Time takes just as much as it gives...
If I could do it over again, would I … not do it? I am … far older than I let on. I remember that day, in the hedge maze, when Old Me told them all, “Oh, you Little Ponies are going to be the most fun I’ve had in Eons!” Not even Twilight ever picked up on that line or ever asked about it.
I was here first. Before time, and matter, and energy, and space. In the Beginning, was the perfect Order that was the changelessness of Kaos. Just still, and dark, and quiet. It’s funny to think about that version of myself now, rather ironic how Kaos was Order, and Chaos is Order in a moustache and wig.
With time, came the capacity for change, and my role redefined itself. Void became Disorder, and it was fun! So many bright and shiny new worlds to play with as I pleased.
I caused havoc as I pleased but was never cruel. At least, I don’t believe I was. At times I despise this new conscience of mine…
Equus was my favorite new playpen. So much variety! So many species! The natural magic of it was like a warm bath, or a charge to my battery. I was even stronger here!
“Draconequus.” “It has the head of a Pony, and a body made up of all sorts of things!” In what way does this head look like a Pony?!
I took on a form I loved, and bound myself to this world and its rules, making it my home. That was a mistake.
Oh, it was fun to start with! Ponies are hilariously uptight, even the smallest change causes mass hysteria.
I did cause chaos, disorder, disharmony, and even pain everywhere I went. On the one paw, it is my function, but on the other talon, I enjoyed it.
To make a long and complicated history somewhat shorter, I met two Alicorns, supposedly the best of all 3 worlds. I thought we were friends. We weren’t.
They used the Elements of Harmony to imprison me in stone, something that wouldn’t have even WORKED if I hadn’t agreed to play by this world’s rules of magic. Hindsight, right?
After roughly 1,000 years of silent screaming, plotting, swearing revenge, and slowly going insane and then out the other side of insanity, I was finally freed!
The Elements had new bearers, and so I turned their hometown of Ponyville (a normally chaotic place without my influence) upside-down.
I played a game with them, pretending that their prize was in a hedge maze.
I underestimated them. Especially … her. A scrawny yellow Pegasus. Kindness?! Pfft. What kind of power was that?!
The fact she was the only one able to resist my mind games should have tipped me off.
One smarting defeat later, and I was back in Stoneville, population: me.
Much sooner than last time, I was freed again, and found the canary my keeper.
She bested me; in a way I never would have pictured coming. She killed me with Kindness.
She killed Old Me. The Discord who didn’t care who he hurt or what he broke, as long as it was fun.
In the millions and millions of years in which I’d existed, I had never had anyone. There were no others like me, and I didn’t get attached to … insects.
In Old Me’s place, she left something. I’m still not sure what. I went from the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony to just Chaos. I reformed! Minus one or two betrayals. And everything I did, no matter how horrible or noble my intentions, she forgave.
Gods, her smile! My heart still feels warm when I picture it. I didn’t know I had a heart before her, and now I can always feel its emptiness and pain.
I’m not sure when I was smitten. The day I froze Sweet Apple Acres? In the maze? It was sooner than I think.
She was all the sunshine, kindness, and warmth of the world…
Friendship became more. I was such a nervous wreck trying to tell her how I felt. Me! I have been worshiped as a god, and I couldn’t tell a girl I wanted to kiss her!
She loved me back! After a few awkward dates, and many wonderful ones, we married.
I wouldn’t have thought we were compatible that way, but we were both pleasantly shocked to find she had my children. Such beautiful children… Ponies, like their mother, none of my … oddities. And each completely mortal.
We outlived our children, and grandchildren, and on and on. Her lifespan was lengthened, but nothing is Forever, except me.
In disguise, I once visited Maretime Bay to meet one of my descendants. He took after her, he was even good with Fuzzy Critters! I couldn’t manage to talk to him, I was so pained by Memory. Memory becomes your companion, and your tormentor.
Equus is cold and dead now. When I saw the mess Twilight was making, I simply left, and haven’t gone back. I hope they got better…
There were other worlds, other entertainments, but everything is hollow and colorless. The only colors are a sunny yellow in my memory.
I can’t see butterflies without crying. I can’t view a sunset, or a cloud. Everything around me reminds me of my sweet songbird. How I wish to claw my heart out, to never feel again. But she wouldn’t want that. And so I live with the pain, and the loss, and my sweet, bright memories to honor her.
Before time, I was the universe, and in time, I will be again. The stars will flare out, existence will fade, and Chaos will return to Kaos. I won’t be aware that I exist.
But, whatever creation will next grow out of me, I hope that there are butterflies. And sunsets. And whatever I next turn out to be … I hope she finds him again. And saves me from myself. Because I will need her to.
