An Anomaly Too Far

by Thecorpsmancolt

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Violence, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Sex, Anthro, Main 6, Profanity, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Death, Human, Narcotics, Romance, Princess Luna, Original Character
Length: 10415

A Lone mercenary from the Zone after a botched job finds himself in a strange and unknown land.

"If anything can go wrong, it will" - Murphy's Many Laws

The zone is anything but peaceful, she is mean, cold and not fair in the slightest. One Merc will soon find this out the hard way. Once a veteran back in his home country, but he couldn't quite stand the peaceful life back home. But all of that changed when a routine contract turns out to be more then he would ever expect. Finding himself in an unfamiliar land he will have to adapt to a land with a new set rules.

One thing he knows for certain...

He doesn't get paid enough for this...

Published 2022-04-01 18:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-11-08 08:56:59 UTC

Chapter Zero: The Only Easy Day Was Yesterday

Nothing if ever is routine in the Zone. It is chaos in many shapes and sizes, along with the many men who stalk the zone for its riches. However, the zone was particularly unkind to one such Mercenary.

Date: August 12, 2013
Location: Limansk
Mission: Deliver Secure Laptop to Client

It was supposed to be a nice and quick job, but let it be known the Zone is a mean and cruel bitch. Dushman, my ~~lovely~~ asshole of a boss, gave me the task. All I had to do was pick up some laptop with some secret squirrel shit on it and bring it back. That lazy asshole never gives me a halfway decent job, not to mention that the gear he tries to sell would bankrupt you just by looking at it.

The location of the task at hand put near the center for Limansk, and when I saw that my fucking heart dropped. Limansk is not a very nice place to visit. It's a goddamn warzone filled with crazed zone worshipers with more firepower than the fucking military. Needless to say, you don't go into Limansk without a very good fucking plan and a goddamn Deathwish.

The plan Dushman drew up had me take main route out of The Dead City and enter Limansk using the cover of night to conceal my movements. Thankfully on my last Op I manage to save up enough dosh for some night vision from Dushman, although he was kind of an asshole about the price. For a dangerous task I would bring bit more equipment than I would normally carry, so I pack accordingly for the task at hand set out for Limansk.

However, when I reached the city, I ran it to a small little problem which threw a wrench into Dushman's nice and simple plan. Monolith, crazy Bastards who can shrug off bullets and wounds that would normally kill most people. Needless to say, you don't want to go into a firefight with these guys unless you got a lot of firepower or a lot of friends. Neither of which I have so my best course of action was to lay low for the time being. I took cover behind some old truck and notice two other Mercs just ahead of me trying to bypass a Monolith patrol. But they fucked up and got spotted because one of them accidently shined his weapon light for a brief moment.

Before he could realize his mistake, the Monolith patrol started to engage the mercs giving me a good opportunity to slip by. Staying low and slow I slip past them leaving the greenhorn mercs to their fate. Once I put some distance between me and the patrol, I pulled up my PDA to see where I was relative to the package. I was only about 100 meters from the building it was in. Taking stock of what I had with me I performed a quick equipment check.

My Rifle is a suppressed M4a1 with an under barrel m203 launcher, pretty useful with harder to kill targets. The sight still an Eotec holo sight was a nice bright red and the magnifier still attached providing me a nice 4x time magnification. My secondary was a Suppressed Heckler and Koch USP 45 a reliable pistol used around the world and a personal favorite of mine. Lastly my M40a3 I had strapped to my patrol bag; Not very useful for clearing buildings but it more than makes up for it by being able to put down long range targets.

After I was satisfied looking over my weapons, I brought my m4 to a low ready position and made my way to the target building. Apon my approach towards the target I noticed a group of time anomaly surrounding the Objective, making my exfil a pain in the ass to say the least. After entering a gap in the anomaly field, I climb through a window rising my rifle to my shoulder, as I slowly pan the room for any threats, I fail to find any at all.

Making my way through the building going room to room searching for this damn laptop, after failing to find any signs of it I stop for a brief moment to collect my thoughts. Thats when I heard faint voices coming from upstairs, now having some actual stimuli to work with I work my way towards the stairs. Being extra sure to pie out my corners I notice a faint light coming from a room towards one end of a long hallway. The hallway itself was in rough condition if I might add, a good quarter of the right-hand side was gone and replace by a damned space anomaly. On the other side was a presumed target, a white light and radiating from the crack of the door.

Slowly creeping up to the door rifle raised having stopped just outside of it when I heard a man speak to, I assume to be a friend of his. Unfortunately for me my Ukrainian is pretty fucking bad so I couldn't follow at all. Having been feed up with this revelation I kick in the door. There was two men inside one wearing a lab coat the other wearing some form of military uniform, without hesitation I put two rounds into the military stalker and held the other at gun point.

The man in the lab coat just stood their motionless in fear for his life.

" Get on the fucking ground now!" I said towards the man, he had gotten the memo and proned out onto the floor. After pulling out some zip ties I restrained him not wanting to waste any more rounds then needed.

The room itself was not that large, a small wooden table in the center had the laptop and various papers and folders on it. On the opposite side from the dead stalker lied scientific equipment, pretty much useless to me but Dushman might like to know it's here. Might even get a bonus for it.

Turning my attention back towards the center I unstrap my backpack and slide the laptop into it. Looking back at the man I kneel down next to him and asked him just what the hell he was doing here. Much to my Suprise ~~or lack thereof~~ he didn't speak any English at all, so he was fucking useless.

