Mr Rich's Filthy Adventures

by Illuminate Sparkle

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Fancypants, Diamond Tiara, Roseluck
Length: 7051

Adventures, comedy, money, always the money, Diamond Tiara, Ponies, joy, for him

The adventures of Filthy Rich with his detested side - kick [and also] daughter Diamond Tiara. Join them while they are seeking the world for treasures or at the very least: Doing everything he can to become even richer and filthier.... The stallion who can wash his body in bits because he's so rich.

A never ending fanfiction with every chapter as an individual [sometimes very random] episode of ACTION, DRAMA, BITS and FILTHY RICH!

Are you ready to peak beyond the first chapter?
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Picture made by: TheSharp0ne on deviantART: http://thesharp0ne.deviantart.com/art/Filthy-Rich-Wallpaper-288579087.

Such a fitting picture :D

Published 2012-09-15 19:54:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-24 19:11:12 UTC

Episode 3: The Stallion and The Mare

"Daddy I've been thinking lately..." Diamond Tiara said suddenly while Filthy Rich read a magazine.

Oh no.

"Yes, I have... What if our adventures exist merely of a pure coincidence. What if some being out there created us because he was bored one evening. Simply wanted to try something new and suddenly begun writing a comedy. A beginning of an endless story with plotholes, horrible grammar and consistency. What if we are part of a fanfi- "

"You stop right there young lady!"

"But-"

"No butts with me! Don't you ever consider your reality being a part of a fanfiction. That would probably be the saddest bucking life ever! Wait a minute, I just summed up your life. Maybe you're right after all... I mean, who would want to write about you? When you have... me." Filthy Rich ended the sentence with his sexy accent.

The pale magenta filly was cut off by her fathers loud "hush" as he continued to read the magazine. She looked bored out of the window and saw beneath her the great wild forest. The branches creating the mighty roof protecting the life on the ground from the sun. Diamond Tiara looked in front of her on the soft clouds who got swallowed by the massive zeppelin.

"What are you reading daddy?" Diamond Tiara asked curious.

"Only through harsh mental training can one become truly powerful. It may seem I'm just reading this magazine but I do so much more... The very words, pictures are being transmitted to my brain who breaks down the matter and then reconstruct it into knowledge. Call it alchemy or magic - This is nevertheless a mental exercise which will be useful for me the upcoming day when I have to sign a contract. I will soon finally own some land just outside Equestria's borders which might have some useful resources."

"Why is there a half naked mare on the cover of your magazine..?"

"That's you my darling. Your future."

After several hours of floating in the air they finally ended up in a small village in the middle of nowhere. The land consisted mostly of dry soil and small stones. The village they entered were pretty much like Ponyville, just a lot more fancier. They walked briskly past hundreds of shops, cafés, restaurants until they arrived outside an enormous palace build of black marble. Unfortunately I can't explain more about this unique palace since Filthy Rich's ego won't allow it.

They walked inside,

talked to a stallion

and went out.

"Okay my little attention-filled-princess I can't sign that contract until tomorrow morning so we must stay here longer than expected."

"Normally I would whine about this but this luxurious village seems to have everything. Let's go shopping!" Diamond Tiara twittered as her big happy eyes met his.

Filthy Rich smiled back towards his daughter.

"I have a better idea..."

*
*
*

"I can't believe he ditched me on this café" the filly whispered to herself with tearful eyes.

" I can't believe how easily she got ditched!" Filthy Rich gleefully shouted to himself while sitting at a bar counter.

"Your wife?" Mr.Greenhoves, the bartender, asked as merrily.

"That's another story... One more cider please!"

"I'll pay for that one..." added a smooth beautiful voice.

A white unicorn with a white light-pink mane sat at Filthy Rich's side while she carefully put her left front hoof towards Filthy Rich.

"And who might this lady be..?" He asked with elegance while kissing her hoof.

"Fleur De Lis but for you, I'm the mare you're looking for" whispered she in his right ear.

This is a bit weird, why should I trust her?

"I've heard a lot about you Filthy Rich..."

Okay...

"... The way you treat a mare..."

By Celestia who told her? It only happened once...

"... I know you want me..."

Well she is beautiful but I'm still not-

"and I'm rich."

Buck this, she got me now.

The rest of the evening was magic for Filthy Rich. They chatted, drank, danced, drank even more, gambled, bullied others for being poor, laughed and kissed. The thirst of each other was not enough with just one kiss so they bought barrels of cider. Walked through the night together, while looking at the beautiful design in the sky. Her beautiful purple eyes, her lips, mane, legs and cutiemark. Such a perfect being thought the lucky stallion for himself while they walked past a filly who lonely sat outside the closed café, crying. Such trivial things couldn't stop these two however, who together walked in the night through the beautiful town towards her place...

