Twilight and her quest to get the most rare item in Equestria (With comedic hurdles of course)

Chapters

The hopefully not to long and stupidly stressful fly to Canterlot Mountain
Are we there yet?
Finally... Canterlot Mountain
Game night with a boy
And now a brief non-comedic intermission
Portal 3 anybody?
Just a bit more reading matieral

The hopefully not to long and stupidly stressful fly to Canterlot Mountain

Author's Note

Also this is my first ever fan fic and first ever story I've written. So don't expect a masterpiece or anything. I really just wanted to have fun with this. Of course I still tried to make it y know not garbage, but you know, if you wanna enjoy it I would probably just try to have fun and enjoy the stupidity rather than go full in and critic every thing in the story. I know the things I need to work on and I knew I wasn't going to get it on my first try which is why I didn't kill myself trying to make that happen. So yeah twilight has a real terrible time trying to climb one mountain. You better beware... your in for a scareeee. :) I love goosebumps.

The hopefully not to long and stupidly stressful fly to Canterlot Mountain

It was a sunny day and somepony was getting ready for some sort of mysterious, dangerous, and tiring journey. This pony was going to voyage to obtain a such a rare substance that acquiring a beautiful and mouthwatering gift from the heavens was... complicated to say the least. Getting an item like this would require months of planning maybe even years of working up to grab a beast like this. In fact it was so rare that it was thought to be higher royalty than the two sister princesses. It would only appear at a certain time every year and even then it would only stay there for only a few hours. This however was a struggle that the purple alicorn princess Twilight Sparkle was prepared to go on.

"Spike! Go grab my bags!" Twilight exclaimed with enthusiasm. "Why? Are we going on a mission?" Spike questioned. "A mission yes, but a mission of my own accord. This quest will be far to death filled for you to come along spike. Sorry." Twilight did not want spike to know the real reason why she was packed and ready to go on some sort of secret mission as far as spike would know, but she could not afford to have spike tag along on this death ride. "Will you be okay? I don't you getting hurt." Said spike filled with absolute worry. "I will be fine Spike. I am an alicorn. Nothing can hurt me. I'm an alicorn with years of magic training under princess Celestia." This however was a lie. This journey would be an actual threat to the immortal princess. "Well okay...but bring back a souvenir if you get the chance!" "I will spike!"

She quickly burst out the room carrying her bag with her magic. Flying down the crystal halls she pulled out her map and scoured the locals plastered on the paper. There was only one location she wanted to go and that was Canterlot mountain.
Of course she wasn't going into the town, but the complete back of it. Climbing up the mountain was strictly prohibited by celestia, so she would have to tack the back route. It was about a day of flying away, so she had packed snacks, water, and other materials in her bag. She had to fly fast if she wanted to get up the mountain and finally grab the item that has been so unobtainable for so many years and make it within the tight time limit. The wind was calm and the skies fully clear and Twilight could just enjoy the flight and hopefully not worry to much about the inevitable dangers awaiting her during the climb up Canterlot mountain. But obviously instead of taking in her final moments of tranquility of the quest Twilight spent this time to go over her plan step by step.

"So if I land here and use my shield spell to deflect the attack I should be-" "HEY!"
Twilight Sparkle was stopped in the middle of her run through only to see an old, wore down stallion screaming out to call her attention. "I'm sorry. Are you talking to me?" Twilight questioned. "Yes I'm talking to you! Get down her I need your help!" Twilight was very confused and wondered what this stallion wanted to do with her. The broken down male had a bald spot on the middle of his head. He was a glaring red, had a back mane and tail that seemed to not have any pop to it, and his whole fur body was unkempt and unruly.

"Your the princess of friendship right?"
"I sure am! Do you need help with a friendship problem? Or perhaps something to do with magic?"
"I need youuuuuuu... tooooo give meee... a brick. A nice shiny brick. A brick to be with me for generations to come." "What?"
Twilight was even more confuzzeled. "I NEED IT! THIS IS DIRE! TERRIBLE THINGS CAN HAPPEN IF I DON'T GET THIS BRICK!"
"Alright sir. Calm down! I will get a brick." Twilight did not want to do this. She had to get back on her very important flight to Canterlot Mountain, but she felt as if she needed to help out this poor soul. Twilight did a quick search around the hills that surrounded the land and small quaint little house the stallion lived in. After a few minuets she found a nice sturdy brick not to far from where she found the interesting piece of work. "I got your brick Mr."
"NAH! IT'S NOT SHINY ENOUGH!"
Twilight groaned. Was there even such thing as a shiny brick?
"I'm sorry Mr. but I really don't have time for this-" Twilight started to say, but was cut off.
"BAH! Don't worry about it anyway I know how you can get the brick."
"Mr. I don't think your listening I can't help you right now, I have to-" Twilight was once again cut off.
"BAH HA HA! If you ever wanna see your PRECIOUS BAG THEN YOUR GOING TO GET ME THAT SPARKLING BANANA! Er I mean brick."
Twilight realized she had left her bag while she had gone to search for the supposed mystical shiny brick. She needed that bag. It held every single thing that she needed to climb up that mountain.
"All you gotta do is do whatever I say until I find it fit that you can be given my fantastic shiny brick that has been with me for generations."

Twilight ignited her horn immediately, but something was wrong. "HA HA! YOU BATCH OF MILK! YOU CAN'T DEFEAT ME WITH YOUR FAIRY TALE MAGIC! FOR I HAVE INSTALLED MAGIC STEALING SPRINKLERS THAT YOU DON'T EVEN FEEL TOUCHING YOUR BODY WHEN IT IMPACTS YOU! HA HA! GET SMOKED IDIOT!" He was right? Twilight couldn't use her magic? "WhAttTtT?!" She screamed in glory.

"Hehe, now you have no choice but to serve me until you can get your bag back." She considered just tackling the stallion and going into a hoof to hoof brawl, but she worried she might accidentally kill the guy with her strength. But she just said "Eh screw it." She pounced on the old stallion, but his horn ignited in a furious red. She hadn't even realized he had a horn. Twilight was plastered onto the ground.

"Heeeheeee. You ready now girl?"

Edit: Hey this is uh, future me. The author like over a year into the future. I don't know what the frick this part is and this just feels wrong. I never re-read my work when I first created this, I do re-read my work now, but dang past me.

"Fine." This was possibly one of the worst things that could have happened on this journey. This would only waste precious time and Twilight really did not enjoy this new obstacle in her way. "What do I need to do first?"

"First, you need to go into my house and lick my dishes clean." This time the old stallion spoke in such a way, that he sounded like a sage. "What if I don't lick them clean?" Twilight questioned. "OH HO HO! I will know... NOW GO!" Twilight ran as fast as she could into the run down, beat up, and dusty house. It looked like it had been there for a thousand years. The mysterious old Mr. just stayed outside looking up at the sky. Twilight rolled her eyes at the sight. "What a crazy pony. Now where are these dishes?" She scanned the whole premises. It was a small home with not much to show. She wondered if the old stallion was content with this life. She went through the house once... nothing. Twice... still nothing. Three times... still no dishes? She started to panic, until she could hear the now unbearable voice from the old stallion.

"HEY!" YOUR THINKING INSIDE THE BOX! Er I MEAN HOUSE! STOP DOING THAT YOU LEGO BRICK! THE DISHES ARE IN THE BACKYARD!" What in the name of Celestia is a lego brick? Twilight thought to herself. But she was ecstatic to know where these illusive dishes were. She found them hanging on thin brown rope, like they were supposed to be clothes hanging up to dry. "Welp, I guess I gotta get to it." She took one down and just started at it for a few seconds. The plate wasn't extremely dirty, but it defiantly showed signs of needing a massive clean. There were a good amount of grim chunks on the dish each with their own texture and look. Twilight could not believe she was about to do this, but if it was to get her bag back and get the bestest substance in all of Equestria! She would do it. She stuck her tongue out and took quite a gigantic lick. As her tongue came into contact with the specks of filth she could feel herself wanting to stand back in revolution. She did not though, she hated every second of it, but she eventually got down to the final dish. The grand finale if you would say.

This dish was different however. This one had a not little specks of dirt, but one blown out of proportions monster of a piece of muck. She sucked it up, closed her eyes, and gave it one more huge grand lick... She opened her eyes... IT WAS STILL THERE! She could not bear to lick that thing again, so she took a more analytical approach. "What if I use water? The old stallion is still standing outside in the field away from me so he wouldn't know if I used water. Besides I used my tongue for the rest of these pots, pans, and plates. I should have an excuse for this one." But then Twilight remembered the three times she had searched through the home of the old stallion and realized "Oh yeah, there is not faucet here. What if I scrub it off with a stick?" She grabbed a nice comfortable to hold branch and poked the dirt on the dish many times. "Wow... this is some piece of slime. If this branch won't get rid of this stupid smudge, then I will have to go a bit bigger.

She took a gander at all of the trees gathered in the small quaint little section of land. She was going to have to use a technique she hadn't used in quite a long time... Intelligent Mind. One by one she picked up about 500 sticks. Using grass she tied them all together to make one big chonky stick. "If this doesn't get this devil of a speck then I don't know what will." She stuck that huge thing into that bad boy... it did't budge. She tried again sticking it in further this time. "Come onnnnn..." No visible movement was detected. "Come onnnnn... I know you want to." Once again it was pushed in even further... but still nothing budged. Twilight was starting to sweat. "Please!" Her voiced cracked when she said that. "PLEASE!" Her voiced cracked even more that time. Twilight took a step back and summoned all of her force and might into one more swing. "GET OF THIS PLATE AND GO TO TAURTERIS! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" But... the speck did not move one muscle.

