There Are Roommates Living in My Head Rent Free

by Amilition

Rating: everyone
Tags: Nightmare Moon, Princess Luna, Anon, Original Character, Comedy, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 4910

Running a country can be hard. Good thing Nightmare Moon has two voices inside her head to keep her company.

Nightmare Moon has. . . adjusted, to her "roommates". But that doesn't mean they still aren't as annoying as ever.

But that's a matter for a different time.

Right now, she has a country to run. Too bad she can't run it alone, if the voices inside her head has anything to say about it.

Featured 4/15/22

Published 2022-04-01 16:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-04-15 15:56:26 UTC

This is How I Met Your Dad-er Anonymous

Author's Note

I didn't really plan to have a prologue but I wanted to establish some "LoRe" for future plot stuff. The chapter's short and to the point with a few, humorous, sprinkled bits inside.

This is How I Met Your Dad-er Anonymous

Haha! She was back! After one-thousand years, she was back! No more was she bound to that rock! Now with Celestia gone, Equestria was ripe for the taking, and nothing was going to get in her way! Nothing could possibly go wrong.

“So, uh, what’s your whole plan here?”

Well, almost.

Glancing to her right, a “hyoo-man” was giving her a sideways glance. She didn’t know where he came from, only that he miraculously appeared when she arrived in this ruined castle. Any other pony would have run at the sight of her, but him? No, he just stood there in mock awe. In fact, he actually struck up a conversation with her, and she learned that this. . . thing, had a name. Anonymous, or Anon, for short. Soon, she found herself engaging in the conversation more eagerly than she wanted to admit. Sure, she could have blasted him away, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

“Because thee has't fallen headeth over heels for a monkey.” Came the voice within Nightmare Moon’s head. No, she wasn’t going crazy, that voice actually belonged to sompony. It was the former princess, Luna.

“Shut it!” Nightmare growled.

“What was that?” Asked Anon.

“Nothing.” She said, looking at him, “Now, the plan is to wait here for the element bearers to arrive. Then, I shall show them despair as I destroy their precious weapon in front of them!” She cackled but soon began violently coughing.

“That’s it? We wait?”

Nightmare Moon cleared her throat. “Yes.”

“Yeah, waiteth here for the Elements of Harmony to kicketh thy buttocks! Ha!” Luna howled.

Nightmare Moon only grumbled in response.

Despite what Luna might think, this plan won’t fail whatsoever. Why? Because she was the queen of the moon, damn it! It was a full-proof plan with zero room for failure. No way in Tartarus were they going to beat her. Nothing could go wrong.

Everything went wrong!

Her plan was in shambles and now she sat before six ponies who were about to blast her to high heaven! How could this happen! What went wrong! Impossible! It was Faust bias! It had to be! There was no other way!

But it didn't matter. In just a few moments she would be eradicated from this plane of existence. It didn't help that Luna found the moment humorous.

"What didst I bid thee!? What didst I bid thee!? Now thee hast fucked up! Now thee hast fucked up! Now thee! Has't! Fucked it up!" Luna mused.

Nightmare didn't respond. What was the point? She lost and nothing was going to change that.

Soon, a bright, rainbow light shot out from the Elements and headed towards her. She snarled at the oncoming beam, even faced with the possibility of death, did she still show defiance.

But, as the beam touched her, she felt a sudden tackle behind her. She didn't have the time to register what happened before she was knocked unconscious.

Nightmare Moon awoke with a groan. Wait. . . she awoke?

Her eyes snapped open and found she was still laying on the cold, stone floor. Shooting upright, she viewed her surroundings.

She was still on Equis, so that was a plus.

As she viewed her environment, her heart leaped as she spotted what lay before her. Six shattered gems were strewn out, side by side.

That's when another realization struck her. It was still night. Using her magic, she quickly checked the time.

3:17 pm.

There were two possibilities. One, daylight savings was really screwed up or—

"I've won?"

