A Truly Burning Question

by TheLightning

Rating: teen
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Profanity, Random, Sex, Main 6, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2308

Spike finally decides to ask Twilight how babies are made, and she isn't prepared at all to answer the question.

A week before Twilight becomes the official ruler of Equestria, Spike decides to finally ask her how babies are made when they're packing their things to take to Canterlot, and Twilight had never prepared for such a question from him, causing her to panic and hilarity to ensue, like it usually does in these stories.

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Rated teen for 'the birds and bees' and swearing
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A random short story I made up while browsing through FIMFiction at night, so don't expect a miracle.

Published 2022-03-29 19:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-03-29 19:10:00 UTC

"Twilight, how are babies made?"

Twilight immediately stopped what she was doing, her entire body frozen in shock from the question, causing her to drop the boxes she was carrying with her magic with a loud thud onto the ground.

"W-w-what?" Was all she could stammer out since she was caught off-guard by the question from her favorite little dragon.

"Yeah, you know, how are they made?" Spike asked again, surprisingly not alarmed by the thud of the boxes, as he was still carrying the ones he held.

"I- Well- Uhh-" She stammered again. Twilight's brain tried to muster up an answer but couldn't come up with anything.

"Twi, it's just a simple question. All I wanna know is how kids are made. I'm pretty sure i'm old enough to know now." He said, putting down his boxes next to the entrance hall before turning around to look at the flustered princess. "It's not like it's gonna hurt me knowing how everypony's made." He finished, crossing his arms and looking at her inquisitively.

"Well- You see- T-the thing is-" She started blurting out the cliché words creatures used when they didn't know how to respond, causing Spike to let out an audible sigh.

"Whatever, forget it. I'll just ask one of the others about it." He started to walk back into his room, a look of deject on his face. Twilight shook her head, snapping her out of her sudden burst of anxiety, she looked around to see that Spike had left, causing her to let out a sigh of her own accord. She couldn't believe she never thought about how Spike would eventually wonder about that certain topic, blaming herself for not thinking of a way to tell him. She tapped her chin with a hoof trying to think of some way to explain it to him before noticing the boxes she carelessly threw down just a few seconds ago, quickly picking them up with her magic again and putting them next to Spike's boxes, one of which Pinkie then jumped out of, causing Twilight to scream.

"AAA- Wait- Pinkie!? What in Equestria were you doing in there!?" Twilight yelled, completely caught off-guard for the second time in this story.

"I 'unno" Pinkie replied carelessly as if it was just a normal thing for a pony to jump out of a small box half their size. "But listen, I overheard you and Spike talking about the 'cupcakes and carrots' and I think I have an idea." She pulled a bunch of crafting supplies out of her hair.

"The... 'cupcakes and car-" Twilight's confused question was cut short with Pinkie's hoof shoved in her mouth.

"Look, the author's trying his hardest to make this story run smoothly, so just follow my lead." She nonchalantly replied, causing Twilight to be even more confused than before.

Spike came out of his room half an hour later, carrying more boxes of his stuff. He started to walk back to the entrance hall, only to stop dead in his tracks at the scene before him. A very crude puppet theater made with various cardboards, papers, and wooden boards was in the middle of the hall. He took a step back before cautiously putting his boxes down and walked towards the oddity in front of him.

"Uhh... Twilight? Did you put this... thing here?" He asked, looking around for her, but only seeing the crystal walls and doors surrounding him. He then turned back to the theater and went a little closer, curious as to what it was doing here.

"Hello fillies and gentlecolts!" A muffled voice came from the crude structure, causing Spike to jump back. "We have a very special show for a very special dragon today!" The voice continued, Spike's ears peaked up as kept listening. "So put your hands together for today's guest, Twinkie Sherbet!" A sock puppet popped up from behind the curtains, it also being crudely put together like the theater. It looked a lot like Twilight but also... not? It's 'mane' was just sherbet ice cream and it's 'fur' was the color of a Twinkie. Spike tilted his head in confusion, wondering what he was even looking at, the thought being interrupted by another voice coming from the theater.