Now Twilight was more panicked then she had ever been, at least for the past few years. She burst out from the out the fields screaming at the top of her lungs. "I'M NEVER GONNA GET THIS STUPID TASK DONE! I'M NOT GONNA MAKE IT TO THE TOP OF THE DUMB MOUNTAIN IN TIME! AHHH!"

"HEY!" Oh gosh there is that classic "hey!" twilight knew the old stallion had a knack of doing. "WHAT?!" Twilight exclaimed with a sharp furious tone and a crazed look that even made the old stallion step back in worry. "Stop what you are doing young child. Come with me" Twilight was taken aback from this response. "Fine."

Both of them trotted over to the monstrous smudge on the dish. "Now lick it"
"I'm not going to lick it! I've already tried that and I've already had to endure the other sets of dishes!"
"Ah good argument, but lick it"
"Can't you just lick this one?"
"Hehe. No lick it"
"But-"
"Lick it or your bag is going into my big boy bonfire."
There was an extremely heavy sigh that came out of Twilight's mouth. "Fine."

Mustering all of her courage and strength, she stuck her tongue out slowly creeping up to the mass of dirt and grim that laid dormant on the plate. She took one damn good lick and by gosh it hecking worked. There was no longer a plate that was filled with muck, mud, or whatever substances were on that thing. Now it showed a silver, shiny, and sparkling dish that Twilight's eyes took in with awe. It was if magic had encased it and just let it shine.

"But how?" Twilight asked with as much curiosity she could put into her tone of voice.
"Oh twilight of little faith. There are alot of things you still have to learn."
Twilight was not understanding, but under all of that desperateness to understand she once again the time limit she was on, the bag the old stallion still held captive, and the shiny brick she still had to give to him. She was just about to say her next word when suddenly...

KA BIDDLY BOOM BAM!

Edit: What have I created?

Are we there yet?

And just like that there was a massive explosion of light, Twilight could have sworn she was about to go blind. She did not go blind, but her eyes went blurry and unclear for quite some time. Her ears were perfectly fine though. Twilight wondered if she was dead. It would be pretty easy to know if she wasn't alive. Even though her vision was blurred she could still make out the colors green, white, blue, orange, and yellow. She determined the old stallion was not with her, due to his glaring black mane not being seen. This heavily worried her, had she already died before she even got to Canterlot Mountain? What even killed her? She heard a voice... "Twilight" it sounded majestic, soothing, and all knowing. Based on that voice alone Twilight truly started to believe that she was actually gone from the realm of Equestria. Now there was one question left to ask... was she in the good afterlife or the bad afterlife? I mean she hadn't ever really did anything bad and from the colors she had seen they were more non-evil colors. "Twilight" There was that voice again. Twilight had not tried to speak yet. She was troubled about what would happen if she did try to speak. She gave it a few more seconds, and letting her vision clear up a little more, then decided it was finally time to speak up. "Am I-"

"HEY!"

Twilight jumped from the sudden raise in volume. "Listen if you think your dead you ain't, so stop worrying you dried lego brick!" Twilight instantly snapped her memory back to where she met the old stallion and screamed when she figured out where she had heard that word lego brick before...

"Wait are you the old stallion?!"
"No duh! NOW STOP BEING BLIND! KA CHOOEY!"

Suddenly her eyes had returned back to complete normal. She took in her surroundings and found to still be at the fields, but the old stallion had become a sight to behold. His crusty black mane that had a bald spot in the middle of it was now a yellow free flowing, soft, thick, and luscious mane. The broken down red male was now orange and was practically glimmering to the eye.

"Ah yes, gaze at my beautiful body, wonderful isn't it?"
"Wha- how?"
"I suppose I owe you a pretty fantastical explanation. Well you see I am a sage."
"A sage?"
"Yeah, a sage y know? I stay here doing funny things until somepony comes across my way heading towards Canterlot Mountain."
"But... why? What do you even have to gain? I have been through so much being with you..."
"PFFT HA! NO YOU HAVEN'T! Listen kid, your concrete brain wasn't ready to scale up that beast of a mountain and grab that damn magnificent masterpiece up there. SO I had to prepare ponies for that climb. With whatever task I feel necessary. And for you it was licking dishes! HAHA YOU SUCKED AT LICKING!"
"I've never even heard of somepony who speaks like you!"
"I've been alive for many years y know. I am a plump sage."
"Does Celestia even know about you!?"
"No... heh and let's keep it that way. Oh and by the way I have one more surprise..."
"NO!"
"Relax it's just the shiny brick I promised you if you could get through my plump task."
"Why would you even give me it, when I just have to give it back to you to get my bag back?"
"Simple Twilight Sparkle. I will give you the bag and brick and you shall keep it. Consider it my blessing as you go up the mountain."
"Uh... Thank you?"
"Don't mention it plump Twilight. Now go quick, time is till slowing running out. Be careful on your voyage and remember the licking skills and other things I taught you. And also use the new skills you will learn on the way. NOW GET STROLLED IDIOT! HA HAAAAAAA!"

And just like that the old stallion sage had disappeared as quickly as he had appeared. She didn't even get his name. She sat there for a second, just dumbfounded at how silly the whole interaction had been. She couldn't dwell for to long though, she had to keep moving for who knew how long that juicy item would stay up at the top of the mountain. Twilight boomed into the sky with great speed. There was not much left to go until she would reach Canterlot Mountain, so she decided it was time to go over the plan again. There was only one problem... she discovered faults in her plan. The sheer stupidity from the sage and job she was told to do completely shifted focus from what she had prepared to do. If this sage ha disrupted her path before she even got to the mountain she was going to have to change her plan. She took out a second map out of her bag showing all the different sections of the mountain. "I can use this to scale the ice wall and if i use this I can be propelled pretty far up the mountain while I use that to defend myself against the-"

FWOOSH

All of a sudden there was a giant gust of wind that slapped her hair back into her face. She put her map back into her bag and focused back on flying. Off in the distance she started to notice some sort of grey and black mass forming. It looked like it was getting closer... and closer... wait a second. "It's a tornado!" Twilight picked up the speed and went to go around the tornado's path to avoid it. It was working and Twilight breathed a heavy sigh of relief. The tornado was not having this though, because before twilight knew it the tornado was right in front of her. It grabbed her tail and whipped her back at least the size of a football field. Before Twilight was whipped away from her destination she took a glance at this mighty foe that had caught her off guard. This enemy was no tornado, it was a grey and black ice cream cone swirling at massive speeds. "For celestia's sake is the whole journey going to be like this" stated twilight in annoyance.

She shrugged it off though and began to pick up speed again ready to pass the swirling ice cream cone. So far it was going good, there was no sight of that devilish waffle cone. Then out of nowhere there it was. It scooped her up (ha get it? scoop... heh) and launched her about the same amount of distance.

"Well great how am I supposed to get past this thing? Maybe I can use my intellectual mind skill? Nah. There seems to be nothing but grass, the cone, and the huge mountain staring me right in the face around here. Well what do mountains have at their base? Rocks? Dirt? Maybe a few animals? It is possible that I could use my magic to scoop up (Do i need to say anything here?) a mammoth sized boulder and smack the cone out of existence."

This was a good plan to take action on, there was a nagging thought in the back of her mind saying "Well the sticks didn't work back at the sage's place why would a boulder work?" She put this thought to rest though after heavily considering it. If she could just get close enough to the mountain she could look for a reasonable enough stone to bash this cone to the next dimension. She tried again flying at top speed, but there the cone was glaring at her with its evil glare. Each try she got a bit closer, although eventually progress slowed to just a crawl. Twilight was sweating, then used her hoof to wipe away the sweat causing her to tap her horn. She had a new course of action. She lit up her powered up horn and teleported to the basis of the mountain, but only got a few seconds to glance around before she was hoisted once again away from the mountain. She could keep trying this or look for another option. Then she smacked her head. "Wait if I can teleport why can't I just teleport to the top of the mountain?" She tried it... and failed? "Wait what? Why can I teleport to the base of the mountain but not anywhere far away from where the cone resided." She did find that there was some sort of ancient magic that surrounded the mountain. She had felt it. Maybe she could fly up the mountain? Nope the winds would be to strong. "Whatever, I have to keep trying, eventually this will work."

Twilight kept trying teleporting all around the back base of the mountain. She couldn't keep doing this, she would run out of time if she kept this up. "Y know what I'm going to grab as many heavy rocks as I can and just chuck them at it." And so she did, wielding at least 50 small to medium sized rocks hoping this would at least chip away some of its health. She threw them all at once and it didn't dent the thing. Was this thing a god or something? Why was this all happening? Why was forced to deal with all of these incredibly weird and strange obstacles? Heck she even came across a sage! The sage had popped back into her mind and the time they had first met even though it had not happened to long ago she still found it surprising that it entered her mind. How impossible was it to know that the dishes had been outside the house and in the backyard? The house... "THinK OuTSiDE ThE hoUsE!" She had been thinking by her logic that she never tried the one option she had left. Listening to the sage and thinking outside the box- er house.

