SLiP

It’s still a wonder to what lies within the deepest parts in space.

A galaxy, and a sun, and an entire star system of planets – and yet, not one is as dark as those in the depths of this abyss. It isn’t just any old galaxy or sun, but rather a collection, like a collection of stars. An entire cluster of them are so large that, from afar, they seem to be floating on their own. In fact, from the outside, it looks almost impossible for there to be a planet around them. The closer you get, however, and look at how small each is – each with its own individual gravitational pull and gravity – the more your curiosity grows. If they are here, why aren’t they larger? Why are they all so tiny compared to all the rest?

They are all so close – only a matter of miles away if the stars were aligned perfectly – but then, that would have meant something is wrong. Something should be out there. Not just some random assortment of galaxies, planets, moons, and stars. There should be someone out there, someone who might have been out there before. They should be able to recognize the familiar shapes of the constellations and know where they come from. Someone ought to be looking down on them. Someone should be looking at their home, and knowing what is right under their very feet.

Someone should be…

The only reason that thought had even entered his mind in the first place was because he had gone out one night and stargazed. He had looked up, watching the countless stars above him, and wished that he could make a map of these unknown systems. A way to find out who might have inhabited them.

“Um, Aiden?”

He jumped slightly at the sound of his name being called, turning to face the person who had spoken. “Yeah…what is it?”

“Are you okay? You seemed pretty distracted.” His friend asked.

That was an understatement – he could have been staring off into space for hours at that point. He hadn’t realized he had drifted off until he heard his friend ask him if everything was alright, or that there was a chance that he was zoning out while talking to him.

“I’m fine. I think I just zoned out for a bit there. Don’t worry about me.” Aiden said, giving a small smile, though his expression quickly fell when he turned away from his friend and looked back into the sky again. “What are you doing up anyway?”

“Oh!” Caleb said, glancing down at the book in his hands. “I’ve been reading. Nothing interesting really. What about you? What are you going to do tomorrow?”

Aiden let out an annoyed sigh. “You’re making fun of me, Caleb. We don’t have school today, remember?”

Caleb chuckled lightly in response, closing his book. “Sorry. I forgot. But seriously, what’ll you do? You can’t just sit in a classroom all day, you know.”

“Maybe if my parents didn’t want me getting involved with all the stupid stuff I do on campus, I wouldn’t have to sit through it. Or maybe if they’d let me graduate early, I wouldn’t be stuck babysitting everyone who wants to try the most ridiculous shit imaginable.” Aiden spat. “If they knew what it took for my grades to go up in class, maybe I could finally be left alone. Maybe then I wouldn’t have to deal with dumbasses who act like they’re better than everyone else.”

His words caused Caleb’s expression to fall slightly, which made Aiden immediately feel bad. His friend was always trying to help him through whatever he had going on. Sometimes though, he couldn’t handle things. Even when he was being serious, Aiden sometimes felt like he needed to say something mean in return.

But now wasn’t the time for him to snap at anyone – not Caleb, not Nate or Molly, certainly not Jasmine – or even himself. That would be immature and uncalled for. He had enough issues to handle without adding anything else onto his plate.

Still, he couldn’t stop himself from thinking about what would happen next year. He wasn’t looking forward to the last two months of highschool, no matter what Caleb said. He wouldn’t be ready for college, either; he just had enough left in his savings to support him through high school, and he would only ever be able to afford two years at least.

Not counting college. College. A college full of people he had never met before, studying different subjects than what he was used to. He would probably have trouble finding friends there.

No.

No, Aiden told himself, shaking his head firmly. This isn’t the time for that. I need to focus. My future is more important than worrying about how many classes I’ll need to take. Besides, if I keep worrying about all of this, nothing will change.

Everything will be okay.

I can’t lose control of myself. I’m just stressed, that’s all.

As soon as Caleb spoke again, Aiden forced himself to snap out of his thoughts. “Right. So tomorrow’s Friday, and we have a big game against the other school. You coming?”

Aiden nodded absentmindedly as he gazed across at another cluster of stars. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.”

“Great! We’ll see you there. See ya later, man!” And Caleb disappeared in a flurry of black clothes and white curls.

