I See You.

by crystaltunes

Rating: teen
Tags: Suicide / Self Harm, Violence, Princess Celestia, Death, Alternate Universe, Sad, Princess Luna, Thriller, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 17745

Everyone knows Celestia as the innocent, kindhearted princess. But she’s afraid that somepony who thinks otherwise has come back to haunt her.

Celestia had always been hardworking, she had always loved her job. She loved being a princess and everything about it- the power, the responsibility even. And most importantly, she loved that everyone adored her.

Celestia loved her sister. But when a pony loves two things, she’s bound to protect one over the other. And so, she did. Her sister wasn’t “banished to the moon”, contrary to common belief; she was dead.

Celestia believed she was a horrible sister, a awful person.

And of course, Luna comes back to tell her that.

Published 2022-04-06 00:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-06-29 07:50:44 UTC

One

The sun. A celestial body of shining light. Beautiful and bright, it would glow all day, but fade out at night, just like Celestia did. Just like everypony did. Though the night was arguably the most enchanting time around, with glittering stars galore and the milky-white orb of the moon shining down, nopony stood awake. Even for a moment, they wouldn’t look at the sky or remark- or just for a second think how wonderful it was. They would sleep. A passing of time before the sun would shine once again. Just a passage of time.

But… why was the moon so overshadowed? That was a question Princess Luna had held for days and nights, unable to answer. Until finally, that mind of hers answered itself; she realized once and for all that the moon would never shine without the light of the sun. Without the sun she was nothing, she wasn’t even able to be seen. So all she was, simply a shadow, was all she would be with Celestia by her side.

And nothing else.

But she needed to be something else. So? She simply would be- even if the ropes of fate were never in her favor. (And why were they never in her favor? Because they were tied to Celestia.)

Celestia, who had loved her for a few years, lost the adoration the second she gained power. Her attention shifted to her “subjects” and the tactics to stay in power. What they didn’t see was exactly what stung the young princess hard- the vile words which would escape Celestia’s mouth. She no longer loved Luna, and that was the truth. Nopony loved her, but everypony adored their “loving, wise ladyship”.

Why did Celestia no longer love her? What did she do?

Why did nopony remember her? Acknowledge her to a fraction of how they acknowledged her sister?

She wasn’t enough for them, apparently.

Countless nights of restlessness, in which she was locked in that little room, had led to this. The little voice inside her head, pushing her to become instead of wait, would once and for all dominate. No longer would the ponies of Equestria slumber away- not if they experienced how it felt to lay sleepless and unable to get a wink of rest.

And though every bone of her body fought and screamed to keep it out, that little voice took over. She would BECOME.

Celestia never thought for long. She lacked the need to contemplate- she just did what her heart knew what was right for the ponies she governed. And she was wise, her decisions always benefitting the citizens. And that’s why she gleamed so bright.

Not only this, but her nature was one of a workaholic. This was something nopony outside of the castle knew, or ever would know. Celestia often locked herself away in that room of hers for hours, days even, working away. It was only half for the citizens. The other half was the drive of anxiety- something Celestia struggled with.

And that anxiety really didn’t show when she met her subjects. She knew how to keep her cool. But she wasn’t the same with her sister- instead, Celestia was aware that sometimes her anger and stress would fall out on Luna, in harsh words. But Luna knew she loved her more than simple words could say. She knew that Celestia worked her hardest for the ponies.

But Luna knew everything about Celestia, from her deepest secrets to her terrible motivations, even if they were never shared through words. It was inevitable.

The Princess knew a lot about Luna, too. But not the way Luna knew her. It was true she remembered everything about her, yet that was a mere recollection of the past. She failed to talk to her younger sister like she did before, and she ultimately knew nothing about her now that she was grown. Luna was completely different from the bright, funny, and social butterfly she used to be as a filly. But Celestia knew not of this, and never would.

It was a starry night, and finally the lady would be able to get some shuteye. Luna had finally handled getting the moon up properly- something Celestia would nag her about constantly- and she did it in time. Good.

She rested her swan-like head on her feathered pillow as she made a mental note of everything she had to do by tomorrow. Another celebration was the first thing on the list, a celebration for her. Some ponies had set it up to put their respects to the princess.

That was one thing she loved more than her subjects itself. The affection she received from her hard work was well sufficient, and she was practically paid by it. Though these words would never escape the lips of the princess, it was her true desire to be appreciated, as she was. And it wasn’t a vicious dream, considering she loved her citizens just as well.

Another thing- Luna. The younger alicorn had been on her mind for quite a while now; Celestia knew the pressure she sometimes put her under, and realized she was quite well coping with it. Not exactly the way Celestia had wanted her to progress, but good enough. It was true that the older princess had missed the time spent with her sister, and she decided to spend some time with her tomorrow. (And obviously, she’d make it known that the time was hard for her to give in the first place, but that’s another story.) Maybe out for icecream? Luna loved that.

How long had it been since they spent time together? Maybe a couple of years, Celestia thought. She winced, realizing how distant she had become. But Luna knew she loved her, and she would show her tomorrow anyways. If the stubborn princess would come along. Hopefully. It was a privilege.

To… both of them, honestly.

The ladyship never had time sleeping. The long, countless hours she worked was enough to tire her out by night. So after a couple of thoughts racked her brain, she fell into a light slumber.

She wasn’t aware of what Luna had to deal with, though. And frankly, the dark blue alicorn doubted if she’d care. As if it was a subtle curse, each night she would lay awake for hours. Thoughts of self-pity, confusion, and self-hatred spiraling her head, unable to turn off. She couldn’t sleep, through the long hours of the night.

No purpose.

Nothing.

And for everypony, the moon set as quickly as it rose. But not for her. Never for Luna.

Celestia woke in a cold sweat. A loud “pang” echoed through the castle, as she glanced out the window in shock. Still night, why was she up? In a daze she rose up from the bed. What was happening? Did a guard drop something? The princess sighed and yawned, peeking her head out from the door.

A scream.

A yell of pure terror, of agony. One she had hoped to never hear. The voice was familiar- which made the alicorn’s eyes water- and it begged and pleaded in pure helplessness. As if it was being tortured. It continued, and Celestia was frozen to her place. The scream only got louder as she heard a shuffle of hooves pace towards the room it was coming from.

And on the door, etched out-

“Princess Luna, her majesty.”

Abruptly, the screaming stopped. The ground shook, and sobs ensued.

“No, please, no.” Luna’s voice begged one last time.

The guards rushed in, Celestia thought. But she couldn’t think. The princess, the sun, her excellency- the kindest and bravest heart Equestria had to offer- couldn’t move an inch when she heard her sister screaming, shouting, begging.

Useless.

The scurrying hooves made a harsh stop, and more screams (now, male) clenched the castle.

Thud.

Thud.

Thud.

All guards were down.

It was silent for a moment, and a bright light shone. Brighter than anything the princess had witnessed. Brighter than herself. Celestia could not shield her eyes. She could not blink. She just stood there, waiting for something to happen.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

A menacing laugh, following one last shriek. Her sister was being attacked, tortured, murdered by whatever was in that room. And Celestia, as the goddess she was, should’ve saved her. But all she could do was run in the opposite direction. Away from her dying sister, away from her troubles.

Celestia ran.

She didn’t even look back to check what was mercilessly following her with ominous footsteps. Creak, creak, creak. A laugh emerged from the dark once again, followed by silence. She didn’t have time to look back, or lift her wings to fly. She didn’t have a moment to question what was going on- how her night had turned from a peaceful slumber to… whatever this was. Hell.

Maybe it was hell she was confounded to, to punish her for the sins she had committed. And maybe she had died a tragic death and would never escape. She’d run, and run, and run until her hooves could no longer carry her. And then she’d do it all over again. But no, this was no nightmare. It was no hell. It was reality, and if the princess stopped to think for a second longer she’d…

Her train of thought wandered as she reached a dead end. Shaking in fear, she swiftly turned around. It was worse than she could’ve ever imagined. The monster was taller than her by at least a foot, it’s piercing black coat contrasting it’s bright blue mane. It’s eyes shined with passion, passion to hurt. Kill. When it opened it’s mouth, a set of sharp teeth were revealed, with a pointy red tongue. It overshadowed Celestia as it moved towards her. What was this creature? Celestia held no thought as she used her magic to attempt to push it away.

“Violence, now? How rude, sister.”

“What are you?” yelled Celestia, her heart pounding recklessly in her chest. “What have you done to Luna?”

“Do NOT SPEAK THAT NAME. I am no longer the weakling overshadowed by your bright sun. I am the victor, I am Nightmare Moon. I am majestic, stronger than any creature you could’ve ever imagined.” It screeched, shocking the princess.

No. What was going on? This wasn’t Luna. This wasn’t her sister.

And suddenly, the room went black. Celestia held her ground, though tears were almost pouring out. “Where is she? Why would you hurt her?” Her horn shone, hopelessly trying to find the Nightmare.

“Hurt her? HURT ME? You hypocrite, you stupid, egoistical lunatic- you have hurt me. YOU have brought me to this monstrosity. You never loved me, and neither did the people.” A sharp breath was taken. “You have pushed me to the depths of tragedy undescribable. I am no longer that pony who cried over her majestical sister. I’m here to mark my place, and be feared.” Her eyes gleamed as Celestia froze up.

Celestia thought quickly. “GUARDS!” she squealed, turning to face the pony behind her.

“You’ve nopony to save you now. They’re all gone. I would advise you to keep it quiet here. Or shall I order you, your ladyship?” She ended with a smile, hissing the words out. A pause of silence as Celestia tried her best to get out of the corner she was in. Just as the Princess was about to try to kill the beast with magic- it spoke.

“Why did you forget me? Forget me after you got something better, those stupid subjects of yours? You decided to no longer feel for your own sister- to throw her into such despair unspeakable- for your own glory? Why?” The Nightmare’s voice suddenly dropped to one of sadness, true pain, though just for a moment. As if she still wanted to forgive Celestia. As if the anger had washed away. But it was still there, as her tone bounced back in a second’s notice.

Luna was in there. She was in there, somehow. Those words floated around Celestia’s head, stopping her from charging at the beast with a sword from the lifeless bodies of the guards nearby. Because her sister was in there.

“… Sister, I know not what has happened to you. But I know you’re in there, and that you love me, and know I love you truly.” it came out in a whimper. No guards would save her, no magic could save her here. In a panic, she attempted to negotiate.

“All I was in your shadow was unimportant, useless. I was nothing without you. I will be nothing with you by my side. So ‘Sister’, as you say, let us battle for the throne of victory. I’m willing to battle to the death, I’m willing to die to prove my point. But I won’t die. The moon will stand her ground.” The lady had no time to reply, as a loud bang emit.

