The Man

by Abyss Walker

Rating: mature
Tags: Violence, Princess Celestia, Sex, Zecora, Human, Anthro, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Romance, Princess Luna, Spike, Comedy, Main 7 (EqG), Profanity, Adventure
Length: 2640

A man transported to Equestria finds that not only is he on a planet that is housed by anthropomorphic ponies, but it is also dominated by the opposite gender.

Marcus Wilson is about as close to a masculine man as you could get. Which makes his situation all the more ironic as he, along with his home; is transported to an RGRE Equestria while tinkering in his garage.

The mares and stallions of Equestria have a rude awakening ahead of them, because Marcus is gonna shake things up.

Published 2022-03-18 07:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-03-18 07:30:01 UTC

Chapter 1:The Hell Kind Of A Name Is Twilight?

My keys rattled as I pulled them from my pocket. Inserting one particular key into the lock on the door, I turned the knob and stepped inside. I sighed as I shut the door behind me,

"Finally, home at last." Clasping my hands, I stretched—the popping of my joints relaxed me further. I tossed my hat on the table in front of the sofa. I continued into the kitchen and flicked the light switch. A soft buzz reverberated from the bulbs on the ceiling. Opening the fridge, I pulled out some leftover cheeseburger mac I had made the night before. I scooped the contents into a bowl, added water, and tossed it into the microwave. 'Gotta moisten it up to get that initial flavor back.' I thought. After grabbing a Bang energy drink, I returned to the living room and plopped onto the couch. Pulling out my phone, I checked my notifications, mumbling as I read through them,

"Instagram stories…Weather update for tomorrow. 10 degrees tomorrow? Holy shit, it's fucking March. Another tax increase?! Dammit, man, people have food and shit to buy to live to the end of the month. Fuck we need term limits." As I checked my phone, I cracked open the can of liquid crack and took a hearty swig. Feeling the effects of the caffeine take effect almost immediately. This shit was going to kill me, but damn, did it work. I was interrupted by the beep of my microwave. I put my phone away while placing my energy drink on the table. I rubbed my hands and made my way back to the kitchen. I returned with a bowl of reheated homemade goodness. As I demolished the meal, I watched videos on my phone. Once my spoon scraped the bowl and came up empty, I checked the bowl, and sure enough, the only thing left inside was small streaks of cheese. After putting the dish in the sink, I walked into my garage while taking another gulp of my energy drink. I opened the door and flicked the switch. My prides and joys were illuminated in all their glory.

My 1970 Ford Torino fastback. I had fully restored it from just the frame and a few rusted body panels. There was also my custom-built chopper. My new packages for the Torino were in the far corner, a 5.0L Coyote. Commonly found in the 2010 to 2021 Mustang GTs. And two sexy little Hiroshima Hairdryers or turbos if you want to be more technical. The Torino had just a regular 351 Windsor that I pulled from a 69 F150 at a local junkyard. If you haven't noticed yet, I was a die-hard Ford guy. I went so far as to paint that legendary (or infamous depending on how you saw things due to the manufacturer's recent history) blue oval on my garage wall. I cracked open the giant box and smiled like a young boy staring at an aisle of Hot Wheels.

Seeing as how this would be a boosted engine, it would need a little insurance. Even though the second generation 'Yotes came with forged internals from the factory, I sought more robust components than the factory internals. It took a lot of money and patience (did I mention money?) to get this baby shipped to my dirty and nefarious hands. I chuckled madly and got to work. First, I pulled the 351 out of the Torino, installed the custom engine mounts I ordered, and installed the new K-Member. The Coyote might have been 5 liters and 302 cubic inches, but it was a Dual Overhead Cam V8. It was physically more significant in size than most LS's or Hemi's out on the street, but not a wrong platform, not in the slightest. Once I dropped the Coyote in and tossed on the long tube headers and the complete exhaust, I got to work on bolting it to the trans, which I also built to withstand the power I was going to abuse-I mean, throw at it. Now came the shitty part.

Wiring.

