Working in a Mattress Store: The Daily Life of Lazy Days

by DiStort

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Big Macintosh, Random, Derpy Hooves, Slice of Life, DJ P0N-3
Length: 4875

A story of a sleep deprived pony working in a mattress store

Some ponies might think working in a mattress store would be one of the easiest jobs in Equestria.
Clearly, they've never worked in a mattress store in Ponyville.
This is a story about Lazy Days, a pony who could really use some sleep himself, running his store and dealing with the eternal what-the-buckery that is Ponyville and its citizens.

(Characters will be added as they appear.)

Published 2011-12-24 00:13:05 UTC
Last updated 2012-01-26 02:27:51 UTC

Prologue

Author’s Note: Okay, so… kinda wrote myself into a corner with Pony’s Best Friend. Whoops. Let’s just leave that one alone for a while, and instead pursue another idea I had.

Working in a Mattress Store: The Daily Life of Lazy Days

Prologue

Once upon a time, in the town of Ponyville, in the land of Equestria, there stood a store in the main shopping district. This was a very specific store, mind you. It was a store that sold custom-made mattresses and sleeping aids. Hence the name of the store, “Sleep Sculptors.” But that’s not the important part.

The important part was the pony who ran the store, a stallion by the name of Lazy Days. He was a red furred unicorn, with a slightly long black mane, pale blue eyes, and a cutie mark of three z’s. In case the z’s didn’t tip you off, his special talent was sleep-related. Days was known all over Ponyville as being the colt who made some of the comfiest mattresses around. But as much as Days loved making beds for the pony folk, he equally detested it. Now don’t get me wrong, he makes a good mattress and enjoys the process. But the problem was that the only time Days could get any work done was at night. During the day, the main shopping district was far too loud for him to concentrate, which he needed to make the best mattresses he could. Hence the store’s odd tagline: “If you’re getting a good night’s sleep, I’m probably not.”

Still, even with his lack of sleep, you wouldn’t think it would be that hard for Lazy Days to run such a specialized store. A mattress is a big purchase; surely ponies aren’t stopping by that often for new ones.

Clearly you’ve never ran a mattress store in Ponyville.

To quote a certain purple unicorn mare, “All of the ponies in this town are crazy.” After living there for a couple of years, Lazy Days knew this quite well. On one end, there were ponies with odd personalities. Not bad folk, mind you, just somewhat indecisive. They come in one week to buy a new mattress, and then come in the next to buy another because they got tired of the first one. (Good thing nopony knew what return policies were, huh?) On the other end, Ponyville itself seemed to act as a natural chaos magnet. Dragons, parasprites, rampaging bunnies, ancient trickster gods, and more. There was always collateral damage, and when someone has their bed destroyed, they pop right over to Sleep Sculptors for a fresh one.

The chaos never really bothered Days, though. He didn’t exactly approve of making money off of wanton destruction, but he wasn’t one to turn down a pony deprived of a warm bed. Hay, sometimes if there was commotion going on in town and Days was especially bored, he’d set up a lawn chair in front of the store to watch. Long as it didn’t affect him, it was at least entertaining to watch.

I remember hearing something interesting from somepony. This fella told me the day Discord came into town and started bucking everything up, Days still just sat there in front of his store, nursing a bottle of cherry soda. Fella told me Discord even came right up to Days and tried to spook him, but Days just stared him down and offered him a soda, which Discord accepted and then left him alone. If that story’s true, then Lazy Days is either the bravest pony in Equestria, or the one who gives the least of a buck.

But I bet you’re all wondering where I’m going with this. Well, one fateful day in Ponyville, Lazy Days got a string of some pretty interesting customers.

Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Pinkie Pie

It was a pretty normal morning in Ponyville. Celestia’s sun had risen a couple of hours ago, and the town was starting to wake up. Everypony was getting up and ready to start the day. Everypony, except for Lazy Days. Days had been hard at work the night before working on a personal secret project of his, and was now snoozing on the store’s counter. As he slept, though, a figure made its way towards the front door outside. It was a pink earth pony, clearly a mare, with an extremely frizzy mane and tail. She took a moment to psych herself up, and then kicked in the store’s front door, violently ringing the little bell, and shouted at the top of her lungs:

“GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD MORNING, LAZY!”

