the emergency wagon. Instead it was another Princess. The real Princess Twilight Sparkle waved at him with a smile.
“Hi Davenport, I thought I heard Princess Luna was here,” she said in her kind-to-everycreature manner.
“She was but she just left to get the-“
“Emergency Wagon!” shouted a pair of ponies as they shoved their way through the store front door.
“Oh, what happened? Why are you here?” asked Twilight. She didn’t like the way they looked at her. It was full of pity and concern.
“We heard you were sick, your majesty,” the zebra mare shouted, although there was no need. “Please lay down, we'll assess you on the way.”
“Assess? But I’m not sick, I don’t think. Do I look sick? Is something wrong with my face?” Twilight gasped and tried to find a mirror.
“You look pale, Princess purple pony,” agreed the yak that pulled the wagon. Davenport wondered how the yak could even see with his mane in his face. If that was a mane. Davenport didn’t know if yaks had a mane.
“I do?” gasped Princess Twilight. “Well I am feeling a little stressed with the convention, and the fans and all the preparations but I don’t think I am that sick.”
The zebra placed her hooves on the confused mare’s shoulders. “Princess, if we leave you here and you die because you didn’t want to bother us, we’ll never forgive ourselves.”
“Yak never forgives,” echoed the emergency medical yak.
Davenport couldn’t watch any more. He curtly approached the emergency workers. “Now see here. This is not-“
“Who are you sir?” asked the zebra with a cold stare.
“Davenport. This is my establishment. I’m the one that called and this is not-“
“Thank goodness you called,” the zebra interjected. “If Princess Twilight died in your store because of her illness it would be disastrous.”
“But she feels fine,“ Davenport wanted to scream. His eyes glanced over to the poor real patient on the sofa. Derpy looked in pretty rough shape. He turned back to medics. “Look I think you ought to-“
“Sir, we thank you for calling but we would like it if the Princess spoke for herself. It lets us assess her mental status.” The zebra turned abruptly to Princess Twilight.
“My-my mental status?” The Princess was starting to look pale and frazzled. “Am-am I slurring my words or something? Am I making sense?!”
“I would feel better if you were seen, Princess, we can’t check all that could be going on in the field.”
“Better safe than sorry,” the yak reminded. He began to usher the alicorn to the wagon waiting outside. The Princess walked out with them very concerned and very pale.
“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to be seen,” Twilight said as she climbed into the back of the wagon. The zebra jumped in and slapped the side of the cart. The yak let out a mighty snort and a howl. Any ponies passing by rushed to get out of the way.
Davenport ran in disbelief as the emergency wagon barreled down the street with the warning bells clanging in motion of the cart. The zebra was shouting at Twilight in order to be heard but Davenport couldn’t make out the details.
“Waaaaait! You have the wrong patient!” He shouted at the top of his lungs but the emergency bells clanged louder than his soft voice could. He wasn’t as fast as an excited yak. He wasn’t that fast for an earth pony.
He didn’t go too far. He didn’t want to leave Derpy alone. He sped back to his shop. He found her still lying down, her eyes swimming.
“I’m …Princessssss…Twiiighlight…” groaned the fallen friend. Davenport rushed to her. He had to do something. But what could he do? He had no medical training at all! He knew about pillows and feathers. All he could do was prop her up better on some of his firmer pillows.
He was about to rush out for help again when the large form of Princess Luna reappeared. She threw open the door. Davenport thought it was going to break off its hinges. Her eyes were white pupil-less balls of fury.
“Why is my love still here?! Why did the emergency wagon take Princess Twilight?!” Luna hissed the questions through the air like mini flaming javelin.
“They didn’t listen and con- convinced Twilight she was sick.” Davenport’s vest was darkening with sweat. His mouth was dry.
“Those fools! Why did you not stop them?!”
“I I really tried, your majesty! They didn’t listen. I tried to help but all I could do was prop Derpy up on my finest pillows.”
The Princess of Dreams stared with laser coated daggers. Then took a deep breath. “You have done all you could. I believe you. I shall take my love to the hospital myself as I should have done initially.”
She stalked over to the fallen purple painted pegasus and lifted her off the couch in a dark bubble. It didn’t fill the room with light so much as lengthened the existing shadows. “Do not mistake my anger for ingratitude. I am annoyed at the circumstances, not you. I am extremely happy you kept her here and safe.”
Davenport breathed a sigh of relief. Luna and the fallen mare left the shop and the shopkeeper felt a mixture of relief and worry. He hoped the clumsy friend would be ok. They took off into the air leaving him to wonder.
He looked around at his shop. The chaise was covered with purple makeup. So were his finest pillows. The floor was covered in hoof prints from the commotion. Medical equipment debris lined his doorway that was creaking now.
He flopped on his ruined chaise and sighed. It wasn’t going to be a very profitable day at all. He didn’t think his Derpy insurance would cover everything and the Princess-and-her-friends insurance wasn’t up to date. They never got thrown into soft sofas.
The door opened and a pony Davenport didn’t know peeked her head in. She was wearing an “ I heart Princess Mi Amore Cadenza” T-shirt. She looked expectantly at the shop pony.
“They aren’t here..” Davenport sighed.
“What?”
“The princesses aren’t here. They left.”
“Oh..are there still quills though? I broke mine and need more autographs.”
“Oh…” Davenport stood up and passed her a quill. When she reached into her saddle bag for bits he waved her off.
After she left he closed his shop. It would take some time to clean and make it presentable again. He decided to visit Derpy in the hospital. If anything he could help Princess Luna calm down. Perhaps.
Davenport later found Derpy had a concussion and some dehydration. Luna berated the emergency wagon staff for playing into Twilight’s anxieties and missing the real patient. Twilight had a battery of tests done but decided to stay in bed the next day, just in case. Luna paid for the damages to Davenport’s sofas and had a special sofa commissioned for her favorite mare. It looked like a muffin.