After some expletives and profound reconsideration of my life choices, I finally closed the wiring diagram on my laptop and jumped into the driver's seat. I took a deep breath, wrote the cross on my chest, and prayed to Carroll Shelby. Once the fuel pump had a few seconds to run, I decided it was time to consummate this engine swap. With great trepidation, I pushed the clutch in and turned the key. That familiar stutter came and went, but no vroom vroom noises. Unable to accept reality, I turned the key once more, and the result was the same: crank but no start. I sighed and scratched the scruff on my jaw before dejectedly reopening the wiring diagram. After a few more hours of painful wiring bullshit that I won't bore you with, I lumbered back to the driver seat and slumped into it. I started to think that I'd have to put this off until tomorrow. I turned the key, and once again, no start. My right hand slid off the steering wheel,

"What am I getting wrong? The injectors are pulsing, and I'm getting spark, so what the hell?" I groaned. Well, it can't hurt to give it one more try. I pushed in the clutch and turned the key one more time. 'This is it, Marcus, one last chance for romance.' The stutter came, and it seemed that the big man upstairs heard my prayers. The engine rumbled to life. My expression went from wanting to play a cover of Smells Like Teen Spirit with a 12 Gauge to a caveman discovering a fire in seconds. I watched the tachometer rise to 1,000 RPM with manic glee. Once the engine warmed up, the second test came. How does it respond to gas? I feathered the throttle delicately, and the engine growled in approval of the sweet go-juice provided. A little more this time. I went about half throttle, and the result would make any red-blooded American man cream from pleasure. The Coyote was awake now as it snarled in murderous hunger. I bit my lip and furrowed my brow,

"Got DAMN!" I said before shutting the car off. I stepped out of the car and nearly shed a tear, "She's almost complete." I would head to bed, but it's only eleven, and I got time to kill. My grin remained as I turned on my phone's Bluetooth and connected it to my garage speakers, "Feelin' like Black Label." I mumbled as I chose the song. Approaching my welding table, I began fabricating the metal needed for my turbo. About an hour passed when something weird started to happen. My lights and speaker went out, along with the welder. The most recent weld was glowing like a candle until cooling down, leaving me in darkness and confusion. I got off my stool and stared at my ceiling lights. I went to the light switch and tried the trick that all Indian tech support hotlines would approve of. I flipped the switch on and off to no avail. Just as I was about to head into the kitchen to grab new bulbs, I felt the ground rumble beneath my feet,

"Oh S-" The vibrations increased in intensity, which threw me off balance and banged my head against the wall. The impact against my thick skull dazed me and had me lying on the floor. Before I slipped out of consciousness, I looked to the silhouette of my Torino, which was shaking side to side. I reached my hand out weakly before everything went black.

I awoke with a start and a splitting headache, my lights were suddenly on, and I looked around the garage. My chopper had fallen over, and one of the mirrors snapped off the handlebars; I took a mental note to fix that as I rose to my feet. Thank god, the Torino seemed fine. I was worried that the roof would collapse and crush the car. My welder was still upright, good thing it shut off when the lights went out. It had a decent amount of weight to it, so I'm not surprised I checked my phone for the time. The clock read "12:55 A.M.," but I saw that I had no service. Did a cell tower collapse after all that? That was a pretty bad earthquake. I stumbled out of the garage and continued up the stairs to my bedroom. My lamp fell off the nightstand, but my PC was still standing.

I continued to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and found some painkillers. Popping a few, I started to feel a little better. No wonder Max Payne did it so much. Rechecking my phone, I saw no amber alerts, which seemed weird. After eating a bowl of cereal, I showered and changed. That also left me with questions, like how the hell did my water work? An earthquake of that magnitude should have for sure cracked my water main. Once I finished cleaning up any messes the natural disaster may have caused around the house, I went back to the garage to check out the city and see the damage. I pulled my bike off the ground and grabbed the garage remote. When the garage door finally opened, the situation got harder to explain,

"What the fuck," I whispered as I stared at the trees that suddenly appeared, "The hell happened last night." I rolled out of the garage and gauged my surroundings. Okay, what the absolute fuck is going on? Where the hell did all these trees come from? I lived in a neighborhood in Houston, Texas. Not the goddamn Amazon rainforest. I shut the garage door and roared down the rough path away from my house. Birds flew from the trees as I passed; the sun was bright enough that my glasses finally transitioned and tinted.
I could faintly see strange buildings that looked much more rural past the foliage. But the people seemed off. Is that person purple? What the fuck is that on its head and back?. Wait, are they flying?! I revved my chopper, which drew the purple whatever the fucks attention. Its head turned, and I almost shit bricks. The shape of its head resembled a horse, and its eyes were nigh the size of my dinner plates back home. I gave the chopper some gas and flew past the bushes. The closer I got, the more my stomach dropped. The purple horse-human hybrid had a horn on its head, now glowing with an almost equally purple aura. I drew the attention of the other horse things too. With a skid, I stopped in front of the purple one. I heard a feminine shriek pierce the air as I slid. We are now faced to face. I could tell it was female now. Judging from the eyelashes and the breasts protruding from the sweatshirt she was wearing,