*
*
*

"My head... Where am I? Why is their so much noise?"

Filthy Rich opened his vision while it felt like his eyes would get incinerated by the vicious sun. He slowly reeled up on his legs and saw, to his great shock! He was outside in the middle of town, been laying like a hobo at the street's corner.

What happened? I thought I was at her place?

He began to walk in a terrible form while smelling between a goat and a hydra.

Get back to the zeppelin... Have a cold cup of water and - What's this?

A note was glued to his dirty tie.

Dear Filthy Rich.

If you are reading this it means you are more filthy than rich right now. You never met up to sign under the contract so it was sold to me. By the way, hopefully you had a wonderful night with my very good friend Fleur De Lis. The perfect setup. Not only have you lost money now but also lived in an illusion where you thought somepony actually loved you.

Sincerely yours, Fancy Pants.

PS: Your daughter stole your zeppelin and went home.

PPS: Wanna come to my party next week? It's going to be the most fabulous gathering.

Fancy Pants tricked me!

I have lost land, lost money!

Diamond Tiara isn't emotionally disturbed and haven't moved on? Instead is waiting for me back home?!?!?!?!?!?!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

It's said that somewhere in space, a ruthless henchman of the emperor heard that scream and shed a tear.

Episode 4: A Powerful Weapon

"WHAT THE HAY! ROSELUCK COME HERE AT ONCE!" Filthy Rich roared beastly.

The assistance came hastily towards him and gave him a confused glance. Surely she had done everything he asked? Cleaned the house, sorted piles of papers and babysitting/tormenting Diamond Tiara. All that, before breakfast. What could possible had made him this upset..?

"What is this?" he asked affronted and pointed a hoof towards a thin newspaper. "I thought I had a monopoly on all the media in Ponyville. How could something like this exist?"

Roseluck quickly grabbed the paper and skimmed through it.

"Well it seems... somepony has started an individual newspaper called "The Truthseeker" and writes about themes your newspaper never would write. Mostly criticizing the elites in general and - oh my."

"What?"

"Well, Zecora, the zebra behind this newspaper is also slaughtering your reputation."

"What? Who? Does not sounds as she comes from Ponyville..."

"No she comes fr- Wait, what does that have to do with anything?" Roseluck gave a doubtful peek towards Filthy Rich.

"Eh Nothing.

Nothing.

At.

All." answered a darker mysterious voice.

"Okaaay... Anyways, she does have a valid point so you better hope this doesn't escalate.

"Hahaha.... A zebra being able to influence my life? How absurd!" Filthy Rich laughed mockingly.

"Do as you wish..."

"Of course, I'm rich. I can do anything, NOTHING CAN STOP ME!!!"

*

*

*

The next morning...

"♪Lalala... I'm sooooo rich
I can do whatever I waaaaaant
Almost killed everypony and called Twilight a witch
Before she was sent to prison I gave her a taaaaauuuuunt
Now it's time to take down another bitch
Outside my window ponies are in protest
It must have been Zecora that snitch
It seems they want me to confess
Jokes on them, they will soon - ♪
...
Wait what now?!?!?!

Outside his mansion was there tens of protesters, who angrily waved their hooves and signs. Quite threatening, especially when considering how few who actually lives in Ponyville. Over ten ponies during one assemble, is HUGE. Anyways, Filthy Rich opened the door and saw before him two mares.

"Well...Well...Well... I guess revenge is the best medicine" Twilight Sparkle spoke slowly as she smirked evil toward the stallion.

"Twilight my friend, he shall taste the bitter end.
His greedy ways are bad, making me almost mad!" Zecora uttered mystically.

Twilight! So you have already served those five days in prison huh? Well, that's what happens if you can't afford a decent lawyer. I mean, a friendship speech won't help you then... Only bits, always the bits... Anyways, does that "thing" always talk like that? Seems pretty, unnecessary." Filthy Rich asked the assembles before him.

Roseluck who was behind Filthy Rich face hoofed while the protester looked shocked towards the ignorant stallion.

"What? Instead of mumbo-jumbo talk why doesn't she speak more civilized. Stupid zebra..."

The protesters who first was like: O_o transformed quickly into: -_- while Zecora was speechless for several seconds.

"Let's go everypony, if not a protest will affect him then maybe a report to Princess Celestia will. Yes, you heard me Filthy Rich. Tomorrorow we will reveal everything you have done so far to everypony in Ponyville and the princess. Hopefully you will like the moon..." Twilight ended the sentence with a little laugh.