"Ok, so I'm being prevented from entering this mountain by a swirling ice cone and some sort of magic field." She analyzed the cone seeing well just cone. No ice cream on top just a giant waffle cone. Then she looked up at the mountain. Trees, rocks, and snow was all she saw. The snow reminded her of ice cream and ice cream reminded her of the cone... "THAT'S IT!" Twilight exclaimed with confidence. This was the answer, the correct answer. She desperately searched around of the evil cone and there it was circling around the base of the mountain. Twilight lit up her horn once again and took a shot. The burst of magic hit! Soon snow was rolling down the mountain and heading towards the cone. The cone was covered and it emerged a new, fresh, happy cone. The snow had perched itself up onto of the waffle cone making it look like the cone was complete. It was practically gleaming was happiness. "Yes! I did it!" And she did. She flew faster then she ever did before glimmering with excitement. The cone was soothed and she could finally enter Canterlot mountain and get this trip over with.

The cone gave her a bow of respect. Maybe the sage's advice wasn't so bad after all... well not completely bad.She was here about to scale the mountain. She put a hoof on the rocky ground feeling satisfaction. Step by step her satisfaction grew until she bonked her head. "Ow... what did I bonk on?" There was a sign that read place magic here with an arrow pointing to a small little box. The sign towered over her. "Ha! Like I'm going to do that!" She smiled and walked past it bonking her head again. "Did I hit the sign again?" She shrugged and made absolute sure this time when she passed the sign she would not run into it. However she bonked for a third time. A bit more gracefully this time though. Using her brain Twilight determined that she could not go further up the mountain unless she deposited her magic in the box. So she did just that and hesitated but continued. She didn't bonk, let's go. Before continuing she thought about how the voyage had gone so far. Nothing Twilight had planned out was working and it was only when she listened to the sage and embraced the sillier side of the solution found herself clearing up the problem. Perhaps her plan wouldn't work after all. She didn't even know about the cone that has guarded the mountain in her months planning up to this quest. Twilight breathed out, calmed herself, and began walking.

"Finally, Canterlot Mountain."

Finally... Canterlot Mountain

Twilight sprinted up the mountain feeling the chilled wind and crunchy snow with each hoofstep. She felt alive after the stuff she had to endure just to get here, this was amazing. Of course there wasn't much to look at. White, rocks, and trees were most of what was seeable. It would be cool to fly and get a sky view of the glorious mountain, but the winds prevented such a thing from happening. The way up so far had been a nice steady incline and at the pace she was moving it would be believable she had enough time. It still should be up there for about a day. About an hour had gone by so far and it was going smoothly, like a bed that was made so perfect that when you ran you hand through it, there were no wrinkles. It was about the time to start to pull out the map. Twilight reached into her bag and pulled out the plain parchment.

"It says the ice wall is coming up soon. This is going to be easy." After another 5 to 10 minutes of walking the ice wall had shown up standing tall and proud. This ice wall was no mear ice wall though, no it contained many spikes, ledges, and icy dangers to be weary of. Twilight reached into her bag once again and pulled out a "GRAPPLING HOOK!" The hook shot out speedily and clanged onto a ledge with a sharp clank. "This might just be the easiest part of this journey so far-" BONK Twilight was struck by a falling icicle. She grabbed a rope out of her bag, attached it to herself and the hook, and began climbing. That ice was very slippery. At any moment she could take a step and fall down like she stepped on a comedic banana peel.

Didn't matter to Twilight though, she had practiced this during her planning phase. She continued up to the ledge, but not before banging her head a few times into the frozen blue. Her hoof finally touched the ledge and she pulled herself up. Standing up she took pride in her skills and peered at the view. Majestic wasn't it? Turning to the right she saw a bird. It kinda looked like a dying pig mixed with a tiny cat having an existential crisis. "SQUAK BITCH!" Alamermed twilight lost control of her body and fell back towards the drop awaiting for her. It would be terrible if she were to fall. She still couldn't use her wings due to the high voltage of wind power. "As my final words I curse rarity for making me fit into all those dresses!" She barely gained back her control and gazed at the blistering red bird flying away. "I will kill that bird."

She untangled the rope on the grappling hook and shot the silver hook again clanging onto another ledge. She retired the rope and jumped right back to it. She didn't want to admit it but that bird kinda got her a little nervous. "Lets hope I don't come across anything else surprising." She hoisted herself up to the next ledge. "I take back what I said about wanted nothing else surprising, my celestia there is a gun here." Picking it up she suspected the gun. Very excited for the potential help this could give her she immediately checked how much ammo there was... alas there were no bullets. A shame really. "Maybe I can chuck this if I ever see that bird one more time." She shook her head and threw the gun out into the open sky. She kept at it for a while, tossing and weaving until closer by closer she got to the top. She also slipped many times and got splattered. She didn't die thankfully for she had landed about a few feet from the ledge and landed on another ledge.

After a good long 26 1/2 minuetes, 53 seconds, 36 milliseconds, 17 nanoseconds, 89 picoseconds, and 45 femtoseconds the final ledge was within reach. Placing her hoof on the soft snowy pavement she lifted herself up and danced on joyous victory. Her victory was short lived. There is was... a goat staring her right in the eye. What was it planning? "Why hello there fella! Are you climbing the mountain like I am?"

Before twilight could conjure up a thought on how this goat could answer it lunged with great force. She dodged just in time and bolted away from the goat. It gave chase and was moving even faster than twilight. She frantically rumanged through her bag pulled and pulled out the map looking for possible escaping paths. The wind would not have it as it picked up the map and chucked it into the open blue just like she did with the gun. She couldn't ponder on that mistake, for there was still a goat furiously sprinting towards. She put her hoof back into the bag and gave it another go. "GRAPPLING HOOK!" The goat scoffed and eat the whole damn thing. She wasn't even using her eyes anymore on the bag only going off of what her hoof felt. She felt the shiny brick... ha no. Then felt something soft... nope. In the process the goat lunged again forcing her to do another quick dodge. She picked an item at random and threw it. It was her rainbow dash plush. "Damn it!"

Stopping was not an option, but she had no options left. Maybe being stupid here would be her way out? She planted her hoof fully into the ground, the thing was extremely close and twilight ducked just in time. The goat then drifted like a Nascar and once more dashed towards her. Twilight turned her back to it, lined her legs up, and BANG! She bucked that thing so hard even applejack would be ashamed of her own legs. The goat was sent miles off the mountain. It probably died... wait thats animal abuse. Uhhh, let's just pretend it landed on a cloud and got safely returned back to the safe hard ground.

"Oh my celestia, that was insane. I'm hyperventilating. " she took a seat in the white snow feeling the wind brush against her coat and the slow silent sounds of ambience. Now there was peace, now she could rest just for a bit. She couldn't rest for long. She had to keep moving. Stepping hoof by hoof once again she let calmness envelop her. It would be important to keep a calm and level headed mind.

About another hour passed of freezing cold winds and white as far as the eye could see. The map was coming out to be extremely useful, scouting out certain spots and landmarks to keep track of where she was going. Nothing much had happened, thankfully. The most interesting thing that had happened was the wind chucking a icicle directly at her face. "I'm going to beat the living tartaris out of this wind when I'm done with this voyage..." There was a humongo pause after that. Who knows what the next trial would await her? Would she die? Would she get hurt? What was the mystical item? DID SHE REMEMBER TO TURN OFF THE OVEN? "Celestia damn I'm hungry... I should take out my Nutri Grain bar."

Sigh "I must have threw my Nutri Grain bar at the goat. Or maybe the bird took it. I'm still going to get that bird. Oh well!" She placed her hoof back into the bag rummaging around for other types of food to eat. "Really?! I only have a triple deluxe dairy cheeseburger with extra lettuce, pickles, and onions roasted to black and let it swim. This is the longest struggle I've ever been on." She stuffed her whole mouth into the scrumptious delectable, sadly without a napkin. This did reboost her energy a bit though, now she was moving at twice the speed.

Speedtrouting for a bit more time she came across the tree. She questioned whether or not it was "the" tree and after a quick check of the map it was indeed "the" tree. For about the millionth time she went into her bag pulling out a stasis rune this time with a sticker saying "One time use only." She took out her axe, then cut down the tree, but right before it feel she pressed the button in the middle of the device aiming it at the tree all in one swift motion. The tree froze and Twilight swung the axe at the tree a few more times towards the direction of a far away cliff edge farther up the mountain. In a rush she jumped onto to the tree holding on tightly. Then she felt a vibration in her bag. She stuck her head into it and took the shiny brick out. It was blinking and vibrating madly, this however caused the bag on twilight's back to be loosened and before she could tighten it back up she was launched at blinding speeds losing the most helpful item on her mission in the process! "OH COME ON!"

Going at least 30 miles an hour the blistering cold on her fur coat felt unbearable. All the features of the mountain all seem to melt into one giant blur, as she was still picking up speed. Finally the destination was in sight. That was good, now she could stop going through the air at like 100 miles per hour. Yeah... stop. "How do you do that again?" The ledge was getting closer. "Wait I can't stop... Damn it! It's because I don't have my magic. I forgot I was planning on stopping with my horn!" Surprisingly the shiny brick had stayed with her the whole journey here. "Well shiny vibrating brick that somehow is vibrating even more. It was nice knowing you." Now they were seconds away from their death. 10... 9... fast forward 2... 1... SLAM! They slammed pretty hard, but not into rock, but a soft paw.

Twilight and the brick dropped onto the snow base. Twilight wearily picked her head up to see a bear. This was no normal bear though he was wearing a pink t-shirt and pink khakis that read state farm on the side. The bear had a crown on its head, possibly resembling a king. He had missing patches of fur and smelled like dirt covered in more dirt. He coat was white and his purpose still remained to be seen. "Excuse me sir, but are you a king?"

