To the power of three

by Draconequues

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Pinkie Pie, Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna
Length: 1691

Once every few years, Princess Luna returns from the moon for one night.

This is the night to remember.

Not the best story. It was written for Quills and Sofas April Fool's contest hosted by almighty Mushroompone

For some info. We had a bunch of rules we had to follow, so if this story seems weird, I blame it on those rules.

Published 2022-04-01 21:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-04-01 21:00:01 UTC

Wait, what?

Twilight Sparkle stands in the door hole, trying not to watch Celestia shaving her hooves. Celestia doesn’t seem to notice her loyal student and continues doing her slightly dirty job. After all, this day is special and she needs to be as presentable as she can be.

“Your majesty?” Twilight said, covering her eyes with her hoof, trying not peek through at the almost naked princess. Ponies don’t usually wear clothes, but by some kind of magic or instinct it makes her think that it is weird.

Celestia gasps at the beginning, her eyes packing with anger when a droplet of blood leaves her precios royal hoof. Then, she looks at the door. “Ahh, Twilight! Come in! Come in!” She says, while offering the same razor she was using seconds ago.

Cringing slightly and still covering her muzzle, she sits a some amount of centimetres away between her and a wall, on a conveniently placed stool. “So… You wanted to see me?” She asks, knowing perfectly well why she was here and why Celestia had called her. Although the information of why the heck she was shaving her hooves was absent inTwilight’s mind.

“You know what day it is today, don’t you?” She asked with a sly smile.

Twilight nodded. “June 21, whatever year it is now.”

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“Oh. I meant. The season of Summer. The day of solstice, your majesty,” she quickly corrected herself, remembering that Celestia isn’t a virgin and doesn’t sit on a human site known as reddit.

Chadlestia affirmatively shaved her hoof. “Yes. Today my sister will be reunited with us, me, you, all of Equestria, but tonight only. So I ask you not to ruin this night as you usually do. And remember, the last time she was allowed back on earth was a some amount of years ago! So don’t you dare reference any memes or you’ll be memeing in fricking Tartarus with the rest of 4chan and~” Suddenly, the sunbutt’s razor began vibrating.

The lavender unicorn squinted her eyes.

“I hope you don’t mind, I need to take it.” The banana cake-loving pony brough the razon to her ear. A voice began coming from it.

“No… Yes, mom, I know what day it is today, I’m no longer a young filly… What? No, of course I didn’t forget like last time… No, she’s right here… Yes, I was about to ask her! MOOOOM!” With the last scream and a loud sigh, the horse held out the razor to her starbutt student.

Lavender unicorn, who’s eyes were almost closed from squinting and whose mouth was open in confusion, took the razor. Carefully bringing it to her ear, she tried not to think about Celestia’s hair on it.

“Hello?” She said, trying not to puke and trying to sound polite.

The voice on the other end welcomed her. “Howdy, my dear subalicorn. I hope you frickin know what day it is and I hope you frickin know that I’m coming, so don’t let me catch you kissing the sun-fatty again, or you’ll be the next one in line for a flight to the moon, you got it?”

The smart horse gulped. “Mhm,” she said into the razor. Her eyes were full of fear as she looked back at her secret alicorn lover. The latter just shrugged and pulled a banana from her hair and began peeling it.

“Alrighty dear, hope you have a nice solstice! Do you have any plans for the best princess’ return?” The razor said back to her.

“Yes,” The nerdy one said abruptly, before immediately hanging up the razor. She had no idea how the heck she managed to hang it, but she did, and gave it back to the other horse.

Meanwhile, Celestia finished eating the whole banana, peel included. She took the razor and continued shaving her hooves.

“So… Am I free?” Twilight asked, trying to forget that she held the same razor a few seconds ago.

Celestia shrugged. “Are any of us free? Even I, the ruler of Equestria, have to wear chains that obstruct me, blocking most of my life. The rules you follow are the same chains that everyone in the society wears. Have you ever tried to eat a banana cake without a giant white horse appearing out of nowhere and gulping it whole? That is the rule of this universe and I have no idea how the hell she/I manages to do it, but I haven’t had a banana cake in a long-long time. I yearn for the taste of cake and bananas, but such are the chains that chain us all. There is no true freedom. Even the thief who doesn’t follow any rules isn’t free, the banana horse gets to everyone. Perhaps death is the only freedom and perhaps someone shall find it soon,” she said in a monotonous voice, while looking in the void. Her hoof however continued to shave her other hooves.