"I was hoping you were a reasonable stallion
Instead, you were shooting hurtful words like a battalion
Ignorance is a dangerous curse
However, tomorrow your life will be much more worse!"

The angry protesters left after these wise words in order to plan, prepare for the next day. Filthy Rich shut the door and met Roseluck in the living room, who was in a state where she didn't know if she wanted to laugh or cry.

"What?" Filthy Rich asked her irritated.

"Sit down and let me explain a few things to you..." She answered with a deep sigh while pointing towards the red oversized sofa.

They sat down in the room which honored the older family members by having enormous paintings of them. Until Roseluck noticed, how everypony of them were actually different paintings of Filthy Rich, in different settings, age and even gender. Of course, the middle of the room had to have a golden sculpture of him standing with one of his hooves on the earth while holding a sack of bits in his other hoof.

"As I mentioned yesterday you shouldn't take lightly to such a revolting newspaper since Zecora does have a good point. You own almost everything in Ponyville, pay way too little to your workers and constantly bring greedy chaos towards everypony. If it's true what they are going to do tomorrow, then I'm afraid you actually are going to end up on the moon..." Roseluck ended the sentence with a smile.

"Sooo.... Why are you smiling then?"

"If you disappears then I'm free from you - Yey^^...."

Laughter arose from Filthy Rich, which echoed through the room.

"Nothing will happen tomorrow... I have a plan..." he whispered excited towards Roseluck whose smile suddenly died. "You will see..."

"Okay let us say you have a brilliant plan let me still ask you this question: Are you a racist towards zebras?"

"What? Nooooooooo..... I'm not a racist. It's bad to be a racist. You're bad who even brought up this question. Why are you hating on my black side? Why so much hate..? Filthy Rich's talked as if Roseluck's question had truly hurt him.

"Yeah right, you know what I mean." her sharper voice pinpointed through his act.

"Well I'm colored - Brown."

"Almost EVERYPONY IS COLORED! By Celestia stop bringing up the racist card all the time, we both know you are full of bullshit!"

"A-racist-say-what?" he asked out of the blue swiftly.

"What?"

"Exactly..."

Thus, was another evening destroyed by Filthy Rich's childish plays at the expense of others. Anyhow, he would soon learn, the hard way, that the same may very well happen to him.

*

*

*

The golden star blazed through the thin clouds while blessing Ponyville with another magnificent day. This grande day would be unusual, everypony waited excited in front of the mayor's soapbox. On Zecora, the being who today would reveal all the sinister things which happened on a daily basis behind the ponies backs. Her voice clang through the ponies ears, minds, while it slowly sank within them. The cold hard truth most wanted to deny, couldn't today be ignored, especially when somepony like Twilight, approved of it as well. When the speech, pictures, evidence on evidence was showed to every living being in that area came to an end, a sudden silence occurred. A wave of applause's and positive shouting filled the air with joy. Celestia then stood up on the scene, with a low serious voice called she Filthy Rich up, on the stage.

Checkmate Filthy Rich thought Twilight Sparkle to herself.

"Filthy Rich..." The Goddess began.

I knew it, it's over for him and finally can I move on with my life... Roseluck squinted of the wonderful thought of it.

"Yes my highness" he answered back as serious.

"Meet me at the castle after this... We will "discuss" more about this later." She blinked towards him while suddenly flew away from the stage, from everypony.

The joy slowly died away while everypony confused looked towards each other and eventually went home to themselves. Zecora herself eventually slowly walked towards her house, disappointed over the outcome after hours of preparations. Twilight Sparkle sat alone on the ground, almost ready to cry by the unexpected result.

"Twilight Sparkle..." His soft voice called while a white towel was given to her.

"Why..?" Her watery eyes met his who sighed towards unicorn.

"Bits are the ultimate weapon in this world. With bits you can control, create, destroy and corrupt anything and everything. It was created in order to suppress what somepony calls the masses, what truly is everypony except a few. Nevertheless, this case was even more corrupted. Not by money but something else."

Twilight Sparkle's looked dazed towards the brown stallion.

"Sex. The second ultimate weapon in this world, something especially Celestia approves. Another tool, in order to dumb down a society."

"And the towel was given to me because..?"

His mouth cracked slightly in a hideous smile.

"Oh nothing special. I thought maybe you needed it after getting ROYALLY BEATEN BY THE BOSS AND YOUR BELOVED PRINCESS! OWNED, I - CUT - MYSELF - BECAUSE - NOPONY - UNDERSTANDS - ME - SPARKLE!" Filthy Rich expressed his amusement loudly while making his leave.

"And I will spend a night in the royal bed, couldn't get much better! If it wasn't for her weird and slightly sick fetishes..."