"YES! I'm the king of this mountain! I'm so happy you dropped by! I haven't seen many ponies in my life and it's always nice to see one."
"So are you telling me that you have your own subjects?"
"Nah, I'm immortal on this mountain and have outlived everybody here. If I leave then I die. The mountain keeps me here and that box where you place the magic inside. Y'know the box you would come across when you first make it to the mountain. I would have to place my magic in there to leave and if I do that well I perish. But that's a-okay!"
"I'm sorry to hear that. That must mean you know a lot about this mountain don't you?"
"Sure do!"
"Can you help me get to the top of this mountain? And fast, i'm on a time crunch here."
"I would love to come inside my cave, it's cozy and well get you right warmed up. We can discuss mountain stuff there."
"Is it far?"
"Nah in fact it's quite literally right here."
"Oh."

They both took a step into the cave and the bear was right. It was incredibly comfortable and warm. Had everything a house would need all glossed over with a grandma look and feel. They each took a seat on a red velvet chair. The bear sat his iced tea that Twilight didn't even realized he had on the sturdy coffee placed in the center of the rug. The fireplace was also amazingly hot and felt amazingly good. The brick however was vibrating like crazy.

"By the way is the red rectangle yours?"
"Sadly yes."
The bear placed the shiny brick on a third velvet chair seated next to him. This made her realize that the brick had stop vibrating a while ago after they meant the bear.
"What's so sad about it? It's not broken and it can be used as a good material for whatever you can plan to do. Don't you build with it? If you do wouldn't this be a good thing to have?"
"Not if you have just one. It's pretty useless. It's silly and stupid. All the stuff I had in my bag was way better for this climb."
"Well if you ask me you can do without your fancy climbing equipment. You got this far, surely it wasn't just your possessions that got you up this far. I bet you will find a use for that brick someday. Besides silliness as a great thing to posses."
"Not when you are on a death mission."
"Ah! Come on! Cheer up! I know you really want to get up the rest of the way to the mountain, so I think it's time I teach you some of the ropes to get all the way up!"
"Oh thank you so much!"
"It's no problem! Now first."

Suddenly a metal clang reached twilight's ears causing them to perk up.
"Now let me explain the rules."
The coffee table sank into the ground and then out popped a blue, white, and solid model with distinct features that made it look like the mountain itself. It was completely made of ice.
"This is my favorite board game! Now don't get me wrong playing a board game doesn't sound like it will help, but trust me it's fun and educational!"
Twilight tried to get up and inspect the curious looking game, but she found herself unable to. She looked down and found to have both of her back hooves in metal chains gluing her to the ground. She didn't even notice the cold silver on her hooves.
"Hey wait a minute! I can't be trapped here!"
"Relax. It won't take to long. All you gotta do is get to the top of the mountain with this dice and game piece, but be careful of the dangerous spaces you can land on. I will also be racing you to make it more fun!"
He took off his crown and put it on top of the board game.
"First one to make it up will be king of the mountain and claim the crown!"

Game night with a boy

This was a huge panic situation to be in. She was absolutely stuck to the cursed chair and forced to play this stupid board game. This was the biggest time waster that could have happened on this mission.

"If your still worried about the time, you shouldn't. This won't take forever and it'll prepare you for more trials on the mountain. Anyway here is your dice, and here is my dice." He placed the dice into her hooves. "Oh and a couple more things before I forget. There are a grand total of 100 spaces in the game. About 75% of them carry out special actions. I can also press this button right here on my chair anytime to release you. And anytime you roll the dice I will slap you." Twilight paused. Now that was important information, maybe if she thought hard enough she could get out of here a bit early, but hold on a minute. "Wait what was that last part?" It was to late he had already picked up his 3D cube and thrown it on the table. "Oh baby! A nine!" He scoot his piece along 9 spaces landing on a blue spot. "And I get launched 10 more spaces!" Dang that was a lucky roll. He looked back at the bear who had stopped celebrating his small victory to do stretches for his next turn. She took time to analyze the problem at hoof.

So she couldn't use her back hooves, but there was indeed a button that could release her if she was able to press it. She could try throwing something, but the cube was to light to be able to activate it. There was nothing else she could throw. She couldn't reach the shiny brick sitting on the chair next to her. Maybe her board game piece? That might carry enough weight, but the bear did not ever take his eyes off the board game or her, for the ability to pick up the piece and throw it without him knowing. He didn't even take his eyes off the game while he was stretching. There had to be some sort of opportunity to strike. She would have to wait. She then analyzed her own dice and found there to only be 7 spots on the cube. Wait if this was a cube why were there 7 spots. Same goes to the bear's dice. Shrugging it off she read 1- 2- 3- 4- 5- 6- and "you only get a max roll of 6 haha." So he was clearly cheating and was fully aware of it. Gathering all the evidence from what he already know about him he seemed lonely and not very well at taking care of himself. Even after capturing her he still kept up his polite demeanor. He wasn't really the type to be completely unfair even if he was cheating. He was most likely lonely and needed company, so he captures anypony that he comes across and gets them to play with him. If she could get through a game with him, then he would probably let her go.

"Do you need help rolling the dice?"
"I got it."
She took a swing at it and landed a 3. This would be a terrible roll if she had a dice that went up to 10, but since it wasn't it was a pretty average roll and she was ok with that. She gracefully moved the piece up 3 spaces landing on a red space. "AW man! You have to go back two spaces, but don't worry I'm sure next turn you'll have better luck!" Some how he was able to say that without the slightest hint of sarcasm creeping into his voice. Welp she was at 1 and the so called king of the mountain was at 19. This sucked.

SMACK! And there was the devious smack of the bear's paw. There was totally no way that was going to get infuriating. The bear let his square cube slide across the table again allowing it to land on a 10. This time he landed on a peculiar space. The next space had a picture of a skull on it which was pretty easy to understand what that did, but the space before had some sort of multicolored cart on it. "Hehe. This is a fun space." A rainbow colored shopping cart came out of the spot placing the bear's piece into it letting him ride the mine cart railings that was just beginning to appear. The piece rode along the rails carrying some sort of weapon. Then scary little monsters began to attack the piece, but then the piece started to shoot the beasts! It defeated all of them then ended with a triple somersault backflip onto space number 41.

"WHAT?!"
"Yeah your gonna wanna remember that when you get outta here. Hehe I like saying that. Gonna wanna."
At least the game was progressing quickly. Another swing was in order. She breathed out grabbed the 7-spotted cube and chucked it at the table. It read 6. "Hey you got a 6! That's pretty good!"

Twilight didn't really think so, but it looked like she was heading for a light blue space at space 7. She might just make some progress. The piece sat proudly on the space, until a gigantic ice wall (well for the piece) emerged from the space knocking it a space down. "Oooo let's see if it can make it up the wall." The piece reached into it's bag and pulled out a grappling hook. It hooked onto the top of the wall and the piece took its first step... only to immediately slip and fall all the way back down bouncing back to the start. Twilight didn't know if she should be offended, but she was no doubt she was a little heated from the encounter.

"Oh... that's a shame. Anyway." SMACK "My turn!"
The second slap was harder than the first one and she had to admit it got to her a bit. Another good roll for the cheater. Going up 8 spaces the piece landed on a space with a portal on it and from the portal came out a humongo flying ship. The piece carrying yet another weapon teleported to space number 76. Twilight shouldn't be getting angry, but she was still at the stinking start, while this guy was 76 spaces ahead of her! Sighing she sent her dice to do its duty once again. This time it landed on the mysterious spot that read "you only get a max roll of 6 haha." "You know what that means?" ... "No-" "IT MEANS YOU GET TO CHOOSE A NUMBER 1-6 AND GO AHEAD THAT MANY SPACES!" He exclaimed very ecstatically. "Uhhhh 6?" "Good choice!" SMACK Those smacks kept getting harder on her cheeks. Placing the piece on space number 6 a miniature ice cream waffle cone generated flinging the piece to spot number 17. That's two spots so far that carried out an action that was reminiscent of past obstacles she had faced. She wondered if the sage was in this board game. Not like it would be much help. His silliness was not really the best thing to have in a conundrum like this.

The bear rolled his dice and he placed his piece 10 more spaces ahead. This time the space had a hat on it. This time a hat was given from the boar game. The hat wasn't for the piece though, it was for the bear? The bear stuck his hand into the hat and pulled out a slip of paper that read "Go forward to the end."

"YAHOO! Alright I guess I should probably explain the ending to this game as well. You see whenever a player reaches the top you are given a 1 to 100 dice and have to roll a perfect 100 to beat the bird at the top. Then you win! Now your turn if you will." There was no way he could get a 100 quickly. This was going to waste even more time. At least he wouldn't win by a long shot and she could catch up a bit and make herself feel a bit better. Maybe even win. She rolled and landed on a space with a tree. She knew how this one went. The piece lost it's bag, but at least she was flung up to space 29... right next to the spot with the skull on it. That made twilight sweat and wish that she could stack spaces to go even further. It was now the bear's turn. "Come on baby, daddy needs a new pair of shoes!" One hundred... he did it. He got a fricken 100 hundred.

"YAHOOOOO! What a great game! Better luck next time!" Twilight at this moment is fuming. She couldn't even make it past thirty. She couldn't even have that and this guy gets a 100 on his first try. She couldn't win... it was impossible. "Oh I almost forgot." Twilight turned to the bear rapidly to see the fur filled bear paw heading her way. Twilight laughed manically in her head. Not this time, her anger would not let it. SMACK The bear looked at his paw, then rubbed his own left cheek with it. Twilight deflected it. "Heh... you really did that... well it was nice knowing you... but this next game... I ain't going easy on you." He whipped out another button out of nowhere and pressed it. New metal cuffs encased twilight's front hooves in their cold embrace. The room began to heat up when suddenly a burst of blue flame rose around them. Their surrounding darken into pure nothingness while the cause itself grew more fur and grew more dialated pupils to the point where they were barely seen. His pink khakis were now pure black. Soon there was only twilight, the bear, the board game, and a lonely little but shiny brick still sitting proudly on its chair.