Days’ eyes snapped open almost instantly as his head darted back and forth in panic.

“I’M AWAKE. WHO SAID I WASN’T. WHEN’S THE WORLD ENDING?” He babbled incoherently. After about a minute of this, he regained his composure and focused his vision on the pink madness in front of him.

“Oh… morning, Pinkie. Got my usual?” Pinkie nodded and produced a long cardboard box from her surprisingly deep saddlebags.

“Sure do, Lazy Dazee!” She shouted bubbly, handing the container to him. Days took hold of it with his horn and opened a small flap on the end. He gently levitated a medium sized can out and adjusted his magic, popping the top. He took a small swig of the unmarked can. Almost instantly his focus doubled and his posture perked up noticeably.

“Ah, thanks, Pinks. You’re a lifesaver.”

I should probably explain. See, when Days first came to Ponyville, he was already a sleep deprived wreck. He tried various energy drinks to perk himself up, but they never lasted long enough to be worth it. That’s where Pinkie Pie came in. At the time, she had been experimenting with an energy drink of her own. A drink crammed with enough caffeine to wake up a sleeping manticore and enough sugar to induce diabetic shock, not that that part actually mattered since all ponies seem to have a natural immunity to diabetes. This drink had been codenamed “Pink Rush.”

Pinkie caught wind of Days’ predicament and asked if he’d like to try her (HIGHLY EXPERIMENTAL) new drink. Desperate to stay awake, Days took the offer and sampled the drink. At first, it was a little too heavy for him. He was bouncing off the walls for days on end, and then crashed so hard you’d almost think he was in a coma. Still, he enjoyed the drink, and asked Pinkie if she could modify it and then sell him a batch. Happy to help, Pinkie developed Pink Rush Lite, a version with just enough caffeine to give Days some zest for one day. After that, Pinkie offered to bring Days a pack of the stuff at the beginning of every week in exchange for a small fee. Say what you like about caffeine addiction, but if you asked Days what it was like to suffer from it, he’d say: “I don’t suffer from it, I enjoy every minute of it.”

Anyway, Days was enjoying his “wake-up juice,” while Pinkie stood and waited. Days noticed she was still there instead of rushing out the door like she usually did.

“So… what’s up, Pinkie? Did you need something?” Snapping out of neutral mode, Pinkie nodded her head.

“Yup! See, last night I was giving Gummy a bath,” the green reptile promptly stuck his head out of Pinkie’s curly mane, “and he seemed kinda uncomfortable. So I thought, what can I do to make Gummy’s bath more comfortable? And then I had a great idea! So I went to my room and grabbed Gummy’s bed, then took it back to the bathroom. Then I chucked it into the tub for Gummy to lie down on during his bath, and he really liked it!” Gummy let loose a small squeak. “The only problem, though, is that his bed got all gross and wet.” Days rubbed his chin.

“So, you need a new bed for Gummy?” He asked. Pinkie shook her head.

“Nope! I just threw his bed in the wash, it’ll be fine. But what I wanted to know was if you had any special beds you could use in the bath! Y’know, something meant for bath sitting and not sleeping.” Days continued to rub his chin.

“A bath bed…? Can’t say I’ve ever made a bath bed before. I could try, though. I’ll put it on the list. Check back tomorrow.” Pinkie smiled and nodded in response.

“Thanks a lot Lazy! Have a good one!” She shouted as she bounced out the door. Picking up a marker with his magic, Days walked over to the large white board behind the counter and wrote down “Bath bed for Gummy, obviously gonna need a waterproof material.” He set the marker down and returned to the counter.

“Sometimes I wonder where she gets all of that energy from.” He muttered to himself. His eyes wandered to the open can of Pink Rush Lite.

“Oh. Right. That’s where.”

Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Twilight Sparkle

It was still fairly early in the morning, but the main shopping district was already up and bustling. Bon-bon selling bon-bons, Applejack selling apples, Mr. Davenport selling quills and sofas, and so on. That last one had always puzzled Lazy Days, as he watched out the window from Sleep Sculptor’s counter. Most ponies had names that related to their special talents somehow, but what the heck is a davenport? And what does it have to do with sofas and stationary? Come to think of it, what did sofas have to do with stationary?