She almost couldn't believe she said it. It was surreal. Not one being was able to resist the power of the Elements. Not even Discord. But she did.

Nightmare beamed.

"I've won! Haha! Suck it, you plebeians!" The dark mare giggled uncontrollably.

A voice groaned inside her head but she didn't pay it any mind. She was victorious! And now no pony was going to get in her way!

"What hath happened?" Slurred Luna.

Nightmare laughed as she began to dance. "Haven't you heard, dear Luna? I've won! Haha!"

Luna groaned. "There is nay way a buffoon liketh thee, won."

Nightmare Moon snorted. "I know it may be hard to believe, Blueberry, but it is true. Just look upon your beloved Elements of Harmony."

A sudden gasp sounded in her mind.

"Thee clotpole! Doth thee not understand the consequences this shall has't!"

"Doesn't matter now! For I am now the most powerful being on this planet!" Nightmare shouted with glee.

Luna began shouting obscenities while Nightmare Moon began to pounce around in giddy joy. This went on for a good few minutes before another, more masculine, groan sounded within Nightmare Moon's mind. The duo halted as they listened to the new voice groan again.

"Oh, God. What happened?"

"A-anonymous?" Nightmare choked out.

"Yeah? Hey, um, where the hell am I?"

"Oh, most wondrous. Thee transported the monkey in thy headeth." Deadpanned Luna.

Nightmare Moon had no words. What happened? How did he get inside her head? Was this the Elements doing?

"Woah, Nightmare, is that you? You look. . . different. More, blue."

"Nay, it is not. It is her favorable and more valorous-looking side. Greetings, hyoo-man. I am Princess Luna." Luna boasted.

"Oh, that's pretty dope. So, does this happen often?"

"Absolutely not." Nightmare Moon scoffed, "Anonymous, what happened last night? What did you do?"

"Well, I saw that your plan didn't work,"

Luna snickered.

"And so, as a last-moment decision, I thought I'd jump in and try to save you from the Gay-Beam."

"It seemeth that the Elements of Harmony hast fused thee into us." Luna pondered.

Nightmare Moon was pissed, to say the least.

"Anonymous, you absolute, dumb bounded, ape looking, turd sniffing, boney fingered," Nightmare's tirade ended with a sigh, "complete, brave stallion."

Moments of awkward silence flew by before Anonymous cleared his throat.

"So, are you mad at me?"

"No, of course not. Your brave actions just reshaped the future of Equestria. And for that, I am eternally indebted to you."

Anonymous hummed. "Can I have anything?"

Nightmare Moon nodded. "Yes."

"Anything~?"

"Yes!" Nightmare Moon blurted.

"Awesome. I'd like a new body."

"Yes! You shall marry me- wait, a new body?"

"Well, yeah? Not much I can do in here. Yeah, I got a body in here but that doesn't mean much if I can't do anything."

"Aye, I too, wouldst liketh a new body, too," Luna interjected.

Nightmare Moon sighed. "As you wish, Anonymous."

"And so, that was how I met your father."

As the book closed, a filly and a colt were left dumbfounded.

"Wait, so our dad was a monkey?" Asked the little filly.

Nightmare Moon *poofed* the book away with a smile.

"Not just any monkey. The sexiest monkey to ever live." Nightmare Moon giggled.

"So, where is daddy then?" Asked the little colt.

Nightmare Moon was going to respond but was promptly interrupted by a voice at the door.

"That gent is with me. Thy mommy got cucked and thy father is with a far, superior mare."

Nightmare Moon huffed as she looked up to see Luna being held by her husband.

"How could you leave me, Anonymous!" Nightmare asked in anger.

The human in question shrugged his arms.

"I don't know. I guess I like Luna's short, blue mane. Tantalizing yet sexy." He admitted.

Luna giggled and nuzzled the muscular man. Nightmare Moon then watched in horror as the both of them smiled and leaned in to—

"Ah, fuck!" Nightmare Moon shouted as she shot up from her bed in a cold sweat.