"I am very sorry to say that you have severely messed up."
"So what if I have? I am a princess! I'm immortal! You can't kill me!"
"You know frighteningly little about me. And tell me this, if you're so confident you can't die, why panic and scream or fear death when it is simply not possible?"
"I'm getting outta here, and there is nothing you can do to stop it!"
"You know I really enjoyed your presence here. Your a good pony. And I am a amazingly fair person. So take my 10 spotted dice. And... I'm going to let you use your magic."
"Really?!"
"However I'm limiting it to only moving your piece and dice and I mean only those items. But beware this also connects your own soul to your piece. That piece dies... you die."
"I'm going to beat you to the ground."
"Anyway I'll just use my 20 spotted dice."
"ARE YOU SERIOUS?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! BRING IT!"
"Will do miss Twilight Sparkle."

Now there were no taking turns, only heated battle. Each body pressed the warm hooves or paws on the dice trying to put as much luck into it as they could. Twilight landed her dice first getting a solid 8 while the bear got a 15. She was racing to move her piece but the bear's piece was fast approaching with a gun. Rapidly she stuck down her piece on the 8th spot a small spring emerged from the space launching the piece upward just barely being able to dodge the gun shot of crazy bear cracker's piece. Before Twilight knew it the menacing piece landed on it's spot also being launched far into the air shooting several bullets her piece's way. Quick on her feet she compressed her magic to maneuver around the death metal. The bear rolled his dice again this time faster than she could. Quite immediately after the roll that fat paw was coming close to her face for another strike. She glanced for a split second moving her head to the side just in time. His slap took out a whole chunk out of the chair!

"DON'T THINK I'VE FORGOTTEN ABOUT THAT RULE!" Twilight only being on space number 27 and seeing the beast three spaces behind her with still a roll to move forward she needed to keep up. "5!" This space gave her piece a goat. "Oh great this guy." Twilight exclaimed in her mind. With great speed she kicked the goat down the hill of the fake mountain. The bear's piece jumped over with grace landing a space that gave it wings and a meteor machine gun. Great panic now ensued, right before twilight realized her magic felt a button somewhere hidden on the button. She scrambled to search for the button as the bear's piece was firing up its weapon. Then she remembered the other danger at hoof she ducked as quick as she could as the furry paw took out another chunk of the chair. Still frantically looking over the cube the first shot of the meteor machine gun was fired from the sky coming at her piece with great speeds. In the nick of time she found the button and a note that read "Press in case of emergencies."

Her piece pulled out a shield and deflected the meteor straight back, but still missing the enemy. It took out a huge portion of the board. They both rolled their dice at the same time each getting a 10. This time the bear attacked her first, with this one going straight for her body she moved her piece forward and gained a one time use of stasis. Her piece threw the shield right in the area the slap was heading for and using stasis to make sure it stayed. The paw bounced back causing the motion of it to knock his own piece father up the mountain than her.

The bear had 30 spaces left, while twilight still had 56. She pressed the button for a second time generating a powerful water gun. She pulled the trigger and aimed towards the ground then at the bear's paw heading her way creating a double positive effect of defeating the attack against her and getting closer to the top from the extremely high pressure of the water. The enemy piece was charging another shot from the meteor machine gun. Moving up 15 spaces a boulder dropped from the sky right on the piece at the same time twilight was making her next roll. Barely being able to react her own piece rolled away then shot its own gun forcing the small but strong boulder right at the bear's paw successfully deflecting another attack. This was make or break, if she didn't make it up on this roll it was over.

20 spaces to go she was able to move up 9 seeing a space with a red cross on it. The whole board rumbled as a great majestic hospital rose from the ground both finding her piece flying in the sky from the sudden upward force. The enemy piece fired causing the hospital to blew into piece creating even more thrustage on her piece sending her speeding for the very top. In a last ditch attempt the bear's piece ran up the last 5 spaces it had left. Both were centimetres away from the top as time slowed down letting the graceful final second of this fierce battle end... but alas it was not twilight who reached the top first.

Everything at that moment died, to the chaotic nature of the game and the bombastic sounds. Even the water gun was dead. This was it, wasn't it. She had lost hadn't she. She didn't know if he could actually kill her, she didn't know how this all happened, she didn't even know how to win. It was now a necessity to think. What were her options? She could only move her dice and piece. The button wouldn't work since the game was over and her piece wouldn't be able to do anything. The brick still sat there proudly. She was going to die from a board game battle all alone, sitting next to a damn brick.

"Heh, well goodbye miss Twilight Sparkle. I hope you had fun." A bright light shined from the very top revealing a giant bird to accompany the enemy in the killing of twilight sparkle. It swooped down sharpening up its wings for one final attack. Now it was truly like a dice roll. Roll a 1 accept your fate and leave it there, a 2 delay the inevitable. Of course twilight was a 2 all the way. Filled with the most amount of determination she had ever felt her piece jumped over the wing landing on its back. This is where it counted. The enemy piece threw a kick, with a quick reaction it was blocked and returned with a mighty buck colliding with the strong punch of the bear's piece. Mean while with the quick action being controlled by twilight and the bear Twilight was still deep in thought. Blocking and bringing the heat as best as she could she had to be able to defeat him a different way. With each kick, punch, unfair hook, or twisted lunge at each other came the thought of something back from the first game. When a karate chop came down to the middle of her head she thought back to the mine cart ride. Another kick, portals and floating ships. A forward hook, space number 30.

Each step had been bonkers, crazy, and insane. In fact she would need something crazy to even get out of this situation. Everything Twilight did to this point was logical and smart and yet none of it worked. Each obstacle carried its own wacky personality and it wasn't until she tried something silly or out of the norm for her it worked. Even listening to the sage had worked. Maybe that was it. She needed something silly, dumb, and so incredibly obvious that it wouldn't work that somehow it would work. There was only one thing that came into mind. Space numero 30. The devilish looking space that had a skull engraved in it. It was worth a shot.

A elbow from the bear's piece snapped her back into reality. Time to execute. Completely syncing up her piece backflipped off the bird falling with style as the bird chased after its prey. Landing with a roll her piece carefully jumped down the mountain placing hooves on each open ledge and making sure to dodge any more attacks. Finally at the right level, space 30 was in sight. With a dive her piece leaped over the grand wing of the predator and standing tall on the space.

It was dead silent for a few seconds when suddenly KA BIDDLY BOOM BAM! The whole board game exploded sending cinders and ash all around the area melting the metal surrounding her own hooves. "YES! HAHAAAA!" Making no waste of time she bolted out making sure to grab the brick. The blue fire was diminishing while she sprinted through the lovely again decorated home while hearing the deranged screams of the bear getting fainter and fainter.

She ran and ran until she knew she was more than safe. She couldn't use her magic for anything again. "Come on... you can't quit now. I'm almost there." Twilight looked up and she could see the very top of the mountain for the first time in sight.

And now a brief non-comedic intermission

The peak was getting close to reach, but that didn't mean there were no dangers left to be had. Twilight continued her trek up the remaining of the mountain, feeling the cold breeze beginning to pick up. The snow jacket and winter boots she had packed were gone, thanks to the loss of her bag. Step by step the blistering temperatures were dropping, until the air currents were getting even harder to drift pass. One more step and there was an intense shove that pushed Twilight back at least 7 1/2 feet. Trying again she trotted back to the same location, only to be hoisted back even further. One more time she attempted to battle the wind and of course she lost the battle, but this time the wind did not stop. This time it continued to push her back to the point where she could not progress forward and only lose progress. She tried for a straight hour running and running, hoping to get past.

It was to intense, she had to seek some sort of shelter or she would be smacked off the mountain and be splattered all over the ground. Just in the distance there stood a cave. "Oh great another cave." Twilight said sarcastically. Luckily this was a completely different cave, so she sprinted in to escape the picking up winds outside. Inside the cave was dark, dead, and alone. No glimmer of crystals, no shimmer of sun, and no signs of anything lively inside. Only the wet dripping of water reaching the freezing bottom of the cave. With nothing to do twilight sat down and think to herself.

She sat and thought for who knows how long. It had certainty been a real long time. This was greatly worrying to twilight.

"Well that's just amazing another stupid blockade in my path that just wastes my dwindling time. How I am supposed to deal with all this foolish complications in my journey! I had everything planned out from the start and all of it had just gone to shambles! I lost all of my stuff, almost got killed multiple times, and got stuck in this cave for who knows how long! I don't even know how long I have until this mystical thing disappears! I may as well just call it quits and leave. I probably didn't even make it in time. But of course I still have to wait for this wind to clear! AHH!" She picked up a rock and threw it out the cave. "This whole thing was a stupid idea itself." Another wet drop found its way to the ground. Apart from the fierce wind there was silence. Then a few more droplets of water set foot back on the ground. A sniffle... three more drops... then the faint sound of a shaking body.

No words were spoken, as defeat had finally struck Twilight. Feeling it even more the slight sadness shown in her moment of tears increased. Her small sob went up to wailing wail, as she placed her hooves on her head getting it through her mind the failure she had felt she so rightfully earned. Moments passed, slowly declining the pained blare of depression. "I'm going home..." Then a gleam of light. The sole sight in there that resembled some sort of happiness. She didn't feel up to it, but she felt there was a need to follow the ball of shining shimmer seemingly attempting to guide her.