These were the kinds of things Lazy Days thought about when he had nothing better to do. However, he was quickly snapped out of his tangent when the little bell on the front door rang. In walked a purple unicorn mare. Her mane was a darker shade of purple with a pink stripe running through it, and she had a cutie mark of a bright, sparkly star thing. Anypony with eyes could tell it was Twilight Sparkle, resident librarian and star pupil of the Princess herself.

“Morning, Twilight,” Days greeted, “anything ridiculous planned for today?” Twilight gave a small sigh in response.

“Are you going to ask me that every time I come in here?” Days shrugged.

“Probably.”

See, here’s the thing about Twilight, and this was something all of Ponyville had come to realize. The filly, bless her heart, was a magnet for trouble. Ponyville was a pretty laid back place until she moved in, and ever since there’s been some kind of conflict or disaster happening at least once a week. Now, being nice, honest folk, the ponies of Ponyville never held this against her. At the very least, it had certainly been helpful to the carpentry industry, considering the constant collateral damage.

Lazy Days never really minded the antics of her and her friends. At the very least it was fun to watch. He made 10 bits on that Iron Pony competition she helped organize a while back placing bets on the events with a friend. There was one time when the town got a little peeved at Twilight, though, and that’s when she went loco in the coco and enchanted her Smartypants doll, making everypony fight over it. Did it bother Days at all? Well, let’s just say that that particular day was a really good day for him to try wearing his new pair of super-thick sunglasses. Fella couldn’t see the sun, let alone an enchanted doll. He didn’t even know anything had happened until it was all over. When his friend told him the whole story, all Days had to say was: “Unless it has a kung-fu grip, that doll’s nothing special, enchantment or not.”

After a brief chuckle, Days looked up at Twilight.

“Okay, seriously. What can I do-ez for you-ez?” he asked with a funny accent.

“Well, last night I was studying the stars and constellations and whatnot, but it was really hard to see them. I think the pegasi were working on a night shower, and all of the clouds were blocking my view.” Days held up his hoof to stop her for a second.

“I can’t build you a flying mattress, if that’s what you’re going to ask. Trust me, I’ve tried.” Twilight shook her head in response.

“No, no, nothing like that. I wanted to know if you could make a set of sheets, but with a custom design. Namely, an accurate map of the stars. That way, if there’s a night shower, I can still study the skies.” Days scratched his chin in thought, when suddenly his eyes lit up and he slammed his hoof down on the counter.

“Twilight, not only will I make those sheets, but I’ve got any idea for them that will knock your socks off.” He briefly glanced down at her bare hooves. “Or, y’know, it would if you were wearing socks. Actually, can you wear socks when you come to get it tomorrow? I wanna see if they fly off.” Twilight was startled at the sudden burst of energy from the lethargic unicorn, but gave him a slightly shaky nod.

“Um, sure, I guess…”

“Great! Stop by tomorrow, and remember the socks.” She smiled and walked out the door.

“Thanks! See you tomorrow, Lazy!” As the door closed, Days picked up his trusty marker again and bounced over to the white board, writing : “Starry sheets for Twilight. Look though basement for old book on animating pictures.” Satisfied, he set the marker down and took his place back at the front, returning to staring out the window. A stray thought entered his head as he mumbled it aloud.

“What the heck is her cutie mark even supposed to be?”

Chapter 3

Author’s Note: See, this is the inherent problem for me whenever I try to write fan fiction: I am a lazy bastard. So, I apologize for not updating for like, 2 weeks. I’d say I was really busy, but that would be a massive lie. Anyway, enough about my procrastination, let’s actually get some work done here.

Chapter 3: Full Charge and Vinyl Scratch

Time marched on and the shopping district continued to bustle. Derpy Hooves had stopped by earlier to deliver Lazy Days’ mail, and he was now quietly reading the morning paper behind the counter of Sleep Sculptors, turning the pages with his magic, while the soothing tones of Louis Forelegstrong played on a nearby radio. Nothing too interesting in the news that day. Photo Finish unveiled her new line of saddles for the winter, orange stocks dropped a couple of points, Princess Luna helped with the opening ceremony for a new children’s hospital in Manehattan.

Suddenly, a rather loud voice hit Days’ ears from far away, closing fast.

“daaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYSSSSS!” The voice slowly increased in volume as it got closer. Without looking up from his paper, days kicked a small button under the counter with one of his hind legs. The button produced a small beep. Just outside the store, a wide compartment opened up in the ground and several plushy mattresses rose up, shielding the store proper. In a few seconds, a muffled impact could be heard on the other side, followed by a soft groan. Days kicked the button again and the mattresses retracted, revealing a Pegasus pony laying on the ground outside the store, rubbing his head. This pony was a bright orange color, with a mane of a shocking green done up in spikes, clearly the work of various dyes and gels. On his flank was a cutie mark of a medical red cross with several speed lines behind it.

The pony barged into the store and began shouting and flailing his forelegs.

“DUDE! DAYS! WE GOTTA GO, MAN! WE’RE DOING THIS! WE’RE MAKING THIS HAPPEN!” Days lowered his newspaper with a sigh.

“Charge, do I want to know what you’re talking about?”

Ah, Full Charge, Lazy Days’ best friend. Charge was a paramedic Pegasus that worked for the local hospital, hence his cutie mark, but that was the least interesting part about him. If there was one thing Charge enjoyed, it was rumors. Now, I don’t mean rumors like the mean kind of stuff snotty fillies spread in school. Charge enjoyed crazy rumors, weird stories, all kinds of impossible goings on, and he loved to regale other ponies with what he heard. When he had nothing better to do, (which was rather often) he would hang around Sleep Sculptors and bug Days. Today’s rumor tied in to a personal dream of his, one that most ponies would just stare awkwardly at or, in a worst-case scenario, laugh.

“What am I talking about? I’ll tell you what I’m talking about, Days! Giant monsters! In Neighpon! It happened again! A giant monster showed up, and then a giant robot showed up and kicked its flank!” Days lowered his eyelids.

“And why exactly do we have to “do this now and make this happen?””

“Dude! We gotta go to Neighpon, so I can see if they’ll hire me on to let me drive the giant robot and fight the giant monster!” Days sighed and picked up his paper again.

“Charge, we’ve been over this. There are no giant monsters in Neighpon, and there are no giant robots in Neighpon. And even if there WERE, what makes you think you’d be qualified to pilot a giant robot?” Charge held his hoof up to his chest and flashed a cocky smile.

“My winning, can-do attitude, of course!”

Rolling his eyes, Days replied, “Whatever, bro. You think what you like, I’ll stay here in the real world. You gonna hang around?” Charge quickly dropped his previous demeanor.

“Like I always do. Got my rubik’s cube?” Charge took his usual seat in the corner of the store and Days tossed him the multicolored toy with his magic.

“Thanks. I think today’s the day I finally figure this thing out.” Charge said, confidence in his voice.

“Go get em’, tiger.” Days replied, eyes still glued to the paper.

Some time passed, and soon enough the door to the store opened, a unicorn mare walking in. Rather striking appearance, with snow white fur, bright blue hair, purple sunglasses and a musical note cutie mark. She cantered up to the counter, with a grin on her face.

“Hey, pal! I heard you make a pretty mean mattress, and I was wondering if…” She stopped mid-sentence and turned her head to the radio, the easy-listening station still playing. Days tried to get her attention.

“Um, miss?” She quickly snapped back to reality.

“Oh! Sorry about that, pal. I was just having trouble concentrating with the junk playing on your radio.” Days was offended by this.

“Hey, Louis Forelegstrong was one of the best singers who ever lived, and don’t you…” He stopped. Something seemed familiar about this mare, namely her voice.

“Scuse me, miss, but what’s your name?”

“Me? Name’s Vinyl Scratch.” Days’ mouth widened.

“Wait, Vinyl Scratch? As in THE Vinyl Scratch? DJ-PON3?” The mare took a mock bow in response.

“The one and only.” Days’ face lit up.

“DUDE!” He turned his attention to Charge, still enamored with his rubik’s cube, “Charge! Check it out! We got a celebrity in our midst! DJ-PON3 of K-Colt!” Charge’s head bolted up to look, followed by him jumping behind the counter to get a better look.

“Woah, seriously? Dude, Miss Scratch, we’re huge fans!”