After thinking on just what to fucking do with him I decided to cut him loose, I didn't need to kill the egghead so I wouldn't have to. I did make sure to secure any of the firearms in the room, just in case he wants to be a hero. He seems to be thanking me in his native language and started to point out the door towards the anomaly opposite of we are standing. I guess that one anomaly in particular seems important to him at least. With that in mind the egghead strode towards one of the windows while I made a move for the door hopping to just put this fuck up mission behind me and get paid.

That would be very short lived, as soon as I left the room my night became a living nightmare. A rocket from a fucking RPG entered into the damn room through the window. I had just barely gotten out of the doorway when it happened, it launched me just feet away from the space anomaly. After shitting bricks enough bricks to rebuild all of Pripyat, I picked myself up and decide my exfil needed to happen right fucking now.

Dusting myself off I picked up my m4 and damn near sprinted down the stairs. What I saw next made my heart skip a beat, a monolith trooper in an exosuit wielding Vepr 12 semi-automatic shotgun. If you don't know what an exosuit is well to put it simply it makes you a walking tank on the battlefield, and only the most veteran stalkers have the opportunity to utilize them. When our eyes meet, with a quickness I readied my m203 and managed launched a 40mm grenade right into his chest.

The resulting blast barely even moved the SOB, he had bits of his shotgun poking out of his armor, Aswell as blood flowing from his head and chest. I guess I managed to just piss him the fuck off, because after that he just dropped the rest of his gun on the ground and started to approach me menacingly. At that moment I knew I fucked up pretty fucking bad, but it got a lot fucking worse when just past him I saw more monolith soldiers headed this way.

I had to think fast on this one, I had at least a squad sized element trying to push my position, and a very angry Exo gunning for me. I couldn't leave the way I came in, nor could I just jump out a random window because of the anomalies. I had to shoot my way out of this one. Starting with the man in the Exo suit I had a little plan for this one.

Shooting up the stairs reaching to the floor i previously was, I readied a m14 incendiary grenade waiting for the fucker to pop his head. Now an m14 hand grenade burns up to 4000 degrees Fahrenheit for 40 seconds and can burn through a 1/2-inch homogeneous steel plate. Pretty useful in dealing with hard to kill targets just then, I heard his powered footsteps and those of his friends reaching the stairs. and at that moment I pulled the pin and watched the magic happen.

All I heard next was screams from the men below me indicated that the magic had indeed work. However, I still heard steps coming up the stairs and an increasingly higher pace now. I had a feeling on just who that might be, so I fucking booked it towards the burned-out room. After taking cover in the room I readied my rifle and reloaded my m203.

Fear.... Absolute fear took over me when he rounded that corner. Hot shards of metal protruding out of him, and a trail of blood forming on the ground in his wake. Most of his uniform was burned off and scorched while the rest of his armor was a charred black. After taking it all in I open fired at him trying to aim for any vitals at all. It didn't do too much but I did notice him slow down, but it was too late.

He was going to reach me any second now, so I had to decide my fate. Either get killed by this supped up monolith solider or take my chances with the anomaly to my right. I would rather take my chances with the zone then too knowingly die by this asshole. So, I got up and leaped out the opened wall into the space anomaly, praying to whatever deity that cared to listen to not kill my ass when I got in.

Time itself seems to slow down the closer I got to it until I reached the surface. Once i entered the bubble i fell flat on my fucking face. Dusting myself of and looking at my surroundings I knew I made a big goddamn mistake. All round me I could see nothing but a dense grey fog all around, the ground itself felt like dead grass pretty normal for the zone. "Well shit" I uttered under my breath, I hope that i can find a way out of this hell hole before I fucking bonkers or starve.

I have been in the zone long enough to know that Murphy's law in king around these parts. It would be very apparent when out the corner of my eye I spotted a dark figure just inside the fog making my way towards me.

I guess Murphy is back for round 2....

Chapter One: Not So Red Forest

“Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.” – Murphy's many laws

Date: Unknown
Location: Unknown
Mission: Deliver Secure Laptop to The Client (On Hold)

Pain...The only thing I could feel running through my body was pain, I guess all that means i am not dead yet so that's good. but for now, though I am in a pretty fucked situation. After picking myself up off the ground I start to look around to see just where the hell i ended up at.

It was odd, the area i was in felt familiar and so alien at the same time. The whole area was covered in a thick fog, so thick in fast I couldn't see past fifty meters Infront of me. Just then, out of the corner of my eye i saw what looked like a dark outline of a vaguely humanoid figure. Panicking I dropped down to one knee and leveled my rifle at the figure. Not knowing its intentions i call out to it hoping for it to respond in kind.

" IDENTIFY YOUR SELF ASSHOLE" I waited for any kind of response but received none, until the figure finally stepped out from the fog. When it finally come in to focus, I couldn't believe my own two eyes.

A female with what looks like white fur with crimson hair a horn and fucking wings. She was wearing clothing what could be inferred as regal by nature. Standing on two legs and looking so much like a human but with enough difference to tell she is not. After possessing this new information, I found myself at a loss for words.

Breaking the silence, I got up to my feet and slightly lowered my rifle and asked " Who and what the hell are you?".

Then after clearing her throat, she then with a booming voice, "My name is Faust former ruler of Equestria, and as for what I am I assume you have never meet a pony am I right?".

Dumbfounded, just what the fuck am I dealing with here. I then answer her back with my rifle still at a low ready, " You are correct I have never meet one of your kind before."

Faust then with a warm smile asked," I didn't catch you name what might I call you?"