The ridiculously rich earth pony left Twilight Sparkle, in tears.

Thus, I had wrong when I said Filthy Rich would learn his lesson the hard way, or did I? Let us say it like this: He almost slapped Diamond Tiara the next morning, when she told him a funny joke about what a unicorn's horn can be used to, when it comes to other than magic...

Episode 5: The Best Party Ever!

The beautiful sun (Celestia) smiled towards its subject in Canterlot during one cold autumn day. The almighty avenue was filled with fillies and gentlecolts, old as young, rich as poor and of course Filthy Rich. A pleased look painted his frown with such an elegance delight which almost overshadowed the others smiles. With a straight back and an unbreakable pride he walked through the crowds. Truly, nothing could stop him, nothing could send his emotions to the deep dark abyss of unhappiness. Not even-

"Why, hello Filthy Rich." The snobbish voice cut through his brain while Filthy Rich could feel the heart pumping faster. "You seem happy, excited to tonights party?"

"If it involves you being packed in a rusty meat grinder, then yes!" Filthy Rich answered uninterested while he met Fancy Pants rolling eyes.

"I see, very well then! I suppose everything comes eventually to an end, or rather, the beginning of your end. You see a lot of important ponies will obviously attend to my gathering. If you want to make money one must always shine in order to achieve important contacts. So, do you dare to accept my invitation or shall you refuse?" Fancy Pants spoke in an epic voice which made the word "epic" less significant in his present state.

"Pfff... Yeah right..." Filthy Rich answered as he was going to leave the well dressed snob with his fine blue mustache, till an idea sparkled in his head. "Wait a minute what if..."

"... WE WILL ARRANGE THE BEST PARTY EVER IN ORDER TO STEAL FANCY PANTS PARTY GUESTS AND THUS WILL HE LOSE HIS REPUTATION AND BITS!" Filthy Rich almost roared happily excited towards the light yellow shy pegasus who looked somewhat confused to him.

"Wow... Filthy Rich I'm glad you wanted to invite me to your party but... ehhmm... I-I don't know..." Fluttershy whispered quietly while standing outside her wooden front door.

"You don't know because you haven't experienced it...yet. Join me young one, together we shall rule the best, strongest, party, Equestria has ever laid its eyes on. We will even have... cookies..."

Her sweet light pink mane covered one of her eyes when the colder wind breath passed by them. Her tender look of desperation about avoiding this meeting met two cold eyes that only saw what paid off for him.

"Why do you ask me? I'm sure Pinkie Pie would - "

Her vague generous chirp got interrupted by Filthy Rich's loud cough, which didn't end until Fluttershy ended her valiant attempts to wriggle away from the deal.

"No no no... Pinkie Pie is that boring shy pony who lives alone in the forest who spends too much time with her animals, if you ask me. I need you!"

A frustrated tweet was whispered from Fluttershy who got interrupted once again.

"20.00, my place. You bring the party, and I bring the bits, cya!"

Just like that, left Filthy Rich the scared pegasus who didn't know what to do. Her blank eyes stared on the light blue sky while Fluttershy truly regretted that she had ever opened that door.

A few hours later...

The magnificent living room was transformed into a party club with dance floor, shiny ceilings, large golden tables, magic floating candles and two adorable females who sat bored on the sofa. A nervous stallion with polished shoes and a whiff of smelling apple cider walked briskly back and forth.

"When will that crazy-pink-pony-Fluttershy arrive? This party needs to be started before his party or else won't the other ponies be attracted here instead of there!"

Roseluck's head carefully looked up towards Filthy Rich while relaxing on the red expensive sofa.

"First off: That's a stupid idea, you will fail. Secondly: Did you say Fluttershy? Don't you mean Pinkie Pie?" The adorable assistance uttered annoyed.

Filthy Rich was about to say a sarcastic remark about her non-longer existed rose shop but got interrupted by the loud bell. He ran hopefully towards the door, opened it and met a mare with no fine clothes, no, and with no party guests. Filthy Rich was about to go furious-Celestia upon her. Instead he got stopped by her quiet voice.

"I can't attend to your party because I don't feel comfortable by being with you. I'm sure you are a stallion who can be nice to ponies but what you have done recently in Ponyville and towards Twilight Sparkle... Is inexcusable." Fluttershy ended with a strict sight and voice. She nervously looked upon him while hoping her trained speech would pay off.

"Seriously..?" Filthy Rich asked with a deformed smile mixed with rage which could almost be comparable towards his massive ego (Just an expression. Of course doesn't it exist something from the material world which is bigger than his ego).