In her mind, two people were laughing.

"Ha! Nice one Luna! Got her ass good!" Snorted Anon.

"Oh, forsooth, Anon. I doth loveth these pranks we pulleth."

Nightmare Moon grumbled as the two laughed.

For the centuries to come, she would have to rule Equestria with these two, whether she liked it or not.

Buy The Merch

“Ahh, Canterlot City. Once a bustling metropolis full of bubbly ponies. Now, a city ruled by a ruthless leader, feared by all. . . and now with souvenir T-Shirts!”

“Anonymous. . . shut up.” Nightmare Moon quietly muttered.

Sure, she could have yelled at him to keep his blubbering lips shut, but her interest was not Anonymous. In fact, what kept her distracted was the eyesore that lay before her. It was a simple blue t-shirt that depicted her and Luna side by side, happy as ever; with the words “Double the Fun” etched above them.

“Anonymous, why were thee doing a Prench accent?” Came a second voice that belonged to the former princess, Luna.

“Oh, I was just doing an impression of a guy from one of my shows back home.”

“A. . . show? Is that liketh a play?”

“Kinda. It was more like a—”

“Shut! Up! Monkey!” Nightmare snarled. “Somepony tell me what this. . . abomination is?” The moon queen asked.

“It’s your merch. To, you know, boost your popularity.”

“My what?”

“The human is trying to sayeth that everypony hates thee.” Luna bluntly said.

Nightmare Moon cackled. “Why would I care what a common pony thinks of me?”

What was a peasant going to do to her? Give her a dirty look? Or perhaps hurtle an insult at her? Ha! As if anypony could actually do anything.

Inside her head, Anon sighed.

“Look, Moonie, I hate to break it to ya, but there have been countless times chefs spat in your food anytime we went out to eat.”

“What!—”

“Point is,” Anon continued, “Gaining these ponies back on your side would be quite beneficial.

“What can they offer me that could be beneficial?” Nightmare spat.

“For one, those gents won’t spit in thy food,” Luna added.

“Then I shall collect all the heads belonging to chefs in this city!” Nightmare shouted.

“Not a good start! We want them to be happy, not scared for their lives.”

Nightmare Moon huffed. Ponies, they hated her one-thousand years ago and they still hate her now. Now Anonymous wants her to go out and magically get them to like her? Hmm. Well, there was a spell for that.

“And no spells either!” Anon quickly added.

Nightmare growled.

“Guard!” Nightmare yelled out.

Moments later a nightguard stepped into the throne room.

“Ma’am?” He saluted.

“Fetch me my chefs.”

“Aye.” The guard nodded before exiting.

“Why the chefs?” Anon asked.

“If what you say is true, I wish to punish them.”

Down below the palace, four ponies stood along one of the many streets of Canterlot. One of them was, of course, Nightmare Moon. The other three, terrified, ponies were her personal chefs. One orange earth stallion, one green unicorn mare, and one older, cream-colored pegasus stallion. With them, was a table displaying various sizes of the same t-shirt Nightmare saw in the throne room.

Of course, the plan went as well as you expected. Ponies gave the area a wide berth, with some carts and carriages opting to go on the opposite sidewalk rather than to use the street. Nightmare Moon didn’t care. She was only doing this to get the two voices to shut up.

They didn’t.

“Shirts for sale! Cometh and buyeth thy very owneth, limited-time, shirt!”

"Luna, they can't hear you."

"Well, it's a lot more than what she's doing!" Luna shouted back.

"I don't even want to be here." Mumbled Nightmare moon.

The three chefs dare not ask why the queen was muttering to herself.

"You're not going to gain any favorability just looking grumpy. Why not ask, uh, what's that orange one's name?"

"I believe the gent's name is, Orange Peel."

"Yeah, ask him to shout out to nearby pedestrians. Make the sale exciting and whatnot."

Nightmare Moon sighed and looked down at the shivering stallion.

"Mr. Peel." Nightmare Moon addressed calmly.