I replied," You can call me David, now I hate to be rude, but I am on a strict timeline here, do you know where the hell we are?"

She took some time to ponder my statement and said, " Well we are in a magical area not relegated by the laws of time and space."

At this point I let myself lower my guard a bit more and slinged my rifle across my chest. After lowering my ski mask and taking a sip of water from my camelback I answer back,

" well that's just fucking great....so now what, am I able get out of here or am i just stuck here with you....No offence".

" None taken, and yes, I know of a way out but I cannot be certain on where you might end up as a result". She said with a look of concern towards me.

Thinking about what she said, there, right in front of me was a weird horse girl offering me a way out of this anomaly. I don't fucking trust her at all but I don't have a fucking choice in the matter now do I?

I need more information to go off of, I will ask her a few questions to get a better read on her and how fucked I am. So looking her in the eyes i ask.

"I have two questions for you Ms. Faust. One, just how do you intend for me to get out and two why are you helping me in the first place?" I ask in an almost interrogative inflection. It is hard to read her face and body language, and I have a feeling that she is either just going to bullshit me, or that this whole time I have been hallucinating about this horse chick. I hope its option A because I don't know how I fix option B.

Faust then in an upbeat response said " Well to answer the first part I will use my magic to teleport you to safely out of this dreadful place. As for the second question I was hopping you might help me."

Here we go, everybody needs something done. I just hope it's nothing weird...I can't do weird. Dangerous, life threating, that I can do but not weird. Oh, fuck I better not change into what here the hell she is.

Then after a long pause Faust then finally finishes her statement." If you end up in my world, I ask that you check up with my daughters and see if they are well. I have not seen them in so much time and worry for them. But that is only if you are sent there."

That whole request is a giant red fucking flag. First off magic, come the fuck on I aint some greenhorn in the zone to believe some horseshit like that...Ironic I know, and secondly, she implies that I could probably be sent just about fucking anywhere in her world or mine. Fuck me man, i just can't fucking win now can't I. Well i got a 50/50 shot so fuck it, beats being here.

"Fine, we have a deal Ms. Faust, now firstly I need their names and what you daughters look like. Second off What do i get in return, I don't do jobs for free for anyone, its company policy" I utter trying to ascertain just was the hell I am about to get into happy ass into.

A lengthy sigh of relief came from the mare and after she spoke up answering my questions," Well they are not easily missed they bare wings and a horn just like mine, trust me those combined features are very rare in combination in my lands. The oldest is Celestia and the youngest is Luna. As for a reward I cannot offer anything physical, but I can offer you a certain magical aid for you in your quest."

"Magical aid...what are you getting at here, listen I take cash and sometimes favors not cheap parlor tricks from...whatever you might be" I retort having pulled my mask up and reaffixing my helmet.

Then I saw her horn light up with a bright glow near blinding me, instinct took over and i reached down for my rifle trying to bring it to bare toward her direction.

"Trust me you will know of your reward it in due time my warrior" That was all I heard before the world around me went black i slipped into unconsciousness. Well shit, did she kill me? i mean fuck why did i trust the thing in the first place. I guess I just have to hope I get sent back to Ukraine...please send me back.

Date: Unkown
Location: Unknown
Mission: Deliver Secure Laptop to The Client
Locate Two VIPs for the former ruler of Equestria and ensure the assets wellbeing

Grass. When I came too, I fell the embrace on wet grass soaking threw my mask. Just what the hell did she do to me? Then after getting my sorry ass off the ground, I just stood in complete shock at just where the fuck i was. A forest she sent me to the red forest, right? for just a brief moment I was happy, pissed off and scared at the same time. Until I took a better look and noticed that the forest was just a tad too green to be located in the hellish radioactive landscape of the zone. I needed to get my shit together, panicking now would just get me killed. I needed to figure out where I was and from there I can get as better picture on my current situation.

After completing a quick check on my gear and ensuring I have all my equipment on hand. I then pull out my PDA in an attempt to see if it will show me just where the fuck on earth I am. Except it didn't, no service at all, no map no GPS, fucking nothing at all. Not a very good sign if you ask me, so now I will have to do land nav the fucking hard way. I looked up towards the thick canopy just to see if the sun was rising or setting. Well fuck it, the sun was setting so I headed westward towards it.

But before I did thought of what Faust said before I woke up here.

"Trust me you will know of your reward it in due time my warrior".

Yeah, just what the fuck does that mean and also how will she know when i find her daughters? Will her magic bullshit just know automatically because fucking reasons? I have WAY too many questions right now and no answers for them, after my nice little talk in my head I finally decided to start moving out of this green hell.

To say my trek through this forest was uneventful would be a bold-faced fucking lie. I was hunted like prey the entire time, and when the sun went down it got a whole lot worse. Bringing down my nods i could now see my hunter clearly for the first time. Definitely wolfs but their bodies weren't of flesh but of wood. I was surrounded by three sides by wooden wolfs, I didn't have the time to question it at the time due to me about to get mauled to death. So, with my threats clearly in sight I brought my rifle up and hopped they weren't made of bulletproof magic bullshit wood.

The first wolf was brought down quickly with only a few shoots from the m4, the other two managed to conceal themself by diving in the brush. Yet I could still hear very faint rustling all around me, until one leaped behind me managing to sink its teeth into my right leg. That would be its last mistake however, I swung my rifle down and hit the fucker with the butt stock right on its forehead crushing it. It left behind an oddly green blood coming out from its skull, then as i panned around I couldn't hear any more movement. Taking this opportunity, I look down towards my leg, and it wasn't as fucked up as I though in might be, Blood was coming out at a steady rate, however. So quickly I reached for my IFAK and pulled out some disinfectant and bandages to clean the wound and stop the bleeding.