Celestia screamed and closed her eyes as the ground below her tumbled. She struggled to flap her wings open as everything around her collapsed. The celing came down at such force that she swooped out of the way- just seconds before it would’ve crushed her. The castle was falling apart quickly. She couldn’t comprehend what was happening. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t defend.

In the blink of an eye, the Nightmare flashed in front of her eyes. Teleportation spell. The monster grinned as Celestia coughed from the debris, with hatred in her eyes.

“You… you idiot,” Celestia choked. She couldn’t hurt her sister.

“Let us begin, shall we?” The beast graced her with a cursty- as to humor her, as immediately dark magic flew out of her horn. It spiraled around the forest- or the remains of it, since the castle’s destruction had nearly destroyed half of it.

The magic sprung and split, dragging a batch of wolves out. Celestia wielded her aura, shining a quick protection spell, shielding it around herself. She concentrated on strengthening it, sweat slowly streaming down her face. The wolves howled in terror as the magic slipped around them, and vanished. The princess could only gasp in horror as they started browning up, their grey fur turning woodlike. Their eyes were now green and malicious. They were like little wood-puppets.

Not just puppets. That’s what the lady learned as they all simultaneously launched themselves onto her shield, barking and slobbering to get her, to eat her, to attack her. The shock manipulated her aura, the shield weakening, and the “Timberwolves” slowly reaching in. In a flurry, Celestia pulled a tree out of it’s place, its roots dusting off soil everywhere. She winced as she slammed it with all her willpower down on the Timberwolves, which were just about to attack her. In their place lay destroyed materials.

But as soon as they had gone, more emerged. Nightmare Moon lifted itself into the air, spitting down on it’s sister. Celestia was focused on killing those wolves. She quickly manipulated the debris into forming a sharp sword which easily slashed the throats of the Timberwolves. But she didn’t see Nightmare hovering over her.

In a fright, a rush of magic attacks landed down on Celestia, each one wielding a scream of pain intolerable. She couldn’t even take a second to breathe it in or check herself, as she decided finally;

She had a choice to make. Her sister, who would brutually torture and murder her, or the people. And herself. She couldn’t waste a second. The biggest decision of her life lay in her hooves, with no time to think.

Celestia never thought for long. She lacked the need to contemplate- she just did what her heart knew what was right for the ponies she governed. And she was wise, her decisions always benefitting the citizens. But tonight, she needed to think swiftly, quicker than she ever had before. In her choice lay the happiness of the subjects around her, or the life of her sister. And when a pony loves two things, she’s bound to pick one over the other.

She needed to save her citizens and herself, no matter how much she loved Luna.

No longer did Celestia gleam.

She shot back strong magic of her own, pushing Nightmare down in shrieks. She continued, hastily, as she attempted to lift herself in the air. Her body hurt like hell. Nightmare hissed as she slashed her aura across Celestia’s stomach. The princess winced in pain, not even able to open her mouth. A couple inches above and Celestia’s neck would’ve been gone.

Once Celestia was down, Nightmare held no mercy. She blasted her with magic, unleashing her wolves against her once again. Celestia couldn’t feel. She couldn’t think.

But she needed to save. In agony, she closed her eyes, once more fixtating the shield around herself. Think fast, think fast. FASTER. This wasn’t good enough. But she had no choice but to summon the elements of harmony, the strongest weapons to exist. They were but mere stones, yet they held the power to demolish any source of evil. With a swift prayer, she teleported them in front of her.

“I don’t want to do this to you, Luna. Please… Just give up,” she cried in pain.

No reply, except a few more attacks (which had not gone through the shield, luckily). Celestia had no choice, and tears streamed down her face as she hesitantly wielded the six stones together.

A light shone. Celestia shielded her eyes, finally. A scream, a scream of terror louder and more pleading than the one Luna had screamed.

“Don’t let this… be the end,”

Celestia opened her eyes.

In front of her was not the body of the dead monster she had slain, yet the curled corpse of the small sister she had once loved. And right before she collapsed, Celestia stared at her hooves. Her bloodstained hooves.

She had murdered her little sister.

Author's Note

Oookay! Not the best, but I liked the idea. This is just the first chapter, there will be more next chapter.

I liked this idea of Luna having insomnia, and as she died, Celestia may have slowly gotten it too. There’s a LOT more interesting stuff I’ll add to the plot, so keep reading!

I’d love to hear what you think in the comments! :raritystarry:

Two

The Summer Sun Celebration.

One day when everypony celebrated and rejoiced the triumph of their delightful Princess Celestia over the terrorizing Nightmare Moon.

Everypony except Celestia herself, that is. The Princess found herself lost, stuck in an emotional dune. But there wasn’t time to sulk around. Her feelings could wait- they were last to be crowned. Her citizens needed her.

It had been a couple years since the day had passed. 3, 5? She didn’t count any longer. It was useless, anyways. And… The anguish hadn’t went away at all. In fact, the princess believed it had gotten worse. By each day, she had fell more and more in the loophole of…

Of…

Of?

To be completely honest, Celestia didn’t know. It wasn’t always guilt. It wasn’t really self pity. It was something else, the feeling of complete exhaustion, the feeling that you couldn’t move a muscle but everypony expected you to. The feeling that she should’ve died, she should have been the one to be brutually murdered, not her sister. The feeling that maybe she could’ve saved Luna if she was just a little faster, if she had just moved. If she had been a little kinder. After the “incident”, everything had changed.

A few months ago, her anger had swept up her soul. Why, God, why? Why her? Luna had not sinned, never done any harm, nothing wrong. But she was killed, killed and taken. Why not Celestia, then? It would be understandable. But… that mindset soon washed away, to introduce something else. Soon enough, at least.

She locked herself in her room, forcing herself to work endlessly all day. Half of her thought that if she tortured herself enough, maybe Luna would be given a second chance. Innocent, blameless Luna.

Nopony saw the Celestia’s face anymore. She assumed they just thought she was working harder than ever. She was. It was her punishment. The princess would work all day, no breaks, and make sure everything was perfect. Then, she would go to bed, to rest her undeserving, overworked head.

Maybe Luna would come back.

Please, just come back.

Sometimes Celestia would close her eyes. But it didn’t really do much good. Whenever she did, the ladyship would find herself in a state of some sort of sleep-paralysis, unable to move an inch. She’d be forced to look down at her hooves, bloodstained, as words mercilessly traveled her head. “Selfish, Liar, Murderer, Heartless”. Sometimes she saw the Nightmare. Most times, Luna was looking down at her in pure hatred.

It hurt so much. But sometimes she wondered if that hatred was real enough. If those emotions were so passionate that maybe Luna would be somewhere now, waiting to seek revenge. Maybe, she was still here.

What was she kidding? Her sister was… dead. Only if-

Celestia eventually gave up trying to sleep, and just… stood awake for the rest of the night. She couldn’t possibly fall into unconciousness anyways. The days before the incident, she would pass out the moment her head hit the feathered pillows and comfortable mattress of her canopy bed. Now, she would toss and turn, break out in sweats, and would never ever be able to fall asleep.

Insomnia.

I mean, who would want to stare at their bloody hooves all night? Definitely not Celestia. Haha.

Not to mention, Luna never really spoke to her in the dreams either. If she did, maybe the princess would consider trying to sleep a little longer. Even if she yelled at her. Even if she wanted her dead.

No longer was the bed comfortable, it was the cruel reminder of her existance. It was the baggage she carried, the hell she’d been put through for the horrible thing she’d done. Never to fall asleep again- it must’ve been a curse, a wish from Luna. Because Luna died hating her sister. Celestia hated herself too.

Since her highness was unable to capture any form of energy through the night, she ran off of her own magic. No matter how mystical it sounded, it was a slow and painful process to do so. Each day, she had to extract the magic from her horn and slowly place it inside of each organ which needed it to run. Needless to mention, it made her feel just as tired as before, and just gave her the willpower to work. It was almost torturous, but she deserved it. It wasn’t a portion of the pain she put her sister through.

It was a common day, to her at least; ponies frolicking and playing in joy. Meanwhile, she worked diligently, her brain adjusting to not getting distracted by the sounds of the outerworld. Today was brighter in personality, though Celestia’s lack of socialization skills made her prone to ignore such details.

Paperwork. Lots and lots of paperwork. Her hooves sorted them out swiftly, placing them in the right areas. She continued, though her head ached and fatigue ran through her veins. Each part of her body hurt, and she didn’t know why. She suffered in silence, trying to focus on the work. But finally, her exhaustion made way. Her head slumped down onto her desk abruptly, as she laid there for a moment, thinking.

Initially, she had told the lie that Nightmare Moon wasn’t Luna, yet a beast which sought out to attack the innocent ponies of Equestria. It tried to do this by taking Celestia’s throne, making it her own. But some ponies inevitably were confused about where the light-blue alicorn had vanished. The only way to shield the nasty secret of her death was to admit Luna was the monster, own up to it. However, she swerved in the lie that she was “banished to the moon”, a punishment for being so reckless. Soon enough the ponies would completely forget about the real Luna and would only remember her as a treacherous beast.

Better than hating their queen, wanting to kill her more than she wished to do so herself, right? But instead of despising Celestia, who had decided it was herself to blame, they would endlessly remember Luna the innocent as a villian of despair and horror. And so they would worship the Sun in her glory.

Her glory, who stood there when her sister was getting tortured;
Her majesty, who didn’t save, but instead ran;
Her majesty who murdered her little sister.
That was all she was. A numb mannequin, waiting there.

Celestia’s head bounced back up. Breathe in, breathe out. Keep working, it will be okay.

These days, she hopelessly wondered if Luna could… be alive. But deep inside she knew it was her mind trying to hoax her into comfort. Somewhere in there, she knew.

If she had just loved her a little more…

And her pride had reluctantly been thieved from her, her glory along with it. The pain and anguish washed it away, the guilt packaged with it. She no longer held her head up, or encouraged the praise and mass. She didn’t even go outside. She wanted a reason to live. But…

It was still there. Back even when her sister was healthy and living, she lived for the praise, she lived for the people. And what had changed? She never lived for Luna. Sure, she loved her. Her world never revolved around her though.

Maybe she regretted living for them, then. Maybe she wished she lived for Luna instead. It was that, wasn’t it? And if the castle was ripped away from her too, she would regret this as well- regret locking herself away.

Why was Celestia, her ladyship, the greatest in all Equestria, such a… fake? That’s all she would ever see herself as through the guilt. Just a fake. All the emotions. Every word. Every page of paperwork. Every alliance. Every smile. Every time she promised the citizens it was okay, she didn’t know if it would be okay herself. It was the truth, she was nearly as powerless as every subject.