"Dear Celestia this is stupid. And our other guest 'Ponko Poe'! Ponko Poe? Really Pinkie?" The other voice said before another sock puppet popped it's head out, this time looking like Pinkie Pie this time, and being accurate this time. "And today we'll be talking about the I can't believe I agreed to this 'cupcakes and carrots'!"

"The... 'cupcakes and car-" Spike confusedly started to say before being interrupted by 'Twinkie Sherbert' slamming a baby carrot onto the wooden stage.

"Well Miss Ponko Poe, how was this adorable little carrot made?" The crude sock puppet asked the other actually decent-looking sock puppet.

"Well, Miss Twinkie Sherbet... What am I doing with my life? This here baby carrot was made when the cupcake and carrot loved eachother very much and-" The other sock puppet started to say.

"Wait- Don't carrots come from the ground?" Spike asked, interrupting the Ponko sock puppet, causing both the puppets to freeze in place.

"I told you this wouldn't work!" A muffled yell came from the booth.

"Abandon ship!" Pinkie got up and took the puppet theater, along with Twilight, out of the castle in a show of speed that Rainbow Dash is still ashamed that she can't compare to. Spike then stood there for a few minutes in disbelief before shaking his head.

"Y'know what? I think i'm just gonna pretend that whatever 'that' was never happened." He then turned around and picked his boxes back up before heading to the entrance again.

"Really Pinkie? Cupcakes and carrots!? Why in Equestria did I ever agree to such a stupid idea!?" Twilight huffed in anger, as she laid back into her seat, Pinkie had somehow taken them all the way to Sugarcube Corner, which they were now sitting in a booth at.

"Well, it seemed like a good idea to me, but the author had to mess everything up by making Spike actually have a brain for once in one of these stories! These authors always find a way to do stuff like that, it's not fair!" Pinkie slammed her head on the table... right where a pie she made was, splattering the contents all over her face.

"Pinkie, what in the hay do you mean by that? What author? Neither of us are authors!" Twilight yelled back, confused by her pink friend yet again.

"You'll understand when you're older." Pinkie muffled out with her face still in the pie.

"Uhm... Girls? What are you two talking about?" Both Twilight and Pinkie turned towards the mare, well, Pinkie lifted her face off the pie and somehow licked all the contents of it right off her face before turning to look, but, eh, that's to be expected at this point. Oh, and the mare was Fluttershy if you couldn't tell.

"It doesn't matter Fluttershy, i'm just having a hard time trying to explain how foals are made to Spike." Twilight let out a desperate sigh before leaning on one of her hooves.

"Oh, why not ask me to help?" Fluttershy offered while putting a hoof on Twilight's shoulder.

"Thanks for the offer Fluttershy, but how could you even do that? You're not exactly the type to... explain stuff like that." Twilight solemnly looked back at Fluttershy.

"Oh, well of course I can't, I would have a heart attack if I tried." Fluttershy replied, earning a glance from Twilight. "Oh- Uh- I didn't mean to hurt your feelings" She squeaked, still not fully adapted to being assertive yet.

"No, Fluttershy. You didn't hurt my feelings. I just wish I could do it myself, but I can't" Twilight went back to leaning on her hoof again.

"Ah', can't be that hard to explain it to 'em" A southern earth pony named Applejack chimed in, causing everypony to look at her. "Ah've told Applebloom how it works, t'would'nt be hard to teach Spike about it." She adjusted her stetson while giving Twilight a confident look. "Jus' bring 'em down to tha' farm and ah'll take care of the rest." She finished, still giving her a self-assured look.

"Alright Applejack, I hope you can do it." Twilight said before getting up and heading back to the castle.

"Twilight, why are we going to Sweet Apple Acres. I'm not in trouble for what I asked about earlier, am I?" Spike walked next to Twilight as they went past the sign into the path going towards the farmhouse.

"No Spike, you're not in trouble. I'm just bringing you to Applejack, she'll explain it better than I could ever try." Twilight ruffled the spikes on his head playfully, causing him to giggle.

