{Let’s Do The Tzeentch-Warp Again.}

A year…

That’s how long it took for so many things to go so… SO wrong…

We thought that everything was relatively calm, but we really should’ve taken into account the limitations of only being able to perceive areas holding items or followers connected to us.

It was during times like this that I wonder if I should’ve chosen to not be afraid of my form’s capacity to pierce the veil of time and looked to the future to avoid such a disaster, but then again, my siblings were having similar regrets about their own darker abilities and I could see with them that such restraint was a wise decision, I won’t falter now.

But… maybe I should look back instead, find where we went wrong, so we can work on it going forward.

“Everyone, Pantheon Meeting, now.” I call, pinging each of their now much more confined domains.

One by one the others arrived, each more frustrated than the last.

“This isn’t the time, Tzeentch, I’m not in the mood for whatever escape attempt you have for us this time.” Khorne growled out.

“Not this time, Brother, I’ve decided to peer into the past in hopes of seeing my own failings, I was hoping that you would all accompany me.”

“And why would we do that when you just plan to have us look at the big fuck-up we had and have us all go for some nitpicking?”

“Because sitting here getting all bitter at each other and Celestia for the mess we’re in isn’t doing us any good, we need an outlet… that and…” I take a deep breath. “I want you to see me doing this, so we all have the same information, instead of me hoarding it all.”

“The Great Tzeentch Hoarding Knowledge? The horror.”

Nurgle groaned out. “Oh shut the fuck up, Malal, you’re the reason Celestia was able to catch us to begin with!”

“My name is Discord, Treebeard! I at least have Character Development!”

“THIS AGAIN?!” Khorne yelled out angrily. “We! Are Not! Those! Four! CUNTS!”

“Oh yes, you’re definitely not an embodiment of rage and carnage.”

“Girls! Girls!” Slaanesh said. “You’re both pretty, now can we move on?”

“But—”

“Nurgle, Tzeentch is right about all this stewing in our emotions not being good for us, look at your arm!”

He did so, and we were barely able to stop the collective gasp as what was raised wasn’t the thick, vibrant and leafy log of a limb, but a mass of mold and gooey meat chunks that threatened to slough off his shoulder. He had to actually put some effort to put the appendage back to normal, which was honestly quite terrifying.

Slaanesh kept on. “All this isolation, including from each other, is getting to our heads, we’re getting stir-crazy! Khorne’s been getting more and more standoffish because there’s so little room here, Nurgle, your lethargy has come back full swing because you see no point tending to your garden with no-one to look at it, Tzeentch keeps having to fight himself not to look into the future for the sake of not focusing on our present, and I’ve got Balls more Blue than a Lord of Change bedazzled in Lapis Lazuli at an Eiffel 65 Concert! We need a distraction, and we NEED some bondage—BONDING TIME! Fuck, this place is getting to me.”

“Well then, you can all get on with your Therapy Session, and I will—”

“Ooooh no! You’re watching this too Discord!” she yells, pulling him back by the tail. “You have some mistakes that you need to review just as much as we do!”

“I don’t have to take this! I’m the Lord of Chaos here in Equestria you overgrown mood-swings! You have no power over me, and I won’t be a part of this farce!”

“Oh yes you will!” I said, on board with my sister’s reasoning. “You either sit here with us and take part in some much needed family time, or we will make this prison even more hellish for you.”

“You’re bluffing, there’s nothing you can do to me that I haven’t suffered during my time in the void of the Tyrant Star!”

And for once in a good while, the four of us all seem to have the same thought in glee, and I proceed to start us off.

“Oh my word, this tune is annoying!”

“Yes I know, it’s really annoying!”

“I can’t get this song out of my he-ead!”

“Make it stop, this tune is annoying!”

“I gotta go to work in the morning!”

“Now I’m gonna be hummin’ it in my be-eed!”

It took about 5 minutes non-stop to break Discord, but that was only because we kept trying to outmanoeuvre each-other. He got rid of his ears? We had the song resonate in the flow of the warp. He went to the edge of our prison? We merely sang louder. Found a way to tune out the lyrics? Slaanesh brought in the background music, I added in the subwoofers, Khorne started screaming the song like a raging volcano, and Nurgle got an entire forest to sprout up and vibe with us.

It is truly a terrifying force to behold, the four chaos gods truly working together for a common goal.

“ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT!! I’LL WATCH WITH YOU! JUST STOP!!”

“Yay! Family time!” Slaanesh cheered like an innocent child, causing the rest of us to giggle.

“Oh shut up.” the Draconequus grumbled as we all gathered around a slowly forming blue circle I’m using to mark the window into the past. With the ‘Lord of Chaos’ being funnily enough the smallest of the group, he decided to sit in the front on neutral ground that slowly turned checkerboard at his ambient influence, much to his disdain… that is until the black and white became a rather varied spectrum of opposites, all alternating to an unseen rhythm, blues and reds, pinks and greens, yellows and purples. “At least something here gets my tastes.”

“Everyone good? Great!” I say, proceeding to open a tear through time, even with this power, all I’d get would be a window, since making it a door would only be useful for my daemons, and even then I’d rather not fuck up causality. “Now, let’s take a look-see at everything we missed that caused this mess. I believe it started when Luna unintentionally sent a 'message in a bottle' in the Warp.”