She jumped out of thought, hearing a soft knock on the door. A sound she hadn’t heard in what now, a week or two? Why did anypony bother? Reluctantly, she lightly invited the pony in.

A guard.

Her head flashed back to that night.

Seconds before the princess passed out, she heard her name being called. The voice was strong, but it was struck with denial and horror of some sort. It was of Knight Blueblood, her self-proclaimed “nephew”, the only guard who managed to survive Nightmare’s attack. Though he permanently lost his arm from the collapse of the castle, Blueblood became the head of the newly recruited army.

Right, the collapse. She remembered how terrified she had been when she woke up in the hospital bed, left alone to recollect what had just happened. Celestia remembered not being strong enough to break down into tears. She remembered the pain in her heart, the knot in her stomach, which outweighed the agony of her physical body. But she was the princess, who had to fix everything, be perfect.

Five days later, the castle was reconstructed. Good as new.

She just wished hearts healed that fast.

“I can’t do this any longer.” Blueblood sighed wearily, sweat seeping out of his iron head-shield.

It was met by the awkward silence of the confused Princess, who gazed up at him. What should she say, that would make whatever he was dealing with any better? She just stood there, waiting for him to continue.

“Your subjects are demanding-“ he gasped, gaining his breath back hastily, “for you to come see them. For the summer sun celebration. I can’t fight them off… any longer.”

A pause followed, and he opened his mouth to continue. “Forgive me, your highness, but I fear they are right. Nopony has seen your face in ages. They’re your subjects, I think-“

“Absolutely not! Are you out of your mind? What will the poor folks gain by seeing their Princess like this?” Celestia demanded, reffering to not only her mental state, but er- her physical state too.

The princess, once gleaming in the beauty of youth and happiness, had… “rotted”. Rotted to the point where her beauty had been washed away by the stress and trueness of life. Dark eyebags carried her guilt, her messy mane carried the lack of purpose of this life. And her eyes carried whatever determination was left.

“Argue not, your majesty, but eh- are you speaking in favor of your citizens, or because you want to hide yourself away? What good is it for you, either?” he inquired boldly.

“You disrespectful soul,” Celestia sighed. “Maybe. Later.”

“I need a clear answer, they’re waiting to see you. You’re the reason some of them are holding on. Your laws have changed the lives of the poor. Your justice has…”

He continued to blabble praise and more. Celestia didn’t want to hear it. She wanted to hear the truth from the one who knew the truth, instead of petty lies. But something shone in his eyes, a glimmer of light. Just like Luna’s eyes had shimmered at night. With passion, with hope that Celestia would fix it. That Celestia could do something. Maybe, this was her calling, her reason to live. To give a little hope to the people, which she had saved.

She was always just waiting for something to happen. Maybe this was her something. And then it overtook her, as she mindlessly agreed to see the ponies of Equestria this night before the rising of the sun. Blueblood just nodded his head in agreement, and slammed the doors. Why… did she agree?

It had been a good few hours since the moon had risen in its glory, shining down on the citizens of Equestria. But tonight, everypony was awake in excitement, not just the few who usually stayed up till this time. Rumors about the princess spun around Equestria like wildfire. Gifts from royalty all around the world were made, and shipped to her Majesty. The ponies prepared signs of support, cheers, and songs to worship their queen.

Celestia, however, was more anxious than ever. It had been a few years since she’d spoken to a crowd. She doubted she would ever regain that strength. Who was she to speak to them like that? She was just…

A…

But even if she was just a murderer, an evildoer in her own eyes, Celestia was somehow hope. Hope, though she had none herself; that was who she was to the citizens, like it or not. And it was her role. So reluctantly she dressed her best, tying her mane up, and wearing a gown. She shut her eyes, glancing across the room to her bedstand. The shining crown.

The piece of gold that symbolized her life, the most precious thing in the castle, had not been touched since the day. After the battle, Celestia hadn’t layed a hoof on it, or even thought about it. She didn’t deserve it, someone else did. Maybe Luna did. If she just chose her sister over herself, Luna would be the one making the decision today, bearing the crown.

“I-“ the word left her mouth suddenly.

Her head began to spin.

No. No. Not today, not now. She needed to be strong. For Canterlot, for everypony. She took a sharp breath in, and a long one out. One, two, three.

Just… breathe.

“Breathe, you’ll be fine.”

Fine.

The word rang around her head. Celestia frantically used her horn to pick up the crown as she hesitantly laid it on her own head. And? Nothing was really different. Nothing had changed. She felt the same, bottomless feeling as before. But something rang in the distance.

The bell. It was officially 12 AM, and cheers from outside the castle arose. It was her moment to start new, to be someone. To do something good, useful. To forget. Celestia sucked a breath in and smiled softly as she opened the doors to her giant balcony.

Screaming. A lot of screaming erupted from the crowd. Celestia tried her best not to wince from the noise, and keep her cool. She looked around, seeing a mass of ponies holding signs, chanting, and singing. She forced a smile.

“Citizens of Equestria,” she coughed, putting on her best ‘Canterlot voice’ as it rushed over the people, “The day has come again,”

More cheers continued, as praises filled the atmosphere. Their princess… was back.

The day had come again. And…?

And… Nothing had changed.

She was still just waiting for something to happen, for the crowd to stop.

And when it did, her head was blank.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

“And,” she forced out. A pause continued, and cries of anticipation followed. “And, um-“

Celestia was a failure standing there, and she knew it. But now it was more real than ever. She found herself looking up to the moon, her eyes locking with it.

Failure,

Failure,

Failure.

But the words weren’t just running around her head now, she was sure she heard them out loud. That they were spoken. Spoken by a voice she thought she would never hear again. Her eyes watered and her heart pulsed in fear.

She couldn’t move. All was still. The ponies looked up at her in confusion, some starting to anger. But she couldn’t think, she was once again paralyzed with fear.

“I know you hear me.” It was a whisper. Nopony could hear it except the one standing on the balcony, basking in the glow of the moonlight.

Shivers shot up Celestia’s spine as she felt something carress her face. Nothing was there.

Nothing was there.

Nothing.

“I know-“ the whisper was interrupted.

Celestia ran as fast as she could, her eyes curling with terror. Yells of confusion followed as the crowd panicked. But she couldn’t stop, she heard the footsteps behind her. Running as fast as she was.

No locked doors would keep her safe now.

It had found her.

Author's Note

Okay! Yes, I did add some intentional rhyming in this one though the last chapter wasn’t planned. Thanks to the reader who pointed it out, it gave me ~~an ego boost~~ an awakening feeling to pour Celestia’s feelings out through more metaphors and poetry.

Thank you all for the love! (It’s been a huge motivation boost, trust me. Seeing that people actually enjoy this makes me wanna write even more!) Tell me your thoughts, I’d love to hear! Until next time, till more is uncovered!

Three

Beat.
Beat.
Beat.

Please, no. No, no, no, no…

Her heart was racing, pounding out of her chest nearly. Her eyes watered, and her back was pressed against the door of the royal bathroom.

Neverending calls, screams, even. The sound of scurrying hooves along the palace floor. Celestia needed help, but she knew what happened last time. And she wasn’t ready to sacrifice the lives of her guards once again. Whatever this was, she had to face it.

She… had to be brave. Sweat collected on her forehead.

What am I so afraid of? It… Can’t be Luna. Luna isn’t alive. Luna died that night, when I tried to remove the Nightmare from her soul with the Elements of Harmony. I thought it would just hurt her. It killed her. Luna is dead.

She drew a breath in. Nothing could hurt her more than that night. She wasn’t scared. She wouldn’t be scared.

“Princess!” somepony screamed, banging on the door with might.

“Cease,” Celestia squeaked, ordering them to stop.

All sounds came to a halt. It was as the world was spinning around her. The princess drew one more deep breath, and stood up on shaky legs. She felt… powerless, somehow. It took her a second to comprehend everything that had just taken place; she heard something. She felt it. It touched her. Maybe she was hallucinating. A sarcastic, shaky laugh emit from her mouth. Somewhere inside, the alicorn knew she was going “crazy”. But now, she had felt it.

And, more importantly, the princess had fled her very first Summer Sun Celebration that the ponies had waited so long for. If she strained her ears, she could still hear the annoyed and concerned demands of the crowd. But that was the least of her worries, for now. Celestia needed to calm down.

Hastily, the mare washed her face.

It’s gonna be… okay? she attempted to convince herself, looking up to the mirror. What did she see now?

She saw someone who she wasn’t. She was a paranoid, self-loathing, lunatic version of herself, with dark circles and wrinkles. Celestia saw the guilt on her face, like she felt it every minute. Tears formed. Her breath was shaky again.

“I’m… so sorry,” she looked down, and closed her eyes.

She was apologizing to Luna. To the people, everypony she had let down.

And suddenly, a scratched raved on the concrete of the palace’s bathroom. Celestia jumped, her head bobbing up to face the mirror once more. In horror, she rubbed her eyes, and found her legs were unmovable. She saw… She saw-

Nothing. It was nothing, she was just imagining things. But for a split second, if she just blinked, she would see it again. She would see her again. Celestia didn’t know if she wanted to see, and subject herself to the curse of reality (or was it fantasy?) once more. But curiosity drove over all other repressed emotions. When she closed her eyes just now, she saw something in the mirror next to her.

Her eyelids fluttered down, hesitantly. And in the moment, she saw a lively figure. A figure of a small alicorn, gazing up at her, in wonder. The filly had silky light-blue mane, curling down to her neck, and a navy coat. Angelic at the least, hm? Well, the sight was far from it. The little alicorn had no eyes, it seemed. Her eyes were black, like a void; the longer you looked, the more disturbing it would get. Let’s just classify them as empty, and black, for now. And in her chest, was another hole. But this wasn’t endless, or confusing- it was clear. Her chest was bleeding, and a patch of skin was missing.

But the filly had no reaction, no pain to the wound. It was as if she was unaware of it, or couldn’t even feel it. The little Luna smiled up at her big sister, her eyes widening. Her teeth were sharp. Celestia’s eyes fluttered open, as she gasped.

“Princess, is everything okay in there?”

“Leave.” she ordered after a few deep breaths. She couldn’t believe what she saw.

But when she opened her eyes, and looked back, there was nothing there. Nothing to be afraid of. She was alone… She was…

“Sorry I’ve been gone so long, I missed you, Tia,” the voice was light, joyful, and childish. Something the princess would have once enjoyed and laughed with. But now, it was the very thing she dreaded.

She knew it was Luna the second she heard it. Ghost? Reincarnation? That was the least of the worry. Something was there. It was… It was… her sister, the thing she had wished for so long. For Luna to come back once again. But somehow she couldn’t comprehend it.