“See you tomorrow.” Aiden replied quietly, and turned his attention back to the stars. He couldn’t quite shake the feeling that there was something he was forgetting, but he couldn’t put his finger on it – or rather, he didn’t want to put his finger on it. As much as he tried, he couldn’t understand why he felt so off. Maybe it was the new feeling of loneliness that had settled itself deep inside him. Or perhaps he was worried about the big game coming up and how much stress it was causing him. After all, there was only one year left until they graduated. Only one year to make it past every hurdle, pass every test, and finally get accepted into a university. Only one year to become a professional soccer player, and live a life filled with excitement and joy. And yet, despite everything, he still felt empty. Lonely.

Sad.

Why does this feel like such an anticlimax?

He sighed deeply, shoving his hands into his pockets and leaning over slightly so that he could see Caleb out of the corner of his eye. He was standing on the edge of the railing , his arms crossed against his chest, his eyes closed. Aiden smiled softly at the sight; Caleb always did look so peaceful during star gazing. He never seemed to tire out. He always stayed awake to admire the universe, or to watch the stars. He often found himself wondering how Caleb managed to do that – not get tired, not feel like he had to sleep, not worry about anything. It was nice having a best friend like that. And if he had to admit it, it would have surprised him just how well Caleb had taken everything lately.

He would have never expected Caleb, the guy he thought of as so fragile, to suddenly get over whatever was bothering him and become the caring and concerned friend that he deserved to be. Still, Aiden knew he was capable of doing those things – of helping others out in any way possible without hesitation or judgement. That kind of personality was something Caleb was born with, a trait he shared with his mother and grandmother. That trait had helped him get over some of the rough patches that he had endured in his life, and had allowed him to move past a lot of problems without breaking down completely. Aiden envied Caleb for that.

He had done the exact same thing.
When Aiden was twelve, Caleb had fallen ill. Aiden remembers being at home for dinner when the phone rang, and answering it after picking it up. The moment he heard his brother’s voice, he knew it was the end. His little brother was going to die.

After that, Aiden didn’t have any doubts as to what he wanted to do. The whole family agreed to go together to the hospital. Caleb and his mother went along with them, as well as his father. All of them had tears in their eyes as they stood around Caleb’s bedside waiting for the doctors to tell them the news, and then he was gone. They lost another sibling that night.

They were never close. Not until he joined the soccer team. When his coach offered him a spot and explained the situation – the position of first string right winger – that was when Aiden realized he might actually make it somewhere. He had played basketball at the local public high school for a couple of weeks prior to that, but hadn’t gotten very far because of lack of motivation. Now he was starting to get motivated again.

He started watching the games whenever he could. During the times his dad was out working, his mom spent most of her days working, and Aiden watched his brother play on TV during free periods. At first he had no interest in following soccer, but as he watched more and more matches his interest grew. And slowly, but surely, he began to understand the sport. By the time the second year rolled around – almost half a year later – he had already played almost five or six games with his teammates.

The first time he played a match was at the state championship game held by his old high school. Caleb was there that day too, playing the same position, sitting next to the owner, his dad. When he saw Caleb, he waved hello to him and gave a small smile, but Caleb didn’t wave back. Aiden could tell from the frown on his face that Caleb wasn’t happy about seeing him.

It hurt him badly, but he didn’t show it, as he knew Caleb wasn’t going to appreciate him showing emotion. The fact that he was the captain, though, and was supposed to show respect to his team members, meant nothing to him anymore. Instead, he ignored Caleb and concentrated solely on his teammates.
When he walked away after the final buzzer sounded, he kept his eyes focused straight ahead, refusing to glance at the bleachers where Caleb sat alone, watching the game intently.

He never looked back.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Aiden scoffed quietly, staring at the letter on his desk. There was no reason for him to be so upset. Sure, the letter was somewhat embarrassing, but that didn't really bother him anymore. In fact, he actually felt relieved that his mom hadn’t written anything more personal. She was always pretty upfront and honest, even though she made sure Aiden knew she loved him and supported him in anything he decided to do. Though, knowing his mom, she could never help but try to make him feel better. That was her job, and Aiden liked knowing that she did it well. If she wrote him something that reminded him to eat more vegetables, or to take care of himself, he would know that she cared.

