Scenes an Aspiring Writer wants to see

by Apofis

4 - An Unfair Trade

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High on the snowy peaks of Mount Everhoof, nestled amongst the cracks and crevices of the treacherous mountain; sheltered from the howling gales and icy winds sat a weathered fortress. Its strong stone walls were worn smooth by an endless torrent of snow.

In spite of the horrific blizzard swirling above the walls, the ponies below were safe, warm, and unafraid. Guards patrolled the ramparts in masked silence. The enchantments of their cloaks kept them shielded from the elements.

Inside the towers and barracks yet more ponies went about their business. Checking armour and armaments, counting rations and supplies, sharpening blades, and imbibing fine drinks by the fire.

Inside the former commander's quarters, a comfy room distinguished by its fine drapes and robust furniture. Dawn Star looked himself over in a ceiling-high mirror. While the pristine golden armour stoked his pride, his eyes narrowed as he assessed its fastenings and buckles for any weaknesses.

Satisfied, Dawn Star turned back to the massive oaken table. Gazing upon it he briefly saw a similar table, surrounded by high marble walls and Canterlot's sunny skies. Pulling himself back to reality he stretched out a hoof and picked up a small black stone, weighing it carefully in his hoof.

A loud resounding knock came upon the sturdy door. Dawn Star smirked as he stowed the stone beneath his armour. He stepped in front of the table and faced the door.

"Enter."

The door shut as quickly as it opened. A slim, slightly short unicorn made his way into the commander's quarters. His armour and cloak obscured most of his features. However, Dawn Star recognised him as one of their newest recruits by the patches of mint fur and his deep yellow eyes.

"Welcome, Night Shine, what do you need?"

Night Shine bowed his head, averting his gaze from Dawn Star. The older unicorn stood tall, his pristine white fur shining in the firelight, his blonde mane shimmering like a flame. He waited with an expression born of patience and pride.

"Lord Dawn Star, I-I... I wanted to ask something of you." Dawn Star raised an eyebrow, the only thing audible in the silence being the quiver of Night Shine's hooves. "The village we are about to approach, it is my home... M-my family-"

"You wish me to spare them." Night Shine winced at Dawn Stars' cold indifference, the commander stepping toward him. "Night Shine, as I have said time and time again. I have no desire to inflict harm upon my little ponies."

"But they have something that we need." Dawn Star placed a hoof upon Night Shine's shoulder. "I will allow them every opportunity to cooperate, but if they defy us, or take up arms against us. There may be bloodshed, there may be death. Are you prepared for that eventuality?" Night Shine heaved a haggard breath, silence stretching onward.

"Remain here, you are-"

"Yes, my apologies, my Lord. I-I am ready." Dawn Star held Night Shine in his gaze, testing his resolve.

"Good, we must avoid sacrifices; but be prepared to make them when our hooves are forced. Come." Dawn Star swept over to the door, pulling it open in his magic. Night Shine falling in quickly beside him. The pair descended the great steps of the fortress, ice cracking beneath armoured hooves. As they entered the large courtyard their comrades in arms slowly filtered in, their eyes following their commander with a shining reverence.

Dawn Star moved toward the centre of the courtyard, his gaze sweeping over the ponies gathering around him. As their numbers grew he nodded, withdrawing the black stone from his armour and holding it aloft. The stone thrummed with power as a wide portal shimmered into existence before them. Its writhing purple surface reflected in the surrounding snow.

"Move out." At the simple command, a legion of armoured ponies marched into the portal.


In the far south, beyond the boundaries of Equestria and its peaceful inhabitants stretched a vast and unforgiving desert. Sands and sunbleached skeletons as far as the eye can see. Yet settled within the barren wasteland was a small village, its scant population carving out a peaceful if challenging survival.

Milling about the sandstone houses the ponies carried out the tasks required to sustain their existence. Drawing water from one of the two wells in the village, tending to the sparse fields, or weaving the long cloaks that shielded them from the harsh sun.

However, the gentle peace was not to last as a great, shimmering purple disc ripped itself into existence where the dunes met the flats. The villagers froze like statues, not a sound to be heard before the silence was rent by the march of armour.
A legion of ponies emerged from the great portal, cutting a slow yet inexorable path toward the village. Dawn Star lead his group toward the gathering crowd of ponies, his armour dazzling all who looked at it. He marched unfalteringly toward the crowd, stepping toward an older pony that was marching out to meet him. The stallion's jaw was set firm, his eyes darting over the army marshalled upon his tiny village.

The stallion focused on Dawn Star's approach. Dawn Star was able to see his tired eyes settled against his deep green coat. He stood devoid of wings and horn. What was once surely a lustrous mane was now a shining grey.

"Do you lead these ponies, sir?" Dawn Star inclined his head toward the elder pony. The stallion nodded in turn, he stood tall but the quiver of his voice betrayed him.

"I do. Who are you and what do you want?" Dawn Star's features pulled into a smile, drawing himself up to his full height.

"I see you are not one to stand on pleasantries. I appreciate a pony with a mind for the task at hoof. I am Prince Dawn Star, second-born son of Princess Celestia. Third in line to the Solar Throne, you may have heard of me." Dawn Star's eyes swept over the crowd before him and the buildings behind them, trying to discern his prize among them. "As for why I am here, you have something I need. You would have my sincerest gratitude if you were to surrender it to me."

The older stallion gave a sigh, his shoulders slumping as he shook his head at Dawn Star.

"I cannot do that, what you seek will not bring you the power you desire."

Dawn Star sighed.