“Let me in your room, okay? You never let me see it,” a whine burst out.

Celestia felt lightheaded, and looked back to the mirror. She felt her legs gel to the floor, as the world spun once more around her and she heard one last soft thud.

It was dark, very dark. The type even magical auras could not brighten. Something a laugh of joy could not lighten. Something undefeated, and something more. She was seated in a throne, prickly and uncomfortable.

Above her, the words were clearly written. “Queen of Equestria”. She couldn’t read the words, but she knew they were there. She could not move. Celestia didn’t want to move, she didn’t want to speak. She wanted to sit there in the dark, forever, until her body rotted away and-

A sudden light tune played over her. The music circled her head, never stopping. Slowly, the darkness moved- making way for something greater, something more terrifying. Now, she wished she could close her eyes or just hold onto her throne. The music became stronger, and they were no longer formed in a song. They were words. They were orders. And her brain had no power over these.

A void. Celestia was right under a void. It went down, down, down, and never stopped. Whoever fell would never be saved, but would be past repair. Would not be remembered, but forgotten. Would no longer be loved, but would completely vanish. The princess could feel her hooves being moved up to eye level.

The lyrics, now words, played once again.

“Do you see what you have done now?”

“It’s all fake. What you’ve got on your throne, no longer matters.”

“You are nothing.”

Until they were no longer in her head, but spoken. Spoken by a voice she dreaded. Celestia wanted to open her mouth to scream, but no sound came out. It was dry. Dry, dry, dry, and useless. Her hooves weren’t just bloodstained now, they were dripping with the very blood of the sister she loved, pouring down on herself and dripping through the void. They were falling on her more and more, and if she tried to clean it up (which she couldn’t) it would only dirty herself more. Make her more guilty. Make her more useless than she already thought she was. Knew she was.

The words became louder and louder until her ears rung. She could hear things in the distances as she felt a pit in her stomach form. A metallic taste remained in her mouth and her eyes began to burn- oh, just let her blink now- but she was never let out of this misery. What would she have to give to be forgiven?

And then her eyes opened. She was draped in white, lying in that canopy of hell, with bandages around her head. She awoke in cold sweat, and gasped, as the taste of medicine lingered on her tongue. She had passed out, and the room was once again dark. Craning her neck to check the clock, she realized it was 2 A.M. Two hours had passed.

She let out an exasperated whimper as she crawled up out of the covers, her head still spinning.

Was it all some fever dream? Celestia placed a hoof near her forehead, looking around. Was Luna… ever really here?

And though she had just suffered the depths of hell, hope rose in her chest. If Luna was… here… If she didn’t just dream it all up, the princess could make it up to her. Give her a happy, lovely life, with no worries or cares. It would make her sister happy. Even if it wouldn’t free her from this punishment- oh! Just to see that little smile emerge on the navy alicorn’s face, or hear the laughter she sang once more… Celestia would give it all. It would all be worth it.

A knock rang from her door.

“Come… in,” she ordered.

A knight trotted in- Blueblood, with a few others by his side. His face was worried, and Celestia could almost read it. What would happen when the citizens realized they had a maniac for a queen? It was what he thought of her, at least, no doubt.

“Princess… Are you alright?” he inquired, gazing at her.

Celestia stared back. “The citizens…” she mumbled, only finally thinking of what had happened to them after she burst out of the scene.

“About that, don’t worry… we’ve got it under control.” he licked his lips, not making it too believable. “But… what was all this?”

“I…” she began to stall for a second as her head rumbled with excuses- if they heard what she experienced, they would deem her as mad for once! And nobody knew her secret.

Nobody knew what really happened to Luna… That night. And she didn’t plan to tell a soul.

“I haven’t… been eating well, and I began to feel lightheaded at that time. I ran out because- ahem, uhm… I wouldn’t want the citizens to worry, right? Or see their queen like that…” she pondered through pauses. “Is everything alright?”

Blueblood blinked, obviously more relaxed by her answer. “Yes, they’ve somewhat calmed down by now. Maybe… you should make it up sometime, when you’re better.”

As if she would ever be better. This sickness felt eternal. Every day it felt more real. And today… she didn’t even know…

But if Luna was really there, her life would once again gain purpose. Gain happiness.

If she doesn’t seek vengeance. Would she really ever forgive you? something in her head spoke. She tried her best to ignore it.

“If you’re feeling sick, we have more medicine, just give a call. We’ll get your food out soon, the chef who sickened you will be fired.”

“Blueblood, wait- no need for that. And…” she blinked, looking at him. His cold, tired blue eyes glared at her, as if he were trying to stay as loyal as ever, though he was slowly giving up on her. “I’m… sorry.”

“For?”

“All this… Everything. I know, I haven’t been my best.” she gave a light smile. “I’m- I’m gonna… try harder, this time. I won’t let Equestria down any longer.”

He looked at her, tears forming. He smiled, giving a subtle nod, as he trotted out silently.

But how- how could she make such a bold claim? She didn’t know how to try harder. Could she do any better if she didn’t even take care of herself properly?

Celestia looked out to the moon solemnly, still taking in everything that had happened. She sighed. Would this all be worth it, someday? The princess pressed her hoof against her chest. If she hadn’t hallucinated the Luna she saw in the bathroom, it would be. She needed to figure it out, she needed to know.

All the information she had was… she passed out after hearing her voice. And then she faded into sleep paralysis. And here she was… In reality. Cold, hard, reality. And suddenly, she heard a light pounding.

The guards, already here?Nay, I wasn’t even hungry,

“Could you give me a minute?” she spoke, annoyed. She struggled to get to her feet, but soon realized it was a bad idea as blood rushed to the queen’s head. Celestia shook as she grasped onto the bed frame for support, until her legs steadied.

“I’m coming.”

“Could you just let me in? It’s Luna! I’m back, Tia. But I just forgot something in your room, would you mind letting me in?”

Once again, Celestia felt herself wobble. She shut her eyes tight. Breathe in, breathe out. You need to know. You need to be brave. Slowly, she made herself to the door, and she touched the knob. A force pulled it open before she could, and it creaked a bit. She stood stiff, unknowing- as a nothing appeared. As the space between the door and the frame increased just by an inch, something else was there. Something dark. Something undefeated. It stood in black, with multiple eyes- but Celestia didn’t even get a glimpse for a second before she slammed the doors on the thing.

What the hell was that? It wasn’t… it wasn’t Luna. That wasn’t my sister. That wasn’t my sister. That wasn’t-

From that point, everything seemed to move in slow motion. The lightless bedroom looked as it was out to get her. The delighting chirps of the night now sounded ominous. The few steps she had to take back to her bed felt like miles, each step dragging her back somewhere in her mind.

“You could be a little inviting. Or just pretend you cared.”

“Who- who’s there?” Celestia’s horn shone, wielding a pocketknife from her bedstand. Her voice was shaky.

A high pitched scream filled her ears as she winced, and placed the dagger down. “Aah, just- show yourself.”

“Is that any way to invite your beloved guest?” something pouted, an obvious annoyed tone to it’s voice. “You can’t tell me you haven’t missed me, it’s been like, 5 years! C’mon sis, you’re just a douche!”

“L-Luna?” Celestia whispered.

“That’s right! Can you see me? I can see you. You look really really old. And scary. You’re different.”

“How are you here? I- I… I don’t see anything, I’m imagining you. My brain, it’s all a trick…”

“Maybe you’ll see me if you talk to me more!” it squeaked.

“…Are you really… Luna?”

“I thought I had made that clear, silly. Are you really Tia though?”

Celestia stopped in her tracks. Could she really… imagine all this? But, hallucination or not, she had to try to communicate with whatever the hell this was. She rocked back and forth in her bed, contemplating. No, no… no…

“Why are you here?”

Suddenly, the high pitched voice took a pause, and hummed a little.

“L-Luna…?” Celestia cried.

“Do you remember the years I suffered? The years that you ignored me and made me feel like I was loved by no one?” the ghost half-sobbed, making Celestia grimace. “You do, I’d say. How could you forget? Well, it was five years. Five, long years. So it’s only fair to give you back what you gave me! Consider it a gift. Five days, I’ll be here to remind you everything you did! How horrible you are! How worthless you are!” she paused.

“And on the fifth day, I’ll tell everypony your dirty little secret. Deal?” she questioned, joyfully.

Celestia was beyond words. This was all becoming real, her worst nightmares.

“Let’s start today then!” the voice chirped. “Remember how-“

Degrading words fell out of “Luna’s” mouth, as they were somehow blocked out by Celestia. She was frozen.

So long, she had waited for something to happen.

And now, it was just beginning.

Four

It was a… long night, to say the least. All of those supressed emotions and anger were just unleashed with Luna around, or whatever that… thing was. It was harder for Celestia to distract herself, to find a will to go on. It was harder to not be pulled in deeper by whatever delusion or demonic entity this was. It was harder to survive without losing her sanity.

Maybe… it was an angel. Stupid, that was a stupid idea. It came to haunt Celestia.

Yet…

Wasn’t this exactly what Celestia wished for? She didn’t wish for a lovely life, stress free or love-filled. She didn’t care about her own well being. She knew she didn’t deserve it, any of it. And at that moment, she hated herself more than any pony, creature, or thing could ever feel for her. And with each depreciating thought, the ghost’s words grew fouler and fouler, but… more true, and more true.

Celestia didn’t wish for a perfect life herself. The princess wished for her sister to have so, and if this torture was what made Luna feel the sweet joy of vengeance-

Then…

She sighed, too tired to think longer. The whole night, she had been forcing herself to block out the ghost’s words. But it was useless. Each letter repeated in her head, until it made her hurt inside.

She didn’t want to feel this way…

“Maybe… If you didn’t murder your little sister, you wouldn’t have suffered like this. No, positive, Celestia.” the voice gradually got lower and lower until it reached the full pitch Luna’s voice was in.

“Y-you!” The princess stuttered, her train of thought completely lost. How was it that this beast could somehow read her thoughts?

Luna sighed, as she relaxed back on Celestia’s chair (though nopony could see). “I’m a ghost, y’know. That means I see all. I hear all,” she shrugged. “I have to listen to your measly thoughts all day. I can’t wait until the fifth day dawns, and I can leaaaaave,”

Dawns. Dawns.

That rung a bell in Celestia’s head- it was almost dawn. The moon would have to be lowered, and the sun risen. She craned her neck to check the clock. 5:55 AM, hm? She was lucky she was reminded. The princess groaned, as her duties flooded her head, and she remembered herself storming out that night. The citizens were probably so concerned, enraged. Maybe they already knew she was losing it. She hoped they didn’t.