Orange Peel went deathly still before looking up at the queen with wide eyes.

"Y-yes mistress." He stuttered.

"I want these shirts sold. Try and grab some attention to the stand, why don't you."

It took a moment for him to understand the request before he nodded frantically.

"As you wish, m-mistress."

Orange Peel shakily stepped in front of the stand. He looked back at his peers for perhaps any help, but when he didn't receive any he gulped.

"S-shirts for s-sale. Come a-and get them." He muttered.

"C'mon, what is that!? Tell him to put emotion in it."

Nightmare cleared her throat and caught the attention of the orange stallion.

"Please don't stutter like an idiot. And maybe try raising your voice." Nightmare Moon instructed.

The poor stallion seemed to shiver more but nodded his head. Looking back at the street, he nodded again.

"I got this." He whispered. "Ahem. C-come and get your shirts! Royal shirts for sale!"

Orange Peel stuttered again but soon found his voice.

"Good, good! Yes! Now, get that green one—"

"Leaf Blossom."

"Yes, have her hold a sign."

"What? Why?" Nightmare Moon asked.

"For pizzazz!"

Rolling her eyes, she used her magic to make a board appear. The board had the same design as the t-shirts except it had both Nightmare Moon and Luna pointing towards the arrow.

"Ms. Blossom." Nightmare addressed the awkward-looking mare.

She hesitantly looked up at the mare.

"H-how can I help you, your highness?"

Nightmare Moon levitated the board over to the mare.

"Wave this around for me." She ordered.

The mare soundlessly nodded and took the board with her own green aura. Looking towards the street, she began to shake the sign, making small, erratic movements.

"Tell her to make it do flips. Hmm, maybe tell her to hold an air horn too."

"Ms. Blossom?"

Leaf Blossom looked back at the mare with a strained smile.

"Y-yes?"

"Could you flip the sign a few times? And," Nightmare Moon had an air horn appear in front of her, "perhaps honk this instrument a few times."

The mare nodded and took the air horn.

"As y-you wish."

As the two ponies were now doing their own thing, the pegasus looked at the queen with an expectant look.

"Hmm. Somethings missing. . . oh! I know! That old dude—"

"Root Beer."

"Dress him up as a clown! It'd be really funny, trust me."

Nightmare Moon didn't respond and without warning changed Root Beer's clothing into a clown outfit complete with a unicycle.

The stallion didn't say anything and only nodded, accepting his fate. Cycling onto the street, Root Beer unenthusiastically honked his nose and tried to direct ponies to the stand.

"Now this should work," Anonymous said with a satisfied hum.

"We shall see, Anonymous. We shall see."

Yeah, no pony showed up.

Probably out of fear or maybe hatred, not one pony dared go up to the stand.

It's been an hour and Nightmare Moon found herself getting irritable. If she was showing any signs of her displeasure, Anon and Luna clearly didn't see it.

"There is nay way a hotdog couldst possibly be a sandwich. It's obviously a taco."

"Ok, I hear you, but let me counter that with this. Do you consider a sub a sandwich?"

Nightmare Moon found herself glaring at a pony who looked over at the stand. Seeing the queen; he looked down and hurried his pace. It was probably bad for business to glare at your customers but she didn't care.

"Of course I do." Luna scoffed.

"Well, then you could consider a hotdog a sandwich if you look at it through the lens—"

"Shut up!" Nightmare Moon screamed.

The three chefs looked back at her with concern until Nightmare Moon met their gaze with a glare of her own.

"Get back to work." She muttered.

The chefs nodded quickly and resumed their business.

"Aw, is the queenie sad?"

Nightmare Moon snorted a reply.

"C'mon, don't be mad. Look, there's a customer right there." Anon pointed out.

Perking up, Nightmare Moon looked up and saw that a purple. . . mare? Stallion? Was awkwardly shuffling to the stand. The three chefs didn't pay her any mind as she walked right up to Nightmare Moon.