"Oh... I'm sorry..." Fluttershy quickly added whispering.

"Yeah... I'm sorry aswell that you WENT FULLY RETARD THERE!!! Wow! Amazing! Fluttershy, the pony who can otherwise party like a deranged animal suddenly is shy and - Wait a minute... Flutter... Shy... Fluttershy..?

His anger slightly cooled off as he met two tearfilled eyes while she nodded slowly.

"You tricked me..?" empty clenched words warmed up the suspense between the two of them.

"No I..." whimpered her squishy voice back in "retaliation".

"Nooooooooo!!! You made me think you were Pinkie Pie!!! Be prepared to say goodbye to your old hut also called home and say goodbye to your animals which will soon, working in coal mines, or being stuffed alive as -"

Filthy Rich's field of vision suddenly got devoured by a dark energy and his body was light as a feather. He flew around in his happy little black bubble of suppression while a familiar face met his.

"Pure Opulent... Is that you?" he asked the bright face while she gave him a warm smile.

Filthy Rich suddenly woke up in the sofa when he saw and heard what he had longed for: An enormous party. Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbowdash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Spike, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, Sweetie Bell, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, Hoity Toity, Photo Finish, Saphire Shores and a bunch of other ponies danced, drank, ate and destroyed furnitures while having the best time of their life. Even the almighty Steven Magnet was there with the power of his grande moustache, blessed the whole room with even more joy and satisfaction.

"Is this a dream..?" Filthy Rich whispered with a hoarse voice and heavy head.

"You have been knocked out for awhile after getting royally owned by Prince Blueblood in the drinking game..." Fancypants uttered while looking happy towards Filthy Rich who grunted disturbed by seeing his look.

"Wait a minute, why are you here? What about your party?" Filthy Rich asked while looking intense towards his archenemy.

Fancypants sat carefully at Filthy Rich side on the sofa while laughing a little.

"Well, as you can see, even my own party guests ended up here after Celestia herself left my party. I must admit, this is one hay of a gathering. The third night, and its still going..."

Third night? For how long have I been sleeping..?

"However, there are more important matters, which must be revealed... What do you see in front of you?"

Filthy Rich who was confused by such a dandy question looked in front of him with dizzy eyes. Iron Will dancing with Fluttershy, while a couple of teenage dragons smoking a weird plant with Spike who got way too red eyes, at the same time Rainbow Dash doing a sonicrainboom engulfing the room with rainbows and energy which destroys every window, while Discord is transforming the crushed glass into chocolate rain which pleases Pinkie Pie, dancing at the same time with Celestia who have just kissed Shining Armor, another stallion getting his ass handled by Princess Cadence... (Another long sentence my ladies and gentlemen, truly, making it harder to read.)

"...I'm seeing a veritable party." Filthy Rich answered noiseless while witnessing the chaos.

Fancypants grabbed Filthy Rich's head while peering into one others eyes.

"What are you seeing now?" Fancypants asked with kindly eyes while his soft breath smelled stupendous. "I've been waiting for this." he continued.

A wet tongue mixed with Filthy Rich's foul breath filled the room with the love which has always existed between the two of them. The beginning of something new?

"Wait what the hay?!?!?!"

Filthy Rich screamed hysterical while he cold sweated. A scurrying pain shot through his head while he could feel a thick bandage protecting his head. Lonely was he in the white bed in the white room, while the echoes of his confusing voice rang through the room.

*

*

*

The filly looked concerned towards Roseluck and hugged her while silvery droplets were rubbed towards the mares dark red mane. "Is daddy going to be okay?" Diamond Tiara whispered while continuing hugging Roseluck on the cozy sofa.

"Of course..." Roseluck answered by for the first time a soft voice towards the filly. "His injury isn't dangerous."

"Why did Fluttershy attack daddy..?"

"Who knows... He probably said something which hurt her feelings and she simply... Lost control. You know, Filthy Rich can be filthy towards others. I doubt Fluttershy truly wanted to hurt him. You don't need to worry about that, the police is after her after all."

The comforting words made Diamond Tiara somewhat more jolly then before.

"...And we will have a few days without him." Diamond Tiara continued with a smile.

"Buck yeah!" Roseluck answered while high - hoofing her new friend.

The mare and the filly continued to chuckle in high spirits...

Filthy Rich trapped in a hospital bed for over a week...

While Fluttershy is hiding somewhere in the forests outside Ponyville...

Now then: Shall the next story be about:

Filthy Rich and Diamond Tiara on a treasure hunt in a temple?

Filthy Rich and Diamond Tiara's treasure hunt on the great sea?

Okay now the limit is over and wow... The result is... Interesting, will begin to write the next story soon!