But…

“Nopony knows your dirty little secret, hm? Why, Tia, why did you hide it from everypony? Are you just that scared of them seeing you as a murderer? Even though you are one, such a piiity-“

“Stop it. STOP IT.” Celestia suddenly burst, placing her hooves on her temples and wincing. “You don’t know… anything… you don’t understand…”

When her eyes were shut, she saw it again. All was dark, except the little filly reclining on her throne. Sprawled out, her eyes were wide as ever- meaningless and distorted. By each second she continued to stare, the more and more gruesome the reflections in her eyes would get. It was getting worse. Luna moved her tongue against her pointy teeth, in boredom, leaning out her sharp hooves. That wasn’t… That…

What was she?

“Yeah, yeah… Enough with the conspiracy theories,” Luna muttered, her dusky eyes searching Celestia throughly. “Is that why you transformed into this… beast of your own? This… shell of yourself? Because of the guilt?” She paused, only to continue-

“I don’t pity you, you know you deserve ever second of this.”

The ladyship opened her eyes, muttering something to herself before she glanced at the clock once more. 5:57. Crap, she was getting late, and if she didn’t transfer her energy soon, she wouldn’t have the strength to raise the sun. She took in a deep breath.

Celestia’s horn illuminated as she forced her eyes shut in concentration. Magic seperated itself from the horn as she bit down in agony. Slowly, she pushed it through her skin, and into her lungs, heart, and each and every vital organ. Every second felt like she was being subjected to torture. Worse than death.

“Are you sure?” Luna’s figure caught her eye, distracting her for a moment as she nearly jumped out of her skin. The magic bounced back out of her as she cried out once more. Suddenly, all noise halted as the doorknob rattled.

“Princess? Are you okay?” it was a knight, on watch duty.

“Y-yes, just tripped over my mess,” she smiled at him. “Sorry about that!” she closed the door.

Luna reappeared. That was another thing- if a real pony walked in, the ghost would disappear. But Celestia never saw anypony much anways, she was rarely saved.

“Ghh, each time that happens it feels like I’m being knocked out!” Luna grimaced.

Celestia mumbled something under her breath, pushing the last magic into herself as she steadied to raise the sun.

With all her strength, Celestia absorbed her mind around the glowing moon, and pushed it downwards, revealing a Sun shining behind it (creating the moonlight). She grabbed the sun with her magic and heaved it forward, panting.

“I’m getting tired just watching you,” Luna grumbled. Celestia ignored the ghost, wiping her sweat as she slouched onto her bed.

The princess raised her hoof to her forehead, a headache starting. She groaned, jumbling around in her bedstand looking for something. A few minutes later, Celestia pulled out a bottle of painkiller and a used measuring cup. She filled it and swallowed the medicine, wincing back a bit as the sourish sweet taste settled on her tongue.

“Jeez, why in heavens are you drinking medicine? You’re fine,” Luna snorted. “What’s the big deal?”

Celestia tried to plug her ears to stop hearing Luna, but it never worked. The words were louder and louder each time she tried to escape them.

“It’s doing no good, ‘Sister’,” the ghost added sarcastically. “You know that you can’t escape this.”

Pulling her bedsheets over her head, the ladyship couldn’t think straight. She didn’t want to live this way. She didn’t have to live this way.

“You know you deserve every second of this, you fake.”

“Please… I’m… I’m sorry,” Celestia suddenly cried- unable to control her rushing feelings. “I didn’t want you to die. I didn’t know that those elements would… I swear,” she sobbed, suddenly collapsing onto the bed. “I would never…”

Dramatic. It was all just Celestia being dramatic, and that’s what she thought. And she couldn’t control her mouth, even if she had tried so hard to ignore Luna. She had to burst out. Why? Why couldn’t she keep her mouth shut? Those thoughts circled the alicorn’s head as she sobbed into her covers.

“But you knew it would hurt me. You knew I was in danger of some kind. And you still chose to-“

“I had no choice! You would’ve… Killed me. Killed them all.. I tried,”

Luna paused. “You didn’t try. Just you don’t want to admit it. You don’t want to admit you’re a horrible person, a murderer, an abusive sister. Even before the incident you never viewed me as something other than an immature parasite. No longer a sister, no longer a pony. Just a bothersome bug at your side. Why was that all I meant? Why didn’t you-“

Her head felt like it would burst at any moment, and her eyes burned from the amount of tears she had held in. No sleep. No energy, no reason to keep going. But she had to, for the people. She had to stay true to something, she couldn’t give up on the only thing she had left to protect. She couldn’t be that selfish.

So why was the princess lying in bed, listening to her dead little sister, while tearing her eyes out? Why did she take pain killer? Why was she pitying herself so much? Because Luna was right. Celestia knew whatever the foal was saying was things she thought about herself. Celestia didn’t deserve any pity, she deserved to…

It wasn’t about what she deserved. It was about what her duty was. Her duty was to protect Luna, to be there for her. But Celestia was the reason for her demise. Her duty was to protect the kingdom, be there for them. Celestia could not- would not be the reason for one more demise. No matter how much it hurt, no matter how hard it was- she had to stop thinking of herself and work.

“Stop pitying yourself, you selfish monster.”

Celestia slowly pushed herself up from her elegant bed, her back aching. She forced herself up, and move towards her desk. She laughed sarcastically, and was about to sit until a synchronized knock met her bedroom door.

“May I come in, thy Ladyship?”

The tone, all too familiar- that phrase, which she had heard maybe a million times before, repeated again and again in her ears, until she finally put it together. Somepony had come back.

It was him, the all too kind yet strict mentor of hers. The tutor which Luna was oh so fond of. The white bearded friend who brought every sweet memory of her sister back. Each memory dug one more cut onto Celestia’s scarred brain.

“…Mister Star Swirl?” she gasped, heart racing.

A long, hearty laugh (or rather, wheeze?) was released, as the doorknob turned. A tiny squeal, which was soon cut off, emit in the air- though Celestia was convinced she was the only one who heard it.

“Wow,” Star Swirl breathed, taking a step in the room. “Nothing in this room has moved. And… you’ve changed, Celestia.” He made no further comments on her physical appearance, to her relief.

“…Stat Swirl, I did not expect you,” Celestia fake laughed, raising herself up from the bed. “I’ve been-“

He sat himself on the chair Luna once relaxed on, eyeing her the same way the little ghost had.

“I know. It’s been so long, and so many things have changed, hm? You’ve… grown. Physically.” He smiled. “But, you were once my student. Let us not forget I know you inside out. Ever since the incident-”

He was cut off as Celestia uncomfortably interrupted. “How have you been? It’s been long, you’re right!”

It was rather ironic, actually. She spent all her days thinking about that day, thinking about that incident. But the princess refused to even mention it to somepony else.

Why? Was she scared the guilt would unfold? Or was she worried that her secret would slip out? The truth was really that she wasn’t emotionally ready. Thinking about it was one thing. Talking about it- to another- would make it real. Make it set in stone.

The princess would have to accept that she killed her little sister.

Star Swirl wrapped the tip of his beard around his hoof, twirling it slowly. “Not ready to talk about it yet, hm? Then I’ll give you time. he mumbled it half to himself- almost unknowing that Celestia could hear. “Well, I’ve been quite alright. It’s been a good five years since I’ve seen you, let alone taught you.”

The alicorn fixed her posture, simply nodding. “Have you… been working this whole time? Nonstop?”

Celestia nodded once more. “I- have been working very hard, as you taught me to. Devotion and…” she paused, forgetting the second word.

“Devotion and passion. You need passion, and you always have had it. That’s what I came to talk to you about, what drives you now? Drives you to run the kingdom, I mean. Because I want to be flat with you about one thing at least- the Celestia I knew would have never left the people waiting on the Summer Sun Celebration day.”

The princess stared at him dead in the eye. She knew he was straightforward, but not… like this. Her mouth opened to say something but nothing came out except three words.

“I… don’t know,” she sighed, her eyes clouding up. “Maybe you should…”

“No, I’m very confused, your highness. L- she was never your motivation at first, was she? So now that she’s… gone, where did it go? It should be the same, you should be doing it for the people. But…”

“I am, I am, I AM,” Celestia burst out, tears on the verge. “I am doing it for them. Can you please just…”

“Celestia. I… Didn’t mean for you to-“ he paused, his eyes becoming increasingly glossy. “I know it’s hard. But I want you to be happy. I don’t want you to be a zombie. Someone dead, someone crazy, someone on autopilot all the time. I want you to smile once more. You are so dear to me, and before I… can’t be here to instruct you anymore, I want to leave you… happy.”

The princess closed her eyes. “You won’t die. You can’t. You’re the only thing…”

“I have my days left. I’m not that weak of an old man,” he laughed. “But, ‘Tia, will you once more come with me for one last lesson?”

Celestia looked him in the eye, hesitant. “One… last…” she bit her lip before she agreed.

“Alright, one last lesson.”

The princess slowly blinked, her head down as she slowly followed Star Swirl outside.

“Such a beautiful day!” he exclaimed, smiling at Celestia as she silently regretted her decision. Seeing him like this… It reminded the alicorn of… her.

The days when they would sneak off into the forest and play.

The forest, where she…

Nothing. Nothing even happened. All they did there was have fun. That was all.

“Sit,”

“Don’t you know this forest has timber wolves? It’s almost infested.”

“Excuses, excuses. This early in the morn’? Nothing will do anything.”

“Why are we… out here?”

“Do you remember the Lane of Memories? I want to bring it back to you,” he smiled.

“The Lane of… Memories. Mmm.” she nodded, rolling her eyes a bit.

Her eyes. They were red and sore from tears. And her head was still aching.

Push it all down. You’re fine.

She was Luna free for a good thirty minutes, maybe she should just try to relax…

“You could see the memories of every pony, from best to worst. You could even relive them. Maybe we could try that again.”

“I dunno. I have nothing I want to relive.”

“Are you sure?” he rose an eyebrow.

“Positive.”

Star Swirl looked in her eyes, frowning. “Alright, then I have something new to show you.”

The white aura seeped out of the unicorns horn, nearly blinding the princess.

Whatever was next… Celestia wasn’t ready.

Five

What was the meaning of the world? Why did it exist, and how? Because at the end of the day, everycreature poured out their hearts and souls to achieve one single thing- death. Blood, sweat, and tears, just to demise, the same as any other who had never tried. No meaning, no greater achievement.

An explosion of blinding light and glitter spun around the sky, as a distance force sucked her into someplace- some area, but what was the reason? Because at the end of the day, no matter how long Celestia lived, she would die. The promise of “a hundred times the life of a commoner” was pleasing at thought- but the age increase did her no good. No longer would she get wiser.