"What the hell are you?" Her horn lost its aura at my response, and her eyes grew wider. A small smile grew on her face. That creeped me out, honestly. A crowd had surrounded us, murmuring as they stared quizzically at me. The males seemed to have stockier frames and square jaws. Was I on DMT? Did I finally listen to Joe Rogan and try the stuff?

"What is it?" One asked,

"What's that animal it's riding?" Asked another,

"Oooh, he smells like a male!" My eyes widened at the last comment, and I turned to regard the female that said it. She was light blue with pink eyes, along with a silver mane and tail,

"Excuse me, what?" A collective gasp rippled through the crowd,

"By Celestia, he speaks Ponish."

"Princess Twilight, what is he?" the crow turned their heads to the female closest. The purple one and I did the same,

"The hell kind of a name is Twilight?" I asked incredulously. The female responded with a squee and closed the distance between us. The unexpected speed made me jump,

"Oh. My. Gosh! An actual alien that can communicate in fluent Ponish!" She hit me with a barrage of questions, "Did you come here on that animal? What's its name? What's your name? How long do you plan on staying here in Equestria? Did you come to probe us?" My palm firmly bumped into her snout,

"Whoa, miss! Pump the brakes. I'm not even going to question the last one due to how sus that shit sounded. Did you say Equestria? What the hell is even that?" The purple horse girl thing took a deep breath and collected herself,

"I suppose I got a little too excited," Damn right," Before we continue, let's go to my castle, and I'll answer any questions you might have. Oh! You could also meet my friends!" Did she fucking say castle? If she was royalty, I sure as shit didn't notice. She seemed more like a nerdy girl that lacked the concept of personal space,

"Uh suuuure. Hop on and lead me there." Her brow rose,

"W-What? I could teleport us." Telepo-I couldn't help but facepalm. With each passing minute, my sanity is tied to a stake and shot,

"Look, I barely know what's going on, and I'm about to have an aneurysm. Just hop on." She looked down and shuffled her legs,

"O-Okay. Where do I sit?" I turned and patted the bitch seat. She nodded and awkwardly swung her right leg over and plopped down, "Put your feet on there," Twilight complied and put her feet on the rests, "Clear the way!' The crowd moved like I was Moses parting the Red Sea. I revved the chopper up, making the bystanders cringe and cover their ears. Before we left, I turned to Twilight, grabbed her hands, and pulled them towards my waist. Her face exploded in red before looking away,

"W-What are you doing! Don't you think that's a little intimate for somepony you just met?" I raised an eyebrow,

"There's no backrest for that seat; If you don't hold onto my waist, you'll fall right off the bike," With a small moan of disapproval, she placed her hands loosely on my waist, "I'd recommend hanging on tighter." I gave the chopper a hefty amount of throttle, and the front wheel came off the ground as we sped off. Twilight immediately glued herself to my back. Her head resting on my shoulder,

"Turn right!" The bike roared around the corner,

"Left!" This turn was tighter; I let off the throttle and eased around the corner.

"Just up ahead!" Holy, that place was huge. Is that thing made out of crystals? I shook my head as we approached; this was a weird morning. As we came to a stop in front of the steps. I looked back at Twilight, visibly shaken from her first ride,

"We're here, and you can let go now, miss, and watch the pipes. They're pretty warm," She stepped off the bike with extra caution. I turned it off and shoved the keys in my pocket before kicking out the stand. Once I got off the bike, I looked up at the massive structure, "So you live here?"

"Yes, I do."

"Jesus Christ," I muttered, following her up the steps. My attention now remained on the purple tail that poked through her jeans. Y'know, as weird as this sounds, this odd creature had an absolute wagon for an ass.

Author's Note

Just a little side story to get the the neurons in my monke brain to reactivate. I haven't given up on Accursed and I plan on finishing a chapter very soon folks.

Also, the engine of Marcus' car sounds like this.

https://youtu.be/xgVeaICdWkw