Indeed, it was true, Days even more than Charge. At night, when he was working, the only sound Days could hear without losing his focus was the hilarious antics of Vinyl Scratch and her co-host Octavia over the radio. Vinyl’s loud, obnoxious attitude was sometimes the only thing that allowed Days to stay up as late as he had to.

“Aw, shucks fellas, thanks! It’s always awesome to meet fans! And please, call me Vinyl.” Vinyl said, waving the two down. Days quickly composed himself and cleared his throat.

“So, uh, Vinyl. What sleep-related help can I provide you with today?” He asked in the most official voice he could muster.

“Well, you see,” Vinyl began, “lately I’ve been having a sleeping problem. I haven’t had any trouble getting to sleep, but when I wake up in the morning, my sheets are all twisted and tangled, usually with my hooves stuck in em’.” Charge put a hoof to his chin.

“Ooh, I’ve heard of this.” Days gave him a look.

“Really?”

“Yup. Sleep-scratching. It’s sleeping condition that only DJ’s get. I knew this stallion once, he was a sleep-scratcher, and a bad one. He woke up one morning, and his hooves were tangled so deep into the sheets and mattress, that his wife had to call the police and they had to use the Jaws of Life on him. Not pretty.” Vinyl nodded her head.

“Exactly, and I’d rather not get the Jaws if at all possible. So, I had an awesome idea.” She looked at Days.

“This is where I come in?” Vinyl nodded again.

“Yup. Basically, I need a mattress with a built-in turntable that I can use in my sleep. It doesn’t have to be a real one, just something I can sleep-scratch on without damaging the bed. Or myself.” Days smiled.

“You kidding me? That’s easy; I can totally whip that up for you by tomorrow!” Vinyl gave a large grin.

“Awesome, thanks a ton, bro! So, uh, how much do you think this’ll run me?” She asked. Days tapped his chin with his hoof.

“Tell you what, Vinyl. I’ll do this for you completely free of charge. No bits needed. BUT, in exchange, you gotta get me a picture of you and Octavia, signed by both of you. Deal?”

“Sure! No problem! Thanks a lot, uh… sorry, didn’t catch your name.”

“Lazy Days.”

“Cool name. Alright, thanks a lot, Lazy Days! Take it easy!” She called as she walked out the door. Charge glanced over at Days, who had a dreamy look on his face, in jealousy.

“Words cannot describe how much I hate you right now.”

“Hey, if it’s any consolation, when I get that autograph and hang it up in here, you’re always welcome to look at it.”

“It’s not.” Charge replied.

“Well, sucks to be you then.” Days said with a troll-y grin on his face.

Chapter 4 and an announcement

Chapter 4: Boredom and Big Macintosh

There comes a time in almost every pony’s day when they think to themselves:

“Wow. I have absolutely nothing to do right now.” After sitting in Sleep Sculptors for the better part of the day, Lazy Days and Full Charge had reached this point. Days had eventually finished his newspaper and turned off the radio, since all that was playing at that time of day was the news he had just read. Charge became frustrated with his rubick’s cube as he usually did and chucked it into a random corner of the store to be recovered by Days.

“Dude,” Charge started, “I’m so BORED.” Days moved his head up from its resting place on his right hoof. The boost from his Pink Rush Lite was gradually starting to wear off.

“No pony’s keeping you here, Charge. Can’t you just go out and find something else to do?”

“I don’t feel like moving.” Charge replied. Days chuckled.

“That’s a first.” After sitting in silence for a few moments, a little light winked on in Charge’s head.

“Say, Days. Didn’t you buy one of those new TV things recently?” Days gave a lazy nod.

“Well, get off your flank and set it up!” Days hopped off his stool, grumbling, and started digging around the back of the store, coming back a few minutes later with a medium sized box with a glass screen. He set it down on the counter, Charge adjusting his seat for a better view, and flicked the ON switch with his magic. The screen flickered to life and Days started surfing channels.

Television, much like the radio and telephone, were recent inventions in Equestria. It allowed ponies to watch various stories and events from the comfort of their own homes. Some of these stories were played out by actors, plenty of whom saw the opportunity to move from stage plays and get in on the wave, while others were special moving drawings known as “cartoons” with ponies dubbing their voices over the characters. At the initial unveiling, a reporter asked the creator of the device and CEO of the newly established ETV, Mr. Tubes, how exactly television worked.