It was all just a shield. That was what she learned, finally. The reason alicorns could preserve life for so long- (rumored to be eternity, though that was clearly not the case)- was because the power from all three tribes colliding into one created a force. This force prevented many means of harm- but definitely not all. It preserved them from dying easily (falling off buildings, lack of air, cuts and wounds, etc.) but it could also be broken. By what? Magic, of course. Only the magic from an alicorn could break the shield of another. Maybe that’s why Luna passed that day, and why Celestia didn’t.

The sky swirled around her, but her eyes were jammed shut. Her lungs were pressed down, and she found it hard to breathe at all. Cold waves of air passed around her.

“The more you panic, the longer it’ll take.” a soothing, raspy voice called out.

Celestia could hear, yet she couldn’t breathe. It would be okay, one- two- three- four… Her forearms, which were flaling miserably, drooped to their place.

Waiting for something to happen?

The thought flashed in her mind as her eyes clapped shut. The world dimmed by a considerable amount as she gasped, her lungs bursting for the sweet air around her. Panting and lifting her eyelids, she realized she was surrounded in darkness now. No- not darkness. She knew darkness from her nightmares. This was… dimness, not too much light, but a bit of it, at least. The navy-blue sky sparkled in the distance.

“And I thought you were going to fade away!” Star Swirl exclaimed, handing a shaky hoof to the princess.

She accepted it hastily, pulling herself up. “Where in heavens are we?” the alicorn demanded, angry he saw that weak part of her. “And what just happened?”

Tiny orbs flashed around her, but she didn’t dare gaze in. Celestia pushed them away.

“Welcome,” he smiled, “to the dreamworld.”

The princess fluffed her wings, drawing in a sharp breath. The dream world? What now?

“What?”

“I told you, we’re in the dream world. This is a place where you can see everypony’s dreams, and nightmares. Even from the past. I was… supposed to bring her here, and show her this place… But it was too late.”

Celestia almost glared at him, in confusion. How were they here? Everything was such a blur. He was supposed to bring Luna here? She didn’t understand.

She didn’t want to understand.

Star Swirl cleared his throat, sitting down. “You can relax. Just take a seat. I’ve been here many times, there’s nothing dangerous!”

He stared at her as she just stood there, in slight shock. The alicorn blinked slowly, trying to process everything. What had just pulled her in…? Why was Luna supposed to be here? And how did…
Star Swirl looked around, grasping little orb-like stars, bringing them near his face.

“Looks like all dreams are wonderful today. There’s not many… Only the few ponies who nap in the morning. But that’s why I brought you now, because it’d be too overwhelming at night.”

“Why did you want me to… see this place?”

“Because I wanted to show you this. Someone needs to keep care of the dream world, right?”

The white mare pushed her ears down instinctively, and almost yelled at Star Swirl. Did the old man not understand how overworked she already was? She had to work for the whole of Equestria, raise the sun and moon, order everypony around, decide on everything, all while she was haunted by some sadist ghost. Now she was expected to care for this? But she was quiet.

“The truth… I’m sure you wonder…” he paused, twirling the tip of his beard slightly. “Look, I can access any dream from here, ever. And I almost come every night, though I need to defend Equestria alongside the Pillars. And… I’ve seen your nightmare.”

Now the alicorn settled in anxiety, her mouth twitching before she formed a full sentence. “No… no… you couldn’t have seen?…”

“Relax, dear. It’s completely normal to be having… dreams of guilt… after everything that took place. Boy, you are such a brave one- defeating your own sister and banishing her to the moon for 1000 years. You had that much hope and dedication for the land of Equestria. But it’s no mistake that you’d have guilt for it. But you need to learn to let go. You see, you’ll be able to see Luna once more, and she’ll be back to normal. She’ll forgive you, and once more you can rule in harmony.

“A thousand years may seem like eternity now, but you’re an alicorn. A hundred times the life of a normal pony. You’ll see her again… When she’s unleashed from the moon. And I know her. She’ll be proud.”

No.

This is exactly why she didn’t want to talk to anyone, this is exactly why she couldn’t even face her old mentor.

Even he didn’t understand. Nopony ever would. They all thought she was some hero, putting the people first, and protecting them through her fear. If anypony understood, it would’ve been Star Swirl.

But she wasn’t a hero.

She was the exact opposite and nobody would ever see that.

But…

What would happen if they did? What if one day, the princess they loved and trusted came out as a murderer? What would she do? Celestia had nothing left to live for. She couldn’t live like that. She could live in torture. She could live in everlasting self-hate and pain.

But she couldn’t live if she was unloved, if she was wanted dead. If she was hated by everypony, if nobody looked at her and thought she at least deserved to breathe- if…

Celestia KNEW she didn’t deserve a second chance. Celestia knew that she deserved to be ostracized, killed, burned… And part of her wanted to be. She wanted to let go of the worries of life and just die. She wanted to kill herself and just end the guilt. Maybe the ponies would care for a bit, before they found someone to replace her, someone worthy. What did they do to deserve a queen like this?

“Celestia? Celestia-!”

Celestia wanted to forget about all her problems. Celestia wanted to forget about everything that existed.
She wanted to die.
She wanted to die.

“Princess, can you hear me? Please, just listen, you’re hurting yourself-“

Celestia was tired of just waiting. Celestia didn’t want to live in guilt. Celestia wanted to feel every ounce of pain her sister felt that day. Celestia couldn’t live in a world where everyone… hated her. Where everypony wanted her dead. Celestia…

Celestia felt weak. Celestia felt helpless. Celestia felt like she was paralyzed and couldn’t move. Celestia didn’t want responsibilities. She couldn’t take it.

She couldn’t take it.

She. couldn’t. take. it.

She hated herself more than anypony could.

She wanted to die.

She wanted to rip her arms off and bleed and bleed until she couldn’t feel.

“Celestia, please, whatever you’re thinking isn’t real… I’m right here, don’t do this!”

The world spiraled into darkness once more. This time some part of her held conciousness. Celestia wasn’t dying.

“Please stay awake! It’s not safe…” the sentence was drowned out.

Celestia could breathe.

Celestia could feel. Nothing, at the moment, but she felt it.

Celestia could see. Nothing, at the moment, but she saw it.

Celestia didn’t know, but it was alright that way.

It was so much finer than continuing in a world where she would have to act like a hero for the rest of her life. A part of her knew she would not stay here forever. The rest of her was okay pretending she would be. The princess smelled salt, or… rather, believed she did. She couldn’t smell it herself, but knew she did, somehow.

She also knew she was surrounded. By water, maybe an ocean. It was deep. The water flowed into her eyes. It burned, but she didn’t feel it too well, she just was aware it was there. She could breathe. It was alright here, even if she knew nothing. Even if she was too confused to think about it clearly. Maybe she didn’t want to.

Her ears perked up, and finally she could hear. She heard a little song. It was lovely, unlike any melody she had heard before. It filled her with a little hope. A hope she didn’t know her body could create, she didn’t want her body to create. Celestia couldn’t focus on the lyrics, but it was a blessing to her ears. Some feeling she couldn’t explain. She wanted to cry and laugh and rejoice at the same time. She was at peace.

But… she wasn’t. Who was she in a world where she didn’t know what was happening? Who was she in a world where nothing happened, and nothing was felt? What good was she if she just ran away from her problems?

Why couldn’t… she just stay here for some time? In this wonderful, filling world of hers?

Celestia could… see. She saw a glow in the distance. Her eyes were glued shut. Then she opened them. Maybe something in her told her not to, but curiosity drove over. Hmm, maybe it was sheer fate. Or, something else. Someone else.

The room was empty. There was no ocean, there was no entity singing her a song. It was… A black room. With a little light seeping through. There was nobody. There was nothing. Her head, likewise, was empty as well- yet to process what was happening, let alone where she was.

And soon, Celestia was floating. She didn’t question it. She didn’t even think of moving, but she was. Launching towards the light, the alicorns wings fluttered a bit. But she didn’t fear. There was nothing to fear. There was nothing to love. There was nothing to live for, here in this empty world, which had just seemed oh so utopian.

And for a second, she wondered if it was better inside the world of Equestria. Equestria, where she suffered. The land which she ruled over, which she would rule over, until her sanity would completely slip away. The land which took her sister. The land which took everything from her.

No.

Not… everything. Deep in her heart, Celestia knew she had something. Was she willing to escape this darkness-filled dream would to find it? If it even existed?

Celestia didn’t really want to stay here forever, with nothing to do, nothing to live for.

Celestia didn’t want all her suffering to be for nothing.

Celestia only had an inch of hope that whatever was in the real world would make her smile once more. Maybe it was her people. Her loving, loyal people. Maybe they would bring her somewhere she wanted to be. Maybe they would support her and once more give her a will to live.

So yes. She was ninety-nine percent sure nothing would ever make her feel loved again. Make her feel worthy again. Half of her still remembered the suicidal and tortuous mindset she had been in… minutes, hours? ago. But the one percent… that miniscule percent… drove her on. Wherever she was… She wanted to go back.

She was launching towards the light. She could hear the music again, now.

Focus on the lyrics, focus on the beat. Focus, focus.

Celestia gasped, air filling her lungs. Someone stood besides her. Where was she? Star Swirl. It was Star Swirl besides her. Everything rushed back to her. Did she… black out in the dream world? Was she driven into a… coma? A nightmare? Why was Star Swirl besides her, unresponsive? Why was the world so blurry?

She realized, then. She hadn’t escaped. She was still in a dream. Maybe not in her nightmare, but… somebody’s dream. Celestia saw a crowd, yelling and screaming. Her eyebrows furrowed. The moon was down. They were in front of… goodness, it was so blurry, and the color was rushing in and out of her eyes…

Castle.

Castle.

The castle. Her castle. That castle. They were…

It was a replaying of a memory, or something, wasn’t it? But… wasn’t it a dream? Maybe Star Swirl was showing it to her. Sick. Sick. That was sick. Why would he show her this? It was a memory of one of her worshippers on the night of the Summer Sun Celebration.

The pony was looking up at a tall, elegant mare. As her eyesight normalized, she realized how… drained she looked. That was her, in her shining dress, that probably outshined herself. She looked… horrible, didn’t she? Well, she didn’t know if she really looked that bad, or if it was the dream thwarting herself. She knew she looked older, but now… That wasn’t her. She still looked elegant, not like the hallucination she saw of herself.

The other Celestia rushed out, running inside. Everypony gasped, rumors lurking in the air. She heard… every one.

“Is she mad?”

“What’s wrong? Our princess…”

“I’ve told you all, ever since that Luna’s been banished, she’s lost it.”

“She can’t even face us?”

“God, what happened to her?”

“She’s turned into a ghost of herself!”

“She’s almost like a monster!”

Stop, stop. Celestia heard enough.