Great just fucking great. I won't be able to go anywhere quick with my leg like this, and i don't want to drain all the batteries i have just to find a way out. I had to wait out the night now, and i was not at all happy with it but i was tired as all hell. being up for i think two days Stright is not very healthy for you, nor is getting maul to death but i already delt with that. So, first things first i need to get wood for a fire, thankfully my firewood just so happen to rest right next to me. So, with that i dragged the remains of what used to be a wolf thing into a makeshift campfire. This took me around 20 mins to get prepped and when the fire lit up endless joy shot across my face, after grinning like an idiot i sat down next to the fire and took inventory of my food, water and ammo.

I Have eight full magazines of 5.56 on my rig at one mag at half in the m4, two plus one mags for the USP and forty loose rounds for the m40a3. As for rations i have about three days worth of MREs and enough water for only two days, not two terrible but i would rather find some kind of civilization soon.

So, let's go over on what the fuck just happened, One, I got a nice simple easy job, Two, easy job had me deal with crazy fucking zone worshippers that refuse to die, Three, I jumped into a weird time fucky wucky space anomaly and made some shitty deal with a weird horse chick, and finally four, I got dumped into a random fucking forest where I have no signal and the wolfs are made of wood.

I swear to God if someone asks me how my day was, I will probably lose my shit and beat the hell out of them just out of spite....

Chapter Two: Good, Bad, I Am The Guy With The Gun

"A grenade with a seven second fuse will always burn down in four seconds." – Murphy's many laws

Date: Unkown
Location: Unknown
Mission: Locate two VIPs for the former ruler of Equestria and ensure their wellbeing

Nightmares. One of the few things I don't miss about the zone were the nightmares, you see if you sleep in the Zone, you are almost guaranteed to have some weird fucked up nightmare every single time you want to sleep. Most folks just take some psi meds and call it a day, but newer stalkers didn't have that luxury. It was just one of the many thing's stalkers had to deal with, this however was different very different.

It was strange, in my dream I found myself back in Limansk walking the old, ruined streets till I came across the site wear those young stalkers meet their end. But instead of them or monolith for that matter I saw some else entirely. It looked just like Faust except for a few differences. She still had a horn and wings, but she was a mix of Dark blues and her outfit bore a crescent moon on the front. She had locked eyes with me and in that single moment I felt a cold chill run down my spine. It was almost as if she was trying to size up or fucking kill me with just her eyes. Kinda reminds me of when I went to boot camp and at every turn you see a Drill with that same 1000-yard stare of death.

It was a weird feeling, but after I took in all her features, she had fit the description of one of Faust's daughters. But why the fuck would one be in my dream of all fucking places, it made no goddamn sense. Then I notice she was about to approach me when all of a sudden, the land scape before me shook and crumbled right in front of me.

To say I was ripped violently from my dream would be an understatement, and something I wish was just a onetime thing. But Murphy had other plans for me this night. Just then an ear-piercing scream came from my left followed by the sound of howling. I am normally not one to be a fucking hero especially in this state, but if someone is out hear then maybe they can lead be to a town or a bar.... I hope.

Grabbing my pack and rifle I made a mad dash wincing at every step with my bad leg. Surprisingly where the scream originated from was only about 60 meters away. As I got close i started to hear what sounded like shouting from a woman in fear for her life. Rifle at the ready i move pass one last bush and found myself on some sort of dedicated trail. Thank fuck, Looking toward the source of the commotion. I saw what looked like Two dogs, except they are on their hind legs.....wearing clothes. I couldn't she their victims just yet but they were now aware of my presence, the larger one had what looked like either a large knife or a machete of some kind. Then they spoke to me in their best attempt at scaring me off.

"Whata we have here another pony coming to save the day eh".

" it looks like it , Say why don't you just hand over you bits so you don't have to end up like one of them" the Other dog then turns and point to two people on the ground one of them bleeding out of multiple wounds.

Wait did he say pony? And these dogs speak fucking English too? I should have just took my chances with the fucking crazy exo dude.

Then after thinking about the situation before I had few Options to take so I chose the most reasonable one. Warn them once and if they don't listen, just shoot the fuckers.

"I would suggest you back away from the two horses take what you got and fuck off otherwise I will have to put you down"

The dogs were taken aback by this look at eachother with a wide grin and dash at me in an attempt to bum rush me. Do they not know what a fucking gun is? or are they just suicidal?

"Wrong choice you fucking mutt" Those were the last words they would ever hear before i put three rounds into both of them. They dropped like a sack of potatoes, quick and clean. Now I made more pressing matters, the two civilians, one of which is currently dying of blood loss.

After reaching them I managed to get a better look at them and their injuries. I was fucking sick after looking at this, it was a small child and I assume her sister? or Mother? That didn't matter now i needed to do something fast. The older female had a dark gray coat with blond hair along with a bubbles ass tattoo? Fucking weird, but that's not important right now, I have to try and stabilize this chick. putting my nods away and turning on my head lamp I look over to the kid and say.

"Don't worry kid I do my best to save her but i need you do help me ok?"

"umm...wh-at do you..need me to do mister" the little girl next to says tears flowing rapidly down her cheeks.

"Just talk to her and make sure she doesn't fall asleep ok." As I say this i begin to pull out my Trama kit, Normal this kind of kit isn't best suited for field surgery, but I have to make do with what I got. I begin with treating the worst of the cuts and suture them at carefully as possible, it didn't look good for her all she could be writhe and scream in pain. I had given her one of my morphine surettes to dull the pain, it had help but she lost a lot of blood in the process.