“We all thought she must’ve been real desperate to let people know of us of her own volition.” Nurgle said.

“What, because she knows better?” Discord snarked.

“No, because last time she was here I came on her.” Slaanesh explained. “Turns out attacks that only stimulate whatever nerve-equivalent we have hitting me in the balls is a very good time~.”

“MOVING. ON.” I yelled, and so we began our journey.

{Into The Past, one Day after Luna’s Imprisonment}

“Guys, come over! There’s a new follower!” I heard Slaanesh call us over.

“How can you even tell before we could?”

“Well, the Soul currently sitting in Nurgle’s territory is a good indicator.”

“WHAT?!” Nurgle immediately dropped whatever project he had as we all gathered, finding the little ball of light sitting on top of a grassy knoll within Nurgle’s Garden of Cycles, currently in a state of spring.

Sure enough, there was a little ball of consciousness and individuality nestled right in one of the hollow openings of one of his trees, like a Squirrel.

“It… it’s adorable!” Nurgle said, moving in to appraise the spirit. “Hmm, no surprise that it’s an Earth Pony… seems he’s from… Appleoosa? But that doesn’t make sense!”

“Wait, did you say Appleoosa??” I ask in surprise, rushing over to the soul, ignoring the sluggishness that ran through my form as I stepped out of my domain.

I almost overreacted and used a mind-probe on the creature, but stopped myself just in time. “Wait! No, Materials are squishy. Almost made a blunder and popped the poor thing’s skull, let me just…” I took a few deep breaths, and moved in closely, skimming the surface thoughts instead.

Let’s see here… took to the Nurglite faith for bountiful crops, Apple Trees and desert don’t mix, go figure. What else, prayers to Nurgle, wishing the gift of a green thumb, in return wishes to help us release Luna from—

“Wait, Celestia sealed her sister in her room?!”

As my siblings froze up in shock, I found the scene painted in front of me. Luna came to the guy, Citric Slide, through his dream, spoke of her unlawful imprisonment. Turns out Celestia is a bit too antagonistic towards anything labelled Chaos, so she’s gone on a warpath and has put Luna in timeout for deciding to go the diplomatic option.

“I’m so sad Luna didn’t trust us with her story, she can reach us, and when she was here I’d cuddle and comfort her and maybe slip some tongue—on second thought maybe Luna shouldn’t trust me.” Slaanesh muttered aloud.

We all pointedly decided not to comment.

“...well, I’m going to go ahead and see what I can do for gifting my new follower with those green thumbs… actually…

this gives me an idea.” Nurgle says as I hesitantly left to go research what to do about this new information.

hopefully no-one does anything too extreme and gets ponies freaking out.

{Everypony do the Citric Slide!}

I sighed sadly, looking at the patch of ‘soil’ I was working with. “I really hope you’re right about this Nurgle, Princess…” I patted the rotting bark of one tree. “Poor things don’t have much left.”

Well that won’t do at all.

Before I could question the ‘words’ that went into my mind, I felt my body convulse as some form of energy slammed into my core. It was uncomfortable, it felt like roots were forming and stretching out under my skin, going from my head to my hooves, my fingertips to the tip of my tail, solid and yet not.

And then… the pain was gone, and now all I felt was power, the call of the roots.

I know… water… you need more water!

Without thinking, my hands slammed into the earth, and those roots within lunged out, deep into the sands, to rock and soil lost to time, to caverns full of flowing clean liquid… and I pulled.

I felt relief flood my being as I felt the trees under my watch reached their roots to my own, drinking of the life-giving liquid and returning to strength. My tears of joy flowed as I found myself laughing, the power pulsing inside my veins.

And in that instant, I saw him, a large being formed of a great tree and many flowers, tending to me with a gentle smile, like a farmer with its prized produce, and I felt that warm, parental presence.

“YES! PRAISE BE TO NURGLE! PRAISE FATHER NATURE! THE TENDER OF THE GREAT GARDEN!” I yell to the heavens, the ponies around turning at the sound of my warped voice, looks of surprise and concern.

They soon turned to fear as my flesh felt like it was burning, they screamed when they saw my limbs becoming stiff as my skin became bark, and they fled when leaves began forming on the branches that were once my arms, but I didn’t worry. I smiled and welcomed the change, letting the feeling of peace and life wash over me as I became a new apple tree of the orchard.

After all, Father Nature would tend to me, Nurgle helps all his children grow together.

{Nurgle Fucked Up}

“Oh shit I over-extended! Fuck!”

{Ethereal Comments}
Tzeentch: What the fuck, Nurgle?!
Nurgle: I was trying to make him a druid, I didn't mean for that to happen!!
Discord: who would've thought the slowest of you screwed up first.
Nurgle: I don't know whether you're referring to my old-self's penchant for stagnancy, or you're just calling me an idiot.
Slaanesh: Either way it makes me want to punch him.
Discord: funny, thought it'd only be Khorne that wanted to do that, and you'd want to do something with barbed whips or something.
Khorne: it's called Character development you c*nt!

Author's Note

I return! the next chapters will have our five future fiends comment on the situation, hope you'll add your own!