She took it back. She wanted to go back nowhere. These people didn’t get it, they never would. She didn’t blame them. How could she? Maybe what they said was true. But it wasn’t that.

They didn’t believe in her.

They already hated her, already thought she was a monster. And they didn’t know the truth. They didn’t know half of it. She had nothing to rely on.

Why couldn’t she go back to her nice little dream? The world where she would need no acceptance, would have no worries? Everything… would fail her. She had failed everything.

She sharply looked to her side, fuming that Star Swirl would show her such a moment. But Celestia recoiled in surprise, realizing it wasn’t really him, but a greyed-figure of him. Still. Very still.

“Star… Swirl?” hastily, she waved her long hoof in front of his frozen face, almost statue-like. Even if he could respond, she doubted she would hear it over the crowd. She wanted to drown it out… forget it all…

But why was Star Swirl not there? And if he wasn’t controlling the dream, memory, whatever, then who was? She closed her eyes once more, hoping the blackness would reappear-

“Celestia, please, I’m waiting,” a sob cried out. In rung again and again in her ears, until she had the strength to pull her eyelids open. She could feel.

Oh.

She could feel.

She was back exactly where they started. The cool grass was against her back, and she was once more on the ground. Her senses all rushed back to her at once- it was rather overwhelming. Celestia nervously drifted her eyes as much as she could, wiping a cold sweat off her forehead. Finally, she heard the cries of the pony on her side. The grey unicorn was nearly in tears, his horn on her side.

“Star…?” That was all she could say, but Star Swirl somehow understood what she was asking.

“My Celestia… Don’t worry, everything’s okay. No, I’ll explain, I’ll explain!” he paused. “I tried to- I was trying to help you but… You fell into something in the dream world. Something… unnatural? Something filled with dark emotions. You basically passed out, and you fell into a nightmare dream in the dream world. That… Is nearly one of the most dangerous things one can do. I didn’t know if I could get you out. Especially since the negative emotions would create a permanent dream reality. You would’ve never escaped.

“I attempted to show you a fond memory from sometime to bring you back, out of your nightmare. And somehow, it pulled you in, but something of yours pushed me out. Maybe it was the negative emotions. The dream was thwarted and I fell back into the real world, hurrying to get you here too.” He breathed, barely stopping.

“It’s a lot… I know. But you’re safe now. You’re safe. I know it might have been a mistake bringing you in. But… Maybe in a few days, we can meet again, and just do something safe. Something familiar. Come, let’s get back to the castle…”

Celestia did not understand anything he said until she was slowly getting up to her feet. Surprise surprise, that was a bad idea, because she fell right back down. But with further assistance, she was able to trudge herself back into the castle. The guards took hold of her fragile body immediately, escorting her. Star Swirl trotted in the back.

She exhaled, opening the doors to her room with her magic. She wearily helped herself onto her bed. She would not sleep for a good two days. Maybe it would take a while for her to understand. Maybe Luna would explain it to her, when everypony was gone. Maybe Luna would yell at her. No, Luna would yell at her. It was decided.

She didn’t want that. She really didn’t…

“Celestia… I’m so sorry. Rest now, for today. Tomorrow will be better, I promise. I’ll come see you then, maybe, okay?”

“…Where?” she whispered, pulling her sheets to her face.

“I’m going… to talk to an old friend.” Star Swirl smiled. “I’ll be back. But… Please don’t dream, for a while.”

And at that, he exited, without another word.

Luna flashed back. Celestia didn’t want to see her at all. But Luna really didn’t care. Whatever Celestia said, she would never go away. She would never stop speaking.

“Look what the cat dragged in. God, what’s happened to you? Just kidding, I know what you’ve seen. I know, I was there!” she cackled.

“Please…”

“What’re you begging for, lucky dog? Little didya know, I’m here to make an offer withya! I know how much the people already judge you. Imagine now, how they’ll be when I tell em the truth! Just imagine how horrifying that’d be! How much they’d hate you. Maybe they’d even raid and kill you! Maybe they’d ostracize you. Well, remember, I have to tell them. Only four days left. But you know… I’ve got a deal.”

Celestia genuinely forgot about the reason Luna was here. Listening to her words made her sick.

“If you’re that desperate, I’ll give you this; I’ll never tell a soul the truth. No, I’ll have to rip my plan of solidifying myself to become a real pony that people can see and hear for this! But, there’s a catch. I won’t tell a soul, but I’ll never leave either. You’ll have to live with me forever. I won’t disappear after the fifth day. So what is it, sisterrrr?”

Celestia wanted to throw up. God. Why? Why was she here?

She felt tired again… She… Hated herself, hated everything so much.

They probably would hate her ten times more than this.

They would strip her of every little thing she had left. Her castle, her praise… But they’d leave her living. Living and tortured. None of them could kill her. None of them would save her.

She could never be saved. No matter…

“I…”

“What is it? Do you accept?”

“I…”

Celestia had nothing. She would have even less if she didn’t accept. Maybe she should just do so.

Maybe she could have something in life, even if Luna never went away. Even if she was living in pain. Because Luna was here. That was Celestia’s wish, wasn’t it? She never wished, at first at least, to be saved. She wanted Luna to be saved, Luna to come back. Here she was. And here she would be, even if she was breaking every last part of her big sister as each second passed. And she could maybe live a normal life again.

Celestia would be tortured either way. But she wanted to make it up. She wanted to make Luna live the life she wanted.

“I accept.”

Author's Note

Damn. That was a twist.

Long chapter I see u

Sorry about the wait, FINALS WEEK IS COMING!! JEEZ!! But just a bit longer and I’ll be freed from the hellhole of school. For like 2 months. But I’ll defo finish the story by then, and I’ll have much more time to write.

ANYWAAYYYYS what the hell will happen now that luna is permanently here? will celestia survive her? will luna ever get a good life, and what the hell is starswirl trying to do with celestia? more importantly, what is luna?

well, that’ll all be uncovered soon! keep reading and as usual tell me whatya thought!

Six

Time was a ticking machine. It was cruel, no mercy whatsoever. No matter your situation, no matter your urgency, it would go on. If one was left behind? Then be it, time would say, it’s handles endlessly turning. The world would continue revolving, regardless of the lives left behind.

Sometimes Celestia wished she could crack the little hands, and block out the alarms. She wished it would just stop for once, and just give her a second to inhale properly before the world would hurl another dilemma her way. Wishes like that never get answered, even for all powerful alicorns.

Think of the others.

If everything just stopped for a few damn minutes… If everyone would just look at her, and see she was trying, wouldn’t the world be better?

“Noooot really,” Luna chimed in, pulling the mare back into reality. How long had she been wondering so sentimentally?

“A good minute, probably. Jeez, the rest of your life I’ll be forced to hear this crap?” she snorted. “I wish I’d been assigned someone who thought something useful, let alone did.”

Wait- assigned? What the actual hell? Were deceased souls given ponies to haunt, or ponies to teach? But, by who?

“Geh! Shut the hell up,” the ghost spat. “I’m not answering any crappy question of yours! Go on with your worthless theories, as if I could give a hoot! As if she would let me, anyways.”

Celestia went silent. It had been this way for long, and it would be this way until she had taken her last breath. Yesterday, the queen had written away her rights to the ghost in exchange for her secret kept underground.

She didn’t want to hide it. But she knew exactly what would happen if the people knew. She was scared. Miserably scared.

Inhale.

The whole week had been extremely draining- even more than usual. She’d been longing for a little pony contact, but now, she wanted to lay in bed all year. Decade.

Exhale.

One thing Celestia had realized after the vow was created was that Luna was becoming harder to see. On most occasions, the princess didn’t want to see her. It’s not like she did now, but when she closed her eyes and searched around the room… She only saw an outline of the once vivid demonic filly.

“Lookin for something?” Luna chuckled. “Maybe open those windows of yours. It’s almost 6:00, ya know?”

Another observation was that the harsher Luna’s words were, the more mature her voice would get. The more relaxed her sentences, the softer and more childish it would become. It was quite rare for the ghost’s voice to be kind.

“I’m serious, moron. You know what? Screw it. You’re a lost cause.”

Sighing, the alicorn twisted her head to the bedside clock. 5:59, crap! There would not be enough time to transfer her magical energy and “raise” the sun.

“Maybe you should LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE!” Luna suddenly roared.

Celestia shook her head, trying to get the ringing voice out of her ears. It didn’t work, so she just began to light her horn with magic.

Deep breath…

She extracted the aura from her horn. Senses of pain shot down sharply throughout her body, ridding her of any relaxiation that was left. She slowly pushed the magic towards her head, forcing it through her flesh. It felt like she was forcing a knife into her skull, pushing it only harder and harder. This time, the magic left a numbing sensation- similar to what she felt during sleep paralysis.

Celestia tried to keep quiet, but her body was fatigued already. Focus on the magic, it’s late already! The sun has to rise.

She heard some creaking and movements, but she was sure it was just Luna. Wow. She’d accepted it fully now? That Luna was there? That she just wasn’t an old, hallucinating hag?

Focus… There’s no time…

The magic tore through her skin, viciously trying to reach her organs and provide her body some energy. She cried out, tears forming in her ducts. After a few minutes, it was funny transferred. She nearly collapsed near her bed, but the princess somehow held herself up. Gasping for breath, she merely looked to her side-

“Princ-“

Standing there, mouth unable to form words from pure surprise, was the yellow-maned guard. He had seen everything- the transfer of magic, her near collapse, and… every ounce of pain that she had just went through.

If he didn’t assume she was crazy before, he definitely did now. Crap. Crap. Crap.

“Blueblood… I…” Celestia mumbled.

“What the hell, Princess? What- what in the… what did you just do to yourself?” he gasped, voice shaking.

His crystal eyes were tired and weary, though struck with pure horror. His helmet was noticeably damaged, and his remaining front foreleg was bruised. Something had happened.

“I- can…” the princess was completely caught by surprise. She had never in extremity expected that someone would uncover this part of her secret.

Nopony was supposed to know she got no sleep, that she was up all night- nobody would understand, would they? Nobody was supposed to know the pain she went through just to get her body to function. They’d think she was just some mad old princess, if they already didn’t. So she had never planned a thing for if it actually happened. She had nothing to say, the one time she needed to explain everything.

But how could she?

And in turn, Knight Blueblood was shocked. Beyond words. Every part of his body was sore, and aching- Celestia knew for a fact he worked harder than any other subject under her. The knight knew the Princess was going through a rough patch- but he had faith that she would pull through. Celestia always had the determination and love for her citizens- that would come back. Just because she screwed up one time publicly… That one little error would not ruin the godly image of her that he carressed and knew.

But now?