After a Teeth clenching hour I manage to stabilize her however with all her injuries, moving her would not be wise. I looked over to this young girl and without a word she bolted towards me and hugged me as hard as she can.

"Is my mom going to be ok mister?" she asked looking up at me with tears still running down her eyes.

"She will be ok kid, but we need to take her to a doctor. Do you know where we could find one?"

After rubbing her eyes, she then answered,

" I know here one is if we follow the trail we can head back home."

"Great kid, now look I will follow you while i carry you mom ok, so just lead the way."

After nodding to me request I look over to the horse lady on the ground. Normally moving a patient with wounds like this is not the best course of action, but I don't really have a choice right now so I will just have to be as careful as possible. I picked her up princess style in my arms and looked over to the small girl letting her know i am ready to move out.

I swear to god if my fucking friends ever hear of me helping weird horse people, i would be looked at like i am a Freedom member trying to fuck a bloodsucker high on coke. Or I would become the next laughing stock for the base for the rest of time....I am never telling anyone till the day I die what i did here.

Thankfully the trek out of the forest was uneventful, I however am fucking tired as hell and leg is not doing well either. But when reached the exit of the forest it opened up to wide open plains. I spotted a small town more than likely the destination in question. But I am in no state to keep moving so I put down the horse girl and took a seat right next to her.

But when I looked over towards the kid, I noticed she stopped dead in her tracks. A first I thought nothing of it I was too tired and damn near combat ineffective to notice her change in behavior. Thats when I saw her kneel to the ground and instantly, I raised my rifle and got in front of the injured mare.

Then in a single moment i found myself surrounded on all sides my dark horses wearing some kind of armor you'd see in medieval movies. Right in front of me stood the horse I saw briefly in my dreams, and she still had that fucking killer thousand-yard stare.

"I HAVE SEEN THOU IN THE LAND OF DREAMS. WHAT FOUL BEAST ART THOU, AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ONE OF THINE SUBJECTS!?" The one from my dream spoke very fucking loudly and with authority in a weird Shakespearian accent.

Knowing I would make it far on foot and getting in a fight with them would be less than ideal, i lower my rifle and right when i was about to answer her questions. The little girl ran to me and hugged my leg tightly damn near screaming to everyone.

"PLEASE DONT HURT HIM HE SAVED ME AND MY MOMMY!"

After this little outburst the large blue horse looked at me and this time without trying to blow my eardrums out asked

"Is this true creature? did you save these ponies in the forest?"

Finally getting and opportunity to explain myself I look down towards the injured mare and say.

"Yes, saved them from being chopped up, now if you don't mind this woman needs urgent medical care so I suggest you take her to a hospital, unless you want to keep playing twenty questions?"

Dead fucking silence...The look on all their faces was that of shock and confusion, until one of the armored ones spoke up.

"YOU DARE SPEAK TO PRINCESS LUNA IN THAT MANNER YOU BEAST! "

Then right after this outburst the large horse in front one me, now that I know is named Luna spoke up in a quick response.

"SILENCE, he is correct we shall not delay anymore; I shall take the mare to Ponyville hospital immediately. As for you i still have many questions but you too seemed to be injured as well."

Her horn glowed vibrant blue, and I realized that when a horn does that, thanks to Faust, that some magic bullshit is about to happen. Within a second my vison faded and I found myself in a deep slumber, or she just fucking killed me. Either way I managed to find of the sisters Faust mentioned so yay... I guess.

I hope they have good food at this hospital.....

Chapter Three: Professionals Have Standards

"Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep." – Murphy's many laws

Date: Unkown
Location: Ponyville Hospital
Mission: Locate two VIPs for the former ruler of Equestria and ensure their wellbeing

So, I am not dead, that's a win, but now i have other problems....

"Where the fuck are my clothes at?"

To my utter dreed even when i looked around the room i couldn't see any of my clothes or gear anywhere. Looking down to the rest of my body i notice that my right leg is finely wrapped in bandages, and my arm is on some kind of IV drip.

"At the very least the medical here is first rate, maybe i all the shit that just happened was a bad dream and when the doctor walks in this will all come in everything will be back to normal."

As the hopeful thought crosses my mind i hear multiple foots steps outside of my door. Looking around the room i notice all along the walls are pictures of horses in various outfits on what's looks like advertisements, and even one of an anatomical slice of a pony.

"Am I in a fucking Childrens hospital or a goddamn vet clinic..." I mutter under my breath in utter confusion.

When the door opened i just sat in silence as i witnessed my fears come true, three horse people walked in.

One was dressed in a nurse outfit with some kind of chart in her hands, the other one was wearing i believe is golden plate armor, the fuck? Finally the one who appears to be charge came in, she wore a dark blue dress and around her neck she wore a crescent moon neckless with a tiara with the same symbology.

All three of them just stood and stared at me for a brief moment almost as if they just couldn't believe what their eyes were telling them. The Nurse noticed i was sitting straight up in my bed and finally broke the silence in the room.

"Please Mr. David lay down, you are still not fully recovered from all your injuries just yet."

My eyes went wide, how do they know my name? Because i discreetly remember telling one person or rather pony my name.

"Don't you fucking touch me lady, and secondly where did you get my fucking name from"

"Mr. David please calm down we read you name off the neckless you wore when we found you. Now please lay back down, you will do more harm than good right now."