There was no emotion in the way she walked. The light halted exposing a picture on the wall. On that wall showed the mountain and a indistinguishable object resting on top. Twilight sighed. "I don't need this." But she continued anyway. Step by step revealed more and more pictures. The first showed the ancient sage and his strange methods. Twilight found herself giving a weak smile to it. The second showed the humongous ice cream cone creating horrible winds like usual. The third exhibited the ice wall that twilight had almost slipped off at least 10 times and a goat standing prideful at the top. The fourth a single tree. And the fifth a board game with a bear looming menacingly in the background. Twilight glanced back down the path at the five images picturing the dangers she had faced. She had done all of that.

If she hadn't gotten to the top and succeed in her odyssey, she has certainty done a whole lot on that odyssey. This made her feel a bit better, becoming a bit proud for herself in her heart. The light reveled one more image, this time it showed a message.

It read: The mountain aims to challenge whoever feels they can accomplish the goal. However it never is easy, for the challenges faced are never more than just an obstacle or test to pass, but inside lays a deeper meaning. Making it this far shows great strength, but also tiredness from the climb. Whatever your deeper meaning it is up to you to find out what that is. Your choice is to get past your limit and figure out what that is, or go back home, be safe, but gain nothing. The choice is not a matter of safety or comfort, but a choice of who you think you can be... I hope to see you at the top.

The light then shifted and sparked into a portal. Twilight stepped closer, while the wall at the end of the path opened up letting in the light. Her hoof reached for the portal hesitating. "No" Her hoof tapped the floor. With a pause, another hoof raised and tapped the floor. Soon more followed until taps turned into soft crunches. "It's time I finish this."

Portal 3 anybody?

The fresh air felt amazing as it graced its presence through twilight's mane. Although she did not enjoy the idea of climbing this mountain for any longer, it truly felt worth it. She still didn't know how much time she had left to make it to the top, before the mystical powerful item on top disappeared until next year. However, she wouldn't know unless she began to climb. Being very high up the mountain the view was beautiful. Everything down low, just looked so tiny. She even saw the old sage's house from this high! She looked left seeing a wide arrange of trees and rocks sitting on the ground. She looked right seeing more of the same along with the ice cream cone resting peacefully. She looked up seeing an impressive number of clouds, a blue sky, and a random portal appearing out of nowhere. She looked down, "WAIT RANDOM PORTAL APPEARING OUT OF NOWHERE?!"

Twilight knew something like this acquired immediate action. She took stance keeping a sharp eye on the portal. Then it grew even larger and out popped a flying pirate ship. The ship gracefully set itself parallel with the side of the mountain. The plank then smacked itself onto the snow. Then 10 tiny little pirate came out to greet the purple alicorn. Twilight calmed her demeanor and rested her stance, becoming amused that she was actually afraid of these guys a few seconds ago.

"Ey! Me name be Adam! How are you there miss!"
"I could be doing better."
"Eh, I'm sorry to hear that. Do you want to come aboard our ship. I'll introduce you to me crew and we could eat barrel juice!"
"Your not going to make me walk the plank at some point are you?"
"Ayyy, we don't do that stuff. Jerry did though. We don't talk about him. Right Jerry?"
"Right!" Jerry responded.
"I don't know I'm kinda in a time crunch here."
"Ah come on mate! If your looking to make onto of that mountain we'll be happy to assist you on your journey."
"Hehe... no I'm good. I'll make it up there on my own thank you."
"Boys she's in denial! Let's get er up here!"

Suddenly the 9 other tiny pirates hoisted her onto their backs, then quickly launching her onto the ship.
"This be me crew. We got Johnny, Abby, Jerald, Berry, Bob, Joey, Sam, Tad, and you've already met Jerry over there."
"Hi. I'm tad strange. And I like bread." Tad said in a monotone voice.
"Hello tad." Twilight sad with a hint of uncomfort in her tone.
"And I'm Franky."

"Well now that we got that arranged why don't we show you around- GASP!" Twilight was taken aback by the sudden gasp escaping the captains lips. "Yee have the brick... she has the bricks boys!" They then began to burst into song, but fan fics can not allow music to reach your earholes, so me (the creator) will just tell you what the jist of the song was, by allowing the captain to explain what they just sang about in front of twilight.

"So basically the jist of the song is that shiny brick you got there is very special. It warns you of upcoming dangers when it vibrates."
"Well yeah you just explained that to me in song, why did you have to tell me it again?"
"Moving on! You see we pirates here carry vast knowledge of the mountain and it's tactics, as well as the trials it gives to prevent anyone from making their way to the top. Got any questions lady?"
"Well yes, actually. One, can you explain to me what deeper meaning I'm supposed to be figuring out here? Two, do you know if i still have time left to grab the special item at the top of the mountain? And three-" Twilight paused as is just occurred to her that she never exactly knew what specifically this all powerful object at the top was. "Could you tell me what is awaiting me at the top?"

"The deeper meaning you so look for is not something we can give. We're not the ancient sage you know! And about that time limit, there is an easy way to know how much time you got left. Just look up in the sky and look very closely..." There was an extremely long pause. "...And there be a timer that'll show up and tell you the time remain-er. And we don't know what's on the top of the mountain. Nopony has every gotten to the top of it. I think you may be the closest one." Twilight didn't pay attention to that part as she was busy staring up at the sky. The clouds shifted and shook into the numbers 5, then a bit later more clouds formed the words "hours."

"Anyway now that that's out the way, let us go down to the mess hall and chow." Twilight and Franky both trotted down deeper into the ship going towards the mess hall, while the rest of the crew stood still on the top deck. Strange, but everything here was strange twilight thought.

"What would you like?"
"I'm not really to hunger, but do you got any bars?"
"Sure we got bars" Franky rummaged through the top covers and pulled out two of his finest bars.
"So how's your day going?" Twilight looked at him and gave him the most seriously? look she could manage.
"I'm not answering that."
"That's fine by me. You know I'm completely fine with letting you stay here and we take you up higher to the mountain."
"How do I know your not lying?"
"Sailor oath's mam. We won't do you dirty." Franky then crossed his heart. He seemed genuinely serious.
"Alright I will stay here for a bit."
"Ayyyy! You won't regret it mam! Let us have a celebratory tour!"

Franky and Twilight did just that. Being a big ship it came as a surprise that there were only five sections of the ship. One was the mess hall, which they had already visited, another had been the sleeping quarters for 9 of the cremates, the third section contained all of their gold treasure and jewelry (it all looked to be plastic however), the fourth was the captain's quarter sporting all of the necessary things to look like a cliche captain room, and the fifth room was the most important.

"And here we have the exhibit for the most important treasure we have. The portal gun!" Twilight was amazed. Nopony had ever seen let alone thought it would ever be a thing to exists. Sure unicorns could already teleport, but to have non-unicorns teleport would be something. "Does it work?!" Twilight questioned with enthusiasm. "Why yes it does. But don't use it. You shoot that gun once and it breaks." Well that sounded familiar twilight thought. "Wow... that's incredible!"
"Oh yeah, she is a beaut... wanna go back up with the rest of me crew?"
"Sure."

They both walked up the stairs leading back to the main deck. Upon the moment they arrived Franky's crew didn't seem to be doing much. They all just stood spread out from one another in a specific spot. Twilight then decided to check the time. It read "4 hours." "Oh shoot franky! I've been here for a full hour! It's been real fun, but I think I need to get back to my journey, so I don't miss my opportunity you know?"
"Oh sure thing miss! We'll bring you back in a jiff!"

The captain then trotted to the main wheel and began to steer in the direction of the mountain. It would be a few minuets before they would get back to the mountain so twilight wanted to talk to one of the other cremates on the ship to pass the time. She walked over to Jerry who had been mopping the floor.

"Hey Jerry! How have you been today?" Jerry however did not respond. "Are you ok Jerry?" Jerry however did not respond. "Cat caught your tongue Jerry?" Jerry however did not respond. Now it began to feel like an RPG where you try over and over to talk to a NPC and all they respond to you with is a black colored text box reading "..." Twilight shrugged it off and rested her hooves on the edge of the ship as they got ever so closer. Then the ship stopped. "Hey Franky what's going on?"
"Oh nothing's wrong mam."
"Why are we stopped then?"
"Because this is as far as we go mam."
"What in the name of tartarus are you talking about? Jerry do you know what's going on?" Jerry however did not- "Jerry I swear to Celestia if you don't speak I'm going to smack you." Jerry however- SMACK! Except there was no smack sound. In reality twilight's hoof passed straight through his head. "What the f-"

"I'm sorry, I truly am, but your not leaving this ship mam." Twilight sighed heavily. "Well I guess I'm going to have to deal with you as well." Franky pulled out a baseball bat and smashed the wheel controlling the ship. The ship began to tilt slightly, as all of the 9 so called cremates all turned to dust and blew away from the wind. Franky charged going in with a forward strike. "I assure I have a perfectly good reason to do this!"
"Sure you do!" Twilight moved out the way then bucked him straight in the stomach. The ship was tilting even more she needed to get inside before the ship fully tilted upside down. "Just stand still!" He said going in for another strike. Twilight bolted for the door and rapidly progressed down the stairs. "Come back here!" Franky lunged hitting not a pony, but the table standing still in the middle of the mess hall. Running was getting harder and harder and the ship tilted even more and yet Franky was gaining on her with ease.