"There ya'll are!" Applejack shouted, causing the two to look foward and see her sitting next to one of the apple trees. "C'mere, Spike. Ah'll explain how foals are made." She patted the ground next to her, indicating that she wanted him to sit down next to her. Spike looked back at Twilight, who ushered him to go sit down next to AJ.

"Well go on, you want to learn right?" She patted him on the back, which in turn made him go and sit next to her.

"Now, listen here sugarcube." Applejakc softly patted his back as he sat down. "This may be weird ta' hear how youngins' are made, but ya' gotta learn this a some point" She then took off her hat and took an apple seed out of it. "Y'see this here apple seed, Spike?" She asked before putting her stetson back on.

"Yeah, it's an apple seed, what about it?" Spike asked looking at the seed in question.

"Well, Spike, when a stallion and a mare love eachother very much and they get hitched, they will want ta' start a family of their own" Spike nodded, showing that he was listening. "And when they want to have a family together, they get together an' the stallion plants a seed for the mare" She dug at the ground before putting the seed into the hole and patted the dirt back down over it. "An' after 9 months, they come back and find themselves' a healthy bouncin' foal to call their own!" She finished before laying back against the tree, while Spike just sat there in silence, staring at the spot where she planted the seed.

"The baby comes from the ground...?" He tilted his head in confusion, causing Applejack to lift herself back up and Twilight to facehoof.

"Nah nah, that's not what I meant-" She started trying to explain but was caught off-guard by Spike asking even more questions.

"They just let the baby stay under the ground for 9 months? Do they ever feed it or let it out in those 9 months? Do they ever check in from time to time to see if the baby's okay? How does the baby even breathe under there? Do they not need any air? Do they even breathe? What happens when they take the baby out of the ground? Does it just suddenly need to breathe air when they take it out? And why does it have to be 9 months? Why would it take that long for the baby to grow underground? Why-" Spike just kept asking and asking, and neither Applejack nor Twilight could respond before he asked another question, leaving them completely flabbergasted. This went on for about five minutes before a groan could be heard from above.

"Could you shut it? I'm tryin' to get some shuteye!" A tomboyish voice yelled from up in the tree.

"Rainbow Dash? What in Equestria are ya' doin' in mah tree? Ah' thought you stopped takin' naps in them!" Applejack smacked the tree in anger. Causing Rainbow Dash to pop her head out from the tree's leaves.

"What? They're comfy! Anyways, what the hay are you guys talkin' about?" Dash asked before flying down from the branch she was on with a pillow under one of her arms.

"We're tryin' ta' teach Spike about the birds n' bees, but he just doesn't seem ta' understand what we mean." Applejack answered, causing Spike to look down and twiddle with his thumbs in embarrassment.

"Oh, is that all? Hey Spike!" Spike looked up at Rainbow Dash with a noticeable red hue on his scales. "Ya wanna know how foals are made?" She ruffled the spikes on his head like Twilight did a few minutes ago.

"Yeah, but I can't seem to understand what Applejack means by planting the seed in the ground." He sighed, feeling like he'd never understand.

"Oh, well that's easy." She exclaimed confidently. "They fuck."

"RAINBOW DASH!" Twilight and Applejack yelled at her, causing her to cringe from the noise.

"HE'S STILL A CHILD FOR CELESTIA'S SAKE!" Twilight angrily shouted.

"Oh." Spike said, surprising both Twilight and Applejack. "Now I get it" He crossed his arms and looked at the both of them, who were still in shock. "Was it that hard just to for you to say it? I'm like 13, I already know swear words and how sex works, I just wondered where the baby came from during that sort of thing. Thanks Rainbow Dash." He looked back at Dash with a smile, lifting his hand up for a brohoof.

"No problem dude." She replied before giving him a brohoof before speeding off into the sky. Leaving the now well-informed dragon and two completely shocked ponies there.

"I- You- WHAT!?" Twilight finally let out, yet again caught off-guard the fourth time in this story.

Author's Note

I don't know why I made this, but I did.