"Oh....I see"

I feel really fucking stupid right now, how they fuck did i forget about my damn dog tags. I am not thinking straight, i need to change up my approach with these horses.

Now After this quick little spat with the nurse the tall blue one finally spoke up.

"Well, you seem to be in a very talkative mood right now, this is most fortune it for we have many questions for thee. But i must implore to you that you follow the nurses suggestion"

With my attention fully in the direction of the blue princess i finally lay back down onto the bed. However, i wont be answering this horses questions without making some demands of my own.

"I won't answer any questions you have until i am garenteed that ALL of my equipment is returned back to me princess"

"i will return everything but your weapons of war, there will be no other concessions in this matter"

After we both said our pieces, we had lock eyes in a sort of showdown to see who would back down first. It has lasted only for a about a minute, but for the other two in the room it felt like an eternity. However, i have a little plan for this matter that my or my not bite me in the ass later...

"You have a deal princess, i will hand over all of my weapons to you, however i must stress that improper handling of my weapons my result in injury"

With my seemingly easy defeat I notice a small smirk come across her face as soon as i told her what she wanted to hear.

" You know i am quite shocked you agreed without much resistance my little...oh, my apologies to you , but we don't know what your race is called."

"I am a human, but please just call me David and drop any of the formalities"

"Very Well David what would you like to know?"

Better keep the questions relating to the mission at hand, current Location, time, and any knowledge of my VIPs. Yeah, that should be a good start because i can really give a shit about much else right now.

"One where exactly am I right now, Two, what is the current date and lastly three where is the current location of...god what's her fucking name?...Celestia? Yeah Celestia."

"OK David, you are in the city of Ponyville in the country of Equestria. Date is January 15, 2235, and as for my sister why do you need to know where she is?"

Well shit, real fucking subtle their David now, if she wasn't already, she ought to be really fucking suspicious of us now.
Great, now do i come clean and tell her the mission or make up some bullshit...wait. She said sister...i am a fucking idiot she is also one of the VIPs. You know what fuck it i will just tell it to her straight and see what happens from there.

"Well now that you ask, I was contracted by i guess your mother to both locate you and your sister and make sure the two of you are not in any danger. I know that sounds like a lot of bullshit coming from me but right now this mission is my only ticket back to my world."

Well good job asshat you spilled the beans and just threw OPSEC in the fucking trash, But Faust never stated that you had to keep the mission details on the down low. At least i hope not, plus having one of the VIPs know i am supposed to find them makes my job fucking easier in the long run anyway. So here we go will she believe me? Because i fucking wouldn't not in a fucking heart beat.

The room was so silent you could hear a pin drop. Then after mulling over what the human said Luna finally spoke up in response.

"Ah i see...well that is a lot to take in, though i respect your honesty human, i wasn't not expecting that in the slightest."

"Well i glad to hear that but right now i would like to see my equipment please."

Luna with a quick nod then light her horn, ~~that shit still puts me on edge,~~ and with a flash all my gear appears in a nice pile to the right of my bed.

"Thank you, princess, not if you will excuse me i would like to make sure its all here."

As soon as i said that a certain nurse was about to object but i was already of the bed having just pulled the IV off me.

After a quick check of my gear and being satisfied with the result the princess speaks up to me in very matter of fact tone.

"Now David now that you satisfied will you relinquish your arms over to myself as per the agreement."

Now to put my little scheme into motion.

I grab both of my rifles, having one in each hand i hand over both of them Infront of Luna's guard, along with my skinning and fighting knifes.

"Here are my tools of my trade, everything else is non-comabt equipment."

Skeptical but seemingly happy with this result and with another glow of her horn she teleports my long guns and blades away so some unknown location.

"Now my little human with this little exchange i must take my leave, others will come to ask you further questions and as for now i suggest you get your rest"

And just like that she just ups and walks out with her armored entourage, now that just leaves me with just the nurse who helps me get back into bed.

"Say nurse i didn't catch your name."

"My Name is RedHeart, now in the morning the doctor will be asking about your medical history so be ready for that ok. Now before i leave do you have any questions for me?"

"Yeah i just got one, can i smoke in here?"

She looks at me with the most unamused face i believe she could muster.

" I will just take that as a no then"

And with that she walks out leaving me to my own devices. Well great, no more doubt about it, i am now dealing with some out of this world level of bullshit. First i am stuck in this hospital bed made for fucking short people, now i don't have any of my long guns to keep me company. But at least i still have my handgun and grenades with me so that's a small win. But i need a new game plan for what i am going to due next.

But still this is a lot to just put up with and i don't know about you but i see a perfectly good window so smoke out of.
This time with a bit more finesse i leave my bed once more making my way over to my gear pile and after shuffling through it for a few seconds i pull out my Cigarettes and lighter and make my way towards the window.

"RedHeart is going to be fuck pissed if she sees me right now but i couldn't give a fuck less at the moment, I NEED this right now."

After smoking a single cig i flick the now non light butt out the window and make my way back to bed. I need to change tactics here, i guess i will just play ball with these horsefuckers for a bit gain their trust so i can just do my job and go the fuck home. I just hope i CAN go back because if i am stuck in this weird horse universe i might...NO i will go fucking insane.

Fuck me man, i need some sleep, i just hope that i don't have to stay here too long.

And after what seemed like an eternity i finally managed to calm the fuck down and let sleep take over my body.

The Next day

"So just sure i heard you correctly, you have been stabbed, shot, burned, electrocuted, mauled, poisoned, and have multiple instances of using 'combat drugs' and other various medicine mixed with alcohol?"