Now, what the hell was this? What was she doing to herself? Had she completely lost her sanity? Was he wrong? Why, why why?

Why in…

Why in hell was this happening to him…?

His Celestia, the only one who was there for him, through thick and thin… Why her? Anyone else. Anyone else. Anyone else.

Blueblood had this… secret. Even as a foal, he wanted to be important to somepont. Maybe not even important. He just wanted to be loved. That’s all. But with such a rough exterior, who would ever warm up to him enough? His parents never really had time for him. If he messed up, however, they were quick to blame and get frustrated- even hit sometimes. They wanted him to become something big, something that they could be proud of.

So he tried, extremely hard. It never was enough, not even for a measly hour of just… talking to him. That’s all he wanted. He just wanted someone to stay with him. But he needed to try harder. As he grew into a teenager, he soon realized everything he tried was never enough. Maybe they didn’t care at all.

It wasn’t any use. So all he wanted to do was run away- the furthest he could get from his parents, only the bleak reminder of their unexistant love remaining in their stern eyes. He was just a kid… And he wanted to leave. He wanted to make a change on the Earth, and do something important. Maybe he could prove them wrong.

He ran away.

He joined Royal knight training. It was a stupid choice, and he knew nopony from his family would support the decision; “You should’ve become a doctor, a lawyer! Now your life is at risk!”

But he was tired of fearing his family, following their guidelines. He trained his hardest, motivated by the others, as well as the history he had learned as a colt. He loved the stories of Celestia and Luna, and how they protected Equestria and brought forth night and day. Blueblood wanted to protect them aswell, and be of service to his land.

However, because of his young age, he wasn’t permitted to become a knight quickly. His classmates were regularly picked but, but he had no family to run back to. So he often slept outside the cold, freezing castle- until he was found and brought inside by Princess Luna. Blueblood was so young, so scared, being led by the princess into the main room to be examined. He even feared for his life.

The colt lost his breath when he saw the sun princess. Beautiful, elegant- she was even more enchanting than the stories portrayed. And more than all, she was merciful. He expected sharp orders to come out from her mouth, like the insults that poured from his mothers mouth, but- she… heard him out. He explained his situation, about his family and how he joined the Knight training. Celestia pitied him, and took him in. Blueblood was sure he was dreaming- him? Somepony as worthless as him, to be taken in by such a magnificent queen?

But each night, after his immense training, he would be called back to the castle. He was given a nice room to sleep, and good food to eat; Celestia called for him every time, and they would talk for a bit. At first, the colt was hesitant, but when realizing how much Celestia cared, he opened up. After a year or so, he even picked up calling her “auntie”. It delighted him, but he wondered why his parents didn’t even look for him. No matter the love from others… No matter how much he resented them… No mater how much he was reminded of their cruelty from every little bruise… That thought never faded from his mind.

They really didn’t care. But Celestia did.

Every night was the same, until he was of age to genuinely join the knight service. The stallion began to sorrow a bit, realizing he would spend less and less time with his “aunt”, whom he loved dearly. He was one of the best in the army, passionate and swift on his hooves. Celestia’s care for him only strengthened his reasons to fight. Soon, Blueblood became an inspiration to many, becoming a general and fighting bravely.

Whenever he was home, and when he was off duty, he would try to spend some time with Celestia. Though both were insanely busy, their bond never broke. The princess cared for him, and loved him for who he was. That was why he struggled to save her life, to get to her when Nightmare Moon destroyed the castle. That’s why he kept living even when he lost a limb. Why he kept going even though she was never the same since Luna was banished.

So… why her?

“Blueblood, please… just hear me out. I didn’t get any sleep last night. I didn’t get any energy. I was working on… confidential… I needed to get the energy or I would literally just pass out while raising the sun and moon, and this was the only wa-“

“Celestia. We both know that is a lie. We both know… nothing has been the same since she was banished. This isn’t a one time thing, isn’t it? Have you been getting literally no sleep? Is that why you look like a zombie of yourself? Is that why you cry out, why you…” his voice staggered, though it was stern.

A stern yell Celestia hadn’t heard in so long.

“What? I look like… you can…”

“EVERYPONY can tell, Celestia. Nopony knows whats going on with you. They all think you’re nuts, they all think you’re crazy, that you’re no good! And here you are, literally torturing yourself, and… heaven knows what else you’ve done but… What is this? Why? What’s going on? Just talk to me, I’m worried. Everyone is worried.”

“I’m not torturing myself. I…” she laughed a little, a tear rolling past her cheek. “I’m… so sorry, Blueblood. I know what everypony thinks, is that why you’re bruised up? Were they protesting? Oh Lord, what do I do…”

“Why… Aun- your Highness, why did you run out on the Summer Sun Celebration? What happened? Please.” Blueblood’s voice reeked with concern.

“Blueblood, I… I panicked. I haven’t been in front of a crowd since… Luna was banished. I did that to her. I hurt her. It was my fault she turned this way. And I… Should not have run away from them. But they will not understand, they never will. I won’t transfer energy like that again, I promise it was a one time thing. I’ve just been working so hard indoors, its never been expressed outdoors.” she spat, her ducts watering up, knowing nearly every word she spoke was a lie.

The knight sighed. “You’re backtracked on your work. Look, I know how much her banishment has phased you. But she’s coming back, no matter how long a thousand years may feel. And I know you probably feel guilty… but… you did your best. She knows you love her. Promise me now you won’t do it again. I’m… It’s getting hard, you know?” he paused.

“I love you like a real aunt, like a mother, even. But it’s hard supporting you sometimes. It’s really impacted you. But I will continue supporting you. I broke up the protest, just… try to express yourself outward more. Also, its 6:10…”

Celestia looked at him, pain reflecting in her eyes. Wouldn’t it all just be a lie? Why did he care so much? Why did he trust her so much?

“I promise.”

He looked at her one more time, putting on a worried gaze. He nodded and trotted out.

“Lies, lies, lies. He cares about you so much, it’s really a shame, it is.”

“Stop it.” Celestia muttered. “I will not focus on you.”

Closing her eyes, the princess wrapped her magic around the moon, pulling it from all sides. Her grip tightened, and her forehead was wrinkling a bit. She thrusted in downwards, as forcefully as she could, but it wasn’t gone entirely.

“Ugh, you make it look so hard. It’s not that big of a deal, just try to swiftly pull!“

Celestia tugged harder now, until it finally dropped. Her job was not over yet, though. The shining sun now made her eyes weary, she no longer wanted to gaze into its depths. She shut her eyes tighter this time, and pulled forward. Foward. Foward. Forward… For….ward.

“Finally, goodness gracious! You act like you’re giving birth every time.”

Celestia drew in a sharp breath, sweat streaming down her face. Her chest burned. She wanted to lay there forever. But she had work, citizens to care for. She looked towards her pile of work which had tripled over the past days- and sighed, forcing herself over to start and finish it.

Eyes heavy, she was like a machine. Her hooves moved without order, her brain too tired to think it through. Her answers came by nature, not thinking hard. Unable to think hard. Hours of work were completed, and hours of work were to go. Finally, Celestia saw a letter she had to focus on.

It was covered in gold and pearls, royally packaged. Her eyes lazily skimmed the title: “Regarding the Treaty of Equestria”. Wait now, treaty of Equestria? When had she agreed to this? She rapidly ripped open the envelope.

Dearest Celestia,
It has been long since I have written you a letter, or likewise. I hope you and your people have been keeping well; I wish I could say the same for Hippogriffia. However, Mount Aris has been attacked by a vicious monster, which we are unable to beat with the armies we have. He calls himself the “Storm King”. We are forced to find an alternative and escape- our land has been invaded and we do not have the power to take it back.
I remember- maybe a decade back- we had made an agreement to start a formal treaty. I’m sure you were bound by your work, but neither of us formally agreed on it. Now that my country is of need, I ask of you to agree to it. We are unsure of whether we can evacuate in time- our home is being destroyed. Please, Celestia- you know our strengths, and that we will gladly help you in times of need.

Thank you.
Queen Novo

Another piece of paper was stuffed in the package: the treaty letter.

“A war, hm?” Celestia mumbled. It had been long since she had dealt with something this… serious. Queen Novo never really had good relations with the princess- eh, maybe even bad. They had agreed to make a treaty, but shortly afterwards, all export from Equestria to Hippogriffia was banned. She had no idea why, but it had impacted the economy.

And… now Novo was in need. No, multiple Hippogriffs were in need. This was real, extremely real. She needed to ask someone advice- someone wiser than her, someone who would know what to do.

“If everything went normally, if you were normal… then you would know what to do. Exactly what to do. It’s tragic, actually. You could’ve done so much.” The ghost muttered.

“Star Swirl. He’s the only one… Who will know,” Celestia whispered. “Exactly… What to do.”

“But he’ll press you to do things you don’t want to. Remember last time?” Luna giggled as Celestia winced from the raw memories. “It’ll only be worse this time, so… Maybe figure it out yourself. Also, he’s-“

“You know I can’t do it on my own. I’ll mess up. It’ll all be my fault. Not only my citizens, but- but hers, as well.”

“As if you already hadn’t…”

Luna was right, though. If Celestia were to approach Star Swirl, he’d make her do something crazy and out of her very tight comfort zone. And he obviously wouldn’t give her a straightforward answer. But again, it was… Her comfort zone, or the safety of thousands of creatures.

“What will it be, ‘Sister’? Will you be selfish, or will you be a big girl and do something responsible for once?”

“I’m not-“

“You know you are. I knew it. You’re horrible, why did I even have hope? You’re too scared to ask Star Swirl. You’re too lazy to think about what to do yourself. So ignore the letter, ignore it all, just like you ignored me. Maybe that’ll kill off some more important people and you’ll learn your lesson then.”

“… Please, Luna, I just-“

“It’s pathetic.” she spat. “Pathetic. I’m dead, Celestia. I am dead. You know why. You know what happened. Is history going to repeat itself, this time with a thousand more lives at stake?”

Silence.

“No. No… I’ll… I’ll do whatever to make the right decision.” Celestia said, fear lurking in her voice.

Her soul- unready, unknowing; Something inside of her knew she wouldn’t be back for a long time.

She opened the door.

Author's Note

Okay I am SO SORRY!!! ABOUT THE DELAY!!! I literally have not published for more than a month. But this month has been very hard- finals, traveling across the world and back, bla bla bla…
Every time I’ve come across this, I’ve literally just wrote a paragaph or two, then realized I had something important to be doing, and bam.

I’ll try to get working on Chapter 7 immediately!

Anywaysssss, I know this chapter might have been a slight disappointment BUT!!! This does lead to a lot of more exciting and important things I have planned in the series. As usual, tell me what you thought in the comments!