Mr. Tubes replied with “Unicorn magiscience has gone more or less unexplained since the dawn of Equestria. Do any of you honestly think we’re going to start now?”

Reporters were quoted as naming the statement to be “the most begrudgingly acceptable answer to anything we’ve ever heard. We’d argue, but we honestly have no idea where to start.”

Eventually, Days settled on a cartoon known as “Stumpy and Bumpy”, an episodic series about a cat named Stumpy attempting to capture a mouse named Bumpy who is intruding in his house, usually ending with Stumpy being pummeled in some way, shape, or form while Bumpy escapes and laughs at him.

Charge and Days stared at the monitor, watching the animation play, when Days eventually piped up.

“Man, Bumpy is such a jerk.” This caught Charge by surprise.

“What? What do you mean? He’s the good guy. He’s outwitting Stumpy. You’re supposed to root for him.”

“Why would I root for him? He’s intruding on private property; Stumpy’s just defending his home and doing his job as a cat. And besides everything, that mouse is a bucking sadist.”

“Whuzzat?” Charge asked, confused.

“Someone who enjoys making others suffer. Look at him! Stumpy gets beat, pummeled and burned, and that jerk-face mouse just sits there and laughs at him. Who does that?”

Charge shook his head. “You’re reading way too much into this thing, Days.”

“Look, all I’m saying is-” Days was cut off as the front door opened. A burly red stallion with a large green apple for a cutie mark walked in.

“Oh, hey, Big Mac. I was just debating with Charge here about ethics.” Days greeted.

“What he means is that he’s reading too much into cartoons.” Charge added under his breath. Big Mac gave a polite nod.

“Howdy, Days. I got a bit of a… problem.” Charge tilted his head.

“Problem? What kind of problem?” He asked. Big Mac shuffled awkwardly in place.

“Well, see, it’s sorta embarrassin’. I kinda… sorta…”

“You broke your bed again, didn’t you?” Days finished for him. Big Mac sighed.

“Eyup. Granny Smith always said I was a fast grower.” Days waved his hoof dismissingly.

“Say no more, big guy. I’ll have a new, reinforced bed ready for you by tomorrow.” Big Mac nodded again.

“‘Preciate it, Days. See you tomorrow.” He said, leaving the store. Days got off his stool again and scribbled down Big Mac’s order beneath the others. Charge walked up beside him.

“Do you ever worry that you’re overloading yourself?”

“I’m not going to deprive these good ponies of their sleep-related needs.” Days responded.

“I’m just saying, maybe if you didn’t load up on orders all the time, you’d actually be able to get a good night’s sleep.”

“Sleep doesn’t pay the bills, Charge. And I just wouldn’t feel right sleeping when some pony else can’t.” Charge gave a shrug and looked up at the clock.

“Well, it’s getting late, I should probably head home. You build as many beds as you want, you maniac.”
Days gave a small grin. “Already planning to. And if I can ever finish you-know-what…” But Charge had already left the store. Days gave a small huff and worked his way up to the attic to find the book he needed for Twilight’s sheets, as well as some foamy material for Gummy’s bath bed and Vinyl’s bedtime turntables, and a few packs of super-thick wood for Big Mac.

It was going to be a long, really, really sleepy night, but Lazy Days had a job to do, no matter how tired or disgruntled he got.

Author’s Note: Now, then. This is the end of Daily Life. But here’s the honest truth: this fic was actually just an experiment. I wanted to create the characters of Lazy Days and, to a lesser extent, Full Charge, and see how I can develop them and how people react to them. Feedback was, unfortunately, limited, but the few comments I did get were more or less positive. With my experiment complete, I will soon begin my REAL project.

Lazy Days sometimes has bad days, and sometimes he has REALLY bad days. But that one fateful day in particular, well, let’s just say you could be hard pressed to find a pony having a worse day. Maybe a squirrel, though. But on days like those, there’s really only one thing you can call em’. Coming soon:

Lazy Days is about to have…

A BAD MANE DAY

Link to new story

In case you're tracking this story but not tracking me, here's a link to the sequel, Lazy Days' BAD MANE DAY. http://www.fimfiction.net/story/8323/Lazy-Days%27-BAD-MANE-DAY