Just seeing the look on the doctor's face was enough for me yo have a small giggle at all the shit i had to deal with on the daily. He was a funny looking sort, we had yellow fur with a dark red mane, and to top it all off he wore the most stereotypical getup for a doctor to wear. Lad coat, glasses and a fucking stethoscope around the neck.

"Yeah, doc that's most of it, you would like to know anything else?"

"Yes, this time enough about your personal history and more of your species. What do human eat and what is the average life span of as human?"

"Well Doc human are Omnivores so we eat just about everything, and for life span if you life a healthy lifestyle you can live to about 100 or so, give or take"

After scribbling all i said down to his clip board he then turns his head to the nurse and instructs her to deliver my breakfast.

"Nurse Red heart will return with your breakfast, and as for me i have all i need for now so i must attend to my other patients so i will see you around for now. Oh and that reminds me you have visitor"

"All right Doc i will catch ya later, and who is this visitor?"

Before i could even finish my sentence the Doc had already left through the door.

"Well shit that's fucking rude, well atleats the doc said i only have 1 more day left here" I mutter to my self.

The Doc had been talking my ear off all morning with his endless medical questions, and of course i had to play the nice guy in all of this because this will work in my favor in the long run with the locals. HOWEVER, that doesn't mean i fucking like it, i mean hell every day second i spent here in ponyland i feel my man card being striped away from me forever.

I wonder who my visitor is...

Chapter Four: Out of the Pan and Into the Fire

"Field experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it."– Murphy's many laws

Date: January 16, 2235
Location: Ponyville Hospital
Mission: Locate two VIPs for the former ruler of Equestria and ensure their wellbeing
Secondary Objectives: Find a means to contact Faust and get my fucking guns back

"I am still fucking naked..."

"Well, before anyone else comes walking in might as well put some pants on and feel kinda fucking normal."

I mean shit, this medical gown is barely covering the 'goods' as it is. So, with this thought in mind I slowly get up from my bed and stroll over to my equipment. Socks, pants and my undershirt will do for now until I leave.

"Now that I am at least half decent now, I suppose that a quick smoke break before breakfast will do wonders for me."

As I walked over to the window, I used last night and pulled out the pack cigs i had the other night and before i could even pull one put the nurse came in and ruined the moment. Oh boy let me tell ya she looked fucking pissed and i thought for a moment she was going to choke me the fuck out. However, she didn't say a word till after she put my breakfast down on the table near my bed.

"David, I am going to ask you nicely to please not smoke inside the hospital. could you do that for me?"

I nodded in agreement not wanting to incur the wrath of this horse, and made my way back to the bed ready to enjoy a nice breakfast...

"Oh, and David would you like me to send up your visitors now or after you done?"

" Yeah, you can just send them up...."

Those were the only words that i could muster at the time, because i was just so FUCKING PISSED OFF I MEAN WHO THE FUCK EATS FLOWERS FOR BREAKFAST AND IS THAT.... is that fucking grass?

"This is a fucking joke right, i bet that cunt of a nurse did this. I haven't had a real breakfast in goddamn MONTHS and now i am served fucking cut grass."

After I had my ~~very reasonable~~ bitch fit about my so-called breakfast, I decided to just put the tray of ‘food’ away on the nightstand next to me, and wait for my guests to arrive. Oh boy, I can't wait to see what flavor of weird creature might be wanting to see little old me!

It didn't take long for my so-called visitors to show up and when they walked through my door I was genuinely surprised to see who it was. It was the mother and daughter I had pulled out of the forest not too long ago. Right when the little one came into the room and saw me she instantly darted right two me giving me a tight hug.

“Well good morning to you kid, I gotta say I didn't expect both of you to come and see me.”

Now while the kid was hugging my leg the mother looked to just be standing there awkwardly in front of my bed, not quite knowing what to say.

“You ok their Miss?”

Yeah this chick was a little on the weird side.

“Oh…uh i am sorry sir i am not so good with my words…so umm…me and my daughter just wanted to thank you for saving our flanks.”

“Yeah, i can tell that from the little one here, i mean shit i should be thanking her for saving my ass from the tall blue princess, ain't i right squirt?”

“Yeah! He was acting super cool when he was protecting you from the guards, then the princess showed up and was about to throw down with you and..”

Goddamn this kid can talk and then some, it looks like mom over here is just soaking all this in. Then it finally dawns on me that something just doesn't feel right here something doesn't add up here...She was SERIOUS fucked up last time i saw her and yet i am the one still in the hospital bed. How the hell does that work? She needed major surgery. Just how good is the medical care here…or do they use artifacts?

“So Ms. Do i have a question for you, how are you even able to walk right now last time i saw you, you were not in the best of state.”

After refocusing her attention over to me she answers me in a sheepish reply.

“Well the Doctors here only had to use their magic on for a few hours and i was as right as rain, but i don't know why they couldn't to the same for you”

There's that fucking word again ‘magic’ I swear to God all mightily if every question i have about this place is ‘magic’ this ‘magic’ that i will fucking kill the cutest thing i can find.

“ Ah i see well thank you anyway, and not to be rude but i would like some time alone please.”

After a little protest from the kid she eventually managed to get her from my leg and out of the door not before offering a place to stay at her home when I am released from the hospital.

A FEW HOURS LATER

After finishing up the last bit of paperwork needed for the discharge, I now stand right in front of the hospital. Let me tell you, this place looks like it came straight out of a fantasy book and yet it is mixed with modern technology at the same time. Not only that but these Horse? Pony? These fucking people are seemingly not to fond on little old me.