Episode 1: Once Upon a Time...

The little filly was covered with the towering white blanket made by the feathers of the northern white goose. While her head being protected by the comfortable, large pillow, made only by the finest thread of an unlucky mare. Her pure body almost swallowed by the princess - sized bed in the bright room decorated with only the most expensive toys and furnishings. With her silvery tiara on her head yelled she with the most "adorable" voice:

"DADDY! I WANT A BED TIME STORY!" Diamond Tiara shrieked impatiently.

A few light hooves quickly got echoed in the hallway outside her room.

Oh no! My dad would never come so quickly, this can only be...

"Your father sent me here because you needed a bedtime story. *cough* Never growing up aren't we *cough*... " Roseluck talked with a stiff and suddenly dry-coughing-voice.

"Nooo! Call daddy here, I want to hear the story from him!" the little filly continued with an obnoxious voice.

"Why? You know he doesn't care about that unless he can make a profit out of it."

"Oh really? I don't think he would appreciate such talk about him" Diamond Tiara's eyes glistened while she saw an opportunity to get rid of Rose Luck once and for all.

"I won't appreciate what?" interrupted a deep voice while the grayish amber business stallion had entered the room.

"Your daughter's face." Roseluck quickly added.

"How right you are my number one assistant! OWNED Diamond Tiara! 1 - 0 to Miss Luck!!" Filthy Rich in high spirits joined the conversation.

"Yeah whatever." she answered and then quickly left the room.

"Isn't she just wonderful Diamond Tiara?"

The little filly looked with small angry eyes towards her father, who continued to chuckle a little. After awhile understood even he that something was wrong and sat carefully on her bed, at his daughter's side, while simply asking "What's wrong my dear?"

"Sometimes you are just so mean to me..." she answered with a half whiny voice.

That's what I said when your mother was pregnant.

"What?" Diamond Tiara asked confused.

"Ah what? I didn't say anything AT ALL." Filthy Rich quickly added. "You have such a messed up imagination."

Damnit, I must learn to keep my thoughts in my head.

"What?"

"IIIIMAAAAGIIIIINAAAATIIIIIOOOOONNNN!!!" the stallion sung with a deep and beautiful voice.

An awkward silent broke out between the two of them after Filthy Rich was done with his song. His sight slowly stroked through the well decorated room, where every single thing he had given to his daughter had a special memory, an adventure behind it. Diamond Tiara saw the glow in his eyes and understood very well what he was thinking about.

"Papa... Could you maybe, tell me one of your adventure as a good night story?" his own little daughter, with big puppy eyes, asked the one she loved the most.

The words slowly woke him up from the thinking of his past and a smile was seen upon his face.

"Wait a minute, are you serious? That's what you wanted me to tell you? Come on, of course you should have understood that our assistance is supposed to do such boring work! Besides I don't like you to call me "papa" it sounds so... ehhm... you know when two stallions like each other? That word is kinda like that. Well, it's okay if its two mares though, sometimes it's pretty intense as well. Which means I will be proud of you whether you choose a stallion or a mare as your partner in your future life. I'm so glad for us to have such a discu-"

Small tears fell towards the expensive blanket and Filthy Rich stared in horror while her droplets slowly exploded into thousands of smaller droplets on what had cost him far too much.

"Okay, okay! I'm sorry my dear, I will tell you a story based on one of my journeys." he ended the sentence quite unmotivated.

"Oh thank you pa... Daddy!"

Diamond Tiara got a warm hug while he slowly bedded her back in the bed.

"Very well then... Once upon a time..."

When I was quite young, only a few years older than you I lived happily filthy rich with my family. I won't waste time explaining them since they are pretty much only stereotypes of an elite family. However, thanks to them I found a map leading towards a chest filled with treasures! More precisely I found it at my parents living room and sto- borrowed it... Anyways, the map brought me to an exotic island far south where other beings than ponies should live there. Or so I thought. It was there I met a somepony who came from Canterlot, with a big mustache, that sexy accent and always surrounded by beautiful mares, none other than my future arch rival: Fancy Pants!!!

....

"What are you waiting for?" Diamond Tiara asked carefully.

"I don't know, sometimes I just wished I had hired a group of ponies who could play some epic orchestral music. Playing some epic dark choir music when mentioning his name... Epic" Filthy Rich began slowly to dream of something so much better than his current situation.

Anyways, at that time he seemed to be an okay stallion, how wrong I later that evening would be. After spending a few hours at the closest innkeeper, we discovered something amazing. Both of us had the two exact copies of the same map, meaning, both of us was after the same treasure. However, as a true gentlecolt he wanted us to cooperate in order to find the treasure together. He also wanted us to split the note after we ate a mighty meal. The following day we searched high and low until we finally found what we searched for - The temple!