Right ahead was a split path, but due to the tilt of the ship the only way to go was right for that being the direction the ship was going. She took a sharp turn sliding down the path to the bottom of the room. Frankly followed and soon both were face to face standing on the wall of the room.
"Now miss there is a reason for all of this."
"NO! Why should I believe you! You lied about your sailor oath's promise and you know it!"
"Well I said I would get you higher up the mountain and we are. I never said I would let you get back onto the mountain."
"Just spit out your reason!"
"Well you see... the reason I'm doing this is because... I want to eat your skin."
"THAT'S A TERRIBLE REASON!"
"HEY A MANS GOTTA EAT ALRIGHT!"
"Is that why you have all of these fake cremates!"

However Franky did not respond to that one. "Franky answer the question!"
"No miss." His whole demeanor had changed as if he had remembered something. That didn't last forever.
"Whatever! Your going to stay here and like it!" The bat came into play once again stretching out to bonk twilight in the head. This strike hit, but it did not knock out twilight. Both fortunately and unfortunately the ship had stopped tilting. She was tuck in this room with this maniac, unless she found a way out of this messy situation. Twilight thought and thought coming up with nothing as Franky was backing her into a corner. "You've got nowhere to go." Slowly and slowly the amount of space she had left grew smaller and smaller. Then, while she was backing up she tripped over a box. Out spilled a plunger and many only suction part of the plunger.

Twilight began to think using her intellectual mind powers. If she could use the plunger to stick to the wall she could gain height and escape, but without a stick on the other top of the plunger she couldn't gain that height. But hold on there was a stick she could use... Franky's baseball bat. She grabbed the plunger. "Ha! You think you could get rid of me with that! Your comedic mam! But now you will stay with me forever... in me stomach!" He swung one final time slowing time, twilight focused as hard as she could. She ducked, getting the bat stuck in the wall and bucking with all of her might straight in Franky's center. "You know, your very stupid." Twilight forced the baseball bat out and sprinted to connect it with the top part of the plunger and she stuck them both to the wall.

"See you sucker!"
"Celestia damn it."
She kept going higher and higher until she reached the most important room of the whole ship. She took the top of the plunger off of the baseball bat and smashed the glass and grabbed the portal gun. Aiming carefully out the window she placed a portal on the highest part of the mountain possible and placed one one the wall. She jumped in triumph landing back onto the frosty snow. She had no idea the cold could feel this good. "Welp back to my lonely existence" Franky exclaimed back on the ship. "Maybe next time."

Twilight laughed and laughed. "I can't believe I was just able to use a portal gun like that!" Of course the gun had crumbled into pieces just like Franky said, but that didn't matter. For once she felt like she had a little fun facing her hardships on the mountain. "Now that was pretty stupid! But it worked... it worked." Twilight cleared her throat, looked up on the clock that showed 3 hours and 45 minutes, and trotted along. "Let's do this."

Just a bit more reading matieral

"Well... let's keep moving." Twilight said while she set into motion more walking. It hadn't been 5 minuets until she could see something glaring out on the distance. Getting closer she could make out a barrage of colors all gather in one single spot. It was a refreshing taste from the usual taste of white, black, grey. After a bit twilight could finally make out what exactly the peculiar object had been. It was a shopping cart, but this one was rainbow colored. Twilight examined it and found it to have a sticker on it that read "Gay Cart."

"You know what, I'm fine with this. I don't know how or why somepony got a rainbow shopping cart here, but its fine. I'm fine." Twilight walked further up the mountain, to find a giant abandoned supermarket blocking her way forward. Smacked straight on the door was a note showing a few words written on it. "Gay cart required to get inside." "Sure honey." Twilight replied. She took out her hoof and grabbed the door handle... however it did not respond.

"sigh Fine." About a few minuets later she was back up with the shopping cart. This time the doors automatically opened. Then the brick let out a tiny whimper of a vibrate. She glanced up at the timer. 3 hours and 30 minutes left. Twilight took a breathe and went inside. The inside was dim and dark, cold and creepy, as well as peculiarly welcoming. The floor was glazed with soft carpet, having blooming flowers printed on the rugs. All around the store were tall shelves displaying all arrangements of things. Anything from food, to toys, to electronics. There were even ladders to gather any item that might be to hard to grab from such a height. They went all the way to the top of the shelves. Right smack dab in the center was a fountain filled with all sorts of coins from different parts of Equestria. The building was completely rectangular and it showed. Not even a bathroom, staff room, or checkout place was seen to be a part of the establishment.

"What a strange store." Twilight said aloud strolling the rainbow cart to the other side of the structure. She then came to the door on the other side of the store, and it also had a note that read: "Pull lever to open door please." "Alright." Twilight shrugged and pull down the lever. A bit of silence ensued, then a spotlight made a crack in noise revealing a big figure standing atop of the high shelf. "What is that?" Twilight questioned while also thinking to herself that she might possibly need glasses. "Nice to see you again miss sparkle." And just like that her heart went from the normal number for a heart to be at to absolute zero. He was back. Without thinking twilight pounced on the door only to bonk her snout on the metal encasing it now applied to it. "Please don't tire yourself out, that door won't budge... at least not yet."

"I'm going to kill you..."
"No, not really."
Twilight was then lifted up off the ground and slowly pulled closer to the menacing sight looking straight back at her.
"Alright sparkle... you won the first round with your cheating. But this time we are going to play a different game.. with different rounds. Maybe I'll let you go if you win. Who knows?! I got the button. :) Doesn't that sound fantastic?!" However twilight's dumb ass did not respond. "Anyway, this is how the first round will go. That gay cart you have right there will be quite useful to you in this round. All you have to do is put as many items in the basket as fast as you can. By the way that brick of yours is looking real nice. If struggles happen then they happen. You will have one singular minute."
"I bet there will be-"
"Good luck miss sparkle! 3! 2! 1!"

Twilight was dropped down to the ground flopping face first. "LET IT BEGIN!"
At the moment he said it a loud buzzer was heard and the amazing beat of holding out for a hero began to play on the speakers. Twilight did not know the types of items that awaited her in the store, but she did not have time to think this over. It was best to play the stupid bear's game. She sprinted through the corridors of appliances, foods, and furniture finding nothing she was particularly found of. About 15 seconds in something caught her eye. It was a bucket of paint. Maybe she could use it to pour stinging paint in his eyes and figure out a way to escape. She picked it up, only for it to be instantly vaporized. "Nope." Twilight grumbled and and picked up another paint bucket and just like the other one the bear pointed his fat finger and burnt it down to a crisp. "You bore me." She just had to get out of his sight, easy enough. He was only restricted to the space on top of the shelves. However everywhere she went she could see the bear twisting out his finger ready on standby. And each item she picked the bear played dirty and made the desired object not exist.

"30 second mark! Wild card number 1! YAHOO!" The bear's finger suddenly pointed towards her and off of pure instinct twilight ran just as the death causing lazer come at her. Jumping and weaving twilight was trying her best to dodge them all. She grab a random item and quickly moved it from it's position. Somehow the lazer missed, but sadly got it on the second time around. Still frantically running for her life and having nothing in her basket she had to think of something fast, because there were only "15 seconds left! Wild card number 2!" The bear took of his crown allowing several black birds to emerge from his scalp. Now she had birds and death threatening lazers on her tail. She jumped up avoiding another lazer, then got bonked right back down by a bird flying above.

About 10 of them swooped down to peck at her, with... wait a minute... saw blades?! She picked up the pace as each item she attempted to place in the cart got immediately evaporated. "5 seconds left! Wild card number 3!" Everything wen't black. Time slowed and just ahead was a spotlight representing a podium with a singular box placed upon it. It was a straight shot down the corridor. Thank god the birds were gone- SQUAK! No hold on a second, they were there to. Feeling the most amount of determination and sweat in her bones she bursted into blinding speeds. The walls rumbled and started to get closer together. Lazers were still now popping out of nowhere pointing left and right, up and down. The birds gaining ground wielding their sharp weapons. "This is the longest minute of my life!" There it was down the hall shining so brightly! Just a bit more... Four lazers appeared creating an x-shaped pattern. Twilight slid down throwing the cart up and over, then lunged with all her might touching the lonely box.

BZZT! At the sound of the buzzer every danger at that very moment was gone as the state of the store reverted back to its original structure. "Oh ho ho! Good job! And that grace!" Her heart was pounding, and her breath heavy. She took a look at the box she had risked her life to grab and I'm that box was some sort of gun. Upon further investigation she had figured out that it was a splattershot Jr that shoots paint and comes with a paint bomb from the hit game splatoon. "I hope what you got from round 1 is useful, because for round 2 you'll be using the items you obtained from the previous challenge." Soon both the bear and twilight were standing at the edge of the fountain looking into the ripple of waves concealing the possible hundreds of coins waiting in the depths below.

"Now you see all those coins? Well of course you do your smart like that. But anyway for this round all you have to do is mosey up in that water and find one exclusive silver limited edition quarter pounder coin from MadaMadagascar. You will have excatly two minuetes to find the coin and if you don't find it..." There was an extreme dramatic pause, as if the tone was about to change to express the horrors that could potentially wait if she so happened to lose... but instead he resorted to a jolly response saying "you won't win the challenge." Twilight just stood there saying nothing. "3! 2! 1! GOOOO!" A second of silence passed as twilight just stared at him, as if she was wondering how in the world she was intended to do this. She triumphantly stuck her hooves into the water and presented a singular coin exclaiming, "Found it." "WHAT THE FUNKY FRIDAYS?!"