So, yeah, he was fine.

He was just annoyed that he had been called to the office. Again.

“What’s wrong?” Caleb asked, glancing up from his book. He was sitting on the floor, propped up against the door frame and looking curiously over his shoulder. He always enjoyed reading while Aiden worked. Aiden wondered if Caleb was bored, since he usually sat and read while Aiden worked – or slept – all the time. Although, he didn’t think Caleb needed the sleep.

“Nothing.” Aiden snapped, turning back to his desk.

Caleb frowned slightly as he opened his mouth to reply, but before either of them could say anything else, the door swung open and his dad came walking into the room. His gaze immediately fell upon his son, and the frown vanished.

“Well, hello to you too. How are you today?” He asked sarcastically as Aiden jumped up from the chair.

“Fine. Thanks.” He answered, avoiding looking his father in the eyes. His father smiled, his gaze lingering a little longer than necessary on his son’s figure, before he turned his attention toward Caleb.

“And who is your friend here?” He raised an eyebrow, nodding towards Caleb.

“This is Caleb. Caleb, this is my dad.”

“Nice to meet you Mr. Larkin. My name is David Caulfield.” Caleb smiled politely, holding out his hand to shake.

His father smiled warmly and shook his hand firmly. “It’s a pleasure to meet you as well. You can call me William, if you’d like.”

“Okay. Thank you.” Caleb nodded.

There was an awkward silence for a few moments, before William cleared his throat and glanced at Aiden. “I assume you’re here to talk about the upcoming season?”

“Yeah. I’m gonna start training hard.” Aiden said confidently, crossing his arms across his chest.

“That’s good to hear. Have you picked a team yet?”

Aiden paused. It was only the second week of school, so he still had no idea where to focus his efforts. He glanced nervously at his father. “Uh..no.”

William narrowed his eyes slightly, his expression growing stern. “Really? Why is that?”

“Because…it’s not really my thing. Soccer…you know.” He mumbled, scratching his neck awkwardly.

William chuckled and smiled brightly at Aiden. “Don’t worry, I understand completely. But I still think you should pick a team . Even if it isn’t really your thing, you’ll learn a lot from everyone who plays. Besides, we don’t need you to be a professional player; our family does, and so do you. We’ll support you in every possible way to improve yourself as a player, no matter what.”

Aiden sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, before nodding.

“Good. Let’s head downstairs. We can discuss the plans for the upcoming weeks. After that, you can go find Jasmine and ask her to show you around town tomorrow morning, since she seems to really love the place.” William suggested. “And then you two can work out how we’re going to spend the rest of the evening. Sounds good?”

“Sounds perfect.”

“Great! Well, we’ll see you both down there. Don’t keep the girls waiting long. Oh, and Aiden, take this.” William suddenly handed him one of the envelopes, which had a letter inside. Aiden glanced at it briefly. He noticed the familiar handwriting that was his own mother’s writing.

“Thanks Dad.” He muttered as he took the envelope from him.

“No problem. See you soon.” With that he left them alone, leaving the two brothers standing in the empty room.

Aiden stared at the letter in his hands for a few minutes. Then, he turned around and headed out. He knew his dad was right, he should get some training done.

He couldn’t waste any time.

After dinner that night, Aiden found himself walking through the streets of his hometown aimlessly. It had grown colder overnight and snow had begun to fall. It had already accumulated a couple of inches and the temperature was dropping rapidly. The wind whipped through the street as cars drove past him, making Aiden shiver as he wrapped his arms tightly around himself. It was nearly pitch black outside except for the occasional street light that flickered sporadically. He had already finished his homework and tried several different games of computer chess online earlier, but none of them seemed to be able to hold his interest.

He stopped for a moment, glancing up at the clusters of stars above him. The thought crosses his mind if he could have seen it when he was younger. Back then he often dreamed of visiting space and exploring new planets. Maybe when they moved somewhere more remote the world would look different. Or maybe he’d travel farther and see a whole new planet. Something he desperately wanted to experience, even though he knew it would never happen. It was a wish that never really left him and he would never forget that he could dream of other things as well, just because those dreams were just fantasies and fantasies never last forever. No, they rarely lasted more than five seconds.