Now my first move is to gather more information on my Operational Area, that means Maps, local force numbers, regional stability and so on. Secondly is to play nice with the locals, because even if i had all my guns back i couldn't just shoot my way through a whole town, and if you think you can you're either an internet commando or a super secret squirrel delta seal who’s Dossier is a solid piece of black paper.

Anyways, to get back on track I need solid intelligence first and foremost, and the best place to start would be a library since I don't think they know or have an internet. Fun times…

Now to say my walk-through town was eventful…would be pretty fucking accurate, the peo..pony fucks in this town give me a wide berth thankful keep to them selves. But i also don't know where the fuck i am going so there is a trade off for ya, and let me tell ya this town is just down right...weird with the placement of services here, and the weirdest one is right in front of me.

After having strolled through this town for the better part of three odd hours I came to the end of my rope just trying to find the godamn library and now it's almost evening and I now stand before the most ridiculous building this town offers.

“A fucking tree house….Fuck it might as well see if this is it.”

After readjusting my pack so it sits just slightly more comfortable, with slight annoyance I walked over towards the front door and gave it a knock. As soon as I knocked I heard seven different voices behind the door. Now the little voice in my head that has keep me alive for the better part of 10 years is screaming at me that this was a bad idea and i fucked up and i would sorely pay for it.

And he was right.

As soon as the door opened I was greeted with the sight of six horse girls and some scaly looking lizard kid. But oh boy it gets better now all of them are staring at me each with a different look of excitement, wonder, worry , and shock.

Now Before i could even get a fucking word out the rainbow cunt and country looking hick bum rushed me. The Rainbow one just flew into my chest full force while the country girl just lassoed my legs together. I hit the ground hard and the pack didn't help in that regard.

Now on the ground with the wind knocked out of me and my legs bound I finally sound my enjoyment in my sudden turn of events that just transpired.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU CUNTS!”

My very colorful language had caught their attention and in my outburst i swear to god the purple horse had panic written all over her face.

“GIRLS LET HIM GO, he was the one the princess was taking about!”

The first one to speak up was the purple one and she, thank the god above, was trying to diffuse the situation so you get a +1 good horse point with me horse girl. The other two however didn't agree and voiced their opinion

“Are ya sure twi? He looks mighty dangerous.”

Standing near my feet was the country cunt still holding the lasso in her hands. She was now officially in my shit list right next to the gay pride parade near my head and speaking of her.

“Pfft he doesn't look so tough, i mean i took him down in just ten seconds flat!”

I wonder if she is the work harder, not smarter type?

Anyway, the other girls finally chimed into the situation and oh boy do we have a color cast here.

“Umm i hope he's not hurt i don't want him to hate us…”

Now the voice on that girl was down right beautiful albeit quiet as all hell but beautiful nonetheless.

“His outfit is down right dreadful, such dark colors and that awful vest he has. I simply cant stand his sense of fashion.”

Annoying would be the first word that came to my head when she opened her mouth. But fate save the worst for last, I then have this pink furred girl near inches from my face and her eyes pierced into my very fucking soul. It was almost as if she was judging my entire existence and after only a few moments and thankfully? Satisfied she bounces up and runs out the door of this treehouse of horror.

Now I was half tempted to just pull out my handgun and lodge a .45 round into these cunts' heads. I knew I wouldn't make it far if I did, that being said I need to at least get myself out of this situation.

“So, you yall tie up everyone that comes through this door or is it just on certain days of the week? Anyway, before i was fucking assaulted is the library or not? I am on a tight schedule as it is.”

“I am truly sorry for their behavior Mr. David i hope this doesn't put us in a negative light.”

While she was talking, I noticed her horn glow and as soon as it did i slowly lifted off the ground with the rope coming undone and her putting me down in a chair next to the shy yellow horse girl. The two on my newly made shitlist begrudgingly apologized to me and took to their seats. Now I have a lot of questions, but it seems so does Ms. Purple over here.

“Now Mr. David i had just received a letter from princess Luna about your arrival however she was rather vague on the details when it came to you. So now that you're here why don't you tell me about yourself? Like What species you are? What's your average lifespan? Do you have a lot of friends? OH and what is your cutie mark? Oh and my name is Twilight Sparkle.”

Jesus H Christ she can ask questions fast, and at this rate OPSEC means nothing to this world so fuck it, its not like i have a rank or service number anymore.

“Well shit, nice to meet you Ms. Sparkle. So, to start off I am a human Scientifically called homo Sapien. Average lifespan is about one hundred years with good exercise and diet. I don't have many friends and no I don't have a cutie mark. Does that answer some of your questions Ms. Sparkle?”

Why do i feel like she has a lot more fucking questions, and why do i think i am not going to get much sleep tonight.

TWO HOURS LATER

So I learned a few new things about these horse girls. One, calling them horses it a big no no, they are to be referred to as ponies. Two, My work as a trigger pulling mercenary will do me no fucking good in this world, and lastly I am out of my fucking depth even more than i can imagine.

The other princess was named Celestia and ’i shit you not’ in this plane of existence moved the sun. As for the other girls I met, they had introduced them with names and what element of harmony they represent, Whatever the hell that means but so be it. However something even worse was brought to my attention, something so vile to evil that the former military man in me screamed in horror.

Hard liquor and tobacco are consider a class one controlled substance and such forth is banned in the country .

I take back my previous statement i made about this land

This is not candy land

This is hell

Chapter Five: Talk Is Cheap

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