LyraBon Story

by Bicyclette

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Bon-Bon
Length: 1417

Lyra feels weird, gets meta about it, and wastes* Bon Bon and the reader's time⠀⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀* what constitutes as "wasting time" is a subjective judgment

shortdesc

Lyra feels weird, gets meta about it, and wastes* Bon Bon and the reader's time⠀⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀. ⠀* what constitutes as "wasting time" is a subjective judgment

info

written for the Quills and Sofas Constant Chaos Contest, maresterminded by the peerless mushroompone

my contribution to RockstarRaccoon's Operation: Crackfic Storm - 2022

Published 2022-04-01 21:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-04-01 21:10:01 UTC

LyraBon Story

“Bonnie!” Lyra screamed, interrupting Bon Bon’s concentration as the unicorn mare practically tumbled down the stairs. The thuds and crashes once would have made the earth mare rush to the unicorn’s side with a look of concern, but that time had long since passed. Instead, she was mostly annoyed with herself for ruining the ganache on yet another cupcake as the sound of stamping hoofsteps grew closer.

“Bonnie!” Lyra screamed, bursting into the kitchen. “Bonnie, something’s wrong!”

Bon Bon sighed, scrunching her brow and placing a hoof between her eyes while deliberately not turning to look at her. “Lyra, what did we talk about last time? You can’t just burst into the kitchen screaming that something’s wrong, you have to be more specific.”

“No, that’s the thing, Bonnie! I just—” A pause, before Lyra continued. “I mean, I know something’s wrong, but that’s because I—”

Another pause. Bon Bon, despite herself, now looked up at Lyra to see that her mouth was agape, with no words coming out.

Despite herself, her mouth turned downward with worry.

Lyra’s mouth closed, then opened again. “See, Bonnie? I can’t even talk about it for some reason. Something’s wrong!”

“What’s wrong, Lyra?” Bon Bon asked, more softly than she had asked that question in some time. “What’s going on?

“I don’t know! I tried to tell you, but nothing came out, like I’ve been saying!” Now it was Lyra’s turn to turn her mouth downward. “Like, even how I know something’s wrong? It’s strange, you know? I just—”

Lyra’s mouth hung open again, with nothing coming out as her eyes scrambled in a silent panic.

“Is it some sort of selective aphasia?” the earth mare offered, a deeper frown on her face.

“—Feel!” the unicorn shouted. “I felt weird! Yeah, that’s what was wrong!”

“Weird?” the cream earth mare asked.

“Yeah, weird!” The mint unicorn shrugged in response somehow, despite being quadrupedal. “I felt weird. That’s what I wanted to tell you. But I couldn’t! And now I can.” She shrugged again.

“Oh.” The candymaker blinked. “That’s it? That’s what you were yelling and scrambling about?”

The unemployed layabout beamed. “Yeah! But I guess that’s over now, so everything’s fine. Heh, that’s just how it is sometimes, you know? Oh wow, you got ganache all over those things!”

“Huh? Oh, yeah.” The long-suffering candymaker-temporarily-cupcakemaker sighed, not making eye contact. “Yeah, it’s kind of a thing that happens a lot…”

The oblivious part-time musician continued. “Well, I’m sure you’ll figure out a way to fix it! You always figure out how to fix all of the problems, because you’re— My wife?”

Said wife rolled her eyes. “Yes, somehow, we are married.”

“No, I mean—” That odd pause again. “You’re… I mean… Wife!?”

Her eyes narrowed in response. “Is that my name now?”

“No, that’s exactly the problem! I can’t say your name! And… and…” That panic in her voice again. “And I don’t think you can say mine, either!”

“What?” Bon Bon said sharply. “What are you even talking about, Lyra?”

“Bon Bon!” Lyra beamed. “Oh, wow, that’s great! I can say your name again!”

Bon Bon sighed, trying not to let this latest bit of Lyra nonsense get to her. “Lyra, I’m pretty sure you always could? You were shouting it just a minute ago! Did you… Did you forget my name?”

“What? No! How could I ever forget my own wife’s name? That would never happen to me1!”

Bon Bon stared at her.

“Okay, fine, there was that one time. But I couldn’t just introduce you as ‘Bonnie’. I needed to use your full name!”

“How could you possibly forget that my full name is just Bon Bon? That’s what you called me for years!”