"Erm, herllo prince- I mean queen." Greeted the strange pony with a mock accent.

The pony wore a brown trench coat, a black fedora, and a clearly fake mustache. If sketchy was a pony, here they were.

"Greetings, peasant," Nightmare Moon did her best to smile, and failed, "May I interest you in a. . . t-shirt?" She awkwardly asked as she glanced at the pile of clothes on the table.

"Er, ah. . . yes! I wourd like ze uh, shirt!"

Nightmare Moon couldn't help but do a little victory dance. Meanwhile, Anon groaned.

"Oh my God. It's fucking Twilight Sprinkles."

"Twilight Sparkle." Luna corrected.

"What?" Nightmare Moon muttered.

"Look, that's clearly Twilight."

Nightmare Moon squinted her eyes and leaned down to the mysterious pony.

"I don't remember Twilight having a mustache." Nightmare Moon said aloud.

"I'm going to have to concur with Nightmare Moon. I, too, remember not Twilight having a mustache" Agreed Luna.

A single drop of sweat dripped down from the pony's face.

"Urm, Twilight? Who's that?" The pony nervously asked.

"It's a fake mustache! Look, just ask for their name."

Nightmare Moon nodded. "Prey tell, what is your name?"

The pony violently shook before more beads of sweat dripped down.

"Twi-uhhh-shine. Yers! My name is Twishine! A fellow citizen urv ze Night Republic." 'Twishine' finished with a smile.

Nightmare Moon hummed for a moment before getting back up.

"Well, Twishine, how many shirts would you like?"

"Oh my God! Are you kidding me!"

"Quiet!" Nightmare whispered.

Anon groaned and watched painfully as the ordeal went down.

"Uh, one- no- two, shirts. . . please."

Nightmare Moon nodded and handed over the shirts.

"That would be fifty bit—"

Before Nightmare could finish her sentence, the mysterious pony dissolved the clothing and mustache to reveal—

"Twilight Sparkle!" Nightmare Moon gasped.

"That's what I'm sayin'!" Anon wailed.

The purple pony stared defiantly up at the mare.

"Ah-ha! My disguise worked perfectly!"

"Impossible!"

"Now that I have these," She levitated the shirts up, "I shall use them to find your weakness!"

"Don't you dare take them!" Nightmare Moon demanded.

"Yes, I will. It should be a heinous crime to sell this," Twilight unfolded the shirt to reveal the t-shirt design, "for fifty bits!"

Nightmare looked over to Root Beer.

"Clown! Get her!"

The chef saluted before he began to rapidly peddle towards Twilight on the unicycle. But it was too late because before Root Beer could catch her, she teleported away.

What resulted was a clown crashing through a table, knocking off the shirts to the ground.

Nightmare Moon looked up to the sky in a fit of rage and anger.

"Curse you Twiiiiiliiiiight!"

. . .

"So. . . anyone up for ice cream?"

"Me!" Luna enthusiastically shouted.

Nightmare Moon sighed.

"Yes," Nightmare Moon looked down at Root Beer as he climbed out of the pile of shirts. "Clown, clean this mess up or I'll have your head by tomorrow."

The mare began to walk away, silently muttering to herself. Unbeknownst to anyone, a single tear drop raced down Root Beer's face.

If it Has Eight Legs, Kill it!

Luna had fought many creatures throughout her life. Manticores, hydras, sea serpents, hell, even the chaos god himself. And when Nightmare Moon took control of Luna's body, she gained all the memory, knowledge, and experience Luna had. But there was one fear that Luna hid away from the public eye that Nightmare Moon inherited rather unhappily.

And that fear was—

"Spider! Kill it! Kill it with fire!"

The Royal Canterlot Kitchen was in complete disarray. Pots and pans lay strewn across the floor as three, familiar, chefs scurried across the kitchen in a frenzy. Nightmare Moon, being the brave mare she is, huddled atop a stove.

Amid the ruckus, a table was flipped across the room, hitting the floor and shattering into shards of wooden flakes.