The sky was filled with countless beautiful colors, and it made him realize that life truly does have infinite possibilities. The universe had such an infinite amount of possibilities. He wished he could experience all of it one day, even though he knows that eventually it will come to an end, and reality will inevitably come crashing into reality again.

Sighing, he continued walking until he reached a small park. It was mostly empty and dark apart from the single street lamp flickering faintly near the entrance, casting a dim glow around the area. There wasn’t anyone around to disturb Aiden during his walk and it allowed him to think without worrying about being overheard.

The park was small and peaceful; quiet and deserted except for him. As he walked through the park, his thoughts began to wander. He started thinking about Caleb, and what their lives could be like, if circumstances weren’t like they currently were. What would life be like if he hadn’t had to hide everything away? Would he be happier now? More content? Was he actually happy, or was this simply his way of coping? Because after everything he saw that day, Aiden had realized, no matter how much he denied it, he couldn’t deny the truth anymore. Not when it was staring him straight in the face. He couldn’t continue living like this. Not when he felt like it was killing him slowly. Maybe Caleb understood, because it wouldn’t surprise Aiden if he felt the same way. They lived close enough together to have known each other for quite awhile now. Their fathers were friends, after all. So it only made sense that they had experienced similar pain.

Then there was his sister. She was the best person he ever knew – and he would give almost anything for her to have been born into a normal home, instead of a foster home, and to live a life of privilege – or perhaps, even more wealth and success. Of course, he knew he would never see her in that life ever again. And he knew he would do everything to prevent it from happening, but what could he do? He couldn’t change a past that had already happened.

Maybe he should try talking to someone about his feelings. Maybe then he could finally be honest with everyone. Perhaps his father could help. Maybe he would understand, because he understood him. But then again, that would require that he tell him the full story. And telling his father about everything that has happened over the past year would require him revealing things that he didn’t want anyone to know. He didn’t know what to do.

Continuing down his walk, he arrived at a large fountain near the center of the park. Standing under the light of the lamppost by the side of the fountain, he sat down on a bench beside it. It took him a while to gather the courage to open the envelope and pull the letter out. He was nervous, and anxious. His heart fluttered anxiously as he unfolded the paper carefully.

My dearest son,

I’m sorry it took me so long to respond to you. Things are always busy at home. This week was especially difficult, as I was preparing for the big match against the state. But I assure you I would’ve made time to answer the letter if I hadn’t been so stressed. You know that you can count on me to always be there for you. If you have trouble in class, or in school, or just want to talk about something you’re feeling insecure about, I’m always here to listen. And no matter what happens between us, I’ll always be proud of you.

You may think that you don’t deserve it, but you certainly do. In fact, I hope that someday, you won’t need to doubt yourself because of these feelings. They are your feelings, and yours alone. That’s why I’m sending this letter. I know you don’t need me to send you letters every day, or even write them every once in a while, but I do want to encourage you and to make sure you stay as happy as you used to be.

I also want to remind you that no matter what happens, I’m always proud of you and I love you.
Your Mother,

Amelia

A tear rolled down his cheek as Aiden read his Mother’s letter. It broke his heart knowing how hard this must have been for her. Her life wasn’t easy either, although she managed to hide the hardships. He knew his Mom loved him very much.

He wiped his tears quickly, before folding the letter once more and slipping it into the envelope.

Taking a deep breath, he rose to his feet, heading towards the exit of the park. He had to find the nearest bus stop. He could feel his eyes getting heavier and heavier as he walked along the narrow road, trying not to step into a puddle. The icy weather was turning the roads into treacherous ice traps. Soon, he knew, people would begin to use the sidewalks and walkways instead. He couldn’t wait for Christmas to start, it was so cold and miserable this winter season. Hopefully by the time the holiday comes around, the weather will be considerably warmer again. Even if it did, he hoped he would enjoy some peace.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he hardly noticed when he had reached another block in the neighbourhood.

He looked to the sky, hoping to see a shooting star, when both the moon and the stars suddenly began to rush up and out of his vision.

Aiden let out a cry as he lost his bearings, falling through the earth’s floor at terrifying speed.

Wind rushed past his ears, falling in the darkness. He screamed. Then everything went black.