Twilight quickly stood up from her stool and backed away from the room. “I’ll… see you later?” She asked herself. Celestia answered with a nod.

Twilight found herself a few rooms away from Celestia’s bathroom, questioning how the heck the scene changed that fast. Shrugging it off, she cast a spell that lit up the whole room.

Seconds later, two more flashes. Two more lavender unicorns appeared in the room. One wore a little lotus flower on her head, while the other was a stallion to distinguish them from each other.

“So, how are your missions doing?” The main Twilight asked.

The lotus Twilight teleported something in front of herself. “Ta-da!” She said with the voice full of passion.

Main Twilight facehoofed. “I… asked for a pinkie pie… what is this?”

“It’s a pie!” The lotus answered. The stallion stepped a few metres away giving those two some place.

Main sighed. “I asked not for a Pink Pie, but for a Pinkie Pie! The party pony! This pie isn’t even pink! It’s cyan!”

Turning to the stallion she asked; “Tell me you did better. Please”

The stallion’s horn blinked and a giant dragon’s horn appeared, piercing through the roof of the room; and almost impaling a maid on the next level.

“That’s… Not even dragon’s spike! It’s a freaking horn! Where the heck did you get it from?!”

Stallion shrugged. The blood of Fluttershy flowed deeply in his veins.

“You know what? Let’s just skip it. You two know the drill. Just steal the work done by a better Twilight in the other universe.”

***

Finding themselves in the same room, they left it. The time was different. Everything around them seemed much more lively; even maids were wearing party hats and most of the guardian stallions were turned into mares. Everyone knows that Luna loves mares.

They venture out of the castle where the big pink pony — bigger than usual Pinkie Pie — is waving a pair of red flags; signalling a white falling meteor to land a few feet away.

The meteor obeys and lands on a parking spot; right next to Celestia’s wagon, slightly scratching it.

Princess Luna comes out. Everyone is happy! Then; she comes out of the meteorite and the party begins.

It all starts with a tight hug between two Alicron sisters. They drink a little. Then more, more and more. Everyone’s happy for them, especially Sweet Apple Acres, since they are they ones to supply them with Cider. Money is flowing into apple horse’s account.

Then both horses blackout. And everyone else does, because the main lavender smarty pants put some sleeping powder into the cider.

The three book horses stand around two bodies of the princesses. They draw a big pentacle under them. With a flick of her horn, the main one summons a necronomicon, which she stole from the author's desk, and reads a weird spell. “ὦ πλήρης παντὸς δόλου καὶ πάσης ῥᾳδιουργίας, υἱὲ διαβόλου, ἐχθρὲ πάσης δικαιοσύνης.”

A giant portal appears right next to her. “Hello, I'll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda… anything for you two?”

The voice from the portal answers, “Ma’am. This is Wendy’s.” And the very next second the portal closes. Twilight stares right into the text as it is being written and takes a bit of control.

The very next second, a big pile of food appears right in front of her. She digs in, because she is a very smart horse and she needs a lot of energy to keep her mind working. After finishing, she looks very cute with a piece of food stuck to her cheek. The stallion Twilight comes to her and cleans it up. After, he kisses her and they live long ever after.
The end.

Finally managing to take a quill from the mad lavender horse, author takes back the control, while another Twilight sits in a corner of their room, punished.

They cast a spell that unites their souls, by signing a pact with Satan. They offer one soul for another. The spell works.

The next morning Celestia and Luna wake up naked (like it’s unusual for ponies) in the middle of the street. They are really happy that Luna isn’t trapped anymore.

They take care of three Twilights who fell asleep after drinking the rest of the cider.

For them, everything ends up perfectly.

Another pony wakes up. The blue fast one. She doesn’t know where she is, but all she knows that she drunk a little bit too much cider. She herself looks like a barrel full of it.

She looks around and sees only whiteness and craters. She looks up in the sky, but only sees the Equus and starry sky. One soul for another.

Rainbow Dash stays forever trapped on the moon, since no one liked her or her stupid remarks she make while they (she and Twilight) watched the Daring Do together on TV. Dash was always talking during the watch and always commenting on the show. Now she won’t bother Twilight anymore.