Root Beer then stood in front of Nightmare Moon and saluted.

"I threw a table at it, your highness. Surely it's dead."

A scream then sounded across the room.

"Ah! No, the fuck it's not! It's crawling up the wall." Shouted Leaf Blossom, pointing at a nearby wall with a wooden spoon.

The mare in question was cowering behind a barricade of chairs as she wore a pot as a makeshift helmet.

The old stallion grunted as he scowled at the wall. Flying over to the many cabinets lining the walls, he tore one of them off and chucked it at the wall Leaf Blossom was pointing at.

Except he missed the wall and the cabinet smacked into Orange Peel, who was clinging onto the kitchen chandelier.

"It's. . . getting away." Orange Peel slurred before falling off with a thud.

Indeed, a little black bug was crawling underneath the door leaving the kitchen.

Root Beer went in front of Nightmare Moon and saluted again.

"Mission status! There was a spider, so I threw a table at it. It survived, so I threw a cabinet at it. Cabinet was ineffective due to chef Orange Peel being in the way."

"I wasn't in the way! You hit me!" Groaned the injured stallion.

"The spider escaped but I assure you, I mean to track it down." Root Beer finished.

Nightmare Moon's eye twitched.

"I don't care about that! Just find that damn bug, and kill it!"

Root Beer nodded before looking back at the two chefs. Leaf Blossom was currently helping up Orange Peel before Root Beer shouted.

"Team! Current objective! Search and destroy! He said gruffly.

The two ponies said 'aye, aye' in unison with Orange Peel slurring a bit.

"Aren't we overreacting here? I mean, it's just a spider." Anon hesitantly said.

"Just a spider! Anon, art thee crazy! We shouldst have every guard on alert for this abomination!"

"Good idea, Luna. Guard!"

A night guard stepped into the room and saluted.

"Yes, mistress?"

"I want every guard in the palace on the lookout for any bugs. If it has eight legs, kill it!" Nightmare ordered.

The night guard nodded. "It shall be done." He said before stepping out of the room.

"This is so dumb." Anon mumbled.

The palace was in a code red state. Windows were boarded up, barbed wire and barricades were placed at the entrance of the castle, guard checkpoints were put up throughout the castle hallways and even makeshift flak cannons were placed on each of the palace towers. No one was to enter nor leave the castle grounds.

Every guard, maid, and servant was checked for four legs. A poor amputee was locked in the dungeon under suspicious circumstances.

And at the heart of it all, was the throne room, the most protected room throughout the palace. Four ponies were in this room, not counting the countless guards within.

Nightmare Moon sat on her throne, shaking violently. If you were to point this out to her, she'd surely send you to meet Celestia.

Root Beer paced back and forth in front of the throne room doors with a makeshift spear, a broom handle with a fork tied to the end of it.

The other two ponies, Leaf Blossom and Orange Peel sat on either side of the throne, scared and confused as ever.

"U-um ma'am," Leaf Blossom stuttered, "I-is this all. . . n-necessary?"

Nightmare Moon glared down at the now shrinking mare.

"Of course it's necessary, you ignorant potato!" Nightmare Moon then gestured to the room around them, "all of this is necessary for such a creature." She hissed.

The mare hesitantly nodded and, without a word, looked forward.

"So, why are you guys scared of spiders?" Anon asked.

"Such a foolish thing to ask, Anonymous! We will never tell you—"

"It all beganeth so longeth ago." Luna interjected.

"Wait, no! Don't tell him!" Nightmare Moon shouted.

But it was already too late, the flashback sequence was already in motion.

I was but a wee dram filly but I couldst still remember it liketh it wast just yesterday.

It was a sunny afternoon and Celly and I were just coming backeth after one of our many outdoor adventures.

"Oh, how wonderful yond wast, sister! Didst thee seeth the way I did throw yond squirrel! It wenteth far over the lake!" I shouted.

I remember my sister gave me this particular look.

"Luna, why do you speak like that? Are you retarded?"