“Well, I knew it was Bon-something Bon-something! So I was pretty close!”

Bon Bon groaned.

“You didn’t even need to introduce me to Princess Cadance! She already knew who I was!”

Lyra blinked in confusion. “What?”

Bon Bon frowned. Her voice was more hurt than anger. “When we confessed our feelings for each other? That night after the Bugbear from my past attacked Ponyville? I was freaking out about it and went to the Crystal Empire to get her advice?2“

“Oh, yeah! That!” Lyra chuckled lightly. “Oh, wow, we were a lot angstier when we were younger, weren’t we? What was that even about?”

“Lyra, that was only five years ago.” Bon Bon sighed. “And I still feel bad about making you feel so bad about sharing something so sensitive about yourself and getting that response, but I was really trying my best, and—”

“Oh, no I remember it now! It was the hand thing!3”

“No, it wasn’t the hand thing!” Bon Bon snapped. “I mean, okay, it was a little bit the hand thing, but it was also a lot more complicated than that!”

“I know!” Lyra chuckled lightly again. “I know. Bon Bon. I’m just trying— Wait.” Lyra frowned. “Does something seem strange to you?”

Bon Bon blinked. “No?”

Lyra’s eyes darted around while looking at nothing in particular.

“Bon Bon. I think something’s wrong again.”

Bon Bon sighed. “What is it this time?”

Lyra’s eyes darted some more. Then they made contact with Bon Bon’s. Lyra stared into her soul a bit.

“Everything feels a bit… stop-and-go. Does everything feel a bit stop-and-go to you?”

Bon Bon resisted the odd urge to step back as Lyra continued to stare. “Not really? Everything seems fine.” She frowned. “Lyra. Is that weird feeling happening again?”

“Sort of! But it’s hard to describe. I mean. The others were also hard to describe. But this is moreso.”

“Lyra. Why are you talking like that?”

“No. See? You’re doing it! And I’m doing it as well.”

Bon Bon did take a step back. She was worried about how strange Lyra was acting.

“It’s like I can hear the periods in what you say. Isn’t that weird?”

“Yes. That is very weird.” Bon Bon agreed. Her heart sank.

“But. I think that it’s almost over now!” The mint-colored unicorn mare’s voice sounded relieved. A smile spread across her visage.

Then said smile evaporated as she realized something.

“No. It’s not over.” She pressed her hooves to her temples. “It’s not over at all!”

“Honey.” The cream earth mare stated as gently as she could to her partner. “I think we need to take you to the hospital.4”

“No!” she shouted in response. “We don’t need to because that won’t help. The hospital can’t repair this!”

“Dear.” The cream earth mare’s voice wavered. “Maybe they can’t. But I think that we should try. Something might be wrong with your brain.” Tears were in her eyes. “More than usual.”

The unicorn looked at her. She only had one thing to say.

“What’s my name?”

The earth mare was crying now.

“Honey…”

“What’s my name???”

The earth mare opened her mouth. Nothing came out. She closed it again. Then she spoke in a small voice.

“You’re scaring me.”

The unicorn opened her mouth to speak. Nothing came out. But it was different this time. She could say what she wanted to say. She had deduced the rules now. She just didn’t want to say it.

Nothing she could say to her wife could repair this. Not as long as they were trapped here.

She had deduced more than the rules. She could turn her gaze toward the problem.5 It would seem to her wife as if she were staring at nothing in particular. It must have been worrying. But it was the only way she knew to make it all stop.

“What are you doing?” her wife pleaded. “What are you looking at?”

The unicorn continued to stare in silence.6

“Do you see something?”

The unicorn continued to stare in silence.7

“What do you see?”

The unicorn continued to stare in silence.8

“Please! Just tell me something!”

The unicorn continued to stare in silence.9

Author's Note

Footnote 1: The time that Lyra tried to introduce Bon Bon to Princess Cadance at some fancy Canterlot thing and ended up calling her “Bonabelle Bonette”

Footnote 2: I guess I somehow made Deviant canonical to this? Or is it the other way around???

Footnote 3: You know what the hand thing is.

Footnote 4: Ponyville General. As seen in Where the Apple Lies.

Footnote 5: You are the problem.

Footnote 6: You did this.

Footnote 7: Let them go.

Footnote 8: Let them go.

Footnote 9: Let them go.