"Wait, wait, wait, you said Fancy Pants did something that evening..? Diamond Tiara interrupted while raising one of her front hoof in order to get even more attention.

"Yes and if you put that annoying hoof in your mouth and continue listening so will it's soon be revealed." Filthy Rich said somewhat annoyed.

As I mentioned before... We found the temple! We entered it and as expected was it full of hideous traps. Shooting knives, arrows, axes, big boulders, snakes, fire and I even got saved by Fancypants, however, I still hadn't forgotten what happened during that evening. Ultimately we found the treasure, filled with gems and gold relics. As a true gentlecolt wanted he us to share the treasure between us while I suddenly got a certain flashback. The very evening, the day before that adventure, he ate food which cost more than my food, then he insisted on sharing the bill! So I did the only right thing a stallion could do inside a dangerous temple with a chest filled with treasures. I hit him with a rock so he fainted, grabbed the treasure and didn't saw him on a loooong time. Until many years later when I was one of the bigger business stallion, I met him at one of the elite - society - parties. He was pissed, I was even more pissed, due to the fact that he had survived that fateful day. We became enemies and...

"The end... " Filthy Rich ended his story while his little daughter had fallen asleep.

He gave her a kiss on the forehead and left the room where he met the beautiful yet bitter assistance.

"If I had to listen to that boastfully crap then I guess I would have fallen asleep aswell."

"Oh, still so sore about your loss Roselucky." Filthy Rich answered the bitter sentence with a smile.

She looked with hatred towards him before answering "One stupid bet and I would lose my shop and become your assistant in order to pay of my debt, I'm indeed so lucky..." she answered with a sarcastic voice.

"Nah, just a stupid mare" he answered back while his face deformed into a prideful smile.

After dodging another deadly glance continued Filthy Rich towards his bed room. He was determined to hit the bed early because, who knows what kind of adventure which might surprise him the next day?

Episode 2: Survival of bad writing/the fittest

Who knows what kind of adventure which might surprise him the next day?

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You remember that sentence? Well, the next day surely did surprise Filthy Rich and everypony in the village. Except for Spike. Simply because he's not a pony and because this was something he had feared in the past. However, one day it truly happened.

"ZOMBIES!!!" Diamond Tiara screamed with her usual obnoxious voice while running after her dad, Twilight Sparkle, Cranky Doodles and Derpy Hooves.

The horde of infected ponies followed slowly after the small group of living ponies. When they finally arrived outside the fancy mansion, knocked they stress fulled on the big armored door. The very yellow pale assistant opened the door, happily surprised to see Twilight Sparkle. An opposite reaction of when she saw her master and his annoying daughter.

"Let us in, before the infected ones arrives!" Twilight Sparkle said terrified.

In the distance could Roseluck see the living dead slowly approaching towards them. Without hesitation she pushed the company inside. Immediately when they arrived they began to barricade every window and door. After several minutes of hard work (thanks to Twilight's magic) was their house fully barricaded also defended with a powerful barrier.

"Now then..." Twilight Sparkle began while the others sat around in a circle. "Filthy Rich, you stole the other potion from me before, the antidote, where is it?"

" More importantly, why did you hex everypony like that Twilight Sparkle? Or should I call you... Black - sorceress Sparkle!"

Roseluck and Derpy gasped while intensive eyes stared on the accused mare.

"Well... It was you who wanted a potion to resurrect the dead which ironical turned the citizens into undeads after you poisoned the village's water supply by that very potion. Why? BECAUSE YOU NEEDED SOME TEST SUBJECTS!"

The looks now turned towards Filthy Rich, even Diamond Tiara gave him a glance between hatred and confusion.

"Well... Says the mare who didn't even want any friends before coming to Ponyville and suddenly a day after represents the harmony of friendship - Seems pretty hypocritical to me..." Filthy Rich ended the sentence slowly while the others were unsure who they should believe in, "Besides this is my house so... If you don't believe me you are more than welcome to say hello to the zombies from me."

The last sentence determined which side they should be on.

"Now then, let us throw out Miss smarty - pants and see what they think about her!"

"Your daughter?" Roseluck asked with a mean smile.

"Both of them!" Filthy Rich answered loudly.

"WHAT?!" Diamond Tiara and Twilight's voices echoed through the room.

Suddenly fell something through the chimney, a gurgling sound and two empty eyes was seen while the small creature slowly approached them.

"Oh smart, we forgot the chimney." Cranky said loudly while he rolled his eyes.