Forsooth I wast not retarded, mind thee.

"It's just the way I speaketh." I mumbled, "Anywho, I must tend to mine own pet. See you later, Celly."

I waved to mine own sister befere skipping off to my quarters.

Ah, I remember mine own pet. Pustulio, wast his nameth. I gaveth that gent that nameth for the fact that gent hath seemed to groweth pimples so fast. But that gent was a gentle creature, as filthy as he was.

So, there I was, tending to mine own pet hamster, before a knocketh cameth from my bedroom door. Before I hadst the chance to sayeth aught, the door hath opened to bewray mine own sister. One thing thee shouldst knoweth is that mine own sister also hadst a pet.

"Sister, what didst I bid thee about bringing thy spider in mine own bedroom!" I whined.

Celly laughed at my remark.

"Oh come on, she isn't that bad."

Celly hath said, holding up her pet's cage and jiggling it. In it was a spider twice the size of mine own visage. A terrible creature for sure

"But why is it in here!" I complained.

Celly did roll her eyes and hath walked over to me and, without bethought, sat the cage right next to mine own Pustulio's cage.

She then looked to me and grinned, "The maids are installing my statue in my bedroom. They needed my pet to move, so she's gonna be crashing here for a few days."

I mumbled as I scooted Pustulio's cage hence from her's, keeping a weary eye on her spider.

"Doest it very much has't to beest in here?"

"Yes, yes it does." Celly nodded. "Anyways, mom and dad needs us. Something about the sun and the moon."

I hummed a replyeth before walking out the bedroom with Celly. But before leaving the cubicle, I gaveth pustulio one more glance before leaving.

— ( — 0 — ) —

It wast late afternoon at which hour Celly and I hath returned backeth to mine own chambers

"Thee destroyed that entire village! Thee very much needeth to learneth how to controleth thy travelling lamp." I hath said, walking through the doorway.

"Well at least I don't talk weird." Celly muttered after me.

That afternoon wast quite interesting. Our parents hath called us to the throne room to discuss something important. Apparently we hadst the power to controleth the travelling lamp and moon at will, changing the day and night cycleth at our crochets.

But, that wast far less important to the horrid discovery I madeth at which hour I did approach our pets' cages.

"Where is my hamster!" I shouted.

I did look at Pustulio's cage with horror as it wast barren.

Behind me, I hath heard celly awkwardly cough. "I think I found him."

Looking behind me, I did see Celly pointing to something. Mine own eyes hath followed her hoof until they landed on her cage.

What I saw in that cage traumatized me.

"Pustulio! Wherefore art thee fornicating with that thing!" I shouted in disgust.

What did lie in the cage wast a dram hamster humping hence at a spider three times the size of that gent.

Celly then giggled. "Look at that little guy go! Really putting his hips to use!'

I wast only able to mutter a faint insult before I hath found myself fainting.

"And that's wherefore I despise spiders with a fiery passion" Luna said happily.

"A hamster fucking a giant spider. . . huh?"

"Truly despicable. I should have killed that thing when I had a chance." Nightmare growled.

"What ever happened to the two?" Anon asked.

"Those gents did escape without a trace." Luna said bitterly.

Nightmare Moon scoffed. "Probably started a family of abominations."

A small cough then caught the attention of the moon queen. Looking up, she saw that three chefs, plus a few night guards, were looking at her with wide eyes.

Nightmare Moon then arched a brow. "What is it? Is there something on my face?"

Orange Peel hesitantly nodded. "Um, well. . . yeah." He squeaked.

With a glow of her magic, Nightmare Moon teleported in a mirror. Looking at herself through the mirror, her eyes went wide.

On her face, a little spider dangled just below her snout.

On that night, a shriek sounded throughout the night so loudly, that the griffins in Griffonstone described the sound like a hyena getting trampled on by a hoard of elephants.

Author's Note

Let me know if there was any grammer mistakes. I was too busy throwing shit at a spider on my wall to notice.