"I promised one of my soldiers that I would try to conduct this business without hostility. I would very much like to keep that promise." He stepped up to the stallion, meeting him nose to nose. The earth pony met Dawn Star's stare, some might have called him stubborn, but Dawn Star called it pride. "Give me the stone and I shall leave you and your village undisturbed. However, I will not allow you to keep me from my prize."

"Please, we are a peaceful-"

"And you shall continue to be so. Give me what I want and continue to lead those under your care."

Both sides waited, the stallion looked back to the crowd of ponies behind him. He closed his eyes, his features twisting before he turned back to face Dawn Star, matching the commander's posture.

"No."

"So be it."

With a flash of magic and ringing of steel, the stallion collapsed; his lifeblood spilling onto the desert sands. A scream of anguish echoed from amongst the villagers.

Dawn Star wiped his blade against his cloak. He stepped carefully around the motionless body and walked toward the villagers. They stepped back at his approach.

"Who leads you?" Dawn Star's question was met with silence, he raised an eyebrow at them, eyes panning slowly over the crowd. "Well?"

The sound of shuffling hooves commanded his attention, a young stallion stepping out to his left.

"I-I stand for the ponies here." The young pegasus felt his mouth run dry at Dawn Star's approach. The armoured killer moved toward him with barely a shift in his polite demeanour.

"What is your name, sir?" Asked Dawn Star, looking the stallion up and down.

"Wind Runner."

"Well, Wind Runner. I trust you shall be more amenable than your predecessor. Do you know of what I seek?" Dawn Star smirked, Wind Runner drawing his head back at the sight.

"I believe I do." Dawn Star let silence reign once again. Wind Runner gulped, his eyes darting toward the body in the sand. Blood seeped into the ground around it.

"Fair Wind... Go and get the Sunstone."

A stocky earth pony stepped forward from among the crowd, his hackles raised.

"Are you cracked boy!? He-"

"He will kill us all and take it anyway! We change nothing by throwing away our lives!" Wind Runner didn't break his gaze from Dawn Star's magenta eyes. Dawn Star however slowly turned his head, baring a wide smirk for the outspoken Fair Wind.

"Heed the boy's words well, friend. He is smarter than you." Dawn Star kept his gaze levelled at Fair Wind. The stallion's eyes flicked between Wind Runner and Dawn Star before he turned and vanished into the crowd.

Dawn Star straightened and turned back toward Wind Runner. His eyes made a slow circle, watching the whirls of sand caught in the desert winds, listening to the quiet muttering of the crowds and the occasional shift of metal from the soldiers behind him. Dawn Star's eyes drifted toward a weeping mare who had collapsed into the hooves of one of her fellows. Dawn Star shook his head.

"Has that mare somepony to care for her, Wind Runner?" The pegasus' features hardened into a scowl.

"She did."

Dawn Star looked at him with a frown.

"Does she not still, in the ponies of this village? Would you all abandon her to grief and struggle?" Dawn Star's eyes darted down to Wind Runner's hoof. The appendage raising with a tremble, as though poised to strike. It lowered again as Dawn Star's eyes narrowed.

"None are abandoned here. We will care for her where Ardent no longer can." Wind Runner said, stepping toward Dawn Star; who remained still.

"Good, then she does have somepony to care for her." Dawn Star spoke calmly. "You should consider your words carefully, Wind Runner. Too often do we speak lies with no intention of doing so. Such miscommunications can have many ramifications."

Whether or not Wind Runner found this lesson agreeable was not discovered. At the sound of hoof steps, everyone present turned to see the returning Fair Wind. He carried a small box on his back. No sooner had he stopped his approach did Dawn Star seize the box in his magic and pull it over. He raised a hoof and opened it, his eyes shining at the yellow stone inside, polished and pristine.

Dawn Star closed the box and raised his hoof, gesturing behind him. The armoured ponies turned and headed back toward the still swirling portal. A few remained behind. At another twist of Dawn Star's hoof, one of them cantered over, a large box borne on his back.

"I respect your elder's dedication and his commitment to defending this Stone." Dawn Star didn't take his eyes off of Wind Runner, the smaller pegasus snapping his attention back to the Prince.

"As I also respect your wisdom and your willingness to put the lives of your people above your pride. As such I have a gift. A token of my gratitude and reparation for that which I have taken from you." Dawn Star used his magic to lower the chest from his soldier's back. Kicking it open with a hoof he revealed a small pile of black seeds.

"Dragongrass Seeds, from the Firelands; robust, hardy, resistant to the heat and edible. These will make a fine crop for such an inhospitable environment."

Wind Runner stared down at the box of seeds, his eyes flickering back up to Dawn Star.

"And as promised"- Dawn Star inclined his head -"we go in peace." Without another word, Dawn Star and his soldiers turned and left, Sunstone in tow. Once again Dawn Star moved carefully around the former village leader and strode quickly to meet once more with Night Shine. The pair walked quickly toward the portal.

"I trust this outcome is acceptable." Dawn Star turned his head toward Night Shine, who nodded in response.

"Yes... You kept your word. It is unfortunate that blood was spilled, but you took no more than you had to. Thank you..." Night Shine inclined his head, Dawn Star returning it.

"Come, let us leave these ponies to their peace and their mourning. We have yet greater tasks ahead."


Author's Note

Oooh, this one was fun to write!

This exercise was motivated by the desire to write a pragmatic villain. I also wanted to exercise two particular areas of my writing. I really don't need anyone to tell me that the two most glaringly weak aspects of my writing are setting the scene and the art of "show, don't tell" (Suprise, it's frickin' hard). So I decided to try and kill two birds with one stone.

I am desperately trying not to get too attached to Dawn Star. I can't have another story draft just because I want to explore a single character. Despite many stories exploring Celestia's past/family, this piece didn't have any particular inspiration.

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