"Huh, almost forgot you were with us." Filthy Rich looked towards Cranky.

"Ahhh, we are going to diiiiieeeee!" Diamond Tiara screamed.

"No worries everypony, we can still make it !" Twilight pointed her hoof towards the closest door.

"OoOoOoooOOooo.... Santa Stallion! I wonder if he have any muffins with him?" Derpy slowly walked towards the undead with the biggest smile :D.

"No Derpy it's that nerdy pony with glasses... And he's infected!" Roseluck screamed while she grabbed Derpy's tail with her teeth.

"Well you never know until you take a better look." Filthy Rich interrupted while he pushed Derpy towards the zombie. "NOW RUN!"

The rest of the group ran towards the door, opened it, went in and sealed it. Instead of being in that cozy big room was they in a small, dark one, even without windows.

"What the hay did you just do?!" Twilight Sparkle and the others looked angrily towards the richer stallion.

"I saved you... Like a boss."

"No, you sacrificed one of our own just so you could survive!"

"Well excuuuuuse me princess for saving us, what about your magic? Would be pretty nice if you had used some."

Concerned looks met Twilight's who seemed almost a little bit sad.

"It's not easy to... launch a spell against ponies you for a few hours was friends with..."

"Cry me a river which hopefully can kill the zombies or else your even more useless than Derpy!" Filthy Rich mockingly looked towards Twilight.

She sighed.

"Where is the antidote... You grabbed it earlier today, it's enough with just a little and everything will be restored to normal."

"Well the thing is - "

"It's probably inside his vault. He doesn't want anypony in there because he doesn't trust anypony because he's an asshole" Roseluck interfered while walking towards the next door. "We are pretty close, we can do it, if he wants to open the lock for us."

Twilight Sparkle's horn glowed and levitated Filthy Rich upside down while she threatened him to cooperate. Everypony stared in horror at how cruel Twilight could be, however, it worked.

"Let's go then and-"

A sudden smash and the wall was destroyed by a zombified Big Macintosh who immediately attacked Roseluck. Behind the powerful stallion came the cutiemark crusaders who looked towards their former friends with a hungry sight.

"I knew the Applefamily was farmers but not even using a door? Sheesh" Filthy Rich said with a calm voice.

"I-I survived l-long enough, even though I'm a donkey. The donkey always usually die first in the movies..." added a rather depressed voice.

"Yeah, let us stick to what we are used to" Filthy Rich answered while kicking the old donkey towards the cutiemark crusaders.

"Daddy?!" Diamond Tiara screamed by what she had witnessed.

"Sorry, totally forgot about you" he said while kicking his own daughter aswell towards the zombies.

Filthy Rich grabbed Twilight with him and ran towards the door, leading further into a long hallway. A magnificent hallway decorated with big paintings, sculptures and soft wool-like mats. That was what Filthy Rich was thinking about his hallway while Twilight was only determined to survive. Eventually they reached the outside of a great iron - valve where Filthy Rich unlocked the lock by the most advanced password ever to exist:

When I'm rich

They entered the valve and closed it.

"First off: You are the coldest pony who have ever lived in Equestria, period. Secondly: In which of these safes is the antidote?" Twilight Sparkle asked while she looked with hatred towards the stallion.

Filthy Rich looked a bit nervous towards the unicorn.

"Don't be mad now..."

"Okay..?"

"I sold it."

"WHAT?! How, when?" The mare asked furious while she slowly began to become more red.

"You know, ehay... Before I realized it maybe would be stupid to poison the whole Ponyville with the resurrecting - potion... Actually got a few milli-"

The unicorn's eyes suddenly turned blood red as if she was possessed and her mane and body burst into yellow - orange flames while she grew bigger and bigger.

"WHAT THE BUCK HAVE YOU DONE?!" the enraged Twilight Sparkle roared with a voice changed completely into a demon's.

"Not you... I hope..."

"AAAAAARGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!"

The possessed inferno driven by hatred towards Filthy Rich created a magical force which blasted the ceiling far, far away. However, the energy itself emerged in the air and created a big fiery heart which cleansed Ponyville of its evil. That is cleansing. Wait what, seriously, THIS is the best you could come up with? Wow, this is just amazing and what happened to Twilight did she turn to normal for no explained reason? Ah, okay, just like episode 15, season 1... I see... Okay so everything turned back to normal and nopony got hurt? BUCK THIS!!!

And thus left the narrator the plot and everything ended otherwise in happiness.

Except for Twilight Sparkle who got sued by Filthy Rich for destroying his roof. Also being accused for have been using black - magic.

Twilight Sparkle has the right to be presumed innocent until proved guilty according to Celestia's law.