"Can we just get this over with please?" Twilight pleaded.
"You know I'm noticing a general lack of enthusiasm here. Come on you gotta have some fun here."
"Not when someone is trying to kill me at every turn."
"Still I find games to be pretty fun."
"Well when your a sick being your a sick being."
"Well next round!" There was a tinge of iritation in his voice that showed the very subtle cracks in his usual chill tone, even if he did go crazy previously. "This round will be a bit different. This time you will be going against me."
"You know what's the point in this? Even if I win all these challenges your not going to let me go. So why try? Why put myself to all these hardships when it doesn't matter?"
"Because Twilight... games are a way of life that should not be messed with. Now let's start the next round."
"No. I don't have to. You didn't lock me down this time, and I'm pretty sure I can handle you without my magic if you go sicko mode on me. So I don't think I will play anymore."
"Hey... let's not get like this ok. This is important-"
"Yeah! Important for you! I've gone through enough and was able to make it this far! So you know what? I'm leaving."
"Wha-"

Before the rest of his sentence could be spoken twilight right hooked him straight in the jaw with all the force she could muster. She scooped up her brick and paint gun, pressed the button that had fallen out from the bear, and went for it. The locked up metal doors slid open revealing the sunlight and how magnificent it felt to see. "NO NOT AGAIN!" The all to familiar blue fire that twilight had witnessed in her last encounter had sprang back into exisistance. She leaped out the door moving her eyeballs back to see the now furious demon full on sprinting at her. Realizing she still had the button in quick sucession the button was pressed again shutting the doors tightly. All that remained were the muffled sounds of anger and screams. "I hope you rot in there you filthy-"

She didn't even care to finish her thought. It was over and now the best thing was to move on. She moved her head up finding there to be 1 hour left. Makes sense that spending obliviously less than an hour inside a store, made the timer decrease to just one simple hour. "Alright we can do this. We have enough time." Right as she took a step there was a loud pound coming from the store. "Will you shut up!" BANG There was a white paw visible coming out from the newly formed hole. "Ohhhh misses spaarkleeee. You know better not to end a game to early."

On her quickest instinct she dashed away from the scene. The rotten beast sprinted at her. It was now a full on chase. While being smothering in panic, a need to be quick on your hooves and thoughts was a necessity. She looked back just in time to find a lazer coming directly for her head and ducked below it. Up ahead was a uncrossable wall blocking the path and off to the right was another one of the rainbow shopping carts. Off to the right instead of just a cliff leading to instant death there were rails. Without thinking twilight put the shopping cart upright and placed it on top of the newly discovered rails, got in, and let the driving do itself. "HA!" Twilight screeched fully believing the bear could not follow her.

"HA HA!" The bear screeched back spawning in a 2 ton bat. He stood on the bat and controlled it like a surf board gaining on her slowly but surely. The cart ride was incredibly twisty and made it a struggle to stay on the cart. Twilight took her eyes back onto the dangerous being. He was making strange gestures and soon out came several glittery pink puffballs all with their own set of wings. Each shot a multicolored beam in her direction. It was a miracle none of them hit her. They charged up and shot again causing twilight to maneuver her body up, down, left, and right. With another jarring and quick turn of the cart came a good number of ups and downs on the cart ride. Each bounce there would be an attack coming her way and she would have to duck, move left, or even jump a bit, barely landing back in the cart.

The beastly bat set out a loud wail sending another projectile at the purple mare. The large wail created a massive shock in the mountain making the snow come crashing down straight in the place twilight was riding. "GO GO GO!" Twilight screamed at the top of her lungs. Luckily just in the distance was an opening leading into a cave. By the fur on her teeth she made into the cave, looked back and saw all the snow encasing the entrance she just made it through. "Oh thank celes-"

Fire then shot out from the pile striking a wall created a rumble. With a blink of an eye the accumulation of snow was gone and into the deep dark cave they went. Only the glaring light of fire was visible. With the power of fire the formiddiable foe lit the wooden parts of the rails on fire. And destroyed the path just up ahead that would surely put the ride to a complete stop. There was nothing but the void underneath her. The first idea that came into her mind was to use the paint gun she kept from the store. With a pull of the trigger a great deal of paint droplets shot from the gun creating almost a tiny wave only going in a straight path.

She aimed and fired only for the droplets of paint not to reach anything but the void awaiting her at the bottom. The fire was approaching at a rapid rate, the same as the edge of the rails. And now the bear was going in for the strike, swooping down for her, saving her life by grabbing her from the cart, but surely to kill her as soon as he got her. Claws were prominently seen gleaming with a devious smile. With no other option she grasped the shiny brick tightly and took a leap of faith with her back hooves sticking out. Then a sound crack could be heard. And after just a few seconds her belly landed on the rough, but warm topside of the bat.
She didn't understand how the frick she was able to do that, but she had somehow knocked the bear off the bat and into the bottomless void. "Celestia..." Her breath was as heavy as 5 tons of metal. She just sat there still catching her breath letting the bat take her to the eventual opening on the other side of the cave. Now for absolute certain she was sure the bear was gone. She breathed in the fresh air and glanced all around her, until her eyes caught up on the sky seeing the scaring words of "15 minutes left."

With a start she began racing up the mountain again. She was so close she could definatly make it. She could hear the magical sound of the item she had risked her life so often to take. And along with that sound came another sound...
KA BIDDILY BOOM BAM
And just like that that stupid dumb ass bear had managed to pose a threat to finally put an end to this. His fur was practically gone, only having just a few patches of it left. His clothes were completely tattered and his look was crazed. But that wasn't even the scary part. Right below him was another one of his diabolic monstrosities. A flaming fire bird. "NO MORE GAMES FOR YOU! I'M LIKE A NINJA FROM NINJAGO! HAAHHAAHEHEEHEEHAHHEEHA!"

"Can't you just leave me alone! Please!" However with no response, the bird open its beak and shot out a huge beam of ice creating several humongous icicles in her path. Twilight with a hop skip and a jump ran and ran faster than ever before towards the top, but alas the icicles became to much and she was trapped in a circle of ice. In a fit of anger she slammed her brick into the ice. It didn't even make a single dent. Her head moved almost like in a glitched state into the sky gazing at the dreadful words of "5 minuetes left." "I'M RIGHT HERE JUST LET ME BE!"
"You've ruined my game twilight. And now I'm going to ruin your little game as well."
"Then just kill me then!"
"Heh... I want to see you suffer, feeling the pain of failure."

She shut her eyes closed and flopped to the ground feeling the utter defeat. She did what she did best and went into deep thought. She had got this far. She passed every silly and frankly dumb challenge put in her way. She faced down some sort of demon bear and almost won. She even met an acient sage. This whole experience had been the strangest set of triumphs and defeats she had ever been a part of. And she was ok with that. Most of this stuff required silly solutions so why fight it. The fact that she was sitting here so close to the top was a silly thing in itself. If she was going to die she should probably focus on the good memories up to this point. Taking down the pirate was pretty fun, and the goat while very menacing was kinda fun to laugh at how it posed such a threat. She hoped the ice cream cone was doing good as well. "Same for the sage." she spoke.

The sage was without a doubt the craziest part of this whole thing. In some way it had taught her the lesson of thinking outside the box... or the "house" as he calls it. The smacked her hoof upon her forehead thinking back to the amount of plates she had to lick that day. But it got her past his trial. And he gave her his own shiny brick. But hey wait a minuete. Licking those plates. She had quite litterlly licked her way to victory. Maybe she could do it again. Her eyes went wide open.

She stared at the frozen icicle right in front of her and let her tongue spill out. "Let's do this." She leaned back and gave and forceful smack to the ice with her tongue. BAM The ice shattered into pieces and twilight walked through it like it was nothing. In the reflection of one of the pieces she could see the timer counting down from 59 seconds. "WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT?!" The bear then threw everything he could muster at the mare. Any beam, lazer, monster, or figure sent her way was swiftly defeated with a simple deflection with her tongue. The bear tried everything. When nothing worked with great speed he zoomed down to twilight wrapping her in a air tight grip where her tongue could not reach him. "What are you going to do now. Face it I've won. You've only got 20 seconds left."

There was a pause and after a moment twilight spoke. "You know you really suck, don't you know that." bonk! With a swift motion of her tail the brick she had stored in there bonked him right on the head setting her free and the bear unconsciously rolling down to the bottom of the mountain. With a grand total of 5 precious seconds she raced to the top and made it just in time. And there it was gleaming beautiful with a radiant light. It was there. It was truly there and it wasn't gone from her sight even after the timer had ticked to zero. She didn't even step close to it. She just stood there for a few moments laughing in relief.

The magical sound coressing her ear was immensely pleasant. The object was almost to bright to look at. She took a few more steps up to it. This thing was rumored to potentially be a god and help with equestria itself. A few more steps more and she was beggining to sweat. She was right there. Why was this so hard to do? Each hoof placement felt longer and longer until finally... it was in sight. Its shape was a tall cylinder and it contained contents in the object itself. The contents were clear and looked a little blue. There was also a bit of plastic wrapped around the center of it. What was it excatly? It was a god damn water bottle.

Twilight was almost about to enter another fit of rage until she read the plastic label. "Infinite water source." "Wait... WHAT?! This could solve any water related problems equestria could ever have! This is amazing." She observed quite possibly every feature on the bottle. She was beyond happenies and the whole journey had been worth it. She continued to stare and stare, but then her eyes locked on one specific section of the bottle and her heart dropped.

...

"Holy fuck this thing expired 2 days ago."